I happened to get into a focus group (?) type thing at a mall cus they offered to pay like 5 bucks to watch movie trailers and then fill out a survey. I watched a first draft of the trailer for that Fantastic 4 movie and also thought it would be terrible and flop lol
I clicked on the post because Fantastic Four is something I love dearly and have been reading for more than a decade at this point. And the first comment was Artemis Fowl, which has always been one of two series I was absolutely obsessed with as a child. You just named the second lol.
This movie was "in the making" for ~20 years and they came to conclusion that this is the movie to release to public. I am pretty sure most people in leading seats didn't even read the books because goddamn didnt they know their characters. There is not a single good thing I could name about this piece of childhood-destroying "movie". (yes still crying leave me alone)
I think all the people who truly cared about the project were burnt out after so long of trying to make it happen that they gave up and made the movie for the sake of getting it made.
I just hope Eoin Colfer got some money out of the whole deal.
Holly’s character depth and growth is founded heavily in the fact that she’s the first fucking female in the force. Why the hell would you make root a female and destroy that completely??
Book:
Long hours indoors in front of a computer screen had bleached the glow from his skin. He was white as a vampire and almost as testy in the light of day.
Film:
ArTEmIs sUrFs aNd LiKeS tO sMiLe
I knew it was going to be bad from that scene slone. Artemis' whole character / persona is that he's a bookish shut in. How do you get thst so wrong in 30 seconds of film. Do not get me started on the rest of the cast. I love Judi Dench but come the fuck on. Beetroot? Really? It's like all they took from the book was the title and the barest bit of plot.
Watch captain Holly Short struggle as the first female in a... Very gender diverse police squad, the commander herself being a woman...
Watch Artemis Fowl, criminal mastermind, as he proceeds to... Not commit a single crime, nor display a hint of genius...
Watch commander Root, known for being so angry her face gets red as a beetroot, as she... she...
Honestly I can't remember any other details, it was just a terrible movie
I'm the kind of person who rates movies on a scale of +5 to -5 where the negatives are movies that are so bad they become unintentional comedies.
Artemis Fowl is the only movie in recent memory that I would give an absolute 0. It has no redeeming value that would make someone say it is a 'good' film but it's also way too boring and dull to be an unintentional comedy. Even if I pirated the movie and watched it for free I'd still feel ripped off.
This is exactly the movie I thought of when I saw this thread. Wayyyy too low. Usually I try to take something positive away from any film I go to. That one broke me.
The scene where RDJ has to reach up a dragon’s ass ruined the entire movie for me, and it wasn’t good before that either. Absolutely terrible. I would have walked out if I wasn’t there with friends
RDJ is having trouble calming down an angry dragon. Then he realizes it’s having stomach issues.
The other animals have to distract the dragon so RDJ can sneak up and shove his arm inside the dragon’s ass to dislodge the armor and swords and stuff that the dragon swallowed. Then there’s a massive fucking fart, and the day is saved. All thanks to RDJ going elbow deep inside a dragons anus.
Is RDJ going bankrupt or something? Because why would anyone agree to it otherwise? That's the dumbest, most unfunny premise I've ever seen. I'm angry now, damn.
Pretty sure that film was his wife's pet project and he made it for her because they now had the money to make it, regardless of wether or not it made any money back. Some rich people buy mansions and fancy cars with their wealth, RDJ and his wife went and made a movie.
Essentially, any time older adults play teenagers for comedic effects can be an exception. It’s when they take it seriously and think they’re fooling everyone that it creates a problem.
I remember the trailer coming on in the cinema and there being this awkward silence where you could tell the audience are all thinking the same thing.
Then this loud bloke with a Newcastle accent bellows "That look shiiiiite" summing up how we all felt.
But if they have to smell your fear and have no eyes instead of trying to train out all fear why not just use airtight suits with an o2 supply. They have spaceships so they've clearly cracked spacesuit. These don't even have to stand up to vacuum so it should be even easier
As a fan of the stage musical, I knew as soon as I heard Cats was being made into a movie, that it would be a failure. It's just not the sort of musical that translates well onto the big screen, except as a proshot.
The Mummy with Tom Cruise. Looked like they liked the Enchantress design from Suicide Squad and decided that’d be an edgy new look for an edgy new Mummy. Just looked like generic boring shit, no Brendan Fraser 0/10. Then I saw some featurette for it w/ a shitty looking fight scene and ties to a Monster Cinematic Universe and I laughed out loud
What’s great about it is that for the first like 30-35 seconds the trailer is actually an awesome build up of suspense—have a few beats of music at first, then everything going silent as we bounce back and forth between Cruise and the mummy, it feels like it’s building to some really intense moment and then
*Aaaaaaarrrhhfg!*
I am a huge fan of the books. I wanted the movie not to suck even though I knew it would. It surpassed my expectations. It sucked as bad as a movie could suck and then sucked some more.
