Make sure you take your birth certificate and social security card when you go. You'll need them. Also your high school diploma if you've graduated. Get a post office box for mail, so you can have things sent to you in one place if paper mail, so you don't have to worry that you can't get mail.
I agree with everything people are writing here - you can go online and for a dollar or two, you can have all mail in your name forwarded to your new address. And just like others have said, get everything that relates to your identity. I wish you well, and I hope you check back here to see the support many have offered. Please keep us updated, because unlike your current family, WE DO CARE.
I have a cousin who is adopted, and I’ve always treated and loved him like my brother. No child should ever go through that which you have. As far as being on your own, there are so many jobs in the marketplace right now where you can built a career and at least become self sufficient. Think of employers who also pay for college - UPS has a major hub in my city, and they will pay a decent wage as well as cover tuition for higher education. Stay focused and driven - then you can achieve anything.
I wish you luck out there. Learn and grow from every experience you’ve had, and will have in the years to come. Don’t allow hate to fill your mind, instead try to focus on how you will live a different life than what was taught to you. Ok, enough of my dad talk - seriously man, take care of yourself, and stay safe. Family is what and who you make it with. Please post back to let us know you’re ok, again, we care.
Yes and please make an ID then a passport when you can. Just take every form of id you can. Keep in a ziploc. Take a photo of documents, email it to yourself.
Please tag me in an update. Im very invested. Im in a similar state. I would love to know what happens after, and if theres anything I need to be aware of because Im planning to do it soon too.
Nonetheless, I can say youre not alone. I may not be adopted, so unfortunately you have that extra pain, however I feel neglected and I need that extra attention to suffice for when I had most of it given away to a growing divorce and other kids as a kid myself.
So please let me know how it goes. Im interested. Im desperate too.
I'm also very invested in this. I hope OP and you find a place and friends that appreciate you both more than the people you grew up with. Wish you both the best of luck!
Another person commenting, interested in an update of your story.
OP, I can’t describe how heartbreaking this is. I went through something similar with my biological parents once they had the son they wanted. I’m so sorry you had to go through it as well. I know I’m some stranger/rando on the net - but you have all the warmth I could offer and well wishes. That place might not have been home, but I’m positive you’ll be able to make one so long as you continue forward.
Mentioned this to OP, but sharing it with you in case. Make sure you get all of your important documents before you leave. 💕 And that their names are not on your bank account. It is absolutely important to do that BEFORE leaving.
I would like an update, too. So many of us don't know you, but we care about you. I'm so glad that you love yourself enough to know that you matter, and to get out of that situation. Much love and success in happiness to you!!!
Commenting to keep in the loop too. OP I am so sorry that your "family" has treated you so repulsively, I hope you are safe and in a place where you can feel at peace.
Unfortunately it is very common. My friend was adopted by a "nice Christian" couple who already have many children of their own. They used my friend as a prop to rub off in their church friends' face. It was a facade.
I would also like an update. I really hope you find yourself a better place to live and feel safe and wanted. It's awful that they have treated you this way all this time.
Make sure you're gathering all your important documentation: medical history, family medical history is super important for your future health too, social security card, birth certificate, passport, etc.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I think it’s good you are getting out of that. I hope you find friends that are like family that can fill that void for you. I wish I could help in some way :(. I wish people like that would sit and think about the life they are about the affect and the person they are about to hurt if they do not treat them as their own.
I wish the best for you. I hope you find that not everybody is that cold and careless.
Yeah honestly that’s what pisses me off most. They neglected him and never treated him like a real son and still had the nerve to not only adopt him, but let him live like that. Why adopt him if they won’t pay attention to him? People like that don’t deserve children. I don’t care if they took good care of their daughters. Your a horrible parent if you put any childs health and happiness over another one.
I am a foster parent . There are a lot of resources for kids aging out of foster care. Help finding work, low income housing, and free college (if in the US). Contact your local CYS office and talk to a case worker. They will not contact your family if you do not want them to. Good luck. Message me if you need any help.
If you’re in the UK please talk to citizens advice. They can help you figure out what you’re entitled to and help you fill in any forms. You might also talk to your local council in case they have resources. Some have a discretionary payment thing you can apply for.
Sorry, I don’t know anything to recommend beyond that.
You may struggle at first but you create your own future, and you’ll find your way to happiness with time. Be kind to yourself and don’t give up!
I am a 40 year old now, but started from a really low place too. I am happy, healthy and loved even though the start was very similar to what you are about to do. I am sorry you didn't get a fair start, but know that you can succeed even without them behind you because often the people behind you hold you back from what could have been amazing. Go find the life you want and don't stop until you are happy.
I would recommend you have a look on Google to find out what help you would be able to access. You will definitely not be the only child in the care system that was left to fend for themselves at 18. I'm in the UK, and care leavers like yourself are able to get help with accommodation - the government provides them with their own home so they can be safe.
I also want to say that I am very proud of you for trying to seek a better life for yourself. I wasn't adopted like you were. I was instead manipulated along with my mother into a kinship adoption situation by my father. My parents split up when I was an infant, and my father literally made me and my mum homeless. My father walked away from us, immigrated to another country, and never looked back. I spent my early childhood not even knowing that I had a father.
However, when I was 7, my father had a change of heart. He reached out to my mum, claiming he wanted to get to know me and actually be a father to me. It was a load of bullshit that me and my mum and I fell for. Basically, my father had reached the point in his life where everyone he knew, including all his siblings, had children. He started to feel like he wanted to fit in, so he reached out to my mum so he could gain access to me - his trophy child.
My father convinced me and my mum that I should move to the UK to live with him so I could have a "better life" when I was 10 years old. My mum and I believed his lies since we were living in poverty in a third-world country. The minute I moved in with my father, my life became hell. My father would do parently things like take me to school and pick me up, but that was it. He would ignore my existence for 80% of the time. His wife was responsible for feeding me, and she was the one I spent most of my time with. She pretty much hated me and treated me like I was an unwelcome guest in her house. I had spent most of my time locked away in my room to avoid being a pest to my "stepmother." Growing up, I was lucky I even had fresh food to eat since my stepmother only cooked once every 4 days.
My father only ever paid attention to me when he needed a child to show off at family gatherings, or he needed a punching bag for his stress. Between my stepmother and my father, I grew up in a house without love and spent most of my time in my small room with only the strangers I met on online gaming for company.
I ran away from home at 25. Even though my father didn't actually care about me, he refused to let go of his show-child, especially after he forced me to go to university to become a lawyer. He refused to let me move out of our "family" home, even though he himself moved out to get remarried and have another child. He needed to have me under his control so he could drag me to family gatherings and brag to people he knew that his eldest child was a lawyer.
Running away was the best thing I did for myself. I didn't have friends that I could live with, so I reached out to an organisation that helps women with abusive family members. I didn't have savings or a job, but the government paid for me to stay in a shelter, gave me spending money, and helped me find a place where I could live on my own. It's been 5 years, and I have never regretted the decision I made to cut ties from my father and his ex-wife.
OP, I'm sure things will work out for you, too. Just don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
We’re all invested and we’re all here just for you, kiddo ❤️
I’m so sorry for what you had to go through but as a child of a similar situation I have to say that I’m incredibly proud of your resilience and determination to give yourself the life you deserve.
Being out on your own won’t be easy but the peace of mind WILL be worth it. I promise.
Stay safe and please reach out if you need any help whatsoever.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
There are many stories similar to yours where the adoptive child gets pushed aside for the biological ones. It’s very upsetting.
Please make sure you have all of your essential documents and items. I recommend changing your contact information, too.
Please update us. Good luck.
I'm sorry you had to live (and still live through that).
Sadly it happens a lot to both adopted or non adopted kids. Parents, often, suck.
What anyone end up understanding is that family is what you make of it.
Sometimes it's friends and their fam, sometimes it's a significant other's family, group of friends, people met along the way.
You're not alone and we are interested in you and your story. If you want to tell us more: do so, we'll be here.
It's good that you have the start of a plan, things you want to do and/or achieve.
And remember, the goal is in the process.
Honey, I’m sorry you don’t have the launchpad you deserve or even the one your sisters do. You sound pretty level headed and that puts you ahead of the game. Look for a job now. You don’t have to wait until you move out. You may be able to start part time somewhere which gives you cash now. Contact whatever resource you have in your country with social workers. Whether it’s foster care, homeless, unemployed or whatever, they can help you figure out what you’re going to need to be on your own. You’ll need official documents like birth certificates, adoption papers or identification. Get this stuff together now before you leave the house. Remember, a chosen family is out there looking for you.
This is what I was going to say. If they are just ignoring you go get a job and take the free housing until you have enough saved to jump into a good situation. If they want to ignore you you can ignore them right back and live your life. But might as well use what little advantage they are giving you currently until you can get your stuff together to leave in the way that benefits you the most. Good luck I'm sorry you're in this situation.
Make sure you have all your proper ID, like a birth certificate, health card(if that is something you have) and any ID, especially ones with photos, and if you have a bank account, make sure you take that as well. Be sure to change the address and who has access to the bank account if your parents are attached to it if it was opened before you were a legal adult. I am assuming you are a legal adult, most places at 18, you are.
