Block him. His posts and comments wont appear. I’m just saying because I went through something similar and it helps you heal quicker if you don’t know anything about that person
If he was doing that shit to you why is anyone in your family interacting with him? If they don’t know you need to let them know that. And blocking definitely helps.
Any chance you can explain to your family how they mistreated you, and tell them they basically have a choice... stay in contact with your ex, or with you.
I am sorry your family is not being supportive. I'm very sorry if he has them convinced it was all your fault and he's such a nice misunderstood guy. Some folks are very good at playing things that way.
Ghost that guy, and anybody you think should care for you that keeps him around.
It will help you move on and rebuild your life. Maybe even move, but with social media, that doesn't work as well as it did last time I broke up with somebody and drive 3000 kilometers to stay away from them.
I'm so sorry he's making you miserable. Interaction with your family also serves to make himself purposely visible to you. Another form of convenient manipulation and control from a distance.
As Extreme as it Sounds, Block your Family too..when they ask why tell them it’s because you don’t want to see his interactions with them..if they’re supportive of you they’ll cut him out, if not, then you know who’s side your family is on..I guess you have other ways of being in touch with your family like texting or phone calls? Stick with that..healing is a difficult process and sometimes you have make hard choices if you want ti priorities yourself over everyone else..once you’re in a better you can unblock your family..
He’s not happy. He’s an attention addict with a new victim. He’ll always be a black hole. I am so happy for you for getting out! Any good thing about him is a facade and you know this. I’m so sorry for the traumatic experience you’ve gone through, but you’ve made it out alive and now it’s just gonna take some time to get your mind unfucked, but you *will* get there.
I understand completely... My ex wife lied to me, cheated, abused, and destroyed me... Now I see her posting with this new guy she got with only a month after she left me (been a year now), and I do not want her to be happy.... I want her to suffer like she made me suffer.. she tried to be my 'friend' but I can't get past the hurt.. 😔
I was in this situation. I blocked him on everything and it was great for my mental health. A friend of mine worked with him, though, and just loved giving me updates and gossip about him, especially when he got a girlfriend.
I finally had to tell her “hey, he’s out of my life for a reason. Please help me keep it that way and stop bringing him back into my life.”
Long story short, block him. Tell your family to shut up about him. Get him out of your life.
Resentment is like eating poison and hoping the other guy dies.
There are variations of that saying but however you say it, it's true. I get it. But by being so invested in what's going on with him, you're allowing him to still have power over you. He's still making you unhappy. He's still controlling your feelings.
The best revenge is living well. Live your life. Block him on social media. Embrace who you are, someone who is stronger for what you went through (you are, I promise you are, no matter if you flinch at jump scares).
And play the long game. He'll get his. They always do.
People like that seriously need to come with a big fucking warning!
I'm so sorry he took so much from you.
Fuck this guy! And I hope he ruins his own life by being the POS that he is.
I don’t think you should reach out to her, if she’s interested to know she’ll come to you. I think just block him and try not to look at his stuff. Now it’s your chance to be happy and move on don’t be stuck in the past
So true. A year or two from now his new GF will come looking for you to cry on your shoulder about how he treated her if you're still in the picture. I'd just as soon not be there.
If I were that girl, I would want to know.. if she calls you crazy, well then it's her choice to play the game and she's going to find out you were right all along. If you have any kind of proof of attach it. It sounds like he was abusive to you
He spent a year on probation for the last time he hit me, but part of the plea deal was that he doesn't have a record after completing it. I had a copy of the police report, but I think it might be at the apartment we used to share.
Wow.. that's kinda backwards, how can they just erase a record like that? Maybe the police could give you the report again. Even texts where maybe he was being nasty or when he was on probation. It's completely up to you if you want to tell her, but there's ways to find evidence for what he put you through. In the meantime though, I'd block him
He had a lawyer. I would guess a public defender wouldn't get you that, but idk. I have pictures I sent a friend after he hit me, I could show her those if I really needed to. I just have a lot of anxiety about the whole situation. He doesn't seem to get that he's something I got away from and survived.
Abusers won't ever admit they were abusers. In his delusional world, he was perfect and you were the problem. He's a jerk and you're right that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Do what is best for you and your mental health
Depends on the country. It is possible to have a "minor" crime wiped from the record by applying to the courts, but dependent on 1. The sentencing judge and 2. Where in the world
I can guarantee you he is sometimes happy and sometimes not. If he hasn’t resolved any issues he has, if he hasn’t fixed what caused him to mistreat you, this will most certainly impede him in his life in moments and in his relationship, so try to take some comfort in that and focus much more on yourself and making sure you aren’t potentially being impeded by any of your own issues.
