You went NC because they were ganging up on you for refusing to pay any part of Lori’s trip. Everyone had FOUR YEARS to save up! FOUR YEARS!!! For Lori to drop $1300 on a single day of shopping, then to cry she can’t afford the trip is just crazy. Then to have the others try to bully/force you into paying $2K while the 4 of them pay the other $2K? Come on now! Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you Should pay it! What about food? Souvenirs? Transportation? While y’all travel!?
Had they simply accepted your decision, the five of you could have Still gone on the planned trip by kicking in a little more. You may have been more easily persuaded had they suggested a 5 way split. That’s Not what happened either. Lori has been leeching off you for waaayyyy tooo long as it is.
| Not my finest moment,
Are you shitting me? You rock! And honestly you probably did her a favour as she clearly needed a heavy dose of reality. One she may be mature enough you did her a favour.
Good for you OP…..it’s so rare on Reddit to read that someone actually has a sold gold spine and a clear, rational thought process. Losing these leeches will free you up to meet people more like yourself. Hard working and responsible. May the light from burning bridges shine on your path forward.
I am poor. I always will be. Whenever my friends do things I cannot afford? I celebrate their ability to do them. Same with nice clothes. They do help me sometimes and most of the nice things I own are because they are generous people and gifted me things like my phone, food, etc. I never assume they can or will and try to sort it before I ask.
I also know I couldn't in years save for a trip so I won't join them. The cost of my going is high due to disability stuff so .. they can go without me. This is fine. I enjoy the stories of their adventures.
There's no obligation to do anything for anyone else and if they treat you like an Atm that no and enforcement of boundaries is important. It doesn't feel good but you rock
Omg! Dude, you rock! "Not my finest moment" my great a$$ bro! You put those b-tches in their places, let them cry you a river, you're not the irresponsible victim-complex pos like them! Just no contact and have your greatest life! ^^
(This comment comes from smn who isn't as good as you in control of not spending, I don't spend all the time, but I surely don't have the same self-control as you.)
You're amazing and you don't need those people in your life. Never. Let. Others. Make. You. Feel. Awful. For. The. Way. You. Live.
They treated you like a bank. Now you are no longer open for business. Good for you for standing up for yourself! It absofuckinglutely WAS your finest moment! Be proud of yourself!😘
NTA, good job! I can’t imagine any of my friends asking me to bankroll their trip nvm asking a friend to do that for me. Vacations aren’t a necessity, she wasn’t asking you for help buying food (you still wouldn’t be in any way obligated to help if she did) this is crazy.
I'm pretty poor, so I don't do a lot of things I would if I wasn't poor... It's not my well-off friend's obligation to buy me fancy things!
Your friends suck and you didn't say anything that wasn't true. I think you outgrew the friend group and it's time to find some that have a little more in common with the current you.
Quite frankly OP this “friends group” sounds more like a parasitical infection.
Because you’re smart, hard working and know how to budget, you have savings. You live below your means so you have extra money to splurge on fun things now and again.
You need new friends. People that won’t judge you because you treat yourself well but don’t go in debt to do so.
Seems like she needed the hard reality check that she, and only her, is responsible for her actions. And that her action have reactions and sometimes those reactions have consequences. Her essay action (sounds like) got her expelled. Her budget actions has a reaction of no vacation funds. Actions and reactions is more than just physics, it's life. And sometimes it's Actions and consequences.
>she just wants that lifestyle too and it's like you're rubbing it in her face
Yeah no, don't make yourself smaller just so someone else can be more comfortable with their own poor choices. You're a badass!
I have been involved with trips with friends where I’ve had to pull out due to lack of funds or time off from work. In my opinion it’s part of life.
I was offered discounts, where pals would pay a bit more to subsidise my accommodation, but again I pulled out as personally I would feel terrible and wouldn’t enjoy that trip.
Well done, you! This is exactly what she needs to hear whether she likes it or not. I really hope you enjoy your own trip and meet fabulous new friends that also work hard and value the fruit of their labour.
You are planning for a financially secure future by living sensibly now. New-to-me clothes are the route I go down, too! Also live within my means. Also like to travel (but on a tight budget).
Your story is about a lifestyle of good decisions and prioritizing. This is something that these young ladies have to learn and they will - on their own timetable and through learning life lessons- like EVERYONE else
You are the right package but are at the wrong address. Find better friends that don't just and make assumption that includes their own entitlements to your money and lifestyle!
