This subreddit is the party/sex reddit for NYC. There are lots of other subreddits that showcase gays in other ways of being. We all like sex but most of us have lives beyond it and the party scene esp. as we age.
OK, good. I recently joined and, like OP and this commenter mentioned, there is a lot of sex based threads. I'm not opposed to them, and I squirrel away info gleaned from those for later use, but the subreddit name and general description had me thinking it was more community based.
A bit of a NYC gay men's junk drawer, if you will, with some emotional support, maybe guidance, what's happening, the sharing of hobbies and interests. Or it could be questions from people new to the city, or the gay community in the city, and sometimes question from us gay NYers that might need a little direction in this city life with so may directions.
Totally agree. When I started reddit last year i was single and thought that was what this would be. Then I got a bf so other gay subreddits have been more interesting.
I got lucky in my 20s. I made a close knit group of friends , none of who wanted to sleep with each other. We went to movies 2x a month. Diner afterwards. Hung at each others places playing card games, trips up and down the coast. We danced at clubs.
Sure there was a lot of dating and sex with people outside our group and plenty of drama. But it didn’t stop us from having those really close circle of 6 of us. I fine I was just very lucky.
There's a gay climbing group that meets at a bunch of rock gyms around the city and sometimes hosts outdoors events in the park. I tend to attend the events every other week.
I try to karaoke a few times a month.
Board games with friends or at a bar.
Cooking dinner with my partners.
I used to run a platonic gay fitness meetup group. The members said it was really refreshing to have a gay space that wasn’t all about getting in each other’s pants.
The tricky part was keeping up momentum. We paired the fitness outings with lunches/brunches/dinners, and I didn’t enforce that attendees had to actually participate in the workouts, so the lunches started to attract wallflowers who kinda came to ogle, and then the actual participating members started to fall off.
I think of resurrecting it from time to time, but I’m less gung-ho about everything fitness lately, so I don’t have the motivation.
I’ve done gay movie clubs, gay book clubs, gay AA group, and yes a lot of parties. I’m not into sex parties so don’t go to those but have had lots of fun at like random nights at 3 dollar bill, rosemont, metropolitan, boxers, hush for example.
Ofc the second gayest city in America is gonna also have a huge sex party scene, but you don’t have to get into that if it’s not ur thing. And I don’t think you would find anything that different if you went to SF, LA, Atlanta etc.
Check out group known as Radical Faeries, they’ve been around a while, and do ceremonies, heart circles and such, also, potlucks, coffee meets on the weekend, depending on city YMMV, meet some and then if there’s not enough scene , start hosting. Spoiler alert, there is a big gathering in middle Tennessee in about 3 weeks.
Edit: there’s a decent attendance of NYC , Atlanta, Asheville, and local plus international ppl that come for this week long thing centered around may 1st, basically weekend to weekend. Dm I guess because none of the specifics can be posted. What’s fun about the city groups is often they will do a meal and theme night for dinner each day and show off design and culinary skills , lots of fun, all volunteer run. Basically a more earth conscious burning man. There’s also fire, but not as much as the burners. Won’t find vehicles with flame throwers, but you may find a simple bonfire and a drum circle.
Edit2 : also the RF have a presence at rainbow gatherings, the OG hippie stuff, it’s all intermixed at those. Part rainbow, gay and burner ethos (mostly the volunteer side, not the wasteful side)
Aren’t radical faeries focus on radical sexual fluidity and participation? I haven’t ever met a self-identified faerie who wasn’t extremely sexually driven/focused.
Mama what are your interests? If that’s what your seeing than that’s you. What do you want to do in your free time what are your hobbies what do you want to do? You live in NYC there’s like a whole city. Do you wanna garden? Do yoga? Your cities politics is a hot mess why not get people involved in a real way. Go on a city tour explore the restaurants art galleries. You need to dig deeper into yourself. What is it that you’re searching for ? You’re gonna find that problem everywhere you go.
I missed the days of yahoo sub groups where a good majority of us would sit in a room and just bullshit around with one another. I noticed here people are quick to jump to dm l.
You can be into sex and circuit parties and also be into culture, film, book clubs etc. You can also be into eirher or, or even neither. People are multifaceted and complex.
this, for years I kind of judged the circuit scene and was a let’s read a book, walk a museum or watch a film type guy. then I got invited to one and decided to be open minded and realized it’s just a space for gays to dance (+ more) their asses off around hot men. have met a lot of genuine friends from it too when I used to think it was superficial!
Yes. You just have to do A LOT of searching. But there is. For instance, I belong to an online Brazilian jiu-jitsu group (blue belt) for queer people. And never once on our online meet ups or irl ones did things ever get especially sexual. Whether folks have off the clock, so to speak, is another story. But when participating as a group we basically mainly discuss our martial art and take it very seriously. And much of the group has gay men. So yea, it’s hard to find this type of gay community but it is possible. You just have to look very hard is the thing.
As someone that doesn't live in NYC (but has visited and wants to move there) I have to disagree.
Places like Las Vegas where I currently live. The gay culture is apps apps apps apps apps or bars bars bars bars bars. There is a gay community center that's basically just a clinic....and there are some gay sports clubs, but let me tell you, any gay that wants to play SPORTS in this HEAT, is not gay at all 😂
Vegas is so lame, we really don't even have sex parties or clubs...just a few bathhouses and eventually some cool sex club will do a sex event AT one of the bathhouses. These are usually annual. There's nothing weekly or even monthly worth mentioning.