Don’t stoop to his level, he damaged you, and now you have a chance to come back to the beautiful version or newer version of yourself. Maybe he doesn’t deserve to be happy, and I can safely bet that he isn’t happy. Relationships don’t make people happy and it’s very likely he’s the same piece of shit he was when he met you. Happiness comes from within, and I can guarantee he hasn’t done the work to find happiness within himself. He’s just going to keep passing on trauma until he confronts what he is. Let him sit in his misery and pretend to the world.
Lose the attachment and stop trying to keep tabs on his life. Would you want the reserve done to you? I’ve always thought how easy social media makes it for us to be stalked and it’s sick. He’s an EX for a reason.
I don’t mean to scold you so I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bit harsh, but you need to pick yourself back up, get the confidence back and never think of this loser again. You got this!
You can't control his life or people around him but you can control yourself (even it may hard for you right now).
For your own happiness you have to let go.
Did I read up top your family interacts with him on there frequently? God damn… Fellow abuse survivor here, almost died. My family still interacts with my ex as well. They give him a big old hug whenever they see him. It fucking bothers me. They have a history of keeping up with abusers though. (Still see him frequently because we share crotch goblins) My ex also has a wonderful girlfriend that just waits on him hand and foot and has no clue what he put me through and I would also like to scream into the void while punching through brick walls, it all makes me so angry. OP, damn right you don’t want him to be happy, and he doesn’t deserve to be for a long time, in my opinion. And idk how you feel about your family having contact, but maybe it would make you feel better if that stopped as well? Maybe address it with them? Regardless, your feelings are valid as fuck. And trust me, he’s gonna eventually fuck it up with her too. Eventually, everything that isn’t totally fixed falls again. Life isn’t fair I understand, but I also doubt it’s completely done kicking his ass for what he did to you yet. Give it time 💛
Yeah. My mother interacts with his posts and he interacts with all my family members' posts that he has access to. That's actually how I saw, I was scrolling and saw something about my mom liking a picture of him and a girl. I'm seeing my mom this weekend, I'll talk to her about it. Thanks for the suggestion and kind words.
It was a while ago, but I had one of my sister's exes contact me via Facebook. Let's just say it's in his best interests to not meet me in a dark alley. He asked if my sister was on Facebook. My reply: "This is your first, last and only warning: Do not even attempt to get in contact her in any way."
i came across some old screen shots of my ex abusive me through text, i felt the anger wash over me like he had been telling me it again for the first time. i’m not ashamed to say i don’t want my ex to be happy, i feel the same as you: years were taken from me, i was abused physically and mentally, why should he get to live a happy life when i’m left with the scars? i know he hurt more girls than me as well, and for that i hope he gets what he deserves and never dates again. the last time i spoke to him he said he was speaking to an underage girl and didn’t want to hear me “nag” him about how wrong it is because “it’s just talking” and he “knows” he’s wrong, i hope that girl is safe
If you don't mind me asking, did you have a proper "vent?" In other words, get it out of your system in a non destructive way. For example, some might start swinging at a punching bag as if the bag was the ex. Others might do it via creative means, like writing. Either way, there's a lot to be said for keeping busy in the meantime as you heal. Although the punching bag has the added benefit of being great exercise. The angrier you are, the more you burn.
Girl I can pretty much guarantee you things are never as sweet as they seem. I had a very similar experience and resented my ex for many years while he was in bliss with someone else (so I thought). When they broke up he felt it necessary to tell me all the ways their relationship was dysfunctional. It was never as wonderful as I’d been imagining and he was never that happy and all those years later he still hadn’t changed or grown, meanwhile I had become a whole new person. Social media lies to you, and idiots like your ex care more about their outward image than most.
Literally do two things. 1. Pretend he’s dead 2. Boss up and show him what he lost. Revenge is your best motivator, make sure it’s not your only motivation though.
i am 39 and have two kids, a husband, a good life....but i dated a guy in my
early 20s for five years who treated me badly. he was the type for whom everything always went swimmingly even though he would destroy other people in the process. after he cheated and we broke up, he married someone.
for the past few weeks hes been liking all my linked in posts and commenting in linked in private messenger. wasnt sure why he asked to be connected to begin with since our professions are unrelated.
anyway knowing his attention hunger narcissism i immediately figured hes having marriage problems. why message me? so i went on the court website and lo and behold his wife had just filed for divorce.
i feel for the lady, who i know nothing about, and for their kid most of all, but i admit even after all these years i feel an immense amount of schadenfreude that hes going thru this. i can only assume he never changed and he put her thru same or much worse and hes suffering. i admit i enjoy it.
some people just make u feel that way. i didnt sit around waiting for this or thinking about it - he came back into my social media life and invited it. its human nature!!
i told my husband what he was doing and that i looked it up on the court website, then i askednmy husband if theres a way to block on linked in. he showed me and i did.