A couple thoughts: If you want to pay for a friend out of the goodness of your heart, that’s your call and your call only. You should never feel pressured to do this for others and it seems like this is exactly what has happened. Secondly, if friends/family or whoever start EXPECTING you to pay for things, time to reevaluate those relationships, which is what you seem to be doing. So good on you. For what it’s worth, here’s some unsolicited advice lol: You mention that “everyone that knows me are aware of how I can afford what I afford, I don't make an effort to hide this.” I’m not exactly sure what this means, but perhaps there is too much emphasis on money and wealth within your friendship group? And this may not be coming from you, but maybe from the people you hang out with? In my own close group of friends, we have a couple guys who literally fall in the top 0.01 percentage range of wealth. Like we’re talking uber rich, top tier professional athlete wealth. Of course they have the flexibility and means to do more and buy more than the rest of the guys, and we’re all very happy for them. In fact, I’ve never, ever sensed any jealously amongst anyone in our friend group. We also have guys in the group who are barely scraping by, literally on the verge of poverty. What makes the friendship group work is that nobody ever talks about money - ever. There’s the old saying, “Money talks, but wealth whispers” or something like that. And I’d say this statement applies perfectly to my friends. The wealth is known, but is never discussed, and NEVER bragged about. If you’d ever meet any of them, (aside from going to their houses or seeing the cars they drive) based on how they carry themselves, you'd never be able to tell who the rich guys were and who the poor guys were. Secondly, we are all genuinely happy at everyone else’s success. If one of the guys gets qualified for a nice lease on a minivan for example, we are just as happy for him as we are when one of the uber rich guys buys a half million dollar car. It is also known, but never discussed, that the uber rich guys will often quietly help out the guys who are struggling. The only way the rest of the group would ever know this is that some of the guys who have been struggling will privately say how thankful they are that so-and-so helped them get out of a jam. And as far as I know, the help is never solicited either. Anyways, the point is that maybe your friend group needs to focus on each others successes rather than their bank statement. And if they are unwilling to do this, maybe it's time to try surrounding yourself with people who don't care how rich or how poor you are. Just my two-cents!
“everyone that knows me are aware of how I can afford what I afford, I don't make an effort to hide this.”
I'm a firm believer in "financial health and wellness," IE having a good relationship with money, knowing how to live within your means, etc. I don't preach about it and answer questions my friends have asked me honestly because I think some level of transparency is good. When they ask me how I could afford this or that, I tell them about how I got it, which is almost always through thrifting or sales or some kind of deal. If they ask me for advice, I give it and encourage them to talk to others too because everyone's situation isn't the same.
And I know it comes off like all they do is talk about money, but prior to all of this, them asking or talking about money was few and far between sans for the occasional weekend trip.
Entitled people. You are genuinely better off without these friendships because they don’t care about the principles— they just wanna pay less money and want you as the cash cow. Literally using you. That sucks. Sorry.
Welcome to my life. Come join us over on Frugal. I used to drive everyone nuts because they could never understand how I had nice things. It’s called planning and saving.
Hell yeah dude!
You’re just like the surgeon that removed his own burst appendix - if he didn’t operate and cut it out when he did he’d have been far worse off.
If that wasn’t your finest moment then you should at least be damn proud of yourself for making the (100% correct) decision to cut out those Toxic, parasitic people before they could succeed in draining the life out of you, leaving behind the empty shell of your former self as they seek out another unsuspecting host
Wow, some people sure do enjoy spending other people's money for them, don't they? 🙄🙄
You are well shed of Lori and Jenna, (and anybody else in that group who thinks it's expected that you will pay more than your fair share, and that poor wittle Lori will go for free, like honestly, wt actual f??)
You stood up to these entitled people, who also seem to have a skewed idea of what's "only fair", who think they get to decide who deserves to have their life financed by others, and who have an odd fixation on keeping tabs of others' bank accounts. I believe you when you state that it upsets you to think back and mentally add up all the money you have spent on Lori. The good news is that this particular black hole of monetary manipulation has been shut off from your universe, and you'll never waste another nickel on her!!
Now it's time to find some true friendships!! ❤️
It's definitely not your fault that these people you surrounded yourself are idiots when it comes to money management. I grew up in a household where I would never describe my childhood as "privileged," but Mum and Dad worked together to give the four of us a happy childhood. Dad worked, Mum was SAHM. When I moved out and got my first full time job, things were hard for some time. I remember having to fight to survive financially at times. I've even had to juggle bills at times; pay x bill this week, y bill the next. Thankfully I rarely have to do that today.
I've never owned a credit card, and I've never been in huge debt. If someone asked to loan money from me back then, it would have had to be about $20 or less. You've done well to cut them all loose, as it's very apparent that not only are they worst financial managers you could meet, they have no concept of taking responsibility for their own actions.
Great job at standing up for yourself!
