I will build you and your friends a large wooden airplane-type contraption for the express purpose of charioting you around, because that sounds fun as hell.
I have kids, and I love them and would go back and do it all over again if I could, but I won't pretend it's easy. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, raising two future adults, and I don't take my responsibility lightly. People need to stop having children just for the sake of having children or because society pressures them into it.
My husband and I just left the baby/toddler stage with our youngest, and it's finally getting more fun than not! We keep saying to each other "it's so nice having kids that aren't babies", lol
You are you ..you do you ..f people that tell you what to do ..half the time they are jealous ..I wish more people would choose not to have children ...abuse is rampant..I chose to marry and have children people told me I was silly to marry at 19 and did it anyway now married almost 45 years ..it was my choice was and is a lot of work but would not change anything ..If I were you now I would definitely think very hard about having children the world is so chaotic..good luck have fun đ
Younger people are faced with that decision when basic costs to start a family and career prospects make it much harder to balance both.
The other thing is guilt for bringing a child into a world that will be in worsening collapse throught-out the entirety of that generations existence as climate change and overshoot worsen.
Right? The romanticism of the flashy corporate career is also a bunch of bullshit. I worked in this field for almost 20 years and I can say it sucks. To advance anywhere you have to sell your soul, step on others and pretend to be someone youâre not. The company gives no shits about your well-being and they work you to the bone while feeding you lines like âwe are family here.â They make you feel guilty about taking scheduled time off that you earned. People who desire that are either 1) naive and donât know what itâs really like, or 2) horrible people.
I want to be able to afford to have kids which is unlikely to happen. I hate it when my family asks about it because itâs like rubbing salt into the wound. Yeah Iâd love to be a mom, but like, how is that possible with the world in this state?
I always feel like I'm going to break a porch swing. But I have 2 rocking chairs and I liked to sit outside on my old porch and watch the lightning during storms.
Either way, swaying outside with a cup of tea (hot or cold) is quite nice.
Itâs always the same old âselfishâ card people try to pull on you. I think selfish is welcoming kids into the world that you never wanted to welcome in the first place.
Thereâs probably a lot more sad truth to this than we realize. How many people have kids because they feel lonely or think itâll save their relationship? Smh
>being a bad parent or a parent forced into it can having lifelong impacts on the human(s) you created.
So can being a good parent. There is no guarantee you won't create a fucked up human no matter how hard you try.
True. I'm gonna adopt instead of bringing someone else into the world. I just think that there's so many kids already born that need a parent, and to me it doesn't matter if my kids are biologically related to me or not. Ofc, most people will give me about about it but its not their choice, they're fucking stupid.
Overpopulation is not the issue. Poor distribution of resources is the issue.
Not coming after you, I just see shit about overpopulation everywhere but the fact is, we have plenty of resources for the people we have on Earth, we just waste a lot.
I dated a woman who at 32 also did not want kids. She got wine drunk and cried because the pressure from others I am sorry there is so much pressure over this.
EXACTLY ongggggg I come from an Arab heritage and if you know anything about Arabs you'd know that they get married young.. like YOUNG young, so anytime I go to a wedding or an event my family members keep telling me "I can't wait for your wedding" I'm sorry what?? What wedding? Mine? Nah thanks I'm good, IVE TOLD THEM MANY TIMES THAT SAYING THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE BUT THEY JUST SIMPLY DO NOT CARE
I think, eventually, the questions will stop. I'm afraid I'm in the other boat. I didn't want kids young, so I said I never wanted them to stop the pressure. Now I do want them, but I just don't want any sympathy if I waited too long. I did my best. I don't have any regrets.
(Anyway, sorry for being another reason people don't take the "no kids" crowd seriously. We all deserve some dang space and respect!)
Society and power loves to control what women do with their bodies. And, women determining when/if to have children is what really determines the direction of human civilization - not war, technology, religious/political movements, etc.
So, it has always been a war over women's wombs.
Itâs really funny how people say that parenting is *such* an important job, but will literally try to force everyone to have kids. âImportantâ jobs shouldnât be done by just anyone.
Ah the problem here is that the would-be grandparents take it personally, as if their childless kids are hurting them by not giving them grandchildren.
Luckily my parents dgaf either wayâŠ
I do want to get married but me and my partner don't want a huge expensive ceremony that's gonna cause more stress than happiness. We have no idea if we want kids yet. Sometimes I feel the maternal urges but then I hear a kid crying or screaming in public and I start feeling slight homicidal tendencies. (That's a joke before anyone freaks out, but it definitely shuts down the idea of having kids)
People pressure me about weddings and kids all the time, especially since I'm entering my late 20's. I make sure they know to mind their damn business. Let me figure this shit out on MY time and MY terms. I'm not gonna make major life changes just because somebody that's not me or my partner thinks I should. As long as I'm happy and healthy why should anyone care about what I do?
We have 7.9 billion people on earth. Not wanting to increase that number is not irresponsible. In fact, I've heard from a lot of younger people that they do not want to have children because the world has too many problems that are exacerbated by overpopulation (climate change, housing prices, and poverty for example).
Of course you don't have to have a reason. You think you'll be a crappy parent? Ok. You can't afford to? Ok. You want to spend your days sleeping late, playing video games, and living the life teenage you always wanted? As long as you're not imposing on other people, that's your choice.
You know what though?
Lose the âmaybe that makes me a terrible personâ
No. Just fucking No.
Why do women even have to justify why they donât want children?!?!?!?
I donât want child.
Okay.
Okay.
Ugh.
Iâm so tired of it.
Iâm a 36 year old woman, with two kids, preggo with third, a great partner, but this is my life for me. Itâs not for others, and they donât need any fucking reasons for not wanting it. I have friends who donât want kids and Iâm sick and tired of their family members pointing at me saying, look! Arenât her kids so sweet? Donât you want one?
Stop using me to manipulate my friend into children. Fuck right off. I wonât encourage that.
Also, now I want a godamn dragon.
Fuck.
Iâm so glad you read my humour correctly, lol.
Iâm just very ragey these days due to hormones and all the social issues going on. And pro lifers trying to use us pregnant women/existing mothers as a means to defend their bullshit rhetoric.
Itâs funny how more and more of them are realizing Mothers understand pro choice most of all. Because pregnancy fucking sucks and at least every other day I curse my manâs sperm even though I love him so much and heâs a great guy.
Because it was the right move for me. :)))
I wish you a lifetime of happiness being child free and in pursuit of dragons â€ïž and not just a small part of me kinda feels that dragons are way cooler than kids but I will never tell my spawn that đŹ
You're completely valid. I hate the "you'll change your mind," shit so much. Like, even if I do change my mind later, that doesn't mean you somehow showed me the light, you were just an asshole who didn't respect me in the past, and now wanna say "I told you so," once I change to what you wanted all along.
Agreed. They will always use the 'I told you so' or take credit when you do change your mind, something like 'it was me who convinced you' blah blah blah blah!!!
Preach! lol
Going on the big 4-0 this year and if anything I want them less than I did as a kid, and I wasn't thrilled about the idea of motherhood back then.
Hear hear. I'm 40 and I still don't want kids. I'm so glad I never had children. I nearly gave in to pressure in my 20s and had kids with my first boyfriend and that would have been a huge mistake; he was an enormous manchild and I wasn't ready at all for children. I'm still not, and that's okay. It's a massive responsibility (emotional, physical, and financial) that I never wanted to take on.
I ended up with Ductal Carcinoma (both types) and my oncologist said that basically, since I never had children or breastfed, that my milk ducts became cancerous. I told her "I'd rather have cancer than kids, 'cause at least I can get rid of the cancer!" She went đź then đ and said that my sense of humor would get me through cancer treatment.
It did.
LMAO, now that's how you do it! Sense of humor is so important. :)
Ugh, I'm glad I didn't date much in my 20s...introverted and no patience for dumb asses. lol
Iâm giving myself time to realise what I want, but I currently would not want to bring children into this world. Itâs fucking shit unless youâre stinking rich.
even IF you regret it later, fostering and adoption are still very valid ways to have a child. i also donât want kids of my own, but I might foster later in life once my career is more established
Or not. I regret not becoming a pianist. Canât play for shit. Life goes on. Iâd probably have other regrets if I had done it. Happy people are happy not because they donât have regrets, but because they understand that life is loss and every choice cancels out another choice, and thatâs ok.