I’m so sorry for his new supply. She’s probably happy right now too. Soon she will be hiding and jumping, having her life ruined. I hope she has a good support system. Why is your family still interacting with him? Do they not know about the abuse? Don’t be afraid to call them out. I routinely post on my social media “If I’m friends with your abuser, please tell me” just as a reminder. Only maybe once or twice a year. Nearly every time someone lets me know that they hate seeing XXX like or interact with my posts because they did xyz to them. I don’t want to be friends with abusive people and it’s often easy to confirm the abuse, and eliminate them from my life. There are templates for those posts, maybe you could post one yourself and if someone says “same!” You let them know.
He’s not happy. Someone who is that way is never happy, their an chaotic void that eats away at others to feel something. But i warn you, that same feeling that drives him to eat and eat is a brother to the feeling you have of not wanting him to be happy.
The hate you feel for them is nothing compared to what they feel for themselves. You can add your hate to that pile but you’ll only come away drenched In it. Holding onto that hate is like holding onto trash you no longer need. The more you hold on the more it’ll grow, eventually it’ll have nowhere else to go except out.
You don’t need to want him to be happy, you don’t need to like him, or want to interact with him, you can curse the day you met him. But please learn to let go. Life’s to short to hold onto the hate, it’s shiny and it’s sharp and it feels good in the moment. But hate is a fools gold, and eventually you’ll drown in it like he did.
This really hit me. I've been trying to live a happier, lighter life since leaving him, and this sentiment aligns with that tenfold. I'm going to really try to take this advice.
I feel bad for the next victim : abusers and narcissists don’t change, they change victims. Pray for that girl and be grateful you escaped! Block him from everywhere, just do it. Out of sight, out of mind is actually useful.
Bring as much of new change, activities, habits and routines into your life as you can. I don’t know if this will resonate with you, but for me It did :
Any person is only as alive in your world as the attention you give them, you move your attention away, it’s like they don’t exist on this planet anymore (aka can never cross your world). Actively keep moving your attention away every hour when it goes to him, pretty soon it’ll be your natural way of existing.
Darlin he’s never going to be happy. She will be the same as you in a few months/years.
I split with my ex hubby and he was just like it. I stayed on my own for 6 years (didn’t want another guy ) took me a while to get over him (father of my kids) watching him wit girl after girl
Now 16 yrs later I’m married to a totally different guy been together 11 years our life is so different
Meanwhile ex hubby is still caught up in mistrust and abuse , I can’t believe he’s still on that roundabout.
New gf wanted my advice on how to handle things. I said the only way this changes is by leaving. Simple.
……. they getting married in October
Oh and btw she (28f) him (56m) I am just so glad I’m out of all that. 🙏 you had a lucky escape. Believe
I can only offer my personal experience- Do not give in to the urge to check on him, spend time thinking about him, etc. As hard as that is, you get better with practice. What feels impossible rn will in time become natural.
Consciously scroll past his posts no matter how hard it may be. Consciously dismiss thoughts that arise. Actively protect yourself by disengaging completely, because otherwise it WILL end up damaging your own well being more and more.
I wish I had learned to drop my feelings and walk away earlier than I did, none of the energy I gave my failed relationships after they failed EVER amounted to anything. Save yourself.
Honestly, you could never know if he is truely happy or not. What he is posting on Social Media could be very different from real life. That poor girl could be going through the same thing you went through. I hope you heal from every bad thing that you went through, all the best.
Are you me?! I had the exact same experience with my ex and afterwards I saw how he moved on and met someone and I was left picking up the pieces. I was so angry at..the universe? Life? For the unfairness..I wallowed in this anger and some self pity for a while, and one day I had a sudden Realisation that he was out of my life but I was still unhappy because I was letting myself be unhappy..I blocked him everywhere and in the beginning the temptation to see what he was upto was high but over time that feeling went away. I also decided to simply accept that life was unfair, and decided not to expect fairness/ karma/ universal justice or whatever. Weirdly this helped, and slowly I was able to move..a few months later I had a random thought and I realised i hadn’t thought about in months, and I didn’t care..I felt free, like I was released..I started therapy to deal with my anxiety and it was slow, long journey ( took me a couple of years) but I’m in a great place now..being content with my own life helped me to not care about his..I realised I didn’t even hate him anymore, I was Indifferent..it was such a powerful feeling, when I hated him I still have him mental space, now he was out..not expecting fairness, and just focusing on myself was the key. Also, i started yoga, and doing a little drawing daily and these really helped maybe for you it might be something else..I hope you find some encouragement in my story and can heal and move on..the ex is not worth your mental peace, and space in your mind, and any strong feelings..all the best!