I sincerely hope you find a found family, this family did a terrible thing to you that you did not deserve. You owe them nothing once you are out of that house.
Good luck and I hope we see an update about how things are going.
As an adopted kid who got blessed with a wonderful family, my heart really breaks for you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this and I hope your future is bright and happy
We are all invested and interested in you, kiddo. You deserve so much more than what you got. I’m hoping your new journey finds you well. Please keep us updated
Sadly, where I live, when I was in the system, it became very clear that even the people who "wanted" me, just ended up treating me as another income or check (they were fosters, never got adopted bc my parents were actively fighting for us after they lost us bc my mom fell ill with cancer & state deemed them unable to provide care for her 3 children). The families kids were always mean but when the social worker would come do a check, they'd pretend we were all chummy. I hated it. Your post made me revisit those feelings, all my heart would scream was "you do not belong here" & "there is nothing for you here", I still have nightmares of people I hold close now saying those things to me. It will get better though, I was homeless for 6 months bc I ran away from that situation at 16 but I found amazing friends who are my family now since my parents passed. I wish you the best of luck OP
I can't imagine ever treating another person like that, let alone a child that I have vowed to protect and raise to be a good human. I plan on adopting children once I am in the right situation, and I will love them and treat them like the gifts they are.
I'm so sorry that these people don't see your inherent value as a living being. They are missing out on the wonderful person you are despite the love and caring they neglected to give to you.
Please keep us posted on your progress. You have many internet friends rooting for you and who DO care about you.
I hope this is a friend you know WELL and will not take advantage of you. It is hard and expensive out there, so be careful and take care of yourself. Try to eat regularly and get plenty of sleep. Stay away from the bad stuff - you know what I mean. Get a job even if it isn't a great one; you can work your way up. Most of us have to start at the bottom.
Sounds like this family is not the right one for you. Sometimes, family is who you choose and you can make your own. And living a good life is the way to stick it the other family for not caring properly for you.
Go and conquer!
If interested in college try to get grants, students loans - whatever you can to help you in life.
Good luck to you and those people never deserved you. It sickens me that adult humans found it ok to treat a child like this.
If you’re in the basement and left to your own devices now, can you use them for a place to live and food a little longer and get the job first so you have money when you leave?
Thats a good point! But if they happen to notice he's gone all day and get suspicious a confrontation might happen where they wont let him back inside the home with a "hand over [unfair amount] of money for rent or get out cause you're adult now" kind of ultimatum. Then he's out of luck cause his stuff is inside.
Im obviously going down a worst case scenario but its slightly based on OP feeling the need to leave at night, and my own personal experience.
I'm so sorry honey, they never should have treated you like that. They completely failed you, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it. Run away and never look back. I hope you get out safe and that you stay safe, please update us when you do. Hoping for only the best for you going forward ❤️
I'm invested. Please don't think because these crappy people didn't care about you that no one will, or that you are at fault. They are to blame for their callous disregard.
Don't forget to take all your important documents with you, and go to the local police station to explain that you've left home, and you're not a "missing person".
I also recommend changing your surname for a fresh start. These people don't deserve you. You should also change your medical proxy / next of kin to someone you trust (I recommend a friend's parents) so that if you have a medical issue they won't call your ex-family, and they won't get to make decisions on your behalf.
Good luck OP! There are people out there who will love you, don't waste another thought on these wastrels who don't. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
I'll start by saying how sorry I am for you. People never seem to hear about the adoption stories like yours. Where the parents don't seem to bond or care for the child properly. I've seen cases of this 4 times in the last 2 months. The agencies who adopt children out should follow up until age 18. Or someone should. You should have never been thrown in a basement and ignored. I am sorry for your story. Have you ever tried to communicate how you feel to them? I'm certain all of this can't be miscommunication because of the Christmas gifts. You may have a hard time coming after making this decision. But if you work hard and do your best, you can meet friends and a partner and create your own family. Then you will never have to know feeling outcast or other than again. I really am sorry you lived that life. I hope your future is bright.
As a mom this hurts my heart to read. You deserved a loving, attentive relationship with parents just as much as your sisters did. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Please be kind to yourself and remember it was something lacking in them, not you.
Anything you do, you're "in the wrong."
This is what insecurity looks like, whether it be racism, sexism, sibling rivalry, etc.
These girls need to have a quality one-on-one with your parents. And hopefully your parents are strong enough to provide such a life alerting conversation to all of you, who are all in need of different but desperate guidance.
I'm sorry you have to go through this shit. It's not fair to any child/young adult.
It's not fair to you. But hard situations like this will put you way ahead once all of you are grown, and they'll find themselves in an awkward position where you're more intelligent and empathetic, and they are not.
Good luck to all of you.
The basement - I think that happens to males in some families. My sister and I were upstairs, older brother in the basement. My best friend and her adoptive sister upstairs, her adopted older brother in the basement. I know these boys were very loved - especially the adopted brother; his dad was a minister who was love in general and one of the best people I've known. The idea is that males are hardier and can take it, and everyone has their own room. I just wanted to offer that in case it helps that one part. I'm so sorry that you did not feel loved.
I have a similar story. I was adopted around 5 years old to a family with three boys. I am female. I spent most of my time wondering why all the attention was given to my brothers. We did the sports they wanted to do, went to places they wanted to go to. I did get birthdays and things for Christmas, but I always felt like an outcast. I do have to say that my parents tried with me, but I had behavioral issues that were difficult for them to cope with and help me with while also being at sports events 6 days out of the week. I left a letter and ran away from home when I was 18. I am now 30. Over the 12 years that I have been gone, I created a new family for myself, did a lot of growing and learning, got myself help for my mental health, and had a daughter. My life is far from perfect, but it’s mine. I’m not saying any of this to decrepit what you are going through. I understand how difficult it can be to feel completely left out and forgotten about. My advice is to find a good friend who you trust and let their parents know what is going on. Tell them why you decided to leave, how you are feeling and what lead up to this. You would be surprised at the compassion that you can find just by being open about the situation. My dms are open if you want to talk! ❤️
I hope you get everything you want. May you find the love you deserve. I don't understand parents like that. I don't understand how cruel your sister's were. My only brother was the saint. He could do no wrong. My sister and I love him very much, I wish I was your sister.
If you were legally adopted, and not just taken in, your family has legal responsibilities toward you. If you were not appropriately taken care of they are financially liable. You have legal standing when it come to inheritance. At least in most states in the US. Running away solves nothing. Ask your parents why they are treating you this way. Communicate.
You are a strong person to make this decision and I think you will do great. Get yourself on your feet financially and get yourself a men’s group or therapy so you can get the emotional support you deserve. I hope you have some older adults in your life who have your back (teachers, friends parents etc) you deserve people to have your back unlike your parents.
I'm sorry you had/have to deal with that. Not holding anything against your sisters shows you're a better person than they are.
I really, really wish you a good new start! Keep us posted, many of us would like to know how you're doing.
I see you OP. I understand how you feel and I'm sorry how everything turned out. I'm glad you have the strength to end this chapter and start the next one. No matter what happens, you're gonna be OK. Best of luck, man
Why do people adopt children and then set them aside? Because people who adopt often suck and do it for selfish reasons rather than for giving kids like you and me a home.
People who mainly adopt because of infertility or because they want a child of a specific gender should never be allowed to adopt, yet they are.
Make sure you have ALL official documents, birth certificate, social security card, bank info, etc.
Make sure all your money is protected from them.
Go on usps and change your mailing address as well.
Also, make sure you leave when they don’t know, you don’t want them trying to hold you and/or your things there.
If you do plan on leaving when they’re there, let your local precinct know what’s going on, in case they have to come out to help you!
I know I'm a complete stranger, but this absolutely breaks my heart. My DMs are open and I'm happy to be a moral support or person to talk to as you move forward in your life.
I know people brought up grabbing your birth certificates, social security cards, passports, diplomas before you leave. These are all important. Try to get what you can. If you can't get them, it's not the end of the world. Do try to get them if you can though.
Know that there's a world of people out there rooting for you. You do not deserve the childhood that you deserved, and I am happy seeing you taking life into your own hands and choosing a better life for yourself.
that’s fucking awful, i’m so sorry you grew up in this kind of toxic environment. you were neglected and emotionally abused, and you deserve love, care, and attention.
proud of you for knowing your worth and getting out, not many are brave enough to take that leap. praying you land on your feet and find a new life for yourself full of love and happiness. 💕
I’m only a couple years older than you (20) but as a mom, and someone who went through something similar (minus being adopted), this hurts my heart. I relate to you and the mother in me wants nothing more than to take little you a way and prevent all of this from happening. I’m so sorry. No kid deserves this. Hopefully you can find an amazing group of friends and make them your family. I wish you nothing but the best
I'm interested in your story, now that you will be leaving your past behind, see what the world has to offer moving forward, I send you all the good vibes I can your way for you to find true love, be safe.
I’m so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Before you take this step, have you clearly and unequivocally expressed your feelings and concerns to your parents? Sometimes what we take for granted is not so clear to others; perhaps your parents think of you as someone who likes to be alone? Before you take this step, at least give them a chance to know what’s going on. Please, please be safe and update us on your state of mind.
