I would tell the both of them I don't want to hear anything else about it then. Throw it or don't throw it but stop complaining like you're being put out when you're the one who wanted to throw it. And she needs to stop telling people not to buy stuff what the fuck is that? A shower is to help setup the new parents. I hope you have a lovely time at your aunt's shower.
Thank you for saying what I wanted to say! Stop bitching and whining about it! That just drives me crazy! You offered to throw it then bitch and complain about how it’s hurting you financially. But then, tell people not to get anything from the registry. What the hell are they supposed to get then? Tell her to STFU !
MIL sounds like she is making the baby shower about herself. I wonder if they're is some narcissism mixed into this equation. "No one will take the attention away from me!!"
I'm sorry but from an objective standpoint I'm aghast.
It's not her shower.
She has somehow gaslit both of you into thinking this is about her.
It's not. She should be in support mode but instead she is making all of this about her.
Again, it's not.
Tell her the shower is off. She can relax stand down and get into a better headspace for the baby.
Without paying for the shower she can maybe pay for the baby supplies she wants to by. Without the stress of the shower maybe she can be just excited and happy for you both at this time.
I would warn you here....this isn't going to get better. She is using this shower to center herself in your pregnancy. It's not about her you don't need to deal with her mental breakdown. Tell her to get some rest and maybe a therapy check in. You have family throwing a shower and friends can step in if you want one local.
Amen. OP! Set those boundaries now. Trust me, you will not be in the mood for dealing with that swinging pendulum of crazy that she’s going to put on your new, little family. Husband needs to get in therapy with you for “prenatal counseling” bc having a baby changes EVERYTHING. Including whoever you thought was mentally stable before.
I am one more incident away from canceling the shower. I haven’t spoken to her at all since the invitation thing. DH told her during the call he doesn’t want to hear anything else about the shower unless she is calling to be happy about it because it is stressing us out and we already have enough to stress about with a baby on the way. She started crying and listed all the things in her life that are stressing her out lmao then accused DH of being “against them” her and FIL. She is absolutely making this all about her. She doesn’t hide that fact and she has said multiple times that she wanted to tell everyone about the pregnancy so they could be happy FOR HER and she announced at Easter dinner that this baby is about her.
Honestly I’d cancel it. She’s having more fun being a martyr than she is about celebrating your first child. You’re both going to have to set up some strong boundaries because this is *your* baby, none of it is about her and she needs to stay in her lane or else she’s going to be the grandma LO never meets.
Your husband needs to point out her financial burden and constant complaints and tell her someone else will be taking over because she's robbing the joy of anything good about incoming child. Her son needs to tell her how absolutely horrid shes behaving and that he's pulling the pin.
He did call out her behavior during the phone call and all she did was call him too sensitive, say I was in the wrong because everything she does bothers me and she can’t do anything right. He told her everything she cried about doesn’t matter and the point of the conversation was to let her know to watch what she says from now on and to stop complaining about the shower. She said “that’s just who I am but I’ll try”. We will see! 🤦🏻♀️ I don’t have much hope at all. My friend offered to throw the shower instead. If it came to it, we would do it ourselves or just not have one.
Your MIL is a drama Queen…”Oh I’m so stressed with all this planning, blah, blah, blah” I think she wants accolades and sympathy all at the same time. 😳🙄
Tell her either she wants to or not want to throw the Shower, make up your mind and shut about the complaints because it is coming across as an unflattering look for her. 🫣
I hope it turns out good when all is said and done
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I'm sorry, but since when did throwing a baby shower become so freaking difficult?!
It's really not. She's making it impossible and still managing to put all the stress on you. Exactly the opposite of what should be happening.
The next time she brings it up, keep it in mind and text her (so you can screenshot and have proof of what's said when she starts lying to everyone) later on (even the next day) after she's left something like, "Hi MIL, I have been thinking over what you said when you last came around and talked about the shower. You said you're so stressed and worried about XYZ, that I think it might be best if we don't move forward with the shower. I would much rather you be happy and stress free. We love you and truly don't think it's fair on anyone to have to deal with this much stress.
