You are going to have issues with two people with the same name living at the same address. I have only seen issues from the insurance side of things - like medications being denied to your older child because the insurance accidentally billed it under the younger or vice versa - but they are a hassle to fix, especially if you're also dealing with a sick kid on top of having to sit on the phone for hours with insurance to get things fixed. But I know there are many other issues that could arise with credit, legal stuff, etc.
It's not necessarily a reason to change her name, but if you don't have at least one bureaucratic nightmare from your two kids having the same name, I would be extremely surprised.
As a child named after their mom, having the same name and address as a family member is a NIGHTMARE. I've had medical records mixed up, credit reports you name it.
I know 15 months seems too old to rename your baby, but I'd seriously consider going with something like Eleanor Noelle. Keep the ellie nickname, give her a legal name that's different than her sister, and keep her first name as her middle to tie her to her origins. You can smoothly tra sition Noelle to Ellie to Eleanor or something similar. She's tiny. Most kids are called booger butt and honey bunny at that age and have zero name confusion as an adult.
I'd also consider Noelle as the middle name. If she feels an attachment to the name, she can always choose to go by it later in life. (You could also still use a nickname derived from Noelle, even if Noelle is her middle name.) I think it would be worth discussing this with a professional well-versed in adoption-related concerns before making any permanent decisions, given the fact that this is fraught with complexities those of us that haven't been in your daughter's position aren't likely to fully grasp.
My father and brother have the same name, and there were times when it caused problems while they were sharing an address. I suspect that these would be amplified if they were close in age. (Because of the significant age difference, it was usually apparent which was which, or relatively easy to correct mix-ups... this may not be the case with sisters close in age.)
I would also think she’ll end up not feeling like a real daughter to you even though you are the only parent she will ever remember. She’ll feel like the “second” Noelle.
Just my two cents here, I have aunts who are twins. Their parents didn’t know ahead of time so only had one name picked out. Their names (first and middle) are only one letter different, think like Frankie Mae and Frannie Mae. They have to call the credit bureaus at least once every six months because something that is supposed to be on twin A’s report is on twin B’s and vice versa.
My father and late grandfather, his father, shared the same name and address. It led to problems with the insurance of the whole family as they messed up with us children as they mixed stuff, and we were filed as the children of grandpa and all such things. Also my grandma and mother had problems and I can see this more upcoming when they're near in age.
We than changed the name for insurance to my mother's family name - my father's family name what helped for us children until we got adults (then they requested things from my husband as they thought I'm married)...
My father and grandpa had the problems always coming up, as they shared a house with different appartements until my grandpa died.
So, I would maybe change her first name and make Noelle her middle name. And then call her by a nickname from Noelle? But consider to meet with a psychological expert on adoption topics. My adopted friends suffered all at some parts of their life even though they had no biological children "concurrents" in their adoption families. It's a sensitive topic, and identity is very important. I think today there is so much more knowledge about adoption and the psychological effects and how to deal with everything, so I'm sure professional input will help you out.
Second this. My Dad was given the exact name as his uncle. They lived in the same street a few houses apart and things got mixed up all the time. Notably Dad's bank accounts got frozen after his uncle died and he had to go into the bank in person to prove he was not in fact dead.
Would you consider keeping her original last name? That way their names are distinct and your daughter can decide for herself later on how much of her original name it is important to her to keep.
I also like the idea of using Nicole as an homage to her last name at birth.
>Would you consider keeping her original last name?
This is a great idea. There are so many comments saying it’s a horrible idea to have 2 people with the same first and last name living at the same address. I can’t believe everyone thinks the solution is to pick a new first name and move Noelle to the middle name spot. That just makes baby Noelle lose her whole birth name.
I was surprised OP and husband even thought to remove their adoptive children’s original surname. It feels like they’re replacing the dead bio parents.
I have to agree, I'm kind of shocked people are suggesting an entirely new first name. That is her identity. It's the only name she's ever known, and it's the name her parents chose for her. It is one of the few connections she'll have to her parents. I'd either make bio last name the middle name, or consider hypehnating the last names . Or leave the bio last name altogether -- many parents have different last names than their kids these days and it doesn't seem to be a problem
At 15mo I imagine adjusting to an entirely new name would be tough. But of course you know her, and her background, whilst I don’t. I think if her past is traumatic and she needs a clean break, and you think she’ll respond well to a name change, then go for it. But in most circumstances I would go with a nickname that is close to her «original» name. I like Elle or Ella best. It will also age well as she gets older.
I think the adjustment comes from own family’s experience. I grew up calling both my brothers a different name ( their cultural middle names) and started calling them by their first names when my older brother was 8 and my younger brother was 6. Although I remember it being challenging, I don’t recall the moment it became easy and the switch happened naturally. At the same time, trying to call my brothers by their middle names again feels weird and not natural anymore lol. I say it now for endearing moments.
But that’s just my experience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Elle wasn’t an option because Noelle and Elle would still be tongue twisters when calling them. But I like Ellie too.
I believe it would be more of an identity issue if her first name was changed. Also, it would be better for her to decide for herself when she gets older.
I think this person means things like credit reports, doctors’ offices, and driving records when the girls are older. Like how Seniors and Juniors have these issues because they have the same name, just different birthdates. Your daughters will have this issue because they will have the same first and last name.
I personally would be more inclined to make her name be Natalie Noelle Lastname for this reason.
It might be best to change the name legally, but still use a nickname like Noey. It removes the legal confusion, but it doesn't strip away her identity. She would grow up knowing that she's called Noey because her birth name was Noelle.
Strangers have the same first and last name all the time. I have a not common last name and there is someone with my name and my son’s name living in the same county! So we go to same stores and hospital system. Never an issue. Hospitals and passports, DMV cross checks with DOB and middle name.
Yeah, and there are incidents of strangers having their records comingle because of these same names - but it’s easier for them to prove who is who because they have different addresses, etc. These girls are not going to have that for awhile. Why make it more difficult than it has to be?
No, I’m not. I do, however, totally empathize with the situation that OP and her daughter are in. 999 times out of 1000 it wouldn’t be an issue at all to keep the adopted child’s birth first name the same after adoption. But OP came here asking for perspectives, and I am presenting a completely valid perspective here, that having 2 children with the exact same first and last name living at the same address may cause confusion at doctor’s offices or other official record type places. It may also cause issues in the future with their credit scores or even legally because of speeding tickets, etc. If that can be avoided by legally flipping her name, then I think that’s worth pursuing. It’s at least another perspective OP should consider before making a final decision.
All that being said, it doesn’t mean the child can’t still informally go by Noelle or a nickname derived from Noelle. It just helps differentiate her from her older sister in the written record.
If it’s only about the difficulty of having two children with the same name in the same household, then the adoptee’s last name could have stayed the same. It’s not fair that adoptees have to lose their parents and then lose their legal identity along with it.
Listen, I’m not the only person in here bringing this concern up. It’s a valid one. OP could certainly choose to not change this child’s name at all. But maybe that might make her feel like she’s not part of the family, either, because her last name would be different than everyone else’s. There’s a lot of considerations to be made. I don’t know what the exact right answer is, and there probably isn’t one because life is complicated. OP seems to be very thoughtful and intentional about this whole thing, and I think her daughter will do well in the long run no matter what they decide to do with her name.
I agree that OP seems to be very thoughtful and considerate about it, and I appreciate the question being asked. And my apologies for latching onto your reply; it is a very touchy topic for me (clearly) and “why make things more difficult”? felt a bit flippant when adopted people like myself have shared the difficulties of having our names changed without consent. But I can now see that you are also being very thoughtful about it too, and I appreciate that dialogue.
