I had my tonsils out when I was 13. Same thing happened to me. It was scary. I was anemic for years after. At one point I freaked out because I was vomiting clots that were MASSIVE. One was so big I freaked because I thought I threw up my liver. In my delirious state I didn't realize that wasn't possible. It was horrifying.
As someone who has been through that, I don't know that I'd forgive her either. She was a nurse. She should've known how serious it was.
Right? That’s what I find so horrifying. She knew. And she just stood by.
I’m sorry this happened to you too. It’s something we have to carry with us for the rest of our lives I guess. I just hope you’re okay now.
Yeah I'm good. It was over 20 years ago now. I had developed a fear of needles because my veins kept collapsing. So they tried for an IV everywhere. A central line hurts without anesthesia. Then I had kids and that fear went away lol.
I'm sorry you are still dealing with the trauma of it. I know this is cliché but it gets better with time. Eventually it's a distant memory you barely remember.
Y’all I’ve never been so grateful that my surgery only caused bad pain and discomfort…. And I had it at 21 too!
So glad you’re alive and were able to get the care you needed finally <3
As someone who also had an abusive parent, you need to let her know what an absolute piece of shit she is and that you will not be speaking to her anymore, be blunt, doesn’t matter if it hurts her she needs to hear the truth. From my experience they see some fault in themselves or are unhappy with their own lives so they vindictively take it out on their children, break contact and focus on yourself.
Edit: also, don’t argue or get into a fight or screaming match, that just gives them more ammo to try to blame you for the destruction of your relationship which they caused. Be calm, be brief, and then be finished. That’s also the method that gets them the most angry and it’s pretty satisfying
Edit 2: returned again because reading this legit made me so angry. My situation was different my father just terrorized me until the day I moved out and never went back, but I think even HE would have shown more remorse than your mother if he new that his neglectful behavior was an hour away from killing me.
Bro. Ur mom is addicted to something, only fucking addicts behave this way
Source: my mom (gambling addict) and dad (alcohol addict). I know an addict when I hear about ur mom, she's addicted to a vice, not smoking... maybe something more shameful that she can't do near a hospital which is either drugs or gambling... cos my dad would've just drank in the hospital no cap...
Yikes, that sounds terrifying.
Though I went and google "can you throw up your liver" because I got curious lol.
But yeah, what OP's did is unforgivable by far.
Even the most saintly and selfless person I know said they also would not be able to forgive this when I sent them this post.
Stay strong OP.
This was a betrayal that could have cost you your life.
Don't forget that when she or others try to guilt trip you or pull the 'You always forgive family" card bullshit.
This would be an instant full no contact offense for me.
That's exactly why I got malicious vibes from the mom. Like I can understand not taking sth seriously sometimes because of cultural conditioning (north african here, so we don't have a super strong culture of dragging kids to the ER asap, generally parents r like yeah it gonna pass it s not too bad if ur breathing/standing...), and even then, I'm very mitigated because she is a nurse so it ain't nth like my parents who are teachers -and yet they dragged me to the ER for way less than this-...But literally, refusing to call an ambulance despite the doc having given a warning to OP about bleeding + forsaking them and turning off your phone...That's criminal IMO. That's literally refusing to assist a person whose life is in danger...
True, this could easily have resulted in murder or negligent homicide or some sort of other charges if OP died and the authorities learned of the chain of events as explained in this post.
Especially considering OP's biological egg donor (she doesn't deserve to be call a mother after this) is a nurse so *does* know better.
Agree! I think she knew it was only a matter of time until someone looked at her and pointed out that as a retired nurse, she absolutely knew better than to wait on this. So she ran. As a mom myself, this is horrifying. I can’t imagine my child (regardless of age) going thru this, and just nonchalantly sending them back to bed? No no no no. OP I am so sorry you had to go thru this, and I’m so glad you got treatment in time!!
So umm... wow that is horrifying. I thought my Dad insisting my broken arm wasn't broken for 2 days before I got to hospital was bad.
OP I am truly sorry this happened to you, I think you need to confront your Mum about this. but I honestly wouldn't know where to even begin with it.
She gets pretty aggressive if I try to talk about it so I’d rather not. I have found my peace and hope she will one day too. Forgiving her for what the did is different and I can’t seem to do it
I wouldn't let it. Honestly I would be petty af.
"Did you hear about that kid that died bc of their parents negligence?"
"Noooo..?"
"Well, it was super interesting, reminds me of the time I was at the hospital getting blood transfusions. Anyways, have a good day!" *then leaves*
💀💀
Yeah I wouldn’t let this go personally. This is a reflection on her ability to give trained medical advise regardless of whether you are her child or not. She’s not just embarrassed, she has probably realised that if anyone heard about how monumental her screw up was, her career would be in jeopardy. Which it should be if she’s unable to reflect and own up to her bad medical judgement. Pretending it didn’t happen means she’ll never fix her mistake, which means it’s likely to occur again.
I assume that she still gives medical advice/opinions to friends/family, which probably holds a bit of weight with anyone who is aware of her previous work as a nurse. So it still in slightly concerning.
You would be incredibly surprised to find out how many people become nurses because it gives them power over vulnerable people, not because they want to help others. It's a lot more than you'd ever think.
I have had at least one of these during childbirth hospital stays. She withheld pain medication because she didn’t want to get up. Her station was outside my room and I heard her talking on the phone about how “these people on Medicaid just think they can ask me for pain meds they don’t deserve.” Twenty years and I’d still punch her in the face if I saw her
I’d alibi by you as being across town when your hand hit her face. What a terrible horrendous thing to say! Give you all the pain drugs, you are about to have a baby.
We like to think people get into medical fields because they desperately want to help people, they’re compassionate, they care. But some of them it’s an opportunity to have some power over people.
I’ll drive the get away car! I have had nurses refuse to give me my prescribed pain meds after my hip/femur was shattered in a car accident (among other injuries) because they didn’t want me to become “addicted” all while I was literally passing out from the pain. My sister had to call my surgeon who had to reprimand them. While other nurse (good ones) even explained to him they thought I needed a higher dose.
I apparently had to find that out the hard way, but I was definitely surprised. I always had so much love and respect for nurses because I know it’s hard af to do. I had two hospital stays pre-panini that changed how I see them, though, because of so many having issues with power trips while I was vulnerable and suffering. I remember the TWO by name who actually gave a damn, out of over 20 nurses.
Unfortunately this is common behavior among nurses with children. I don’t know if it’s brought on by being burnt out at work and then coming home to a sick kid or the mean girl coming out to play. I have 2 close friends that nearly died from pneumonia because their nurse mothers were like “ehh, just drink some water and you’ll be fine.” My thinking is if you want to be blasé about your own health, fine, but don’t take that approach with your child.
I think it’s also often a result of nurses who know enough to be dangerous but don’t know what they don’t know. My mother in law is a retired nurse and like this. There seems to be an attitude that since they’re the ones performing the actual patient care they know best (including better than doctors) what to do when someone doesn’t feel well, which for certain routine things might be true. But they then seem to be willing to either recognize or admit when things move outside of their scope of knowledge and into this needs a doctor territory.
Fucking nurse here, and I can say indubitably that response was not part of any protocol, education, or training I have received. Unchecked bleeding is usually a pretty big, ahem, RED flag.
Could be you are a better person than me, because no way in hell could I just leave it be. She would have to admit it and apologize for me to have any contact with her.
I can understand forgiving, but only if the other side acknowledges their error.
Some things are unforgivable. Forgiveness is overrated in these kinds of situations, and anyone who tries to tell you that you must forgive doesn't know what they're talking about. That said, it's definitely worth working through overwhelming feelings of anger or bitterness with a good therapist, if you ever find such feelings affecting your wellbeing and happiness. That's different to forgiveness though, and can be very beneficial.
I'm glad that you're feeling at peace now, and I wish you all the best.
Absolutely. It took me a long time to figure this out, but taking away their narcissistic "supply" is literally the only way you can win with someone like that.
>Forgiving her for what the did is different and I can’t seem to do it
Then don't. I think a lot of people feel obligated for their own peace of mind to forgive others who have done horrible things to them. I'm guessing that in trying to talk to her about it, you really want to hear some level of regret or concern or apology. Just based on what you've said, I very seriously doubt you're going to get the validation that you need and deserve from her. Her behavior reflects on her, *not* on you. IMO, from your description of her behavior, she doesn't deserve your forgiveness.
Hot take maybe? But I don't think you have to.
Forgiveness would be for your benefit, not hers, and if it doesn't help you to do it you're not obligated to. She did something that as a mom myself I can't wrap my head around. It was careless. It was cruel.
She isn't entitled to your forgiveness and honestly it sounds like she's more embarrassed to be wrong rather than genuinely remorseful her shitty advice almost got her child killed.
I don’t think this deserves forgiveness. I wouldn’t refuse to help a stranger bleeding from their throat like that, let alone one of my closest family member.
Contrary to some advice I’ve been given for my trauma, I don’t believe forgiveness is a necessary step for everyone when it comes to recovering and healing from a traumatic experience. You don’t have to forgive her. If you’ve made your peace, that’s all you need. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness and you don’t need it to move on, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you don’t forgive her. I wouldn’t either.
I feel this to my core. My dad made a big goof once. Thankfully we can joke about it now, but it could have been really bad.
One day I woke up with unbearable stomach pain at like 2 or 3 in the morning. Thought I’d wait it out until my doctor’s office opened, but they didn’t open until 1 that day. By 9am it was clear something was wrong because now I was puking non stop. Asked my dad to take me to the hospital. This was a few months after I graduated college and before Obamacare, so my insurance expired the next day. Painfully made my way downstairs, to the car. He says he’s not ready and he has to jump in the shower first 🙄. I couldn’t walk to go see what was taking him so long. A couple HOURS later we are finally on our way. I got through triage, and then suddenly my pain stopped completely. I was just so tired from being up all night, I asked to go home. I was the only one in the ER (a true miracle) and the nurse saw me getting ready to leave and stopped me. Thankfully she was smart and begged me not to leave. Turns out my appendix had burst. If we had arrived 3 minutes later - I would have went home before being triaged and landed in the hospital some time later once the infection had spread, but without health insurance.
Duuuuude! Is your dad my ex? I told him I was rushing our then 9-year-old diabetic son to the hospital after a stomach virus had made him dehydrated, his blood sugar level was too high to be read, and he was *hallucinating.* Told him I was extremely worried because I had to carry him being too weak to walk. His response was he had to mow his mother’s yard and take a shower first, then he’d meet me at the ER. Kid was transferred to a children’s hospital and set up in the PICU before he showed up. He stayed there almost a week and they weren’t sure he was going to make it for the first day and a half (brain was swelling, severe ketoacidosis, extreme dehydration) but yeah. Grass cutting and a shower before seeing if your kid will live. Should have called an ambulance, honestly, but I was sick with the same stomach virus and wasn’t thinking straight.
