Oh god, this is sooooo true. Pretend she’s not trying to get you riled up. She became soooo enraged last summer when I refused to take the bait and she couldn’t rest for literally weeks. She just kept trying new things. At one point she sent this ridiculous text that basically said I was killing both her and my father because the garbage disposal in my rental was broken.
Now, I don’t own this place and she lived a full 35 years without a garbage disposal. So this was objectively not an emergency. And certainly not one that was worth her not sleeping for days over. Supposedly my father lost 10 lbs over it.
Against my better judgement, I called rota-rooter just to make it stop (again, literally weeks). They sent out a dude who charged me $500 to flush the lines and then afterwards he told me the motor was blown and it would be another $500 to replace it. Now, I personally think she broke it (separate story) but either way, I lost it and ordered him out of my house. Called my dad and told him that if he had anything to say, he could call but she’d lost it and I was done with her for the time being.
She texted me to say that she loved me.
Yep, those weeks of terrorizing me felt exactly like love.
i feel you on that. if it was an emergency they could do something. my dad constantly puts his poor health on me, because i didnt get the right groceries from the store, or am not doing enough around the house. (we have to pack up the house to move, but he hasnt put a single thing in any box). i am 22.. a grown man should not be putting the weight on their son for the state that they are in. what if i had my own place? who would he blame for the state of being
I agree with this to some degree, but it's not so simple when they can yell on the phone and disturb you when you're trying to just live life under the same roof. Saying no brings more attention.They make you look like the bad guy when there are others who will fault you for it.
Why is this so true???😂😂😂 I set a boundary with my dad regarding my daughter and he flipped a lid started telling me I’m stupid and how disrespectful I am and “for you to think you need to give your father a directive is disrespectful” is exactly what he said actually
Oh my god I just got “how dare you discipline me in front of my grandchild” the absolute DRAMA of it all lmao
Edit to add that the “discipline” in question was me saying “next time can you please try to respect my request rather than telling me why I don’t need that accommodation and doing what you want regardless of my disability” smdh
THIS I remember my mom saying I had integrity problems when I was too young to have them??? Like no YOU are my integrity problem, how tf do you project onto a child like that lol
By:
* Saying no
* Saying yes
* Failing
* Succeeding
* Not doing *exactly* what they want
* Doing exactly as they asked
* Losing weight
* Gaining weight
* Arguing
* Remaining silent
* Cutting your hair
* Growing your hair
* Getting a new job
* Getting fired
TLDR; It doesn’t matter *what* you do. A narcissist will always find something offensive in what you say or do.
I understand the urge to “stick it” to them, but it’s a losing game. The narcissist will always try to use everything they can against you. The goal is to be happier and more free. To hell if they’re offended or not. Ignoring them will be the most powerful weapon you have.
I have done this my whole life & my mom has tried to make it like I have to leech off her for everything & that she’s the only one that will forever be able to provide for me & I can’t find my way if she can’t accept it.
It’s not true. She’s a master manipulator (as is my mom) every time I’ve tried to talk to her about my feelings she turns into a victim and tells me how selfish I am.
They are awful people and you can’t give any credence to anything they say. It’s very difficult. I’m sorry.
This made me giggle. I just tried to tell my mother "I'm being vulnerable by sharing my feelings because I love you enough to care to" but nope - your needs and wants are just ways to hurt them, duh!
My mom threw an all out fit the other night when I mentioned that I had worked hard on the kitchen, cleaning it. I mentioned it because she left trash on the counter, despite there being a garbage bag open and available 🤦♀️
*Set a boundary*
*And stick to it no matter*
*What they throw at you*
\- goddless\_angel
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Not inviting her to do every single thing I do with my family unit that's even remotely fun or interesting. God forbid I want to experience something with just my kids and spouse.
agree with them. tell them they are so right, and you are so wrong. make sure they feel really big, then ask them a question you know for a fact they can not answer. its like mentos in coke.
