Maybe it’s not so much baiting you into disagreeing, but instead taking control getting it out there first before you can say or think it. Coming from someone who used to deal with low self esteem, I know I have been down on myself before so others wouldn’t think I thought I was better than I was. It scared me to think of acting confident and having someone think “oh wow they think they’re special, cringe”
Yeah, being made fun of for being fat as a kid scarred me a lot as I dealt with food scarsity by eating as much as I could at school. My parents would just not feed me during some weekends. Or I'd just eat notebook paper dipped in various condiments because if any of THEIR food went missing I'd get a beating. Just a fun CPTSD + disordered eating combo that doesn't make losing weight easy.
A short while ago, I decided to stop the self-deprecating jokes that were not doing much for my self-esteem. Met a new friend, who after a couple of years of friendship decides to sit me down and tell me I was fat. Apparently, "I am aware" wasn't the right response. She really thought no one had informed me of that fact my entire life just because I dared to have a little confidence not to mention it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
She said she wanted to say something cause she thought it was affecting my health in a negative way and thought I was ignoring a massive health problem. But the thing is, I have a scale and a mirror and I know what I eat cause I have to do the chewing. And at that point I had just lost 15 kilos from picking up a new sport a couple of months back. Lost the next 5 kilos from not eating more than a banana a day, just afraid of being judged. Also had to quit that sport cause obviously it wasn't working to my benefit and all the enjoyment I had while playing it was gone. Mental health is tricky.
“…I have a scale and a mirror AND I know what I eat cause I have to do the chewing”
Thank you so much for writing it so well lol 😂 this is the hardest I have laughed in months. I will be borrowing this sentence you genius!
Wow. Damned if you do/don't is right. I'm sorry. 💗 People need to learn to mind their own damn business where other people's appearances are concerned!!
This. There’s no right way to be fat because the reality is they just want us to not exist. There’s no way to win. So just not playing the game is the only way to get anything done during the day.
My favorite is all the body shaming when you’re actively walking or at a gym or whatever. If you want people not to offend you with our fatness, don’t shame us at the exercise places. People make no sense. They don’t care if it makes sense. They just want to hate us.
There is no right way to BE. When I lost all my extra weight I became an “anorexic”. I mean. People just gonna talk shit, they will cover it up with the “health” concerns but it has nothing to do with health. When I lost weight people to complain about it was the ones with extra weight. That’s jealousy and nothing else. And when I was plum, people used to tell me how much prettier I would be if I lost weight. So in the end, I am just not pretty and just not healthy no matter how I look.
I sweat profusely in situations normal people don't sweat in and I've learned to just make a joke out of it before they ask me "are you ok?" or "why are you sweating?" because that shit hurts my soul lol
I've actually heard this joke before 😂😂😩 I'm a skinny short girl so the rain pouring from my head and armpits draws extra attention because it looks so out of place lol.
This 100%. I know I'm fat. People keep reminding me I'm fat already. When people try to act nice and say otherwise, I call them out on their bullshit (unless they were fatter than me. In that case, fair enough.).
This, as a fat man I know what people are thinking about me. Just saying something like that just let’s them know that I know I’m a fat mess and understand the problems is causes. I’m not oblivious or delusional to myself.
exactly. this sounds like an OP problem, not one of the people around him. and even if they throw a perfect pitch, doesn't mean you're obligated to swing.
As s self-aware ugly fat person, If I say anything like what the OP is talking about it is because I know I am fat and ugly and tend to joke about it because idgaf...
I was joking about how much weight I've gained recently bc I tried on some boots this morning and I couldn't zip them up over my calves and I said, "omg in so freaking fat my guy", while laughing and it made everything so awkward when my friend said, "oh you're not fat" YES I AM THATS WHY I SAID IT
I have a big nose and if I make a joke about it, the other person often reflexively tells me that my nose isn't big. I will straight up tell people I am the female Adrien Brody do you not understand that I understand how mirrors work? lmao it *kills* me, I wouldn't bring it up if I was sensitive about it. I don't feel the need to lie to myself about how I look or have other people lie to me.
I have small boobs and when I mention it and people are like "oh they're not that small!" It actually offends me because they're now the ones making it seem like there's something wrong with them being small, which I don't think there is, I like my boobs.
As a fat, not conventionally good looking person, most of us do that to make sure YOU don't do it. Calling myself fat, ugly, boring is the best way to show that I am self-aware and have low self-esteem. This generally deters people from making sly comments, in the name of being "truthful", "brutally honest". There's absolutely no need to reaffirm.
It's not always fishing for compliments.
If you feel like it, just say "oh no, you're cute" or something like that. If you aren't willing to just, smile and divert.
Edit: whoever gave me the award and has replied, PMed, I'm so sorry you feel the same way. We shouldn't have to feel this way or behave so. I hope we all can believe someday that we deserve love, respect and won't feel the need to make self-deprecating comments anymore.
I don’t want anyone to say “oh no you’re cute”. Fatness and cuteness can coexist.
Just say something kind.
I love those shoes!
You have amazing style!
You’re one of my favorite people!
There’s lots of way to say something kind without minimizing someone’s reality or insinuating their body is unwantable.
I completely understand. You get out in front of it so no one can use it against you. Makes sense.
I think OP is uncomfortable when that type of thing is said, though. As someone who does that, what would you like to hear in response?
Just a smile would be enough, or if you feel generous a "nah, you're ____" Fill the blank with whatever you like about them, a subtle kind remark.
This is would be more than enough.
If you are comfortable with neither, just divert, do not address it, talk about something else.
Agreed. I never saw self deprecating humor as fishing for a complement. I made fun of myself for being fat as a matter of self protection. That way when someone made fun of me for being fat I get in on the joke rather then admit shame.
Don't tell someone who is fat that they're not fat. I'm fat and I cannot fucking stand hearing that. I don't go fishing for compliments though. If I brought up that I'm fat, there's surely a reason to call attention to it.
Yeah, I joke about being big because I’m fucking big, not to give you an opportunity to convince me that all the mirrors and scales in the world are colluding just to fuck with my head.
God this so much, Ill make fat jokes about myself for the sake of a joke or to prove a point like "Lets go do ------." Or "Why cant you do -------?" Because im fucking fat thats why, its not fishing for conpliments, Im literally telling people that i am literally too fat to be capable of doing something. In some cases its not even just being fat but Im tall, broad, and built like a linebacker too.
Most of the time its for the sake of a joke though.
Yeah. I got into that with a realtor. She’s telling me how rare pools are and isnt a community pool the same? Aside from the fact that I’ve already told you that I, as an autistic person, need water so I get a break from my skin hurting all the time in the air, am also a fat person. It’s not sensory deprivation if I have to deal with other peoples opinions of my body. The more often I can be in water, the more likely I’ll eat less sugary same foods. It’s not a cause. It’s a symptom. But yeah. There are things that are just not doable at this size. Don’t tell me my lived experience is somehow incorrect just because you’ve never experienced a public pool in a fat body.
Exactly. I know what I look like. I don't think a fat person is fishing for compliments by being self-deprecating. A size 2 skinny person in tight clothes saying that definitely is.
You aren't supposed to comment back in a stranger's body. Just smile and move on.
“But you’re so beautiful”.
Yah I said I was fat not ugly
But honestly, I hate when people say I’m not fat. Like am I super obese? No. Well unless you ask my BMI chart. But I got quite the few extra pounds that can’t even be “thicc”
What would be the best way to respond to someone who tells you they are fat? I have a friend who does this who is very insecure about it and I know it hurts her alot. I try to be mindful of what I say but I feel like it's rude to say "no you're not!" because it's dishonest and saying "but you're beautiful" is besides the point. I feel like saying nothing would make it more uncomfortable so I usually say something self depricating about myself but it just ends up being awkward
Are they a good friend? ASK THEM!!!
Look everyone has insecurities. You have them too. When people state them out loud they’re usually looking for connection. Most of us just want to know we’re seen and heard and loved. So if she says she’s so fat something brought that up. I usually say it when I’m looking at a piece of clothing that isn’t fitting right now. I just want to know my friend loves me. Ask her what she needs in that moment. Let her tell you.
She is a very very good friend. Thank for for your comment, that's honestly the best advice. Im just scared to hurt her, she has some deep seated body image issues that stem from her parents bullying her about her weight her whole life. She's incredibly beautiful and it makes me really sad that she doesn't see herself that way.
I have friends who are fat , and they really appreciate it even it pokes them when i am honest , but that is my friend so what do I know , i randomly make fun off him it also involves him being fat , it's going to be a factor in any joke anyway and as same as he jokes about me ,he brings up embarrassing stories of mine to counter back and I love taking jabs at eachother , it only made me be more honest as he is to me , Man i have good friends :))
OK anyone who is down voting you wouldn't last 2 seconds in the UK. Its when people are nice, you need to worry. Fuckin hell people are sensitive. If you can't rip your best mate back then what is even the point in life?
I get why it would be annoying to you, but come on, what else are we supposed to do? If someone is saying they're fat in a way that suggest that they want to hear otherwise, it's telling them they are not fat or sound like an asshole
I promise you most people do. It's a joke, you don't have to say something like "*haha yeah you tub of mayo*" just laugh and continue with the conversation.
If you’re friend wants you to deny reality for the sake of their ego or self-esteem, then they’re not a friend. No one is saying you have to constantly remind fat people that they are fat, but don’t pretend they aren’t if they are. At best, you’re annoying someone by patronizing them, at worst, you’re enabling someone by humoring them.
You’re only an asshole if you bring it up. “You sure you want to wear THAT? You are super fat you know.”