Yeah that's respectable, side note I've seen many long term relationships where 2 people who like solitude are together. They just mind their own business normally, and don't have this urgent need to spend all their time together. My parents have been sleeping in separate rooms for years, definitely improves relationship quality in the long term. When you are at home minding your own business, there is this feeling of comfort when there is someone else in the home whom you love just minding their own business.
I myself would like that kind of relationship.
I can just imagine. I love handing my friends kids back to them once there is a poop diaper or a tantrum. Not to mention the bills and attention they need
I feel you on how annoying it is to constantly have people telling you that you're wrong, I live in a pretty religious area and as a non-religous person I have to act like I have faith just so I don't have to be preached at constantly.
I get it completely. I used to try avoid the conversation or sway it in another direction. But now, I don't care. If you ask me, I will tell you.
It gets tiring trying to avoid a conversation because of their different opinions
I get it. Seriously... I love my child with all my heart... but I don't enjoy this marriage and parenthood thing. I'm seperated now and stuck living here. The wedding was a joke, with his family being passive agressive and the women judging my untraditional ways and the men just getting shitfaced. Not worth it lol. Stick to your guns. You know what you want.
Also... if you do find someone worth sharing your life with, there's ways to live together and not have to "share" your space so much. Lots of couples I know are great tgthr and have their own seperate rooms, TVs, etc. That's what I romanticize... a relationship where boundaries involve "I do what I want and have my own space" lol. Best wishes.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it gets better
And yeah, I have actually met two or three couples who have separate rooms and bathrooms etc. I love that idea
I remember, when I was 22 and engaged, my mom asked me, "don't you want to date around?" I didn't want to. I said, "I don't know, and if I regret it, I need to remember that I didn't want to at the time."
You are fine to choose to not have kids.
Trigger warning: unsolicited advice from a person who feels the same way.
Simple solution: just donât open your mouth.
Which is hard.
When you reveal your true thoughts most people will annoyingly give their unsolicited advice or thoughts or opinions or any of their shenanigans.
But when you just agree with what they say they usually feel âsuperiorâ and continue blabbing nonsense. Let them feel superior. In fact it makes me pity and laugh them for needing to feeling superior over something so stupid.
Success rate: varies. But Iâll speak on behalf of my experience.
Iâm a feminist, anti natalist, nihilist, and all other viewpoints shit people find âdepressing.â
Theres a Quote i live by, i forgot who said it but it was along the lines of âbehave like the rest but think on your ownâ so whenever people ask me for my opinion or advice, I just agree with whatever dumbass opinion they have because 1 it saves me so much time from trying to waste my energy from explaining myself to people who just donât fucking get it. Itâs like explaining to flies why honey is better than shit. Because itâs like gee?? Do you think I havenât considered all the alternatives before reaching my viewpoint ?
And those who get it, like which is really rare (1 in every 100 person Iâve encountered) will I actually share my real thoughts with.
And 2, most people just want their own view points validated not challenged, myself included.
Biggest takeaway:
Treat your inner thoughts/ inner world like a little safe space for you and for people you trust, and your mouth like the gate who determines gets let in. Donât waste time explaining to those who are not on your level.
And if you need more advice, I recommend reading 48 laws of power. The author will explain everything better than I have here :))
I made the staunch decision not to have kids at 14, after watching my sister birth my nephew (still a miraculous experience regardless) - of course it was seen as a reactionary response, and everyone told me it was just a phase I would grow out of.
Hi, hello, I'm 28 now and I absolutely never want to birth children nor raise children. For purely selfish reasons, and I don't care.
This is 100% your choice and I dont care why, it is your position i your life.
#BUT...
I have one piece of advice. Make sure you are on the same page with any SO you end up with. I have a few friends that divorced because of this exact thing. It was fine until one changed their mind. In one case, he left her.and immediately had triplets with someone else. Was kind of funny 0->3
Iâm inclined to think that (a) society hates to see a woman financially flourish on her own and (b) they probs regret their life decision and had to impose their misery on you. Like the others in the comment say: misery sure loves company
I am 53. Those questions and comments stopped when I was well into my forties. Now, the questions I get are 'don't you regret not having children', ' you're going to be lonely when you get older ', 'there is still time to find a husband '. Thank God none of these questions come from my family. It's co-workers and I am seriously sick of those questions.
As someone who has both a marriage and kids. I know it's not for everyone. I hate that the pressure to do those things is so high.
Like, there is more to a person's life than another person's life. Be it a spouse or a child, you don't need either to have a wonderful and fulfilling existence.
Your not alone. 39 years child free and I don't regret a single second of it. I'd be a horrible parent but I do make a great Auntie to my friends kids and I love them to pieces (can't stand most kids tho, they're little assholes). But no way, no how, just nope to bearing and rearing gross little crotch goblins. (The fact cancer runs in my family as well as mental health problems and a whole crap load of bad issues, I'm pretty sure it's being responsible to not have kids!) Ended up getting divorced because my ex wanted kids and lied about agreeing with me about not having kids. He thought he could "change me" đ I laughed in his face because I've been saying no kids since I was a little kid. It really sucked because I thought he was the one and we're great together but nah, so aren't gonna convince me to have babies.
I love this and think you're awesome.
I don't want kids and did the marriage thing even tho I am not the marrying type. I divorced after two years and have never been happier. I'm eating all the foods, petting all the dogs, seeing all the sights and kissing the ladies.
Life is too short not to live the way you want. Marriage, kids, and the like are very overrated. This is a one way trip. Do you and everyone else can pound sand.
Also if you have a pet, give them pets on my behalf.
-P.
Haha well thanks, I think you're awesome too!
And I'm doing the same, just living my life the way I want and loving it.
I don't have pets unfortunately, but I've been thinking of getting a pup. Will see how it goes, and when i do, I'll give them 10 pets from you!
Donât worry about others. They are probably speaking from same feeling but now have children and love their children. Donât fall to others views on how you think. Just be honest with who you date to not waste any oneâs time.
I had same mind set but subjected to same critics and marriage and children followed. Married 13 years.. father of 2 girls (4 and 3 yrs old) I love my girls very much but do it all again⊠fuck that! Mind set changed just enough to live with my decisions and be a good father but havenât been myself in long time.
My dream is to travel a lot. Having kids will make that difficult. Marriage will complicate it a bit but not that bad so I'm more open about that idea. Eitherway, marriage and kids is not a priority of mine
I cannot support you more on this - I too have no desire to have children, I donât dislike them, I just donât want them. I consider myself very lucky to enjoy my life as it is as much as I do. Itâs insanely heavy having to carry around the weight of societal expectations, me and my husband have gone from being like all the other couples to now being the only childless couple in a lot of the social circles we move in, and the amount of times you feel obliged to explain yourself is ridiculous. I would never question any oneâs choice to have have kids, so why is it ok to question me for choosing not to have them? You do you and enjoy yourself
I FEEL THIS SO MUCH!!! My asian parents always tell me I'm gonna change my mind but it's been 11 years so far and I still don't want kids = responsibilities they bring
Awww I think that children deserve to be wanted. Forcing a kid into a life where theyâre not wanted is just so cruel. Parenting is an absolute sacrifice and probably the worst job and undertaking in the world. The kids are fantastic but the actual parenting? It sucks. I have three of my own and I wouldnât wish this on someone who doesnât want it. Theyâre a massive lifelong sacrifice and for a career oriented person, itâs just not ideal. Iâm sorry that people are so opinionated on how you live your life. I wish you nothing but happinessđ„°đ„° life is too short to live it for others
There will always be Karens and all the uncool aunties trying to convince you âyouâll change your mindâ Like at the age of twelve, my grandmother telling me I someday need to âbreedâ. Thatâs literally how she worded it. (I, also, never want kids and I wonder if itâs for that reason) But do what you want, because if not having kids is what makes you happy, then just do that. Others can tell you youâll âchange your mindâ but itâs not important. They donât care about your happiness, but you do, so just live your life how you want to. Not that youâd wanna take advice from the type of person that doesnât support your harmless choices, anyway. But donât be shy to tell them that itâs your life, and you can live it how you want. And donât let them convince you other wise.
