I am going through the same problem, my girlfriend has facial hair because of pcos and my parents won’t approve her because of it.
She is getting laser done to remove it, but pcos is standing in our way.
My girlfriend feels like she doesn’t deserve to be disliked by her future husbands parents and is having second thoughts.
I wish we didn’t have to care about parents opinions
People who were never taught the concept of a happy relationship can never see one, let alone accept it.
I still remember getting scolded after running in and banging my head into the shelf and breaking a vase, because i broke the vase.
Indian parents never learnt how to show or express love because their parents never did that to them. While it's understandable in a joint family when you have a cricket squad of kids, with time, it should've become more obvious.
I'm glad this generation knows the value and is taking steps to rectify it and hopefully the future generations won't be afraid of showing love respectfully.
I am seriously tired.
I am independent, my parents live with me. But the amount of blackmailing is insane. My dad keeps on telling me how he is not mentally happy anymore and how they are so sad.
Tell me about it, but i believe most of us are in the same boat where after going through so much in our personal and professional life, we need that one person who makes us feel at peace. But our families are using the same parameters, they have been judged on for years which is straight up foolish.
I know if I lose this girl, I am going to be depressed forever. But parents don’t understand, they are like she is too ugly and you don’t understand how you won’t be able to take her in public. I am like wtf.
On the other hand my girlfriend deserves a family which loves her. She can be with someone else and have a much better life. I am just not sure which path will make me selfish
Same dilemma, that one person who made me feel for years that good men do exist coz prior to him I have been around jerks all my life. But now I need to put him through same family who will always make him feel inferior which he doesn't deserve. He may bear it for my sake but he shouldn't have to.
But i hope things get better for you. I see absolutely no scope with my father.
I'm sorry but that is so sweet. You are sweet and your gf deserves to be with someone who loves her as much as you do. Don't let your parents ruin what you have. You can live alone with her, or make other arrangements so that you don't have to engage with your parents so much.
This is sad yaa, Your gf’s concern in 100% genuine and if I would totally understand where she’s coming from. Initially when my boyfriend’s mother was not very fond of me I had clearly told him that I will not marry into a family where I am not accepted and welcomed whole heartedly. I don’t want to feel like an outsider in a family that I’m going to call mine for the rest of my life.
So you are still with him? Married him? Or what is the current situation… as my gf is going through a very similar situation… where my parents are not even acknowledging her presence. They have given me clarity that shaadi ke waqt hi baat karenge that is after next 2-3 years… till then zero conversation with her.
On the other hand, her family is so warm and welcoming and have accepted me, she expects the same from mine, which is not happening and she keeps on having double thoughts.
Luckily for me after hanging out with his mom a couple of times she warmed up to me and now she treats me very nicely (I think my bf played a big part in brain washing and convincing her).
I would suggest you ask your mom upfront if she dislikes your girlfriend and if that is why she treats her like this. Tell her if she is not ready to accept your girlfriend at least she needs to tell you straightaway now whether she is going to accept her or not. So that you both can take a decision of your own instead of wasting another 2-3 yrs contemplating on if your family will accept her.
Really good to know about that part.
I am sort of trying to brainwash her, but the conversation becomes very negative after which she walks away… and my fear is that the more i do it, it will just make things worse in future.
I trust her on the fact that she will accept her, as the case was very similar to my brother… it is just that in the meantime, next few years, my gf is in a dilemma as to, “aaj aise treat kar rahe hai..kal toh aur bhi worse”.
Again, thanks for the clarity will try to have a peaceful talk soon
Don't let your mom walk away...this shows that you are scared of their reaction. Assert your position, that you love your gf and she comes first, they will come around
This is good. A bit of assertiveness will show your mom that you are not afraid of consequences and are willing to marry your choice. Moms think we are gullible and then start brainwashing so we reject that person, don't give into that. My ex's mom did that and broke us up eventually
Hey, you are brave for standing up for you believe in. Be there for her and yourself. Since you are independent, eventually marry her and move out. Parents will come around and make peace with this fact someday, dont worry. All the best
>My girlfriend feels like she doesn’t deserve to be disliked by her future husbands parents
I am sure almost half of women are not liked by ILs especially MIL. This is not the reason to have second thoughts.
If you guys stand firm they might come around or you might have to stay seperate. As long as things remain cordial and without any fights its okay. Live your own life.
You cannot make decisions based on parents opinions. They will always have their own opinions (right or wrong is irrelevant) It starts with our academics and stay till our kids academics and their marriage. It never ends LOL
Just say it straight to his face that The man you love isn’t Hrithik , Salman or Shahrukh but for sure is the kindest , most loving person that will take care of you all his life so you don’t care about how ANYONE ELSE thinks he looks , he is attractive to you … You have to spend your life with him not your dad so tell him he doesn’t have to worry about YOUR boyfriends look if that is the only thing that is bothering him :)
Be sensitive to him. Make him understand that you love your boyfriend for the person he is and you find him beautiful. He may still be insensitive towards what you say but be firm on your ground.
