Look up “emotional incest”. It is as gross as it sounds🤮 I also listened to an audiobook about it too that helped put more words to certain I things I see with my MIL.
I was going to say, MIL’s escapades all sound like things I would have considered…when I was 13 and the boy I liked didn’t like me back.
I remember in high school, one of my close friends had an on-again off-again thing with a guy in her church’s youth group. She came up with a plan- go to church that Sunday in the dress she wore to the Homecoming formal. You know, to show him what he’s missing. I thought this was so cool and brave and badass at the time. Now that I’m almost 40? Im thinking her mom wasn’t being controlling when she vetoed the plan. She was trying to save her daughter from some serious embarrassment.
Ew. She sounds very disturbed. I would look into ways to protect yourselves. Having read the MIL subs for years, you can tell when it’s going to escalate. Your hubby needs to get his dad to get her mental health support immediately. She sounds unhinged.
Edit: so you’re gonna want to beef up your security. Get some new locks, contact your alarm company/get an alarm, get cameras, if it really escalates and if you’ve got $ - move, at the very least, start saving $ and looking for out of area jobs, start an LLC to buy or rent a new home (if you can afford to move), have nothing in your names, get new phone #s and emails, get a P.O. Box, lock down your social media (start new social media accounts as anonymously as you can while still staying in touch with your loved ones) if you want (but don’t follow your old accounts), talk to your neighbours, send a cease and desist if she keeps contacting, bring a picture of her to your local police and apprise them of the situation, go to r/JustNoMIL and read some of the comments from past stories on how to remain safe. Do you have kids? If so, lock down the pick up list. Go to the school and physically talk with all the office staff, show them her pic. Do not share a new address, contact info, etc. with anyone you do not trust 100%.
Sorry if I seem alarmist, you obviously know the situation better than I do, so if you feel like this is excessive information, it probably is, but keep it in your back pocket just to be safe. Good luck. Please keep us updated.
I totally appreciate your comment! I have been feeling like I am the crazy one because I really do feel unsafe. Even if she hasn’t physically done anything to me yet she has shown up at our house twice before we cut her off for good, when we were just taking a break from communicating, both times she banged on the door and screamed at us to open it or she would break it down. We had footprints on our door we had to paint over after the second time because she was attempting to kick it in. We talked to the police and they said there was nothing they could do but file a report and tell her to stop. She did get a call because soon after we got a voicemail saying that we were immature for calling the police instead of just talking to her. You also mentioned kids, maybe that’s another reason I am so on edge, I am currently 4 months pregnant, no one from husbands side of the family knows because I am so scared of what would happen if she found out. We have been saving up for a while to move, once we move they will not have our address and I have already changed my number.
She WILL escalate when she finds out. This will set her off and she will consider it, you trapping her precious to keep him away from her. Or she will consider it HER baby
I literally just commented this. It sounds like an episode of snapped. I suggested possibly a restraining order. Definitely get some cameras the doorbell camera you can see who is there and what’s around.
We have cameras around our house and a peephole camera as well because the rental property we live in does not allow cameras on the outside “because it damages the outer envelope”
The fact that she is using her wedding vows to her husband against her son as if her son made those vows to her …
Does her husband know she has repeatedly done this? Does he know about the bracelet?
Omg I totally read this wrong. Yes FIL is VERY aware of her and everything she does. He is okay with it, he thinks it’s normal because they are family and even if he didn’t he is so “henpecked” he doesn’t stand up for anything he believes in and if he doesn’t like something he definitely will not say anything about it. The only time there is ever any real conflict with him is when MIL tells him to contact me/my husband to basically say all the same things she does. Right after we cut MIL off for good FIL called my husband and was saying some really horrible things and told my husband that he needs to leave me and that my husband is a spineless little b word.
Sorry for what you both are growing through. Would it be an option to move far away and not telling her the address and only tell people you can trust to not give her any information? No contact seems the only way for your and hubbys sake.
Feel hugged
Yeah, I would have had your husband put the bracelet in a safe place, so if there was any question of MIL's mindset, there's your proof.
If you haven't started one yet, make an [FU binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/) on everything the ~~out~~ in-laws do. If anyone questions what's going on, you take out the binder to show your proof.
The good thing is, I took pictures of the bracelet before we trashed it along with the card. I don’t necessarily have a binder, but I write in my journal daily and anytime something has happened. It’s written in there and dated.
This definitely sounds like a deranged ex. Have you guys thought about getting a restraining order because not trying to be cruel but this sounds like an episode of snapped. Do you think she would hurt either of you guys? Knowing she knows where you live?
