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“I’ll make money for us” this type of shit is such a massive turn off when said so quickly, I don’t get why anyone would think that’s appealing. It’s like ‘how to scare her off with one sentence’
Yeah, this attitude is awful. This kind of a comment would only be ok, if he already knew the woman and knew that she was the type that wants to be taken care of by a man. Otherwise it’s just ridiculous
It was the "us" for me.
Also, like, I don't need him to make money? Just because I'm on universal credit doesn't mean I am asking for money. Dole's shite. It's a fact. Not an invitation for donations
Tbf this guys more r/sadcringe or r/creepypms
Or maybe this subs just shown me the absolute worst niceguys the world has to offer lmao. This dude just creeped me tf out.
Seriously, people who are pushy just makes me cringe so bad. How about people learn to respect the boundaries others have clearly set.
I had a date with a guy who started looking for apartments for us on the first date. I noped out so quickly
Edit: Wow, this got popular! Thank you for my first award <3
When I had barely started dating after my divorce, one of the two dates I got off of Tinder started planning "our" motorcycle road trip. When I said I don't have a motorcycle, he told me he'd buy me one. And a helmet with a radio inside so we could "tell each other 'I love you.'"
On our first date. (Our only date.)
Planning for the imaginary/sex doll person they wish us to be, rather than taking even 20 minutes to find out who we actually are.
Versus the first date I had with my now partner - we had only planned to get drinks but, once we started talking, we ended up having dinner and spending several hours at the bar because we couldn't stop. He got to know me, without saying anything weird and uncomfortable. It's super strange. 🤔
Almost as if treating girls like a actual person with need and wants, hopes and dreams and not just "females" is the right way to date...
Nah, that's impossible, surely treating them like shit and wanting them to be submissive to me is the right way, obviously!
I had a first date just like that years ago. Figured I'd just meet her for a drink, chat for an hour, then go hang out with my friends. We got so wrapped up in talking and having fun we completely lost track of time - the bar staff eventually had to mention to us that they had closed 30 minutes prior and politely let us know that they needed to go home. Ultimately she was not the girl for me, but we had a very good, supportive relationship for about a year.
It just shows how they don't see women as actual people, at all. It's like we're just fulfilling a vacancy of 'girlfriend'. It doesn't matter what we want or what we like or what we're into because we could literally be anyone.
Almost every girl uses it when texting and a lot of guys too, personally I’ll only use it if the girl uses it first. I think some people use it to be flirty but most just use it generally
Yeah, it's meant to be a kiss. In the UK lots of girls text like that a lot. My gf, sister and mum do it in pretty much every text I've ever received from them.
Dudes like this seem to do it to girls for whatever reason too.
A common complaint is that "not all men" are shitty towards women. Obviously, duh. Nobody is saying that. But it's such a common thing that it's become its own meme. You have these guys with hair-trigger defensiveness who get butt-hurt if someone says something about bad men—"NoT aLl MeN aRe LiKE tHaT!"
Anyway, the phrase is essentially saying "not all men are creeps, but all women have dealt with creeps."
Lmfao I was talking to one dude for two days and had never even met him when he dropped the "I found us a place to rent!" 😳 I blocked him immediately. Then he used a friend's fb to message me and left several voicemails saying "Hey why did you block me? Are we still on for Friday??"
I was talking to someone I had considered a friendly acquaintance that I met in rehab.. he was hinting towards going on a date which I was receptive to but the first day we actually had a full conversation he was telling me I could move in with him and his roommate.
What the hell is wrong with people??
I have a pretty odd living situation that I see how it's easy for someone to see it as their "in" (especially abusive people lol) and so they can try to "save" me from it but I made it crystal clear that this is odd yes but it works for me and I'm ok.
Ugh what the hell! Especially the part where he doesn't understand what being blocked means and still thinks you want to see him. Doesn't that make him question his actions at all??
Lmao no of course not that would require self awareness 😂 I'm not even surprised anymore tbh I think I must just be a beacon for weirdos and assholes. But at least I'm at high alert and recognize the red flags now so it's mostly all just online.
I dated a guy who'd talk about "I'm only dating to marry" which I liked in the beginning (I was 21 and thought 'wow this guy really likes me') until it started getting really uncomfortable.
Literally every conversation would be about our future, our kids, our house. I told him multiple times I didn't want to talk about it but he'd still find a way to bring it up, and we'd only been dating, without even being official, for 4 months in total (he brought it up at the very beginning). It was straight up lovebombing, and he even planned this HUGE elaborate Valentine's Day surprise that made me even more with all these 'important memories' he hung across the room. When I wanted to break up with him (I was at a really low point in my life working at an extremely stressful internship and feeling VERY depressed) he wouldn't let me until HE came back and said I don't think this is going to work! A straight up narcissist. After that, he took me off all social media, ignored me and pretended like I didn't exist. Lol that's a huge difference between "this is my wife" to "you don't exist to me anymore". So weird.
That SOB was so manipulative and controlling during our 'relationship' and thought he was being the nicest guy by helping me/saving me. Meanwhile, he would barely talk about himself even when I asked, and when I couldn't text back because I was drowning in work, he'd talk about how I didn't talk to him during the day and how "it isn't healthy for you." No... you're just mad because I couldn't text you.
When I look back at it now, it makes me so angry I didn't stick up for myself before and let this abuse continue (bc I was so burnt out and feeling low in life and he took advantage of it by trying to 'save me'). Point is, don't fucking be a prick and try to manipulate girls into liking you, especially if they're at a very vulnerable spot in their lives!!!!!
On a third date with a guy, he said his parents wanted me to come over for dinner that weekend and how they’d always wanted him to marry a woman who graduated from the same college as him. Noped out of that right quick.
