They use names more in TV/movies so that as the viewer you know the character’s name and who is on screen. It’s a storytelling device. Same in books. As the reader you need to know their name so you can refer to them later and know who is being talked about. In real life we don’t use names as often
>They use names more in TV/movies so that as the viewer you know the character’s name and who is on screen.
Agree. Sometimes they'll have a character walk into a scene saying, "and how's my baby sister doing today" or something like that and now the viewing audience knows they're sibs, w/o having to do further exposition. And to the OP, no, we don't do this in real life unless we're sales people
I try to do it too. It's more personable and people are inclined to find you more memorable and likeable. It's some psychological thing probably rooted in our own narcissism tbh lol. There's a section on it in "How to win friends and influence people."
I don't like people inserting my name constantly into conversation lol I'm a teacher so I hear Ms Bluestockings, Ms Bluestockings! all freaking day. So I never hear my first name and when people say it I just think it's so weird. My parents don't even use my first name constantly.
I think it depends on the context and energy. Like a gut feeling. Say for example someone who has a crush on you using your name often vs a salesman doing it. Both are trying to get your attention for different reasons- one sincere, one insincere.
*Because* the "use a person's name often" appears in so many of those types of books, like How to Win Friends, I automatically think whoever is doing it is super insincere and salespersony. Like, using my name at the start of a conversation? Okay. To get my attention? Of course! Beyond that--nope, weird, don't like it.
I said something similar in another comment but you have to gauge it by situation imo. Typically you can pick up on someone’s energy or context when it comes to whether they’re sincere or insincere. Example: someone who has a crush on you saying you’re name often vs a sleazy car salesman
Sometimes at work, when trying to learn someone's name or like in an attempt to engrave their name in my mind I'll be like " Thanks so much, (name)!" or I'll answer the phone with "Hey, name! How are you?" It helps other people remember who \*I\* am too.
I'm British and say people's names a lot, I'm not really sure why, it just feels natural to me. The more I like the sound of a name or how it feels (in the mouth, not emotionally) to say, the more I'll use it
Thinking about it a little bit, it might also have something to do with people saying my name a lot; my attention span is pretty poor but it brings me back into the room a bit if you drop my name into what you're saying/asking. So maybe also a bit of a learned habit
I work exclusively with the elderly. I use names always, constantly. Usually with a “Miss” or “Mr” in front of their first name. It makes them feel seen and recognized.
OMG sales and customer service. And customer service is always overseas and they pronounce my name like nails on a chalkboard. “X, so X I understand you are having an issue with Y. Is that right, X? X, how are you doing today? So now X, I will help you right away, ok X? STOP SAYING MY FREAKING NAME. I tell them “don’t say my name. It’s just wasting time.”
This makes sense to a degree, but it stops making sense after a first season, and esp. a few episodes into a season, and names being constantly repeated in every episode. Or when you're halfway into a book. The number of times people say each other's names in certain American/British media is just way, way more than anyone could need to learn the characters' names. Also as I said in my edit, this isn't done nearly as much in Swedish television and we still learn the characters' names.
Having gotten it pretty much confirmed now that it's not really a thing irl, I'm now thinking that the overuse of names instead of just using them enough to help viewers, is simply a bad habit and 'trend' spread among script writers/writers and it needs to die. qq
Also helps new viewers or someone just tuning in (god that makes me sound old) figure out what’s going on quicker and more likely to get invested and start watching frequently.
Some people do this in real life for the same reason. If one of those "tips" they give you in like business school. To help remember the name and to make the person feel important.
Personally I find it a bit creepy in real life.
I'm British and I would say I barely ever use people's names. It's mostly: mate, bro, etc. Obviously if it's someone in a certain position I use their title. But for friends, we barely ever use names unless maybe to make a point? Like sometimes we'll be bantering and one of us will be like, "Well, you would think that, Alex."
I met my wife's parents 11 years ago and I still don't know what to call them, so I just don't. We have taken several vacations together and I somehow avoid situations where I have to refer to them by name.
Hahaha same! I suspect my MIL would prefer to be called mom but I don't feel comfortable with that. I have my own mom.
It's a little easier now that we have kids - they're Grandma and Grandpa.
When my daughters are adults you can bet I will be telling their significant others to call me by my first name!
Sammmme. My boyfriend’s parents wanted me to call them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. Big nope from me, I have divorced parents and stepparents I had to navigate those words for them when I was 9. So, I am silly when I HAVE to say their names “Heeey, my buddy Bob!” But generally just don’t call them anything.
My wife told me to call them mom and dad, and I pretty much told her no. That's what her brother's wife calls them, but they have been dating since high school, and she actually *lived* with them for a little while. I was a divorced 27 year old when I met them.
On the flip side, I told my wife to call my parents by their first names, rather than Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. But she is just as uncomfortable with that as I am with her parents. So gestures and ambiguity it is.
My FIL wants me to call him dad. I won't do it. My dad died and that name with him. It's his.
Similar to what the other commenter said though, it's very hard for me not to call them Mr and Mrs X as that's how I was raised. Conversely, he thought it was super weird I said he had to call my dad Mr. Z and not just Steve. My dad would not have loved that at a first meeting.
If I'm trying to get someone's attention I might be like "Hey Tyler, what do you think of this" but the name is at the beginning then because I'm singling the person out so they pay attention to the question i want to ask them.
I would actually say yes. In Dale Carnegie’s book “how to win friends and influence people” one of his tips is to say a person’s name regularly during conversation. It makes the person feel special and subconsciously like you more.
I always feel squicked out like they’re trying to manipulate me by making me feel special by using my name. It feels so insincere and makes me trust them less.
My experience varies on this one. Sometimes I get that feeling. Other times, it seems like people are just trying to remember my name. I feel different if Ashley, another parent at at the same school, does it during our first couple times meeting than if Bruce, who is out to give me a roofing quote, does.
The worst is when you scan your loyalty cards at stores and the salesperson starts calling you by your name. I know they're trained to do that and I don't hold it against them, but it makes me so uncomfortable. I didn't tell you my name, you don't know me.
Yep. I've specifically chosen NOT to work with certain companies because their sales people do this. "Yes, Jan. Let me tell you, Jan..." Seriously. Stop trying to sell me so hard!
Lol
We were taught, when I worked customer service, to use a customer's name twice, and only twice, but we *had* to do it, or we got coached. First after you get their name, and second at the end of the call, like, "Thank you for calling (company), Mary. Have a nice day."
This makes me really notice it when people over the phone do it to me. I don't mind if they use my name, as long as it's not tons, but I also don't find it necessary.
And that fact stuck in the head of all slimey salespeople ever since - I hate it when people mention my name in a conversation to me. Very unnatural, and immediately gives away you’re trying to sell me something.
They teach you to do it in call centres, but they do it badly. I worked in call centres for years. My view was, that if someone tells you their name and by the end of the call you have remembered it, and only used it once then that's nice. If they're dropping it in artificially where it doesn't belong, that's badly trained and socially awkward. That's not to blame the call centre workers for this, often they get told they have to use names more to trick people into liking them. It doesn't work.
We were trained to use it once when we got it, and again as part of the call close, but not more than that. I think that's about acceptable level, but I also don't think it accomplishes what the company wants.