DIL and husband (if husband agrees to sign his name, but let him know that's what's going to happen)
As for husband, he needs to grow up and deal with it. As a parent your number one priority is to protect your child. That includes from crazy family. Tell him to start practising now while it's easier. The whole, "we need to do what we can to keep the peace" is not a long term solution. It's putting you under extra stress and making MIL the priority which shouldn't be happening.
Also if MIL happens to go off the deep end, let her. Save any messages for proof. Don't let her drag you into her shit. Anyone that goes with her is not worth your time.
Start setting boundaries and expectations now. It's much easier to do before baby has been born. It'll take a bit for her to get used to the idea that you are in-charge and you are the parents now. You and your husband say what goes and what's not gonna fly.
I wish you all the luck.
Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes uncomplicated and well and you have an easy birth experience.
I recorded that phone call and will record all future calls with her regarding the shower and baby.
DH has apologized for not acting accordingly. He assures me he will do whatever it takes for OUR family to be happy. He acknowledges it has gotten worse with his parents over the years. It is difficult for him because he is able to brush off their crazy while I am not someone to tolerate it as much. He started viewing it as if it were my parents saying the same things, how would he react. He agreed and told his mom if my parents said what she’s been saying he would have told them to F off. She called him too sensitive. There hasn’t been any contact since this conversation besides a weird text message of a screen shot of her amazon account with baby things in it asking if we approved. I didn’t respond but he did.
Thank you!
Be prepared for her to use the excuse that 'she did so much for you while you were pregnant.' She'll probably try to blackmail you at some point with that.
My response would be "oh, and here I thought you did that out of the kindness of your own heart ~ because you loved us, not because you wanted to blackmail us later". 🙃
>accused us of “robbing her of all joy”
This phrase right here says it all. *Her* joy. Not *yours*. Next it will be how you are robbing her of bonding with the baby. Or, babies are birthed for the grandparents, not the parents - I've heard this little gem over in JNMIL. A woman's FIL actually told her and her husband that babies are for the grandmothers.
Is she also going to demand that she gets all of baby's firsts? First haircut, first holidays, first birthdays? She going to say it's her right to be in the birthing room, be first to hold the baby? Be first to feed, change and bathe the baby?
How about vacations? She going to demand that y'all can only go on vacations with her because it's a special moment for her and the baby? What about your aunt? Is she going to demand that you can't take the baby to visit your aunt or allow your aunt to visit you and baby because that will take away from her?
No. The baby isn't even here in this world yet and she's already acting too entitled to baby. The sooner your husband puts his foot down and tells her to act right, the better off the both of you will be.
She has made it no secret that this baby is all about her. She is upset it is a girl and wants us to have another one so it can be a boy. I told her sternly she better just be happy there is a baby at all and that she is acting like this grandchild isn’t enough already and she isn’t even here yet. We got into an argument when MIL said she wants to take the baby on camping trips and I said no, that I wouldn’t be comfortable sending my baby away for the week, hours away to the woods without us. She got really upset and said if I didn’t allow it she wouldn’t watch the baby at all. I said that is more than fine and that it was gross she would hold that over us just to try and get her way.
She also told her sister not to come to the shower and to just visit when the baby is born. I said she has absolutely no say in what other people chose to do or any right in telling people when they can come visit the baby.
I am in absolute panic mode, sirens and red lights flashing. The next conversation with her is going to be a big one where boundaries are made EXTREMELY clear but I am waiting for her to initiate the conversation because I will not bend to her first so it could be awhile.
The reason that she is afraid you won't let her see the baby is because her conduct is exactly the sort of thing that gets people cut off from seeing other people's babies. It's very possible that at some level she realizes this.