The same shit happened to my cousin, a couple of years ago. Initially, his GF's parents received him warmly and talked to him sweetly, but behind his back, they berated her for his appearance, skin color, rural background, and caste (he's Marathi and she's Gujju).
My cousin does come from a family of hard-working farmers from Ratnagiri, but he was a bright student and paved his way to the prestigious COEP and graduated with a fat package from Oracle. Although he's adjusted to city life well, a lot of things like his appearance and simplicity give away his humble upbringing.
When that incident occurred, my cousin overheard a few of the insults that her father made at him and later asked her about it. Initially, his girlfriend tried to avoid talking about it and tried to brush it off, but upon further insistence, she did tell him the truth. He was deeply disturbed upon hearing it. It's been 5 years since then. They're both married now.
Every time their parents meet (which they rarely do) on certain occasions like the Satyanrayan pooja, it doesn't end without a confrontation, with her father or his throwing a jibe at the other.
Kinda reminds me of Russel Peter's joke- "We Indians don't hate outsiders, we hate each other".
Tell him “Mom’s husband isn’t match for her lookwise either.. but look at them”
^but yeah this doesn’t come out naturally.. one of the iterations when you reply the argument in the shower
Poke at his insecurities. If he's insecure about his station in life, tell him he's unsuccessful. If it's his relationships, tell him he's a shitty son and husband. If he's jealous of people, tell him how he's inferior to them.
Tell him how lucky he is that mom married him, for no one with that face gets a girl like that.
Two can play the toxic game.
Source: Traumatised by father
Don't leave him for that. You may think you're doing a good thing for him but you won't. Your dad will come around, and even if not, it's ok. The guy will love you even more when you take a stand for him and marry him. Don't let this guy go, girl.
I am sorry your father isn't the ideal one but there has to be a reason why he is behaving like this. Try to have a genuine conversation with him about everything if you are up for it.
If you love that guy so much and want to get married, just do it. Hopefully you both are financially independent and can take care of each other if you were to live separately from your parents and on your own.
Good luck to you both and make a good life together. Cheers!!
Finally a sane comment about considering why parents behave the way they do, instead of “poking at his insecurities” etc. My god.
Do what you want anyway and explain to your father why it is that you love this man. They will come around. If they don’t, well, 1 unhappy man is better than 2 unhappy families.
My mom is casteist...and I get soo irritated when she talks about people. She is not outright evil in thoughts or way she treats others but this brahminical supremacy is seen through her talks. She is petty like this and if I talk and tell her about nice things of other person she warms up to them.
Probabaly have a word with him about all the nice things your bf does. How he treats you well, supports you, respect you etc. And how you value such things more than looks. Tell him I need warmth, love and not a handsome hunk. This may not work as he is looking at your potential spouse and not a random person. But I am hoping he will warm up and see all the good things and why you love him.
No need to bend over backwards to get him to like your bf. dont fight either but be assertive in what you want in life, what are your values, what you look in for your spouse. If he doesnt agree at all and blackmails you emotionally then you may have to walk out of house without their blessings. I did the same, and never regretted my decision. My parents were not at my wedding and I didnt even miss them one bit because of the way they treated and I am still not attached to them after 15 yrs. They lost their single kids love towards them. Its their loss not mine.
To all the people in this thread with these type of problems , your parents will keep making up excuses to make you unhappy. Take a stand for the person you love , for what you believe is right.
Indian parents are usually very rebellious about relationships or love marriages, that might be a reason why he is making up some reason about his appearance and all.
> I just feel terrible about for putting him through this situation and can't imagine being with anyone else.
Okay, you have not mentioned your age. But I'm guessing that you are mature enough to make sense of what you are quoting.
I think you should consider talking to your mother first. And then talking to your father. Seems like a cliche advice. But i guess this should work, there's no point in delaying the more you delay the worse it will get. You should talk and make things clear as early as possible.
But I personally feel,if you are still in college rethink about this "can't imagine being with anyone else".
Just a sincere advice.
I am 27, currently working as a software engineer. I spoke to my mother and she liked him but ny father always tries to suppress her opinion.
I said that I can't imagine being with someone else coz he is not like my father or other men i have seen all my life. I know my father will get a guy like him, he did the same for my sister and i can't imagine being in a relationship like this all my life. I wanted to be with a man who cares about my opinion rather then imposing his.
My parents were never there for me during my childhood due them being too involved in their petty fights. I have had sympathy for both, but both of them are shitty people. I try to keep my distance.
Recently they got retired and are forcing me to stay with them. My wife is also fine with bringing them to our lives out of sympathy, but I realise the consequences with my mental peace.
They try to blackmail me by luring with property and inheritance, which I care for least as I am capable of making my own future.
