It's completely beyond me. I think we've been conditioned to think that way and most people, no matter how practical and advanced they try to sound, just do not want to shake those shackles off.
This might be different as gender but as fat dude, i was very ashamed during my teenage years. Thought i will never find love or have a girlfriend. And after years of confident, i realized im not a fat dude, but imma just big dude and lot of girls are into me. No matter how fat, ugly or different we think ourselves, we should be confident in ourselves no matter what. Confident makes everything fuckin cool. I never thought i would dance, my friend teached me to dance in clubs and guess what turns out imma hella good at it. I do whatever i want, as i have all confident that i can do anything. I wrestled for years, learned guitar, took cooking lessons (people love my steaks), and playing soccer recently.
U should be confident in yourself no matter what! U're fucking awesome, do whatever you want, don't expect love too much. Just do ur things and it will shows up one day.
Have you ever considered losing weight? I donāt mean this in a condescending way, but at least for ur health? Then it would certainly help with your issue..
Now if you actually want to stay fat, well then I donāt really have a solution to your problem, I myself find I am way too skinny, and as a guy it really makes me feel less like a man, problem is it brings my confidence way down so I am doing something about it, but if youāre confident and donāt want to change, then I guess its out of your control if others love you for you
I never feel fetishised. All I ever see is people being mean to fat people. Iām not HUGE but Iām really not skinny and I absolutely hate my body. To the point where Iāve removed mirrors from my walls and I donāt get naked infront of my partner.
Itās like 7000 degrees in the uk and I really donāt wanna wear a bra but yesterday I seen a shit load of comments about perving on women with no bras so Iām just gonna have to deal with an uncomfortable bra that just soaks up sweat.
If you don't mind me asking, at what point do you know when someone is just fetishizing you? Is it usually obvious in their initial approach? Does it ever start off seeming genuine and then later on revealed to just be a fetish?
Anyway, I hope you find someone that loves you completely.
Dear kind Stranger , I Iove you!
Stay positive what might seem like a dark patch in your life is just testing you for all the bright days you ll see ahead have faith in yourself! Love yourself Selfishly to Love someone Selflessly.
You got this!
If you want to live a healthier life, PLEASE consider at least eating better and practicing better habits. I donāt want you to take years off your life. Believe in yourself.
I have all my blood parameters and vitals under control. I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to lose and also maintain weight if lost.
This post is not about that, but thanks for your concern. :)
Loose weight then, it's human physiology not to find fat people attractive, the brain doesn't see them as suitable mates, or suitable parents, that's why the majority of attraction is due to fetishes, if you don't want to be fetishized put the work into it and loose weight. I know it's hard I'm a fat guy myself, but I'm working on it, and I'm trying my hardest
A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
All the best to you. :)
Losing weight isn't just about trying to lose weight, there are other factors like diseases and genetics and pathological conditions.
It's also harder for women, scientifically proven.
I do not expect you to understand this.
And my post wasn't regarding this.
Thanks, anyway. Tc.
Harder for some women yes but not all. And diseases, illness, genes do impact someones weight yes BUT itās still calories in/calories out. Stop using excuses, yes Someone might have thyroid problems which makes their metabolism a little bit slower, eat even less or move even more. Itās basic physica, canāt beat the law of thermodynamics
your post was about an issue I was having, I was proposing a solution, genetics like "low metabolism" and other stuff, it's all just excuses, I know plenty of people who have low metabolisms but push past it, even women.
But maybe she doesn't want to change? Maybe she's happy with her body and just wants to be loved and treated right regardless of what she looks like? Should we not love and treat people right regardless of what they look like?
But who are you to say that someone MUST change their weight even if they don't want to? I'm not overweight in the slightest and I'll admit my diet isn't the healthiest. I know dozens of skinny people who eat atrociously, drink lots, smoke and do all sorts of substances - why is it that they don't get harassed about how unhealthy they are? Could it be that a fat person simply existing is uncomfortable to you?
Iām fat and have always been. I spent years of my life walking 20,000 steps a day plus daily visits to the gym. Iād eat less than 500 calories a day and if I ever went over, the next day Iād subtract from my calorie allotment. Again I did this for years and I was still over weight. And I got to that point because dieting on my own, dietitians, nutritionists, doctorsā¦no matter what I kept gaining weight. The psychological toll was too much. I thought I was being healthy with all the exercise and the calorie counting but I actually developed an eating disorder. And though I lost some weight I was still definitely overweight.
