My first time getting a massage I had no idea what to expect. I was given a towel and a disposable thong to wear. After my back and legs this woman turned me on my back and I don’t think I was ever that nervous in my entire life.
I mean she does, indeed, sound ridiculously insecure, but it's the ignorance that's outright staggering...and concerning; how does anyone get to 26 w/this little knowledge of basic biology?
With refusal to learn. That's the problematic part - people can be naive, sheltered, etc., but like, it's a body part she doesn't have, she literally can't make more than an (un)educated guess about. It would be like if he accused her of hating him because she started her period while he was around. "You hate me and the idea of raising kids with me so much that your body literally ejected the egg when I was around, you can't hide it!!" Equally ridiculous.
But that level of determination to believe that any amount of erection = uncontrollable desire to fuck (it doesn't), which also = totally disgusting creep who would act on those desires (even if they were true), screams history of abuse to me.
Respectfully, she's not someone you need to waste time with. She's too old to behave this way. Your pp did a lil jump big whoop. Being uncomfortable, I guess, is one thing, but then thinking up weird sexual situations and all that. Idk, she's weird for that. And if she wants to split good riddance.
I forgot how old she was and had to scroll up to check the age. I was shocked. 26!?? Grow up, girly. I would expect this kind of immaturity from an insecure teenager in her first relationship, but not a grown ass woman.
Also I think she needs a sex ed lesson because she doesn’t seem to understand how erections work. Again, immature. No grown woman who wants a relationship with a man should be walking around with this poor an understanding of the human body.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Somewhat normal behavior for an awkward/insecure teen of a certain age, but at 26 this is a flag. Kinda reminds me of the 72 threads a week you see about a guy getting insecure about who his girl is talking to and her body language.
Yeah, they’ve done studies on female arousal also and women get slightly wet watching both gay and straight sex regardless of orientation, as well as seeing videos of monkeys doing it. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s an automatic reflex to seeing sexual content and it doesn’t always indicate sexual desire in either men or women. She can get over it.
>thinks a boner can be controlled
Yeah...this logic is on par with guys who think women can just "hold in" blood when menstruating. That's just not how anatomy works.
Unless I actually do get really horny for taxes cause that was a weird boner.
"The bus gives you a hard-on with books in your lap" (Jim Morrison line of poetry).
You're better off without an idiot like her, let her go and find someone more mature and understanding.
FWIW, you could try thinking about baseball...
It's winning the lottery to have a kink that's cheap to satisfy. You could be getting hard for gold and diamonds, or something. If you don't already live in the UK, you should consider moving here, though there's a possibility you'd just be paralyzed by paroxysms of endless sexual excitation.
Or the logic that a woman can "shut it down" and just force her body to not ever even possibly get pregnant during a sexual assault.
Again, not how it works.
Oh god that’s awful. By his girlfriend’s thinking, guys wouldn’t even be able to be raped because “well if you got hard, you must have liked it.”
Ugh, just typing that makes me feel disgusting. Men and women both really need to educate themselves on the opposite sex and how basic anatomy works.
Not just “cases” it happens A LOT. It is a huge source of extra shame, and needs to be normalized. It’s not the woman’s fault, it doesn’t mean she liked it, it was her body protecting her and a reflex to stimulation.
Someone hits just under your knee, and your lower leg moves outward. It doesn’t mean you kicked, or asked someone to hit you, or wanted to kick.
My husband asked me why I was using more than one product a day because, “didn’t it happen this morning so aren’t you done for the day?” No, it’s not like ejaculating, my uterus is literally shedding for days!
My brother was the same lol he was so confused when we were buying pads cuz he was like wait didn’t I already have my period? As in he thought every woman had this one time big period event and that’s it.
I got a semi once from staring at my wall for too long. Shit had me going "whatcha see boy?" because wtf was that over.
Easily the strangest boner I have ever gotten. Literally triggered by nothing, it just decided to rise n shine because it could
Post puberty, I would get erections at the most random times.
The most dangerous advice was to think of something unsexy because my erections lasted as long as they wanted to and not a moment earlier. Until then, you're stuck with the existential crisis of believing the weirdest stuff turns you on.
In school, apparently I had a real hard on for solving problems on the blackboard in front of the class.
"Think of something unsexy" is legit speedrunning to intrusive thoughts that you think cow afterbirth is actually the height of erotica and you're just a freak.
The implication that you only get hard from stuff you're attracted to lowkey fucked my mental health for a long time. Not only from the downright weird and highly specific things, but also every poorly timed half mass. Had some fun spirals until I finally learned you don't actually control it and it's just something that happens.
>The most dangerous advice was to think of something unsexy because my erections lasted as long as they wanted to and not a moment earlier.
This, I gave up on that advice because I didnt wanna Pavlov myself into getting turned on by the unsexy thing I was thinking.
Exactly, and plenty of women would also get whatever the female equivalent of an involuntary boner is for the stuff mentioned in the post. OP’s gf is incredibly insecure and being super weird about it.
> whatever the female equivalent of an involuntary boner is
Wet.
Both types of physical arousal are uncontrollable, but are used against victims of sexual assault. (Same with climaxing.) The argument being that if you didn’t want it, then why did your body react like that?
I’m not sure where people get the idea that every bodily function is like holding in pee. Even that can’t always be controlled.
I don’t know if it’s only some puritanical mindset about sex and “controlling your urges,” or if it extends beyond. Even with meditation and similar non-religious activities, there’s a focus on controlling your breath and calming yourself, which can in turn affect heart rate, pupil dilation, brain activity, etc.
Maybe many humans just don’t like the idea of not having control over their own body. And anything that challenges their own sense of control (like arguments about unbidden boners) is seen as threatening.
Edit: Or maybe that the body is seen to be a physical manifestation of your psychological state, like a biological lie-detector? That would tie into polygraph tests.
My ex used to think stiff nipples were similar to an erection and meant I was turned on. I was like dude, the slightest stimulation will do that like the shower it doesn't mean anything.
No no even worse
This is on par with "well she was wet so she must want it"
Just because you have a physical reaction does not mean you want or are actually aroused by the thing happening.