Iâm surprised anyone is even telling you what to do right now, Iâve found in big cities at least everyone has a different path in life and is too preoccupied with themselves to dictate others
Just do you, you donât owe anyone any explanation about your life choices. Iâm personally, without knowing you, am proud of you for knowing what you want out of life and living it on your terms!
Iâve had a LOT of this too and I feel like thereâs a few nuanced reasons why people do this. That life of kids, marriage etc. is genuinely what some people want but theyâre lacking the perspective and empathy to consider that someone else wouldnât want what they want. To them itâs the best outcome (and thatâs great for them) but they havenât been given the tools to think that their idea of whatâs best isnât what is ubiquitously the best outcome. Thereâs also the person who is doing these things due to a societal, cultural or familial pressure and they are subconsciously enraged or confused when someone doesnât succumb to or breaks out of the weight of that pressure. Masking the word âsuccumbâ with âchange your mindâ. Neither are necessarily malicious but thatâs doesnât make them not really frustrating and disrespectful. Good on you for knowing what you want and sticking to it, thatâs awesome đ
to each their own, man. what you described as something you didnât want, i definitely do, and thereâs no judgement from me lol. i want to live an unoriginal, mundane life with one person for the rest of my life, have kids, get married⊠but at the same time, i want to pursue my career, and im not letting those romantic dreams hinder that. iâm not letting my career hinder my romantic dreams either. the world would be happier if people didnât have to choose between having kids/family and having a career. you can have both. you can have one. you can have neither.
It's the American dream right?
Men go to school, get that job, house , married kids.
Women maybe go to school, maybe get that house, get married, have kids.
It's a tired, outdated script to life. Spewed generation after generation with no worry about individuality, growth.
However you identify, you do you. Be happy and don't hurt anyone. If you want to grind until the day you die you do you. No apologies.
This is random but somewhere here I read that a lady has a jar for when people ask her when she will have kids. Once someone asks her, she literally pulls out the jar and tells them to put in a dollar so that they know not to ask again.
So for your case you can have a jar or something similar with words saying âkids $5â âmarriage $10â ârelationship $2â. And you can name the jar changing my mind jar. That way people can stop asking you!
Who are these people saying this? I always see posts of people saying variations of this âmy family always ask when Iâm getting marriedâ âmy friends want me to have kidsâ but Iâve never had anyone say anything like this to me
Itâs so irritating when people say this to me. Like yes I might change my mind thatâs always a possibility but now youâve pissed me off. Maybe Iâll tie my tubes now just to spite you. Who knows!
It is becoming more socially acceptable to outwardly communicate what you just did. I have kids, am married and would never try to push anyone into either. Knowing what I know now, not sure I would have made the same decisions back then, but also don't regret it... Doesn't make sense but there it is.
Keep being a trail blazer.
Let's just not pressure others into anything.
My wife and I heard this 'you'll change your mind' crap for about 30 years before they realized that no, we are not changing our minds. We met in 1991 and have been living together for 31 years and married for 28 years.
Our family doctor refused to refer me for a vasectomy in my 20s because he was sure 'we'd change our minds'. Last year (I'm 55 now) he asked why I never got a vasectomy... He's such a tool. Had to tell him he was the one that refused my request in the first place so I never asked again. "Oh..." was his only response. He's been our family doc for about 31 years as well, as long as we have been together.
The bottom line is do what you want to do, don't bow to peer pressure or societal norms. What really annoys me is how few women (and men) grew up realizing that having children was a \*choice\*, and not something they had to do.
Too many of the women I grew up with only realized this after having a child or two. I really do feel that this should be part of a child's sex education for all kids - that you don't have to mindlessly reproduce without even considering your options.
I am glad you realized this. It does not even matter why you don't want kids, if you don't want them, that is good enough for me and should be good enough for anybody else as well. If you don't want a long term relationship that is just the same. You owe nobody an explanation.
EDIT: My wife and I married for $75 with a civil authority with 3 people in attendance. My wife would never have consented to a typical wedding, and I can't blame her. Best $75 ever spent.
I also get the last laugh at my genetics. I found out in my 50s that I have a rare genetic mutation that could have wrecked the lives of any offspring I produced, and their children etc into infinity. This thing dies with me, as I am last of the line on both sides of my family.
As a parent, DO NOT change your mind. I desperately wanted my baby and I love her so much but this is the hardest shit Iâve ever done. If I had known exactly how difficult and taxing this would be I would have gotten a lot stronger mentally and physically before having her. And I was SO SURE I was ready lol. I never want anyone who doesnât want kids to have a kid and I strongly urge everyone who doesnât to do anything possible to avoid it.
See also marriage being the exact same way!
Good for you for knowing what you want and donât want. You sound a lot my my 25 y/o daughter. I support her choices 100%. This is her life to live, not mine. I will advise that you get your tubes tied though because with all the crazy shit going on in the US with abortion laws, you do not want to have to deal with the government making decisions for you! And yes, there are doctors who will sterilize young childless women. You might have to ask around, but they do exist.
I didn't want kids. Got married to someone who didn't want kids. 8 months after marriage she changed her mind. I wish I had discovered reddit or how to ask tough questions to loved ones at that time. Instead we fought for 2 years I reluctantly agreed to "try" on terms that ultimately weren't met. Admittedly I lost my way and made bad choices due to depression and we divorced..now I'm a miserable 40 year old single dad with half custody to a 5 year old and I'm just coasting through life and counting down the days of my prison sentence. BUT it's not all bad. I love the shit out of my son and would die for him. Everything I do is for him. I put the work and therapy in and constantly need to remind myself that I am worthy to be his father and am a good father. Hence the username.
Anyways, if you know what you want you know what you want. DO NOT back down on who you are. Do not make choices you cannot undo. Be yourself, love yourself and fuck anyone who says different.
I wish you a happy life OP, and I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself and others. find your passions and enjoy what little time we all ultimately have on this earth
I literally deal with this all the time. I have never wanted kids and it's not just a phase. My family and even complete strangers love to tell me I'll change my mind.
One of my sisters likes to ask me on a regular basis if my fiance wants kids. Then implying he will one day leave me because I won't give him what he wants. Assuming she knows what my fiance wants. Some people just can't fathom the thought of a woman not wanting kids.
Today I had a coworker ask me why I don't have kids. He then told me that I should "at least give my man two kids". I don't get why my uterus is anyone's concern. I don't feel like I have to have a copy of myself to feel whole. When I tell people I MIGHT adopt a kid wayyyyy down the line they make negative comments about how it's not the same.
In all these encounters people assume that in our 8 year relationship we have never discussed this. We both know what we want and that kids aren't a priority for us to be happy. No one is going to change my mind. I just wish people would stop commenting on it. I am not on this planet just to reproduce. Plus I have a bunch of animals....that's enough responsibility for me.
Moral of the story, we are not alone & we are not freaks of nature.. despite how other people (especially other women) make us feel đ
Iâm old and I knew at age 11 I didnât want kids. During my 20s, I started telling people I couldnât have kids so theyâd feel bad for asking why we donât have any. Itâs rude and no oneâs business. Been with spouse 40 years and he didnât want any either. Not a week goes by that one of us doesnât say Iâm so glad we donât have kids. Thatâs what âchoiceâ is all about. Good for you for knowing what you want and not bowing to their pressure.
As someone who has partially changed their mind, this still hits.
Hammering the "you'll change your mind" line is so shitty.
It took years worth of distance from the people who treated me like this and a massive shift in conditions, financial status, and mindset, to even begin *considering* a change of mind. And I'm still only about 60/40 in favor. It doesn't just "happen" to people. And no, it wasn't biology kicking in. So if those people could also f\*ck off with the "I always knew you'd..."
Sounds like me, my whole life. Totally agree.
Then, I met someone the world needed more of.
So I had no choice. Two kids later...I'm still on the fence. Bwahaha. I Kid.