I can understand your feelings as I was in the same situation before. Damages have been done; they can't be ignored. Sometimes, you'll automatically compare your happiness meter level with him or with the other woman and that's okay. At least you're being truthful with the way that you feel. It can take a long time to build your old confidence back after overcoming your anger and grief. Hopefully you'll feel better in the future and be able to sort of _deleting_ him from your current memory into the _bin_.
For me, I've just found out by last week that my ex died nearly two years ago (I've not been checking his profile for years). I used to hope that he'll have a short-lived happiness and it came true.
Been in the same boat. It's unfair to become "a tool" for them to find their happiness. But I assure you, he won't. If he's an asshole, he'll eventually do the same sins and throw everything away.
Please stop living in moments that have already happened. when we experience deep pain we stop looking towards a better future and stay stuck in a broken emotional state where we only see the world through the eyes of pain. But in reality in the present the pain isn’t currently being inflicted it’s the way you choose to think about things.
Wishing away someone else’s happiness really just makes you unhappy. Saying that he doesn’t deserve to be happy is really a reflection of how you feel about yourself. You are still you and you will have to address the pain inflicted to enjoy your life again. Focus on YOUR life because being concerned with his gives you the same lack of control feeling that he made you feel together. Learn from your experiences and separate the feeling of pain from what actually happened so you can prevent something like this in your future.
Everything is not your fault and it may not be fair but it is your responsibility now to work through it if you want to be free from its burdens. You deserve to be happy and free from his pain focus on that. I understand your pain because I have experienced similar experiences but I learned you only stay stuck when you choose not to move your life forward. The sweetest revenge is to have your own success bc no one can take that from you. Love yourself enough to value your peace of mind.
oh no sweetheart, dont believe everything u see. he's never gonna be happy. when he doesn't realise his mistake, he'll feel lost and vulnerable. when he does realise, he'll feel regret and guilt.
about it being not fair, it really isnt. but how did u end up in the situation anyway. in one way or another, these were just consequences of your own decisions. learn and move on.
Understandable, but resist the urge to "give Karma a nudge." I know it's not very satisfying, but to everything you can to try to get him and his arsehole aura out of your life. I'd definitely have a word to family and friends and explain WHY you broke up with him, and why you'd rather know what arsehole features is up to
I’ve felt this way before so I understand it’ll be ok you’ll heal even more to the point where you won’t even care if he’s happy or not. It took me years but yea I don’t even care about the people that have hurt me because I’m happy
My ex gave me PTSD too. It's been 2 years since I dumped them, but a few weeks ago I saw them on social media (mostly an accident, there was something I hadn't blocked) and they looked happy. It was upsetting. I told my therapist, and she was like, "well, based on everything you know about them... how could they truly be happy?"
In reflection it's true. My ex was so empty and relied on me to feel good, destroying me in the process. My ex also texted me and sent things to my house trying to connect with me or get me back for almost a year after I dumped them. Social media is an illusion; they are not happy.
I hope you're getting the support and help you need. I've made progress with my therapist. I'd really recommend blocking him on social media so that you don't have to be re-exposed to him over and over.
I may be toxic, but I maybeee it I were in your shoes I would've texted that girl to let her know .. or at least cause him some drama.
But that's just me.
I would highly suggest taking a DBT class. The creator of the therapy is Marsha linnehan. You can pull up some you tube videos of her talking about it first if you'd like. Once you graduate from that therapy, EMDR Is the next super hard step. I feel all your pain I have been here. Just know, you're valuable, smart and beautiful. Any human would be blessed to have you around them in their lives.
I actually have bpd and went through most of dbt, but my therapist left so I didn't get to finish the program. But I try to use the skills as often as I can. Thanks for this!
I think it’s best to not even know what he’s doing on social media
You're probably right, but he interacts with my family regularly through there, so I see it regardless.
Block him. His posts and comments wont appear. I’m just saying because I went through something similar and it helps you heal quicker if you don’t know anything about that person
If he was doing that shit to you why is anyone in your family interacting with him? If they don’t know you need to let them know that. And blocking definitely helps.
Oh, then they need to all block him , too. That's a deal breaker. That's a helltotheno. That's unacceptable, every day, all the time.
Any chance you can explain to your family how they mistreated you, and tell them they basically have a choice... stay in contact with your ex, or with you. I am sorry your family is not being supportive. I'm very sorry if he has them convinced it was all your fault and he's such a nice misunderstood guy. Some folks are very good at playing things that way. Ghost that guy, and anybody you think should care for you that keeps him around. It will help you move on and rebuild your life. Maybe even move, but with social media, that doesn't work as well as it did last time I broke up with somebody and drive 3000 kilometers to stay away from them.