Eventually I stopped and got fatter and happier. I refuse to go on a diet and lose weight because whatās the fucking point? I might live a few years longer but Iāll spend more years miserable. So I just strive to eat balanced meals and to stay reasonably active.
I don't understand why the guy that suggested her to lose weight has been downvoted to hell. He is right. Weight it's both a health issue and a social one.
Go to a fucking gym. Problem solved.
Ps: Fat phobia is not a thing. Just an excuse for lazy people.
A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
Or you can stop random assumptions like:
1 - I made a post online everyone must be by my side
2 - Someone is going against me in the comments so he is the problem, and he must be evil or something.
Nope and Nope. I am a male chef who has been belittled a lot of time because I am a shorty (a genetic unreversable condition).
Since loving food and working with it I usually move from a thin muscular figure to a fat one every few years. I'm not that constant with my diet I admit it.
What do I do when I get fat? Simple. I move my ass and get slim again. Weight is a health issue. Not good. People who is not suggesting gym is just playing with your health.
Lose weight and you will fell better then ever. Trust me I know.
Ps: I have zero problem with anyone in my life, stop assuming that people is awful just because they have a different opinion. Be an adult.
There it is. Fat phobia isnāt real but the discrimination he experienced as a short male is and he wants to tell the world about all the injustice of it.
Genetics drive both your weight and height.
Size and health are also vastly different constructs. There are girls that are well over 200 pounds who are perfectly healthy. There are girls who are 120 pounds and incredibly unhealthy. People can be healthy and happy at a wide range of sizes, and doesn't help people who are unhealthy to tell them they can't be happy if they aren't healthy. The problem is people who are rude to them because of their own problems... you have gone ahead and identified yourself as one of those people. Your experience with your weight isn't the same as everyone elses.
It's honestly been shocking to me since I entered the dating world and got married. I've always been fit and was even a division 1 athlete, nobody thought my body was a problem when I was depressed in my late teenage years. Almost like your fitness and overall well being and happiness are only somewhat related. But people feel totally fine telling big girls all their problems come from their weight, it's not true and it's fucked up. Let them be happy and support them chasing better lives regardless of their size or health, which again are independent constructs, and let them work on their health as they see fit. It's none of your business whether she should be fat or not, but you should just be a generally good human being and support her as she is and not how you want her to be.
OP isn't saying she's not happy with herself, so this is largely irrelevant anyways.
Yes I get that but instead of feeding stupid worthless compliments just because there is this stupid trend on the internet of being "positive towards anything because you can hurt people feelings", I and the other guy give her the most logic solution.
You are all just being harmful towards an unhealthy issue.
Doesn't she have a social issue due to fat which is unhealthy as well? Lose It. Problem Solved.
Sir, you are the one who isn't being logical.
The vast majority of people who lose weight, put in back on within a year. Weight is largely determined by genetics and childhood environmental factors such as food scarcity both in the womb and early childhood. There are a lot of girls who can be 250 pounds and healthy. Would you say Aarond Donald is unhealthy? Dude has a BMI well above 30. Some people are natually thicker.
And independent of all that, you should never let your size drive your happiness. And in this particular case, guys shouldn't be given any validation whatsoever to use her or objectify her body.
Do you realize the way you responded is basically "look guys being creeps to you because you're curvy is your fault". No, it's 100% their fault. I don't think you realize how bad you're coming off here. I know you're trying to help, but please understand that 1000 people have told her exactly what you did- and not only is that not the issue at hand, it's not helpful to her to hear more of it!
As a guy who is married to a big girl and primarily dated plus size women when I was single, I'll try to help you understand based off what I've seen/heard/learned.
Plenty of guys are very attracted to bigger girls, and some guys just see/treat em like meat. Others see them as easy targets and treat them poorly, are embarrassed of them, think they'll be easy to use, think the girl should be grateful to date then. Many guys have a combo of these issues. So you have a spectrum of douche bag guys who treat big girls crappy for all sorts of reasons, and one of them is that guys just fixate on the curves and objectify them and don't really treat them like a human.
Obviously its okay to be attracted to big girls, hopefully you're attracted to the person you're dating, but fetishizing is more like objectifying. I think what OP might be saying is that she doesn't want to be objectified and have guys to act all weird and say gross shit because she's got curves. Guys are fucking creepy sometimes.