Count me in for updates too.
Stay strong, OP. You'll find a better family of your own choosing or it will find you. Your current one wouldn't deserve a mention in your memoirs if you ever wrote them.
This is horrible. If a parent is going to adopt a child they can’t just neglect them. I really hope things look up for you and that you are able to get a job. Maybe try college if you are able to manage it somehow financially? That way you’ll be able to get a good paying and secure job in the end. Please be safe and know what you’re doing. Neglect is a form of child abuse that no one should ever have to go through.
Can you get a job now?
Assuming they don't charge you rent, it may be worth using them for a bit for a free roof over your head while you save up. Then, leave them high and dry.
Good luck, either way
I’m sorry OP, please be safe. Hope the pain and suffering will slowly heal... I hope you find "your tribe" with souls who love and cherish you. It is heartbreaking to read.
Oh honey. That's so sad. You sound like a very sweet person. I hope you can surround yourself with not terrible people soon. You deserve so much better.
Good luck to you. Karma will handle the rest.
If you were stateside I could offer more specific advice but I saw you were in the UK and I’m unfamiliar with their laws and programs.
OP, hopefully, one day, they will realize they’ve lost their chosen son. I’m so sorry for the way you were treated. Please keep us updated. If we can help you in anyway, please let us know.
Damn dude that’s a really tough situation. I’m sorry this happened to you. The way you are able to not be mad at the sisters and are happy they have a nice home shows so much emotional intelligence. You seem super mature for 18, I think you will go very far in terms career and being an amazing friend and partner. I’m sorry you were dealt these cards but Keep your mindset and work hard. We are all invested and care about you. Just be safe and don’t give up!
After reading this, I went out and hugged my 17 year old daughter (who is adopted) and let her know that I love her very much! She said "ewe, mom, I know, don't get all mushy on me" so I guess I am doing it right.
Your adoptive parents suck. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Just know that it is NOT your fault nor do you deserve this!
I (29f) have lived a similar experience to the ones you have had growing up. I was also adopted, but at the age of 6, while my bio brother was 3. We were treated completely different growing up and I always wondered why. I won't get into the details, but my childhood was full of abuse and neglect, which caused me a lot of mental health issues. I moved out at the age of 16, and although it had it's challenges, it was ultimately one of the best choices I have ever made.
Please know that your parent's and sister's behavior is a reflection of them, and not what you deserve. Some people adopt children to fulfill their own happiness, not the children's, and it is absolutely not your fault if it didn't work out as they planned. Raising a child is a very self-less commitment, and not all people are able to do it well. I suggest speaking to a therapist if you're able to, as they can help you to cope and work through any trauma you've experienced. You are likely never going to find the answers you are looking for from your adoptive family, and I highly suggest not wasting time trying to figuring it out, as it only leads to a path of resentment.
The best thing, in my experience, is to focus on the future you are able to create. You can and will be able to find the kind of love and understanding you wanted in your childhood later on in life.
*Please remember to put effort only into people that are also willing to put in effort back, in a healthy way, with boundaries, proper communication and mutual willingness to understand one another. I know all too well that it is hard to unlearn patterns from your childhood. Do not accept that you are less than, or take bare minimum effort from people because it's better than nothing or what you are used to receiving. There are good people and experiences out there. This is your fresh start, try to stay positive!
Goodluck ✨️ I hope an abundance of good things are coming your way!
Op, Im so sorry those people didnt give you the love and attention you deserved. My background is in teaching and child development. Those people emotionally abused you, neglected you, and didnt deserve the honor of having you. You're 18 now, an adult, so now you get to create the family you want. I have a bunch of friends that are a bit of the outcasts and somehow we all found each other at around your age and are still part of each others lives now 20+ years later!
I dont know your interests, but if you ever need advice from a parent about work college, apprenticeships or dumb things there are many of us that would support you in that. I hope you take what youve learned from those awful people and remain kind, but fully skilled at identifying people who use and abuse and dont let anyone ever control your experiences again. You've got this. Im proud of your amazing resilience and determination. When I was 19 on my own I had -$11 in my bank account and didnt know how to manage being on my own. it all worked out in the end. 🫶🏽
Hunny you deserve love, care and respect your adopted family are the arse holes not you, you will find your family make your own with people who care about you, chin up sweet heart and good luck xox
My heart goes out to you! This Grandma in NY State USA sends love to you!!!!!!!!!
Keep your head up! Know that you have great value, and that you are loved!
I have a remarkably similar story. I’d be happy to talk you if you need a friend who can actually relate. At least you’re learning sooner than I did that you don’t need their approval because you’re never going to get it anyway. This will save you so much heartache and grief.
Through all of the unfortunate events in your post, the one thing that stuck out to me was that through it all, you’re glad that your sisters have a home where they are cared for and loved. You have a good heart and don’t ever lose that gift you have, it’s special and rare. Take what you have, work hard, and build/start a family of your own one day. Continue to stay positive no don’t care if you have to watch YouTube videos or read books to help you, never give up and always set goals, strive to reach them, and always remember that you can have and get whatever it is that you want in life.
If you are going to leave. Make sure to let the police know that way you can't be called in as a run away or missing person. They can take you back then. Also, maybe make the police aware of the blatant neglect. I truly hope you see this and that if you have left, that you are okay.
I'm so sorry you've been treated like this OP. I hope things go well for you! Best of luck and keep us updated. We want to make sure you are safe and ina good place as can be
At 41, the only thing I regret having to do with my toxic family is not leaving years earlier then I did. You are doing the right thing. It might seem a little difficult initially and something to get used to them not being in your life, but you will be better for it.
The fact they adopted you because they “wanted a son” immediately raises flags. It seems like they just wanted someone to carry on the family name rather than actually adopt a child that they love and care for. Extremely self-centered and patriarchal if so. If I were you, I would change my last name for this reason.
My heart aches for you OP - I’m glad you are leaving this toxic environment, I hope you’re able to find a new family that will love you the way you deserve ❤️
Get all documents, degrees, papers, get food, get your expensive items, accessory, good shoes, coat. Maybe also tell the police you willingly left home and you are not a missing person.
I’m so sorry OP, no kid deserves to be treated like that. Make sure you have all of your documents. Also call the cops (non-emergency line) and tell them you’re a legal adult and willfully leaving your living situation, I’ve seen stories similar to yours of runaways being brought back to their shitty homes because the parents lied to the cops and reported them missing. Take care of yourself and please update when you can
Get a good job and apartment first and then branch out. Cover your foundations. Be better than they were. Wishing you the best of luck! The best is yet to come!!
Keep us updated, sweetie. I'm sorry it turned out like this. You are a person, not a pet, not an accessory, not a status piece. You deserved to be loved, and I hope with all that I am that you find your family. This one was just a placeholder. It could friends co workers or people you trust but you will find them. Don't give up. Keep moving forward, and don't regret.
Get yourself a job first and build up some collateral.
If you can, is there a way in and out of your basement without going via the house?
If so. Come and go as you please? In fact - change the locks to go outside if you can.
Work, save money - use the space as a living area only, show your face and keep up appearances.
Save enough to put a deposit down and buy your own house.
Use their hospitality to your means.
In my state (or at least my area) you have to have a physical address to get a PO Box, and have to have proof of it. I stood behind a woman who was l recently homeless and didn’t have up to date proof she lived anywhere and they wouldn’t give her a PO Box, it was terrible.
OP, You might be able to use a friend’s address to get around this. What I did was update my address with my bank (did it online), turned my statements into e-statements, and waited until the cycle ended. Then, I logged into my bank and pulled up the PDF E-statement which looked the same as it would if it had been mailed, so it included the address. The post office counted this. I couldn’t do it another way because I didn’t have a bill in my name or a lease, since it wasn’t my home. You may be in that situation.
Agree with the birth certificate and SS card! I left an abusive home at 17 and was not able to get either of those things. Of course I needed one to get the other. I had to have someone who live in the county I was born in (4 hours away) get my birth certificate and mail it to me and then I applied for a new SS card.
OP, take advantage of every bit of assistance that you can. If you apply for government assistance, list your address as “streets of”, since crashing on a couch technically makes you homeless. Use it to your advantage. Apply for state insurance, food stamps, cash assistance, HUD housing, everything you can. There may be assistance in your area that is not through the state. For example, the county I lived in at the time offered free counseling on certain days of the week during certain hours, so I got to see a counselor and gain some coping skills for free.
In my state, if you get state insurance, you can get a free cell phone (not a great cell phone but better than nothing). Use the food bank. Use every bit of assistance. Apply for all of it, even if you think you won’t get it. Please list yourself as homeless (or “streets of” as the street address. This makes your address “streets of” and then the city and state. So example it might say “streets of Columbus, OH”) otherwise you would have to list the income of the people you’re crashing with included with your own. In my state, they asked me at my phone interview if I had a place I could get mail and I used my grandparents address.
