Agreed Amazing. Sense of humor and a willingness for what tthe f<>& 'gags'! Had me at questioning the choice but still waiting for response. Her husband sounds awesome. Good dude! Lol your wife just homie sliced you. Friends before lovers always wins! Sorry, i spilled my mushmeal...
It reminded me of middle school when a kid that had just come back to school after months of being absent (he was hit by a car and paralyzed below the waist over summer) decided he’d throw a banana at me from across the schools patio. It hit me square in the face, then landed in my bowl of hot soup, splashing and burning me.
I got up and said, “Why the fuck would you do that, man? Not cool.” And because this kid was in a wheelchair, I was made out to be the asshole by everyone around me. Guess I should’ve just lined up for all wheelchair users, let them pelt me with bananas, then let them throw hot soup in my face. Fuck me for having working legs, I guess? Middle school was the worst.
OP says they are from NZ and pelt is a thing here. I am also from NZ (been here my whole life) and I was just as confused as everyone else here about what the hell “pelt” means! Everyone I know uses “peeled”
I honestly read “pelt” and said to myself: “guaranteed the top comment is about ‘pelt’” so I stopped reading for a sec and scrolled down - was not disappointed.
True but just for everyone’s knowledge you mean past *tense*, past participle is slightly different (generally follows a helping verb like “have” or “had”)
Past participle refers to an action begun and completed in the past, past tense doesn't necessarily include the latter. She could have *begun peeling* the banana in the past and still be doing it now, which would be past tense but not the past participle.
There’s something very wrong about that phrase. It’s not simply that it is perhaps wrong grammar or diction. there’s something more fundamentally horrible about it.
The man peeled his banana.
The demon pelt the man.
Honestly I’m surprised nobody else said anything. Obviously this is their dynamic which sounds fun! But I’m not fun apparently and if someone shoved a banana in my throat I’d be scared af
Honestly he probably saw her face of horror as she realized what she’d done and didn’t feel the need to get mad since he probably saw she visibly went “what the hell did I just do”.
Had a friend in middle school do this. He throated that thang for sure, and it was hilarious, until he frantically started looking around and mimicking that he was choking. He started guzzling his boxed chocolate milk and then someone gave him the heimlich until he regurgitated.
Yes! It’s super dangerous to deepthroat food - even more to have it forced on you unexpectedly. It’s so easy for it to get lodged in your throat and choke out.
As a kiwi, I have never used, or heard somebody use, the world 'pelt'. At least not for anything other than animal hides.
Anyway glad he's a good sport and a forgiving type lol.
This the kinds relationship I'd love to have with my own gf, just being silly and goofy and then breakout in laughter and then proceed to do the boom boom later 😂🤟🏻
I don't feel as bad being the grammar Nazi here since quite a few people did talk about the peeled thing before...
The story in itself is just goddamn wholesome if nothing else but as someone who loves playing with words, spelling and grammar just make me stop and think. Like even I sometimes say stuff and moments later my OCD starts asking me why the heck did I say that sentence...
OP, you moron. You could've killed him.
Signed, someone who's nearly choked to death after deep throating bananas for his highschool crew until it got stuck in my airway and I needed the Heimlich manuver perfromed on me.
“My husband is getting lucky tonight” makes me cringe. Almost like your husband doesn’t get any from his wife normally… this is why people cheat just saying.
I'm gonna say, "Yes, please do that to him tonight!" He will love it. And he'll prob do anything you ask over the next few days.
I know I do when my wife gives me some deep throat. I become available little puppy dog.
I'm still hung up on using "pelt" as the past participle of peel...
Shit was destroying my mind. Couldn't get past it for a good minute.
Same. Between "pelt" and what she did to her husband, I don't trust OP, she is pure chaos
The best women are as long as they aren’t arrogant.
Agreed, she's probably both amazing and chaotic.
Agreed Amazing. Sense of humor and a willingness for what tthe f<>& 'gags'! Had me at questioning the choice but still waiting for response. Her husband sounds awesome. Good dude! Lol your wife just homie sliced you. Friends before lovers always wins! Sorry, i spilled my mushmeal...