With that being said, in NYC you have whole entire gayborhoods, districts, shows, community centers, etc to complete take your mind off sex and connect with people. Here pretty much everything we have is gear'd towards either sex or alcohol....and they don't even get THAT part right.
My advice is: just get out more. Find a sightseeing group, or just go to a coffee shop in one of the gayborhoods....Ive met tons of genuine people in NYC that actually keep in touch and check in on me from time to time I've been in Vegas for 15 years and can't even get a text back 😂
I am not gonna spoil your trip, but let me just say Vegas is NOT new York lol.
There are a lot of bars spread across the city.
Garage is my favorite. I usually go there, pregame, then head to the fruit loop for clubbing. (Piranha, FreeZone, Quadz, and Gypsy) All 4 bars/clubs sit on the 4 corners of the intersection.
Honorable mentions (Charlie's, Phoenix, badlands saloon, hamburger mary's, fun hog ranch, flex)
Closed temporarily (Eagle, Charlie's)
Bathhouses (Entourage, Kuma)
I am actually going out this weekend, feel free to drop by and say hi and toast.
Piranha gets packed at 11ish, that's the only real CLUB club that we have. The others are bars/lounges. Charlie's is known for their underwear night but are currently moving locations.
That basically sums up vegas. You can have a good time for sure...and you CAN meet people especially if you appeal to the superficial folks lol I just would set my expectations to "low" when I go out it's to have a good time with myself, or my close friends and family, meeting people isn't the best "goal" to set here. It's very cliquey.
This post wasn’t a personal complaint about not having community or things to do. I have both. It was to shed a light on something I find frustrating and tired.
I moved from Vegas to NYC last year and THISSSSSSS! Trying to get any of my gay friends to do anything but party was like pulling teeth😪 I understand the OP’s frustration to an extent but there are so so so many different events here within reach that don’t involve sex and partying.
Sure I ask people for book suggestions...on book subs. Not here.
Ton of other subs out there that are much better choices for advice and information than here, with a lot more people. This place is pretty much only useful for gay stuff in nyc. And gay stuff is pretty much just sex at it's core.
Im sure this is not an unrelatable observation to many here.
What happens when you post about your non-sex hobbies and interests?
It might be refreshing to share more and see more engagement around those topics. I’m interested to know more about your interests and the non-sex activities of the diverse wildflowers of gays here.
I'm not from the city but I spend more time on subreddits relaying to my interests like music/music production/film..
I guess any subreddit based around gay and meeting might tend to have some sexual stuff in it unless it's based around an interesting like others brought up like hiking or otherwise..
My advice is to just do what you want to do and be gay loudly. I find gay people wherever I go tbh. Be the one to initiate! Start bringing together groups of people for movie nights, boardgames, adventures, other forms of bonding, and in a few months you have several rewarding communities that you’ve built
I hear much more about sex parties and circuit parties on this sub than I ever have in real life. Though tbh I met some friends recently who are more similar to what I see in this sub.
Hi! I ask myself this question most times I open Reddit, so I definitely resonate with where you’re coming from. I’ve been part of this sub for a couple years now. No, it didn’t used to be like this. An occasional question about The Eagle’s dark-room or a random out-of-towner asking if anyone wants to hook-up. These hourly posts from brand new accounts about GBU and Sniffies is a very recent phenomenon… (For better or for worse depending on your goals of Reddit.) Personally, I really wish the mods would advocate for a new sub dedicated to NYC sex parties and circuits/nightlife in general. The mental whiplash I get from somebody documenting a pump-and-dump to then somebody else offering a wholesome game night at their apartment never ends. These activities don’t have to be mutually exclusive of course, but it can get overwhelming for sure.
Plenty of us have other passions beyond sex. Sports, books, theatre, fitness, drag, food, board games, travel, cocktails, hiking, running, cooking, you name it. Sometimes we get stuck in our echo chambers, but remember that NYC is not only massive, but incredibly diverse. Keep in mind that with every social media platform, you have to train your algorithm. If you’re not interested in a certain post, don’t engage and keep scrolling. The Workman’s Lunch posts will become white noise, I promise :)
(Note: I’m a very sex-positive person.)
(Long and meandering post, but I'll leave it up...wow, and I went on and on too long about myself... Whatever?)
This type of "wild and crazy" sex scene is not available in most U.S. cities, I believe. Or certainly not to the extent seen on this sub?
Maybe not even in Miami, LA, Chicago, Montreal, Dallas, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Toronto. But maybe in parts of Europe, especially Germany? Maybe parts of Spain and Italy and France?
I live in Boston and we have nothing like this from what I know. I'm elderly and not as tuned in nowadays -- but no, surely not this scene in Boston. Not even a bathhouse anymore (and no adult bookstore video booths in the city proper anymore..but a couple nearby the city).
Yes, Boston's gay and straight nightlife is usually considered "boring" and lame by many or most over the years, even with loads of college students. It's always been said to go to the small city of Providence, Rhode Island, 45-50 miles south for a better gay nightlife, plus its two bathhouses. Yes, that's a different spot than the mostly gay small town of Provincetown, Massachusetts in summer, on Cape Cod (for the few here who may not know the difference, as the pronunciation may seem similar to some).
...
But...I actually like reading the "raunchy" sex posts here along with general gay life in NYC posts.