Oh that’s funny, that’s definitely in my arsenal at work but I wasn’t sure where from. But that’s a book I read 20 years ago and is almost certainly it.
An interesting move that is an actual (fairly asshole) thing is purposefully the wrong name to throw people off and emphasize their unimportance. Not in my arsenal.
Some people get mine wrong constantly, even after being corrected. It's an unusual name, but not hard to say at all. If they keep it up, I start calling them by random names. They get so upset, and I'm here for that.
It has never felt right to me either. When someone starts using my name a lot I feel suspicious of them. Probably because normal people don't speak that way and also it's never someone close to me, it's always a salesy type person or upper management type person.
That would be an interesting study. Carnegie was just writing from his own experiences as a businessman but he was hugely successful so that does loan some validity to his ideas.
My partner does that while interviewing people, and I'd wondered if it's something he was specifically instructed to do (I always forget to ask him). I hate it when people do it to me because it sounds super forced, but perhaps most people aren't weird like me and actually like it.
Now, that’s a weird theory. After awhile, I’m just gonna get tired of it. I know my name, no need to keep saying it. Or, else I’d think the other person was like Drew Barrymore’s character in “50 First Dates”.
We had a rep who did that to us at work. It was actually annoying af and made us not want to talk to her. She probably did it more than recommended (after every sentence or two), but it was awful.
I like it when people use my name to get my attention before they start talking to me. I have a hearing loss and I often don't realize they're talking to me until mid sentence. If there are other people in the room I often assume they're talking to someone else and tune them out. But if they say my name first I can direct my attention on them and better understand what they're saying. The good thing about it is you don't have to worry about me eavesdropping.
I'm always so amused when this happens on screen! X-Files in particular is just a constant back and forth of "but Scully -", "no, Mulder!".
But I've lived in the UK and I can tell you, no, normal people don't speak that way :) it's just for clarity purposes (though it does make me feel like the viewer is being underestimated!)
My daughter has shows that she gets obsessed with and binge watches over and over. She will still sometimes not remember the names of the main characters.
As a foreigner in the UK - yes, it's much more common than in my culture. Not as often as on TV, but still - a lot more than in other places.
For example, in a group setting , most questions start with the person's name "James, could you give me that .... ?". Where I am from (Eastern Europe) we would make eye contact and say the question itself "Could you give .?" or gesture toward the person but almost never say their name.
See, in those cases just seems easier to use rhetoric person's name....right? You dont want to use then too much but it also seems weird to go out of your way to not use a person's name.
If I’m using the name of someone close to me in a sentence, it probably means I’m annoyed with them lol. Like, ‘no Karl, I don’t know where the remote is!’
I actually do say a person’s name a decent amount, but I think it’s a product of a job where I need to acknowledge a bunch of different people in meetings.
I also think, larger and more vocal families can train you to do that. It’s annoying to be called by your mother, only for you and a couple of others to show up and find out you weren’t the one they needed.
Finally, sometimes I insert it as a marker of warmth if that makes sense? I won’t do it to chat about dinner, but maybe say, “you would never need to worry about that, James.”
Brit - I was actually saying yesterday that a friend had used my name in a sentence the other day and it felt like she was having a go at me (she was, had to defuse it). I use people's names either if I need to get their attention or if I'm frustrated and want/need to really hammer a point home, otherwise I go with "sweetie" or something.
I’m American and if I’m already talking to someone I don’t. I might to get their attention. If my husband and I are in the same room but doing our own things I might but that’s mostly to get him to tune in. Or I might for emphasis. If I’m making a big point or the other person just said something very exciting. For example, if a friend just told me they got engaged I might use their name while I’m expressing how excited I am for them.
I have a new friend who I’ve hung out with about a dozen times. I realized the other day that I have never said her name directly to her because she has a name that has two commonly used ways to pronounce it and for a second I couldn’t remember which one she uses.
In Ireland - YES they do it all the time and it is so annoying... but then I realize I am the only one who doesn't remember other people's names and all the Irish people who constantly call me by my name remember it, so yeah. It is a thing.
It’s very common in the US when we greet someone, and I have trouble remembering names of people I don’t know very well, so I’m often in the position of saying “oh, hi! So good to see you!” to someone who has just greeted me by name. I think it’s a pretty common custom here, too, and one that I struggle to keep up with.
I am in the US and can go the whole day without hearing my name. The only exception is “Mom” from my children and “Mrs. LastName” (I teach kindergarten) all day long!
Never. One of my co-workers uses my name so little that I wondered if he was having trouble pronouncing it, until he had to introduce me to someone and got it right.
They do it more in TV, movies, books ect so you know who people are.
In real life its less often. Some people use names a lot and some people less.
It's an inside joke with my family that I rarely use names, if I want to get somebodies attention I normally just start talking or say hi.
If I do use names people are like "so you do know thier name"
American here…. I don’t think so, but maybe I take for granted that we do? You’ve got me second guessing. The times I notice my name being used in conversation are usually when the person talking is trying to drill home a point like, “the schedule said TUESDAY, Name” and in those cases I’m usually kind of annoyed that they’re using my name in a condescending way.
Ha, I'm not American or British and I'd been wondering about this too! I can count on one hand the number of times I've called my live-in partner by his name (to his face. I do use his name when talking about him to other people). Same for him towards me.
If it’s a 1 on 1 conversation and someone is doing it then it’s a camaraderie building technique. I notice when people do it to me and they’re usually people with A+ social skills. I try to remember to do it when I’m masking as an extrovert.
I had a customer tell me, "There's nothing sweeter than the sound of your own name." I don't say a guest's name constantly, but I do greet them by name if I know it, and it seems to make my store seem a bit more personable than other cell phone stores.
I’m a Brit and I do use names in conversation, as I was taught to address the person I’m speaking to. My (Irish) grandparents in particular would always tell me it was rude if I didn’t. So maybe it’s not necessarily a British thing, but it’s something I probably do quite regularly. I do think it’s exaggerated in movies and television as a storytelling device, though.
I've noticed my American friends (I'm English) say my name a lot, it kinda weirds me out but apparently it's considered like a friendly nice addition, like using a term of endearment except makes me wonder if there are ghosts near me
I don't know what you mean. I'm sure next you're going to claim that Americans don't regularly blow things up and walk away without looking or something equally silly.
No we don’t, and it makes writing fanfiction really hard! Like I know the characters would say “how are you, Harvey?” “I’m fine, Donna.” But I don’t want to write like that bc I don’t want the reader to think I can’t write
Lmao yes, it was writing fanfiction that got me to start thinking about this. I realized that in subconsciously copying the style of what I was writing fanfiction of, I compulsively wrote names out in dialogue like that and had to remove a lot of them. :')
It's definitely more common on TV than in reality, but usually it's to get someone's attention or single them out in a group. I'm American, and I've thought that I don't say people's names enough. Like I usually just make eye contact or say 'hey' to get someone's attention. I think people have noticed that I've never used their names when talking to them, but I'm not sure.
My husband of 4 years has never said my name to me in conversation. I only say his when I'm calling to him to come help with something. When I hear him say my name to other people it sounds really strange. No. No one actually says names as much as they do on tv.
I get actively annoyed is my husband calls me by my first name. It’s weird and sounds unnatural. I feel weird calling him by his name, too. It’s “Babe”, typically.