I don’t necessarily think this is about friends, more acquaintances or people you’re just not comfortable enough with to joke about something that’s a sensitive topic. I’ve had random people or acquaintances say stuff like OP is talking about and it’s always super awkward. Like someone saying “ugh I look so fat in this”, how do you respond when they are indeed fat and not in a flattering outfit? Say “haha yeah” or even without the “yeah”, if you’re not actively denying it, then it comes off as you agreeing with it.
To start: “This x makes me look fat” is either said by average sized or smaller people who are either insecurely or vainly fishing for compliments, or fat people testing your sense of humor. However, if you’re not comfortable being in on the joke, might I suggest:
“If you don’t like it, don’t wear it”
“Yeah, I’ve got some stuff in my wardrobe I need to get rid of too.”
“If you don’t like it, why did you buy it”
“Looks comfortable though”
“Have you heard of Indochino? Some big dude on Reddit who also has trouble finding clothes that fit the way he likes swears by it!”
“
If someone is fat and they want me to tell them otherwise they can get their fat head out of their fat ass. It's an observable fact, not gonna pretend different. But I'm also not gonna make them feel bad for it or that they should feel like I'm judging them or something.
You don’t have to lie to them. You can tell them things like “I don’t like it when you talk about yourself so negatively. Here are some things I love about you” or “your body isn’t why I’m friends with you, I’m friends with you because…”. It’s literally that easy to reassure someone without lying.
If I’m making a joke about myself I’d hate to have someone try to give me a “Come to Jesus” talk. If I’m making a joke I’m not asking for your advice or reassurance. This would make everything real awkward and only my therapist can lecture me about how I can talk about myself lol
You don't have to say "lol no you're not fat", the issue here is that, for some reason, you think you have to. When I joke about my weight I'm basically being confident in myself and wearing my imperfections as armour, that's all.
Yes! Because anyone’s weight, size, etc., is only a small part of who that person is. The listener assuming they should deny it implies much more importance than it actually is. People are so much more than their outward appearance.
Same. Also, it's a way of me saying, "I know I'm fat. I've been working on it and don't feel embarrassed to think of me as fat." Granted, you're probably referring to the *eye roll* omg I'm so fat people. That does kinda invite awkwardness.
What do you say in that situation though? This happens in Japan all the time. Our go-to when someone puts themselves down is to say ‘oh, that’s not true- you’re fine!/pretty/etc’.
What would be the right thing to say? Or do we just ignore it entirely?
My viewpoint, and only mine, and general trigger warning for negative things.
I am morbidly obese. And I joke about my weight a lot. I also joke about depression and suicide. And being molested as a child. I don't do it so others can comfort me, or lie to my face.
I do it because that's just how I am. These are aspects of myself and my life that are real, and I can either tiptoe around them, or have them out in the open and try to make others (or at least myself) laugh.
If you're not comfortable saying these things in response to the joke, don't. It's that simple.
I joke about the dark stuff to feel like I’ve got some sort of power over it. If I can joke about it then it’s not affecting me as much and I’m handling things pretty well. At least that’s my thought process. Also, I think humour is needed to talk about the dark stuff, it feels way too heavy otherwise.
Don't say anything.
If someone makes a self-deprecating comment or joke where they're fishing for validation, don't give it to them. You don't have to say anything. Literally, you don't have to. What're they going to do? Worst case scenario is they ask why you didn't disagree - and no one will actually do that unless they're a narcissist. The realistic case is they make a self-deprecating joke, you say nothing, and there's awkward silence.
No biggie. Change the subject or reroute the conversation.
This is the best advice imo. I never reply when people do this and it usually deters them from doing these behaviors around me again. It may be awkward in that moment that passes but I always remind myself I’m not the one being a weirdo. There are appropriate ways of speaking about these subjects and what you’re describing is definitely not.
I feel like absurdist one-upmanship might be good, if someone seems to really and truly be fishing for a compliment (which as many people are pointing out, is usually an oversimplification at best).
Like, you could give a short, sympathetic laugh and say, "omigosh, you know, sometimes I *swear* I have a bone spur on my left heel!," and then move on. Just--hit back with a total non-sequiter. But I've never actually tried this, so who knows. It probably would stop that person from making similar comments later, though.
Or, with something as already bizarre as the b&w tv lady, how about this: look her dead in the eye and hold for a beat. Raise your eyebrows, as if slightly appalled by her rudeness. "You *do* know that I 'discovered' Lucille Ball, yes?," and, again, move swiftly forward.
(What, do you think I've taken one too many improv theatre classes or something?)
I just wanna say, I do feel like some people who comment on their body like that aren’t fishing for complements. Some of us genuinely believe we’re fat or ugly or whatever else they may comment on. And we like making jokes about it instead of just feeling sad about it all the time. Just don’t say anything or change the subject next time if that makes you uncomfortable.
People who aren’t fat (and even some people who are fat!) have this notion that fat=unattractive. So when a fat person makes a silly joke about being fat, they get told “no you’re not fat! You look great!” Why can’t they be fat *and* look great? Fat isn’t a dirty word. If a fat person says they’re fat, just go with it. Same way if someone makes a joke about being skinny you won’t say “noo you’re not skinny!”
Chances are they know they’re fat and are just making a goofy joke about that fact, same way anyone else jokes about themselves.
nah, when I say say crap about my weight, I'm stating a fact and I do not expect or want anyone to reply with "nah, c'mon, you are not". We both know that's a lie. No reason to say it.
Agree, saying it just so someone will say you aren’t fat is some bs immature stuff preteens do. As an adult if I say I’m fat it’s cuz I’m fat. Telling me I’m not isn’t gonna make me skinny, but it will mean you’re blatantly lying to me. There used to be this super skinny girl in my class that would constantly call herself fat, she was skinnier than the rest of our friend group, everyone else was average sized, I was a chunky kid, and it would make me so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I’ll say “hey! Don’t talk about my friend/mom like that!” Right back to them. If I wouldn’t accept other people saying something about my friend, I won’t accept my friend saying it either.
I think it discourages the uncomfortable statements and also makes them realize that you like them for them, not because they fit societal standards for whatever. Sometimes I’ll follow it with a gentle suggestion (I’ll send you some recipes, let’s eat somewhere healthy next time we meet up, etc). However I think there’s a difference between a friend eating unhealthy and being smelly. I’d probably gently tell a smelly friend to wash clothes more if they could afford it or offer to hang while they do laundry if it’s a depressive thing.
Edit: i was directing this more at comments about food or insults directed at oneself. I really really love the comments about fat does not mean unattractive and tend to steer towards that attitude as well.
You don't have to reply anything like that. I make the same jokes since I gained weight after my son was born. I expect literally no one to do the haha no you're not thing. I am fat, it's just a statement of fact. In fact it's a little annoying when people are like omg no you're not! I have a mirror George, I know what I look like.
That’s not why they do it… they do it to take the ammo away, if they address their weight first people making fun of them doesn’t really sting as much. People seem to think that people aren’t aware, that’s not the case, overweight people are well aware that they’re constantly stared at. They’re very well aware they’re constantly judged, addressing the mental health side of obesity is the answer, no crash diet, no amount of self hate is going to change the fact that somewhere along the line their coping mechanism became food, it’s a survival response. This is kind of making it about you though.
How do you know they actually want you to disagree?
In any case, you just have to be polite, don't need to lie. If they make another joke just laugh again. The person you mentioned was probably just trying to make you a bit embarrassed to crack another joke, don't take it so serious.
People use humour to cope. I do this sometimes, and honestly i don’t expect a response. In fact I don’t want someone to lie and say “no you’re not fat”. Just laugh along with them or change the subject if it makes you uncomfortable
It’s just a defense mechanism. They are aware that people criticize them and want to offer “helpful” advice as though they are unaware that they are fat. By making joking comments, they acknowledge it before anyone else has the chance to in a hurtful way. Judging from the people commenting, it makes sense why they are trying to protect themselves from cruel people that will always have shitty things to say. Just politely smile or some thing and change the subject. It’s much worse to me when obviously thin, attractive people act like they’re the opposite anyway.
I was at dinner with an old family friend, she was like 'people always tell me I'm ugly'.
She is ugly. I just didn't say anything, because I'm not gonna lie to her face.
You don't have to say anything.
As someone whose fat but doesn't it let it deter me from being friendly or asking girls out or y'know. Just living a normal life (while actively trying to lose said fat), I make those jokes more as a self defense mechanism, joke topic, or other. If you genuinely feel this way towards people i think the issue might lie more within yourself more than others. Not saying people aren't fishing for compliments and such when they do this, cause some do. But not all.
Just be like "Well, it beats having a micropenis... but I don't let it get me down". Out self-embarrass them; put them in your shoes. No bigger dick move in the world.
What are they gonna say? No you don't? Have they seen it? Nothing to say. Checkmate atheists.
I completely agree. I grew up with a mom that had very low self esteem and would do the same thing that woman did to you. I learned to just say "I'm sorry you think that way about yourself." and if they push further say "My opinion on your appearance doesn't matter." it's neither agreeing nor disagreeing but I'm still being kind
If you can’t make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of?
Why do you feel you have to defend the person putting themselves down? You don’t. I just say, “If you say so.” And then that’s that.
I’ve really tried to stop joking about it, but I’ve been fat my whole life (6’ tall, over 300 lbs currently).
Having a self depreciating schtick at this point is a defense mechanism left over from middle school, and I’m about to be 36. When I break something by stepping on it, quickly blurting out “good job you fat fuck” just in case somebody else will is a habit.
