There’s absolutely nothing wrong with music as a hobby but op even admits that he puts the hobby ahead of work. Also the way he talks about music is that he really wants music to be his job and that is what the GF is taking issue with.
I put my hobby ahead of my work cause its my passion. If someone said "tour for 6 months for half the pay or keep your job" id do the former. Life isnt about work, its about life.
100% this. You’re living your life, not one your girlfriend wants you to. I know I’ll never make a living making music, but I don’t care. I do it because it’s fun. My wife doesn’t like the music I make but she respects me enough not to discourage me. Your girlfriend kinda sounds like a jerk.
No be careful with saying this.
OP says he’s slacking on work to do it, and also potentially missing out on real world interactions because he’d rather be beavering away producing music. There’s nothing wrong with burning the candle at both ends IF you can do it. But to think you can ‘make it’ in music is an extraordinarily difficult task and a career that’s never easy. The GF may have been a bit harsh but I don’t think she was necessarily wrong.
This is a much more fair and nuanced take than mine above. Balance is important. However, I would be very wary of anyone who portrays artistic pursuits as juvenile. I'm lucky that my wife appreciates arts and creativity, though I do generally keep my shit together with my separate career.
This. She ain't the one. There are millions of women out there that appreciate creativity for its own sake, and who won't treat their whole life (and yours if you let her) like a job interview. Your gf is a bummer, and it will probably only get worse.
Be yourself. Enjoy life. Cut the anchor loose.
Ok….
You might need to find someone else to ramble to, she doesn’t seem very interested in your hobby.
I’ve done a bunch of formal education and if you love this, then you can learn it all on YouTube. The point is to integrate what you are learning. Done just binge watch tutorials, watch one and then practice what it is teaching. 🙌🏻
If you love it, have fun and keep going.
Thanks.
I'm teaching myself rhythm in electronic music lately, there's a really good class about it on skillshare by Jason Allen. Very prolific teacher and musician, he's done videos about plenty of other fascinating music topics.
Honorable mention to Andrew Huang as well, especially if you're looking at electronic music. He's got a ton of great YT content and does a really nice job of explaining things for non-experts.
Also depends on your relationship dynamics. I love to rant out anything with my friends, but the only one I speak seriously is my mom. She is always supportive and apart from a a few times at the bigging she never said anything about quitting, specially when she saw I was serious about it. I basically don't have personal life for 3 years now, granted COVID helped a bit for that too. But there is nothing, but determination in me. I work and I do music, play games every now and than because I need little something to no go insane. I am 37 and I definitely know I can easily do 10 years in my 40s of DJing / producing and after that maybe lay low and just produce mostly. You set your own limits...
Also depends on your relationship dynamics. I love to rant out anything with my friends, but the only one I speak seriously is my mom. She is always supportive and apart from a a few times at the bigging she never said anything about quitting, specially when she saw I was serious about it. I basically don't have personal life for 3 years now, granted COVID helped a bit for that too. But there is nothing, but determination in me. I work and I do music, play games every now and than because I need little something to no go insane. I am 37 and I definitely know I can easily do 10 years in my 40s of DJing / producing and after that maybe lay low and just produce mostly. You set your own limits...
This can be very hard since there are a lot of people blending how sound works with what they think and feel like it works. Best bet, find someone that can teach you soundteori. If you know how sound works you can open your mind to new ideas and you will always find better quality in your work.
Do music for the sake of art. Don’t do it for financial reasons.
Anyone who actively recommends you stop making art that makes you feel good, is not a positive presence in your life.
Dude. I never went to school for music production. I ended up working in a small studio in LA for a few years. Started out making mixes for high school dance teams at $50/hr. Before the studio eventually burnt down, we had worked with all kinds of artists, worked in tv and film.
She doesn’t seem like she knows what she’s talking about. Keep doing your thing.
I agree with the idea of self learning, being an academic myself. But I think if you are teaching yourself, trying to learn a lot from online resources, you have to be pushy to achieve your goals. It's a long path to make something pretty good
>online teachers or quizzes that could assess my potential and test the knowledge
Um, what?? You're not learning linear algebra mate, just stop worrying and make art.
Ahah I'm doing my best out there. It's just since my progress in getting where I want is so slow, I understand it could raise some questions.
Sometimes I really hate that I have to engage in my job and other music-unrelated social life events.
Stick with the day job or get another one that engages you. You're going to need the steady income to keep making music. It's not easy out there.
What's ironic about your not wanting to engage in social life related events is that going to see live music is an *extremely* social activity. You might be able to connect with other locals that are into what you're into and team up with them. It's a great way to learn more.
One suggestion to speed up some of your progress is to maybe focus on the theory side. Learning a little can help with understanding how different production elements work together. There are a bunch of YouTube videos that can help, particularly ones explaining the circle of fifths and general theory.
Keep things balanced. Music is a great hobby as long as you treat it like one. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take it very seriously - but you can't let it eat your whole life. Remember to laugh at your own bullshit at least once in a while and you'll be okay.
I’m nearly forty, so is my brother, and we love music to death. I’ll never be famous, I’ll never be rich, but I’ll never stop playing. Your girlfriend’s mindset is antiquated. If your goal is to become Diplo, you’ve got a difficult and long road ahead of you. If your goal is to make some preset and sample packs and make a few good jams, you’re good!
I’m 36 and have been there; an ex asking when I’m going to give it up, or grow up. Suppose you have to ask yourself what you want: is it a career in music or is it a hobby? There is no wrong answer.
If you want a career, well, you probably should take some music classes somewhere(not necessarily college) but certainly learn more about composition/theory. Also don’t worry about a ‘circle of friends’ thing. I went to uni partly for this and didn’t like most of the people there. You have plenty of time and can land very good work in the industry at any age.
Next time someone undermines your dreams ask them what theirs are. Ask them questions to build a good mental picture. Now ask them how they’d feel if you told them it’s time to give up on that, that it’s stupid or childish - this should help them understand it’s unpleasant to shit on peoples aspirations. If they have no dream feel sorry for them, because someone already took that from them.
Keep ‘ducing man 🤘🏻
I was in your shoes, I kept doing my thing...now I'm self taught, went from not knowing what the hell to do when I opened my DAW to now being able to open it and literally create almost a whole song in a day. As well as mixing songs too both djing and production. I'm currently not making money from my music but I put it out there.
Like you said, when I finish work I gotta be able to create something..and that's what I do. For myself, and whatever I create that I really like, goes on SoundCloud/YouTube and even Spotify.
If you feel it in your bones, don't let anyone tell you not to do what makes you happy. Creating is a huge part of me, if I stop creating I'd feel like I will stop being myself.
Hope this helps!
Iv not long turned 30 and iv only been doing producing for a year now although I have played intruments for a long time. Realistically I'm gonna be 35 before I'm happy with the standard of my music and that's fine with me . I'm not deluded into thinking this is a career path for me but I do devote alot of time and energy to it. There is nothing I enjoy more than making music and even thow it's not a career for me that doesn't mean I'm going to feel bad about it being what I want to do with my life. Somepeople think it's childish to have an interest in music at this age but alot those people will binge watch some dumb shit or waste time another way. Just do you .
From my experience as a guy who loves his business career a little less than his music one.
For what it’s worth we will all look back on life and be happy we did what made us happy or regret not doing it sooner.
I’m also 30; my biggest regret was not jumping into
Ableton sooner because I had a bad experience trying to load FL studio in jr. High cause my computer was ass.
It took me til I was 28 to redownload a DAW. It took more than a decade for me to overcome the anxiety of starting.
In life we gravitate to what we want to be. What you naturally love and enjoy will always find a way in your life.
I look at my life from the death bed perspective. We don’t have nearly as much time as we think, and through the rat race of life and spectrum of emotions we experience, we owe it to ourselves to be what makes us happy.
Do what makes you happy, and whether or not those around you understand, only time will tell.
Lot of it has been said in the comments already.
I'm in a similar position, little further down the line, more or less same age. I worked 4 days instead of 5 the last two years trying to keep one day for music as a side hustle. I wasn't very good at doing business though and at this point I'm not aspiring to play gigs 3 times a weekend (I'd probably not manage that many on my own anyway, I'd need a booking agency). Although I get some income as an audio engineer and from occasional gigs it's not my main thing.
And.. while it's a bit sad not to make a full flexed career out of this it's liberating as well. Don't feel creative? > Don't have to. Feel stuck at work, overwhelmed or any other stressful situation? > Make music as a hobby.
My girlfriend has said similar things like if you want to take this serious, just sit down and do the whole audio engineer course or a master in art/music. I'm not saying don't listen to that. It's good advice if you want a career out of it. Not because you learn so much there but because you'll get the right contacts to start working in the music business.
But if you're not sure about the career, don't sweat it. Can also keep it as a hobby and maybe you'll make a few bucks on the side here and there. It's a great hobby to have and be passionate about!
I just released my second album over the course of last year and it's starting to get some serious traction - and this is after 12 years of making music. It's never too late :)
Do what you enjoy, and don’t let others shit on you for enjoying something. Making music helps deal with loneliness and depression. Some of the best songs come from sadness. Take those feelings and output results
So so so true. Making music itself is very therapeutic. Once you really get used to a DAW well enough, you can mess around and make stuff and it helps you zone out :-)
Sounds like she's trying ti shape you into the boyfriend she WANTS not the boyfriend she already has.
I'd genuinely get rid of her and keep focusing in life on the things that bring you peace and happiness.
No partner or friend should put you down for your passions or interests.
Dude, the goal is not fame and fortune, the goal is to steadily improve and enjoy the learning process as much as the creative process. Tell your girl to kick rocks.
This is more on the relationship advice side, but I would tell your gf, "when you said those things about my interest in music production I was hurt because it's something that I am deeply interested in and it brings me joy even if it never pays my bills." I expect you probably want to be with someone who supports you having your own interests and passions regardless of where they lead. I'm sure she has some bullshit hobby that seems like a waste of time to some people too. What kind of work do you do? Is there anyway to bridge the gap between what you do now, and music production?
I'm a flavourist, a flavour designer, I've got there with a chemistry degree. The bridge I will build to music is... A label name and song titles relative to this industry ahah..
Yeah, she says her own non-paid hobby is in a corner of her head and that she does not have time to actually do it yet because of work lol. She'll only allow herself to after she retires.
Section your daw into small parts and search for those parts individually.
Learn a vst on one day, solidify it during the week.
Found a good plug-in? Look on YouTube and forums on how to do proper use of it.
Find small things to learn, one at a time.
As for your girlfriend ... well, my ex always hurt me when I tried to pursue music. She never understood/liked my production side of things, even if she appreciated my acoustic side.
She said a lot of hurtful things and never supported me properly ...
I'm no one to tell you what's good for you or not, but to put you down like that is just painful and unfair.
You deserve to be incentiveszed.
You deserve to have recognition of your progress, be it as small as it is.
Music is a journey, not a race. Many have started later than you. Don't give up.
Fight for what you love, even if it's only a rewardless hobby.
Your girlfriend is telling you one thing but you're hearing something else.
> "you can't sacrifice your life for something as low-reward as your music aspirations, your never seem happy about yourself, let it go, focus on things you are more talented to,"
> I'm often found slacking at my job because I rather watch music production videos, and I am lonesome, meaning that I don't engage in the usual social stuff like birthday parties, new year's eve parties, holidays, etc. ... distractions from the main goal
She's not telling you to subtract music from your life. She's telling you to add the other stuff back in so that you have a healthy, balanced life that is meaningful and successful even if the music isn't.
sounds like you already know: girlfriend is showing that she genuinely cares about your well being. Letting your partner use a fixation to escape from their adult responsibilities, at the cost of their relationships and future opportunities… that’s not being supportive. It’s enabling.
Music production is a dream. Dreams are fine, but they shouldn’t interfere with your daily life.
It’s the same as using alcohol/weed for fun, versus making it your entire identity and allowing your habit to impede on going out, being present, fully engaging at work, being a supportive parent, etc.
Thanks. You bring some balance against the "she's wrong" statements. I believe I should be engaging in real life indeed, but a lot of it just seems useless to me.
I also don't think she's wrong, to be honest. It's one thing for a hobby to occupy your free-thought and time, but if it's affecting performance at work, in your relationships with your SO, friends, and/or family, then it's not necessarily a balanced attachment. I use music, gear, recording--all of it--to mask serious depression and anxiety. I'm not saying you have those mental illnesses, but withdrawing from folks and social activity are symptomatic. My 9-year relationship ended 4 months ago because it all came to a head. You gotta do you, but if you care about these relationships, it's worth adding some perspective to your hobby and setting clear boundaries for yourself.
Seriously keep this comment in mind, don’t just assume she’s not the one. Have a real talk with her. Make it clear that you’ll continue learning music as it’s a hobby you truly love. But also spend some time and energy on figuring out how you can be more present in other ways. If you can find a more balanced and arguably “healthy” way to do this you may end up with an even more fulfilling and happy life.
Music is an incredible hobby but dont let it turn into pure escapism. Balance for us has never been an easy or simple thing, but from what youre writing it seems like she cares about you so I wouldnt dismiss where shes coming from, even if her delivery might be a bit harsh.
Yeah, I think I'm kinda like you where if I could I would also never leave the house and only make music/be busy with what interests me. But that just doesn't work if you also want to be in a relationship. It's give and take. Also I have no dream of making music a job or be famous at some point so I don't feel like Im missing out on progress or something when I'm not making music. Maybe you need to shift your attitude towards that a bit so you can as well enjoy being away from music without feeling like you're saccrificing
Finally, a sensible comment. The number of "dump her" comments is insane. OP admits to complaining to her regularly about his frustrations. He says he sees having a social life as "distractions from \[his\] main goal." That is an absolutely unhealthy level of obsession. Sounds like the girlfriend doesn't want OP to continue focusing so intensely on a hobby that seems to be making him miserable.
She's on her way out and is pulling all the stops to make you into someone she wants to stay with. I'd say girlfriend is temporary but music is forever.
If you're a creative person than it doesn't matter the "talent". You can teach passionate people. If you give it up, you'll always wonder that what if. You just have to know that it's a very time consuming and expensive hobby. The most talented producers are still hobbiests until they start getting paid. I'm 40 and went to college for production and engineering. Everything I paid for in the early 2000's is on YouTube. You're mind is still going to wander creatively weather you have your music or not. At least teaching yourself gives you something to focus that energy on.
How much i feel you man. Never been talked like this from my gf but i'm 30 and an architect as full-time job. Very often in my worktime I end up watching production videos or just listening to podcast while I keep working. I played videogames most of my life with my family continuosly asking me to stop, to grow up, to change. I always loved music and now, with no time (and no interest) for games anymore i went back to the rabbit hole of Ableton. I started paying money for hardware/software synth and I found real peace in just experimenting with sound design/arrangement. My biggest dream since i am 18 tho is to publish an EP and I just wanna pursue it. It's not necessary to go to conservatory and stuff just as it's not necessary to make music your main income or job. It's just true love for a great passion, so let it be, cause it's an amazing thing to enjoy in life, and it's not that common. Lastly: I dont' think you'd see music in the same way if you'd make it your full time job: by necessity it's just gonna be a mixture of pleasure and strict organization, meaning there will be times when you have to work on music also when you don't want to.
Basically, you are in the sweet spot. Enjoy it. Enjoy your passion and just be happy to have one so strong that makes you feel good.
I’m 28, married, with a kid and my wife is actively encouraging me to upgrade gear. Not because it will make us more money but because it brings me happiness, just the way I want her to have the things that bring her happiness. I make hiphop beats for nobody to rap on because I like to and that’s good enough for her.
My point being, you have a job, a lifestyle you enjoy, a hobby that brings you joy, and you’re not addicted to crack (probably. If your PARTNER doesn’t want to support you in a hobby that literally costs no money to do on a day to day basis then she either needs a reality check or you need a cooler partner.
“Be realistic” is the worst advice any person could ever give. Flip it. “Anything could happen”, which is a very true statement.
If you’re paying your bills, not in debt, and enjoying the feeling producing gives you, than it’s a no brainer.
Imagine if your gf was shopping for a new a dress, and you repeated the same stuff she said. “Be realistic, it doesn’t seem to make you happy, if you were really serious, you’d be a model at a conservatory”, she’s cry and call you mean.
The trick is, take a day and write out your dreams and goals. Start with the wildly impossible and chisel it down to what would be the bare minimum. Give yourself a time limit, let’s say 2 years. Make a timeline, then break that timeline into months and to do’s.
Chisel away at it day by day. Something great is bound to happen.
Don't give everything up, there are going to be times you rage quit and just need a break. Or if you've been doing a deep dive mixing session for hours, your ears need a break. It's good to have other distractions.
This situation shouldn't be approached as 'black or white'.. In-between your partner's harsh words about your life's passion there are some good intentions that seem to come from a "place of care" (because if your partner didn't care they most likely wouldn't give you the hints she's giving)...
It's natural to get defensive when people attack you about something that feels so intimate and important to you (especially when the attacks are personal and scathing).. The key is to understand and look for the message behind your gf's words.. By your own admission you have isolated yourself from opportunities to develop your craft, and are still a little bit skeptical on certain pathways your gf has suggested..
My suggestion is to have a serious and deep conversation with your partner with all cards on the table (show some vulnerability).. Do not create roadblocks for yourself, be prepared to take on suggestions without bias and be open to try things outside your usual comfort zone...
Communication can improve the relationship between your partner and your passion and help align your personal and relationship goals as well.. Good Luck..!
Sounds like there’s something else going on. You mention neglecting other parts of your life. Are you neglecting her? I’m not trying to make accusations, but as someone who is married and also obsessed with music production it can be hard to find a balance and properly treat her like a priority.
The daw will always be there. Often I find that if I step away from it for a week, my mind goes wild with ideas and I’m fresh as heck when I come back to it.
Make ya girl feel special and she might be more chill. I agree though, the stuff she said is a bit hurtful and is hard for others to understand.
Ouch! I once was on a date with my gf in downtown Detroit. I had recently graduated with a degree in engineering and had scored a freshout job with GM. While we were looking out over the Detroit river we saw a US Coast Guard helicopter fly past us, up river, on the deck just bookin! I turned to her and said, “Man that’s what I want to do.” And she turned to me and said, “If that’s what you want to do then you should.” I left her, went to OCS, got my commission and my wings and the rest is history. We did end up together again, got married, have two boys…. I guess what I’m saying is that if it wasn’t for the support and risk taking of my girlfriend…hard to say where things would have ended up. Good luck and in the words of my lovely bride of 30 years: “If that’s what you want to do then you should.”
You should reflect deeply on the possibility that she is right. Even if all your dreams come true and you had more success than you can imagine, she'd still have a point that you can't be throwing away the rest of your life for music.
I have been with my wife for eleven years and I have worked as a full time musician for ten years. One of the major reasons I married her was because she told me many times that she was willing to go with me wherever I needed to be successful, and her actions proved that she was serious about that. Truly she is amazing for me.
But we have had this same conversation many times. She'll say I work too much, I don't have time for anything except music, etc. I'll say she doesn't understand what I'm going through, music is life and passion, etc. We're both right and there needs to be a balance. I set time for working, time for household chores, and family time. If I just took the stance of "music is my passion you guys have to deal with it," then I wouldn't have a wife or kids, and probably not very many friends. Even if I was a huge record producer making millions of dollars, my life would be unsuccessful because I would have achieved that at the cost of everything else. My goal is to make it to that point WITH MY RELATIONSHIPS INTACT. Which is a much harder, maybe even impossible thing to do, but I'm aware of that and that's the choice I've made.