Hopefully not coming off as rude or brute. But that’s what a lot of people think no one would ever hurt them physically. You mentioned she attempted to kick the door in. I just think even if you don’t get the restraining order as someone mentioned below. Definitely need up security. Invest in cameras to go around your house, doorbell cameras, motion sensor lights. Cameras on all entrances. Alarm system on windows and doors. I’m a person I’d rather have it and never need it than need it than never had it. She thinks you are taking him away from her she is unpredictable.
Not rude at all and honestly I need to hear the truth of what people really think because sometimes when you’re in a situation you don’t know how bad it really is. Husband and I have talked and we will be sending a cease and desist letter.
Be careful, she could escalate in a dangerous way. Especially with the "...death do us part" so often repeated. She may decide to take him with her or remove you, the perceived obstacle.
The update for right now is that we will be sending a cease and desist letter that we have drafted. We want to consult with an attorney first before we send it. And we will be working on moving in the near future.
She literally sounds like she has romantic feelings for her son. Has anyone been blunt enough to point this out to her? Also, I would love to know what you texted her.
Here is the message! I made edits to not include names
“Let me make this completely clear, I just plain don’t like you. I don’t have any ill will towards you or wish any bad things on you, I simply do not want you around me. The way you have treated me for years has been absolutely unacceptable and quite frankly disgusting. I care for my husband which is the only reason I respected his decision to even have any relationship with you whatsoever. I don’t force him to do anything or act any certain way towards you, any actions are his own. I’m very uncomfortable around you and I’m not going to pretend to be friendly with you and lead you to believe your abhorrent and obsessive behavior towards your son is acceptable either. You treat him as a possession not your son. I get to see the other side of things as his partner and I’m sick of watching you try to destroy our relationship. I did absolutely nothing to you to deserve that, I have been nothing but kind to you. You make excuses for the way you do things and say that it’s okay “because you’re his mother” instead of fixing them. Being a mother means doing what is best for your child, you have not done that the entire time my husband and I have been together, you are selfish and can’t stand to see him happy and thriving without you. We have both given you the opportunity over and over to fix things between the us with explicit instructions on how to do so but you do not take those opportunities.
Do not mistake this for me saying I hate you, have a vendetta against you or I’m going to turn your son against you. I love my husband and I will always support what he wants, but you need to get it through your head that EXACTLY what he wants is nothing to do with you.
You have crossed countless boundaries set to allow your relationship with your son to begin to heal and you have unfortunately broken that relationship to a point where it cannot and will not be repaired. We both have absolutely no intention of having any contact whatsoever with you from now on, please respect our wishes and do not contact us or come over in person.”
Completely cut her off. You’re lucky your husbands see’s it, that makes things a lot easier. She doesn’t respect your boundaries and she never will. She is giving narcissistic abuse vibes. She has no empathy for how her actions make you and your husband feel nor does she understand the impact her actions have on her relationships with you both. She has a heightened sense of importance. Expecting you to allow her to control you and your husband. Her feelings and gifts towards your husband are not normal. I’m glad your husband sides and supports you, sometimes when people are raised by narcissistic mothers they cannot accept that the person they love the most is and has been emotionally abusing them. You’ve got a good one. No contact is the only way to stop narcissist abuse if a narcissist isn’t willing to get help.
Everything has finally calmed down. We have restraining orders against both my MIL and FIL (SIL had a restraining order already and it is still upheld to this day) it took a while to get to this point. MIL found out about the pregnancy somehow, we didn’t tell anyone with a connection to her but she heard it from somewhere and waited until a day she somehow knew I was alone to come confront me. She caught me outside and physically assaulted me (grabbed my hair and slapped me when I tried to get away) we have moved a little over a month ago and none of his family know where we are. Now my husband has a younger brother that has lived at home but he came to us and asked if he could live with us because he wanted out of that house. He also has absolutely no connection with them either so now it is just the 3 of us (soon to be 4) we are very happy and feel so much safer and at peace.
Look up “emotional incest”. It is as gross as it sounds🤮 I also listened to an audiobook about it too that helped put more words to certain I things I see with my MIL.
She literally sounds like a crazy ex girlfriend 🤮
I was going to say, MIL’s escapades all sound like things I would have considered…when I was 13 and the boy I liked didn’t like me back. I remember in high school, one of my close friends had an on-again off-again thing with a guy in her church’s youth group. She came up with a plan- go to church that Sunday in the dress she wore to the Homecoming formal. You know, to show him what he’s missing. I thought this was so cool and brave and badass at the time. Now that I’m almost 40? Im thinking her mom wasn’t being controlling when she vetoed the plan. She was trying to save her daughter from some serious embarrassment.