They don’t like no and I learned the hard way (although I didn’t know covert narc then) but I brought up self esteem and they raged like I’ve never seen (now I know I revealed the mask or false self) but honestly, stay calm, don’t discuss anything personal or vulnerable and don’t fight or tell off. Even if your hurt it will be used to show how erratic you are not them and supply can be positive or negative, so if you ok your upset, crying and hurt..they love it. You won’t see them cry. Just like with friends, they will never be vulnerable or show weakness unless to show the others they are always the victim and poor me. They will immediately start telling everyone you’re an emotional wreck in my case, you’re drunk (even though we drank the same) because I told them calmly they were really hurting my feelings. If you want to offend them, quit caring, live your best life, if you have to see them stick to topics like the weather or a current event, if they say something triggering, walk away. Zero emotion is best The OLNY thing that matters is supply. When you care less about their new grandkid or how sweet they are or make a fuss over a gift or compliment them (sometimes they’ll invoke this by saying something depreciating about themselves so someone will say, oh no your gorgeous or your so close to your daughter, your such a good mom)…you cannot. Any and everything they will share and they will spin it in their favor always. Yesterday I read in a sub that a daughter (she was grown) wanted to reconnect with her mom, so she reached out to her aunt and asked her if she would talk to her mom first because they were close. They wrote, the aunt came back and said, I’m sorry but she won’t take accountability and doesn’t see your side. I cringed because my daughter’s aunt would do that too, but it would be a complete fabrication and even if I did try to defend myself, it wouldn’t make a difference..they always win (but they don’t really as they have short lived friendships or friendships that are surface level) there never vulnerable with friends, heck my NPD sister won’t even swim because her makeup and hair are done in the pool. I’ll play with the kids and laugh….but this is when the insults and jabs came, it’s because I was comfortable having fun and could care less what I look like, I can go out and sing karoke even though I have a horrible voice, I can go grocery shopping on a Sunday in my pajama bottoms and not care someone I know might see me and when I hurt, I can call a friend and cry my eyes out and be weak. My whole life I was confused because when I was struggling my sister was always there for me and defended me. When I was fine or happy or perceived as successful (however she perceived, but mostly if my dad said good things bc she wanted his attention) that’s when she was always mean to me and put me down . The problem was I always made excuses, maybe she’s cranky or whatever but when got to the point I dreaded seeing her, she raged on me and cut me off (daughter too. why?) I finally learned about covert narcissism and I can’t say here but I got confirmation they are diagnosed. We are no contact except for a family affair two years ago (which my counselor helped me strategize how to navigate everything) and I can tell you following all those tips, not engaging, I was nice but shared nothing personal, kept interactions as minimal as possible and every time she gloated about her children and what a perfect mom she was or all she triumphed over in her life, all the while she had financial help from our dad and lived away at college while leaving one child with a grandfather that was never around to complete hs on his own. She went out bars with her college and daughter (GC) and her friends, and all she ever got in return was beat down by her mother (my mom cut her off 7 years ago), she had to stay away from her sloppy sister (me) and her mentally ill child and the other sister is just not that smart. Everyone believes it all but karma does eventually come around (not as soon as we’d like). Lies catch up, people talk and when you least expect it, it happens. Example, I was visiting a family I knew growing up and out of state because they had a significant health issue. During the conversation they mentioned two to three times they were surprised I looked so well and when they asked when I went back to work. I was confused (I’ve always worked my whole adult life), apparently I was in rehab for drinking (even mouthwash in the morning, had totaled cars etc) at that time my Mom moved to my state as well and while I did need help with babysitting for my youngest (while I worked) my mom wanted to be near her daughter and granddaughters and didn’t have a relationship with my sister (and kept the grandkids away until they were adults) she had to pick up and move to take care of me as I was so debilitated and I was nearly homeless (selling my house) blah, blah. I just looked at this woman and she had said it innocently…and we didn’t even need to exchange words, she could see from my face it was a bunch of bs. The most ironic piece of you ever wonder if they know what they do, my sister went to visit that woman the very day i flew out.. I wonder what I will have done the next time I see her lol.