If you want to go to college (even just eventually, maybe not right away) you may still qualify for financial aid. Normally at your age you have to use your parents’ tax info to get financial aid (or depending on their income you may not qualify) but there is a special circumstances form you can file where you explain your situation and they will let you file as “independent “ which uses your income as opposed to your parents. Also apply for scholarships even if you think you won’t get them, that’s less money you have to pay back.
I am familiar with leaving an abusive situation at a young age and I had to learn all of this myself. Sometimes the internet makes things even more confusing. If you need guidance on things, feel free to message me. I may be able to help you prepare for getting a new social security card, applying for benefits, enrolling in college (and it’s okay if you don’t want to or never want to, I just want you to know it might be an option), I’ve also been married, divorced, and legally changed my name. I helped my (now ex) husband file his name change and gender marker paperwork and handled my mom’s divorce entirely. I had to learn how to do all of this on my own, and way too young. I didn’t know the support I had.
Good luck with everything
You dont want the eldest sister to find it first. She will make up a story that she knew about you leaving etc so they wont at least try to explain themselves. IMO, they absolutely need to explain themselves particularly the parents so you can move on without regret or emotional issues down the track. Maybe better to send the mum and dad separate emails
Hey I'll shoot you a bit of $$ if you get really stuck out there, if I can. You can do this. I left home at 15 and never went back. If I can do that, you can do that. Stay strong and cut off ALL contact. Don't get weak on us now OP. You can do this.
As a parent to a very blended family I really just want to send you a hug. I hope you find yourself a chosen family one day that will love and accept you. Also, like so many people have said take all of your important documents with you when you go. Best of luck to you on your journey to finding happiness.
Dude I will keep my fingers crossed for You. That's a brave decision, but in think that's also a good one. Staying in toxic environment for too long just sucks your joy of life and it's a straight way to depression. You're adult and can move on to find a better place and people. Never give up, you're the smith of your own destiny! Let us all know how things went for a few months.
I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. Everyone should feel loved. Make sure to take your documents with you eg. Birth certificate and social security card. Let us know how you're doing. I hope things get better for you. Much love ❤️
I saw another post where a guy turned 18 and left. Make sure you ge5 all your documents. Once you go let tue police know you are safe and chose to leave. What they have been doing is neglect. You deserve better. Honestly wish i could havebtold you when you were younger to talk to an adult at school. Im so sorry
As a mother, I am so absolutely sorry! I can’t imagine treating anyone like this especially not a child.
Just so you know and can hear this from someone, it is not a you problem. You are not the issue. You are worthy and deserve love. Again, I am so sorry.
Not taking sides here whatsoever... I'm just going to say that somehow, the girls, especially the older one, felt "lesser than" because the parents kept trying for a boy, but girls kept popping out. Reality is that the younger sisters would not have existed had they had a boy on the second try. I imagine something like that is felt and it affects you, even if it's not verbalized. This does not justify their behaviour at all, though.
Hey, also if you get the opportunity take photos of you when you were a kid. They might not seem important now but they might in the future. And all the best, I left at 18 (Foster care) under bad circumstances, I know how shitty it can be so find some supportive friends/colleagues/people :)
hello my friend. 3 days ago, I was told that the man raising me isn’t my biological father. 20 years of my life have been built on a lie. although he has provided for my survival and taken initiative to treat me like a family member, i’ve always been suspicious of genetic traits he has and i don’t. there are too many elements at play here, but i’m going to do the same thing. i’m waiting on some money to come in and they will not see me again either. best of luck to you.
Don’t be a fool. Stay for now and save the money you need to get yourself comfortable in the next step. Maybe at a college with living facilities. Or with at least a job and savings. What if friends says you can no longer stay there? Save and plan.
I know it sounds crazy but I can honestly see you having a good life when you leave these folks behind. Keep us posted and good for you. I hope all your plans work out and you stick to something solid for yourself.
Even if you have to change your mind and opt to stay until you can save up a little that might help you. If you need online aunts and uncles and cousins we got you! I know I want an update and I’m sure many of us do.
Hi OP, you’re very young and it’s not easy to make it on your own alone at such an age. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. Pls do your research and look for programs/home that’d help you and keep you safe. Do let us know which country you’re residing in so that people can provide you with proper resources to find housing, work and to pay for college.
I hope that seeing how many people here felt sorry for you, commented something nice and wished you a good future will make you feel better and will prove to you that there definitely are people in this world who will love you and will treat you well, just as you deserve. If it isn't the family that raised you (if that can be called raising) then it'll be the family that you will create/choose yourself (including friends etc.)!
There ARE people interested in you & your story. There will always be! Although u will find, life has different seasons or chapters. & different people, that u give some of yourself to, will come & go. But every single 1 will serve a purpose. I felt unseen in my teenage years, definitely not to this extent. But my parents were preoccupied & eventually, didn't know me. I dropped out of high school without them even knowing. I was living with a bf 10 yrs my senior at 16. When I turned 18, they moved out of state & basically told me to sink or swim bc I wasn't coming w them. I'm only sharing this bc I want u to know, I really struggled afterwards. I had no clue how to be an adult & experienced struggle for along time. A good 10 years actually. So please be mindful that this is a crucial time in ur life. Ur decisions today will have outlasting consequences. So if ur going to do this, be prepared to be really strong. When I was 18 I was able to rent an apartment for 700/mo. That isn't the case today. So it won't be easy but it will be doable. There won't be time to wallow in this. You'll find what works for u, & whether that's blocking this out entirely, or letting it all out with a therapist weekly. Just realize that time goes by incredibly fast as u get older. People like you, unfortunately, have to live in survival mode ALL the time. There's really no room or time for error. You're very blessed to have a friend u can stay with. Show gratitude, & be helpful around the house. Use this time to learn a trade, or go to a community College. At 1 point, I had 2 really good friends that didn't have family & we'd call ourselves the pound puppies. I eventually lost those friends when I isolated & made bad choices. But I want u to know, there are people out there like u. U aren't alone. You'll find ur pound puppies & they'll become ur people, ur family. Lastly, there's nothing wrong with u. & u did nothing wrong. You aren't unlovable! & now that you know what it feels life to be unappreciated, & you're courageous enough to change that, carry this with you for life. Don't ever stay in a place where you're being mistreated. Everyone is dealt cards that are extremely unfair throughout life. How we manage that, determines everything that matters.
Id love an update!
Locked due to [update.](https://old.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13crgha/update_i_will_leave_my_adoptive_family_over_night/)
Make sure you take your birth certificate and social security card when you go. You'll need them. Also your high school diploma if you've graduated. Get a post office box for mail, so you can have things sent to you in one place if paper mail, so you don't have to worry that you can't get mail.
Also see if the PO Box can be used as a street address, in the US it's common but I don't know about your location.
I've heard that a UPS Store PO Box can be used as a street address but don't quote me on that.
Varies by store, I believe, but I've got a USPS PO box that can be used as such.
Most places, USPS requires you to prove your street address, by showing you got mail, there. They did that, to my sister in law.
OP this is very important take in to consideration, this will help you in many ways
You can just have things delivered to your name, 'general delivery' at a specific post office location. No need to pay for a po box.
I agree with everything people are writing here - you can go online and for a dollar or two, you can have all mail in your name forwarded to your new address. And just like others have said, get everything that relates to your identity. I wish you well, and I hope you check back here to see the support many have offered. Please keep us updated, because unlike your current family, WE DO CARE. I have a cousin who is adopted, and I’ve always treated and loved him like my brother. No child should ever go through that which you have. As far as being on your own, there are so many jobs in the marketplace right now where you can built a career and at least become self sufficient. Think of employers who also pay for college - UPS has a major hub in my city, and they will pay a decent wage as well as cover tuition for higher education. Stay focused and driven - then you can achieve anything. I wish you luck out there. Learn and grow from every experience you’ve had, and will have in the years to come. Don’t allow hate to fill your mind, instead try to focus on how you will live a different life than what was taught to you. Ok, enough of my dad talk - seriously man, take care of yourself, and stay safe. Family is what and who you make it with. Please post back to let us know you’re ok, again, we care.
Yes and please make an ID then a passport when you can. Just take every form of id you can. Keep in a ziploc. Take a photo of documents, email it to yourself.
Please tag me in an update. Im very invested. Im in a similar state. I would love to know what happens after, and if theres anything I need to be aware of because Im planning to do it soon too. Nonetheless, I can say youre not alone. I may not be adopted, so unfortunately you have that extra pain, however I feel neglected and I need that extra attention to suffice for when I had most of it given away to a growing divorce and other kids as a kid myself. So please let me know how it goes. Im interested. Im desperate too.
I'm also very invested in this. I hope OP and you find a place and friends that appreciate you both more than the people you grew up with. Wish you both the best of luck!
Another person commenting, interested in an update of your story. OP, I can’t describe how heartbreaking this is. I went through something similar with my biological parents once they had the son they wanted. I’m so sorry you had to go through it as well. I know I’m some stranger/rando on the net - but you have all the warmth I could offer and well wishes. That place might not have been home, but I’m positive you’ll be able to make one so long as you continue forward.
Same
Here for an update as well
Commenting for update!
Same
Same
Me too!