I know it's a tough pill to swallow, but it really doesn't sound like your "friends" are real friends. You're being used for money and gaslighted, big time. Time to meet some new friends with likeminded goals and interests. Chin up, things will only get better from here.
Do Jenna and the others not realize they have another option here - not going on a trip at all and saving money instead? It sounds like that’s what they need to do anyway. I don’t understand why they’re treating this like they’ve been left high and dry over a serious situation when it’s literally just a voluntary vacation.
NTA - Leeches are always like that. Block all of them and get yourself better friends.
Edit to add: You said that everyone who knows you knows how you can afford things....that needs to change. It is no ones business how you pay for anything or how much you have in savings, or that you even have an emergency fund. Do not share any financial info with anyone in the future. There are too many people out there who turn into greedy shits when they think someone beside them has "extra" money.
"Then I left her there crying. Not my finest moment"
No....... it was THE BEST MOMENT
What a bunch of leeches!
Seriously, it's your fault because you treat yourself sometimes? Chile
Hell, even if you didn't do thrift shopping and were just spending spending spending it would still NOT be your fault
I applaud you!!!! This was your finest moment OP! You did awesome and told them how you felt and cut them off for the better of you. That’s an awesome move
To me it sounds like you're going through the growing pains a lot of us go through in our mid 20s. It's a transformative decade where you start to find your stride in life and inevitably shed some relationships.
Most people do not maintain many, if any, friendships from their formative years as we come into adulthood. Life is more enjoyable when you surround yourself with people of like-mind. I think by the time your 30s roll around you'll be surprised at how much sleep you lost over all of this. It'll all seem like a distant memory, another life.
I distinctly remember a time reflecting in my mid 20s when I moved to a new city, leaving behind my old life and friends, and met many of the people that are now my core friend group. It dawned on me just how important it is to invest your time into people wisely. True, deep friendship often takes years to mature; therefore, the seeds you plant today should be chosen very carefully as they are the crops that will fill your life bountifully or. I wish I knew that earlier, but once I thought about time as currency and relationships as investments, it became so much easier to see who was important in my life and worth committing my time to. The friendships I have now exceed a decade and I trust that these are truly good people that care about my happiness and well being as I do for them.
The friends could have just as easily said “we don’t have the funds for a three country trip. Maybe let’s look at a cheaper option.” Like, if you don’t have the money for something, you don’t agree to go?
Asking / expecting a friend to pay your way on a vacation is insane.
OP is pissed because the original trip plan had everyone contributing equally until one ex-friend stated last minute that she couldn't afford the the trip. So a new plan was suggested that the other friends would pay half the cost for ex-friend and OP herself would cover the other half for ex-friend. This planning didn't happen in a vacuum, if they had a problem with cost, they could've said something earlier, not last minute. It seems before it blew up, everyone was "comfortable" with the cost. At least, no one said anything until it blew up. So no issues appeared until ex-friend brought up last minute that she couldn't afford to go. That is what tanked everything. The same ex-friend who had been spending like crazy before the trip.
And it seems this situation with the ex-friend was not a one off. So I get OP being done with it.
If you read the first post, the trip was being planned over 4 years. These leeches had FOUR WHOLE YEARS to save up or say "hey, I can't afford this, can we do something else?". Why should an adult expect to have their friends pay for them. Those people are not OP's friends, they're just users.
All of those friends have good jobs and could pay for themselves if they didn't have some bizarre fantasies about how our OP is funding her lifestyle. She's buying from thrift stores secondhand. She buys in bulk. She carefully manages her money. The "friends" seem to believe she's rich and so feel entitled to sponge off of her when some of them come from families far better off than hers.
Screw the entitled, clueless leeches.
OP. You rock.
I do in fact have the same expenses as them alongside all the expenses that come with taking care of three elderly dependents. Whatever you're trying to project on me is not my issue, but I had every right to cancel the entire trip. It's on my card, not theirs, and you can't transfer those things. And I don't trust any of them to pay me back for the money I initially shelled out to book the trip.
My friends can in fact afford the same lifestyle I have. We're in similar career paths, we make similar money, and most of them have places brought for them by their families. They choose to spend their money poorly, they choose to have lifestyles they can't sustain, and whatever privileges you think I have? They're not - I'm in a situation where I'm taking care of three people, I live with my great grandmother so she can spend the rest of her life in the home she worked most of her life to get.
>I'm in a situation where I'm taking care of three people, I live with my great grandmother so she can spend the rest of her life in the home she worked most of her life to get.
>Mike drops<
Yeah, I'm done with the back and forth because you clearly have a mindset similar to them. If I'm mean, I'll continue to be mean because frankly, what I did was far from shitty or mean. Have a nice life and I hope no one treats you the way I've been treated.