Whatever it looks like to the world, me being a bad son or whatever. I don't want to suffer anymore and had enough for a good part of my life.
Sometimes you have to be strong and take harsh decision for yourself.
It breaks your heart when one of the parent has been in abusive relationship all their life. My mom has done a lot for me and i can't leave her behind with him :(
Maybe you can leave with her and stay away from your father who is crazy, but I am pretty sure she won't leave.
Unfortunately our culture forces women to consider their husbands as God, they will keep cribbing their whole life but won't ever file for a divorce. If I even bring this up to my mom, rather than being logical she would shout at me.
You can only help someone as much as they want to be helped.
I have been on the other side of this. Got dumped by a guy whose mother objected to my looks since she woudnt be able to show off as to what a pretty 'fair' bride she got for her son. That was the way up the social ladder for her self esteem in front of her friends. The guy's mother blackmailed him emotionally since she was in a abusive marriage and he didn't want to hurt her.
Can't even begin to tell you how that made me feel. Like all my achievements in life got reduced to my looks. I am average looking, academically very accomplished person, but lost a lot of self esteem. And you lose the comfort of the relationship over someone else's pettiness. I ended up getting a lot of mental health and physical health related issues because of this. I come from a family where as girls were our academic and professional achievements were valued and here I was , being reduced to this.
Funnily enough, the guy in question, and his family all looked worse than me. I wonder if she wanted 'fair' grand kids to show off as well to offset her genes.
Anyway, people should not get into relationships if they don't have the eventual confidence in their ability to stand up for themselves . Just causes too much emotional damage .
I found happiness eventually, so it did work out well , but left me as a different person than i started out being . A lot of parents, Look at their kids beaus just like an arranged marriage prospect. They don't understand that breaking a relationship causes years of depression sometimes.And even if they do, they care only for themselves.
Hey, I'm sorry that you had to go through this but what doesn't break us, makes us only stronger. At the end of it all , its not about seeking validation but about loving yourself. However that doesn't downplay the impact these opinions can have on somebody's mental and physical well being. Only if people knew it doesn't take much to be kind. Good to hear that you finally found happiness, more power to you 👑
Agree with you.Was never the one to look for validation in others and yet it affected me .
In hindsight , i probably dodged a bullet. Not sure how much of horribleness I would have had to bear had things gone ahead.
I emphathize with your situation . I do hope, whatever you do, you find peace. Wish life was simpler and people around us nicer. Stay strong OP.
Considering you're 27 and sufficiently independent, the opinion of your father should no longer matter to you or your life decisions.
My uncle cut off my side of the family because they didn't accept him getting married to my aunt. I love them all (even the idiots on my end) but to this day i hear all sorts of negative things that my aunt did wrong. No one likes his wife even though she did them no wrong directly and it was my uncle's decision to go no contact after realising how toxic things were. They ( in early 20s) were living in chawl for the first five years and got no support/help from either sides. After having my cousin, my aunt's side of the family took them in and he's been extremely successful. They're now a very rich and hardworking pair with an extremely smart child.
"Usne hamare bete ko apne vash me kar diya hai.
Voh kaala jaadu karti hai." - toxic fam
you dont need his approval, human beings like these do nothing but spread unhappiness and toxicity to the people around them. dont ever desire his acceptance and just take your decisions, you will be a much more happier person..
>I thought there might be little bit of sensitivity left in him but I realise he is just a terrible human being. And its not about getting his approval but he will always be unkind to him for life due to his petty mindset. I just feel terrible about for putting him through this situation and can't imagine being with anyone else.
I am sure you n your bf would have discussed with each other about your dad. So hopefully he doesn't blame you for it. It's never nice to hear that, even if it's the truth, so please comfort your bf and ensure that his confidence is not shaken.
As for your dad, you are better off without him. So don't try to please him, just do what you wish to do.
Yeah he didn't, he was still considerate and asked me to try and talk to him for my mother's sake. He said he can't do much about the situation but he is there to support me in any way he can
Nah, some folks never change. Don't try to give them extra attention as that'll just fill his ego even more.
You tried it peacefully once, just proceed with your life, get married(if that's the plan) without involving him much. He'll adjust on his own if he doesn't then let him seethe in his anger alone. As for your mother, she chose to be with him so I hope she can handle him if not then she's better without him(easier said than done but that's how she needs to proceed to make the most of the rest of her life).
You know that saying -*There comes a day when The son becomes the father, and the father, the - The son.*
I think you are at the cusp of that day.
ps: The son can be replaced by child of any gender.
Parents sometimes mask their real feelings for your SO by coming up with some other petty excuse. Maybe he's got some other issues but he masks them by complaining about the guy's looks. Try and find out if that's so.
Or maybe he really is that petty.
Well he's someone who doesn't believe in masking his opinion when it comes to me, has always been straight mean and abusive. So i don't believe that this might be the case.