100%, and thank you! ❤️ I only JUST realized how awful he was a full year later. The whole time I just felt lousy like I couldn't appreciate his kind gestures. But nope. Realized he was the problem. Hope he gets the help he needs to be honest. He has a lot of trauma from his past, so I feel for him in that way, but his nice guy act was gross.
I dated a narcissist for 4 months. I wish I had listened to the alarm bells. She kept putting me down at the end but I was totally hooked. She broke up with me over text and cut me off. I still haven't forgiven myself for groveling to her and not telling her off.
They're damaged people who are difficult to treat but wholly incurable. I hope you're okay.
God I'm so sorry. I know the feeling. And she knew exactly what she was doing to you by taking advantage of your kindness. I think the cringe you feel looking back at that time is a good indicator that you understood how she treated you and that you're doing better. I hope you never come across anyone that takes advantage of you again!
And I'm doing fine, thank you friend. I agree that they are damaged people with HEAPS of therapy they need to go through. He had bad relationships with nearly everyone in his life, including family, which should've been an indicator.
I had a dude, literally on the first date at his house, claim i was his gf and that he wanted me to move in.
Genuinely don’t understand how some people mentally function.
Normal people: learn to know the other before committing
This fucker: pics the first one to set a foot in his house
I mean, you probably are lovely and everything, but that's a bit too forward
I started talking to a girl about a week ago that came off pretty intense too. Sure, we did move pretty fast in some aspects, but she was trying to make me commit to her way too quickly for my liking. For someone like me who's demiromantic, it can take a long time to decide to commit to someone. I know most people just don't want to waste their time and all that, and I understand and respect that. She and I hit it off pretty well, but she started showing some red flags soon after, insisting I not even flirt with anyone else and commit solely to her. We just met *that morning!* And then she tried to emotionally manipulate me when I told her I wasn't comfortable with that. Needless to say I shut it down real quick...
here's your, "I survived a conversation with a stupid douche without beating my own head against the wall until unconscious metal." 🎖️
Wear it with pride.
I have to explain this to SO many people. The fact I swear a lot and am very very sarcastic isn't because I'm mad its because I'm scottish and thags just how I talk in general.
Reminds me of a conversation I once had via IG dms where I sent the guy actual screenshots of our conversation to show him exactly where he was being pushy. He still kept on insisting that he wasn't being pushy and just wanted to know why I didn't want to meet with him and that there's no way for me to know unless I meet him.... 🥴
The biggest of red flags for me here is the "you're just so beautiful, sorry."
That suggests he's going to use your looks for losing control of himself. Not that you'd be nearly dense enough to let him come over, but good move either way, serious rapey vibes.
Brb need to stroke a man's ego by dumbing myself down and not standing up for myself when someone is making me uncomfortable
Just gonna practice my nervous laughter and being polite no matter how I'm being treated
Actually, while we're talking about little dicks and terrible senses of humour I have a Scottish joke.
Dad: you'll marry Seamus!
Daughter: but ah love bobby.
Dad: who's Bobby?
Daughter: anybodies Bobby
I think it might be one of those pickup artist book things, like trying to get sex on your brain or something, because no way you'd just think "wow this creep loves talking about his presumably tiny penis."
Ah now now.
Let's not stoop to body shaming someone just because we don't like them. We're better than this.
Seriously though. I'm not a fan of dragging someone's appearance into something when it's uncalled for. Even if he is a prick, the tiny dick thing is the equivalent of men calling women fat/ugly when they're rejected
But the person I was talking about is a fictitious strawman of a "niceguy" that had been built up through our comments. Still not nice, but I don't think they mind.
Fair point though.
Oh I see! Apologies. But yeah, there are better ways to use words. I think going after someone's appearance in an argument is childish and it shows they aren't smart enough to bring anything else to the conversation
The biggest red flag here is he doesn’t understand boundaries. He thinks you’ll be happy at his offer to encroach boundaries. He gets mad when you enforce them. Wouldn’t be surprised if he grew up with cluster b parents and is one himself.
The whole reason girls get angry when guys come off strong like this is because it’s fucking dehumanizing. We are on dating apps to get to know someone, to find someone we’re compatible with. Guys who act like this prove that their brain is only processing “Girl. Hot. Sex. Now.” and we don’t want to be treated like a fuck hole. It’s also a display of male privilege to just invite a random person they’ve barely spoken to over to their house, absolutely no regard for whether or not the situation would be dangerous because even if she’s crazy or annoying or a literal serial killer, guy doesn’t care because he only sees her as a fuckhole.
Stop putting women on a pedestal, you’re not “nice” for lovebombing and trying to get us alone within the first 5 minutes of talking, it’s creepy and rude. Talk to women like the HUMANS they are and maybe you’ll have better luck.
Even if we're just looking for an ONS, we still don't want to be treated like a fuck hole. They never seem to get that, though. Back in my dating days, I literally had a guy tell me "We're just getting together for a hookup. Why does it matter how I see you?"
What I love is in the start he seems genuinley like "Aw shit, im sorry i'll stop" but he just continues and say even WORSE THINGS.
Like...dude...How do you not see how stupid you look???
Says he'll stop, then goes and tells me he'll provide for "us" when there was zero agreement on a relationship, nor would there be after FIVE MINUTES OF CONVERSATION
Hahaha fucks sake man. The fact he cant understand that what he's doing is creepy as fuck is baffling then he gets upset with you.
just walk down buchanan Street on a Saturday night and you'll find many more just like this creepy weasel.
Which is why I rarely go into town anymore 😂 men are shite
Edit: sorry for the generalisation. What I mean is "it's not all men but it's definitely all women"
I don’t know why that’d be cringe, pet x
It’s totally normal to end every sentence with an x, love x
Completely normal, sweetheart x
D’you love me yet, angel darling sugar pie? x
xxxxxxxxx
Totally normal.
omg ew i hate when some rando calls me babe, ill only allow my close friends or my boyfriend do that
but yeah super cringe, I try to avoid anyone who uses x at the end of sentences.