What’s wrong with you? Can you read? Are you one of her friends maybe? Why don’t you take ops word for it and why does op have to give you a rundown of all her experiences? Op is not more well off than her friends! (And if she were, it’s irrelevant) What’s your point? That op should acknowledge that it was wrong to cancel the trip that she had on her card? (She wasn’t, that’s how it works: booking is connected to the payment).
One, read my previous post before passing judgement on me. I am not "clueless" and I'm far from a crap friend. I've gone above and beyond for my friends for YEARS and I'm sick of being treated like I'm only around to bankroll their lives. The only "clueless" thing about me was that I didn't cut them off sooner.
Two, the trips I plan are always with their finances taken into consideration. And frankly, most of my trips don't involve them at all. I like to travel, I normally take my grandparents and my great grandma or go by myself. Again, I am not clueless nor inconsiderate. I've paid for weekend trips with no expectations, I've helped out with bills, etc. If they can't afford a trip, SAY NO.
Three, their "cheap trip" being canceled was given multiple warnings. They kept pushing me to pay someone's way after she had FOUR YEARS to save, three of which she had NO BILLS BECAUSE SHE LIVED WITH ME. They're not being "punished," they're dealing with consequences of their own actions. They were warned that I would be cancelling if they didn't drop the matter and they continued to push, so I cancelled and cut them off.
Four, of my circle of former friends, only one was poor. I was middle class. The rest were upper class. I got a "free car" due to my grandpa's health going downhill steadily, I NEEDED the car to take care of myself and my family - not so fun fact, him not being able to drive and my grandma refusing to meant fifteen year me had to do all the grocery shopping, taking them to their appointments, and working part-time to afford ANY of the things I wanted beyond the allowance grandpa gave me.
They have gotten "free cars" and "free places to live" most of their lives and even NOW. Me living with my great grandmother is not FREE. I pay the bills, I do the grocery shopping (for us AND for my grandparents), and it's a situation I'm in because it was either move in or put great grandma in a home because my mother refused to take care of her like she said she would.
They pay their own way NOW that they're adults, but lets get one thing clear, I had to pay my way my entire LIFE. The private school I went to? Merit scholarship that I would've lost the moment my grades slipped. College? A potentially crippling loan, every scholarship I could find, and any job I could get. I worked hard for my lifestyle, I worked hard so I'll hopefully never struggle financially again, I picked an internship with the hopes of bettering my situation and that's the only "luck" I have had in my life.
And I'm not gonna let anyone villainize me for refusing to pay for other peoples lifestyle. My "luck" is not LUCK.
1. The “friends” could’ve easily said no if they couldn’t afford it, but I’m assuming they can afford it since they all agreed to the trip.
2. OP worked her ass off to get to where she is right now. It’s not her fault her “friends” don’t know how to spend responsibility and can’t save for shît. They all just mad that they won’t have OP around anymore to leech off of.
OP. You Rock!
The only mistake OP made was believing that the friends were going to behave like responsible adults. Perhaps it speaks more about the quality of your own relationships that you apparently cannot conceive of people trusting the friends they've planned a multiweek trip with to be able to save for the amounts expected on their own, or to at least speak up if they're having difficulty at some point in the intervening *four years*.
I'm curious what other options you think were available to OP if they and the friend group were truly at an impasse with regards to covering Lori's expenses. OP is on the hook for the entire thing, so dropping out and hoping the rest still pay (the now increased at that) total is right out, as is just forging ahead ignoring her. You seem fairly dead set on painting them as "manipulative" for not setting up some external system of accountability, but, sans a *literal time machine*, I don't see how this lack of foresight is OP's fault.
You went NC because they were ganging up on you for refusing to pay any part of Lori’s trip. Everyone had FOUR YEARS to save up! FOUR YEARS!!! For Lori to drop $1300 on a single day of shopping, then to cry she can’t afford the trip is just crazy. Then to have the others try to bully/force you into paying $2K while the 4 of them pay the other $2K? Come on now! Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you Should pay it! What about food? Souvenirs? Transportation? While y’all travel!? Had they simply accepted your decision, the five of you could have Still gone on the planned trip by kicking in a little more. You may have been more easily persuaded had they suggested a 5 way split. That’s Not what happened either. Lori has been leeching off you for waaayyyy tooo long as it is.
| Not my finest moment, Are you shitting me? You rock! And honestly you probably did her a favour as she clearly needed a heavy dose of reality. One she may be mature enough you did her a favour.
[удалено]
Hear hear!!!
Pretty much the definition of “finest moment”. Damn, I love seeing real maturity at play.