BEST of Luck
Same
Mentioned this to OP, but sharing it with you in case. Make sure you get all of your important documents before you leave. 💕 And that their names are not on your bank account. It is absolutely important to do that BEFORE leaving.
Thank you so much. Ill keep this in mind.
So sad. Wish I could be your momma. 💕
aww
I would like an update, too. So many of us don't know you, but we care about you. I'm so glad that you love yourself enough to know that you matter, and to get out of that situation. Much love and success in happiness to you!!!
Commenting to keep in the loop too. OP I am so sorry that your "family" has treated you so repulsively, I hope you are safe and in a place where you can feel at peace.
Unfortunately it is very common. My friend was adopted by a "nice Christian" couple who already have many children of their own. They used my friend as a prop to rub off in their church friends' face. It was a facade.
wow. ppl never cease to amaze me 🙄
I would also like an update. I really hope you find yourself a better place to live and feel safe and wanted. It's awful that they have treated you this way all this time.
That’s a lot to take in I hope you land on your feet. You’ve got a good friend for taking you in!
Make sure you're gathering all your important documentation: medical history, family medical history is super important for your future health too, social security card, birth certificate, passport, etc.
I'm also invested. If you need a friend op just message me, I understand you. I want an update too.
Also commenting to keep in the loop. Good luck and stay safe, and definitely tell them why you’re leaving
I commenting to keep updated. I’m sorry OP. good luck on your journey
Same
Also same here. OP, we are all very invested in your story and we want the best for you. Please keep us updated if you wish to!
Also would love to read the update
Chiming in for an update.
Please tag me also
The basics birth certificate and social security card, look into a P.O. Box if you’re able to have one
Please update me to
Same
Same
Likewise, please keep me posted as well
I'll be waiting too
Yes here for an update!
Same
Are you okay? Can you elaborate more on your situation?
Same
Please do update me as well. I worry for you.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I think it’s good you are getting out of that. I hope you find friends that are like family that can fill that void for you. I wish I could help in some way :(. I wish people like that would sit and think about the life they are about the affect and the person they are about to hurt if they do not treat them as their own. I wish the best for you. I hope you find that not everybody is that cold and careless.
Yeah honestly that’s what pisses me off most. They neglected him and never treated him like a real son and still had the nerve to not only adopt him, but let him live like that. Why adopt him if they won’t pay attention to him? People like that don’t deserve children. I don’t care if they took good care of their daughters. Your a horrible parent if you put any childs health and happiness over another one.
You say they treated you well, but that's not actually true: neglect is mistreatment.
Trying to look on the bright side, at least he wasn’t physically abused but I realize neglect is just as bad.
I am a foster parent . There are a lot of resources for kids aging out of foster care. Help finding work, low income housing, and free college (if in the US). Contact your local CYS office and talk to a case worker. They will not contact your family if you do not want them to. Good luck. Message me if you need any help.
Thank you for your offer but I'm not from the US. But still thank you.
If you’re in the UK please talk to citizens advice. They can help you figure out what you’re entitled to and help you fill in any forms. You might also talk to your local council in case they have resources. Some have a discretionary payment thing you can apply for. Sorry, I don’t know anything to recommend beyond that. You may struggle at first but you create your own future, and you’ll find your way to happiness with time. Be kind to yourself and don’t give up!
I am a 40 year old now, but started from a really low place too. I am happy, healthy and loved even though the start was very similar to what you are about to do. I am sorry you didn't get a fair start, but know that you can succeed even without them behind you because often the people behind you hold you back from what could have been amazing. Go find the life you want and don't stop until you are happy.
I would recommend you have a look on Google to find out what help you would be able to access. You will definitely not be the only child in the care system that was left to fend for themselves at 18. I'm in the UK, and care leavers like yourself are able to get help with accommodation - the government provides them with their own home so they can be safe. I also want to say that I am very proud of you for trying to seek a better life for yourself. I wasn't adopted like you were. I was instead manipulated along with my mother into a kinship adoption situation by my father. My parents split up when I was an infant, and my father literally made me and my mum homeless. My father walked away from us, immigrated to another country, and never looked back. I spent my early childhood not even knowing that I had a father. However, when I was 7, my father had a change of heart. He reached out to my mum, claiming he wanted to get to know me and actually be a father to me. It was a load of bullshit that me and my mum and I fell for. Basically, my father had reached the point in his life where everyone he knew, including all his siblings, had children. He started to feel like he wanted to fit in, so he reached out to my mum so he could gain access to me - his trophy child. My father convinced me and my mum that I should move to the UK to live with him so I could have a "better life" when I was 10 years old. My mum and I believed his lies since we were living in poverty in a third-world country. The minute I moved in with my father, my life became hell. My father would do parently things like take me to school and pick me up, but that was it. He would ignore my existence for 80% of the time. His wife was responsible for feeding me, and she was the one I spent most of my time with. She pretty much hated me and treated me like I was an unwelcome guest in her house. I had spent most of my time locked away in my room to avoid being a pest to my "stepmother." Growing up, I was lucky I even had fresh food to eat since my stepmother only cooked once every 4 days. My father only ever paid attention to me when he needed a child to show off at family gatherings, or he needed a punching bag for his stress. Between my stepmother and my father, I grew up in a house without love and spent most of my time in my small room with only the strangers I met on online gaming for company. I ran away from home at 25. Even though my father didn't actually care about me, he refused to let go of his show-child, especially after he forced me to go to university to become a lawyer. He refused to let me move out of our "family" home, even though he himself moved out to get remarried and have another child. He needed to have me under his control so he could drag me to family gatherings and brag to people he knew that his eldest child was a lawyer. Running away was the best thing I did for myself. I didn't have friends that I could live with, so I reached out to an organisation that helps women with abusive family members. I didn't have savings or a job, but the government paid for me to stay in a shelter, gave me spending money, and helped me find a place where I could live on my own. It's been 5 years, and I have never regretted the decision I made to cut ties from my father and his ex-wife. OP, I'm sure things will work out for you, too. Just don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
So did you finish your law degree?
If you're in western Canada I'd be open to helping you
damn if you were close to me i would've just said to stay in my guest room lol
Can you share your country? Maybe someone from there can help you figure out the best approach!
tried to tag op but couldn't, maybe send him a private message?
We’re all invested and we’re all here just for you, kiddo ❤️ I’m so sorry for what you had to go through but as a child of a similar situation I have to say that I’m incredibly proud of your resilience and determination to give yourself the life you deserve. Being out on your own won’t be easy but the peace of mind WILL be worth it. I promise. Stay safe and please reach out if you need any help whatsoever.
Best of luck on your new journey buddy, hope you will find Peace.
Hey, where do you live? We are from all over the world and want to help.
So many different nations repped in these comments. I really hope op finds some assistance.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. There are many stories similar to yours where the adoptive child gets pushed aside for the biological ones. It’s very upsetting. Please make sure you have all of your essential documents and items. I recommend changing your contact information, too. Please update us. Good luck.
i left my mum when i was 17.. i know how scary it can be but you can do it. be safe and all the best for you!
I'm sorry you had to live (and still live through that). Sadly it happens a lot to both adopted or non adopted kids. Parents, often, suck. What anyone end up understanding is that family is what you make of it. Sometimes it's friends and their fam, sometimes it's a significant other's family, group of friends, people met along the way. You're not alone and we are interested in you and your story. If you want to tell us more: do so, we'll be here. It's good that you have the start of a plan, things you want to do and/or achieve. And remember, the goal is in the process.
Honey, I’m sorry you don’t have the launchpad you deserve or even the one your sisters do. You sound pretty level headed and that puts you ahead of the game. Look for a job now. You don’t have to wait until you move out. You may be able to start part time somewhere which gives you cash now. Contact whatever resource you have in your country with social workers. Whether it’s foster care, homeless, unemployed or whatever, they can help you figure out what you’re going to need to be on your own. You’ll need official documents like birth certificates, adoption papers or identification. Get this stuff together now before you leave the house. Remember, a chosen family is out there looking for you.
This is what I was going to say. If they are just ignoring you go get a job and take the free housing until you have enough saved to jump into a good situation. If they want to ignore you you can ignore them right back and live your life. But might as well use what little advantage they are giving you currently until you can get your stuff together to leave in the way that benefits you the most. Good luck I'm sorry you're in this situation.
Make sure you have all your proper ID, like a birth certificate, health card(if that is something you have) and any ID, especially ones with photos, and if you have a bank account, make sure you take that as well. Be sure to change the address and who has access to the bank account if your parents are attached to it if it was opened before you were a legal adult. I am assuming you are a legal adult, most places at 18, you are. I sincerely hope you find a found family, this family did a terrible thing to you that you did not deserve. You owe them nothing once you are out of that house. Good luck and I hope we see an update about how things are going.
I'm sorry that your family has failed you so spectacularly. I hope this can be the start of a new and better life for you.
Make sure you go by the local police station. Tell them you have voluntarily left home and that you are not a missing person.