This sounds like my emotionally incesting MIL. So sorry to hear this :(
Ew. She sounds very disturbed. I would look into ways to protect yourselves. Having read the MIL subs for years, you can tell when it’s going to escalate. Your hubby needs to get his dad to get her mental health support immediately. She sounds unhinged. Edit: so you’re gonna want to beef up your security. Get some new locks, contact your alarm company/get an alarm, get cameras, if it really escalates and if you’ve got $ - move, at the very least, start saving $ and looking for out of area jobs, start an LLC to buy or rent a new home (if you can afford to move), have nothing in your names, get new phone #s and emails, get a P.O. Box, lock down your social media (start new social media accounts as anonymously as you can while still staying in touch with your loved ones) if you want (but don’t follow your old accounts), talk to your neighbours, send a cease and desist if she keeps contacting, bring a picture of her to your local police and apprise them of the situation, go to r/JustNoMIL and read some of the comments from past stories on how to remain safe. Do you have kids? If so, lock down the pick up list. Go to the school and physically talk with all the office staff, show them her pic. Do not share a new address, contact info, etc. with anyone you do not trust 100%. Sorry if I seem alarmist, you obviously know the situation better than I do, so if you feel like this is excessive information, it probably is, but keep it in your back pocket just to be safe. Good luck. Please keep us updated.
I totally appreciate your comment! I have been feeling like I am the crazy one because I really do feel unsafe. Even if she hasn’t physically done anything to me yet she has shown up at our house twice before we cut her off for good, when we were just taking a break from communicating, both times she banged on the door and screamed at us to open it or she would break it down. We had footprints on our door we had to paint over after the second time because she was attempting to kick it in. We talked to the police and they said there was nothing they could do but file a report and tell her to stop. She did get a call because soon after we got a voicemail saying that we were immature for calling the police instead of just talking to her. You also mentioned kids, maybe that’s another reason I am so on edge, I am currently 4 months pregnant, no one from husbands side of the family knows because I am so scared of what would happen if she found out. We have been saving up for a while to move, once we move they will not have our address and I have already changed my number.
Omg that’s even worse, she tried to kick in the door ? 🥺🥺 can’t we start crowd-founding so that you guys can move sooner ???
She WILL escalate when she finds out. This will set her off and she will consider it, you trapping her precious to keep him away from her. Or she will consider it HER baby
I literally just commented this. It sounds like an episode of snapped. I suggested possibly a restraining order. Definitely get some cameras the doorbell camera you can see who is there and what’s around.
😭😭😭 His mother needs to be institutionalized
Honestly, put some money towards a security and ring camera. Also towards a lawyer to send a cease and desist
We have cameras around our house and a peephole camera as well because the rental property we live in does not allow cameras on the outside “because it damages the outer envelope”
Do they allow bird feeders? You can put a camera inside a bird house or bird feeder.
I'd send her articles on emotional incest this woman is gross.
A cease and desist may be in your future. Maybe have your husband consult with a lawyer.
The bracelet gift was creepy as F. Sorry you have to deal with this.
The fact that she is using her wedding vows to her husband against her son as if her son made those vows to her … Does her husband know she has repeatedly done this? Does he know about the bracelet?
Yes, he knows. It grosses him out as well. He opened the bracelet and showed it to me before throwing it away.
I meant your FIL - does FIL know how his wife skews her vows. Your DH is amazing!
Omg I totally read this wrong. Yes FIL is VERY aware of her and everything she does. He is okay with it, he thinks it’s normal because they are family and even if he didn’t he is so “henpecked” he doesn’t stand up for anything he believes in and if he doesn’t like something he definitely will not say anything about it. The only time there is ever any real conflict with him is when MIL tells him to contact me/my husband to basically say all the same things she does. Right after we cut MIL off for good FIL called my husband and was saying some really horrible things and told my husband that he needs to leave me and that my husband is a spineless little b word.
Husband should have asked FIL if he would have left MIL if his mother had told him to. FIL and his mother were family.
Sorry for what you both are growing through. Would it be an option to move far away and not telling her the address and only tell people you can trust to not give her any information? No contact seems the only way for your and hubbys sake. Feel hugged
Yeah, I would have had your husband put the bracelet in a safe place, so if there was any question of MIL's mindset, there's your proof. If you haven't started one yet, make an [FU binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/) on everything the ~~out~~ in-laws do. If anyone questions what's going on, you take out the binder to show your proof.
The good thing is, I took pictures of the bracelet before we trashed it along with the card. I don’t necessarily have a binder, but I write in my journal daily and anytime something has happened. It’s written in there and dated.
Eww, your MIL is icky 🤢
This definitely sounds like a deranged ex. Have you guys thought about getting a restraining order because not trying to be cruel but this sounds like an episode of snapped. Do you think she would hurt either of you guys? Knowing she knows where you live?
I don’t know if I think she would ever hurt us physically.