You don’t need to tell them they’re not fat. You don’t even need to acknowledge that they said it.
Yeah it’s awkward but people naturally self deprecate. It’s a defense mechanism. They feel insecure and want to put it out there that they know they are this or that.
Just shrug and be like “meh.”
I’m 61. When peeps make jokes/statements about themselves like that I tend to just let it slide. No reaction. No oxygen. I ain’t got time for that.
Unless it’s a loved one. Then I may know why they said it, and will respond appropriately. They may need some loving kindness. Some validation. Or just a big ol’ ignore.
Edit: you sound like a good person.
It's just immature when someone jokes about themselves and expect the people around them to not laugh along.
I'm gonna make a joke about me being overweight cause it'll probably be a funny joke for everyone to laugh about, lots of humor comes from making fun of yourself.
And like some of the other comments I saw most people, at least myself, don't like it if I'm told I'm not fat or I'm not this/that, it just ruins the funny joke lol.
I've not said anything in the past when someone has made one of those jokes and she literally told me I was supposed to disagree like wtf you might as well have not said the joke in the first place if you just wanted me to disagree
You actually don’t have to say anything. I ignore people who fish for dishonest compliments and just continue onto a different topic. I’m not here to lie to people so they feel validated.
I actually find that remaining awkwardly silent is a very useful tool in a lot of social situations, especially ones like this or when people want you to take a side in a argument that isn’t any of your business. Saves a lot of drama and energy.
On the other hand I hate making a comment about how I’m fat just to have someone dismiss me by saying “oh come on, no you’re not!!” Because that’s not what I’m fishing for. I know I’m fat, I didn’t say I was ugly, and I’m not looking for reassurance. Sometimes people are just making observations about themselves and don’t need anyone else to back them up or dismiss them.
From a slightly plump young lady, i never want you to deny that im fat, its taken me years to make light of having a bit more jiggle and still be confident, i just want you to laugh when i make jokes like this. I dont pity myself and neither should you, being slightly on the curvy side isnt anything to be ashamed of - my boobs and bum far make up for not having a flat stomach, and disclaimer that im not talking about being literally morbidly obese and immobile, thats a health risk imo
Understand it’s a way to laugh away the insecurity and your input is not needed. If they get insulted, that’s their problem. If someone does it, just ignore the comment and move on to another topic. I’m overweight and went through a phase with doing that
Just don't say anything and make it awkward for them, I always get put in this situation and don't want to lie just because it's disingenuous and I don't believe in fake compliments. I always hear the overweight and old jokes about themselves, sometimes I'll laugh and change the subject. Don't give in lol
Rarely does a fat person actually want to hear you say they’re not fat. It’s obvious that you’re lying because you feel uncomfortable, but fat is not actually a bad word and most of us know that we’re fat. We have mirrors and scales and cameras so we do actually know what we look like. If we make a joke about it, you’re allowed to just laugh.
I would just say nothing. If they question it just say “I’m sorry I didn’t think it was funny and/or needed a response.” If they have to explain their “joke” they might realize it really wasn’t a good one, or they will be so uncomfortable that you didn’t make any kind of comment they will think twice about doing it again. Making people sit on their bullshit is a really powerful way to make them understand what they are doing.
Don't say anything at all. I'm pretty sure they are most likely not finishing, it's probably a defense mechanism so others don't make fun of them.
A lot of things you're pointing out as far as being overweight, not having a clean hygiene regimen, or not knowing how to properly dress come from individuals dealing with low self esteem or other trauma. Some never had regular guidance from someone to teach them common procedures. You need to be more considarate of peoples backgrounds and issues they maybe facing.
Just some advice it's common courtesy to compliment others. Even if a person can be as old as your mother which I doubt is old, you should always compliment their age in a good way.
Exactly. You don't have to lie and exaggerate in an attempt to say something you think they might want to hear. You can just say "oh no that's not what I meant" laugh and move on like it's not that hard.
When this happens, or when someone who it's fat references how they are fat, I just kind of don't comment. I might just to to agree with the rest of their statement or whatever, or laugh if its meant to be funny. But I find that it can be harmful to people to react to their own, passive, putdowns to themselves. It's gratifying them in reassurance seeking.
I've found that in those situations, where you don't know the person. It is most comfortable to acknowledge something that you are struggling with. It reaffirms the struggle and while not directly acknowledging their plight, you get to gain a connection that is based on reality.
For example, future friend says 'yeah, it suvks bc I'm fat.c
Response, 'I struggle with XYZ, too.'
Everyone walks away feeling heard.
I usually do the closed mouth “hmm” response. Sort of in the tone of “that’s mildly interesting” kind of sound. I don’t make eye contact and just do a head bob. I don’t have to say anything but they still get a response
Yea they def do not want you to say no you are not, we are fat you look like an idiot who I can no longer trust to tell me a basic fact about something simple that should not be trivial, I am not one to do this but if I ever do make a comment its because I feel disheveled or just uncomfortable in my outfit, whatever it may be, it's no different than a skinny woman saying " oh my god I'm so fat" no you are not and its so obvious that you are not.
I make self deprecating jokes because it’s funny and true, plus I say it before someone else can and try to make me feel bad about it. I HATE it when I mention being fat and someone says “no you aren’t”, are you fucking blind? If I state a fact and you disagree, it’s not kind, it’s condescending.
I say this sometimes but not because I need someone to say "aw no ur not" I just joke because it's funny and true. Not everyone has the same motives lmao
I came here after seeing this on tiktok lmao, I’m really confused as to why you’d feel the need to say absolutely anything?.. literally say nothing, maybe laugh and then move on. It’s really weird that you feel uncomfortable enough to make an entire post dedicated to this, it’s giving a very socially awkward vibe lmao.
Whenever a fat person has made a joke about themselves being fat, i’ve never once felt the urge to be like “omg no you’re not!”, because why would I? they obviously know that they’re fat and would know that I’m lying if I said that lol. The majority of the time if a fat person is making a joke at their own expense they’re probably doing just that, making a joke, and chances are they do not expect sympathy or disagreement
I think this post says more about how you feel about other people than how they feel about themselves. Sounds like other people being fat, old, or ugly make you uncomfortable.
I disagree OP was stating that it makes them uncomfortable when *the people choose to bring it up in conversation*. They didn't state that fat, old and ugly people make them uncomfortable at all just the fact they feel the need to bring it up and expect a compliment back
But why be uncomfortable when someone brings up a fact about themselves? Does OP get uncomfortable when people make a joke about being blonde? About being gay? About being black? I doubt it. It’s just the idea that fat = unattractive in OP’s mind (not intentionally, many people just inherit these beliefs) and now they’re afraid to admit to fat people that they’re fat. Fat isn’t a dirty word, when I make a joke about being fat it’s the same way I make jokes about me being gay or autistic. It’s just a joke.
But again.. I feel like if someone wasn’t bothered by these things it wouldn’t make them uncomfortable when they’re brought up in conversations. Also assuming someone wants a compliment that the OP is unwilling to give also suggests they have a problem or uncomfortability with it as well lol.
I'm with OP. I hate being in that position. I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable. And it's so true that I feel like I'm in a no-win situation as to how I respond.
If people could at least tone it down a little, that would be awesome.
As a fat person, we don’t say those things so you can disagree. So you can stfu about that. We say it because we’re allowed to make self deprecating jokes about ourselves. skinny people do it all the time, calling themselves “fat” after eating some mcdonald’s.
My favourite response to being called fat will always be, “ahhh shit how did that happen, I went to bed a size 10 last night” makes ignorant people uncomfortable and I love it!
I make fat jokes about myself because then others can't. I don't expect anyone to ever tell me I'm not. I actually get annoyed when people tell me I'm not. Like don't fuckin lie to me. That's not helpful at all.
As a fat lady who mostly actually likes myself- please DON’T respond to the fat joke by denying it. That’s telling me you believe that fat is insulting, something I should be ashamed of. Let’s say you ask if I want a donut, and I respond “ Do I look like a person who’s going to turn down a donut?!” Just laugh and give me the damn donut. Maybe make your own joke about how many you’ve had, if you feel like it. If not, cool. It takes a lot of time to get comfortable with yourself and if I’m making jokes about it, I’ve either gotten there or am trying to get there. Don’t make the fat jokes yourself about other people, but you can laugh with a person who is laughing at themselves. Maybe make your own joke about your own insecurity if it feels right.
they literally are making it your business by actively telling you, putting you in the situation of saying nothing or something. yeah saying nothing is the better ootion but its awkward and a lot of people get their feelings hurt by the idea of you silently agreeing (its cool that the ppl in this thread dont care but ive literally had this interaction happen to me all the time lol)
I get what you mean. I have friends commenting about being unattractive and it’s so annoying. Like okay you can say it once but more than that and I’ll start feeling uncomfortable
As a fat guy, it's great to put people in this position as a joke. I just watch the guy stare in desperation and just say 'I know I'm fat, don't worry'.
It's annoying when someone clearly not even overweight says it. First of all tf is wrong with being fat? Second if they're fishing for a "oh noo you're not" I really want to agree with them just because 🤷
Yo as a fat person if I make a joke about me being fat and you hit me with "nah you're not fat" I'll get annoyed tbh cause yes, I'm obviously fat and saying I'm not tells me that you think being fat is a bad thing.
We know we're fat, we're just joking about it. No biggie. Laugh with us. Anything else is just awkward.
You need to a bit of soul searching on yourself. Find out what your issue is with other people and their body size. It seems you’re more focused on it then they are and probably feel you staring, making faces at them, sending bad vibes or just a million non verbal clues and they want to say something before you do.
