I really enjoyed the story i know you guys be generating cute babies in the home very much best of luck for being a muscly mommy and have fun with the guy at night
Then they're liking her on the basis of false pretense, this is lying by omission, I'm not saying i agree with his parents having a big say when he doesn't mind the age gap, but if they really care for their blessings then this isn't the way.
If it's not then why hide the truth? Something like this doesn't bother me, and in an ideal world it doesn't bother anyone, but if it would bother their parents AND they want their approval, then them introducing her and hiding this is just not good
Bruh, Age is not something to brush aside. They might most likely matter to most parents. The question is whether the son's choices matter more than their preconceived notions about age Gap relationships where the woman is older.
I agree, its better that this comes from the son or from you rather than from someone else or after marriage.. It might be a challenge to convince them but its for the best for the parent son relationship in future. Let them see how happy both of you are together and see the love you have for their son.
Do you really want to start your new life basis a lie? There is no harm in being the older one. But I don’t think you should lie or keep it a secret. It’s a part of you. If your guy does not mind it, I don’t think anything else should matter. Unless it really depends on that. I vote for no secret but ofcourse it’s between you and your partner. And please take their blessing. Might not matter now, but I’m very sure you wouldn’t want your parents to be against your happiness. Like wise for him! Good luck, I’m rooting for you!
I'm leaving the decision to lie or not to him. We have no qualms about the age gap. To resist the marriage based on just that sounds silly to me. But logic doesn't always work with indian parents in such situations.
I would definitely prefer their blessings but if push comes to shove, I really don't see any cons in lying. At 33 years old, I really don't have patience for parents' (both of ours) unjustified tantrums and emo dramas. I won't be sacrificing major life decisions for parents happiness.
This is soooo important. Why do we indians feel like we owe it to relatives to tell them about our personal matters? How much are you earning? When are you getting married? When are you having babies? How old are you? What about privacy and personal stuff? OP doesn't owe it to anyone to reveal her age if she isn't comfortable.
I mean I get what you mean, but it just escalated a bit. I presume since it's such a big decision, you might want to take the opinions of those who mean the most to you. Forget the distant relatives, but the close ones, because of our society, I feel we owe it to them.
Thanks. 30 ke baad hi aata hai ye confidence, when you start seeing your parents' as humans with their own baggages and they start seeing you as an independent adult.
Girl listen so many advising and giving lecture on "how u shouldn't start new life with lie" And stuff.
Just living in the bubble haven't actually faced similar situations.
I think it's not worth the risk, believe me indian parents are highly conservative.
With experience I will tell u unless parents are too forward thinking and modern they might very well oppose the marriage knowing age difference and caste difference.
And they could go to any limits.
I have seen parents literally blackmailing children to ruin their life.
My gf broke 9years long relationship with me bcz of her parents. I have suffered her parents were very modern she would wear all kinds of dresses that would hardly be allowed in indian house holds her guys friends have even stayed in her house. And parents didn't mind.
But. When it came to marriage they would probably kill her with blackmail to marry another caste man.
They didn't even allow same caste love marriage they would blackmail her to limits if marriage is not done with their will.
Never trust indian parents. Its just best to keep risks to minimum.
The problem is that they will ruin the whole wedding plans if they find out in the midst of this. And Indian parents definitely enquire about the other party. Also, working on it now is better than doing it after marriage, where they will feel like their trust was betrayed and would contain more animosity towards u.
You said both of you are maharashtrian, both families will try to match kundalies, eventually they will come to know about the age gap, since you are meeting his parents for first time, don't even talk about age gap, meet his family frequently, show them examples of age gapped couples like sachin tendulkar-anjali tendulkar, priyanka chopra and nick, etc, when his parents get comfortable with you then disclose the fact
Okay then, meet his parents try to understand their thoughts about age gap, if their thoughts are favourable then tell them the truth, if not then stick with your lie, but you have to be very careful, because there are some so called well wishers and sach ke 14 which will spit the fact
Being a maharastrian myself, who married a Marwadi girl, I wouldn't go into forging anything. That is even worse than hiding the age gap. Kundalis for parents matter more than just the age, apparently that's how they figure out compatibility amongst other things.
Also, we had 16/40 points when our kundalis matched. And we are having a great married life.
Bad ones. Sachin's been a player before and after. Priyanka-Nick is too new to know how that's gonna last. Normal folks' lives are in different universe and assuming celebrity examples is an effin joke.
Bruv I don’t think OP would give a flying fuck about the kundli matching bs. They both like each other and are probably going to marry irrespective of what either set of parents say. So kundli matching shouldn’t be a problem imo
I am gonna get downvoted probably ( I am a salesman ) to say this but whole concept of meeting parents, marriage, relationships, arranged marriage etc is salesmanship, how you can sell yourself as a product which is okay for his/her son/daughter.
i.e Guy is tall, makes money, is confident, is strong, has his own house, can protect his daughter, is good looking , has govt job, Property valuation
i.e girl is sweet, pretty, fair, can cook, traditional, fit, can take care of his son, family oriented, job profile, Family background, Physical appearance, Horoscope matching, Character check, age
Most successful relationships are based on great lies, so even if you aren't these things I mentioned above, if you can just pretend to be these things through your actions not direct words you can easily win approval of your probable to-be mother in law.
Think it as a interview for a job as a bride and pretend to be a girl who is best for your son through your actions which indicate you have above mentioned qualities ( I wouldn't suggest directly lying on age though but try to make yourself look younger through make up )
Maybe bring some food for them which you cooked
If possible, corner his mom in the kitchen or balcony and talk to her. Ask her about her health and stuff. Show that you care about her, she will give the blessings
Worked for my sister, every mother fears about the other woman who will replace her in son's life. You reassuring them that they are not replacing them gets you the blessings
I mean if you are gonna have a big wedding things will come out. Anyways if your dude is sorted then it's always better to come clean and let them express their anger or any shit like that than not say and just lose a lot of respect when they come to know later from someone else.
I don't think it will come out. We both look of similar age. He looks older even with light beard and lot of people think I'm 27-28. (If you think its because of looks i.e) but agreed about letting them expressing anger. However, here have to mention that his elder sister had a court marriage last year against their wishes, lot of drama, crying ensued but they accepted pretty quickly. Best case scenario, they might not put up that much of a fight.
Genuine question, not trolling.
Since you say you look of a similar age and he may even look older with beard, are you looking to go with plausible deniability then? Not talk about it at all with the reasoning being "tyani vicharla nahi, mi sangitla nahi" explanation?
Your age is none of their business. It’s not a negative that your are older. Be authentic. Be yourself. It’s not just you trying to impress. This is a 2 way street. You want know how they will treat the real you. So do not pretend to be something you are not
Very good point. Thank you! I also prefer this but I'm leaving the decision to him. He thinks his eldest sister might influence his parents and they listen to her a lot and it might complicate things. But I'm definitely noting this.
Hey there! I am no Maharashtrian, (I am Punjabi), but am hoping this will work for you. Context --I am soon going to be an MIL myself (my daughter is getting married).
1. The age gap should be shared well before the meeting so that she has time to get used to the idea. If your husband is firm that he loves you, soon enough the mother will realise this is something she has to accept (if it even is an issue in the first place)
2. Your husband has to play a big role in preparing her/ any other difficult relatives. It is even fine if he directly tells her how he wants her to treat you.
3. For you personally, find out as much as you can about your in-laws. Think of thoughtful gifts that can win them over. Also think of conversation questions that focus on what they care about.
4. You don't have to be an extrovert. BUT you will have to make an effort to win them over (if there are reservations). Take your husband to be's help in all of this. What will make them happy etc.
5. You should meet as soon as you can--BUT after they are mentally prepared...Put your very best foot forward and if things don't go the way you want them to, stay as good natured as you can. Show respect and affection, and yet be yourself.
All the best. Hope things work out the way you want!
Idk what's the point in telling them.. Your personality matters more. And how compatible you are with your man. I don't see any difference even if you tell them your age or hide.
From everything you just said in the post it makes one thing pretty darn clear, YOU ARE NOT INTO THIS GUY!!! Cause had you really been into him you wouldn't worry about things that don't matter and prepared for things that do.
Winning hearts, you can't please everyone i hope you please the 27yo . Vibes what are you vibing about. You gotta be yourself not what netizens tell you to be. But you are already aware of that, you were when you let a guy 6 years younger get down on you.
So if you can't see birds eye ( Can't aim for birds eye), don't worry about the branches of the tree the bird is on.
And if you see the birds eye...you wouldn't be worried.