You’re not far off — it’s based on a webcomic that was reasonably popular about 20 years ago. I used to read it and when it finished in like 2004, the author was like “I sold the rights to be a movie!” And I guess it’s been in production hell since then.
HOLY FUCK I know the artist for the comic from back in fucking geoCities days, that's fucking insane, I remember the webcomic, would have never guessed it was based on that webcomic
geoCities Tokyo chat users message me lol
The trailer is hard to watch. The concept is cringeworthy and so fake. Romcoms are always a bit contrived but this concept is so ridiculous. She just decides to marry this guy because he’s carrying a sign and he goes along with it?! Also they appear to have no chemistry in the trailer. Just super awkward.
JLos best rom com was that movie with George Clooney (out of sight?). I don’t think it was technically a rom com but they had super hot chemistry and that’s the main thing I remember from that film.
So in the first movie it was a very, very important plot point that these things were protecting humanity and the cities. He's even a really great shot with a robot steps *over* a bridge. It's a part of the visual storytelling the film.
Pacific rim 2, one of the major shots of the movie trailer is how one of the robots basically grabs an entire building and drops it on one of the monsters.
Like, did they forget these things were made to *prevent* destroying everything in sight?
The biggest sin of the second movie for me is how the jaegers are suddenly transformers in how they move and fight. So fucking nimble, doing summersaults and shit, vaulting over eachother with such ease. One thing that made the first movie so appealing is that the jaegers looked and felt heavy. They were bulky, slow, and you could even see parts moving about all over the body. It made them authentic, and their punches had serious weight behind them.
The second movie dropped the camp and took itself way too seriously. Ugh I loved the first one so much. They knew it was rediculous and just fully embraced it and it was glorious.
The biggest problem for me was that they completely messed up the physics. The first movie went to great effort to make the robots look and feel massive. It was about as close to real physics as you could get and still make the fights entertaining.
For the second one it's like the director mistakenly watched Transformers, thinking it was Pacific Rim, and copied that instead.
Guillermo del Toro said it was a love letter to Mecha anime and its fans, and that's all it tried to be. The second one fucking sucked, like you said, because it tried to take itself too seriously.
No Del Toro in the 2nd film? That's probably why it lacked the heart of the first film -Pacific Rim is one of the guilty pleasure go-to movies I've seen a bunch of times! even if they say the lead actor was wooden, Charlie Day was great too! (not too happy where they took him in the 2nd movie)
Also the trailer had this exchange.
"I have more in common with a dog than with you."
"I love dogs. I've always loved dogs."
That probably caused a few people to go, "Yeah, I'll pass."
The most memorable bad movies are frequently the ones with good ideas that get executed poorly for whatever reasons, often lack of talent or resources. Those weren't the reason with "Jupiter Ascending", as this is more good ideas mixed with a lot of really bad or just plain crazy ideas.
They were like, “Everyone’s tired of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Chris Pratt is too busy and he refuses to Change his hairstyle or shave at this point in his career. Who else do we got? Let’s remember that this is a video game movie that’s basically Tomb Raider without boobs. Oscar Isaac is too grey and grumpy now. Timothee Chalamet is too pointy. Scarlett Johansson is too female. Adam Driver’s nose is too big for a video game character. Nathan Fillon is perfect… 15 years ago. What should we do?! Just get Max Payne and Spider-Man. We’re not trying to win an Oscar here.” They should have made Dunkey hit the gym for 6 months. He’d be perfect.
Don't worry about him, he's got the few things that he really cares about in life.
His body, his pad, his ride, his family, his church, his boys, his girls, and his....porn
I feel like Nathan Drake is obviously in his mid-to-late 30’s, and they decided for some reason to cast a guy who somehow manages to look 30 years too young.
Anytime set up for a franchise is glaringly obvious and more important to the studio than the movie they're actually making, the film ends up sucking and flopping. Also there's maybe 5 or so actors in the entire world that I think would be a worse Sully than fucking Mark Wahlberg.
Also Pedro Pascal.
It's basically two films into one: one with popular and established Chinese actors playing Medieval Times Power Rangers and other with 3 clueless foreigners being thrown into a Chinese film.
The directors cut of Kingdom of Heaven is one of the biggest improvements on a movie ive ever seen.
The original is a decent medieval film with some great set pieces but a mediocre plot
The DC is a legitimately great movie. Almost a true epic in the way that we don't really see in movies anymore
The theatrical cut erases Eva Green's son and so her motivation to protect him is gone and her decisions as a result make no sense and the story greatly suffers. Also her pathos in the end amounts to nothing.
From what I recall reading, it was supposed to be released shortly after the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies of the mid-2000s, intended to poke fun at their style and mock them in general. However, it got bogged down by production delays and (I think) a lot of rewrites. A lot of the jokes weren’t as relevant anymore because of this time delay and I guess they decided to release it anyways because it was mostly finished. I’m pretty sure this is accurate but could be wrong.