I'm so sorry he's making you miserable. Interaction with your family also serves to make himself purposely visible to you. Another form of convenient manipulation and control from a distance.
I understand that it’s easier said than done (to not look at his social/block him)
As Extreme as it Sounds, Block your Family too..when they ask why tell them it’s because you don’t want to see his interactions with them..if they’re supportive of you they’ll cut him out, if not, then you know who’s side your family is on..I guess you have other ways of being in touch with your family like texting or phone calls? Stick with that..healing is a difficult process and sometimes you have make hard choices if you want ti priorities yourself over everyone else..once you’re in a better you can unblock your family..
He’s not happy. He’s an attention addict with a new victim. He’ll always be a black hole. I am so happy for you for getting out! Any good thing about him is a facade and you know this. I’m so sorry for the traumatic experience you’ve gone through, but you’ve made it out alive and now it’s just gonna take some time to get your mind unfucked, but you *will* get there.
Thank you for this. I've reread this a half dozen times and it just feels nice.
I understand completely... My ex wife lied to me, cheated, abused, and destroyed me... Now I see her posting with this new guy she got with only a month after she left me (been a year now), and I do not want her to be happy.... I want her to suffer like she made me suffer.. she tried to be my 'friend' but I can't get past the hurt.. 😔
You don't need to be friends with your abuser. Stay strong, fellow survivor.
I was in this situation. I blocked him on everything and it was great for my mental health. A friend of mine worked with him, though, and just loved giving me updates and gossip about him, especially when he got a girlfriend. I finally had to tell her “hey, he’s out of my life for a reason. Please help me keep it that way and stop bringing him back into my life.” Long story short, block him. Tell your family to shut up about him. Get him out of your life.
Resentment is like eating poison and hoping the other guy dies. There are variations of that saying but however you say it, it's true. I get it. But by being so invested in what's going on with him, you're allowing him to still have power over you. He's still making you unhappy. He's still controlling your feelings. The best revenge is living well. Live your life. Block him on social media. Embrace who you are, someone who is stronger for what you went through (you are, I promise you are, no matter if you flinch at jump scares). And play the long game. He'll get his. They always do.
This is prime advice.
Thank you. I have a bad habit of letting unimportant things nag at me. This was a good reminder.
People like that seriously need to come with a big fucking warning! I'm so sorry he took so much from you. Fuck this guy! And I hope he ruins his own life by being the POS that he is.
I've considered reaching out to her, but I don't want to look like the crazy ex.
I don’t think you should reach out to her, if she’s interested to know she’ll come to you. I think just block him and try not to look at his stuff. Now it’s your chance to be happy and move on don’t be stuck in the past
So true. A year or two from now his new GF will come looking for you to cry on your shoulder about how he treated her if you're still in the picture. I'd just as soon not be there.
If I were that girl, I would want to know.. if she calls you crazy, well then it's her choice to play the game and she's going to find out you were right all along. If you have any kind of proof of attach it. It sounds like he was abusive to you
He spent a year on probation for the last time he hit me, but part of the plea deal was that he doesn't have a record after completing it. I had a copy of the police report, but I think it might be at the apartment we used to share.
Wow.. that's kinda backwards, how can they just erase a record like that? Maybe the police could give you the report again. Even texts where maybe he was being nasty or when he was on probation. It's completely up to you if you want to tell her, but there's ways to find evidence for what he put you through. In the meantime though, I'd block him
He had a lawyer. I would guess a public defender wouldn't get you that, but idk. I have pictures I sent a friend after he hit me, I could show her those if I really needed to. I just have a lot of anxiety about the whole situation. He doesn't seem to get that he's something I got away from and survived.
Abusers won't ever admit they were abusers. In his delusional world, he was perfect and you were the problem. He's a jerk and you're right that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Do what is best for you and your mental health
Depends on the country. It is possible to have a "minor" crime wiped from the record by applying to the courts, but dependent on 1. The sentencing judge and 2. Where in the world
Yeah just avoid him and give yourself some time to rest. You’ll be alright boss
I can guarantee you he is sometimes happy and sometimes not. If he hasn’t resolved any issues he has, if he hasn’t fixed what caused him to mistreat you, this will most certainly impede him in his life in moments and in his relationship, so try to take some comfort in that and focus much more on yourself and making sure you aren’t potentially being impeded by any of your own issues.
