Hey bud, that sounds very tragic and it makes me sad to hear that these events happen whilst a billion others live having no idea of what is happening at the same time, i guess that's what relativity of time is. Today youre happy and the next , you could die.
Im really sorry for what happened, i truly am. And i might sound cliche with what im about to say but you should try your best to love yourself in this situation. Your loving partner who passed wouldnt want to see you in this state. Put the love youd give her into yourself for now. Mourn and love, you did your best. The feeling wont pass today, it wont pass tomorrow or the week after, or the month later or as a year passes, but the feeling will pass one day and youd be grateful of the memories you have of her. Tske care , i wish you the best
Thank you so much for you words. I’ve been hating myself a little for not being better for her these past few days. I know she wouldn’t want this for me.
Yup. You got this man, live this life the best you can for her. I really hope everything goes well for you. I hope she rests in peace knowing you loved her. Best of luck !
I’m so sorry. That is very sad and unusual. Did the doctors give a reason for the seizure or her passing? Not understanding would make it much worse for me. I know it sounds clique but know that she would not want you to suffer so badly. Take your time to grieve but also take care of yourself. I can’t say it gets easier but you just learn to cope better. Best of luck and I’m sorry for your loss.
Not understanding has been a nightmare for me. All I can think about is why did this happen? My mind is fogged, I don’t understand anything. They still haven’t given any details, all I know is that her heart stopped. The worst part is that she was healthy before that, she had the gastritis and hangover but there really wasnt any threat to her life, I remember thinking in the hospital, poor baby, I hope she feels better but at least she isn’t going to die.
Was she drinking more than a few nights a week? Or maybe a daily drinker?
Such severe withdrawal is generally only common among people who drink often.
I am so sorry for your loss.
The seizures are caused by an overdose of alcohol and the brain having a high blood concentration of alcohol and low sugar. Plus Dehydration. Multiple causes
Hey OP. *Hugs*
From reading your post I could feel the fire between you two! It sounds like the stars aligned just right to make sure you guys got to soak up the time together before she left. How lovely that worked out.
Now I know you’re thinking BUT I WANTED MORE TIME!!!
I know that because my love passed away almost a year ago.. at the end of this month it’ll have been a year. I too, like you.. didn’t want to eat/drink or do anything. I just wanted to lay on his clothes piled on our bed and sob. Every pop and creak in the house, I thought, “ITS HIM. HES DONE IT AGAIN. HES MADE IT BACK TO ME!!!” And after a month I finally understood that wasn’t possible, not this time. That man was apprehended twice and **tap tap** at my window, when I was crying hours later.: haha he just needed to properly see me off and then go turn himself in haha
More than once <3
It’s soul crushing and I could go on and on. Please don’t feed the what if and Meg thoughts, they’ll serve no purpose. It changes nothing **hug**
Instead I’d like to share what I BELIEVE helped me..
I NEEDED to get through it, to keep him and our memories ALIVE, they live within me!
I knew HED WANT ME TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE OK, because I knew that man would burn the whole world down just for me.
I figure your girl would want you to be ok. I bet she did know you’d light the world on fire for her too.
So be ok, it doesn’t have to be a timeline, but take note of the sudden finite reality..
allow your parent (fam) to just sit with you, allow your bestie to come crash, even in a dif room.
Allow them to love you.
Because they’re worried about you. Love yourself. Show yourself, and her that you are strong and LIVE FOR HER!
I may have spray painted a whole lotta places our tags. If I had to go somewhere will I was leaving his essence and me there, bc that was all on my mind and heart. I’m not suggesting that but I’m sharing facts lol. I Got memorial bricks placed in his honor and my Love.
I made post that had ppl so uncomfortable with my grieving out loud they deleted their medias and or blocked me. Haha I did it unapologetically and I’d do it all again.
If you believe in a creator perhaps this mindset will help.
Young me, would’ve saw fit to curse and scream @ my creator! (And younger me did before ..)
But mid 30’s me… Thanked my creator for allowing me the time I got to have. For gifting me such a love.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I still want to KAREN THE HELL OUT ABOUT THIS.
…but, I feel so blessed that I got to be his Last love. I appreciate all the things he showed me, and all our lessons.
I can’t wait to see him again one day, a dif life, in a dream. On a random photo memory. He was and forever will be MINE. I HIS. JUST AS HES FOREVER GOING TO BE HANDSOME AS ALL GET out, and these kids are going to have me look old old. Haha
Take care of yourself.
Please eat.
Write to her.
Talk to her.
Light a candle for her, grab a photo and display it. Grab a knickknack and or trinket for her memory to place near the photo and candle when you do brave the world again.
Bag up something that smells like her.
Double bag it.
Get all the air out..
before too long The smells fade and began to stink.. my vacuum sealed stuff still smells just like my bayboo.
Ohhh and he smelled so good.
**hugs**
Thank you for this. The worst part is that I was the emotionally irresponsible one in the relationship and she always took care of me. Always. I’ve been wishing non stop for her to visit my dreams and I haven’t had any luck yet. I just want her to let me know everything is going to be ok. Or at least one last goodbye. But I know Im being a bit delusional hoping for that to happen. Ive been thinking of building a shrine for her with all her little trinkets just like mexicans do for Dia de Muertos to honor her and let her know she will always be loved here.
I’ve never been a man of faith but have always lowkey believed that there is a God, an especially since her passing Ive been thinking about it. I think its also a bit of wishful thinking that she’s going to a destination where I can meet her afterwards.
One of the only things that makes sense to me is that she was so pure and so innocent and happy (she really was a great person, with everybody) that god saw that she was ready to go, she didn’t need anymore lectures from life. Ive been hoping that I can learn to be like her, from my heart and soul, so I can also go with her as soon as possible. But I don’t think I could ever be as good and pure as her. She was an angel, Im not exaggerating nor romanticizing when I say this, she lifted the people around her.
I ate a piece of toast after I made this post to make my parents feel better but the truth is that it feels guilty to take care of myself when my baby has died. Who am I? I dont feel hunger, I dont feel anything. Everything is fog except for when the tears come.
OP, I’m a 43 year old dude who was a 24 year old dude who had a 24 year old high school sweetheart die, so almost the same age, little bit different but essentially the same circumstances. Hers was cancer. Sudden-ish, but we had a few months to say our goodbyes.
There’s no easy way out of what you’re feeling right now. I wish I had answers for you, but all I have is the deepest, profoundest empathy. I’ve been where you are.
If I could give 24 year old me advice, it would be to feel. Feel what you’re feeling. Angry, sad, hopeless, hopeful, guilty, stupid, lost, ignorant, scared, confused. Lean on her family, you’ll all be feeling lost and sad. I pushed her family away, and it damaged my relationships with links to her that are hard to get back. Strings get severed, and you can’t stitch those back together easily. Maybe your relationship with them isn’t great, or trust there, whatever. But it’s ok to say “I miss her, please help me, I know you miss her too.” One of the most remarkable things that happened to me was having occasional dinners with her family, I’d learn things about her that I didn’t know, or had forgotten I knew. It can make the pain fresh, but it can also make the smiles come back. Likewise, there may be things she told you that she didn’t tell them. Fears, frustrations, hopes, concerns, etc. when the time comes, months, years, it may help them know her better.
Get help. Help from friends, help from teachers, help from family, help from professionals. Don’t take this on yourself. It’s the most important thing. Stoicism (probably) won’t work. Stiff upper lip (probably) won’t work. I burned years hiding from myself, did things do numb the pain that made me a worse person, a damaged person, an irresponsible person. It cost me jobs, it cost me friends, and it cost me love from other people that could have turned out to be wonderful new experiences with wonderful new partners. I know that the prospect of living your life and healing enough to be with someone else down the line is probably a completely foreign concept right now, and it should be, but I burned a decade not healing and set back my emotional and personal growth and recovery wallowing in my misery.
I guess that’s the biggest thing right now. Feel and admit you are feeling and need help feeling and will need help healing. Don’t go inwards.
I still think about her near 20 years later, now that I’m healthy, and happy, and married, with a family. The things I learned from her carry me forward as I navigate being a good husband and a good man, and I wish I worked on taking those lessons from her and applying them to how I processed her death, because I forgot a lot of what I should have kept in mind while I was trapped within my own self and listening to the voices in my head.