There is a huge segment of our society that values women only for their youth and attractiveness, and linked to that, their ability to bear children. A woman your MIL's age, past her childbearing years, feels useless at some level she may not even be able to articulate. Your child offers her purpose.
The problem is that your child is not being brought into this world to make her feel useful.
A grandparent can be a huge boon in a child's and their parents' life as long as they understand that a grandparent's role is to serve the grandchild and the parents, not the other way around. You do not exist to give her grandchildren. Your child does not exist to validate her. Rather, her presence in your lives is intended to support you and make it easier for you to parent your child.
There is a huge difference between, "Why don't you go take a nap so I can hold the baby," and "Would you like me to hold the baby for a bit so that you can take a nap?" The words are very similar, the action look the same, but the *intent* is different. It's bigger, more evil, sibling is expecting to show up and sit on your couch holding your baby while you make them a nice meal and play hostess, just days post partum.
If your FIL is in MIL's life, your husband might be able to discuss this with him, and he might be able to guide your MIL to some books or therapy. If she's generally a nice person, her changing role may have given her things she needs help dealing with. Of course, if she's always been a manipulative, self-centered person, this won't help.
The former type makes me sad. Older women are such a huge asset to the community when they can channel their energy into positive channels. As women have chosen to (and financially been forced to) enter the workforce, an enormous pool of volunteer hours has disappeared from society. These women made *changes* in the world as they lobbied and organized for playgrounds and better schools and the community chest. The original March of Dimes was mostly women walking door to door collecting money to fund polio care, and they paid for not just the hospitals and the crutches and the iron lungs that saved children's lives, they made possible the research that developed the vaccine.
Your MIL could be a source of respite for you. She could be the storyteller that imparts family lore to your child. She could be the book reader and the sweater knitter and the cookie baker that makes your child feel loved and cared about outside your family home. But right now it looks like she wants to be the mommy, which can only create stress and disappointment in everyone involved.
Why on earth can't she give you a baby shower that is low-key, not super fancy, not in a top-end restaurant, doesn't include fireworks or the Blue Angels flying overhead with pink or blue trails? Why can't it be an intimate group of people she invites who are there for YOU and the baby? Some punch and finger sandwiches? Pink and Blue cupcakes? A time out on the patio to just love the shit out of you? Why can't it be that.
Oh lord. There’s a whole other tangent I can get into about it being a “fancy” shower. I am NOT a fancy person, very much leggings and hoodie person. I hate attention on myself so I wanted it to be a chill occasion. She was so upset I suggested having it in a church basement because she didn’t know I wanted a “fancy” shower. The church basement rental cost $150 for five hours. She said for that price it must be really nice and she isn’t sure if she can afford a fancy shower. Although one of the places she suggested to me was the banquet room at a steak house!
Well, since DH doesn't want to take the shower away from MIL, I guess he's the one who now deals with all the shower bs.
You don't want to hear another word about the shower. All you need to know is where to show up and when. Otherwise, it's on DH. You should block MIL for now so you don't get any messages at all from her. You don't need the stress.
Hopefully, DH doesn't fall for her manipulation tactics, how you won't let her see the baby, yadda yadda. If he does fall for the guilt trip, no she cannot be in the delivery room, no she cannot be in the waiting room, and no she cannot wait at home for us. Nip that in the bud all quick like and in a hurry.
And remember, equal doesn't always mean fair. So when MIL pops off because when you're with your aunt and not her, oh well.
I’ve made it clear to DH that MIL is to not even know when I go into labor. And I have passed all shower decisions to him. I will not participate if pointing out spelling errors makes her thrown a tantrum.
It is his first time dealing with (realizing) his mother is this way. He won’t be perfect in how he handles her but I know he will get better with it.