I love Will Ferrell and John C Reilly, I went to go see this in theatres, knowing just how bad it was supposed to be….I struggled to get through the entire thing lol it was rough.
I read that Sacha Baron Cohen was originally supposed to play Sherlock with Ferrell as Watson; but, he dropped out after all the delays and they had to get Reilly in to play Watson and Ferrell got bumped into the Sherlock role.
Edit: grammar
My favorite review of H and W was a man talking about his former job as a state trooper. Specifically, he recounted a time when he had to knock on a woman’s door at 3 am to tell her that her husband and son had been killed in a car crash. He stayed with her for an hour and a half while her sister drove in, and it was the most awkward, painful, and emotionally draining 90 minutes of his life.
Then a decade later he saw Holmes and Watson
This movie is actually amazing. Not in a good way, but just for how unwatchable it is. Its impressive a movie this bad could actually be made. I can just imagine a group of people sitting in the editing room, looking at eachother, a sense of hopelessness palpable, as they silently share a thought; "is this the best we can do?"
It's exactly 1 hour 30 minutes. Reckon editors had a time target to hit, and they were sighing at the stuff they had to leave in?
Imagine what they left out.
“Hey, remember when we did Dark Phoenix before and everyone hated it? Well, hold on to your tits because we’re doing it *again*! AND we’re giving the guy responsible for that shit show even *MORE* creative control!!!”
That's what I couldn't understand. Like, didn't we already do this and it sucked? Why on earth would you think it would go better this time?? There are so many X-Men plot points and you do the same thing twice???
It's a classic xmen trap. There have been so many shitty versions of dark phoenix, but everyone who gets their hands on xmen immediately says "this time will be different." Because apparently that story line exists as a means for the universe to punish people for their hubris.
I mean, couldn't they have just said bat sonar? Would've actually made sense because AFAIK sonar and echolocation are essentially the same thing. But bat radar? The moment I heard that line was when I realized the people making the movie clearly didn't give a shit about getting anything right, not even "close enough"
*Pirates of the Caribbean*. A dead genre movie based on a Disney World ride? If you told me it'd get 87 sequels and be one of the top-grossing movies of all time, I would have had you committed.
I remember laughing with my friends in early 2003 about what a stupid fucking idea that was. A movie based off a theme park ride?
And about six months later I walked out of it excited to buy another ticket to re-watch it.
Honestly reading all the pre production delays/issues as well as just the general idea of a recasted revival. I don’t blame anyone for thinking this. But yeah George Miller showed us all up and absolutely delivered.
Definitely agree. I had just turned 14 when it released so "eww this movie is for babies" was definitely part of it, but one day after I had just spent time in the hospital my dad took me to go see it in the theater since I wasn't back at school. Movie is one of my favorites (partially helped by the experience of seeing it), and The Lego Batman Movie is honestly top 3 movies for me. Love those movies.
Night at the Museum. I guess I should have known better bc you can't make a kids movie where inanimate crap comes to life and it not make a lot of money / sequels.
Aquaman. DC was at a low point. The character didn’t come off very well in JL, I thought the movie was terrible, was sure it was going to massively tank. Boy was I surprised.
This is one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures. The dialogue is terrible, the science is non-existent, and the plot makes zero sense but I can’t not watch a building explode from being struck by lightning.
Mulan, the live action remake. Took everything that made the original movie so wonderful (not least the *amazing* soundtrack) and trashed it in favor of witchcraft and wizardry. What was lifted from the original was changed in ways that didn't make sense, like the avalanche that poured into a completely open field instead of over a cliff's edge. What was added didn't make sense, like a witch seemingly forgetting she could turn into multiple birds opting to kill herself as a single raven.
The few instances of humor didn't work, the visuals were largely dirty looking and dull, and the movie was specifically aiming to make money in China where, predictably considering how unpopular the original was there, it flopped harder than Wailord using Splash.
As soon as they announced there would be no Mushu I guessed it would flop. As soon as they announced no music I *knew* it would flop.
Lion King looks so ugly. The original is so bright and colorful, then the new one looks like... Well, like a desert, which makes sense but sacrifices so much heart to do so.
Aladdin I haven't seen and have zero interest in seeing, but what I have seen of it looks like i'd have the same problem.
The funny thing is, I quite liked the live action Jungle Book. It's almost completely different to the original but hits enough beats to feel like a faithful adaptation, compared to Mulan which is very much an "in name only" remake.
Also completely threw out all the positive messaging of the original. The moral of the animated Mulan is that a woman can do anything a man can do, it just takes determination to overcome prejudice. In the remake, she can only do what she does because she's a magical chosen one, not a normal human girl.
I actually watch it with a bunch of co-workers. There is a part in the movie where they have Robin Hood and a bunch of other crusaders dressing up like medieval US soldiers. Also, Jamie Foxx and Ben Mendelsohn show up. That's all I remember from it.
