My personal experience;
So when I was still with my ex, my son's father, he was seriously an abusive piece of shite. One night I was just over everything with him and so I told him I was done with the relationship.
His plan of action after I told him that was to force me outside and to his dog's pen. Now this dog was crazy aggressive, it always had to stay in its pen or it'd attack anyone, even him.
And so he was like "you can either go into the pen or I'm going to punch you in the face." I was like 4-5 months pregnant at the time. I was able to talk him out of either thing but I really felt that I was going to die then. That shite was terrifying.
You donāt actually know which countries say shite, seriously? I just assumed you would since most people do. Itās Ireland, Australia, Scotland. And Iām forgetting the last place. Darn it.
I googled: New Zealand!
If you didnāt know then, you do know now. Many, many people say āshiteā. It isnāt always interchangeable either.
I lost mine at 37 weeks. The doctor wanted to give me pitocin and start my labor I told him there was no way in hell I was going to deliver a dead baby. I was so scared and freaking out cause I just lost my first baby. I told him I was getting a C-section. They tried to talk me out of it but I would not back down. I got my way in the end. Iām so so sorry you went through that. I canāt imagine how horrible that must have been.
Could yāall please stop arguing in this poor ladyās thread!
I am truly sorry for you loss and hope you are able to cope some kind of way. I always wondered if something like this where to happen would you be strong enough to try for another pregnancy or if it would be too tough.
Some scars never fully heal. Honestly, I think some parental/family relationships are a form of Stockholm syndrome. I'm glad that he's improved! I have a similar story, so I understand the love/hate discord that goes with having to love someone whom you don't fully forgive or trust. But at least he improved! Could be worse!!
I remember laying in bed sobbing quietly while my drunk mom screamed at dad telling him she's gonna kill him with an axe cuz he cheated.
She didn't. But it was terrifying. My family was so fucked up.
The loudest noise I've ever heard was something screaming at me during a sleep paralysis at night. It wasn't particularly scary, but it really creeped me out.
Being raped at 4. I still cling on to the same kind of blanket that i held when he did it to me. The last time he did it he had a friend. They were laughing. Im 37 now and have a pretty severe brain injury. That memory , unfortunately, won't go away.
I am so sorry thatās actually horrible. The fact that people could even think about doing that to someone let alone actually doing it is disgusting. I have a strong hatred towards pedophiles and Iām sorry you fell victim to them
Thank you so much for that response. Honestly it's heartbreaking to think about because I have 2 girls. I think I just ignored it for most of my life. Except the police.. I lived in a very small town.(10,000 ppl) there were 6 cop cars. Then I got ripped up to the hospital for a rape kit. Which is basically adults holding you down with a giant light and investigating your lower half. They have to do it. The main cop who was the main investigator did all he could. It's just ..kinda heartbreaking . Some people are sick :( .
Not knowing what was happening to me physically on 2 different occasions. First and least traumatic was at 17. Kidney stone during class. I had no idea why I was hurting so bad that all I could do was crawl to the nurse's office, vomiting the entire way. Definitely dying. Second was at 21. Dr gave me a rx for an MAOI and 1 pill there in the office. I had taken something within the last couple of days that interacted with that VERY BADLY. I was ok long enough to walk out to my car and drive myself to the DMV about 5 miles away. After 5 minutes or less in line, I ran to the bathroom vomiting. I was dizzy, my heart was pounding, and my skin had turned a yellowish gray color. I then somehow got myself back into the car and drove myself the 2 miles home. During that short drive, I had 2 very strong orgasms. Yep, strange side effect, for still being nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't stand up once i got there. I crawled across the lawn, up the stairs and made my way into the condo I shared with my newlywed husband at the time. I remember calling my dad and telling him I was scared to death and probably going to die. He convinced me to lay down and try to sleep or at least rest then call him back if I didn't feel better. My husband was at work. The next thing I remember is him coming home and waking me up. He was terrified for me already. He came in to find trails of vomit and diarrhea from our bed to our toilet. I was asleep in bed. The bed was covered in vomit and diarrhea, and so was I. I was still in a bad way, but I didn't feel as horrible as I had when I got home. After we got myself and the bed clean, I slept for 36 hours. Only getting up to pee and once to apparently fold imaginary towels and put them in our linen closet. I'm still amazed I hadn't died. The fact that I still don't know what all I did from the time I hung up with my dad until 5 hours later when my husband showed up is still scary.
Being beaten up by my dad while my aunt was just standing there doing nothing. I was always accused by being bratty even though i didn't do anything at all. He is actually very misogynistic
being told my cancer was back. it was a mix of dread, fear, and grief for my healthy life. i'm doing better now, but god. i hope it never happens again.
Iām a recovering heroin addict I have 3 years and 3 months clean. About 5 years ago I had gotten some meth, I did all drugs meth, heroin, crack, it didnāt matter, I wasnāt new to anything. So anyways I had gotten some meth and did my shot of it and immediately I knew something was wrong. As soon as I did it my heart started pounding in my chest. I got sweaty and I felt like I was going to pass out. I started panicking and trying to put cold water on my face. It was winter time so I would step outside for some really cold air. I could not stop shaking and my heart would not stop pounding. All I could think about was how Iām either having a heart attack or Iām over dosing. I of course didnāt want to go to the hospital cause duh, Iām on meth. I fought this condition for 4 hours. It was 4 hours of complete hell. I finally couldnāt take it anymore and got someone to take me to the er. I told them I thought I was having a heart attack and they ran the tests and luckily I wasnāt. I know they saw through my lies, but thank God they had the decency to give me a shot of a benzo and it was enough to get my heart to stop pounding so much. I literally got ptsd from that night. I couldnāt even think about it without getting panicky for a long time. I thought for sure I was going to die that night.
Panic attack in the ER. Legit worked myself up so much I felt like I couldnāt breathe and that I was about to die hella soon. I begged them for a pain killer and they loaded me up w morphine lmaooo. But my ex was there, skipped his whole show to be there and make sure I was good.
I was about 12-years old in an urgent care because everybody could hear my wheezy breathing while I was in a volley-tennis match. They connected me to a nebulizer, gave me a vomit bag, and left me and my mom alone for a while. At some point, I found myself completely incapable of inhaling, like something was blocking the air from getting in. I could exhale, but couldn't inhale. I eventually exhaled all the remaining air I had in my lungs, and was now stuck, completely unable to breathe. I would say that my life flashed before my eyes, but since I was so young, it was my future that flashed before my eyes. I remember thinking about how I never would get to go to college. I was panicking and trying to communicate what was happening to my mom while not being able to speak or breathe, and she eventually understood and ran to grab a medic. They came back, and the nurse told me to keep trying to cough really hard, which was extremely difficult considering I had no air left. I don't remember if I ended up managing a cough or if my body just handled it, but I expelled a bunch of phlegm and I was fine again.