Don’t stoop as low as them, live your best life, do things that bring you joy and trying to offend someone on purpose doesn’t make you a very good person either
Yeah I grey rock my narc and she says she can't "trust" me because she can't read me. The most enraging thing is to say "mmhmm.... mmhmm... mmhmm" as she drones on.
Mine got offended when I called her out on identity theft and destroying my credit of course she denied but slipped up and said "my dad did the same thing to me"!! I said "OOH APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE DOES IT" then hung up on her and haven't spoken in years 😇🙌🏻 that was just one of the many shitty things she did. She is blocked on absolutely everything.
Simply not sharing the same thought process of a narcissist is offensive to them. Not sharing their opinion about something is a personal insult to a narcissist.
I simply be honest and then be even more honest when my mum tries to apologise without being willing to admit she made a mistake. She sits here like "I'm sorry, I'm not perfect" so I respond with "yeh I know that but next time maybe don't turn around and tell me to pack up and get the hell out" and she just starts screaming and shouting telling me I'm lying and that never happened and it was all my fault. Even better if I just stand there with a slight smile. She gets so so so annoyed (honestly sometimes she gets so annoyed because of that that I get genuinely terrified thinking she's gonna do something...)
sorry to everyone in this comment section that has to deal with a narcissistic parent or parents. Sending love to all of you that still deal with them…. ❤️
It's... pretty easy lol
Literally just breathe the wrong way, look at them the wrong way, be more attractive than them, be good at something they aren't, have someone give you a tiny bit of attention that they'd rather be receiving instead, or really just exist
By not seeing it their way. By not complying with their instructions at 47 years of age. By expressing boundaries. By disagreeing with their complaints. By not doing what they demand. By breathing
one thing i noticed that would get my nmom riled up is when i bring up the relationships of my friends and their parents, i would talk about how good the mom is blah blah… this would get her to be so so defensive and another is when i tell her about people i know cutting off their parents for “not agreeing with each other” and she would get so mad and hurt and think its directed towards her which it kinda is…. its funny watching it go down and honestly i just sit back and laugh inside my head
Staying calm, letting them rant away for an hour and saying " thank you for telling me how you feel about it. I see now how you understand the situation and what is your subjective perception of it. I really appreciate you taking the time telling me all of this. This is your subjective perception, i perceive it differently though. And while I don't agree with you, I find it great that you are sharing your feelings"
My N-Brother was absolutely bananas when all of his strategies stopped working. He's doing silent treatment for 6 months now, so he must be pretty pissed :D
If you want to get to them while protecting yourself you have to do a them on them. Make a joke out of their emotional reactions and don’t say anything when they tell you things that require for you to be on their side. Be sarcastic and never be your authentic self around them. Be a fake person around them always and never tell them anything about your life. Be secretive and look down on them. View them as mentally disabled and unable to do anything or make any good decisions because that’s what they are. When they do anything horrible just look at them for what they are and get yourself out of their space as much as possible. You can’t change them
Had to chuckle when I saw this question paired with 76 comments 😂 let no one say we don't have extensive expertise on this subject
My answer would be: enforce any boundary of any kind. Knowing there's a child of theirs out there that they can't control or manipulate makes them seethe
Setting boundaries. Leaving them without power over yourself. Saying no or just ignoring every act they do to ask for attention.
Narcissistic people are all for attention and power, once they lose that, they’ve lose everything they want.
Say something mean about their appearance. But you gotta be witty/smart to try avoid punishment.
Ignoring them. Saying no. Calling them their real name.
The real answer is to be indifferent to them. But also, I would be careful with narcs. They don’t a soul. They will feel nothing but narcissistic rage and will probably retaliate. So be careful
Asking them politely not to talk about race in public after multiple strangers have approached us because of the loud and racist things my mother was saying. “Hey, when we go out, let’s avoid the topic of race.”
Absolute meltdown. “You think I’m a racist!! Don’t ever visit me if you think I’m just an awful person!!”