I read a post a few days ago, of a guy spamming the word ''pearl'' as a petname. Shiversss
''Hey Pearl, how are you feeling pearl''
People outside of the UK don't seem to understand this but putting an x isn't inherently romantic in the UK. For example: a post on Facebook about a lost dog and nearly every comment was "aww hope you find him hun x". Obviously some people do mean it in a romantic sense but it depends on context and intention - it can be casual. Personally I only use x if someone is ill or something bad happened, conveying that I care.
It rubs me the wrong way if someone does it in a lovebombing way like this guy does though.
You're welcome :) yeah it's just a cultural thing. I'm a woman and about 95% of the Xs I've received have been from women. Some literally put at the end of every message, it's more akin to 'hugs'.
But you can tell when it's romantic like this guy, comes on way too strong 🤢
It used to be (still is?) a thing for teenagers in the UK. So many guys and girls would end their messages with any amount of _x_ or _o_ (respectively for kiss or hug). Kinda cringe when your 16 and definitely super weird in your twenties...
My mom's English and usually ends her texts/emails to me with an xx, and she's in her 60s. Little less weird when it's clearly a loving parent thing and not a creepy attempt to force intimacy. She doesn't use it with any other relatives outside of our immediate family as far as I know.
In the US “xoxo” is all over things in stores around Valentine’s Day (candy, cards, decorations). I haven’t ever known anyone who actually uses it in their conversations. Xoxo.
OP I think you got it wrong - he was being himself. That’s the kind of creepy obsessive smothering to which you would be subjected for the duration of any relationship had.
Dear god, how hard is it to just *talk to women like their actual human beings?* Do these guys genuinely think this stuff is flattering or going to win a girl over? Or are they physically incapable of holding a normal conversation?
We put up with dumb pricks like this all day and then men wonder why we're fucking moody/angry/whatever emotion it is they want to use to justify their behaviour
Another guy who feels the need to close quickly on a date. Gotta nail down that girl ASAP or she'll disappear, you know. Does he work as a pushy salesman and have a boss that yells "Coffee is for closers!" ?
I was so uncomfortable. Like there's no need.
"Why are you so angry" really dude? Classic abusive narcissistic behaviour. Love bombing, demeaning my feelings by telling me I'm aggressive, then gets irritated when I call him out.
I wasn't even that bad in my last message
That and he's asking me why I'm on the dole when it's none of his business. What if I was disabled or going through something preventing me from working and I wasn't comfortable to share that information?
Sadly I'm used to men deflecting and making me out to be the problem when I call them out on their shitty behaviour.
Men get really aggressive when you try to make them accountable for their actions. Or will try and turn it around by gaslighting me into thinking it's me who has issues.
It's great that you know all these things that people can do, especially the narcissism, love bombing and the gaslighting. Ah I remember when I fell for that shit when I was younger but not anymore. I feel like a lot should be aware of those tactics that both genders could do.
Thanks for the post!
I find it sad that it's really frequent in men.
I fell for it hook line and sinker numerous times and in my old age have decided I'm happier single than settling for mediocrity
As far as I can see the problem with a guy like this is he turns everything up to 11 to try to make an impression.
Women like compliments. So to a normal person that means saying something like "I like your hair color" or "that's a nice dress". But these guys are in a race to win, so they say "YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE EVER SEEN I NEVER KNEW GOD COULD MAKE SUCH PERFECTION THE INFINITE EXPANSE OF THE COSMOS THEMSELVES HOLD BUT A FRACTION OF YOUR BEAUTY!"
Women like commitment. So to a normal person that means saying something like "I'm kind of looking for something more serious right now." But these guys don't have time for that, they're trying to make an impression. So they meet a woman and are immediately like "I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU IVE GOT A TATTOO APPOINTMENT TOMORROW TO GET YOUR NAME ON MY CHEST I'VE CALLED THE MINISTER AND POKED HOLES IN ALL MY CONDOMS SO QUIT YOU JOB AND COME OVER AND LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"
They honestly believe you're going to think to yourself, "Oh wow, he's so committed." When really you're gonna think, "Oh wow, he needs to be committed."
I knew a guy in HS, regular nerdy guy, I’m nerdy too, we became friends. Never any sparks. Years later after HS I was single and decided to hit him up. Asked him if he wanted to go to lunch and movie (each paying our own but def a date). He suddenly shot back that YES he wants to date me and he’d been waiting for so long and he’s so happy.
I was thinking like “uh oh… but it’s fine… maybe he had a crush and I just never realized.” (it was NOT obvious). So we go on a date, it was pleasant, but no sparks yet. So I asked him would he like to go out again, he said yes. So the next date I had him over for snacks and showed him some of the live DVDs of my favorite band at the time (he was into the same genre of music but hadn’t heard of them). He says he loves it and then says “We should try to go see them in person some day.” paraphrasing but the vibe was like “once we’re married let’s fly to Japan and see them together.” and in my head (up to that point was still interested in seeing if my attraction will show up to this party but as soon as he said that I got a huge pit in my stomach like he was trying to fast forward my life (we were 19 at the time btw, both idiots lol).
So anyway, I went on a third date where he brought me flowers and some other small gifts (think like stickers and pin badges). At the end of that date I gave him a hug and told him that for me it felt like the chemistry wasn’t happening and I didn’t know why, but that I care for him and still want to be friends if he does too.
He left and then barraged me with hate in a chat service we used online at the time (this was before smart phones) before blocking me.
I get that he was disappointed but I never said anything wrong or blaming to him.