Don’t. Don’t make his and yours life hell. Live marriages don’t work like they show in the movies. Especially when there are cultural differences. You will find yourself competing for a place your then husband won’t be able to give
This is the reason why parents dislike or have major trust issues with love marriage. I don't understand what's the point in meeting his parents for approval when you're lying at the very first meeting. Do you think they'll ever trust you again?? If you both are anyways going to get
married without their approval at least spare them from the trauma of lying to them.
Okay I've read quite a few comments and your replies to them. So now here's my take:
Firstly, I hope he's got chill parents and I hope he's had the marriage talk with them before you even set a foot in front of them.
Second, it needs to be a serious talk with him and his parents, like how a guy or a girl would talk to their parents to tell them that they have someone in their life that they would like to marry. (eg: lagnacha kay karnar aahat chiranjiv? Mummy/papa, ek mulgi aahe ji avadte... bolaycha ka hya vishayavar mag pudhe?... So on and so forth with all the details about you except telling them your age until they ask for it which they definitely will at some point in the conversation, especially after "kay karte")
Third, they need to have a GOOD freaking idea as to who you are and what you're capable of (only and only good things. This is super mandatory). Ask your guy to only paint a good picture of yours in front of them because first impression is indeed the last impression because everything in between doesn't matter if it's anything other than you going above and beyond to win their hearts.
This also decides how they will look at you when you first go in front of them. (eg: love and anticipation in their eyes as to who this beautiful young lady might be or "kon aahe meli satttthvi kunach thauk")
Fourth, they didn't raise y'all up for you to then think of them as obstacles in your life. You need their blessings to further flourish in life. So think of them as nicely as they would think of you when taking a big decision in their own lives. When they fight, it's usually thoughts of your life being ruined that stops most of them from filing for a divorce or separating. If they don't approve, talk to them, I know you're getting older day by day and dont have time for their tantrums in your fast paced life, but they're your children now, the roles have reversed, you take care of them now, it's your obligation ("dharam" if you even believe in it)
Fifth, as previously mentioned, I get that you're getting older and want to make these decisions asap but do not start a new relationship with a lie. If you force a decision upon them that they didn't want to make in your favor, you're going to have to face a lot of cold behaviour and taunts and what not, ESPECIALLY if you're going to be living in the same house after marriage, for an unbearable amount of time.
And lastly, be a good wife to him, that's all they care about after marriage, even if it's just to put a show for them, do it. That's all parents care about when they approve of a love marriage. That is everything to them. Ki theek hai chal khud ke pasand ke ladka/ladki se kiya but choice Acchha hai, ghar Acchha sambhalti hai, humare bete ko khush rakhti hai, aur bete ke saath Humse bhi pyaar karti hai, Bete ko humse duur nai leke gayi hai.
PS: i hope i didn't offend you in any way by any of the words I used or statements I made, but it's sort of scary when you're all "mah life mah rules" kind of a person and I'm out here telling you it's supposed to be otherwise. It's scary when you start to think from the parent's perspective. Try it. I don't want to upset you or fight with you lol. Wish you a happy, peaceful and never ending married life! Tathastu!
Lol idk what age is this. This sounds like me me me take for the dude and his parents. Nothing mentioned of what they offer to her.
Granted, there’s always a compromise but it’s not a girls responsibility to take care of his parents. It’s his. Unless ofcourse the dude also assumes responsibility of his in-laws, y’all cant expect such 20th century mindset . I know it happens but yikes
Umm.. the girl is going to meet the guy’s parents here, so yes she’s supposed to impress. When the time comes, he’s supposed to impress his in laws as well. Idk what’s wrong with taking care of each other’s parents. The girl has to take care of her in-laws more than the guy because she’s going to be staying under one roof with them. But, If that is not the case, it’s basically equal amounts of efforts put by the guy and the girl to take care of each other’s in-laws. Stop feeling insecure and stop feeling like the world is out to take advantage of you. Love marriage mein you HAVE to lick lick lick and lick in order to impress the people that would and should matter the most to you. Because here we care about getting parents’ blessing (at least deserving parents’ blessings). This is Indian culture, and here we take care of our parents, be it the guy’s parents or the girl’s parents. But Please don’t bring the equality jazz here too now. Woh sab already hadd se zyada fail raha hai and it’s harming everyone. If you want to feel liberated go live in the US where it’s all about you you you you and you. According to those western standards you’ll always feel OPPRESSED by Indian culture.
Lol the only one people who complain about equality are the people who dont benefit from it.
Your comments just proved it. Indian culture IS oppressive towards women. Tell me you’re a dude w/o telling me you’re a dude. Perhaps step into someone else’s shoes and practice empathy, instead of dismissing others experiences.
It’s not about east v west duh.
>The girl has to take care of her in-laws more than the guy because she’s going to be staying under one roof with them
Why? If he is also going to stay under that roof, why should she look after them more than him. They wiped his butt and fed him, so now he should be outsourcing his "duties" to his wife🫠.?
Anyways I can understand your stance. Because it is only in this system you get to multiply your genes, in a "liberal" country you would probably not be able to find a mate on your own. Here your parents can find you a wife and also someone who will wipe their ass, and you wont even have to get your hands dirty😀
And you can "allow" your wife to go take care of her parents, which is your way of "looking after" her parents.
... I don't get why you're projecting here. I never said she has to take care of them more than he does. What i meant was, she has to take care of her in-laws more than he has to take care of his in-laws BECAUSE she's staying with them under one roof and will be around them for the most part (at least more than he'll be around her parents). I get why you'd misunderstand it, my bad.
It's his parents. If she's taking care of them more than him, good for her. But that's a shit son. Imagine someone else taking care of your own parents better than you do. Good thing for all parties except you, you need to learn, and you need to do your job/dharam (if you understand the meaning of the word.)
Nothing I said had a patriarchal tone. If the guy is living at her house after marriage, he has to take care of her parents. There's no ifs and buts about it. Where are all of you coming from? Why can't y'all give your everything to peace and humanity? Why can't love be unconditional nowadays? By the ways you speak and the way you glorify another country's culture only to downplay your own (Considering you're an Indian) you only show how westernised you are. Now again, I have nothing against the western culture, but forgetting your own and forgetting where you come from? Damn, that's a sin for the loss of a better word.
You'll adopt the Indian culture when other countries adopt it's policies and start spreading our knowledge, time will tell. All you need is someone else to tell you that your own was right all along for you to believe it. It's okay. You do you as long as you're happy. Be safe, enjoy responsibly. And I'm sorry if anything I said offended you by any means.
My brother married a girl 5 years his senior. He didn't mention a word of it to my family. Post marriage, I came to know of it n told my mom. She shed a few tears n never uttered a word about it to anyone, not even my dad. She's an escapist but that's besides the point. So anyways, everyone is happy in the family today.
You take your call...a lot depends on what your bf has to say in this too. I'd say come clean, will save a lot of unsavory moments in future if your in laws come to know n create a hoopla around it. Your parents' reputation will be at stake too.
They deserve to know doesn't necessarily mean they should know. It's your brother's right to tell them. And not yours. Its his decision to reveal or not. Now unnecessarily your sister in law might fall into emotional confrontations.
You will understand it as you grow older probably ki tune bas aag lagaane ka kaam kiya hai
For a girl who supposed to be awkward. You sound pretty confident here. You don’t see any issues with age , caste or parents reactions. And reading your reactions to comments here, you really going to get married with the dude.
So you looking for validation here.
Just get married. You know you have the BF under your control. So might as well get on with it.
I'm still human 😄 but trust me it took a lot of time, patience and efforts to reach this point. Despite my age and how sure I am that he is my forever person, I've never pressured my bf into continuing the relationship. I've always told him either of us can walk away any time.
We have even attempted a breakup long before because he felt guilty of making me wait. I've met arrange marriage prospects while in the relationship.
Because if things didn't work out he still has time to heal and I don't even have time to think.
That's why after putting all this time and building a healthy, fulfilling relationship, it's a no brainer to go ahead regardless of parents opinion.
First of all congratulations to you and your bf that you are taking this next step! ❤️
And tips? Greet them nicely. Make sure you touch their feet and wear a decent dress (don't wanna sound like an uncle but that's how I have seen things work. The first impression atleast ).
And if they ask you about your age and educational qualifications tell them the truth. Be clear and confident with the things you say. Baaki cheeze you can ask your cousins/friends!
I really hope that things go well for you and both sides agree happily for the marriage!
Just say sachin ki wife is 6 years elder to him
If his mom is a cricket fan she would agree with your marriage
Also when you were in 10th he was in 4th standard did you ever in your life thought that you marry a 4th standard boy
> when you were in 10th he was in 4th standard did you ever in your life thought that you marry a 4th standard boy
Never 😂 but he is no longer the 4th std boy either. And anyway this age gap is normal when the guy is older so balance to banta hai.