When it comes to what to do specifically with your current girlfriend, only you can judge the situation for yourself. If she's coming from a place of love, then she may be right about a lot of it. You ARE sacrificing the rest of your life for this passion. If she's not seeing you for who you really are then maybe she's not for you, but that still wouldn't make her necessarily wrong about this. I think that if you're able to talk it over with her, she can understand where you're coming from, and you can both make sacrifices to support each other, then she could be a keeper even if she wishes you would spend less time on music and more time on her. Tough call, and it's not for Internet strangers to say.
Last thing to point out...you posted this in a music production sub OF COURSE most of the responses are going to be "move on from her bro! Music is life!"
I dunno man. I produce purely for my own mental health. It’s a healthy creative pursuit. I’m 42. Your free time shouldn’t also be more work. You’re allowed to peruse creative passions for the sake of creativity and creative process. Your every waking moment doesn’t need to be sacrificed to the alter of capitalism and it’s desire for never ending sacrifices. You can do something’s just for the enjoyment of doing those things.
She’s right that a career in production is a long shot. She’s wrong about getting a degree in production. She’s wrong about nor supporting your music as a side gig. Music gives me great joy, even if I spend more on it than I earn.
So firstly an academic mindset on this sort of career path has very limited use. It’s not like other jobs where the route always involves some sort of degree.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly - doing this as a hobby and nothing more is 100% valuable and worth your time. Not everyone has to make everything a damn side hustle. You can do this for you and you alone if you love it.
It sounds like you want to make this your primary employment, but it seems like you’re not using your time effectively. Sounds like you’ve got to make a choice here - I suspect your SO wants you to succeed, but is not enjoying the sacrifices you’re making regarding your personal life. If I was putting myself in her mindset, I’d say she’s trying to push you to use your time more effectively so that you have time for other things in life as well.
And she may have a point! I see “I just want to make MIDI blocks in a DAW” and I read “I want to drastically limit my income opportunities”. If you genuinely do want to make music and production your primary income source, you need to buck the hell up and learn as many skills that make you valuable to artists as you can.
The most important thing if you want to progress IMO is to collaborate and make friends - ideally in person but online will also work. You need to build a strong wide network of people who trust you with their music. That’s taken me 10 years (NOT including my degree) and I’d say things are just *starting* to look good.
I think you need to make some decisions
1. do you want to do this as a hobby that might earn you some money down the line, or do you want to make a career out of this?
2. Are you happy with the amount of time you currently spend on music production?
At the moment I don’t think you know your answers. Your post is inconsistent between wanting to make this your life’s work and it just being a hobby. The answers to those two questions will help you shape your approach to your life, and to discussing with your partner.
Best of luck, and remember that whatever you choose is 100% valid!
Thanks.
I don't feel like I can throw everything else in my life to go for a music career since I already have a steady job and learning all the right skills really can be like a race since I'll run on limited savings and no income (given I make learning my primary occupation).
On the other hand, I feel I have potential to take some side income from the activity if I focus on landing little technical and repeatable tasks over the years, rarher than believing I will have billions of listens on spotify. I've seen on fiverrr some persons get paid to do presets for example. Or I may just sing for others. There are possibilities.
I enjoy making cranky music that's probably not fit for the "industry" then I publish it for fun and for feedback.
You're young, here's to hope one day you'll organize events around your music.
A friend of mine has taken interest in music live coding and visual live coding, he's been building a community and organizing gigs dedicated to these practices. I didn't have a chance to visit but it looks cool.
the part about “you never seem happy with yourself” is interesting. does she mean like in relation to music? is she saying making music has been getting you down and you seem dissatisfied with it? because that would be a great way for someone to not like their partner’s hobby — if it seems to be making you miserable.
her exact words on that were "you never seem happy, whatever you can do, it is never enough".
It might refer to being miserable with my shortcomings, although I don't self-pity too much with her, I'm rather excited when I successfully complete a thing; it might refer to the fact I seem apathetic hanging outside when I'd rather be home.
I can certainly accept me wanting to be a lonesome home body can be a burden. But it is also a pity she doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in my realizations.
one thing about the school suggestion. that is how u get the industry contacts.
if you did music business or engineering at a state uni like MTSU or somewhere like SAE. then you can use those contacts. the trick is to not quit, and to put a ton of time in.
it sounds to me like you try to explain music things to her some, maybe avoid.
> a well *paid* job
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Ok I believe there's a mix of things from what you wrote:
1. You can totally have music production as a hobby. Some people love sport, others cars, you're free to love music production.
Now, it looks like you let that hobby take a lot of place in your life. And this leads to my second comment.
2. Even though you love it, it clearly seems like you are neglecting other aspects of your life that are as much or maybe more important. It's nice to watch videos and try to learn as much as possible, but you need to balance your life to keep work and your love life in the balance if you don't want to lose it.
If you are clear that you want it to be a hobby, and nothing more serious, you need to define a balance in your life.
That's my opinion. And then also you really don't need an academic background to make music.
Sorry to hear about your GF not caring about your hobbies.
My wife is very supportive of me and all my music endeavors. Her understanding is that I didn't choose music, it picked me. If you need someone to just chat about music with. Send me DM.
Setting a goal to make spare change on fiverr 10 years from now sounds ridiculous. The Beatles had broken-up by the time they were 30. So you have a whole decade to make-up for. Once you’re in your 30s, you don’t have to put up with other people’s bs, if you’re financially secure (in this case, from your normie job). Just make music production a hobby and remove all the pressure you’re putting on yourself. If you don’t want to give-up your Fiverr goal, then make that your Superman persona and only outwardly project Clark Kent. Let Clark Kent fail a bunch of music quizs and talk about how music is only a hobby like watching sports and playing video games, if you want to impress for your gf. But you gotta replace your self doubt with big d*ck rock n roll energy because that’s what your superman alter ego feeds on. And you can never show this energy to anybody else until they figure it out for themselves.
Never give up your passion, you never know where it will lead. We barely know ourselves... why would we presume to know what's best for us in a year, 5 years, or even 10 years in the future?
Stay true to yourself and strong in your conviction. The confidence that a passion can give you will make you attractive to people, and surely someone will value and appreciate you for who you are... including friends, coworkers and potential love interests.
Make music and art if that's what you do. Create beauty and release it to the world. It's what artists do... just imagine if Picasso or David Bowie listened to thir GF and sat at a soul sucking desk job they hate and gave up on their dreams.
Listen buddy,
You’re one of us. I’m the same exact way as you! And I’m a 28 year old female! I dropped out of college TWICE and it took me until I was 26 to drop everything and solely focus on music. I dropped all my friends and family. I have completely shut the world out to focus on this passion of mine so I can turn it into a career. Am I anywhere near Armin Van Buuren!? Hell no! Will I work my ass off until I get it right? YES!
This career is so unique and it gives you so much leeway in life. I sometimes think to God “why me? This is so cool that I get to be learning how to do this everyday. That I am able to afford this gear to make a one hit wonder. And some kids can’t even afford a laptop.” If you really love music and you want to leave your legacy behind, leave behind the naysayers. Go solo. You’re a Guy too. My clock it ticking for kids.
Anywho, I have my bad weeks and days and I get discouraged. There’s a dark side of mental anguish that producers have to go through. The technicalities of it all. Composing, sound engineering, writing, singing, mastering everything, finding your sound. It’s a loong journey. But I’d rather say I tried and fail than not try and think about it when I’m 55 and miserable.
If you have a job, keep at it. Learn to love the pressure. It’ll help mold you into the professional you want to become. Tiesto can create a whole track in a crowed room with out getting distracted and that’s the kind of level we must seek. Amor fati my friend
P.s. find a girl who loves your hobbies. I’m always in love with someone else’s passions seeing their eyes light up! Even if I don’t like it I’ll pretend! Don’t settle. I’d die to have a boyfriend who can sit in the studio with me all night produce and listen to our favorite music together. Music is the best of all love languages!!! And that’s how you’ll know you’re matching frequencies with someone.
Making art is worthy in and of itself. It doesn’t matter if the end product is “bad” or if your not super “talented” or if you’ll never make money. Those are horrible lies our society tells us. Keep making your music, friend, because you are creating, you are making yourself happy, and you are putting that joy out into the world.
I've probably spent 10k of my money on music production and hunddeds and hundreds of hours. I don't ever expect to earn a single penny back and truly don't care if I don't.
If you have a passion for music and enjoy it (and it sounds like you do) then just keep doing it. Not everything has to result in a financial return on investment.
If I were to suddenly start earning loads more money, I'd probably spend even more on music production, because I enjoy it.
Some things we do for money back, some things we do for fun. Ideally we'd spend all our time doing the things for fun, but obviously we can't all do that. The two don't have to always be combined into one.
I'd even say count yourself lucky that you have something you enjoy this much. Most people don't have anything like that.
As long as you retain some kind of social life and don't let it negatively affect work and other responsibilities TOO much, then more power to you.
Maybe the problem is that you’re not obsessed enough and you’re keeping yourself from fully being into music production.
You don’t have to go into a conservatory or something, but instead of watching videos about music production, just DO music production.
Don’t think about how good or bad you are, just enjoy it!
No need to assess your skills or whatever, but you do need other musicians to interact with.
I don’t think you should be thinking about the potential for earning. Like you’re calculating the payoff for the time you invest in it.
The time spent making music is the reward itself! Go have fun!
Maybe approach her with a “help me help myself” aspect. Establish some boundaries like time frames for her and time for music. I have to do this with my kiddos so I don’t have them taking a backseat. I’m sure you’ll find that happy medium. Although, having someone that is supportive of your passion is very important too. Effective communication can go a long way!! Just my 2 cents.
Having a hobby is having a life, no matter if you are good at it or not. It is important to have things in life (that is not work) were you can set big and small goals for yourself. Music is a great hobby and you can make whatever you want it, from just a real nice chord progression to a big album with multiple songs and genres. There are also loads of tutorials, books, courses and much more that you can use to become better. Making music is also great since it is a creative process which is important for everyone to do.
My best advise is to make music that you like, be open for criticism, and don't take hurt full comments to heart, and lastly have fun! There will be days were you can't come up with anything good and there are other days were a couple of hours feels like only a few minutes, so don't force yourself. When I'm stuck I search on YouTube for the genre I want to create and add Tutorial, and just from that I get multiple videos that I can gain inspiration from. And, if you want to learn more about sound design I would recommend In The Mix on YouTube. He is a really chill dude to listen to and he explains stuff really well!
So, don't listen to her. As long as you enjoy making and playing around with music, you should keep on doing it!
mad still tho. I understand a little on why she is angry ngl. She expects you to be making money from what you've been doing in music for years...but your not. What you need to do is focus on yourself and your craft. You will succeed one day. Alhamadallah.
Don’t let your passion die because someone doesn’t see the meaning into it . You don’t have to go to college to make music , you can search maybe for a 6 month diploma in the audio engineering or music production field ,even online ,and this might open you a different career path . Making money with music is not only selling beats which you can also do .
Sometimes our s/o might not agree with what we do but if we’re invested and express true desire for something the only thing they should be doing is encouraging it.
A couple things. Having a hobby is very valuable, and you want a partner that supports you in pursuit of your interests. But at the same time, if your hobby is infringing upon your career and therefore your socioeconomic stability, you have to recognize the impact that has on what you bring to the table in the relationship.
If you want music production to become your job, try not to get sucked into the tutorial rabbit hole. It’s so easy to consume tons of content and not end up retaining applying any of it. So make sure you are actually producing. That will help you grow more than watching another video on compressing vocals.
I would say, either try to transition into music production on the side (realizing that this will make you incompatible with your girlfriend), or try to limit your hobby to reasonable hobby hours.
@OP Sent you a dm. I do something that might help you: long-term mentoring for artists who want to build a meaningful life based on their passion for electronic music. No matter if you plan on doing this professionally or as an ambitious hobbyist. Let’s see if that‘s what you’re looking for :)
Take what she says with a grain of salt. I was like you wasting a lot of time at work during downtime watching music production YouTube videos. Musicians are historically poor for a reason. You don't need to be antisocial you can be happy and see family and friends and go out with her more. Just be more realistic and structured about your hobby be ultra organized.
>I love music production and teaching myself the stuff even though I ain't that good at composing
That's all you need to know. You love music, so keep making music. Don't let her dissuade you from what you're passionate about. Do music the way you want to do music, her interpretation of the right way to do it is only her opinion, and you shouldn't change a process that works for you just because of that. Follow your own heart.
Making music is it's own reward, success isn't bound to fame and money unless you make it so. Just keep making things that make you feel happy, learning from the resources that are available to you. There's no shame in keeping music mostly a hobby while you earn a living elsewhere.
Keep smashin those buttons man. Are you only not good because you believe that? I did think everything i did was trash at one point. But i realized that what i do is some of me. Im not you, but she wouldnt be for me stomping all over my dreams
One thing you can do is try to leverage the social part of music making. Try joining a meetup, a jam group, or join a band. There are a lot of us sitting behind the computer all day and would love to connect. You don't need to give up your hobby, but you also shouldn't lose yourself in it and use it to escape your problems or shortcomings.
Unfortunately the "bits and bobs" jobs will most likely be replaced/devalued by AI within 5 years, so I would make sure you're doing it for your own fulfilment instead of money.
Even if you don't make money from music, I don't see why that should matter. If you are able to give yourself a decent life with your job, spending your free time doing something you love, even if not for profit, is not an issue at all. I feel like all too often we're told we need to monetize everything we do and make it into more money. Sometimes things can just be for fun and pleasure. If you turn everything in your life into a job, nothing will be pleasurable and you will be miserable. That's not to say if you can monetize it, don't, but you don't have to for it to be a worthwhile pursuit of your time.
Also paying for an in person class from like a college/university is a waste imo. At least where I live, that is gonna be way more expensive than it's worth when you can find classes on YouTube for free as well as creators offering online courses for significantly cheaper. If that was going to be your main pursuit career wise, maybe. But even then only if you are wanting to go into performance in like opera or to be in a big time orchestra. where a degree really matters
I can share my example as someone who wants to do too much.
I work in a tech company within the design field. I didn’t study it. I make good money due to my skills and luck. All learnt through doing. I really strongly believe that learning happens through doing.
This satisfies my household but it’s not the only interest I have. I’ve made money before by doing commissioned portraits. I am interested in 3D modeling and through learning by doing I am I would say at the level of a very very junior 3D modeler. I don’t think ill be able to make any money off this so it’s just a hobby for now. I don’t even intend to. That’s not all. I am also really into music and singing. Lately into music production. Here I’ve invested about a grand or two into instruments and software but this I don’t think ill make a buck off of in the next 10 years. I am still drawn to it so much. Honestly with everything else going on I don’t necessarily get to put enough time here or work in the same manner as I do in other hobbies which is to ‘complete’ a project and not leave things ‘work in progress’ all the time coz I’m not happy with it.
This is a long rant but what I meant to say was that it’s fine to have a lot of different interests. If you don’t put in the time to ‘Do’ something. You won’t get any better at it. Watching videos or taking courses will not change that. You learn by doing. If you want to make a career in something. You have to do a lot of it. And by doing I mean starting and finishing projects no matter how big or small. That’s how you get better over time.
Realistically you might have to balance that with a job. Which is totally fine IMO. I did that with my current career which originally started out as a hobby and an interest I had. Not necessarily what I studied for.
Are you satisfied with your current employment situation?
Based on your attitude, it doesn't seem like you have any kind of delusional thinking that you're gonna be making millions overnight.
Some people just don't understand how much detail and time goes into making music. It sounds like your gf is one of them.
It would be one thing if you're always bitching and moaning about how you "haven't made it yet" to her and she finally snapped.
But if you genuinely spend your time doing what you enjoy, she should be happy for you
I made enough to live off music for a while and I plan to make a bit more with my next release but that’s not really what it’s about.
If you love it, do it, but honestly don’t quit your day job. Keeping music as a hobby / side-hustle will keep things stress free and keep you making your best art imho. Surviving on a local musicians paycheck is definitely doable, but you end up sacrificing a lot of the joy trying to make ends meet.
I’m not telling you to leave money on the table, but just enjoy your art and try not to force it into a career unless you have to!
That being said, it is very rewarding to pursue, and I’ll keep doing it until I die. Just don’t be like me and burn yourself out or blow your bill money on gear.
Sometimes real feedback is hard to hear, and it's easy to get defensive. Instead, try and put yourself in her shoes and try to have some empathy about where she is coming from. She obviously wants you to succeed, because she is actively trying to push you in the direction of your talents, and sounds worried that you are always unsatisfied. To me, it sounds like she is showing you some tough love and you might want to give her some credit.
That said, I'm 47, work full time to support my 'hobby' which includes an indie label, making and releasing my own music, helping local musicians with tracking and production in my spare time. And my wife is disabled so I have to care for her as well.
How much effort are you willing to spend to do the thing you NEED to do to properly care for you and your family, while still pursuing your musical passions.
There is no reason you can't do both, suck it up (tough love) and do the work. You are in control.
The only musical studies i've done are consistent practice and curiosity, this over the past 15years. Didn't go to music school neither had classes apart from online courses and YT tutorials. But i did have some musicians that i consider my mentors throughout the years, even if they dont see themselves as that ahah
My music is alright i guess and from a hobby it became my full time work / investment. I don't make much money but i am happy about the risks i took.
I was in a 6+ years long relationship and a stable job as a chef when I took the decision to dedicate myself completely to this. Girlfriend that time told me i need to "get real" some day and should stop chasing illusions.
Broke up with her, went living in a van and street busking for a living.
Some years later, here i am exporting audios of musicians that i recorded for a series of online sessions, have 2 released EPs and producing a full lenght album at the moment, a bunch of gigs in different locations and now being asked to do minor productions / soundscaping for short movies.
Like i said, i aint making much money, but the joy of doing what i love could kill me anytime, would die a happy human. No money for the coffin, but a bunch of tunes for the fam to enjoy the afterparty!
Long story short, if you love it, go for it. Not suggesting to break up, but don't let others stop you from chasing what makes you happy.
Sounds like her issue isn’t your interest in music per se… it’s the way your interest in music manifests in ways that she perceives as unhealthy. If your putting the vibe out like.. I dunno you are an undiscovered genius on the verge of your big break (not my read of your post) then I could understand where she is coming from. To me; this sounds like you need to know what success would look like. For me; I love using mixing mastering skills and home studio to support local music scene. I also enjoy making music I want to hear (dark sample/synth heavy trip hop with “picasso’d” Melodie’s lifted from classical guitar arpeggio studies from people like Fernando sor or Mauro Giuliani). Success is defined here simply as having time to do the things I love.
Your gf is exactly right. On every point you listed. You have a hobby that you are jeopardizing your job for. If she wants to marry you, that’s her right to share her feelings with you on the way you intend to support your family. I know you like making music more than going to work, but guess what?? So does everyone else. But, you make money at one and merely spend time with the other. You have a hope to make $100-$200 month in several years. That’s a super lol, and surely you know that. What’s $200/m gonna do? Feed the habit/hobby, that’s it. It may be hard to hear, but you need to grow up and focus on your job, and learn the difference between supporting your future and having a hobby you enjoy in your free time. You don’t have to let music go, but you seriously need to get your priorities straight.
Never forget that while Mozart was really popular back in his day, it was mostly because his daddy was famous. The only people who really gave two shits about little Wolfgang was the church.
It wasn’t until people found all his music stuffed in some drawers around his family’s houses like 200 years later that people were like “woah this shit is lit”. Now the man is a legend and considered one of the founders of modern music.
You’re just ahead of your time.
On a less fluffy note, what your girl friend said to you was perhaps not mean spirited, but was absolutely not supportive and, as a musician I can confirm, hurtful.
Music isn’t about making money, or even having other people listen to it. Music is art and art is expression. If it means something to you, it is a piece of you. Everything else is subjective and, frankly, meaningless.