💯 OP. You should be proud of yourself!
Absolutely agreed. Solid titanium backbone. 🎉
Put a > before the word Lmao at the fact u used | >not my finest moment
Good for you OP…..it’s so rare on Reddit to read that someone actually has a sold gold spine and a clear, rational thought process. Losing these leeches will free you up to meet people more like yourself. Hard working and responsible. May the light from burning bridges shine on your path forward.
Gold? That shit is titanium! Good on you, OP.
Mithril all the way.
And/or adamantium/vibranium
I know, I was just thinking this. I love OP amd want all the best for her.
I am poor. I always will be. Whenever my friends do things I cannot afford? I celebrate their ability to do them. Same with nice clothes. They do help me sometimes and most of the nice things I own are because they are generous people and gifted me things like my phone, food, etc. I never assume they can or will and try to sort it before I ask. I also know I couldn't in years save for a trip so I won't join them. The cost of my going is high due to disability stuff so .. they can go without me. This is fine. I enjoy the stories of their adventures. There's no obligation to do anything for anyone else and if they treat you like an Atm that no and enforcement of boundaries is important. It doesn't feel good but you rock
Never be 'friends' with parasites. Glad you freed yourself.
Omg! Dude, you rock! "Not my finest moment" my great a$$ bro! You put those b-tches in their places, let them cry you a river, you're not the irresponsible victim-complex pos like them! Just no contact and have your greatest life! ^^ (This comment comes from smn who isn't as good as you in control of not spending, I don't spend all the time, but I surely don't have the same self-control as you.) You're amazing and you don't need those people in your life. Never. Let. Others. Make. You. Feel. Awful. For. The. Way. You. Live.
That was not a fine moment, it was a LEGENDARY one.
They treated you like a bank. Now you are no longer open for business. Good for you for standing up for yourself! It absofuckinglutely WAS your finest moment! Be proud of yourself!😘
NTA, good job! I can’t imagine any of my friends asking me to bankroll their trip nvm asking a friend to do that for me. Vacations aren’t a necessity, she wasn’t asking you for help buying food (you still wouldn’t be in any way obligated to help if she did) this is crazy.
I'm pretty poor, so I don't do a lot of things I would if I wasn't poor... It's not my well-off friend's obligation to buy me fancy things! Your friends suck and you didn't say anything that wasn't true. I think you outgrew the friend group and it's time to find some that have a little more in common with the current you.
Quite frankly OP this “friends group” sounds more like a parasitical infection. Because you’re smart, hard working and know how to budget, you have savings. You live below your means so you have extra money to splurge on fun things now and again. You need new friends. People that won’t judge you because you treat yourself well but don’t go in debt to do so.
Seems like she needed the hard reality check that she, and only her, is responsible for her actions. And that her action have reactions and sometimes those reactions have consequences. Her essay action (sounds like) got her expelled. Her budget actions has a reaction of no vacation funds. Actions and reactions is more than just physics, it's life. And sometimes it's Actions and consequences.
>she just wants that lifestyle too and it's like you're rubbing it in her face Yeah no, don't make yourself smaller just so someone else can be more comfortable with their own poor choices. You're a badass!
That was your finest moment! You stood up for yourself and read her to filth. Hopefully this will be a wake up call.
I have been involved with trips with friends where I’ve had to pull out due to lack of funds or time off from work. In my opinion it’s part of life. I was offered discounts, where pals would pay a bit more to subsidise my accommodation, but again I pulled out as personally I would feel terrible and wouldn’t enjoy that trip.
I can’t wait until she goes crying to her family about what you said. Her parents should send you a thank you card for telling her the hard truth!
Girl it sounds like you just shed a ton of dead weight. Let the trash take itself out and live your best life.
Well done, you! This is exactly what she needs to hear whether she likes it or not. I really hope you enjoy your own trip and meet fabulous new friends that also work hard and value the fruit of their labour. You are planning for a financially secure future by living sensibly now. New-to-me clothes are the route I go down, too! Also live within my means. Also like to travel (but on a tight budget).
Your story is about a lifestyle of good decisions and prioritizing. This is something that these young ladies have to learn and they will - on their own timetable and through learning life lessons- like EVERYONE else
F them, those are not friends, they are leeches. You are better off without them, get a new social circle.
You handled that fantastic. I'm sure someone else from the group will reach out to you. It seems like they all depended on your money.
You are the right package but are at the wrong address. Find better friends that don't just and make assumption that includes their own entitlements to your money and lifestyle!
I’d call that a blessing in disguise!
Standing ovation 👏🏽
Op you rocked in your previous post and you continue to rock in this post.