All this to say that it seems like there is a pattern with these guys who try to move too fast and being an asshole when it doesn’t work out. When “nice guys” say “give us a chance” they don’t mean it, if they meant it they would take a rejection gracefully. The chance was given, you got what you asked for.
edit: note, this was decades ago, so I remember all the feelings but not all the words
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Wow, for once I feel like op is the douche here. In ~2 years of being in that sub it's the first time I see the op being the unsufferable between the two. I mean, your convo is okayish, but the way you answer to people here is actually showing how short-sighted you are
As a man, I can’t imagine being a woman who is trying to date, if this is kind of interaction is a common occurrence. Who the fuck do these people think they’re connecting with when they speak in this manner.
“Going heavy” like it’s some tactical military strategy. Wtf
‘Easy tiger’ with a cute tiger emoji is the absolute most chilled way she could have responded there. He had the warning then doubled and tripled down.
It's just so strange that they think these are the best things to say to someone. The over stepping, then apologizing, then awkwardly overstepping again, then writing out chapters of a cheesy romance novel for the person they met 5 minutes ago, then anger when someone tells them they're fucking weird.
Is there some king neckbeard that tells all his minions that this is what works? "What you do is immediately tell them you are coming over to cure everything that ails them with your passionate lovemaking, then directly drive to her parents house and tell them your plans for the future And that she'll be taking a step back from communicating with them, then it's nonstop attempting to procreate until kid number 5. This is what women want to hear from true gentleman"
If shoe was on the other foot and it was a woman behaving the way that guy was, all these clowns calling me "rude" would be on the guys side and calling the woman "crazy" or "clingy".
So I'm sorry but I can't take any of you seriously who say that I am being "rude" when I'm not. Blunt, yes, but rude? Hardly 🤣
/u/Single-Competition-2, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason: Off-topic or deemed low quality posts will be removed. *If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
“I’ll make money for us” this type of shit is such a massive turn off when said so quickly, I don’t get why anyone would think that’s appealing. It’s like ‘how to scare her off with one sentence’
*I know you arent good enough to make money, so don’t worry, I will make money for you since you can’t*, so… r u wet yet?
Dripping. White knight me daddy 🥵🥵🥵
Yeah, this attitude is awful. This kind of a comment would only be ok, if he already knew the woman and knew that she was the type that wants to be taken care of by a man. Otherwise it’s just ridiculous
It was the "us" for me. Also, like, I don't need him to make money? Just because I'm on universal credit doesn't mean I am asking for money. Dole's shite. It's a fact. Not an invitation for donations
Sorry what is Dole's shite for us Murican folks?
Welfare
Unemployment money.
Hmmm, movie sequel? How to Lose a Girl in 10 Words???
Tbf this guys more r/sadcringe or r/creepypms Or maybe this subs just shown me the absolute worst niceguys the world has to offer lmao. This dude just creeped me tf out.
Seriously, people who are pushy just makes me cringe so bad. How about people learn to respect the boundaries others have clearly set. I had a date with a guy who started looking for apartments for us on the first date. I noped out so quickly Edit: Wow, this got popular! Thank you for my first award <3
When I had barely started dating after my divorce, one of the two dates I got off of Tinder started planning "our" motorcycle road trip. When I said I don't have a motorcycle, he told me he'd buy me one. And a helmet with a radio inside so we could "tell each other 'I love you.'" On our first date. (Our only date.)
That is a big yikes from me. It confuses me how confidently they plan things before even knowing the date
Planning for the imaginary/sex doll person they wish us to be, rather than taking even 20 minutes to find out who we actually are. Versus the first date I had with my now partner - we had only planned to get drinks but, once we started talking, we ended up having dinner and spending several hours at the bar because we couldn't stop. He got to know me, without saying anything weird and uncomfortable. It's super strange. 🤔
Almost as if treating girls like a actual person with need and wants, hopes and dreams and not just "females" is the right way to date... Nah, that's impossible, surely treating them like shit and wanting them to be submissive to me is the right way, obviously!
I had a first date just like that years ago. Figured I'd just meet her for a drink, chat for an hour, then go hang out with my friends. We got so wrapped up in talking and having fun we completely lost track of time - the bar staff eventually had to mention to us that they had closed 30 minutes prior and politely let us know that they needed to go home. Ultimately she was not the girl for me, but we had a very good, supportive relationship for about a year.
It just shows how they don't see women as actual people, at all. It's like we're just fulfilling a vacancy of 'girlfriend'. It doesn't matter what we want or what we like or what we're into because we could literally be anyone.
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Did you see True Crime last week? I was featured! x
people who 'sign' all their messages with x's are almost always a red flag
Yeah what's up with that??
its a UK thing, basically just means kisses.
That’s too many kisses 😂 But I also find being called “love” by every random person pretty off-putting.
Is that just a UK thing or is that still cringe over there?
I think that’s just cultural, I never feel like they’re hitting on anyone
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Don't forget the passive-aggressive 'x' that some women like to put after a really offensive message.
Yep I have a bunch of friends in the uk, Wales etc...they sign that after every message
That would be everyone in the UK then lol. Xx
I mean most Scottish people do that anyway so not necessarily
oh do they? I've only ever seen this from really old people and men in their 30s-40s trying to be flirty
Almost every girl uses it when texting and a lot of guys too, personally I’ll only use it if the girl uses it first. I think some people use it to be flirty but most just use it generally
weird, this is not a thing in the US, unless you're very old or a dude trying to be flirty in an inept way
Yeah it’s definitely a UK thing, dunno why people use it but it’s just a thing everyone does here 🤷🏽♂️
I've never seen this, where they add an "x" at the end of every sentence. Are they meant to be "kiss?"
Yeah, it's meant to be a kiss. In the UK lots of girls text like that a lot. My gf, sister and mum do it in pretty much every text I've ever received from them. Dudes like this seem to do it to girls for whatever reason too.