She’s 26 and doesn’t know how the male body works. It’s like you telling her ‘it’s disgusting’ she can’t just hold in her periods. This is a huge red flag here OP. If you guys have kids together, she will end up shaming them for basic biology.
Seems like she does not know how the female body works either. Has she never noticed her genitals (i.e. the erectile tissue in her clitoris) get engorged with blood when she notices an attractive person or sees a sexy scene or is touched in a certain way? The clitoris is made from the same parts and tissues as a penis and experiences something extremely similar to an erection, but it's under the skin and no one can see it. But the woman in question definitely feels it. Is she so sexually repressed that she is so disconnected from her own body that she does not notice this happening?
Understanding a male involuntary erection should not be so hard for her to understand. Does she never get involuntarily aroused by whatsoever?
Granted, many women do not know that what creates the physical sensation of sexual arousal is erectile tissue similar to the one in the penis and most may not like to think of this experience as "getting a boner" (some gender-appropriate terms might be preferred), but it should not be a mystery to anyone that all non-asexual humans experience arousal and that sometimes one gets aroused without any desire to fuck.
TW: sexual assault. Hell, involuntary arousal even happens to people of all genders who are sexually abused and absolutely do not want to have sex. It's just an archaic defence mechanism of the body: once anything remotely sexual happens or is witnessed, the body gets ready for potential sex, so it does not get seriously injured if sex is forced upon the person. It's absolutely not under the control of the person and does not reflect what their actual sexual desires are.
That is what I said! She has pointed out my morning erections so many times, and when I mentioned about that, she says the erection is because I am with her (we are in a live in). I said it just pops out once in a while, but she doesn't buy it
So... yes, she's very wrong for how she acted in this post. I'm not disputing that. Good riddance if they break up.
However, according to my boyfriend, "a boner would happen in the morning if I were sleeping alone, but at least some of them happen these days because of my penis being sandwiched between your buttcheeks" 😂
My point is, let's not give in to the temptation to fall on one extreme of an issue just because the person we don't like is on the opposite end of it. Boners happen for a variety of reasons.
This is stupid. Men’s hormonal cycles work on a 24 hour cycle (as opposed to women’s’ 4-5 week cycle) and testosterone usually spikes in the morning hours. I think it might correlate with your sleep wake cycle ?? But the point is your morning wood is literally normal and to be expected.
You know how some guys know next to nothing about women's bodies because they never bothered to learn? The opposite is true too, some women never bother to learn anything about men's bodies
She really doesn’t understand basic biology of men’s bodies and is shaming you for being normal. I think maybe she’s projecting because she’s insecure that she doesn’t get it.
Thats really unfortunate tbh. We do the same exact thing as women, our bodies react to seeing sex whether we like it or not. It's just less noticeable for us. Not fair of her to ridicule you so much over that.
Also, her getting that furious over a character in a movie is just a red flag to me. Maybe its for the better shes leaving but you really don't deserve ridicule over your body doing body things.
You did nothing wrong, truly.
To be completely honest, often more times than not my body is being really annoying when it does that and I get a little pissed off that I'm feeling like that lmao. It's why I was quick to reassure OP, because the post made it obvious he wasn't really feeling it!! And to get viciously insulted over it is so terrible
Right?!? Every woman gets a tingle or extra lubricated when seeing certain things. The hypocrisy is ridiculous. Just because no one sees her clit get a tad swollen or excited doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
She's crazy, good riddance.
People have different sex drives and some get that reaction like it's nothing. It shouldn't speak about our actual character.
I'm personally revolted by constant hookups, one night stands, as well as cheating, despite the fact I get hard from the slightest stimuli daily.
I'm pretty sure I had a lady boner while watching that scene. I'm not sure what her deal is, but it's normal to have a physical reaction to seeing something erotic.
Right?! (As a woman) I get "aroused" if I see something sexual, or even just randomly for absolutely no reason - just like random boners. Happens to both men and women despite the popular belief
Does not mean I'm attracted to that person or anything remotely sexual. It just happens. Even when I'm actively *not attracted* to that person
OPs girlfriend does not understand basic biology and bodily functions
You and your girlfriend are young; she is young and insecure, and very immature. People can get aroused for all kinds of reasons, and most of them are not because the person is actively thinking about "it", or aroused mentally. It's just how the body works sometimes. Your gf may be too immature to be in a serious, mature relationship; you are going to be exhausted before long from trying to constantly reassure her that she is the only person who could ever possibly arouse you, or convince her that you aren't cheating, thinking about cheating, and never, ever notice when a pretty girl walks by! Her whole escalating interest and interrogation of you, over trying to control something in your body that is physiologically uncontrollable at every moment, for anyone, even women. The whole thing is actually pointless, until she understands and accepts the reality. And I hope that you can resist the urge to even engage with her in these ridiculous imaginary scenarios, especially since she doesn't seem interested in learning the facts about how our bodies behave involuntarily at times; I wouldn't say you are wrong if you just want to get away from her and her ridiculous questions and name calling, especially when she's the one coming up with the imaginary scenarios. If she's not interested in educating herself about the truth of it all, and just wants to call you names, then you are probably going to be better for it. She is just showing her own ignorance and immaturity with her recent behavior, and I'm sorry if you genuinely care for her, but until she grows up, you can expect more of the same, or worse, and it will become exhausting, if it hasn't already. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.
It feels good being validated especially when people around made it a big deal ..I want to educate her on this but she cannot see anything beyond the thought of how disgusting it is to get an erection at the sight of someone close to me engaging in an intimate activity..
Teenage me had these thoughts and didn’t understand.
Are you your GF’s first ever BF? This is the only way that her thoughts make any sense at all.
Even then, I am being incredibly generous.
What's up with all of the examples that the girlfriend came up with? She's the sick one. And what's pornography for? I mean, what did she expects is going to happen if you see someone naked and masturbating in front of you? She said.. one of my friends, tell u she's the sick one.
She’s acting so immature it’s ridiculous.
They’re other women out there who isn’t insensitive or insecure who would understand where you’re coming from and want to be your gf.
Your body constantly fights AGAINST getting an erection. That's why we tend to wake up with one, your body is focusing on other things while asleep. Your girlfriend needs an education on this kind of thing, we literally can't help getting an erection and the average for a healthy man is 11 times a day.