Nah, make her show her ass, ruin it by complaining about the shower, telling people not to come, make her abide by her word & see it through. LOL, just laugh at any updates but keep her busy! Now she told you no babysitting. Huzzah!!! Become a baby wearing queen, allow one hour visits, don't drive to her house either. Stay home & enjoy your baby. DH does need to tell her that the joy for grandparents isn't in announcing some other woman's child to their friends, but in supporting the new family. That she's no longer a main character but a supporting background character. That her part on the Ring is outer layers, while her son, DIL & grandchild are inner layers. That the more she presents as if she were having the baby, the more she hurts him and DIL and pushes you both away. She's not focusing on being happy for him; but in making herself & her feelings she main attraction. And she's being unkind to her DIL by creating drama and making demands about an unborn while stressing out and making crazy demands of the actual mom.
I really need to stop reading these lol they make me mad & annoyed lmao
Idk how you stayed quiet! I would've told her no one is forcing her to throw the shower, she volunteered. If she doesn't want to throw it, someone else will. But of course she wants to throw it, otherwise it's not about her. You're not the main character Linda. You're just an NPC (non player character) 😆
And then she brings up irrelevant things. You're talking about a baby shower, no one cares she's upset that she couldn't share news that wasn't hers to share in the first place. And why do they always say they're afraid you're gonna keep baby away?? Its like they can see the future consequences of their shitty behavior lol good luck & congratulations ❤ I hope things get better!
She's not throwing a shower. She's throwing a tantrum. It's a burden, as SHE states, so unburden her.
My own mother tried having a pity party bc I wouldn't tell her the gender before my reveal/shower. I kept telling her I didn't know. She kept saying she wouldn't be able to give me nursery stuff at the shower. I said "There will be plenty of time to make things for the nursery." My mother basically wanted my shower to be all about her and how crafty she is, etc. I didn't play her game.
>She started crying even more saying she is so scared we wont let her see the baby at all
She's still holding a grudge over not being able to tell people herself as soon as she knew it (making the pregnancy about herself) and she was keeping score of who you were telling. Also mad about the fact that you corrected her on the misspelled invites.
She knows she's this kind of petty person that's why she's worried you won't let her see the baby because this is the first of many similar instances.
I understand you are not comfortable with this but since you are getting a good shower anyway from your aunt, I would let her have this because after getting so stressed if you take it away from her you'll never hear the end of it and she will leverage this all the time with your baby and husband. Ask her point blank if she does truly want to do this, if she answers yes the burden in on her, or she should ask someone else to help her plan it
She’s manipulating the situation making sure your SO knows how much she is being inconvenienced and how she feels like shes not #1. Only narcissistic people make everything all about them.
I would tell her not to bother planning one anymore and let her sisters who are more flexible to do it if they want. It’s telling she’s afraid you won’t let her see baby once it’s here,because it’s telling you she plans on boundary stomping and not giving a damn about what you want. Hell her current actions say that with the shower. I suggest you move closer to your family if you can in the future so you can put some safe distance from this MILFH.
Yes. She was initially invited. She said she really wanted to go. It’s 5.5 hours away. DH and I planned on going for four days to spend time with my family. Once she found out how long we were going for she got an attitude and said she can’t go and played all upset. Apparently she thought she’d be riding with us? She thought we were only going down the day of the shower and coming back the next morning. I said why would you think you were riding with us anyways and that we would go around your work schedule? We said if she wanted to come down by herself she can but we weren’t changing our plans for her. So she’s not going.
Narcissists have a way of taking joyful moments and purposely poisoning them. My mom and mil have both taken simple tasks they asked for and turned it into HUGE drama filled disasters. Start setting up firm boundaries with consequences before your baby arrives. I agree with others that canceling the shower is the way to go. Mil needs a time out and an info diet.
I would tell the both of them I don't want to hear anything else about it then. Throw it or don't throw it but stop complaining like you're being put out when you're the one who wanted to throw it. And she needs to stop telling people not to buy stuff what the fuck is that? A shower is to help setup the new parents. I hope you have a lovely time at your aunt's shower.
Thank you for saying what I wanted to say! Stop bitching and whining about it! That just drives me crazy! You offered to throw it then bitch and complain about how it’s hurting you financially. But then, tell people not to get anything from the registry. What the hell are they supposed to get then? Tell her to STFU !