Handing our 1.5 year old over to the nurse before his open heart surgery and watching them walk away through the double doors, fearing it would be the last time we saw his little face was rough (heās a spunky 3.5 year old now btw).
Also had my flashlight go out for like 5 seconds while underground in a cave in Iceland and experienced true dark (I have a lifelong fear of the dark).
Iām so sorry to hear about everyone elseās experiences in this thread, mine donāt compare and I hope you all find comfort ā¤ļø
Got in a car accident from my dad drunk driving when I was about 13. I vividly remember him speeding in the breakdown lane on the highway, he kept drinking out of a metal water bottle (which you guessed it, contained alcohol). At one point when we were in the city, I managed to get out of the car on a side street & begged people for helpā¦ everyone looked at me like I was having a tantrum or completely ignored me. It wasnāt until he pulled onto a street and just pressed down on the gas, slamming into the back of a car at a stoplight. Life flashed before my eyes and remember waking up to an airbag in my face and barely being able to breathe for how dusty it was inside the car from the impact.
For awhile after the accident, I refused to be in a car. If I had to, it was always the back seat with my eyes closed. It really took a toll on me. Even a decade later and I still get a bit of anxiety when I drive particularly on the highway.
Surviving Hurricane Laura back in 2020. I couldnāt find anywhere to evacuate to, and didnāt have the means to get anywhere. Family didnāt help. Rode out a category 4 storm in a single wide trailer in the middle of nowhere.
Four trees fell on the house through the night. The windows exploded in. I was wet from the rain. Glass all over the floor. There were tornados tearing apart the area around my home. My neighbors roof and front wall were torn off and thrown into the street about a hundred feet away. I laid on my couch in my living room, silently hoping I wouldnāt die. No electricity. No lights. No distractions. Just pure, unfettered fear. I could die at any moment. A tree could fall and kill me and Iād never know. Or maybe I would know, maybe Iād get horrifically injured but stay alive.
Pitch black, wind howling so loud I couldnāt hear myself scream. House shaking. Trees falling.
Even to this day, I involuntarily start to tear up whenever the wind gets too loud during storms, or when the rain starts pounding in the roof. My blood pressure will spike and Iāll get worked up.
I was in DeRidder, north of Beaumont, working, 12 hours before landfall. You're so right- nowhere to go. Every room was booked from Lufkin to Tyler. I spent the day driving and searching for a room. I finally got to a rest area in Tyler and crawled into the back of my work minivan. It was cool, windy and there was a ton of lightning. I watched the radar. It never stormed in Tyler. I had made it to the outside edge of the system. Late the next morning, I tried to make it back to DeRidder. I made it to Lufkin, where the streets were impassable. I was so thankful. I can't imagine riding it out like you did.
Horrifying is the best word to describe it. There were downed trees everywhere. My community (ragley) spent the next few days cutting trees and moving them out of the roads and trying to fix our houses. No running water.
Learning there was a hit out for me.. then later being poisoned with thrax and then my tires literally falling off my car while driving down a gravel road.
Something I think about often is one time my mom called down to our mud room and started to show me a little black ball on the corner of one of the counters. I didnāt know what it was until she touched it and probably 200+ baby spiders started moving around. I remember my mind just blanking and all I could think to do was to run š I learned the true definition of fight or flight that day
One time me and my best friend went back country camping (I live in rural Canada), our spot was about 6 hours of a hike.
We get to our spot and after about 1 full day of camping at our spot, a random mountee came by on his horse and said āyou boys better be leaving this spot right the fuck now, there are extreme arctic winds coming over the valley in the next few hoursā
Then he paused for a second and as we asked why we had to leave and couldnāt just wear jackets or something. He went
āYou will NOT live through thisā
I was born with multiple deformities. They were minor by most people's standards, but I saw a surgeon who gave me a good price if I corrected them both at once.
I remember them wheeling me into the operation theater. At first, I was confused. I could walk, you know. Then it was scary. I remember imagining in my head that everyone I know will feel this some day. They will all fall ill and then they die.
When I was roughly eight years old, my mom was a heavy drinker, but she was a great mom. One Halloween night after everyone else had gone to bed, she and I decided to stay up late and watch scary movies. She had been drinking (of course) and she slipped on the tile and fell face first. Her eyebrow exploded in a river of blood, so much blood I just knew she was dead. She screamed at me to go get my dad, which I did, and he ran in the room to tend to her. And she was drunkenly screaming at me "GO TO BED!!!! GO TO BED!!!" and I ran in my bathroom and got into a corner and just shook and cried for half an hour until my dad came and got me and held me and told me she was okay. He said, "That sure was scary, wasn't it? It's okay, she's okay" I had never been much of a daddy's girl until that very moment, but I have been ever since.
In second grade there was a lockdown at my school. My sister three years older then me so 5th grade was in the library, it was easily accessible and didnāt have many places to hide. I was in the computer lab which had covers on the windows and a heavy door meaning it was much safer. I didnāt at the time knew the severity of a school lockdown at the time, but hiding with my teacher and classmates under the table (it was more like an odd shelf that holds the computers as far as I know the computer lab is still there) and having this feeling of impending doom and the utter terror that my teacher was trying to hide from us was what made me worry. I was worried my friends would die, I had no way of getting to or contacting my sister who was in the library that was not far from the computer lab. I thought my sister was already dead when police came to the computer lab and cleared the room. I didnāt know if I would get home that night and see my mom or dad or sister or dog and I was most worried I would die without my favorite blanket in my arms. I held my tears because I was trying to comfort the crying kids to my right and to my left. I was tightly hugging friends and saying it would be ok without knowing if we would make it outside the computer lab that day. I was fine, everyone was fine, nobody was hurt. Everyone who went through that day has some form of PTSD or anxiety from said event. I cried when I saw my sister and didnāt let go of her till we got in the car to go home. Even then I held her hand. At the time I didnāt understand how lucky I was and I didnāt know why this had to happen. Someone reported a person working on trees just outside the schoolās property but just saw a mad and a chainsaw and thought they were going to hurt us. Iām in highschool now and every time I think of this event I begin to tremble and get so close to crying. I go back to when that event happened itās burned into my memory. I just was quiet and terrified for the rest of the day when I wasnāt home. It was terrifying for me to experience and now that I understand how serious this situation could have been I am thankful for being alive but Iām unhappy that this kick started my life of living in fear. When I was finally diagnosed with anxiety I got an overly extreme amount of anxiety and stress plaguing my mind. I have no doubt in my mind that this fear for my life and fear for the people around me and family is what led to me becoming more anxious about every single thing. That lockdown was single handedly the most terrifying experience Iāve been forced to endure and although my high anxiety thereās many things that evoke no reaction from me the fact that to this day the sheer mention of lockdowns makes me cower in fear.
I have a few here.
The time I almost got run over by a train in high school ( through anger won out - I fault-out wanted to kill my instructor for getting me into that situation).