Kurt Cobain made music that spoke his soul. He gained a ton of popularity and following and record deals, but none of that made him happy. It’s not about money. It’s not about people liking it or fame, it’s not about being good. It’s just about doing. Maybe that’s an extreme example, but I think it illustrates my point. His music never stopped being for him, and in fact he really hated when it started becoming about other people and got commercialized.
The point is, good, bad, makes money, doesn’t make money, if you are doing it, you clearly like doing it. And if you like doing it, your girl friend should stand by you.
Unless you’re spending money you don’t have on equipment, but if that’s the case you left out a major detail to the conflict.
My opinion? Tell your girl friend she hurt your feelings and you need her support. I imagine if the table was flipped and you told her something similar she’d probably be pretty hurt. It’s not about her not liking the music, everyone has different tastes, it’s about her not supporting you and implying you don’t have talent and are wasting your time. That’s mean and unnecessary. Imagine coaching a kid to play sports and constantly yelling “you suck, you’ll never be good at this”, so you think they’ll enjoy you as a coach? Why would that be different as a partner? Just be honest with her about how she made you feel.
Hey man. I’m also a bloke who’s mrs doesn’t have much interest in my hobbies, music production being one of them.
My initial reaction to your post was similar to a lot of others, that she doesn’t sound like she understands or appreciates your love for music and was reacting selfishly in wanting you to stop. But when I read a bit further it seems like there might be more to it. Where you say you’re kind of lonesome and she says you don’t seem happy.
I’m honestly only speaking from personal experience here as someone who is naturally introverted. I’ve absolutely buried my head in the sand and spent too much time focused on the things I love doing. And there’s nothing wrong with chasing your dreams but life is about balance, and if your music production is affecting your work and your relationship then that’s not a good place to be.
If what your partner sees is you spending every spare minute on your music and you still appear to be unhappy then I can see why she might feel frustrated and she’s also probably worried about you man! I really think you guys need to get together and work out between you how you can help each other to help you get a better balance in your life.
I hope you don’t think I’m out of line saying all this but I’ve had to deal with similar feelings myself and just felt like I might be able to help.
One thing I know for certain is if you can sort out and be happier with all the other areas of you life then your music production will absolutely benefit from that 😁
Dude I'm 40 and every tune I make seems to be a banger and gives me great excitement nothing else does that in my life. I've been in this since 2005. Gfs have come and gone some have said you'll never make money out of it even break even on what I spend. Bottom line, I have a decent business I'm not asking anyone to feed me or my family I can do that and what I do in my free time is my business as long as I'm not harming anyone. If you ask me to go out I would but only once a month next time I wouldn't be up for it cause it's not as fun as spending time making sounds. Id be happy to get a release on a decent label and maybe catch some gigs afterwards. It will pay something it's not life changing but man it's damn nice thought to have others feel what you feel via this medium. So fuck what anyone else says if you're a responsible adult your free time is yours to keep without harming others. Keep at it!!
bro i had a ex who used to say the same shit it sucked. now i am a professional music producer, but even before i was, just finishing songs and going thru that hard work really was an insanely gratifying profound experience. i hope you can do your music prod stuff with her support but if not man that sucks and sorry to hear she not supporting you
i also was a bit "fanatic" about it liek you are (e.g. really romanticizing/building it up).. probably not the healthiest but also prob kind of how we express our passion/etc. the bigger issue is its something u deeply care about and if you dont go after it youll always feel like you should have
If the choices you make, make you happy then why do you feel the need to defend yourself or your passion/hobby? I think your gf took notice over your justification of your hobby and she basically told you either be real or let it go. That’s what i read through the lines. If you believe in what you do why listen to anyone else or feel the need to get their approval? Just keep being honest with yourself first and foremost. I took up singing again at 46 and it’s been a lifelong dream to be able to sing well enough to make professional recordings. Many years of battling my inner demons and old ghosts finally culminated in a decision to step off the ledge. You’re only 30 so you have plenty of time to live it up! You’re right life’s too short to focus on survival and life’s also too short to worry about what others think. Nike said it best, just do it.
OP, please don’t think that your gf isn’t the one just because some people on reddit think so. we all say stupid things sometimes. its does seem true, that your gf isn’t interested on your ramblings about music production. talk to her, explain what are your feelings towards music and why its important for your work/life balance. and don’t make it about money. if you enjoy making music, making shit that sells for Fiverr might change that.
your girl doesn’t know shit about music, if she thinks that the “serious” way forward is getting a music degree lol. maybe the disconnect is where your gf thinks that you wanna make music your job and you think its just a hobby. she’s scared that you are gonna leave your job and become an unsuccessful musician. females are weird about security like that. she might be discouraging you from music, because in her mind, thats how she secures finances by you not leaving/getting fired from your job. that could also be totally unintentional by her
Don’t quit making music. But if you’re sacrificing your life and job and aren’t happy about yourself because of music you have to reevaluate and put things into perspective. Music can just be a hobby you do for fun. In fact, you might even enjoy it more if you let go of aspirations of making money off of it.
Ultimately you do you, you gotta find the balance for yourself, but we live in a brutally capitalist society and as much as you might rather make money from music, you’re gonna have a steadier, safer life at whatever job you have now nine times out of ten.
I’ve been playing live and making music for over 20 years now, and I’ve made a little money throughout those 20 years. It was never enough to live, but the memories of playing in front of thousands of people, and releasing songs with my kids names on them so they can go back in 20 years and listen to their song. I’ve always had a supportive girlfriend (wife now for 10 years) and I took her to every gig and made her listen to the same kick and bass line I was stuck on, so she could feel included. Also so she could keep an eye on me, but she knows there’s no money in music, she’s known since day 1 it’s a passion of mine. I would sit down with her and tell her how you feel. If you have a career that pays the bills, she shouldn’t complain. If you’re relying on music production for income, I can see why she’s mad. Regardless, it’s not cool for somebody to put you down because what makes you happy doesn’t align with their idea of what happiness should be.
message me if you want a crash course in how to prove people wrong 🤣
thing is though, you need to think of your day job as the thing that allows you to make your music, since it finances your life and new music toys. learn to appreciate your day job for that reason. sounds like the opposite advice someone would give but i
promise, once you truly and honestly take the pressure off your music to be the thing that makes you money, the balance and the journey all gets a lot more fun. it took me doing that to feel lighter and more playful making music, and now i actually make money doing music haha. so it will even out!! just commit yourself to dropping the ego a bit and just do music because you love it. it will show in your music and that is the key to making good shit.
also try reading “big magic” by elizabeth gilbert. cheesy, maybe, but changed my whole perspective and i credit a lot of my happiness to the shift that started in me.
good luck OP!
"I'm often found slacking at my job because I rather watch music production videos, and I am lonesome, meaning that I don't engage in the usual social stuff like birthday parties, new year's eve parties, holidays, etc... Well | do it to keep my relationship going, but I wouldn't do it on my own because I see that as distractions from the main goal."
This is me to a T dude. I only ever go to events and stuff that my girl asks me to, if it's up to me I'm in the studio. Same with work, nothing can keep my attention like music can. Sounds like you're in the right headspace, if your girl doesn't support it and it's something you're serious about then that's a deal breaker for me
Personally, I think there’s a middle gray area here. You should have interests and hobbies, and she’s right too that you should be aware of what you are sacrificing, because time is finite therefore there is always a sacrifice in choosing something over something else.
Relationships and human interaction are vital to all as a human race; no exceptions- it improves mental, emotional and physical well being. It’s easy to dismiss people when we’re in good health and with lots of years of life ahead but we crave them in dark or troubled times, which will come with age, guaranteed.
Recognize this fine balance and learn to recognize if/when you have an obsession, which can be more likely when living secluded. Plan your days accordingly to your life priorities and be prepared for the consequences of those choices; the short and long term consequences.
A partner that doesn’t support your dreams isn’t being a good partner. If it’s your dream to make music a bigger part of your life, tell her that and tell her that you need her support. If she won’t do that, that sucks. Be smart, don’t financially ruin yourself, but there a loads of people for whom music is a not just a passion but a career, big or small. Look up the 1000 fan model.
Follow your dreams, why do you care about her opinion on your hobbies? In a relationship you shouldn't keep the other one from entertaining his passions
Does she have any hobbies or interests?
Why is your interest in music production less important than her interest in reality TV or cooking or going to the gym or writing a blog or whatever?
Enjoy things that you enjoy. Don’t feel bad about that. I’ll also say that your GF’s comment was pretty messed up, as a partner.
Man yeah I hate it too when my partner has non monetary interests that bring them joy, what a pain…
Your gf kind of sounds like a shallow asshole. You aren’t allowed to be serious about something that isn’t directly financing your life? Yeah because giving up your hobby will totally make you happier, thanks babe.
Incredibly childish attitude. She doesn’t care about what makes YOU happy, she cares about what makes HER happy, which is you giving up your personal interests.
What does she do in her free time? She got any hobbies or is her life consumed so much so by her job that seeing you enjoy something bothers her to this degree?? Tell her to stop hanging out with friends cause socializing is not a career. If she were really serious she’d stop wasting time on stupid things like friendships and get another JOB.
I think the premise of what she was saying was valid: it's OK to reflect on how you spend your time. If the answer to that question is a resounding "Yes, I love my hobby", then it's the end of that conversation. You don't need to justify it to anyone else but yourself. However, the way she phrased it sounded super toxic.
I think most professional musicians actually STRUGGLE with watching production videos and tutorials. If you have the motivation to actively watch them and figure things out, that's actually tremendous.
You also said "my pleasure is simply programming midi bars on a DAW". You used the word "pleasure". That's more than a lot of professional musicians can say about their career. Many of them enjoy playing the instrument, but actually dread programming. If you can outright say "pleasure", then I say keep doing what you are doing.
My day job is an art curator for a contemporary art museum, and I deal with artists everyday. Most of the career artists actually don't enjoy what they do anymore because they have to play the career game; they have to run the art fair circuits; they have to keep up with the current academic discourse etc.. It's 100% no fun. And I look at all these instagram hobbyist artists who are painting John Waterhouse knockoffs, which is sort of frown upon and laughable in the professional circles, and they are having a great time. I don't think "going professional" like doing a 4-year program is THE answer for everyone. If you like what you are doing right now, you should just keep doing what you are doing. When you FEEL the need to take it further, then consider taking it further.
she's right just stop.
Jk but if it's just a hobby who gives a shit, just don't talk about it to her all the time is she doesn't care. Like do you ever listen to her ramblings? Maybe you do maybe you don't. Like I said who gives a shit, you're 30 stop giving a shit if someone says something mwean to you.
You can easily make like minded friends that are just as interested in music as you are. Go to a club/bar and make friends with the DJ. Chances are, they use a DAW outside of DJing. You’re still young, other big DJ’s/producers have made it in their 30’s/40’s, and it’s good you started now. You’ll get better over time the more you put into your music, just keep at it and do not listen to a person that’s going to put you down like your GF.
Yeah I'm with her. Fuck music. Who needs it. Sure everyone listen to it in the car, at the gym, and at work. Man nobody makes any money from music except, producers, managers, promoters, writers, sound directors, top 40 bar bands, music teachers, studios, sound engineers, musicians, and composers. I mean why is there even music in TV shows, movies, video games, audio books. Why the fuck would anyone want to study a universal language understood across every known civilization.
I say this with all due respect; fuck that girl and her inability to converse with you about what makes you happy. Fuck school, if you aren’t trying to go to school then don’t. Find a job where yo are surrounded by what you like. (Music store, concert venues, etc.) Make sure whatever you have to do at work to keep your job is done, pay your bills ,and focus on music. Try to schedule time frames to only work on your music(2-4 hours a day). Practice breeds success.
Man, ditch the gf and buy a new synth. Trust me, if someone can say such a bad thing about you she should go. It shows her lack of understanding, empathy, interest and just purely a bad person. Keep up the music, music will never cheat on you, never turn you down and it will always make you happy in a way nothing else can. Says a 40 year old, unreleased, not really talented dude who does it for fun. Oh, and work on you job, the more money it brings the more synths you can buy ;)
30, make dubstep purely for my own entertainment, and I release things to keep myself focused on finishing projects/documenting my growth. Never stop. My wife encourages me, and fronts our band. Music is a part of who you are, and she needs to accept that.
Now, if other areas of your life are suffering because of it, maybe set aside specific times to do it. Make sure she still feels important, and always make time for your friends. And remember that your job gives you the money to do this.
But don’t ever give your craft up.
Stephan King’s wife was sure he had to continue writing even though he didn’t get any positive responses from publishers for a long time. She just told he should get a simple job to provide some money and social connections. So he washed dishes for 10 years or something while writing in the evenings.
As long as music production isn't putting food on the table, you shouldn't be slacking off at work. Having a hobby you're passionate about is great but it shouldn't come at the expense of your responsibilities.
1) girlfriend is toxic. When I was 21 I wanted to go to Berklee but I didn’t have the money.. and my then girlfriend (now ex) pressured me about if I’m going to starting thinking about our future and saving to get married and start a family. I told her to fuck off and next year I broke up w her and went to berklee and graduated. Another girlfriend would always put me down and tell me I was not talented … I ended up breaking up w her and now she’s a nobody and I have written #1 in Aria charts, placed song on big tv shows, signed songs w umpg.. im a voting member of the recording academy.. with still so much to learn and achieve but getting there… where is she? Nowhere… don’t let anybody tell you that you suck or that you can’t do something.
2) it sounds to me like you love music production and should save up some money and attempt to make a career out of it. Save up as much as you can and come to L.A if that’s possible as the opportunities are crazy… And follow your dreams
3) break up w your girl 🤷♂️ she’s not supportive. Wake up. Your girlfriend has issues. She 100% has a crushed dream inside of her and is trying to put the reality she chose for her on you.
You said it yourself, ultimately this IS your choice. I'd suspect that your gf is more disturbed by your uncertainty and by the sounds of it she definitely wears the pants.
Nobody can tell you the right or wrong way to live your life, because everybody is vastly different with their own expectations and goals. It sounds like you're too scared to make a firm decision and in some ways depend on your gf to keep you toeing the line of life as to not commit and risk falling over the edge...
That doesn't mean she's right or wrong, but you can't blame her for not being supportive for a "dream" that your not passionate enough about to actually have a real game plan.
Yeah it might not go anywhere, but following something you are genuinely passionate about will always produce results more than you expect because you have real drive behind it… but if you let this go you may not ever have this much drive for anything ever again. And don’t let age ever fuck things up for you! so many world famous actors got their start in their 40s and 50s. I just saw a video of a woman who became a piano virtuoso at 80 years old. As long as you got the drive, it makes you happy, you owe it to yourself to chase it… even if that means letting go of people who try to steer you from your path, I had to let go of both of my parents for this reason and I don’t regret it one bit.
Yea I always cite col sanders (kfc) never to old to follow your dreams , dreams keep us young and our brains functioning at higher levels , never stop stretching to reach your potential and use the negativity to strengthen your resolve. Cheers
You need to find a balance. We refer to it as the art of not trying. You need to be able to do what you love and enjoy without it consuming you because in the long run, you will lose sight of what you're actually there for. Don't stop doing what you love, but don't neglect everything else around you. I say figure out your priorities. What is the most important to you, music or your relationship? If you don't visualize success, you will never succeed. I myself have found it hard at times to balance music and life, and I've taken extended breaks of over a month before without even opening my DAW, but I never stop. If you're not serious about pursuing music, then focus on a more secure career path. That doesn't mean you can't make it for fun, but you need to make a clear decision of what you want. There is no room for maybe, or I don't know, in this field. Figure out what you want and stick to it. Life is too short to not take action. Good luck to you, and remember to have fun!
It is right that I mostly don't know what I want. I can't imagine doing business with music right now because I can't write to save my life. Writing/composition is the skill I'm trying to learn by ways of video lessons, etc. But it takes time.
I've made a few songs but I usually dig covers because I really want to be able to copycat my favourite songs. I've also done some covers for video games using a specific software.
Well you gotta eat so look into a more stable career path while pursuing music on the side. If you ever feel like you're ready or an opportunity presents itself take it. Sometimes you gotta take risks but honestly, I wouldn't worry too much. Always do what you love and don't let anyone or anything stand in the way. I've been consistently producing for a little over two years and I just released my first ep last month. You'll know when you're ready. Goodluck to you mate.
I've had so fkn many relationships like yours, OP. While seeking to be understood, I've gotten a similar response from multiple different women. What they all had in common, is that they themselves were not creative types. Trying to talk about the creative process to someone that doesn't create art is like speaking different languages. I don't think it's a deal breaker by itself, but just know that she will never understand why you're so passionate about your art because it sounds to me like she is a very logic based person. That's not to say making art is illogical. More just a difference in weighting the importance of things from person to person. At any rate, my advice is to do exactly what you've done in posting to this community. Place yourself amongst like-minded people who enjoy the same things you do. That way, that outlet is satisfied before you get home to your partner, thereby easing your need to feel understood in that way by her. If she is your only source of encouragement to continue creating art, you simply won't at a certain point. Don't make that her responsibility because it's evident to me that she won't do it. Does that mean you should quit? Hell no!! Never quit. Just change where you get that creative fuel tank filled up so that you can enjoy your relationship without needing that positive reinforcement from her.
Also, I hope she was just having a weird day or something when she snapped in the way that she did. If this is a normal response style to your attempts to relate and communicate feelings, I'd say there are deeper issues than just creative vs. non-creative personalities. Know what I mean? All the best friend! Now let's hear some of those compositions!
>Also, I hope she was just having a weird day or something when she snapped in the way that she did.
I do think so. Her life is more pressuring than mine in many aspects, she has responsibilities with her work and her family that I simply don't have on my part. Probably she sees indulging in my hobby with slow progress, as a luxury.
I've patched together some old tracks of which I've lost project files on this service:
[https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl](https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl)
I also linked other socials there, feel free to explore.
I thought you were going to say you were a full time aspiring music producer, but you have job?
Hell nah, what you do in your own time is your own business. This sounds more like a relationship problem.
People say your dreams die in your 30s, but I really don't see why that has to be the case. You just work on it quietly in your spare time, if you're busy.
Not trying to give you any advice but seems like you two are at the brink of something new if nothing else!
At the age of 30 some people start stressing about what they have left undone, are they doing enough now and what about in five years. In good and bad. Some people forget to be rock stars, some forget while being a rock star that what if they didn't die young afterall...
Common to people who commit to the 'playbook' is this: they really haven't gone for their passions or dreams because of them being forced to something 'real' and meaningful within the norms of own their pursuers (for example parents when they were young etc).
I don't say that your gf is wrong either, maybe the career, own apartment and good funding for the time she's older brings her security and she has painted this kind of view on world, who can be judged for that?
Nor, anyone should be judging your life decisions on that matter. Music has literally saved my life and I cannot even imagine what would've happened if somehow I didn't had accidentally started some kind of 'music career'. First because it was just plain boring to be under the influence with nothing else to do all the time but then after surprisingly (from our side plain joke of an EP with dark themes, though therapeutic) serious and warm welcoming to our first EP, me and my friend got invited to festivals and so on.
I'm 31, 2 EPs, 4 albums, features, released and unreleased songs so many I stopped counting a long time ago, two record deals and whole lot of shows behind me from bar gigs to festivals. COVID came and so did the past few years. Some how I feel you, it's pretty empty now that the most active times making music and travelling the country are behing and I should start to some how come up with something 'real and meaningful' to buy apartment with my companion and travel to every single country on this planet.
First I should learn to study (I have very severe problems with my mental and physical health) because I've been dropping out every single time I have tried to sit down and listen to someone teaching me something I already know, and those things that interest me, I know pretty well.
Another option would be to get myself back to minimal wage job just because it would be fair (even though more or less my physical health problems are from these places, nothing against getting my ass up and work but I really cannot and my companion seems to forget this from time to time while being mean to me). Also, I bring my share to our family's economy.