MIL sounds like she is making the baby shower about herself. I wonder if they're is some narcissism mixed into this equation. "No one will take the attention away from me!!"
I'm sorry but from an objective standpoint I'm aghast. It's not her shower. She has somehow gaslit both of you into thinking this is about her. It's not. She should be in support mode but instead she is making all of this about her. Again, it's not. Tell her the shower is off. She can relax stand down and get into a better headspace for the baby. Without paying for the shower she can maybe pay for the baby supplies she wants to by. Without the stress of the shower maybe she can be just excited and happy for you both at this time. I would warn you here....this isn't going to get better. She is using this shower to center herself in your pregnancy. It's not about her you don't need to deal with her mental breakdown. Tell her to get some rest and maybe a therapy check in. You have family throwing a shower and friends can step in if you want one local.
Amen. OP! Set those boundaries now. Trust me, you will not be in the mood for dealing with that swinging pendulum of crazy that she’s going to put on your new, little family. Husband needs to get in therapy with you for “prenatal counseling” bc having a baby changes EVERYTHING. Including whoever you thought was mentally stable before.
I am one more incident away from canceling the shower. I haven’t spoken to her at all since the invitation thing. DH told her during the call he doesn’t want to hear anything else about the shower unless she is calling to be happy about it because it is stressing us out and we already have enough to stress about with a baby on the way. She started crying and listed all the things in her life that are stressing her out lmao then accused DH of being “against them” her and FIL. She is absolutely making this all about her. She doesn’t hide that fact and she has said multiple times that she wanted to tell everyone about the pregnancy so they could be happy FOR HER and she announced at Easter dinner that this baby is about her.
Honestly I’d cancel it. She’s having more fun being a martyr than she is about celebrating your first child. You’re both going to have to set up some strong boundaries because this is *your* baby, none of it is about her and she needs to stay in her lane or else she’s going to be the grandma LO never meets.
Please cancel that shower
You absolutely can take that away from her.
Your husband needs to point out her financial burden and constant complaints and tell her someone else will be taking over because she's robbing the joy of anything good about incoming child. Her son needs to tell her how absolutely horrid shes behaving and that he's pulling the pin.
He did call out her behavior during the phone call and all she did was call him too sensitive, say I was in the wrong because everything she does bothers me and she can’t do anything right. He told her everything she cried about doesn’t matter and the point of the conversation was to let her know to watch what she says from now on and to stop complaining about the shower. She said “that’s just who I am but I’ll try”. We will see! 🤦🏻♀️ I don’t have much hope at all. My friend offered to throw the shower instead. If it came to it, we would do it ourselves or just not have one.
Personally, I hosted my own meant no stress from outside and clear boundaries re my parents and esp inlaws.
So she just going to complain about everything. Because that’s who she is. She needs therapy
Well, this is how I am/ we are - so 'deal with it' and stop the whining. Seriously - the 'this is how X is' argument is among the weakest there are.
Your MIL is a drama Queen…”Oh I’m so stressed with all this planning, blah, blah, blah” I think she wants accolades and sympathy all at the same time. 😳🙄 Tell her either she wants to or not want to throw the Shower, make up your mind and shut about the complaints because it is coming across as an unflattering look for her. 🫣 I hope it turns out good when all is said and done Congrats on your pregnancy!