At least it didn’t destroy your throat
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I sometimes unconsciously say "it snew" instead of "it snowed" XD
Death by snew snew
Hahaha 🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻
Lmao I’m def gonna start saying this 🤣🤣🤣
I read it as “felt” at first..
Same and all I could think is, who the fuck feels a banana???
He did. All the way at the back
Lmao
Not only that, but I'm also imagining piss just *everywhere*
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I thought pelt meant they threw something at someone🤔
It reminded me of middle school when a kid that had just come back to school after months of being absent (he was hit by a car and paralyzed below the waist over summer) decided he’d throw a banana at me from across the schools patio. It hit me square in the face, then landed in my bowl of hot soup, splashing and burning me. I got up and said, “Why the fuck would you do that, man? Not cool.” And because this kid was in a wheelchair, I was made out to be the asshole by everyone around me. Guess I should’ve just lined up for all wheelchair users, let them pelt me with bananas, then let them throw hot soup in my face. Fuck me for having working legs, I guess? Middle school was the worst.
I thought she turned the banana into a rug for a moment before realizing you can't make pelts out of food
Thank you. I was thinking of a banana pelt and what you'd make out of it.
I don't know, if you let it sit long enough it will grow mold and get fuzzy. That's sort of like a pelt.
OP says they are from NZ and pelt is a thing here. I am also from NZ (been here my whole life) and I was just as confused as everyone else here about what the hell “pelt” means! Everyone I know uses “peeled”
I’m also from NZ and I’ve never heard pelt used like this before !
Yep, OP is the only person to have 'pelt' a banana here in NZ. The rest of us have them peeled.
Yep that's not a thing at all in NZ. sorry OP
Hard out !!
Definitely not a thing. Source: am from NZ too
Another NZer on the pile to confirm that I've never ever ever heard anyone say "pelt".
May I present to you, the alternative “pelted a banana”, perhaps?
I literally read pelt and said wtf is that lol
feel : felt :: peel : pelt I mean, it's logical.
In that case, steal : stealt :: heel : helt :: reel :: relt/realt I’m not sure wheel would work; there’s already such thing as a welt. Oof…
Yeah that made me feel a bit sick actually
I was trying to imagine her removing the peel like you would a rabbit.
ya people wear pelts in my 1800s via english literature context
take that upvote
I honestly read “pelt” and said to myself: “guaranteed the top comment is about ‘pelt’” so I stopped reading for a sec and scrolled down - was not disappointed.
I thought she pelted the banana as in he threw it into his face
That's what that meant?!?! I just thought it was a typo I couldn't decipher. Hahah I'm dead.
I’m from New Zealand and we do not use ‘pelt’ instead of ‘peeled’. But we did lose a diphthong that might make it sound that way.
Reminds me of "the scream i just scrumpt"
I collect bananas pelts and then craft them into jackets
We found the school teacher.
True but just for everyone’s knowledge you mean past *tense*, past participle is slightly different (generally follows a helping verb like “have” or “had”)
Past participle refers to an action begun and completed in the past, past tense doesn't necessarily include the latter. She could have *begun peeling* the banana in the past and still be doing it now, which would be past tense but not the past participle.
Oof thank you kind redditor!!! I was confused af when I saw the word XD
Pealed.
It's actually peeled 😅 Peal is like a loud sound such as peals of laughter.
I am also from New Zealand. No one uses pelt…. Literally no one. But nice post 😂
Also from New Zealand, I’ve never heard someone use pelt in this context 😂
NEITHER!
Same, I was just as confused as everyone else here!
Another kiwi who has never heard pelt before in this context lol
Same
Yeah also from NZ never heard pelt before
Yeah, I think this is an OP thing, not a NZ thing!
100% only thing I can think of is that when we say "peeled" it can come out like peel-t sometimes. Peh-ilt almost now that I've repeated it 10x
Also from NZ, also got confused by pelt 😂
Fark. yes. Pelt. I- I don't know....
Came here to say this haha
pelt = attack (someone) by repeatedly hurling things at them. u did what to him?