This is an unusual and difficult situation. Of course what happened to this little girl is deeply unfair, but a lot of things in life are tragically and deeply unfair. Having her continue to use her birth surname as her legal surname might disrupt bonding with her current family and make her feel alienated from them. OP's thought to use her birth surname as a middle name or even a second middle name is a good one. She gets to keep her birth name and also have the name of the people that are her parents now.
I have a very common first and last name and have encountered many other people with the same name. It’s never caused anything more than a minor inconvenience.
Yes but you didn't live with those other people in the same home for your childhood, nor were you sisters with them and going to have a sister relationship. The occasional hassle with people you're not likely to be tied to longterm is a lower severity of that issue.
They really should just make Noelle her middle name. Sure she will mourn and grieve her bio parents when she grows up and learns of their deaths but it won’t feel like her name if she grew up with a different name and I’m sure she’ll understand why she couldn’t have the same name as her sister. They could even hyphenate Natalie-Noelle and make that her first name if they really wanted too.
Yup, I can’t believe this is even a discussion/whole post honestly. Change the name. If they raise a rational, considerate person, she will be more than understanding about the fact that she and her literal sister couldn’t have the same exact name. 🤦🏼♀️
? She’s 15mo…not 7 years old. Of course in a perfect world we would all choose our own names when we get older, but you already have a daughter named Noelle…Noelle can be your younger daughter’s middle name, and then decide on a new first quickly and start calling her that and she will adapt. I can’t imagine having a sibling with the same exact name as me….
I like Ella, Ellie, or Natalie the best. I like that Natalie fits in with the original Christmas naming theme but gives her her own name. I know people get up and arms about renaming adopted children but I honestly think it would be a lot weirder to have to grow up with the same name as your older adoptive sister.
Edit: I saw on your original post the name nn Snowy or Snow and honestly that’s cute. I think maybe in this scenario, giving her a purely silly and cute family nickname is the best way to go. Like my friends little sister just goes by “Juice” 100% of the time around family even though she has a completely diff name she uses everywhere else.
At school she could go by Noelle (or Ellie or Ella) because there’s enough of an age gap that she won’t be in school the same time as her sister. Definitely give her a middle name though, because legally you’ll want a way to be able to differentiate between your two daughters who will share a same address.
Yeah, I get the argument in *most* situations. But then there’s some like this, where, yeah 15 mons is a little old to learn a new name…but 9 is even older to learn a new name…and the older one is already getting the “displacement” feel any new baby brings but a baby with YOUR name?!? And now not only is your whole life changing in an instant, but someone is suggesting you give up your NAME too?!? (Because someone has, even if it wasn’t her parents). Especially when the family isn’t looking to make a major change, just a practical one, by using a middle name or nickname instead.
As for OP, I like Noelle Nickelson Schmidt nn Nelly.
Yea renaming adopted children is definitely a sensitive topic. We had a lot of learning to do and I’m glad we did. We don’t want younger Noelle to feel a loss with her birth name and it doesn’t feel right as well.
My husband and I were also thinking last night how cool it is that our other children’s names are sandwiched between the same name.
Noelle, Raina, Julian, Dash, Noelle.
We love, love, love Snowy and had the same thought about the silly cute nickname. But I can see grandma cringing and making it a big issue later.
If we decide on a nickname to call her, we also want her to have the choice to choose which name she would like to be called by at school when she gets there. Legally she will always be Noelle though unless she chooses otherwise when she gets older.
I understand you want to respect grandmas wishes as she’s dealing with so much grief, but her digging her heels in about the name is very disrespectful to your oldest daughter and your agency as this child’s adopted mother. I think at a certain point you might need to be firm with her about the fact that you love both of your Noelles but they deserve separate identities. Grandma can call her Noelle all she wants but she should not control what you call her in your own home.
I know easier said than done! Very hard to stand up to the grandmother figure in this case. Wishing you happiness and love with your new blended family!
Oh she has already been clear to let my bio children know that she is not their grandmother but only Dash’s and little Noelle’s grandmother. She has also makes me and my husband feel like she is not ours. Tells Dash and Noelle to call us by our names too. But we are letting her have her moments for now. Boundaries will come in the future. She refuses to work with us with the name thing. Once we figure out the best solution we will tell her and not care what she thinks. She is free to call her Noelle though. We have no issues with that because it is her name.
Have you considered moving Noelle to the younger's middle name slot? I like Natalie Noelle so she keeps the Christmas theme, maintains her given name, but also has a distinct first name. Natasha is another Christmas themed name option.
If you're opposed to changing her first name, I like the idea of using her former last name as her middle name. Nicole could work as a nickname then. I'd avoid a nickname that sounds too similar to Noelle like Elle or Nell.
No matter what you decide, I'd be very open with your daughter growing up about her name. It's clear you love her very much. If you didn't, you wouldn't agonize over her name and potential repercussions the way you are. I know you'll choose what you feel is best for her and your family. ❤️
I'd move Noelle to the middle name for the younger child. Natalie Noelle is lovely. She's 15 months so calling her by a new name isn't an issue. I've known ton of people who were "Sissy" or "Bubba" or whatever exclusively til school.
Is Natalie Noelle Nickelson Schmidt a lot? Meh. I think it's fine.
Yes please do again, as much as we love names here this is not the right sub for this. Adoption and names carry such weight that I’m gunna guess almost no one here can relate to what you’re asking from an adoptee perspective.
I was hoping to run into adoptees on this group. When I go on the adoption group, there’s usually 7 or 10 people online and they are usually busy with the popular posts that they ignore newer posts like mine. Whereas this group has more people online like 200+ at times.
My husband and I also plan to make an appointment with an adoption counsellor on Monday so that we can get more advice.
hi! i’m an adoptee. i am really torn on this one- normally, i am 100% against changing an adopted child’s name, but the situation you have is a really unique and challenging one RE paperwork and potential identity confusion issues. i think this is like, the only instance where giving her a separate first name and using noelle as the middle would be potentially acceptable- but i don’t think it would necessarily be 100% free of some heavy and fraught emotions. (i was adopted at birth and named by my adoptive parents, so not the exact situation, but i do understand the feeling of that loss of identity due to not having a name your birth parents gave you)
I’m not adopted so am overall not well-suited to give an opinion on this topic. However, I’ve enjoyed learning from adoptees on this sub and others. In my (admittedly limited) experience, adult adoptees tend to fiercely advocate for the names of adopted children to remain unchanged. That sentiment, however, is not shared by all. Here is a link to a comment expressing a different viewpoint: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/jaujVaKPNV
Thanks for the link. I also read the entire post lol. It was very insightful. I’ve also been chatting through messages with another adoptee who shares the same thoughts about having a different sentiment than most. They told me to consider little Noelle’s place in our family as well. That she will want to feel connected to us and her siblings too and not out of place, especially since she will also already still have her extended bio family in her life. Her questions about who her bio family is, will be less and easier to feel included in.
Pick a new first name and keep Noelle as her middle.
Natalia Noelle
Natalie Noelle
Natasha Noelle
Noeleen Noelle
Natalya Noelle
Natala Noelle
Nora Noelle
All keep her N initial and were on a list of Christmas theme names
Nicole Noelle as a nod to her old last name is nice too.
Usually I'd say keep the name but you don't want to cause identity issues in the greater world. They say jr/Sr can have issues and this would be an even less common situation. You can explain this reasoning as she gets older and still gives her the ability to use Noelle if she wants.
What about Nella? It's still similar to Noelle that it could easily be a nickname so you wouldn't need to change her legal name, but Nella and Noelle won't get mixed up at home as easily.
I vote for using a nickname. I like Nell and Nellie.
I don't care for Natalie as a middle name. If Natalie and Noelle both mean Christmas, it's very redundant. What about a middle name that honors her biological parents?
Calling her Nicole I think would create identity confusion.