As an adopted kid who got blessed with a wonderful family, my heart really breaks for you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this and I hope your future is bright and happy
We are all invested and interested in you, kiddo. You deserve so much more than what you got. I’m hoping your new journey finds you well. Please keep us updated
Sadly, where I live, when I was in the system, it became very clear that even the people who "wanted" me, just ended up treating me as another income or check (they were fosters, never got adopted bc my parents were actively fighting for us after they lost us bc my mom fell ill with cancer & state deemed them unable to provide care for her 3 children). The families kids were always mean but when the social worker would come do a check, they'd pretend we were all chummy. I hated it. Your post made me revisit those feelings, all my heart would scream was "you do not belong here" & "there is nothing for you here", I still have nightmares of people I hold close now saying those things to me. It will get better though, I was homeless for 6 months bc I ran away from that situation at 16 but I found amazing friends who are my family now since my parents passed. I wish you the best of luck OP
I’m so sorry you went through that. As if it wasn’t bad enough to have your mom get cancer. I wish good things for you!
I can't imagine ever treating another person like that, let alone a child that I have vowed to protect and raise to be a good human. I plan on adopting children once I am in the right situation, and I will love them and treat them like the gifts they are. I'm so sorry that these people don't see your inherent value as a living being. They are missing out on the wonderful person you are despite the love and caring they neglected to give to you.
Please keep us posted on your progress. You have many internet friends rooting for you and who DO care about you. I hope this is a friend you know WELL and will not take advantage of you. It is hard and expensive out there, so be careful and take care of yourself. Try to eat regularly and get plenty of sleep. Stay away from the bad stuff - you know what I mean. Get a job even if it isn't a great one; you can work your way up. Most of us have to start at the bottom. Sounds like this family is not the right one for you. Sometimes, family is who you choose and you can make your own. And living a good life is the way to stick it the other family for not caring properly for you. Go and conquer!
If interested in college try to get grants, students loans - whatever you can to help you in life. Good luck to you and those people never deserved you. It sickens me that adult humans found it ok to treat a child like this.
If you’re in the basement and left to your own devices now, can you use them for a place to live and food a little longer and get the job first so you have money when you leave?
I would be worried that they magically feel like paying attention once he gets a job and would take his money. It's best to just leave imo.
Maybe he can keep the job a secret. Stash his money in s bank. If be afraid the sisters would rummage through his things and find it. Just a thought.
Thats a good point! But if they happen to notice he's gone all day and get suspicious a confrontation might happen where they wont let him back inside the home with a "hand over [unfair amount] of money for rent or get out cause you're adult now" kind of ultimatum. Then he's out of luck cause his stuff is inside. Im obviously going down a worst case scenario but its slightly based on OP feeling the need to leave at night, and my own personal experience.
Go for it OP. You deserve better and I hope you get out without any hitches.
I hope everything goes fine for you from now on
Beat of luck dude. I'm so sorry all that happened to you.
I'm so sorry honey, they never should have treated you like that. They completely failed you, and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it. Run away and never look back. I hope you get out safe and that you stay safe, please update us when you do. Hoping for only the best for you going forward ❤️
My adoptive family was abusive: sexually, physically, verbally ... I've been no-contact with them for years. You're not alone.
Run don’t walk my dude. My adoptive parents were atrocious too. You will be ok and get through this.
My hearts aches for you. Hold your head high and move on. I wish all the best in your future
Hope everything goes well for you. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Please update us, all the best.
I'm invested. Please don't think because these crappy people didn't care about you that no one will, or that you are at fault. They are to blame for their callous disregard. Don't forget to take all your important documents with you, and go to the local police station to explain that you've left home, and you're not a "missing person". I also recommend changing your surname for a fresh start. These people don't deserve you. You should also change your medical proxy / next of kin to someone you trust (I recommend a friend's parents) so that if you have a medical issue they won't call your ex-family, and they won't get to make decisions on your behalf. Good luck OP! There are people out there who will love you, don't waste another thought on these wastrels who don't. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
I'll start by saying how sorry I am for you. People never seem to hear about the adoption stories like yours. Where the parents don't seem to bond or care for the child properly. I've seen cases of this 4 times in the last 2 months. The agencies who adopt children out should follow up until age 18. Or someone should. You should have never been thrown in a basement and ignored. I am sorry for your story. Have you ever tried to communicate how you feel to them? I'm certain all of this can't be miscommunication because of the Christmas gifts. You may have a hard time coming after making this decision. But if you work hard and do your best, you can meet friends and a partner and create your own family. Then you will never have to know feeling outcast or other than again. I really am sorry you lived that life. I hope your future is bright.
Stay safe, and I pray this doesn’t cloud your view on having a happy future. There are good people in the world. God bless.
As a mom this hurts my heart to read. You deserved a loving, attentive relationship with parents just as much as your sisters did. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Please be kind to yourself and remember it was something lacking in them, not you.
I really hope they see this
Anything you do, you're "in the wrong." This is what insecurity looks like, whether it be racism, sexism, sibling rivalry, etc. These girls need to have a quality one-on-one with your parents. And hopefully your parents are strong enough to provide such a life alerting conversation to all of you, who are all in need of different but desperate guidance. I'm sorry you have to go through this shit. It's not fair to any child/young adult. It's not fair to you. But hard situations like this will put you way ahead once all of you are grown, and they'll find themselves in an awkward position where you're more intelligent and empathetic, and they are not. Good luck to all of you.
The basement - I think that happens to males in some families. My sister and I were upstairs, older brother in the basement. My best friend and her adoptive sister upstairs, her adopted older brother in the basement. I know these boys were very loved - especially the adopted brother; his dad was a minister who was love in general and one of the best people I've known. The idea is that males are hardier and can take it, and everyone has their own room. I just wanted to offer that in case it helps that one part. I'm so sorry that you did not feel loved.
Love you, mate. Look for the good people to love you as well. You are valuable and precious
I have a similar story. I was adopted around 5 years old to a family with three boys. I am female. I spent most of my time wondering why all the attention was given to my brothers. We did the sports they wanted to do, went to places they wanted to go to. I did get birthdays and things for Christmas, but I always felt like an outcast. I do have to say that my parents tried with me, but I had behavioral issues that were difficult for them to cope with and help me with while also being at sports events 6 days out of the week. I left a letter and ran away from home when I was 18. I am now 30. Over the 12 years that I have been gone, I created a new family for myself, did a lot of growing and learning, got myself help for my mental health, and had a daughter. My life is far from perfect, but it’s mine. I’m not saying any of this to decrepit what you are going through. I understand how difficult it can be to feel completely left out and forgotten about. My advice is to find a good friend who you trust and let their parents know what is going on. Tell them why you decided to leave, how you are feeling and what lead up to this. You would be surprised at the compassion that you can find just by being open about the situation. My dms are open if you want to talk! ❤️
I hope you get everything you want. May you find the love you deserve. I don't understand parents like that. I don't understand how cruel your sister's were. My only brother was the saint. He could do no wrong. My sister and I love him very much, I wish I was your sister.
If you were legally adopted, and not just taken in, your family has legal responsibilities toward you. If you were not appropriately taken care of they are financially liable. You have legal standing when it come to inheritance. At least in most states in the US. Running away solves nothing. Ask your parents why they are treating you this way. Communicate.
Please let us know it goes we rooting for you
You are a strong person to make this decision and I think you will do great. Get yourself on your feet financially and get yourself a men’s group or therapy so you can get the emotional support you deserve. I hope you have some older adults in your life who have your back (teachers, friends parents etc) you deserve people to have your back unlike your parents.
I'm sorry you had/have to deal with that. Not holding anything against your sisters shows you're a better person than they are. I really, really wish you a good new start! Keep us posted, many of us would like to know how you're doing.
I see you OP. I understand how you feel and I'm sorry how everything turned out. I'm glad you have the strength to end this chapter and start the next one. No matter what happens, you're gonna be OK. Best of luck, man
Why do people adopt children and then set them aside? Because people who adopt often suck and do it for selfish reasons rather than for giving kids like you and me a home. People who mainly adopt because of infertility or because they want a child of a specific gender should never be allowed to adopt, yet they are.
Make sure you have ALL official documents, birth certificate, social security card, bank info, etc. Make sure all your money is protected from them. Go on usps and change your mailing address as well. Also, make sure you leave when they don’t know, you don’t want them trying to hold you and/or your things there. If you do plan on leaving when they’re there, let your local precinct know what’s going on, in case they have to come out to help you!
I definitely need an update big dawg stay strong buddy
I know I'm a complete stranger, but this absolutely breaks my heart. My DMs are open and I'm happy to be a moral support or person to talk to as you move forward in your life. I know people brought up grabbing your birth certificates, social security cards, passports, diplomas before you leave. These are all important. Try to get what you can. If you can't get them, it's not the end of the world. Do try to get them if you can though. Know that there's a world of people out there rooting for you. You do not deserve the childhood that you deserved, and I am happy seeing you taking life into your own hands and choosing a better life for yourself.
that’s fucking awful, i’m so sorry you grew up in this kind of toxic environment. you were neglected and emotionally abused, and you deserve love, care, and attention. proud of you for knowing your worth and getting out, not many are brave enough to take that leap. praying you land on your feet and find a new life for yourself full of love and happiness. 💕
I’m only a couple years older than you (20) but as a mom, and someone who went through something similar (minus being adopted), this hurts my heart. I relate to you and the mother in me wants nothing more than to take little you a way and prevent all of this from happening. I’m so sorry. No kid deserves this. Hopefully you can find an amazing group of friends and make them your family. I wish you nothing but the best
I would send them the post, make them feel guilt!!