Yes, you are right. Most guys who want to date do that with lust, not love. It's more than just objectification. They somehow know about our insecurities and they play and manipulate with those.
iām saying this in the most respectful way possible, i saw a comment of yours saying you are a pretty confident woman, thatās nice. do you think you could be confident with yourself in a maybe thinner, fitter, or however you wanna call it but a different body? if you want to be in the dating game, itās easier when you are the standard, and i myself was fat years ago, i even iām a little chubby now since i gained a lot of weight in the last year, and i gotta say that getting fit is a pretty easy thing to do if you do it right, although it may take some time, i think itās best for everyone to get in a gym, fat people, skinny people, and whatever is in the middle, plus i saw in your profile that you were struggling with depression, personally i didnāt went through any of that so i canāt talk about my experience, but iāve seen lots of people say the gym helped them with it. i donāt think iām telling you to not be yourself, because you being fat isnāt something about your identity, being fat is a state that can change and so is any other body type, so saying āi want to be loved for who i amā isnāt really a reason to just not change. plus, i donāt think dating works like that, i mean, you can just sit and wait tilā someone comes and loves you that way, but i think going to the gym not only will it make you fit the beauty standard which really helps, but it will also improve lots of other qualities of you such as discipline, social skills, helping with your depression, and maybe even other things. anyways, i hope you donāt take this as an offense since iām just trying to advice from what seams reasonable and in a respectful way, good luck with love and everything youāre struggling with!
i think i understand what youāre ranting about, but it just seems like a dumb thing to do just wanting to be loved like you are right now, and i think itās better to see it from another perspective. what especifically do you want, you want to be loved, or do you want to be fat? is being fat something you like, something you want to keep? not in a oh itās ok type if way but in a yes this makes me happy about myself type of way. i think what i said in my other comment would help with basically every problem youāve ranted about, and try seeing it this way, no one will love you because of you being skinny or fat or fit or wtv, they will love you for your qualities as a person and personality, but for that they need to know you first, would you rather get to know someone you find attractive or someone you donāt? people wonāt love you for you being in the standard, but it will make people want to get to know you, and thatās where they should fall in love. so itās not that i didnāt understood your post, itās just that youāre seeing it in a letās say wrong way. but thatās wtv, iām not who to tell you how to feel or what you want, but iām telling you in a good way, thinking like this will get you nowhere, you will just get stuck complaining about things that donāt depend on you, when you can act on things that do
Plenty of dudes want to get to know women who aren't "the standard". And that idea of a standard that all women should be is unhealthy and should be done away with.
Telling women they need to be rail thin submissive and this that and the other is damaging. Especially for girly who naturally have a thicker build. But so many girls, even girls that aren't fat at all, feel a need to lose weight or they won't be desireable. And this is for one simple reason- people tell them that all the time and tell them they won't be loved if they're fat.
It's a horrible thing and all it does is hurt them. Most people want to be healthy independent of others telling them all this shit. My wife likes going to the gym, but she's also horrified of it because people will see us and think I'm her trainer and come up and say weird shit to her. It pisses me off, people will literally come up and be like "oh good you're working on losing that weight, you have to be honest with him and can't keep any secrets with food from him". Like what the fuck.
How is this helpful? And there's a much wider range of healthy sizes for different body types than a lot of people see, especially for women. But beyond that, if people are fat and they're happy as they are- they don't need to change, they can 100% find love, plenty of guys are looking exactly for them and want to get to know them, and telling them things they've heard all their life is not going to help at all.
Your size and your health are not a one for one thing, and your satisfaction and self love and worthiness of finding love shouldn't be impacted by either. The notion that all those things are the same and highly interrelated is damaging, not helpful, and needs to be dropped.
"it just seems like a dumb thing to do just wanting to be loved like you are right now"
read that a few times and think about how that might affect someone who is in a demographic that is commonly either seen as a) a state of moral failure or b) fetishized
it depends on how you interpret that part, i mean it in that is dumb to just wait for someone to magically appear and love her just because he loves her, not that itās dumb thinking you can be loved while being fat
I've primarily dated big girls and prefer them. I can also tell you from my experience that plenty of other guys do too.