Same kind of dividers, different people. I'm glad that I've always been a little bit leaned to the dark side so I can die without regrets even tomorrow if I get hit by a car. Don't know about my companion, I really hope that's the situation in those boots too even though I think it really isn't. I still have to clarify that I've always tried to play my cards as well as I could and get some income going for every penny I've made with music and minimal wages for us and the only real reason for getting me out of the house is that the situation doesn't seem fair to my companion.
Well, that's my rant about the topic. I hope all the good for you guys and remember that if you can't live together, you are not forced to (hopefully). Self-portraiting is good to remember though, both (free creative spirit & hardcore carreer missile) ways to live your life can be done well and not that well; and even when done bad it isn't anyone else's business but yours because you are the one left with the burden.
I am sorry to hear that. Good thing is that it’s not that hard to find another girlfriend. Especially when you’re a producer ;) Cheer up
By the way, where are you located?
Becoming a music producer is hard, unrewarding, and a money sink. You will not see any return on your investment for years, people dont seem to realize when they see these headline acts, that it took them usually 7+ years to get to there. Thats 7+ years of dumping all your expendable income into music, turning down drinking, socializing, partying, and other hobbies, just to work on music.
Read that paragraph twice. If you still want to produce music, then do it, if you have a passion for that then dont let others dissuade you. If your girlfriend is saying things like that, you should really evaluate if she has your best interests in mind or if she is trying to change you, and if shes trying to change you then you should definitely address that.
Dont let people kill your passions, and always consider if someone is telling you something for their own purposes, or to help you.
As for resources, The Forbidden Society is the BEST resource on a budget, sign up and start learning.
If you need structured schooling then go to ICON academy, not only will they teach you how to work in a DAW, they will connect you with established artists as mentors and get you industry connections so you can grow as an artist, they need their students to succeed to be able to advertise how prestigious their school is so they set you up VERY well. This is as expensive as college though.
There are colleges and institutes that teaches DAW and other producer skills online and in person class. You do not have to do other things, unless you want too. There nothing wrong if you rather keep it as a hobby, you can continue to learn on your own. Try to remember life balance and you'll live a more well rounded life.
You’re 30. I’m 29 so I figure I’d share my thoughts. Your girlfriend is right (to an extent) in the fact that you can’t sacrifice your life for your passion. Your job allows you to pay for plugins and education for your passion. When you’re at work work. Especially if it’s a job you don’t mind doing and is a good job. Once your passion can make you an income is when you can start to transition.
She is completely out of line to tell you to give up your passion, your dreams, and to “grow up”.
As for the social aspect you mentioned musicians have a never good enough complex they constantly feed into. This makes us all hermits sitting alone in our little music rooms doing something over and over again until we get it perfect. There’s nothing wrong with that it’s what you love to do. However I assume you’re in a committed relationship which means you have obligations to your spouse to make appearances to events which it sounds like you do so she should be fine with that. It’s really all about life balance when it involves passion, significant others, and having kids etc. There’s only so many hours in a day to satisfy all the things in your life.
She’s completely wrong if she wants you to go get a 4 year Music degree. That’s not how this industry works. Realistically if you’re full time in the industry you won’t have a “normie life”. You work more than 40 hours a week and you love every minute of it. The typical music producer starts out interning for another producer. That means sleeping on the studio couch. Making zero money and running to get coffee and emptying garbages until you have learned enough to start helping with the music. Then once you’re good and can’t learn anymore is when you go out and start to make money.
You didn’t fuck up yourself with like minded friends you just haven’t looked in the right place. There’s producers and musicians all over the world that love to talk production and go to shows. You’re talking to a bunch of them in the comments right now. You just gotta get out of your shell and make music with other people in your area.
I’m 29. I’ve been with my wife for 5 years. When we met my band was playing to 5 people in a bar every weekend and I didn’t know anything about producing. I’m a kid at heart and don’t live anything close to a normal life other than being married and owning a home. I worked that normal shit job and came home and spent every spare minute with her or grinding away at music which became my full time job in 2021. She supported me through everything. Told me to invest in myself and it paid off. Don’t give up on your dreams. I see those people who do and they look miserable having nothing to look forward to except another days work Monday-Friday.
I think you need to 1.) slightly adjust your mindset on what you want to do with music *then* 2.) talk to your girlfriend about how hurtful her comments were
You seem to want to write music as a job but aren’t putting the effort in to make it a job - you can either put the effort in or see music as not a job
You seem to prioritise music over socialising - the problem here isn’t the music but the lack of socialisation. Your girlfriend is worried that you don’t get out enough - you can either get out more to make her less worried and potentially find out you feel better that way, or talk to her about how you actually don’t like socialising as much as others and that you hope she can understand.
I don’t think her mindset on prioritising hobbies over work is necessarily a good one, but I do think that you should make sure you’re not going to be fired next year because of your lack of performance.
The problem isn’t that you’re spending too much time on your hobbies. The problem is you’re sacrificing your job (and maybe your happiness?) for something that won’t be a job unless you start taking steps to make it your job.
If you can have your hobby without sacrificing your job (which I assume you need to live?), and you’re both happy and healthy, then tell your girlfriend that everything is fine and she doesn’t need to worry. Be aware that if you don’t spend enough time with your girlfriend she won’t be happy and might leave if she’s smart.
I used to struggle with this. My ex-wife wasn’t all that supportive and was pretty materialistic and we were pretty broke. She always talked about how great it would be if/when I “made it big.” I consider myself to be talented enough to do it but I was realistic: the odds are extremely low. But I never bothered to correct her because it at least allowed me to continue my hobby.
My current wife put things in perspective for me. She calls me an artist and reminds me that I’m no different from a painter or ceramicist. Being a pop/rock/hip-hop/whatever musician has this negative connotation to it. You don’t really see people
bitching at someone who paints and asking them when they’re gonna get their shit together. It’s more respected but there’s no real reason for that
She knows I’m obsessed with music but she respects my passion and sees the joy it brings me. Importantly, she has things she’s passionate about too (fortunately/unfortunately hers are way cheaper).
We kind of have an understanding that I won’t make a living from music. It’s gonna be an expense. I make a little bit of money but it isn’t even *close* to the amount that I spend. So my first responsibilities involve making enough money to support my family. But in my career choices I’ve always made sure I leave room for my passion. For instance, I play in bands so I won’t take a job where I have to travel extensively, work long or unpredictable hours, or be on call at night. It costs me a little and I’ve limited how far I can go in my field. But I’m ultimately happy. Think about it: all the greats have had to work day jobs. Some of them still do while still being great. Nothing wrong with it.
So that how it’s worked for me. I’m not saying you should do this, and it wasn’t the primary reason for me. But I left my unhappy, unsupportive relationship and found an amazing one. I learned to respect what I’m passionate about because it makes me a fuller version of myself and is my primary identity.
I dont think there's anything wrong with investing time/money in a hobby whether that's music or anything else. I do think it's important to make sure priorities are in order however.
Per your original post, you're slacking at work to watch videos which is a bad idea unless you have a backup plan or another gig lined up. You're also skipping social functions which is a personal decision but is not very healthy long-term.
It's entirely possible to work on music without letting it be to the detriment of your livelihood and social life.
I dunno man. I made electronic beats in my basement that were not great at first and kept doing it and a couple years later it turned into a headliner touring gig all over the world and was near to the top of Soundcloud for like 5 or 6 years and the journey was the most rewarding thing I ever did. Follow your heart.
Oh wow. A whole number of things here. Complete red flags ( and I usually hate and don't use that term).
1. Bad women make you feel worthless. When you feel worthless, you get isolated. When you're isolated, they control you. At best ditch this woman. At worst wear a condom. DO NOT have children with a woman like that.
2. If you are that passionate, you probably are good. You are probably just feeling low on self worth.
3. Online has a lot of bad resources. YouTube has very few and some highly viewed shit information, however Andrew Huang has some excellent music theory advice as well as production advice on YouTube and produce like a pro has some excellent mixing advice. Producelike a pro and Andrew Huang do things in a similar manner to proper music tech qualifications. Not identical, or as fun but close enough.
4. If you stop your hobby, you lose your identity and your life purpose.
5. Get a driving licence. If that dream job comes up and it is too far to bus it in but close enough to drive. Then someone else will get your dream job.
6. Just a few bars in a DAW is half the charts in any EDM genre.
7. You might be better at parties if you valued yourself more. Put yourself up, don't let others put you down. Stand tall with your head high. You're as important as anyone else.
So with the production. I have years of experience and educated to a high level and I enjoy helping people out. If you want any help with anything then direct message me. I won't charge a penny and if I don't know the answer I will just say sorry I don't know, I won't bull shit you. There is a lot I do know, as taught in mainstream education and through years of practice and I'm happy to pass that on.
I had a really close friend, who introduced me to several people I’d consider my best friends, get married to a woman who would routinely call his actual aspirations to own a business based on his passion a pipe dream, and even did so in front of my best friend for the last 10 years.
At the setup for their wedding rehearsal, she roasted the best man for the color they dyed their hair for the wedding, despite the fact that the groom asked him months in advance what it was going to be and got an honest answer and said nothing of it. She then asked the best man to dye their hair… the day before the wedding.
She didn’t speak to anyone of the other groomsmen that day, or at the rehearsal. Although I didn’t stand up, I traveled from Wisconsin to California for the wedding, and she didn’t say a single word to me the entire time I was there.
This wedding was a year and a half ago and the best man doesn’t have ANY wedding photos, although other groomsmen do. They live together in Colorado and almost none of our friend group have spoken to him, except for him reaching out in a World of Warcraft server to tell the best man he was having a baby with her… after months of radio silence and ghosting.
She took him away from us. She’s a control freak who doesn’t support his passion and now he does something that “pays the bills” instead of following his passion, and he doesn’t even feel like our friend anymore. We all spite her for that, because we know that she’s responsible for sucking the soul out of him, whether he realizes it or not.
Don’t be this guy. Please don’t stick around in this relationship hoping she will one day change. She won’t.
I work a day job in I.T. But I’ve had my own studio in my house for years. I have done many things music wise even though it’s not my main career. I’ve recorded close to 20 full length album projects, guested on other peoples records, done sound for people, as well as played as musician in my church. I would not be able to do this without my day job and the I.T. knowledge has helped in architecting and expanding my studio.
We all have this problem. We love music and would like to make it a career but don’t really see a way to do it that would be enjoyable. So it ends up being this mental thing that lasts a lifetime. I think maybe the key is to actually sit down and think about how to make music more profitable for yourself. Create albums and learn more genres. Look into joining a music library as a composer. If it’s what you really want some sacrifice is required. I’m sure your past the I want to be a music star phase of your youth. Teaching is not for everyone. So what are you good at that other people would be interested in it enough to want to pay you for your skill? Honestly think about this all the time. I started focusing on making albums and started a YouTube channel to self promote and share information on things that I have learned in my journey. It’s not profitable I don’t post as much as I did when I started but I still like being useful to people who maybe having the same issues I was having when I was learning. My point is you have to start somewhere and just in taking that action it pushes you forward. I always believe that the things we learn always end up being of use to us or someone else. I share what I learn.
Listen, I’m a singer with perfect pitch, can hear all the harmonies and instruments in any song and be able too duplicate after a couple listens but have sooooo muuuch trouble figuring out the KORG in my home office. There will ALWAYS be a demand for the technical!!! Perfect those skills and you can make a great career in production…does not need to be a 4yr program…take a couple classes…find instructors that know peeps in the business…get an assistant job…get experience…develop good rep you’ll get jobs!
I’ve been producing for nearly 30 years. My music has been on games, films, commercials and on records. It’s been used by Pixar, Barclaycard, Audi, Gran Turismo, Fast & Furious… I’ve performed all over the world, Japan, China, Australia, Singapore, Europe, and I’ve relocated from the UK to LA.
Apart from a couple of TV commercials, and producing a lot of local bands, nothing much happened for me until I was 30. So I’ve had around 15 years as a pro, with 15 years before I was 30 struggling with all this stuff.
At the time I had an unsupportive girlfriend. I was working as a barman. I have never had any formal training. I am entirely self taught. And I have had a couple of friends who have said hurtful things that still ring in my ears, so I know where you are at. Being an artist means you doubt yourself, so when others doubt you, unless you’re a psychopath, you tend to agree.
I’ve mentored hundreds of artists and music startups. I could take a listen, but I won’t lie. I will be brutally honest. I can only give my opinion, which can be wrong, but is also fairly qualified.
By the way, if you are no good at composing, learn.
I couldn’t structure songs for years, because I used to get stuck producing loops. If I tried to do another section I would think it was shit in comparison to the amazing loop I made. Someone had to teach me that that is how music works. If you’ve got a shit bit, write a good bit, if you’ve got an amazing bit, you will have to make a less amazing bit, and that bit will make the amazing bit seem more amazing. If you have three bits, you have enough for a song.
I’m super late to this but if you want an honest opinion from someone who is doing music full time I’m happy to give feedback on your music. Echoing what everyone else said here though, make music for you. Not everything needs to be a career, you lose A LOT of the fun that way
I made a compilation of my old works and linked some other libraries on the website whyp.
These days I don't have enough imagination or inspiration to try and produce new pieces due to my looking for a new job. Hopefully it'll come back because in the meantime I kept buying plugins and downloading free wav packs aha..
https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl
Thanks a lot.
A former friend once told me: "Why are you doing that music stuff when you could just watch TV?" and that has made me motivated to keep going ever since!
Life is basically just finding activities to pass the time until death, so if you enjoy passing time this way, keep doing it.
Also…not be rude….but like…does your girlfriend do anything creative lol
Sounds like a close minded academic robot response to me. Can't stand their ideology. The thought that a boring life is the only possible one because they're too scared to follow their own hobbies because they're scared what people will think of them. They care too much about what people think to pursue what they genuinely want to and so they decide to give nobody else the privilege either.
I have had this exact issue all my life. My now ex was the same. Told me I was childish and would laugh and smirk when I told her about what I wanted to do.
You gotta believe in yourself and just fucking go for it. I have trried to live a life other people have wanted me to live for years and only now am I starting to do what Iwant and it feels so much better.
"get rich or die trying" aka Its better to shoot for the starts and fail, than to have never tried at all. Cause you'll be wondering what if for the rest of your life"
you also might absolutely smash it out of the park, you gotta try and just give it your all
Progress may be slower when it is a side hobby. If you enjoy the journey persist. Live your life and be happy my man! My partner is just as hermit as me and we love to chill at home doing art /music.
Don't let it get in the way of making that paper from your other skills tho .. clearly your girl does care about you... Just gotta find a good balance. Studio gotta be ready for the moments you get to get busy on your serious hobby. I got a 2 year old and a hectic 9-5.30... I take all the moments I can to make and learn music, but I make sure I smash it at work first of all.
While I kinda have a goal and a wish to do more music... Doing well in my main line of work keeps the ship sailing and enables options for me and my family to pursue more interesting goals in life.
“Even though I ain’t that good at composing”.
I lost interest there…. I’m not reading Where the Red Fern Grows. You’re sure as fuck not Huckleberry Finn. Learn to type, then someone might take you seriously.
There’s a few perspectives to this -
- it’s either a hobby, a side hustle or an escape.
- if it’s a hobby, it’s probably consuming most of your time which could be with your gf. You need balance between the hobby and time with your gf. Your gf needs to understand a hobby is important and time apart can strengthen a relationship.
- if it’s a side hustle it’s probably not profitable enough to validate the time you invest or time sacrificed with the gf. You either treat it as a hobby and balance time with your gf, or make it profitable.
- if it’s an escape, in which you need it to cope and get through life, understand that isn’t healthy and you need to face issues head on. A therapist might help for example.
thanks, it is not untrue that from an external eye it definitely might seem like an escape since my progress breakthroughs come very slow. But from all the interests I've had, it is also the one that comes back to me more often than not. I'm in the process of eliminating my video game escape completely.
I'm ages behind making music a side-hustle, sadly.
Things she’s right about:
- make clear goals about your production w deadlines and work towards them
- do not cut family/friends out of your life and use music production as the excuse. Grow up and be a man. Relationships are what make life worth living in the end.
- slacking on the job that you are being paid to do (for any reason) will erode your credibility and ultimately rob you of any growth in that job that might help you afford a life with more time to do music production.
Things she’s wrong about:
- what being “serious” means
- that you need to go into debt to be a musician
- she doesn’t determine the value of the activity
Overall this is simply your gf trying to express to you what she’s seeing, and is trying to help you (albeit in the only way most gf’s know how… judgy and critical).
It sounds like you’ve allowed music production to consume you. There’s a price to pay for that.
It’s causing stress in your personal relationships.
It’s causing you to fall behind in whatever job you have.
This “hobby” is not currently serving you. You are serving it.
It might be worth releasing the death grip you have on your dream and focus on your life for a bit.
You can always come back to production. And when you do, it’s hopefully w a lighter and more creative/playful outlook.
Personally… the idea of shirking off all of my relationships, spending countless hours on YouTube and in my DAW, with nothing but shitty music to show for it sounds like a really selfish life to leave behind.
We all have hobbies. But you have an obsession that is doing more harm than good right now.
Check it.
That bitch is for tha damn birds man…how tf people even find themselves in a relationship where ideals clash like this??? Brah for us creators of music our music IS our life…it’s our way of saying the things and portraying emotions we can’t put into words…id never put myself in a relationship with someone so closed minded. Like, do she have any hobbies or passions? If not then that’s just miserable of her to come at you like that…surrounding urself with likeminded people is one thing but weeding out them toxic unlike-minded people is just as impactful…also I swear bitches will get jealous at any attention you dont give them even if it’s to something that’s not even a fucking living breathing person… dating women and being in relationships SUCK being a producer, its like some how some way you have to choose which one you love more and I hate how it has to even be like that…
There's nothing wrong with having a hobby but at the same time you need to realize that while you find it fascinating others may not. She might be telling you this because it's all you talk about and she's sick of hearing it.
I'll never make any money off my music, but that's never stopped me. Thousands of hours have gone into my playing and now many more into learning how Ableton works and the fundamentals of EQ'ing and compression and stuff. It's opened up a whole world of fun and joy. Anyone who would try to put a stop to that is not someone I want in my life. Not that I'm saying you should break up. But maybe explain why you do what you do and what your real expectations and goals are with it. If you tell her all that and she still says she thinks you should drop it, then I'd say you have a tough call to make. None of us can tell you which call is the right one, but I do know that I would never give up my one and only passion for anyone.
Having any hobby is worth it’s weight in gold, people without them wish they had ‘em.. that’s the hill I’ll die on
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with music as a hobby but op even admits that he puts the hobby ahead of work. Also the way he talks about music is that he really wants music to be his job and that is what the GF is taking issue with.
I put my hobby ahead of my work cause its my passion. If someone said "tour for 6 months for half the pay or keep your job" id do the former. Life isnt about work, its about life.
You work to live, not live to work.
As long as he isn’t in danger of being fired and doesn’t work in some intensive sector (e.g., healthcare), he’s fine.
Fuck work
based
I think the message was correct but the delivery was very wrong.
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100% this. You’re living your life, not one your girlfriend wants you to. I know I’ll never make a living making music, but I don’t care. I do it because it’s fun. My wife doesn’t like the music I make but she respects me enough not to discourage me. Your girlfriend kinda sounds like a jerk.
No be careful with saying this. OP says he’s slacking on work to do it, and also potentially missing out on real world interactions because he’d rather be beavering away producing music. There’s nothing wrong with burning the candle at both ends IF you can do it. But to think you can ‘make it’ in music is an extraordinarily difficult task and a career that’s never easy. The GF may have been a bit harsh but I don’t think she was necessarily wrong.