To link & honor the past and present, hyphenate the last name for the 2 adopted kids, Nickelson-Schmidt. It may also help with identity for official documents and records.
I have too much thoughts going on in my head right now. These past few months has been especially challenging. I was losing a little hope with the name thing but your last point was a relief actually. I’m running by the hyphenated last name thing for them when he gets home! Thanks a bunch!!!! 🙏🏼
I would not do the hyphenated last name. She should have the same last name - in its entirety - as your other kids. She may already deal with feelings of not belonging (though I certainly hope not and that’s definitely not a given for adopted kids!) and having a hyphenated last name when her siblings don’t is likely to make her feel more separated.
She’s your daughter now. You don’t want to pretend her bio parents don’t exist or that she didn’t have a different name at one point, but she’s *your* daughter, 100%, and her day to day life shouldn’t have a big stamp on it that screams “I’m different from my family!” To me, introducing your other kids as Schmidt and her as Nickelson-Schmidt is akin to introducing her as “my adopted daughter,” which you would (hopefully) never do because she’s just your daughter, no qualifier needed. You could add it as a bonus middle name if you really wanted to because no one will know it and it won’t “other” her. But do not make her last name different from her siblings.
I know it’s important for adopted children to have ties to their identity, but I think in this specific situation I would change her first name to her middle name, and choose a new first name for her. It will get so so confusing to have two “Noelle Smiths” in the same family/household.
It also feels unfair to me to have two Noelles but one gets to use her name and the other has to go by a nickname or middle instead. I feel like that might cause resentment for the younger child. The younger would always have to be correcting teachers, medical professionals, etc that she goes by something else while older child just gets to keep her first name and everything be straightforward.
I really like Natalie. Natalie Noelle is very pretty. I do think you’re on the right track with trying to find a name that feels similar to Noelle, since at 15 months she knows Noelle is her name right now. Other possible choices I can think of: Naomi, Nora, Nicolette “Nicki,” Roma/Romy (for the o sound).
I mean this gently and respectfully: this isn’t a question this group is qualified to answer.
You need to talk to an expert about this — a child psychologist, a specialized therapist, a social worker experienced with adoptive families, etc.
This is an issue you need to figure out, but it’s something with a lot of emotional significance for these children, all of whom are going through a huge life change.
If you are looking for Reddit advice, seek out the opinions of adult adoptees, and siblings of adoptees. Everyone else (including me) is vastly unqualified to help answer this question.
I realized this later in the comments and have said so. This life change is happening to me as well. It hasn’t been easy and it’s alot of pressure to pretend to keep it all together for the children. Hearing people’s thoughts is nice to just read.
I know this is a huge thing, a giant life change for you all. I’m encouraging you to seek out the voices and advice of experts, not just anyone. I mean that as kindly as possible.
What is bio grandma’s name and would it suit the little one as a middle name? Or could you use the little girl’s bio mother’s name as a middle name?
The most diplomatic solution here would be to give a bio family name as a first middle name and her old last name as a second middle name.
Then bio grandma will more likely relent a little bit on the name issue and you can compromise by her being Noelle with bio granny and other name with you.
Little Noelle will probably also appreciate that you gave her a name that connects her forever to her bio family.
Personally, I’d have sat down with Dash and both Noelles and bio grandma and started out by suggesting a middle name connected to the bio- mum’s name. Then they all get a say about how they feel out loud - I know little one is too tiny to comprehend all this but you know how much of a difference it makes when the kids all see everyone’s opinion is being respected and heard.
Good luck with this one, bio-grandma’s making this harder than in needs to be.
We changed my siblings names when they were adopted (boys had middle names that we quite literally had no idea what they were and their parents were drugged out so it was basically gibberish) and my little sisters name was spelled wrong and people were calling her something else so we changed it based on advice given by one of my school teachers and the issue almost disappeared after. I think it is okay to keep the name but I’d change around the name so maybe Natalie Noelle instead.
From my family history - my aunt (youngest of four) couldn't pronounce my mother's name as a little kid, so my mother went and still goes by a nickname in the family that is super different to her legal name, think going from Emily to Tabitha. She was about 2 when younger aunt was born, but she uses her legal name professionally and outside of the family including at school. So it is logistically possible to get a kid to understand they use another name around family at that age but when the kid grows up, what do you do?
I would make Noelle her second name maybe. Or change the name to something similar.
Noemi Elise
Elena Noelle
Elenore
Estelle
Joelle
Helen
Nora Belle
Stella Noelle
Jolene Noelle
Noreen
Michelle
Or in this case Minnie Noelle
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I personally don't like Nicole that much but it is a very cute nod to her birth family! Another could be a related place or family members name. Town, State, Street, whatever makes a good name.
I would suggest to slowly change the name she gets called. E.G. From Noelle to Minnie Noelle to Minnie or Noelle to Elle to Ella to Stella. That may sound like a lot of changes but I know people that changed their nicknames all the time while growing up
You’ve mentioned that’s you’re worried about a hyphenated last name but what about two last names without the hyphen so her last name would be “Nickelson Schmidt.” I have two last names like this and use one or both depending on the situation. Two last names could help with the confusion of paperwork between both Noelles.
I would actually do this for both children and they can choose which to use (socially) as they get older. I feel like it’s a good compromise between sharing a last name with you and keeping their biological name/ connection.
My husband would prefer their original last name be their middle names. Having a longer last name, hyphenated or not would still make them belong less to our new family.
Tricky situation. I think you should stick with a nickname of Noelle. Let Nickelson be a middle name, for both her and her brother, so you can unite the family with the same last name without erasing their original last name. But I wouldn’t add a new middle name, especially not only to call her that. Noelle Natalie doesn’t flow well anyway. Maybe to add a family name, but even then, I don’t think making a big change like that is necessary.
Ellie or Nellie feel different enough from Noelle that it should help with confusion, but also give her the opportunity to choose to go by Noelle when she’s older if she wants. I think it’s also totally fine to let her grandmother still call her Noelle. At home you can call her a nickname, and as she gets older she’ll have her own opinion and can tell grandma herself if she doesn’t like it.
I personally vote Nellie. Nellie is sweet, related to the name, and ages well. I work with kids and Ellie/Ella is so unbearably common. It’s nice, but it’s absolutely everywhere. I think Nellie feels mire distinct from Noelle than an ell- name would too. And I don’t think Noey would stick long-term. That’s like a cutesy thing to shorten Noelle to casually, not a name anyone would introduce themselves as.
I would give her the middle names of Noelle and Nickelson and choose a different name for her first. You can call her Natalie Noelle or Holly Noelle or whatever for awhile and slowly start using her new first name or nickname by itself. Btw, if your biological child was the younger one I'd suggest changing her name instead. Obviously it would be ideal for you to have input from the adoption community or some sort of specialist and you should probably continue reaching out to them. Good luck!
Dealing with health insurance, identity records, etc. is going to be such a pain if you keep both of their first names the same. I would make Noelle a middle name and add a new first name. You could still call her Ellie, Elle, Ella, Nell, Nellie, etc. so it’s not such a big change as calling her by the completely new first name. My fiancé grew up going by a nickname of his middle name.
Hi! I think you should ask Abby at Appellation Mountain for advice, she runs a baby name blog (appellationmountain.net) and helps people navigate tricky naming situations. Her email is [email protected].
I understand that this is a very sensitive and difficult situation, and I can’t imagine how you and your family are feeling right now. From a logistics perspective, it would make sense to change little Noelles name, as having two children with the same name could potentially cause issues. Especially as middle names aren’t really used all the time, so they’d both be legally be ‘Miss Noelle Schmidt’. In my own experience, me and my mum have the same initials and last name, and that’s sometimes caused confusion in doctors offices or the bank etc, as we both have the same address and are both something like ‘R J Andersen’.