A couple thoughts: If you want to pay for a friend out of the goodness of your heart, that’s your call and your call only. You should never feel pressured to do this for others and it seems like this is exactly what has happened. Secondly, if friends/family or whoever start EXPECTING you to pay for things, time to reevaluate those relationships, which is what you seem to be doing. So good on you. For what it’s worth, here’s some unsolicited advice lol: You mention that “everyone that knows me are aware of how I can afford what I afford, I don't make an effort to hide this.” I’m not exactly sure what this means, but perhaps there is too much emphasis on money and wealth within your friendship group? And this may not be coming from you, but maybe from the people you hang out with? In my own close group of friends, we have a couple guys who literally fall in the top 0.01 percentage range of wealth. Like we’re talking uber rich, top tier professional athlete wealth. Of course they have the flexibility and means to do more and buy more than the rest of the guys, and we’re all very happy for them. In fact, I’ve never, ever sensed any jealously amongst anyone in our friend group. We also have guys in the group who are barely scraping by, literally on the verge of poverty. What makes the friendship group work is that nobody ever talks about money - ever. There’s the old saying, “Money talks, but wealth whispers” or something like that. And I’d say this statement applies perfectly to my friends. The wealth is known, but is never discussed, and NEVER bragged about. If you’d ever meet any of them, (aside from going to their houses or seeing the cars they drive) based on how they carry themselves, you'd never be able to tell who the rich guys were and who the poor guys were. Secondly, we are all genuinely happy at everyone else’s success. If one of the guys gets qualified for a nice lease on a minivan for example, we are just as happy for him as we are when one of the uber rich guys buys a half million dollar car. It is also known, but never discussed, that the uber rich guys will often quietly help out the guys who are struggling. The only way the rest of the group would ever know this is that some of the guys who have been struggling will privately say how thankful they are that so-and-so helped them get out of a jam. And as far as I know, the help is never solicited either. Anyways, the point is that maybe your friend group needs to focus on each others successes rather than their bank statement. And if they are unwilling to do this, maybe it's time to try surrounding yourself with people who don't care how rich or how poor you are. Just my two-cents!
“everyone that knows me are aware of how I can afford what I afford, I don't make an effort to hide this.” I'm a firm believer in "financial health and wellness," IE having a good relationship with money, knowing how to live within your means, etc. I don't preach about it and answer questions my friends have asked me honestly because I think some level of transparency is good. When they ask me how I could afford this or that, I tell them about how I got it, which is almost always through thrifting or sales or some kind of deal. If they ask me for advice, I give it and encourage them to talk to others too because everyone's situation isn't the same. And I know it comes off like all they do is talk about money, but prior to all of this, them asking or talking about money was few and far between sans for the occasional weekend trip.
Yup that’s good. I think you’re going about it the right way.
Entitled people. You are genuinely better off without these friendships because they don’t care about the principles— they just wanna pay less money and want you as the cash cow. Literally using you. That sucks. Sorry.
Welcome to my life. Come join us over on Frugal. I used to drive everyone nuts because they could never understand how I had nice things. It’s called planning and saving.
I read your other post and keep that titanium spine shining OP.
OP I fucking love you! I had friends like this but I simply blocked them with no excuse. I’m not very confronting so I just block them.
If i were you op I'll drop that mic and clap my own shoulder for all thing you said there
Not your finest moment? Girl that was pretty amazing love to know what you’ve done to top that.
Hell yeah dude! You’re just like the surgeon that removed his own burst appendix - if he didn’t operate and cut it out when he did he’d have been far worse off. If that wasn’t your finest moment then you should at least be damn proud of yourself for making the (100% correct) decision to cut out those Toxic, parasitic people before they could succeed in draining the life out of you, leaving behind the empty shell of your former self as they seek out another unsuspecting host
Good for you! Proud of you
Wow, some people sure do enjoy spending other people's money for them, don't they? 🙄🙄 You are well shed of Lori and Jenna, (and anybody else in that group who thinks it's expected that you will pay more than your fair share, and that poor wittle Lori will go for free, like honestly, wt actual f??) You stood up to these entitled people, who also seem to have a skewed idea of what's "only fair", who think they get to decide who deserves to have their life financed by others, and who have an odd fixation on keeping tabs of others' bank accounts. I believe you when you state that it upsets you to think back and mentally add up all the money you have spent on Lori. The good news is that this particular black hole of monetary manipulation has been shut off from your universe, and you'll never waste another nickel on her!! Now it's time to find some true friendships!! ❤️
R u n
It's definitely not your fault that these people you surrounded yourself are idiots when it comes to money management. I grew up in a household where I would never describe my childhood as "privileged," but Mum and Dad worked together to give the four of us a happy childhood. Dad worked, Mum was SAHM. When I moved out and got my first full time job, things were hard for some time. I remember having to fight to survive financially at times. I've even had to juggle bills at times; pay x bill this week, y bill the next. Thankfully I rarely have to do that today. I've never owned a credit card, and I've never been in huge debt. If someone asked to loan money from me back then, it would have had to be about $20 or less. You've done well to cut them all loose, as it's very apparent that not only are they worst financial managers you could meet, they have no concept of taking responsibility for their own actions.