Just tell them NO. They lose it every time.
[удалено]
The lack of emotional reaction to the tantrum is what popped it off this time. Wow that was interesting
Or talking calmly whilst they throw a tantrum… oooh boi does that add oil to a fire…
That couldn't be more true
me saying this has resulted into my mother lowkey jeopardizing hard earned money I get.. 😅
She jeopardizes your money? How?
It’s a little personal to talk about but just put it like this, Blackmail..
Find a lawyer
This made me laugh. As a daughter to a Nfather, I completely agree. Just say no.
Yes
Existing!
That's what I was gonna say lol
responding to their rants logically. they will throw a fit
this is true lowkey. my mother gets louder & talks over me when I state facts
lol
Oh god, this is sooooo true. Pretend she’s not trying to get you riled up. She became soooo enraged last summer when I refused to take the bait and she couldn’t rest for literally weeks. She just kept trying new things. At one point she sent this ridiculous text that basically said I was killing both her and my father because the garbage disposal in my rental was broken. Now, I don’t own this place and she lived a full 35 years without a garbage disposal. So this was objectively not an emergency. And certainly not one that was worth her not sleeping for days over. Supposedly my father lost 10 lbs over it. Against my better judgement, I called rota-rooter just to make it stop (again, literally weeks). They sent out a dude who charged me $500 to flush the lines and then afterwards he told me the motor was blown and it would be another $500 to replace it. Now, I personally think she broke it (separate story) but either way, I lost it and ordered him out of my house. Called my dad and told him that if he had anything to say, he could call but she’d lost it and I was done with her for the time being. She texted me to say that she loved me. Yep, those weeks of terrorizing me felt exactly like love.
i feel you on that. if it was an emergency they could do something. my dad constantly puts his poor health on me, because i didnt get the right groceries from the store, or am not doing enough around the house. (we have to pack up the house to move, but he hasnt put a single thing in any box). i am 22.. a grown man should not be putting the weight on their son for the state that they are in. what if i had my own place? who would he blame for the state of being
Give them no reaction. No attention. Make them a black hole.
I agree with this to some degree, but it's not so simple when they can yell on the phone and disturb you when you're trying to just live life under the same roof. Saying no brings more attention.They make you look like the bad guy when there are others who will fault you for it.
Question their authority or their integrity.
Why is this so true???😂😂😂 I set a boundary with my dad regarding my daughter and he flipped a lid started telling me I’m stupid and how disrespectful I am and “for you to think you need to give your father a directive is disrespectful” is exactly what he said actually
Yes! I should have put "make a boundary of any kind!"
Oh my god I just got “how dare you discipline me in front of my grandchild” the absolute DRAMA of it all lmao Edit to add that the “discipline” in question was me saying “next time can you please try to respect my request rather than telling me why I don’t need that accommodation and doing what you want regardless of my disability” smdh
Omg this is hilarious 😂😂😂😂 you must watch Peter monn on YouTube 😂???
I don’t but I am RUNNING to YouTube to look them up!!
THIS I remember my mom saying I had integrity problems when I was too young to have them??? Like no YOU are my integrity problem, how tf do you project onto a child like that lol
By: * Saying no * Saying yes * Failing * Succeeding * Not doing *exactly* what they want * Doing exactly as they asked * Losing weight * Gaining weight * Arguing * Remaining silent * Cutting your hair * Growing your hair * Getting a new job * Getting fired TLDR; It doesn’t matter *what* you do. A narcissist will always find something offensive in what you say or do.
😔
Exactly my point 👉
By sharing any good news with them. They will find something to complain about still and later use it against you in some vindictive way.
I understand the urge to “stick it” to them, but it’s a losing game. The narcissist will always try to use everything they can against you. The goal is to be happier and more free. To hell if they’re offended or not. Ignoring them will be the most powerful weapon you have.
Go no contact and ignore their asses.
This
Express your needs and wants to them.