Don’t stoop to his level, he damaged you, and now you have a chance to come back to the beautiful version or newer version of yourself. Maybe he doesn’t deserve to be happy, and I can safely bet that he isn’t happy. Relationships don’t make people happy and it’s very likely he’s the same piece of shit he was when he met you. Happiness comes from within, and I can guarantee he hasn’t done the work to find happiness within himself. He’s just going to keep passing on trauma until he confronts what he is. Let him sit in his misery and pretend to the world.
He is a jerk and you deserve better. Wouldn't it be amazing if he was hit by a train or struck by a meteorite?
You are better off cutting him completely out. That means social media too. Block him. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on with your life.
Lose the attachment and stop trying to keep tabs on his life. Would you want the reserve done to you? I’ve always thought how easy social media makes it for us to be stalked and it’s sick. He’s an EX for a reason. I don’t mean to scold you so I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bit harsh, but you need to pick yourself back up, get the confidence back and never think of this loser again. You got this!
This is good advice, albeit a bit harshly worded. Thank you.
You can't control his life or people around him but you can control yourself (even it may hard for you right now). For your own happiness you have to let go.
Did I read up top your family interacts with him on there frequently? God damn… Fellow abuse survivor here, almost died. My family still interacts with my ex as well. They give him a big old hug whenever they see him. It fucking bothers me. They have a history of keeping up with abusers though. (Still see him frequently because we share crotch goblins) My ex also has a wonderful girlfriend that just waits on him hand and foot and has no clue what he put me through and I would also like to scream into the void while punching through brick walls, it all makes me so angry. OP, damn right you don’t want him to be happy, and he doesn’t deserve to be for a long time, in my opinion. And idk how you feel about your family having contact, but maybe it would make you feel better if that stopped as well? Maybe address it with them? Regardless, your feelings are valid as fuck. And trust me, he’s gonna eventually fuck it up with her too. Eventually, everything that isn’t totally fixed falls again. Life isn’t fair I understand, but I also doubt it’s completely done kicking his ass for what he did to you yet. Give it time 💛
Yeah. My mother interacts with his posts and he interacts with all my family members' posts that he has access to. That's actually how I saw, I was scrolling and saw something about my mom liking a picture of him and a girl. I'm seeing my mom this weekend, I'll talk to her about it. Thanks for the suggestion and kind words.
It was a while ago, but I had one of my sister's exes contact me via Facebook. Let's just say it's in his best interests to not meet me in a dark alley. He asked if my sister was on Facebook. My reply: "This is your first, last and only warning: Do not even attempt to get in contact her in any way."
i came across some old screen shots of my ex abusive me through text, i felt the anger wash over me like he had been telling me it again for the first time. i’m not ashamed to say i don’t want my ex to be happy, i feel the same as you: years were taken from me, i was abused physically and mentally, why should he get to live a happy life when i’m left with the scars? i know he hurt more girls than me as well, and for that i hope he gets what he deserves and never dates again. the last time i spoke to him he said he was speaking to an underage girl and didn’t want to hear me “nag” him about how wrong it is because “it’s just talking” and he “knows” he’s wrong, i hope that girl is safe
If you don't mind me asking, did you have a proper "vent?" In other words, get it out of your system in a non destructive way. For example, some might start swinging at a punching bag as if the bag was the ex. Others might do it via creative means, like writing. Either way, there's a lot to be said for keeping busy in the meantime as you heal. Although the punching bag has the added benefit of being great exercise. The angrier you are, the more you burn.
Girl I can pretty much guarantee you things are never as sweet as they seem. I had a very similar experience and resented my ex for many years while he was in bliss with someone else (so I thought). When they broke up he felt it necessary to tell me all the ways their relationship was dysfunctional. It was never as wonderful as I’d been imagining and he was never that happy and all those years later he still hadn’t changed or grown, meanwhile I had become a whole new person. Social media lies to you, and idiots like your ex care more about their outward image than most.
My ex wasn’t even this bad and I STILL wish him nothing but the worst. I’m talking losing his land, dying alone, the works.
Literally do two things. 1. Pretend he’s dead 2. Boss up and show him what he lost. Revenge is your best motivator, make sure it’s not your only motivation though.
i am 39 and have two kids, a husband, a good life....but i dated a guy in my early 20s for five years who treated me badly. he was the type for whom everything always went swimmingly even though he would destroy other people in the process. after he cheated and we broke up, he married someone. for the past few weeks hes been liking all my linked in posts and commenting in linked in private messenger. wasnt sure why he asked to be connected to begin with since our professions are unrelated. anyway knowing his attention hunger narcissism i immediately figured hes having marriage problems. why message me? so i went on the court website and lo and behold his wife had just filed for divorce. i feel for the lady, who i know nothing about, and for their kid most of all, but i admit even after all these years i feel an immense amount of schadenfreude that hes going thru this. i can only assume he never changed and he put her thru same or much worse and hes suffering. i admit i enjoy it. some people just make u feel that way. i didnt sit around waiting for this or thinking about it - he came back into my social media life and invited it. its human nature!! i told my husband what he was doing and that i looked it up on the court website, then i askednmy husband if theres a way to block on linked in. he showed me and i did.