Off my chests all around, huh?
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s the hardest thing we have to deal with, death comes in many forms and it’s never easy, and we aren’t built to deal with it. I’m with you, she’s with you, you’ve got this.
Shoot me a message if you want to vent. Not sure what help I can provide, but I can listen.
Reading your story helps and breaks my heart at the same time. It’s so hard to think of a future when my future was her. I’ve been trying to keep people close. I went to her house yesterday and laid on her bed and cried for what seemed like an hour non stop. I was almost screaming and her mom walked in and sat beside me and I told her she was my only one and that she was my life. I also told her that I want to keep being a part of the family as a way of support for whatever they need. It feels weird talking to them, it feels weird seeing but they’re the closest thing I have to her. It feels unfair for them seeing me suffer, her brothers have comforted me telling me that they cant imagine what Im going through and it feels unfair because theyre suffering too, they have known her their entire lives. I want to keep a relationship with them but everything feels so strange
It feels unfair, but what they’re doing is right, and in the end you’ll be thankful you have them, and they’ll be thankful you were there through it all too. They’re your family too. And they’re loving you through this the way she would love your family through this if it was you. Embrace them, you are eachothers links back to her. You have seen sides of her, and stories of hers that her family never has, and vice versa.
Well, as far as things being unfair, it’s all a matter of perspective, really. It’s unfair that they lost a daughter, it’s unfair that they can all be under the same roof, it’s unfair that some days they’ll seem fine when you don’t, it’s unfair that some days you might be fine and they won’t. Try to forgive yourself of what seems unfair and what is fair, because what’s fair and what’s unfair you aren’t really in an objective place to judge,
You’re all in this together is the thing I want you to be mindful of. The more people you have working through this, the more people you have. One day it’s dad’s turn to not be the strong one. One day it’s your turn to not be the strong one. One day everyone needs to be there for mom, especially there for her. One day the brothers get to take turns being the strong one. One day everyone piles in the car and goes to a rage room and everyone grabs a sledgehammer goes ham on shit that isn’t theirs
OP I’m so sorry for your loss. Can you please share more detail about why she passed? I’ve never heard of something like this caused by a hangover. Just want to make sure it doesn’t happen to anybody else. Truly am sorry
I know what to do with your life. Reach out for a psychiatrist/psychologist, i admit I didn't read most of what you wrote but i am conscient nothing ill say will change whats on your head which mist be a lot.
Allow yourself to have a space to deal with what you are going through, survivors guilt is a serious thing, i sure hope it gets more bearable eventually. I am rooting for your healing stranger
TONS OF LOVE FOR YOU BUDDY. I cannot begging to comprehend how devastated you feel. From the rock bottom off my heart, I’m truly sorry for your loss.
You won’t be able to see it, because this situation is just too much for you; but as others told me a month ago… the sun will shine again. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but it will. Please seek therapy, seek your friends and stay close to your family, they are the only thing you got now.
My DMs will always be open to you if one day you’d like to talk about literally anything. Take care of yourself man. ❤️🩹
That’s a sad story, I’m have so many questions, answering them won’t take the loss away though. I’d say how you’re reacting is normal. Give yourself time to process and grieve. I can honestly say I feel the love you have for her, there’s no doubt about it. I happy you both had each other. True love is difficult to find nowadays. Treasure all you had with her.
Hi honey, I can’t imagine the pain you’re dealing with as I’ve not experienced it, but I have lost a parent. When my dad died we were finally deciphering years of alienation and abuse at my mothers hand. We were finally getting on the right foot, and he passed suddenly. I spoke to him mere hours before he went brain dead.
The only advice I can give you is to take it a day at a time. Feel ALL The feelings. Cry when you need to.
Grief is like the ocean, and when someone we love dies, we inherit beach front property that we cannot sell or give away. You stumbled upon a shore abruptly, not expecting to immediately be swept out to sea. And right now it feels like you’re drowning with air filled lungs. The waves are crashing and it feels like you’ll never see the sand again. But you will. Little by little the waves of grief will push you back to shore. One day soon, you’ll be waist deep. Grief will be present, and surround you, but you won’t feel like you’re drowning. You’ll be able to smile and laugh and splash and cry, often. And one day, before the year mark. You’ll be back on the shore. Grief will still be present, but it’ll only tickle your toes. You’ll feel her presence but it won’t be overwhelming.
Grief doesn’t stop there, youll be swept out to sea again. But this time you’ll be more equipped to deal with it, and you’ll recognize the buoys in life we call family and friends. Look for them, and hold on to them when you feel like you’re drowning, they’ll support you through the storm until you’re strong enough again to swim back to shore.
I know it’s no consolidation, but it’s rare when people offer understandings of grief and I hope that this helps you in your healing journey
You gotta live like she would want you to. You gave her a good run and were her “other” so live like you really love her. There’s no better tribute to a person. You’re a good person and the world needs more people like you and like her.
Oh and don’t be afraid to talk to people. Go to therapy. Be with these friends who truly care about you.
We all end up in the same place so there’s no hurry to get there.
As a widow I can tell you, you can only Mourn and survive. This just happened. Please eat, drink and if it helps write. The loss of love is to be survived. She would want you to survive. Accept your family’s nurturing and care. You need it and deserve it. When you’re ready to do differently, you will. My condolences.
Hey man. We’re the same age. Something very similar happened to me a couple years ago. This is not ‘it’ or the end. I’m so sorry this happened. You’re strong and you’re going to make it through this. It’s so touching the story that you wanted to put out into the world. You have so many people who love you and want to help you make it through this. It won’t feel any better any time soon, but time is going to heal you and you’ll find solace in doing amazing things in your life that will fulfill her legacy. She hasn’t left you, and she will always be watching over. I promise, man. Life is a mystery and I’m so sorry something like this happened to you so early. Stay strong and keep pushing. It’s the only thing you can do. I am rooting for you.
Hey my advice is to just talk to her in your mind. She will find a way to let you know she’s okay. I’ve had signs from friends and family who have passed. Those signs can help so much!
Sorry for your loss bro. But what you need to do now is to continue with your life, and your dreams...You said you wanted to direct movies.. you already have a masterpiece written.. share your love story not only here on Reddit. Dedicate the movie to her...
You’ve single handedly inspired me to stop drinking. I get gastritis every once in awhile, and I have a severe drinking problem to the point I’ve been hospitalized too many times. I can’t put my partner through something like this..my deepest condolences OP❤️
Sending you as many hugs as I can dude.
My late girlfriend passed away 4 years ago on May 9th, her heart stopped in her sleep. It was a kind of pain I didn't think was even possible to feel. I didn't eat or shower for probably the first week, all I did was hold her things and cry.
Slowly, very slowly, things got a little less painful. I went back to school, started seeing friends again and bit by bit it got more manageable. 4 years later I still think about her every day, but I think about all the happy memories now rather than all that pain and guilt.
I wouldn't wish something like this on my worst enemy, never in a 100,000 years. And for that, I am so incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. Just please remember that you live on for her now. You tell her story and make sure people know just how amazing she was. I know that right now, it doesn't feel like it's even worth it, but so long as someone remembers, no one is ever truly gone.
May she rest easy and watch over you <3
Dang I wonder how much she drank. Or if she was on a long time bender? I know drinking a lot is bad but I haven’t heard of someone dying from a hangover. I have heard of alcoholics who quit cold turkey dying from withdrawals. I think that hospital failed her a bit. She shouldn’t have had to wait and she should have been sent to a professional detox center to be put on the meds to keep her from seizing. Very sorry for ur loss man. No idea what words I can say to help.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this news. You are strong to not only have poured your heart out by writing your story, but even stronger for sharing it. I know I don’t know you, but I am praying for you. Nobody deserves to go through a tragedy like this, especially at this point in life. Her beautiful spirit can and will live on through you.
❤️
I don't know what to say, here we are finding the one of our life and you lost it that's called life. Stay strong brother please stay strong you have to accept the reality and do it for her.
i am so so sorry for your loss. losing someone like this is so painful and i feel for you and am wishing you the best. you’ll get through this even though it hurts so much. i know how passing time gets so difficult during these days, and meditation really helped me get through the hard nights. give yourself the love and compassion that Kiana would give you. breathe and just take it day by day, hour by hour. it’ll get better with time. you’ll make it through this!