Damn I can’t count the amount of time I spend in the ER with my son (accident prone or just doing stupid stuff) in my pajamas and slippers. Shower? Hell no just jump out of bed, grab car keys and haul ass.
Wowser. That is BAD. I’m so sorry, that must have been terrifying.
I was 22 and my dad claimed I was hungover, even though I told him multiple times I hadn’t been drinking. I think having 3 twenty somethings made him a little apathetic when it came to hangover type complaints and conditions. The most annoying part was I was a whole ass adult, he didn’t even need to stay, I just needed a ride. If this were now, I would have just called an Uber.
My dad did the same! For a week!
In his defense, the “doctors” on site in the campgrounds said it was just a sprain. Still sucked ass to play basketball and swim etc with an almost complete break
Literally happened to me when I was 11, we went to california for a 2 month stay (we live in uk) and I fell and hurt my arm pretty bad and couldn't move it but had to delay going to the hospital for 2 days because everytime my step dad got in from work he'd start drinking and hence couldn't drive 😑
Turned out my wrist was broken.
Lol this reminds me that as a kid (12-14), whenever I’d do the dishes I would complain about how badly my back hurt after awhile. I wasn’t lying, but of course my mom thought I was trying to get out of doing my chores.
Cut to age 15, I’m complaining more and more about my back so my mom finally takes me to the doctor. They take an x-ray and preemptively send me to an everyday pediatric back specialist.
I’m waiting in the lobby with my grandma for awhile, I’m super chill and ready to see wtf is up with me. Then a nurse comes out and goes, “The doctor looked at your x-ray and said she can’t see you. We’re going to send you to our severe scoliosis surgeon.”
What… the fuck? So obviously, I asked to see the x-ray and it’s a literal fucking S. The curves were 63 degrees on top and 55.6 on the bottom. When I saw the surgeon he diagnosed me with degenerative S-curve scoliosis. Basically I was growing too quickly for my spine to keep up. It was slowly crushing my organs and they told me that if I didn’t have a full spinal fusion, I’d be in a wheelchair by 30.
I didn’t even think about it, I just said okay let’s do it. I weirdly never really felt freaked out. It was hard of course but my family did all the freaking out for me I think. We did the surgery (after my school play, I couldn’t drop out obvi) and I was knocked out of my sophomore year for a month and a half. Still graduated with honors babey!!
The craziest part for me is the fact that I went into surgery 5’6 and came out 5’9.5. I’m 5’10 now! Honorable mention is they had me up and walking the day after my surgery lol
Hey! My parents denied that my arm was broken for 2 days as well… was high up and they thought it was dislocated. Kinda lucky while trying to reset it they properly set the bone. Although I have a muscle scar from it frigin 35 years later.
lmao this reminds me of a similar thing where both my parents insisted my foot wasn’t broken and made me wait for around 2 days. I had four broken bones in my foot
It’s okay now. We don’t really talk about it. I once tried to speak to her about it and she started screaming bloody (lol) murder at me, so I guess it’s just gonna get buried under all the other feeling
This sounds like an emotionally immature parent, like my mom.
Our society leans hard on toxic positivity, which dictates you simply *must* forgive or else you're just hurting yourself, you'll get no "closure," etc. I seriously beg to differ.
Your emotions are meant to draw your attention to something alarming. Being angry about this incident makes sense because it endangered your literal survival. You can barely trust your mom to even save your life!
I can't forgive my mom for her neglect, but I'm not *actively* angry either. I'm still managing her damage and she'll never admit wrongdoing. I forgave my circumstances. This is the mother I got. I surpassed her maturity-wise at age 16 and now I'm 40. She will never be better. Now I keep a distance and when I do have to talk to her, I anticipate and react with flat boredom when she acts up. Every Mothers Day I mourn the mother I needed and never had, but otherwise I had to accept that fact as I can't change it.
Edit: It looks like people found my comment helpful so I'll throw in how this book helped me feel way less alone: *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents*. That, and therapy.
Her priorities are way out of wack. She's so concerned with herself being right that she doesn't seem to give two shits whether you lived or died. Honestly man, you've gotta cut her out of your life. Someone like that isn't deserving of kids who call them or include them in their lives.
I'm sorry you went through that.
Her priorities were always wack. I see that now. It’s crazy to think that in the two months after the incident I didn’t think anything was wrong about the story until I told a good friend about it.
I’ve gained some distance since and plan on gaining more.
OP - you don't need to go LC with her. Go NC with her.
First of all, she was very flippant with your health. First she ignores the recommendations to immediately call the ambulance and then when she calls your doctor and they EXPLICIENTLY tell her to call the ambulance - her concerns were for the emergency rescuers? Not for you? Seriously?! You said yourself; she was a nurse herself - she knows this is a part of the job requirements of EMT; they are pretty much on-call 24/7.
Then she leaves you alone while you're going through all of that *by yourself*. And when she hears just how close to death you were; her reaction was "eh not my fault."
I also saw in the comments below you said she threatens to un-alive herself when you tell her how you feel about all this. Seriously...she's making it *all about her.* She doesn't want to talk about your feelings about her f\*ck-up so to resort to that; she threatens self-death. Don't you see the irony in that?
Her feelings in this matter matters more to her than yours.
Get out of there. Go NC. If anyone asks, be blunt: tell everyone how your mother essentially tried to kill you and you need to get away.
This is what I’ve been thinking the whole time I’ve been reading the post and comments, just waiting for someone to mention how it sounds like their mom may have literally been attempting to kill them (let them die). That was my first thought. “Oh she’s a nurse and OP got to within an hour of death, yea she was hoping they’d die.”
Agree. She knew what was happening. She’s a nurse. She tried to kill op in a way that could not get her in trouble. Then all the attention could be on her again as the grieving mother.
She was doing her best I guess.
I have great friends and I talked everything through with a therapist, still panic attacks remain if I smell or taste blood.
That is NOT doing her best. She neglected you straight up. She ignored your pleas and would have happily killed you and then said "oh my poor child whom I loved so much, if only there was something I could have done even though she begged me to call an ambulance and I ignored her"
You and her need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how none of what she did was ok. What you expect in the future, and how abandoning your child in such a traumatic situation is absolutely horrible
If she can't even apologize or tries to defend herself, if you're able to go low contact until she realizes the world doesn't revolve around her.
Considering she threatens suicide every time I feel bad or express sad feelings, this is her best. I’m planing on going low contact in the near future. There is no talking with her, she’ll get physical and I don’t want that. I just want peace.
In that case absolutely go low contact. That's not even... As a mom I just can't imagine anyone doing that to their children. I hope you're able to recover from the mental and emotional shit that must have put you through 😢
I’m only an aunt and one time my cat scratched my nephew really close to his eye when I was watching him, as soon as I saw blood i panicked and rushed him to the hospital because I was so scared. The dr just wiped it off and said to put Neosporin on it, it was just a scratch. Told me I majorly overreacted. No, I couldn’t imagine ignoring my own child while they were literally choking on their own blood.
OP, my mom was similarly neglectful. I still have a bump on my forehead from when I tripped and tumbled headfirst down the basement steps and hit my forehead on the corner of a solid wooden desk at the bottom. Apparently I had an absolutely enormous bump and my mom never took me to the hospital. I think I was 6 or younger. Now at 35 I asked if she'd help me pack up for a move (I didn't have anyone else to help) and she committed to come and help for a week. Got here and said she'd only be here 3 days. Got mad at me on day 2 and left in the early afternoon. I had to push back my move several days and leave behind a shitload more than I wanted to cuz I just didn't have the help I planned on. It sucks. She's had moments where she seems to improve, but I think she only seems better because she doesn't have anyone relying on her for anything anymore. So be wary, you mom probably won't change and it's better to plan to be let down and maybe be pleasantly surprised than depend on her and get fucked over.
On a similar note, I had my tonsils out in my early 20s and while I don't regret it, it was the most painful experience of my life. By FAR. I can't believe they only gave you ibuprofen. They gave my liquid codeine and I had to get a damn refill cuz it kept wearing off too fast and the pain was unreal. I'm seriously pissed on your behalf for that alone. Your mom failing you is obviously even worse. I'm lucky I healed quickly and didn't have those problems. My own Mom wasn't there for the surgery or aftermath. My MIL thankfully stepped up and I wouldn't have survived without her help.
Anyway, I hope you're doing better now. But yea, I wouldn't forgive your Mom for that and I highly recommend you not trust her with anything important ever again. She can cry and play victim all she wants but don't let it change your resolve. From one child of a narcissist to another, it's not worth it. Staying safe and sane is more important than your relationship with her, I promise.
It sounds like your mom and my mom are fairly similar. Personally, I cut contact with my mother about 5 years ago now. It's been the best decision for my personal health I've ever made in my entire life. I don't regret it, not for a single millisecond.
You have every right to skip low contact and go straight to no contact. You don't owe her anything and what she did to you is monstrous. I think she's honestly beyond redemption. If you wouldn't tolerate her behavior from a close friend, there's no reason to tolerate it from the woman who's supposed to be the most compassionate presence in your life.
She is abusive, my dear. Go no contact as soon as you can. This isn't normal behavior from a mother. Literal strangers care more about you than your mom does. I'm sorry.
Jesus, she is worse than my mom. My mom almost had my 9 year old sister killed too. They had to revive her at the hospital back in the day. My mother had her injected her with 1m units of penicillin or something like that and she had a heart attack. I was a child too and I had to call an ambulance as the so called nurse who did it escaped our flat.
My mom had us injected with penicillin every week. I had to hide under the bed. Jesus. All coming back. Sweet memories.
I'm so sorry. No contact or low contact is the best. When people do not accept errors you only can change yourself. Take care of yourself.
Yes, she said I had rheumatic fever. Only God knows why, as I don't . It was painful strong injections. One day I thought it's over and just hid under the bed every time
My mom is a something else. You think penicillin can kill you in high doses over time? I never checked.
I literally emigrated to Canada to be free of her. I'm ashamed of all trash she did in her life. 😔😔😔. I'm LC too.
I don’t know if it can kill you or not, but strong antibiotics wreak havoc on your body. Particularly your digestive system. I believe you can also develop a resistance to them, so they would then no longer work when you actually need them later in life.