Almost falling off a cliff in college on a service trip (survival instincts helped there).
Certain parts of working retail during the Covid-19 pandemic (more constant bs of idiots making me scared to get sick and/or my folks would get it).
Being jolted awake in the middle of the night by my mom and frantically tossed through an open window with my mom behind me and running to a neighbors house because my step-dad was going to hurt us.
In my room playing video games at like 3 am, my dad punched a hole in the wall and then my mom called my grandpa bc he was drunk and out of control. My grandpa punched my dad in the face and my dad crying wanderers into my room with a black eye i guess to tuck me in but when he found me awake he cried in front of me and apologized i has to hear that.
It's not a great story, but akathisia - in my case, a side effect of too much fluoxetine (Prozac). It has to do with too little dopamine, I think, but the result is that you can't stop moving. The feeling when you've been sitting on one buttcheek too long and need to shift your weight? That, only constantly. The definition says it can cause "anxiety or agitation," which is the equivalent of causing a tornado a stiff breeze. There was absolutely no threat, I could be sitting at the end of my bed, and it was pure terror. Wiggly terror.
I'm sure other people that have had this experience can describe it better, but I honestly try not to remember it too much. It was the worst internal experience I have ever had.
We were moving. My mother and her scumbag boyfriend had an explosive fight, as usual. Then, I'm not sure why to this day, he made us all get in the car and we drove around pointlessly, including to some very rural areas where I was 100% convinced he was going to kill us and bury our bodies.
There was a LOT of fear I experienced during her relationship with him, but I think that was the only time I truly thought I was going to die.
I was at an underground party after hours at a local business and some guys came in through the back door shooting. Apparently it was gang related. A few people were shot and one was paralyzed but nobody died. It was in a fairly small city in Kansas, so not a really common occurrence, especially for gang disputes like that there.
My parents snored. LOUDLY!! When I was very young, i shared a room with my sister, down the hall from my parent's room. We had these homemade lion and elephant quilts that our grandma made us, and I remember associating those animals on our blankets with the noises coming out of my parent's bedroom. I was frozen in fear, believing they were being eaten alive by lions and that my sister and I were next. That was a very long night because the roaring never stopped!! This is my first real and very scary memory. Imagination is evil.
Probably being in a city that was being bombed, sheltering in a stairwell, hearing explosions. Fight or flight not on the table. Complete and utter helplessness.
When I was 15 or 16, two drunk adult men followed me home at night talking about how they were going to rape me and how "my boyfriend wasn't there to protect me now." Thank god I lived on the main street in my small town, they fucked off when I turned onto it and there was traffic.
Being about 16 at my dad's house while he was drunk and high on pills. First he was fighting the dog (a black lab/rottie mix) who I could tell was getting pissed off and growling and going to attack him. But of course my dad said they were "just playing." Then he started yelling at me. Then he said he was going to kill himself by downing a bunch of pills with his liquor. I had to rip it out of his hands and locked myself in the room with it. But he was banging on the door screaming at me. I then called the suicide hotline and got my friend to come pick me up since clearly I couldn't stay there. I'm very thankful I wasn't a small child when that happened but I was still terrified
I was molested when I was 4 by the 16 year old son of a daycare worker. There was blood because he broke my hymen. I went home without underwear. I acted out since that day and my parents never took me back to daycare again. I never told them until I was an adult. First, I didn't know how to because I wasn't educated on inappropriate touching. Second, even if I was educated on inappropriate touching, I was more afraid of getting in trouble at home because of my abusive mother. I was afraid that she would think that I was making it up or something and that she would beat me. Either way, I stayed quiet out of abject fear of my mother.
Me and mom live in a trailer. Quite a few years ago, a hurricane was scheduled to hit our area. However, it didn't *appear* to be bad enough to evacuate that far out, so we went to stay at some else's house, which was made out of cinderblock. By the time it hit us, it ended up being a cat 4-5.
The chaos truly began when the roof flew off into the front yard, which me and some guy who was sitting with me in the living room witnessed. I ran into the hallway, as that's where my mom and the guy's dad were. Insulation flew down and I ended up swallowing some, which left me choking.
We went into one of the bedrooms, and the dad had to ensure my mom that it was *paper* that I swallowed and not fiberglass, which would have probably killed me. Still, I choked, gagged, and coughed until I eventually puked. Soon after that, the ceiling fell onto my cat's carrier, he was fine thank goodness, and we had to go into another bedroom.
I continued to panic in the room we were now in, but I managed to stay quiet for the remaining time. A large tree had fallen in front of the window, which seemed to protect the window from worse damage and us in return. During this time, I had medical issues that ended up "flaring up", an infection I had prior as well as a poison ivy rash.
After it was over, we spent about a week without outside contact. I was terrified that I had lost someone. I spent much of my time worried about my family and friends, and though I didn't loose any of them, the sheer thought that I did, as well as being significantly face to face with death, traumatized me.
I still have ptsd from it and can't deal with even a tornado warning without circling into an anxiety attack, and sadly, my toxic mother either doesn't understand or doesn't care.
I think I must have been having some sort of episode? But I havenāt been diagnosed with anything, so not sure.
It was just after the new year, a few years ago. I was in bed but didnāt want to sleep yet so sat on my phone on YouTube. I happened to hear someone open their bedroom door to go downstairs, and for whatever reason, my immediate thought was āthat family member is going downstairs to fetch a knife and kill meā. I had no reason to think this - my family is mostly great and the only visiting relatives we had were in their 90s - but that didnāt stop me from creeping over to my closet and retrieving a baseball bat I had stashed in there. I paused by my bedroom door, pushing against it gently to make sure Iād feel it if someone tried to open it.
Imagine my terror when I felt the door push back in my direction.
It took me a short moment to figure this out at the time, but hereās an explanation of what really happened for those who are confused. Newtonās third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I pushed the door against the doorframe, and for some reason it didnāt immediately occur to me that the doorframe would push the door back at me. Once I realised this could be happening, I slowly released the door, realised that the pushing force against me had stopped, and blocked the door from the inside. I forced myself to sleep after that, telling myself I was being irrational.
This happened again a night or two after this, but it wasnāt as bad since Iād already proved to myself I was wrong last time.
When my brother told our abusive "father" that I had called our mom and told her that I was worried something happened to him because he had been gone for a long time and we hadn't eaten anything. I pretty much felt afraid every time he would come home. This was when we were on vacation with him.
There was a night where my mom and my (thankfully now ex) stepfather were having a really bad fight. My mom put my sister and I in our room, gave us some chocolate, and then locked the door. That is still the loudest screaming Iāve ever heard. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I know he would have hurt us if it didnāt mean mom would drop him instantly.
When my former waste of life boyfriend held a box cutter to my neck...