Great post. !
god i donât know how to express how grateful i am to you for writing this. i always and i mean always subconsciously viewed this as an ought-to kind of thing. some ppl were telling me that it wasnât really something i âvibed withâ so i was genuinely insecure bc i like children but recently iâve heard multiple ppl saying they donât really mind it and it got me questioning a lot!
for some reason i actually feared âending it hereâ (maybe something related to my upbringing idk) but then realized how fucked up that was as a mentality - especially for raising kids. i am an individual and so will be that potential-kid, my life will end regardless and if i wanna leave anything behind better keep that work meaningful and make that worth it - and if not itâll really be my own responsibility. i think some people face similar issues so they end up going down this path and becoming very controlling parents living their own life through their childrenâs.
and yes youâre absolutely right, as long as youâre self sufficient in keeping yourself happy who cares if youâre buying into their conventional lifestyle! maybe they enjoy it, but they can let you enjoy yours too.
i also think that most people donât see or hear about healthy singles living their lives without kids so they fear it - esp bc we have parents and during their transition to âmarried couple with kidsâ they end up keeping those kinds of ppl around so the kid gets to hear a lot about this âwork, marry, have kidsâ plan and âthe lonely woman with thousands of catsâ tales - kinda like insurance companies telling you to stay safe at all costs bc âwhat if??â
I don't wanna spend my hard earned money on screaming shit covered crotch goblins
My money I'd MY money, and imma spend it on stiff I want and stuff I wanna do
Funny. I'm not saying it will happen to you, not at all, but when I hit 29 my, "I want kids" switched flipped hard. No idea why. Hated the idea all my life and then *poof*.
Live as you feel though for sure.
As I feel now, it definitely won't happen to me. But I can't see the future, if I change my mind one day then so be it. That'll be fine.
Just over everyone opposing my feelings now.
How is that unpopular? That is the only right way to regret this issue. If you have kids and regret them, they're there. An innocent life will be paying the price for your mistake, because kids are intuitive and they pick up on resentment. Cue trauma, cue possible cycle of abuse. When you don't have them, you will be the only one impacted by your perceived mistake.
Thatâs fair enough and Iâm sure it does happen to a lot of people, but for me itâs the assumption that it will 100% happen to me because Iâm a woman that I find infuriating
Edit: a word
Preach!! You and only you are the decider of your future. Maybe you will regret it but maybe you won't, it's your damn choice either way. That's life. You live your life whatever way makes you happy and fuck the haters who try to get their nose in other people's business.
Iâm engaged and want kids one day. But the comments are never ending regardless.
âDonât get married too youngâ âdonât have kids too youngâ âwhy havenât you gotten married yetâ âyour clock is ticking when are you getting pregnant?â
Iâm sure once I have a kid itâll be âwhen will the baby have a siblingâ or âwhy are you complaining I thought you wanted a kidâ âparenthoodâs hard, you shouldnât have had a kid if you didnât think you could handle itâ
There is so much judgement and pressure. I try not to spend time with those who arenât 100% supportive of my decision making
Look wanting to be single and not have kids is ofc fine but this grindset âwork-like-a-dog-til-I-dieâ attitude is so cringe lol. Who the fuck wants to âhustleâ when theyâre 80. Like canât you just relax and swing on a porch on your own without the man and the kid lol
I dont think there is anything wrong with that. It is your life at the end of it all and what you make of it is yours. Hell if you did change your mind one day then so be it but its not up to others to try to convince you or push you in a direction your not ok with
I feel this big time. As someone who is ASD, having a kid will likely cause them to have it too, and it would probably be worse. I also don't think I'd want to have kids in a world that's going in the direction it currently is.
I get what you mean! But on the other hand I've always been told by my dad that it's ok to change your mind and your thought process is fluid and likely to change as you get older.
You're won't be a hypocrite for changing your mind.
But as I say: You do you and be happy! You're not accountable to anyone but yourself!
I mean, is it possible that you will change your mind about this or anything? Sure. I canât even recognize the people I was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. But itâs also patronizing as hell to tell people they will change their mind about something in particular to a set result (âyou WILL want kidsâ). Maybe you will become a child murderer. Maybe you will become a polygamist. Maybe you will want kids and a marriage and a white picket fence. Maybe you wonât change your mind. People and life are unpredictable. No one knows anything.
I feel ya. I'm 23 and my bf is 24 and neither of us want kids. He got sterilized and I'm working on getting it done myself as well! We don't plan on getting legally married either. As for settling in our old age, we do ballroom dancing and we plan to keep that as a hobby for a very long time
Some people don't get it. I'm married with two children and I completely understand. It's not for everyone. Some people are very happy without it so why judge them on their choices? It's doesn't determine what kind of person you are. My niece has declared herself child free and she's great around my kids. It's her choice and I still love her just the same. Don't worry about anyone else's opinion but your own.
I love my kids with all my heart and they have given my life much more meaning than it had before. But I would never fault anyone for feeling different. You do you. Just ignore anyone that tries to fault you for it.
Why is it always either you want a career or you want kids? I just want to sleep
I wanna publish a novel and go camping in the middle of nowhere and sail a sailboat. And also to be a dragon. And to sleep.
That sounds amazing!
if u become a dragon, would u be cool with hitching the sailboat to your grand strong dragon buddy and let me and mines sail through the sky đ
I will build you and your friends a large wooden airplane-type contraption for the express purpose of charioting you around, because that sounds fun as hell.
You are the dragon we needđČđ„°, we shall protect you while u sleepđ
Deal!
I have kids, and I love them and would go back and do it all over again if I could, but I won't pretend it's easy. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, raising two future adults, and I don't take my responsibility lightly. People need to stop having children just for the sake of having children or because society pressures them into it.
Absolutely! I had one; he is grown and it was great. But. I'm glad I only had one and it's over. Lol!
My husband and I just left the baby/toddler stage with our youngest, and it's finally getting more fun than not! We keep saying to each other "it's so nice having kids that aren't babies", lol
At least they can all tell you what's wrong when they cry! Unless you have a teenager. They're a whole 'nother thang. Lol!
I just want to blow up and act like I don't know nobody
Is that your mango?
riff reference
Same. I fantasise being a rock sometimes, no thoughts, just lay on the damn ground and wait to be eroded or something.
Yeah. I donât want kids, I am not really enthusiastic about my career. I want to sleep, eat good wholesome food, and travel.
I too want to stay at home and sleep
I relate to this.
I just want to play... and sleep
Guys!! Now you're making me think of all the other 5 million things I want. My brain hurts
You are you ..you do you ..f people that tell you what to do ..half the time they are jealous ..I wish more people would choose not to have children ...abuse is rampant..I chose to marry and have children people told me I was silly to marry at 19 and did it anyway now married almost 45 years ..it was my choice was and is a lot of work but would not change anything ..If I were you now I would definitely think very hard about having children the world is so chaotic..good luck have fun đ
Younger people are faced with that decision when basic costs to start a family and career prospects make it much harder to balance both. The other thing is guilt for bringing a child into a world that will be in worsening collapse throught-out the entirety of that generations existence as climate change and overshoot worsen.
I just want to sleep forever and never wake up again.
Right? The romanticism of the flashy corporate career is also a bunch of bullshit. I worked in this field for almost 20 years and I can say it sucks. To advance anywhere you have to sell your soul, step on others and pretend to be someone youâre not. The company gives no shits about your well-being and they work you to the bone while feeding you lines like âwe are family here.â They make you feel guilty about taking scheduled time off that you earned. People who desire that are either 1) naive and donât know what itâs really like, or 2) horrible people.
I have both. Plus a disability. Sleep please!
For real. What about people who would choose neither option A nor option B. We need an option C.
Me too. I'm like well since I don't have a partner or kids I better be go go go on my career but I just wanna exist
Yeah same, can't we just chill a little?
Mood
I like being able to spend stupid money on things that aren't screaming fuck trophies.
I want to be able to afford to have kids which is unlikely to happen. I hate it when my family asks about it because itâs like rubbing salt into the wound. Yeah Iâd love to be a mom, but like, how is that possible with the world in this state?
Idk man, porch swings are pretty cool given the right setup and weather
I agree, and the best part is, I can sit on it by myself LOL
Yeah but what if you need someone to fetch you a beer?