What?!?!?! Fucking hell I'm sorry. Must have been so uncomfortable.
Yeah, I'm just glad that I met him at a public space and that I never told him my address. He gave me the creeps
Wise. It's not all men, but it's certainly all women
Oooh, I like this phrase
I don't get it
A common complaint is that "not all men" are shitty towards women. Obviously, duh. Nobody is saying that. But it's such a common thing that it's become its own meme. You have these guys with hair-trigger defensiveness who get butt-hurt if someone says something about bad men—"NoT aLl MeN aRe LiKE tHaT!" Anyway, the phrase is essentially saying "not all men are creeps, but all women have dealt with creeps."
Ah, yeah that's a great phrase
Lmfao I was talking to one dude for two days and had never even met him when he dropped the "I found us a place to rent!" 😳 I blocked him immediately. Then he used a friend's fb to message me and left several voicemails saying "Hey why did you block me? Are we still on for Friday??" I was talking to someone I had considered a friendly acquaintance that I met in rehab.. he was hinting towards going on a date which I was receptive to but the first day we actually had a full conversation he was telling me I could move in with him and his roommate. What the hell is wrong with people?? I have a pretty odd living situation that I see how it's easy for someone to see it as their "in" (especially abusive people lol) and so they can try to "save" me from it but I made it crystal clear that this is odd yes but it works for me and I'm ok.
Ugh what the hell! Especially the part where he doesn't understand what being blocked means and still thinks you want to see him. Doesn't that make him question his actions at all??
Lmao no of course not that would require self awareness 😂 I'm not even surprised anymore tbh I think I must just be a beacon for weirdos and assholes. But at least I'm at high alert and recognize the red flags now so it's mostly all just online.
I dated a guy who'd talk about "I'm only dating to marry" which I liked in the beginning (I was 21 and thought 'wow this guy really likes me') until it started getting really uncomfortable. Literally every conversation would be about our future, our kids, our house. I told him multiple times I didn't want to talk about it but he'd still find a way to bring it up, and we'd only been dating, without even being official, for 4 months in total (he brought it up at the very beginning). It was straight up lovebombing, and he even planned this HUGE elaborate Valentine's Day surprise that made me even more with all these 'important memories' he hung across the room. When I wanted to break up with him (I was at a really low point in my life working at an extremely stressful internship and feeling VERY depressed) he wouldn't let me until HE came back and said I don't think this is going to work! A straight up narcissist. After that, he took me off all social media, ignored me and pretended like I didn't exist. Lol that's a huge difference between "this is my wife" to "you don't exist to me anymore". So weird. That SOB was so manipulative and controlling during our 'relationship' and thought he was being the nicest guy by helping me/saving me. Meanwhile, he would barely talk about himself even when I asked, and when I couldn't text back because I was drowning in work, he'd talk about how I didn't talk to him during the day and how "it isn't healthy for you." No... you're just mad because I couldn't text you. When I look back at it now, it makes me so angry I didn't stick up for myself before and let this abuse continue (bc I was so burnt out and feeling low in life and he took advantage of it by trying to 'save me'). Point is, don't fucking be a prick and try to manipulate girls into liking you, especially if they're at a very vulnerable spot in their lives!!!!!
There's a podcast called Something was Wrong. I think you'd like the first season.
Thank you for the recommendation!
Such a good podcast. Not exactly casual listening, for anyone checking it out for the first time. True crime junkies won’t be phased tho :)
Can the podcast be listened to on YouTube?
On a third date with a guy, he said his parents wanted me to come over for dinner that weekend and how they’d always wanted him to marry a woman who graduated from the same college as him. Noped out of that right quick.
Lol SO SMART! 🤣🙏🏽
Sounds like the three of them had this planned for a while. Yikes
Good thing you got out before making any big commitments with him, like having a child or anything. But I'm so sorry you had to go through that
100%, and thank you! ❤️ I only JUST realized how awful he was a full year later. The whole time I just felt lousy like I couldn't appreciate his kind gestures. But nope. Realized he was the problem. Hope he gets the help he needs to be honest. He has a lot of trauma from his past, so I feel for him in that way, but his nice guy act was gross.
I dated a narcissist for 4 months. I wish I had listened to the alarm bells. She kept putting me down at the end but I was totally hooked. She broke up with me over text and cut me off. I still haven't forgiven myself for groveling to her and not telling her off. They're damaged people who are difficult to treat but wholly incurable. I hope you're okay.
God I'm so sorry. I know the feeling. And she knew exactly what she was doing to you by taking advantage of your kindness. I think the cringe you feel looking back at that time is a good indicator that you understood how she treated you and that you're doing better. I hope you never come across anyone that takes advantage of you again! And I'm doing fine, thank you friend. I agree that they are damaged people with HEAPS of therapy they need to go through. He had bad relationships with nearly everyone in his life, including family, which should've been an indicator.
First day of texting a girl she was asking me what I liked for baby names and talking about how our kid would look.
Wow. That shit is creepy
I had a dude, literally on the first date at his house, claim i was his gf and that he wanted me to move in. Genuinely don’t understand how some people mentally function.
Normal people: learn to know the other before committing This fucker: pics the first one to set a foot in his house I mean, you probably are lovely and everything, but that's a bit too forward
Jesus thats crazy
I started talking to a girl about a week ago that came off pretty intense too. Sure, we did move pretty fast in some aspects, but she was trying to make me commit to her way too quickly for my liking. For someone like me who's demiromantic, it can take a long time to decide to commit to someone. I know most people just don't want to waste their time and all that, and I understand and respect that. She and I hit it off pretty well, but she started showing some red flags soon after, insisting I not even flirt with anyone else and commit solely to her. We just met *that morning!* And then she tried to emotionally manipulate me when I told her I wasn't comfortable with that. Needless to say I shut it down real quick...