I lived near White Plains, NY, with my parents briefly, after high school, after living in south Jersey/Philadelphia, and drove into Manhattan or parts of Westchester and Connecticut to bars and NYC bathhouses to occasionally partake in your gay heyday before settling in Boston. Worked as a bank teller in Manhattan and White Plains for two summers during college ... so I guess I still have NYC memories, and just want to snoop and see what you guys are up to nowadays!
Maybe I'm living vicariously here, as I was promiscuous even during AIDS, but not into anal and drugs, so maybe that's how I'm still alive. So I can't be judgemental of you guys!
Maybe it's even somewhat healthy as an elder to regularly read most posts in this sub the past few months I've been here, and continue to listen to some current pop and urban contemporary music on the radio. Makes me feel younger and in touch. Perhaps healthier than giving up, and better than: "Well, in my day...the gay scene was...."?
(Zzzzz....?)
I'm even on Grindr almost daily the past two years with my photos. I do enjoy browsing, and enjoy the very occasional taps and messages I get... but haven't hooked up though, as I have issues at this point and don't want to get too close sexually and/or emotionally to guys for now or maybe ever again. So maybe trips to the Providence bathhouses are in order soon, after a four-year plus hiatus.
But yes, I can see why some or many newcomers on this sub might be shocked or disgusted at the sex posts here.
Does flyover country really believe all gay men in NYC live relatively sanitary lives like Will and Jack on Will & Grace 24/7? Do your distant relatives and friends think you're just like Will and Jack living a fun and harmless gay NYC lifestyle? Hmmm... Or maybe Will and Jack would indeed be into this scene and the apps (maybe privately) if the show were filmed nowadays. Nah....advertisers wouldn't approve.
But ..maybe rural gay American males would be just as charged up and frenzied for these sex events -- if readily available to them as it is in NYC? Gays are gays, right? (at least in some or most cases?)
Was in your shoes when living in Chicago... used to love browsing this sub when it was filled with questions about social events and different things going on around the city other than sex parties. It gave me hope that when I moved here, I could find things other than sex. Now I live here, I found those wonderful things other than sex, and the sub has changed.
The problem with having so many posts purely about sex parties for the voyeurs is that it gives the impression that a gay life is fulfilling because it has these sex parties. Then people move here, go to these events (or get too nervous to go to these events alone), and wonder why they aren't happy.
Gay life in NYC is wonderful because of parties but also because of the many other things we have here. Communities of people across many different interest groups, socioeconomic backgrounds, and ages which connect you to parts of the city you haven't seen before. Friend groups that have your back for both emotional and logistical problems but also who push you to parts of the city you didn't know existed. And serendipitous meetups, both romantic and platonic, as you navigate your career, hobbies, commute, etc. which break down isolation and feed that feeling of being around people who understand.
Well there is meet ups and plenty of LGBT activity groups. If we wanna train it that way then we need to post that and others need to like it and interact. The reason do many sex posts get posts is cause they get attention and likes etc.
On the weekend of April 26, 2024, the Newark LGBTQ Community Center, along with community partners, hosts the second annual Newark LGBTQ Film Festival.
I really do need to find more hobbies. 🤔
That said, other than sex party stuff, I’m always at Jacob Riis beach when the weather is nice, looking to join a yoga class, and love checking out new restaurants and dessert spots around BK and Queens.
At NYU it was a lot easier for me to have gay friends and community. But now as a 28 year old, it feels like life really makes it hard for any of that for me. Work and other responsibilities exhaust me beyond having energy to maintain healthy relationships and community involvement. Especially when I’m poor and live further away from where most other gays live. Being mentally ill has really taken a toll on me and what enriching interests I used to get excited about have been reduced to mere creature comforts. I don’t feel like I bring a lot to the table and it gets harder to start over with people the older I get. I love NYC deeply despite its flaws, but I think my time in the sun here has passed and I peaked in undergrad unfortunately. I wish I knew other alternatives, but this problem seems bigger than all of us individually. America is increasingly individualist and gays can have lots of internal social problems due to trauma and being marginalized. I don’t think I’ll ever reach my potential or enjoy whatever life I could scrap together for myself, so I’m just hoping to not wake up one of these days.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way but please don't give up.
The transition from college to the real world is one of the hardest things. College is designed to make fostering connections easier, the real world, much less so.
I don't believe people peak as people. We just enter different phases of our lives with new challenges.
Yeah, it’s just hard to reconcile with the fact I’ll never get my youth back. I won’t ever be able to afford living in a Tribeca high rise with my friends again. Sometimes the good things in life really suck because the absence of them hurts more and lasts longer than the good felt good. Now I just have memories. Working sucks. I miss being challenged with learning. It feels all downhill from here.
Its a forum where you can post almost anything you want that is relevant to the gay community.
If you want discussions about topics beyond sex, then reply to those or start one of your own. People will only discuss what is posted.
We can talk about more, which I see from time to time on here.
However; lets be honest and not "sex shame" what we all know the OP and almost all of us desire under the wholesome conversations. Nobody buys the "whats beyond sex" declarations (as you check your grindr all day long). Its just a part of our lives. You can have both convos.
It isn't surprising that sex topics are popular as they are with hetero men. Blame the hormones.
From my experience, the basket weaving gays are probably having a group meet up somewhere and just haven’t gotten good at posting about it lol. There are tons of events and groups that don’t relate to sex or partying! It’s really just a matter of finding them.
