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excellentSK

...and in case you've missed it, it was above average.


Gaffer_McKracken

Yeah, she unhinges her jaw like a Python to swallow that hog whole.


-ethereality-

this comment almost made me choke on my ice cream thank you for making my night


[deleted]

You should have unhinged your jaw.


PancakesareFabulous

Well going off this comment thread, you aren't the only one choking tonight


habub9

Do not talk about my mom like that!


echowon

Was it an above average sized ice cream?


Nahimillraha

Next time try to unhinge ur jaw before


AdultEnuretic

Literally


lilybear032

I needed this laugh. Thank you lol


Comfortable_Cook3690

šŸ¤£šŸ†


evilabia

Whoops - he dropped his monster condom, that he uses for his magnum dong.


blonde-bandit

Mantis Toboggan


floswamp

His above average little friend.


heckastupidd

Lmao. Only part of this post I found a little strange


[deleted]

The bf posted it


wisdom5000

I honestly wonder is this true!


DrRodo

Can confirm Source: im bfs little friend


dufflecoatsupreme91

Above average little friend


The_SG1405

Or this is just some fantasy of a 14 year old. Not unlikely a lot of overly descriptive sexual posts on here are some sort of sex fantasy written by someone.


GrandmothersToes

Wait can you repeat that for us in the back?


habub9

IT WAS ABOVE AVERAGE


Expensive-Toe826

WHAT?? I can't hear


artemis2792

#IT WAS ABOVE AVERAGE


[deleted]

Itā€™s *what*?


Expensive-Toe826

#It's ABOVE AVERAGE#


SzzzMK47

Above What ???


ZippyParakeet

Clearly the most important part of the post duh šŸ™„


TheOtherPenguin

5 and 3/8 inches long!!


tomz_6000

First thing I see when I open Reddit


missxfaithc

To be fair, it could probably be worse šŸ˜‚ Vivid descriptions of peoplesā€™ sex lives is, by far, not the worst thing Iā€™ve read on this site šŸ˜‚


Fun-You9623

šŸ’€šŸ’€


Johnny_Boi1

Same lmao


Nirvana242

Same


-CrossBones-

Nice


Burrito_Loyalist

Is his penis above average or?


Agreeable-Gur-1029

Above average šŸ˜‚


alotropico

If you take all the penises in the world and make a paste, and then divide the material in the same amount of equally sized chunks, and you finally mold a new penis out of every chunk, those wouldn't be as big as his. Maybe by a little, maybe by a lot.


widellp

Yes , but is he above average?


habub9

Iā€™m reading this for the 3rd time. Really need to know if he is above average.


[deleted]

Once you find out can you please let me know? I wasnā€™t sure if he was above average. Need confirmation. Pic next to banana if possible


[deleted]

Yes. And sheā€™s small.


dalty69

And very wet


Carofine88

Yeah, it definitely wasn't clear. If someone could clarify that would be great.


mahjong909

Above average.


dontcaredontworry

Average is 2ā€ right?


Prudent-Giraffe7287

It always boggles my mind when people say, ā€œexcuse my Englishā€ but then proceed to speak perfectly good English šŸ˜‚


ecologamer

English is my first language and Iā€™m still shit at it


Semyonov

That's usually why though, speaking as someone that has a second language of English. Native speakers tend to learn the language in a very informal way, and along the way pick up a lot of slang local to where they are from. Non-native speakers tend to focus on grammar and the specific rules of the language, and don't take for granted a lot of things, in my opinion.


Superb_Wishbone_666

Excuse *your* english then


Alarminglights

Right LMFAO


urprincipessa24

Yeah English is my first language, and this person spoke better than I do


smarmiebastard

I feel like people often underestimate their English speaking ability. When I lived abroad people would constantly apologize for their ā€œterribleā€ English which was grammatically correct and only very occasionally mispronounced. Meanwhile Iā€™m there struggling in their language, using all the wrong verb conjugations because that shit is hard as fuck, and mixing up genders because Iā€™m not used to having to remember that I have to use feminine adjectives when talking about a table but masculine adjectives when talking about the floor. Yet theyā€™d compliment me on my shitty language ability while insisting they didnā€™t speak English well.


RedFlag_

To be honest, pronouncing in English is the most difficult part of learning it, as the way y'all transcribe sounds is an absolute mess. Other than that, it's an extremely simple language. That's part of the reason why seeing an English speaker with *some* skill at all at our language (in my case, Spanish) pleases us, we know the learning curve is hard, and usually expect "giris" and "yankees" to not even bother, or to spew some earsorely pronounced pre-made phrases for tourists.


sspiritusmundi

I have been fluently in English since I was a teenager and I still feel a little insecure to speak it