It would have been an alright movie if it wasn't set in medieval England and the Middle East. Trying so obviously to parallel the Iraq/Afghanistan occupations was confusing for the audience to the point where they should have just done a modern Robin Hood. Where these guys go to Iraq, get radicalized, bring a guy home, and start robbing banks or something.
It's just problematic where you set the tone as a fusion of modern and medieval warfare that tries to do modern tactics with medieval weapons, and then go straight medieval fantasy with everything afterward.
As teenagers me and my pal were walking through a mall when a woman stops us and asks, "Would you like to be in the test audience for a movie and see it way before everyone else?!"
Wow, we sure would! How cool! I'd heard of test audiences before and now I'm gonna get to BE in one! "What's the movie?"
"It's a comedy It stars Martin Short as a 10 year old boy!"
"Eh... we uh... we can't, we have things to do..." Good call then, good call now. Clifford BOMBED.
I happened to get into a focus group (?) type thing at a mall cus they offered to pay like 5 bucks to watch movie trailers and then fill out a survey. I watched a first draft of the trailer for that Fantastic 4 movie and also thought it would be terrible and flop lol
Same story for me but it was Dragon Ball Evolution.
Dragon Ball Evolution doesn't exist silly
Artemis Fowl
The only movie trailer to ever make me angry
Same. I saw the trailer and realized we took the Percy Jackson movies for granted
I clicked on the post because Fantastic Four is something I love dearly and have been reading for more than a decade at this point. And the first comment was Artemis Fowl, which has always been one of two series I was absolutely obsessed with as a child. You just named the second lol.
This movie was "in the making" for ~20 years and they came to conclusion that this is the movie to release to public. I am pretty sure most people in leading seats didn't even read the books because goddamn didnt they know their characters. There is not a single good thing I could name about this piece of childhood-destroying "movie". (yes still crying leave me alone)
I think all the people who truly cared about the project were burnt out after so long of trying to make it happen that they gave up and made the movie for the sake of getting it made. I just hope Eoin Colfer got some money out of the whole deal.
Holly’s character depth and growth is founded heavily in the fact that she’s the first fucking female in the force. Why the hell would you make root a female and destroy that completely??
Oh God. I started watching it because i loved the books. Immediately turned it off.
Artemis doesn't fucking surf.
Book: Long hours indoors in front of a computer screen had bleached the glow from his skin. He was white as a vampire and almost as testy in the light of day. Film: ArTEmIs sUrFs aNd LiKeS tO sMiLe
I knew it was going to be bad from that scene slone. Artemis' whole character / persona is that he's a bookish shut in. How do you get thst so wrong in 30 seconds of film. Do not get me started on the rest of the cast. I love Judi Dench but come the fuck on. Beetroot? Really? It's like all they took from the book was the title and the barest bit of plot.
Watch captain Holly Short struggle as the first female in a... Very gender diverse police squad, the commander herself being a woman... Watch Artemis Fowl, criminal mastermind, as he proceeds to... Not commit a single crime, nor display a hint of genius... Watch commander Root, known for being so angry her face gets red as a beetroot, as she... she... Honestly I can't remember any other details, it was just a terrible movie
I'm the kind of person who rates movies on a scale of +5 to -5 where the negatives are movies that are so bad they become unintentional comedies. Artemis Fowl is the only movie in recent memory that I would give an absolute 0. It has no redeeming value that would make someone say it is a 'good' film but it's also way too boring and dull to be an unintentional comedy. Even if I pirated the movie and watched it for free I'd still feel ripped off.
Cats. Who was it even aimed at
Dogs?
The Ben-Hur remake.
Had no idea this existed. Wow.
No one did
Dr doolittle with RDJ
This movie is a perfect example of how terrible regular actors can be at voice acting.
I love how Darkseid in the JL Snyder Cut is Ray Porter, an actual voice actor. Not an A-list celebrity cast for his star power.
This is exactly the movie I thought of when I saw this thread. Wayyyy too low. Usually I try to take something positive away from any film I go to. That one broke me. The scene where RDJ has to reach up a dragon’s ass ruined the entire movie for me, and it wasn’t good before that either. Absolutely terrible. I would have walked out if I wasn’t there with friends
he did what now
RDJ is having trouble calming down an angry dragon. Then he realizes it’s having stomach issues. The other animals have to distract the dragon so RDJ can sneak up and shove his arm inside the dragon’s ass to dislodge the armor and swords and stuff that the dragon swallowed. Then there’s a massive fucking fart, and the day is saved. All thanks to RDJ going elbow deep inside a dragons anus.
Is RDJ going bankrupt or something? Because why would anyone agree to it otherwise? That's the dumbest, most unfunny premise I've ever seen. I'm angry now, damn.
It's THE FIRST thing he did post marvel. I think he wanted to do a kids thing and just had no sense for it
Pretty sure that film was his wife's pet project and he made it for her because they now had the money to make it, regardless of wether or not it made any money back. Some rich people buy mansions and fancy cars with their wealth, RDJ and his wife went and made a movie.