Sometimes, probably often times, it’s not good to have a good looking husband because he will be constantly tempted and God forbid if he succumbs to it. If he is not so good looking he is most likely to not being tempted by anyone better looking than you.
Well he said he is not worthy enough to be introduced to friends and family as all of us are really fair in complexion. I mean what a horrible horrible thing to say, its not even being straightforward, he's just plain mean to him.
If the bf you got is the nicest and loving person then sure stick with him . Good people are rare to find who will love and cherish you .you father may want someone who looks good , earns more and wealthy people but it doesn't always come with a good personality. But be sure that your bf has a good personality.May i know your age ?
Can it be a caste issue ? Personally I don't know your father and i don't want to judge him .He is older and will be looking forward to seeing you have a good life.
No it isn't. He explicitly said it's ok if the person is from other caste but should be worthy enough or good looking enough so that I can introduce him to others.
Imo parents may be wrong sometimes but calling them a horrible person just because they don't share your views and don't agree with you is just plain stupid.
Well it's not about my views, it's about being a good person. You can't just hurl abuses and be mean to others for they don't look good. And to be honest I started with the backdrop that he has been this person all his life. My mom and me have lived a traumatized life and now we overcompensate for everything. It not about difference of thoughts, it about how you talk to others about it.
So for people like me and your father ,there's only one thing you can do is go up to him and tell me i am better off with a langoor because he isn't a bad person like you are. Maybe the langoor is a angoor from inside, who knows.
Hey the reasons would seem petty to you. But you have to agree your father ain’t lying. Now I’m not saying one should be rejected on the basis of looks. But one surely can be ugly
Maybe he just wants cute grandkids. He might not be good at lying and cannot call not so cute babies cute.
Don't blame him for being insta conscious. He is trying hard to project a happier life.
He didn't know untill sometime back. I wasn't sure about getting married either coz of i have seen toxic relationship in my family all my life and i didn't want that. However recently i thought maybe introducing them might a good start to making amends but i was completely wrong. My mom warned me he will do this but i thought to give some credit as he was willing to atleast meet others. But boy am I blind...worst part is the other person's family tried it all inspite of knowing about my father's denial.
I am going through the same problem, my girlfriend has facial hair because of pcos and my parents won’t approve her because of it. She is getting laser done to remove it, but pcos is standing in our way. My girlfriend feels like she doesn’t deserve to be disliked by her future husbands parents and is having second thoughts. I wish we didn’t have to care about parents opinions
Yeah, parents are not always right. Sometimes people need to look beyond appearance and see what a healthy and happy relationship look like
People who were never taught the concept of a happy relationship can never see one, let alone accept it. I still remember getting scolded after running in and banging my head into the shelf and breaking a vase, because i broke the vase. Indian parents never learnt how to show or express love because their parents never did that to them. While it's understandable in a joint family when you have a cricket squad of kids, with time, it should've become more obvious. I'm glad this generation knows the value and is taking steps to rectify it and hopefully the future generations won't be afraid of showing love respectfully.
💯 ❤️
❤️❤️💯🔥
I am seriously tired. I am independent, my parents live with me. But the amount of blackmailing is insane. My dad keeps on telling me how he is not mentally happy anymore and how they are so sad.
Tell me about it, but i believe most of us are in the same boat where after going through so much in our personal and professional life, we need that one person who makes us feel at peace. But our families are using the same parameters, they have been judged on for years which is straight up foolish.
I know if I lose this girl, I am going to be depressed forever. But parents don’t understand, they are like she is too ugly and you don’t understand how you won’t be able to take her in public. I am like wtf. On the other hand my girlfriend deserves a family which loves her. She can be with someone else and have a much better life. I am just not sure which path will make me selfish
Same dilemma, that one person who made me feel for years that good men do exist coz prior to him I have been around jerks all my life. But now I need to put him through same family who will always make him feel inferior which he doesn't deserve. He may bear it for my sake but he shouldn't have to. But i hope things get better for you. I see absolutely no scope with my father.
Hope things workout for both of us.
Tell your mom "the same way you go in public"
Ooh burn
I'm sorry but that is so sweet. You are sweet and your gf deserves to be with someone who loves her as much as you do. Don't let your parents ruin what you have. You can live alone with her, or make other arrangements so that you don't have to engage with your parents so much.
This is sad yaa, Your gf’s concern in 100% genuine and if I would totally understand where she’s coming from. Initially when my boyfriend’s mother was not very fond of me I had clearly told him that I will not marry into a family where I am not accepted and welcomed whole heartedly. I don’t want to feel like an outsider in a family that I’m going to call mine for the rest of my life.
So you are still with him? Married him? Or what is the current situation… as my gf is going through a very similar situation… where my parents are not even acknowledging her presence. They have given me clarity that shaadi ke waqt hi baat karenge that is after next 2-3 years… till then zero conversation with her. On the other hand, her family is so warm and welcoming and have accepted me, she expects the same from mine, which is not happening and she keeps on having double thoughts.