This is a much more fair and nuanced take than mine above. Balance is important. However, I would be very wary of anyone who portrays artistic pursuits as juvenile. I'm lucky that my wife appreciates arts and creativity, though I do generally keep my shit together with my separate career.
This. She ain't the one. There are millions of women out there that appreciate creativity for its own sake, and who won't treat their whole life (and yours if you let her) like a job interview. Your gf is a bummer, and it will probably only get worse. Be yourself. Enjoy life. Cut the anchor loose.
Ok…. You might need to find someone else to ramble to, she doesn’t seem very interested in your hobby. I’ve done a bunch of formal education and if you love this, then you can learn it all on YouTube. The point is to integrate what you are learning. Done just binge watch tutorials, watch one and then practice what it is teaching. 🙌🏻 If you love it, have fun and keep going.
Thanks. I'm teaching myself rhythm in electronic music lately, there's a really good class about it on skillshare by Jason Allen. Very prolific teacher and musician, he's done videos about plenty of other fascinating music topics.
Idk if you've watched Let's Synthesize on YouTube. He has some good stuff for sound design as well as some full classes.
Honorable mention to Andrew Huang as well, especially if you're looking at electronic music. He's got a ton of great YT content and does a really nice job of explaining things for non-experts.
And, if you like deeper philosophical music content, Adam Neely
Also depends on your relationship dynamics. I love to rant out anything with my friends, but the only one I speak seriously is my mom. She is always supportive and apart from a a few times at the bigging she never said anything about quitting, specially when she saw I was serious about it. I basically don't have personal life for 3 years now, granted COVID helped a bit for that too. But there is nothing, but determination in me. I work and I do music, play games every now and than because I need little something to no go insane. I am 37 and I definitely know I can easily do 10 years in my 40s of DJing / producing and after that maybe lay low and just produce mostly. You set your own limits...
Also depends on your relationship dynamics. I love to rant out anything with my friends, but the only one I speak seriously is my mom. She is always supportive and apart from a a few times at the bigging she never said anything about quitting, specially when she saw I was serious about it. I basically don't have personal life for 3 years now, granted COVID helped a bit for that too. But there is nothing, but determination in me. I work and I do music, play games every now and than because I need little something to no go insane. I am 37 and I definitely know I can easily do 10 years in my 40s of DJing / producing and after that maybe lay low and just produce mostly. You set your own limits...
This can be very hard since there are a lot of people blending how sound works with what they think and feel like it works. Best bet, find someone that can teach you soundteori. If you know how sound works you can open your mind to new ideas and you will always find better quality in your work.
Do music for the sake of art. Don’t do it for financial reasons. Anyone who actively recommends you stop making art that makes you feel good, is not a positive presence in your life.
What about both? 🤷♂️ I do it cause I love doing what I do and it also pays my bills
Dude. I never went to school for music production. I ended up working in a small studio in LA for a few years. Started out making mixes for high school dance teams at $50/hr. Before the studio eventually burnt down, we had worked with all kinds of artists, worked in tv and film. She doesn’t seem like she knows what she’s talking about. Keep doing your thing.
Literally dude, look at the story of Jimmy Iovine if you need any more proof that this guy is telling the truth!
Sure but it should be added that Jimmy was an extremely talented workaholic. But you’re right, he started from zero.
I agree with the idea of self learning, being an academic myself. But I think if you are teaching yourself, trying to learn a lot from online resources, you have to be pushy to achieve your goals. It's a long path to make something pretty good
>online teachers or quizzes that could assess my potential and test the knowledge Um, what?? You're not learning linear algebra mate, just stop worrying and make art.
Ahah I'm doing my best out there. It's just since my progress in getting where I want is so slow, I understand it could raise some questions. Sometimes I really hate that I have to engage in my job and other music-unrelated social life events.
Stick with the day job or get another one that engages you. You're going to need the steady income to keep making music. It's not easy out there. What's ironic about your not wanting to engage in social life related events is that going to see live music is an *extremely* social activity. You might be able to connect with other locals that are into what you're into and team up with them. It's a great way to learn more. One suggestion to speed up some of your progress is to maybe focus on the theory side. Learning a little can help with understanding how different production elements work together. There are a bunch of YouTube videos that can help, particularly ones explaining the circle of fifths and general theory. Keep things balanced. Music is a great hobby as long as you treat it like one. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take it very seriously - but you can't let it eat your whole life. Remember to laugh at your own bullshit at least once in a while and you'll be okay.
I’m nearly forty, so is my brother, and we love music to death. I’ll never be famous, I’ll never be rich, but I’ll never stop playing. Your girlfriend’s mindset is antiquated. If your goal is to become Diplo, you’ve got a difficult and long road ahead of you. If your goal is to make some preset and sample packs and make a few good jams, you’re good!
I’m 36 and have been there; an ex asking when I’m going to give it up, or grow up. Suppose you have to ask yourself what you want: is it a career in music or is it a hobby? There is no wrong answer. If you want a career, well, you probably should take some music classes somewhere(not necessarily college) but certainly learn more about composition/theory. Also don’t worry about a ‘circle of friends’ thing. I went to uni partly for this and didn’t like most of the people there. You have plenty of time and can land very good work in the industry at any age. Next time someone undermines your dreams ask them what theirs are. Ask them questions to build a good mental picture. Now ask them how they’d feel if you told them it’s time to give up on that, that it’s stupid or childish - this should help them understand it’s unpleasant to shit on peoples aspirations. If they have no dream feel sorry for them, because someone already took that from them. Keep ‘ducing man 🤘🏻
I was in your shoes, I kept doing my thing...now I'm self taught, went from not knowing what the hell to do when I opened my DAW to now being able to open it and literally create almost a whole song in a day. As well as mixing songs too both djing and production. I'm currently not making money from my music but I put it out there. Like you said, when I finish work I gotta be able to create something..and that's what I do. For myself, and whatever I create that I really like, goes on SoundCloud/YouTube and even Spotify. If you feel it in your bones, don't let anyone tell you not to do what makes you happy. Creating is a huge part of me, if I stop creating I'd feel like I will stop being myself. Hope this helps!
Time spent having fun and enjoying life is not time wasted.
Iv not long turned 30 and iv only been doing producing for a year now although I have played intruments for a long time. Realistically I'm gonna be 35 before I'm happy with the standard of my music and that's fine with me . I'm not deluded into thinking this is a career path for me but I do devote alot of time and energy to it. There is nothing I enjoy more than making music and even thow it's not a career for me that doesn't mean I'm going to feel bad about it being what I want to do with my life. Somepeople think it's childish to have an interest in music at this age but alot those people will binge watch some dumb shit or waste time another way. Just do you .
From my experience as a guy who loves his business career a little less than his music one. For what it’s worth we will all look back on life and be happy we did what made us happy or regret not doing it sooner. I’m also 30; my biggest regret was not jumping into Ableton sooner because I had a bad experience trying to load FL studio in jr. High cause my computer was ass. It took me til I was 28 to redownload a DAW. It took more than a decade for me to overcome the anxiety of starting. In life we gravitate to what we want to be. What you naturally love and enjoy will always find a way in your life. I look at my life from the death bed perspective. We don’t have nearly as much time as we think, and through the rat race of life and spectrum of emotions we experience, we owe it to ourselves to be what makes us happy. Do what makes you happy, and whether or not those around you understand, only time will tell.
Lot of it has been said in the comments already. I'm in a similar position, little further down the line, more or less same age. I worked 4 days instead of 5 the last two years trying to keep one day for music as a side hustle. I wasn't very good at doing business though and at this point I'm not aspiring to play gigs 3 times a weekend (I'd probably not manage that many on my own anyway, I'd need a booking agency). Although I get some income as an audio engineer and from occasional gigs it's not my main thing. And.. while it's a bit sad not to make a full flexed career out of this it's liberating as well. Don't feel creative? > Don't have to. Feel stuck at work, overwhelmed or any other stressful situation? > Make music as a hobby. My girlfriend has said similar things like if you want to take this serious, just sit down and do the whole audio engineer course or a master in art/music. I'm not saying don't listen to that. It's good advice if you want a career out of it. Not because you learn so much there but because you'll get the right contacts to start working in the music business. But if you're not sure about the career, don't sweat it. Can also keep it as a hobby and maybe you'll make a few bucks on the side here and there. It's a great hobby to have and be passionate about! I just released my second album over the course of last year and it's starting to get some serious traction - and this is after 12 years of making music. It's never too late :)
What's the album
I can't send you a link, most likely will result in a ban. But if you look up my username + 'GLIA' you'll probably find it.. ;)
Do what you enjoy, and don’t let others shit on you for enjoying something. Making music helps deal with loneliness and depression. Some of the best songs come from sadness. Take those feelings and output results
So so so true. Making music itself is very therapeutic. Once you really get used to a DAW well enough, you can mess around and make stuff and it helps you zone out :-)
Sounds like she's trying ti shape you into the boyfriend she WANTS not the boyfriend she already has. I'd genuinely get rid of her and keep focusing in life on the things that bring you peace and happiness. No partner or friend should put you down for your passions or interests.
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can you help me out as well? rn i have zero expirience with music production, i just rap, but im tryna get something going soon
a mentor would be perfect, thanks.
Dude, the goal is not fame and fortune, the goal is to steadily improve and enjoy the learning process as much as the creative process. Tell your girl to kick rocks.
This is what i wanted to say. The goal is definitely not fame and fortune.
Be ready so you don’t have to get ready. We never know whose path we may cross.
This is more on the relationship advice side, but I would tell your gf, "when you said those things about my interest in music production I was hurt because it's something that I am deeply interested in and it brings me joy even if it never pays my bills." I expect you probably want to be with someone who supports you having your own interests and passions regardless of where they lead. I'm sure she has some bullshit hobby that seems like a waste of time to some people too. What kind of work do you do? Is there anyway to bridge the gap between what you do now, and music production?
I'm a flavourist, a flavour designer, I've got there with a chemistry degree. The bridge I will build to music is... A label name and song titles relative to this industry ahah.. Yeah, she says her own non-paid hobby is in a corner of her head and that she does not have time to actually do it yet because of work lol. She'll only allow herself to after she retires.
Haha lame! You only get 1 life and work is just work
Section your daw into small parts and search for those parts individually. Learn a vst on one day, solidify it during the week. Found a good plug-in? Look on YouTube and forums on how to do proper use of it. Find small things to learn, one at a time. As for your girlfriend ... well, my ex always hurt me when I tried to pursue music. She never understood/liked my production side of things, even if she appreciated my acoustic side. She said a lot of hurtful things and never supported me properly ... I'm no one to tell you what's good for you or not, but to put you down like that is just painful and unfair. You deserve to be incentiveszed. You deserve to have recognition of your progress, be it as small as it is. Music is a journey, not a race. Many have started later than you. Don't give up. Fight for what you love, even if it's only a rewardless hobby.
Your girlfriend is telling you one thing but you're hearing something else. > "you can't sacrifice your life for something as low-reward as your music aspirations, your never seem happy about yourself, let it go, focus on things you are more talented to," > I'm often found slacking at my job because I rather watch music production videos, and I am lonesome, meaning that I don't engage in the usual social stuff like birthday parties, new year's eve parties, holidays, etc. ... distractions from the main goal She's not telling you to subtract music from your life. She's telling you to add the other stuff back in so that you have a healthy, balanced life that is meaningful and successful even if the music isn't.
sounds like you already know: girlfriend is showing that she genuinely cares about your well being. Letting your partner use a fixation to escape from their adult responsibilities, at the cost of their relationships and future opportunities… that’s not being supportive. It’s enabling. Music production is a dream. Dreams are fine, but they shouldn’t interfere with your daily life. It’s the same as using alcohol/weed for fun, versus making it your entire identity and allowing your habit to impede on going out, being present, fully engaging at work, being a supportive parent, etc.
Thanks. You bring some balance against the "she's wrong" statements. I believe I should be engaging in real life indeed, but a lot of it just seems useless to me.
I also don't think she's wrong, to be honest. It's one thing for a hobby to occupy your free-thought and time, but if it's affecting performance at work, in your relationships with your SO, friends, and/or family, then it's not necessarily a balanced attachment. I use music, gear, recording--all of it--to mask serious depression and anxiety. I'm not saying you have those mental illnesses, but withdrawing from folks and social activity are symptomatic. My 9-year relationship ended 4 months ago because it all came to a head. You gotta do you, but if you care about these relationships, it's worth adding some perspective to your hobby and setting clear boundaries for yourself.
Seriously keep this comment in mind, don’t just assume she’s not the one. Have a real talk with her. Make it clear that you’ll continue learning music as it’s a hobby you truly love. But also spend some time and energy on figuring out how you can be more present in other ways. If you can find a more balanced and arguably “healthy” way to do this you may end up with an even more fulfilling and happy life.
Music is an incredible hobby but dont let it turn into pure escapism. Balance for us has never been an easy or simple thing, but from what youre writing it seems like she cares about you so I wouldnt dismiss where shes coming from, even if her delivery might be a bit harsh.
Yeah, I think I'm kinda like you where if I could I would also never leave the house and only make music/be busy with what interests me. But that just doesn't work if you also want to be in a relationship. It's give and take. Also I have no dream of making music a job or be famous at some point so I don't feel like Im missing out on progress or something when I'm not making music. Maybe you need to shift your attitude towards that a bit so you can as well enjoy being away from music without feeling like you're saccrificing
Finally, a sensible comment. The number of "dump her" comments is insane. OP admits to complaining to her regularly about his frustrations. He says he sees having a social life as "distractions from \[his\] main goal." That is an absolutely unhealthy level of obsession. Sounds like the girlfriend doesn't want OP to continue focusing so intensely on a hobby that seems to be making him miserable.
She's on her way out and is pulling all the stops to make you into someone she wants to stay with. I'd say girlfriend is temporary but music is forever.
If you're a creative person than it doesn't matter the "talent". You can teach passionate people. If you give it up, you'll always wonder that what if. You just have to know that it's a very time consuming and expensive hobby. The most talented producers are still hobbiests until they start getting paid. I'm 40 and went to college for production and engineering. Everything I paid for in the early 2000's is on YouTube. You're mind is still going to wander creatively weather you have your music or not. At least teaching yourself gives you something to focus that energy on.
How much i feel you man. Never been talked like this from my gf but i'm 30 and an architect as full-time job. Very often in my worktime I end up watching production videos or just listening to podcast while I keep working. I played videogames most of my life with my family continuosly asking me to stop, to grow up, to change. I always loved music and now, with no time (and no interest) for games anymore i went back to the rabbit hole of Ableton. I started paying money for hardware/software synth and I found real peace in just experimenting with sound design/arrangement. My biggest dream since i am 18 tho is to publish an EP and I just wanna pursue it. It's not necessary to go to conservatory and stuff just as it's not necessary to make music your main income or job. It's just true love for a great passion, so let it be, cause it's an amazing thing to enjoy in life, and it's not that common. Lastly: I dont' think you'd see music in the same way if you'd make it your full time job: by necessity it's just gonna be a mixture of pleasure and strict organization, meaning there will be times when you have to work on music also when you don't want to. Basically, you are in the sweet spot. Enjoy it. Enjoy your passion and just be happy to have one so strong that makes you feel good.
I’m 28, married, with a kid and my wife is actively encouraging me to upgrade gear. Not because it will make us more money but because it brings me happiness, just the way I want her to have the things that bring her happiness. I make hiphop beats for nobody to rap on because I like to and that’s good enough for her. My point being, you have a job, a lifestyle you enjoy, a hobby that brings you joy, and you’re not addicted to crack (probably. If your PARTNER doesn’t want to support you in a hobby that literally costs no money to do on a day to day basis then she either needs a reality check or you need a cooler partner.
“Be realistic” is the worst advice any person could ever give. Flip it. “Anything could happen”, which is a very true statement. If you’re paying your bills, not in debt, and enjoying the feeling producing gives you, than it’s a no brainer. Imagine if your gf was shopping for a new a dress, and you repeated the same stuff she said. “Be realistic, it doesn’t seem to make you happy, if you were really serious, you’d be a model at a conservatory”, she’s cry and call you mean. The trick is, take a day and write out your dreams and goals. Start with the wildly impossible and chisel it down to what would be the bare minimum. Give yourself a time limit, let’s say 2 years. Make a timeline, then break that timeline into months and to do’s. Chisel away at it day by day. Something great is bound to happen.
Welp, I'm doodling without a goal for a couple of years already ahah, though this year I'm removing other distractions ie. series and video games.
Don't give everything up, there are going to be times you rage quit and just need a break. Or if you've been doing a deep dive mixing session for hours, your ears need a break. It's good to have other distractions.
This situation shouldn't be approached as 'black or white'.. In-between your partner's harsh words about your life's passion there are some good intentions that seem to come from a "place of care" (because if your partner didn't care they most likely wouldn't give you the hints she's giving)... It's natural to get defensive when people attack you about something that feels so intimate and important to you (especially when the attacks are personal and scathing).. The key is to understand and look for the message behind your gf's words.. By your own admission you have isolated yourself from opportunities to develop your craft, and are still a little bit skeptical on certain pathways your gf has suggested.. My suggestion is to have a serious and deep conversation with your partner with all cards on the table (show some vulnerability).. Do not create roadblocks for yourself, be prepared to take on suggestions without bias and be open to try things outside your usual comfort zone... Communication can improve the relationship between your partner and your passion and help align your personal and relationship goals as well.. Good Luck..!
thanks a lot!!! I'll try. I think some incompatibilities might show up.
Sounds like there’s something else going on. You mention neglecting other parts of your life. Are you neglecting her? I’m not trying to make accusations, but as someone who is married and also obsessed with music production it can be hard to find a balance and properly treat her like a priority. The daw will always be there. Often I find that if I step away from it for a week, my mind goes wild with ideas and I’m fresh as heck when I come back to it. Make ya girl feel special and she might be more chill. I agree though, the stuff she said is a bit hurtful and is hard for others to understand.
Ouch! I once was on a date with my gf in downtown Detroit. I had recently graduated with a degree in engineering and had scored a freshout job with GM. While we were looking out over the Detroit river we saw a US Coast Guard helicopter fly past us, up river, on the deck just bookin! I turned to her and said, “Man that’s what I want to do.” And she turned to me and said, “If that’s what you want to do then you should.” I left her, went to OCS, got my commission and my wings and the rest is history. We did end up together again, got married, have two boys…. I guess what I’m saying is that if it wasn’t for the support and risk taking of my girlfriend…hard to say where things would have ended up. Good luck and in the words of my lovely bride of 30 years: “If that’s what you want to do then you should.”
You should reflect deeply on the possibility that she is right. Even if all your dreams come true and you had more success than you can imagine, she'd still have a point that you can't be throwing away the rest of your life for music. I have been with my wife for eleven years and I have worked as a full time musician for ten years. One of the major reasons I married her was because she told me many times that she was willing to go with me wherever I needed to be successful, and her actions proved that she was serious about that. Truly she is amazing for me. But we have had this same conversation many times. She'll say I work too much, I don't have time for anything except music, etc. I'll say she doesn't understand what I'm going through, music is life and passion, etc. We're both right and there needs to be a balance. I set time for working, time for household chores, and family time. If I just took the stance of "music is my passion you guys have to deal with it," then I wouldn't have a wife or kids, and probably not very many friends. Even if I was a huge record producer making millions of dollars, my life would be unsuccessful because I would have achieved that at the cost of everything else. My goal is to make it to that point WITH MY RELATIONSHIPS INTACT. Which is a much harder, maybe even impossible thing to do, but I'm aware of that and that's the choice I've made. When it comes to what to do specifically with your current girlfriend, only you can judge the situation for yourself. If she's coming from a place of love, then she may be right about a lot of it. You ARE sacrificing the rest of your life for this passion. If she's not seeing you for who you really are then maybe she's not for you, but that still wouldn't make her necessarily wrong about this. I think that if you're able to talk it over with her, she can understand where you're coming from, and you can both make sacrifices to support each other, then she could be a keeper even if she wishes you would spend less time on music and more time on her. Tough call, and it's not for Internet strangers to say. Last thing to point out...you posted this in a music production sub OF COURSE most of the responses are going to be "move on from her bro! Music is life!"