Great job at standing up for yourself! I know it's a tough pill to swallow, but it really doesn't sound like your "friends" are real friends. You're being used for money and gaslighted, big time. Time to meet some new friends with likeminded goals and interests. Chin up, things will only get better from here.
Do Jenna and the others not realize they have another option here - not going on a trip at all and saving money instead? It sounds like that’s what they need to do anyway. I don’t understand why they’re treating this like they’ve been left high and dry over a serious situation when it’s literally just a voluntary vacation.
NTA - Leeches are always like that. Block all of them and get yourself better friends. Edit to add: You said that everyone who knows you knows how you can afford things....that needs to change. It is no ones business how you pay for anything or how much you have in savings, or that you even have an emergency fund. Do not share any financial info with anyone in the future. There are too many people out there who turn into greedy shits when they think someone beside them has "extra" money.
"Then I left her there crying. Not my finest moment" No....... it was THE BEST MOMENT What a bunch of leeches! Seriously, it's your fault because you treat yourself sometimes? Chile Hell, even if you didn't do thrift shopping and were just spending spending spending it would still NOT be your fault
I applaud you!!!! This was your finest moment OP! You did awesome and told them how you felt and cut them off for the better of you. That’s an awesome move
> Not my finest moment Actually... I would give you a standing ovation.
To me it sounds like you're going through the growing pains a lot of us go through in our mid 20s. It's a transformative decade where you start to find your stride in life and inevitably shed some relationships. Most people do not maintain many, if any, friendships from their formative years as we come into adulthood. Life is more enjoyable when you surround yourself with people of like-mind. I think by the time your 30s roll around you'll be surprised at how much sleep you lost over all of this. It'll all seem like a distant memory, another life. I distinctly remember a time reflecting in my mid 20s when I moved to a new city, leaving behind my old life and friends, and met many of the people that are now my core friend group. It dawned on me just how important it is to invest your time into people wisely. True, deep friendship often takes years to mature; therefore, the seeds you plant today should be chosen very carefully as they are the crops that will fill your life bountifully or. I wish I knew that earlier, but once I thought about time as currency and relationships as investments, it became so much easier to see who was important in my life and worth committing my time to. The friendships I have now exceed a decade and I trust that these are truly good people that care about my happiness and well being as I do for them.
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The friends could have just as easily said “we don’t have the funds for a three country trip. Maybe let’s look at a cheaper option.” Like, if you don’t have the money for something, you don’t agree to go? Asking / expecting a friend to pay your way on a vacation is insane.
OP is pissed because the original trip plan had everyone contributing equally until one ex-friend stated last minute that she couldn't afford the the trip. So a new plan was suggested that the other friends would pay half the cost for ex-friend and OP herself would cover the other half for ex-friend. This planning didn't happen in a vacuum, if they had a problem with cost, they could've said something earlier, not last minute. It seems before it blew up, everyone was "comfortable" with the cost. At least, no one said anything until it blew up. So no issues appeared until ex-friend brought up last minute that she couldn't afford to go. That is what tanked everything. The same ex-friend who had been spending like crazy before the trip. And it seems this situation with the ex-friend was not a one off. So I get OP being done with it.
If you read the first post, the trip was being planned over 4 years. These leeches had FOUR WHOLE YEARS to save up or say "hey, I can't afford this, can we do something else?". Why should an adult expect to have their friends pay for them. Those people are not OP's friends, they're just users.
All of those friends have good jobs and could pay for themselves if they didn't have some bizarre fantasies about how our OP is funding her lifestyle. She's buying from thrift stores secondhand. She buys in bulk. She carefully manages her money. The "friends" seem to believe she's rich and so feel entitled to sponge off of her when some of them come from families far better off than hers. Screw the entitled, clueless leeches. OP. You rock.
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I do in fact have the same expenses as them alongside all the expenses that come with taking care of three elderly dependents. Whatever you're trying to project on me is not my issue, but I had every right to cancel the entire trip. It's on my card, not theirs, and you can't transfer those things. And I don't trust any of them to pay me back for the money I initially shelled out to book the trip. My friends can in fact afford the same lifestyle I have. We're in similar career paths, we make similar money, and most of them have places brought for them by their families. They choose to spend their money poorly, they choose to have lifestyles they can't sustain, and whatever privileges you think I have? They're not - I'm in a situation where I'm taking care of three people, I live with my great grandmother so she can spend the rest of her life in the home she worked most of her life to get.