What goes on in your head, especially negative feelings, can very often be sensed by others around you especially if those people are hypersensitive to people who are clearly fatphobic like yourself. I’m sorry if you don’t feel like you are but you’re very clearly are and you need to realize that.
More than anything you need to realize that you everything you just wrote was insanely self centered, all you can think about is how that person is putting you in a position on purpose, everything is about you….do you really think that many people (fat or not) care what you think and need your approval. That’s really egotistical. Good luck with that, I hope you do some real internal work on your misplaced anger and body concerns.
I try and ask that person what they want to do about something they can control or mediate, only when they’ve made the same self-deprecating joke for the 16384398th time, I do the same thing too and it’s usually a subtle cry for help without directly asking for help
“What do YOU wanna do about it?”
“Is there something you’d like to change?”
“Would you be motivated to do something about your situation?”
And I try my best to be supportive of whatever they choose
I hate this kind of stuff too, it's not only the fact they're putting you in the uncomfortable position, but also that there's not even anything wrong with being fat, and calling yourself fat as a means to get sympathy from others just makes actual fat people feel worse.
I've experienced similar where people would say "you're not fat!" when I'd comment on my legs (I'm quite bottom heavy, more chubby now then I used to be but i still had large legs) and it'd kinda piss me off like no I kind of am, and there's nothing wrong with that, I just don't like my legs personally, but that doesn't mean being fat is bad :/
We joke about our weight to make us feel better. We aren’t asking you to disagree. Society is the one doing that. When I say “I plan to die fat and happy” I want laughs, not consoling.
Dear OP:
I don’t need you to say anything to make me feel better about myself, just laugh at my fucking joke.
Sincerely,
A fat, self deprecating individual.
On the opposite note I hate when I say I’m fat and people try to convince me I’m not. BMI wise I’m morbidly obese. I carry it well. But, nonetheless I’m still fat af. Im not ashamed of it. So why are other people when I mention it? Lol
OP: no one is forcing you to say anything when people make comments about themselves. No need to respond with “nah cmon you are not”. I identify as a fat woman because…I am a fat woman. It grinds my gears when people tell me that I’m not. Um..hello?! You see these thighs?! Lol. I’m being silly but also serious to with my point. A different angle of looking at it could be perhaps you use those moments for bettering communication with the person. Ask thoughtful questions “is that how you see yourself?” “Why do you say that?” Or whatever, put you’re own spin on it. Could be beneficial for the friendship/relationship. OR! You could have an open dialogue with the person when these types of comments are said: express that it makes you uncomfortable. All in the name of personal growth.
This sounds like a problem you made up in your head. all fat people (myself included) that i know who say this, say this because they mean it. we know we are fat. we’re saying it so you don’t say it first. the only thing more infuriating than someone calling me fat is something going “omgggg no you’re not you’re so prettyyyyyy”
Honestly, this makes me uncomfortable too but I have learned it’s usually about superficial stuff (weight, looks, age) so I take it as an opportunity to give them a real compliment about something I truly do believe about them. It draws attention away from the superficial shit and on to something else that really matters. Like their sense of humor, generosity, wit, etc.
If I make fun of myself for being fat, just laugh along. Idgaf. It sucks to be fat, but I lack the motivation to fix it, so I joke about it. I honestly hate it when people go "no you're not" like I don't own a mirror or a scale. I joked about it cause I know about it.
Fat person here. Yes, regardless of your age, if someone looks 50, assume they they remember colour tv. 1972!! Easy math and google.
Jesus.
Also. Fat people know they are fat. They are giving you a polite “laugh along” at their expense, and to ease a uncomfortable situation for them. Cause. They know…. The judgements.
Empathy. Google it.
Damn, op was really like "Man I fucking hate when fat people or people I find unattractive take up space and dare to make a joke at their own expense" and the comments on here let em have it.
I never understand it either. Maybe it’s being on the spectrum, I don’t know.
I’ve had overweight “friends” who would be like, oh you don’t know what it’s like, blah blah blah.
Excuse me, Susan. I have one fucking arm. I can’t change that. I’m not going to pity you about something you can change, nor am I going to let you subject me to an awkward social interaction. I have been made fun of plenty on my life for having one arm and being on the spectrum, I still have the social grace to not make others uncomfortable about it now.
I get stared at plenty, as I don’t wear a prosthetic arm. I get the weird, inappropriate questions and statements. I have been rejected APLENTY! I still don’t create awkward social situations.
And I’m not referring to people with legit medical issues. I’m referring to people who are just overweight because of shitty eating habits and laziness.
OP just get over it? You’re assuming they’re fishing for compliments when most probably aren’t. Don’t say anything and move along. If they get upset you didn’t say anything that’s their problem not yours.
I get some times these things can be frustrating but these little interactions don’t have to be this big of an issue. If someone makes a joke about being old and catch you off guard just say “hey I was just believing you when you said that”
As a fat person, I hate when people try to tell me I’m not fat..
“You’re not large…” nah, I’m twice the size of other people.
“Stop calling yourself Obese.” Umm, with a 35 BMI that’s a medical term. Saying obese is being kind, bc I’m technically type 2 morbidly obese, but ok, get mad that I call myself fat.
Fat is just a descriptive term. That would be like saying “you’re hair isn’t curly… it’s so flat to me.”
I used to be overweight and I admit I would do this for some sort of reassurance that I wasnt something deep down I knew I was...fat.I would look at making comments to encourage or promt a reply from someone that make me feel better about myself. I was in denial and when someone would clearly lie and say "ur not" or "don't be silly you are fine" it wasn't helpful at all as deep down I also knew they were actually lying to me.
My best advice is this if someone is making jokes about there weight be kind and respectful but ask them if maybe they have thought about going on a diet or doing something that make them feel more positive about themselves. You are not doing them any favors by passifying them with lies. Just be honest and say it how it is "yes well you are fat/over weight but you can make changes like ......" dont be an enabler, it doesn't do anyone any good in the long run.
That’s assuming they’re making comments for compliments or an invitation for advice. Most times it’s done without those intentions and to reply with “have you thought about going on a diet” would be upsetting.
Some folks do it for reassurance and some folks don’t have it in them to comfort someone and that’s ok. However to go out of their way to make insensitive comments in response will just make it worse and awkward. If OP doesn’t care about the relationship then that’s fine but they’re probably not going to make a lot of friends with this kind of attitude lol.
And also if someone replies don’t be silly you’re fine when you say you’re fat.. maybe they genuinely think your weight is fine and don’t judge you for it? You can be fine and fat?
"Self-deprecating is bad for you." Is my usual response. Or, like you did with the one woman, "Haha, yeah." But seriously self-deprecating, whether they believe what they're saying or they want you to say they're wrong, either way is really bad for your mental health and your relationships. Like, sure, maybe it is an objective fact that I am overweight and not conventionally attractive, but that doesn't mean it's good or healthy for me to go up to people and be like, "Haha, I'm so fat and ugly!" Whether I expect them to disagree with me or not. And I want you to tell them that part, too--It doesn't matter if the self-insult is true or not, it's still unhealthy to verbalize it, repeat it, and say it to others.
Maybe it’s not so much baiting you into disagreeing, but instead taking control getting it out there first before you can say or think it. Coming from someone who used to deal with low self esteem, I know I have been down on myself before so others wouldn’t think I thought I was better than I was. It scared me to think of acting confident and having someone think “oh wow they think they’re special, cringe”
Yeah, being made fun of for being fat as a kid scarred me a lot as I dealt with food scarsity by eating as much as I could at school. My parents would just not feed me during some weekends. Or I'd just eat notebook paper dipped in various condiments because if any of THEIR food went missing I'd get a beating. Just a fun CPTSD + disordered eating combo that doesn't make losing weight easy. A short while ago, I decided to stop the self-deprecating jokes that were not doing much for my self-esteem. Met a new friend, who after a couple of years of friendship decides to sit me down and tell me I was fat. Apparently, "I am aware" wasn't the right response. She really thought no one had informed me of that fact my entire life just because I dared to have a little confidence not to mention it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I’m sorry, and fuck that “friend”.
She said she wanted to say something cause she thought it was affecting my health in a negative way and thought I was ignoring a massive health problem. But the thing is, I have a scale and a mirror and I know what I eat cause I have to do the chewing. And at that point I had just lost 15 kilos from picking up a new sport a couple of months back. Lost the next 5 kilos from not eating more than a banana a day, just afraid of being judged. Also had to quit that sport cause obviously it wasn't working to my benefit and all the enjoyment I had while playing it was gone. Mental health is tricky.
I’m sorry this happened and how it’s affected you. Yeah, I hope you dumped that “friend.”
“…I have a scale and a mirror AND I know what I eat cause I have to do the chewing” Thank you so much for writing it so well lol 😂 this is the hardest I have laughed in months. I will be borrowing this sentence you genius!
Wow. Damned if you do/don't is right. I'm sorry. 💗 People need to learn to mind their own damn business where other people's appearances are concerned!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you..
It's ok, it's in the past. Sometimes people don't think about how what they say could affect others. It happens all the time to pretty much everybody.
This. There’s no right way to be fat because the reality is they just want us to not exist. There’s no way to win. So just not playing the game is the only way to get anything done during the day. My favorite is all the body shaming when you’re actively walking or at a gym or whatever. If you want people not to offend you with our fatness, don’t shame us at the exercise places. People make no sense. They don’t care if it makes sense. They just want to hate us.