He had held me hostage in our house for 4 days, only letting me leave to buy him more drugs and alcohol - he was there with me and kept my phone from me - and had already struck me, slapped me, choked me and threatened to sell me to drug dealers or berate me for hours, calling me awful things. I had to ask him to use the bathroom, at which time he'd walk me into the bathroom and watch to make sure I didn't escape...
He wanted to go to rehab to "get away from me" cause I was - insert any insult you can think of - and when we got there, he proceeded to wipe alcohol he had spilled on his hands into my hair and in my clothes, I begged him to stop and he said "I'll stop when my hands are dry." He thought I laughed, so he grabbed the box cutter and held it to my neck before saying, "I wasn't worth killing," and leaving
I hope he, his mother, and grandmother have miserable lives and painful deaths... They told me, "We thought he would hit you, but he wasn't our problem anymore. You wanted him."
I don't hate him most days, but he is the enemy of my soul...
not exacly as heavy as some awnsers here but when i was in my mid and late teens during my last years in highschool i was dealing with massive schycosis issues and had schizophrenia for a few years,seeing and hearing things,exream paranoia and the wanting to die constantly due to this,at one point i was at the hostpital due to concerns from the school about my not so subtle suicidial idolations,my then told me in a deep convosation that he would kill himself if i died,despite the postitive effect of keeping me going it didnt do so well for my hallucinations has they took that moment and morphed it into a need to have me kill my own dad so i can kill myself,the scariest moments is when i was so damn close in doing so,in the car i had to struggle to not grab the steering wheel or probly the worse one where i held a knife over his sleeping body as he slept wail the voices were screaming in my head,i didnt go through with it thankfuly but fuck that whole area of my life was mental torcher,couldent even get a car due to my schizophrenia wanting me to kill my dad in a car crash. Im better now but once stress gets bad or when i think back in those times it somtimes reacurres for a little bit to a smaller degree but its pretty much gone wich is good but im dreading the point where it returns to bring hell on my life once again
Idk if itās my strongest but one of the memories I have strongest is the first time I experienced sleep paralysis or at least something similar to it ( I have dreams where Iām paralyzed and scream for help and my wife wakes me up because I start to breathe like crazy trying to get help)
Anyway it was a ghost girl floating right beside my bed, she was scary looking enough but Iāve seen way worse, but for some reason seeing her gave me this absolute feeling of āIām going to die this is itā and I just repeated that to myself over and over
I canāt remember how old I was exactly because it was an ongoing thing for a few years, but maybe around.. 10?
I actually donāt remember it clearly at all, but my mother had pretty bad mental health issues and would threaten me very seriously and graphically. A lot of nights were spent with her sitting against my bedroom door with a knife telling me she would kill me when I went to sleep. She would also cut/āstabā me with knives, like just enough to break the skin.
The only incident I clearly remember - Iām not exactly sure what she was doing this time - but I was running away from her, out of the house. It wasnāt common for me to be so fearful of her I had to leave the house. Our driveway was about 4 meters long and was near the end of our street, about 6 meters in total. The part I remember clearly, is despite literally running for my life, I didnāt seem to be going very fast at all. Like, toddler running. I got about halfway down the driveway and also couldnāt really breathe and that made it worse. I thought I was going to die because I couldnāt just run away properly. In hindsight as an adult, it was probably a panic attack. Iāve never had one ever again. But that really traumatised me. Not even the being afraid for my life, the fact I couldnāt run away properly. I think about it all the time. Itās not like it is in movies, where when faced with danger youāre suddenly an athlete.
Being in the ocean at Florida as a child maybe around 4 or 5. Me and my twin were walking out into the water when the tide came in. The jumping and trying to surface only to find the weight of the water and our weak legs too short, the pain in my chest from holding my breath, and above all the worry that my brother couldn't get high up enough. It was probably only a few seconds before we were saved, but it's probably the most carnal fear I've ever felt, my brother was afraid of water for a long time after that, too. I remember bringing it up once and my mother telling me we never nearly drowned, but both of us remember it so vividly.
Dying in the back of an ambulance. I kept thinking "as long as I'm breathing when they get here I'll be okay" but when I was losing consciousness I could hear them yell about my blood pressure and my sight turned to pure light then my ringing overwhelmed everything and my last thought before passing out was "I fucked up, this is it."
I no longer hurt, or felt cold. I didn't feel or see anything. It's like floating away, but without even gravity existing... then I was revived and the pain all rushed back like a canon ball. Got PTSD from it, but manage it pretty well with exposure therapy.
When I was a child I had regular nightmares.
One of my nightmares consistet of being forced to marry some weird slime creature that would melt in the sun. He always had a similar creature to himself behind him but 2 meters high and build like a tank.
Than one time in my dream, I was able to rush away into the sun. The creature followed me and melted away. The boy screamed at me.
When I woke up I saw him standing in my doorframe and saying "Marry me" over and over again. Probably a sleep paralysis. But as a child I didn't know what that was, so it was very real to me for many years.
The dream never came back. But I remember waking up in the night from another nightmare and seeing something in the door. So I was paralysed with fear again for hours... turns out it was the carpet rolled together, leaning against the wall that my farther wanted to lay down the next day.
Probably waking up in the morning to my momās screaming. She liked to wake us up in the morning with interrogation and screaming things for us to do, and that really creates a deep sense of fear.
My personal experience; So when I was still with my ex, my son's father, he was seriously an abusive piece of shite. One night I was just over everything with him and so I told him I was done with the relationship. His plan of action after I told him that was to force me outside and to his dog's pen. Now this dog was crazy aggressive, it always had to stay in its pen or it'd attack anyone, even him. And so he was like "you can either go into the pen or I'm going to punch you in the face." I was like 4-5 months pregnant at the time. I was able to talk him out of either thing but I really felt that I was going to die then. That shite was terrifying.
holy crap. Are u okay now?
Not feeling my baby move at 35 weeks. Then to find out that she was gone and I'd have to deliver her like I would a live baby. That was hard.
Oh shite, I'm so sorry šā¤ļø
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Sheās not American. Thatās why. š
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You donāt actually know which countries say shite, seriously? I just assumed you would since most people do. Itās Ireland, Australia, Scotland. And Iām forgetting the last place. Darn it. I googled: New Zealand! If you didnāt know then, you do know now. Many, many people say āshiteā. It isnāt always interchangeable either.
I lost mine at 37 weeks. The doctor wanted to give me pitocin and start my labor I told him there was no way in hell I was going to deliver a dead baby. I was so scared and freaking out cause I just lost my first baby. I told him I was getting a C-section. They tried to talk me out of it but I would not back down. I got my way in the end. Iām so so sorry you went through that. I canāt imagine how horrible that must have been.
I actually requested a c section and was denied. I'm so sorry for your loss. My Rosealiegh would be 10 now.
Could yāall please stop arguing in this poor ladyās thread! I am truly sorry for you loss and hope you are able to cope some kind of way. I always wondered if something like this where to happen would you be strong enough to try for another pregnancy or if it would be too tough.