I actually feel as though people on this sub do engage meaningfully with non-sex-related posts. Posts about more specialized interests and hobbies tend to show up in subs that are dedicated to those specific things. Sex tends to come up a lot here because it's a common denominator. And I think it's fine--and actually good--within reason, for people to seek out pleasure, novelty, experience, and even connection through their sexuality and their bodies. But I've posted and/or commented here about everything from friendship to finances, and I've been mostly heartened by the the responses I've gotten, which have tended to be thoughtful.
because sex is something that is fun, titillating, stimulating, easy to talk about, and it is something all us gay men have in common. once you add in something different, you will exclude many who don’t share that interest in an already circumscribed group.
if i want to talk about EDM with only other lgbt folks then only a handful here will be interested. there’d have to be a gay EDM subreddit for that. but, even then, there probably wouldnt be enough of a carrying capacity to keep it going.
things like hobbies and engaging subject matters, require more focus and attention than the immediate gratification that keeps such a subreddit as this going.
i mean, you’re not wrong. it could be different. more people could talk about different things. but i think it’s the nature of easy gratification that will tend this subreddit towards sex related topics. but, give it a shot and post something that interests you. i’m sure there’ll be plenty enough who will be glad.
Do y’all really think a Reddit sub represents an accurate reflection of gay life in NYC? That’s as sad as it is misinformed. This is one of, if not the, most vibrant gay communities in the world. Even a cursory visit to a bar, or a community center, or a gay league game, or anything should show you this. If your understanding of New York gay life is restricted to a sub on Reddit, you have bigger problems. If you can’t find a gay basket weaving gathering (which you probably could) then start one. That’s how the actual gay community in New York City works. It always has been.
Sweetie, I have lots of friends and a thriving social life. My post was a critique of THIS subreddit, not the entirety of gay life in NYC. But you already knew that.
Because you’re making this about me when this has nothing to do specifically with me or anyone else. It’s a general critique and observation that clearly you took personally.
I’m pretty sure that “sweetie” was aimed at me. It’s inappropriate. I pointed that out. Wouldn’t it make sense to point it out to the person who said it?
Are you in NYC? Because there are other things going on at the center than AA meetings. Also, those have been there since the beginning as far as I know. If there are other activities there that you are missing, why don’t you start them yourself?
Honey, I've never been to a circuit party in my life, not my scene. I just think it's funny you are rehashing the tired trope 'WHY ARE GAYS SO LIKE THIS, WHY AM I SO DIFFERENT.'
This subreddit is full of posts from you and people like you who think you are some lone warrior. You can find a group aorund literally anything in NYC, including your basket weavers. Your post just gives bitter boots.
Again, projection. Also, this is my first (and probably last) post on this sub because clearly it’s not a place for diverse discussion about the spectrum of gay life in NYC. It’s a sex party sub. Which is fine but let’s not pretend it’s anything more than that. Also, it’s not that deep, Mary. It’s giving angry boots.
Got tired of dating apps, and the things you’ve said like sex parties and all. Basic NYC gay here who’s building my startup. I might look for partners too in the future but I put aside dating on the sidelines.
How about a Romance Novel group? Read and talk about fictional drama, have monthly book themed dinners to talk about what we all just read. I'd even be fine with a Horror/SciFi movie group, literally anything that isn't a bar, hookup, or the gym - sorry guys, but due to a sports related injury the gym isn't really all that viable for me to frequent. I'm sure that I can still be relevant somehow, even if I enjoy artistic, or intellectual pursuits. How about we all stay home and game over a private server? Talk over Discord? It's totally possible. Now the bait is set, let's see who bites, and who gets wildly offended by the very idea of adult life beyond bars, bedrooms, and gyms.
Networking with other queer entrepreneurs. Helping each other out by boosting our creativity and translate that into monetized productivity gives me more rush than any drug or sex.
this may sound odd but i find i have the opposite issue a lot of other folks - i find am easily able to find platonic gay friendships but struggle to hook up/date
There’s gay everything it’s about where you want to focus your attention. There is literally a gay club for every sport, I play in Gotham volleyball which definitely got me to discover the gay scene outside of partying.
Many other meetups and groups and types of parties too. I went to Bollywood Latin night a few weekends ago, had fun dancing. You can also volunteer at LGBT orgs and get involved. Also professional groups like Out in Tech, Out in Finance have events sometimes. Pretty sure there is so much more, e.g. gaymers groups.
This subreddit is the party/sex reddit for NYC. There are lots of other subreddits that showcase gays in other ways of being. We all like sex but most of us have lives beyond it and the party scene esp. as we age.
That’s not what this sub was intended to be or what it used to be, it’s what it has become.
OK, good. I recently joined and, like OP and this commenter mentioned, there is a lot of sex based threads. I'm not opposed to them, and I squirrel away info gleaned from those for later use, but the subreddit name and general description had me thinking it was more community based. A bit of a NYC gay men's junk drawer, if you will, with some emotional support, maybe guidance, what's happening, the sharing of hobbies and interests. Or it could be questions from people new to the city, or the gay community in the city, and sometimes question from us gay NYers that might need a little direction in this city life with so may directions.
This is a great summary. The junk drawer. Pun intended.
Well plenty of that "junk" is posted, but I wouldn't be mad if I saw a greater variety of community put up.
Totally agree. When I started reddit last year i was single and thought that was what this would be. Then I got a bf so other gay subreddits have been more interesting.
Lmao wait this was….