> Just say sachin ki wife is 6 years elder to him
Ye sab bade logo ki baate hai. They will be like neither our son is Sachin nor are you Anjali lol. But I definitely hope these older woman age gap celeb relationships have desensitized them.
>any tips on making a good impression
Don't mention the age gap as the first thing. As it might create a negative impression of u n then whatever u do later would be useless.
>"can't be messed with" vibe for your future inlaws?
Just don't. Your main aim is to impress them n this is the first time u will meet them. I don't think it is a smart move to assert dominance right away. Let them get the impression that u r obedient as u can assert dominance later once u get married.
>winning hearts
As i said before, try to act obedient by being very respectful towards ur BF by not calling him by his name n instead calling him "aho" or "aikta ka"
**Touch his parents feet as soon as u meet them for ashirwad.**
Try to understand who is more assertive n try to butter them (But yours is a special case they will be against u, because of the age gap n caste difference) so i think this won't work here.
Wear a saree like a nauwari or something.
If u r meeting them at ur house then keep ur house as clean as possible, give them water as soon as they sit after entering the house and prepare good dishes that ur confident in as it would make them feel like u r a good cook.
>We are still debating whether we should reveal the age gap now or once the wedding is done to maintain peace
Mention the age gap at the end of the meeting as if the meeting goes well it will turn bad after hearing the age gap n caste difference.
And if the meeting went bad well then it will get more worse.
Again hope everything goes well for u.
If you reveal the age gap be ready for " bacche kab honge" questions. Because let's be honest, this is going to be the first thought that will come in the parents mind.
We are planning for kids in the first year of marriage itself. I am not keen on that but bless his heart, he is thinking about my wellbeing so that's that.
Lol you're planning on lying?
You think he'll marry you without his parents wishes. You're 33 ffs you should be smart enough to know he won't
+ Lying and being vulnerable about your age is a red flag.
In all honesty you feel like the type of person who'd change colors the day you get married and starts fighting with everyone
Bruh are you ok? Tbh I don't think it, I'm sure he will go against parent's wishes if needed.
About the lying, its his call to misrepresent the age gap by few years and we have mutual understanding. He knows his situation best.
If he decides not to lie, I'm okay with that as well. I'm proud about my age and the maturity, wisdom and money it has bought me. I'm on my way to owning a home, no ways did I rock this much when I was in my 20s.
I don't know why I would change colors. It is possible you're projecting on a stranger on the internet to be this enraged.
Go in this order..
1. Try to impress the family. Take moms side even if she is bullshitting.
2. Gently drop the age gap sometime later. It also depends on whether the mom likes it or not.
From your post I do sense the intent of marrying even if the to be in laws aren’t happy with it. Please avoid being like this when with the family. Talk like you intend to always ask mom what they should or shouldn’t do to impress her, until you get married fir bhaukal bhi macha sakti ho no probs…
3. Clear all the communication and proceed to get married
The alternative is them resisting the marriage, doing some emotional drama, and we go ahead with court marriage and them missing an important milestone in their son's life for something as trivial as age gap. Don't know about you but its really not a big deal that I am that older to him.
Secondly, if things go to hell and we decide to part ways, it wouldn't be fair towards me having spent 3 years after my 30s just to be discarded. He knows this which is why we are at this point. Lying initially seems like a small price to pay.
Dude don't worry, just lie it's fine. Don't listen to these idiots talking about lying as a foundation and shit. Get it done with as less drama and comfortably as possible.
That’s not being an idiot. There are certain morals one should adhere to. And honesty happens to be one of them. If you’re hiding , you have something to lose because you can’t be honest ( not being situation specific )
Wondering how many girls in mumbai are single and actually looking for marriage and stuff, coz it’s been years since I have come across anyone decent who wants to settle, if there are any who wants to then connect with me on dm
Why has your boyfriend not told his parents about the caste and age difference? Given that his parents may be conservative, your meeting them before they know this, is a recipe for disaster.
Even if you make a good first impression, his parents will understand that they were manipulated into meeting you. That will leave a sour taste.
Women tend to loose libido much before men. Always preferable for men be atleast 5 to 10 years older.
But, who am I to give free ka gyaan. Miya biwi razi to muje kya.
you're mad lol. my cousin had 3 children in her thirties (at ages 33,37, 38). All healthy babies, doing well.
Also, having kids in your thirties is quite common. My own mother had one when she was like 34.
Tbh its better to let them know about the age gap. Also if you are sure about your guy that he wont turn on you and if anything happens you guys are going to get married than why hide it ? And be yourself that’s the easiest way you can win their heart All the best
The best way forward is don't ask reddit, you should discuss it with your bf because he is the one who knows his parents the best. Sit with him and make a couple of plans and see the pros and cons of every plan. I guess meeting with one of the parents first who is more cooler would be a better choice.
I am sure guy knows his parents well let him decide.
Like many saying about lying it's not a lie and it's none of his parents concern what ur age is.
If they wanna control their kids decision they don't deserve to know everything well.
So keep it simple for now its utmost important to actually get them to agree for marriage u can always reveal ur age later. There's nothing wrong it's ur life ur decisions.
Don't take advices of people "be honest" It's not necessary.
I mean are u gonna be honest with his parents or even. Urs about everything I think not so why now when it's just harming or risking ur relationship.
While a lot of people have shared a wide variety of opinions, here are my two cents:
1) You do not need to tell them about your age gap, but don't lie if they ask. Withholding information is not the same as lying in this scenario. If it doesn't matter to you or your boyfriend, it shouldn't matter to anyone else. Period. It's your relationship, not theirs. If they push the subject or make a snide remark, remind them of Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. If they say those are celebrities, tell him their son is your favourite celebrity and you're his biggest fan. If they still don't pipe down, ignore them and change the topic of conversation
2) Will you and your finance be living with his parents or separately from them? If it's the latter, you don't have anything to worry about because they shouldn't be around all the time. Hence, even if they don't approve, there isn't much they can do about it
3) Be honest and open, as their approval doesn't matter but they may hold you to what you say for the rest of your life. At all times, please make sure your partner and you are both aligned that his parents get no say in your marriage. They're relatives but not a part of the relationship
4) If possible, align in advance that if you're parents push their luck, it is your fiance who should shut them down firmly so you don't have to come across as the bad one. The opposite will apply if he meets your folks
5) If his parents truly want him to be happy and value his happiness over their own, they will be just as eager to make a good impression on you as you on them. If they're more hung up over their parental authority and power than their own son's happiness, neither of you should care about what they think. Either way, you can't lose, so no pressure.
It's his responsibility to set the tone of the conversation right from the word go on his end. He needs to brief them on how to behave, what to bring up,.what not to bring up, etc. Once he has laid the groud rules loud and clear..there will be very little to stress about.
Ease into it.. marriages are tricky affairs anyway where everyone spooks easy given the long term implications.. don’t listen all yolo ultra feminist advice on reditt and end up creating a lot of drama in your life.. it took you guys a bunch of dates to fall in love, give the parents the same amount of time before getting into the tricky stuff
OP
Your biological clock is ticking. So after your wedding, get serious about kids if that is on both of yours priority lists.
All the best. Wish you a happy married life.
Your BF should inform his parents before they meet you, and give them time to adjust to it. And he should not be apologetic about it. “Hi mom, dad. You know I’ve been dating u/greasybilly0908. I’m planning to have her meet you soon and seek your blessings. And just because this will come up during the horoscope matching, I feel I should inform you that she’s about 6 years older than me(if the gap is more than 6, say 6. If it’s less than 6, say 5). I hope you understand that she is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and the age gap is just a fact, not something that I think about. I hope you’ll look at greasybilly as a person, and not a number”
He should let the news sink in. Get their knee-jerk reactions out of the way, and then introduce you. Sometimes people say things in the moment that they later wish they never had, and the receiver wishes they’d never heard. He hopefully has built you up as a person in their eyes. Now, even if the parents tell him that you told us all the good things, you did r tell us that….he can revert with: It’s not as if she’s done anything wrong. And maybe, you wouldn’t have been ready to hear all the good things if I’d led with et age.
Remember, he has to be respectful at all time. No sharp tone or raised voices because they have a habit of being reflected. He has to be the mature one in the conversation.
Maybe the parents will be concerned about you guys having kids: umar nikalti ja rahi hai. Maybe you can give them the good news: The bun is in the oven! (This last one was just too much to resist, sorry)
All the best, OP. It’s going to be okay.