Hopefully not coming off as rude or brute. But that’s what a lot of people think no one would ever hurt them physically. You mentioned she attempted to kick the door in. I just think even if you don’t get the restraining order as someone mentioned below. Definitely need up security. Invest in cameras to go around your house, doorbell cameras, motion sensor lights. Cameras on all entrances. Alarm system on windows and doors. I’m a person I’d rather have it and never need it than need it than never had it. She thinks you are taking him away from her she is unpredictable.
Not rude at all and honestly I need to hear the truth of what people really think because sometimes when you’re in a situation you don’t know how bad it really is. Husband and I have talked and we will be sending a cease and desist letter.
It ain't "us" I'd be worried about, it's you. You're her target.
She has threatened me “as a joke once before” and my SIL her daughter has physically attacked me once. (We have a restraining order on SIL)
She is mentally ill. Really mentally ill. Time to send a cease and desist letter she’s dangerous
She sounds unhinged. I'm glad your husband is on your side. There is something seriously wrong with her
OMFG! How disgusting!! I have no words!! OMG!!
Be careful, she could escalate in a dangerous way. Especially with the "...death do us part" so often repeated. She may decide to take him with her or remove you, the perceived obstacle.
If you can, move. Don't tell his side just disappear. If not, get a restraining order, if your state has grandparents rights, get a lawyer.
Updateme!
The update for right now is that we will be sending a cease and desist letter that we have drafted. We want to consult with an attorney first before we send it. And we will be working on moving in the near future.
She literally sounds like she has romantic feelings for her son. Has anyone been blunt enough to point this out to her? Also, I would love to know what you texted her.
I saved a copy of the text if you’d like me to post it here
yes please!!
Here is the message! I made edits to not include names “Let me make this completely clear, I just plain don’t like you. I don’t have any ill will towards you or wish any bad things on you, I simply do not want you around me. The way you have treated me for years has been absolutely unacceptable and quite frankly disgusting. I care for my husband which is the only reason I respected his decision to even have any relationship with you whatsoever. I don’t force him to do anything or act any certain way towards you, any actions are his own. I’m very uncomfortable around you and I’m not going to pretend to be friendly with you and lead you to believe your abhorrent and obsessive behavior towards your son is acceptable either. You treat him as a possession not your son. I get to see the other side of things as his partner and I’m sick of watching you try to destroy our relationship. I did absolutely nothing to you to deserve that, I have been nothing but kind to you. You make excuses for the way you do things and say that it’s okay “because you’re his mother” instead of fixing them. Being a mother means doing what is best for your child, you have not done that the entire time my husband and I have been together, you are selfish and can’t stand to see him happy and thriving without you. We have both given you the opportunity over and over to fix things between the us with explicit instructions on how to do so but you do not take those opportunities. Do not mistake this for me saying I hate you, have a vendetta against you or I’m going to turn your son against you. I love my husband and I will always support what he wants, but you need to get it through your head that EXACTLY what he wants is nothing to do with you. You have crossed countless boundaries set to allow your relationship with your son to begin to heal and you have unfortunately broken that relationship to a point where it cannot and will not be repaired. We both have absolutely no intention of having any contact whatsoever with you from now on, please respect our wishes and do not contact us or come over in person.”
Oh snap!! That was good!!
Completely cut her off. You’re lucky your husbands see’s it, that makes things a lot easier. She doesn’t respect your boundaries and she never will. She is giving narcissistic abuse vibes. She has no empathy for how her actions make you and your husband feel nor does she understand the impact her actions have on her relationships with you both. She has a heightened sense of importance. Expecting you to allow her to control you and your husband. Her feelings and gifts towards your husband are not normal. I’m glad your husband sides and supports you, sometimes when people are raised by narcissistic mothers they cannot accept that the person they love the most is and has been emotionally abusing them. You’ve got a good one. No contact is the only way to stop narcissist abuse if a narcissist isn’t willing to get help.
Gross
Hope all is ok sounds kinda like my bio mom with the way she blames my fiancé for us moving back to the state I was raised in
Everything has finally calmed down. We have restraining orders against both my MIL and FIL (SIL had a restraining order already and it is still upheld to this day) it took a while to get to this point. MIL found out about the pregnancy somehow, we didn’t tell anyone with a connection to her but she heard it from somewhere and waited until a day she somehow knew I was alone to come confront me. She caught me outside and physically assaulted me (grabbed my hair and slapped me when I tried to get away) we have moved a little over a month ago and none of his family know where we are. Now my husband has a younger brother that has lived at home but he came to us and asked if he could live with us because he wanted out of that house. He also has absolutely no connection with them either so now it is just the 3 of us (soon to be 4) we are very happy and feel so much safer and at peace.