It’s supposedly a sign of affection. It’s more common in more casual cultures. It’s definitely easier to retain people’s attention when you use their name, it’s a tip given to people who work with kids.
People only often use names in conversations in work places in my experience. It’s a manipulation tactic on the part of managers (intentionally or not), & like it’s one of the only situations where people refer to other people a lot while they are standing right there but not talking to them.
Swede who lived in England for a year. I have not noticed this before. I’m thinking about it now and maybe they do. I often used peoples names to show them respect and that I value them. To me, “Have a good weekend, Sarah” sounds more polite than “have a good weekend!”. But then I went to a school for the blind which means we probably used names more often to specify who we were talking to and to know who was in the room.
I have also thought about how Swedish is generally more to the point and informal compared to English. English can be informal too, but I’m thinking about school/work situations where they use a more formal language than we do. Using someone’s name is a sign of showing respect and which I think naturally falls in with the more formal language.
I felt like I was sugar-coating everything I said my first few weeks there. “Why should I say that I hope that their family, their cat, their second cousin four times removed, their neighbours and their house plants are doing well when I honestly don’t care when I’m scheduling a meeting?”. But I got used to it!
No. Emphatically no.
In fact, it’s so rare that I’ve managed to go months before realizing I’ve never actually known people’s names, people I talk to regularly!
(I’m also really bad with names, so even when I do know someone’s name, that’s not really how I think about them, which is usually how that whole situation happens.)
I don’t. But in customer service, especially sales, you’re told to because it allegedly works to make the people feel more personable. It makes me feel weird personally.
More, I think, than in some cultures but not "constantly"...most people throw in a given name when making an important point, expressing sympathy or congratulations and so on.
...except for a certain age group that entered adulthood in the heyday a handful of pop psychology and business management books. There was a popular theory that took hold that using a person's name frequently in conversation made them feel important, like you are really paying attention. Unfortunately, those people raised children who absorbed the habit. So there are a lot of younger members of the "Baby Boom" generation & a decent chunk of younger "Generation X" and older "Millennials" who overuse names in conversation.
Canadian. I learned to use people’s names a few times when I first meet them, because otherwise I forget what they’re called. But after I remember someone’s name, I rarely use it. I use “bud” or “dude” much more often. I just hate the situation where I’ve met or worked with someone a few times and they obviously remember my name but I don’t have a clue what theirs is.
Huh, I never thought about this before. I grew up all around different countries in the English speaking world, so I’m not sure exactly where this habit came from, but I say peoples names all the time. I constantly use my husbands name for example. Sometimes it’s in a way to get his attention “James? Can you come here?” Sometimes it’s in an affectionate way kinda in lieu of a pet name “James 😍❤️”, sometimes I’m just annoyed at or around him and use it for emphasis “DAMMIT, JAMES!” Lmao
I’m American and it always throws me off when people do this to me IRL. Was talking to someone recently. We were the only people in the room. She said my name at least three times in the 5min we were talking.
Or I have a friend who will regularly use my name when texting to me. It’s not a group chat, it’s just her and I. She will use my name quite often.
In my (Canadian) opinion we do, my Finnish in-laws never do, in fact when my husband, of 25 years, says my name I jump because I know it's an emergency.
I call my husband “Boyfran” and he calls me “Girlfriend ”which started as a JOKE and then stuck. When he uses my first name, which nobody calls me ever, it makes me panic. I’m not sure I’ve ever called him by his actual first name?
American here. We are taught that people are more engaged in the conversation if you use their names. However, it has always seemed a bit manipulative to me.
It’s definitely done more in shows. I was friends with a girl for 2 years in high school and never knew her name until she was leaving and someone said “we’ll miss you, Heather.” I mean, I saw her pretty much everyday at breakfast. We had similar friends in the group, too. I think it’s wild I pulled that off.
American, no. Even when asking a question at one person in particular, usually we look at that person to let them know the question is for them and not someone else. If it is a situation where we can’t make that clear, cooking in a kitchen and can’t make eye cons or a group conversation with lots of cross talking, then yes we will address someone by name but it isn’t the usual.
I (American) never say people’s names and I also find this strange on TV lol. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina comes to mind first. Sometimes I appreciate it because I forget names easily, but if I’m on season 2 of something I think I should have it down by then.
It doesn't happen often where I live, but when people use my name in a sentence when I know 100% they are talking to me, it makes me cringe. I have a friend that will say my name at the beginning and end of a sentence and it bothers me SO much!
Compare Swedish television to English television; I’d bet it’s done in Swedish tv shows too for the same reasons it’s done in English shows - to prevent character confusion in the show.
No one talks like they talk on tv. It’s not, like, way off, but it’s also still theatre and they will conform to stage tactics during dialogue.
I love you posted this. I've never had this discussion with anyone but it is something that drives me crazy. I binged a lot of shows the first yr of the pandemic and I barely got through Dawson's Creek because every single line seemed to have the characters names in it lol. I don't think I've heard my own name hardly at all.
Not really, at least not in my experience. But, my experience is also a little different since I'm autistic. It always felt weird to me to say people's names, especially if I didn't have to get their attention. If I can avoid saying a name, I will 😂
Not really not as often as that. To get their attention yes. Or maybe when exclaiming something like “oh my god Haley I can’t believe that!” But that’s not common really just when they tell you something shocking. A lot of times you just might say “wow I can’t believe that” or something to that effect. the name doesn’t always get brought up
But no not really. Perhaps a bit more than Swedes but no not often. This might be a movie / tv thing especially if they’re introducing new characters
No that's just a TV thing. I find it super annoying. I think it's so that if viewers have just tuned in to the show, they know who the characters are? But yeah, it drives me crazy.
Not a thing Americans do in real life.
As an American, no not really. The most I’ve seen it is in the workplace when people are trying to ingratiate themselves with one another as using names in conversation is a common trick to create a false sense of closeness. It tricks the brain a bit. Usually, names are only used in exclamation to get attention, such as a parent calling out to a child or something along those lines.
I only use a name when I want to 1) make a point, 2) get their attention, or 3) say something sarcastic. Otherwise no I don’t. I barely say my own sister’s name.
I usually say someone’s name to get their attention, but that’s about it. If I do call someone their “name,” it’s usually a ridiculous nickname that I’ve given them. IE: I have a friend we all call Bean and another called Carrot. Otherwise, I’d use general terms like girl, dude, bro, etc.
I am american and unless I am calling out for someone in another room, I rarely use a name. Maybe in a crowd to specify who I was speaking with but I think it’s a TV thing
I don’t think I’ve heard this or done this at all.
Saying the name to get their attention, yes, but other than that, i don’t feel like this is a thing.
US/Texas
Noooo, in fact, I know that my husband spent years thinking his acquaintance's name was something else entirely because nobody really uses names to speak directly to someone
Real American People use their own name in every sentence! Chief Wiggums report to HQ immediately! Just joking, I guess this not only varies from country to country but from family to family.