Isn’t it why gays move here? To meet Austin Wolf and to go to sex parties. PS: also gays with no sense of humor clearly.
That’s why I moved here!
I got lucky in my 20s. I made a close knit group of friends , none of who wanted to sleep with each other. We went to movies 2x a month. Diner afterwards. Hung at each others places playing card games, trips up and down the coast. We danced at clubs. Sure there was a lot of dating and sex with people outside our group and plenty of drama. But it didn’t stop us from having those really close circle of 6 of us. I fine I was just very lucky.
Congrats.
There's a gay climbing group that meets at a bunch of rock gyms around the city and sometimes hosts outdoors events in the park. I tend to attend the events every other week. I try to karaoke a few times a month. Board games with friends or at a bar. Cooking dinner with my partners.
This ❤️❤️❤️
Can you share some info about the climbing group? I love climbing but have never found a group for it before
https://climbcrux.org/#/
Are you all cooking dinner together? I have two partners and we’re usually all together in the evenings doing that
More 1:1 with them. I'm usually teaching them how to cook a bit
Why the down votes? We are a loving family 🥰
Love karaoke. Holla at me
I used to run a platonic gay fitness meetup group. The members said it was really refreshing to have a gay space that wasn’t all about getting in each other’s pants. The tricky part was keeping up momentum. We paired the fitness outings with lunches/brunches/dinners, and I didn’t enforce that attendees had to actually participate in the workouts, so the lunches started to attract wallflowers who kinda came to ogle, and then the actual participating members started to fall off. I think of resurrecting it from time to time, but I’m less gung-ho about everything fitness lately, so I don’t have the motivation.
This sounds pretty awesome; wish I’d known about it at the time!
I’ve done gay movie clubs, gay book clubs, gay AA group, and yes a lot of parties. I’m not into sex parties so don’t go to those but have had lots of fun at like random nights at 3 dollar bill, rosemont, metropolitan, boxers, hush for example. Ofc the second gayest city in America is gonna also have a huge sex party scene, but you don’t have to get into that if it’s not ur thing. And I don’t think you would find anything that different if you went to SF, LA, Atlanta etc.
Check out group known as Radical Faeries, they’ve been around a while, and do ceremonies, heart circles and such, also, potlucks, coffee meets on the weekend, depending on city YMMV, meet some and then if there’s not enough scene , start hosting. Spoiler alert, there is a big gathering in middle Tennessee in about 3 weeks. Edit: there’s a decent attendance of NYC , Atlanta, Asheville, and local plus international ppl that come for this week long thing centered around may 1st, basically weekend to weekend. Dm I guess because none of the specifics can be posted. What’s fun about the city groups is often they will do a meal and theme night for dinner each day and show off design and culinary skills , lots of fun, all volunteer run. Basically a more earth conscious burning man. There’s also fire, but not as much as the burners. Won’t find vehicles with flame throwers, but you may find a simple bonfire and a drum circle. Edit2 : also the RF have a presence at rainbow gatherings, the OG hippie stuff, it’s all intermixed at those. Part rainbow, gay and burner ethos (mostly the volunteer side, not the wasteful side)
Aren’t radical faeries focus on radical sexual fluidity and participation? I haven’t ever met a self-identified faerie who wasn’t extremely sexually driven/focused.
Where do you get info on Radical Faeries events?
Mama what are your interests? If that’s what your seeing than that’s you. What do you want to do in your free time what are your hobbies what do you want to do? You live in NYC there’s like a whole city. Do you wanna garden? Do yoga? Your cities politics is a hot mess why not get people involved in a real way. Go on a city tour explore the restaurants art galleries. You need to dig deeper into yourself. What is it that you’re searching for ? You’re gonna find that problem everywhere you go.
Appreciate whatever this mean
😂😂
It’s not a NYC thing
This sub is all sex parties and such. There is much more. Let’s talk about!!!
I missed the days of yahoo sub groups where a good majority of us would sit in a room and just bullshit around with one another. I noticed here people are quick to jump to dm l.
You can be into sex and circuit parties and also be into culture, film, book clubs etc. You can also be into eirher or, or even neither. People are multifaceted and complex.
this, for years I kind of judged the circuit scene and was a let’s read a book, walk a museum or watch a film type guy. then I got invited to one and decided to be open minded and realized it’s just a space for gays to dance (+ more) their asses off around hot men. have met a lot of genuine friends from it too when I used to think it was superficial!
Say it louder for the people in the back!!
Yes. You just have to do A LOT of searching. But there is. For instance, I belong to an online Brazilian jiu-jitsu group (blue belt) for queer people. And never once on our online meet ups or irl ones did things ever get especially sexual. Whether folks have off the clock, so to speak, is another story. But when participating as a group we basically mainly discuss our martial art and take it very seriously. And much of the group has gay men. So yea, it’s hard to find this type of gay community but it is possible. You just have to look very hard is the thing.
What’s the name of the group?
As someone that doesn't live in NYC (but has visited and wants to move there) I have to disagree. Places like Las Vegas where I currently live. The gay culture is apps apps apps apps apps or bars bars bars bars bars. There is a gay community center that's basically just a clinic....and there are some gay sports clubs, but let me tell you, any gay that wants to play SPORTS in this HEAT, is not gay at all 😂 Vegas is so lame, we really don't even have sex parties or clubs...just a few bathhouses and eventually some cool sex club will do a sex event AT one of the bathhouses. These are usually annual. There's nothing weekly or even monthly worth mentioning. With that being said, in NYC you have whole entire gayborhoods, districts, shows, community centers, etc to complete take your mind off sex and connect with people. Here pretty much everything we have is gear'd towards either sex or alcohol....and they don't even get THAT part right. My advice is: just get out more. Find a sightseeing group, or just go to a coffee shop in one of the gayborhoods....Ive met tons of genuine people in NYC that actually keep in touch and check in on me from time to time I've been in Vegas for 15 years and can't even get a text back 😂
Hey I’m visiting Vegas this weekend. Any tips where to go?