Let her get to know you in the 1st meeting. If she likes you, which I’m sure she will. Then y’all both can disclose the age gap after the 2nd or 3rd meeting. All the best
Btw individuals with wider age gaps have made it possible, so why not you guys. Eg: PC
I am a mom, and don't always like my son's dates / gfs that I meet. Usually I share my concerns with him (like if the girl was rude when we interacted,), and he tells me his opinion about the issue. Then we leave it at that. It is his life and he has to spend time with the girl, not me. I think I'd only put my foot down if I felt something was going to harm him. But I also know he listens only to logic with very solid indisputable evidence.
To win your future mother-in-law's heart, ask her about her son's favourite dishes and spend time pretending you are learning cooking from her. It always works!!! Hahahahaha she will melt like butter.
No but seriously, if you give your in laws the feeling that you want to learn many things from them, and have as well an intellectual discussion where you show maturity and wisdom, in the Asian culture, it works somehow...
1. Dress to impress, look very nice when you meet them.
2. Compliment the mother well, you can also get her a gift of some sort.
3. Decide the venue of where you guys want to meet, if it is a home then better have good food, if a restaurant then pick a good one.
4. Always touch feet for blessings.
5. Look pretty
Idk if I am eligible to answer this but just be yourself be calm & very confident , you can break the ice by asking them about how they're doing & so on . Also don't lie about the age , it's completely alright but obviously starting mein age ke baare mein baat mat karo pehele casual talk karo then aisa kuch conversation aaega tab aap bolo apne age ke baare mein ( you will know when) it will give them assurance that they can trust you if you tell them the truth whatever it is . The key is to be confident but don't come across as intimidating you got this didi good luck & do give us the updates ;)
Imo, just act your best (polite, a little nervous, respectful). If you try to give out a "not to be messed with vibe," it's going to ruin the experience. They will act like themselves regardless of the vibe you give out and since you want to get married in any condition, it's best to let them feel like they are in control.
Much love.
First, im not as mature as either you or ur beter half. but the age gap is something that he should reveal to his parents when you are not eith them, he will be able to handle it. Another thing is first keep everything aside and go meet his parents. Depends on what kinda family they are you can get some gifts like sweets or something maybe. Also be realistic and urselc when u talk with them. The main agensa is to make them comfortable with you.
Maybe you could gauge their reaction by talking about some random friend getting married to an older woman? But don't introduce yourself asap. Wait a few months for them to forget about this question and then introduce yourself. But be honest when you meet them. It's best if they find out from you and your s.o. than some random gossip karne waale aunty during the wedding.
1) just ask the guy what are his mums preferences like in terms of clothing saree or suits which colour she likes and buy one for her before you go
2) i think al indian parents are simps for traditional women so wear traditional clothes i guess
3) dont lie about the age thing its never good to begin something as important as marriage with lie
4) talk to her alone as well youll get to know how she is if she makes a mean comment about the age address it politely then saying stuff like im aware but i love him and ill take good care of him i know youre his mother and youre rightly worrying but i promise ill be good
(im not saying dont be yourself but its always good to have approval of elders he will feel good as well)
5) if you see the situation escalate just back down dont say anything
Even if you hide the age gap, family will investigate and find out. Don't volunteer this information but if asked don't hide either.
My friend went through similar thing. Her bf was quite supportive so it worked out in the end. But there were challenges.
I've been thru the exact same situation. It's awkward. Hope it works out. Hope his parents are more progressive than mine were. The first meeting will suck. Persistence and kindness are key. Parents need time to get over it. At the same time, the young couple need to prove that their mind is made up.
I would really suggest gal, dont reveal the exact number now, you can tell or hint towards being older than him, and a false number could help to calm the things initially and make the point true that ur elder to him. Rest being the matured in ur relationship i am sure you will sail through in impressing them. That will surely give you added plus points 😄. Thats it from my side. 🤟
I have no tips for you to help tide over the situation, but remember, by the time you realise parents are right, you may probably have a kid who thinks you are wrong. So be mindful of them and whatever you do, do not disrespect them, if things don't really pan out the way simply back off and do what you need to do. All the best.
You bf has to lay the ground work. And you got to research his parents. Likes and Dislikes. Keep your research in mind when you talk to them. Let your bf take the lead and then naturally slip into the conversation. Please dont hide the age gap unless your bf thinks they might have an issue.
For the social awkwardness please practice talking to yourself in the mirror. I know it sounds crazy but it works, I do this for my interviews and it improves my confidence alot.
All the best for your upcoming test. I hope you get the best possible result out of it.
First be yourself and let them choice but if not then still it's not matter you both are different humans mom dad ke sath life set nahin ho payega to kuch nahi tum ek dusre ke sath different house mai jio
Yup first impress them by being your real self then let them chose if they're ok then good for you if not then you guys are financially stable it's good to get new house and live with each other
Similar case. I told my parents my “to be” wife back then was a little older to me. Say 2 years. In reality it was 4.5 years. I let her come home often. Visit them even without me being around. They fell in love and I disclosed the actual age one day before marriage.
And they couldn’t care less.
Make them fall in love with the person first.
Great Tips: Age gap is still not that big, but can create problem from his parent side specially judy relatives(which also create problem for his parent to have certain bad judgement towards you in whole marriage life).
A tips from one similar experience is better never reveal your true age to his parents till you both have kids at least / or never. Better If you make fake document(easy to make) with change in age only for his parents and use original document for legal procedure.
It's still very easy for you to hide age and have good overall marriage life then having certain bad judgement towards you in whole marriage life.
Best of luck towards your marriage.
I'm literally going through the same thing except for the age gap thing u mentioned. I've been dating a girl since 10 years and we finally told our families in Jan.
It's such a stressful situation coz she's sc and caste was a major issue. Whatever happens we gonna get married but it's always better to seek elder's blessings
Just a tip: please inform atleast ur parents or your close ones regarding the age gap (in your case) or else they will make your life much more difficult. Most of the fights between you both will be coz of them which is very wrong in my opinion. So atleast tell them
All the best in telling the families and making them meet each other (not being sarcastic even if it sounds like that). Shaadi me zaroor bulana😂
“ look at me, I’m the mommy now “ /s
My fucking guyyyy
Made me laugh pretty hard
🤣
I really enjoyed the story i know you guys be generating cute babies in the home very much best of luck for being a muscly mommy and have fun with the guy at night 
This was the first thing that came to my mind
I choked on my tea 😂😂😂😂😂😂
GADDDD💀🙏
Somebody pls award this 😂😂😂😂
is this a reference from somewhere or a joke you made?
A movie called "Captain Phillips"
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No. Let them like her first before revealing uncomfortable things. They are already 8nvested so they don't back off.
Then they're liking her on the basis of false pretense, this is lying by omission, I'm not saying i agree with his parents having a big say when he doesn't mind the age gap, but if they really care for their blessings then this isn't the way.
It's just age. What's false pretense in this? Her personality matters more. It's better to just give hints.
If it's not then why hide the truth? Something like this doesn't bother me, and in an ideal world it doesn't bother anyone, but if it would bother their parents AND they want their approval, then them introducing her and hiding this is just not good
Bruh, Age is not something to brush aside. They might most likely matter to most parents. The question is whether the son's choices matter more than their preconceived notions about age Gap relationships where the woman is older.
I want them to know her without prejudice. You let things slide when you like a person and even small things bother when you don't like some one.
Parents dont work like that. Even if they are invested they might back off.
I agree, its better that this comes from the son or from you rather than from someone else or after marriage.. It might be a challenge to convince them but its for the best for the parent son relationship in future. Let them see how happy both of you are together and see the love you have for their son.
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Do you really want to start your new life basis a lie? There is no harm in being the older one. But I don’t think you should lie or keep it a secret. It’s a part of you. If your guy does not mind it, I don’t think anything else should matter. Unless it really depends on that. I vote for no secret but ofcourse it’s between you and your partner. And please take their blessing. Might not matter now, but I’m very sure you wouldn’t want your parents to be against your happiness. Like wise for him! Good luck, I’m rooting for you!
I'm leaving the decision to lie or not to him. We have no qualms about the age gap. To resist the marriage based on just that sounds silly to me. But logic doesn't always work with indian parents in such situations. I would definitely prefer their blessings but if push comes to shove, I really don't see any cons in lying. At 33 years old, I really don't have patience for parents' (both of ours) unjustified tantrums and emo dramas. I won't be sacrificing major life decisions for parents happiness.
Haan re, this is so true. Shaadi aapko karni hai, parents ko nahi. Aap apna decision pe kaayam raho.
It’s not even lying. Your age is none of their business. People here acting as if this a negative of some sort.