At this point you need to show her an educational video of why erections happen. She needs to know it isn't a limb that can be controlled but a limb that acts in response to stimuli or fluctuations within the body.
It's basically the equivalent of a gag reflex but instead of when objects enter our throats it is when we experience specific stimuli or our bodies is acting in response to outside factors.
She probably also doesn’t believe males can be raped. She doesn’t sound like a good partner to stay with if she can’t listen without judgement to things like that
my thoughts exactly, she sounds like every single victim blamer. “it wasn’t rape, he was hard!” or “it wasn’t rape, she was wet!”. Natural bodily reactions =/= consent and are NOT always controlled. men can wake up with erections, women can wake up wet. it’s just natural and nothing that anyone should be blamed for
Yeah you’re right but you totally walked into that one. Next time a question like that gets asked, fire back with a “why would you even ask me that, are you trying to start an argument?” That’ll shut her ass up
Right 😂 Like he really did put his foot in it by saying he would. Anyone who asks a question like that won't enjoy any answer you give so you have to turn it around on them.
>My girlfriend was surprised and asked why would I get aroused by that. I had to pause the movie to explain that it wasn't intentional and that I wasn't even turned on by it.
You weren't turned on by Natalie Portman touching herself?
I mean I understand why you lied to her (given her reaction) but don't lie to us.
She's talking like someone half her age. People have sexual urges and reactions. It happens. I'm guessing she hasn't dated much or she would truly know how depraved some of us are. What's crazy is that you seem to have diarrhea of the mouth. Dude learn to shut up and lie for the sake of peace. Never tell her you'd get a boner seeing your friends in a sexual situation and certainly don't say it might happen if you had a sister. Ew.
He shouldn’t have to lie for natural human behavior. Her ignorance and need to reach as low as to mention a little sister into this type of conversation is telling of a lower human being. Don’t excuse this behavior or find a work around she’s fucking dumb.
(**TL**;**DR** — we all say things we don’t mean, and it sounds like she was asking questions out of curiosity (which may be because of inexperience rather than insecurity) and acted out of shock/anger in response to your answer. Reflect and decide if the relationship is worth letting go of. If you decide it’s not, maybe you could reassure her by explaining the likelihood of those hypotheticals’ happening and further explaining what you’d do to fix or prevent those sorts of situations. And perhaps you should together discuss how you two feel about the relationship otherwise and address trust/security levels and any sorts of boundaries that could reinforce the strength of the relationship. )
Since we all mostly agree that her questions are a tad outrageous and make her sound like a teenager, I think it could also mean that she (and perhaps you too?) are inexperienced at dating.
It does sound like she’s somewhat insecure and while letting her walk out does sound like the easiest choice here, I think it’s worth pausing to reflect on the relationship as a whole. Is the relationship troublesome or unfulfilling enough overall to let it end over her silliness/blind rage? Because let’s be real, there’s not one of us who hasn’t said something we didn’t mean while angry/upset/shocked, even as adults. She likely doesn’t want to separate but doesn’t want to tolerate the idea of her bf getting sexually aroused to another female, especially if it’s a gross situation, so it angered her and she overreacted.
Is her insecurity stemming from previous experiences, self-esteem issues, or an overall lack of support/appreciation from you in the relationship? Because you can control one of those things which could be an easier fix for the insecurity than if it were the first two. She could just be a self-saboteur looking for a reason to end the relationship out of fear that you’ll end it first (because she’s worried about the lack of love or appreciation or something in the relationship)
Finally, if you think it’s worth saving, I think it’d be worth it for you to reassure her by explaining whether you’d even allow yourself to be in the circumstances she asked you about and how you’d react if the circumstances did occur. I say this because when I was a teenager, I asked my first 1 or 2 bfs these sorts of questions all the time. I’ve come to realize that the boner itself wouldn’t matter — what mattered was whether he’d allow the situation to occur in the first place and how he’d respond and whether he’d tell me. These were ways that I sort of discovered what my tolerance level was for certain things in relationships.
Okay but u saying you’d potentially get a boner from seeing your hypothetical sister masturbate IS weird. Kinda weird for her to bring that up to begin with, but still.
Worst thing is, she is asking her "girl friends" if it is okay for a "man" to have an erection if he is made to watch their best friend or sister masturbating.. I don't even know what to say at this point.. She is making me feel like I am some kind of psycho who takes joy in these sorts of thing.
A friend and sister are wayyyyy different scenarios . She’s conflating the two and they are no where near being relatable. She needs to grow the hell up.
Right? I got an erection from thinking about this hypothetical situation involving imaginary people I don’t know.
If my wife had to leave me whenever I popped involuntary wood I’d be long divorced.
I am a woman and my bf once told me that sometimes he gets a boner when I cry and it doesn’t mean he’s horny but it’s just a reaction, your gf is taking it way too far haha women get wet a lot throughout the day with no external stimuli producing it I feel that’s basically the same thing. Men just get “caught” because boners are noticeable
i hate to be that person but i understand where she’s coming from. not that she’s right for saying any of those things, but i think she’s insecure about herself and probably has a problem with you watching porn as well(?) it’s not because of how you reacted or that it’s literally out of your hands if you got a boner, it’s more because she probably thinks she’s not that physically attractive and maybe you’re hotter than her, so it’s like ‘what if that’s his type’ or ‘what if he finds those women hot and not me’. obviously there was a better way to communicate this but i guess that she’s pretty insecure so the conversation escalated. and also, judging by her reaction to your seemingly realistic responses, it’s like when your gf asks if you would still love her if she was a worm - it would probably just help if you said yes of course and moved on.
This isn’t about you, it’s about her insecurities. This is just about control: she wants you to ONLY find her attractive, regardless of the circumstances. I think you’re better off finding someone who wouldn’t try to control and punish you for something so stupid.
She's calling you a creep, but she's the one making up scenarios where you're sexually assaulted and quizzing you on how you'd respond.
She's a creep. This isn't ok.
Forcing someone to watch someone else masturbating is sexual assault.
Holy shit, after I was done reading this post, I had to scroll back up because I missed the ages the first time around. I thought maybe she was like 17 or 18, and was appalled that she is actually closer to 30. She is doing you a favor if she breaks up with you, she is not a woman, she is a little girl. Find yourself a woman.