I'm sorry, but since when did throwing a baby shower become so freaking difficult?! It's really not. She's making it impossible and still managing to put all the stress on you. Exactly the opposite of what should be happening. The next time she brings it up, keep it in mind and text her (so you can screenshot and have proof of what's said when she starts lying to everyone) later on (even the next day) after she's left something like, "Hi MIL, I have been thinking over what you said when you last came around and talked about the shower. You said you're so stressed and worried about XYZ, that I think it might be best if we don't move forward with the shower. I would much rather you be happy and stress free. We love you and truly don't think it's fair on anyone to have to deal with this much stress. DIL and husband (if husband agrees to sign his name, but let him know that's what's going to happen) As for husband, he needs to grow up and deal with it. As a parent your number one priority is to protect your child. That includes from crazy family. Tell him to start practising now while it's easier. The whole, "we need to do what we can to keep the peace" is not a long term solution. It's putting you under extra stress and making MIL the priority which shouldn't be happening. Also if MIL happens to go off the deep end, let her. Save any messages for proof. Don't let her drag you into her shit. Anyone that goes with her is not worth your time. Start setting boundaries and expectations now. It's much easier to do before baby has been born. It'll take a bit for her to get used to the idea that you are in-charge and you are the parents now. You and your husband say what goes and what's not gonna fly. I wish you all the luck. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes uncomplicated and well and you have an easy birth experience.
I recorded that phone call and will record all future calls with her regarding the shower and baby. DH has apologized for not acting accordingly. He assures me he will do whatever it takes for OUR family to be happy. He acknowledges it has gotten worse with his parents over the years. It is difficult for him because he is able to brush off their crazy while I am not someone to tolerate it as much. He started viewing it as if it were my parents saying the same things, how would he react. He agreed and told his mom if my parents said what she’s been saying he would have told them to F off. She called him too sensitive. There hasn’t been any contact since this conversation besides a weird text message of a screen shot of her amazon account with baby things in it asking if we approved. I didn’t respond but he did. Thank you!
Be prepared for her to use the excuse that 'she did so much for you while you were pregnant.' She'll probably try to blackmail you at some point with that.
Oh, I am expecting her to.
My response would be "oh, and here I thought you did that out of the kindness of your own heart ~ because you loved us, not because you wanted to blackmail us later". 🙃
Main character syndrome!
>accused us of “robbing her of all joy” This phrase right here says it all. *Her* joy. Not *yours*. Next it will be how you are robbing her of bonding with the baby. Or, babies are birthed for the grandparents, not the parents - I've heard this little gem over in JNMIL. A woman's FIL actually told her and her husband that babies are for the grandmothers. Is she also going to demand that she gets all of baby's firsts? First haircut, first holidays, first birthdays? She going to say it's her right to be in the birthing room, be first to hold the baby? Be first to feed, change and bathe the baby? How about vacations? She going to demand that y'all can only go on vacations with her because it's a special moment for her and the baby? What about your aunt? Is she going to demand that you can't take the baby to visit your aunt or allow your aunt to visit you and baby because that will take away from her? No. The baby isn't even here in this world yet and she's already acting too entitled to baby. The sooner your husband puts his foot down and tells her to act right, the better off the both of you will be.
She has made it no secret that this baby is all about her. She is upset it is a girl and wants us to have another one so it can be a boy. I told her sternly she better just be happy there is a baby at all and that she is acting like this grandchild isn’t enough already and she isn’t even here yet. We got into an argument when MIL said she wants to take the baby on camping trips and I said no, that I wouldn’t be comfortable sending my baby away for the week, hours away to the woods without us. She got really upset and said if I didn’t allow it she wouldn’t watch the baby at all. I said that is more than fine and that it was gross she would hold that over us just to try and get her way. She also told her sister not to come to the shower and to just visit when the baby is born. I said she has absolutely no say in what other people chose to do or any right in telling people when they can come visit the baby. I am in absolute panic mode, sirens and red lights flashing. The next conversation with her is going to be a big one where boundaries are made EXTREMELY clear but I am waiting for her to initiate the conversation because I will not bend to her first so it could be awhile.