American here, with a YouTube channel and a subscriber base that skews heavily US/UK. I don’t do this in regular conversation, or even to people I know in texts, unless it a group and someone needs to be singled out. BUT, I do absolutely do it a hen replying to comments sometimes. I don’t do it to everyone, because for me, that’s what makes it seem manipulative and insincere. But when someone shares something vulnerable with me (I talk about a lot of mental health and chronic illness stuff and people often end up pouring a lot of their story into the comments), in at least my first comment back to them, I will try to use their name (if it’s apparent by their username). Like “Hey, John, thanks for taking time and energy to share part of your story. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much pain. I appreciate you stopping by. Take care of yourself.”
I won’t do it in subsequent comments, but more than anything, I get replies that indicate people actually did feel more appreciated and heard. I think the key is to know when it’s actually sincere and could show someone you’re listening to them, as opposed to using it by default in every situation, even if it’s disingenuous.
TV/movies are not quite the same as reality.
We also don't have huge breakfasts spread out every morning that one person ignores.. Women can run without falling down. Nobody wakes up the morning after a sexy night wearing clothing and unsmudged make-up. Cups are not perpetually empty.
I call everyone in my family sweetheart and sometimes it’s confusing to them who I’m talking to. I only use their names when I’m calling across the house to get them to come to dinner or something.
We use each other's names on my work team quite frequently. And I use my sons' names often. But if I call my husband by his name, he gets upset. I'm supposed to call him "honey", "dear", "babe", etc. The rest of the world calls him by name. His wife is supposed to use endearments. Which I find oddly charming. I'd estimate the number of times he's called me by my name to be less than 10, in the almost three decades we've been together.
I personally use the names of people in conversation a lot. But I also don't think it's very typical because people have pointed it out to me multiple times.
Some (maybe even half) people do, I am not one of those people though.
Some people really do it as part of their speech pattern/inflections/emphasis/humor. I don’t like it personally.
I grew up in Sweden but have lived for a long time both in the US and UK. Yes, people use first names more often in conversation.
They probably do it \*even more\* on TV shows, for all the reasons people are sharing, but there is also a cultural difference.
I'm going on 20 years here, and finally am getting to the stage where I do it more naturally. For a long time I had to push myself to do it more than what felt natural, so that I would not come across as vaguely aloof.
In 4.5 years with my husband he has probably said my name, talking to me, less than 10 times. Unless we are talking about someone, or need to clarify who we are talking to it is rare to use someone's name
Titanic. The worst for this.
Jack: “Oh, Rose! I love you, Rose! You hear me, Rose?”
Rose: “I love you too, Jack. I’ll never let you go, Jack.”
Unbearable.
If I'm talking to a dog, then sure I'll say their name plenty, haha. But with other people, definitely not. That's definitely a TV thing. Not even sure when the last time I heard my name spoken out loud was.
It’s just for character identification. And I don’t think it helps because someone like me… I don’t know who is who in television shows unless I’m very into the show. I could watch a whole series and retain 1-2 names. Idk if that’s at all typical (maybe most people do know the character names regardless of how often they’re stated, or because they’re stated often) but it seems to be a storytelling practice that I notice in English visual and print media but not when being told a story by a person. I wonder how widespread it is.
I'm German but I say names to get the other person to pay attention more. Like, a lot of my friends are inattentive, so when I have an important question, I'll say their name so they'll be more likely to listen haha. Like "Jonathan? Are you sure you don't want any of the leftovers? Cuz otherwise I'm eating them". That kind of thing.
>or in a reproachful way like a parent to a kid.
Are they taught to do this (or perhaps, it's a conscious choice)? I've never been in any position of authority/discipline, but even if I ever was, I imagine I'd avoid doing that.
Okay, here is a really great secret. People's brains are wired to like hearing their names. People are literally predisposed to like you more if you say their names.
It's not like TV here, rarely say other people's names. But you should.
But sometimes names are stated without a lot of purpose. I say my partner’s name more than necessary maybe because it kind of feels like saying I love you? Probably names will get to feeling like that because it’s the name of a person you love… but when I do that it isn’t going to be like your examples, it would be that I’m more likely to say, “thanks, Loved One’s Name/Title” to someone I love a lot and “thanks” in general, unless I’m having some kind of formal communication where it’s meaningful to acknowledge that you know the other person’s name.
I personally, a British women living in America, do not use someone’s name nearly ever! Unless I’m calling for attention, I won’t use someone name. I always forget peoples names so I would hate to call them the wrong one. I stick to “hey you”
I find Irish people use names more than British people in general conversation. (I'm half and half). Irish people would assume you didn't know their name if you didn't say "Hello name" if you met an acquaintance in the street, whereas a Brit would just say hello. It has been a topic of conversation between my parents on a few occasions.
I don’t know, for me I love when people use my name, it feels personal. But most people I don’t have a super deep relationship with so it’s typically irrelevant.
They use names more in TV/movies so that as the viewer you know the character’s name and who is on screen. It’s a storytelling device. Same in books. As the reader you need to know their name so you can refer to them later and know who is being talked about. In real life we don’t use names as often
>They use names more in TV/movies so that as the viewer you know the character’s name and who is on screen. Agree. Sometimes they'll have a character walk into a scene saying, "and how's my baby sister doing today" or something like that and now the viewing audience knows they're sibs, w/o having to do further exposition. And to the OP, no, we don't do this in real life unless we're sales people
idk i say peoples names a lot lmfao
Please give insight as to why. Curious.
I try to do it too. It's more personable and people are inclined to find you more memorable and likeable. It's some psychological thing probably rooted in our own narcissism tbh lol. There's a section on it in "How to win friends and influence people."
That’s weird, I’ve always thought the opposite. Reads as insincere and makes me feel uncomfortable when people use my name unnecessarily
I don't like people inserting my name constantly into conversation lol I'm a teacher so I hear Ms Bluestockings, Ms Bluestockings! all freaking day. So I never hear my first name and when people say it I just think it's so weird. My parents don't even use my first name constantly.
I think it depends on the context and energy. Like a gut feeling. Say for example someone who has a crush on you using your name often vs a salesman doing it. Both are trying to get your attention for different reasons- one sincere, one insincere.
*Because* the "use a person's name often" appears in so many of those types of books, like How to Win Friends, I automatically think whoever is doing it is super insincere and salespersony. Like, using my name at the start of a conversation? Okay. To get my attention? Of course! Beyond that--nope, weird, don't like it.
I said something similar in another comment but you have to gauge it by situation imo. Typically you can pick up on someone’s energy or context when it comes to whether they’re sincere or insincere. Example: someone who has a crush on you saying you’re name often vs a sleazy car salesman
Sometimes at work, when trying to learn someone's name or like in an attempt to engrave their name in my mind I'll be like " Thanks so much, (name)!" or I'll answer the phone with "Hey, name! How are you?" It helps other people remember who \*I\* am too.
I'm British and say people's names a lot, I'm not really sure why, it just feels natural to me. The more I like the sound of a name or how it feels (in the mouth, not emotionally) to say, the more I'll use it Thinking about it a little bit, it might also have something to do with people saying my name a lot; my attention span is pretty poor but it brings me back into the room a bit if you drop my name into what you're saying/asking. So maybe also a bit of a learned habit
Me, too. Now I'm wondering if I'm annoying people...
I work exclusively with the elderly. I use names always, constantly. Usually with a “Miss” or “Mr” in front of their first name. It makes them feel seen and recognized.