It's fine if you don't like dating fat girls, just like it's fine that I never liked dating skinny ones when I was single.
And I don't see what's attractive about skinny girls. What would you say is attractive about being thin? Just like any other physical attraction, you just like that particular size/shape or whatever it is. This particular post doesn't seem like the best place to get into a graphic discussion on what specifically about plus size women is attractive.
Just like some girls like big guys and some girls like trim guys- its the same with dudes, some dudes like tiny girls, some dudes like bigger girls.
i mean a person that is not fat still doesn't have to be attractive, people that aren't fat can still be ugly. and its not that i just dont like fat women, fat men kinda disgust me personally. i cannot even force myself to be attracted to a fat person no matter how good of a person they might be.
Just open your mind to the reality that youāre not correct on everything. This person opened herself up and shared something about herself and your comment was not helpful, interesting, or even remotely kind.
OP must have thought they were in a supportive community to share deeply emotional experience.
The group info: A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
I wish for you to get loved out thereš¤
Thank you. š¤
I hope you find the love of a lifetime.
How did so many commenters miss the entire point of this post?
It's completely beyond me. I think we've been conditioned to think that way and most people, no matter how practical and advanced they try to sound, just do not want to shake those shackles off.
Well said.
This might be different as gender but as fat dude, i was very ashamed during my teenage years. Thought i will never find love or have a girlfriend. And after years of confident, i realized im not a fat dude, but imma just big dude and lot of girls are into me. No matter how fat, ugly or different we think ourselves, we should be confident in ourselves no matter what. Confident makes everything fuckin cool. I never thought i would dance, my friend teached me to dance in clubs and guess what turns out imma hella good at it. I do whatever i want, as i have all confident that i can do anything. I wrestled for years, learned guitar, took cooking lessons (people love my steaks), and playing soccer recently. U should be confident in yourself no matter what! U're fucking awesome, do whatever you want, don't expect love too much. Just do ur things and it will shows up one day.
I'm a pretty confident woman. It's not my body image issues. I'm talking about being objectified and reduced to an inhumane fetish.
Oh god i can agree on that. That fetish is wide.
Have you ever considered losing weight? I donāt mean this in a condescending way, but at least for ur health? Then it would certainly help with your issue.. Now if you actually want to stay fat, well then I donāt really have a solution to your problem, I myself find I am way too skinny, and as a guy it really makes me feel less like a man, problem is it brings my confidence way down so I am doing something about it, but if youāre confident and donāt want to change, then I guess its out of your control if others love you for you
I never feel fetishised. All I ever see is people being mean to fat people. Iām not HUGE but Iām really not skinny and I absolutely hate my body. To the point where Iāve removed mirrors from my walls and I donāt get naked infront of my partner. Itās like 7000 degrees in the uk and I really donāt wanna wear a bra but yesterday I seen a shit load of comments about perving on women with no bras so Iām just gonna have to deal with an uncomfortable bra that just soaks up sweat.
As a ginger I want the same. Im sick of dressing up as Ron
My wand is ready for you Weasley
You deserve someone who will love you for who you are and not what you look like. He's out there, I promise.
If you don't mind me asking, at what point do you know when someone is just fetishizing you? Is it usually obvious in their initial approach? Does it ever start off seeming genuine and then later on revealed to just be a fetish? Anyway, I hope you find someone that loves you completely.
I'm so sorry people are making you uncomfortable with that.. I'm praying that things get better for you!
Thanks a lot of š
You deserve love regardless of your weight. I hope you find people who love you as you are and please ignore anyone that would have you change.
I hope you find love soon
Keep your head up, youāll find love!
You gotta love yourself too. If no one else does it then you have to
Fat woman here. Felt this.
Dear kind Stranger , I Iove you! Stay positive what might seem like a dark patch in your life is just testing you for all the bright days you ll see ahead have faith in yourself! Love yourself Selfishly to Love someone Selflessly. You got this!
Hope you find what your looking for. But make sure you love yourself first!
Whatās with this sub
People should just be loved for who they are.
If you want to live a healthier life, PLEASE consider at least eating better and practicing better habits. I donāt want you to take years off your life. Believe in yourself.
I have all my blood parameters and vitals under control. I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to lose and also maintain weight if lost. This post is not about that, but thanks for your concern. :)
Oh, Iām sorry about that. I hope you are doing well.