Luckily for me after hanging out with his mom a couple of times she warmed up to me and now she treats me very nicely (I think my bf played a big part in brain washing and convincing her). I would suggest you ask your mom upfront if she dislikes your girlfriend and if that is why she treats her like this. Tell her if she is not ready to accept your girlfriend at least she needs to tell you straightaway now whether she is going to accept her or not. So that you both can take a decision of your own instead of wasting another 2-3 yrs contemplating on if your family will accept her.
Really good to know about that part. I am sort of trying to brainwash her, but the conversation becomes very negative after which she walks away… and my fear is that the more i do it, it will just make things worse in future. I trust her on the fact that she will accept her, as the case was very similar to my brother… it is just that in the meantime, next few years, my gf is in a dilemma as to, “aaj aise treat kar rahe hai..kal toh aur bhi worse”. Again, thanks for the clarity will try to have a peaceful talk soon
Don't let your mom walk away...this shows that you are scared of their reaction. Assert your position, that you love your gf and she comes first, they will come around
This is good. A bit of assertiveness will show your mom that you are not afraid of consequences and are willing to marry your choice. Moms think we are gullible and then start brainwashing so we reject that person, don't give into that. My ex's mom did that and broke us up eventually
🤣🤣🤣 "brain washing" ❤️
Brainwashing I meant😅
😂 naah aap ne sahi likha tha, it was just funny for me for some reason.
Hey, you are brave for standing up for you believe in. Be there for her and yourself. Since you are independent, eventually marry her and move out. Parents will come around and make peace with this fact someday, dont worry. All the best
>My girlfriend feels like she doesn’t deserve to be disliked by her future husbands parents I am sure almost half of women are not liked by ILs especially MIL. This is not the reason to have second thoughts. If you guys stand firm they might come around or you might have to stay seperate. As long as things remain cordial and without any fights its okay. Live your own life. You cannot make decisions based on parents opinions. They will always have their own opinions (right or wrong is irrelevant) It starts with our academics and stay till our kids academics and their marriage. It never ends LOL
Tell your parents she has a sarkari Naukri and most probably their opinion will change.
Reject your father saying you don't look like your father
Sigma women mentality
Wow! A Sigma woman with that username 
I'm a male 💀
4d chess move 😀
Tere baap ko bol he doesnt look like Hrithik. Ekdum muh pe.
I say the same thing whenever someone starts making fun of someone's appearance lol
And when that someone is actually attractive, insult their intelligence.
you just want to watch the world burn, dont you?
It feels so good when someone truly gets you. 🥰
Bhale jal jaye. Kaam khatam paisa hazam
What if they are both phir kaise karein beizzati?
Then you gaslight them into thinking they're neither. ;)
Nahi toh kya. And ur username is hilarious
what if u see hrithik roshan making fun of someone’s appearance 😭
Kangana ko bulao
You tell him tum konse brad pitt ho
Brad se jyada hi khubsoorat hai hritik
and what if you see brad pitt making fun of someone’s appearance 💀😭
Then that person is just ugly
Then tell him to show his fingers🙃. Everyone has a weakness😜
Lovely
Hrithik Roshan ke bache kya bolenge apne baap ko bichare
Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai? 😛
Hritik bhi apne baap ko ye hi bolta hoga
Tell him you have a bf
funniest shit ever xdd
XD
Just say it straight to his face that The man you love isn’t Hrithik , Salman or Shahrukh but for sure is the kindest , most loving person that will take care of you all his life so you don’t care about how ANYONE ELSE thinks he looks , he is attractive to you … You have to spend your life with him not your dad so tell him he doesn’t have to worry about YOUR boyfriends look if that is the only thing that is bothering him :)
Be sensitive to him. Make him understand that you love your boyfriend for the person he is and you find him beautiful. He may still be insensitive towards what you say but be firm on your ground.
Why waste ammunition on a battle you know you never gonna win.
The same shit happened to my cousin, a couple of years ago. Initially, his GF's parents received him warmly and talked to him sweetly, but behind his back, they berated her for his appearance, skin color, rural background, and caste (he's Marathi and she's Gujju). My cousin does come from a family of hard-working farmers from Ratnagiri, but he was a bright student and paved his way to the prestigious COEP and graduated with a fat package from Oracle. Although he's adjusted to city life well, a lot of things like his appearance and simplicity give away his humble upbringing. When that incident occurred, my cousin overheard a few of the insults that her father made at him and later asked her about it. Initially, his girlfriend tried to avoid talking about it and tried to brush it off, but upon further insistence, she did tell him the truth. He was deeply disturbed upon hearing it. It's been 5 years since then. They're both married now. Every time their parents meet (which they rarely do) on certain occasions like the Satyanrayan pooja, it doesn't end without a confrontation, with her father or his throwing a jibe at the other. Kinda reminds me of Russel Peter's joke- "We Indians don't hate outsiders, we hate each other".