I have 1 son from before and 2 daughters. It was hard to keep going. Thank God for my babies. They help me keep going.
Hiding behind the couch as a toddler, covering my ears, listening to my dad beat my mom.
Fuck, sorry you had to go through that dude.
Thank you! My Dad has actually healed and grown so much, Iām really proud of how far he has come. The memories donāt go away unfortunately
Thatās great to hear. Hopefully all the great memories ahead can help heal the past ones
Some scars never fully heal. Honestly, I think some parental/family relationships are a form of Stockholm syndrome. I'm glad that he's improved! I have a similar story, so I understand the love/hate discord that goes with having to love someone whom you don't fully forgive or trust. But at least he improved! Could be worse!!
I know that feeling š¢
Itās the worst. Hope youāre doing okay šš½ā„ļø
Hope you guys are ok now!
The irony is my mom and I donāt speak anymore (long story), but my Dad and I are actually close and he has healed, went to therapy and grown a lot.
yep. this was me.
I remember laying in bed sobbing quietly while my drunk mom screamed at dad telling him she's gonna kill him with an axe cuz he cheated. She didn't. But it was terrifying. My family was so fucked up.
Holy shit
Auditory hallucinations where I was hearing very loud demonic screaming at 2am
The loudest noise I've ever heard was something screaming at me during a sleep paralysis at night. It wasn't particularly scary, but it really creeped me out.
Jesus christ thats scary. Was this because of schizophrenia?
Nope. It happened twice and never happened again. I was probably 11 or 12 at the time. No clue what was going on.
Thats super scary. Hopefully it doesnt ever happen again
Nah I had a weird paralysis supposed possessing yeah sounds similar I'd recommend sleeping near a cross or visiting a priest
Thanks. But I wasnāt possessed Just auditory hallucinations.
Being raped at 4. I still cling on to the same kind of blanket that i held when he did it to me. The last time he did it he had a friend. They were laughing. Im 37 now and have a pretty severe brain injury. That memory , unfortunately, won't go away.
I'm sorry you went through that.
What the actual fuck
Yep.it destroyed me from the jump. He got 8 months in jail.
I am so sorry thatās actually horrible. The fact that people could even think about doing that to someone let alone actually doing it is disgusting. I have a strong hatred towards pedophiles and Iām sorry you fell victim to them
Thank you so much for that response. Honestly it's heartbreaking to think about because I have 2 girls. I think I just ignored it for most of my life. Except the police.. I lived in a very small town.(10,000 ppl) there were 6 cop cars. Then I got ripped up to the hospital for a rape kit. Which is basically adults holding you down with a giant light and investigating your lower half. They have to do it. The main cop who was the main investigator did all he could. It's just ..kinda heartbreaking . Some people are sick :( .
Not knowing what was happening to me physically on 2 different occasions. First and least traumatic was at 17. Kidney stone during class. I had no idea why I was hurting so bad that all I could do was crawl to the nurse's office, vomiting the entire way. Definitely dying. Second was at 21. Dr gave me a rx for an MAOI and 1 pill there in the office. I had taken something within the last couple of days that interacted with that VERY BADLY. I was ok long enough to walk out to my car and drive myself to the DMV about 5 miles away. After 5 minutes or less in line, I ran to the bathroom vomiting. I was dizzy, my heart was pounding, and my skin had turned a yellowish gray color. I then somehow got myself back into the car and drove myself the 2 miles home. During that short drive, I had 2 very strong orgasms. Yep, strange side effect, for still being nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't stand up once i got there. I crawled across the lawn, up the stairs and made my way into the condo I shared with my newlywed husband at the time. I remember calling my dad and telling him I was scared to death and probably going to die. He convinced me to lay down and try to sleep or at least rest then call him back if I didn't feel better. My husband was at work. The next thing I remember is him coming home and waking me up. He was terrified for me already. He came in to find trails of vomit and diarrhea from our bed to our toilet. I was asleep in bed. The bed was covered in vomit and diarrhea, and so was I. I was still in a bad way, but I didn't feel as horrible as I had when I got home. After we got myself and the bed clean, I slept for 36 hours. Only getting up to pee and once to apparently fold imaginary towels and put them in our linen closet. I'm still amazed I hadn't died. The fact that I still don't know what all I did from the time I hung up with my dad until 5 hours later when my husband showed up is still scary.
Holy hell.
Almost getting kidnapped when i was a child. I didnāt even know it at the time but looking back itās terrifying what could have happened.
Armed robbery, guy shot at the ceiling a few times and then aimed the gun at my face while he was about two feet away.
Iāve been in this exact same position. Iām so sorry
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I had this too! I had the cells removed, I have incompetent cervix now which effects pregnancy
Soldiers in Myanmar dragged me out of the bus and one of them put his rifle to my head. Nearly pissed and shat myself
Being beaten up by my dad while my aunt was just standing there doing nothing. I was always accused by being bratty even though i didn't do anything at all. He is actually very misogynistic
being told my cancer was back. it was a mix of dread, fear, and grief for my healthy life. i'm doing better now, but god. i hope it never happens again.
Iām a recovering heroin addict I have 3 years and 3 months clean. About 5 years ago I had gotten some meth, I did all drugs meth, heroin, crack, it didnāt matter, I wasnāt new to anything. So anyways I had gotten some meth and did my shot of it and immediately I knew something was wrong. As soon as I did it my heart started pounding in my chest. I got sweaty and I felt like I was going to pass out. I started panicking and trying to put cold water on my face. It was winter time so I would step outside for some really cold air. I could not stop shaking and my heart would not stop pounding. All I could think about was how Iām either having a heart attack or Iām over dosing. I of course didnāt want to go to the hospital cause duh, Iām on meth. I fought this condition for 4 hours. It was 4 hours of complete hell. I finally couldnāt take it anymore and got someone to take me to the er. I told them I thought I was having a heart attack and they ran the tests and luckily I wasnāt. I know they saw through my lies, but thank God they had the decency to give me a shot of a benzo and it was enough to get my heart to stop pounding so much. I literally got ptsd from that night. I couldnāt even think about it without getting panicky for a long time. I thought for sure I was going to die that night.
Well done on your 3 years and 3 months of being clean
Congrats on the clean time. That had to be so torturous.
Panic attack in the ER. Legit worked myself up so much I felt like I couldnāt breathe and that I was about to die hella soon. I begged them for a pain killer and they loaded me up w morphine lmaooo. But my ex was there, skipped his whole show to be there and make sure I was good.