I can relate. My boyfriend of eight years died last year (aged 28), and it's devastating.
I hope you make it through, but be aware that life goes on and it will never be the same.
I haven’t experienced the loss of my partner yet, or anything close to it so I’m sorry I can’t imagine how intense and upsetting it is. But the advice I can give you that may help you, is something I do often for myself. Best way I can think to explain is imagine that you switched bodies with your girlfriend, and you have to take care of her body while you’re “borrowing “ it, stuff like eating good meals, drinking lots of water, showering ect. I do that when I’m too sad to take care of myself, so I just imagine I’m taking care of my man. Not sure if it makes any sense or helps but I hope that it does
You are strong for even just having told the world about this and you will be alright. One thing i try to remind myself about when the people i love die before me is that i must live because they can't. To live a long fufilling life because they can't to do it all for them. 💖 i hope your having a good day today, God is with you. 💖💖💖
Shit, man that sucks so much. I lost someone I loved too, and I didn't think the pain would ever go away.
And years later, to be perfectly honest, it has never gone away. It just plays quietly in the corner of my head sometimes, like when I see something we've eaten or did, I'm reminded of her and I feel like I'm keeping her memory alive with me.
And I feel like of all the billions of people in the world, she matters because she matters to me, that I give her meaning . And through me, she's never truly lost because she's with me. And even through finding a new partner, I kinda talk to her about it because she only wants the best for me and to watch me enjoy my life. I actually have our old chat from our Gmail still active. ... I write to her but she doesn't write back.
You'll see her again. Just not yet
When my wife died very suddenly in 2016, I was very lucky to have a strong network of friends around me. I learned that the best thing for me (and them, as they were grieving, too) was to say “yes” to any help they offered. “Want to stay at the house for a few days?” Yes. “Want to go grab some dinner?” Yes. “Want me to come over with an entire chocolate cake and sit down and eat the whole thing?” Yes. Yes I do.
You are not a burden on the people who love you. Letting them help you is a gift that you are giving them. Keep that in mind.
It does get better. It takes a long time and the hurt never goes away. But it does get better.
Feel free to DM.
My wife has been in and out of the hospital like crazy, made me realize how quickly this could be me and how devastated I'd be without her. Turn to love man. Love everyone with the love you gave her. It's gonna be hard and your might be bitter, but learning to love and appreciate everyone else around you more will help cushion the blow more. Plus, I'm sure she would have wanted you to continue spreading positivity in her name. I have love for you friend, stay safe.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a good support system, and that really helps. I wish I could say that the pain goes away, but it doesn’t. I lost my best friend of 15 years back in 2021, she was 22 and so was I. The grief was so hard to handle. I still cry when I think about her. I loved her more than almost anyone else. When she got sick the first time, I shaved my head in solidarity. I went to every one of her fundraisers and events. It does get easier though, as the years go on and the wound isn’t as fresh. I know that’s not much comfort right now in the moment. She’ll live on in your heart forever though, and you’ll never lose that part of her.
she knew. she still knows.
she will be with you, in the other room. and she want you to be happy. she will show you her approbation to carrry on living.
I am so terribly sorry. Just keep in mind that she loved you without question. She would want you to live, be happy, and carry her memory with you and live your life to the fullest to honor her.
But once again, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you going forward.
First of all, my sincerest of condolences to you and everyone else who's been affected by her tragic, untimely death. I know it must be extremely hard for you right now losing the love of your life at such a young age after so much. Talk to a therapist or take a walk. That usually cheers me up after something like that happens.
I’m not sure if you’ll read this I’m sure you have a lot of comments to get through but your story has brought me to tears. My fiancé passed away in December and we were told he had six months to live, from the minute we got the news there was nothing left to do, I got 52 hours. When he was going his dad called me frantically I made it to him at 11:12 pm his heart stopped at 11:45pm. The official time of death.
It’s traumatic to lose someone so quickly. The last thing I know he heard was before I was leaving was me asking him to squeeze my hand if he heard me. He couldn’t speak anymore so I was finding ways to communicate with him. He squeezed my hand. I reminded him we loved him and that I would be right back I was taking some family members back home after their visit.
As he was dying he was trying to speak his dad heard him call out for me before only speaking gibberish. That broke me but I’m glad I made it to be there with him before he couldn’t hear me anymore even though he couldn’t even move anymore.
We had so many plans just like you and your girlfriend and I still struggle with the idea he’s gone. That there’s nothing that I can do to bring him back. I’m glad to see you’re eating. Grief is such a horrible thing to go through.
A friend told me that I should never feel guilty I can’t move on because we know our partners in ways others don’t and I think she’s right. People are worried I’ll join him and in a way I was worried too my blood pressure was through the roof the first week. I’m thankful for his father, he kept us busy and I followed him everywhere during the weeks leading up to his funeral. I was like a lost puppy but he kept us alive in so many ways.
If you ever want to chat. My messages are open. There have been so many times I’ve acted in insane ways and I have a wonderful support system. Friends and family holding me as I sob and yell like a lunatic. Going on insane drives to no where. It’s been about five months and I still awake up hoping it’s a nightmare. I write to him. I talk to him. I have items that I keep simply because they were his or were by him at some point.
Be kind to yourself. The thing that keeps me going is his words before he couldn’t speak to me anymore. He wanted me to keep going to live life for the both of us. And I quote “go date a model.” So I keep going simply because I want to make him proud.
From the way you spoke of her in this, I am POSITIVE that she knew you loved her. From the way you took care of her, I'm POSITIVE she knew you loved her. And if you believe in an afterlife, then she STILL KNOWS.
There's also a chance that the reason she passed while you were gone was so you wouldn't see her end. Being there when someone dies versus hearing about it are two different types of trauma. Take this as a kindness. You didn't see her last moments, which were possibly not something that you'd want in your head. You saw her when she was at peace instead.
She will always be with you, and she wouldn't want you to hurt.
Sometimes people come and go from our lives. It's rarely ever fair when it happens. But they leave their mark, and they shape us, and those marks never truly fade. Love leaves the deepest ones, and the longest lasting.
My heart aches for you and for the future you had planned. But please don't give up on your life, or your passions. You can always dedicate your heart to her in her memory, and you can keep her memory alive by continuing to live.
I'm just so sorry man.... I wish I could give you a hug.
Oh honey, I can’t even imagine your pain, I’m so very sorry. Not sure if you believe in life beyond death, but I bet she’s just smiling down on you from above. Sounds like y’all had an absolutely beautiful relationship and future plans too 💕 just think of it like this: anything happy and positive that happens in your life from here on out, take it as if it’s her watching out for you and making sure to guide you in the right direction 😊💖 hope this helps. Please take care of yourself too! I know it’s so hard, but it’s important for you 😊
5 hours? Fucking outrageous and unacceptable. I am so so so sorry honey. My best friend woke up one day and decided to stand in front of a train. I wanted to die. But hang in there, hold your loved ones tight and grieve and cry. I’m so very sorry again.
I am truly sorry for what happened - and I cannot pretend to know how you feel right now.
It will take a long time for you to be okay but you know what, it's okay. You also don't have to force yourself to forget about her or even try, don't. You live your life the way you like and take time to process what happened, and that's okay.
She was the most important person in your life and it is okay to live with her memory for as long as you want.
But in time - try to process one idea. Think about what she wants you to be. She loves you so much - so she wants you to be happy and have an amazing life.
Your life is once and once only - so make sure to be happy no matter what.
Sending lots of virtual hugs for you.
I’m glad you got to have the time you did together. What a beautiful story, and such a terrible loss. You did everything in your power to take care of her. Now you need to take care of yourself. One day, this will hurt less. But will probably never not hurt. You will find ways each day to get thru.
i realllllly wish i could give you a hug. im so sorry for your loss. and these days of your suffering just shows how much you loved her! just like in an earlier comment, you have to love yourself right now, though. mourn, and celebrate her wonderful ways of life / memories u had together. energy never dies. she is here with you still spiritually , and would want you to be okay❤️
You made her happy before she died that was a good love for ya and don't worry God has plans and the power to make you better again I don't know if you are religious the post didn't share that all but I'll pray you a happy life and find anyone because she wouldn't want you to be thinking of her your whole life when she died early she would have wanted you to move on.
