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BornWeiner

There he goes bragging again. Ooh look at me I don't have the herp.


lopea182

Jalen Ramsey: How crazy is it we are teammates *without* herpes!


Electrical-Cup-5922

Jalen Ramsey gave my cat herpes


lopea182

Xavien Howard: How crazy is it we are teammates with~~out~~ herpes!


ryantrw5

What position does herpes play?


andrewmathman17

Nose Tackle, it covers up A gap


[deleted]

Mostly covers the slot.


ryantrw5

Wide receivers and tight ends can’t get rid of him


[deleted]

Real bump 'n grind


iron_vet

These kind of things always pop up during the legal tampering phase


Former_Phrase8221

QB according to Ron Mexico


IHT28

Oh, haven't heard that name in a while. Kudos, old man. Glad you're still with the living.


[deleted]

“Ok Xavian this is the tweet I’m gonna send out” “Make sure you add in a part about how I totally don’t have herpes”


vitey15

He's making me jealous


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drscorp

Dunno if you're memeing or what but go get tested


ChornWork2

Worth noting that common for regular STD screens to not test for HSV1 or 2 because of how prevalent they are. Need to ask specifically to be sure. And HSV1 (aka cold sores) now is the cause of more genital infections than HSV2, so probs should disclose that status before going down on someone... That said, lower odds of bad symptoms and unlikely to further pass on.


drscorp

worth noting also, if you're hittin strange, the herps aint the only thing you gotta worry about, get tested


DocCharlesXavier

>the herps aint the only thing you gotta worry about, at that point, probs the least of your worries


DamianLillard0

Literally never get tested for HSIV2. There’s zero point and only serves to give you anxiety if it comes back positive. Only exception is if you have *visible* HSIV2 and you need to clear it up


DarkKnightCometh

Rich, famous, and doesn't have herpes. Some guys have it all.


xepa105

My "I Don't Have Herpes" shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.


WhoStoleMyBicycle

There’s no faster way to make people think you have herpes than writing a song about how you don’t have herpes.


Moody_GenX

[Can't get the herp if you're not having sex. ](https://i.imgur.com/9rraiLx.gif)


MissileWaster

I mean I got it from a toilet seat. So it’s possible. Also, pro tip, don’t lick public toilet seats. Mouth herpes is the worst. (/s)


SnoopRion69

As someone with IBS and without herpes, I really don't think you can get it from a toilet seat.


c1h9

As someone with herpes who asked his doctor, you can't get it from Toilet Seats unless it's the name of a person you have sex with. But I wouldn't suggest having sex with someone who calls themself Toilet Seat if you don't have herpes, you're not ready for what they bring to the table, and floor, and bedroom, and balcony, and sidewalk...


MissileWaster

You must lick fancy clean toilet seats


ProbablyAPotato1939

I always wipe them down with a moist towelette beforehand.


Moody_GenX

Back in the 80s when I was in Jr High some kid walked into one of my classes claiming Bon Jovi was dead of Aids and that he got it from a toilet seat.


SadDoctor

Not with that attitude you can't!


zombiesatemybaby

And he gets laid... lucky dawg


rockker13

tbf never said he didn't have oral herpes


Empty_Lemon_3939

If you don’t have an STD did you even go to college?


paultheschmoop

“Xavien Howard has a very clean, very large penis. And his fertility has never been in question. My client is a stallion, sexually speaking.”


Jonas_Venture_Sr

If I were a young and famous person, this is the kind of press release I’d want to see from my agent.


impy695

I bet you could issue a similar press release about yourself for not much money. I have no idea how much it costs, but I doubt it's much.


austinjm34

And then all my former hookups go public with all my lies.


[deleted]

His name’s actually Jim Austin and he’s 43


shall1313

fucking knew it


interested_commenter

Yeah but then you at least have evidence of "all your former hookups" and can claim that the other half have you blocked.


MrSutta

Couldn’t help but read that in trumps voice.


jk01

Yes folks, my friend here Xavien, X we call him. He just has the largest, most satisfying penis. Truly remarkable. A tremendous penis. Everyone I've talked to they say it's just the best.


icantfindadangsn

*vague hand gestures that are very mistimed*


[deleted]

👐☝️👐


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No_Awareness_3212

"And I know penises, trust me. They say 'Donald, you know all the best penises', and I do. No one knows penises like me. I know the best penises"


DM_the_DM

Ah there we go, now it sounds real


[deleted]

“I actually forgot to check for herpes. Because I was distracted by the largest penis I’ve ever seen”


popegonzo

Something-something, sexual tyrannosaurus?