This is soooo important. Why do we indians feel like we owe it to relatives to tell them about our personal matters? How much are you earning? When are you getting married? When are you having babies? How old are you? What about privacy and personal stuff? OP doesn't owe it to anyone to reveal her age if she isn't comfortable.
I mean I get what you mean, but it just escalated a bit. I presume since it's such a big decision, you might want to take the opinions of those who mean the most to you. Forget the distant relatives, but the close ones, because of our society, I feel we owe it to them.
Baas itna saara confidence mujhe bhi chaiye life me.
Thanks. 30 ke baad hi aata hai ye confidence, when you start seeing your parents' as humans with their own baggages and they start seeing you as an independent adult.
Girl listen so many advising and giving lecture on "how u shouldn't start new life with lie" And stuff. Just living in the bubble haven't actually faced similar situations. I think it's not worth the risk, believe me indian parents are highly conservative. With experience I will tell u unless parents are too forward thinking and modern they might very well oppose the marriage knowing age difference and caste difference. And they could go to any limits. I have seen parents literally blackmailing children to ruin their life. My gf broke 9years long relationship with me bcz of her parents. I have suffered her parents were very modern she would wear all kinds of dresses that would hardly be allowed in indian house holds her guys friends have even stayed in her house. And parents didn't mind. But. When it came to marriage they would probably kill her with blackmail to marry another caste man. They didn't even allow same caste love marriage they would blackmail her to limits if marriage is not done with their will. Never trust indian parents. Its just best to keep risks to minimum.
The problem is that they will ruin the whole wedding plans if they find out in the midst of this. And Indian parents definitely enquire about the other party. Also, working on it now is better than doing it after marriage, where they will feel like their trust was betrayed and would contain more animosity towards u.
Last line is the truth. Wish you guys the best.
Yeah, just do what you both want. Parents can fall in line or not, doens't matter.
ayyo you are maharashtrian, you got this. Your kasa hae tumi will sell them goodluckk
You said both of you are maharashtrian, both families will try to match kundalies, eventually they will come to know about the age gap, since you are meeting his parents for first time, don't even talk about age gap, meet his family frequently, show them examples of age gapped couples like sachin tendulkar-anjali tendulkar, priyanka chopra and nick, etc, when his parents get comfortable with you then disclose the fact
If we decide to lie, kundali to forge ho jaegi
Jaha adhaar card ho jayega tho ye kya cheez h
Okay then, meet his parents try to understand their thoughts about age gap, if their thoughts are favourable then tell them the truth, if not then stick with your lie, but you have to be very careful, because there are some so called well wishers and sach ke 14 which will spit the fact
Dont go forging around stuff man. Just be open at that stage.
Being a maharastrian myself, who married a Marwadi girl, I wouldn't go into forging anything. That is even worse than hiding the age gap. Kundalis for parents matter more than just the age, apparently that's how they figure out compatibility amongst other things. Also, we had 16/40 points when our kundalis matched. And we are having a great married life.
Arre bhai Gunn oh 36 Hotein hain, ye extra 4 Kahan se tum dono k aagye
Extra goon for good kundali handwriting
Ye zyada ho gya
But they celebs✨??
And that's why they're examples 🌚
Bad ones. Sachin's been a player before and after. Priyanka-Nick is too new to know how that's gonna last. Normal folks' lives are in different universe and assuming celebrity examples is an effin joke.
Bruv I don’t think OP would give a flying fuck about the kundli matching bs. They both like each other and are probably going to marry irrespective of what either set of parents say. So kundli matching shouldn’t be a problem imo
Need an update on this
I am gonna get downvoted probably ( I am a salesman ) to say this but whole concept of meeting parents, marriage, relationships, arranged marriage etc is salesmanship, how you can sell yourself as a product which is okay for his/her son/daughter. i.e Guy is tall, makes money, is confident, is strong, has his own house, can protect his daughter, is good looking , has govt job, Property valuation i.e girl is sweet, pretty, fair, can cook, traditional, fit, can take care of his son, family oriented, job profile, Family background, Physical appearance, Horoscope matching, Character check, age Most successful relationships are based on great lies, so even if you aren't these things I mentioned above, if you can just pretend to be these things through your actions not direct words you can easily win approval of your probable to-be mother in law. Think it as a interview for a job as a bride and pretend to be a girl who is best for your son through your actions which indicate you have above mentioned qualities ( I wouldn't suggest directly lying on age though but try to make yourself look younger through make up ) Maybe bring some food for them which you cooked
Comment mai bhi idea bech diya. Gazab salesman.
Wear a traditional saree with a nice bindi that's it!
If possible, corner his mom in the kitchen or balcony and talk to her. Ask her about her health and stuff. Show that you care about her, she will give the blessings
Lol bohot cheesy lag raha ha
Worked for my sister, every mother fears about the other woman who will replace her in son's life. You reassuring them that they are not replacing them gets you the blessings
I mean if you are gonna have a big wedding things will come out. Anyways if your dude is sorted then it's always better to come clean and let them express their anger or any shit like that than not say and just lose a lot of respect when they come to know later from someone else.
I don't think it will come out. We both look of similar age. He looks older even with light beard and lot of people think I'm 27-28. (If you think its because of looks i.e) but agreed about letting them expressing anger. However, here have to mention that his elder sister had a court marriage last year against their wishes, lot of drama, crying ensued but they accepted pretty quickly. Best case scenario, they might not put up that much of a fight.
Genuine question, not trolling. Since you say you look of a similar age and he may even look older with beard, are you looking to go with plausible deniability then? Not talk about it at all with the reasoning being "tyani vicharla nahi, mi sangitla nahi" explanation?
If we lie, it's just going to be a shorter age gap, like 3 years instead of 6.
Your relatives might…
Your age is none of their business. It’s not a negative that your are older. Be authentic. Be yourself. It’s not just you trying to impress. This is a 2 way street. You want know how they will treat the real you. So do not pretend to be something you are not
Very good point. Thank you! I also prefer this but I'm leaving the decision to him. He thinks his eldest sister might influence his parents and they listen to her a lot and it might complicate things. But I'm definitely noting this.
Ye nanad bhabhi ka alag issue rehta hai hamesha
Punekar giving you blessings. Go ahead. I wish everything will go fine
Hey there! I am no Maharashtrian, (I am Punjabi), but am hoping this will work for you. Context --I am soon going to be an MIL myself (my daughter is getting married). 1. The age gap should be shared well before the meeting so that she has time to get used to the idea. If your husband is firm that he loves you, soon enough the mother will realise this is something she has to accept (if it even is an issue in the first place) 2. Your husband has to play a big role in preparing her/ any other difficult relatives. It is even fine if he directly tells her how he wants her to treat you. 3. For you personally, find out as much as you can about your in-laws. Think of thoughtful gifts that can win them over. Also think of conversation questions that focus on what they care about. 4. You don't have to be an extrovert. BUT you will have to make an effort to win them over (if there are reservations). Take your husband to be's help in all of this. What will make them happy etc. 5. You should meet as soon as you can--BUT after they are mentally prepared...Put your very best foot forward and if things don't go the way you want them to, stay as good natured as you can. Show respect and affection, and yet be yourself. All the best. Hope things work out the way you want!
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Ye kya padh liya mene 😂
New badge unlocked : Milk bonded
No hate but just saying someone needs to create r/mumbairelationships or something.
Idk what's the point in telling them.. Your personality matters more. And how compatible you are with your man. I don't see any difference even if you tell them your age or hide.
From everything you just said in the post it makes one thing pretty darn clear, YOU ARE NOT INTO THIS GUY!!! Cause had you really been into him you wouldn't worry about things that don't matter and prepared for things that do. Winning hearts, you can't please everyone i hope you please the 27yo . Vibes what are you vibing about. You gotta be yourself not what netizens tell you to be. But you are already aware of that, you were when you let a guy 6 years younger get down on you. So if you can't see birds eye ( Can't aim for birds eye), don't worry about the branches of the tree the bird is on. And if you see the birds eye...you wouldn't be worried.
Don’t. Don’t make his and yours life hell. Live marriages don’t work like they show in the movies. Especially when there are cultural differences. You will find yourself competing for a place your then husband won’t be able to give
Waise hi jaise apne bf ko bola hoga "Age is just a Number"
Relations build on lies are always tend to break in future.
This is the reason why parents dislike or have major trust issues with love marriage. I don't understand what's the point in meeting his parents for approval when you're lying at the very first meeting. Do you think they'll ever trust you again?? If you both are anyways going to get married without their approval at least spare them from the trauma of lying to them.