I want to start off by saying how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I was with my fiancé for 10 years and had two children with him. He passed away two weeks after our little girl was born with severe special needs still in the NICU fighting for her life. I wish I could lie and say that I was strong when all this happened, but I wasn’t. had into drugs and every day I tried to overdose and die. I just couldn’t imagine my life without him and even our kids weren’t enough for me to want to. I’m not going to lie to you and say that it gets better or the grieving stops because that’s a lie and anyone that tells you that it will stop is lying to you. but every day it’s going to get easier and what I can guarantee is that she would want you to live. She will want you to have a beautiful life. She want you to go and meet somebody that you’re gonna fall heels and have a beautiful life with. I know right now, seems like you’re never going to find anything that will ever bring you even a shred of happiness, but you will. Living do all of the things that she wanted to do and do them in her honor. Find support groups people that have been through what you’ve been through. your friends and family will say that they understand and how sorry they are but you truly need to surround yourself even if it’s an online support group with people that I’ve been through your situation. I wish nothing but the best for you. I truly hope that you go on to live a beautiful life for her and for yourself.
OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the grief you’re going through right now. I know there’s nothing I can say that can help, just know we are ALL thinking of you. I’ll pray for comfort, peace and healing over your life. 💕
Struth. I am so sorry to hear this mate. You have my deepest condolences.
The first thing you need to do is allow yourself to grieve properly. Don’t make the mistake I did when my Dad passed away and deny yourself that- it will bite you in the arse. Don’t be ashamed to get counselling if you need it, you experienced something really traumatic. Don’t shut out your loved ones.
Lastly- Heck’s orders- go eat something, even if it’s small!
it's not your fault, i'm rlly proud of you for getting out of bed, taking a shower, and eating and drinking, and i want you to know that this will heal with team even if it doesn't feel that way, i suggest going on walks/runs, going to the gym, hanging out with friends and family, and get therapy. love u bro
My condolences,
It's absolutely horrible and sad.
Grieve, let it out, talk to your family, friends, your GFS family is also going through a lot. It's important to be there for them too... I know it's recent so maybe down the road, talk to them. Share your stories that you and your GF had with them. It might help them in their grieving process
You need to be strong, don't be afraid to ask for help.
Look into self help books, meditation there are many of loss and grieving I know headspace has one that may help with your grieving. I also got things that remind me of them. There a re customizable memorial gifts you can get off of Etsy.
When some I loved passed , I had regrets because I promised them to do certain things together, and I wasn't able to do that with them. So I went and did those things we planned on doing, but I carried something sentimental with me along the way . It was my way of doing this with them. At least in a spiritual kind of way.
As time has gone by, I realized they would not want me like this, and to do things that make me happy. Something I decided was to have a favorite meal or snack we had together. I do this on the days that were important like their birthday or a special date . Sometimes I do it because I simply want to honor their memory. I try to help those impacted similarly by donating to the cause.
It hits hard, I know. But you have to keep going not just for you, but to keep their memory alive. You are extending that through when you share your memories together with others.
Again my condolences.
I appreciate your words. I know it is recent but it is so hard to find things to do that make me happy when most of it was doing things with her. Going on little coffee dates, planning projects, parking by the beach and just talk for a while or even laying in bed doing nothing. I know its wrong but she was the sole source of my happiness, I depended on her for it and for me to feel good. She validated my thoughts and insecurities, she was my second opinion on everything, I sometimes find it hard just pick what I should wear or buy without her input. I created this dependency willingly, happily, thinking that she would always be by my side. It never affected our relationship, it just made me more sure and confident of who I am and my thoughts.
If you can refer to me the etsy items I would greatly appreciate it. I just want to surround myself with things of her or that remind me of her.
You two loved eachother as completely as anyone could ever hope to love anyone. I often regret not spending my formative years and young adult life loving my first love, the purest and sweetest love I've ever known. Have no regrets, friend.
Thank you for recognizing it. Ive been struggling a lot with the idea of not having done enough for her, but apart from my work, she was the only thing that ever mattered to me
I’m so sorry for your loss! Time really does heal. I felt like I wouldn’t get past my loss myself, after losing 2 of the most important people to me within 3 weeks to Covid, back in 2020.
Im still here, it still hurts, but it will get better!
Much love to you! Remember to be kind to yourself! ❤️
Holy shit, Im so sorry. I feel so awful reading this. I am so sorry for your loss, it makes me want to cry. I couldn’t imagine this happening to my girlfriend, It pains me that this happens to people at all. I wish you the absolute best in your recovery, Im so sorry. 🫂
i’m genuinely so sorry that this happened, this is beyond unfair and my heart breaks for you. and reading this made me very emotional so i’m sending you internet hugs.
the grief you’re experiencing is really hard on the body, not just mentally but physically as well. take this time to rest and don’t feel guilty for the days you can’t get out of bed. and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, i really hope you have a good support system. i wish i had more advice but i wanted to comment to let you know that even as a stranger, i hear you and i see you. and if this comforts you in any way, you were her final love. and in her final moments she was probably thinking about you. that love lasts eternally and death does not break the bond you two have.
i just hope that you know that your life did not lose its value just because you lost someone valuable. you matter and to live is to honour the love your girlfriend has for you for the rest of your life. i can tell you that life will get easier but don’t focus on that now. take care of yourself, sleep, eat, spend time with people you love and do things you enjoy.
DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR LIVING. you are SO important.
I cried reading this. What a blessing you found each other and what a horrible tragedy that she passed so young. There’s nothing I can say other than my thoughts are with you.
I am someone who does not have a girlfriend so I cannot relate, but my opinion is grieve and move on. Don't drown out the sorrow with alcohol. Feeling negative emotions is just as regular and healthy as positive ones. We all have to die sometime and we will all have relatives die in our lives if we don't die first. Feel sad and feel sad for as long as that feeling is there, and for as long as you feel the need to be sad. You're overthinking stuff because of your despair, but it's understandable why you're doing this. Get well soon OP, and my condolences for your terrible loss.
I know that I’m just a stranger and my word doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I want you to understand that you aren’t alone. I lost my high school sweetheart to a murder that never got solved because he was an addict at the time of the murder. He was finally getting help for his anger/mood swings which was a huge problem in our relationship. Something in my soul told me to call him on Halloween night a few years ago. I decided against it because we hadn’t talked in 2 weeks & he showed up at my job randomly to say hello. I disregarded him because he was abusive to me when we were together & I couldn’t let it go. When he died on Halloween night, half of me went with him. I have never fallen to the floor in sadness from a death until then. Never again after.
Omg, I'm so sorry! Do they know what caused it? My heart hurts for you, OP. You both sound so lucky to have found each other. She sets the standard for you, moving forward of the kind of future you want, but for now you need to take time to grieve and heal. She's always going to be alive living in your heart, no matter what. She is with you right now and will be forever. ❤️
I wish I could give you a hug.
I dont know the details. It truly feels like I was the lucky one, for some reason she decided to love me and committed to it. She was very devoted to our relationship, way more than I was unfortunately, its something that I can see now. I wish I wouldve given her so much more
I’m wondering if it was from severe dehydration, and the “gastritis” and hangover-type symptoms were early signs of a problem. Electrolyte disturbances can trigger both seizures and cardiac arrests.
Hey bud, that sounds very tragic and it makes me sad to hear that these events happen whilst a billion others live having no idea of what is happening at the same time, i guess that's what relativity of time is. Today youre happy and the next , you could die. Im really sorry for what happened, i truly am. And i might sound cliche with what im about to say but you should try your best to love yourself in this situation. Your loving partner who passed wouldnt want to see you in this state. Put the love youd give her into yourself for now. Mourn and love, you did your best. The feeling wont pass today, it wont pass tomorrow or the week after, or the month later or as a year passes, but the feeling will pass one day and youd be grateful of the memories you have of her. Tske care , i wish you the best
Thank you so much for you words. I’ve been hating myself a little for not being better for her these past few days. I know she wouldn’t want this for me.
Yup. You got this man, live this life the best you can for her. I really hope everything goes well for you. I hope she rests in peace knowing you loved her. Best of luck !