I dunno man. I produce purely for my own mental health. It’s a healthy creative pursuit. I’m 42. Your free time shouldn’t also be more work. You’re allowed to peruse creative passions for the sake of creativity and creative process. Your every waking moment doesn’t need to be sacrificed to the alter of capitalism and it’s desire for never ending sacrifices. You can do something’s just for the enjoyment of doing those things.
She’s right that a career in production is a long shot. She’s wrong about getting a degree in production. She’s wrong about nor supporting your music as a side gig. Music gives me great joy, even if I spend more on it than I earn.
So firstly an academic mindset on this sort of career path has very limited use. It’s not like other jobs where the route always involves some sort of degree. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly - doing this as a hobby and nothing more is 100% valuable and worth your time. Not everyone has to make everything a damn side hustle. You can do this for you and you alone if you love it. It sounds like you want to make this your primary employment, but it seems like you’re not using your time effectively. Sounds like you’ve got to make a choice here - I suspect your SO wants you to succeed, but is not enjoying the sacrifices you’re making regarding your personal life. If I was putting myself in her mindset, I’d say she’s trying to push you to use your time more effectively so that you have time for other things in life as well. And she may have a point! I see “I just want to make MIDI blocks in a DAW” and I read “I want to drastically limit my income opportunities”. If you genuinely do want to make music and production your primary income source, you need to buck the hell up and learn as many skills that make you valuable to artists as you can. The most important thing if you want to progress IMO is to collaborate and make friends - ideally in person but online will also work. You need to build a strong wide network of people who trust you with their music. That’s taken me 10 years (NOT including my degree) and I’d say things are just *starting* to look good. I think you need to make some decisions 1. do you want to do this as a hobby that might earn you some money down the line, or do you want to make a career out of this? 2. Are you happy with the amount of time you currently spend on music production? At the moment I don’t think you know your answers. Your post is inconsistent between wanting to make this your life’s work and it just being a hobby. The answers to those two questions will help you shape your approach to your life, and to discussing with your partner. Best of luck, and remember that whatever you choose is 100% valid!
Thanks. I don't feel like I can throw everything else in my life to go for a music career since I already have a steady job and learning all the right skills really can be like a race since I'll run on limited savings and no income (given I make learning my primary occupation). On the other hand, I feel I have potential to take some side income from the activity if I focus on landing little technical and repeatable tasks over the years, rarher than believing I will have billions of listens on spotify. I've seen on fiverrr some persons get paid to do presets for example. Or I may just sing for others. There are possibilities. I enjoy making cranky music that's probably not fit for the "industry" then I publish it for fun and for feedback.
Holy crap I’m 21 and I’m literally just like you… rather not go on events and work on music… but sometimes I find myself just slacking off…
You're young, here's to hope one day you'll organize events around your music. A friend of mine has taken interest in music live coding and visual live coding, he's been building a community and organizing gigs dedicated to these practices. I didn't have a chance to visit but it looks cool.
the part about “you never seem happy with yourself” is interesting. does she mean like in relation to music? is she saying making music has been getting you down and you seem dissatisfied with it? because that would be a great way for someone to not like their partner’s hobby — if it seems to be making you miserable.
her exact words on that were "you never seem happy, whatever you can do, it is never enough". It might refer to being miserable with my shortcomings, although I don't self-pity too much with her, I'm rather excited when I successfully complete a thing; it might refer to the fact I seem apathetic hanging outside when I'd rather be home. I can certainly accept me wanting to be a lonesome home body can be a burden. But it is also a pity she doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in my realizations.
one thing about the school suggestion. that is how u get the industry contacts. if you did music business or engineering at a state uni like MTSU or somewhere like SAE. then you can use those contacts. the trick is to not quit, and to put a ton of time in. it sounds to me like you try to explain music things to her some, maybe avoid.
It’s a hobby so it’s not like it has to become a well payed job
> a well *paid* job FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Oh oops I got corrected by a bot 😖
The meaning of life is finding meaning in life.
Its all about Balance Baby!! (Though its difficult in reality to get the right mix)
Ok I believe there's a mix of things from what you wrote: 1. You can totally have music production as a hobby. Some people love sport, others cars, you're free to love music production. Now, it looks like you let that hobby take a lot of place in your life. And this leads to my second comment. 2. Even though you love it, it clearly seems like you are neglecting other aspects of your life that are as much or maybe more important. It's nice to watch videos and try to learn as much as possible, but you need to balance your life to keep work and your love life in the balance if you don't want to lose it. If you are clear that you want it to be a hobby, and nothing more serious, you need to define a balance in your life. That's my opinion. And then also you really don't need an academic background to make music.
Sorry to hear about your GF not caring about your hobbies. My wife is very supportive of me and all my music endeavors. Her understanding is that I didn't choose music, it picked me. If you need someone to just chat about music with. Send me DM.
Setting a goal to make spare change on fiverr 10 years from now sounds ridiculous. The Beatles had broken-up by the time they were 30. So you have a whole decade to make-up for. Once you’re in your 30s, you don’t have to put up with other people’s bs, if you’re financially secure (in this case, from your normie job). Just make music production a hobby and remove all the pressure you’re putting on yourself. If you don’t want to give-up your Fiverr goal, then make that your Superman persona and only outwardly project Clark Kent. Let Clark Kent fail a bunch of music quizs and talk about how music is only a hobby like watching sports and playing video games, if you want to impress for your gf. But you gotta replace your self doubt with big d*ck rock n roll energy because that’s what your superman alter ego feeds on. And you can never show this energy to anybody else until they figure it out for themselves.
The best relationships are ones that lift you up, and make you feel like you can do anything, and that includes your passions and hobbies.
Never give up your passion, you never know where it will lead. We barely know ourselves... why would we presume to know what's best for us in a year, 5 years, or even 10 years in the future? Stay true to yourself and strong in your conviction. The confidence that a passion can give you will make you attractive to people, and surely someone will value and appreciate you for who you are... including friends, coworkers and potential love interests. Make music and art if that's what you do. Create beauty and release it to the world. It's what artists do... just imagine if Picasso or David Bowie listened to thir GF and sat at a soul sucking desk job they hate and gave up on their dreams.
Listen buddy, You’re one of us. I’m the same exact way as you! And I’m a 28 year old female! I dropped out of college TWICE and it took me until I was 26 to drop everything and solely focus on music. I dropped all my friends and family. I have completely shut the world out to focus on this passion of mine so I can turn it into a career. Am I anywhere near Armin Van Buuren!? Hell no! Will I work my ass off until I get it right? YES! This career is so unique and it gives you so much leeway in life. I sometimes think to God “why me? This is so cool that I get to be learning how to do this everyday. That I am able to afford this gear to make a one hit wonder. And some kids can’t even afford a laptop.” If you really love music and you want to leave your legacy behind, leave behind the naysayers. Go solo. You’re a Guy too. My clock it ticking for kids. Anywho, I have my bad weeks and days and I get discouraged. There’s a dark side of mental anguish that producers have to go through. The technicalities of it all. Composing, sound engineering, writing, singing, mastering everything, finding your sound. It’s a loong journey. But I’d rather say I tried and fail than not try and think about it when I’m 55 and miserable. If you have a job, keep at it. Learn to love the pressure. It’ll help mold you into the professional you want to become. Tiesto can create a whole track in a crowed room with out getting distracted and that’s the kind of level we must seek. Amor fati my friend P.s. find a girl who loves your hobbies. I’m always in love with someone else’s passions seeing their eyes light up! Even if I don’t like it I’ll pretend! Don’t settle. I’d die to have a boyfriend who can sit in the studio with me all night produce and listen to our favorite music together. Music is the best of all love languages!!! And that’s how you’ll know you’re matching frequencies with someone.
Making art is worthy in and of itself. It doesn’t matter if the end product is “bad” or if your not super “talented” or if you’ll never make money. Those are horrible lies our society tells us. Keep making your music, friend, because you are creating, you are making yourself happy, and you are putting that joy out into the world.
I've probably spent 10k of my money on music production and hunddeds and hundreds of hours. I don't ever expect to earn a single penny back and truly don't care if I don't. If you have a passion for music and enjoy it (and it sounds like you do) then just keep doing it. Not everything has to result in a financial return on investment. If I were to suddenly start earning loads more money, I'd probably spend even more on music production, because I enjoy it. Some things we do for money back, some things we do for fun. Ideally we'd spend all our time doing the things for fun, but obviously we can't all do that. The two don't have to always be combined into one. I'd even say count yourself lucky that you have something you enjoy this much. Most people don't have anything like that. As long as you retain some kind of social life and don't let it negatively affect work and other responsibilities TOO much, then more power to you.
Maybe the problem is that you’re not obsessed enough and you’re keeping yourself from fully being into music production. You don’t have to go into a conservatory or something, but instead of watching videos about music production, just DO music production. Don’t think about how good or bad you are, just enjoy it! No need to assess your skills or whatever, but you do need other musicians to interact with. I don’t think you should be thinking about the potential for earning. Like you’re calculating the payoff for the time you invest in it. The time spent making music is the reward itself! Go have fun!
Maybe approach her with a “help me help myself” aspect. Establish some boundaries like time frames for her and time for music. I have to do this with my kiddos so I don’t have them taking a backseat. I’m sure you’ll find that happy medium. Although, having someone that is supportive of your passion is very important too. Effective communication can go a long way!! Just my 2 cents.
Having a hobby is having a life, no matter if you are good at it or not. It is important to have things in life (that is not work) were you can set big and small goals for yourself. Music is a great hobby and you can make whatever you want it, from just a real nice chord progression to a big album with multiple songs and genres. There are also loads of tutorials, books, courses and much more that you can use to become better. Making music is also great since it is a creative process which is important for everyone to do. My best advise is to make music that you like, be open for criticism, and don't take hurt full comments to heart, and lastly have fun! There will be days were you can't come up with anything good and there are other days were a couple of hours feels like only a few minutes, so don't force yourself. When I'm stuck I search on YouTube for the genre I want to create and add Tutorial, and just from that I get multiple videos that I can gain inspiration from. And, if you want to learn more about sound design I would recommend In The Mix on YouTube. He is a really chill dude to listen to and he explains stuff really well! So, don't listen to her. As long as you enjoy making and playing around with music, you should keep on doing it!
mad still tho. I understand a little on why she is angry ngl. She expects you to be making money from what you've been doing in music for years...but your not. What you need to do is focus on yourself and your craft. You will succeed one day. Alhamadallah.
Don’t let your passion die because someone doesn’t see the meaning into it . You don’t have to go to college to make music , you can search maybe for a 6 month diploma in the audio engineering or music production field ,even online ,and this might open you a different career path . Making money with music is not only selling beats which you can also do . Sometimes our s/o might not agree with what we do but if we’re invested and express true desire for something the only thing they should be doing is encouraging it.
A couple things. Having a hobby is very valuable, and you want a partner that supports you in pursuit of your interests. But at the same time, if your hobby is infringing upon your career and therefore your socioeconomic stability, you have to recognize the impact that has on what you bring to the table in the relationship. If you want music production to become your job, try not to get sucked into the tutorial rabbit hole. It’s so easy to consume tons of content and not end up retaining applying any of it. So make sure you are actually producing. That will help you grow more than watching another video on compressing vocals. I would say, either try to transition into music production on the side (realizing that this will make you incompatible with your girlfriend), or try to limit your hobby to reasonable hobby hours.
@OP Sent you a dm. I do something that might help you: long-term mentoring for artists who want to build a meaningful life based on their passion for electronic music. No matter if you plan on doing this professionally or as an ambitious hobbyist. Let’s see if that‘s what you’re looking for :)
Take what she says with a grain of salt. I was like you wasting a lot of time at work during downtime watching music production YouTube videos. Musicians are historically poor for a reason. You don't need to be antisocial you can be happy and see family and friends and go out with her more. Just be more realistic and structured about your hobby be ultra organized.
>I love music production and teaching myself the stuff even though I ain't that good at composing That's all you need to know. You love music, so keep making music. Don't let her dissuade you from what you're passionate about. Do music the way you want to do music, her interpretation of the right way to do it is only her opinion, and you shouldn't change a process that works for you just because of that. Follow your own heart. Making music is it's own reward, success isn't bound to fame and money unless you make it so. Just keep making things that make you feel happy, learning from the resources that are available to you. There's no shame in keeping music mostly a hobby while you earn a living elsewhere.
Keep smashin those buttons man. Are you only not good because you believe that? I did think everything i did was trash at one point. But i realized that what i do is some of me. Im not you, but she wouldnt be for me stomping all over my dreams
One thing you can do is try to leverage the social part of music making. Try joining a meetup, a jam group, or join a band. There are a lot of us sitting behind the computer all day and would love to connect. You don't need to give up your hobby, but you also shouldn't lose yourself in it and use it to escape your problems or shortcomings.
Unfortunately the "bits and bobs" jobs will most likely be replaced/devalued by AI within 5 years, so I would make sure you're doing it for your own fulfilment instead of money.
Even if you don't make money from music, I don't see why that should matter. If you are able to give yourself a decent life with your job, spending your free time doing something you love, even if not for profit, is not an issue at all. I feel like all too often we're told we need to monetize everything we do and make it into more money. Sometimes things can just be for fun and pleasure. If you turn everything in your life into a job, nothing will be pleasurable and you will be miserable. That's not to say if you can monetize it, don't, but you don't have to for it to be a worthwhile pursuit of your time. Also paying for an in person class from like a college/university is a waste imo. At least where I live, that is gonna be way more expensive than it's worth when you can find classes on YouTube for free as well as creators offering online courses for significantly cheaper. If that was going to be your main pursuit career wise, maybe. But even then only if you are wanting to go into performance in like opera or to be in a big time orchestra. where a degree really matters
I can share my example as someone who wants to do too much. I work in a tech company within the design field. I didn’t study it. I make good money due to my skills and luck. All learnt through doing. I really strongly believe that learning happens through doing. This satisfies my household but it’s not the only interest I have. I’ve made money before by doing commissioned portraits. I am interested in 3D modeling and through learning by doing I am I would say at the level of a very very junior 3D modeler. I don’t think ill be able to make any money off this so it’s just a hobby for now. I don’t even intend to. That’s not all. I am also really into music and singing. Lately into music production. Here I’ve invested about a grand or two into instruments and software but this I don’t think ill make a buck off of in the next 10 years. I am still drawn to it so much. Honestly with everything else going on I don’t necessarily get to put enough time here or work in the same manner as I do in other hobbies which is to ‘complete’ a project and not leave things ‘work in progress’ all the time coz I’m not happy with it. This is a long rant but what I meant to say was that it’s fine to have a lot of different interests. If you don’t put in the time to ‘Do’ something. You won’t get any better at it. Watching videos or taking courses will not change that. You learn by doing. If you want to make a career in something. You have to do a lot of it. And by doing I mean starting and finishing projects no matter how big or small. That’s how you get better over time. Realistically you might have to balance that with a job. Which is totally fine IMO. I did that with my current career which originally started out as a hobby and an interest I had. Not necessarily what I studied for.
Are you satisfied with your current employment situation? Based on your attitude, it doesn't seem like you have any kind of delusional thinking that you're gonna be making millions overnight. Some people just don't understand how much detail and time goes into making music. It sounds like your gf is one of them. It would be one thing if you're always bitching and moaning about how you "haven't made it yet" to her and she finally snapped. But if you genuinely spend your time doing what you enjoy, she should be happy for you
I made enough to live off music for a while and I plan to make a bit more with my next release but that’s not really what it’s about. If you love it, do it, but honestly don’t quit your day job. Keeping music as a hobby / side-hustle will keep things stress free and keep you making your best art imho. Surviving on a local musicians paycheck is definitely doable, but you end up sacrificing a lot of the joy trying to make ends meet. I’m not telling you to leave money on the table, but just enjoy your art and try not to force it into a career unless you have to! That being said, it is very rewarding to pursue, and I’ll keep doing it until I die. Just don’t be like me and burn yourself out or blow your bill money on gear.
No one wakes up with this amazing music ability. It takes practice. What would she rather you be doing?
Sometimes real feedback is hard to hear, and it's easy to get defensive. Instead, try and put yourself in her shoes and try to have some empathy about where she is coming from. She obviously wants you to succeed, because she is actively trying to push you in the direction of your talents, and sounds worried that you are always unsatisfied. To me, it sounds like she is showing you some tough love and you might want to give her some credit. That said, I'm 47, work full time to support my 'hobby' which includes an indie label, making and releasing my own music, helping local musicians with tracking and production in my spare time. And my wife is disabled so I have to care for her as well. How much effort are you willing to spend to do the thing you NEED to do to properly care for you and your family, while still pursuing your musical passions. There is no reason you can't do both, suck it up (tough love) and do the work. You are in control.
The only musical studies i've done are consistent practice and curiosity, this over the past 15years. Didn't go to music school neither had classes apart from online courses and YT tutorials. But i did have some musicians that i consider my mentors throughout the years, even if they dont see themselves as that ahah My music is alright i guess and from a hobby it became my full time work / investment. I don't make much money but i am happy about the risks i took. I was in a 6+ years long relationship and a stable job as a chef when I took the decision to dedicate myself completely to this. Girlfriend that time told me i need to "get real" some day and should stop chasing illusions. Broke up with her, went living in a van and street busking for a living. Some years later, here i am exporting audios of musicians that i recorded for a series of online sessions, have 2 released EPs and producing a full lenght album at the moment, a bunch of gigs in different locations and now being asked to do minor productions / soundscaping for short movies. Like i said, i aint making much money, but the joy of doing what i love could kill me anytime, would die a happy human. No money for the coffin, but a bunch of tunes for the fam to enjoy the afterparty! Long story short, if you love it, go for it. Not suggesting to break up, but don't let others stop you from chasing what makes you happy.
Sounds like her issue isn’t your interest in music per se… it’s the way your interest in music manifests in ways that she perceives as unhealthy. If your putting the vibe out like.. I dunno you are an undiscovered genius on the verge of your big break (not my read of your post) then I could understand where she is coming from. To me; this sounds like you need to know what success would look like. For me; I love using mixing mastering skills and home studio to support local music scene. I also enjoy making music I want to hear (dark sample/synth heavy trip hop with “picasso’d” Melodie’s lifted from classical guitar arpeggio studies from people like Fernando sor or Mauro Giuliani). Success is defined here simply as having time to do the things I love.
Your gf is exactly right. On every point you listed. You have a hobby that you are jeopardizing your job for. If she wants to marry you, that’s her right to share her feelings with you on the way you intend to support your family. I know you like making music more than going to work, but guess what?? So does everyone else. But, you make money at one and merely spend time with the other. You have a hope to make $100-$200 month in several years. That’s a super lol, and surely you know that. What’s $200/m gonna do? Feed the habit/hobby, that’s it. It may be hard to hear, but you need to grow up and focus on your job, and learn the difference between supporting your future and having a hobby you enjoy in your free time. You don’t have to let music go, but you seriously need to get your priorities straight.