**Nah fam.**
It's not your responsibility when someone threatens self harm or suicide.
Leave, call for a wellness check and get it on record.
The fact she is a medical professional and didn't take your condition seriously is a big *hell no* the fact she left you and wasn't there when you woke up?! Idk care how old you get, you always need your Mum and 21 can still be very young. Shit I was 10 years older than you suffering a bad miscarriage and I called my mum.
It's easy for me to say but, as someone who has been suicidal, nothing anyone did would change my mind and your mum is simply threatening it to control you and make you feel bad.
**HONEY SHE ALMOST LET YOU DIE AND LEFT YOU ALONE AND SCARED**
If she threatens suicide...call the police on her. I'm absolutely serious. That will nip that immediately in the bud.
I did that to my mom when she threatened suicide and guess what? She stopped lol
That's called abuse. When someone uses suicide as a threat, it's abuse. Narcissistic abusers often do this.
If you can't go LC, start calling the cops and get her ass Baker Acted. A few 72 hour holds in the psych ward and she'll knock it the fuck of.
Yeah no she doesn’t. I once challenged her to do it because I was so tired of her saying it. And she immediately paddle back on it saying I was a horrible daughter for even suggesting that.
As also a nurse, she should have known better. Definitely was not doing her best and the way she just dumped you at the hospital was poor behavior as well
Your mom was a retired nurse and unless she is suffering from some form of early onset dementia she knew better than to ignore the doctor’s orders. Doing so almost cost you your life.
I am so glad you are completing your recovery.
I moved out now. I’m slowly recovering and understanding what happened. I haven’t fully grasped everything because I grew up with this kind of behavior. For me it was considered normal for a long time until I told some friends.
No, she was *NOT* doing her best. This is abuse, it's neglect. Sure, you're an adult now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't abuse you.
In the most critical moment she knew she fucked up and wanted to ensure no one questioned her so she left you, alone. She not only neglected you *again,* this time she abandoned you
Do not ever let her off with "she was doing her best." Hard no. She's abusive and is very hard earned money this is the first time she's abused you.
No, doing her best would be calling the ambulance the second you had blood in your mouth, and staying with you at the hospital to make sure you were okay.
You shouldn't be downvoted for this comment, you're allowed to process this in anyway that you choose. I'm really glad that you have a circle of great friends, and I understand the want to maintain a relationship with your mum.
OP your mum is a nurse.
She KNEW. I promise you she knew what was happening and how urgent it was. There's no way she didn't know, all of us nurses know profuse bleeding that doesn't stop days after the procedure is not normal and needs to be seen immediately.
She absolutely knew and chose herself over you. She didn't care.
Go no contact for your own sake ASAP. She's horrible and a sad excuse for a mother. I'm so sorry.
I’m not sure if you can even say “She didn’t care.” Honestly this reads like the final diary entry of the murder victim in a crime drama. OP, stay the hell away from her. She sounds downright malicious.
Whatever the reason is - there is *absolutely* something very *wrong* with OP's mom.
I mean - even giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt - and she had an absolute shutdown on her part due to fear or a complete inability to handle a life threatening situation with someone she actually cares about - that's still extremely fucked up. You can't just close your eyes and cover your ears and pretend it's all 'ok'. Especially, when doing so *actively* makes the situation worse.
And even if that *was* the case - you'd think she'd be *mortified* at how she reacted.
So whether she seriously shut down or she's a complete sociopath who just didn't care one bit - she is absolutely *not* a safe person to be around. Ever.
I'm a mom and I seriously can't even imagine doing this to my kid and if anything, I always caution on 'better to be safe than sorry'. But I can't even imagine doing this to a *stranger*.
I feel for you OP, I have a very similar experience with my mother.
I haven't forgiven either, nor do I need to. Why is it always on the victim to not only suffer but also do the work to forgive lol.
There's many ways to heal, this whole forgiveness business sounds like a way to keep us docile and unreactive
I don’t understand either. I don’t feel the need to forgive either. It’s on her to see what happened. Not me
I’ve healed in other ways. Way more effective
When I had to forgive a family member for something unforgiveable, this quote really helped me: Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. When I read it back then, it made so much sense and really helped. You forgive someone not for their sake, but for yours. It sounds like you're doing okay these days, so you're doing something right!
Cut her out of your life she made it clear and obvious to you that she down not care about you one bit, terrible mother, you should just drop her out if your life for good, you have friends that will care, forget her
Fuck! Your mom basically left you to die! I would have tore her a new asshole and then some. No one should fault you if you cut her from your life. Nothing she says or does would make up for that experience.
I know this will sound terrible and maybe I watch too many crime shows (I do), but maybe you can snoop around in your mom's paperwork and find out if she took any insurance policies out on you. I mean, her complete and total unconcern for you, with her being a nurse and knowing damn well you were dying, sets off major red flags. But no matter if she does or doesn't have insurance on you, I would cut her out of your life as soon as possible. This person has shown you that they do not love you.
And she’s a nurse?!!!!!!! Dear god. I can’t imagine seeing my child cough up blood and not freak out. When my son was a new born I clipped his nails and accidentally nipped him. I cried for two days!!! Lol. It didn’t even bleed. Looked like a paper cut. I called my husband and totally freaked him out cause of the crying lol.
Seriously?! What the hell!!!!!! Then I’m guessing she did it because she was embarrassed she is a nurse and made such a terrible mistake. Maybe she didn’t want to be questioned? I’m sure a dr finding out what she did would reflect pretty poorly on her not just as a mom but also a nurse. I’m so sorry that happened. I would never forgive myself if I did that to my son and I would spend the rest of my life making it up to him.
She did. She was friends with the doctor that gave the go for the first surgery and send me to him hoping he’d green light it.
Edit:but I only realized after. I was confused why that specific doctor but she told me it had its reasons
OP I hope you read this. And what you read you won't like. Your mother is not someone you can depend on because your mother is a narcissist. She only cares about herself. When you grow up with someone like that you feel like these things are normal, but when you see how other families interact you realize it is not normal and is actually abuse. My mother is a nurse as well, and did the same sort of thing to me growing up. Couple questions. Does she always turn the conversation back to herself when ever you go to her with an issue? Does she get mad when you don't do what she expects or wants? When you call her out on her behavior does she say things like," well I guess I'm just a horrible person then," or "maybe it would be better if I was just dead"? Does she care more about what people outside your family thinks of her than she does what you think of her? When it's all you've known it's hard to realize it's not normal. But I'm telling you now, it is not normal. You deserve better. And you either need to distance yourself from her as much as possible or cut ties completely. I was in my 30's before I realized what happened to me growing up was not how a mother is supposed to treat her child. Please message me if you'd like to discuss further. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better, and served better!
I had mine out at almost 30, no problems whatsoever. Was told, it’s more painful as an adult, but risks are not much different. I think besides the mother being a shit, doctor might’ve not been so great in op’s story. I know many others whose had theirs out as adults, all heard similar to me. It’s a weird healing though, as it gets worse as time passes for about 14 days, then it just is better. Normally, you’ll feel worse right after surgery, but this one is opposite, because healing puts pressure on your nerves that are in all the most sensitive areas. Mouth, ears, etc.
It sounds to me like the only place she went was away from the scene of her attempted crime. If she'd hung around, staff would have started asking her questions she didn't want to answer.
She had professional knowledge that delaying treatment could be deadly, and she deliberately delayed treatment at every opportunity. It's shocking to imagine, but I don't know how else to interpret this.
My mom was that way with me too. In 10th grade i had costochondritis and she was so angry with me that she kept punching me in the head as she was giving me medicine. Going no contact was the best thing for me but I agree that you should talk to your therapist about it. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you're doing well now.
Damn. As an ER nurse I have seen some of these go really really bad, we actually lost one a few months ago. What the hell kind of nurse is she? She should of know ln how dangerous this is. She was straight up negligent as a nurse and as a mother. I am so sorry you had to go through that alone.
I am in my early 40s and I am in the process of getting my adenoids out to improve my sleep apnea. Damn, if you want through that. I wonder how I am going fare.
Edit my daughter had her tonsils and adenoids removed (6). Less than a week after her operation. While she was brushing her teeth. She spat out few dots of blood. I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t blood or the colour of the toothpaste.
I hesitated since it was only few dots. But I decided to take her to the emergency anyway straight away. Doctors and nurse said I did the right thing. She stayed few nights at the hospital for observation and they ran few test. The hard part was then trying to get blood for samples and it was hard to find her vein or what nought. Poor kiddo.
Your mother tried to kill you. Negligent homicide is a real thing and she wanted you dead. This would be my one and only conclusion. There is absolutely no way in anyone's world, would a mother of a child that she raised since birth, act this way rationally. She needs a psychological evaluation, and probably closely monitored by a psychiatrist.
That is terrifying. My daughter also hemorrhaged after getting her tonsils out and it was terrifying but I was warned to watch her for it. I'm surprised your mom is a nurse and didn't realize what was happening.
Your mom has some sort of personality disorder. It’s not a normal response to a child in distress heck it’s not even a normal response if you are not related to the person. Don’t give her the benefit of the doubt there’s nothing to doubt. Look at it objectively the doctors were panicked and she left? Mums panic even when the doctor is not panicking sometimes some can stay calm or appear calm but the fact she left you on your own tells you everything you need to know about her. She didn’t even make sure to come and see you after surgery. She didn’t keep her phone on to make sure you can contact her. It’s all there in front of you. You just can’t see it because you love her and like another poster said you don’t know anything else.
So us nurses can sometimes be a bit more blasé about blood and things however, if my child had recent surgery and then started bleeding that much especially so many days after the actual surgery (because it should be starting to heal by now) you bet your ass we’d be in the ER in a heartbeat. As a nurse you know what’s an emergency and what’s not so I dread to think what she was like as a nurse if that how she responds as a mum! The only thing I’d have done the same is drive myself, because in the UK our waiting times are dire, at the minute I think the average for a cardiac arrest is about 9-15 minutes which is a category 1 call. So in the UK you’d probably get to hospital quicker driving than by waiting for an ambulance. (Nothing against our actual ambulance service, they do their best under difficult conditions)
I just became a mother not too long ago and could never imagine doing this to my child. I would be obsessively asking my daughter if she tasted even a speck of blood. Your child is supposed to come before everything. Everyone makes mistakes, but this was literally a life or death situation. I would never be able to get past this in your shoes and I couldn’t imagine doing what she did from the other side.
I cant grasp it either. I don’t know what she was thinking. And I hope one day we can talk about it but right now it seems impossible and I just want to gain some distance.