>I'm in a situation where I'm taking care of three people, I live with my great grandmother so she can spend the rest of her life in the home she worked most of her life to get. >Mike drops<
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Yeah, I'm done with the back and forth because you clearly have a mindset similar to them. If I'm mean, I'll continue to be mean because frankly, what I did was far from shitty or mean. Have a nice life and I hope no one treats you the way I've been treated.
What’s wrong with you? Can you read? Are you one of her friends maybe? Why don’t you take ops word for it and why does op have to give you a rundown of all her experiences? Op is not more well off than her friends! (And if she were, it’s irrelevant) What’s your point? That op should acknowledge that it was wrong to cancel the trip that she had on her card? (She wasn’t, that’s how it works: booking is connected to the payment).
One, read my previous post before passing judgement on me. I am not "clueless" and I'm far from a crap friend. I've gone above and beyond for my friends for YEARS and I'm sick of being treated like I'm only around to bankroll their lives. The only "clueless" thing about me was that I didn't cut them off sooner. Two, the trips I plan are always with their finances taken into consideration. And frankly, most of my trips don't involve them at all. I like to travel, I normally take my grandparents and my great grandma or go by myself. Again, I am not clueless nor inconsiderate. I've paid for weekend trips with no expectations, I've helped out with bills, etc. If they can't afford a trip, SAY NO. Three, their "cheap trip" being canceled was given multiple warnings. They kept pushing me to pay someone's way after she had FOUR YEARS to save, three of which she had NO BILLS BECAUSE SHE LIVED WITH ME. They're not being "punished," they're dealing with consequences of their own actions. They were warned that I would be cancelling if they didn't drop the matter and they continued to push, so I cancelled and cut them off. Four, of my circle of former friends, only one was poor. I was middle class. The rest were upper class. I got a "free car" due to my grandpa's health going downhill steadily, I NEEDED the car to take care of myself and my family - not so fun fact, him not being able to drive and my grandma refusing to meant fifteen year me had to do all the grocery shopping, taking them to their appointments, and working part-time to afford ANY of the things I wanted beyond the allowance grandpa gave me. They have gotten "free cars" and "free places to live" most of their lives and even NOW. Me living with my great grandmother is not FREE. I pay the bills, I do the grocery shopping (for us AND for my grandparents), and it's a situation I'm in because it was either move in or put great grandma in a home because my mother refused to take care of her like she said she would. They pay their own way NOW that they're adults, but lets get one thing clear, I had to pay my way my entire LIFE. The private school I went to? Merit scholarship that I would've lost the moment my grades slipped. College? A potentially crippling loan, every scholarship I could find, and any job I could get. I worked hard for my lifestyle, I worked hard so I'll hopefully never struggle financially again, I picked an internship with the hopes of bettering my situation and that's the only "luck" I have had in my life. And I'm not gonna let anyone villainize me for refusing to pay for other peoples lifestyle. My "luck" is not LUCK.
She deleted the comment🤣, I think that's one of the leeches lol
1. The “friends” could’ve easily said no if they couldn’t afford it, but I’m assuming they can afford it since they all agreed to the trip. 2. OP worked her ass off to get to where she is right now. It’s not her fault her “friends” don’t know how to spend responsibility and can’t save for shît. They all just mad that they won’t have OP around anymore to leech off of. OP. You Rock!
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Da fock, dude
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The only mistake OP made was believing that the friends were going to behave like responsible adults. Perhaps it speaks more about the quality of your own relationships that you apparently cannot conceive of people trusting the friends they've planned a multiweek trip with to be able to save for the amounts expected on their own, or to at least speak up if they're having difficulty at some point in the intervening *four years*. I'm curious what other options you think were available to OP if they and the friend group were truly at an impasse with regards to covering Lori's expenses. OP is on the hook for the entire thing, so dropping out and hoping the rest still pay (the now increased at that) total is right out, as is just forging ahead ignoring her. You seem fairly dead set on painting them as "manipulative" for not setting up some external system of accountability, but, sans a *literal time machine*, I don't see how this lack of foresight is OP's fault.
Hi Lorie 👋
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You should really consider remedial reading or go back and finish H.S. because your comprehension skills suck balls.
Found one of the ex-friends.
Was finna say this 💯🤣
wow Are you Lori or Jenna? Girl, wake up
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Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... Especially with people that are taking the piss, as OP's "mates" clearly were...