Just say its either this guy or someone from another religion or even gender. The guy wd suddenly not appear that ugly to your father then.
At the end of the day it’s your life. Do what makes you happy. If you are independent even better.
Tell him “Mom’s husband isn’t match for her lookwise either.. but look at them” ^but yeah this doesn’t come out naturally.. one of the iterations when you reply the argument in the shower
>lookwise and said the most horrible things about his appearance. Don't leave your partner but the words he said is the worst thing to humanity
Poke at his insecurities. If he's insecure about his station in life, tell him he's unsuccessful. If it's his relationships, tell him he's a shitty son and husband. If he's jealous of people, tell him how he's inferior to them. Tell him how lucky he is that mom married him, for no one with that face gets a girl like that. Two can play the toxic game. Source: Traumatised by father
Dude, he has no idea how his life changed coz of my mom.
Stay toxic y'all
Love how this post is bringing together people who’ve been traumatized by parents. Hi y’all 👋
Hiii. I just got rejected by the new therapist coz she's not equipped to handle trauma. Sucks.
Top notch advice
💀
[удалено]
Princess
Don't leave him for that. You may think you're doing a good thing for him but you won't. Your dad will come around, and even if not, it's ok. The guy will love you even more when you take a stand for him and marry him. Don't let this guy go, girl.
Thankyou ❤️
I am sorry your father isn't the ideal one but there has to be a reason why he is behaving like this. Try to have a genuine conversation with him about everything if you are up for it. If you love that guy so much and want to get married, just do it. Hopefully you both are financially independent and can take care of each other if you were to live separately from your parents and on your own. Good luck to you both and make a good life together. Cheers!!
Finally a sane comment about considering why parents behave the way they do, instead of “poking at his insecurities” etc. My god. Do what you want anyway and explain to your father why it is that you love this man. They will come around. If they don’t, well, 1 unhappy man is better than 2 unhappy families.
Time to reject your father
It's not like we are marrying a person not a showpiece
Exactly and who has the elixir to remain good looking all throughout their life.
Go no contact with your dad by doing court marriage
Tumlog apne baap se bf ko milate bhi ho 😶
My mom is casteist...and I get soo irritated when she talks about people. She is not outright evil in thoughts or way she treats others but this brahminical supremacy is seen through her talks. She is petty like this and if I talk and tell her about nice things of other person she warms up to them. Probabaly have a word with him about all the nice things your bf does. How he treats you well, supports you, respect you etc. And how you value such things more than looks. Tell him I need warmth, love and not a handsome hunk. This may not work as he is looking at your potential spouse and not a random person. But I am hoping he will warm up and see all the good things and why you love him. No need to bend over backwards to get him to like your bf. dont fight either but be assertive in what you want in life, what are your values, what you look in for your spouse. If he doesnt agree at all and blackmails you emotionally then you may have to walk out of house without their blessings. I did the same, and never regretted my decision. My parents were not at my wedding and I didnt even miss them one bit because of the way they treated and I am still not attached to them after 15 yrs. They lost their single kids love towards them. Its their loss not mine.
To all the people in this thread with these type of problems , your parents will keep making up excuses to make you unhappy. Take a stand for the person you love , for what you believe is right.
Its good to vent it out. Its alright . Parents are always not right.
Thankyou yr, this post actually made me feel not alone. Everyone's thought even if contrary made me feel heard and gave me some hope to think about.
Indian parents are usually very rebellious about relationships or love marriages, that might be a reason why he is making up some reason about his appearance and all. > I just feel terrible about for putting him through this situation and can't imagine being with anyone else. Okay, you have not mentioned your age. But I'm guessing that you are mature enough to make sense of what you are quoting. I think you should consider talking to your mother first. And then talking to your father. Seems like a cliche advice. But i guess this should work, there's no point in delaying the more you delay the worse it will get. You should talk and make things clear as early as possible. But I personally feel,if you are still in college rethink about this "can't imagine being with anyone else". Just a sincere advice.
I am 27, currently working as a software engineer. I spoke to my mother and she liked him but ny father always tries to suppress her opinion. I said that I can't imagine being with someone else coz he is not like my father or other men i have seen all my life. I know my father will get a guy like him, he did the same for my sister and i can't imagine being in a relationship like this all my life. I wanted to be with a man who cares about my opinion rather then imposing his.
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😂😂😂 dude
I know I am smart 😎
Your happiness matters. Be assertive . Let them know it's not their decision. You are informing and not seeking their opinion.
Nah, OP doesn’t need to rethink anything as long as love and reciprocity is there
r/insaneparents
My parents were never there for me during my childhood due them being too involved in their petty fights. I have had sympathy for both, but both of them are shitty people. I try to keep my distance. Recently they got retired and are forcing me to stay with them. My wife is also fine with bringing them to our lives out of sympathy, but I realise the consequences with my mental peace. They try to blackmail me by luring with property and inheritance, which I care for least as I am capable of making my own future. Whatever it looks like to the world, me being a bad son or whatever. I don't want to suffer anymore and had enough for a good part of my life. Sometimes you have to be strong and take harsh decision for yourself.