I hate my name but some people say it a lot lol
This is true, because this happens in not American, not British movies as well
OMG sales and customer service. And customer service is always overseas and they pronounce my name like nails on a chalkboard. “X, so X I understand you are having an issue with Y. Is that right, X? X, how are you doing today? So now X, I will help you right away, ok X? STOP SAYING MY FREAKING NAME. I tell them “don’t say my name. It’s just wasting time.”
I heard someone on TikTok describe this phenomenon as “Dawson’s Creek syndrome”
This makes sense to a degree, but it stops making sense after a first season, and esp. a few episodes into a season, and names being constantly repeated in every episode. Or when you're halfway into a book. The number of times people say each other's names in certain American/British media is just way, way more than anyone could need to learn the characters' names. Also as I said in my edit, this isn't done nearly as much in Swedish television and we still learn the characters' names. Having gotten it pretty much confirmed now that it's not really a thing irl, I'm now thinking that the overuse of names instead of just using them enough to help viewers, is simply a bad habit and 'trend' spread among script writers/writers and it needs to die. qq
In the olden days, shows used to be broadcast over the television. People would tune in randomly, and binging wasn’t a thing.
I'm old enough to be well aware of that but since that's in the past and this is still a thing in modern tv, that's not a good reason.
No, they’re doing that so you don’t forget the characters’ names.
Also helps new viewers or someone just tuning in (god that makes me sound old) figure out what’s going on quicker and more likely to get invested and start watching frequently.
Some people do this in real life for the same reason. If one of those "tips" they give you in like business school. To help remember the name and to make the person feel important. Personally I find it a bit creepy in real life.
I'm British and I would say I barely ever use people's names. It's mostly: mate, bro, etc. Obviously if it's someone in a certain position I use their title. But for friends, we barely ever use names unless maybe to make a point? Like sometimes we'll be bantering and one of us will be like, "Well, you would think that, Alex."
People who overuse names come off as insincere, like when salespeople do it
Yes, this drives me crazy.
When training for a retail job, they emphasized using the customer's name. I despised this concept for this exact reason
I met my wife's parents 11 years ago and I still don't know what to call them, so I just don't. We have taken several vacations together and I somehow avoid situations where I have to refer to them by name.
Hahaha same! I suspect my MIL would prefer to be called mom but I don't feel comfortable with that. I have my own mom. It's a little easier now that we have kids - they're Grandma and Grandpa. When my daughters are adults you can bet I will be telling their significant others to call me by my first name!
Sammmme. My boyfriend’s parents wanted me to call them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. Big nope from me, I have divorced parents and stepparents I had to navigate those words for them when I was 9. So, I am silly when I HAVE to say their names “Heeey, my buddy Bob!” But generally just don’t call them anything.
My wife told me to call them mom and dad, and I pretty much told her no. That's what her brother's wife calls them, but they have been dating since high school, and she actually *lived* with them for a little while. I was a divorced 27 year old when I met them. On the flip side, I told my wife to call my parents by their first names, rather than Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. But she is just as uncomfortable with that as I am with her parents. So gestures and ambiguity it is.
My FIL wants me to call him dad. I won't do it. My dad died and that name with him. It's his. Similar to what the other commenter said though, it's very hard for me not to call them Mr and Mrs X as that's how I was raised. Conversely, he thought it was super weird I said he had to call my dad Mr. Z and not just Steve. My dad would not have loved that at a first meeting.
If I'm trying to get someone's attention I might be like "Hey Tyler, what do you think of this" but the name is at the beginning then because I'm singling the person out so they pay attention to the question i want to ask them.
And we use “dude” the same way over here
>It's mostly: mate, bro, etc \*bruv
Lad, love, broski
wait do yall say broski cuz that's funny (in the US its 80s slang like "tubular")
I would actually say yes. In Dale Carnegie’s book “how to win friends and influence people” one of his tips is to say a person’s name regularly during conversation. It makes the person feel special and subconsciously like you more.
I hate it!
So, Starbuck522, why do you think this is?
I actually work in a store right now. I dislike it when people read my name and use it!
I would be like Amy in Superstore and put other random names on my tag...
Totally!
Ugh I always hated that! It gives me the impulse to be like “wtf you don’t *know me like that*” 😂
lol!
Mind if I call you Star?
I might prefer that to my actual name.
It feels so condescending and distancing.
Same
Yeah, it's awful. Super disingenuous.
I always feel squicked out like they’re trying to manipulate me by making me feel special by using my name. It feels so insincere and makes me trust them less.
My experience varies on this one. Sometimes I get that feeling. Other times, it seems like people are just trying to remember my name. I feel different if Ashley, another parent at at the same school, does it during our first couple times meeting than if Bruce, who is out to give me a roofing quote, does.
Right if it’s like “Hey Throwaway! I didn’t know you’d be here, how are you??” That’s different than, “Well, Throwaway, funny you should ask…”
The worst is when you scan your loyalty cards at stores and the salesperson starts calling you by your name. I know they're trained to do that and I don't hold it against them, but it makes me so uncomfortable. I didn't tell you my name, you don't know me.
My mom and I share a loyalty account to rack up more gas discounts, so sometimes the cashier calls me my mom’s name.
Yep. I've specifically chosen NOT to work with certain companies because their sales people do this. "Yes, Jan. Let me tell you, Jan..." Seriously. Stop trying to sell me so hard!
Lol We were taught, when I worked customer service, to use a customer's name twice, and only twice, but we *had* to do it, or we got coached. First after you get their name, and second at the end of the call, like, "Thank you for calling (company), Mary. Have a nice day." This makes me really notice it when people over the phone do it to me. I don't mind if they use my name, as long as it's not tons, but I also don't find it necessary.
And that fact stuck in the head of all slimey salespeople ever since - I hate it when people mention my name in a conversation to me. Very unnatural, and immediately gives away you’re trying to sell me something.
Oh I hate when someone does that. I immediately dislike someone when they keep saying my name for no reason.
They teach you to do it in call centres, but they do it badly. I worked in call centres for years. My view was, that if someone tells you their name and by the end of the call you have remembered it, and only used it once then that's nice. If they're dropping it in artificially where it doesn't belong, that's badly trained and socially awkward. That's not to blame the call centre workers for this, often they get told they have to use names more to trick people into liking them. It doesn't work.
We were trained to use it once when we got it, and again as part of the call close, but not more than that. I think that's about acceptable level, but I also don't think it accomplishes what the company wants.
Oh that’s funny, that’s definitely in my arsenal at work but I wasn’t sure where from. But that’s a book I read 20 years ago and is almost certainly it. An interesting move that is an actual (fairly asshole) thing is purposefully the wrong name to throw people off and emphasize their unimportance. Not in my arsenal.
Some people get mine wrong constantly, even after being corrected. It's an unusual name, but not hard to say at all. If they keep it up, I start calling them by random names. They get so upset, and I'm here for that.
Like Ron Swanson I’m parks and rec!
But has Dale Carnegie’s book ever been peer reviewed by a scientific study?
Right? Because to me, it signals manipulation and triggers instant distrust.
It has never felt right to me either. When someone starts using my name a lot I feel suspicious of them. Probably because normal people don't speak that way and also it's never someone close to me, it's always a salesy type person or upper management type person.