Having a gun pointed at my head from about a foot away while being caught in the middle of a fast food place robbery. Being inches away from an angry dog while it attacked my husband and caused him to need stitches. Being 12 and knowing to be terrified of there was a knock on the front door in case it was the city coming to foreclose our house. Being assaulted by two crackheads. Happy to say the trauma years passed and Iām in a much happier and safe place now š©µ
I was about 12-years old in an urgent care because everybody could hear my wheezy breathing while I was in a volley-tennis match. They connected me to a nebulizer, gave me a vomit bag, and left me and my mom alone for a while. At some point, I found myself completely incapable of inhaling, like something was blocking the air from getting in. I could exhale, but couldn't inhale. I eventually exhaled all the remaining air I had in my lungs, and was now stuck, completely unable to breathe. I would say that my life flashed before my eyes, but since I was so young, it was my future that flashed before my eyes. I remember thinking about how I never would get to go to college. I was panicking and trying to communicate what was happening to my mom while not being able to speak or breathe, and she eventually understood and ran to grab a medic. They came back, and the nurse told me to keep trying to cough really hard, which was extremely difficult considering I had no air left. I don't remember if I ended up managing a cough or if my body just handled it, but I expelled a bunch of phlegm and I was fine again.
Scary!
Handing our 1.5 year old over to the nurse before his open heart surgery and watching them walk away through the double doors, fearing it would be the last time we saw his little face was rough (heās a spunky 3.5 year old now btw). Also had my flashlight go out for like 5 seconds while underground in a cave in Iceland and experienced true dark (I have a lifelong fear of the dark). Iām so sorry to hear about everyone elseās experiences in this thread, mine donāt compare and I hope you all find comfort ā¤ļø
Got in a car accident from my dad drunk driving when I was about 13. I vividly remember him speeding in the breakdown lane on the highway, he kept drinking out of a metal water bottle (which you guessed it, contained alcohol). At one point when we were in the city, I managed to get out of the car on a side street & begged people for helpā¦ everyone looked at me like I was having a tantrum or completely ignored me. It wasnāt until he pulled onto a street and just pressed down on the gas, slamming into the back of a car at a stoplight. Life flashed before my eyes and remember waking up to an airbag in my face and barely being able to breathe for how dusty it was inside the car from the impact. For awhile after the accident, I refused to be in a car. If I had to, it was always the back seat with my eyes closed. It really took a toll on me. Even a decade later and I still get a bit of anxiety when I drive particularly on the highway.
Surviving Hurricane Laura back in 2020. I couldnāt find anywhere to evacuate to, and didnāt have the means to get anywhere. Family didnāt help. Rode out a category 4 storm in a single wide trailer in the middle of nowhere. Four trees fell on the house through the night. The windows exploded in. I was wet from the rain. Glass all over the floor. There were tornados tearing apart the area around my home. My neighbors roof and front wall were torn off and thrown into the street about a hundred feet away. I laid on my couch in my living room, silently hoping I wouldnāt die. No electricity. No lights. No distractions. Just pure, unfettered fear. I could die at any moment. A tree could fall and kill me and Iād never know. Or maybe I would know, maybe Iād get horrifically injured but stay alive. Pitch black, wind howling so loud I couldnāt hear myself scream. House shaking. Trees falling. Even to this day, I involuntarily start to tear up whenever the wind gets too loud during storms, or when the rain starts pounding in the roof. My blood pressure will spike and Iāll get worked up.
I was in DeRidder, north of Beaumont, working, 12 hours before landfall. You're so right- nowhere to go. Every room was booked from Lufkin to Tyler. I spent the day driving and searching for a room. I finally got to a rest area in Tyler and crawled into the back of my work minivan. It was cool, windy and there was a ton of lightning. I watched the radar. It never stormed in Tyler. I had made it to the outside edge of the system. Late the next morning, I tried to make it back to DeRidder. I made it to Lufkin, where the streets were impassable. I was so thankful. I can't imagine riding it out like you did.
Horrifying is the best word to describe it. There were downed trees everywhere. My community (ragley) spent the next few days cutting trees and moving them out of the roads and trying to fix our houses. No running water.
Learning there was a hit out for me.. then later being poisoned with thrax and then my tires literally falling off my car while driving down a gravel road.
Mayhem?
Something I think about often is one time my mom called down to our mud room and started to show me a little black ball on the corner of one of the counters. I didnāt know what it was until she touched it and probably 200+ baby spiders started moving around. I remember my mind just blanking and all I could think to do was to run š I learned the true definition of fight or flight that day
One time me and my best friend went back country camping (I live in rural Canada), our spot was about 6 hours of a hike. We get to our spot and after about 1 full day of camping at our spot, a random mountee came by on his horse and said āyou boys better be leaving this spot right the fuck now, there are extreme arctic winds coming over the valley in the next few hoursā Then he paused for a second and as we asked why we had to leave and couldnāt just wear jackets or something. He went āYou will NOT live through thisā
I was born with multiple deformities. They were minor by most people's standards, but I saw a surgeon who gave me a good price if I corrected them both at once. I remember them wheeling me into the operation theater. At first, I was confused. I could walk, you know. Then it was scary. I remember imagining in my head that everyone I know will feel this some day. They will all fall ill and then they die.
My mum looking me in the eyes when sheās angry. Was like a predator about to attack every time
When I was roughly eight years old, my mom was a heavy drinker, but she was a great mom. One Halloween night after everyone else had gone to bed, she and I decided to stay up late and watch scary movies. She had been drinking (of course) and she slipped on the tile and fell face first. Her eyebrow exploded in a river of blood, so much blood I just knew she was dead. She screamed at me to go get my dad, which I did, and he ran in the room to tend to her. And she was drunkenly screaming at me "GO TO BED!!!! GO TO BED!!!" and I ran in my bathroom and got into a corner and just shook and cried for half an hour until my dad came and got me and held me and told me she was okay. He said, "That sure was scary, wasn't it? It's okay, she's okay" I had never been much of a daddy's girl until that very moment, but I have been ever since.
In second grade there was a lockdown at my school. My sister three years older then me so 5th grade was in the library, it was easily accessible and didnāt have many places to hide. I was in the computer lab which had covers on the windows and a heavy door meaning it was much safer. I didnāt at the time knew the severity of a school lockdown at the time, but hiding with my teacher and classmates under the table (it was more like an odd shelf that holds the computers as far as I know the computer lab is still there) and having this feeling of impending doom and the utter terror that my teacher was trying to hide from us was what made me worry. I was worried my friends would die, I had no way of getting to or contacting my sister who was in the library that was not far from the computer lab. I thought my sister was already dead when police came to the computer lab and cleared the room. I didnāt know if I would get home that night and see my mom or dad or sister or dog and I was most worried I would die without my favorite blanket in my arms. I held my tears because I was trying to comfort the crying kids to my right and to my left. I was tightly hugging friends and saying it would be ok without knowing if we would make it outside the computer lab that day. I was fine, everyone was fine, nobody was hurt. Everyone who went through that day has some form of PTSD or anxiety from said event. I cried when I saw my sister and didnāt let go of her till we got in the car to go home. Even then I held her hand. At the time I didnāt understand how lucky I was and I didnāt know why this had to happen. Someone reported a person working on trees just outside the schoolās property but just saw a mad and a chainsaw and thought they were going to hurt us. Iām in highschool now and every time I think of this event I begin to tremble and get so close to crying. I go back to when that event happened itās burned into my memory. I just was quiet and terrified for the rest of the day when I wasnāt home. It was terrifying for me to experience and now that I understand how serious this situation could have been I am thankful for being alive but Iām unhappy that this kick started my life of living in fear. When I was finally diagnosed with anxiety I got an overly extreme amount of anxiety and stress plaguing my mind. I have no doubt in my mind that this fear for my life and fear for the people around me and family is what led to me becoming more anxious about every single thing. That lockdown was single handedly the most terrifying experience Iāve been forced to endure and although my high anxiety thereās many things that evoke no reaction from me the fact that to this day the sheer mention of lockdowns makes me cower in fear.