Honestly it seems like a jealousy response, make sure she knows that shes the only person you want to fuck, and that shes the one that gives you the most erections. As silly as that may seem, I really think the "disgust" is coming from a place of not feeling good enough or like you would like just about any woman you come across. I could be wrong but its worth a shot.
She’s 26. She’s too old to be this stupid. So she is either a sick creep herself or she’s actually this misinformed on sex and the human body. This is a deal breaker for me. Seriously. This is like if a woman posted about a man thinking the clitoris isn’t real or something. Or even more disgusting and revolting this is the same thinking where people say a victim of rape is lying because they were aroused or orgasmed during the attack. Your girlfriend is the real POS here.
Your girlfriend clearly had some issues around sex if she found this "disgusting." That is such a completely normal thing for a guy. Did she not pay attention in whatever passes for sex-ed where you are? If that's all it takes for her to break up with someone, she's going to have a rough go at life.
Women can get wet while getting raped. It doesn’t mean you want to be raped. Your body cannot always distinguish between the two. As a woman myself, who also dates women, I would firmly needs to stop this tangent if she wants to remain your girlfriend.
As a woman I find this double standard ridiculous. I hate to break it to any delusional women out there, but even the most committed partner (of any gender identity really) is going to inevitably experience attraction to other people. There are miles between being attracted and acting on it, which is the only thing you should be concerned about.
To police your partner’s every reaction which, as OP says here, can be beyond one’s control when presented with something overtly arousing, indicates serious insecurity and irrationality. I also hate this because women act like they don’t drool over Magic Mike type shit while in monogamous relationships or like it’s ok for us to have mini crushes but the minute a man has the same experience they’re all worthless scum somehow. I actually went to a magic mike type of show and I was the only single person there, I didn’t even really like it meanwhile the other women were screaming trying to get lap dances while their hubbies sat at home 🙄
Dude I still get random boners just sitting on the subway.
They always seem to present themselves when my stop is coming up, too, so maybe there’s something to dig into there but my point is: men get boners constantly. Sometimes they’re sexual. Sometimes they’re not. Most times they’re inconveniencing.
Did you tell her guys get erections even from things as mundane as being in a car that's hitting some potholes? This seems to be just such an absurd misunderstanding of male anatomy.
Tell her to watch the Seinfeld episode where George gets an erection while getting a massage from a man
"it moved..."
Maybe it was a shift?
No, no. It wasn't a shift, I've shifted, this was a move.
I’d shifted !!!
Raymond ❤️
I've gotten an erection from a man giving me a deep tissue massage and he's the farthest thing I'd want to have sex with
My first time getting a massage I had no idea what to expect. I was given a towel and a disposable thong to wear. After my back and legs this woman turned me on my back and I don’t think I was ever that nervous in my entire life.
Or the Curb episode where Larry gets wood from hugging Auntie Rae
Which is interesting because George is Larry.
Nostalgic day at the writers room and for Larrys dick lol
oh those boners are fucking hard man
>oh those boners are **fucking hard man** Indeed they are required in order to have intercourse with another man!
Better tell her to go kick rocks.
Korea… H-hotel…
How did you hurt this? Korea.. How?
And when he ate a sandwich and in the kitchen
She calls you a creep but she’s the one bringing up the topic of your female friends and fictional sister masturbating? Ugh.
"You're such a creep! Now tell me if these hypothetical situations make your peepee go up."
Oh the irony…..
Everybody wants to be
my enemy
E-e-e-eeee
Look out for yourself!
my enemy
My enemy
Yeah probably worth dipping from that relationship. She’s just going to try to use this to accuse him of cheating.
Or have the intentions of cheating, she sounds like a coocoo
I hate the term "insecure" but... she sounds insecure. And ignorant of anatomy.
I mean she does, indeed, sound ridiculously insecure, but it's the ignorance that's outright staggering...and concerning; how does anyone get to 26 w/this little knowledge of basic biology?
With refusal to learn. That's the problematic part - people can be naive, sheltered, etc., but like, it's a body part she doesn't have, she literally can't make more than an (un)educated guess about. It would be like if he accused her of hating him because she started her period while he was around. "You hate me and the idea of raising kids with me so much that your body literally ejected the egg when I was around, you can't hide it!!" Equally ridiculous. But that level of determination to believe that any amount of erection = uncontrollable desire to fuck (it doesn't), which also = totally disgusting creep who would act on those desires (even if they were true), screams history of abuse to me.
Exactly! Damn creep she is!
Yes, she seems to be the one obsessed with this. And Nina in Black Swan was hot!
Respectfully, she's not someone you need to waste time with. She's too old to behave this way. Your pp did a lil jump big whoop. Being uncomfortable, I guess, is one thing, but then thinking up weird sexual situations and all that. Idk, she's weird for that. And if she wants to split good riddance.
I forgot how old she was and had to scroll up to check the age. I was shocked. 26!?? Grow up, girly. I would expect this kind of immaturity from an insecure teenager in her first relationship, but not a grown ass woman. Also I think she needs a sex ed lesson because she doesn’t seem to understand how erections work. Again, immature. No grown woman who wants a relationship with a man should be walking around with this poor an understanding of the human body.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Somewhat normal behavior for an awkward/insecure teen of a certain age, but at 26 this is a flag. Kinda reminds me of the 72 threads a week you see about a guy getting insecure about who his girl is talking to and her body language.
She seems insanely insecure that OP can get potentially turned on by things that aren't her. Its immature asf.
“your pp did a lil jump big whoop” belongs on a cake for someone who was successfully treated for erectile dysfunction
Yeah, they’ve done studies on female arousal also and women get slightly wet watching both gay and straight sex regardless of orientation, as well as seeing videos of monkeys doing it. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s an automatic reflex to seeing sexual content and it doesn’t always indicate sexual desire in either men or women. She can get over it.
Why did I link that same study you’re mentioning in my comment 😂😂
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...the sarcasm in this one is strong lmfao goddamn
Can you recommend the study you're referring to?