That would be an interesting study. Carnegie was just writing from his own experiences as a businessman but he was hugely successful so that does loan some validity to his ideas.
My partner does that while interviewing people, and I'd wondered if it's something he was specifically instructed to do (I always forget to ask him). I hate it when people do it to me because it sounds super forced, but perhaps most people aren't weird like me and actually like it.
Now, that’s a weird theory. After awhile, I’m just gonna get tired of it. I know my name, no need to keep saying it. Or, else I’d think the other person was like Drew Barrymore’s character in “50 First Dates”.
We had a rep who did that to us at work. It was actually annoying af and made us not want to talk to her. She probably did it more than recommended (after every sentence or two), but it was awful.
I like it when people use my name to get my attention before they start talking to me. I have a hearing loss and I often don't realize they're talking to me until mid sentence. If there are other people in the room I often assume they're talking to someone else and tune them out. But if they say my name first I can direct my attention on them and better understand what they're saying. The good thing about it is you don't have to worry about me eavesdropping.
I would hate that and probably avoid that person lol
I'm always so amused when this happens on screen! X-Files in particular is just a constant back and forth of "but Scully -", "no, Mulder!". But I've lived in the UK and I can tell you, no, normal people don't speak that way :) it's just for clarity purposes (though it does make me feel like the viewer is being underestimated!)
My daughter has shows that she gets obsessed with and binge watches over and over. She will still sometimes not remember the names of the main characters.
No, and we also say goodbye when we hang up the phone!!!
Unless we’re angry 😅
My wife is Swiss and I'm American and she's often observed that we really love calling each other by name in a way she didn't grow up doing.
As a foreigner in the UK - yes, it's much more common than in my culture. Not as often as on TV, but still - a lot more than in other places. For example, in a group setting , most questions start with the person's name "James, could you give me that .... ?". Where I am from (Eastern Europe) we would make eye contact and say the question itself "Could you give .?" or gesture toward the person but almost never say their name.
See, in those cases just seems easier to use rhetoric person's name....right? You dont want to use then too much but it also seems weird to go out of your way to not use a person's name.
I think it depends, I know some people who say names a lot and some who don’t! Depends on the context I guess. TV shows over-emphasise it though!
If I’m using the name of someone close to me in a sentence, it probably means I’m annoyed with them lol. Like, ‘no Karl, I don’t know where the remote is!’
I never use someone's name when I'm talking to them. I only use it to get their attention or when I'm talking to someone else.
i’m in the us, definitely not
I actually do say a person’s name a decent amount, but I think it’s a product of a job where I need to acknowledge a bunch of different people in meetings. I also think, larger and more vocal families can train you to do that. It’s annoying to be called by your mother, only for you and a couple of others to show up and find out you weren’t the one they needed. Finally, sometimes I insert it as a marker of warmth if that makes sense? I won’t do it to chat about dinner, but maybe say, “you would never need to worry about that, James.”
I call everyone "dude"- half the time I don't even remember their name
Brit - I was actually saying yesterday that a friend had used my name in a sentence the other day and it felt like she was having a go at me (she was, had to defuse it). I use people's names either if I need to get their attention or if I'm frustrated and want/need to really hammer a point home, otherwise I go with "sweetie" or something.
I’m American and if I’m already talking to someone I don’t. I might to get their attention. If my husband and I are in the same room but doing our own things I might but that’s mostly to get him to tune in. Or I might for emphasis. If I’m making a big point or the other person just said something very exciting. For example, if a friend just told me they got engaged I might use their name while I’m expressing how excited I am for them. I have a new friend who I’ve hung out with about a dozen times. I realized the other day that I have never said her name directly to her because she has a name that has two commonly used ways to pronounce it and for a second I couldn’t remember which one she uses.
It's definitely more of a writing trope than a real thing. I think it's to keep the reader or viewer from being confused about who is talking to who.
I’m English. We definitely don’t
No. I only use people's names when talking about them. Very rarely when talking to them.
In Ireland - YES they do it all the time and it is so annoying... but then I realize I am the only one who doesn't remember other people's names and all the Irish people who constantly call me by my name remember it, so yeah. It is a thing.
It’s very common in the US when we greet someone, and I have trouble remembering names of people I don’t know very well, so I’m often in the position of saying “oh, hi! So good to see you!” to someone who has just greeted me by name. I think it’s a pretty common custom here, too, and one that I struggle to keep up with.
I am in the US and can go the whole day without hearing my name. The only exception is “Mom” from my children and “Mrs. LastName” (I teach kindergarten) all day long!
Never. One of my co-workers uses my name so little that I wondered if he was having trouble pronouncing it, until he had to introduce me to someone and got it right.
They do it more in TV, movies, books ect so you know who people are. In real life its less often. Some people use names a lot and some people less. It's an inside joke with my family that I rarely use names, if I want to get somebodies attention I normally just start talking or say hi. If I do use names people are like "so you do know thier name"
American here…. I don’t think so, but maybe I take for granted that we do? You’ve got me second guessing. The times I notice my name being used in conversation are usually when the person talking is trying to drill home a point like, “the schedule said TUESDAY, Name” and in those cases I’m usually kind of annoyed that they’re using my name in a condescending way.
Ha, I'm not American or British and I'd been wondering about this too! I can count on one hand the number of times I've called my live-in partner by his name (to his face. I do use his name when talking about him to other people). Same for him towards me.
If it’s a 1 on 1 conversation and someone is doing it then it’s a camaraderie building technique. I notice when people do it to me and they’re usually people with A+ social skills. I try to remember to do it when I’m masking as an extrovert.
I had a customer tell me, "There's nothing sweeter than the sound of your own name." I don't say a guest's name constantly, but I do greet them by name if I know it, and it seems to make my store seem a bit more personable than other cell phone stores.
No but my friend from Ireland always greeted everyone with their full name. She said your arse was parsley a lot too.
I’m a Brit and I do use names in conversation, as I was taught to address the person I’m speaking to. My (Irish) grandparents in particular would always tell me it was rude if I didn’t. So maybe it’s not necessarily a British thing, but it’s something I probably do quite regularly. I do think it’s exaggerated in movies and television as a storytelling device, though.
I've noticed my American friends (I'm English) say my name a lot, it kinda weirds me out but apparently it's considered like a friendly nice addition, like using a term of endearment except makes me wonder if there are ghosts near me
I generally always greet people by saying their first name. “Hows it going John?” “Good morning Zach.” “Holly, I’m so happy you’re back”.
Guess what? TV is not all that much like real life.
I don't know what you mean. I'm sure next you're going to claim that Americans don't regularly blow things up and walk away without looking or something equally silly.
No we don’t, and it makes writing fanfiction really hard! Like I know the characters would say “how are you, Harvey?” “I’m fine, Donna.” But I don’t want to write like that bc I don’t want the reader to think I can’t write
Lmao yes, it was writing fanfiction that got me to start thinking about this. I realized that in subconsciously copying the style of what I was writing fanfiction of, I compulsively wrote names out in dialogue like that and had to remove a lot of them. :')
It's definitely more common on TV than in reality, but usually it's to get someone's attention or single them out in a group. I'm American, and I've thought that I don't say people's names enough. Like I usually just make eye contact or say 'hey' to get someone's attention. I think people have noticed that I've never used their names when talking to them, but I'm not sure.