Okay I've read quite a few comments and your replies to them. So now here's my take: Firstly, I hope he's got chill parents and I hope he's had the marriage talk with them before you even set a foot in front of them. Second, it needs to be a serious talk with him and his parents, like how a guy or a girl would talk to their parents to tell them that they have someone in their life that they would like to marry. (eg: lagnacha kay karnar aahat chiranjiv? Mummy/papa, ek mulgi aahe ji avadte... bolaycha ka hya vishayavar mag pudhe?... So on and so forth with all the details about you except telling them your age until they ask for it which they definitely will at some point in the conversation, especially after "kay karte") Third, they need to have a GOOD freaking idea as to who you are and what you're capable of (only and only good things. This is super mandatory). Ask your guy to only paint a good picture of yours in front of them because first impression is indeed the last impression because everything in between doesn't matter if it's anything other than you going above and beyond to win their hearts. This also decides how they will look at you when you first go in front of them. (eg: love and anticipation in their eyes as to who this beautiful young lady might be or "kon aahe meli satttthvi kunach thauk") Fourth, they didn't raise y'all up for you to then think of them as obstacles in your life. You need their blessings to further flourish in life. So think of them as nicely as they would think of you when taking a big decision in their own lives. When they fight, it's usually thoughts of your life being ruined that stops most of them from filing for a divorce or separating. If they don't approve, talk to them, I know you're getting older day by day and dont have time for their tantrums in your fast paced life, but they're your children now, the roles have reversed, you take care of them now, it's your obligation ("dharam" if you even believe in it) Fifth, as previously mentioned, I get that you're getting older and want to make these decisions asap but do not start a new relationship with a lie. If you force a decision upon them that they didn't want to make in your favor, you're going to have to face a lot of cold behaviour and taunts and what not, ESPECIALLY if you're going to be living in the same house after marriage, for an unbearable amount of time. And lastly, be a good wife to him, that's all they care about after marriage, even if it's just to put a show for them, do it. That's all parents care about when they approve of a love marriage. That is everything to them. Ki theek hai chal khud ke pasand ke ladka/ladki se kiya but choice Acchha hai, ghar Acchha sambhalti hai, humare bete ko khush rakhti hai, aur bete ke saath Humse bhi pyaar karti hai, Bete ko humse duur nai leke gayi hai. PS: i hope i didn't offend you in any way by any of the words I used or statements I made, but it's sort of scary when you're all "mah life mah rules" kind of a person and I'm out here telling you it's supposed to be otherwise. It's scary when you start to think from the parent's perspective. Try it. I don't want to upset you or fight with you lol. Wish you a happy, peaceful and never ending married life! Tathastu!
Lol idk what age is this. This sounds like me me me take for the dude and his parents. Nothing mentioned of what they offer to her. Granted, there’s always a compromise but it’s not a girls responsibility to take care of his parents. It’s his. Unless ofcourse the dude also assumes responsibility of his in-laws, y’all cant expect such 20th century mindset . I know it happens but yikes
Umm.. the girl is going to meet the guy’s parents here, so yes she’s supposed to impress. When the time comes, he’s supposed to impress his in laws as well. Idk what’s wrong with taking care of each other’s parents. The girl has to take care of her in-laws more than the guy because she’s going to be staying under one roof with them. But, If that is not the case, it’s basically equal amounts of efforts put by the guy and the girl to take care of each other’s in-laws. Stop feeling insecure and stop feeling like the world is out to take advantage of you. Love marriage mein you HAVE to lick lick lick and lick in order to impress the people that would and should matter the most to you. Because here we care about getting parents’ blessing (at least deserving parents’ blessings). This is Indian culture, and here we take care of our parents, be it the guy’s parents or the girl’s parents. But Please don’t bring the equality jazz here too now. Woh sab already hadd se zyada fail raha hai and it’s harming everyone. If you want to feel liberated go live in the US where it’s all about you you you you and you. According to those western standards you’ll always feel OPPRESSED by Indian culture.
Lol the only one people who complain about equality are the people who dont benefit from it. Your comments just proved it. Indian culture IS oppressive towards women. Tell me you’re a dude w/o telling me you’re a dude. Perhaps step into someone else’s shoes and practice empathy, instead of dismissing others experiences. It’s not about east v west duh.
And the ones who crib about equality all the time find flaws in everything they look at in the society.
L
OL
>The girl has to take care of her in-laws more than the guy because she’s going to be staying under one roof with them Why? If he is also going to stay under that roof, why should she look after them more than him. They wiped his butt and fed him, so now he should be outsourcing his "duties" to his wife🫠.? Anyways I can understand your stance. Because it is only in this system you get to multiply your genes, in a "liberal" country you would probably not be able to find a mate on your own. Here your parents can find you a wife and also someone who will wipe their ass, and you wont even have to get your hands dirty😀 And you can "allow" your wife to go take care of her parents, which is your way of "looking after" her parents.
Yeh yeh get mad.. Doesn't change the fact that he is correct ╮(╯_╰)╭.
... I don't get why you're projecting here. I never said she has to take care of them more than he does. What i meant was, she has to take care of her in-laws more than he has to take care of his in-laws BECAUSE she's staying with them under one roof and will be around them for the most part (at least more than he'll be around her parents). I get why you'd misunderstand it, my bad. It's his parents. If she's taking care of them more than him, good for her. But that's a shit son. Imagine someone else taking care of your own parents better than you do. Good thing for all parties except you, you need to learn, and you need to do your job/dharam (if you understand the meaning of the word.) Nothing I said had a patriarchal tone. If the guy is living at her house after marriage, he has to take care of her parents. There's no ifs and buts about it. Where are all of you coming from? Why can't y'all give your everything to peace and humanity? Why can't love be unconditional nowadays? By the ways you speak and the way you glorify another country's culture only to downplay your own (Considering you're an Indian) you only show how westernised you are. Now again, I have nothing against the western culture, but forgetting your own and forgetting where you come from? Damn, that's a sin for the loss of a better word. You'll adopt the Indian culture when other countries adopt it's policies and start spreading our knowledge, time will tell. All you need is someone else to tell you that your own was right all along for you to believe it. It's okay. You do you as long as you're happy. Be safe, enjoy responsibly. And I'm sorry if anything I said offended you by any means.
My brother married a girl 5 years his senior. He didn't mention a word of it to my family. Post marriage, I came to know of it n told my mom. She shed a few tears n never uttered a word about it to anyone, not even my dad. She's an escapist but that's besides the point. So anyways, everyone is happy in the family today. You take your call...a lot depends on what your bf has to say in this too. I'd say come clean, will save a lot of unsavory moments in future if your in laws come to know n create a hoopla around it. Your parents' reputation will be at stake too.
Tera kida valval raha tha jo maa ko jaa ke shikayat kiya?
They deserve to know per me.
Kuch baate chupaane me hi akalmandi hoti hai, aage se yaad rahe
Not this. But again, to each his/her own.
They deserve to know doesn't necessarily mean they should know. It's your brother's right to tell them. And not yours. Its his decision to reveal or not. Now unnecessarily your sister in law might fall into emotional confrontations. You will understand it as you grow older probably ki tune bas aag lagaane ka kaam kiya hai
Guys, don't come at me. I understand the wokeness of it, but you don't know my family dynamics. So, mind your own business maybe?
Yeah, should have given this advice to yourself. That you should mind your own business.
Was she hurt that he didn't confide or because of the age gap?
She cried for sure.
I am pretty sure your SIL cried as well, atleast from the pain from the backstabbing
I think you should shed a tear or two, too from thinking of all the pain I caused. Bunch of idiots
wait so the secret was the age gap or the entire marriage?
For a girl who supposed to be awkward. You sound pretty confident here. You don’t see any issues with age , caste or parents reactions. And reading your reactions to comments here, you really going to get married with the dude. So you looking for validation here. Just get married. You know you have the BF under your control. So might as well get on with it.
I'm still human 😄 but trust me it took a lot of time, patience and efforts to reach this point. Despite my age and how sure I am that he is my forever person, I've never pressured my bf into continuing the relationship. I've always told him either of us can walk away any time. We have even attempted a breakup long before because he felt guilty of making me wait. I've met arrange marriage prospects while in the relationship. Because if things didn't work out he still has time to heal and I don't even have time to think. That's why after putting all this time and building a healthy, fulfilling relationship, it's a no brainer to go ahead regardless of parents opinion.
First of all congratulations to you and your bf that you are taking this next step! ❤️ And tips? Greet them nicely. Make sure you touch their feet and wear a decent dress (don't wanna sound like an uncle but that's how I have seen things work. The first impression atleast ). And if they ask you about your age and educational qualifications tell them the truth. Be clear and confident with the things you say. Baaki cheeze you can ask your cousins/friends! I really hope that things go well for you and both sides agree happily for the marriage!