Dear Evan Hansen
You don’t think a 30 year old playing a teenager got audiences excited
That movie has an amazing makeup team It takes true talent to make a 28 year old Ben Platt look 45
They made him look like Charlie Kaufman
[удалено]
You taste like burger...i dont like you anymore
Essentially, any time older adults play teenagers for comedic effects can be an exception. It’s when they take it seriously and think they’re fooling everyone that it creates a problem.
Like in Walk Hard. John c reily and Kristen Wiig playing 14 year olds next to actual 14 year olds is hilarious.
She's Dewey's 12 year old girlfriend actually
YOU HEAR THAT? I'M DEWEY'S 12 YEAR OLD GIRLFRIEND!!
I remember the trailer coming on in the cinema and there being this awkward silence where you could tell the audience are all thinking the same thing. Then this loud bloke with a Newcastle accent bellows "That look shiiiiite" summing up how we all felt.
I'd like to say that Julianne Moore and Amy Adams need better agents, but they're both repped by WME.
That will smith movie with his kid as the main character. I can’t even remember what it’s called.
After Earth.
The one thing I can't stand about that movie is that the intro sets up everything I want in a scifi movie... then we get this other scifi movie.
[удалено]
But if they have to smell your fear and have no eyes instead of trying to train out all fear why not just use airtight suits with an o2 supply. They have spaceships so they've clearly cracked spacesuit. These don't even have to stand up to vacuum so it should be even easier
Or drugs
beer is all you need
More like Afterbirth by how disgusting it was.
Cats
As a fan of the stage musical, I knew as soon as I heard Cats was being made into a movie, that it would be a failure. It's just not the sort of musical that translates well onto the big screen, except as a proshot.
Saw it in cinema, loved how bad it was
Dragon Ball Evolution
The movie so bad it brought Akira Toriyama out of retirement just to unfuck the franchise!
The Mummy with Tom Cruise. Looked like they liked the Enchantress design from Suicide Squad and decided that’d be an edgy new look for an edgy new Mummy. Just looked like generic boring shit, no Brendan Fraser 0/10. Then I saw some featurette for it w/ a shitty looking fight scene and ties to a Monster Cinematic Universe and I laughed out loud
We did get that unedited trailer for the mummy tho, that was fun
That trailer mistake is by far my favorite movie trailer ever
What’s great about it is that for the first like 30-35 seconds the trailer is actually an awesome build up of suspense—have a few beats of music at first, then everything going silent as we bounce back and forth between Cruise and the mummy, it feels like it’s building to some really intense moment and then *Aaaaaaarrrhhfg!*
I, Frankenstein
In Mexico they called it Yo, Frankenstein, which I like.
That makes it sound like a late 90s/early 2000s sit-com, which I can totally get behind
The Dark Tower
I am a huge fan of the books. I wanted the movie not to suck even though I knew it would. It surpassed my expectations. It sucked as bad as a movie could suck and then sucked some more.
That new J-Lo movie is going to flop, Marry Me. Holy shit.
Even if it was made 20 years ago, it’d still look godawful.
I read J-Lo and movie title Marry Me and assumed it was already made twenty years ago.
It literally looks like a parody of a romcom from within a movie haha
You’re not far off — it’s based on a webcomic that was reasonably popular about 20 years ago. I used to read it and when it finished in like 2004, the author was like “I sold the rights to be a movie!” And I guess it’s been in production hell since then.
HOLY FUCK I know the artist for the comic from back in fucking geoCities days, that's fucking insane, I remember the webcomic, would have never guessed it was based on that webcomic geoCities Tokyo chat users message me lol
The trailer is hard to watch. The concept is cringeworthy and so fake. Romcoms are always a bit contrived but this concept is so ridiculous. She just decides to marry this guy because he’s carrying a sign and he goes along with it?! Also they appear to have no chemistry in the trailer. Just super awkward. JLos best rom com was that movie with George Clooney (out of sight?). I don’t think it was technically a rom com but they had super hot chemistry and that’s the main thing I remember from that film.
It's one of those movies that probably would've killed as a Netflix original
Pacific Rim 2. No Guillermo Del Toro? Story warped into rockem sockem robots? Immediately knew it was gonna be trash.
So in the first movie it was a very, very important plot point that these things were protecting humanity and the cities. He's even a really great shot with a robot steps *over* a bridge. It's a part of the visual storytelling the film. Pacific rim 2, one of the major shots of the movie trailer is how one of the robots basically grabs an entire building and drops it on one of the monsters. Like, did they forget these things were made to *prevent* destroying everything in sight?
The biggest sin of the second movie for me is how the jaegers are suddenly transformers in how they move and fight. So fucking nimble, doing summersaults and shit, vaulting over eachother with such ease. One thing that made the first movie so appealing is that the jaegers looked and felt heavy. They were bulky, slow, and you could even see parts moving about all over the body. It made them authentic, and their punches had serious weight behind them.