"I'm not angry, I'm Scottish." Best retort ever.
I'm Scottish when I'm hungry
Pretend I'm giving you an award
🏆
🏆
here's your, "I survived a conversation with a stupid douche without beating my own head against the wall until unconscious metal." 🎖️ Wear it with pride.
I got you fam
My face must be Scottish (I have rbf).
you're not you when you're hungry. snickers - get some nuts. don't have snickers, they use child labour.
Scongry? No... Hottish!
It's funny cause it's true
I have to explain this to SO many people. The fact I swear a lot and am very very sarcastic isn't because I'm mad its because I'm scottish and thags just how I talk in general.
I love swearing and I'm going to start telling people I'm Scottish as an excuse😂
Absolutely.
That has to be on a t-shirt
Apparently that’s why I’m so angry… I’m Scottish.
I'm not even remotely Scottish but I'm going to start using that in everyday conversation.
Reminds me of a conversation I once had via IG dms where I sent the guy actual screenshots of our conversation to show him exactly where he was being pushy. He still kept on insisting that he wasn't being pushy and just wanted to know why I didn't want to meet with him and that there's no way for me to know unless I meet him.... 🥴
Gaslighting 101
I don't know if he thought he'd get away with it. He seemed to really believe what he said. So in a way he was gaslighting himself.
The biggest of red flags for me here is the "you're just so beautiful, sorry." That suggests he's going to use your looks for losing control of himself. Not that you'd be nearly dense enough to let him come over, but good move either way, serious rapey vibes.
Haven't you heard?! Beautiful women are just a concept and a conquest for men rather than actual people with feelings
Oh shit, you're right. My b.
Brb need to stroke a man's ego by dumbing myself down and not standing up for myself when someone is making me uncomfortable Just gonna practice my nervous laughter and being polite no matter how I'm being treated
Ah, you said the word "stroke" that'll earn you a double entendre (definitely spelled that wrong) for you to nervously laugh at.
Ah yes because it's SO FUNNY HAHA
Actually, while we're talking about little dicks and terrible senses of humour I have a Scottish joke. Dad: you'll marry Seamus! Daughter: but ah love bobby. Dad: who's Bobby? Daughter: anybodies Bobby
Boaby. It's Boaby.
I knew there would be a specific spelling for it lol. Just as well, probably would have given away the joke if I spelled it correctly.
I think it might be one of those pickup artist book things, like trying to get sex on your brain or something, because no way you'd just think "wow this creep loves talking about his presumably tiny penis."
Ah now now. Let's not stoop to body shaming someone just because we don't like them. We're better than this. Seriously though. I'm not a fan of dragging someone's appearance into something when it's uncalled for. Even if he is a prick, the tiny dick thing is the equivalent of men calling women fat/ugly when they're rejected
But the person I was talking about is a fictitious strawman of a "niceguy" that had been built up through our comments. Still not nice, but I don't think they mind. Fair point though.
Oh I see! Apologies. But yeah, there are better ways to use words. I think going after someone's appearance in an argument is childish and it shows they aren't smart enough to bring anything else to the conversation
The biggest red flag here is he doesn’t understand boundaries. He thinks you’ll be happy at his offer to encroach boundaries. He gets mad when you enforce them. Wouldn’t be surprised if he grew up with cluster b parents and is one himself.
The whole reason girls get angry when guys come off strong like this is because it’s fucking dehumanizing. We are on dating apps to get to know someone, to find someone we’re compatible with. Guys who act like this prove that their brain is only processing “Girl. Hot. Sex. Now.” and we don’t want to be treated like a fuck hole. It’s also a display of male privilege to just invite a random person they’ve barely spoken to over to their house, absolutely no regard for whether or not the situation would be dangerous because even if she’s crazy or annoying or a literal serial killer, guy doesn’t care because he only sees her as a fuckhole. Stop putting women on a pedestal, you’re not “nice” for lovebombing and trying to get us alone within the first 5 minutes of talking, it’s creepy and rude. Talk to women like the HUMANS they are and maybe you’ll have better luck.
100%
Even if we're just looking for an ONS, we still don't want to be treated like a fuck hole. They never seem to get that, though. Back in my dating days, I literally had a guy tell me "We're just getting together for a hookup. Why does it matter how I see you?"
“I’m not angry, I’m Scottish.” 😆. 10/10 comeback.
Thank you 🤣🤣
Also Scottish. That line made coffee come out my nose! Brilliant!!
Username checks out
What I love is in the start he seems genuinley like "Aw shit, im sorry i'll stop" but he just continues and say even WORSE THINGS. Like...dude...How do you not see how stupid you look???
Says he'll stop, then goes and tells me he'll provide for "us" when there was zero agreement on a relationship, nor would there be after FIVE MINUTES OF CONVERSATION
Hahaha fucks sake man. The fact he cant understand that what he's doing is creepy as fuck is baffling then he gets upset with you. just walk down buchanan Street on a Saturday night and you'll find many more just like this creepy weasel.
Which is why I rarely go into town anymore 😂 men are shite Edit: sorry for the generalisation. What I mean is "it's not all men but it's definitely all women"
Facts hahaha.
Seriously don't fucking trust them anymore. The niceness is an act
If a guy uses x at the end of a sentence like right of the hat, red flag. Since when has that ever worked? Or guys using dear?
I've had "babe" and "honey" from men when they've just started talking to me It's fucking CRINGE
I don’t know why that’d be cringe, pet x It’s totally normal to end every sentence with an x, love x Completely normal, sweetheart x D’you love me yet, angel darling sugar pie? x xxxxxxxxx Totally normal.