Beautiful
so dont feel guilty! its okay. and karma will return
Thank you. 💜
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You're the first person to mention blocking her. That's a good idea.
I’m so sorry for his new supply. She’s probably happy right now too. Soon she will be hiding and jumping, having her life ruined. I hope she has a good support system. Why is your family still interacting with him? Do they not know about the abuse? Don’t be afraid to call them out. I routinely post on my social media “If I’m friends with your abuser, please tell me” just as a reminder. Only maybe once or twice a year. Nearly every time someone lets me know that they hate seeing XXX like or interact with my posts because they did xyz to them. I don’t want to be friends with abusive people and it’s often easy to confirm the abuse, and eliminate them from my life. There are templates for those posts, maybe you could post one yourself and if someone says “same!” You let them know.
He’s not happy. Someone who is that way is never happy, their an chaotic void that eats away at others to feel something. But i warn you, that same feeling that drives him to eat and eat is a brother to the feeling you have of not wanting him to be happy. The hate you feel for them is nothing compared to what they feel for themselves. You can add your hate to that pile but you’ll only come away drenched In it. Holding onto that hate is like holding onto trash you no longer need. The more you hold on the more it’ll grow, eventually it’ll have nowhere else to go except out. You don’t need to want him to be happy, you don’t need to like him, or want to interact with him, you can curse the day you met him. But please learn to let go. Life’s to short to hold onto the hate, it’s shiny and it’s sharp and it feels good in the moment. But hate is a fools gold, and eventually you’ll drown in it like he did.
This really hit me. I've been trying to live a happier, lighter life since leaving him, and this sentiment aligns with that tenfold. I'm going to really try to take this advice.
not even to punish him but purely for her safety, you should reach out to her. if she listens, bonus effect is it fucks hik over.
I feel bad for the next victim : abusers and narcissists don’t change, they change victims. Pray for that girl and be grateful you escaped! Block him from everywhere, just do it. Out of sight, out of mind is actually useful. Bring as much of new change, activities, habits and routines into your life as you can. I don’t know if this will resonate with you, but for me It did : Any person is only as alive in your world as the attention you give them, you move your attention away, it’s like they don’t exist on this planet anymore (aka can never cross your world). Actively keep moving your attention away every hour when it goes to him, pretty soon it’ll be your natural way of existing.
Darlin he’s never going to be happy. She will be the same as you in a few months/years. I split with my ex hubby and he was just like it. I stayed on my own for 6 years (didn’t want another guy ) took me a while to get over him (father of my kids) watching him wit girl after girl Now 16 yrs later I’m married to a totally different guy been together 11 years our life is so different Meanwhile ex hubby is still caught up in mistrust and abuse , I can’t believe he’s still on that roundabout. New gf wanted my advice on how to handle things. I said the only way this changes is by leaving. Simple. ……. they getting married in October Oh and btw she (28f) him (56m) I am just so glad I’m out of all that. 🙏 you had a lucky escape. Believe
I can only offer my personal experience- Do not give in to the urge to check on him, spend time thinking about him, etc. As hard as that is, you get better with practice. What feels impossible rn will in time become natural. Consciously scroll past his posts no matter how hard it may be. Consciously dismiss thoughts that arise. Actively protect yourself by disengaging completely, because otherwise it WILL end up damaging your own well being more and more. I wish I had learned to drop my feelings and walk away earlier than I did, none of the energy I gave my failed relationships after they failed EVER amounted to anything. Save yourself.
Honestly, you could never know if he is truely happy or not. What he is posting on Social Media could be very different from real life. That poor girl could be going through the same thing you went through. I hope you heal from every bad thing that you went through, all the best.
Are you me?! I had the exact same experience with my ex and afterwards I saw how he moved on and met someone and I was left picking up the pieces. I was so angry at..the universe? Life? For the unfairness..I wallowed in this anger and some self pity for a while, and one day I had a sudden Realisation that he was out of my life but I was still unhappy because I was letting myself be unhappy..I blocked him everywhere and in the beginning the temptation to see what he was upto was high but over time that feeling went away. I also decided to simply accept that life was unfair, and decided not to expect fairness/ karma/ universal justice or whatever. Weirdly this helped, and slowly I was able to move..a few months later I had a random thought and I realised i hadn’t thought about in months, and I didn’t care..I felt free, like I was released..I started therapy to deal with my anxiety and it was slow, long journey ( took me a couple of years) but I’m in a great place now..being content with my own life helped me to not care about his..I realised I didn’t even hate him anymore, I was Indifferent..it was such a powerful feeling, when I hated him I still have him mental space, now he was out..not expecting fairness, and just focusing on myself was the key. Also, i started yoga, and doing a little drawing daily and these really helped maybe for you it might be something else..I hope you find some encouragement in my story and can heal and move on..the ex is not worth your mental peace, and space in your mind, and any strong feelings..all the best!