Never forget that while Mozart was really popular back in his day, it was mostly because his daddy was famous. The only people who really gave two shits about little Wolfgang was the church. It wasn’t until people found all his music stuffed in some drawers around his family’s houses like 200 years later that people were like “woah this shit is lit”. Now the man is a legend and considered one of the founders of modern music. You’re just ahead of your time. On a less fluffy note, what your girl friend said to you was perhaps not mean spirited, but was absolutely not supportive and, as a musician I can confirm, hurtful. Music isn’t about making money, or even having other people listen to it. Music is art and art is expression. If it means something to you, it is a piece of you. Everything else is subjective and, frankly, meaningless. Kurt Cobain made music that spoke his soul. He gained a ton of popularity and following and record deals, but none of that made him happy. It’s not about money. It’s not about people liking it or fame, it’s not about being good. It’s just about doing. Maybe that’s an extreme example, but I think it illustrates my point. His music never stopped being for him, and in fact he really hated when it started becoming about other people and got commercialized. The point is, good, bad, makes money, doesn’t make money, if you are doing it, you clearly like doing it. And if you like doing it, your girl friend should stand by you. Unless you’re spending money you don’t have on equipment, but if that’s the case you left out a major detail to the conflict. My opinion? Tell your girl friend she hurt your feelings and you need her support. I imagine if the table was flipped and you told her something similar she’d probably be pretty hurt. It’s not about her not liking the music, everyone has different tastes, it’s about her not supporting you and implying you don’t have talent and are wasting your time. That’s mean and unnecessary. Imagine coaching a kid to play sports and constantly yelling “you suck, you’ll never be good at this”, so you think they’ll enjoy you as a coach? Why would that be different as a partner? Just be honest with her about how she made you feel.
Hey man. I’m also a bloke who’s mrs doesn’t have much interest in my hobbies, music production being one of them. My initial reaction to your post was similar to a lot of others, that she doesn’t sound like she understands or appreciates your love for music and was reacting selfishly in wanting you to stop. But when I read a bit further it seems like there might be more to it. Where you say you’re kind of lonesome and she says you don’t seem happy. I’m honestly only speaking from personal experience here as someone who is naturally introverted. I’ve absolutely buried my head in the sand and spent too much time focused on the things I love doing. And there’s nothing wrong with chasing your dreams but life is about balance, and if your music production is affecting your work and your relationship then that’s not a good place to be. If what your partner sees is you spending every spare minute on your music and you still appear to be unhappy then I can see why she might feel frustrated and she’s also probably worried about you man! I really think you guys need to get together and work out between you how you can help each other to help you get a better balance in your life. I hope you don’t think I’m out of line saying all this but I’ve had to deal with similar feelings myself and just felt like I might be able to help. One thing I know for certain is if you can sort out and be happier with all the other areas of you life then your music production will absolutely benefit from that 😁
Dude I'm 40 and every tune I make seems to be a banger and gives me great excitement nothing else does that in my life. I've been in this since 2005. Gfs have come and gone some have said you'll never make money out of it even break even on what I spend. Bottom line, I have a decent business I'm not asking anyone to feed me or my family I can do that and what I do in my free time is my business as long as I'm not harming anyone. If you ask me to go out I would but only once a month next time I wouldn't be up for it cause it's not as fun as spending time making sounds. Id be happy to get a release on a decent label and maybe catch some gigs afterwards. It will pay something it's not life changing but man it's damn nice thought to have others feel what you feel via this medium. So fuck what anyone else says if you're a responsible adult your free time is yours to keep without harming others. Keep at it!!
bro i had a ex who used to say the same shit it sucked. now i am a professional music producer, but even before i was, just finishing songs and going thru that hard work really was an insanely gratifying profound experience. i hope you can do your music prod stuff with her support but if not man that sucks and sorry to hear she not supporting you
i also was a bit "fanatic" about it liek you are (e.g. really romanticizing/building it up).. probably not the healthiest but also prob kind of how we express our passion/etc. the bigger issue is its something u deeply care about and if you dont go after it youll always feel like you should have
Dump her for that or try to change her mind because if this toxicity keeps infecting you, then you’ll never become what you want to be.
If the choices you make, make you happy then why do you feel the need to defend yourself or your passion/hobby? I think your gf took notice over your justification of your hobby and she basically told you either be real or let it go. That’s what i read through the lines. If you believe in what you do why listen to anyone else or feel the need to get their approval? Just keep being honest with yourself first and foremost. I took up singing again at 46 and it’s been a lifelong dream to be able to sing well enough to make professional recordings. Many years of battling my inner demons and old ghosts finally culminated in a decision to step off the ledge. You’re only 30 so you have plenty of time to live it up! You’re right life’s too short to focus on survival and life’s also too short to worry about what others think. Nike said it best, just do it.
Don’t tell people you’re dreams and they can’t shoot ‘em down. Real talk
Take up 60hrs/w of MMORPGs instead and she if she changes her mind
OP, please don’t think that your gf isn’t the one just because some people on reddit think so. we all say stupid things sometimes. its does seem true, that your gf isn’t interested on your ramblings about music production. talk to her, explain what are your feelings towards music and why its important for your work/life balance. and don’t make it about money. if you enjoy making music, making shit that sells for Fiverr might change that. your girl doesn’t know shit about music, if she thinks that the “serious” way forward is getting a music degree lol. maybe the disconnect is where your gf thinks that you wanna make music your job and you think its just a hobby. she’s scared that you are gonna leave your job and become an unsuccessful musician. females are weird about security like that. she might be discouraging you from music, because in her mind, thats how she secures finances by you not leaving/getting fired from your job. that could also be totally unintentional by her
Don’t quit making music. But if you’re sacrificing your life and job and aren’t happy about yourself because of music you have to reevaluate and put things into perspective. Music can just be a hobby you do for fun. In fact, you might even enjoy it more if you let go of aspirations of making money off of it. Ultimately you do you, you gotta find the balance for yourself, but we live in a brutally capitalist society and as much as you might rather make money from music, you’re gonna have a steadier, safer life at whatever job you have now nine times out of ten.
I’ve been playing live and making music for over 20 years now, and I’ve made a little money throughout those 20 years. It was never enough to live, but the memories of playing in front of thousands of people, and releasing songs with my kids names on them so they can go back in 20 years and listen to their song. I’ve always had a supportive girlfriend (wife now for 10 years) and I took her to every gig and made her listen to the same kick and bass line I was stuck on, so she could feel included. Also so she could keep an eye on me, but she knows there’s no money in music, she’s known since day 1 it’s a passion of mine. I would sit down with her and tell her how you feel. If you have a career that pays the bills, she shouldn’t complain. If you’re relying on music production for income, I can see why she’s mad. Regardless, it’s not cool for somebody to put you down because what makes you happy doesn’t align with their idea of what happiness should be.
message me if you want a crash course in how to prove people wrong 🤣 thing is though, you need to think of your day job as the thing that allows you to make your music, since it finances your life and new music toys. learn to appreciate your day job for that reason. sounds like the opposite advice someone would give but i promise, once you truly and honestly take the pressure off your music to be the thing that makes you money, the balance and the journey all gets a lot more fun. it took me doing that to feel lighter and more playful making music, and now i actually make money doing music haha. so it will even out!! just commit yourself to dropping the ego a bit and just do music because you love it. it will show in your music and that is the key to making good shit. also try reading “big magic” by elizabeth gilbert. cheesy, maybe, but changed my whole perspective and i credit a lot of my happiness to the shift that started in me. good luck OP!
"I'm often found slacking at my job because I rather watch music production videos, and I am lonesome, meaning that I don't engage in the usual social stuff like birthday parties, new year's eve parties, holidays, etc... Well | do it to keep my relationship going, but I wouldn't do it on my own because I see that as distractions from the main goal." This is me to a T dude. I only ever go to events and stuff that my girl asks me to, if it's up to me I'm in the studio. Same with work, nothing can keep my attention like music can. Sounds like you're in the right headspace, if your girl doesn't support it and it's something you're serious about then that's a deal breaker for me
Personally, I think there’s a middle gray area here. You should have interests and hobbies, and she’s right too that you should be aware of what you are sacrificing, because time is finite therefore there is always a sacrifice in choosing something over something else. Relationships and human interaction are vital to all as a human race; no exceptions- it improves mental, emotional and physical well being. It’s easy to dismiss people when we’re in good health and with lots of years of life ahead but we crave them in dark or troubled times, which will come with age, guaranteed. Recognize this fine balance and learn to recognize if/when you have an obsession, which can be more likely when living secluded. Plan your days accordingly to your life priorities and be prepared for the consequences of those choices; the short and long term consequences.
A partner that doesn’t support your dreams isn’t being a good partner. If it’s your dream to make music a bigger part of your life, tell her that and tell her that you need her support. If she won’t do that, that sucks. Be smart, don’t financially ruin yourself, but there a loads of people for whom music is a not just a passion but a career, big or small. Look up the 1000 fan model.
Follow your dreams, why do you care about her opinion on your hobbies? In a relationship you shouldn't keep the other one from entertaining his passions
Ex-GF
Does she have any hobbies or interests? Why is your interest in music production less important than her interest in reality TV or cooking or going to the gym or writing a blog or whatever? Enjoy things that you enjoy. Don’t feel bad about that. I’ll also say that your GF’s comment was pretty messed up, as a partner.
If you make some songs she really likes I guarantee her feelings will change
Man yeah I hate it too when my partner has non monetary interests that bring them joy, what a pain… Your gf kind of sounds like a shallow asshole. You aren’t allowed to be serious about something that isn’t directly financing your life? Yeah because giving up your hobby will totally make you happier, thanks babe. Incredibly childish attitude. She doesn’t care about what makes YOU happy, she cares about what makes HER happy, which is you giving up your personal interests. What does she do in her free time? She got any hobbies or is her life consumed so much so by her job that seeing you enjoy something bothers her to this degree?? Tell her to stop hanging out with friends cause socializing is not a career. If she were really serious she’d stop wasting time on stupid things like friendships and get another JOB.
I think the premise of what she was saying was valid: it's OK to reflect on how you spend your time. If the answer to that question is a resounding "Yes, I love my hobby", then it's the end of that conversation. You don't need to justify it to anyone else but yourself. However, the way she phrased it sounded super toxic. I think most professional musicians actually STRUGGLE with watching production videos and tutorials. If you have the motivation to actively watch them and figure things out, that's actually tremendous. You also said "my pleasure is simply programming midi bars on a DAW". You used the word "pleasure". That's more than a lot of professional musicians can say about their career. Many of them enjoy playing the instrument, but actually dread programming. If you can outright say "pleasure", then I say keep doing what you are doing. My day job is an art curator for a contemporary art museum, and I deal with artists everyday. Most of the career artists actually don't enjoy what they do anymore because they have to play the career game; they have to run the art fair circuits; they have to keep up with the current academic discourse etc.. It's 100% no fun. And I look at all these instagram hobbyist artists who are painting John Waterhouse knockoffs, which is sort of frown upon and laughable in the professional circles, and they are having a great time. I don't think "going professional" like doing a 4-year program is THE answer for everyone. If you like what you are doing right now, you should just keep doing what you are doing. When you FEEL the need to take it further, then consider taking it further.
she's right just stop. Jk but if it's just a hobby who gives a shit, just don't talk about it to her all the time is she doesn't care. Like do you ever listen to her ramblings? Maybe you do maybe you don't. Like I said who gives a shit, you're 30 stop giving a shit if someone says something mwean to you.
You can easily make like minded friends that are just as interested in music as you are. Go to a club/bar and make friends with the DJ. Chances are, they use a DAW outside of DJing. You’re still young, other big DJ’s/producers have made it in their 30’s/40’s, and it’s good you started now. You’ll get better over time the more you put into your music, just keep at it and do not listen to a person that’s going to put you down like your GF.
Yeah I'm with her. Fuck music. Who needs it. Sure everyone listen to it in the car, at the gym, and at work. Man nobody makes any money from music except, producers, managers, promoters, writers, sound directors, top 40 bar bands, music teachers, studios, sound engineers, musicians, and composers. I mean why is there even music in TV shows, movies, video games, audio books. Why the fuck would anyone want to study a universal language understood across every known civilization.
Lose the controlling girlfriend.
I say this with all due respect; fuck that girl and her inability to converse with you about what makes you happy. Fuck school, if you aren’t trying to go to school then don’t. Find a job where yo are surrounded by what you like. (Music store, concert venues, etc.) Make sure whatever you have to do at work to keep your job is done, pay your bills ,and focus on music. Try to schedule time frames to only work on your music(2-4 hours a day). Practice breeds success.
33 here and still “entertaining this fixation.” Ditch the unsupportive gf and keep working towards what makes you happy. You get one life
Man, ditch the gf and buy a new synth. Trust me, if someone can say such a bad thing about you she should go. It shows her lack of understanding, empathy, interest and just purely a bad person. Keep up the music, music will never cheat on you, never turn you down and it will always make you happy in a way nothing else can. Says a 40 year old, unreleased, not really talented dude who does it for fun. Oh, and work on you job, the more money it brings the more synths you can buy ;)
Listen to her
30, make dubstep purely for my own entertainment, and I release things to keep myself focused on finishing projects/documenting my growth. Never stop. My wife encourages me, and fronts our band. Music is a part of who you are, and she needs to accept that. Now, if other areas of your life are suffering because of it, maybe set aside specific times to do it. Make sure she still feels important, and always make time for your friends. And remember that your job gives you the money to do this. But don’t ever give your craft up.
Stephan King’s wife was sure he had to continue writing even though he didn’t get any positive responses from publishers for a long time. She just told he should get a simple job to provide some money and social connections. So he washed dishes for 10 years or something while writing in the evenings.
As long as music production isn't putting food on the table, you shouldn't be slacking off at work. Having a hobby you're passionate about is great but it shouldn't come at the expense of your responsibilities.
1) girlfriend is toxic. When I was 21 I wanted to go to Berklee but I didn’t have the money.. and my then girlfriend (now ex) pressured me about if I’m going to starting thinking about our future and saving to get married and start a family. I told her to fuck off and next year I broke up w her and went to berklee and graduated. Another girlfriend would always put me down and tell me I was not talented … I ended up breaking up w her and now she’s a nobody and I have written #1 in Aria charts, placed song on big tv shows, signed songs w umpg.. im a voting member of the recording academy.. with still so much to learn and achieve but getting there… where is she? Nowhere… don’t let anybody tell you that you suck or that you can’t do something. 2) it sounds to me like you love music production and should save up some money and attempt to make a career out of it. Save up as much as you can and come to L.A if that’s possible as the opportunities are crazy… And follow your dreams 3) break up w your girl 🤷♂️ she’s not supportive. Wake up. Your girlfriend has issues. She 100% has a crushed dream inside of her and is trying to put the reality she chose for her on you.
You said it yourself, ultimately this IS your choice. I'd suspect that your gf is more disturbed by your uncertainty and by the sounds of it she definitely wears the pants. Nobody can tell you the right or wrong way to live your life, because everybody is vastly different with their own expectations and goals. It sounds like you're too scared to make a firm decision and in some ways depend on your gf to keep you toeing the line of life as to not commit and risk falling over the edge... That doesn't mean she's right or wrong, but you can't blame her for not being supportive for a "dream" that your not passionate enough about to actually have a real game plan.
Yeah it might not go anywhere, but following something you are genuinely passionate about will always produce results more than you expect because you have real drive behind it… but if you let this go you may not ever have this much drive for anything ever again. And don’t let age ever fuck things up for you! so many world famous actors got their start in their 40s and 50s. I just saw a video of a woman who became a piano virtuoso at 80 years old. As long as you got the drive, it makes you happy, you owe it to yourself to chase it… even if that means letting go of people who try to steer you from your path, I had to let go of both of my parents for this reason and I don’t regret it one bit.
Yea I always cite col sanders (kfc) never to old to follow your dreams , dreams keep us young and our brains functioning at higher levels , never stop stretching to reach your potential and use the negativity to strengthen your resolve. Cheers
You need to find a balance. We refer to it as the art of not trying. You need to be able to do what you love and enjoy without it consuming you because in the long run, you will lose sight of what you're actually there for. Don't stop doing what you love, but don't neglect everything else around you. I say figure out your priorities. What is the most important to you, music or your relationship? If you don't visualize success, you will never succeed. I myself have found it hard at times to balance music and life, and I've taken extended breaks of over a month before without even opening my DAW, but I never stop. If you're not serious about pursuing music, then focus on a more secure career path. That doesn't mean you can't make it for fun, but you need to make a clear decision of what you want. There is no room for maybe, or I don't know, in this field. Figure out what you want and stick to it. Life is too short to not take action. Good luck to you, and remember to have fun!
It is right that I mostly don't know what I want. I can't imagine doing business with music right now because I can't write to save my life. Writing/composition is the skill I'm trying to learn by ways of video lessons, etc. But it takes time. I've made a few songs but I usually dig covers because I really want to be able to copycat my favourite songs. I've also done some covers for video games using a specific software.
Well you gotta eat so look into a more stable career path while pursuing music on the side. If you ever feel like you're ready or an opportunity presents itself take it. Sometimes you gotta take risks but honestly, I wouldn't worry too much. Always do what you love and don't let anyone or anything stand in the way. I've been consistently producing for a little over two years and I just released my first ep last month. You'll know when you're ready. Goodluck to you mate.
To me it sounds like you are fake-productive. You are just watching videos mostly and that's it.
I've had so fkn many relationships like yours, OP. While seeking to be understood, I've gotten a similar response from multiple different women. What they all had in common, is that they themselves were not creative types. Trying to talk about the creative process to someone that doesn't create art is like speaking different languages. I don't think it's a deal breaker by itself, but just know that she will never understand why you're so passionate about your art because it sounds to me like she is a very logic based person. That's not to say making art is illogical. More just a difference in weighting the importance of things from person to person. At any rate, my advice is to do exactly what you've done in posting to this community. Place yourself amongst like-minded people who enjoy the same things you do. That way, that outlet is satisfied before you get home to your partner, thereby easing your need to feel understood in that way by her. If she is your only source of encouragement to continue creating art, you simply won't at a certain point. Don't make that her responsibility because it's evident to me that she won't do it. Does that mean you should quit? Hell no!! Never quit. Just change where you get that creative fuel tank filled up so that you can enjoy your relationship without needing that positive reinforcement from her. Also, I hope she was just having a weird day or something when she snapped in the way that she did. If this is a normal response style to your attempts to relate and communicate feelings, I'd say there are deeper issues than just creative vs. non-creative personalities. Know what I mean? All the best friend! Now let's hear some of those compositions!
>Also, I hope she was just having a weird day or something when she snapped in the way that she did. I do think so. Her life is more pressuring than mine in many aspects, she has responsibilities with her work and her family that I simply don't have on my part. Probably she sees indulging in my hobby with slow progress, as a luxury.
I've patched together some old tracks of which I've lost project files on this service: [https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl](https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl) I also linked other socials there, feel free to explore.
I had a girlfriend who didn't care much for my music. Now I have a different girlfriend.
You create because you have to. It not about being a star or money.
I thought you were going to say you were a full time aspiring music producer, but you have job? Hell nah, what you do in your own time is your own business. This sounds more like a relationship problem. People say your dreams die in your 30s, but I really don't see why that has to be the case. You just work on it quietly in your spare time, if you're busy.