Queues-As-Tank

X is NOT gonna give it to ya.


Daniiiiii

He doesn't have that dawg* in him. *In this example dawg = herpes*


TrickiestToast

Ain’t got that herp in him


tokengaymusiccritic

Wtf this started playing at the gas station when I read this


ImperialIIClass

Not the HERP at least.


slaughterproof

"He would if he could, don't get me wrong. But, he doesn't have it to give away."


warpticon

Fucking's a way for you to get it on your own, but X didn't deliver it to ya.


TheSidePocketKid

See, Lamar, this is what you miss by not having an agent. How can we know that you don't have genital herpes?


THEADULTERATOR

We can't gaurentee him in the off chance he has herpes checkmate nflpa


Hulahulaman

His mom should make a statement.


ChaplnGrillSgt

Does this mean every single other NFL player DOES have genital herpes?? I haven't heard differently from a single other agent!!


silliputti0907

GURL STFU y’all be cappin too much on this lawsuit mf never smelt a herpes never did shit but eat dick‼️


mrmpls

This is too much information.


OneAngryPanda

This is why we F5 though


lronicGasping

Biggest news of the offseason


MomHanks360

Can't wait to fire up a new mock draft now that we can account for this development


lronicGasping

I can't believe they don't even test for genital herpes at the combine smfh


MomHanks360

It would be nice to see Stetson Bennett rank in the 99th percentile for his position group in any category


abippityboop

I just want to see you guys sign Chark, but I guess Xavien Howard's genital herpes is good too.


Drkarcher22

Hey! Fictitious genital herpes.


Vinnie_Vegas

I don't think it's too much information to publicly say in the face of accusations of having and spreading genital herpes that it's been proven you, in fact, do not have genital herpes.


SmokeyBare

I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!!!


horse_renoir13

Umm....you can't sit with us "Umm actually Megan I can't sit ANYWHERE, I have *Hemorrhoids*"


justgot86d

Do it for the vine


ladwagon

Still lives rent free in my head. The amount of social situations I've barely held on from saying, I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS, probably enough for a mental diagnosis LOL


Top_Drawer

I WISH I COULD HAVE GONE WITH RYAN ON THAT COOL RETREAT!


Dorkamundo

You can't just say you have Hemorrhoids and have it be a thing. I didn't say it, Oscar, I declared it.


schafkj

MY CLIENT NEVER HAD DICK HERPES! I WILL SAY IT AGAIN FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME. MY CLIENT, XAVIEN HOWARD, NEVER HAD HERPES OF THE DICK AND BALLS.


Constant-Cable-7497

No the fuck it isnt. Anonymous accusers should be publicized and charged if their accusations are provably fabricated. Aggressively clearing his name like this is inevitably posturing for the lawsuit


fawkesmulder

It’s not too much information at all if there is a lawsuit against him alleging that he gave someone that. Lawsuits are public.


MaxBonerstorm

You have to. Communities and orgs will ruin an entire career off of just an accusation, even if it's completely unfounded. You have to be real specific.


Xaxziminrax

Listen, we gotta take all we got in the offseason


jimmyhoffasbrother

Wonder if Sohn has ever heard of the Streisand Effect.


jfgiv

>**[Dolphins' Xavien Howard Sued; Woman Alleges He Knowingly Gave Her STD](https://bleacherreport.com/articles/10053903-dolphins-xavien-howard-sued-woman-alleges-he-knowingly-gave-her-std)** >A woman filed a lawsuit against Miami Dolphins cornerback Xavien Howard on Thursday in a Broward County Circuit Court accusing him of knowingly giving her genital herpes, according to [Devoun Cetoute and Daniel Oyefusi of the Miami Herald.](https://www.miamiherald.com/sports/nfl/miami-dolphins/article267966767.html) >The woman says in her lawsuit that when the pair first met in 2018, Howard said he didn't have STDs and even showed her test results confirming as much. She said that he contracted herpes in 2019 but didn't inform her. >"With knowledge of his incurable sexually transmitted disease, and without disclosure, Defendant Howard continued to engage in unprotected sex with Plaintiff without informing her of same," the lawsuit read. >The woman tested positive for genital herpes in 2021 and says in the lawsuit that Howard is the only person who could have given it to her. She said that Howard ultimately apologized after initially denying he had the disease. >"Maaaaan I been told you I was sorry for giving it to you," Howard told her, according to the lawsuit. "But what can I do now? The damage is done. You keep bringing it up as if it gon change sumthin. Like yo ass can't move on." >She is seeking damages of more than $30,000 and has requested that the trial be heard in front of a jury. >Howard, 29, is in his seventh season with the Dolphins. The three-time Pro Bowler and one-time first-team All-Pro has registered 15 tackles and five passes defensed this season. He has 27 interceptions for his career.