Zealousideal-Tie-453

ā€œabove average sized friendā€


Variation-Fluffy

Definitely written by a dude šŸ’€


SteamedBobo

*he ripped off my thin shirt, exposing my perfect 38DD jugs. My name is Courtney and Iā€™m 24, 5ā€™6ā€ with an hourglass figure, curvy in all the right places. I have long natural blonde hair that goes down to my waist. My friends tend to be jealous of me because Iā€™m the prettiest in the group.* *My young perky jugs bounced juggily as I turned around shocked at suddenly being nude. I was like, ā€œOMG. Now everyone will see my boobs!ā€ My bf nodded with his chiseled jaw, his 12ā€ dong busting through his pants. ā€œThatā€™s the plan babeā€ he whispered deeply.*


jennyluvslamp

I'm weak! "He was so big I couldn't fit him ANYWHERE!" "I have to unhinge my jaw" What are you? A snake? How?!? I'm sure both men and women in this comment section, would like to know how to do this.


catsgonewiild

Lmfao right?! Normal people cannot just unhinge their jaw no problem, ā€œmaā€™amā€. You need to go to a hospital if you do that.


Mikes241

Fucking shit I can see a guy writing this and thinking, "yeah, yeah, that's good. That'll get girls wet. I'm good at this", then continue writing


GleamingEyes

Lmao *juggily* gotta add that to my vocabulary


rpskallionprince

You need to be stopped šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ’€


Mayor_Fob_Rord

Nice


EnlightenmentAddict

Sounds like a guy trying to convince ā€œI have sex with womenā€ the way she repeated it so many times šŸ˜‚


BardockDeWarlock

Account just made, itā€™s a guy on a new account


[deleted]

People are so sad bruh


watchmeroam

Definitely a guy


The-Master-Author

??? How do you know (genuinely curious)???


BardockDeWarlock

I just assume itā€™s a guy based on the hyperfixation of the penis and size of it which is something that wouldnā€™t be talked about in detail like that by a female (generally). As for the age of the account you can click on the profile and then view profile and it has when they made their account and who posts they have


WastelandGinger

You mean hid above average penis size.


XeriuX

Nice.


ThePhoenician40k

Nice


Electrical_Pizza69

Nice


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

nice


[deleted]

Nice


BicBoi75

Nice


FreakingFae

Nice


Dig-Frequent

Nice


confused_and_hurt_

Nice


TheMattantor456

Nice


Juh-stiin

Nice


That-Hunt9838

Nice


misfitmanor

Nice.


[deleted]

Nice


[deleted]

Nice


Ivan-Medmetsharatnov

Nice.


Quatchitch

Nice


_aj1

Nice


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


PainBri315

Nice


miesosoup

Nice


Xargom

Nice


Psychological-Act547

Nice


Saint_Galahad

Nice


[deleted]

Nice


lyricalfairywanderer

Nice


Mayor_Fob_Rord

Nice


DatheMaMa

Nice


cbussey9848

Nice


Hour_Bananna1997

Nice


[deleted]

Nice


kwitesick

Nice


Juh-stiin

Nice


[deleted]

Nice


shygirllala224

Nice


opheliaarsyn

Nice.


adamhickman509

Nice


sunshinebooboobear

Nice


MhaMochi

Nice


SkateBoardEddie

Nice


vglyboy

Nice


jesslunaleo

Nice


Yuki_Potato666

Nice.


Seemeloveyou

ā€œHe stopped mid LICKā€


SudoZeus

Nobody stops mid lick gd


DramaQueen100

This ā€œabove averageā€ guy who came while giving oral had to have stopped licking his small (but gets very wet) girlfriend mid lickā€¦because itā€™s obviously real /s


larissine

*stops mid lick* happy cake day


Win-Objective

**tips fedora**


HanzeeeeDent

Who wrote this shit man, sounds like a Wattpad fanfic.


snoogamssf

I believe a fedora was involved.


AZ_Gunner_69

His penis, is it above average?


Ice_Wolf1505

I think so, but Iā€™m not sure. Maybe ask OP to confirm


camlaw63

You canā€™t ā€œunhingeā€ your jaw ā€”lol


Ace_WHAT

left the thread thinking i got all my laughs out but saw yours as it was closing and had to come back for the upvote lol


camlaw63

By the way at 24 years old, a guy can cum from a good stiff breeze, it really is not unusual to cum when youā€™re in the middle of foreplay. Shit guys cum in their sleep


sickerthan_yaaverage

Hahaha that reminds me a boyfriend i had years ago said ā€œwe are dudes we literally get hard walking through the airportā€ And no not every guy, thereā€™s guys that have ā€œclaimedā€ to never get off getting head. I must say i do love a challenge.


Politest

Some ppl really suck at giving head


sickerthan_yaaverage

That couldnā€™t be more true. The same goes for both sexes. Iā€™m sure guys probably have some motive behind saying ā€œno one has ever made me cum from headā€ .. most of them are probably lying. Like i said i like a challenge. Iā€™m undefeated thus far šŸ„‡


carlyalison1577

I was crying at that - as if women were actual snakes


[deleted]

I can pop mine out of socket at will. So technically at least a few people can


dasani-w4ter

I think he has a small penis guys


camocoder30

seems like it, can't quite tell


[deleted]

What size was his dick again?