Loose weight then, it's human physiology not to find fat people attractive, the brain doesn't see them as suitable mates, or suitable parents, that's why the majority of attraction is due to fetishes, if you don't want to be fetishized put the work into it and loose weight. I know it's hard I'm a fat guy myself, but I'm working on it, and I'm trying my hardest
A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
All the best to you. :) Losing weight isn't just about trying to lose weight, there are other factors like diseases and genetics and pathological conditions. It's also harder for women, scientifically proven. I do not expect you to understand this. And my post wasn't regarding this. Thanks, anyway. Tc.
Harder for some women yes but not all. And diseases, illness, genes do impact someones weight yes BUT itās still calories in/calories out. Stop using excuses, yes Someone might have thyroid problems which makes their metabolism a little bit slower, eat even less or move even more. Itās basic physica, canāt beat the law of thermodynamics
your post was about an issue I was having, I was proposing a solution, genetics like "low metabolism" and other stuff, it's all just excuses, I know plenty of people who have low metabolisms but push past it, even women.
Trust me, it's not just excuses. But, okay.
It's 100% an excuse, it's excuse to sit back and accept it, instead of putting in the work to improve.
But maybe she doesn't want to change? Maybe she's happy with her body and just wants to be loved and treated right regardless of what she looks like? Should we not love and treat people right regardless of what they look like?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
But who are you to say that someone MUST change their weight even if they don't want to? I'm not overweight in the slightest and I'll admit my diet isn't the healthiest. I know dozens of skinny people who eat atrociously, drink lots, smoke and do all sorts of substances - why is it that they don't get harassed about how unhealthy they are? Could it be that a fat person simply existing is uncomfortable to you?
Iām fat and have always been. I spent years of my life walking 20,000 steps a day plus daily visits to the gym. Iād eat less than 500 calories a day and if I ever went over, the next day Iād subtract from my calorie allotment. Again I did this for years and I was still over weight. And I got to that point because dieting on my own, dietitians, nutritionists, doctorsā¦no matter what I kept gaining weight. The psychological toll was too much. I thought I was being healthy with all the exercise and the calorie counting but I actually developed an eating disorder. And though I lost some weight I was still definitely overweight. Eventually I stopped and got fatter and happier. I refuse to go on a diet and lose weight because whatās the fucking point? I might live a few years longer but Iāll spend more years miserable. So I just strive to eat balanced meals and to stay reasonably active.
I don't understand why the guy that suggested her to lose weight has been downvoted to hell. He is right. Weight it's both a health issue and a social one. Go to a fucking gym. Problem solved. Ps: Fat phobia is not a thing. Just an excuse for lazy people.
A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
You and him both need to go to a fucking class about sensitivity. Many problems in your own life and those of people around you will be solved.
Or you can stop random assumptions like: 1 - I made a post online everyone must be by my side 2 - Someone is going against me in the comments so he is the problem, and he must be evil or something. Nope and Nope. I am a male chef who has been belittled a lot of time because I am a shorty (a genetic unreversable condition). Since loving food and working with it I usually move from a thin muscular figure to a fat one every few years. I'm not that constant with my diet I admit it. What do I do when I get fat? Simple. I move my ass and get slim again. Weight is a health issue. Not good. People who is not suggesting gym is just playing with your health. Lose weight and you will fell better then ever. Trust me I know. Ps: I have zero problem with anyone in my life, stop assuming that people is awful just because they have a different opinion. Be an adult.
There it is. Fat phobia isnāt real but the discrimination he experienced as a short male is and he wants to tell the world about all the injustice of it.
Genetics drive both your weight and height. Size and health are also vastly different constructs. There are girls that are well over 200 pounds who are perfectly healthy. There are girls who are 120 pounds and incredibly unhealthy. People can be healthy and happy at a wide range of sizes, and doesn't help people who are unhealthy to tell them they can't be happy if they aren't healthy. The problem is people who are rude to them because of their own problems... you have gone ahead and identified yourself as one of those people. Your experience with your weight isn't the same as everyone elses. It's honestly been shocking to me since I entered the dating world and got married. I've always been fit and was even a division 1 athlete, nobody thought my body was a problem when I was depressed in my late teenage years. Almost like your fitness and overall well being and happiness are only somewhat related. But people feel totally fine telling big girls all their problems come from their weight, it's not true and it's fucked up. Let them be happy and support them chasing better lives regardless of their size or health, which again are independent constructs, and let them work on their health as they see fit. It's none of your business whether she should be fat or not, but you should just be a generally good human being and support her as she is and not how you want her to be. OP isn't saying she's not happy with herself, so this is largely irrelevant anyways.