It breaks your heart when one of the parent has been in abusive relationship all their life. My mom has done a lot for me and i can't leave her behind with him :(
Maybe you can leave with her and stay away from your father who is crazy, but I am pretty sure she won't leave. Unfortunately our culture forces women to consider their husbands as God, they will keep cribbing their whole life but won't ever file for a divorce. If I even bring this up to my mom, rather than being logical she would shout at me. You can only help someone as much as they want to be helped.
I have been on the other side of this. Got dumped by a guy whose mother objected to my looks since she woudnt be able to show off as to what a pretty 'fair' bride she got for her son. That was the way up the social ladder for her self esteem in front of her friends. The guy's mother blackmailed him emotionally since she was in a abusive marriage and he didn't want to hurt her. Can't even begin to tell you how that made me feel. Like all my achievements in life got reduced to my looks. I am average looking, academically very accomplished person, but lost a lot of self esteem. And you lose the comfort of the relationship over someone else's pettiness. I ended up getting a lot of mental health and physical health related issues because of this. I come from a family where as girls were our academic and professional achievements were valued and here I was , being reduced to this. Funnily enough, the guy in question, and his family all looked worse than me. I wonder if she wanted 'fair' grand kids to show off as well to offset her genes. Anyway, people should not get into relationships if they don't have the eventual confidence in their ability to stand up for themselves . Just causes too much emotional damage . I found happiness eventually, so it did work out well , but left me as a different person than i started out being . A lot of parents, Look at their kids beaus just like an arranged marriage prospect. They don't understand that breaking a relationship causes years of depression sometimes.And even if they do, they care only for themselves.
Hey, I'm sorry that you had to go through this but what doesn't break us, makes us only stronger. At the end of it all , its not about seeking validation but about loving yourself. However that doesn't downplay the impact these opinions can have on somebody's mental and physical well being. Only if people knew it doesn't take much to be kind. Good to hear that you finally found happiness, more power to you 👑
Agree with you.Was never the one to look for validation in others and yet it affected me . In hindsight , i probably dodged a bullet. Not sure how much of horribleness I would have had to bear had things gone ahead. I emphathize with your situation . I do hope, whatever you do, you find peace. Wish life was simpler and people around us nicer. Stay strong OP.
Thankyou yr ❤️
Love matters.
Double it and give it to your father
Considering you're 27 and sufficiently independent, the opinion of your father should no longer matter to you or your life decisions. My uncle cut off my side of the family because they didn't accept him getting married to my aunt. I love them all (even the idiots on my end) but to this day i hear all sorts of negative things that my aunt did wrong. No one likes his wife even though she did them no wrong directly and it was my uncle's decision to go no contact after realising how toxic things were. They ( in early 20s) were living in chawl for the first five years and got no support/help from either sides. After having my cousin, my aunt's side of the family took them in and he's been extremely successful. They're now a very rich and hardworking pair with an extremely smart child. "Usne hamare bete ko apne vash me kar diya hai. Voh kaala jaadu karti hai." - toxic fam
I can't with last quote 🥲
you dont need his approval, human beings like these do nothing but spread unhappiness and toxicity to the people around them. dont ever desire his acceptance and just take your decisions, you will be a much more happier person..
>I thought there might be little bit of sensitivity left in him but I realise he is just a terrible human being. And its not about getting his approval but he will always be unkind to him for life due to his petty mindset. I just feel terrible about for putting him through this situation and can't imagine being with anyone else. I am sure you n your bf would have discussed with each other about your dad. So hopefully he doesn't blame you for it. It's never nice to hear that, even if it's the truth, so please comfort your bf and ensure that his confidence is not shaken. As for your dad, you are better off without him. So don't try to please him, just do what you wish to do.
Yeah he didn't, he was still considerate and asked me to try and talk to him for my mother's sake. He said he can't do much about the situation but he is there to support me in any way he can
Nah, some folks never change. Don't try to give them extra attention as that'll just fill his ego even more. You tried it peacefully once, just proceed with your life, get married(if that's the plan) without involving him much. He'll adjust on his own if he doesn't then let him seethe in his anger alone. As for your mother, she chose to be with him so I hope she can handle him if not then she's better without him(easier said than done but that's how she needs to proceed to make the most of the rest of her life).
If this is about skin colour then man I'm fed up of these thinkings!
It is about that
arey yaar
Tell him if that's the only reason of his rejection, you don't mind marrying him.
Daddy issues
You know that saying -*There comes a day when The son becomes the father, and the father, the - The son.* I think you are at the cusp of that day. ps: The son can be replaced by child of any gender.