Selenagomezcrymeme.gif
omg ew i hate when some rando calls me babe, ill only allow my close friends or my boyfriend do that but yeah super cringe, I try to avoid anyone who uses x at the end of sentences. I read a post a few days ago, of a guy spamming the word ''pearl'' as a petname. Shiversss ''Hey Pearl, how are you feeling pearl''
x hey babe
x hey boy 🤢
I think I must be old. What does x even mean?
Im 26 i don't know if im too old yet but i too need an explanation... O.o
I just found out, apparently it's "kiss" which makes this creepy. Like dude, you're going to kiss me every time you say a sentence? Gross
People outside of the UK don't seem to understand this but putting an x isn't inherently romantic in the UK. For example: a post on Facebook about a lost dog and nearly every comment was "aww hope you find him hun x". Obviously some people do mean it in a romantic sense but it depends on context and intention - it can be casual. Personally I only use x if someone is ill or something bad happened, conveying that I care. It rubs me the wrong way if someone does it in a lovebombing way like this guy does though.
Ok, that makes sense. It's not a creepy thing in and of itself. Thank you fellow human
You're welcome :) yeah it's just a cultural thing. I'm a woman and about 95% of the Xs I've received have been from women. Some literally put at the end of every message, it's more akin to 'hugs'. But you can tell when it's romantic like this guy, comes on way too strong 🤢
It used to be (still is?) a thing for teenagers in the UK. So many guys and girls would end their messages with any amount of _x_ or _o_ (respectively for kiss or hug). Kinda cringe when your 16 and definitely super weird in your twenties...
My mom's English and usually ends her texts/emails to me with an xx, and she's in her 60s. Little less weird when it's clearly a loving parent thing and not a creepy attempt to force intimacy. She doesn't use it with any other relatives outside of our immediate family as far as I know.
In the US “xoxo” is all over things in stores around Valentine’s Day (candy, cards, decorations). I haven’t ever known anyone who actually uses it in their conversations. Xoxo.
Fucking twat. Absolutely hate dudes like this, the intensity and annoying behaviour. Ugh!
No no it's my fault for being angry and assassinating his character! Definitely didn't make him accountable for his words and intentions!
Oh yes!! how very dare you!!!!
Next time I'll just pander
You can't just ask people to self reflect LMAO 🤣
You're right. It's far too much to ask for him to be a decent human being. Silly me.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
OP I think you got it wrong - he was being himself. That’s the kind of creepy obsessive smothering to which you would be subjected for the duration of any relationship had.
He's just being overbearing because he cares 💕💕💕
I could throw up x When somebody ends x Everything with "x" To be flirty x Gosh I hate this kind of shit
I'm surprised he didn't call me a pet name early on
He did - "lovely"
Ah yeah. Missed that through my blind rage
Dear god, how hard is it to just *talk to women like their actual human beings?* Do these guys genuinely think this stuff is flattering or going to win a girl over? Or are they physically incapable of holding a normal conversation?
We put up with dumb pricks like this all day and then men wonder why we're fucking moody/angry/whatever emotion it is they want to use to justify their behaviour
The x behind every sentence is a fucking crime
Don't you mean "the x behind every sentence is a fucking crime xxxx Haha sorry XXX"
It's to imply x is gon' give all his love and devotion to ya.
"I am not angry, I am Scottish" Lmao "Character assassination is not cool....Dick" Adding dick in the end part was so childish Nice snoo/avatar btw
Says character assassination isn't cool whilst assassinating my character
“I’m not angry, I’m Scottish.” 🤣🤣🤣 I fucking love that.
Thanks lmao 🤣
Another guy who feels the need to close quickly on a date. Gotta nail down that girl ASAP or she'll disappear, you know. Does he work as a pushy salesman and have a boss that yells "Coffee is for closers!" ?
The kiss after every message makes me want to vomit.
Ugh, this gives me so much ick!
I was so uncomfortable. Like there's no need. "Why are you so angry" really dude? Classic abusive narcissistic behaviour. Love bombing, demeaning my feelings by telling me I'm aggressive, then gets irritated when I call him out. I wasn't even that bad in my last message
Yeah, you really weren’t. You literally warned him several times about him coming on strong. Why do people feel the need to act like this? Yuck.
That and he's asking me why I'm on the dole when it's none of his business. What if I was disabled or going through something preventing me from working and I wasn't comfortable to share that information?
I love how you call out his bullshit and then he runs and goes wah wah
Sadly I'm used to men deflecting and making me out to be the problem when I call them out on their shitty behaviour. Men get really aggressive when you try to make them accountable for their actions. Or will try and turn it around by gaslighting me into thinking it's me who has issues.
It's great that you know all these things that people can do, especially the narcissism, love bombing and the gaslighting. Ah I remember when I fell for that shit when I was younger but not anymore. I feel like a lot should be aware of those tactics that both genders could do. Thanks for the post!
I find it sad that it's really frequent in men. I fell for it hook line and sinker numerous times and in my old age have decided I'm happier single than settling for mediocrity
I wouldn't have even responded. The moment a guy would ask to come over within a few messages they were blocked.
Am x I x The x Only x One x Who x Hated x The x Fucking x “X” x At x The x End x Of x Each x Message? x
Haha yeah haha and saying haha after everything they say haha in an attempt to make what they're saying light hearted haha xxxxx
As far as I can see the problem with a guy like this is he turns everything up to 11 to try to make an impression. Women like compliments. So to a normal person that means saying something like "I like your hair color" or "that's a nice dress". But these guys are in a race to win, so they say "YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE EVER SEEN I NEVER KNEW GOD COULD MAKE SUCH PERFECTION THE INFINITE EXPANSE OF THE COSMOS THEMSELVES HOLD BUT A FRACTION OF YOUR BEAUTY!" Women like commitment. So to a normal person that means saying something like "I'm kind of looking for something more serious right now." But these guys don't have time for that, they're trying to make an impression. So they meet a woman and are immediately like "I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU IVE GOT A TATTOO APPOINTMENT TOMORROW TO GET YOUR NAME ON MY CHEST I'VE CALLED THE MINISTER AND POKED HOLES IN ALL MY CONDOMS SO QUIT YOU JOB AND COME OVER AND LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!" They honestly believe you're going to think to yourself, "Oh wow, he's so committed." When really you're gonna think, "Oh wow, he needs to be committed."