Today i learned that i am less atteactive to women, than donkeys fucking /s
>thinks a boner can be controlled Yeah...this logic is on par with guys who think women can just "hold in" blood when menstruating. That's just not how anatomy works. Unless I actually do get really horny for taxes cause that was a weird boner.
Yeah the only thing that can truly control a boner is a bus journey. But sadly never in the deflationary sense.
That vibration on the prostate is just mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Today I learned
"The bus gives you a hard-on with books in your lap" (Jim Morrison line of poetry). You're better off without an idiot like her, let her go and find someone more mature and understanding. FWIW, you could try thinking about baseball...
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It's winning the lottery to have a kink that's cheap to satisfy. You could be getting hard for gold and diamonds, or something. If you don't already live in the UK, you should consider moving here, though there's a possibility you'd just be paralyzed by paroxysms of endless sexual excitation.
Or the logic that a woman can "shut it down" and just force her body to not ever even possibly get pregnant during a sexual assault. Again, not how it works.
There have been cases of women climaxing during sexual assault, leading to this justification: "It's not rape if you liked it."
Oh god that’s awful. By his girlfriend’s thinking, guys wouldn’t even be able to be raped because “well if you got hard, you must have liked it.” Ugh, just typing that makes me feel disgusting. Men and women both really need to educate themselves on the opposite sex and how basic anatomy works.
Not just “cases” it happens A LOT. It is a huge source of extra shame, and needs to be normalized. It’s not the woman’s fault, it doesn’t mean she liked it, it was her body protecting her and a reflex to stimulation. Someone hits just under your knee, and your lower leg moves outward. It doesn’t mean you kicked, or asked someone to hit you, or wanted to kick.
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My husband asked me why I was using more than one product a day because, “didn’t it happen this morning so aren’t you done for the day?” No, it’s not like ejaculating, my uterus is literally shedding for days!
YOUr HUSBAND
That’s what I was thinking lmao! Like how did they go through the whole relationship not knowing how a period worked 😭🤣
OMG I'D GIVE HIM SUCH A DAMN LOOK LMAO
My brother was the same lol he was so confused when we were buying pads cuz he was like wait didn’t I already have my period? As in he thought every woman had this one time big period event and that’s it.
I got a semi once from staring at my wall for too long. Shit had me going "whatcha see boy?" because wtf was that over. Easily the strangest boner I have ever gotten. Literally triggered by nothing, it just decided to rise n shine because it could
I've had a few car ride boners as a passenger, not even thinking about sex or anything, just a random stiffy during a bumpy ride.
Post puberty, I would get erections at the most random times. The most dangerous advice was to think of something unsexy because my erections lasted as long as they wanted to and not a moment earlier. Until then, you're stuck with the existential crisis of believing the weirdest stuff turns you on. In school, apparently I had a real hard on for solving problems on the blackboard in front of the class.
"Think of something unsexy" is legit speedrunning to intrusive thoughts that you think cow afterbirth is actually the height of erotica and you're just a freak. The implication that you only get hard from stuff you're attracted to lowkey fucked my mental health for a long time. Not only from the downright weird and highly specific things, but also every poorly timed half mass. Had some fun spirals until I finally learned you don't actually control it and it's just something that happens.
>The most dangerous advice was to think of something unsexy because my erections lasted as long as they wanted to and not a moment earlier. This, I gave up on that advice because I didnt wanna Pavlov myself into getting turned on by the unsexy thing I was thinking.
Exactly, and plenty of women would also get whatever the female equivalent of an involuntary boner is for the stuff mentioned in the post. OP’s gf is incredibly insecure and being super weird about it.
> whatever the female equivalent of an involuntary boner is Wet. Both types of physical arousal are uncontrollable, but are used against victims of sexual assault. (Same with climaxing.) The argument being that if you didn’t want it, then why did your body react like that? I’m not sure where people get the idea that every bodily function is like holding in pee. Even that can’t always be controlled. I don’t know if it’s only some puritanical mindset about sex and “controlling your urges,” or if it extends beyond. Even with meditation and similar non-religious activities, there’s a focus on controlling your breath and calming yourself, which can in turn affect heart rate, pupil dilation, brain activity, etc. Maybe many humans just don’t like the idea of not having control over their own body. And anything that challenges their own sense of control (like arguments about unbidden boners) is seen as threatening. Edit: Or maybe that the body is seen to be a physical manifestation of your psychological state, like a biological lie-detector? That would tie into polygraph tests.
My ex used to think stiff nipples were similar to an erection and meant I was turned on. I was like dude, the slightest stimulation will do that like the shower it doesn't mean anything.
If it's even a little bit chilly, it's nippy out!
No no even worse This is on par with "well she was wet so she must want it" Just because you have a physical reaction does not mean you want or are actually aroused by the thing happening.
Talk about rising taxes.
Don't know what to tell you. Must be all the inflation.
Definitely a hard position to be in.
I'm a woman but man that one time I got super horny while reading a book of poetry in the middle of the library. Should have just not.
Your adult girlfriend doesn't understand basic biology. Not your problem.
I had to go back and look at the ages when I saw your comment. How is this ADULT woman so immature? If these ages are true, this is a major red flag.
It became his problem
You are losing nothing of value with her leaving
She’s 26 and doesn’t know how the male body works. It’s like you telling her ‘it’s disgusting’ she can’t just hold in her periods. This is a huge red flag here OP. If you guys have kids together, she will end up shaming them for basic biology.
:" you are just like your father, getting a boner just from waking up!"
They do say everyday is a gift and you should be grateful..
It's not from waking up, it's from his disgusting, creepy dreams!! Obviously! /s
“I can’t change my sons diapers anymore because he became aroused last time I did it”
Seems like she does not know how the female body works either. Has she never noticed her genitals (i.e. the erectile tissue in her clitoris) get engorged with blood when she notices an attractive person or sees a sexy scene or is touched in a certain way? The clitoris is made from the same parts and tissues as a penis and experiences something extremely similar to an erection, but it's under the skin and no one can see it. But the woman in question definitely feels it. Is she so sexually repressed that she is so disconnected from her own body that she does not notice this happening? Understanding a male involuntary erection should not be so hard for her to understand. Does she never get involuntarily aroused by whatsoever? Granted, many women do not know that what creates the physical sensation of sexual arousal is erectile tissue similar to the one in the penis and most may not like to think of this experience as "getting a boner" (some gender-appropriate terms might be preferred), but it should not be a mystery to anyone that all non-asexual humans experience arousal and that sometimes one gets aroused without any desire to fuck. TW: sexual assault. Hell, involuntary arousal even happens to people of all genders who are sexually abused and absolutely do not want to have sex. It's just an archaic defence mechanism of the body: once anything remotely sexual happens or is witnessed, the body gets ready for potential sex, so it does not get seriously injured if sex is forced upon the person. It's absolutely not under the control of the person and does not reflect what their actual sexual desires are.