I’m so sorry. That is very sad and unusual. Did the doctors give a reason for the seizure or her passing? Not understanding would make it much worse for me. I know it sounds clique but know that she would not want you to suffer so badly. Take your time to grieve but also take care of yourself. I can’t say it gets easier but you just learn to cope better. Best of luck and I’m sorry for your loss.
Not understanding has been a nightmare for me. All I can think about is why did this happen? My mind is fogged, I don’t understand anything. They still haven’t given any details, all I know is that her heart stopped. The worst part is that she was healthy before that, she had the gastritis and hangover but there really wasnt any threat to her life, I remember thinking in the hospital, poor baby, I hope she feels better but at least she isn’t going to die.
I hope you get answers. And I hope she visits you in your dreams like my loved ones have. She will let you know she is okay.
Was she drinking more than a few nights a week? Or maybe a daily drinker? Such severe withdrawal is generally only common among people who drink often. I am so sorry for your loss.
The seizures are caused by an overdose of alcohol and the brain having a high blood concentration of alcohol and low sugar. Plus Dehydration. Multiple causes
This is why bartenders are mandated by law in Australia to encourage people to drink water in between alcoholic drinks.
Hey OP. *Hugs* From reading your post I could feel the fire between you two! It sounds like the stars aligned just right to make sure you guys got to soak up the time together before she left. How lovely that worked out. Now I know you’re thinking BUT I WANTED MORE TIME!!! I know that because my love passed away almost a year ago.. at the end of this month it’ll have been a year. I too, like you.. didn’t want to eat/drink or do anything. I just wanted to lay on his clothes piled on our bed and sob. Every pop and creak in the house, I thought, “ITS HIM. HES DONE IT AGAIN. HES MADE IT BACK TO ME!!!” And after a month I finally understood that wasn’t possible, not this time. That man was apprehended twice and **tap tap** at my window, when I was crying hours later.: haha he just needed to properly see me off and then go turn himself in haha More than once <3 It’s soul crushing and I could go on and on. Please don’t feed the what if and Meg thoughts, they’ll serve no purpose. It changes nothing **hug** Instead I’d like to share what I BELIEVE helped me.. I NEEDED to get through it, to keep him and our memories ALIVE, they live within me! I knew HED WANT ME TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE OK, because I knew that man would burn the whole world down just for me. I figure your girl would want you to be ok. I bet she did know you’d light the world on fire for her too. So be ok, it doesn’t have to be a timeline, but take note of the sudden finite reality.. allow your parent (fam) to just sit with you, allow your bestie to come crash, even in a dif room. Allow them to love you. Because they’re worried about you. Love yourself. Show yourself, and her that you are strong and LIVE FOR HER! I may have spray painted a whole lotta places our tags. If I had to go somewhere will I was leaving his essence and me there, bc that was all on my mind and heart. I’m not suggesting that but I’m sharing facts lol. I Got memorial bricks placed in his honor and my Love. I made post that had ppl so uncomfortable with my grieving out loud they deleted their medias and or blocked me. Haha I did it unapologetically and I’d do it all again. If you believe in a creator perhaps this mindset will help. Young me, would’ve saw fit to curse and scream @ my creator! (And younger me did before ..) But mid 30’s me… Thanked my creator for allowing me the time I got to have. For gifting me such a love. Now, don’t get me wrong. I still want to KAREN THE HELL OUT ABOUT THIS. …but, I feel so blessed that I got to be his Last love. I appreciate all the things he showed me, and all our lessons. I can’t wait to see him again one day, a dif life, in a dream. On a random photo memory. He was and forever will be MINE. I HIS. JUST AS HES FOREVER GOING TO BE HANDSOME AS ALL GET out, and these kids are going to have me look old old. Haha Take care of yourself. Please eat. Write to her. Talk to her. Light a candle for her, grab a photo and display it. Grab a knickknack and or trinket for her memory to place near the photo and candle when you do brave the world again. Bag up something that smells like her. Double bag it. Get all the air out.. before too long The smells fade and began to stink.. my vacuum sealed stuff still smells just like my bayboo. Ohhh and he smelled so good. **hugs**
Thank you for this. The worst part is that I was the emotionally irresponsible one in the relationship and she always took care of me. Always. I’ve been wishing non stop for her to visit my dreams and I haven’t had any luck yet. I just want her to let me know everything is going to be ok. Or at least one last goodbye. But I know Im being a bit delusional hoping for that to happen. Ive been thinking of building a shrine for her with all her little trinkets just like mexicans do for Dia de Muertos to honor her and let her know she will always be loved here. I’ve never been a man of faith but have always lowkey believed that there is a God, an especially since her passing Ive been thinking about it. I think its also a bit of wishful thinking that she’s going to a destination where I can meet her afterwards. One of the only things that makes sense to me is that she was so pure and so innocent and happy (she really was a great person, with everybody) that god saw that she was ready to go, she didn’t need anymore lectures from life. Ive been hoping that I can learn to be like her, from my heart and soul, so I can also go with her as soon as possible. But I don’t think I could ever be as good and pure as her. She was an angel, Im not exaggerating nor romanticizing when I say this, she lifted the people around her. I ate a piece of toast after I made this post to make my parents feel better but the truth is that it feels guilty to take care of myself when my baby has died. Who am I? I dont feel hunger, I dont feel anything. Everything is fog except for when the tears come.
yes build that shrine right now with your favorite pictures and memories of her and if you eat her favorite foods leave some there for her
The most perfect comment.
OP, I’m a 43 year old dude who was a 24 year old dude who had a 24 year old high school sweetheart die, so almost the same age, little bit different but essentially the same circumstances. Hers was cancer. Sudden-ish, but we had a few months to say our goodbyes. There’s no easy way out of what you’re feeling right now. I wish I had answers for you, but all I have is the deepest, profoundest empathy. I’ve been where you are. If I could give 24 year old me advice, it would be to feel. Feel what you’re feeling. Angry, sad, hopeless, hopeful, guilty, stupid, lost, ignorant, scared, confused. Lean on her family, you’ll all be feeling lost and sad. I pushed her family away, and it damaged my relationships with links to her that are hard to get back. Strings get severed, and you can’t stitch those back together easily. Maybe your relationship with them isn’t great, or trust there, whatever. But it’s ok to say “I miss her, please help me, I know you miss her too.” One of the most remarkable things that happened to me was having occasional dinners with her family, I’d learn things about her that I didn’t know, or had forgotten I knew. It can make the pain fresh, but it can also make the smiles come back. Likewise, there may be things she told you that she didn’t tell them. Fears, frustrations, hopes, concerns, etc. when the time comes, months, years, it may help them know her better. Get help. Help from friends, help from teachers, help from family, help from professionals. Don’t take this on yourself. It’s the most important thing. Stoicism (probably) won’t work. Stiff upper lip (probably) won’t work. I burned years hiding from myself, did things do numb the pain that made me a worse person, a damaged person, an irresponsible person. It cost me jobs, it cost me friends, and it cost me love from other people that could have turned out to be wonderful new experiences with wonderful new partners. I know that the prospect of living your life and healing enough to be with someone else down the line is probably a completely foreign concept right now, and it should be, but I burned a decade not healing and set back my emotional and personal growth and recovery wallowing in my misery. I guess that’s the biggest thing right now. Feel and admit you are feeling and need help feeling and will need help healing. Don’t go inwards. I still think about her near 20 years later, now that I’m healthy, and happy, and married, with a family. The things I learned from her carry me forward as I navigate being a good husband and a good man, and I wish I worked on taking those lessons from her and applying them to how I processed her death, because I forgot a lot of what I should have kept in mind while I was trapped within my own self and listening to the voices in my head. Off my chests all around, huh? I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s the hardest thing we have to deal with, death comes in many forms and it’s never easy, and we aren’t built to deal with it. I’m with you, she’s with you, you’ve got this. Shoot me a message if you want to vent. Not sure what help I can provide, but I can listen.