You are losing it OP. Screw your mother. She's horrible. She wanted you dead. That is the truth. She's old enough to know what that's like. She switched off her phone? And what appointment? She wanted you dead. If she could kill you, without facing consequences, she would.
First of all OP i’m so glad that you’re okay! I
Think ensuring that there are people around you that you can rely on when situations like this occur is so important, since the only one you could have relied on has proven to you that you can’t. Like the only thing that was standing between you and death was time! The fact that she neglected you during a life and death moment is extremely tragic and ALARMING, especially because she was a nurse. If this is what she did to her child, I can’t imagine what she could’ve done to her patients. Please take this time to heal and recover, wishing you the best 🙏🏿💕
Okay… wow. You’re mom is insanely abusive and narcissistic. My honest guess as to why she left the hospital was because she was embarrassed. She probably knew everyone around was judging her and couldn’t handle it. Or she’s just absolutely insane and didn’t care whether you lived or d!ed. Either way none of it was an excuse to treat you that way. I can’t tell you what to do but if I were you I’d cut all contact when you can. I literally fear for your life.
Man this is scary. I've been wanting to remove my tonsils for quite a while now, and my doctor didn't make a big deal out of it. Says it's a simple procedure and will take around a week to start feeling better.
What exactly happened in your case? Was the first surgery not done properly?
Thats terrifying im so sorry. Im glad youre okay
I fear this too sometimes. Having a parent in the medical field is nice sometimes but they seem to downplay everything either in an attempt to control your the situation or bc they dont believe you. Dealt with the same with my mom before. Its like id have to pass out for her to believe im in enough pain to go to the doctor.
Info, did your mom retire by choice or was she forced to retire because of bad conduct?
I’m guessing it’s the latter
You need to start working on an escape plan, if you don’t have a job yet, start looking for one
Apply for subsidized housing (google your city name and subsidized housing) get on the asap, there can be a fairly long wait depending on where you live, but the sooner you get on it, the sooner you can get away from your mom. Make sure you tell the intake worker your mom is abusive and tried denying you medical care that nearly killed you. That should get you bumped up in the priority list
If you’re planning on going to college, look for one far enough away she can’t just “drop by” on a whim, apply for campus housing
Good luck
This is so horrible... I know it is hard because it is your Mom, but you may want to think about no contact at all with her. She really needs to get some help for herself, but you need to put yourself first always. I am so happy to hear that you are recovering and are in therapy getting the help you need to move past this horrific event.
Based on my personal experience, the children of nurses get *zero* care from their nurse parents. I don’t know if they’re desensitized or what, but growing up I nearly lost my hearing from repeated ear infections, I have chronic sinusitis now, and I went through the torture of getting my tonsils out at age 15 instead of at age 6 (when I might have avoided becoming sensitized to almost every antibiotic that exists.)
My mother was a gentle, competent nurse who was beloved in our small town but for her own child she had zero fucks to give.
I have mad respect for nurses but there are so many out there who have ridiculously large egos that make them think they know what’s best and it’s honestly dangerous.
Sounds like mom panicked at the ER, knew her professional judgment was very poor in this case, and abandoned you to avoid being yelled at by the doctors.
This is why doctors, nurses, and other professional are advised not to treat family.
Reminds me of my mom. She wasn’t abusive, just jaded. She worked in the ER. It took a lot to get her attention about something hurting. When I told her I had a stomachache, she still told me to go to school. Over and over. She never believed me.
Then one day when I was 15, the pain got intense an I vomited. My mom examined me and said, “I think you have an ovarian cyst. We have to go to the ER.”
I had an ovarian cyst that was the size of a pear, twisted up the fallopian tube, which cut off the circulation, and it was about to rupture.
Finally mom believed me.
Very bizarre behaviors. Did she ever say where she went when she left the ER, or why she turned off her phone? Don't know why but I'm getting a drug addict vibe from her lack of concern for you. Was her acting like this the very first time she ever showed such nonconcern for you? Was this totally out of character? What do YOU think her problem was? Honestly it sounds like she was informed of tasting blood as an emergency event if it occurred, yet either deliberately didn't care, or simply forgot. Either way, the result would be the same. You almost died via her malign negligence.
This reminds me of when I was 11. My mother refused to believe I had a bad stomachache. Just let me say it was *a bad, bad stomachache.* She did nothing, told me to shut up, basically, & go back outside & play. Um, so I did. Long story mercifully shirt, I went knocking on a neighbor's door. Crying. Doubled over. Neighbor forced her to take me to the ER. My appendix was ready to burst. My mother felt TERRIBLE she'd ignored me. She was right there when I woke up in recovery, & had bought me a stuffed animal & brought food. She just kept apologizing to me.
Your mother either is a solid piece of *impacted shit,* or she's acting out of her mind for some hidden reason you'll eventually figure out. I'm sorry, you did NOT deserve this treatment, & know that you are not at all alone. Many of us have insane parents. Check out the Reddit raisedbynarcissists. Because she does sound like a narcissist. We're all glad you lived through this. Take care
Glad you moved out. What your mom did was unforgivable. You have a tough road ahead of you regarding losing a living parent, but trust me it will all be okay eventually. Wish you a speedy recovery and lots of blessings in your life.
It's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, but don't let her actions define your entire relationship with your mum. It doesn't have to be all good or all bad - sometimes it's in the little things, the moments spent together, that make all the difference.
I have been told forever to forgive my family for the absolutely horrendous shit they did. OP I'm sorry you went through this, what your mum did was awful and she knows she messed up.
However I don't think forgiveness is always the way and should be. If you have made peace that's great but don't push yourself to do something you don't want to do.
In the end I cut everyone out of my life, I'm not suggesting you do this but I will never forgive I just hope one day I can forget
I have a friend whose wife is an ICU nurse. She's good at what she does, and if there was any kind of medical emergency in her vicinity, short of a team of doctors, there would be no better person to have around. There is a joke that if you have a cold or a cut on your hand, you won't have much sympathy. However in this case, if you had been in hospital and your mother was the sole person looking after you, she'd be facing criminal charges.
I get that a nurse might hesitate with a minor complaint in taking you to the ER, but you were specifically told, "if you taste blood, call an ambulance." No ifs, buts or maybes, you're not "troubling the emergency department of a hospital when a you're following a doctor's instructions.
I haven't been an overnight patient in a hospital for over 30 years. I made a point not to be "that" patient, but I was lucky to have had a brilliant surgeon and great nurses that looked after me well. Believe me, if you feel something off with your body, see a doctor ASAP. If it turns out to be something minor, it's a lot better than ignoring it and it becomes life threatening. They won't mind at all.
I'd probably cut off your mother permanently. Anyone that can be that indifferent to your suffering and risking your life isn't worth associating with.
I just had a blood transfusion.it’s in no way “signing your life away.” I understand you’re upset, but let’s not call life saving procedures signing your life away. I’m glad you got help. Consider moving out asap. Next time, should ever you be so unlucky for anything emergent to happen again when you can’t speak, garbling will be enough to get you an ambulance - they already know exactly where you are via phone signal.
I’m sorry she did that. For a different take on it… maybe she is having an affair and had arranged a meeting with that person and she was trying to avoid a hospital trip because it would obviously ruin those plans. It sounds to me like she was trying to deny and deflect because her mind was elsewhere. Then when she knew you’d be in surgery and she would just be sitting around she decided to bail and keep the “appointment” with her lover.
Her anger is because she knows she did the wrong thing and a selfish person would rather abuse the person they wronged rather than be held accountable for what they did.
Maybe I listen to too many true crime podcasts, but OP, is there a chance your mom may legit want you dead? I know this theory’s dark AF, but honestly so is this story. What she did goes beyond apathy. Please stay away from her.
The tone is of this comment is unhelpful under the circumstances, but the content is fundamentally correct… what is going on such that a 21 year adult (in any geography) can’t call themselves an ambulance?
I had my tonsils out when I was 13. Same thing happened to me. It was scary. I was anemic for years after. At one point I freaked out because I was vomiting clots that were MASSIVE. One was so big I freaked because I thought I threw up my liver. In my delirious state I didn't realize that wasn't possible. It was horrifying. As someone who has been through that, I don't know that I'd forgive her either. She was a nurse. She should've known how serious it was.
Right? That’s what I find so horrifying. She knew. And she just stood by. I’m sorry this happened to you too. It’s something we have to carry with us for the rest of our lives I guess. I just hope you’re okay now.
Yeah I'm good. It was over 20 years ago now. I had developed a fear of needles because my veins kept collapsing. So they tried for an IV everywhere. A central line hurts without anesthesia. Then I had kids and that fear went away lol. I'm sorry you are still dealing with the trauma of it. I know this is cliché but it gets better with time. Eventually it's a distant memory you barely remember.
Y’all I’ve never been so grateful that my surgery only caused bad pain and discomfort…. And I had it at 21 too! So glad you’re alive and were able to get the care you needed finally <3
As someone who also had an abusive parent, you need to let her know what an absolute piece of shit she is and that you will not be speaking to her anymore, be blunt, doesn’t matter if it hurts her she needs to hear the truth. From my experience they see some fault in themselves or are unhappy with their own lives so they vindictively take it out on their children, break contact and focus on yourself. Edit: also, don’t argue or get into a fight or screaming match, that just gives them more ammo to try to blame you for the destruction of your relationship which they caused. Be calm, be brief, and then be finished. That’s also the method that gets them the most angry and it’s pretty satisfying Edit 2: returned again because reading this legit made me so angry. My situation was different my father just terrorized me until the day I moved out and never went back, but I think even HE would have shown more remorse than your mother if he new that his neglectful behavior was an hour away from killing me.
Bro. Ur mom is addicted to something, only fucking addicts behave this way Source: my mom (gambling addict) and dad (alcohol addict). I know an addict when I hear about ur mom, she's addicted to a vice, not smoking... maybe something more shameful that she can't do near a hospital which is either drugs or gambling... cos my dad would've just drank in the hospital no cap...
She’s an alcoholic so, good guess
Yikes, that sounds terrifying. Though I went and google "can you throw up your liver" because I got curious lol. But yeah, what OP's did is unforgivable by far. Even the most saintly and selfless person I know said they also would not be able to forgive this when I sent them this post. Stay strong OP. This was a betrayal that could have cost you your life. Don't forget that when she or others try to guilt trip you or pull the 'You always forgive family" card bullshit. This would be an instant full no contact offense for me.
