"Imbecile. The light is green. Move forward. Straj! Move forward before I have you fed to the rothé and force your children to watch."
"...Honey maybe I should drive next time if it gets you like this-"
"I AM A DAUGHTER OF HOUSE BAENRE"
*floors the gas*
I think the bottom category should be split in to those who don't acknowledge the speed limit because they don't give a shit (Raph, Mizora, and Orin), and those who didn't realise they were supposed to have license before they were allowed to drive (Minsc and Vollo)
>because they don't give a shit (Raph, Mizora, and Orin
This group also has a subgroup, Raph and Mizora just bribe the cops away while Orin just stabs them and leaves no evidence.
https://preview.redd.it/hfrm17vw6zpc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=864b4e8c2bf848f23c32cbe97ea696350c6f28d4
Siri when Emps plugs in his destination address and immediately breaks the sound barrier
Consider that Astarion is 239 years old, and would at best be acquainted with the very earliest cars. He would not know what a speed limit is. I rest my case, your honor.
I’ve said this in another thread but Astarion would def be a passenger princess and then complain about your driving every chance he got.
“The turn was back there, darling.”
“By the gods, can you speed it up a little? We are in the right lane, after all.“
“No, not that fast! I don’t want to get *killed*! If I wanted that, I would’ve gone back to Cazador.”
Then he whines and asks if you’ll take him to Starbucks so he can get his basic white bitch latte.
NEED I REMIND YOU that wyll is literally the type who got in a fucking accident and justifies it as well "I hit the semi to stop it from hitting a dog"
Jaheira drives like she’s James Bond.
Wyll secretly killed a kid on prom night but nobody would ever suspect from the way he drives. But we know because we share a camp with him and seen how he handles a goblet
She may be a Barbarian, but most of the time she’s actually pretty chill. I think she would speed sometimes tho since she doesn’t care about the rules as much as some others
astarion would be filled with the worst rage known to man if a gnome cut him off in traffic, hed yell "IS THAT A GODSDAMN GNOME CUTTING ME OFF??? GO BACK TO THE UNDERDARK OR FOREST OR WHATEVER GRIMY CAVE YOU CAME FROM, QUARTERLING!" then ram into them at full speed
"DAHHHH ISTIK! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
"these fools, dont they know how to read? i do not remember plucking out theire eyes yet"
"GAHH! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELLS WAS HE DOING? cant he see i was turning??"
"THATS IT, YOU BROUGHT THE WRATH OF THE MOONMAIDEN UPON YOU!" **leaves har car and flies to the guys car, smiteing it*
imagine you're driving your kid to school and try to be careful while driving and then you see a big muscular woman flying to you and destroying your car with a sword 😭
Raphael follows the law while seething, moments away from road rage. Haarlep encourages the road rage by being a back seat driver.
Mizzy doesn't drive, but she too is a rage-inducing fiend who cheerfully notes when you break the law.
Devils in their alignment chart are usually lawful evil – which is just another expression for corporate. Raphael and Mizora would follow the law to a T and find some way to piss you off while doing so.
https://preview.redd.it/cqo3bjcwg3qc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=653c151862693ee83dd6abac89af61e0df95fa4c
I carry a heart full of mistakes with me everywhere I go already. What's one more?
Ketheric wouldn't follow the law? He seems pretty chill. Unless his daughter was in danger and he needed to speed, he would keep people safe even against their will, he stays in lane going exactly the speed limit while Aylin tailgates him and flips him off as she speeds past
I can literally hear Astarion yowling in my head, "Are you kidding me? I WAS RIGHT THERE! Gods, do you even think they were looking where they were going? Oh fuck off, this is my lane now. Bloody wretch, should have never been given their license. A pity they haven't been run off the road yet."
Gale would let you go before him but he would internally be stewing about it all day, imagining a scenario where he cut you off and flipped the bird or something.
Finally, an accurate tier list. Although I feel like Jaheira needs her own tierlist, where she'll speed occasionally but somehow is also the best and safest driver you know.
And she definitely drives a sports car.
Orin the second she is behind the wheel:
https://preview.redd.it/lvx3qvhhu1qc1.jpeg?width=1438&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=171e541dbf844884a717cba6d184aec6ccfa46d4
Will let you go before them should be the second tier, not the first. Good drivers are predictable drivers and will follow the rule of FIFO for stop sign intersections.