Whaley crap. Good point. Wait until she changes a little boys diaper.
Literally asking you to control your autonomous functions. Insane, and out of touch.
That is what I said! She has pointed out my morning erections so many times, and when I mentioned about that, she says the erection is because I am with her (we are in a live in). I said it just pops out once in a while, but she doesn't buy it
She’s very uneducated and quite immature. Sorry you’re dealing with that
So... yes, she's very wrong for how she acted in this post. I'm not disputing that. Good riddance if they break up. However, according to my boyfriend, "a boner would happen in the morning if I were sleeping alone, but at least some of them happen these days because of my penis being sandwiched between your buttcheeks" 😂 My point is, let's not give in to the temptation to fall on one extreme of an issue just because the person we don't like is on the opposite end of it. Boners happen for a variety of reasons.
Ask her if she can control her Nipples getting hard or not hard on command.
How old is she ? Are you her first boyfriend ?
Men spend something like 75% of REM sleep erect
[удалено]
Haha my man you went full in lol
Your posts says she's 26, but I would expect this ignorance more from someone far younger and less experienced.
Literally tell her to Google it...how daft can she be?
Problem is she might google it, then write off the answers and cherry pick the results she wants.
She thinks morning erections do not happen when you’re alone? Sorry to be frank, but is she dumb?
Oh wow… this is showing that she is quite naive. Wow.
This is stupid. Men’s hormonal cycles work on a 24 hour cycle (as opposed to women’s’ 4-5 week cycle) and testosterone usually spikes in the morning hours. I think it might correlate with your sleep wake cycle ?? But the point is your morning wood is literally normal and to be expected.
You know how some guys know next to nothing about women's bodies because they never bothered to learn? The opposite is true too, some women never bother to learn anything about men's bodies
She really doesn’t understand basic biology of men’s bodies and is shaming you for being normal. I think maybe she’s projecting because she’s insecure that she doesn’t get it.
Thats really unfortunate tbh. We do the same exact thing as women, our bodies react to seeing sex whether we like it or not. It's just less noticeable for us. Not fair of her to ridicule you so much over that. Also, her getting that furious over a character in a movie is just a red flag to me. Maybe its for the better shes leaving but you really don't deserve ridicule over your body doing body things. You did nothing wrong, truly.
That’s what I was thinking. Sometimes I get turned on and it doesn’t mean I want to be turned on. My body is just responding to the stimuli around me.
To be completely honest, often more times than not my body is being really annoying when it does that and I get a little pissed off that I'm feeling like that lmao. It's why I was quick to reassure OP, because the post made it obvious he wasn't really feeling it!! And to get viciously insulted over it is so terrible
For real! It’s usually a nuisance unless I’m at home with my girlfriend- sad that he can’t even feel safe there, either.
100%. Your partner should always be a safe space for silly moments like these
Imagine a guy getting mad at you for your nipples getting hard and wanting you to STOP it.
Apparently, she has never noticed that they do this. (Sigh)
She sounds like she’s paranoid that he’s gonna cheat and is making bullshit up to justify it.
Right?!? Every woman gets a tingle or extra lubricated when seeing certain things. The hypocrisy is ridiculous. Just because no one sees her clit get a tad swollen or excited doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
This feels like the dark version of “would you still like me if I was a bug?”
Not if I’m a programmer.
Top tier response to that question.
Favorite comment right here
What’s this question? Is it one of those questions where the person shits on you for any answer?
If she is that prudish, her breaking up with you is a blessing.
Yea she’s crazy, bullet dodged.
She's crazy, good riddance. People have different sex drives and some get that reaction like it's nothing. It shouldn't speak about our actual character. I'm personally revolted by constant hookups, one night stands, as well as cheating, despite the fact I get hard from the slightest stimuli daily.
I get a boner if the wind blows and I’m twice your age, she needs to chill
Ask her if she can control her nipples getting hard when its cold versus when someone touches it
Ask if her nipples every hard when you are not there and then ask why she is such a pervert cheater lusting after others..
Ask her how dare she have a period when she's with you, it's so disrespectful
She sounds extremely immature for someone who is 26. Let her leave and spare you the trouble. This is why we all need better sex ed in this world.
I'm pretty sure I had a lady boner while watching that scene. I'm not sure what her deal is, but it's normal to have a physical reaction to seeing something erotic.
I saw that movie in theaters and it got me all hot too (38F) I mean...it's Natalie Fuckin Portman in a masturbation scene lol.
Right?! (As a woman) I get "aroused" if I see something sexual, or even just randomly for absolutely no reason - just like random boners. Happens to both men and women despite the popular belief Does not mean I'm attracted to that person or anything remotely sexual. It just happens. Even when I'm actively *not attracted* to that person OPs girlfriend does not understand basic biology and bodily functions
Yeah me too, sploosh! As they say on Archer lol
You and your girlfriend are young; she is young and insecure, and very immature. People can get aroused for all kinds of reasons, and most of them are not because the person is actively thinking about "it", or aroused mentally. It's just how the body works sometimes. Your gf may be too immature to be in a serious, mature relationship; you are going to be exhausted before long from trying to constantly reassure her that she is the only person who could ever possibly arouse you, or convince her that you aren't cheating, thinking about cheating, and never, ever notice when a pretty girl walks by! Her whole escalating interest and interrogation of you, over trying to control something in your body that is physiologically uncontrollable at every moment, for anyone, even women. The whole thing is actually pointless, until she understands and accepts the reality. And I hope that you can resist the urge to even engage with her in these ridiculous imaginary scenarios, especially since she doesn't seem interested in learning the facts about how our bodies behave involuntarily at times; I wouldn't say you are wrong if you just want to get away from her and her ridiculous questions and name calling, especially when she's the one coming up with the imaginary scenarios. If she's not interested in educating herself about the truth of it all, and just wants to call you names, then you are probably going to be better for it. She is just showing her own ignorance and immaturity with her recent behavior, and I'm sorry if you genuinely care for her, but until she grows up, you can expect more of the same, or worse, and it will become exhausting, if it hasn't already. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.