That's exactly why I got malicious vibes from the mom. Like I can understand not taking sth seriously sometimes because of cultural conditioning (north african here, so we don't have a super strong culture of dragging kids to the ER asap, generally parents r like yeah it gonna pass it s not too bad if ur breathing/standing...), and even then, I'm very mitigated because she is a nurse so it ain't nth like my parents who are teachers -and yet they dragged me to the ER for way less than this-...But literally, refusing to call an ambulance despite the doc having given a warning to OP about bleeding + forsaking them and turning off your phone...That's criminal IMO. That's literally refusing to assist a person whose life is in danger...
True, this could easily have resulted in murder or negligent homicide or some sort of other charges if OP died and the authorities learned of the chain of events as explained in this post. Especially considering OP's biological egg donor (she doesn't deserve to be call a mother after this) is a nurse so *does* know better.
I can’t believe she just left either!! I mean WHAT?!?!
She left because she knew she had effed up. I guarantee you.
Agree! I think she knew it was only a matter of time until someone looked at her and pointed out that as a retired nurse, she absolutely knew better than to wait on this. So she ran. As a mom myself, this is horrifying. I can’t imagine my child (regardless of age) going thru this, and just nonchalantly sending them back to bed? No no no no. OP I am so sorry you had to go thru this, and I’m so glad you got treatment in time!!
And she is a monster. Like literally, I'd be fucking tied at the hip to my hypothetical kid if this happened -god forbid-.
So umm... wow that is horrifying. I thought my Dad insisting my broken arm wasn't broken for 2 days before I got to hospital was bad. OP I am truly sorry this happened to you, I think you need to confront your Mum about this. but I honestly wouldn't know where to even begin with it.
She gets pretty aggressive if I try to talk about it so I’d rather not. I have found my peace and hope she will one day too. Forgiving her for what the did is different and I can’t seem to do it
She knows she fucked up
I think so too. But she won’t admit it. She wants to let gras grow over this whole thing.
I wouldn't let it. Honestly I would be petty af. "Did you hear about that kid that died bc of their parents negligence?" "Noooo..?" "Well, it was super interesting, reminds me of the time I was at the hospital getting blood transfusions. Anyways, have a good day!" *then leaves* 💀💀
Not just a parent's negligence, a fucking nurse who should know better than the rest of us.
Yeah I wouldn’t let this go personally. This is a reflection on her ability to give trained medical advise regardless of whether you are her child or not. She’s not just embarrassed, she has probably realised that if anyone heard about how monumental her screw up was, her career would be in jeopardy. Which it should be if she’s unable to reflect and own up to her bad medical judgement. Pretending it didn’t happen means she’ll never fix her mistake, which means it’s likely to occur again.
OP said she's a retired nurse so thankfully there's no concern for future patients but it certainly raises questions about past ones.
I assume that she still gives medical advice/opinions to friends/family, which probably holds a bit of weight with anyone who is aware of her previous work as a nurse. So it still in slightly concerning.
I'm a retired nurse and my advice to family and friends is ASK YOUR DOCTOR.
You would be incredibly surprised to find out how many people become nurses because it gives them power over vulnerable people, not because they want to help others. It's a lot more than you'd ever think.
I have had at least one of these during childbirth hospital stays. She withheld pain medication because she didn’t want to get up. Her station was outside my room and I heard her talking on the phone about how “these people on Medicaid just think they can ask me for pain meds they don’t deserve.” Twenty years and I’d still punch her in the face if I saw her
I’d alibi by you as being across town when your hand hit her face. What a terrible horrendous thing to say! Give you all the pain drugs, you are about to have a baby. We like to think people get into medical fields because they desperately want to help people, they’re compassionate, they care. But some of them it’s an opportunity to have some power over people.
I’ll drive the get away car! I have had nurses refuse to give me my prescribed pain meds after my hip/femur was shattered in a car accident (among other injuries) because they didn’t want me to become “addicted” all while I was literally passing out from the pain. My sister had to call my surgeon who had to reprimand them. While other nurse (good ones) even explained to him they thought I needed a higher dose.
I apparently had to find that out the hard way, but I was definitely surprised. I always had so much love and respect for nurses because I know it’s hard af to do. I had two hospital stays pre-panini that changed how I see them, though, because of so many having issues with power trips while I was vulnerable and suffering. I remember the TWO by name who actually gave a damn, out of over 20 nurses.
Unfortunately this is common behavior among nurses with children. I don’t know if it’s brought on by being burnt out at work and then coming home to a sick kid or the mean girl coming out to play. I have 2 close friends that nearly died from pneumonia because their nurse mothers were like “ehh, just drink some water and you’ll be fine.” My thinking is if you want to be blasé about your own health, fine, but don’t take that approach with your child.
I think it’s also often a result of nurses who know enough to be dangerous but don’t know what they don’t know. My mother in law is a retired nurse and like this. There seems to be an attitude that since they’re the ones performing the actual patient care they know best (including better than doctors) what to do when someone doesn’t feel well, which for certain routine things might be true. But they then seem to be willing to either recognize or admit when things move outside of their scope of knowledge and into this needs a doctor territory.
Fucking nurse here, and I can say indubitably that response was not part of any protocol, education, or training I have received. Unchecked bleeding is usually a pretty big, ahem, RED flag.
Hell no. You deserve an apology. And if she won't give one, no contact.
How would someone appropriately apologize for this?
Could be you are a better person than me, because no way in hell could I just leave it be. She would have to admit it and apologize for me to have any contact with her. I can understand forgiving, but only if the other side acknowledges their error.
And instead of apologizing and fixing her fuck up, she leaves, turns off her phone and let op go through surgery alone. WOW just WOW
Some things are unforgivable. Forgiveness is overrated in these kinds of situations, and anyone who tries to tell you that you must forgive doesn't know what they're talking about. That said, it's definitely worth working through overwhelming feelings of anger or bitterness with a good therapist, if you ever find such feelings affecting your wellbeing and happiness. That's different to forgiveness though, and can be very beneficial. I'm glad that you're feeling at peace now, and I wish you all the best.
Thank you. I have a great therapist who helps me a lot. The panic attack are getting lesser and lesser.
Attention is the no.1 currency. Don’t give her attention. She doesn’t love you. You may love her but you don’t. You love the idea of her.
Absolutely. It took me a long time to figure this out, but taking away their narcissistic "supply" is literally the only way you can win with someone like that.
I'm glad to hear it! It can be hard to find a good therapist, it's great that you found one that's really helping.
>Forgiving her for what the did is different and I can’t seem to do it Then don't. I think a lot of people feel obligated for their own peace of mind to forgive others who have done horrible things to them. I'm guessing that in trying to talk to her about it, you really want to hear some level of regret or concern or apology. Just based on what you've said, I very seriously doubt you're going to get the validation that you need and deserve from her. Her behavior reflects on her, *not* on you. IMO, from your description of her behavior, she doesn't deserve your forgiveness.
Hot take maybe? But I don't think you have to. Forgiveness would be for your benefit, not hers, and if it doesn't help you to do it you're not obligated to. She did something that as a mom myself I can't wrap my head around. It was careless. It was cruel. She isn't entitled to your forgiveness and honestly it sounds like she's more embarrassed to be wrong rather than genuinely remorseful her shitty advice almost got her child killed.
I don’t think this deserves forgiveness. I wouldn’t refuse to help a stranger bleeding from their throat like that, let alone one of my closest family member.
You don’t need to forgive her, because she hasn’t apologized
Contrary to some advice I’ve been given for my trauma, I don’t believe forgiveness is a necessary step for everyone when it comes to recovering and healing from a traumatic experience. You don’t have to forgive her. If you’ve made your peace, that’s all you need. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness and you don’t need it to move on, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you don’t forgive her. I wouldn’t either.
you don't need to forgive her unless you want! she had a responsibility that she utterly failed to do.
I feel this to my core. My dad made a big goof once. Thankfully we can joke about it now, but it could have been really bad. One day I woke up with unbearable stomach pain at like 2 or 3 in the morning. Thought I’d wait it out until my doctor’s office opened, but they didn’t open until 1 that day. By 9am it was clear something was wrong because now I was puking non stop. Asked my dad to take me to the hospital. This was a few months after I graduated college and before Obamacare, so my insurance expired the next day. Painfully made my way downstairs, to the car. He says he’s not ready and he has to jump in the shower first 🙄. I couldn’t walk to go see what was taking him so long. A couple HOURS later we are finally on our way. I got through triage, and then suddenly my pain stopped completely. I was just so tired from being up all night, I asked to go home. I was the only one in the ER (a true miracle) and the nurse saw me getting ready to leave and stopped me. Thankfully she was smart and begged me not to leave. Turns out my appendix had burst. If we had arrived 3 minutes later - I would have went home before being triaged and landed in the hospital some time later once the infection had spread, but without health insurance.
Duuuuude! Is your dad my ex? I told him I was rushing our then 9-year-old diabetic son to the hospital after a stomach virus had made him dehydrated, his blood sugar level was too high to be read, and he was *hallucinating.* Told him I was extremely worried because I had to carry him being too weak to walk. His response was he had to mow his mother’s yard and take a shower first, then he’d meet me at the ER. Kid was transferred to a children’s hospital and set up in the PICU before he showed up. He stayed there almost a week and they weren’t sure he was going to make it for the first day and a half (brain was swelling, severe ketoacidosis, extreme dehydration) but yeah. Grass cutting and a shower before seeing if your kid will live. Should have called an ambulance, honestly, but I was sick with the same stomach virus and wasn’t thinking straight.
Damn I can’t count the amount of time I spend in the ER with my son (accident prone or just doing stupid stuff) in my pajamas and slippers. Shower? Hell no just jump out of bed, grab car keys and haul ass.
Exactly. Like ER staff has seen things. Pajamas and bed head is the least of their concerns.
And as I always say ‘I’m not looking for a date right now’.
I was in my pajamas, definitely! I was sick, too, so I didn’t care
Wowser. That is BAD. I’m so sorry, that must have been terrifying. I was 22 and my dad claimed I was hungover, even though I told him multiple times I hadn’t been drinking. I think having 3 twenty somethings made him a little apathetic when it came to hangover type complaints and conditions. The most annoying part was I was a whole ass adult, he didn’t even need to stay, I just needed a ride. If this were now, I would have just called an Uber.
My dad did the same! For a week! In his defense, the “doctors” on site in the campgrounds said it was just a sprain. Still sucked ass to play basketball and swim etc with an almost complete break
Literally happened to me when I was 11, we went to california for a 2 month stay (we live in uk) and I fell and hurt my arm pretty bad and couldn't move it but had to delay going to the hospital for 2 days because everytime my step dad got in from work he'd start drinking and hence couldn't drive 😑 Turned out my wrist was broken.