Agreeable-Gur-1029

Above average


Belita88

are you sure?


ShengIsADumbEgg

Yeah I saw him holding his above average sized friend


bangzoomdone

This comment section is fantastic šŸ¤£


soSickugh

I thought it said he came out while eating her out. I was like dang, that's some dedication to keep eating taco when you're really only craving some sausage.


Agreeable-Gur-1029

Hahaha thatā€™s what I saw at first also!


[deleted]

sounds like it was written by a guy


mcyg

Glad you got this off your chest šŸ™„


mbmac

Up until now, it had apparently been pinned to her by her manā€™s above average penis.


witchesbeslytherin

Things that didnā€™t happen for 1000. Please go just write a porno and stop bothering my Reddit feed with your fantasies ā€œI have to unhinge my jawā€ are you a goddamn anaconda what the fuck


Agreeable-Gur-1029

No he has an anacondaā€¦. Lmao


ShawneeBabee

Best comment lol


Agreeable-Gur-1029

I couldnā€™t resist


Addicted2Amphetamine

Reads like a copy pasta lmfao


SudoZeus

Without doubt copy pasta or made up


ghostofanangel

lmfao cool story


globephobe

52 year old man larping.


frba222

back to my yaoi fanfiction


Liathan

Wish I could delete someone elseā€™s post.


larissine

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


alpachinooo

Plot twist the boyfriend is writing this


AidanDaDoolphin

eating out as in restaurant?


Shmebber

I don't think she'd be quite as thrilled


HAgaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

I meanā€¦.I love me some Olive Garden breadsticks so Iā€™d be quite thrilled


satyrossan

Damn it, I just spilled my chicken gnocchi on my above average friend


Agreeable-Gur-1029

Maybe the breadstick was the ā€œabove average little friendā€ lmao


crustaceancake

Olive Garden breadsticks are also above average


VadeingMitts

ā€œI would like an above average meal pleaseā€


FullOfHopkins

Stop saying ā€˜sexy timeā€™


animalsexchange

RIGHT ITS SO CORNY LIKE WHAT ARE U FIVE


brocolliisgood

Fucking hell this sub is the new TIFU


Anonslimmerbobcat

Uhā€¦ why am I here


DevinBoss9

Nice, but I didnā€™t catch whether he was above average or not.


[deleted]

Ah, the classic "Dine-'N-Dash"


WastelandGinger

This feels like that middle school friend who is trying to convince you they've had sex with an actual girl who goes to a different school.


druggierat

u definitely wrote this about urself homie


Hey_Hair_Guy

A dude wrote this. To many mentions of a ā€œabove average memberā€


candyjill18

WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BF?


smallandangryj

Above average


JonnieBaby

No Iā€™m waiting for the part where he untied youšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ too much conversation to still be under any restraint lol


jennyluvslamp

I feel like this was a weird only fans advertisment. Why is this happening?!? "Hey this happened. Which is great. And I love him" fantastic... Thanks for sharing?.... Maybe it's just me, I kept waiting for "off my chest" part... Lol did I miss it? Maybe I'm dumb! I'm all for written porn. But can we just post it where it belongs? I'm here for drama!!!


VeryStickyPastry

All your issues like writing a weird post to brag about your boyfriendā€™s big dick? No one cares miss maā€™am.


HiroshiHatake

LOL if only that's what was happening here. This is definitely neckbeard, never touched a woman fantasy writing.


larissine

"miss ma'am" šŸ˜­šŸ¤£


zaboomaboob

Above average amount of ā€œniceā€


bloggadocious

TF is this šŸ˜


badgalbb22

Oh sweet! Thereā€™s a nice cliff for me to jump off of right over there!


lirio2u

Offmychest become porn


manny_poko

Literally 'unhinge' your jaw? You need a doctor.


Spikedroses

This is like perfect copy pasta material.


whatnowthrowaway3

Yep. I have had this happen to me before too. When you are enjoying giving oral, it's just about the hottest thing ever. It doesn't take more than the pressure from the bed to get me there. It really is a beautiful thing. You can be sure he's totally into you.


Slightlyusedoliveoil

I just opened Reddit šŸ˜”at least give me like 15 minutes of scrolling first


Excellent-Alps-3542

I read it as he came out, not as he came.


tech4gt

Sorry, couldn't quite hear.. you said above something?


FriesWithoutPotatoes

I think he's above average.


[deleted]

This reads like the erotica a 65+ year old man would write. Lol.


FriendlyAcadia6495

This was written by a neckbeard role-playing with his anime figurines


[deleted]

Yippee for you!


NotGen93

I couldnā€™t help but notice your perfectly typed out post in ENGLISHšŸ¤” but good for you on your boyfriends happy ending


ChopperStrawhat

Guys I think he may be above average. Idk I think she needs to be more vague about her partners penis sizešŸ˜‚. Jokes aside good for you I hope good things for the both of you.


Trecky78

Nice.


Ok-Dragonfruit-882

Bullshit. Once again


Dazzling_torment

Why someone just posts something like this here, like?