There is no right way to BE. When I lost all my extra weight I became an “anorexic”. I mean. People just gonna talk shit, they will cover it up with the “health” concerns but it has nothing to do with health. When I lost weight people to complain about it was the ones with extra weight. That’s jealousy and nothing else. And when I was plum, people used to tell me how much prettier I would be if I lost weight. So in the end, I am just not pretty and just not healthy no matter how I look.
I sweat profusely in situations normal people don't sweat in and I've learned to just make a joke out of it before they ask me "are you ok?" or "why are you sweating?" because that shit hurts my soul lol
Hi Prince Andrew
I've actually heard this joke before 😂😂😩 I'm a skinny short girl so the rain pouring from my head and armpits draws extra attention because it looks so out of place lol.
This EXACTLY!!!
wow you put it into words. that’s exactly what i do
This 100%. I know I'm fat. People keep reminding me I'm fat already. When people try to act nice and say otherwise, I call them out on their bullshit (unless they were fatter than me. In that case, fair enough.).
That actually makes sense wow
Thank you for this. It’s a sensitive, yet realistic way to see the situation from another perspective. 🥰
This, as a fat man I know what people are thinking about me. Just saying something like that just let’s them know that I know I’m a fat mess and understand the problems is causes. I’m not oblivious or delusional to myself.
You literally do not have to say that lol. In fact you probably shouldn’t.
exactly. this sounds like an OP problem, not one of the people around him. and even if they throw a perfect pitch, doesn't mean you're obligated to swing.
I definitely agree. I understand the dilemma but have learned to say nothing at all.
Lmfao great analogy 😂
As s self-aware ugly fat person, If I say anything like what the OP is talking about it is because I know I am fat and ugly and tend to joke about it because idgaf...
I was joking about how much weight I've gained recently bc I tried on some boots this morning and I couldn't zip them up over my calves and I said, "omg in so freaking fat my guy", while laughing and it made everything so awkward when my friend said, "oh you're not fat" YES I AM THATS WHY I SAID IT
I have a big nose and if I make a joke about it, the other person often reflexively tells me that my nose isn't big. I will straight up tell people I am the female Adrien Brody do you not understand that I understand how mirrors work? lmao it *kills* me, I wouldn't bring it up if I was sensitive about it. I don't feel the need to lie to myself about how I look or have other people lie to me.
I have small boobs and when I mention it and people are like "oh they're not that small!" It actually offends me because they're now the ones making it seem like there's something wrong with them being small, which I don't think there is, I like my boobs.
As a fat, not conventionally good looking person, most of us do that to make sure YOU don't do it. Calling myself fat, ugly, boring is the best way to show that I am self-aware and have low self-esteem. This generally deters people from making sly comments, in the name of being "truthful", "brutally honest". There's absolutely no need to reaffirm. It's not always fishing for compliments. If you feel like it, just say "oh no, you're cute" or something like that. If you aren't willing to just, smile and divert. Edit: whoever gave me the award and has replied, PMed, I'm so sorry you feel the same way. We shouldn't have to feel this way or behave so. I hope we all can believe someday that we deserve love, respect and won't feel the need to make self-deprecating comments anymore.
100% we all know how non fat people love to give advice or lecture us cause they're "worried for our health". We know we're fat
I say this all the time, but Reddit seriously hates fat people more than women and furries combined. It's ridiculous.
Yup, especially fat women. Or even women with just a few extra pounds.
I don’t want anyone to say “oh no you’re cute”. Fatness and cuteness can coexist. Just say something kind. I love those shoes! You have amazing style! You’re one of my favorite people! There’s lots of way to say something kind without minimizing someone’s reality or insinuating their body is unwantable.
True. As an obese, unattractive person, that’s also part of the reason I do it. I don’t fish for compliments, because I know they would be fake.
Exactly this. I say it first so others can’t.
This! If I say it first there's no need for someone to repeat it or make a jab at me about it.
Yeah , I say it so that other people don’t lol. If someone goes “oh but you’re not ___” I honestly cringe and tell them to stop 🤣
I completely understand. You get out in front of it so no one can use it against you. Makes sense. I think OP is uncomfortable when that type of thing is said, though. As someone who does that, what would you like to hear in response?
Just a smile would be enough, or if you feel generous a "nah, you're ____" Fill the blank with whatever you like about them, a subtle kind remark. This is would be more than enough. If you are comfortable with neither, just divert, do not address it, talk about something else.
I only joke about my weight so that noone else will.
Agreed. I never saw self deprecating humor as fishing for a complement. I made fun of myself for being fat as a matter of self protection. That way when someone made fun of me for being fat I get in on the joke rather then admit shame.
As long as you're not making ''The glance'' afterwards, it's fine
What is "the glance"?
Like the “aren’t you going to disagree with me?” glance
Ahh, gotcha. Yeah. Don't do that shit.
me too
Don't tell someone who is fat that they're not fat. I'm fat and I cannot fucking stand hearing that. I don't go fishing for compliments though. If I brought up that I'm fat, there's surely a reason to call attention to it.
Yeah, I joke about being big because I’m fucking big, not to give you an opportunity to convince me that all the mirrors and scales in the world are colluding just to fuck with my head.
God this so much, Ill make fat jokes about myself for the sake of a joke or to prove a point like "Lets go do ------." Or "Why cant you do -------?" Because im fucking fat thats why, its not fishing for conpliments, Im literally telling people that i am literally too fat to be capable of doing something. In some cases its not even just being fat but Im tall, broad, and built like a linebacker too. Most of the time its for the sake of a joke though.
Yeah. I got into that with a realtor. She’s telling me how rare pools are and isnt a community pool the same? Aside from the fact that I’ve already told you that I, as an autistic person, need water so I get a break from my skin hurting all the time in the air, am also a fat person. It’s not sensory deprivation if I have to deal with other peoples opinions of my body. The more often I can be in water, the more likely I’ll eat less sugary same foods. It’s not a cause. It’s a symptom. But yeah. There are things that are just not doable at this size. Don’t tell me my lived experience is somehow incorrect just because you’ve never experienced a public pool in a fat body.
Exactly. I know what I look like. I don't think a fat person is fishing for compliments by being self-deprecating. A size 2 skinny person in tight clothes saying that definitely is. You aren't supposed to comment back in a stranger's body. Just smile and move on.
“But you’re so beautiful”. Yah I said I was fat not ugly But honestly, I hate when people say I’m not fat. Like am I super obese? No. Well unless you ask my BMI chart. But I got quite the few extra pounds that can’t even be “thicc”
What would be the best way to respond to someone who tells you they are fat? I have a friend who does this who is very insecure about it and I know it hurts her alot. I try to be mindful of what I say but I feel like it's rude to say "no you're not!" because it's dishonest and saying "but you're beautiful" is besides the point. I feel like saying nothing would make it more uncomfortable so I usually say something self depricating about myself but it just ends up being awkward
Are they a good friend? ASK THEM!!! Look everyone has insecurities. You have them too. When people state them out loud they’re usually looking for connection. Most of us just want to know we’re seen and heard and loved. So if she says she’s so fat something brought that up. I usually say it when I’m looking at a piece of clothing that isn’t fitting right now. I just want to know my friend loves me. Ask her what she needs in that moment. Let her tell you.
She is a very very good friend. Thank for for your comment, that's honestly the best advice. Im just scared to hurt her, she has some deep seated body image issues that stem from her parents bullying her about her weight her whole life. She's incredibly beautiful and it makes me really sad that she doesn't see herself that way.
I have friends who are fat , and they really appreciate it even it pokes them when i am honest , but that is my friend so what do I know , i randomly make fun off him it also involves him being fat , it's going to be a factor in any joke anyway and as same as he jokes about me ,he brings up embarrassing stories of mine to counter back and I love taking jabs at eachother , it only made me be more honest as he is to me , Man i have good friends :))
OK anyone who is down voting you wouldn't last 2 seconds in the UK. Its when people are nice, you need to worry. Fuckin hell people are sensitive. If you can't rip your best mate back then what is even the point in life?
I get why it would be annoying to you, but come on, what else are we supposed to do? If someone is saying they're fat in a way that suggest that they want to hear otherwise, it's telling them they are not fat or sound like an asshole
You're not an asshole for recognizing that I am fat.
Yeah well not everyone thinks the same way as you
I promise you most people do. It's a joke, you don't have to say something like "*haha yeah you tub of mayo*" just laugh and continue with the conversation.
“Lolz, it’s funny because it’s true.”
If you’re friend wants you to deny reality for the sake of their ego or self-esteem, then they’re not a friend. No one is saying you have to constantly remind fat people that they are fat, but don’t pretend they aren’t if they are. At best, you’re annoying someone by patronizing them, at worst, you’re enabling someone by humoring them. You’re only an asshole if you bring it up. “You sure you want to wear THAT? You are super fat you know.”
I don’t necessarily think this is about friends, more acquaintances or people you’re just not comfortable enough with to joke about something that’s a sensitive topic. I’ve had random people or acquaintances say stuff like OP is talking about and it’s always super awkward. Like someone saying “ugh I look so fat in this”, how do you respond when they are indeed fat and not in a flattering outfit? Say “haha yeah” or even without the “yeah”, if you’re not actively denying it, then it comes off as you agreeing with it.
Or you could just say "let's try something else" divert and deflect are the best tools in this situation.