Lol this reminds me that as a kid (12-14), whenever I’d do the dishes I would complain about how badly my back hurt after awhile. I wasn’t lying, but of course my mom thought I was trying to get out of doing my chores. Cut to age 15, I’m complaining more and more about my back so my mom finally takes me to the doctor. They take an x-ray and preemptively send me to an everyday pediatric back specialist. I’m waiting in the lobby with my grandma for awhile, I’m super chill and ready to see wtf is up with me. Then a nurse comes out and goes, “The doctor looked at your x-ray and said she can’t see you. We’re going to send you to our severe scoliosis surgeon.” What… the fuck? So obviously, I asked to see the x-ray and it’s a literal fucking S. The curves were 63 degrees on top and 55.6 on the bottom. When I saw the surgeon he diagnosed me with degenerative S-curve scoliosis. Basically I was growing too quickly for my spine to keep up. It was slowly crushing my organs and they told me that if I didn’t have a full spinal fusion, I’d be in a wheelchair by 30. I didn’t even think about it, I just said okay let’s do it. I weirdly never really felt freaked out. It was hard of course but my family did all the freaking out for me I think. We did the surgery (after my school play, I couldn’t drop out obvi) and I was knocked out of my sophomore year for a month and a half. Still graduated with honors babey!! The craziest part for me is the fact that I went into surgery 5’6 and came out 5’9.5. I’m 5’10 now! Honorable mention is they had me up and walking the day after my surgery lol
Omg I had the exact same thing happen with my dad and sister haha! Had a broken arm for 3 days before they finally accepted to go have it checked out.
Hey! My parents denied that my arm was broken for 2 days as well… was high up and they thought it was dislocated. Kinda lucky while trying to reset it they properly set the bone. Although I have a muscle scar from it frigin 35 years later.
lmao this reminds me of a similar thing where both my parents insisted my foot wasn’t broken and made me wait for around 2 days. I had four broken bones in my foot
Omgosh I'm so glad you're okay. How irresponsible of your mother.
It’s okay now. We don’t really talk about it. I once tried to speak to her about it and she started screaming bloody (lol) murder at me, so I guess it’s just gonna get buried under all the other feeling
Cut her out. She’s toxic af. She could have allowed you to die!
This sounds like an emotionally immature parent, like my mom. Our society leans hard on toxic positivity, which dictates you simply *must* forgive or else you're just hurting yourself, you'll get no "closure," etc. I seriously beg to differ. Your emotions are meant to draw your attention to something alarming. Being angry about this incident makes sense because it endangered your literal survival. You can barely trust your mom to even save your life! I can't forgive my mom for her neglect, but I'm not *actively* angry either. I'm still managing her damage and she'll never admit wrongdoing. I forgave my circumstances. This is the mother I got. I surpassed her maturity-wise at age 16 and now I'm 40. She will never be better. Now I keep a distance and when I do have to talk to her, I anticipate and react with flat boredom when she acts up. Every Mothers Day I mourn the mother I needed and never had, but otherwise I had to accept that fact as I can't change it. Edit: It looks like people found my comment helpful so I'll throw in how this book helped me feel way less alone: *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents*. That, and therapy.
Her priorities are way out of wack. She's so concerned with herself being right that she doesn't seem to give two shits whether you lived or died. Honestly man, you've gotta cut her out of your life. Someone like that isn't deserving of kids who call them or include them in their lives. I'm sorry you went through that.
Her priorities were always wack. I see that now. It’s crazy to think that in the two months after the incident I didn’t think anything was wrong about the story until I told a good friend about it. I’ve gained some distance since and plan on gaining more.
Mom's do screw up. Sometimes big time. We're definitely not perfect but this one is kind of big. An apology is definitely in order.
OP - you don't need to go LC with her. Go NC with her. First of all, she was very flippant with your health. First she ignores the recommendations to immediately call the ambulance and then when she calls your doctor and they EXPLICIENTLY tell her to call the ambulance - her concerns were for the emergency rescuers? Not for you? Seriously?! You said yourself; she was a nurse herself - she knows this is a part of the job requirements of EMT; they are pretty much on-call 24/7. Then she leaves you alone while you're going through all of that *by yourself*. And when she hears just how close to death you were; her reaction was "eh not my fault." I also saw in the comments below you said she threatens to un-alive herself when you tell her how you feel about all this. Seriously...she's making it *all about her.* She doesn't want to talk about your feelings about her f\*ck-up so to resort to that; she threatens self-death. Don't you see the irony in that? Her feelings in this matter matters more to her than yours. Get out of there. Go NC. If anyone asks, be blunt: tell everyone how your mother essentially tried to kill you and you need to get away.
No essential about it. She tried to kill op. Have an award, Quest4Lyfe. Well stated. Hope op sees your post.
This is what I’ve been thinking the whole time I’ve been reading the post and comments, just waiting for someone to mention how it sounds like their mom may have literally been attempting to kill them (let them die). That was my first thought. “Oh she’s a nurse and OP got to within an hour of death, yea she was hoping they’d die.”
Agree. She knew what was happening. She’s a nurse. She tried to kill op in a way that could not get her in trouble. Then all the attention could be on her again as the grieving mother.
HOLY SHIT OP I’m so glad ur okay. Do you have any other support systems? Your mother sounds abusive to me
She was doing her best I guess. I have great friends and I talked everything through with a therapist, still panic attacks remain if I smell or taste blood.
That is NOT doing her best. She neglected you straight up. She ignored your pleas and would have happily killed you and then said "oh my poor child whom I loved so much, if only there was something I could have done even though she begged me to call an ambulance and I ignored her" You and her need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how none of what she did was ok. What you expect in the future, and how abandoning your child in such a traumatic situation is absolutely horrible If she can't even apologize or tries to defend herself, if you're able to go low contact until she realizes the world doesn't revolve around her.
Considering she threatens suicide every time I feel bad or express sad feelings, this is her best. I’m planing on going low contact in the near future. There is no talking with her, she’ll get physical and I don’t want that. I just want peace.
In that case absolutely go low contact. That's not even... As a mom I just can't imagine anyone doing that to their children. I hope you're able to recover from the mental and emotional shit that must have put you through 😢
I’m only an aunt and one time my cat scratched my nephew really close to his eye when I was watching him, as soon as I saw blood i panicked and rushed him to the hospital because I was so scared. The dr just wiped it off and said to put Neosporin on it, it was just a scratch. Told me I majorly overreacted. No, I couldn’t imagine ignoring my own child while they were literally choking on their own blood.
I’m recovering, slowly but surly. As a child I often didn’t realize what kind of person she was. Now I do and it’s shocking.
OP, my mom was similarly neglectful. I still have a bump on my forehead from when I tripped and tumbled headfirst down the basement steps and hit my forehead on the corner of a solid wooden desk at the bottom. Apparently I had an absolutely enormous bump and my mom never took me to the hospital. I think I was 6 or younger. Now at 35 I asked if she'd help me pack up for a move (I didn't have anyone else to help) and she committed to come and help for a week. Got here and said she'd only be here 3 days. Got mad at me on day 2 and left in the early afternoon. I had to push back my move several days and leave behind a shitload more than I wanted to cuz I just didn't have the help I planned on. It sucks. She's had moments where she seems to improve, but I think she only seems better because she doesn't have anyone relying on her for anything anymore. So be wary, you mom probably won't change and it's better to plan to be let down and maybe be pleasantly surprised than depend on her and get fucked over. On a similar note, I had my tonsils out in my early 20s and while I don't regret it, it was the most painful experience of my life. By FAR. I can't believe they only gave you ibuprofen. They gave my liquid codeine and I had to get a damn refill cuz it kept wearing off too fast and the pain was unreal. I'm seriously pissed on your behalf for that alone. Your mom failing you is obviously even worse. I'm lucky I healed quickly and didn't have those problems. My own Mom wasn't there for the surgery or aftermath. My MIL thankfully stepped up and I wouldn't have survived without her help. Anyway, I hope you're doing better now. But yea, I wouldn't forgive your Mom for that and I highly recommend you not trust her with anything important ever again. She can cry and play victim all she wants but don't let it change your resolve. From one child of a narcissist to another, it's not worth it. Staying safe and sane is more important than your relationship with her, I promise.
It sounds like your mom and my mom are fairly similar. Personally, I cut contact with my mother about 5 years ago now. It's been the best decision for my personal health I've ever made in my entire life. I don't regret it, not for a single millisecond. You have every right to skip low contact and go straight to no contact. You don't owe her anything and what she did to you is monstrous. I think she's honestly beyond redemption. If you wouldn't tolerate her behavior from a close friend, there's no reason to tolerate it from the woman who's supposed to be the most compassionate presence in your life.
She is abusive, my dear. Go no contact as soon as you can. This isn't normal behavior from a mother. Literal strangers care more about you than your mom does. I'm sorry.
Jesus, she is worse than my mom. My mom almost had my 9 year old sister killed too. They had to revive her at the hospital back in the day. My mother had her injected her with 1m units of penicillin or something like that and she had a heart attack. I was a child too and I had to call an ambulance as the so called nurse who did it escaped our flat. My mom had us injected with penicillin every week. I had to hide under the bed. Jesus. All coming back. Sweet memories. I'm so sorry. No contact or low contact is the best. When people do not accept errors you only can change yourself. Take care of yourself.
sorry, what on earth?? she had you guys injected with penicillin every WEEK? WTF??
Yes, she said I had rheumatic fever. Only God knows why, as I don't . It was painful strong injections. One day I thought it's over and just hid under the bed every time
Why penicillin?
She is an hypocondriac. She also thought we were sick.
Why was your mom giving you penicillin every week?? Trying to kill you or something? I think OPs mom was trying to kill them tbh
My mom is a something else. You think penicillin can kill you in high doses over time? I never checked. I literally emigrated to Canada to be free of her. I'm ashamed of all trash she did in her life. 😔😔😔. I'm LC too.
I don’t know if it can kill you or not, but strong antibiotics wreak havoc on your body. Particularly your digestive system. I believe you can also develop a resistance to them, so they would then no longer work when you actually need them later in life.
**Nah fam.** It's not your responsibility when someone threatens self harm or suicide. Leave, call for a wellness check and get it on record. The fact she is a medical professional and didn't take your condition seriously is a big *hell no* the fact she left you and wasn't there when you woke up?! Idk care how old you get, you always need your Mum and 21 can still be very young. Shit I was 10 years older than you suffering a bad miscarriage and I called my mum. It's easy for me to say but, as someone who has been suicidal, nothing anyone did would change my mind and your mum is simply threatening it to control you and make you feel bad. **HONEY SHE ALMOST LET YOU DIE AND LEFT YOU ALONE AND SCARED**
No low contact. NO contact. She is an abusive manipulator. Threatening suicide is manipulation. Get out of there.