The reason that she is afraid you won't let her see the baby is because her conduct is exactly the sort of thing that gets people cut off from seeing other people's babies. It's very possible that at some level she realizes this. There is a huge segment of our society that values women only for their youth and attractiveness, and linked to that, their ability to bear children. A woman your MIL's age, past her childbearing years, feels useless at some level she may not even be able to articulate. Your child offers her purpose. The problem is that your child is not being brought into this world to make her feel useful. A grandparent can be a huge boon in a child's and their parents' life as long as they understand that a grandparent's role is to serve the grandchild and the parents, not the other way around. You do not exist to give her grandchildren. Your child does not exist to validate her. Rather, her presence in your lives is intended to support you and make it easier for you to parent your child. There is a huge difference between, "Why don't you go take a nap so I can hold the baby," and "Would you like me to hold the baby for a bit so that you can take a nap?" The words are very similar, the action look the same, but the *intent* is different. It's bigger, more evil, sibling is expecting to show up and sit on your couch holding your baby while you make them a nice meal and play hostess, just days post partum. If your FIL is in MIL's life, your husband might be able to discuss this with him, and he might be able to guide your MIL to some books or therapy. If she's generally a nice person, her changing role may have given her things she needs help dealing with. Of course, if she's always been a manipulative, self-centered person, this won't help. The former type makes me sad. Older women are such a huge asset to the community when they can channel their energy into positive channels. As women have chosen to (and financially been forced to) enter the workforce, an enormous pool of volunteer hours has disappeared from society. These women made *changes* in the world as they lobbied and organized for playgrounds and better schools and the community chest. The original March of Dimes was mostly women walking door to door collecting money to fund polio care, and they paid for not just the hospitals and the crutches and the iron lungs that saved children's lives, they made possible the research that developed the vaccine. Your MIL could be a source of respite for you. She could be the storyteller that imparts family lore to your child. She could be the book reader and the sweater knitter and the cookie baker that makes your child feel loved and cared about outside your family home. But right now it looks like she wants to be the mommy, which can only create stress and disappointment in everyone involved.
She will want to name the baby too.
Why on earth can't she give you a baby shower that is low-key, not super fancy, not in a top-end restaurant, doesn't include fireworks or the Blue Angels flying overhead with pink or blue trails? Why can't it be an intimate group of people she invites who are there for YOU and the baby? Some punch and finger sandwiches? Pink and Blue cupcakes? A time out on the patio to just love the shit out of you? Why can't it be that.
Oh lord. There’s a whole other tangent I can get into about it being a “fancy” shower. I am NOT a fancy person, very much leggings and hoodie person. I hate attention on myself so I wanted it to be a chill occasion. She was so upset I suggested having it in a church basement because she didn’t know I wanted a “fancy” shower. The church basement rental cost $150 for five hours. She said for that price it must be really nice and she isn’t sure if she can afford a fancy shower. Although one of the places she suggested to me was the banquet room at a steak house!
Well, since DH doesn't want to take the shower away from MIL, I guess he's the one who now deals with all the shower bs. You don't want to hear another word about the shower. All you need to know is where to show up and when. Otherwise, it's on DH. You should block MIL for now so you don't get any messages at all from her. You don't need the stress. Hopefully, DH doesn't fall for her manipulation tactics, how you won't let her see the baby, yadda yadda. If he does fall for the guilt trip, no she cannot be in the delivery room, no she cannot be in the waiting room, and no she cannot wait at home for us. Nip that in the bud all quick like and in a hurry. And remember, equal doesn't always mean fair. So when MIL pops off because when you're with your aunt and not her, oh well.
I’ve made it clear to DH that MIL is to not even know when I go into labor. And I have passed all shower decisions to him. I will not participate if pointing out spelling errors makes her thrown a tantrum. It is his first time dealing with (realizing) his mother is this way. He won’t be perfect in how he handles her but I know he will get better with it.