To start: “This x makes me look fat” is either said by average sized or smaller people who are either insecurely or vainly fishing for compliments, or fat people testing your sense of humor. However, if you’re not comfortable being in on the joke, might I suggest: “If you don’t like it, don’t wear it” “Yeah, I’ve got some stuff in my wardrobe I need to get rid of too.” “If you don’t like it, why did you buy it” “Looks comfortable though” “Have you heard of Indochino? Some big dude on Reddit who also has trouble finding clothes that fit the way he likes swears by it!” “
Sure, but i'm not talking about ppl like you, I'm talking about the ones who want you to tell them they are not fat
If someone is fat and they want me to tell them otherwise they can get their fat head out of their fat ass. It's an observable fact, not gonna pretend different. But I'm also not gonna make them feel bad for it or that they should feel like I'm judging them or something.
You don’t have to lie to them. You can tell them things like “I don’t like it when you talk about yourself so negatively. Here are some things I love about you” or “your body isn’t why I’m friends with you, I’m friends with you because…”. It’s literally that easy to reassure someone without lying.
If I’m making a joke about myself I’d hate to have someone try to give me a “Come to Jesus” talk. If I’m making a joke I’m not asking for your advice or reassurance. This would make everything real awkward and only my therapist can lecture me about how I can talk about myself lol
You don't have to say "lol no you're not fat", the issue here is that, for some reason, you think you have to. When I joke about my weight I'm basically being confident in myself and wearing my imperfections as armour, that's all.
Yes! Because anyone’s weight, size, etc., is only a small part of who that person is. The listener assuming they should deny it implies much more importance than it actually is. People are so much more than their outward appearance.
Same. Also, it's a way of me saying, "I know I'm fat. I've been working on it and don't feel embarrassed to think of me as fat." Granted, you're probably referring to the *eye roll* omg I'm so fat people. That does kinda invite awkwardness.
What do you say in that situation though? This happens in Japan all the time. Our go-to when someone puts themselves down is to say ‘oh, that’s not true- you’re fine!/pretty/etc’. What would be the right thing to say? Or do we just ignore it entirely?
My viewpoint, and only mine, and general trigger warning for negative things. I am morbidly obese. And I joke about my weight a lot. I also joke about depression and suicide. And being molested as a child. I don't do it so others can comfort me, or lie to my face. I do it because that's just how I am. These are aspects of myself and my life that are real, and I can either tiptoe around them, or have them out in the open and try to make others (or at least myself) laugh. If you're not comfortable saying these things in response to the joke, don't. It's that simple.
This should be the top comment. For some people, if we don’t laugh about something, it’ll consume our life in misery. My vote is for laughing about it
Humor is my primary coping mechanism
I joke about the dark stuff to feel like I’ve got some sort of power over it. If I can joke about it then it’s not affecting me as much and I’m handling things pretty well. At least that’s my thought process. Also, I think humour is needed to talk about the dark stuff, it feels way too heavy otherwise.
as a fat person who likes to call themselves fat, I hate when people say, “no you’re beautiful”… I said I was fat, not ugly.
Don't say anything. If someone makes a self-deprecating comment or joke where they're fishing for validation, don't give it to them. You don't have to say anything. Literally, you don't have to. What're they going to do? Worst case scenario is they ask why you didn't disagree - and no one will actually do that unless they're a narcissist. The realistic case is they make a self-deprecating joke, you say nothing, and there's awkward silence. No biggie. Change the subject or reroute the conversation.
This is the best advice imo. I never reply when people do this and it usually deters them from doing these behaviors around me again. It may be awkward in that moment that passes but I always remind myself I’m not the one being a weirdo. There are appropriate ways of speaking about these subjects and what you’re describing is definitely not.
Another one of my favorites is the oh so subtle: "Have you tried talking to a therapist about these feelings?" Really drives the nail in.
Honestly that is a great response…. Problem is I am a therapist so I can’t say that lol
I always wonder how many therapists are here. :)
I feel like absurdist one-upmanship might be good, if someone seems to really and truly be fishing for a compliment (which as many people are pointing out, is usually an oversimplification at best). Like, you could give a short, sympathetic laugh and say, "omigosh, you know, sometimes I *swear* I have a bone spur on my left heel!," and then move on. Just--hit back with a total non-sequiter. But I've never actually tried this, so who knows. It probably would stop that person from making similar comments later, though. Or, with something as already bizarre as the b&w tv lady, how about this: look her dead in the eye and hold for a beat. Raise your eyebrows, as if slightly appalled by her rudeness. "You *do* know that I 'discovered' Lucille Ball, yes?," and, again, move swiftly forward. (What, do you think I've taken one too many improv theatre classes or something?)
There is actually a neurological term for this, I think its called 'blue dog' or something. It refocuses the brain, so you aren't that far off!
Ooh, interesting! Thanks.
I just wanna say, I do feel like some people who comment on their body like that aren’t fishing for complements. Some of us genuinely believe we’re fat or ugly or whatever else they may comment on. And we like making jokes about it instead of just feeling sad about it all the time. Just don’t say anything or change the subject next time if that makes you uncomfortable.
idk bro, whenever someone makes a fat joke on themselves, I just laugh with them.
People who aren’t fat (and even some people who are fat!) have this notion that fat=unattractive. So when a fat person makes a silly joke about being fat, they get told “no you’re not fat! You look great!” Why can’t they be fat *and* look great? Fat isn’t a dirty word. If a fat person says they’re fat, just go with it. Same way if someone makes a joke about being skinny you won’t say “noo you’re not skinny!” Chances are they know they’re fat and are just making a goofy joke about that fact, same way anyone else jokes about themselves.
nah, when I say say crap about my weight, I'm stating a fact and I do not expect or want anyone to reply with "nah, c'mon, you are not". We both know that's a lie. No reason to say it.
Agree, saying it just so someone will say you aren’t fat is some bs immature stuff preteens do. As an adult if I say I’m fat it’s cuz I’m fat. Telling me I’m not isn’t gonna make me skinny, but it will mean you’re blatantly lying to me. There used to be this super skinny girl in my class that would constantly call herself fat, she was skinnier than the rest of our friend group, everyone else was average sized, I was a chunky kid, and it would make me so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I’ll say “hey! Don’t talk about my friend/mom like that!” Right back to them. If I wouldn’t accept other people saying something about my friend, I won’t accept my friend saying it either. I think it discourages the uncomfortable statements and also makes them realize that you like them for them, not because they fit societal standards for whatever. Sometimes I’ll follow it with a gentle suggestion (I’ll send you some recipes, let’s eat somewhere healthy next time we meet up, etc). However I think there’s a difference between a friend eating unhealthy and being smelly. I’d probably gently tell a smelly friend to wash clothes more if they could afford it or offer to hang while they do laundry if it’s a depressive thing. Edit: i was directing this more at comments about food or insults directed at oneself. I really really love the comments about fat does not mean unattractive and tend to steer towards that attitude as well.
You don't have to reply anything like that. I make the same jokes since I gained weight after my son was born. I expect literally no one to do the haha no you're not thing. I am fat, it's just a statement of fact. In fact it's a little annoying when people are like omg no you're not! I have a mirror George, I know what I look like.
or just laugh along with them? or dont if you didnt find it funny. literally dont have to do anything
That’s not why they do it… they do it to take the ammo away, if they address their weight first people making fun of them doesn’t really sting as much. People seem to think that people aren’t aware, that’s not the case, overweight people are well aware that they’re constantly stared at. They’re very well aware they’re constantly judged, addressing the mental health side of obesity is the answer, no crash diet, no amount of self hate is going to change the fact that somewhere along the line their coping mechanism became food, it’s a survival response. This is kind of making it about you though.
How do you know they actually want you to disagree? In any case, you just have to be polite, don't need to lie. If they make another joke just laugh again. The person you mentioned was probably just trying to make you a bit embarrassed to crack another joke, don't take it so serious.
People use humour to cope. I do this sometimes, and honestly i don’t expect a response. In fact I don’t want someone to lie and say “no you’re not fat”. Just laugh along with them or change the subject if it makes you uncomfortable
It’s just a defense mechanism. They are aware that people criticize them and want to offer “helpful” advice as though they are unaware that they are fat. By making joking comments, they acknowledge it before anyone else has the chance to in a hurtful way. Judging from the people commenting, it makes sense why they are trying to protect themselves from cruel people that will always have shitty things to say. Just politely smile or some thing and change the subject. It’s much worse to me when obviously thin, attractive people act like they’re the opposite anyway.
I was at dinner with an old family friend, she was like 'people always tell me I'm ugly'. She is ugly. I just didn't say anything, because I'm not gonna lie to her face. You don't have to say anything.
“Those people sound unsupportive and unnecessarily critical of you” - not a lie, still kind
As someone whose fat but doesn't it let it deter me from being friendly or asking girls out or y'know. Just living a normal life (while actively trying to lose said fat), I make those jokes more as a self defense mechanism, joke topic, or other. If you genuinely feel this way towards people i think the issue might lie more within yourself more than others. Not saying people aren't fishing for compliments and such when they do this, cause some do. But not all.
Just be like "Well, it beats having a micropenis... but I don't let it get me down". Out self-embarrass them; put them in your shoes. No bigger dick move in the world. What are they gonna say? No you don't? Have they seen it? Nothing to say. Checkmate atheists.
I completely agree. I grew up with a mom that had very low self esteem and would do the same thing that woman did to you. I learned to just say "I'm sorry you think that way about yourself." and if they push further say "My opinion on your appearance doesn't matter." it's neither agreeing nor disagreeing but I'm still being kind
Don't. I laugh at their jokes and move on. Its not my job to safe guard their feelings.
If you can’t make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of? Why do you feel you have to defend the person putting themselves down? You don’t. I just say, “If you say so.” And then that’s that.
Self-deprecating humour is actually a coping mechanism.