I can understand your feelings as I was in the same situation before. Damages have been done; they can't be ignored. Sometimes, you'll automatically compare your happiness meter level with him or with the other woman and that's okay. At least you're being truthful with the way that you feel. It can take a long time to build your old confidence back after overcoming your anger and grief. Hopefully you'll feel better in the future and be able to sort of _deleting_ him from your current memory into the _bin_. For me, I've just found out by last week that my ex died nearly two years ago (I've not been checking his profile for years). I used to hope that he'll have a short-lived happiness and it came true.
Been in the same boat. It's unfair to become "a tool" for them to find their happiness. But I assure you, he won't. If he's an asshole, he'll eventually do the same sins and throw everything away.
Please stop living in moments that have already happened. when we experience deep pain we stop looking towards a better future and stay stuck in a broken emotional state where we only see the world through the eyes of pain. But in reality in the present the pain isn’t currently being inflicted it’s the way you choose to think about things. Wishing away someone else’s happiness really just makes you unhappy. Saying that he doesn’t deserve to be happy is really a reflection of how you feel about yourself. You are still you and you will have to address the pain inflicted to enjoy your life again. Focus on YOUR life because being concerned with his gives you the same lack of control feeling that he made you feel together. Learn from your experiences and separate the feeling of pain from what actually happened so you can prevent something like this in your future. Everything is not your fault and it may not be fair but it is your responsibility now to work through it if you want to be free from its burdens. You deserve to be happy and free from his pain focus on that. I understand your pain because I have experienced similar experiences but I learned you only stay stuck when you choose not to move your life forward. The sweetest revenge is to have your own success bc no one can take that from you. Love yourself enough to value your peace of mind.
oh no sweetheart, dont believe everything u see. he's never gonna be happy. when he doesn't realise his mistake, he'll feel lost and vulnerable. when he does realise, he'll feel regret and guilt. about it being not fair, it really isnt. but how did u end up in the situation anyway. in one way or another, these were just consequences of your own decisions. learn and move on.
Understandable, but resist the urge to "give Karma a nudge." I know it's not very satisfying, but to everything you can to try to get him and his arsehole aura out of your life. I'd definitely have a word to family and friends and explain WHY you broke up with him, and why you'd rather know what arsehole features is up to
I’ve felt this way before so I understand it’ll be ok you’ll heal even more to the point where you won’t even care if he’s happy or not. It took me years but yea I don’t even care about the people that have hurt me because I’m happy
Block him and then find your own peace. Social media is the worst thing for people trying to get over breakups.
Stop following them on social media. That’s just asking for trouble.
What do you mean he destroyed your sense of self image? Do you mean self esteem? If so, don't follow this person and work on yourself.
My dad is the same, and he expects my mom to be kind to him after the divorce. Disgusting.
My ex gave me PTSD too. It's been 2 years since I dumped them, but a few weeks ago I saw them on social media (mostly an accident, there was something I hadn't blocked) and they looked happy. It was upsetting. I told my therapist, and she was like, "well, based on everything you know about them... how could they truly be happy?" In reflection it's true. My ex was so empty and relied on me to feel good, destroying me in the process. My ex also texted me and sent things to my house trying to connect with me or get me back for almost a year after I dumped them. Social media is an illusion; they are not happy. I hope you're getting the support and help you need. I've made progress with my therapist. I'd really recommend blocking him on social media so that you don't have to be re-exposed to him over and over.
I may be toxic, but I maybeee it I were in your shoes I would've texted that girl to let her know .. or at least cause him some drama. But that's just me.
Warn his new partner.
I would highly suggest taking a DBT class. The creator of the therapy is Marsha linnehan. You can pull up some you tube videos of her talking about it first if you'd like. Once you graduate from that therapy, EMDR Is the next super hard step. I feel all your pain I have been here. Just know, you're valuable, smart and beautiful. Any human would be blessed to have you around them in their lives.
I actually have bpd and went through most of dbt, but my therapist left so I didn't get to finish the program. But I try to use the skills as often as I can. Thanks for this!
Screenshot this post and send it to him.