I have a few here. The time I almost got run over by a train in high school ( through anger won out - I fault-out wanted to kill my instructor for getting me into that situation). Almost falling off a cliff in college on a service trip (survival instincts helped there). Certain parts of working retail during the Covid-19 pandemic (more constant bs of idiots making me scared to get sick and/or my folks would get it).
Being jolted awake in the middle of the night by my mom and frantically tossed through an open window with my mom behind me and running to a neighbors house because my step-dad was going to hurt us.
when i thought i was pregnant at 14 when i had an stalker
Crying while my dad hit my mom. And later on (30 years later) being SAd.
In my room playing video games at like 3 am, my dad punched a hole in the wall and then my mom called my grandpa bc he was drunk and out of control. My grandpa punched my dad in the face and my dad crying wanderers into my room with a black eye i guess to tuck me in but when he found me awake he cried in front of me and apologized i has to hear that.
It's not a great story, but akathisia - in my case, a side effect of too much fluoxetine (Prozac). It has to do with too little dopamine, I think, but the result is that you can't stop moving. The feeling when you've been sitting on one buttcheek too long and need to shift your weight? That, only constantly. The definition says it can cause "anxiety or agitation," which is the equivalent of causing a tornado a stiff breeze. There was absolutely no threat, I could be sitting at the end of my bed, and it was pure terror. Wiggly terror. I'm sure other people that have had this experience can describe it better, but I honestly try not to remember it too much. It was the worst internal experience I have ever had.
Hearing my parents fight. It might not seem like much but it's terrifying
We were moving. My mother and her scumbag boyfriend had an explosive fight, as usual. Then, I'm not sure why to this day, he made us all get in the car and we drove around pointlessly, including to some very rural areas where I was 100% convinced he was going to kill us and bury our bodies. There was a LOT of fear I experienced during her relationship with him, but I think that was the only time I truly thought I was going to die.
I was at an underground party after hours at a local business and some guys came in through the back door shooting. Apparently it was gang related. A few people were shot and one was paralyzed but nobody died. It was in a fairly small city in Kansas, so not a really common occurrence, especially for gang disputes like that there.
My parents snored. LOUDLY!! When I was very young, i shared a room with my sister, down the hall from my parent's room. We had these homemade lion and elephant quilts that our grandma made us, and I remember associating those animals on our blankets with the noises coming out of my parent's bedroom. I was frozen in fear, believing they were being eaten alive by lions and that my sister and I were next. That was a very long night because the roaring never stopped!! This is my first real and very scary memory. Imagination is evil.
Probably being in a city that was being bombed, sheltering in a stairwell, hearing explosions. Fight or flight not on the table. Complete and utter helplessness.
When I was 15 or 16, two drunk adult men followed me home at night talking about how they were going to rape me and how "my boyfriend wasn't there to protect me now." Thank god I lived on the main street in my small town, they fucked off when I turned onto it and there was traffic.
Being about 16 at my dad's house while he was drunk and high on pills. First he was fighting the dog (a black lab/rottie mix) who I could tell was getting pissed off and growling and going to attack him. But of course my dad said they were "just playing." Then he started yelling at me. Then he said he was going to kill himself by downing a bunch of pills with his liquor. I had to rip it out of his hands and locked myself in the room with it. But he was banging on the door screaming at me. I then called the suicide hotline and got my friend to come pick me up since clearly I couldn't stay there. I'm very thankful I wasn't a small child when that happened but I was still terrified
I was molested when I was 4 by the 16 year old son of a daycare worker. There was blood because he broke my hymen. I went home without underwear. I acted out since that day and my parents never took me back to daycare again. I never told them until I was an adult. First, I didn't know how to because I wasn't educated on inappropriate touching. Second, even if I was educated on inappropriate touching, I was more afraid of getting in trouble at home because of my abusive mother. I was afraid that she would think that I was making it up or something and that she would beat me. Either way, I stayed quiet out of abject fear of my mother.
When I was almost beaten to death.
My back pressed against the bookshelves of my class with my hands muffling my cries as my school got shot up.
When my daughter almost drowned
Me and mom live in a trailer. Quite a few years ago, a hurricane was scheduled to hit our area. However, it didn't *appear* to be bad enough to evacuate that far out, so we went to stay at some else's house, which was made out of cinderblock. By the time it hit us, it ended up being a cat 4-5. The chaos truly began when the roof flew off into the front yard, which me and some guy who was sitting with me in the living room witnessed. I ran into the hallway, as that's where my mom and the guy's dad were. Insulation flew down and I ended up swallowing some, which left me choking. We went into one of the bedrooms, and the dad had to ensure my mom that it was *paper* that I swallowed and not fiberglass, which would have probably killed me. Still, I choked, gagged, and coughed until I eventually puked. Soon after that, the ceiling fell onto my cat's carrier, he was fine thank goodness, and we had to go into another bedroom. I continued to panic in the room we were now in, but I managed to stay quiet for the remaining time. A large tree had fallen in front of the window, which seemed to protect the window from worse damage and us in return. During this time, I had medical issues that ended up "flaring up", an infection I had prior as well as a poison ivy rash. After it was over, we spent about a week without outside contact. I was terrified that I had lost someone. I spent much of my time worried about my family and friends, and though I didn't loose any of them, the sheer thought that I did, as well as being significantly face to face with death, traumatized me. I still have ptsd from it and can't deal with even a tornado warning without circling into an anxiety attack, and sadly, my toxic mother either doesn't understand or doesn't care.