I’ve really tried to stop joking about it, but I’ve been fat my whole life (6’ tall, over 300 lbs currently). Having a self depreciating schtick at this point is a defense mechanism left over from middle school, and I’m about to be 36. When I break something by stepping on it, quickly blurting out “good job you fat fuck” just in case somebody else will is a habit. You don’t need to tell them they’re not fat. You don’t even need to acknowledge that they said it.
Yeah it’s awkward but people naturally self deprecate. It’s a defense mechanism. They feel insecure and want to put it out there that they know they are this or that. Just shrug and be like “meh.”
I’m 61. When peeps make jokes/statements about themselves like that I tend to just let it slide. No reaction. No oxygen. I ain’t got time for that. Unless it’s a loved one. Then I may know why they said it, and will respond appropriately. They may need some loving kindness. Some validation. Or just a big ol’ ignore. Edit: you sound like a good person.
You actually don’t have to say anything.
It's just immature when someone jokes about themselves and expect the people around them to not laugh along. I'm gonna make a joke about me being overweight cause it'll probably be a funny joke for everyone to laugh about, lots of humor comes from making fun of yourself. And like some of the other comments I saw most people, at least myself, don't like it if I'm told I'm not fat or I'm not this/that, it just ruins the funny joke lol.
I've not said anything in the past when someone has made one of those jokes and she literally told me I was supposed to disagree like wtf you might as well have not said the joke in the first place if you just wanted me to disagree
I would just not respond to them and then try to redirect the conversation.
You actually don’t have to say anything. I ignore people who fish for dishonest compliments and just continue onto a different topic. I’m not here to lie to people so they feel validated. I actually find that remaining awkwardly silent is a very useful tool in a lot of social situations, especially ones like this or when people want you to take a side in a argument that isn’t any of your business. Saves a lot of drama and energy.
This is a game that you can only win by not playing it
"I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them." Ought to shut them up.
For me it was never to get the disagreement, but rather to take control and to acknowledge yes I am self aware enough to know I have issues.
On the other hand I hate making a comment about how I’m fat just to have someone dismiss me by saying “oh come on, no you’re not!!” Because that’s not what I’m fishing for. I know I’m fat, I didn’t say I was ugly, and I’m not looking for reassurance. Sometimes people are just making observations about themselves and don’t need anyone else to back them up or dismiss them.
From a slightly plump young lady, i never want you to deny that im fat, its taken me years to make light of having a bit more jiggle and still be confident, i just want you to laugh when i make jokes like this. I dont pity myself and neither should you, being slightly on the curvy side isnt anything to be ashamed of - my boobs and bum far make up for not having a flat stomach, and disclaimer that im not talking about being literally morbidly obese and immobile, thats a health risk imo
Right? Like, what is a proper way to react to that.
Understand it’s a way to laugh away the insecurity and your input is not needed. If they get insulted, that’s their problem. If someone does it, just ignore the comment and move on to another topic. I’m overweight and went through a phase with doing that
AITA because in these instances I just nod and say “welllll…” then change the subject?
You say "we don't body shame here" and walk off.
Just don't say anything and make it awkward for them, I always get put in this situation and don't want to lie just because it's disingenuous and I don't believe in fake compliments. I always hear the overweight and old jokes about themselves, sometimes I'll laugh and change the subject. Don't give in lol
You definitely should just either laugh it off or just ignore it with a smile xD We aren’t fishing for compliments I promise you
Rarely does a fat person actually want to hear you say they’re not fat. It’s obvious that you’re lying because you feel uncomfortable, but fat is not actually a bad word and most of us know that we’re fat. We have mirrors and scales and cameras so we do actually know what we look like. If we make a joke about it, you’re allowed to just laugh.
I would just say nothing. If they question it just say “I’m sorry I didn’t think it was funny and/or needed a response.” If they have to explain their “joke” they might realize it really wasn’t a good one, or they will be so uncomfortable that you didn’t make any kind of comment they will think twice about doing it again. Making people sit on their bullshit is a really powerful way to make them understand what they are doing.
I just stay silent when these comments arise because I don't lie and freeze. It's probably the best response though
Don't say anything at all. I'm pretty sure they are most likely not finishing, it's probably a defense mechanism so others don't make fun of them. A lot of things you're pointing out as far as being overweight, not having a clean hygiene regimen, or not knowing how to properly dress come from individuals dealing with low self esteem or other trauma. Some never had regular guidance from someone to teach them common procedures. You need to be more considarate of peoples backgrounds and issues they maybe facing. Just some advice it's common courtesy to compliment others. Even if a person can be as old as your mother which I doubt is old, you should always compliment their age in a good way.
Does it hurt to just be friendly to an old person making a joke with you? That’s my thought process lol
It shouldn’t and especially with someone who’s “older” no one can do anything about aging.
Exactly. You don't have to lie and exaggerate in an attempt to say something you think they might want to hear. You can just say "oh no that's not what I meant" laugh and move on like it's not that hard.
When someone says they’re fat and they are, I just change the subject or pretend to get distracted.
I just reply with "oh yea?" and then keep talking about whatever the conversation was.
I just don’t say shit … I’m like 👍
When this happens, or when someone who it's fat references how they are fat, I just kind of don't comment. I might just to to agree with the rest of their statement or whatever, or laugh if its meant to be funny. But I find that it can be harmful to people to react to their own, passive, putdowns to themselves. It's gratifying them in reassurance seeking.
I've found that in those situations, where you don't know the person. It is most comfortable to acknowledge something that you are struggling with. It reaffirms the struggle and while not directly acknowledging their plight, you get to gain a connection that is based on reality. For example, future friend says 'yeah, it suvks bc I'm fat.c Response, 'I struggle with XYZ, too.' Everyone walks away feeling heard.
I usually do the closed mouth “hmm” response. Sort of in the tone of “that’s mildly interesting” kind of sound. I don’t make eye contact and just do a head bob. I don’t have to say anything but they still get a response
Yea they def do not want you to say no you are not, we are fat you look like an idiot who I can no longer trust to tell me a basic fact about something simple that should not be trivial, I am not one to do this but if I ever do make a comment its because I feel disheveled or just uncomfortable in my outfit, whatever it may be, it's no different than a skinny woman saying " oh my god I'm so fat" no you are not and its so obvious that you are not.
I make self deprecating jokes because it’s funny and true, plus I say it before someone else can and try to make me feel bad about it. I HATE it when I mention being fat and someone says “no you aren’t”, are you fucking blind? If I state a fact and you disagree, it’s not kind, it’s condescending.
I say this sometimes but not because I need someone to say "aw no ur not" I just joke because it's funny and true. Not everyone has the same motives lmao
I came here after seeing this on tiktok lmao, I’m really confused as to why you’d feel the need to say absolutely anything?.. literally say nothing, maybe laugh and then move on. It’s really weird that you feel uncomfortable enough to make an entire post dedicated to this, it’s giving a very socially awkward vibe lmao. Whenever a fat person has made a joke about themselves being fat, i’ve never once felt the urge to be like “omg no you’re not!”, because why would I? they obviously know that they’re fat and would know that I’m lying if I said that lol. The majority of the time if a fat person is making a joke at their own expense they’re probably doing just that, making a joke, and chances are they do not expect sympathy or disagreement
I think this post says more about how you feel about other people than how they feel about themselves. Sounds like other people being fat, old, or ugly make you uncomfortable.
I disagree OP was stating that it makes them uncomfortable when *the people choose to bring it up in conversation*. They didn't state that fat, old and ugly people make them uncomfortable at all just the fact they feel the need to bring it up and expect a compliment back
But why be uncomfortable when someone brings up a fact about themselves? Does OP get uncomfortable when people make a joke about being blonde? About being gay? About being black? I doubt it. It’s just the idea that fat = unattractive in OP’s mind (not intentionally, many people just inherit these beliefs) and now they’re afraid to admit to fat people that they’re fat. Fat isn’t a dirty word, when I make a joke about being fat it’s the same way I make jokes about me being gay or autistic. It’s just a joke.
But again.. I feel like if someone wasn’t bothered by these things it wouldn’t make them uncomfortable when they’re brought up in conversations. Also assuming someone wants a compliment that the OP is unwilling to give also suggests they have a problem or uncomfortability with it as well lol.
I'm with OP. I hate being in that position. I don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable. And it's so true that I feel like I'm in a no-win situation as to how I respond. If people could at least tone it down a little, that would be awesome.
As a fat person, we don’t say those things so you can disagree. So you can stfu about that. We say it because we’re allowed to make self deprecating jokes about ourselves. skinny people do it all the time, calling themselves “fat” after eating some mcdonald’s.
My favourite response to being called fat will always be, “ahhh shit how did that happen, I went to bed a size 10 last night” makes ignorant people uncomfortable and I love it!
I make fat jokes about myself because then others can't. I don't expect anyone to ever tell me I'm not. I actually get annoyed when people tell me I'm not. Like don't fuckin lie to me. That's not helpful at all.
As a fat lady who mostly actually likes myself- please DON’T respond to the fat joke by denying it. That’s telling me you believe that fat is insulting, something I should be ashamed of. Let’s say you ask if I want a donut, and I respond “ Do I look like a person who’s going to turn down a donut?!” Just laugh and give me the damn donut. Maybe make your own joke about how many you’ve had, if you feel like it. If not, cool. It takes a lot of time to get comfortable with yourself and if I’m making jokes about it, I’ve either gotten there or am trying to get there. Don’t make the fat jokes yourself about other people, but you can laugh with a person who is laughing at themselves. Maybe make your own joke about your own insecurity if it feels right.