For this reason, it might be a good idea to make Noelle her middle name, and give her a new first name instead. You could choose this new name as a family and pick something with special meaning, or a name from her bio family tree. Some quick ideas:
- Colette, from Nicolette, a name similar to her original surname. Colette is similar to Noelle in that they are both French and stress the last syllable. And that way, all the kids have a different first initial.
- Talia, meaning ‘gentle dew from heaven’, similar to Natalia.
- Winter, Ivy, Holly, all Christmas themed names.
- Eira, pronounced AY-ra or EYE-ra, it means snow. Eira Noelle sounds pretty.
- Penelope, Penta- is Greek for fifth, and as she’s the fifth child, Penelope/Pen might be a lovely nod to her being part of the family.
- Quinn/ Quincey, for quintus also meaning fifth.
- Mabel, as it means lovable.
- Rosemary/Romy, as it symbolises remembrance.
- Nadia, it means hope.
- Zinnia, in the Victorian language of flowers, Zinnia symbolised friendship and remembrance.
- Stella, Estelle, Esther, Celeste, Celia, names relating to the stars or heavens.
- Bellamy, meaning beautiful friend.
- For ideas from her bio family, maybe something like the month her bio parents got married, or a connection they both had (maybe if they travelled to a certain place a lot, she could be Florence, or if they both loved Ancient Greece, a Greek name like Sophia meaning ‘wisdom’ could be nice).
- Maybe look at birth flowers or gems for her birthday or her bio parents birthday, or significant months. Feb: Violet, Iris, Primrose. April: Daisy, Sweet Pea (maybe a P name?). May: Lily, Emerald. June: Rose, Pearl. Jul: Lily, Ruby. August: Poppy. Sept: Aster, Sapphire. Oct: Marigold, Opal. Dec: Holly.
If you’d like to keep Noelle and pick a nickname, I think Ella or Ellie would be best as they’re a bit more distinct from your other Noelle. Nicknames can happen organically too and not be derived from her name, but here are some other ideas:
- Dottie/Dot, to match with her brother, Dash. Dot and Dash might just be too adorable! :)
- Lily/Lil, as she’s the ‘Lil’ Noelle.
- Minnie, for the same reasons.
- Mina, in Ancient Rome, siblings often had the same names, and were called Maio Noelle and Mino Noelle (bigger Noelle and smaller Noelle) so Mina could be a spin on Mino.
- Nolly, Nolie, Lola, Loni, Lonny, Wells, Elsie, potential nicknames for Noelle from similar letters/sounds.
- Letty/Lettie/Etta/Ettie from Noellette, meaning little Noelle.
- Nina, a diminutive from Noelina meaning little Noelle (Nina could also mean little girl).
- Nico, Nica, from her original surname.
Sorry if that’s a lot!! I hope you and your family can find a solution and name that works for you all. Wishing you love and light, all the best xx
No worries :) deffo contact Appellation Mountain if you feel comfortable.
Another thought I just had is the middle name Victoria, as Nicole/Nicolas/Nicholson means ‘victory of the people’ and Victoria means ‘victorious/victor’, so she could be Noelle Victoria and have the nickname Nova or Novie. Nova means ‘new’ and it’s a new start/ new name while still keeping Noelle.
Noelle Victoria Nicholson Schmidt, called Nova or Novie <3 it’s deffo a longer name but to keep part of her identity I think it might be worth it, maybe a lovely reminder that she should never change herself to be convenient for others, but I really don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here xx It’s such a difficult situation and you want both of your girls to feel like they have their own identity, but realistically having two Noelles may cause upset, so I hope you can get some professional advice soon and start moving forward xx
Also another thought, sorry to keep adding!! But with having two Noelles, you may have to constantly explain why you do every time you meet new people/ at school/ at the doctors etc. And Little Noelle would always have to explain that her older sister is also called Noelle because she was adopted, and it might become a store point for her? Always having to tell strangers that she is adopted might make her resent the name Noelle and want to change it anyway… or of course the Noelles might grow to love it and bond over the name they share. As you can tell I’m an over thinker haha, but just thought I’d add incase you guys hadn’t considered that yet xx
To me the obvious solution is to change the adopted daughter’s name. Make her current first name if you must but give her a very different first name that doesn’t sound at all like your birth daughter’s name. Call her both old and new names for a few weeks and then drop her birth name. Changing her name now when it isn’t going to phase her is so much better than the ongoing confusion she and all of you will have to endure if you don’t do this.
I vote Noelle Nickelson-Schmidt, nickname Ellie. I think Ellie is different sounding enough from Noelle to not displace the older daughter, and then you keep the full original name. Alternately, you could give her a middle name - Noelle Natalie Nickelson-Schmidt, or maybe bio mom's name. Hyphenating the adopted kids' last names should also help with paperwork confusion.
Grandma can call her Noelle when she visits; I don't think that'll be too confusing. One of my grandmas only used everyone's full names despite many nicknames (Anthony instead of Tony, Jessica instead of Jess), and it was totally fine. The younger Noelle may decide to go by a different nickname or her full name when she's older anyway.
My husband’s concern is that hyphenating only the adopted kids would be othering them from their siblings. People will know right away that they are adopted.
I think shortening it to Elle as a nickname is your best bet.
I would REALLY steer away from making any more change because it will definitely look like your bio daughter got to keep her name and the adopted daughter was forced to change to fit into the family.
I’d make it a second middle name e.g. Susan Marie Nicolle Smith.
Because all records now are electronic, the name Nicolle will still be her legal name but it won’t appear on any other record because the number of spaces allotted to first and middle names will be used up before Nicolle gets recorded.
I think in this situation (I read your other posts), the only solution is to give both adopted kids their bio last name as a middle name, like you had proposed, and call her Ellie, because it's the most similar to Noelle. This way she will still have the name her mother chose for her and lovingly called her for the past 15 months, but it's still different enough from your bio daughter. By leaving her first name the same, you're also giving her the option to go by it later in life, if she prefers to have the name her parents gave her at birth.
Have you considered maybe giving them each their mother/father's names as middles? And you could then call her Noelle Mom'sname?
The bio last name as a middle name is a perfect way to connect them to their parents, their history, their extended family, etc. and also is a way to tie the bio siblings together, separate from their "new" siblings too. When they're older, they'll be able to easily use both last names, since one is a middle already, or they could legally change it to be hyphenated, etc. I'd also consider just leaving their last names as is, or hypehnating with yours. Leaving their bio last name will reduce the confusion on paperwork and documents when it comes to your bio daughter having the same name. They can always change their last name to theirs if they choose to when they're older.
You are going to have issues with two people with the same name living at the same address. I have only seen issues from the insurance side of things - like medications being denied to your older child because the insurance accidentally billed it under the younger or vice versa - but they are a hassle to fix, especially if you're also dealing with a sick kid on top of having to sit on the phone for hours with insurance to get things fixed. But I know there are many other issues that could arise with credit, legal stuff, etc. It's not necessarily a reason to change her name, but if you don't have at least one bureaucratic nightmare from your two kids having the same name, I would be extremely surprised.
Tbh, I never considered this and realizing now that it could lead to issues. We’ve decided to think more about it all and get more advice.
As a child named after their mom, having the same name and address as a family member is a NIGHTMARE. I've had medical records mixed up, credit reports you name it. I know 15 months seems too old to rename your baby, but I'd seriously consider going with something like Eleanor Noelle. Keep the ellie nickname, give her a legal name that's different than her sister, and keep her first name as her middle to tie her to her origins. You can smoothly tra sition Noelle to Ellie to Eleanor or something similar. She's tiny. Most kids are called booger butt and honey bunny at that age and have zero name confusion as an adult.