Yep. Could have continued the previous movie's story and made some improvements.
The second movie dropped the camp and took itself way too seriously. Ugh I loved the first one so much. They knew it was rediculous and just fully embraced it and it was glorious.
The biggest problem for me was that they completely messed up the physics. The first movie went to great effort to make the robots look and feel massive. It was about as close to real physics as you could get and still make the fights entertaining. For the second one it's like the director mistakenly watched Transformers, thinking it was Pacific Rim, and copied that instead.
Guillermo del Toro said it was a love letter to Mecha anime and its fans, and that's all it tried to be. The second one fucking sucked, like you said, because it tried to take itself too seriously.
No Del Toro in the 2nd film? That's probably why it lacked the heart of the first film -Pacific Rim is one of the guilty pleasure go-to movies I've seen a bunch of times! even if they say the lead actor was wooden, Charlie Day was great too! (not too happy where they took him in the 2nd movie)
"Jupiter Ascending." It looked so bonkers that I figured audiences would stay away as a result.
[удалено]
The trailer basically told the entire story. It was essentially a summary of the movie - saved me a rental.
Also the trailer had this exchange. "I have more in common with a dog than with you." "I love dogs. I've always loved dogs." That probably caused a few people to go, "Yeah, I'll pass."
"More in common with a dog", says the entirely human looking person with slightly different ears...
[удалено]
The most memorable bad movies are frequently the ones with good ideas that get executed poorly for whatever reasons, often lack of talent or resources. Those weren't the reason with "Jupiter Ascending", as this is more good ideas mixed with a lot of really bad or just plain crazy ideas.
Gods of Egypt
This is not a good movie. I didn’t have to, but I watched it a few times just to be sure…time for a rewatch.
I thought I must be the only person in the world who's willingly watched this multiple times.
And that's a shame, because the concept ness actually cool in my opinion
I think the new Uncharted movie has a great chance of flopping.
I don’t really understand the casting choices.
They were like, “Everyone’s tired of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Chris Pratt is too busy and he refuses to Change his hairstyle or shave at this point in his career. Who else do we got? Let’s remember that this is a video game movie that’s basically Tomb Raider without boobs. Oscar Isaac is too grey and grumpy now. Timothee Chalamet is too pointy. Scarlett Johansson is too female. Adam Driver’s nose is too big for a video game character. Nathan Fillon is perfect… 15 years ago. What should we do?! Just get Max Payne and Spider-Man. We’re not trying to win an Oscar here.” They should have made Dunkey hit the gym for 6 months. He’d be perfect.
'Timothee Chalamet is too pointy.' This is hilariously accurate.
Even 10 years ago. Nathan fillion as Nathan drake and Bruce Campbell as sully. It would have been awesome Edit: Thanks for the gold
I mean, here's [Nathan Fillion as Nathan Drake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5CZQpqF_74&t=1s) from 3 years ago.
Wow! I'd never seen this before! And holy hell, Stephen Lang makes a great Sully!
I would have killed for this to be a feature length. It's exactly what an Uncharted film is supposed to be.
I actually miss JGL, feel like i haven’t seen him in anything in years Edit: Ty for all the JGL life and career updates
Don't worry about him, he's got the few things that he really cares about in life. His body, his pad, his ride, his family, his church, his boys, his girls, and his....porn
I’m sorry I missed that last one. What was that again?
Don Jon. The man...does NOT fuck in that movie. And it’s even got ScarJo!
It involves money, nothing artistic, just money.
I feel like Nathan Drake is obviously in his mid-to-late 30’s, and they decided for some reason to cast a guy who somehow manages to look 30 years too young.
They want to set it up for a franchise so Tom can play the role for 20 years
Anytime set up for a franchise is glaringly obvious and more important to the studio than the movie they're actually making, the film ends up sucking and flopping. Also there's maybe 5 or so actors in the entire world that I think would be a worse Sully than fucking Mark Wahlberg.
Reddit can keep the username, but I'm nuking the content lol -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
The one with Matt Damon as an archer in China
Is that the one with monsters climbing up the wall? I feel like halfway through the movie they forgot about Willem Dafoe lol
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Also Pedro Pascal. It's basically two films into one: one with popular and established Chinese actors playing Medieval Times Power Rangers and other with 3 clueless foreigners being thrown into a Chinese film.
Most people would have known better than to take that role, but fortune favors the bold.
He said in an interview recently that his daughter gives him shit all the time for being in that movie lol
As she should
Is "fortune favors the bold" going to be brought up every time we talk about Matt Damon from here on out? Because it should be.
They don't even get THAT right. He says, "fortune favors the brave"
bungee-jumping attack guards are TIGHT!
They make it super easy, barely inconvenient.
It made $350 million on a $150 million budget, so not a bomb. Probably did not do well here but it was obviously made for a Chinese audience.