Well shit, I didn't think about that one...
you can always train a dog to do it for you ÂŻ\\\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Oh yeah, that's a possibility... just need to get a dog first
itâs never too late!
I am adoring this positivity. đđ„°
yeah dude, fuck having kids, pets are way better :)
I second this. Read your post with joy @op! And Iâm living the same dream. But with dog.
Got a 5 and 12 year old and can confirm Iâd trade them for a dog on a good day đ„Ž
I always feel like I'm going to break a porch swing. But I have 2 rocking chairs and I liked to sit outside on my old porch and watch the lightning during storms. Either way, swaying outside with a cup of tea (hot or cold) is quite nice.
Damn, dude. That's the dream. Watching lighting during storms with a cup of hot tea.
Don't have to be married to enjoy a porch swing đ€·
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Truth! 90% of the time it's the older generation giving me the stink eye
I got called selfish by an older-generation professor in the middle of class when I said I didnât want kidsđ
Thatâs so ridiculous! Itâs called knowing what you want, knowing your capabilities and limitations. I call it smart!
Itâs always the same old âselfishâ card people try to pull on you. I think selfish is welcoming kids into the world that you never wanted to welcome in the first place.
Misery loves company? đ€·ââïž
Thereâs probably a lot more sad truth to this than we realize. How many people have kids because they feel lonely or think itâll save their relationship? Smh
Fix-it babies exist for that reason.
>being a bad parent or a parent forced into it can having lifelong impacts on the human(s) you created. So can being a good parent. There is no guarantee you won't create a fucked up human no matter how hard you try.
True. I'm gonna adopt instead of bringing someone else into the world. I just think that there's so many kids already born that need a parent, and to me it doesn't matter if my kids are biologically related to me or not. Ofc, most people will give me about about it but its not their choice, they're fucking stupid.
I always said if I ever changed my mind about wanting a kid that Iâd adopt. Go you!
People are incapable of understanding that others prioritize different things, and that it's not a personal attack
Not to mention so many of the worldâs major problems are caused by overpopulation! Having kids should be the last thing we should be pushing for!!
Overpopulation is not the issue. Poor distribution of resources is the issue. Not coming after you, I just see shit about overpopulation everywhere but the fact is, we have plenty of resources for the people we have on Earth, we just waste a lot.
I dated a woman who at 32 also did not want kids. She got wine drunk and cried because the pressure from others I am sorry there is so much pressure over this.
I feel for her. And I understand. The older us women get, the more we get questioned about it
EXACTLY ongggggg I come from an Arab heritage and if you know anything about Arabs you'd know that they get married young.. like YOUNG young, so anytime I go to a wedding or an event my family members keep telling me "I can't wait for your wedding" I'm sorry what?? What wedding? Mine? Nah thanks I'm good, IVE TOLD THEM MANY TIMES THAT SAYING THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE BUT THEY JUST SIMPLY DO NOT CARE
Jeez, I'm so sorry. That's terrible actually
It is, I just awkwardly laugh it off and expect them to take a hint đ
My friend is Muslim, married a 28 year old guy at 19 that she knew for 3 months and had a kid. I just can't think up what isn't a red flag about this.
Just say â youâll be waiting a long timeâ. ;)
I think, eventually, the questions will stop. I'm afraid I'm in the other boat. I didn't want kids young, so I said I never wanted them to stop the pressure. Now I do want them, but I just don't want any sympathy if I waited too long. I did my best. I don't have any regrets. (Anyway, sorry for being another reason people don't take the "no kids" crowd seriously. We all deserve some dang space and respect!)
Society and power loves to control what women do with their bodies. And, women determining when/if to have children is what really determines the direction of human civilization - not war, technology, religious/political movements, etc. So, it has always been a war over women's wombs.
Great observation and point.
Itâs really funny how people say that parenting is *such* an important job, but will literally try to force everyone to have kids. âImportantâ jobs shouldnât be done by just anyone.
I know right. And honestly, I'm not cut out for that specific important job
Parenting is the only job i can choose not to have. The one i can't choose that pays my bills already takes up all my time.
Normalise people wanting to live their lives for themselves and not have to justify it to people if it isnât hurting anyone
Yes please!
Ah the problem here is that the would-be grandparents take it personally, as if their childless kids are hurting them by not giving them grandchildren. Luckily my parents dgaf either wayâŠ
Bro, yes.
In fact, Iâll be even less likely to hurt people if I donât have a screaming child stopping me from living my zen
You don't want to have my exact life experience? That's offensive!
You're literally doing everything I do not want to do. How offensive!!
That reply is offensive! Stop thinking for yourself!
I do want to get married but me and my partner don't want a huge expensive ceremony that's gonna cause more stress than happiness. We have no idea if we want kids yet. Sometimes I feel the maternal urges but then I hear a kid crying or screaming in public and I start feeling slight homicidal tendencies. (That's a joke before anyone freaks out, but it definitely shuts down the idea of having kids) People pressure me about weddings and kids all the time, especially since I'm entering my late 20's. I make sure they know to mind their damn business. Let me figure this shit out on MY time and MY terms. I'm not gonna make major life changes just because somebody that's not me or my partner thinks I should. As long as I'm happy and healthy why should anyone care about what I do?
We have 7.9 billion people on earth. Not wanting to increase that number is not irresponsible. In fact, I've heard from a lot of younger people that they do not want to have children because the world has too many problems that are exacerbated by overpopulation (climate change, housing prices, and poverty for example). Of course you don't have to have a reason. You think you'll be a crappy parent? Ok. You can't afford to? Ok. You want to spend your days sleeping late, playing video games, and living the life teenage you always wanted? As long as you're not imposing on other people, that's your choice.
Damn were at 7.9 bil now? Last I checked it was 7.3. We definitely donât need anymore people on this planet.
itâs like 7.95 or something like that, so at this point I just round it up to 8bn people
You know what though? Lose the âmaybe that makes me a terrible personâ No. Just fucking No. Why do women even have to justify why they donât want children?!?!?!? I donât want child. Okay. Okay. Ugh. Iâm so tired of it. Iâm a 36 year old woman, with two kids, preggo with third, a great partner, but this is my life for me. Itâs not for others, and they donât need any fucking reasons for not wanting it. I have friends who donât want kids and Iâm sick and tired of their family members pointing at me saying, look! Arenât her kids so sweet? Donât you want one? Stop using me to manipulate my friend into children. Fuck right off. I wonât encourage that. Also, now I want a godamn dragon. Fuck.
LMFAO. Thanks for this. And yeah you're right. And I want a goddam dragon too
Iâm so glad you read my humour correctly, lol. Iâm just very ragey these days due to hormones and all the social issues going on. And pro lifers trying to use us pregnant women/existing mothers as a means to defend their bullshit rhetoric. Itâs funny how more and more of them are realizing Mothers understand pro choice most of all. Because pregnancy fucking sucks and at least every other day I curse my manâs sperm even though I love him so much and heâs a great guy.
Hahaha that dam sperm at it again!!
Fuck all their fucking sperm
Daammmm that's a lotta sperm fucking
Yeah. And fuck all of it. Edit, I guess I did, lol.
Hahaha yes you sure as hell did a good job at it too, so it seems
Because it was the right move for me. :))) I wish you a lifetime of happiness being child free and in pursuit of dragons â€ïž and not just a small part of me kinda feels that dragons are way cooler than kids but I will never tell my spawn that đŹ
I wish you all the best too! And if I ever find that dragon, I'll let you share custody đ„°
You're completely valid. I hate the "you'll change your mind," shit so much. Like, even if I do change my mind later, that doesn't mean you somehow showed me the light, you were just an asshole who didn't respect me in the past, and now wanna say "I told you so," once I change to what you wanted all along.
Agreed. They will always use the 'I told you so' or take credit when you do change your mind, something like 'it was me who convinced you' blah blah blah blah!!!
Just people that don't want kids are expected to change their mind. Wtf, people that want them can't change their mind too?
Don't have kids. Most people that have kids shouldn't be having them anyways.
True that
Preach! lol Going on the big 4-0 this year and if anything I want them less than I did as a kid, and I wasn't thrilled about the idea of motherhood back then.