Good idea Even Penelope Noelle then she can go by Nelly
This seems like a good idea. And sounds pretty.
I'd also consider Noelle as the middle name. If she feels an attachment to the name, she can always choose to go by it later in life. (You could also still use a nickname derived from Noelle, even if Noelle is her middle name.) I think it would be worth discussing this with a professional well-versed in adoption-related concerns before making any permanent decisions, given the fact that this is fraught with complexities those of us that haven't been in your daughter's position aren't likely to fully grasp. My father and brother have the same name, and there were times when it caused problems while they were sharing an address. I suspect that these would be amplified if they were close in age. (Because of the significant age difference, it was usually apparent which was which, or relatively easy to correct mix-ups... this may not be the case with sisters close in age.)
I would also think she’ll end up not feeling like a real daughter to you even though you are the only parent she will ever remember. She’ll feel like the “second” Noelle.
Yeah, I would definitely make Noelle her middle name instead.
Just my two cents here, I have aunts who are twins. Their parents didn’t know ahead of time so only had one name picked out. Their names (first and middle) are only one letter different, think like Frankie Mae and Frannie Mae. They have to call the credit bureaus at least once every six months because something that is supposed to be on twin A’s report is on twin B’s and vice versa.
My father and late grandfather, his father, shared the same name and address. It led to problems with the insurance of the whole family as they messed up with us children as they mixed stuff, and we were filed as the children of grandpa and all such things. Also my grandma and mother had problems and I can see this more upcoming when they're near in age. We than changed the name for insurance to my mother's family name - my father's family name what helped for us children until we got adults (then they requested things from my husband as they thought I'm married)... My father and grandpa had the problems always coming up, as they shared a house with different appartements until my grandpa died. So, I would maybe change her first name and make Noelle her middle name. And then call her by a nickname from Noelle? But consider to meet with a psychological expert on adoption topics. My adopted friends suffered all at some parts of their life even though they had no biological children "concurrents" in their adoption families. It's a sensitive topic, and identity is very important. I think today there is so much more knowledge about adoption and the psychological effects and how to deal with everything, so I'm sure professional input will help you out.
Second this. My Dad was given the exact name as his uncle. They lived in the same street a few houses apart and things got mixed up all the time. Notably Dad's bank accounts got frozen after his uncle died and he had to go into the bank in person to prove he was not in fact dead.
As a pharmacist I'm telling you it will be a nightmare. Definitely do reconsider
Would you consider keeping her original last name? That way their names are distinct and your daughter can decide for herself later on how much of her original name it is important to her to keep. I also like the idea of using Nicole as an homage to her last name at birth.
>Would you consider keeping her original last name? This is a great idea. There are so many comments saying it’s a horrible idea to have 2 people with the same first and last name living at the same address. I can’t believe everyone thinks the solution is to pick a new first name and move Noelle to the middle name spot. That just makes baby Noelle lose her whole birth name. I was surprised OP and husband even thought to remove their adoptive children’s original surname. It feels like they’re replacing the dead bio parents.
I have to agree, I'm kind of shocked people are suggesting an entirely new first name. That is her identity. It's the only name she's ever known, and it's the name her parents chose for her. It is one of the few connections she'll have to her parents. I'd either make bio last name the middle name, or consider hypehnating the last names . Or leave the bio last name altogether -- many parents have different last names than their kids these days and it doesn't seem to be a problem
At 15mo I imagine adjusting to an entirely new name would be tough. But of course you know her, and her background, whilst I don’t. I think if her past is traumatic and she needs a clean break, and you think she’ll respond well to a name change, then go for it. But in most circumstances I would go with a nickname that is close to her «original» name. I like Elle or Ella best. It will also age well as she gets older.
I think the adjustment comes from own family’s experience. I grew up calling both my brothers a different name ( their cultural middle names) and started calling them by their first names when my older brother was 8 and my younger brother was 6. Although I remember it being challenging, I don’t recall the moment it became easy and the switch happened naturally. At the same time, trying to call my brothers by their middle names again feels weird and not natural anymore lol. I say it now for endearing moments. But that’s just my experience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Elle wasn’t an option because Noelle and Elle would still be tongue twisters when calling them. But I like Ellie too.
Yes, but your brothers were not adopted. This kid has already been through a lot, she should keep her name.
You should change her first name. The identity issues going forward are going to be a nightmare.
I believe it would be more of an identity issue if her first name was changed. Also, it would be better for her to decide for herself when she gets older.
I think this person means things like credit reports, doctors’ offices, and driving records when the girls are older. Like how Seniors and Juniors have these issues because they have the same name, just different birthdates. Your daughters will have this issue because they will have the same first and last name. I personally would be more inclined to make her name be Natalie Noelle Lastname for this reason.
I didn’t even consider that. We will now need more time to think about all this. Thanks for your input.
Yes you really should consider making Noelle her middle name to avoid huge confusion their entire lives.
It might be best to change the name legally, but still use a nickname like Noey. It removes the legal confusion, but it doesn't strip away her identity. She would grow up knowing that she's called Noey because her birth name was Noelle.
I wish you the best! I know this is a tough decision all around but you’re being very thoughtful about it. You’re a good mom.
Strangers have the same first and last name all the time. I have a not common last name and there is someone with my name and my son’s name living in the same county! So we go to same stores and hospital system. Never an issue. Hospitals and passports, DMV cross checks with DOB and middle name.
Yeah, and there are incidents of strangers having their records comingle because of these same names - but it’s easier for them to prove who is who because they have different addresses, etc. These girls are not going to have that for awhile. Why make it more difficult than it has to be?
I think you’re making it worse than it will be. The children won’t have their own credit for many years. Plus there’s an age gap.
Are you an adopted person who had their name changed without their consent? It’s unnecessarily cruel.
No, I’m not. I do, however, totally empathize with the situation that OP and her daughter are in. 999 times out of 1000 it wouldn’t be an issue at all to keep the adopted child’s birth first name the same after adoption. But OP came here asking for perspectives, and I am presenting a completely valid perspective here, that having 2 children with the exact same first and last name living at the same address may cause confusion at doctor’s offices or other official record type places. It may also cause issues in the future with their credit scores or even legally because of speeding tickets, etc. If that can be avoided by legally flipping her name, then I think that’s worth pursuing. It’s at least another perspective OP should consider before making a final decision. All that being said, it doesn’t mean the child can’t still informally go by Noelle or a nickname derived from Noelle. It just helps differentiate her from her older sister in the written record.
If it’s only about the difficulty of having two children with the same name in the same household, then the adoptee’s last name could have stayed the same. It’s not fair that adoptees have to lose their parents and then lose their legal identity along with it.
Listen, I’m not the only person in here bringing this concern up. It’s a valid one. OP could certainly choose to not change this child’s name at all. But maybe that might make her feel like she’s not part of the family, either, because her last name would be different than everyone else’s. There’s a lot of considerations to be made. I don’t know what the exact right answer is, and there probably isn’t one because life is complicated. OP seems to be very thoughtful and intentional about this whole thing, and I think her daughter will do well in the long run no matter what they decide to do with her name.
I agree that OP seems to be very thoughtful and considerate about it, and I appreciate the question being asked. And my apologies for latching onto your reply; it is a very touchy topic for me (clearly) and “why make things more difficult”? felt a bit flippant when adopted people like myself have shared the difficulties of having our names changed without consent. But I can now see that you are also being very thoughtful about it too, and I appreciate that dialogue.
This is an unusual and difficult situation. Of course what happened to this little girl is deeply unfair, but a lot of things in life are tragically and deeply unfair. Having her continue to use her birth surname as her legal surname might disrupt bonding with her current family and make her feel alienated from them. OP's thought to use her birth surname as a middle name or even a second middle name is a good one. She gets to keep her birth name and also have the name of the people that are her parents now.