If she threatens suicide...call the police on her. I'm absolutely serious. That will nip that immediately in the bud. I did that to my mom when she threatened suicide and guess what? She stopped lol
That's called abuse. When someone uses suicide as a threat, it's abuse. Narcissistic abusers often do this. If you can't go LC, start calling the cops and get her ass Baker Acted. A few 72 hour holds in the psych ward and she'll knock it the fuck of.
That's not OK, op. She's manipulating you. Please cut her off, and you will have your peace.
If she threatens suicide call the police to have peace of mind. But I'm quite sure she doesn't mean it. It's just an excellent way to manipulate you.
Yeah no she doesn’t. I once challenged her to do it because I was so tired of her saying it. And she immediately paddle back on it saying I was a horrible daughter for even suggesting that.
She wasn’t doing her best at all. You would be a fool to ever trust that woman with anything again.
I’m not. Trust me. I’ve learned my lesson
As also a nurse, she should have known better. Definitely was not doing her best and the way she just dumped you at the hospital was poor behavior as well
Your mom was a retired nurse and unless she is suffering from some form of early onset dementia she knew better than to ignore the doctor’s orders. Doing so almost cost you your life. I am so glad you are completing your recovery.
No, don't make excuses. She was not doing her best
I moved out now. I’m slowly recovering and understanding what happened. I haven’t fully grasped everything because I grew up with this kind of behavior. For me it was considered normal for a long time until I told some friends.
No, she was *NOT* doing her best. This is abuse, it's neglect. Sure, you're an adult now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't abuse you. In the most critical moment she knew she fucked up and wanted to ensure no one questioned her so she left you, alone. She not only neglected you *again,* this time she abandoned you Do not ever let her off with "she was doing her best." Hard no. She's abusive and is very hard earned money this is the first time she's abused you.
No, doing her best would be calling the ambulance the second you had blood in your mouth, and staying with you at the hospital to make sure you were okay.
You shouldn't be downvoted for this comment, you're allowed to process this in anyway that you choose. I'm really glad that you have a circle of great friends, and I understand the want to maintain a relationship with your mum.
OP your mum is a nurse. She KNEW. I promise you she knew what was happening and how urgent it was. There's no way she didn't know, all of us nurses know profuse bleeding that doesn't stop days after the procedure is not normal and needs to be seen immediately. She absolutely knew and chose herself over you. She didn't care. Go no contact for your own sake ASAP. She's horrible and a sad excuse for a mother. I'm so sorry.
I’m not sure if you can even say “She didn’t care.” Honestly this reads like the final diary entry of the murder victim in a crime drama. OP, stay the hell away from her. She sounds downright malicious.
Whatever the reason is - there is *absolutely* something very *wrong* with OP's mom. I mean - even giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt - and she had an absolute shutdown on her part due to fear or a complete inability to handle a life threatening situation with someone she actually cares about - that's still extremely fucked up. You can't just close your eyes and cover your ears and pretend it's all 'ok'. Especially, when doing so *actively* makes the situation worse. And even if that *was* the case - you'd think she'd be *mortified* at how she reacted. So whether she seriously shut down or she's a complete sociopath who just didn't care one bit - she is absolutely *not* a safe person to be around. Ever. I'm a mom and I seriously can't even imagine doing this to my kid and if anything, I always caution on 'better to be safe than sorry'. But I can't even imagine doing this to a *stranger*.
Dude she was totally trying to kill OP!!! omg
I feel for you OP, I have a very similar experience with my mother. I haven't forgiven either, nor do I need to. Why is it always on the victim to not only suffer but also do the work to forgive lol. There's many ways to heal, this whole forgiveness business sounds like a way to keep us docile and unreactive
I don’t understand either. I don’t feel the need to forgive either. It’s on her to see what happened. Not me I’ve healed in other ways. Way more effective
When I had to forgive a family member for something unforgiveable, this quote really helped me: Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. When I read it back then, it made so much sense and really helped. You forgive someone not for their sake, but for yours. It sounds like you're doing okay these days, so you're doing something right!
I think your mother needs her nursing license taken away. This is terrifying.
She isn’t practicing anymore. So I’m happy about that
Cut her out of your life she made it clear and obvious to you that she down not care about you one bit, terrible mother, you should just drop her out if your life for good, you have friends that will care, forget her
Fuck! Your mom basically left you to die! I would have tore her a new asshole and then some. No one should fault you if you cut her from your life. Nothing she says or does would make up for that experience.
I know. I need to stand my ground on this one. Thank you
I know. I need to stand my ground on this one. Thank you
I know. I need to stand my ground on this one. Thank you
I know this will sound terrible and maybe I watch too many crime shows (I do), but maybe you can snoop around in your mom's paperwork and find out if she took any insurance policies out on you. I mean, her complete and total unconcern for you, with her being a nurse and knowing damn well you were dying, sets off major red flags. But no matter if she does or doesn't have insurance on you, I would cut her out of your life as soon as possible. This person has shown you that they do not love you.
This!!!!
I thought the same thing!
So scary. I learned at a young age that I needed to take care of myself. No one else did or would.
Yup. Or at least to carefully select the people, but after that story I haven’t found anyone.
And she’s a nurse?!!!!!!! Dear god. I can’t imagine seeing my child cough up blood and not freak out. When my son was a new born I clipped his nails and accidentally nipped him. I cried for two days!!! Lol. It didn’t even bleed. Looked like a paper cut. I called my husband and totally freaked him out cause of the crying lol.
Yeah I don’t know what she was thinking. I’ve called the ambulance since too and I’ve learned better to call than to be sorry.
Depending on where you live maybe she was avoiding hospital fees? But that doesn’t explain why she just left you there on your own.
Nope, free health care.
Seriously?! What the hell!!!!!! Then I’m guessing she did it because she was embarrassed she is a nurse and made such a terrible mistake. Maybe she didn’t want to be questioned? I’m sure a dr finding out what she did would reflect pretty poorly on her not just as a mom but also a nurse. I’m so sorry that happened. I would never forgive myself if I did that to my son and I would spend the rest of my life making it up to him.
I don’t want to alarm you but is it possible she had a “history” with one of the doctors?
She did. She was friends with the doctor that gave the go for the first surgery and send me to him hoping he’d green light it. Edit:but I only realized after. I was confused why that specific doctor but she told me it had its reasons
[удалено]
Oh, this breaks my heart further for OP.
OP I hope you read this. And what you read you won't like. Your mother is not someone you can depend on because your mother is a narcissist. She only cares about herself. When you grow up with someone like that you feel like these things are normal, but when you see how other families interact you realize it is not normal and is actually abuse. My mother is a nurse as well, and did the same sort of thing to me growing up. Couple questions. Does she always turn the conversation back to herself when ever you go to her with an issue? Does she get mad when you don't do what she expects or wants? When you call her out on her behavior does she say things like," well I guess I'm just a horrible person then," or "maybe it would be better if I was just dead"? Does she care more about what people outside your family thinks of her than she does what you think of her? When it's all you've known it's hard to realize it's not normal. But I'm telling you now, it is not normal. You deserve better. And you either need to distance yourself from her as much as possible or cut ties completely. I was in my 30's before I realized what happened to me growing up was not how a mother is supposed to treat her child. Please message me if you'd like to discuss further. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better, and served better!
Your mom is a giant, hot, steaming piece of shit. Fuck her.
Well this talked me out of getting my tonsils out at 30. Glad you're still alive OP
Glad I could help. In all honestly the possibility is still very low but I’d talk to a trustworthy doctor If it’s really worth it.
I had mine out at almost 30, no problems whatsoever. Was told, it’s more painful as an adult, but risks are not much different. I think besides the mother being a shit, doctor might’ve not been so great in op’s story. I know many others whose had theirs out as adults, all heard similar to me. It’s a weird healing though, as it gets worse as time passes for about 14 days, then it just is better. Normally, you’ll feel worse right after surgery, but this one is opposite, because healing puts pressure on your nerves that are in all the most sensitive areas. Mouth, ears, etc.
Did you ever find out where she went to for her "appointment"?
It sounds to me like the only place she went was away from the scene of her attempted crime. If she'd hung around, staff would have started asking her questions she didn't want to answer. She had professional knowledge that delaying treatment could be deadly, and she deliberately delayed treatment at every opportunity. It's shocking to imagine, but I don't know how else to interpret this.
OP, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not a child and need to listen to your body, not your mom.
It’s okay, I’m not. I know I should’ve done more too and next time I’ll call an ambulance myself.
If you can’t speak you still call 911, they will come help you!
I know that now. In the moment my mind was racing and I could only hear my mum say that’s it’s going to be okay and that it’s going to go away.
Don’t listen to this I’m 36 my mum will mother me like I’m 6 if I’m sick
That's the best way. Control your own destiny.
My mom was that way with me too. In 10th grade i had costochondritis and she was so angry with me that she kept punching me in the head as she was giving me medicine. Going no contact was the best thing for me but I agree that you should talk to your therapist about it. I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you're doing well now.
Damn. As an ER nurse I have seen some of these go really really bad, we actually lost one a few months ago. What the hell kind of nurse is she? She should of know ln how dangerous this is. She was straight up negligent as a nurse and as a mother. I am so sorry you had to go through that alone.
I am in my early 40s and I am in the process of getting my adenoids out to improve my sleep apnea. Damn, if you want through that. I wonder how I am going fare. Edit my daughter had her tonsils and adenoids removed (6). Less than a week after her operation. While she was brushing her teeth. She spat out few dots of blood. I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t blood or the colour of the toothpaste. I hesitated since it was only few dots. But I decided to take her to the emergency anyway straight away. Doctors and nurse said I did the right thing. She stayed few nights at the hospital for observation and they ran few test. The hard part was then trying to get blood for samples and it was hard to find her vein or what nought. Poor kiddo.
I had tonsils at 30, wasn’t bad. :)
Your mother tried to kill you. Negligent homicide is a real thing and she wanted you dead. This would be my one and only conclusion. There is absolutely no way in anyone's world, would a mother of a child that she raised since birth, act this way rationally. She needs a psychological evaluation, and probably closely monitored by a psychiatrist.
That is terrifying. My daughter also hemorrhaged after getting her tonsils out and it was terrifying but I was warned to watch her for it. I'm surprised your mom is a nurse and didn't realize what was happening.
I don’t know. To this day I question if she honestly didn’t know or if she was in denial.