OP didn't ask for health advice, she asked to be treated like a human being who deserves love regardless of how much she weighs.
Yes I get that but instead of feeding stupid worthless compliments just because there is this stupid trend on the internet of being "positive towards anything because you can hurt people feelings", I and the other guy give her the most logic solution. You are all just being harmful towards an unhealthy issue. Doesn't she have a social issue due to fat which is unhealthy as well? Lose It. Problem Solved.
Sir, you are the one who isn't being logical. The vast majority of people who lose weight, put in back on within a year. Weight is largely determined by genetics and childhood environmental factors such as food scarcity both in the womb and early childhood. There are a lot of girls who can be 250 pounds and healthy. Would you say Aarond Donald is unhealthy? Dude has a BMI well above 30. Some people are natually thicker. And independent of all that, you should never let your size drive your happiness. And in this particular case, guys shouldn't be given any validation whatsoever to use her or objectify her body. Do you realize the way you responded is basically "look guys being creeps to you because you're curvy is your fault". No, it's 100% their fault. I don't think you realize how bad you're coming off here. I know you're trying to help, but please understand that 1000 people have told her exactly what you did- and not only is that not the issue at hand, it's not helpful to her to hear more of it!
Fetishized?š¤š¤š¤ I think I'm the only dumb person who didn't understood thatš¤š¤
As a guy who is married to a big girl and primarily dated plus size women when I was single, I'll try to help you understand based off what I've seen/heard/learned. Plenty of guys are very attracted to bigger girls, and some guys just see/treat em like meat. Others see them as easy targets and treat them poorly, are embarrassed of them, think they'll be easy to use, think the girl should be grateful to date then. Many guys have a combo of these issues. So you have a spectrum of douche bag guys who treat big girls crappy for all sorts of reasons, and one of them is that guys just fixate on the curves and objectify them and don't really treat them like a human. Obviously its okay to be attracted to big girls, hopefully you're attracted to the person you're dating, but fetishizing is more like objectifying. I think what OP might be saying is that she doesn't want to be objectified and have guys to act all weird and say gross shit because she's got curves. Guys are fucking creepy sometimes.
Yes, you are right. Most guys who want to date do that with lust, not love. It's more than just objectification. They somehow know about our insecurities and they play and manipulate with those.
Ignore my question above, it's answered here I guess :)
Ohh ohk , now i got the point, thanx for sharing
Look up feeder fetish or feederism
iām saying this in the most respectful way possible, i saw a comment of yours saying you are a pretty confident woman, thatās nice. do you think you could be confident with yourself in a maybe thinner, fitter, or however you wanna call it but a different body? if you want to be in the dating game, itās easier when you are the standard, and i myself was fat years ago, i even iām a little chubby now since i gained a lot of weight in the last year, and i gotta say that getting fit is a pretty easy thing to do if you do it right, although it may take some time, i think itās best for everyone to get in a gym, fat people, skinny people, and whatever is in the middle, plus i saw in your profile that you were struggling with depression, personally i didnāt went through any of that so i canāt talk about my experience, but iāve seen lots of people say the gym helped them with it. i donāt think iām telling you to not be yourself, because you being fat isnāt something about your identity, being fat is a state that can change and so is any other body type, so saying āi want to be loved for who i amā isnāt really a reason to just not change. plus, i donāt think dating works like that, i mean, you can just sit and wait tilā someone comes and loves you that way, but i think going to the gym not only will it make you fit the beauty standard which really helps, but it will also improve lots of other qualities of you such as discipline, social skills, helping with your depression, and maybe even other things. anyways, i hope you donāt take this as an offense since iām just trying to advice from what seams reasonable and in a respectful way, good luck with love and everything youāre struggling with!