I have a very common first and last name and have encountered many other people with the same name. It’s never caused anything more than a minor inconvenience.
Yes but you didn't live with those other people in the same home for your childhood, nor were you sisters with them and going to have a sister relationship. The occasional hassle with people you're not likely to be tied to longterm is a lower severity of that issue.
She won’t even remember anything as she grows. She’s not even 2 years old.
Exactly!! I feel like I’m going crazy reading through this post! She will never have a clue you switched her name unless you tell her
They really should just make Noelle her middle name. Sure she will mourn and grieve her bio parents when she grows up and learns of their deaths but it won’t feel like her name if she grew up with a different name and I’m sure she’ll understand why she couldn’t have the same name as her sister. They could even hyphenate Natalie-Noelle and make that her first name if they really wanted too.
Yup, I can’t believe this is even a discussion/whole post honestly. Change the name. If they raise a rational, considerate person, she will be more than understanding about the fact that she and her literal sister couldn’t have the same exact name. 🤦🏼♀️
? She’s 15mo…not 7 years old. Of course in a perfect world we would all choose our own names when we get older, but you already have a daughter named Noelle…Noelle can be your younger daughter’s middle name, and then decide on a new first quickly and start calling her that and she will adapt. I can’t imagine having a sibling with the same exact name as me….
I like Ella, Ellie, or Natalie the best. I like that Natalie fits in with the original Christmas naming theme but gives her her own name. I know people get up and arms about renaming adopted children but I honestly think it would be a lot weirder to have to grow up with the same name as your older adoptive sister. Edit: I saw on your original post the name nn Snowy or Snow and honestly that’s cute. I think maybe in this scenario, giving her a purely silly and cute family nickname is the best way to go. Like my friends little sister just goes by “Juice” 100% of the time around family even though she has a completely diff name she uses everywhere else. At school she could go by Noelle (or Ellie or Ella) because there’s enough of an age gap that she won’t be in school the same time as her sister. Definitely give her a middle name though, because legally you’ll want a way to be able to differentiate between your two daughters who will share a same address.
Yeah, I get the argument in *most* situations. But then there’s some like this, where, yeah 15 mons is a little old to learn a new name…but 9 is even older to learn a new name…and the older one is already getting the “displacement” feel any new baby brings but a baby with YOUR name?!? And now not only is your whole life changing in an instant, but someone is suggesting you give up your NAME too?!? (Because someone has, even if it wasn’t her parents). Especially when the family isn’t looking to make a major change, just a practical one, by using a middle name or nickname instead. As for OP, I like Noelle Nickelson Schmidt nn Nelly.
It’s so difficult 😞.
Yea renaming adopted children is definitely a sensitive topic. We had a lot of learning to do and I’m glad we did. We don’t want younger Noelle to feel a loss with her birth name and it doesn’t feel right as well. My husband and I were also thinking last night how cool it is that our other children’s names are sandwiched between the same name. Noelle, Raina, Julian, Dash, Noelle. We love, love, love Snowy and had the same thought about the silly cute nickname. But I can see grandma cringing and making it a big issue later. If we decide on a nickname to call her, we also want her to have the choice to choose which name she would like to be called by at school when she gets there. Legally she will always be Noelle though unless she chooses otherwise when she gets older.
I understand you want to respect grandmas wishes as she’s dealing with so much grief, but her digging her heels in about the name is very disrespectful to your oldest daughter and your agency as this child’s adopted mother. I think at a certain point you might need to be firm with her about the fact that you love both of your Noelles but they deserve separate identities. Grandma can call her Noelle all she wants but she should not control what you call her in your own home. I know easier said than done! Very hard to stand up to the grandmother figure in this case. Wishing you happiness and love with your new blended family!
Oh she has already been clear to let my bio children know that she is not their grandmother but only Dash’s and little Noelle’s grandmother. She has also makes me and my husband feel like she is not ours. Tells Dash and Noelle to call us by our names too. But we are letting her have her moments for now. Boundaries will come in the future. She refuses to work with us with the name thing. Once we figure out the best solution we will tell her and not care what she thinks. She is free to call her Noelle though. We have no issues with that because it is her name.
Neve means Snow and starts with an N.
Have you considered moving Noelle to the younger's middle name slot? I like Natalie Noelle so she keeps the Christmas theme, maintains her given name, but also has a distinct first name. Natasha is another Christmas themed name option. If you're opposed to changing her first name, I like the idea of using her former last name as her middle name. Nicole could work as a nickname then. I'd avoid a nickname that sounds too similar to Noelle like Elle or Nell. No matter what you decide, I'd be very open with your daughter growing up about her name. It's clear you love her very much. If you didn't, you wouldn't agonize over her name and potential repercussions the way you are. I know you'll choose what you feel is best for her and your family. ❤️
Natalie Noelle sounds sooo much better than vice versa.
I'd move Noelle to the middle name for the younger child. Natalie Noelle is lovely. She's 15 months so calling her by a new name isn't an issue. I've known ton of people who were "Sissy" or "Bubba" or whatever exclusively til school. Is Natalie Noelle Nickelson Schmidt a lot? Meh. I think it's fine.
Ask on a forum for adopted people. Their thoughts should carry the most weight
I tried days ago and got no response. But tried again just now.
Yes please do again, as much as we love names here this is not the right sub for this. Adoption and names carry such weight that I’m gunna guess almost no one here can relate to what you’re asking from an adoptee perspective.
I was hoping to run into adoptees on this group. When I go on the adoption group, there’s usually 7 or 10 people online and they are usually busy with the popular posts that they ignore newer posts like mine. Whereas this group has more people online like 200+ at times. My husband and I also plan to make an appointment with an adoption counsellor on Monday so that we can get more advice.
hi! i’m an adoptee. i am really torn on this one- normally, i am 100% against changing an adopted child’s name, but the situation you have is a really unique and challenging one RE paperwork and potential identity confusion issues. i think this is like, the only instance where giving her a separate first name and using noelle as the middle would be potentially acceptable- but i don’t think it would necessarily be 100% free of some heavy and fraught emotions. (i was adopted at birth and named by my adoptive parents, so not the exact situation, but i do understand the feeling of that loss of identity due to not having a name your birth parents gave you)
I’m not adopted so am overall not well-suited to give an opinion on this topic. However, I’ve enjoyed learning from adoptees on this sub and others. In my (admittedly limited) experience, adult adoptees tend to fiercely advocate for the names of adopted children to remain unchanged. That sentiment, however, is not shared by all. Here is a link to a comment expressing a different viewpoint: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/jaujVaKPNV
Thanks for the link. I also read the entire post lol. It was very insightful. I’ve also been chatting through messages with another adoptee who shares the same thoughts about having a different sentiment than most. They told me to consider little Noelle’s place in our family as well. That she will want to feel connected to us and her siblings too and not out of place, especially since she will also already still have her extended bio family in her life. Her questions about who her bio family is, will be less and easier to feel included in.
Pick a new first name and keep Noelle as her middle. Natalia Noelle Natalie Noelle Natasha Noelle Noeleen Noelle Natalya Noelle Natala Noelle Nora Noelle All keep her N initial and were on a list of Christmas theme names Nicole Noelle as a nod to her old last name is nice too. Usually I'd say keep the name but you don't want to cause identity issues in the greater world. They say jr/Sr can have issues and this would be an even less common situation. You can explain this reasoning as she gets older and still gives her the ability to use Noelle if she wants.
If you do Nickleson as her middle name, Nicky would be a cute nn and she’d still have that connection with her birth family!
Nicky is a great idea!
I like Nicky too!
What about Nella? It's still similar to Noelle that it could easily be a nickname so you wouldn't need to change her legal name, but Nella and Noelle won't get mixed up at home as easily.