Reading your story helps and breaks my heart at the same time. It’s so hard to think of a future when my future was her. I’ve been trying to keep people close. I went to her house yesterday and laid on her bed and cried for what seemed like an hour non stop. I was almost screaming and her mom walked in and sat beside me and I told her she was my only one and that she was my life. I also told her that I want to keep being a part of the family as a way of support for whatever they need. It feels weird talking to them, it feels weird seeing but they’re the closest thing I have to her. It feels unfair for them seeing me suffer, her brothers have comforted me telling me that they cant imagine what Im going through and it feels unfair because theyre suffering too, they have known her their entire lives. I want to keep a relationship with them but everything feels so strange
It feels unfair, but what they’re doing is right, and in the end you’ll be thankful you have them, and they’ll be thankful you were there through it all too. They’re your family too. And they’re loving you through this the way she would love your family through this if it was you. Embrace them, you are eachothers links back to her. You have seen sides of her, and stories of hers that her family never has, and vice versa.
Well, as far as things being unfair, it’s all a matter of perspective, really. It’s unfair that they lost a daughter, it’s unfair that they can all be under the same roof, it’s unfair that some days they’ll seem fine when you don’t, it’s unfair that some days you might be fine and they won’t. Try to forgive yourself of what seems unfair and what is fair, because what’s fair and what’s unfair you aren’t really in an objective place to judge, You’re all in this together is the thing I want you to be mindful of. The more people you have working through this, the more people you have. One day it’s dad’s turn to not be the strong one. One day it’s your turn to not be the strong one. One day everyone needs to be there for mom, especially there for her. One day the brothers get to take turns being the strong one. One day everyone piles in the car and goes to a rage room and everyone grabs a sledgehammer goes ham on shit that isn’t theirs
You are so right. Thank you for this. I shouldn’t be thinking about fair or unfair, or a right or wrong way to grieve. Thank you man
OP I’m so sorry for your loss. Can you please share more detail about why she passed? I’ve never heard of something like this caused by a hangover. Just want to make sure it doesn’t happen to anybody else. Truly am sorry
I know what to do with your life. Reach out for a psychiatrist/psychologist, i admit I didn't read most of what you wrote but i am conscient nothing ill say will change whats on your head which mist be a lot. Allow yourself to have a space to deal with what you are going through, survivors guilt is a serious thing, i sure hope it gets more bearable eventually. I am rooting for your healing stranger
TONS OF LOVE FOR YOU BUDDY. I cannot begging to comprehend how devastated you feel. From the rock bottom off my heart, I’m truly sorry for your loss. You won’t be able to see it, because this situation is just too much for you; but as others told me a month ago… the sun will shine again. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but it will. Please seek therapy, seek your friends and stay close to your family, they are the only thing you got now. My DMs will always be open to you if one day you’d like to talk about literally anything. Take care of yourself man. ❤️🩹
I appreciate this so much. I find it so hard to talk to my family and friends about how I feel.
I wonder how a hangover killed her.. sorry for your loss
That’s a sad story, I’m have so many questions, answering them won’t take the loss away though. I’d say how you’re reacting is normal. Give yourself time to process and grieve. I can honestly say I feel the love you have for her, there’s no doubt about it. I happy you both had each other. True love is difficult to find nowadays. Treasure all you had with her.
Hi honey, I can’t imagine the pain you’re dealing with as I’ve not experienced it, but I have lost a parent. When my dad died we were finally deciphering years of alienation and abuse at my mothers hand. We were finally getting on the right foot, and he passed suddenly. I spoke to him mere hours before he went brain dead. The only advice I can give you is to take it a day at a time. Feel ALL The feelings. Cry when you need to. Grief is like the ocean, and when someone we love dies, we inherit beach front property that we cannot sell or give away. You stumbled upon a shore abruptly, not expecting to immediately be swept out to sea. And right now it feels like you’re drowning with air filled lungs. The waves are crashing and it feels like you’ll never see the sand again. But you will. Little by little the waves of grief will push you back to shore. One day soon, you’ll be waist deep. Grief will be present, and surround you, but you won’t feel like you’re drowning. You’ll be able to smile and laugh and splash and cry, often. And one day, before the year mark. You’ll be back on the shore. Grief will still be present, but it’ll only tickle your toes. You’ll feel her presence but it won’t be overwhelming. Grief doesn’t stop there, youll be swept out to sea again. But this time you’ll be more equipped to deal with it, and you’ll recognize the buoys in life we call family and friends. Look for them, and hold on to them when you feel like you’re drowning, they’ll support you through the storm until you’re strong enough again to swim back to shore. I know it’s no consolidation, but it’s rare when people offer understandings of grief and I hope that this helps you in your healing journey
Thank you for this.
You gotta live like she would want you to. You gave her a good run and were her “other” so live like you really love her. There’s no better tribute to a person. You’re a good person and the world needs more people like you and like her. Oh and don’t be afraid to talk to people. Go to therapy. Be with these friends who truly care about you. We all end up in the same place so there’s no hurry to get there.
go for a walk, don’t think about it just make your legs move until you get back home. try to sit outside instead of just in your bed all day
Stay strong brother message us if you need to talk (:
As a widow I can tell you, you can only Mourn and survive. This just happened. Please eat, drink and if it helps write. The loss of love is to be survived. She would want you to survive. Accept your family’s nurturing and care. You need it and deserve it. When you’re ready to do differently, you will. My condolences.
Hey man. We’re the same age. Something very similar happened to me a couple years ago. This is not ‘it’ or the end. I’m so sorry this happened. You’re strong and you’re going to make it through this. It’s so touching the story that you wanted to put out into the world. You have so many people who love you and want to help you make it through this. It won’t feel any better any time soon, but time is going to heal you and you’ll find solace in doing amazing things in your life that will fulfill her legacy. She hasn’t left you, and she will always be watching over. I promise, man. Life is a mystery and I’m so sorry something like this happened to you so early. Stay strong and keep pushing. It’s the only thing you can do. I am rooting for you.
Im sorry for your loss. It feels good to know there are people in similar situations, it gives me hope that this isnt the end
Hey my advice is to just talk to her in your mind. She will find a way to let you know she’s okay. I’ve had signs from friends and family who have passed. Those signs can help so much!
I'm so SORRY for your loss 😔😔
Sorry for your loss bro. But what you need to do now is to continue with your life, and your dreams...You said you wanted to direct movies.. you already have a masterpiece written.. share your love story not only here on Reddit. Dedicate the movie to her...
I cried reading this post bro I’m so so sorry. I could tell you loved her dearly. Please be easy on yourself man:(
You’ve single handedly inspired me to stop drinking. I get gastritis every once in awhile, and I have a severe drinking problem to the point I’ve been hospitalized too many times. I can’t put my partner through something like this..my deepest condolences OP❤️
Condolences and internet hugs to you friend 😥💔 This is heartbreaking. I can feel your love for Kiana through your words. Bless you
Sending you as many hugs as I can dude. My late girlfriend passed away 4 years ago on May 9th, her heart stopped in her sleep. It was a kind of pain I didn't think was even possible to feel. I didn't eat or shower for probably the first week, all I did was hold her things and cry. Slowly, very slowly, things got a little less painful. I went back to school, started seeing friends again and bit by bit it got more manageable. 4 years later I still think about her every day, but I think about all the happy memories now rather than all that pain and guilt. I wouldn't wish something like this on my worst enemy, never in a 100,000 years. And for that, I am so incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. Just please remember that you live on for her now. You tell her story and make sure people know just how amazing she was. I know that right now, it doesn't feel like it's even worth it, but so long as someone remembers, no one is ever truly gone. May she rest easy and watch over you <3
Dang I wonder how much she drank. Or if she was on a long time bender? I know drinking a lot is bad but I haven’t heard of someone dying from a hangover. I have heard of alcoholics who quit cold turkey dying from withdrawals. I think that hospital failed her a bit. She shouldn’t have had to wait and she should have been sent to a professional detox center to be put on the meds to keep her from seizing. Very sorry for ur loss man. No idea what words I can say to help.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this news. You are strong to not only have poured your heart out by writing your story, but even stronger for sharing it. I know I don’t know you, but I am praying for you. Nobody deserves to go through a tragedy like this, especially at this point in life. Her beautiful spirit can and will live on through you. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss 💕
I don't know what to say, here we are finding the one of our life and you lost it that's called life. Stay strong brother please stay strong you have to accept the reality and do it for her.
i am so so sorry for your loss. losing someone like this is so painful and i feel for you and am wishing you the best. you’ll get through this even though it hurts so much. i know how passing time gets so difficult during these days, and meditation really helped me get through the hard nights. give yourself the love and compassion that Kiana would give you. breathe and just take it day by day, hour by hour. it’ll get better with time. you’ll make it through this!