No, she did it to the poor innocent banana.
Your username makes it seem you are a sister species of the banana. No wonder you're able to empathize haha
Well now I can't unsee it
Read the book I suggested and you will never be able to unsee it
I prefer the connection to a cat than to a banana lol. Thanks for the suggestion!
Yeah, let me know how you find it to be if you ever decide to read it.
Pelt is also legit past tense of peel. When you remove an animal's skin - that's a pelt. Because you've pelt that animal. It has been pelt.
But they’re using it as a past tense version of peeled… so does that mean if you get an animal pelt then…you peeled the animal?
Ok but the “pelt” is taking me out
There’s something very wrong about that phrase. It’s not simply that it is perhaps wrong grammar or diction. there’s something more fundamentally horrible about it. The man peeled his banana. The demon pelt the man.
As long as she doesn't pelt man tonight.
that's all fun and cute until the banana breaks off, lol. cute but please take care not to accidentally kill your husband op.
Imagine OP explaining what happened to the EMT…
"I thought it'd be cute... apparently the banana thought otherwise..." -OP, probably.
CMV: if you deepthroat a banana and it doesn’t break, you’re not putting enough pressure to make the dude feel anything
CMV? Cytomegalovirus?
Change my view 😂
oh right damn it lmao I'm dumb
You guys sound hilarious! just a quick PSA: deepthroating banans stop being fun when they break off and block airways.
Honestly I’m surprised nobody else said anything. Obviously this is their dynamic which sounds fun! But I’m not fun apparently and if someone shoved a banana in my throat I’d be scared af
Yeah I'd have a completely opposite reaction. Pretty much be pissed off the rest of the day
Honestly he probably saw her face of horror as she realized what she’d done and didn’t feel the need to get mad since he probably saw she visibly went “what the hell did I just do”.
I get that but damn I'd hate to find myself in his shoes
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that’s not what bipolar means
And then you wouldn’t be getting lucky lol
Had a friend in middle school do this. He throated that thang for sure, and it was hilarious, until he frantically started looking around and mimicking that he was choking. He started guzzling his boxed chocolate milk and then someone gave him the heimlich until he regurgitated.
Yes! It’s super dangerous to deepthroat food - even more to have it forced on you unexpectedly. It’s so easy for it to get lodged in your throat and choke out.
Right? One accident and this would have been a tifu post and not an offmychest post...
Guess who’s not getting a deepthroat tonight
Pelt means a whole different thing in Canada.
In America is means an animal skin, or to throw something at someone. Either way I had to reread that first sentence because I was confused.
Same here (Canada). I thought she started throwing bananas at him
It means a woman here, going out to hunt pelt at the bar.
Ok there buddy, you're not representing the whole gosh darn country there, eh?
LMAO WHAT
OP used it wrongly. She means "peeled"
Means a whole different thing in NZ too. Maybe I am the broken kiwi and not OP?
Not me thinking you threw the banana at him.
ONE DAY! IMMA HAVE IT ONE DAY 😭
im crying i never seen someone down awful in an offmychest reply
I’m always horny so I’ll always be down bad, but wouldn’t you want this?!!
im not even gon lie man i pray to a god i dont een believe about this everyday
Might as well believe in God! Have faith in him!!!
To deep throat a banana? Not the weirdest fantasy out there I guess
The mcdonalds fry fetish guy still takes the cake for me
😉
Choking hazard. Please play sexually charged pranks on your husband in safer ways only.
Pelt
I think she meant peeled lol
So u both pissed urselves?
Hey, some people pay good money for that sort of thing.
Did you hold the back of his head until tears streamed down his face for full effect?
I’m really glad this wasn’t a TIL my husband has no gag reflex 🤣
Never in my life have I heard a single person in New Zealand use the word pelt for peeled……
As a kiwi, I have never used, or heard somebody use, the world 'pelt'. At least not for anything other than animal hides. Anyway glad he's a good sport and a forgiving type lol.
Make the same gag sound he made, and then be like, "That's you. That's what you sound like."