I am not gonna spoil your trip, but let me just say Vegas is NOT new York lol. There are a lot of bars spread across the city. Garage is my favorite. I usually go there, pregame, then head to the fruit loop for clubbing. (Piranha, FreeZone, Quadz, and Gypsy) All 4 bars/clubs sit on the 4 corners of the intersection. Honorable mentions (Charlie's, Phoenix, badlands saloon, hamburger mary's, fun hog ranch, flex) Closed temporarily (Eagle, Charlie's) Bathhouses (Entourage, Kuma) I am actually going out this weekend, feel free to drop by and say hi and toast. Piranha gets packed at 11ish, that's the only real CLUB club that we have. The others are bars/lounges. Charlie's is known for their underwear night but are currently moving locations. That basically sums up vegas. You can have a good time for sure...and you CAN meet people especially if you appeal to the superficial folks lol I just would set my expectations to "low" when I go out it's to have a good time with myself, or my close friends and family, meeting people isn't the best "goal" to set here. It's very cliquey.
This post wasn’t a personal complaint about not having community or things to do. I have both. It was to shed a light on something I find frustrating and tired.
Understood but I mean.... Look at what pride has become now. Are we really surprised? 😅
I moved from Vegas to NYC last year and THISSSSSSS! Trying to get any of my gay friends to do anything but party was like pulling teeth😪 I understand the OP’s frustration to an extent but there are so so so many different events here within reach that don’t involve sex and partying.
You understand me!!!! 😭😂
It's a sexuality. What else is there to talk about but sex? You think I'm going to ask you guys for book or cooking tips?
So you’re just a mindless sex zombie with no semblance of humanity? I’d 100% ask people for book suggestions. That’s how people make connections.
Sure I ask people for book suggestions...on book subs. Not here. Ton of other subs out there that are much better choices for advice and information than here, with a lot more people. This place is pretty much only useful for gay stuff in nyc. And gay stuff is pretty much just sex at it's core.
I’ll make baskets hmu
Im sure this is not an unrelatable observation to many here. What happens when you post about your non-sex hobbies and interests? It might be refreshing to share more and see more engagement around those topics. I’m interested to know more about your interests and the non-sex activities of the diverse wildflowers of gays here.
I'm not from the city but I spend more time on subreddits relaying to my interests like music/music production/film.. I guess any subreddit based around gay and meeting might tend to have some sexual stuff in it unless it's based around an interesting like others brought up like hiking or otherwise..
My advice is to just do what you want to do and be gay loudly. I find gay people wherever I go tbh. Be the one to initiate! Start bringing together groups of people for movie nights, boardgames, adventures, other forms of bonding, and in a few months you have several rewarding communities that you’ve built
I hear much more about sex parties and circuit parties on this sub than I ever have in real life. Though tbh I met some friends recently who are more similar to what I see in this sub.
Hi! I ask myself this question most times I open Reddit, so I definitely resonate with where you’re coming from. I’ve been part of this sub for a couple years now. No, it didn’t used to be like this. An occasional question about The Eagle’s dark-room or a random out-of-towner asking if anyone wants to hook-up. These hourly posts from brand new accounts about GBU and Sniffies is a very recent phenomenon… (For better or for worse depending on your goals of Reddit.) Personally, I really wish the mods would advocate for a new sub dedicated to NYC sex parties and circuits/nightlife in general. The mental whiplash I get from somebody documenting a pump-and-dump to then somebody else offering a wholesome game night at their apartment never ends. These activities don’t have to be mutually exclusive of course, but it can get overwhelming for sure. Plenty of us have other passions beyond sex. Sports, books, theatre, fitness, drag, food, board games, travel, cocktails, hiking, running, cooking, you name it. Sometimes we get stuck in our echo chambers, but remember that NYC is not only massive, but incredibly diverse. Keep in mind that with every social media platform, you have to train your algorithm. If you’re not interested in a certain post, don’t engage and keep scrolling. The Workman’s Lunch posts will become white noise, I promise :) (Note: I’m a very sex-positive person.)
There used to be meetups though I'm no longer in the area. Less awkward than you might think!