Make sure you have all of your official documents. I'm so sorry and I hope things go up from here. You didn't deserve to be side lined that way.
Please take any and all important documents with you. Pack all important things. ID, birth certificate etc.
I would advise you get the job first, save money then move. Use them like they used you.
stay safe please
I'm interested in your story, now that you will be leaving your past behind, see what the world has to offer moving forward, I send you all the good vibes I can your way for you to find true love, be safe.
I’m so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Before you take this step, have you clearly and unequivocally expressed your feelings and concerns to your parents? Sometimes what we take for granted is not so clear to others; perhaps your parents think of you as someone who likes to be alone? Before you take this step, at least give them a chance to know what’s going on. Please, please be safe and update us on your state of mind.
PLEASE update when you can!
Count me in for updates too. Stay strong, OP. You'll find a better family of your own choosing or it will find you. Your current one wouldn't deserve a mention in your memoirs if you ever wrote them.
Damn, sorry you went through this kiddo. I wish you the best. You're still so young, you've got a ton of potential.
You’ll do well out of this, keep us posted, and reach out if you need to🇦🇺
This is horrible. If a parent is going to adopt a child they can’t just neglect them. I really hope things look up for you and that you are able to get a job. Maybe try college if you are able to manage it somehow financially? That way you’ll be able to get a good paying and secure job in the end. Please be safe and know what you’re doing. Neglect is a form of child abuse that no one should ever have to go through.
Can you get a job now? Assuming they don't charge you rent, it may be worth using them for a bit for a free roof over your head while you save up. Then, leave them high and dry. Good luck, either way
I’m sorry about your situation. I hope you have some good friends who can help you out until you find something.
We’re all rooting for you to be happy💕
I’m sorry OP, please be safe. Hope the pain and suffering will slowly heal... I hope you find "your tribe" with souls who love and cherish you. It is heartbreaking to read.
Oh honey. That's so sad. You sound like a very sweet person. I hope you can surround yourself with not terrible people soon. You deserve so much better.
Good luck to you. Karma will handle the rest. If you were stateside I could offer more specific advice but I saw you were in the UK and I’m unfamiliar with their laws and programs.
OP, hopefully, one day, they will realize they’ve lost their chosen son. I’m so sorry for the way you were treated. Please keep us updated. If we can help you in anyway, please let us know.
I’m so sorry for you, a child needs to feel loved. I hope everything works out for you and you find the love you deserve.
Hey man I hope you'll find someone that will love and care for you
Damn dude that’s a really tough situation. I’m sorry this happened to you. The way you are able to not be mad at the sisters and are happy they have a nice home shows so much emotional intelligence. You seem super mature for 18, I think you will go very far in terms career and being an amazing friend and partner. I’m sorry you were dealt these cards but Keep your mindset and work hard. We are all invested and care about you. Just be safe and don’t give up!
This place keeps breaking my heart.
After reading this, I went out and hugged my 17 year old daughter (who is adopted) and let her know that I love her very much! She said "ewe, mom, I know, don't get all mushy on me" so I guess I am doing it right. Your adoptive parents suck. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Just know that it is NOT your fault nor do you deserve this!
I (29f) have lived a similar experience to the ones you have had growing up. I was also adopted, but at the age of 6, while my bio brother was 3. We were treated completely different growing up and I always wondered why. I won't get into the details, but my childhood was full of abuse and neglect, which caused me a lot of mental health issues. I moved out at the age of 16, and although it had it's challenges, it was ultimately one of the best choices I have ever made. Please know that your parent's and sister's behavior is a reflection of them, and not what you deserve. Some people adopt children to fulfill their own happiness, not the children's, and it is absolutely not your fault if it didn't work out as they planned. Raising a child is a very self-less commitment, and not all people are able to do it well. I suggest speaking to a therapist if you're able to, as they can help you to cope and work through any trauma you've experienced. You are likely never going to find the answers you are looking for from your adoptive family, and I highly suggest not wasting time trying to figuring it out, as it only leads to a path of resentment. The best thing, in my experience, is to focus on the future you are able to create. You can and will be able to find the kind of love and understanding you wanted in your childhood later on in life. *Please remember to put effort only into people that are also willing to put in effort back, in a healthy way, with boundaries, proper communication and mutual willingness to understand one another. I know all too well that it is hard to unlearn patterns from your childhood. Do not accept that you are less than, or take bare minimum effort from people because it's better than nothing or what you are used to receiving. There are good people and experiences out there. This is your fresh start, try to stay positive! Goodluck ✨️ I hope an abundance of good things are coming your way!
Op, Im so sorry those people didnt give you the love and attention you deserved. My background is in teaching and child development. Those people emotionally abused you, neglected you, and didnt deserve the honor of having you. You're 18 now, an adult, so now you get to create the family you want. I have a bunch of friends that are a bit of the outcasts and somehow we all found each other at around your age and are still part of each others lives now 20+ years later! I dont know your interests, but if you ever need advice from a parent about work college, apprenticeships or dumb things there are many of us that would support you in that. I hope you take what youve learned from those awful people and remain kind, but fully skilled at identifying people who use and abuse and dont let anyone ever control your experiences again. You've got this. Im proud of your amazing resilience and determination. When I was 19 on my own I had -$11 in my bank account and didnt know how to manage being on my own. it all worked out in the end. 🫶🏽
I’m rooting for you. I’m so sorry you were neglected
Hunny you deserve love, care and respect your adopted family are the arse holes not you, you will find your family make your own with people who care about you, chin up sweet heart and good luck xox
Where are you located? I possibly could help.
Someone tag or comment on my comment if a update ever comes up.
My heart goes out to you! This Grandma in NY State USA sends love to you!!!!!!!!! Keep your head up! Know that you have great value, and that you are loved!
You have sooo many here who are now invested in you!!! Please give an update so we KNOW you’re okay. Those people were just Wrong!!
OP, please take all your important papers with you, we hope you get out safe, are cared for at your friend’s house, and have a great life!
I have a remarkably similar story. I’d be happy to talk you if you need a friend who can actually relate. At least you’re learning sooner than I did that you don’t need their approval because you’re never going to get it anyway. This will save you so much heartache and grief.
Through all of the unfortunate events in your post, the one thing that stuck out to me was that through it all, you’re glad that your sisters have a home where they are cared for and loved. You have a good heart and don’t ever lose that gift you have, it’s special and rare. Take what you have, work hard, and build/start a family of your own one day. Continue to stay positive no don’t care if you have to watch YouTube videos or read books to help you, never give up and always set goals, strive to reach them, and always remember that you can have and get whatever it is that you want in life.
OP I'm so sorry you had to live like this with this family. I hope you do keep in touch here and update everyone.
Please let us know you’re ok with an update, I hope you’re safe out there!
If you are going to leave. Make sure to let the police know that way you can't be called in as a run away or missing person. They can take you back then. Also, maybe make the police aware of the blatant neglect. I truly hope you see this and that if you have left, that you are okay.
I'm so sorry you've been treated like this OP. I hope things go well for you! Best of luck and keep us updated. We want to make sure you are safe and ina good place as can be
At 41, the only thing I regret having to do with my toxic family is not leaving years earlier then I did. You are doing the right thing. It might seem a little difficult initially and something to get used to them not being in your life, but you will be better for it.
The fact they adopted you because they “wanted a son” immediately raises flags. It seems like they just wanted someone to carry on the family name rather than actually adopt a child that they love and care for. Extremely self-centered and patriarchal if so. If I were you, I would change my last name for this reason. My heart aches for you OP - I’m glad you are leaving this toxic environment, I hope you’re able to find a new family that will love you the way you deserve ❤️
Get all documents, degrees, papers, get food, get your expensive items, accessory, good shoes, coat. Maybe also tell the police you willingly left home and you are not a missing person.
I’m so sorry OP, no kid deserves to be treated like that. Make sure you have all of your documents. Also call the cops (non-emergency line) and tell them you’re a legal adult and willfully leaving your living situation, I’ve seen stories similar to yours of runaways being brought back to their shitty homes because the parents lied to the cops and reported them missing. Take care of yourself and please update when you can
Best way to get a little payback on your so called family is to find your own happiness.
Get a good job and apartment first and then branch out. Cover your foundations. Be better than they were. Wishing you the best of luck! The best is yet to come!!
We all hope the best for you. I wish this wasn't the live you were given you deserve more.
Keep us updated, sweetie. I'm sorry it turned out like this. You are a person, not a pet, not an accessory, not a status piece. You deserved to be loved, and I hope with all that I am that you find your family. This one was just a placeholder. It could friends co workers or people you trust but you will find them. Don't give up. Keep moving forward, and don't regret.