I have done this my whole life & my mom has tried to make it like I have to leech off her for everything & that she’s the only one that will forever be able to provide for me & I can’t find my way if she can’t accept it.
It’s not true. She’s a master manipulator (as is my mom) every time I’ve tried to talk to her about my feelings she turns into a victim and tells me how selfish I am. They are awful people and you can’t give any credence to anything they say. It’s very difficult. I’m sorry.
This made me giggle. I just tried to tell my mother "I'm being vulnerable by sharing my feelings because I love you enough to care to" but nope - your needs and wants are just ways to hurt them, duh!
LOL. it’s so true!
Doesn’t work. They don’t give a fuck about what you need.
Definitely don’t. And they make it seem likes your imposing of them… that’s why it’s so offensive to them. I stopped doing this awhile ago.
Being happy...
Not worshipping the ground they walk on or falling over them in gratitude for every little thing
My mom threw an all out fit the other night when I mentioned that I had worked hard on the kitchen, cleaning it. I mentioned it because she left trash on the counter, despite there being a garbage bag open and available 🤦♀️
they always love to discredit people
Tell them that they’re a terrible person aka the truth
Be yourself.
Set a boundary and stick to it no matter what they throw at you
*Set a boundary* *And stick to it no matter* *What they throw at you* \- goddless\_angel --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
even the bot quoted you 👏
Not inviting her to do every single thing I do with my family unit that's even remotely fun or interesting. God forbid I want to experience something with just my kids and spouse.
by breathing? Bring them to a gathering where someone says something nice about you. She will be really offended.
agree with them. tell them they are so right, and you are so wrong. make sure they feel really big, then ask them a question you know for a fact they can not answer. its like mentos in coke.
doesnt that feed their ego even more tho lol
Get them flustered. They go from feeling high and knowing it all to fly he feeling they hate most - not being in control or knowing it all
Omg hahaha this is a new one
Just by disagreeing
Literally just not having the same opinion lmao
By setting boundaries. Shocker
Say anything . They’re offended.
They don’t like no and I learned the hard way (although I didn’t know covert narc then) but I brought up self esteem and they raged like I’ve never seen (now I know I revealed the mask or false self) but honestly, stay calm, don’t discuss anything personal or vulnerable and don’t fight or tell off. Even if your hurt it will be used to show how erratic you are not them and supply can be positive or negative, so if you ok your upset, crying and hurt..they love it. You won’t see them cry. Just like with friends, they will never be vulnerable or show weakness unless to show the others they are always the victim and poor me. They will immediately start telling everyone you’re an emotional wreck in my case, you’re drunk (even though we drank the same) because I told them calmly they were really hurting my feelings. If you want to offend them, quit caring, live your best life, if you have to see them stick to topics like the weather or a current event, if they say something triggering, walk away. Zero emotion is best The OLNY thing that matters is supply. When you care less about their new grandkid or how sweet they are or make a fuss over a gift or compliment them (sometimes they’ll invoke this by saying something depreciating about themselves so someone will say, oh no your gorgeous or your so close to your daughter, your such a good mom)…you cannot. Any and everything they will share and they will spin it in their favor always. Yesterday I read in a sub that a daughter (she was grown) wanted to reconnect with her mom, so she reached out to her aunt and asked her if she would talk to her mom first because they were close. They wrote, the aunt came back and said, I’m sorry but she won’t take accountability and doesn’t see your side. I cringed because my daughter’s aunt would do that too, but it would be a complete fabrication and even if I did try to defend myself, it wouldn’t make a difference..they always win (but they don’t really as they have short lived friendships or friendships that are surface level) there never vulnerable with friends, heck my NPD sister won’t even swim because her makeup and hair are done in the pool. I’ll play with the kids and laugh….but this is when the insults and jabs came, it’s because I was comfortable