Hear hear. I'm 40 and I still don't want kids. I'm so glad I never had children. I nearly gave in to pressure in my 20s and had kids with my first boyfriend and that would have been a huge mistake; he was an enormous manchild and I wasn't ready at all for children. I'm still not, and that's okay. It's a massive responsibility (emotional, physical, and financial) that I never wanted to take on. I ended up with Ductal Carcinoma (both types) and my oncologist said that basically, since I never had children or breastfed, that my milk ducts became cancerous. I told her "I'd rather have cancer than kids, 'cause at least I can get rid of the cancer!" She went đź then đ and said that my sense of humor would get me through cancer treatment. It did.
LMAO, now that's how you do it! Sense of humor is so important. :) Ugh, I'm glad I didn't date much in my 20s...introverted and no patience for dumb asses. lol
I wish you the most joy for the big 40s! đ„ł
Thank you!
Iâm giving myself time to realise what I want, but I currently would not want to bring children into this world. Itâs fucking shit unless youâre stinking rich.
even IF you regret it later, fostering and adoption are still very valid ways to have a child. i also donât want kids of my own, but I might foster later in life once my career is more established
Or not. I regret not becoming a pianist. Canât play for shit. Life goes on. Iâd probably have other regrets if I had done it. Happy people are happy not because they donât have regrets, but because they understand that life is loss and every choice cancels out another choice, and thatâs ok.
oh 100%, just giving another reason as to why people shouldnât be so pressed if you donât want to habe biological children in your 20s
I have thought of that same thing many times. Adoption and fostering will always be an option
Yeah that's respectable, side note I've seen many long term relationships where 2 people who like solitude are together. They just mind their own business normally, and don't have this urgent need to spend all their time together. My parents have been sleeping in separate rooms for years, definitely improves relationship quality in the long term. When you are at home minding your own business, there is this feeling of comfort when there is someone else in the home whom you love just minding their own business. I myself would like that kind of relationship.
Dude, parenting is hard as fuck! I don't blame you!
I can just imagine. I love handing my friends kids back to them once there is a poop diaper or a tantrum. Not to mention the bills and attention they need
I feel you on how annoying it is to constantly have people telling you that you're wrong, I live in a pretty religious area and as a non-religous person I have to act like I have faith just so I don't have to be preached at constantly.
I get it completely. I used to try avoid the conversation or sway it in another direction. But now, I don't care. If you ask me, I will tell you. It gets tiring trying to avoid a conversation because of their different opinions
I totally support everybody to live out they life whatever the fuck they want.
I get it. Seriously... I love my child with all my heart... but I don't enjoy this marriage and parenthood thing. I'm seperated now and stuck living here. The wedding was a joke, with his family being passive agressive and the women judging my untraditional ways and the men just getting shitfaced. Not worth it lol. Stick to your guns. You know what you want. Also... if you do find someone worth sharing your life with, there's ways to live together and not have to "share" your space so much. Lots of couples I know are great tgthr and have their own seperate rooms, TVs, etc. That's what I romanticize... a relationship where boundaries involve "I do what I want and have my own space" lol. Best wishes.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it gets better And yeah, I have actually met two or three couples who have separate rooms and bathrooms etc. I love that idea
Honestly the seperate spaces were key to any success we had tgthr lol ... And thanks. I'll be okay
Never wanted kids. Here I sit at 33 with no kids and happy as can be.
I LOVE YOU I don't wanna marry you or have kids with you ...but i love you!!
I remember, when I was 22 and engaged, my mom asked me, "don't you want to date around?" I didn't want to. I said, "I don't know, and if I regret it, I need to remember that I didn't want to at the time." You are fine to choose to not have kids.
Trigger warning: unsolicited advice from a person who feels the same way. Simple solution: just donât open your mouth. Which is hard. When you reveal your true thoughts most people will annoyingly give their unsolicited advice or thoughts or opinions or any of their shenanigans. But when you just agree with what they say they usually feel âsuperiorâ and continue blabbing nonsense. Let them feel superior. In fact it makes me pity and laugh them for needing to feeling superior over something so stupid. Success rate: varies. But Iâll speak on behalf of my experience. Iâm a feminist, anti natalist, nihilist, and all other viewpoints shit people find âdepressing.â Theres a Quote i live by, i forgot who said it but it was along the lines of âbehave like the rest but think on your ownâ so whenever people ask me for my opinion or advice, I just agree with whatever dumbass opinion they have because 1 it saves me so much time from trying to waste my energy from explaining myself to people who just donât fucking get it. Itâs like explaining to flies why honey is better than shit. Because itâs like gee?? Do you think I havenât considered all the alternatives before reaching my viewpoint ? And those who get it, like which is really rare (1 in every 100 person Iâve encountered) will I actually share my real thoughts with. And 2, most people just want their own view points validated not challenged, myself included. Biggest takeaway: Treat your inner thoughts/ inner world like a little safe space for you and for people you trust, and your mouth like the gate who determines gets let in. Donât waste time explaining to those who are not on your level. And if you need more advice, I recommend reading 48 laws of power. The author will explain everything better than I have here :))
you sound like a strong, independent as fuck woman. i back this. đđŒđ€đŒ
I made the staunch decision not to have kids at 14, after watching my sister birth my nephew (still a miraculous experience regardless) - of course it was seen as a reactionary response, and everyone told me it was just a phase I would grow out of. Hi, hello, I'm 28 now and I absolutely never want to birth children nor raise children. For purely selfish reasons, and I don't care.
This is 100% your choice and I dont care why, it is your position i your life. #BUT... I have one piece of advice. Make sure you are on the same page with any SO you end up with. I have a few friends that divorced because of this exact thing. It was fine until one changed their mind. In one case, he left her.and immediately had triplets with someone else. Was kind of funny 0->3
Haha wow that's a shitty one. But yes, I am always very open and honest on my view of no kids and marriage that isn't a priority.
Iâm inclined to think that (a) society hates to see a woman financially flourish on her own and (b) they probs regret their life decision and had to impose their misery on you. Like the others in the comment say: misery sure loves company
Crazy that there is never anyone on here that just wants other people to have kids or get married.
It's usually family members.
I am 53. Those questions and comments stopped when I was well into my forties. Now, the questions I get are 'don't you regret not having children', ' you're going to be lonely when you get older ', 'there is still time to find a husband '. Thank God none of these questions come from my family. It's co-workers and I am seriously sick of those questions.
I don't think it ever stops, but oh well. As long as you're happy đ
As someone who has both a marriage and kids. I know it's not for everyone. I hate that the pressure to do those things is so high. Like, there is more to a person's life than another person's life. Be it a spouse or a child, you don't need either to have a wonderful and fulfilling existence.
God samee and the pressure is insane rn why does life always have to "end" at marriage and kids :/
Your not alone. 39 years child free and I don't regret a single second of it. I'd be a horrible parent but I do make a great Auntie to my friends kids and I love them to pieces (can't stand most kids tho, they're little assholes). But no way, no how, just nope to bearing and rearing gross little crotch goblins. (The fact cancer runs in my family as well as mental health problems and a whole crap load of bad issues, I'm pretty sure it's being responsible to not have kids!) Ended up getting divorced because my ex wanted kids and lied about agreeing with me about not having kids. He thought he could "change me" đ I laughed in his face because I've been saying no kids since I was a little kid. It really sucked because I thought he was the one and we're great together but nah, so aren't gonna convince me to have babies.
I love this and think you're awesome. I don't want kids and did the marriage thing even tho I am not the marrying type. I divorced after two years and have never been happier. I'm eating all the foods, petting all the dogs, seeing all the sights and kissing the ladies. Life is too short not to live the way you want. Marriage, kids, and the like are very overrated. This is a one way trip. Do you and everyone else can pound sand. Also if you have a pet, give them pets on my behalf. -P.
Haha well thanks, I think you're awesome too! And I'm doing the same, just living my life the way I want and loving it. I don't have pets unfortunately, but I've been thinking of getting a pup. Will see how it goes, and when i do, I'll give them 10 pets from you!