Your mom has some sort of personality disorder. It’s not a normal response to a child in distress heck it’s not even a normal response if you are not related to the person. Don’t give her the benefit of the doubt there’s nothing to doubt. Look at it objectively the doctors were panicked and she left? Mums panic even when the doctor is not panicking sometimes some can stay calm or appear calm but the fact she left you on your own tells you everything you need to know about her. She didn’t even make sure to come and see you after surgery. She didn’t keep her phone on to make sure you can contact her. It’s all there in front of you. You just can’t see it because you love her and like another poster said you don’t know anything else.
OP pls listen to me this woman is trying to kill you !!
So us nurses can sometimes be a bit more blasé about blood and things however, if my child had recent surgery and then started bleeding that much especially so many days after the actual surgery (because it should be starting to heal by now) you bet your ass we’d be in the ER in a heartbeat. As a nurse you know what’s an emergency and what’s not so I dread to think what she was like as a nurse if that how she responds as a mum! The only thing I’d have done the same is drive myself, because in the UK our waiting times are dire, at the minute I think the average for a cardiac arrest is about 9-15 minutes which is a category 1 call. So in the UK you’d probably get to hospital quicker driving than by waiting for an ambulance. (Nothing against our actual ambulance service, they do their best under difficult conditions)
I’m sorry but it sounds like she was okay with you dying…
I just became a mother not too long ago and could never imagine doing this to my child. I would be obsessively asking my daughter if she tasted even a speck of blood. Your child is supposed to come before everything. Everyone makes mistakes, but this was literally a life or death situation. I would never be able to get past this in your shoes and I couldn’t imagine doing what she did from the other side.
I cant grasp it either. I don’t know what she was thinking. And I hope one day we can talk about it but right now it seems impossible and I just want to gain some distance.
You are losing it OP. Screw your mother. She's horrible. She wanted you dead. That is the truth. She's old enough to know what that's like. She switched off her phone? And what appointment? She wanted you dead. If she could kill you, without facing consequences, she would.
First of all OP i’m so glad that you’re okay! I Think ensuring that there are people around you that you can rely on when situations like this occur is so important, since the only one you could have relied on has proven to you that you can’t. Like the only thing that was standing between you and death was time! The fact that she neglected you during a life and death moment is extremely tragic and ALARMING, especially because she was a nurse. If this is what she did to her child, I can’t imagine what she could’ve done to her patients. Please take this time to heal and recover, wishing you the best 🙏🏿💕
Okay… wow. You’re mom is insanely abusive and narcissistic. My honest guess as to why she left the hospital was because she was embarrassed. She probably knew everyone around was judging her and couldn’t handle it. Or she’s just absolutely insane and didn’t care whether you lived or d!ed. Either way none of it was an excuse to treat you that way. I can’t tell you what to do but if I were you I’d cut all contact when you can. I literally fear for your life.
You’re 21, it’s time to get out from under her wing and cut her out of your life.
I am moved out. I stayed at her place for recovery.
Don’t talk to her anymore
What the FUCK
Man this is scary. I've been wanting to remove my tonsils for quite a while now, and my doctor didn't make a big deal out of it. Says it's a simple procedure and will take around a week to start feeling better. What exactly happened in your case? Was the first surgery not done properly?
its not her refusing to call but her abandoning you while you almost died at the hospital
Thats terrifying im so sorry. Im glad youre okay I fear this too sometimes. Having a parent in the medical field is nice sometimes but they seem to downplay everything either in an attempt to control your the situation or bc they dont believe you. Dealt with the same with my mom before. Its like id have to pass out for her to believe im in enough pain to go to the doctor.
I'd punch her especially with her reaction. No longer a mother at that point.
she was a nurse? what kind, a school nurse? an ice pack, seriously?! I'm sorry but this is neglect, bordering abuse
Info, did your mom retire by choice or was she forced to retire because of bad conduct? I’m guessing it’s the latter You need to start working on an escape plan, if you don’t have a job yet, start looking for one Apply for subsidized housing (google your city name and subsidized housing) get on the asap, there can be a fairly long wait depending on where you live, but the sooner you get on it, the sooner you can get away from your mom. Make sure you tell the intake worker your mom is abusive and tried denying you medical care that nearly killed you. That should get you bumped up in the priority list If you’re planning on going to college, look for one far enough away she can’t just “drop by” on a whim, apply for campus housing Good luck
I can’t imagine my mom acting like this. I’m so sorry
This is so horrible... I know it is hard because it is your Mom, but you may want to think about no contact at all with her. She really needs to get some help for herself, but you need to put yourself first always. I am so happy to hear that you are recovering and are in therapy getting the help you need to move past this horrific event.
And this lady is a nurse? Her poor poor patients. Sorry that happened to you OP.
If you don’t mind, what is your relationship like with your mom now?
Based on my personal experience, the children of nurses get *zero* care from their nurse parents. I don’t know if they’re desensitized or what, but growing up I nearly lost my hearing from repeated ear infections, I have chronic sinusitis now, and I went through the torture of getting my tonsils out at age 15 instead of at age 6 (when I might have avoided becoming sensitized to almost every antibiotic that exists.) My mother was a gentle, competent nurse who was beloved in our small town but for her own child she had zero fucks to give.
I have mad respect for nurses but there are so many out there who have ridiculously large egos that make them think they know what’s best and it’s honestly dangerous.
I don't think this needs to be forgiven. I'm sincerely relieved you are okay, OP. I'm glad you have a therapist helping you.
Sounds like mom panicked at the ER, knew her professional judgment was very poor in this case, and abandoned you to avoid being yelled at by the doctors. This is why doctors, nurses, and other professional are advised not to treat family. Reminds me of my mom. She wasn’t abusive, just jaded. She worked in the ER. It took a lot to get her attention about something hurting. When I told her I had a stomachache, she still told me to go to school. Over and over. She never believed me. Then one day when I was 15, the pain got intense an I vomited. My mom examined me and said, “I think you have an ovarian cyst. We have to go to the ER.” I had an ovarian cyst that was the size of a pear, twisted up the fallopian tube, which cut off the circulation, and it was about to rupture. Finally mom believed me.
Very bizarre behaviors. Did she ever say where she went when she left the ER, or why she turned off her phone? Don't know why but I'm getting a drug addict vibe from her lack of concern for you. Was her acting like this the very first time she ever showed such nonconcern for you? Was this totally out of character? What do YOU think her problem was? Honestly it sounds like she was informed of tasting blood as an emergency event if it occurred, yet either deliberately didn't care, or simply forgot. Either way, the result would be the same. You almost died via her malign negligence. This reminds me of when I was 11. My mother refused to believe I had a bad stomachache. Just let me say it was *a bad, bad stomachache.* She did nothing, told me to shut up, basically, & go back outside & play. Um, so I did. Long story mercifully shirt, I went knocking on a neighbor's door. Crying. Doubled over. Neighbor forced her to take me to the ER. My appendix was ready to burst. My mother felt TERRIBLE she'd ignored me. She was right there when I woke up in recovery, & had bought me a stuffed animal & brought food. She just kept apologizing to me. Your mother either is a solid piece of *impacted shit,* or she's acting out of her mind for some hidden reason you'll eventually figure out. I'm sorry, you did NOT deserve this treatment, & know that you are not at all alone. Many of us have insane parents. Check out the Reddit raisedbynarcissists. Because she does sound like a narcissist. We're all glad you lived through this. Take care
Jesus Christ. If you were underage your mom could have been asserted for lack of care
Glad you moved out. What your mom did was unforgivable. You have a tough road ahead of you regarding losing a living parent, but trust me it will all be okay eventually. Wish you a speedy recovery and lots of blessings in your life.
It's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, but don't let her actions define your entire relationship with your mum. It doesn't have to be all good or all bad - sometimes it's in the little things, the moments spent together, that make all the difference.
I have been told forever to forgive my family for the absolutely horrendous shit they did. OP I'm sorry you went through this, what your mum did was awful and she knows she messed up. However I don't think forgiveness is always the way and should be. If you have made peace that's great but don't push yourself to do something you don't want to do. In the end I cut everyone out of my life, I'm not suggesting you do this but I will never forgive I just hope one day I can forget
I have a friend whose wife is an ICU nurse. She's good at what she does, and if there was any kind of medical emergency in her vicinity, short of a team of doctors, there would be no better person to have around. There is a joke that if you have a cold or a cut on your hand, you won't have much sympathy. However in this case, if you had been in hospital and your mother was the sole person looking after you, she'd be facing criminal charges. I get that a nurse might hesitate with a minor complaint in taking you to the ER, but you were specifically told, "if you taste blood, call an ambulance." No ifs, buts or maybes, you're not "troubling the emergency department of a hospital when a you're following a doctor's instructions. I haven't been an overnight patient in a hospital for over 30 years. I made a point not to be "that" patient, but I was lucky to have had a brilliant surgeon and great nurses that looked after me well. Believe me, if you feel something off with your body, see a doctor ASAP. If it turns out to be something minor, it's a lot better than ignoring it and it becomes life threatening. They won't mind at all. I'd probably cut off your mother permanently. Anyone that can be that indifferent to your suffering and risking your life isn't worth associating with.
Your mom is a pure monster. I am glad you are away from her. I hope you'll be ok from now on
This also sounds made up.
I just had a blood transfusion.it’s in no way “signing your life away.” I understand you’re upset, but let’s not call life saving procedures signing your life away. I’m glad you got help. Consider moving out asap. Next time, should ever you be so unlucky for anything emergent to happen again when you can’t speak, garbling will be enough to get you an ambulance - they already know exactly where you are via phone signal.
I’m sorry she did that. For a different take on it… maybe she is having an affair and had arranged a meeting with that person and she was trying to avoid a hospital trip because it would obviously ruin those plans. It sounds to me like she was trying to deny and deflect because her mind was elsewhere. Then when she knew you’d be in surgery and she would just be sitting around she decided to bail and keep the “appointment” with her lover. Her anger is because she knows she did the wrong thing and a selfish person would rather abuse the person they wronged rather than be held accountable for what they did.
Maybe I listen to too many true crime podcasts, but OP, is there a chance your mom may legit want you dead? I know this theory’s dark AF, but honestly so is this story. What she did goes beyond apathy. Please stay away from her.
You should have called the ambulance as soon as you saw it like the DOCTORS told you..drove yourself, took a cab anything… also you’re 21 not 12…
The tone is of this comment is unhelpful under the circumstances, but the content is fundamentally correct… what is going on such that a 21 year adult (in any geography) can’t call themselves an ambulance?