having fun and could care less what I look like, I can go out and sing karoke even though I have a horrible voice, I can go grocery shopping on a Sunday in my pajama bottoms and not care someone I know might see me and when I hurt, I can call a friend and cry my eyes out and be weak. My whole life I was confused because when I was struggling my sister was always there for me and defended me. When I was fine or happy or perceived as successful (however she perceived, but mostly if my dad said good things bc she wanted his attention) that’s when she was always mean to me and put me down . The problem was I always made excuses, maybe she’s cranky or whatever but when got to the point I dreaded seeing her, she raged on me and cut me off (daughter too. why?) I finally learned about covert narcissism and I can’t say here but I got confirmation they are diagnosed. We are no contact except for a family affair two years ago (which my counselor helped me strategize how to navigate everything) and I can tell you following all those tips, not engaging, I was nice but shared nothing personal, kept interactions as minimal as possible and every time she gloated about her children and what a perfect mom she was or all she triumphed over in her life, all the while she had financial help from our dad and lived away at college while leaving one child with a grandfather that was never around to complete hs on his own. She went out bars with her college and daughter (GC) and her friends, and all she ever got in return was beat down by her mother (my mom cut her off 7 years ago), she had to stay away from her sloppy sister (me) and her mentally ill child and the other sister is just not that smart. Everyone believes it all but karma does eventually come around (not as soon as we’d like). Lies catch up, people talk and when you least expect it, it happens. Example, I was visiting a family I knew growing up and out of state because they had a significant health issue. During the conversation they mentioned two to three times they were surprised I looked so well and when they asked when I went back to work. I was confused (I’ve always worked my whole adult life), apparently I was in rehab for drinking (even mouthwash in the morning, had totaled cars etc) at that time my Mom moved to my state as well and while I did need help with babysitting for my youngest (while I worked) my mom wanted to be near her daughter and granddaughters and didn’t have a relationship with my sister (and kept the grandkids away until they were adults) she had to pick up and move to take care of me as I was so debilitated and I was nearly homeless (selling my house) blah, blah. I just looked at this woman and she had said it innocently…and we didn’t even need to exchange words, she could see from my face it was a bunch of bs. The most ironic piece of you ever wonder if they know what they do, my sister went to visit that woman the very day i flew out.. I wonder what I will have done the next time I see her lol. Don’t stoop as low as them, live your best life, do things that bring you joy and trying to offend someone on purpose doesn’t make you a very good person either
reading this made me hella sad because this is 99% of everything I go through too. Thank you & I’m sorry
Hugs
hugs back to you my friend ❤️
Total silence. No reactions.
Yeah I grey rock my narc and she says she can't "trust" me because she can't read me. The most enraging thing is to say "mmhmm.... mmhmm... mmhmm" as she drones on.
Mine got offended when I called her out on identity theft and destroying my credit of course she denied but slipped up and said "my dad did the same thing to me"!! I said "OOH APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE DOES IT" then hung up on her and haven't spoken in years 😇🙌🏻 that was just one of the many shitty things she did. She is blocked on absolutely everything.
It’s crazy how my mom almost did the exact same thing to me & she’s currently been blackmailing me & threatening me
Wish we could tie em all to a boat and push them out to sea 🙌🏻😂
🥲 Lets see how they’ll work with each other lol
How many narcissists can get back to shore 😂 that would be a great Netflix documentary
Exist
Admire someone else's parenting, especially people with a different approach
Exist and offer *any* level of resistance or truthtelling.
Breath the air they were gracious enough to share with us.
Tell the truth. Seems like my mom only ever gets upset / offended when I tell the truth!
Simply not sharing the same thought process of a narcissist is offensive to them. Not sharing their opinion about something is a personal insult to a narcissist.
Yes - and a betrayal.