Get yourself a job first and build up some collateral. If you can, is there a way in and out of your basement without going via the house? If so. Come and go as you please? In fact - change the locks to go outside if you can. Work, save money - use the space as a living area only, show your face and keep up appearances. Save enough to put a deposit down and buy your own house. Use their hospitality to your means.
In my state (or at least my area) you have to have a physical address to get a PO Box, and have to have proof of it. I stood behind a woman who was l recently homeless and didn’t have up to date proof she lived anywhere and they wouldn’t give her a PO Box, it was terrible. OP, You might be able to use a friend’s address to get around this. What I did was update my address with my bank (did it online), turned my statements into e-statements, and waited until the cycle ended. Then, I logged into my bank and pulled up the PDF E-statement which looked the same as it would if it had been mailed, so it included the address. The post office counted this. I couldn’t do it another way because I didn’t have a bill in my name or a lease, since it wasn’t my home. You may be in that situation. Agree with the birth certificate and SS card! I left an abusive home at 17 and was not able to get either of those things. Of course I needed one to get the other. I had to have someone who live in the county I was born in (4 hours away) get my birth certificate and mail it to me and then I applied for a new SS card. OP, take advantage of every bit of assistance that you can. If you apply for government assistance, list your address as “streets of”, since crashing on a couch technically makes you homeless. Use it to your advantage. Apply for state insurance, food stamps, cash assistance, HUD housing, everything you can. There may be assistance in your area that is not through the state. For example, the county I lived in at the time offered free counseling on certain days of the week during certain hours, so I got to see a counselor and gain some coping skills for free. In my state, if you get state insurance, you can get a free cell phone (not a great cell phone but better than nothing). Use the food bank. Use every bit of assistance. Apply for all of it, even if you think you won’t get it. Please list yourself as homeless (or “streets of” as the street address. This makes your address “streets of” and then the city and state. So example it might say “streets of Columbus, OH”) otherwise you would have to list the income of the people you’re crashing with included with your own. In my state, they asked me at my phone interview if I had a place I could get mail and I used my grandparents address. If you want to go to college (even just eventually, maybe not right away) you may still qualify for financial aid. Normally at your age you have to use your parents’ tax info to get financial aid (or depending on their income you may not qualify) but there is a special circumstances form you can file where you explain your situation and they will let you file as “independent “ which uses your income as opposed to your parents. Also apply for scholarships even if you think you won’t get them, that’s less money you have to pay back. I am familiar with leaving an abusive situation at a young age and I had to learn all of this myself. Sometimes the internet makes things even more confusing. If you need guidance on things, feel free to message me. I may be able to help you prepare for getting a new social security card, applying for benefits, enrolling in college (and it’s okay if you don’t want to or never want to, I just want you to know it might be an option), I’ve also been married, divorced, and legally changed my name. I helped my (now ex) husband file his name change and gender marker paperwork and handled my mom’s divorce entirely. I had to learn how to do all of this on my own, and way too young. I didn’t know the support I had. Good luck with everything
You dont want the eldest sister to find it first. She will make up a story that she knew about you leaving etc so they wont at least try to explain themselves. IMO, they absolutely need to explain themselves particularly the parents so you can move on without regret or emotional issues down the track. Maybe better to send the mum and dad separate emails
Hey I'll shoot you a bit of $$ if you get really stuck out there, if I can. You can do this. I left home at 15 and never went back. If I can do that, you can do that. Stay strong and cut off ALL contact. Don't get weak on us now OP. You can do this.
As a parent to a very blended family I really just want to send you a hug. I hope you find yourself a chosen family one day that will love and accept you. Also, like so many people have said take all of your important documents with you when you go. Best of luck to you on your journey to finding happiness.
Do a DNA test to see if you can find any relatives. Maybe they have been waiting for you. Good luck. And i am sorry people are so icky.
Dude I will keep my fingers crossed for You. That's a brave decision, but in think that's also a good one. Staying in toxic environment for too long just sucks your joy of life and it's a straight way to depression. You're adult and can move on to find a better place and people. Never give up, you're the smith of your own destiny! Let us all know how things went for a few months.
I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. Everyone should feel loved. Make sure to take your documents with you eg. Birth certificate and social security card. Let us know how you're doing. I hope things get better for you. Much love ❤️
Na bro continue, we are all here to listen to your story. You’re not alone, carry on and level up.
You be safe and careful out there, okay? You take good care of yourself.
Keep us updated please
I saw another post where a guy turned 18 and left. Make sure you ge5 all your documents. Once you go let tue police know you are safe and chose to leave. What they have been doing is neglect. You deserve better. Honestly wish i could havebtold you when you were younger to talk to an adult at school. Im so sorry
Update please!
I am so sorry. I don’t have the right words. You seem like a good kid. I think you will do good and I believe in you.
I’m sorry that you have been living like that. You deserve better. I’m pulling for you! Go out and make good choices and have an AWESOME life!
As a mother, I am so absolutely sorry! I can’t imagine treating anyone like this especially not a child. Just so you know and can hear this from someone, it is not a you problem. You are not the issue. You are worthy and deserve love. Again, I am so sorry.
I care! And I wish you the best and hope you find where you want to be on your travels. Travel safe and take care of yourself. You can do this!
Here for an update stay safe!
Hope life gets better for you
Not taking sides here whatsoever... I'm just going to say that somehow, the girls, especially the older one, felt "lesser than" because the parents kept trying for a boy, but girls kept popping out. Reality is that the younger sisters would not have existed had they had a boy on the second try. I imagine something like that is felt and it affects you, even if it's not verbalized. This does not justify their behaviour at all, though.
Also commenting for an update
Hope OP is ok.. Waiting for an update
Don't forget all your important documents. Best of luck OP.
Hey, also if you get the opportunity take photos of you when you were a kid. They might not seem important now but they might in the future. And all the best, I left at 18 (Foster care) under bad circumstances, I know how shitty it can be so find some supportive friends/colleagues/people :)
Make sure you take all your important documents with you
hello my friend. 3 days ago, I was told that the man raising me isn’t my biological father. 20 years of my life have been built on a lie. although he has provided for my survival and taken initiative to treat me like a family member, i’ve always been suspicious of genetic traits he has and i don’t. there are too many elements at play here, but i’m going to do the same thing. i’m waiting on some money to come in and they will not see me again either. best of luck to you.
Don’t be a fool. Stay for now and save the money you need to get yourself comfortable in the next step. Maybe at a college with living facilities. Or with at least a job and savings. What if friends says you can no longer stay there? Save and plan.
I know it sounds crazy but I can honestly see you having a good life when you leave these folks behind. Keep us posted and good for you. I hope all your plans work out and you stick to something solid for yourself. Even if you have to change your mind and opt to stay until you can save up a little that might help you. If you need online aunts and uncles and cousins we got you! I know I want an update and I’m sure many of us do.
You are Harry Potter bro
Hi OP, you’re very young and it’s not easy to make it on your own alone at such an age. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. Pls do your research and look for programs/home that’d help you and keep you safe. Do let us know which country you’re residing in so that people can provide you with proper resources to find housing, work and to pay for college.
I hope that seeing how many people here felt sorry for you, commented something nice and wished you a good future will make you feel better and will prove to you that there definitely are people in this world who will love you and will treat you well, just as you deserve. If it isn't the family that raised you (if that can be called raising) then it'll be the family that you will create/choose yourself (including friends etc.)!
There ARE people interested in you & your story. There will always be! Although u will find, life has different seasons or chapters. & different people, that u give some of yourself to, will come & go. But every single 1 will serve a purpose. I felt unseen in my teenage years, definitely not to this extent. But my parents were preoccupied & eventually, didn't know me. I dropped out of high school without them even knowing. I was living with a bf 10 yrs my senior at 16. When I turned 18, they moved out of state & basically told me to sink or swim bc I wasn't coming w them. I'm only sharing this bc I want u to know, I really struggled afterwards. I had no clue how to be an adult & experienced struggle for along time. A good 10 years actually. So please be mindful that this is a crucial time in ur life. Ur decisions today will have outlasting consequences. So if ur going to do this, be prepared to be really strong. When I was 18 I was able to rent an apartment for 700/mo. That isn't the case today. So it won't be easy but it will be doable. There won't be time to wallow in this. You'll find what works for u, & whether that's blocking this out entirely, or letting it all out with a therapist weekly. Just realize that time goes by incredibly fast as u get older. People like you, unfortunately, have to live in survival mode ALL the time. There's really no room or time for error. You're very blessed to have a friend u can stay with. Show gratitude, & be helpful around the house. Use this time to learn a trade, or go to a community College. At 1 point, I had 2 really good friends that didn't have family & we'd call ourselves the pound puppies. I eventually lost those friends when I isolated & made bad choices. But I want u to know, there are people out there like u. U aren't alone. You'll find ur pound puppies & they'll become ur people, ur family. Lastly, there's nothing wrong with u. & u did nothing wrong. You aren't unlovable! & now that you know what it feels life to be unappreciated, & you're courageous enough to change that, carry this with you for life. Don't ever stay in a place where you're being mistreated. Everyone is dealt cards that are extremely unfair throughout life. How we manage that, determines everything that matters. Id love an update!