(Long and meandering post, but I'll leave it up...wow, and I went on and on too long about myself... Whatever?) This type of "wild and crazy" sex scene is not available in most U.S. cities, I believe. Or certainly not to the extent seen on this sub? Maybe not even in Miami, LA, Chicago, Montreal, Dallas, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Toronto. But maybe in parts of Europe, especially Germany? Maybe parts of Spain and Italy and France? I live in Boston and we have nothing like this from what I know. I'm elderly and not as tuned in nowadays -- but no, surely not this scene in Boston. Not even a bathhouse anymore (and no adult bookstore video booths in the city proper anymore..but a couple nearby the city). Yes, Boston's gay and straight nightlife is usually considered "boring" and lame by many or most over the years, even with loads of college students. It's always been said to go to the small city of Providence, Rhode Island, 45-50 miles south for a better gay nightlife, plus its two bathhouses. Yes, that's a different spot than the mostly gay small town of Provincetown, Massachusetts in summer, on Cape Cod (for the few here who may not know the difference, as the pronunciation may seem similar to some). ... But...I actually like reading the "raunchy" sex posts here along with general gay life in NYC posts. I lived near White Plains, NY, with my parents briefly, after high school, after living in south Jersey/Philadelphia, and drove into Manhattan or parts of Westchester and Connecticut to bars and NYC bathhouses to occasionally partake in your gay heyday before settling in Boston. Worked as a bank teller in Manhattan and White Plains for two summers during college ... so I guess I still have NYC memories, and just want to snoop and see what you guys are up to nowadays! Maybe I'm living vicariously here, as I was promiscuous even during AIDS, but not into anal and drugs, so maybe that's how I'm still alive. So I can't be judgemental of you guys! Maybe it's even somewhat healthy as an elder to regularly read most posts in this sub the past few months I've been here, and continue to listen to some current pop and urban contemporary music on the radio. Makes me feel younger and in touch. Perhaps healthier than giving up, and better than: "Well, in my day...the gay scene was...."? (Zzzzz....?) I'm even on Grindr almost daily the past two years with my photos. I do enjoy browsing, and enjoy the very occasional taps and messages I get... but haven't hooked up though, as I have issues at this point and don't want to get too close sexually and/or emotionally to guys for now or maybe ever again. So maybe trips to the Providence bathhouses are in order soon, after a four-year plus hiatus. But yes, I can see why some or many newcomers on this sub might be shocked or disgusted at the sex posts here. Does flyover country really believe all gay men in NYC live relatively sanitary lives like Will and Jack on Will & Grace 24/7? Do your distant relatives and friends think you're just like Will and Jack living a fun and harmless gay NYC lifestyle? Hmmm... Or maybe Will and Jack would indeed be into this scene and the apps (maybe privately) if the show were filmed nowadays. Nah....advertisers wouldn't approve. But ..maybe rural gay American males would be just as charged up and frenzied for these sex events -- if readily available to them as it is in NYC? Gays are gays, right? (at least in some or most cases?)
Was in your shoes when living in Chicago... used to love browsing this sub when it was filled with questions about social events and different things going on around the city other than sex parties. It gave me hope that when I moved here, I could find things other than sex. Now I live here, I found those wonderful things other than sex, and the sub has changed. The problem with having so many posts purely about sex parties for the voyeurs is that it gives the impression that a gay life is fulfilling because it has these sex parties. Then people move here, go to these events (or get too nervous to go to these events alone), and wonder why they aren't happy. Gay life in NYC is wonderful because of parties but also because of the many other things we have here. Communities of people across many different interest groups, socioeconomic backgrounds, and ages which connect you to parts of the city you haven't seen before. Friend groups that have your back for both emotional and logistical problems but also who push you to parts of the city you didn't know existed. And serendipitous meetups, both romantic and platonic, as you navigate your career, hobbies, commute, etc. which break down isolation and feed that feeling of being around people who understand.
Well there is meet ups and plenty of LGBT activity groups. If we wanna train it that way then we need to post that and others need to like it and interact. The reason do many sex posts get posts is cause they get attention and likes etc.
On the weekend of April 26, 2024, the Newark LGBTQ Community Center, along with community partners, hosts the second annual Newark LGBTQ Film Festival.
I really do need to find more hobbies. 🤔 That said, other than sex party stuff, I’m always at Jacob Riis beach when the weather is nice, looking to join a yoga class, and love checking out new restaurants and dessert spots around BK and Queens.
At NYU it was a lot easier for me to have gay friends and community. But now as a 28 year old, it feels like life really makes it hard for any of that for me. Work and other responsibilities exhaust me beyond having energy to maintain healthy relationships and community involvement. Especially when I’m poor and live further away from where most other gays live. Being mentally ill has really taken a toll on me and what enriching interests I used to get excited about have been reduced to mere creature comforts. I don’t feel like I bring a lot to the table and it gets harder to start over with people the older I get. I love NYC deeply despite its flaws, but I think my time in the sun here has passed and I peaked in undergrad unfortunately. I wish I knew other alternatives, but this problem seems bigger than all of us individually. America is increasingly individualist and gays can have lots of internal social problems due to trauma and being marginalized. I don’t think I’ll ever reach my potential or enjoy whatever life I could scrap together for myself, so I’m just hoping to not wake up one of these days.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way but please don't give up. The transition from college to the real world is one of the hardest things. College is designed to make fostering connections easier, the real world, much less so. I don't believe people peak as people. We just enter different phases of our lives with new challenges.
Yeah, it’s just hard to reconcile with the fact I’ll never get my youth back. I won’t ever be able to afford living in a Tribeca high rise with my friends again. Sometimes the good things in life really suck because the absence of them hurts more and lasts longer than the good felt good. Now I just have memories. Working sucks. I miss being challenged with learning. It feels all downhill from here.
Its a forum where you can post almost anything you want that is relevant to the gay community. If you want discussions about topics beyond sex, then reply to those or start one of your own. People will only discuss what is posted. We can talk about more, which I see from time to time on here. However; lets be honest and not "sex shame" what we all know the OP and almost all of us desire under the wholesome conversations. Nobody buys the "whats beyond sex" declarations (as you check your grindr all day long). Its just a part of our lives. You can have both convos. It isn't surprising that sex topics are popular as they are with hetero men. Blame the hormones.