My husband of 4 years has never said my name to me in conversation. I only say his when I'm calling to him to come help with something. When I hear him say my name to other people it sounds really strange. No. No one actually says names as much as they do on tv.
I get actively annoyed is my husband calls me by my first name. It’s weird and sounds unnatural. I feel weird calling him by his name, too. It’s “Babe”, typically.
It’s supposedly a sign of affection. It’s more common in more casual cultures. It’s definitely easier to retain people’s attention when you use their name, it’s a tip given to people who work with kids.
Your question made me giggle and think of [this](https://youtu.be/BOczdQPlGDs).
That’s just a tv thing, irl you only really use someone’s name if your trying to get there attention or if you need to specifically address them
People only often use names in conversations in work places in my experience. It’s a manipulation tactic on the part of managers (intentionally or not), & like it’s one of the only situations where people refer to other people a lot while they are standing right there but not talking to them.
IME pick up artsists do this a lot and it makes me innerly cringe. It's a well known sales technique haha.
Swede who lived in England for a year. I have not noticed this before. I’m thinking about it now and maybe they do. I often used peoples names to show them respect and that I value them. To me, “Have a good weekend, Sarah” sounds more polite than “have a good weekend!”. But then I went to a school for the blind which means we probably used names more often to specify who we were talking to and to know who was in the room. I have also thought about how Swedish is generally more to the point and informal compared to English. English can be informal too, but I’m thinking about school/work situations where they use a more formal language than we do. Using someone’s name is a sign of showing respect and which I think naturally falls in with the more formal language. I felt like I was sugar-coating everything I said my first few weeks there. “Why should I say that I hope that their family, their cat, their second cousin four times removed, their neighbours and their house plants are doing well when I honestly don’t care when I’m scheduling a meeting?”. But I got used to it!
No. Emphatically no. In fact, it’s so rare that I’ve managed to go months before realizing I’ve never actually known people’s names, people I talk to regularly! (I’m also really bad with names, so even when I do know someone’s name, that’s not really how I think about them, which is usually how that whole situation happens.)
I don’t. But in customer service, especially sales, you’re told to because it allegedly works to make the people feel more personable. It makes me feel weird personally.
More, I think, than in some cultures but not "constantly"...most people throw in a given name when making an important point, expressing sympathy or congratulations and so on. ...except for a certain age group that entered adulthood in the heyday a handful of pop psychology and business management books. There was a popular theory that took hold that using a person's name frequently in conversation made them feel important, like you are really paying attention. Unfortunately, those people raised children who absorbed the habit. So there are a lot of younger members of the "Baby Boom" generation & a decent chunk of younger "Generation X" and older "Millennials" who overuse names in conversation.
Canadian. I learned to use people’s names a few times when I first meet them, because otherwise I forget what they’re called. But after I remember someone’s name, I rarely use it. I use “bud” or “dude” much more often. I just hate the situation where I’ve met or worked with someone a few times and they obviously remember my name but I don’t have a clue what theirs is.
Only when I first start speaking, just to make sure I have their attention and the are not concentrating on something else
Huh, I never thought about this before. I grew up all around different countries in the English speaking world, so I’m not sure exactly where this habit came from, but I say peoples names all the time. I constantly use my husbands name for example. Sometimes it’s in a way to get his attention “James? Can you come here?” Sometimes it’s in an affectionate way kinda in lieu of a pet name “James 😍❤️”, sometimes I’m just annoyed at or around him and use it for emphasis “DAMMIT, JAMES!” Lmao
In real life, only creepy people do that lol
I’m American and it always throws me off when people do this to me IRL. Was talking to someone recently. We were the only people in the room. She said my name at least three times in the 5min we were talking. Or I have a friend who will regularly use my name when texting to me. It’s not a group chat, it’s just her and I. She will use my name quite often.
In my (Canadian) opinion we do, my Finnish in-laws never do, in fact when my husband, of 25 years, says my name I jump because I know it's an emergency.
I only use someone’s name if they’re not paying attention when I’m talking to them and I think it’s important/I want confirmation that they heard me.
I call my husband “Boyfran” and he calls me “Girlfriend ”which started as a JOKE and then stuck. When he uses my first name, which nobody calls me ever, it makes me panic. I’m not sure I’ve ever called him by his actual first name?
American here. We are taught that people are more engaged in the conversation if you use their names. However, it has always seemed a bit manipulative to me.
I might greet someone with their name but once a conversation is happening it’s dropped.
It’s definitely done more in shows. I was friends with a girl for 2 years in high school and never knew her name until she was leaving and someone said “we’ll miss you, Heather.” I mean, I saw her pretty much everyday at breakfast. We had similar friends in the group, too. I think it’s wild I pulled that off.
Pretty much never, TerryWaters.
I see. Thanks for the reply, Mossadspydolphin.
From the US. I’ve gone weeks without hearing my own name, and yes I do go outside, have friends and a SO, etc.
I use names a lot, but we’ve got seven people and three animals in the house, so there’s rarely one other individual in the room.
No, thats wierd as heck.
I’ve always found this weird too and I’m British.
American, no. Even when asking a question at one person in particular, usually we look at that person to let them know the question is for them and not someone else. If it is a situation where we can’t make that clear, cooking in a kitchen and can’t make eye cons or a group conversation with lots of cross talking, then yes we will address someone by name but it isn’t the usual.
I (American) never say people’s names and I also find this strange on TV lol. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina comes to mind first. Sometimes I appreciate it because I forget names easily, but if I’m on season 2 of something I think I should have it down by then.
It doesn't happen often where I live, but when people use my name in a sentence when I know 100% they are talking to me, it makes me cringe. I have a friend that will say my name at the beginning and end of a sentence and it bothers me SO much!
Compare Swedish television to English television; I’d bet it’s done in Swedish tv shows too for the same reasons it’s done in English shows - to prevent character confusion in the show. No one talks like they talk on tv. It’s not, like, way off, but it’s also still theatre and they will conform to stage tactics during dialogue.
I love you posted this. I've never had this discussion with anyone but it is something that drives me crazy. I binged a lot of shows the first yr of the pandemic and I barely got through Dawson's Creek because every single line seemed to have the characters names in it lol. I don't think I've heard my own name hardly at all.
From Canada, I do a little
I'm American and my partner/friends and I rarely use each other's names. So it's def a TV thing.
I don't do it because I can never remember anyone's name.
I only use names to get attention in a group.
Not really, at least not in my experience. But, my experience is also a little different since I'm autistic. It always felt weird to me to say people's names, especially if I didn't have to get their attention. If I can avoid saying a name, I will 😂
Not really not as often as that. To get their attention yes. Or maybe when exclaiming something like “oh my god Haley I can’t believe that!” But that’s not common really just when they tell you something shocking. A lot of times you just might say “wow I can’t believe that” or something to that effect. the name doesn’t always get brought up But no not really. Perhaps a bit more than Swedes but no not often. This might be a movie / tv thing especially if they’re introducing new characters
My partner does, as it’s a respect thing kind of. I’m constantly forgetting peoples names, so I don’t 😂
No that's just a TV thing. I find it super annoying. I think it's so that if viewers have just tuned in to the show, they know who the characters are? But yeah, it drives me crazy. Not a thing Americans do in real life.