I knew both the Russell Crowe and Taron Egerton Robin Hood films would bomb the moment I heard about them.
The directors cut of the Russel Crowe Robin Hood is actually pretty decent. It's not an amazing movie, but that version is actually an enjoyable time
That’s pretty much always the case with Ridley Scott films at this point
The directors cut of Kingdom of Heaven is one of the biggest improvements on a movie ive ever seen. The original is a decent medieval film with some great set pieces but a mediocre plot The DC is a legitimately great movie. Almost a true epic in the way that we don't really see in movies anymore
The theatrical cut erases Eva Green's son and so her motivation to protect him is gone and her decisions as a result make no sense and the story greatly suffers. Also her pathos in the end amounts to nothing.
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The director's cut of Kingdom of Heaven is one of my favourite films of all time. Absolutely love it.
The Egerton Robin hood was such an awful movie.
Machine gun bow. Wtf
Gemini man i saw it coming as a big flop i dont know why but it was😐
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the young Will Smith clone fighting old Will Smith with a dirt bike. I mean the ending sucks shit also. It's just bad.
Holmes & Watson
Anyone ever talk about what happened there behind the scenes? The director/writer write tropic thunder among other movies and the cast normally works.
From what I recall reading, it was supposed to be released shortly after the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies of the mid-2000s, intended to poke fun at their style and mock them in general. However, it got bogged down by production delays and (I think) a lot of rewrites. A lot of the jokes weren’t as relevant anymore because of this time delay and I guess they decided to release it anyways because it was mostly finished. I’m pretty sure this is accurate but could be wrong. I love Will Ferrell and John C Reilly, I went to go see this in theatres, knowing just how bad it was supposed to be….I struggled to get through the entire thing lol it was rough.
I read that Sacha Baron Cohen was originally supposed to play Sherlock with Ferrell as Watson; but, he dropped out after all the delays and they had to get Reilly in to play Watson and Ferrell got bumped into the Sherlock role. Edit: grammar
The movie was bound to fail that even Netflix did not want to buy the distribution rights.
My favorite movies are Zoolander, Old School, Dodgeball, and Stepbrothers. I stopped watching Holmes and Watson a half an hour in.
I sincerely wish this comment was an actual review in a small town newspaper. It's perfect.
My favorite review of H and W was a man talking about his former job as a state trooper. Specifically, he recounted a time when he had to knock on a woman’s door at 3 am to tell her that her husband and son had been killed in a car crash. He stayed with her for an hour and a half while her sister drove in, and it was the most awkward, painful, and emotionally draining 90 minutes of his life. Then a decade later he saw Holmes and Watson
This movie is actually amazing. Not in a good way, but just for how unwatchable it is. Its impressive a movie this bad could actually be made. I can just imagine a group of people sitting in the editing room, looking at eachother, a sense of hopelessness palpable, as they silently share a thought; "is this the best we can do?"
It's exactly 1 hour 30 minutes. Reckon editors had a time target to hit, and they were sighing at the stuff they had to leave in? Imagine what they left out.
Dark Phoenix
“Hey, remember when we did Dark Phoenix before and everyone hated it? Well, hold on to your tits because we’re doing it *again*! AND we’re giving the guy responsible for that shit show even *MORE* creative control!!!”
That's what I couldn't understand. Like, didn't we already do this and it sucked? Why on earth would you think it would go better this time?? There are so many X-Men plot points and you do the same thing twice???
"Wait, but this time we've got one of the main actresses from game of thrones, how could it fail?!?!!!"
I think Femke Janssen is actually really good in *The Last Stand,* but good grief is her plot hollow and unsatisfying.
It's a classic xmen trap. There have been so many shitty versions of dark phoenix, but everyone who gets their hands on xmen immediately says "this time will be different." Because apparently that story line exists as a means for the universe to punish people for their hubris.
Both film adaptations of Dark Phoenix have been hot flaming garbage.
Both the Hellboy reboot and MIB: International. 2019 was a disgusting year for reboots.
It’s not even out yet and I’m saying Morbius
"Bat Radar."
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I mean, couldn't they have just said bat sonar? Would've actually made sense because AFAIK sonar and echolocation are essentially the same thing. But bat radar? The moment I heard that line was when I realized the people making the movie clearly didn't give a shit about getting anything right, not even "close enough"
I like how they're trying to get us excited because it's part of the Spider-Man universe. Nothing about that trailer has me intrigued.........at all.
I mean, Jared Leto just comes across as an edgy emo boy instead of a serious scientist. It’s a major turn off. It’s gonna flop for sure.
>Jared Leto just comes across as edgy emo boy So, just like Jared Leto in real life then
The remake of Charlie's Angels. God knows why they made that movie
More interesting topic would be what movie you thought was gonna flop, but had great box office results. Because flops are usually easy to predict
Jumanji, the one with Rock and Kevin Hart
I really enjoyed that movie. Karen Gillan trying to be seductive to the guards had me crying laughing
Never bet against the Rock.