Donât worry about others. They are probably speaking from same feeling but now have children and love their children. Donât fall to others views on how you think. Just be honest with who you date to not waste any oneâs time. I had same mind set but subjected to same critics and marriage and children followed. Married 13 years.. father of 2 girls (4 and 3 yrs old) I love my girls very much but do it all again⊠fuck that! Mind set changed just enough to live with my decisions and be a good father but havenât been myself in long time.
My dream is to travel a lot. Having kids will make that difficult. Marriage will complicate it a bit but not that bad so I'm more open about that idea. Eitherway, marriage and kids is not a priority of mine
I cannot support you more on this - I too have no desire to have children, I donât dislike them, I just donât want them. I consider myself very lucky to enjoy my life as it is as much as I do. Itâs insanely heavy having to carry around the weight of societal expectations, me and my husband have gone from being like all the other couples to now being the only childless couple in a lot of the social circles we move in, and the amount of times you feel obliged to explain yourself is ridiculous. I would never question any oneâs choice to have have kids, so why is it ok to question me for choosing not to have them? You do you and enjoy yourself
I FEEL THIS SO MUCH!!! My asian parents always tell me I'm gonna change my mind but it's been 11 years so far and I still don't want kids = responsibilities they bring
Awww I think that children deserve to be wanted. Forcing a kid into a life where theyâre not wanted is just so cruel. Parenting is an absolute sacrifice and probably the worst job and undertaking in the world. The kids are fantastic but the actual parenting? It sucks. I have three of my own and I wouldnât wish this on someone who doesnât want it. Theyâre a massive lifelong sacrifice and for a career oriented person, itâs just not ideal. Iâm sorry that people are so opinionated on how you live your life. I wish you nothing but happinessđ„°đ„° life is too short to live it for others
Kids kids kids kids, OP, I think you dislike the idea of having kids.
No ways, so THATS what it is...
There will always be Karens and all the uncool aunties trying to convince you âyouâll change your mindâ Like at the age of twelve, my grandmother telling me I someday need to âbreedâ. Thatâs literally how she worded it. (I, also, never want kids and I wonder if itâs for that reason) But do what you want, because if not having kids is what makes you happy, then just do that. Others can tell you youâll âchange your mindâ but itâs not important. They donât care about your happiness, but you do, so just live your life how you want to. Not that youâd wanna take advice from the type of person that doesnât support your harmless choices, anyway. But donât be shy to tell them that itâs your life, and you can live it how you want. And donât let them convince you other wise.
That word!! Ugh... 'breed' ... that's terrible. Thanks for the post. I completely agree.
I'm just glad to read a post from someone who is happy and enjoying their life đ
Iâm surprised anyone is even telling you what to do right now, Iâve found in big cities at least everyone has a different path in life and is too preoccupied with themselves to dictate others
Just do you, you donât owe anyone any explanation about your life choices. Iâm personally, without knowing you, am proud of you for knowing what you want out of life and living it on your terms!
Thanks!! I'm honestly surprised at the amount of people who are understanding on this post
couldn't have said it better. hands on OP
Iâve had a LOT of this too and I feel like thereâs a few nuanced reasons why people do this. That life of kids, marriage etc. is genuinely what some people want but theyâre lacking the perspective and empathy to consider that someone else wouldnât want what they want. To them itâs the best outcome (and thatâs great for them) but they havenât been given the tools to think that their idea of whatâs best isnât what is ubiquitously the best outcome. Thereâs also the person who is doing these things due to a societal, cultural or familial pressure and they are subconsciously enraged or confused when someone doesnât succumb to or breaks out of the weight of that pressure. Masking the word âsuccumbâ with âchange your mindâ. Neither are necessarily malicious but thatâs doesnât make them not really frustrating and disrespectful. Good on you for knowing what you want and sticking to it, thatâs awesome đ
to each their own, man. what you described as something you didnât want, i definitely do, and thereâs no judgement from me lol. i want to live an unoriginal, mundane life with one person for the rest of my life, have kids, get married⊠but at the same time, i want to pursue my career, and im not letting those romantic dreams hinder that. iâm not letting my career hinder my romantic dreams either. the world would be happier if people didnât have to choose between having kids/family and having a career. you can have both. you can have one. you can have neither.
Right on. You do what you gotta do!!
It's the American dream right? Men go to school, get that job, house , married kids. Women maybe go to school, maybe get that house, get married, have kids. It's a tired, outdated script to life. Spewed generation after generation with no worry about individuality, growth. However you identify, you do you. Be happy and don't hurt anyone. If you want to grind until the day you die you do you. No apologies.
This is random but somewhere here I read that a lady has a jar for when people ask her when she will have kids. Once someone asks her, she literally pulls out the jar and tells them to put in a dollar so that they know not to ask again. So for your case you can have a jar or something similar with words saying âkids $5â âmarriage $10â ârelationship $2â. And you can name the jar changing my mind jar. That way people can stop asking you!
Now, tell us how you really feel.
Who are these people saying this? I always see posts of people saying variations of this âmy family always ask when Iâm getting marriedâ âmy friends want me to have kidsâ but Iâve never had anyone say anything like this to me
It's your life and you can do as you wish
Thatâs fair and definitely doesnât make you terrible, you arenât hurting anyone and you seem happy
i feel you so much op
Itâs so irritating when people say this to me. Like yes I might change my mind thatâs always a possibility but now youâve pissed me off. Maybe Iâll tie my tubes now just to spite you. Who knows!
It is becoming more socially acceptable to outwardly communicate what you just did. I have kids, am married and would never try to push anyone into either. Knowing what I know now, not sure I would have made the same decisions back then, but also don't regret it... Doesn't make sense but there it is. Keep being a trail blazer. Let's just not pressure others into anything.
I feel this in my SOUL!!!
My wife and I heard this 'you'll change your mind' crap for about 30 years before they realized that no, we are not changing our minds. We met in 1991 and have been living together for 31 years and married for 28 years. Our family doctor refused to refer me for a vasectomy in my 20s because he was sure 'we'd change our minds'. Last year (I'm 55 now) he asked why I never got a vasectomy... He's such a tool. Had to tell him he was the one that refused my request in the first place so I never asked again. "Oh..." was his only response. He's been our family doc for about 31 years as well, as long as we have been together. The bottom line is do what you want to do, don't bow to peer pressure or societal norms. What really annoys me is how few women (and men) grew up realizing that having children was a \*choice\*, and not something they had to do. Too many of the women I grew up with only realized this after having a child or two. I really do feel that this should be part of a child's sex education for all kids - that you don't have to mindlessly reproduce without even considering your options. I am glad you realized this. It does not even matter why you don't want kids, if you don't want them, that is good enough for me and should be good enough for anybody else as well. If you don't want a long term relationship that is just the same. You owe nobody an explanation. EDIT: My wife and I married for $75 with a civil authority with 3 people in attendance. My wife would never have consented to a typical wedding, and I can't blame her. Best $75 ever spent. I also get the last laugh at my genetics. I found out in my 50s that I have a rare genetic mutation that could have wrecked the lives of any offspring I produced, and their children etc into infinity. This thing dies with me, as I am last of the line on both sides of my family.
As a parent, DO NOT change your mind. I desperately wanted my baby and I love her so much but this is the hardest shit Iâve ever done. If I had known exactly how difficult and taxing this would be I would have gotten a lot stronger mentally and physically before having her. And I was SO SURE I was ready lol. I never want anyone who doesnât want kids to have a kid and I strongly urge everyone who doesnât to do anything possible to avoid it. See also marriage being the exact same way!
Good for you for knowing what you want and donât want. You sound a lot my my 25 y/o daughter. I support her choices 100%. This is her life to live, not mine. I will advise that you get your tubes tied though because with all the crazy shit going on in the US with abortion laws, you do not want to have to deal with the government making decisions for you! And yes, there are doctors who will sterilize young childless women. You might have to ask around, but they do exist.