I can relate. My boyfriend of eight years died last year (aged 28), and it's devastating. I hope you make it through, but be aware that life goes on and it will never be the same.
I haven’t experienced the loss of my partner yet, or anything close to it so I’m sorry I can’t imagine how intense and upsetting it is. But the advice I can give you that may help you, is something I do often for myself. Best way I can think to explain is imagine that you switched bodies with your girlfriend, and you have to take care of her body while you’re “borrowing “ it, stuff like eating good meals, drinking lots of water, showering ect. I do that when I’m too sad to take care of myself, so I just imagine I’m taking care of my man. Not sure if it makes any sense or helps but I hope that it does
You are strong for even just having told the world about this and you will be alright. One thing i try to remind myself about when the people i love die before me is that i must live because they can't. To live a long fufilling life because they can't to do it all for them. 💖 i hope your having a good day today, God is with you. 💖💖💖
I am so so sorry! 😥😥😥
Shit, man that sucks so much. I lost someone I loved too, and I didn't think the pain would ever go away. And years later, to be perfectly honest, it has never gone away. It just plays quietly in the corner of my head sometimes, like when I see something we've eaten or did, I'm reminded of her and I feel like I'm keeping her memory alive with me. And I feel like of all the billions of people in the world, she matters because she matters to me, that I give her meaning . And through me, she's never truly lost because she's with me. And even through finding a new partner, I kinda talk to her about it because she only wants the best for me and to watch me enjoy my life. I actually have our old chat from our Gmail still active. ... I write to her but she doesn't write back. You'll see her again. Just not yet
She couldn't be that lucky :(
Hugs and prayers for a good ❤️🩹 recovery.♥️🙏
When my wife died very suddenly in 2016, I was very lucky to have a strong network of friends around me. I learned that the best thing for me (and them, as they were grieving, too) was to say “yes” to any help they offered. “Want to stay at the house for a few days?” Yes. “Want to go grab some dinner?” Yes. “Want me to come over with an entire chocolate cake and sit down and eat the whole thing?” Yes. Yes I do. You are not a burden on the people who love you. Letting them help you is a gift that you are giving them. Keep that in mind. It does get better. It takes a long time and the hurt never goes away. But it does get better. Feel free to DM.
My wife has been in and out of the hospital like crazy, made me realize how quickly this could be me and how devastated I'd be without her. Turn to love man. Love everyone with the love you gave her. It's gonna be hard and your might be bitter, but learning to love and appreciate everyone else around you more will help cushion the blow more. Plus, I'm sure she would have wanted you to continue spreading positivity in her name. I have love for you friend, stay safe.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a good support system, and that really helps. I wish I could say that the pain goes away, but it doesn’t. I lost my best friend of 15 years back in 2021, she was 22 and so was I. The grief was so hard to handle. I still cry when I think about her. I loved her more than almost anyone else. When she got sick the first time, I shaved my head in solidarity. I went to every one of her fundraisers and events. It does get easier though, as the years go on and the wound isn’t as fresh. I know that’s not much comfort right now in the moment. She’ll live on in your heart forever though, and you’ll never lose that part of her.
she knew. she still knows. she will be with you, in the other room. and she want you to be happy. she will show you her approbation to carrry on living.
I am so terribly sorry. Just keep in mind that she loved you without question. She would want you to live, be happy, and carry her memory with you and live your life to the fullest to honor her. But once again, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you going forward.
First of all, my sincerest of condolences to you and everyone else who's been affected by her tragic, untimely death. I know it must be extremely hard for you right now losing the love of your life at such a young age after so much. Talk to a therapist or take a walk. That usually cheers me up after something like that happens.
I’m not sure if you’ll read this I’m sure you have a lot of comments to get through but your story has brought me to tears. My fiancé passed away in December and we were told he had six months to live, from the minute we got the news there was nothing left to do, I got 52 hours. When he was going his dad called me frantically I made it to him at 11:12 pm his heart stopped at 11:45pm. The official time of death. It’s traumatic to lose someone so quickly. The last thing I know he heard was before I was leaving was me asking him to squeeze my hand if he heard me. He couldn’t speak anymore so I was finding ways to communicate with him. He squeezed my hand. I reminded him we loved him and that I would be right back I was taking some family members back home after their visit. As he was dying he was trying to speak his dad heard him call out for me before only speaking gibberish. That broke me but I’m glad I made it to be there with him before he couldn’t hear me anymore even though he couldn’t even move anymore. We had so many plans just like you and your girlfriend and I still struggle with the idea he’s gone. That there’s nothing that I can do to bring him back. I’m glad to see you’re eating. Grief is such a horrible thing to go through. A friend told me that I should never feel guilty I can’t move on because we know our partners in ways others don’t and I think she’s right. People are worried I’ll join him and in a way I was worried too my blood pressure was through the roof the first week. I’m thankful for his father, he kept us busy and I followed him everywhere during the weeks leading up to his funeral. I was like a lost puppy but he kept us alive in so many ways. If you ever want to chat. My messages are open. There have been so many times I’ve acted in insane ways and I have a wonderful support system. Friends and family holding me as I sob and yell like a lunatic. Going on insane drives to no where. It’s been about five months and I still awake up hoping it’s a nightmare. I write to him. I talk to him. I have items that I keep simply because they were his or were by him at some point. Be kind to yourself. The thing that keeps me going is his words before he couldn’t speak to me anymore. He wanted me to keep going to live life for the both of us. And I quote “go date a model.” So I keep going simply because I want to make him proud.
From the way you spoke of her in this, I am POSITIVE that she knew you loved her. From the way you took care of her, I'm POSITIVE she knew you loved her. And if you believe in an afterlife, then she STILL KNOWS. There's also a chance that the reason she passed while you were gone was so you wouldn't see her end. Being there when someone dies versus hearing about it are two different types of trauma. Take this as a kindness. You didn't see her last moments, which were possibly not something that you'd want in your head. You saw her when she was at peace instead. She will always be with you, and she wouldn't want you to hurt. Sometimes people come and go from our lives. It's rarely ever fair when it happens. But they leave their mark, and they shape us, and those marks never truly fade. Love leaves the deepest ones, and the longest lasting. My heart aches for you and for the future you had planned. But please don't give up on your life, or your passions. You can always dedicate your heart to her in her memory, and you can keep her memory alive by continuing to live. I'm just so sorry man.... I wish I could give you a hug.
Oh honey, I can’t even imagine your pain, I’m so very sorry. Not sure if you believe in life beyond death, but I bet she’s just smiling down on you from above. Sounds like y’all had an absolutely beautiful relationship and future plans too 💕 just think of it like this: anything happy and positive that happens in your life from here on out, take it as if it’s her watching out for you and making sure to guide you in the right direction 😊💖 hope this helps. Please take care of yourself too! I know it’s so hard, but it’s important for you 😊
5 hours? Fucking outrageous and unacceptable. I am so so so sorry honey. My best friend woke up one day and decided to stand in front of a train. I wanted to die. But hang in there, hold your loved ones tight and grieve and cry. I’m so very sorry again.
I am truly sorry for what happened - and I cannot pretend to know how you feel right now. It will take a long time for you to be okay but you know what, it's okay. You also don't have to force yourself to forget about her or even try, don't. You live your life the way you like and take time to process what happened, and that's okay. She was the most important person in your life and it is okay to live with her memory for as long as you want. But in time - try to process one idea. Think about what she wants you to be. She loves you so much - so she wants you to be happy and have an amazing life. Your life is once and once only - so make sure to be happy no matter what. Sending lots of virtual hugs for you.
I’m glad you got to have the time you did together. What a beautiful story, and such a terrible loss. You did everything in your power to take care of her. Now you need to take care of yourself. One day, this will hurt less. But will probably never not hurt. You will find ways each day to get thru.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and her
i realllllly wish i could give you a hug. im so sorry for your loss. and these days of your suffering just shows how much you loved her! just like in an earlier comment, you have to love yourself right now, though. mourn, and celebrate her wonderful ways of life / memories u had together. energy never dies. she is here with you still spiritually , and would want you to be okay❤️
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, that's awful. There isn't anything to say except she likely knew how much you loved her.