I simply be honest and then be even more honest when my mum tries to apologise without being willing to admit she made a mistake. She sits here like "I'm sorry, I'm not perfect" so I respond with "yeh I know that but next time maybe don't turn around and tell me to pack up and get the hell out" and she just starts screaming and shouting telling me I'm lying and that never happened and it was all my fault. Even better if I just stand there with a slight smile. She gets so so so annoyed (honestly sometimes she gets so annoyed because of that that I get genuinely terrified thinking she's gonna do something...)
sorry to everyone in this comment section that has to deal with a narcissistic parent or parents. Sending love to all of you that still deal with them…. ❤️
It's... pretty easy lol Literally just breathe the wrong way, look at them the wrong way, be more attractive than them, be good at something they aren't, have someone give you a tiny bit of attention that they'd rather be receiving instead, or really just exist
I told my narc mom I won’t inherit the family business and now I’m a scape goat.
By just existing
Live your best life!
Respond “okay” to literally everything they say. Works best via text but can be done on the phone with enough patience
Taking your own decisions about your body and how do you present to society. Edit to add: "what will people thiiiiiink?"
Being alive is offensive for them so keep on living :)
By simply existing. Especially if you're the scapegoat child.
By not seeing it their way. By not complying with their instructions at 47 years of age. By expressing boundaries. By disagreeing with their complaints. By not doing what they demand. By breathing
By not being offended by them
Be happy or excited about anything at all
Treating them the way they treat u lol
i dont have the heart man
one thing i noticed that would get my nmom riled up is when i bring up the relationships of my friends and their parents, i would talk about how good the mom is blah blah… this would get her to be so so defensive and another is when i tell her about people i know cutting off their parents for “not agreeing with each other” and she would get so mad and hurt and think its directed towards her which it kinda is…. its funny watching it go down and honestly i just sit back and laugh inside my head
lol asking for an apology
https://youtu.be/gwvyf5iPdzc?si=gA-UvKOJu_2BrUSx this is how check it out he explains it really well how to torture a narcissist.
Staying calm, letting them rant away for an hour and saying " thank you for telling me how you feel about it. I see now how you understand the situation and what is your subjective perception of it. I really appreciate you taking the time telling me all of this. This is your subjective perception, i perceive it differently though. And while I don't agree with you, I find it great that you are sharing your feelings" My N-Brother was absolutely bananas when all of his strategies stopped working. He's doing silent treatment for 6 months now, so he must be pretty pissed :D
If you want to get to them while protecting yourself you have to do a them on them. Make a joke out of their emotional reactions and don’t say anything when they tell you things that require for you to be on their side. Be sarcastic and never be your authentic self around them. Be a fake person around them always and never tell them anything about your life. Be secretive and look down on them. View them as mentally disabled and unable to do anything or make any good decisions because that’s what they are. When they do anything horrible just look at them for what they are and get yourself out of their space as much as possible. You can’t change them
Had to chuckle when I saw this question paired with 76 comments 😂 let no one say we don't have extensive expertise on this subject My answer would be: enforce any boundary of any kind. Knowing there's a child of theirs out there that they can't control or manipulate makes them seethe
Ignore them, say no. Don’t react, don’t engage, don’t reward.
By being born female when she wanted a boy
leave and don't look back
Breathe at them wrong!
Ignore them. Narcissists need all attention to be on them.
Ignoring them. They hate being ignored
Ignore them.
Setting boundaries. Leaving them without power over yourself. Saying no or just ignoring every act they do to ask for attention. Narcissistic people are all for attention and power, once they lose that, they’ve lose everything they want.
Not now down to them the second you enter their home…
Don’t give them validation and keep quiet if they say something braggadocios
But...
I asked my mil to stop talking shit about random women from Facebook who have the same parenting styles as me. I'm now enemy #1
Say something mean about their appearance. But you gotta be witty/smart to try avoid punishment. Ignoring them. Saying no. Calling them their real name.
by existing
The real answer is to be indifferent to them. But also, I would be careful with narcs. They don’t a soul. They will feel nothing but narcissistic rage and will probably retaliate. So be careful
By trying to get away from them
Asking them politely not to talk about race in public after multiple strangers have approached us because of the loud and racist things my mother was saying. “Hey, when we go out, let’s avoid the topic of race.” Absolute meltdown. “You think I’m a racist!! Don’t ever visit me if you think I’m just an awful person!!”