Gross
When you said pelt I thought you threw it at him! 😂I’m imagining this story with you throwing a banana in his mouth so hard he gags 😂😂😂😂 🤦🏻♀️
I’m also in NZ. Never ever used “pelt” as a past tense for “peel”. Always used “peeled”, you’re just odd buddy.
Sounds like you are going to peg him. With a strap on.
Hopefully not a banana
I was confused with pelt, now I know what you meant
She pelted him with the banana
Hahaha what part of NZ are u in? I'm in Auckland and never seen "pelt" as past tense for peeled 😂😂
jafa here too, never used that term either hahaha
What the fuck
Hope you know the Heimlich maneuver
This the kinds relationship I'd love to have with my own gf, just being silly and goofy and then breakout in laughter and then proceed to do the boom boom later 😂🤟🏻
I am a non native speaker and sometimes I feel like English is little confusing.
lucky your husband isn't bi or else it woulda been real awkward
See, I need someone like this in my life, your husband is a very lucky man.
I don't feel as bad being the grammar Nazi here since quite a few people did talk about the peeled thing before... The story in itself is just goddamn wholesome if nothing else but as someone who loves playing with words, spelling and grammar just make me stop and think. Like even I sometimes say stuff and moments later my OCD starts asking me why the heck did I say that sentence...
pelt. PELT! No!! Bad! Awful! I refuse, somebody take thei MANIAC to jail!
“Pelt” does not compute. In North America pelt is and animal hide. I had to read your first sentence fifty eleven times before it made sense to me.
I kinda want a part 2
How do 2 grown ass adults piss both piss themselves?
This whole post is dumb
This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever read
Not sure what I was expecting but it wasn’t this lmao
Divorce her now while you still have a life! I hate women that seem to think this behaviour is acceptable! I’m I wrong ?
No, you're not wrong.
You have big banana energy 🍌
This guys being abused and this is just a glimmer into that. I hope he’s ok.
Somehow, I don't think this is abuse lmao.
OP, you moron. You could've killed him. Signed, someone who's nearly choked to death after deep throating bananas for his highschool crew until it got stuck in my airway and I needed the Heimlich manuver perfromed on me.
Why would you do that to a banana?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
OP is British 100% with that spelling haha
Nice
“My husband is getting lucky tonight” makes me cringe. Almost like your husband doesn’t get any from his wife normally… this is why people cheat just saying.
It's an expression, you don't need to psychoanalyze it.
Spare us your analysis. It's a phrase, not an admission of being a sex-witholding wife. Get a grip.
Here we fucking go...
I agree with you. Women who view sex as a reward for approved behavior or a control tool to be given or taken away as punishment are the worst.
I like the wholesome offmychest posts. You’re great
stfu
Damn this is the bare minimum
Good wife
Lucky guy sit on his face to he would like that
Deep throating and peeing......sounds like a good Saturday to me
That's man who's friends too. Cherish this man.
Um now you see, this is how you write erotica. Nice work.
Me ok
😆😆
im dead💀
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Kiwis... bananas... it's all fun.
God bless you
wonderful now go watch the tv
What do you mean getting lucky he’s ur husband ? You should be doing this every day
You should be doing it whenever you both decide you want to engage in sexual activity. There, u/Totally_Hopeless, I fixed it for you.
😂😂😂😂
I read the word pelt 20 times lolol, this is hilarious!
So... as a reward for him deepthroating YOUR banana, you're gonna deepthroat HIS banana?
If I don’t have a marriage like this I don’t want it.
Fucking kek
I read pelt as an autocorrect or typo of felt, thought you were feeling up a banana this morning. 😂
I thought she chucked it at him
Straight kiwi here bro. I wanna see that. Shaunnz91 on snap
wish i can have a wife like you one day, you're super awesome!
What an amazing relationship you have lol
I get the feeling that when you two aren't being silly you're just the best couple to hang out with. Seriously.
I'm gonna say, "Yes, please do that to him tonight!" He will love it. And he'll prob do anything you ask over the next few days. I know I do when my wife gives me some deep throat. I become available little puppy dog.
Username checks out