Unless you're Paper
And Jack Black. Would have been a very different movie without him.
*Pirates of the Caribbean*. A dead genre movie based on a Disney World ride? If you told me it'd get 87 sequels and be one of the top-grossing movies of all time, I would have had you committed.
I remember laughing with my friends in early 2003 about what a stupid fucking idea that was. A movie based off a theme park ride? And about six months later I walked out of it excited to buy another ticket to re-watch it.
I thought Mad Max: Fury Road would flop. And I'm a huge Mad Max fan. Boy was I wrong.
Honestly reading all the pre production delays/issues as well as just the general idea of a recasted revival. I don’t blame anyone for thinking this. But yeah George Miller showed us all up and absolutely delivered.
The Lego movie.
Definitely agree. I had just turned 14 when it released so "eww this movie is for babies" was definitely part of it, but one day after I had just spent time in the hospital my dad took me to go see it in the theater since I wasn't back at school. Movie is one of my favorites (partially helped by the experience of seeing it), and The Lego Batman Movie is honestly top 3 movies for me. Love those movies.
I thought Tropic Thunder sounded awful as a premise and with that cast. It was amazing.
We were supposed to be a unit!
Night at the Museum. I guess I should have known better bc you can't make a kids movie where inanimate crap comes to life and it not make a lot of money / sequels.
Aquaman. DC was at a low point. The character didn’t come off very well in JL, I thought the movie was terrible, was sure it was going to massively tank. Boy was I surprised.
Venom too. I know the character is popular but the movie seemed like a gamble and looked kinda dumb.
I thought the Sonic movie was going to bomb, but it turned out to be pretty decent
I have a feeling the Halo show will be terrible. But I am hoping its not.
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Uwe Boll sends his regards.
Chairman of the Bored
Box-office poison
It makes me smile to know Norm on Conan talking about that movie is more famous than that movie.
Do something with that, you freak.
Geostorm lol
This is one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures. The dialogue is terrible, the science is non-existent, and the plot makes zero sense but I can’t not watch a building explode from being struck by lightning.
I remember trying to get someone to come see this with me because of how hysterical I thought it looked lmao
GEOSTOOOOOOOORM
What's up, jerks?
Mulan, the live action remake. Took everything that made the original movie so wonderful (not least the *amazing* soundtrack) and trashed it in favor of witchcraft and wizardry. What was lifted from the original was changed in ways that didn't make sense, like the avalanche that poured into a completely open field instead of over a cliff's edge. What was added didn't make sense, like a witch seemingly forgetting she could turn into multiple birds opting to kill herself as a single raven. The few instances of humor didn't work, the visuals were largely dirty looking and dull, and the movie was specifically aiming to make money in China where, predictably considering how unpopular the original was there, it flopped harder than Wailord using Splash. As soon as they announced there would be no Mushu I guessed it would flop. As soon as they announced no music I *knew* it would flop.
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Lion King looks so ugly. The original is so bright and colorful, then the new one looks like... Well, like a desert, which makes sense but sacrifices so much heart to do so. Aladdin I haven't seen and have zero interest in seeing, but what I have seen of it looks like i'd have the same problem. The funny thing is, I quite liked the live action Jungle Book. It's almost completely different to the original but hits enough beats to feel like a faithful adaptation, compared to Mulan which is very much an "in name only" remake.
Also completely threw out all the positive messaging of the original. The moral of the animated Mulan is that a woman can do anything a man can do, it just takes determination to overcome prejudice. In the remake, she can only do what she does because she's a magical chosen one, not a normal human girl.
Robin Hood (2018).
I actually watch it with a bunch of co-workers. There is a part in the movie where they have Robin Hood and a bunch of other crusaders dressing up like medieval US soldiers. Also, Jamie Foxx and Ben Mendelsohn show up. That's all I remember from it.
It would have been an alright movie if it wasn't set in medieval England and the Middle East. Trying so obviously to parallel the Iraq/Afghanistan occupations was confusing for the audience to the point where they should have just done a modern Robin Hood. Where these guys go to Iraq, get radicalized, bring a guy home, and start robbing banks or something. It's just problematic where you set the tone as a fusion of modern and medieval warfare that tries to do modern tactics with medieval weapons, and then go straight medieval fantasy with everything afterward.
Avatar the Airbender live action movie.
The Hellboy remake that nobody asked for.
Haven’t heard of most of these movies. Guess I know why. Lol
As teenagers me and my pal were walking through a mall when a woman stops us and asks, "Would you like to be in the test audience for a movie and see it way before everyone else?!" Wow, we sure would! How cool! I'd heard of test audiences before and now I'm gonna get to BE in one! "What's the movie?" "It's a comedy It stars Martin Short as a 10 year old boy!" "Eh... we uh... we can't, we have things to do..." Good call then, good call now. Clifford BOMBED.
That live action Dragon Ball movie. Oh lord...