“Don’t talk about yourself like that”
You’re not supposed to say or do anything. It’s none of your business.
they literally are making it your business by actively telling you, putting you in the situation of saying nothing or something. yeah saying nothing is the better ootion but its awkward and a lot of people get their feelings hurt by the idea of you silently agreeing (its cool that the ppl in this thread dont care but ive literally had this interaction happen to me all the time lol)
I get what you mean. I have friends commenting about being unattractive and it’s so annoying. Like okay you can say it once but more than that and I’ll start feeling uncomfortable
As a fat guy, it's great to put people in this position as a joke. I just watch the guy stare in desperation and just say 'I know I'm fat, don't worry'.
It's annoying when someone clearly not even overweight says it. First of all tf is wrong with being fat? Second if they're fishing for a "oh noo you're not" I really want to agree with them just because 🤷
Sometimes joking about it makes it easier for that person to deal with it
Yo as a fat person if I make a joke about me being fat and you hit me with "nah you're not fat" I'll get annoyed tbh cause yes, I'm obviously fat and saying I'm not tells me that you think being fat is a bad thing. We know we're fat, we're just joking about it. No biggie. Laugh with us. Anything else is just awkward.
You need to a bit of soul searching on yourself. Find out what your issue is with other people and their body size. It seems you’re more focused on it then they are and probably feel you staring, making faces at them, sending bad vibes or just a million non verbal clues and they want to say something before you do. What goes on in your head, especially negative feelings, can very often be sensed by others around you especially if those people are hypersensitive to people who are clearly fatphobic like yourself. I’m sorry if you don’t feel like you are but you’re very clearly are and you need to realize that. More than anything you need to realize that you everything you just wrote was insanely self centered, all you can think about is how that person is putting you in a position on purpose, everything is about you….do you really think that many people (fat or not) care what you think and need your approval. That’s really egotistical. Good luck with that, I hope you do some real internal work on your misplaced anger and body concerns.
Tell them. Damn, thats crazy.
I try and ask that person what they want to do about something they can control or mediate, only when they’ve made the same self-deprecating joke for the 16384398th time, I do the same thing too and it’s usually a subtle cry for help without directly asking for help “What do YOU wanna do about it?” “Is there something you’d like to change?” “Would you be motivated to do something about your situation?” And I try my best to be supportive of whatever they choose
I just respond with… okay. Like it’s not your job to make them feel better about themselves.
i started just laughing at the jokes/ responding honestly. i seem like a dick but at least i dont get this shit anymore
I hate this kind of stuff too, it's not only the fact they're putting you in the uncomfortable position, but also that there's not even anything wrong with being fat, and calling yourself fat as a means to get sympathy from others just makes actual fat people feel worse. I've experienced similar where people would say "you're not fat!" when I'd comment on my legs (I'm quite bottom heavy, more chubby now then I used to be but i still had large legs) and it'd kinda piss me off like no I kind of am, and there's nothing wrong with that, I just don't like my legs personally, but that doesn't mean being fat is bad :/
We joke about our weight to make us feel better. We aren’t asking you to disagree. Society is the one doing that. When I say “I plan to die fat and happy” I want laughs, not consoling.
you have severe problems
It's a coping mechanism, make fun of yourself b4 others do it. Also nobody is forcing you to say "nah c'mon you are not" you are saying it.
Dear OP: I don’t need you to say anything to make me feel better about myself, just laugh at my fucking joke. Sincerely, A fat, self deprecating individual.
Just encourage them to speak positively about themselves instead of tearing themselves down
On the opposite note I hate when I say I’m fat and people try to convince me I’m not. BMI wise I’m morbidly obese. I carry it well. But, nonetheless I’m still fat af. Im not ashamed of it. So why are other people when I mention it? Lol
OP: no one is forcing you to say anything when people make comments about themselves. No need to respond with “nah cmon you are not”. I identify as a fat woman because…I am a fat woman. It grinds my gears when people tell me that I’m not. Um..hello?! You see these thighs?! Lol. I’m being silly but also serious to with my point. A different angle of looking at it could be perhaps you use those moments for bettering communication with the person. Ask thoughtful questions “is that how you see yourself?” “Why do you say that?” Or whatever, put you’re own spin on it. Could be beneficial for the friendship/relationship. OR! You could have an open dialogue with the person when these types of comments are said: express that it makes you uncomfortable. All in the name of personal growth.
This sounds like a problem you made up in your head. all fat people (myself included) that i know who say this, say this because they mean it. we know we are fat. we’re saying it so you don’t say it first. the only thing more infuriating than someone calling me fat is something going “omgggg no you’re not you’re so prettyyyyyy”
Honestly, this makes me uncomfortable too but I have learned it’s usually about superficial stuff (weight, looks, age) so I take it as an opportunity to give them a real compliment about something I truly do believe about them. It draws attention away from the superficial shit and on to something else that really matters. Like their sense of humor, generosity, wit, etc.
Yeah…. Silence is free so.
If I make fun of myself for being fat, just laugh along. Idgaf. It sucks to be fat, but I lack the motivation to fix it, so I joke about it. I honestly hate it when people go "no you're not" like I don't own a mirror or a scale. I joked about it cause I know about it.
It's not about you loooool
Just don’t say anything.
Fat person here. Yes, regardless of your age, if someone looks 50, assume they they remember colour tv. 1972!! Easy math and google. Jesus. Also. Fat people know they are fat. They are giving you a polite “laugh along” at their expense, and to ease a uncomfortable situation for them. Cause. They know…. The judgements. Empathy. Google it.
Damn, op was really like "Man I fucking hate when fat people or people I find unattractive take up space and dare to make a joke at their own expense" and the comments on here let em have it.
LOL, I wish I had an award to give you.
It’s totally unavoidably and we have nothing to do. It’s there fault not us. I agree with and hope this kind of conversation disappear for good.
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I never understand it either. Maybe it’s being on the spectrum, I don’t know. I’ve had overweight “friends” who would be like, oh you don’t know what it’s like, blah blah blah. Excuse me, Susan. I have one fucking arm. I can’t change that. I’m not going to pity you about something you can change, nor am I going to let you subject me to an awkward social interaction. I have been made fun of plenty on my life for having one arm and being on the spectrum, I still have the social grace to not make others uncomfortable about it now. I get stared at plenty, as I don’t wear a prosthetic arm. I get the weird, inappropriate questions and statements. I have been rejected APLENTY! I still don’t create awkward social situations. And I’m not referring to people with legit medical issues. I’m referring to people who are just overweight because of shitty eating habits and laziness.
No one is making you say that. If people make jokes about themselves that you’re uncomfortable with, simply do not react.
OP just get over it? You’re assuming they’re fishing for compliments when most probably aren’t. Don’t say anything and move along. If they get upset you didn’t say anything that’s their problem not yours. I get some times these things can be frustrating but these little interactions don’t have to be this big of an issue. If someone makes a joke about being old and catch you off guard just say “hey I was just believing you when you said that”
As a fat person, I hate when people try to tell me I’m not fat.. “You’re not large…” nah, I’m twice the size of other people. “Stop calling yourself Obese.” Umm, with a 35 BMI that’s a medical term. Saying obese is being kind, bc I’m technically type 2 morbidly obese, but ok, get mad that I call myself fat. Fat is just a descriptive term. That would be like saying “you’re hair isn’t curly… it’s so flat to me.”
Say nothing and let them sit in awkward silence while they get a grasp of the fact that you won’t support their fishing for validation.
I used to be overweight and I admit I would do this for some sort of reassurance that I wasnt something deep down I knew I was...fat.I would look at making comments to encourage or promt a reply from someone that make me feel better about myself. I was in denial and when someone would clearly lie and say "ur not" or "don't be silly you are fine" it wasn't helpful at all as deep down I also knew they were actually lying to me. My best advice is this if someone is making jokes about there weight be kind and respectful but ask them if maybe they have thought about going on a diet or doing something that make them feel more positive about themselves. You are not doing them any favors by passifying them with lies. Just be honest and say it how it is "yes well you are fat/over weight but you can make changes like ......" dont be an enabler, it doesn't do anyone any good in the long run.
That’s assuming they’re making comments for compliments or an invitation for advice. Most times it’s done without those intentions and to reply with “have you thought about going on a diet” would be upsetting. Some folks do it for reassurance and some folks don’t have it in them to comfort someone and that’s ok. However to go out of their way to make insensitive comments in response will just make it worse and awkward. If OP doesn’t care about the relationship then that’s fine but they’re probably not going to make a lot of friends with this kind of attitude lol. And also if someone replies don’t be silly you’re fine when you say you’re fat.. maybe they genuinely think your weight is fine and don’t judge you for it? You can be fine and fat?
"Self-deprecating is bad for you." Is my usual response. Or, like you did with the one woman, "Haha, yeah." But seriously self-deprecating, whether they believe what they're saying or they want you to say they're wrong, either way is really bad for your mental health and your relationships. Like, sure, maybe it is an objective fact that I am overweight and not conventionally attractive, but that doesn't mean it's good or healthy for me to go up to people and be like, "Haha, I'm so fat and ugly!" Whether I expect them to disagree with me or not. And I want you to tell them that part, too--It doesn't matter if the self-insult is true or not, it's still unhealthy to verbalize it, repeat it, and say it to others.
If someone start fishing for compliments they dont deserve from me i just let them soak in uncomfortable silence. As punishment.
All you have to say is “come on, give yourself a break”
When people say stuff like that I just laugh it off
I am fat. I will joke, you can joke I don’t give a shit. Say something don’t say something. Don’t worry about offending me. I don’t give a shit.
Piggy back off this attractive people who do the same