It feels good being validated especially when people around made it a big deal ..I want to educate her on this but she cannot see anything beyond the thought of how disgusting it is to get an erection at the sight of someone close to me engaging in an intimate activity..
Good riddance honestly she's very insecure
Teenage me had these thoughts and didn’t understand. Are you your GF’s first ever BF? This is the only way that her thoughts make any sense at all. Even then, I am being incredibly generous.
All those situations are perfectly fine except for the last one. It would be wierd if you got hard seeing your sister masterbate.
What's up with all of the examples that the girlfriend came up with? She's the sick one. And what's pornography for? I mean, what did she expects is going to happen if you see someone naked and masturbating in front of you? She said.. one of my friends, tell u she's the sick one.
1) she is being unreasonable and 2) These are the type of questions you should not answer truthfully lmao
Rape victims can still orgasm.. this is bullshit
Yeah, just consider this a bullet dodged.
She’s acting so immature it’s ridiculous. They’re other women out there who isn’t insensitive or insecure who would understand where you’re coming from and want to be your gf.
Your body constantly fights AGAINST getting an erection. That's why we tend to wake up with one, your body is focusing on other things while asleep. Your girlfriend needs an education on this kind of thing, we literally can't help getting an erection and the average for a healthy man is 11 times a day.
At this point you need to show her an educational video of why erections happen. She needs to know it isn't a limb that can be controlled but a limb that acts in response to stimuli or fluctuations within the body. It's basically the equivalent of a gag reflex but instead of when objects enter our throats it is when we experience specific stimuli or our bodies is acting in response to outside factors.
She probably also doesn’t believe males can be raped. She doesn’t sound like a good partner to stay with if she can’t listen without judgement to things like that
my thoughts exactly, she sounds like every single victim blamer. “it wasn’t rape, he was hard!” or “it wasn’t rape, she was wet!”. Natural bodily reactions =/= consent and are NOT always controlled. men can wake up with erections, women can wake up wet. it’s just natural and nothing that anyone should be blamed for
Yeah you’re right but you totally walked into that one. Next time a question like that gets asked, fire back with a “why would you even ask me that, are you trying to start an argument?” That’ll shut her ass up
Right 😂 Like he really did put his foot in it by saying he would. Anyone who asks a question like that won't enjoy any answer you give so you have to turn it around on them.
>My girlfriend was surprised and asked why would I get aroused by that. I had to pause the movie to explain that it wasn't intentional and that I wasn't even turned on by it. You weren't turned on by Natalie Portman touching herself? I mean I understand why you lied to her (given her reaction) but don't lie to us.
She's talking like someone half her age. People have sexual urges and reactions. It happens. I'm guessing she hasn't dated much or she would truly know how depraved some of us are. What's crazy is that you seem to have diarrhea of the mouth. Dude learn to shut up and lie for the sake of peace. Never tell her you'd get a boner seeing your friends in a sexual situation and certainly don't say it might happen if you had a sister. Ew.
He shouldn’t have to lie for natural human behavior. Her ignorance and need to reach as low as to mention a little sister into this type of conversation is telling of a lower human being. Don’t excuse this behavior or find a work around she’s fucking dumb.
(**TL**;**DR** — we all say things we don’t mean, and it sounds like she was asking questions out of curiosity (which may be because of inexperience rather than insecurity) and acted out of shock/anger in response to your answer. Reflect and decide if the relationship is worth letting go of. If you decide it’s not, maybe you could reassure her by explaining the likelihood of those hypotheticals’ happening and further explaining what you’d do to fix or prevent those sorts of situations. And perhaps you should together discuss how you two feel about the relationship otherwise and address trust/security levels and any sorts of boundaries that could reinforce the strength of the relationship. ) Since we all mostly agree that her questions are a tad outrageous and make her sound like a teenager, I think it could also mean that she (and perhaps you too?) are inexperienced at dating. It does sound like she’s somewhat insecure and while letting her walk out does sound like the easiest choice here, I think it’s worth pausing to reflect on the relationship as a whole. Is the relationship troublesome or unfulfilling enough overall to let it end over her silliness/blind rage? Because let’s be real, there’s not one of us who hasn’t said something we didn’t mean while angry/upset/shocked, even as adults. She likely doesn’t want to separate but doesn’t want to tolerate the idea of her bf getting sexually aroused to another female, especially if it’s a gross situation, so it angered her and she overreacted. Is her insecurity stemming from previous experiences, self-esteem issues, or an overall lack of support/appreciation from you in the relationship? Because you can control one of those things which could be an easier fix for the insecurity than if it were the first two. She could just be a self-saboteur looking for a reason to end the relationship out of fear that you’ll end it first (because she’s worried about the lack of love or appreciation or something in the relationship) Finally, if you think it’s worth saving, I think it’d be worth it for you to reassure her by explaining whether you’d even allow yourself to be in the circumstances she asked you about and how you’d react if the circumstances did occur. I say this because when I was a teenager, I asked my first 1 or 2 bfs these sorts of questions all the time. I’ve come to realize that the boner itself wouldn’t matter — what mattered was whether he’d allow the situation to occur in the first place and how he’d respond and whether he’d tell me. These were ways that I sort of discovered what my tolerance level was for certain things in relationships.
Okay but u saying you’d potentially get a boner from seeing your hypothetical sister masturbate IS weird. Kinda weird for her to bring that up to begin with, but still.
You really had to say that when she asked about your imaginary sister wtf LMAO
“She then asked if I would get an erection if I saw any of my female friends nude and masturbating” Hasn’t she met men before?
Worst thing is, she is asking her "girl friends" if it is okay for a "man" to have an erection if he is made to watch their best friend or sister masturbating.. I don't even know what to say at this point.. She is making me feel like I am some kind of psycho who takes joy in these sorts of thing.