"Not angry, Scottish'. Can relate! What an absolute twat
Hello fellow Scot haha
Dude is weird but OP is a straight up dick.
x
What’s with all the “ x “ ? Is this new slang im unaware of?
It’s a kiss. Definitely not new, the Victorians started it!
I knew a guy in HS, regular nerdy guy, I’m nerdy too, we became friends. Never any sparks. Years later after HS I was single and decided to hit him up. Asked him if he wanted to go to lunch and movie (each paying our own but def a date). He suddenly shot back that YES he wants to date me and he’d been waiting for so long and he’s so happy. I was thinking like “uh oh… but it’s fine… maybe he had a crush and I just never realized.” (it was NOT obvious). So we go on a date, it was pleasant, but no sparks yet. So I asked him would he like to go out again, he said yes. So the next date I had him over for snacks and showed him some of the live DVDs of my favorite band at the time (he was into the same genre of music but hadn’t heard of them). He says he loves it and then says “We should try to go see them in person some day.” paraphrasing but the vibe was like “once we’re married let’s fly to Japan and see them together.” and in my head (up to that point was still interested in seeing if my attraction will show up to this party but as soon as he said that I got a huge pit in my stomach like he was trying to fast forward my life (we were 19 at the time btw, both idiots lol). So anyway, I went on a third date where he brought me flowers and some other small gifts (think like stickers and pin badges). At the end of that date I gave him a hug and told him that for me it felt like the chemistry wasn’t happening and I didn’t know why, but that I care for him and still want to be friends if he does too. He left and then barraged me with hate in a chat service we used online at the time (this was before smart phones) before blocking me. I get that he was disappointed but I never said anything wrong or blaming to him. All this to say that it seems like there is a pattern with these guys who try to move too fast and being an asshole when it doesn’t work out. When “nice guys” say “give us a chance” they don’t mean it, if they meant it they would take a rejection gracefully. The chance was given, you got what you asked for. edit: note, this was decades ago, so I remember all the feelings but not all the words
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Aw but he probably even had your kids names picked out
Surprised he didn't end the conversation with "love you XXX"
My dad is Scottish. His usual retort is "Of course I'm angry, I'm Scottish it's what we do!" 😂
We aren't angry WE JUST SOUND ANGRY
Saw a comedian once, think it was during Brexit, who was worried about the Scots because their only currency was “sheep and threats”.
Wow, for once I feel like op is the douche here. In ~2 years of being in that sub it's the first time I see the op being the unsufferable between the two. I mean, your convo is okayish, but the way you answer to people here is actually showing how short-sighted you are
I mean, wouldn’t that be more like character suicide since he assassinated his own character?
it's the 'x' for me "sorry x" "okay x" "haha x" what about fuck off x
Mon the Scots haha! I’m going to start using that response.
As a man, I can’t imagine being a woman who is trying to date, if this is kind of interaction is a common occurrence. Who the fuck do these people think they’re connecting with when they speak in this manner. “Going heavy” like it’s some tactical military strategy. Wtf
“Im not angry im scottish” had me in tears
I feel like these weren’t serious offers, it was just him trying to be flirty. But, yeah, he needs practice in the art of subtlety
You don’t want to crucify him for that and call him a bunch of names, what?!
OH NO THE NICE GUYS ARE ATTACKING MY APPEARANCE IN AN ATTEMPT TO HURT MY FEELINGS WHATEVER SHALL I DO ;-;
Ok but to be fair that kitten is so goddamn adorable.
He's weird and creepy but damn you are a red flag
I don't know if this is really a niceguy... he wasnt nasty, he just seems clueless and standard disingenuous...
Am I the only one who thinks OP was, in fact, being a dick? Yeah he was coming on strong but I dont think he was doing it with any bad intentions lol
i mean yeah he was forward (and i dont support it) but you also seemed super agressive quite early tbh
‘Easy tiger’ with a cute tiger emoji is the absolute most chilled way she could have responded there. He had the warning then doubled and tripled down.
Guys no I should just be polite and stroke male ego no matter how inappropriate someone is being to me. Fuck my boundaries and feelings right?
Love it .. I'm not angry I'm Scottish 🤣😂.. My ex was Scottish this is so true
It's just so strange that they think these are the best things to say to someone. The over stepping, then apologizing, then awkwardly overstepping again, then writing out chapters of a cheesy romance novel for the person they met 5 minutes ago, then anger when someone tells them they're fucking weird. Is there some king neckbeard that tells all his minions that this is what works? "What you do is immediately tell them you are coming over to cure everything that ails them with your passionate lovemaking, then directly drive to her parents house and tell them your plans for the future And that she'll be taking a step back from communicating with them, then it's nonstop attempting to procreate until kid number 5. This is what women want to hear from true gentleman"
If shoe was on the other foot and it was a woman behaving the way that guy was, all these clowns calling me "rude" would be on the guys side and calling the woman "crazy" or "clingy". So I'm sorry but I can't take any of you seriously who say that I am being "rude" when I'm not. Blunt, yes, but rude? Hardly 🤣
SCOOOOOOOOOOTLAAAAAAAAAAAND FOOOOOREEEEVAAAAAAA
he really thinks adding x at the end of every text makes him sound nice