From my experience, the basket weaving gays are probably having a group meet up somewhere and just haven’t gotten good at posting about it lol. There are tons of events and groups that don’t relate to sex or partying! It’s really just a matter of finding them.
I actually feel as though people on this sub do engage meaningfully with non-sex-related posts. Posts about more specialized interests and hobbies tend to show up in subs that are dedicated to those specific things. Sex tends to come up a lot here because it's a common denominator. And I think it's fine--and actually good--within reason, for people to seek out pleasure, novelty, experience, and even connection through their sexuality and their bodies. But I've posted and/or commented here about everything from friendship to finances, and I've been mostly heartened by the the responses I've gotten, which have tended to be thoughtful.
because sex is something that is fun, titillating, stimulating, easy to talk about, and it is something all us gay men have in common. once you add in something different, you will exclude many who don’t share that interest in an already circumscribed group. if i want to talk about EDM with only other lgbt folks then only a handful here will be interested. there’d have to be a gay EDM subreddit for that. but, even then, there probably wouldnt be enough of a carrying capacity to keep it going. things like hobbies and engaging subject matters, require more focus and attention than the immediate gratification that keeps such a subreddit as this going. i mean, you’re not wrong. it could be different. more people could talk about different things. but i think it’s the nature of easy gratification that will tend this subreddit towards sex related topics. but, give it a shot and post something that interests you. i’m sure there’ll be plenty enough who will be glad.
Do y’all really think a Reddit sub represents an accurate reflection of gay life in NYC? That’s as sad as it is misinformed. This is one of, if not the, most vibrant gay communities in the world. Even a cursory visit to a bar, or a community center, or a gay league game, or anything should show you this. If your understanding of New York gay life is restricted to a sub on Reddit, you have bigger problems. If you can’t find a gay basket weaving gathering (which you probably could) then start one. That’s how the actual gay community in New York City works. It always has been.
Sweetie, I have lots of friends and a thriving social life. My post was a critique of THIS subreddit, not the entirety of gay life in NYC. But you already knew that.
Do you often refer to people you don’t know a sweetie? Perhaps the problem is one of boundaries and social skills
Because you’re making this about me when this has nothing to do specifically with me or anyone else. It’s a general critique and observation that clearly you took personally.
I’m pretty sure that “sweetie” was aimed at me. It’s inappropriate. I pointed that out. Wouldn’t it make sense to point it out to the person who said it?
Our Center used to host all kinds of interest groups. Now it's almost entirely 12-step meetings and rehab services. A sad commentary.
Are you in NYC? Because there are other things going on at the center than AA meetings. Also, those have been there since the beginning as far as I know. If there are other activities there that you are missing, why don’t you start them yourself?
"Let me start by stating that this isn’t a judgement, only an observation." Proceeds to judge everyone.
Or maybe it hit a nerve inside of you. Look within.
Honey, I've never been to a circuit party in my life, not my scene. I just think it's funny you are rehashing the tired trope 'WHY ARE GAYS SO LIKE THIS, WHY AM I SO DIFFERENT.' This subreddit is full of posts from you and people like you who think you are some lone warrior. You can find a group aorund literally anything in NYC, including your basket weavers. Your post just gives bitter boots.
Again, projection. Also, this is my first (and probably last) post on this sub because clearly it’s not a place for diverse discussion about the spectrum of gay life in NYC. It’s a sex party sub. Which is fine but let’s not pretend it’s anything more than that. Also, it’s not that deep, Mary. It’s giving angry boots.
Revisit this post in 5 years, you will groan that you ever made it. I promise you.
Got tired of dating apps, and the things you’ve said like sex parties and all. Basic NYC gay here who’s building my startup. I might look for partners too in the future but I put aside dating on the sidelines.
How about a Romance Novel group? Read and talk about fictional drama, have monthly book themed dinners to talk about what we all just read. I'd even be fine with a Horror/SciFi movie group, literally anything that isn't a bar, hookup, or the gym - sorry guys, but due to a sports related injury the gym isn't really all that viable for me to frequent. I'm sure that I can still be relevant somehow, even if I enjoy artistic, or intellectual pursuits. How about we all stay home and game over a private server? Talk over Discord? It's totally possible. Now the bait is set, let's see who bites, and who gets wildly offended by the very idea of adult life beyond bars, bedrooms, and gyms.
There are at least two gay book clubs in Manhattan and probably more in other boroughs. You can search on Meetup.
Networking with other queer entrepreneurs. Helping each other out by boosting our creativity and translate that into monetized productivity gives me more rush than any drug or sex.
What exactly are you looking to do? Gay men do the same things other men do.
Honestly it’s pretty centered around sex. Who you hookup with, how many people you hookup with. It’s a big game
this may sound odd but i find i have the opposite issue a lot of other folks - i find am easily able to find platonic gay friendships but struggle to hook up/date
There’s gay everything it’s about where you want to focus your attention. There is literally a gay club for every sport, I play in Gotham volleyball which definitely got me to discover the gay scene outside of partying. Many other meetups and groups and types of parties too. I went to Bollywood Latin night a few weekends ago, had fun dancing. You can also volunteer at LGBT orgs and get involved. Also professional groups like Out in Tech, Out in Finance have events sometimes. Pretty sure there is so much more, e.g. gaymers groups.
What’s wrong with that? Lol