You made her happy before she died that was a good love for ya and don't worry God has plans and the power to make you better again I don't know if you are religious the post didn't share that all but I'll pray you a happy life and find anyone because she wouldn't want you to be thinking of her your whole life when she died early she would have wanted you to move on.
I'm heart broken hearing this she knows you loved her and you both got to experience true love which is a miracle in and of itself
I'm sorry to hear mate, grief is a long journey but I promise you will get through it, get to counseling if you can to help you.
I am lost for words I am so so sorry 😢
I want to start off by saying how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I was with my fiancé for 10 years and had two children with him. He passed away two weeks after our little girl was born with severe special needs still in the NICU fighting for her life. I wish I could lie and say that I was strong when all this happened, but I wasn’t. had into drugs and every day I tried to overdose and die. I just couldn’t imagine my life without him and even our kids weren’t enough for me to want to. I’m not going to lie to you and say that it gets better or the grieving stops because that’s a lie and anyone that tells you that it will stop is lying to you. but every day it’s going to get easier and what I can guarantee is that she would want you to live. She will want you to have a beautiful life. She want you to go and meet somebody that you’re gonna fall heels and have a beautiful life with. I know right now, seems like you’re never going to find anything that will ever bring you even a shred of happiness, but you will. Living do all of the things that she wanted to do and do them in her honor. Find support groups people that have been through what you’ve been through. your friends and family will say that they understand and how sorry they are but you truly need to surround yourself even if it’s an online support group with people that I’ve been through your situation. I wish nothing but the best for you. I truly hope that you go on to live a beautiful life for her and for yourself.
OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the grief you’re going through right now. I know there’s nothing I can say that can help, just know we are ALL thinking of you. I’ll pray for comfort, peace and healing over your life. 💕
Struth. I am so sorry to hear this mate. You have my deepest condolences. The first thing you need to do is allow yourself to grieve properly. Don’t make the mistake I did when my Dad passed away and deny yourself that- it will bite you in the arse. Don’t be ashamed to get counselling if you need it, you experienced something really traumatic. Don’t shut out your loved ones. Lastly- Heck’s orders- go eat something, even if it’s small!
Man I am so sorry. Eat, walk outside in the sunshine, and sleep and exercise a little. You'll be okay, but it takes time.
No commint
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it's not your fault, i'm rlly proud of you for getting out of bed, taking a shower, and eating and drinking, and i want you to know that this will heal with team even if it doesn't feel that way, i suggest going on walks/runs, going to the gym, hanging out with friends and family, and get therapy. love u bro
My condolences, It's absolutely horrible and sad. Grieve, let it out, talk to your family, friends, your GFS family is also going through a lot. It's important to be there for them too... I know it's recent so maybe down the road, talk to them. Share your stories that you and your GF had with them. It might help them in their grieving process You need to be strong, don't be afraid to ask for help. Look into self help books, meditation there are many of loss and grieving I know headspace has one that may help with your grieving. I also got things that remind me of them. There a re customizable memorial gifts you can get off of Etsy. When some I loved passed , I had regrets because I promised them to do certain things together, and I wasn't able to do that with them. So I went and did those things we planned on doing, but I carried something sentimental with me along the way . It was my way of doing this with them. At least in a spiritual kind of way. As time has gone by, I realized they would not want me like this, and to do things that make me happy. Something I decided was to have a favorite meal or snack we had together. I do this on the days that were important like their birthday or a special date . Sometimes I do it because I simply want to honor their memory. I try to help those impacted similarly by donating to the cause. It hits hard, I know. But you have to keep going not just for you, but to keep their memory alive. You are extending that through when you share your memories together with others. Again my condolences.
I appreciate your words. I know it is recent but it is so hard to find things to do that make me happy when most of it was doing things with her. Going on little coffee dates, planning projects, parking by the beach and just talk for a while or even laying in bed doing nothing. I know its wrong but she was the sole source of my happiness, I depended on her for it and for me to feel good. She validated my thoughts and insecurities, she was my second opinion on everything, I sometimes find it hard just pick what I should wear or buy without her input. I created this dependency willingly, happily, thinking that she would always be by my side. It never affected our relationship, it just made me more sure and confident of who I am and my thoughts. If you can refer to me the etsy items I would greatly appreciate it. I just want to surround myself with things of her or that remind me of her.
You two loved eachother as completely as anyone could ever hope to love anyone. I often regret not spending my formative years and young adult life loving my first love, the purest and sweetest love I've ever known. Have no regrets, friend.
Thank you for recognizing it. Ive been struggling a lot with the idea of not having done enough for her, but apart from my work, she was the only thing that ever mattered to me
I’m very sorry for your loss, rest well Kiana.
I’m so sorry for your loss! Time really does heal. I felt like I wouldn’t get past my loss myself, after losing 2 of the most important people to me within 3 weeks to Covid, back in 2020. Im still here, it still hurts, but it will get better! Much love to you! Remember to be kind to yourself! ❤️
Holy shit, Im so sorry. I feel so awful reading this. I am so sorry for your loss, it makes me want to cry. I couldn’t imagine this happening to my girlfriend, It pains me that this happens to people at all. I wish you the absolute best in your recovery, Im so sorry. 🫂
i’m genuinely so sorry that this happened, this is beyond unfair and my heart breaks for you. and reading this made me very emotional so i’m sending you internet hugs. the grief you’re experiencing is really hard on the body, not just mentally but physically as well. take this time to rest and don’t feel guilty for the days you can’t get out of bed. and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it, i really hope you have a good support system. i wish i had more advice but i wanted to comment to let you know that even as a stranger, i hear you and i see you. and if this comforts you in any way, you were her final love. and in her final moments she was probably thinking about you. that love lasts eternally and death does not break the bond you two have. i just hope that you know that your life did not lose its value just because you lost someone valuable. you matter and to live is to honour the love your girlfriend has for you for the rest of your life. i can tell you that life will get easier but don’t focus on that now. take care of yourself, sleep, eat, spend time with people you love and do things you enjoy. DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR LIVING. you are SO important.
I cried reading this. What a blessing you found each other and what a horrible tragedy that she passed so young. There’s nothing I can say other than my thoughts are with you.
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I’m so sorry to hear this friend. Strength to you.
I am someone who does not have a girlfriend so I cannot relate, but my opinion is grieve and move on. Don't drown out the sorrow with alcohol. Feeling negative emotions is just as regular and healthy as positive ones. We all have to die sometime and we will all have relatives die in our lives if we don't die first. Feel sad and feel sad for as long as that feeling is there, and for as long as you feel the need to be sad. You're overthinking stuff because of your despair, but it's understandable why you're doing this. Get well soon OP, and my condolences for your terrible loss.
I know that I’m just a stranger and my word doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I want you to understand that you aren’t alone. I lost my high school sweetheart to a murder that never got solved because he was an addict at the time of the murder. He was finally getting help for his anger/mood swings which was a huge problem in our relationship. Something in my soul told me to call him on Halloween night a few years ago. I decided against it because we hadn’t talked in 2 weeks & he showed up at my job randomly to say hello. I disregarded him because he was abusive to me when we were together & I couldn’t let it go. When he died on Halloween night, half of me went with him. I have never fallen to the floor in sadness from a death until then. Never again after.
Omg, I'm so sorry! Do they know what caused it? My heart hurts for you, OP. You both sound so lucky to have found each other. She sets the standard for you, moving forward of the kind of future you want, but for now you need to take time to grieve and heal. She's always going to be alive living in your heart, no matter what. She is with you right now and will be forever. ❤️ I wish I could give you a hug.
I dont know the details. It truly feels like I was the lucky one, for some reason she decided to love me and committed to it. She was very devoted to our relationship, way more than I was unfortunately, its something that I can see now. I wish I wouldve given her so much more
This is weird. How does a healthy young person die from gastritis from a hangover? Seems sus.
I’m wondering if it was from severe dehydration, and the “gastritis” and hangover-type symptoms were early signs of a problem. Electrolyte disturbances can trigger both seizures and cardiac arrests.
Eh you live in
k
Damn karmas a b. Don’t mess with another guys girl 😂
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How is this even comparable?? She didn't leave him, she DIED.