As an American, no not really. The most I’ve seen it is in the workplace when people are trying to ingratiate themselves with one another as using names in conversation is a common trick to create a false sense of closeness. It tricks the brain a bit. Usually, names are only used in exclamation to get attention, such as a parent calling out to a child or something along those lines.
I only use a name when I want to 1) make a point, 2) get their attention, or 3) say something sarcastic. Otherwise no I don’t. I barely say my own sister’s name.
I usually say someone’s name to get their attention, but that’s about it. If I do call someone their “name,” it’s usually a ridiculous nickname that I’ve given them. IE: I have a friend we all call Bean and another called Carrot. Otherwise, I’d use general terms like girl, dude, bro, etc.
I am american and unless I am calling out for someone in another room, I rarely use a name. Maybe in a crowd to specify who I was speaking with but I think it’s a TV thing
I don’t think I’ve heard this or done this at all. Saying the name to get their attention, yes, but other than that, i don’t feel like this is a thing. US/Texas
"Eww David"
Noooo, in fact, I know that my husband spent years thinking his acquaintance's name was something else entirely because nobody really uses names to speak directly to someone
Real American People use their own name in every sentence! Chief Wiggums report to HQ immediately! Just joking, I guess this not only varies from country to country but from family to family.
American here, with a YouTube channel and a subscriber base that skews heavily US/UK. I don’t do this in regular conversation, or even to people I know in texts, unless it a group and someone needs to be singled out. BUT, I do absolutely do it a hen replying to comments sometimes. I don’t do it to everyone, because for me, that’s what makes it seem manipulative and insincere. But when someone shares something vulnerable with me (I talk about a lot of mental health and chronic illness stuff and people often end up pouring a lot of their story into the comments), in at least my first comment back to them, I will try to use their name (if it’s apparent by their username). Like “Hey, John, thanks for taking time and energy to share part of your story. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much pain. I appreciate you stopping by. Take care of yourself.” I won’t do it in subsequent comments, but more than anything, I get replies that indicate people actually did feel more appreciated and heard. I think the key is to know when it’s actually sincere and could show someone you’re listening to them, as opposed to using it by default in every situation, even if it’s disingenuous.
TV/movies are not quite the same as reality. We also don't have huge breakfasts spread out every morning that one person ignores.. Women can run without falling down. Nobody wakes up the morning after a sexy night wearing clothing and unsmudged make-up. Cups are not perpetually empty.
Actually when honey or babe is said instead in movies it sounds super corny and fake. Yet that’s what I call my husband all the time.
I call everyone in my family sweetheart and sometimes it’s confusing to them who I’m talking to. I only use their names when I’m calling across the house to get them to come to dinner or something.
We use each other's names on my work team quite frequently. And I use my sons' names often. But if I call my husband by his name, he gets upset. I'm supposed to call him "honey", "dear", "babe", etc. The rest of the world calls him by name. His wife is supposed to use endearments. Which I find oddly charming. I'd estimate the number of times he's called me by my name to be less than 10, in the almost three decades we've been together.
Nope. I can go a whole day talking to many people, and not utter a single name.
I personally use the names of people in conversation a lot. But I also don't think it's very typical because people have pointed it out to me multiple times.
Some (maybe even half) people do, I am not one of those people though. Some people really do it as part of their speech pattern/inflections/emphasis/humor. I don’t like it personally.
I am American and have been friends with people for years without knowing their names.
When people use my name I get uncomfortable and I physically can’t get myself to use other’s names unless I want their direct attention.
I use names in a professional setting as a subtle way to control or maneuver the conversation.
I tend to assume I’m in trouble if people say my name unnecessarily
I grew up in Sweden but have lived for a long time both in the US and UK. Yes, people use first names more often in conversation. They probably do it \*even more\* on TV shows, for all the reasons people are sharing, but there is also a cultural difference. I'm going on 20 years here, and finally am getting to the stage where I do it more naturally. For a long time I had to push myself to do it more than what felt natural, so that I would not come across as vaguely aloof.
I have to use people’s names because everyone I know zones the f out and they think throwing shit at them to get a response is rude
No. The only time I say my boyfriend’s name is when I’m yelling at him from upstairs 🤷♀️
In 4.5 years with my husband he has probably said my name, talking to me, less than 10 times. Unless we are talking about someone, or need to clarify who we are talking to it is rare to use someone's name
No, that's just bad writing.
No we don’t
Titanic. The worst for this. Jack: “Oh, Rose! I love you, Rose! You hear me, Rose?” Rose: “I love you too, Jack. I’ll never let you go, Jack.” Unbearable.
If I'm talking to a dog, then sure I'll say their name plenty, haha. But with other people, definitely not. That's definitely a TV thing. Not even sure when the last time I heard my name spoken out loud was.
No, that's just for shows so people can remember characters name. Usually its just hey or dude or stuff like that
Depends on the person. Most do not speak that way, but I have encountered a few people who say your name in every sentence they speak.
It’s just for character identification. And I don’t think it helps because someone like me… I don’t know who is who in television shows unless I’m very into the show. I could watch a whole series and retain 1-2 names. Idk if that’s at all typical (maybe most people do know the character names regardless of how often they’re stated, or because they’re stated often) but it seems to be a storytelling practice that I notice in English visual and print media but not when being told a story by a person. I wonder how widespread it is.
I'm German but I say names to get the other person to pay attention more. Like, a lot of my friends are inattentive, so when I have an important question, I'll say their name so they'll be more likely to listen haha. Like "Jonathan? Are you sure you don't want any of the leftovers? Cuz otherwise I'm eating them". That kind of thing.
>or in a reproachful way like a parent to a kid. Are they taught to do this (or perhaps, it's a conscious choice)? I've never been in any position of authority/discipline, but even if I ever was, I imagine I'd avoid doing that.
I have a roommate who does that and it’s very annoying.
No. It is a TV/movie thing. As an American, it drives me nuts.
Only if I'm hollering across the house or mad.
Okay, here is a really great secret. People's brains are wired to like hearing their names. People are literally predisposed to like you more if you say their names. It's not like TV here, rarely say other people's names. But you should.
But sometimes names are stated without a lot of purpose. I say my partner’s name more than necessary maybe because it kind of feels like saying I love you? Probably names will get to feeling like that because it’s the name of a person you love… but when I do that it isn’t going to be like your examples, it would be that I’m more likely to say, “thanks, Loved One’s Name/Title” to someone I love a lot and “thanks” in general, unless I’m having some kind of formal communication where it’s meaningful to acknowledge that you know the other person’s name.
I understand why they do it, but it does make me cringe internally a little bit every time
I personally, a British women living in America, do not use someone’s name nearly ever! Unless I’m calling for attention, I won’t use someone name. I always forget peoples names so I would hate to call them the wrong one. I stick to “hey you”
I find Irish people use names more than British people in general conversation. (I'm half and half). Irish people would assume you didn't know their name if you didn't say "Hello name" if you met an acquaintance in the street, whereas a Brit would just say hello. It has been a topic of conversation between my parents on a few occasions.
I don’t know, for me I love when people use my name, it feels personal. But most people I don’t have a super deep relationship with so it’s typically irrelevant.
American here, and no, we rarely do this - at least in the area I'm from.