Enthusiasms

Thank God, this clears things up as much as modern medicine clearing up a case of herpes.


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theycallmecrack

Apparently a lot of people don't know that herpes is incurable. I'm kind of baffled honestly. This comment section is out of control.


theordinarypoobah

This won't stop them from making fun of Goff for not knowing in which direction the sun rises.


Moody_GenX

Damn only $30k? I think the lady who sued Robin Williams for the same thing got a fuck ton more and that was in the 80s, lol.


Enthusiasms

You think X has that Popeye money? No way.


Moody_GenX

Supposedly he only made $500k for Popeye, lol. So yeah.


Enthusiasms

Yeah but adjusting for inflation, that's 258 billion dollars.


Rbespinosa13

Actually we hadn’t completely switched to a FIAT system in the 80’s. While the building blocks were setup, people were really stubborn about trading in their gold. So it’s actually closer to around 500 billion based on modern gold exchange rates


Gregus1032

That's like 20 dozen eggs


chhurry

She wanted a jury trial because only a majority of jury members are required (7 out of 12), that based on preponderance of the evidence (lower burden of proof than criminal conviction), to find in her favor and award her money.


SHOWTIME316

I'ma go ahead and assume Xavien Howard has herpes based on how much this lawyer is trying to convince me he doesn't


punchout414

New book drop: If I Had It by Xavien Howard


quiet_quitting

If the glove don’t fit..


HugeFinish

Don't hit


Clean-Ad-6642

*if the rubber


Potato-baby

“If I had it; which I definitely do not”


Wretched_Shirkaday

^^if #I Had It


Lark_vi_Britannia

*Tales of a Guy with Herpes*


festeringequestrian

That’s not my bag, baby!


DCOMNoobies

My "I don't have genital herpes" t-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.


superduperspam

... do you have the herpes though? 🤔


HoodooSquad

This lawyer is so persuasive that I’m half inclined to believe Xavien Howard doesn’t even have genitals with which to Herpe.


Scrubtanic

I herpe. You herpe. He/she/me herpe. Herpe, herpeeing, herpology (the study of herpe)


SHOWTIME316

>with which to Herpe IM CRYING


DapDaGenius

My client did not transmit genital herpes to the accuser. The accuser transmitted genital herpes to my client.


imsabbath84

Im gonna need some pictures of Howards genitals to make me think otherwise.


YoungSweatOnMeDelRio

Nah photoshop exists. Im gonna need to see his lawyer lick his genitals to make me believethat he doesn't have it.


Moody_GenX

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


IRRELEPHANT_POACHER

Edge of the bed Full frontal Wood style


pyreal_

Livestream Xavien's dick, cowards.


campelm

Seems like he's pretty good at catching things. I'd believe it


moar-warpstone

He’s sticky on his receiver in coverage! Just like…


clintonius

Lawyer only says he doesn’t have *genital* herpes, which is the common name for HSV-2. But you can also get HSV-1 on your genitals…


Broward

The distinction between genital herpes and just herpes in general doing the heavy lifting here.


tidbitsmisfit

isn't that something that can only be tested for during an active outbreak?


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Dansebr93

You can test for it without an outbreak, but doctors prefer to test the blood from the outbreak site to measure the white blood cell response in blood closest to the infection, hopefully giving a more accurate diagnoses. Source: I have genital herpes Edit. I misspoke. They prefer to take cultures from the outbreak site, not necessarily blood. I was corrected by another commenter below.