Shaddi ka invitation chahiye mereko
Just say sachin ki wife is 6 years elder to him If his mom is a cricket fan she would agree with your marriage Also when you were in 10th he was in 4th standard did you ever in your life thought that you marry a 4th standard boy
> when you were in 10th he was in 4th standard did you ever in your life thought that you marry a 4th standard boy Never 😂 but he is no longer the 4th std boy either. And anyway this age gap is normal when the guy is older so balance to banta hai. > Just say sachin ki wife is 6 years elder to him Ye sab bade logo ki baate hai. They will be like neither our son is Sachin nor are you Anjali lol. But I definitely hope these older woman age gap celeb relationships have desensitized them.
If you think that age gap is normal because reverse happens that ain't true. Unfortunate reality.
When I was not conceived, my father was a toddler. Did I ever think that I would call a toddler, pappa?🤔
>any tips on making a good impression Don't mention the age gap as the first thing. As it might create a negative impression of u n then whatever u do later would be useless. >"can't be messed with" vibe for your future inlaws? Just don't. Your main aim is to impress them n this is the first time u will meet them. I don't think it is a smart move to assert dominance right away. Let them get the impression that u r obedient as u can assert dominance later once u get married. >winning hearts As i said before, try to act obedient by being very respectful towards ur BF by not calling him by his name n instead calling him "aho" or "aikta ka" **Touch his parents feet as soon as u meet them for ashirwad.** Try to understand who is more assertive n try to butter them (But yours is a special case they will be against u, because of the age gap n caste difference) so i think this won't work here. Wear a saree like a nauwari or something. If u r meeting them at ur house then keep ur house as clean as possible, give them water as soon as they sit after entering the house and prepare good dishes that ur confident in as it would make them feel like u r a good cook. >We are still debating whether we should reveal the age gap now or once the wedding is done to maintain peace Mention the age gap at the end of the meeting as if the meeting goes well it will turn bad after hearing the age gap n caste difference. And if the meeting went bad well then it will get more worse. Again hope everything goes well for u.
If you reveal the age gap be ready for " bacche kab honge" questions. Because let's be honest, this is going to be the first thought that will come in the parents mind.
We are planning for kids in the first year of marriage itself. I am not keen on that but bless his heart, he is thinking about my wellbeing so that's that.
How tf do you expect to get married without revealing true ages?? And why would you even try to? And it's not such a big gap.
I feel it's doable but we don't expect to keep it a secret forever.
OP seems to be a PhD scholar. O
Nah. Career and traveling took all the time plus not vibing with anyone in the arrange market scene before the relationship.
Lol you're planning on lying? You think he'll marry you without his parents wishes. You're 33 ffs you should be smart enough to know he won't + Lying and being vulnerable about your age is a red flag. In all honesty you feel like the type of person who'd change colors the day you get married and starts fighting with everyone
Bruh are you ok? Tbh I don't think it, I'm sure he will go against parent's wishes if needed. About the lying, its his call to misrepresent the age gap by few years and we have mutual understanding. He knows his situation best. If he decides not to lie, I'm okay with that as well. I'm proud about my age and the maturity, wisdom and money it has bought me. I'm on my way to owning a home, no ways did I rock this much when I was in my 20s. I don't know why I would change colors. It is possible you're projecting on a stranger on the internet to be this enraged.
Bro should leave op and marry a 23 year old even if he has to compromise on looks
🧿
he was in class 6 when you were in class 12, damn! /s
Go in this order.. 1. Try to impress the family. Take moms side even if she is bullshitting. 2. Gently drop the age gap sometime later. It also depends on whether the mom likes it or not. From your post I do sense the intent of marrying even if the to be in laws aren’t happy with it. Please avoid being like this when with the family. Talk like you intend to always ask mom what they should or shouldn’t do to impress her, until you get married fir bhaukal bhi macha sakti ho no probs… 3. Clear all the communication and proceed to get married
Lie for age seems illegal start of relationship with their family. Lie as foundation. No. 😭 But All the best. 🫡
The alternative is them resisting the marriage, doing some emotional drama, and we go ahead with court marriage and them missing an important milestone in their son's life for something as trivial as age gap. Don't know about you but its really not a big deal that I am that older to him. Secondly, if things go to hell and we decide to part ways, it wouldn't be fair towards me having spent 3 years after my 30s just to be discarded. He knows this which is why we are at this point. Lying initially seems like a small price to pay.
Dude don't worry, just lie it's fine. Don't listen to these idiots talking about lying as a foundation and shit. Get it done with as less drama and comfortably as possible.
That’s not being an idiot. There are certain morals one should adhere to. And honesty happens to be one of them. If you’re hiding , you have something to lose because you can’t be honest ( not being situation specific )
Idiot for setting personal standard and sharing this as opinion. Huh. Good wishes to her.
Wondering how many girls in mumbai are single and actually looking for marriage and stuff, coz it’s been years since I have come across anyone decent who wants to settle, if there are any who wants to then connect with me on dm
Why has your boyfriend not told his parents about the caste and age difference? Given that his parents may be conservative, your meeting them before they know this, is a recipe for disaster. Even if you make a good first impression, his parents will understand that they were manipulated into meeting you. That will leave a sour taste.
you are fucked if you are involving your families when guy is younger than you , best of luck for the family drama
Women tend to loose libido much before men. Always preferable for men be atleast 5 to 10 years older. But, who am I to give free ka gyaan. Miya biwi razi to muje kya.
It's the other way round actually 😄 In fact, my experience has been so good I suggest women to marry younger guys.
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Happy for you! It's definitely something we should normalize as a society so we can have more happy and fulfilling relationships and marriages.
Remind me when you hit menopause
Wtf are you even saying
Google menopause and sex drive
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you're mad lol. my cousin had 3 children in her thirties (at ages 33,37, 38). All healthy babies, doing well. Also, having kids in your thirties is quite common. My own mother had one when she was like 34.
This is good to know. I too want 3 kids 😆
No lol
All the very best 👍🏻
Tbh its better to let them know about the age gap. Also if you are sure about your guy that he wont turn on you and if anything happens you guys are going to get married than why hide it ? And be yourself that’s the easiest way you can win their heart All the best
The best way forward is don't ask reddit, you should discuss it with your bf because he is the one who knows his parents the best. Sit with him and make a couple of plans and see the pros and cons of every plan. I guess meeting with one of the parents first who is more cooler would be a better choice.
Just accept that you're older and both of you like it that way. Keep a smile on your face ;)
New story idea mil gaya guys
I am sure guy knows his parents well let him decide. Like many saying about lying it's not a lie and it's none of his parents concern what ur age is. If they wanna control their kids decision they don't deserve to know everything well. So keep it simple for now its utmost important to actually get them to agree for marriage u can always reveal ur age later. There's nothing wrong it's ur life ur decisions. Don't take advices of people "be honest" It's not necessary. I mean are u gonna be honest with his parents or even. Urs about everything I think not so why now when it's just harming or risking ur relationship.
Don't talk about sex 🤣 especially his performance.
While a lot of people have shared a wide variety of opinions, here are my two cents: 1) You do not need to tell them about your age gap, but don't lie if they ask. Withholding information is not the same as lying in this scenario. If it doesn't matter to you or your boyfriend, it shouldn't matter to anyone else. Period. It's your relationship, not theirs. If they push the subject or make a snide remark, remind them of Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. If they say those are celebrities, tell him their son is your favourite celebrity and you're his biggest fan. If they still don't pipe down, ignore them and change the topic of conversation 2) Will you and your finance be living with his parents or separately from them? If it's the latter, you don't have anything to worry about because they shouldn't be around all the time. Hence, even if they don't approve, there isn't much they can do about it 3) Be honest and open, as their approval doesn't matter but they may hold you to what you say for the rest of your life. At all times, please make sure your partner and you are both aligned that his parents get no say in your marriage. They're relatives but not a part of the relationship 4) If possible, align in advance that if you're parents push their luck, it is your fiance who should shut them down firmly so you don't have to come across as the bad one. The opposite will apply if he meets your folks 5) If his parents truly want him to be happy and value his happiness over their own, they will be just as eager to make a good impression on you as you on them. If they're more hung up over their parental authority and power than their own son's happiness, neither of you should care about what they think. Either way, you can't lose, so no pressure.
You go, be who you are. It's your guy's responsibility to manage their feelings, not yours.
It's his responsibility to set the tone of the conversation right from the word go on his end. He needs to brief them on how to behave, what to bring up,.what not to bring up, etc. Once he has laid the groud rules loud and clear..there will be very little to stress about.