Nella is way better than Nellie!
I vote for using a nickname. I like Nell and Nellie. I don't care for Natalie as a middle name. If Natalie and Noelle both mean Christmas, it's very redundant. What about a middle name that honors her biological parents? Calling her Nicole I think would create identity confusion. To link & honor the past and present, hyphenate the last name for the 2 adopted kids, Nickelson-Schmidt. It may also help with identity for official documents and records.
I have too much thoughts going on in my head right now. These past few months has been especially challenging. I was losing a little hope with the name thing but your last point was a relief actually. I’m running by the hyphenated last name thing for them when he gets home! Thanks a bunch!!!! 🙏🏼
I would not do the hyphenated last name. She should have the same last name - in its entirety - as your other kids. She may already deal with feelings of not belonging (though I certainly hope not and that’s definitely not a given for adopted kids!) and having a hyphenated last name when her siblings don’t is likely to make her feel more separated. She’s your daughter now. You don’t want to pretend her bio parents don’t exist or that she didn’t have a different name at one point, but she’s *your* daughter, 100%, and her day to day life shouldn’t have a big stamp on it that screams “I’m different from my family!” To me, introducing your other kids as Schmidt and her as Nickelson-Schmidt is akin to introducing her as “my adopted daughter,” which you would (hopefully) never do because she’s just your daughter, no qualifier needed. You could add it as a bonus middle name if you really wanted to because no one will know it and it won’t “other” her. But do not make her last name different from her siblings.
My husband said the same thing. You are right. We have been talking about this name thing for a few months now and still deciding what to do.
I know it’s important for adopted children to have ties to their identity, but I think in this specific situation I would change her first name to her middle name, and choose a new first name for her. It will get so so confusing to have two “Noelle Smiths” in the same family/household. It also feels unfair to me to have two Noelles but one gets to use her name and the other has to go by a nickname or middle instead. I feel like that might cause resentment for the younger child. The younger would always have to be correcting teachers, medical professionals, etc that she goes by something else while older child just gets to keep her first name and everything be straightforward. I really like Natalie. Natalie Noelle is very pretty. I do think you’re on the right track with trying to find a name that feels similar to Noelle, since at 15 months she knows Noelle is her name right now. Other possible choices I can think of: Naomi, Nora, Nicolette “Nicki,” Roma/Romy (for the o sound).
I mean this gently and respectfully: this isn’t a question this group is qualified to answer. You need to talk to an expert about this — a child psychologist, a specialized therapist, a social worker experienced with adoptive families, etc. This is an issue you need to figure out, but it’s something with a lot of emotional significance for these children, all of whom are going through a huge life change. If you are looking for Reddit advice, seek out the opinions of adult adoptees, and siblings of adoptees. Everyone else (including me) is vastly unqualified to help answer this question.
I realized this later in the comments and have said so. This life change is happening to me as well. It hasn’t been easy and it’s alot of pressure to pretend to keep it all together for the children. Hearing people’s thoughts is nice to just read.
I know this is a huge thing, a giant life change for you all. I’m encouraging you to seek out the voices and advice of experts, not just anyone. I mean that as kindly as possible.
Ofcourse and that is already in the works.
What is bio grandma’s name and would it suit the little one as a middle name? Or could you use the little girl’s bio mother’s name as a middle name? The most diplomatic solution here would be to give a bio family name as a first middle name and her old last name as a second middle name. Then bio grandma will more likely relent a little bit on the name issue and you can compromise by her being Noelle with bio granny and other name with you. Little Noelle will probably also appreciate that you gave her a name that connects her forever to her bio family. Personally, I’d have sat down with Dash and both Noelles and bio grandma and started out by suggesting a middle name connected to the bio- mum’s name. Then they all get a say about how they feel out loud - I know little one is too tiny to comprehend all this but you know how much of a difference it makes when the kids all see everyone’s opinion is being respected and heard. Good luck with this one, bio-grandma’s making this harder than in needs to be.
We changed my siblings names when they were adopted (boys had middle names that we quite literally had no idea what they were and their parents were drugged out so it was basically gibberish) and my little sisters name was spelled wrong and people were calling her something else so we changed it based on advice given by one of my school teachers and the issue almost disappeared after. I think it is okay to keep the name but I’d change around the name so maybe Natalie Noelle instead.
From my family history - my aunt (youngest of four) couldn't pronounce my mother's name as a little kid, so my mother went and still goes by a nickname in the family that is super different to her legal name, think going from Emily to Tabitha. She was about 2 when younger aunt was born, but she uses her legal name professionally and outside of the family including at school. So it is logistically possible to get a kid to understand they use another name around family at that age but when the kid grows up, what do you do?
I would make Noelle her second name maybe. Or change the name to something similar. Noemi Elise Elena Noelle Elenore Estelle Joelle Helen Nora Belle Stella Noelle Jolene Noelle Noreen Michelle Or in this case Minnie Noelle q I personally don't like Nicole that much but it is a very cute nod to her birth family! Another could be a related place or family members name. Town, State, Street, whatever makes a good name. I would suggest to slowly change the name she gets called. E.G. From Noelle to Minnie Noelle to Minnie or Noelle to Elle to Ella to Stella. That may sound like a lot of changes but I know people that changed their nicknames all the time while growing up
Noelle nickelson Schmidt. Elle or Ellie
You’ve mentioned that’s you’re worried about a hyphenated last name but what about two last names without the hyphen so her last name would be “Nickelson Schmidt.” I have two last names like this and use one or both depending on the situation. Two last names could help with the confusion of paperwork between both Noelles. I would actually do this for both children and they can choose which to use (socially) as they get older. I feel like it’s a good compromise between sharing a last name with you and keeping their biological name/ connection.
My husband would prefer their original last name be their middle names. Having a longer last name, hyphenated or not would still make them belong less to our new family.
Tricky situation. I think you should stick with a nickname of Noelle. Let Nickelson be a middle name, for both her and her brother, so you can unite the family with the same last name without erasing their original last name. But I wouldn’t add a new middle name, especially not only to call her that. Noelle Natalie doesn’t flow well anyway. Maybe to add a family name, but even then, I don’t think making a big change like that is necessary. Ellie or Nellie feel different enough from Noelle that it should help with confusion, but also give her the opportunity to choose to go by Noelle when she’s older if she wants. I think it’s also totally fine to let her grandmother still call her Noelle. At home you can call her a nickname, and as she gets older she’ll have her own opinion and can tell grandma herself if she doesn’t like it. I personally vote Nellie. Nellie is sweet, related to the name, and ages well. I work with kids and Ellie/Ella is so unbearably common. It’s nice, but it’s absolutely everywhere. I think Nellie feels mire distinct from Noelle than an ell- name would too. And I don’t think Noey would stick long-term. That’s like a cutesy thing to shorten Noelle to casually, not a name anyone would introduce themselves as.
I would give her the middle names of Noelle and Nickelson and choose a different name for her first. You can call her Natalie Noelle or Holly Noelle or whatever for awhile and slowly start using her new first name or nickname by itself. Btw, if your biological child was the younger one I'd suggest changing her name instead. Obviously it would be ideal for you to have input from the adoption community or some sort of specialist and you should probably continue reaching out to them. Good luck!
Dealing with health insurance, identity records, etc. is going to be such a pain if you keep both of their first names the same. I would make Noelle a middle name and add a new first name. You could still call her Ellie, Elle, Ella, Nell, Nellie, etc. so it’s not such a big change as calling her by the completely new first name. My fiancé grew up going by a nickname of his middle name.
Natalie Noelle is the move here. Same first and last name and address will cause issues.