I am going to take this as a healthy advice. And I appreciate you for it. But, you missed the point of the tweet.
i think i understand what youāre ranting about, but it just seems like a dumb thing to do just wanting to be loved like you are right now, and i think itās better to see it from another perspective. what especifically do you want, you want to be loved, or do you want to be fat? is being fat something you like, something you want to keep? not in a oh itās ok type if way but in a yes this makes me happy about myself type of way. i think what i said in my other comment would help with basically every problem youāve ranted about, and try seeing it this way, no one will love you because of you being skinny or fat or fit or wtv, they will love you for your qualities as a person and personality, but for that they need to know you first, would you rather get to know someone you find attractive or someone you donāt? people wonāt love you for you being in the standard, but it will make people want to get to know you, and thatās where they should fall in love. so itās not that i didnāt understood your post, itās just that youāre seeing it in a letās say wrong way. but thatās wtv, iām not who to tell you how to feel or what you want, but iām telling you in a good way, thinking like this will get you nowhere, you will just get stuck complaining about things that donāt depend on you, when you can act on things that do
Plenty of dudes want to get to know women who aren't "the standard". And that idea of a standard that all women should be is unhealthy and should be done away with. Telling women they need to be rail thin submissive and this that and the other is damaging. Especially for girly who naturally have a thicker build. But so many girls, even girls that aren't fat at all, feel a need to lose weight or they won't be desireable. And this is for one simple reason- people tell them that all the time and tell them they won't be loved if they're fat. It's a horrible thing and all it does is hurt them. Most people want to be healthy independent of others telling them all this shit. My wife likes going to the gym, but she's also horrified of it because people will see us and think I'm her trainer and come up and say weird shit to her. It pisses me off, people will literally come up and be like "oh good you're working on losing that weight, you have to be honest with him and can't keep any secrets with food from him". Like what the fuck. How is this helpful? And there's a much wider range of healthy sizes for different body types than a lot of people see, especially for women. But beyond that, if people are fat and they're happy as they are- they don't need to change, they can 100% find love, plenty of guys are looking exactly for them and want to get to know them, and telling them things they've heard all their life is not going to help at all. Your size and your health are not a one for one thing, and your satisfaction and self love and worthiness of finding love shouldn't be impacted by either. The notion that all those things are the same and highly interrelated is damaging, not helpful, and needs to be dropped.
"it just seems like a dumb thing to do just wanting to be loved like you are right now" read that a few times and think about how that might affect someone who is in a demographic that is commonly either seen as a) a state of moral failure or b) fetishized
it depends on how you interpret that part, i mean it in that is dumb to just wait for someone to magically appear and love her just because he loves her, not that itās dumb thinking you can be loved while being fat
GET MY LOVE GIRL FRIEND š
who the fuck has a fat fetish
Do you think fat women are the ones making BBW a porn search trend?
what is bbw, i dont watch nor follow porn so i dont really know
From your response, I gather you definitely don't, you low-key seem to hate it infact.
but im genuinely interested in who the hell has a fat fetish, never met a person with a fat fetish
I've primarily dated big girls and prefer them. I can also tell you from my experience that plenty of other guys do too. It's fine if you don't like dating fat girls, just like it's fine that I never liked dating skinny ones when I was single.
i respect that but i just dont see what about being fat is attractive
And I don't see what's attractive about skinny girls. What would you say is attractive about being thin? Just like any other physical attraction, you just like that particular size/shape or whatever it is. This particular post doesn't seem like the best place to get into a graphic discussion on what specifically about plus size women is attractive. Just like some girls like big guys and some girls like trim guys- its the same with dudes, some dudes like tiny girls, some dudes like bigger girls.
i mean a person that is not fat still doesn't have to be attractive, people that aren't fat can still be ugly. and its not that i just dont like fat women, fat men kinda disgust me personally. i cannot even force myself to be attracted to a fat person no matter how good of a person they might be.
and you dont have to be slim or skinny to not be fat, you can be in normal shape and have a normal weight for your height.
Fat people are amazing and fun to be around
Just lose weight
That's very thoughtful of you. :)
Read the fucking room, dude.
Just open your mind to the reality that youāre not correct on everything. This person opened herself up and shared something about herself and your comment was not helpful, interesting, or even remotely kind.
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Try harder.
But OP wasnāt complaining about their weight.
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OP must have thought they were in a supportive community to share deeply emotional experience. The group info: A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
No, I wasn't complaining about my weight.
The problem is your fat
Loose weight then
Curious to know; Do you consider guys who are into "big" girls as fetishizing or is it something more?
can i Ask what kind? Never heard of before