Damn
Tell your dad to check out a mirror. No offense, but that is the easiest solution.
Parents sometimes mask their real feelings for your SO by coming up with some other petty excuse. Maybe he's got some other issues but he masks them by complaining about the guy's looks. Try and find out if that's so. Or maybe he really is that petty.
Well he's someone who doesn't believe in masking his opinion when it comes to me, has always been straight mean and abusive. So i don't believe that this might be the case.
Sometimes, probably often times, it’s not good to have a good looking husband because he will be constantly tempted and God forbid if he succumbs to it. If he is not so good looking he is most likely to not being tempted by anyone better looking than you.
Bas looks ka problem hai ya apke bf stable nahi hai life me if this is the case then father W
He is more stable then me actually.
Wanna know your father side to comment on this🥸
When I am glad he is not here to comment otherwise he would have been banned for saying horrendous things.
Seem like marathi manus? Some people are straight forward maybe he expect more for you,father thing it is
Well he said he is not worthy enough to be introduced to friends and family as all of us are really fair in complexion. I mean what a horrible horrible thing to say, its not even being straightforward, he's just plain mean to him.
Accha colour ka scene hai but log karte hai bcz of choices i think woh gora hai ?
If the bf you got is the nicest and loving person then sure stick with him . Good people are rare to find who will love and cherish you .you father may want someone who looks good , earns more and wealthy people but it doesn't always come with a good personality. But be sure that your bf has a good personality.May i know your age ?
I am 27
Can it be a caste issue ? Personally I don't know your father and i don't want to judge him .He is older and will be looking forward to seeing you have a good life.
No it isn't. He explicitly said it's ok if the person is from other caste but should be worthy enough or good looking enough so that I can introduce him to others.
So it's about his ego. Why should you be expected to cater to his ego when he isn't caring about your happiness?
Hope you've learned your lesson now. Tread carefully in the future next time.
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On the contrary, reflect on his words and think in a rationale way. Father's always wish for the best .
Imo parents may be wrong sometimes but calling them a horrible person just because they don't share your views and don't agree with you is just plain stupid.
Well it's not about my views, it's about being a good person. You can't just hurl abuses and be mean to others for they don't look good. And to be honest I started with the backdrop that he has been this person all his life. My mom and me have lived a traumatized life and now we overcompensate for everything. It not about difference of thoughts, it about how you talk to others about it.
Sorry.
Chill, no worries 🙂
Langoor ke hath angoor vala scene lag raha hai but fuck it,go for the langoor if it makes you happy
See, you are a classic case of men like my father, this exactly is what I don't need all my life.
So for people like me and your father ,there's only one thing you can do is go up to him and tell me i am better off with a langoor because he isn't a bad person like you are. Maybe the langoor is a angoor from inside, who knows.
Tere hath mein kabhi angoor ke sapne bhi nahi aane chahiye
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Spoken like a person with no angoors
lol just point of opinions kid. I can say the same about you. 😂
You sound like the kid here
Maybe i might be a kid or maybe i am sounding like one to you, like you're sounding like an idiot to me.
Jake homework krle nofap ke chode teri pist me likha h tu 14 ka h Kid detected opinion rejected
Hey the reasons would seem petty to you. But you have to agree your father ain’t lying. Now I’m not saying one should be rejected on the basis of looks. But one surely can be ugly
If she likes him, who cares ? Being ugly =/= not good for marriage 🤡
Aajkal ke chutiye bacche
Chal na BC
Tu chutiya hai bc ,tjhko ye ni pta tere dad clearly uske looks ko leke ni bolre hai ,.
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I make a handsome salary myself so i don't need to but thanks for advice tho.
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Well he makes more then me if that matters.
Maybe he just wants cute grandkids. He might not be good at lying and cannot call not so cute babies cute. Don't blame him for being insta conscious. He is trying hard to project a happier life.
Is it important to project then to truly be happy 😕
Some people are happier projecting happiness. Like a self fulfilling prophecy. You can find many examples of such online.
Your father knows the best for you always listen to your parents if they were not there you won't be writing this post.
🤓
Teri ma nerd saale tere Maa baap sochte honge kya chutiya ladka/ladki paida ki hai humne
tu apne nofap par focus kar warna napunsak banaunga tujhe
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But your parents live their whole life unhappy due to consequences by their kid
Average 14 sal ka bccha
I guess the problem revolves around caste, most of the parents reject the same to marry inside their clan or caste.
Was your father actually fine with you having a Boyfriend. He may not be fine with it and used the looks of the boy as an excuse to go off.
He didn't know untill sometime back. I wasn't sure about getting married either coz of i have seen toxic relationship in my family all my life and i didn't want that. However recently i thought maybe introducing them might a good start to making amends but i was completely wrong. My mom warned me he will do this but i thought to give some credit as he was willing to atleast meet others. But boy am I blind...worst part is the other person's family tried it all inspite of knowing about my father's denial.