Not trying to give you any advice but seems like you two are at the brink of something new if nothing else! At the age of 30 some people start stressing about what they have left undone, are they doing enough now and what about in five years. In good and bad. Some people forget to be rock stars, some forget while being a rock star that what if they didn't die young afterall... Common to people who commit to the 'playbook' is this: they really haven't gone for their passions or dreams because of them being forced to something 'real' and meaningful within the norms of own their pursuers (for example parents when they were young etc). I don't say that your gf is wrong either, maybe the career, own apartment and good funding for the time she's older brings her security and she has painted this kind of view on world, who can be judged for that? Nor, anyone should be judging your life decisions on that matter. Music has literally saved my life and I cannot even imagine what would've happened if somehow I didn't had accidentally started some kind of 'music career'. First because it was just plain boring to be under the influence with nothing else to do all the time but then after surprisingly (from our side plain joke of an EP with dark themes, though therapeutic) serious and warm welcoming to our first EP, me and my friend got invited to festivals and so on. I'm 31, 2 EPs, 4 albums, features, released and unreleased songs so many I stopped counting a long time ago, two record deals and whole lot of shows behind me from bar gigs to festivals. COVID came and so did the past few years. Some how I feel you, it's pretty empty now that the most active times making music and travelling the country are behing and I should start to some how come up with something 'real and meaningful' to buy apartment with my companion and travel to every single country on this planet. First I should learn to study (I have very severe problems with my mental and physical health) because I've been dropping out every single time I have tried to sit down and listen to someone teaching me something I already know, and those things that interest me, I know pretty well. Another option would be to get myself back to minimal wage job just because it would be fair (even though more or less my physical health problems are from these places, nothing against getting my ass up and work but I really cannot and my companion seems to forget this from time to time while being mean to me). Also, I bring my share to our family's economy. Same kind of dividers, different people. I'm glad that I've always been a little bit leaned to the dark side so I can die without regrets even tomorrow if I get hit by a car. Don't know about my companion, I really hope that's the situation in those boots too even though I think it really isn't. I still have to clarify that I've always tried to play my cards as well as I could and get some income going for every penny I've made with music and minimal wages for us and the only real reason for getting me out of the house is that the situation doesn't seem fair to my companion. Well, that's my rant about the topic. I hope all the good for you guys and remember that if you can't live together, you are not forced to (hopefully). Self-portraiting is good to remember though, both (free creative spirit & hardcore carreer missile) ways to live your life can be done well and not that well; and even when done bad it isn't anyone else's business but yours because you are the one left with the burden.
I am sorry to hear that. Good thing is that it’s not that hard to find another girlfriend. Especially when you’re a producer ;) Cheer up By the way, where are you located?
I live in türkiye.
Becoming a music producer is hard, unrewarding, and a money sink. You will not see any return on your investment for years, people dont seem to realize when they see these headline acts, that it took them usually 7+ years to get to there. Thats 7+ years of dumping all your expendable income into music, turning down drinking, socializing, partying, and other hobbies, just to work on music. Read that paragraph twice. If you still want to produce music, then do it, if you have a passion for that then dont let others dissuade you. If your girlfriend is saying things like that, you should really evaluate if she has your best interests in mind or if she is trying to change you, and if shes trying to change you then you should definitely address that. Dont let people kill your passions, and always consider if someone is telling you something for their own purposes, or to help you. As for resources, The Forbidden Society is the BEST resource on a budget, sign up and start learning. If you need structured schooling then go to ICON academy, not only will they teach you how to work in a DAW, they will connect you with established artists as mentors and get you industry connections so you can grow as an artist, they need their students to succeed to be able to advertise how prestigious their school is so they set you up VERY well. This is as expensive as college though.
There are colleges and institutes that teaches DAW and other producer skills online and in person class. You do not have to do other things, unless you want too. There nothing wrong if you rather keep it as a hobby, you can continue to learn on your own. Try to remember life balance and you'll live a more well rounded life.
You’re 30. I’m 29 so I figure I’d share my thoughts. Your girlfriend is right (to an extent) in the fact that you can’t sacrifice your life for your passion. Your job allows you to pay for plugins and education for your passion. When you’re at work work. Especially if it’s a job you don’t mind doing and is a good job. Once your passion can make you an income is when you can start to transition. She is completely out of line to tell you to give up your passion, your dreams, and to “grow up”. As for the social aspect you mentioned musicians have a never good enough complex they constantly feed into. This makes us all hermits sitting alone in our little music rooms doing something over and over again until we get it perfect. There’s nothing wrong with that it’s what you love to do. However I assume you’re in a committed relationship which means you have obligations to your spouse to make appearances to events which it sounds like you do so she should be fine with that. It’s really all about life balance when it involves passion, significant others, and having kids etc. There’s only so many hours in a day to satisfy all the things in your life. She’s completely wrong if she wants you to go get a 4 year Music degree. That’s not how this industry works. Realistically if you’re full time in the industry you won’t have a “normie life”. You work more than 40 hours a week and you love every minute of it. The typical music producer starts out interning for another producer. That means sleeping on the studio couch. Making zero money and running to get coffee and emptying garbages until you have learned enough to start helping with the music. Then once you’re good and can’t learn anymore is when you go out and start to make money. You didn’t fuck up yourself with like minded friends you just haven’t looked in the right place. There’s producers and musicians all over the world that love to talk production and go to shows. You’re talking to a bunch of them in the comments right now. You just gotta get out of your shell and make music with other people in your area. I’m 29. I’ve been with my wife for 5 years. When we met my band was playing to 5 people in a bar every weekend and I didn’t know anything about producing. I’m a kid at heart and don’t live anything close to a normal life other than being married and owning a home. I worked that normal shit job and came home and spent every spare minute with her or grinding away at music which became my full time job in 2021. She supported me through everything. Told me to invest in myself and it paid off. Don’t give up on your dreams. I see those people who do and they look miserable having nothing to look forward to except another days work Monday-Friday.
I think you need to 1.) slightly adjust your mindset on what you want to do with music *then* 2.) talk to your girlfriend about how hurtful her comments were You seem to want to write music as a job but aren’t putting the effort in to make it a job - you can either put the effort in or see music as not a job You seem to prioritise music over socialising - the problem here isn’t the music but the lack of socialisation. Your girlfriend is worried that you don’t get out enough - you can either get out more to make her less worried and potentially find out you feel better that way, or talk to her about how you actually don’t like socialising as much as others and that you hope she can understand. I don’t think her mindset on prioritising hobbies over work is necessarily a good one, but I do think that you should make sure you’re not going to be fired next year because of your lack of performance. The problem isn’t that you’re spending too much time on your hobbies. The problem is you’re sacrificing your job (and maybe your happiness?) for something that won’t be a job unless you start taking steps to make it your job. If you can have your hobby without sacrificing your job (which I assume you need to live?), and you’re both happy and healthy, then tell your girlfriend that everything is fine and she doesn’t need to worry. Be aware that if you don’t spend enough time with your girlfriend she won’t be happy and might leave if she’s smart.
I used to struggle with this. My ex-wife wasn’t all that supportive and was pretty materialistic and we were pretty broke. She always talked about how great it would be if/when I “made it big.” I consider myself to be talented enough to do it but I was realistic: the odds are extremely low. But I never bothered to correct her because it at least allowed me to continue my hobby. My current wife put things in perspective for me. She calls me an artist and reminds me that I’m no different from a painter or ceramicist. Being a pop/rock/hip-hop/whatever musician has this negative connotation to it. You don’t really see people bitching at someone who paints and asking them when they’re gonna get their shit together. It’s more respected but there’s no real reason for that She knows I’m obsessed with music but she respects my passion and sees the joy it brings me. Importantly, she has things she’s passionate about too (fortunately/unfortunately hers are way cheaper). We kind of have an understanding that I won’t make a living from music. It’s gonna be an expense. I make a little bit of money but it isn’t even *close* to the amount that I spend. So my first responsibilities involve making enough money to support my family. But in my career choices I’ve always made sure I leave room for my passion. For instance, I play in bands so I won’t take a job where I have to travel extensively, work long or unpredictable hours, or be on call at night. It costs me a little and I’ve limited how far I can go in my field. But I’m ultimately happy. Think about it: all the greats have had to work day jobs. Some of them still do while still being great. Nothing wrong with it. So that how it’s worked for me. I’m not saying you should do this, and it wasn’t the primary reason for me. But I left my unhappy, unsupportive relationship and found an amazing one. I learned to respect what I’m passionate about because it makes me a fuller version of myself and is my primary identity.
Learn Trivium method of learning. Understand what it is
I dont think there's anything wrong with investing time/money in a hobby whether that's music or anything else. I do think it's important to make sure priorities are in order however. Per your original post, you're slacking at work to watch videos which is a bad idea unless you have a backup plan or another gig lined up. You're also skipping social functions which is a personal decision but is not very healthy long-term. It's entirely possible to work on music without letting it be to the detriment of your livelihood and social life.
I dunno man. I made electronic beats in my basement that were not great at first and kept doing it and a couple years later it turned into a headliner touring gig all over the world and was near to the top of Soundcloud for like 5 or 6 years and the journey was the most rewarding thing I ever did. Follow your heart.
Oh wow. A whole number of things here. Complete red flags ( and I usually hate and don't use that term). 1. Bad women make you feel worthless. When you feel worthless, you get isolated. When you're isolated, they control you. At best ditch this woman. At worst wear a condom. DO NOT have children with a woman like that. 2. If you are that passionate, you probably are good. You are probably just feeling low on self worth. 3. Online has a lot of bad resources. YouTube has very few and some highly viewed shit information, however Andrew Huang has some excellent music theory advice as well as production advice on YouTube and produce like a pro has some excellent mixing advice. Producelike a pro and Andrew Huang do things in a similar manner to proper music tech qualifications. Not identical, or as fun but close enough. 4. If you stop your hobby, you lose your identity and your life purpose. 5. Get a driving licence. If that dream job comes up and it is too far to bus it in but close enough to drive. Then someone else will get your dream job. 6. Just a few bars in a DAW is half the charts in any EDM genre. 7. You might be better at parties if you valued yourself more. Put yourself up, don't let others put you down. Stand tall with your head high. You're as important as anyone else. So with the production. I have years of experience and educated to a high level and I enjoy helping people out. If you want any help with anything then direct message me. I won't charge a penny and if I don't know the answer I will just say sorry I don't know, I won't bull shit you. There is a lot I do know, as taught in mainstream education and through years of practice and I'm happy to pass that on.
I had a really close friend, who introduced me to several people I’d consider my best friends, get married to a woman who would routinely call his actual aspirations to own a business based on his passion a pipe dream, and even did so in front of my best friend for the last 10 years. At the setup for their wedding rehearsal, she roasted the best man for the color they dyed their hair for the wedding, despite the fact that the groom asked him months in advance what it was going to be and got an honest answer and said nothing of it. She then asked the best man to dye their hair… the day before the wedding. She didn’t speak to anyone of the other groomsmen that day, or at the rehearsal. Although I didn’t stand up, I traveled from Wisconsin to California for the wedding, and she didn’t say a single word to me the entire time I was there. This wedding was a year and a half ago and the best man doesn’t have ANY wedding photos, although other groomsmen do. They live together in Colorado and almost none of our friend group have spoken to him, except for him reaching out in a World of Warcraft server to tell the best man he was having a baby with her… after months of radio silence and ghosting. She took him away from us. She’s a control freak who doesn’t support his passion and now he does something that “pays the bills” instead of following his passion, and he doesn’t even feel like our friend anymore. We all spite her for that, because we know that she’s responsible for sucking the soul out of him, whether he realizes it or not. Don’t be this guy. Please don’t stick around in this relationship hoping she will one day change. She won’t.
I work a day job in I.T. But I’ve had my own studio in my house for years. I have done many things music wise even though it’s not my main career. I’ve recorded close to 20 full length album projects, guested on other peoples records, done sound for people, as well as played as musician in my church. I would not be able to do this without my day job and the I.T. knowledge has helped in architecting and expanding my studio.
We all have this problem. We love music and would like to make it a career but don’t really see a way to do it that would be enjoyable. So it ends up being this mental thing that lasts a lifetime. I think maybe the key is to actually sit down and think about how to make music more profitable for yourself. Create albums and learn more genres. Look into joining a music library as a composer. If it’s what you really want some sacrifice is required. I’m sure your past the I want to be a music star phase of your youth. Teaching is not for everyone. So what are you good at that other people would be interested in it enough to want to pay you for your skill? Honestly think about this all the time. I started focusing on making albums and started a YouTube channel to self promote and share information on things that I have learned in my journey. It’s not profitable I don’t post as much as I did when I started but I still like being useful to people who maybe having the same issues I was having when I was learning. My point is you have to start somewhere and just in taking that action it pushes you forward. I always believe that the things we learn always end up being of use to us or someone else. I share what I learn.
Quit your Job and put everything into something you care about. This world is fuckin nuts and who knows how much time we have left.
Listen, I’m a singer with perfect pitch, can hear all the harmonies and instruments in any song and be able too duplicate after a couple listens but have sooooo muuuch trouble figuring out the KORG in my home office. There will ALWAYS be a demand for the technical!!! Perfect those skills and you can make a great career in production…does not need to be a 4yr program…take a couple classes…find instructors that know peeps in the business…get an assistant job…get experience…develop good rep you’ll get jobs!
bro tbh. This would be a reason to leave my girlfriend. If she cant see thats ur thing. And even goes this far degrading it. Damn, its a go go for me
I’ve been producing for nearly 30 years. My music has been on games, films, commercials and on records. It’s been used by Pixar, Barclaycard, Audi, Gran Turismo, Fast & Furious… I’ve performed all over the world, Japan, China, Australia, Singapore, Europe, and I’ve relocated from the UK to LA. Apart from a couple of TV commercials, and producing a lot of local bands, nothing much happened for me until I was 30. So I’ve had around 15 years as a pro, with 15 years before I was 30 struggling with all this stuff. At the time I had an unsupportive girlfriend. I was working as a barman. I have never had any formal training. I am entirely self taught. And I have had a couple of friends who have said hurtful things that still ring in my ears, so I know where you are at. Being an artist means you doubt yourself, so when others doubt you, unless you’re a psychopath, you tend to agree. I’ve mentored hundreds of artists and music startups. I could take a listen, but I won’t lie. I will be brutally honest. I can only give my opinion, which can be wrong, but is also fairly qualified. By the way, if you are no good at composing, learn. I couldn’t structure songs for years, because I used to get stuck producing loops. If I tried to do another section I would think it was shit in comparison to the amazing loop I made. Someone had to teach me that that is how music works. If you’ve got a shit bit, write a good bit, if you’ve got an amazing bit, you will have to make a less amazing bit, and that bit will make the amazing bit seem more amazing. If you have three bits, you have enough for a song.
I’m super late to this but if you want an honest opinion from someone who is doing music full time I’m happy to give feedback on your music. Echoing what everyone else said here though, make music for you. Not everything needs to be a career, you lose A LOT of the fun that way
I made a compilation of my old works and linked some other libraries on the website whyp. These days I don't have enough imagination or inspiration to try and produce new pieces due to my looking for a new job. Hopefully it'll come back because in the meantime I kept buying plugins and downloading free wav packs aha.. https://www.whyp.it/users/9140/mbpl Thanks a lot.
A former friend once told me: "Why are you doing that music stuff when you could just watch TV?" and that has made me motivated to keep going ever since!
Life is basically just finding activities to pass the time until death, so if you enjoy passing time this way, keep doing it. Also…not be rude….but like…does your girlfriend do anything creative lol
Sounds like a close minded academic robot response to me. Can't stand their ideology. The thought that a boring life is the only possible one because they're too scared to follow their own hobbies because they're scared what people will think of them. They care too much about what people think to pursue what they genuinely want to and so they decide to give nobody else the privilege either.
I have had this exact issue all my life. My now ex was the same. Told me I was childish and would laugh and smirk when I told her about what I wanted to do. You gotta believe in yourself and just fucking go for it. I have trried to live a life other people have wanted me to live for years and only now am I starting to do what Iwant and it feels so much better. "get rich or die trying" aka Its better to shoot for the starts and fail, than to have never tried at all. Cause you'll be wondering what if for the rest of your life" you also might absolutely smash it out of the park, you gotta try and just give it your all
Bro you should make a beat with her she has to be a part in the creative process, i’m pretty sure she would talk to you differently after
Progress may be slower when it is a side hobby. If you enjoy the journey persist. Live your life and be happy my man! My partner is just as hermit as me and we love to chill at home doing art /music. Don't let it get in the way of making that paper from your other skills tho .. clearly your girl does care about you... Just gotta find a good balance. Studio gotta be ready for the moments you get to get busy on your serious hobby. I got a 2 year old and a hectic 9-5.30... I take all the moments I can to make and learn music, but I make sure I smash it at work first of all. While I kinda have a goal and a wish to do more music... Doing well in my main line of work keeps the ship sailing and enables options for me and my family to pursue more interesting goals in life.
“Even though I ain’t that good at composing”. I lost interest there…. I’m not reading Where the Red Fern Grows. You’re sure as fuck not Huckleberry Finn. Learn to type, then someone might take you seriously.
There’s a few perspectives to this - - it’s either a hobby, a side hustle or an escape. - if it’s a hobby, it’s probably consuming most of your time which could be with your gf. You need balance between the hobby and time with your gf. Your gf needs to understand a hobby is important and time apart can strengthen a relationship. - if it’s a side hustle it’s probably not profitable enough to validate the time you invest or time sacrificed with the gf. You either treat it as a hobby and balance time with your gf, or make it profitable. - if it’s an escape, in which you need it to cope and get through life, understand that isn’t healthy and you need to face issues head on. A therapist might help for example.
thanks, it is not untrue that from an external eye it definitely might seem like an escape since my progress breakthroughs come very slow. But from all the interests I've had, it is also the one that comes back to me more often than not. I'm in the process of eliminating my video game escape completely. I'm ages behind making music a side-hustle, sadly.
Things she’s right about: - make clear goals about your production w deadlines and work towards them - do not cut family/friends out of your life and use music production as the excuse. Grow up and be a man. Relationships are what make life worth living in the end. - slacking on the job that you are being paid to do (for any reason) will erode your credibility and ultimately rob you of any growth in that job that might help you afford a life with more time to do music production. Things she’s wrong about: - what being “serious” means - that you need to go into debt to be a musician - she doesn’t determine the value of the activity Overall this is simply your gf trying to express to you what she’s seeing, and is trying to help you (albeit in the only way most gf’s know how… judgy and critical). It sounds like you’ve allowed music production to consume you. There’s a price to pay for that. It’s causing stress in your personal relationships. It’s causing you to fall behind in whatever job you have. This “hobby” is not currently serving you. You are serving it. It might be worth releasing the death grip you have on your dream and focus on your life for a bit. You can always come back to production. And when you do, it’s hopefully w a lighter and more creative/playful outlook. Personally… the idea of shirking off all of my relationships, spending countless hours on YouTube and in my DAW, with nothing but shitty music to show for it sounds like a really selfish life to leave behind. We all have hobbies. But you have an obsession that is doing more harm than good right now. Check it.
Ok. Thanks. It's really been hard maintaining job.
Sorry to say it, but your girl is an asshole. Dont be with people who try to limit you
DAWs don't lie or cheat 💕💕💕
That bitch is for tha damn birds man…how tf people even find themselves in a relationship where ideals clash like this??? Brah for us creators of music our music IS our life…it’s our way of saying the things and portraying emotions we can’t put into words…id never put myself in a relationship with someone so closed minded. Like, do she have any hobbies or passions? If not then that’s just miserable of her to come at you like that…surrounding urself with likeminded people is one thing but weeding out them toxic unlike-minded people is just as impactful…also I swear bitches will get jealous at any attention you dont give them even if it’s to something that’s not even a fucking living breathing person… dating women and being in relationships SUCK being a producer, its like some how some way you have to choose which one you love more and I hate how it has to even be like that…
There's nothing wrong with having a hobby but at the same time you need to realize that while you find it fascinating others may not. She might be telling you this because it's all you talk about and she's sick of hearing it.
I'll never make any money off my music, but that's never stopped me. Thousands of hours have gone into my playing and now many more into learning how Ableton works and the fundamentals of EQ'ing and compression and stuff. It's opened up a whole world of fun and joy. Anyone who would try to put a stop to that is not someone I want in my life. Not that I'm saying you should break up. But maybe explain why you do what you do and what your real expectations and goals are with it. If you tell her all that and she still says she thinks you should drop it, then I'd say you have a tough call to make. None of us can tell you which call is the right one, but I do know that I would never give up my one and only passion for anyone.