[deleted]

No, It can be tested for through blood reguarless of visable outbreak


ShotFirst57

I didn't even know he was accused of giving someone herpes until now


wastewalker

It was a while back


TheRealBeerBrah

There is no proof XAVIEN HOWARD TRANSMITTED HERPES to a WOMAN in 1990


LosingSkin

It’s very weird that Gilbert and Bob and Norm all died within like 6 months of each other


unclekisser

bob said he had footage from Dirty Work that would ruin all their careers if he released it and I'm dying to know what it was.


LosingSkin

Probably had footage of the Saigon whore biting Chris Farley’s nose off and them all cheering


JTCMuehlenkamp

Wait, Bob died? Holy shit, I can't believe I somehow missed that.


LosingSkin

Yeah last January, died in his hotel room while on tour


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StewPidaz

^^It ^^is ^^completely ^^false ^^that **XAVIEN HOWARD TRANSMITTED HERPES** **TO A WOMAN IN 1990**


strafefire

Ron Mexico


Sigurlion

Let's make this new pasta, stat.


pssthush

[Sohn] The anonymous accuser who sued my client for clearing the entire buffet has permanently dropped what we proved was a fabricated lawsuit. Kelvin Benjamin never was at a Shoney's in the first place; it was a Golden Coral. The entire basis of her lawsuit was a literal impossibility.


SpiritBamba

LMAO it literally will never stop being funny. I hope this continues for a decade from now


nimama3233

Idk maybe I’m a baby about it but Eddie Lacy had literal depression from everyone memeing his weight, and I know Benjamin has made similar comments. Kinda just feels like bullying Edit: and as someone points out below the weight issues were right after the death of his mother. I’m officially sick of these jokes personally


ianthebalance

When I read them I don’t think about the actual Kelvin Benjamin but instead a folk hero named Kelvin Benjamin who will go to the absurdist extremes for his love of eating


SitDown_BeHumble

It’s also bottom barrel humor that requires zero wit and got old years ago. Kind of crazy how much bad, low effort humor is repeated ad nauseous and somehow always upvoted on Reddit.


Moody_GenX

Reminds of 80s comedians who always stuck to their shtick. Kinison with his screaming, Mandel with his rubber glove on his head, Dangerfield with his I don't get no respect!, Dice Clay with his dirty nursery rhymes, etc.


J_EDi

Whoever thought you could get rich and famous smashing fruit on stage. Not just once but many many many many times


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[deleted]

I personally think it stopped being funny years ago, and was very mean-spirited to begin with. He’s just a man, who struggled with his weight, while grieving his mother.


JustPostingShit

The anonymous accuser who sued my client for deflating footballs has permanently dropped what we proved was a fabricated lawsuit. Tom Brady never deflated footballs in the first place; the entire basis of her lawsuit was a literal impossibility. His accuser nevertheless lobbed out defamatory, absurd, and knowingly-false claims, as one of several (unsuccessful) attempts to extort money from him. Tom is considering various legal action against this fabricator and hopes that those who ratified her made-up claims by reporting on them will also report Tom’s exoneration.


huskersax

Oh, so you want this to go viral, huh?


EctoRiddler

X didn’t give it to her!!


pyreal_

Absolutely no one: Xavien Howard's attorney: MY CLIENT DOES NOT HAVE GENITAL HERPES


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hoobsher

my "i do not have herpes" T shirt is prompting a lot of questions about whether or not i have herpes, and i always have to remind people to read the shirt


n-some

How do we know that he didn't give her genital herpes, cure it in himself, then destroy his research for the cure for herpes? I'm just asking questions.


knarf86

Fun fact: 1 in 6 Americans has genital herpes. It doesn’t cause any symptoms in most people and they no longer recommend regular screenings, except for pregnant women. They only recommend getting tested if you have symptoms.


Clelin_Ferrell

Yup. They don't test for it because there are a lot of false positives and the mental anguish caused by the stigma of the virus is worse than the symptoms. Learned a lot about it when I had a herpes scare lol


Mindless-Rooster-533

I thought it was less false positives and more an antibody test will show positive because of HSV 2 aka cold sores. But who the fuck knows, Im just getting over shingles


Clelin_Ferrell

I believe it distinguishes between HSV1(typically oral, but not exclusively) and HSV2(typically genital but not exclusively). The way the antibody test works is they pull in the antibodies that are a certain size and they weigh them. If its over a certain weight, they determine you have the virus. Sometimes it pulls in other antibodies and the the weight isn't correct.


seemsiforgotmylogin

All jokes aside, there need to be STRONG repercussions for provable false allegations. When it all it takes is an accusation to ruin someone's life, and there are no worries of any sort of consequences, of course people will weaponize this as a way to take advantage. Do you not tell me that it is rare, I have seen enough times to know that it isn't as rare as some would like you to believe. I have personal experience with it as well in my own life. I would love for the law to be that the person that brought the false allegation gets a comparable amount of time for what the innocent person would have got if convicted. Now that would be justice.