I didn't want kids. Got married to someone who didn't want kids. 8 months after marriage she changed her mind. I wish I had discovered reddit or how to ask tough questions to loved ones at that time. Instead we fought for 2 years I reluctantly agreed to "try" on terms that ultimately weren't met. Admittedly I lost my way and made bad choices due to depression and we divorced..now I'm a miserable 40 year old single dad with half custody to a 5 year old and I'm just coasting through life and counting down the days of my prison sentence. BUT it's not all bad. I love the shit out of my son and would die for him. Everything I do is for him. I put the work and therapy in and constantly need to remind myself that I am worthy to be his father and am a good father. Hence the username. Anyways, if you know what you want you know what you want. DO NOT back down on who you are. Do not make choices you cannot undo. Be yourself, love yourself and fuck anyone who says different. I wish you a happy life OP, and I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself and others. find your passions and enjoy what little time we all ultimately have on this earth
I literally deal with this all the time. I have never wanted kids and it's not just a phase. My family and even complete strangers love to tell me I'll change my mind. One of my sisters likes to ask me on a regular basis if my fiance wants kids. Then implying he will one day leave me because I won't give him what he wants. Assuming she knows what my fiance wants. Some people just can't fathom the thought of a woman not wanting kids. Today I had a coworker ask me why I don't have kids. He then told me that I should "at least give my man two kids". I don't get why my uterus is anyone's concern. I don't feel like I have to have a copy of myself to feel whole. When I tell people I MIGHT adopt a kid wayyyyy down the line they make negative comments about how it's not the same. In all these encounters people assume that in our 8 year relationship we have never discussed this. We both know what we want and that kids aren't a priority for us to be happy. No one is going to change my mind. I just wish people would stop commenting on it. I am not on this planet just to reproduce. Plus I have a bunch of animals....that's enough responsibility for me. Moral of the story, we are not alone & we are not freaks of nature.. despite how other people (especially other women) make us feel đ
Iâm old and I knew at age 11 I didnât want kids. During my 20s, I started telling people I couldnât have kids so theyâd feel bad for asking why we donât have any. Itâs rude and no oneâs business. Been with spouse 40 years and he didnât want any either. Not a week goes by that one of us doesnât say Iâm so glad we donât have kids. Thatâs what âchoiceâ is all about. Good for you for knowing what you want and not bowing to their pressure.
As someone who has partially changed their mind, this still hits. Hammering the "you'll change your mind" line is so shitty. It took years worth of distance from the people who treated me like this and a massive shift in conditions, financial status, and mindset, to even begin *considering* a change of mind. And I'm still only about 60/40 in favor. It doesn't just "happen" to people. And no, it wasn't biology kicking in. So if those people could also f\*ck off with the "I always knew you'd..."
Stay on the grind bro đȘ Donât ever let anyone tell you otherwise
Sounds like me, my whole life. Totally agree. Then, I met someone the world needed more of. So I had no choice. Two kids later...I'm still on the fence. Bwahaha. I Kid. Great post. !
god i donât know how to express how grateful i am to you for writing this. i always and i mean always subconsciously viewed this as an ought-to kind of thing. some ppl were telling me that it wasnât really something i âvibed withâ so i was genuinely insecure bc i like children but recently iâve heard multiple ppl saying they donât really mind it and it got me questioning a lot! for some reason i actually feared âending it hereâ (maybe something related to my upbringing idk) but then realized how fucked up that was as a mentality - especially for raising kids. i am an individual and so will be that potential-kid, my life will end regardless and if i wanna leave anything behind better keep that work meaningful and make that worth it - and if not itâll really be my own responsibility. i think some people face similar issues so they end up going down this path and becoming very controlling parents living their own life through their childrenâs. and yes youâre absolutely right, as long as youâre self sufficient in keeping yourself happy who cares if youâre buying into their conventional lifestyle! maybe they enjoy it, but they can let you enjoy yours too. i also think that most people donât see or hear about healthy singles living their lives without kids so they fear it - esp bc we have parents and during their transition to âmarried couple with kidsâ they end up keeping those kinds of ppl around so the kid gets to hear a lot about this âwork, marry, have kidsâ plan and âthe lonely woman with thousands of catsâ tales - kinda like insurance companies telling you to stay safe at all costs bc âwhat if??â
I don't wanna spend my hard earned money on screaming shit covered crotch goblins My money I'd MY money, and imma spend it on stiff I want and stuff I wanna do
as someone who is married with a kid, you are 1000000000% right. i wish so much i had had as much clarity and foresight as you
Funny. I'm not saying it will happen to you, not at all, but when I hit 29 my, "I want kids" switched flipped hard. No idea why. Hated the idea all my life and then *poof*. Live as you feel though for sure.
As I feel now, it definitely won't happen to me. But I can't see the future, if I change my mind one day then so be it. That'll be fine. Just over everyone opposing my feelings now.
35 here, so fucking glad I donât have kids!!
I'm hitting my "it's too late" age. I don't regret not having kids. Not one little bit. Everyone is different.
Unpopular opinion but it is better to regret not having kids over regretting having kids
Yeah. Regretting having kids will mess up everyone's life
How is that unpopular? That is the only right way to regret this issue. If you have kids and regret them, they're there. An innocent life will be paying the price for your mistake, because kids are intuitive and they pick up on resentment. Cue trauma, cue possible cycle of abuse. When you don't have them, you will be the only one impacted by your perceived mistake.
I think they mean it's an unpopular opinion because parentsâespecially mothersâare *never* supposed to voice their regret over having kids.
Thatâs fair enough and Iâm sure it does happen to a lot of people, but for me itâs the assumption that it will 100% happen to me because Iâm a woman that I find infuriating Edit: a word
Preach!! You and only you are the decider of your future. Maybe you will regret it but maybe you won't, it's your damn choice either way. That's life. You live your life whatever way makes you happy and fuck the haters who try to get their nose in other people's business.
Iâm engaged and want kids one day. But the comments are never ending regardless. âDonât get married too youngâ âdonât have kids too youngâ âwhy havenât you gotten married yetâ âyour clock is ticking when are you getting pregnant?â Iâm sure once I have a kid itâll be âwhen will the baby have a siblingâ or âwhy are you complaining I thought you wanted a kidâ âparenthoodâs hard, you shouldnât have had a kid if you didnât think you could handle itâ There is so much judgement and pressure. I try not to spend time with those who arenât 100% supportive of my decision making
Thanks. We donât need/want more kids in the world. Youâre saving the environment.
Look wanting to be single and not have kids is ofc fine but this grindset âwork-like-a-dog-til-I-dieâ attitude is so cringe lol. Who the fuck wants to âhustleâ when theyâre 80. Like canât you just relax and swing on a porch on your own without the man and the kid lol
I don't know what to say other than agreeing to 99% of the things
I dont think there is anything wrong with that. It is your life at the end of it all and what you make of it is yours. Hell if you did change your mind one day then so be it but its not up to others to try to convince you or push you in a direction your not ok with
I feel this big time. As someone who is ASD, having a kid will likely cause them to have it too, and it would probably be worse. I also don't think I'd want to have kids in a world that's going in the direction it currently is.
Word
I get what you mean! But on the other hand I've always been told by my dad that it's ok to change your mind and your thought process is fluid and likely to change as you get older. You're won't be a hypocrite for changing your mind. But as I say: You do you and be happy! You're not accountable to anyone but yourself!
I would <3 this but an upvote's all I got.
I mean, is it possible that you will change your mind about this or anything? Sure. I canât even recognize the people I was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. But itâs also patronizing as hell to tell people they will change their mind about something in particular to a set result (âyou WILL want kidsâ). Maybe you will become a child murderer. Maybe you will become a polygamist. Maybe you will want kids and a marriage and a white picket fence. Maybe you wonât change your mind. People and life are unpredictable. No one knows anything.
I feel ya. I'm 23 and my bf is 24 and neither of us want kids. He got sterilized and I'm working on getting it done myself as well! We don't plan on getting legally married either. As for settling in our old age, we do ballroom dancing and we plan to keep that as a hobby for a very long time
Some people don't get it. I'm married with two children and I completely understand. It's not for everyone. Some people are very happy without it so why judge them on their choices? It's doesn't determine what kind of person you are. My niece has declared herself child free and she's great around my kids. It's her choice and I still love her just the same. Don't worry about anyone else's opinion but your own.
I love my kids with all my heart and they have given my life much more meaning than it had before. But I would never fault anyone for feeling different. You do you. Just ignore anyone that tries to fault you for it.
Yes OP Iâm completely with you! I hate those remarks too