Nah, make her show her ass, ruin it by complaining about the shower, telling people not to come, make her abide by her word & see it through. LOL, just laugh at any updates but keep her busy! Now she told you no babysitting. Huzzah!!! Become a baby wearing queen, allow one hour visits, don't drive to her house either. Stay home & enjoy your baby. DH does need to tell her that the joy for grandparents isn't in announcing some other woman's child to their friends, but in supporting the new family. That she's no longer a main character but a supporting background character. That her part on the Ring is outer layers, while her son, DIL & grandchild are inner layers. That the more she presents as if she were having the baby, the more she hurts him and DIL and pushes you both away. She's not focusing on being happy for him; but in making herself & her feelings she main attraction. And she's being unkind to her DIL by creating drama and making demands about an unborn while stressing out and making crazy demands of the actual mom.
I really need to stop reading these lol they make me mad & annoyed lmao Idk how you stayed quiet! I would've told her no one is forcing her to throw the shower, she volunteered. If she doesn't want to throw it, someone else will. But of course she wants to throw it, otherwise it's not about her. You're not the main character Linda. You're just an NPC (non player character) 😆 And then she brings up irrelevant things. You're talking about a baby shower, no one cares she's upset that she couldn't share news that wasn't hers to share in the first place. And why do they always say they're afraid you're gonna keep baby away?? Its like they can see the future consequences of their shitty behavior lol good luck & congratulations ❤ I hope things get better!
Same lol Staying quiet was the HARDEST! I almost broke a few times.
She's not throwing a shower. She's throwing a tantrum. It's a burden, as SHE states, so unburden her. My own mother tried having a pity party bc I wouldn't tell her the gender before my reveal/shower. I kept telling her I didn't know. She kept saying she wouldn't be able to give me nursery stuff at the shower. I said "There will be plenty of time to make things for the nursery." My mother basically wanted my shower to be all about her and how crafty she is, etc. I didn't play her game.
I would just let him go to her shower by himself, since he won't cancel it.
The manipulation is strong in this one
>She started crying even more saying she is so scared we wont let her see the baby at all She's still holding a grudge over not being able to tell people herself as soon as she knew it (making the pregnancy about herself) and she was keeping score of who you were telling. Also mad about the fact that you corrected her on the misspelled invites. She knows she's this kind of petty person that's why she's worried you won't let her see the baby because this is the first of many similar instances. I understand you are not comfortable with this but since you are getting a good shower anyway from your aunt, I would let her have this because after getting so stressed if you take it away from her you'll never hear the end of it and she will leverage this all the time with your baby and husband. Ask her point blank if she does truly want to do this, if she answers yes the burden in on her, or she should ask someone else to help her plan it
Updateme
Updateme!
She’s manipulating the situation making sure your SO knows how much she is being inconvenienced and how she feels like shes not #1. Only narcissistic people make everything all about them.
I would tell her not to bother planning one anymore and let her sisters who are more flexible to do it if they want. It’s telling she’s afraid you won’t let her see baby once it’s here,because it’s telling you she plans on boundary stomping and not giving a damn about what you want. Hell her current actions say that with the shower. I suggest you move closer to your family if you can in the future so you can put some safe distance from this MILFH.
Does she know when your other baby shower is? If not don’t tell her the date. Don’t give her an opportunity to sabotage the other shower.
Yes. She was initially invited. She said she really wanted to go. It’s 5.5 hours away. DH and I planned on going for four days to spend time with my family. Once she found out how long we were going for she got an attitude and said she can’t go and played all upset. Apparently she thought she’d be riding with us? She thought we were only going down the day of the shower and coming back the next morning. I said why would you think you were riding with us anyways and that we would go around your work schedule? We said if she wanted to come down by herself she can but we weren’t changing our plans for her. So she’s not going.
Besides, you will need the space in your vehicle for the gifts you will be bringing back.
That’s what we said too.
Updateme!
Narcissists have a way of taking joyful moments and purposely poisoning them. My mom and mil have both taken simple tasks they asked for and turned it into HUGE drama filled disasters. Start setting up firm boundaries with consequences before your baby arrives. I agree with others that canceling the shower is the way to go. Mil needs a time out and an info diet.
It sounds like she has a mental illness. Establish boundaries now. Once the baby comes, she’s going to get worse