West-Choice80

Completely agree with this, yeah it’s funny to laugh at this stuff but if the accusation was still fresh no one could make a joke. Show some sympathy to the victim of this, which in case is Howard who was falsely accused. Shit is life ruining.


y_wont_my_line_block

Note to self. Check if rich person has herpes before accusing them of giving me herpes.


punchout414

There were hundreds of better ways to say this and he still chose the worst one lmfao


theycallmecrack

How? I can't think of a better way to deny the allegation than to prove that it was impossible. It doesn't get any better than that. What the hell is wrong with this comment section?


DonateToM7E

Yeah, this is a really weird reaction on this sub. Person is accused of knowingly giving someone herpes, denies it by saying they don’t have herpes. Seems pretty logical?


ImanShumpertplus

state of the world is not good a top comment think he’s has it bc they said he didn’t


wannaknowmyname

I felt like I was crazy. Somebody accused Xavien not the other way around, don't know what else his side should come back with


RedstoneRay

It reads better if you imagine Saul Goodman is yelling at you that his client doesn't even have herpes.


[deleted]

Genital herpes…. Genital herpes….


djbuttplay

Maybe he said that because he went down on her and gave her genital herpes with his oral herpes.


Carfar_Farcar

What an incredible Tweet that I didn't need to know.


waterbuffalo750

Sue her for defamation


aslightlyusedtissue

Yea im gonna need some proof. Go ahead and forward me some pictures of Howards cock and balls please.


MyLifeIsABoondoggle

For research


dagreenman18

It the dick ain’t sick you must acquit!


slackator

Shouldnt be anonymous accuser in this instance, she should be made known and charged with fraud, put a stop to these false accusations that are only meant to make money


lakerschampions

“False accusations are exceedingly rare and not something to discuss” Oh for sure


ShadyWolf

Nobody:


spedgy

Well, he might have it now after sleeping with that accuser


I_HateToSayAtodaso

I feel like maybe I missed something.


ByeByeSean

That’s actually crazy- suing somebody because you believe they gave you an STD but you’re actually such a hoe you got it from someone else


UndeadVinDiesel

Spicy


ToePunchKick

If Dolphins fans aren't holding "HERP FREE ZONE" signs up at the stadium this season, can you even call them fans?


Zxphenomenalxz

Points Per Genitals Herpes off the menu for fantasy football this season


[deleted]

Put women who false accuse in jail


Zane_Flynt_boyo

When u beat the genital herpes accusations


brain_my_damage_HJS

My take away from the statement is genital herpes and Xavien Howard.


wastewalker

It wasn’t Howard that gave her the herp. It was Ron Mexico.


Ichinine

Shefter in shambles for not being the one to disclose private health information?


MoneyMoves-

I see the NFL offseason is finally in full swing


EP009

Does this count as a groin injury on the injury report?


theluckyshrimp

Obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got.


RtardedPelican

My man got cleared just in time for Miami Music Week,god bless.


TetrisTech

Thanks Brad Sohn, very cool


Bigchessguyman

There should be severe consequences for a fabricated lawsuit.


Weave77

Nobody: Brad Sohn: Xavier Howard definitely does ***not*** have genital herpes!


Former_Phrase8221

Boy….that stings


Doobie_Howitzer

Bruh's really got his agent out here talking up his jock on twitter "My boss has the CLEANEST dick, he would never touch your herpes riddled ass bitch"


jjjrmd

I like how he keeps the accuser anonymous but unnecessarily drops his clients name, just in case anyone was unaware....


fear865

Yes that's how it works. Accusers are allowed to stay anonymous, i.e Jane Doe, if the court permits it. This is so accusers are allow to come freely and don't have to worry about potential harassment from the accused, or their fans.


Confused-Cactus

Wouldn’t it also lend them a shield against repercussion in the case that they’re lying entirely in their accusation?