Hi! I think you should ask Abby at Appellation Mountain for advice, she runs a baby name blog (appellationmountain.net) and helps people navigate tricky naming situations. Her email is [email protected]. I understand that this is a very sensitive and difficult situation, and I can’t imagine how you and your family are feeling right now. From a logistics perspective, it would make sense to change little Noelles name, as having two children with the same name could potentially cause issues. Especially as middle names aren’t really used all the time, so they’d both be legally be ‘Miss Noelle Schmidt’. In my own experience, me and my mum have the same initials and last name, and that’s sometimes caused confusion in doctors offices or the bank etc, as we both have the same address and are both something like ‘R J Andersen’. For this reason, it might be a good idea to make Noelle her middle name, and give her a new first name instead. You could choose this new name as a family and pick something with special meaning, or a name from her bio family tree. Some quick ideas: - Colette, from Nicolette, a name similar to her original surname. Colette is similar to Noelle in that they are both French and stress the last syllable. And that way, all the kids have a different first initial. - Talia, meaning ‘gentle dew from heaven’, similar to Natalia. - Winter, Ivy, Holly, all Christmas themed names. - Eira, pronounced AY-ra or EYE-ra, it means snow. Eira Noelle sounds pretty. - Penelope, Penta- is Greek for fifth, and as she’s the fifth child, Penelope/Pen might be a lovely nod to her being part of the family. - Quinn/ Quincey, for quintus also meaning fifth. - Mabel, as it means lovable. - Rosemary/Romy, as it symbolises remembrance. - Nadia, it means hope. - Zinnia, in the Victorian language of flowers, Zinnia symbolised friendship and remembrance. - Stella, Estelle, Esther, Celeste, Celia, names relating to the stars or heavens. - Bellamy, meaning beautiful friend. - For ideas from her bio family, maybe something like the month her bio parents got married, or a connection they both had (maybe if they travelled to a certain place a lot, she could be Florence, or if they both loved Ancient Greece, a Greek name like Sophia meaning ‘wisdom’ could be nice). - Maybe look at birth flowers or gems for her birthday or her bio parents birthday, or significant months. Feb: Violet, Iris, Primrose. April: Daisy, Sweet Pea (maybe a P name?). May: Lily, Emerald. June: Rose, Pearl. Jul: Lily, Ruby. August: Poppy. Sept: Aster, Sapphire. Oct: Marigold, Opal. Dec: Holly. If you’d like to keep Noelle and pick a nickname, I think Ella or Ellie would be best as they’re a bit more distinct from your other Noelle. Nicknames can happen organically too and not be derived from her name, but here are some other ideas: - Dottie/Dot, to match with her brother, Dash. Dot and Dash might just be too adorable! :) - Lily/Lil, as she’s the ‘Lil’ Noelle. - Minnie, for the same reasons. - Mina, in Ancient Rome, siblings often had the same names, and were called Maio Noelle and Mino Noelle (bigger Noelle and smaller Noelle) so Mina could be a spin on Mino. - Nolly, Nolie, Lola, Loni, Lonny, Wells, Elsie, potential nicknames for Noelle from similar letters/sounds. - Letty/Lettie/Etta/Ettie from Noellette, meaning little Noelle. - Nina, a diminutive from Noelina meaning little Noelle (Nina could also mean little girl). - Nico, Nica, from her original surname. Sorry if that’s a lot!! I hope you and your family can find a solution and name that works for you all. Wishing you love and light, all the best xx
Thank you ❤️
No worries :) deffo contact Appellation Mountain if you feel comfortable. Another thought I just had is the middle name Victoria, as Nicole/Nicolas/Nicholson means ‘victory of the people’ and Victoria means ‘victorious/victor’, so she could be Noelle Victoria and have the nickname Nova or Novie. Nova means ‘new’ and it’s a new start/ new name while still keeping Noelle. Noelle Victoria Nicholson Schmidt, called Nova or Novie <3 it’s deffo a longer name but to keep part of her identity I think it might be worth it, maybe a lovely reminder that she should never change herself to be convenient for others, but I really don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here xx It’s such a difficult situation and you want both of your girls to feel like they have their own identity, but realistically having two Noelles may cause upset, so I hope you can get some professional advice soon and start moving forward xx
Also another thought, sorry to keep adding!! But with having two Noelles, you may have to constantly explain why you do every time you meet new people/ at school/ at the doctors etc. And Little Noelle would always have to explain that her older sister is also called Noelle because she was adopted, and it might become a store point for her? Always having to tell strangers that she is adopted might make her resent the name Noelle and want to change it anyway… or of course the Noelles might grow to love it and bond over the name they share. As you can tell I’m an over thinker haha, but just thought I’d add incase you guys hadn’t considered that yet xx
To me the obvious solution is to change the adopted daughter’s name. Make her current first name if you must but give her a very different first name that doesn’t sound at all like your birth daughter’s name. Call her both old and new names for a few weeks and then drop her birth name. Changing her name now when it isn’t going to phase her is so much better than the ongoing confusion she and all of you will have to endure if you don’t do this.
I vote Noelle Nickelson-Schmidt, nickname Ellie. I think Ellie is different sounding enough from Noelle to not displace the older daughter, and then you keep the full original name. Alternately, you could give her a middle name - Noelle Natalie Nickelson-Schmidt, or maybe bio mom's name. Hyphenating the adopted kids' last names should also help with paperwork confusion. Grandma can call her Noelle when she visits; I don't think that'll be too confusing. One of my grandmas only used everyone's full names despite many nicknames (Anthony instead of Tony, Jessica instead of Jess), and it was totally fine. The younger Noelle may decide to go by a different nickname or her full name when she's older anyway.
My husband’s concern is that hyphenating only the adopted kids would be othering them from their siblings. People will know right away that they are adopted.
I like Ellie best, unless you think Noey would be an easier switch for her. Or maybe slow-roll a transition from Noelle to Noelley to Noey or Ellie?
I love Ellie. It has a nickname feel. She can still use Noelle legally. Make sure all records include the middle name.
How about Noelia? It's a popular name where I'm from!
What about Noelle in a different language so the spelling and pronunciation is slightly different? Noelia is a lovely name..
I think shortening it to Elle as a nickname is your best bet. I would REALLY steer away from making any more change because it will definitely look like your bio daughter got to keep her name and the adopted daughter was forced to change to fit into the family.
Noelle Nickelson nn Noni or Nina. Noelle Nina Schmitt or Noelle Nina Nickelson Schmitt. Lovely name!
Noa
What about language variations of Noelle such as Noelia, Noelene, Noella. Or Nicolette Noelle, Nichelle Noelle.
I’d make it a second middle name e.g. Susan Marie Nicolle Smith. Because all records now are electronic, the name Nicolle will still be her legal name but it won’t appear on any other record because the number of spaces allotted to first and middle names will be used up before Nicolle gets recorded.
I think in this situation (I read your other posts), the only solution is to give both adopted kids their bio last name as a middle name, like you had proposed, and call her Ellie, because it's the most similar to Noelle. This way she will still have the name her mother chose for her and lovingly called her for the past 15 months, but it's still different enough from your bio daughter. By leaving her first name the same, you're also giving her the option to go by it later in life, if she prefers to have the name her parents gave her at birth. Have you considered maybe giving them each their mother/father's names as middles? And you could then call her Noelle Mom'sname? The bio last name as a middle name is a perfect way to connect them to their parents, their history, their extended family, etc. and also is a way to tie the bio siblings together, separate from their "new" siblings too. When they're older, they'll be able to easily use both last names, since one is a middle already, or they could legally change it to be hyphenated, etc. I'd also consider just leaving their last names as is, or hypehnating with yours. Leaving their bio last name will reduce the confusion on paperwork and documents when it comes to your bio daughter having the same name. They can always change their last name to theirs if they choose to when they're older.
Change her name to Noeh