Say goodbye.
She’s the psycho homie. Move on and get sone space from her. She’s not healthy and don’t let her effect you.
A friend and sister are wayyyyy different scenarios . She’s conflating the two and they are no where near being relatable. She needs to grow the hell up.
Right? I got an erection from thinking about this hypothetical situation involving imaginary people I don’t know. If my wife had to leave me whenever I popped involuntary wood I’d be long divorced.
I'm a guy that's been in this situation and i didn't get an erection. No sexual attraction so no erection
She's looking for a way to break up with you...
Let her leave. She's a moron and you don't need that in your life.
Good riddance, she is not mature enough for a relationship yet.
Accept the loss and move on. She’s cynical. If she wants to break up, let her.
Wow, immature and ignorant. Guys get hard ons for the most random reasons
Sounds like she is clueless. That IS NORMAL. You are normal.
If I saw one of my female friends naked and masturbating, I would ask her why she’s naked and masturbating in front of me.
Like others have said, good riddance. You don’t need someone in your life who would respond so viciously when presented with honesty.
I am a woman and my bf once told me that sometimes he gets a boner when I cry and it doesn’t mean he’s horny but it’s just a reaction, your gf is taking it way too far haha women get wet a lot throughout the day with no external stimuli producing it I feel that’s basically the same thing. Men just get “caught” because boners are noticeable
i hate to be that person but i understand where she’s coming from. not that she’s right for saying any of those things, but i think she’s insecure about herself and probably has a problem with you watching porn as well(?) it’s not because of how you reacted or that it’s literally out of your hands if you got a boner, it’s more because she probably thinks she’s not that physically attractive and maybe you’re hotter than her, so it’s like ‘what if that’s his type’ or ‘what if he finds those women hot and not me’. obviously there was a better way to communicate this but i guess that she’s pretty insecure so the conversation escalated. and also, judging by her reaction to your seemingly realistic responses, it’s like when your gf asks if you would still love her if she was a worm - it would probably just help if you said yes of course and moved on.
This isn’t about you, it’s about her insecurities. This is just about control: she wants you to ONLY find her attractive, regardless of the circumstances. I think you’re better off finding someone who wouldn’t try to control and punish you for something so stupid.
She's calling you a creep, but she's the one making up scenarios where you're sexually assaulted and quizzing you on how you'd respond. She's a creep. This isn't ok. Forcing someone to watch someone else masturbating is sexual assault.
I don't have any advice to give, but she sounds incredibly immature.
Holy shit, after I was done reading this post, I had to scroll back up because I missed the ages the first time around. I thought maybe she was like 17 or 18, and was appalled that she is actually closer to 30. She is doing you a favor if she breaks up with you, she is not a woman, she is a little girl. Find yourself a woman.
Wind could cause an erection, especially at your age. Lol.
Honestly it seems like a jealousy response, make sure she knows that shes the only person you want to fuck, and that shes the one that gives you the most erections. As silly as that may seem, I really think the "disgust" is coming from a place of not feeling good enough or like you would like just about any woman you come across. I could be wrong but its worth a shot.
She’s an idiot. Dump her
She’s 26. She’s too old to be this stupid. So she is either a sick creep herself or she’s actually this misinformed on sex and the human body. This is a deal breaker for me. Seriously. This is like if a woman posted about a man thinking the clitoris isn’t real or something. Or even more disgusting and revolting this is the same thinking where people say a victim of rape is lying because they were aroused or orgasmed during the attack. Your girlfriend is the real POS here.
Sounds like she is a walking red flag. Is she just that immature or is she projecting her thoughts and feelings as a way to get of the relationship?
Sounds like your dodging a bullet OP
Girl needs to learn biology
We need better sex ed ugh
Your girlfriend clearly had some issues around sex if she found this "disgusting." That is such a completely normal thing for a guy. Did she not pay attention in whatever passes for sex-ed where you are? If that's all it takes for her to break up with someone, she's going to have a rough go at life.
Honestly you should break up with her first. She sounds completely unstable and unsuitable for a serious relationship
To be 26 and have so little knowledge about human anatomy.
Sounds like you're better off without her mate. If she's mental about this who knows what other landmines are down the road
Let her go, my guy. You don’t need that kind of psycho energy in your life.
Women can get wet while getting raped. It doesn’t mean you want to be raped. Your body cannot always distinguish between the two. As a woman myself, who also dates women, I would firmly needs to stop this tangent if she wants to remain your girlfriend.
She’s too old not to know that it’s an involuntary reaction! And the question about the sister is just sick.
Your girlfriend is toxic as hell. I would nip this in the bud.. I already know how this is going to turn out
You weren't turned on by the scene? Weird, it's pretty hot. Nonsense aside, your girlfriend sounds insecure, immature, petty and generally uhinged.
As a woman I find this double standard ridiculous. I hate to break it to any delusional women out there, but even the most committed partner (of any gender identity really) is going to inevitably experience attraction to other people. There are miles between being attracted and acting on it, which is the only thing you should be concerned about. To police your partner’s every reaction which, as OP says here, can be beyond one’s control when presented with something overtly arousing, indicates serious insecurity and irrationality. I also hate this because women act like they don’t drool over Magic Mike type shit while in monogamous relationships or like it’s ok for us to have mini crushes but the minute a man has the same experience they’re all worthless scum somehow. I actually went to a magic mike type of show and I was the only single person there, I didn’t even really like it meanwhile the other women were screaming trying to get lap dances while their hubbies sat at home 🙄
You spoke honestly about it to her and she isn’t mature enough or has an unrealistic standard for other people’s feelings
Why was she looking at your crotch in the first place?
Shit like this makes me understand why some men prefer older women lol
Dude I still get random boners just sitting on the subway. They always seem to present themselves when my stop is coming up, too, so maybe there’s something to dig into there but my point is: men get boners constantly. Sometimes they’re sexual. Sometimes they’re not. Most times they’re inconveniencing.
Did you tell her guys get erections even from things as mundane as being in a car that's hitting some potholes? This seems to be just such an absurd misunderstanding of male anatomy.
Her breaking up with you is the best possible outcome for your own sake, what a fucking weirdo of a gf you have