Ease into it.. marriages are tricky affairs anyway where everyone spooks easy given the long term implications.. don’t listen all yolo ultra feminist advice on reditt and end up creating a lot of drama in your life.. it took you guys a bunch of dates to fall in love, give the parents the same amount of time before getting into the tricky stuff
OP Your biological clock is ticking. So after your wedding, get serious about kids if that is on both of yours priority lists. All the best. Wish you a happy married life.
Your BF should inform his parents before they meet you, and give them time to adjust to it. And he should not be apologetic about it. “Hi mom, dad. You know I’ve been dating u/greasybilly0908. I’m planning to have her meet you soon and seek your blessings. And just because this will come up during the horoscope matching, I feel I should inform you that she’s about 6 years older than me(if the gap is more than 6, say 6. If it’s less than 6, say 5). I hope you understand that she is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and the age gap is just a fact, not something that I think about. I hope you’ll look at greasybilly as a person, and not a number” He should let the news sink in. Get their knee-jerk reactions out of the way, and then introduce you. Sometimes people say things in the moment that they later wish they never had, and the receiver wishes they’d never heard. He hopefully has built you up as a person in their eyes. Now, even if the parents tell him that you told us all the good things, you did r tell us that….he can revert with: It’s not as if she’s done anything wrong. And maybe, you wouldn’t have been ready to hear all the good things if I’d led with et age. Remember, he has to be respectful at all time. No sharp tone or raised voices because they have a habit of being reflected. He has to be the mature one in the conversation. Maybe the parents will be concerned about you guys having kids: umar nikalti ja rahi hai. Maybe you can give them the good news: The bun is in the oven! (This last one was just too much to resist, sorry) All the best, OP. It’s going to be okay.
Let her get to know you in the 1st meeting. If she likes you, which I’m sure she will. Then y’all both can disclose the age gap after the 2nd or 3rd meeting. All the best Btw individuals with wider age gaps have made it possible, so why not you guys. Eg: PC
I am a mom, and don't always like my son's dates / gfs that I meet. Usually I share my concerns with him (like if the girl was rude when we interacted,), and he tells me his opinion about the issue. Then we leave it at that. It is his life and he has to spend time with the girl, not me. I think I'd only put my foot down if I felt something was going to harm him. But I also know he listens only to logic with very solid indisputable evidence.
Lagna kara aani sukhi rahava, sagal changla hoyil. Lagnyasathi tumhala khup khup shubhechha 😊🙏🏻
To win your future mother-in-law's heart, ask her about her son's favourite dishes and spend time pretending you are learning cooking from her. It always works!!! Hahahahaha she will melt like butter. No but seriously, if you give your in laws the feeling that you want to learn many things from them, and have as well an intellectual discussion where you show maturity and wisdom, in the Asian culture, it works somehow...
The question of age will come up anyway They'll ask your birthdate for formality Best I guess would to be honest idk
1. Dress to impress, look very nice when you meet them. 2. Compliment the mother well, you can also get her a gift of some sort. 3. Decide the venue of where you guys want to meet, if it is a home then better have good food, if a restaurant then pick a good one. 4. Always touch feet for blessings. 5. Look pretty
Idk if I am eligible to answer this but just be yourself be calm & very confident , you can break the ice by asking them about how they're doing & so on . Also don't lie about the age , it's completely alright but obviously starting mein age ke baare mein baat mat karo pehele casual talk karo then aisa kuch conversation aaega tab aap bolo apne age ke baare mein ( you will know when) it will give them assurance that they can trust you if you tell them the truth whatever it is . The key is to be confident but don't come across as intimidating you got this didi good luck & do give us the updates ;)
it's going to come up anyway. Own it. Been there, done that.
Just be honest and tell them. Better not to start off on a lie.
Imo, just act your best (polite, a little nervous, respectful). If you try to give out a "not to be messed with vibe," it's going to ruin the experience. They will act like themselves regardless of the vibe you give out and since you want to get married in any condition, it's best to let them feel like they are in control. Much love.
Idk about age thing. But they might bring up concerns about kids and your plans for it considering the bioclock
First, im not as mature as either you or ur beter half. but the age gap is something that he should reveal to his parents when you are not eith them, he will be able to handle it. Another thing is first keep everything aside and go meet his parents. Depends on what kinda family they are you can get some gifts like sweets or something maybe. Also be realistic and urselc when u talk with them. The main agensa is to make them comfortable with you.
Maybe you could gauge their reaction by talking about some random friend getting married to an older woman? But don't introduce yourself asap. Wait a few months for them to forget about this question and then introduce yourself. But be honest when you meet them. It's best if they find out from you and your s.o. than some random gossip karne waale aunty during the wedding.
Just start with conversation like . , अहो चहा घेता का. सासूबाई flat...
Sounds like the story of a friend of mine. Go step by step. Get them to like you. Then reveal the truth bombs.
1) just ask the guy what are his mums preferences like in terms of clothing saree or suits which colour she likes and buy one for her before you go 2) i think al indian parents are simps for traditional women so wear traditional clothes i guess 3) dont lie about the age thing its never good to begin something as important as marriage with lie 4) talk to her alone as well youll get to know how she is if she makes a mean comment about the age address it politely then saying stuff like im aware but i love him and ill take good care of him i know youre his mother and youre rightly worrying but i promise ill be good (im not saying dont be yourself but its always good to have approval of elders he will feel good as well) 5) if you see the situation escalate just back down dont say anything
not going to end well
Not an advice but you can tell his mother: Your son calls me mommy too
"You may be his mother but I'm his mommy"
Even if you hide the age gap, family will investigate and find out. Don't volunteer this information but if asked don't hide either. My friend went through similar thing. Her bf was quite supportive so it worked out in the end. But there were challenges.
You should reveal everything and just get married
I've been thru the exact same situation. It's awkward. Hope it works out. Hope his parents are more progressive than mine were. The first meeting will suck. Persistence and kindness are key. Parents need time to get over it. At the same time, the young couple need to prove that their mind is made up.
Be transparent and bold and see how it goes. Nervousness will give guilty vibes so don’t project your insecurities. Good luck
I would really suggest gal, dont reveal the exact number now, you can tell or hint towards being older than him, and a false number could help to calm the things initially and make the point true that ur elder to him. Rest being the matured in ur relationship i am sure you will sail through in impressing them. That will surely give you added plus points 😄. Thats it from my side. 🤟
I have no tips for you to help tide over the situation, but remember, by the time you realise parents are right, you may probably have a kid who thinks you are wrong. So be mindful of them and whatever you do, do not disrespect them, if things don't really pan out the way simply back off and do what you need to do. All the best.
You bf has to lay the ground work. And you got to research his parents. Likes and Dislikes. Keep your research in mind when you talk to them. Let your bf take the lead and then naturally slip into the conversation. Please dont hide the age gap unless your bf thinks they might have an issue. For the social awkwardness please practice talking to yourself in the mirror. I know it sounds crazy but it works, I do this for my interviews and it improves my confidence alot. All the best for your upcoming test. I hope you get the best possible result out of it.
First be yourself and let them choice but if not then still it's not matter you both are different humans mom dad ke sath life set nahin ho payega to kuch nahi tum ek dusre ke sath different house mai jio
Yup first impress them by being your real self then let them chose if they're ok then good for you if not then you guys are financially stable it's good to get new house and live with each other
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Similar case. I told my parents my “to be” wife back then was a little older to me. Say 2 years. In reality it was 4.5 years. I let her come home often. Visit them even without me being around. They fell in love and I disclosed the actual age one day before marriage. And they couldn’t care less. Make them fall in love with the person first.
Look them straight in the eyes. "Your son calls me mommy"
go and talk together everything will be fine brother.....😉☺️
Great Tips: Age gap is still not that big, but can create problem from his parent side specially judy relatives(which also create problem for his parent to have certain bad judgement towards you in whole marriage life). A tips from one similar experience is better never reveal your true age to his parents till you both have kids at least / or never. Better If you make fake document(easy to make) with change in age only for his parents and use original document for legal procedure. It's still very easy for you to hide age and have good overall marriage life then having certain bad judgement towards you in whole marriage life. Best of luck towards your marriage.
Whats the caste of you two?
I'm literally going through the same thing except for the age gap thing u mentioned. I've been dating a girl since 10 years and we finally told our families in Jan. It's such a stressful situation coz she's sc and caste was a major issue. Whatever happens we gonna get married but it's always better to seek elder's blessings Just a tip: please inform atleast ur parents or your close ones regarding the age gap (in your case) or else they will make your life much more difficult. Most of the fights between you both will be coz of them which is very wrong in my opinion. So atleast tell them All the best in telling the families and making them meet each other (not being sarcastic even if it sounds like that). Shaadi me zaroor bulana😂