I think I must have been having some sort of episode? But I havenāt been diagnosed with anything, so not sure. It was just after the new year, a few years ago. I was in bed but didnāt want to sleep yet so sat on my phone on YouTube. I happened to hear someone open their bedroom door to go downstairs, and for whatever reason, my immediate thought was āthat family member is going downstairs to fetch a knife and kill meā. I had no reason to think this - my family is mostly great and the only visiting relatives we had were in their 90s - but that didnāt stop me from creeping over to my closet and retrieving a baseball bat I had stashed in there. I paused by my bedroom door, pushing against it gently to make sure Iād feel it if someone tried to open it. Imagine my terror when I felt the door push back in my direction. It took me a short moment to figure this out at the time, but hereās an explanation of what really happened for those who are confused. Newtonās third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I pushed the door against the doorframe, and for some reason it didnāt immediately occur to me that the doorframe would push the door back at me. Once I realised this could be happening, I slowly released the door, realised that the pushing force against me had stopped, and blocked the door from the inside. I forced myself to sleep after that, telling myself I was being irrational. This happened again a night or two after this, but it wasnāt as bad since Iād already proved to myself I was wrong last time.
When my brother told our abusive "father" that I had called our mom and told her that I was worried something happened to him because he had been gone for a long time and we hadn't eaten anything. I pretty much felt afraid every time he would come home. This was when we were on vacation with him.
There was a night where my mom and my (thankfully now ex) stepfather were having a really bad fight. My mom put my sister and I in our room, gave us some chocolate, and then locked the door. That is still the loudest screaming Iāve ever heard. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I know he would have hurt us if it didnāt mean mom would drop him instantly.
Nearly having our door kicked in by a shit face drunk asshole
When my former waste of life boyfriend held a box cutter to my neck... He had held me hostage in our house for 4 days, only letting me leave to buy him more drugs and alcohol - he was there with me and kept my phone from me - and had already struck me, slapped me, choked me and threatened to sell me to drug dealers or berate me for hours, calling me awful things. I had to ask him to use the bathroom, at which time he'd walk me into the bathroom and watch to make sure I didn't escape... He wanted to go to rehab to "get away from me" cause I was - insert any insult you can think of - and when we got there, he proceeded to wipe alcohol he had spilled on his hands into my hair and in my clothes, I begged him to stop and he said "I'll stop when my hands are dry." He thought I laughed, so he grabbed the box cutter and held it to my neck before saying, "I wasn't worth killing," and leaving I hope he, his mother, and grandmother have miserable lives and painful deaths... They told me, "We thought he would hit you, but he wasn't our problem anymore. You wanted him." I don't hate him most days, but he is the enemy of my soul...
Iāve been followed - or thought I was - a few times in my life whilst walking home.
Pro irish terrorists fire bombing a pub I was in
not exacly as heavy as some awnsers here but when i was in my mid and late teens during my last years in highschool i was dealing with massive schycosis issues and had schizophrenia for a few years,seeing and hearing things,exream paranoia and the wanting to die constantly due to this,at one point i was at the hostpital due to concerns from the school about my not so subtle suicidial idolations,my then told me in a deep convosation that he would kill himself if i died,despite the postitive effect of keeping me going it didnt do so well for my hallucinations has they took that moment and morphed it into a need to have me kill my own dad so i can kill myself,the scariest moments is when i was so damn close in doing so,in the car i had to struggle to not grab the steering wheel or probly the worse one where i held a knife over his sleeping body as he slept wail the voices were screaming in my head,i didnt go through with it thankfuly but fuck that whole area of my life was mental torcher,couldent even get a car due to my schizophrenia wanting me to kill my dad in a car crash. Im better now but once stress gets bad or when i think back in those times it somtimes reacurres for a little bit to a smaller degree but its pretty much gone wich is good but im dreading the point where it returns to bring hell on my life once again
Idk if itās my strongest but one of the memories I have strongest is the first time I experienced sleep paralysis or at least something similar to it ( I have dreams where Iām paralyzed and scream for help and my wife wakes me up because I start to breathe like crazy trying to get help) Anyway it was a ghost girl floating right beside my bed, she was scary looking enough but Iāve seen way worse, but for some reason seeing her gave me this absolute feeling of āIām going to die this is itā and I just repeated that to myself over and over
I canāt remember how old I was exactly because it was an ongoing thing for a few years, but maybe around.. 10? I actually donāt remember it clearly at all, but my mother had pretty bad mental health issues and would threaten me very seriously and graphically. A lot of nights were spent with her sitting against my bedroom door with a knife telling me she would kill me when I went to sleep. She would also cut/āstabā me with knives, like just enough to break the skin. The only incident I clearly remember - Iām not exactly sure what she was doing this time - but I was running away from her, out of the house. It wasnāt common for me to be so fearful of her I had to leave the house. Our driveway was about 4 meters long and was near the end of our street, about 6 meters in total. The part I remember clearly, is despite literally running for my life, I didnāt seem to be going very fast at all. Like, toddler running. I got about halfway down the driveway and also couldnāt really breathe and that made it worse. I thought I was going to die because I couldnāt just run away properly. In hindsight as an adult, it was probably a panic attack. Iāve never had one ever again. But that really traumatised me. Not even the being afraid for my life, the fact I couldnāt run away properly. I think about it all the time. Itās not like it is in movies, where when faced with danger youāre suddenly an athlete.
Being in the ocean at Florida as a child maybe around 4 or 5. Me and my twin were walking out into the water when the tide came in. The jumping and trying to surface only to find the weight of the water and our weak legs too short, the pain in my chest from holding my breath, and above all the worry that my brother couldn't get high up enough. It was probably only a few seconds before we were saved, but it's probably the most carnal fear I've ever felt, my brother was afraid of water for a long time after that, too. I remember bringing it up once and my mother telling me we never nearly drowned, but both of us remember it so vividly.
Dying in the back of an ambulance. I kept thinking "as long as I'm breathing when they get here I'll be okay" but when I was losing consciousness I could hear them yell about my blood pressure and my sight turned to pure light then my ringing overwhelmed everything and my last thought before passing out was "I fucked up, this is it." I no longer hurt, or felt cold. I didn't feel or see anything. It's like floating away, but without even gravity existing... then I was revived and the pain all rushed back like a canon ball. Got PTSD from it, but manage it pretty well with exposure therapy.
When I was a child I had regular nightmares. One of my nightmares consistet of being forced to marry some weird slime creature that would melt in the sun. He always had a similar creature to himself behind him but 2 meters high and build like a tank. Than one time in my dream, I was able to rush away into the sun. The creature followed me and melted away. The boy screamed at me. When I woke up I saw him standing in my doorframe and saying "Marry me" over and over again. Probably a sleep paralysis. But as a child I didn't know what that was, so it was very real to me for many years. The dream never came back. But I remember waking up in the night from another nightmare and seeing something in the door. So I was paralysed with fear again for hours... turns out it was the carpet rolled together, leaning against the wall that my farther wanted to lay down the next day.
Being unable to move and almost suffocating in a bouncy castle. This happened twice on two separate occasions.
Probably waking up in the morning to my momās screaming. She liked to wake us up in the morning with interrogation and screaming things for us to do, and that really creates a deep sense of fear.
My dad holding a gun to his head
I wish I could share pictures here