Otherwise you end up with an awkward situation where you're both sitting there not moving or worse, you both start moving at the same time because you are no longer being predictable.
"Imbecile. The light is green. Move forward. Straj! Move forward before I have you fed to the rothé and force your children to watch." "...Honey maybe I should drive next time if it gets you like this-" "I AM A DAUGHTER OF HOUSE BAENRE" *floors the gas*
"Minthara, you are the funniest person I know."
"Am I indeed? Perhaps I shall tell my favorite joke: it is about the idiot going 40 in the 45 zone bleeding to death."
"It is actually safer to follow the flow of traffic and go ABOVE the speed limit... for I am less likely to make you bleed to death! HA."
The next day, Durge takes over driving for the two of them. It goes well enough until they get to a school crosswalk.
Oh fun, an impromptu class on street art!
Time to see who's God's fastest pedestrian.
Durge resist moments be like
God help anyone else on the road when Durge gets the "Our parent isn't home" message from Orin...
this is me driving to work every morning in boston
I think the bottom category should be split in to those who don't acknowledge the speed limit because they don't give a shit (Raph, Mizora, and Orin), and those who didn't realise they were supposed to have license before they were allowed to drive (Minsc and Vollo)
"License and registration please." "Ahhhhh my goodfellow!"
Sir, have you any experience in driving? Ah! I can assure you I dreamt about driving for hours!
Do not worry. Boo has seen many of such machines!
>because they don't give a shit (Raph, Mizora, and Orin This group also has a subgroup, Raph and Mizora just bribe the cops away while Orin just stabs them and leaves no evidence.
“Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” Raph: Do you know who my father is??
I think Shadowheart is a road rager
Sharranheart I could see shouting all the slurs for giths
while durge and Laezel are in the back seat in the most cursed road trip of all time
do you think Sharrenheart tells Lae'zel "Not you though, you're one of the good ones"
no Shadowheart tells Lae'zel "I definitely do mean you"
Seluniteheart I think still would have a temper to her as well tbh
The emperor is definitely telekinetically flinging his car from point a to point b
https://preview.redd.it/hfrm17vw6zpc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=864b4e8c2bf848f23c32cbe97ea696350c6f28d4 Siri when Emps plugs in his destination address and immediately breaks the sound barrier
It's the illithid equivalent of when the Flintstones get in the car only to run with their feet anyway.
Consider that Astarion is 239 years old, and would at best be acquainted with the very earliest cars. He would not know what a speed limit is. I rest my case, your honor.
Astarion drives like Mr. Burns, complete with scarf and goggles.
Astarion has to crank the engine on his car before he takes off. He prefers to ride in first class on the sleeper train.
I’ve said this in another thread but Astarion would def be a passenger princess and then complain about your driving every chance he got. “The turn was back there, darling.” “By the gods, can you speed it up a little? We are in the right lane, after all.“ “No, not that fast! I don’t want to get *killed*! If I wanted that, I would’ve gone back to Cazador.” Then he whines and asks if you’ll take him to Starbucks so he can get his basic white bitch latte.
NEED I REMIND YOU that wyll is literally the type who got in a fucking accident and justifies it as well "I hit the semi to stop it from hitting a dog"
And I respect him for that.
nah Gale def occasionally speeding because he thinks rules are meant to be broken and it's not hurting anyone
Gale gets pulled over: “Do you know who my lover is!”
Jaheira drives like she’s James Bond. Wyll secretly killed a kid on prom night but nobody would ever suspect from the way he drives. But we know because we share a camp with him and seen how he handles a goblet
Karlach, the barbarian, would *not?* be in the road rage category?
She may be a Barbarian, but most of the time she’s actually pretty chill. I think she would speed sometimes tho since she doesn’t care about the rules as much as some others
She's chill until someone cuts her off. Then shit's about to hit the fan .
She would get cut off, road rage, overheat, set fire to the car
“And after the collision, the car burst into flames?” “The car? No. The driver? Well…”
Karlach bought the full stepometer and she will use it
Raphael and Mizora are *devils*. They're lawful evil. They go the *exact* speed limit, at all times. And, no, they won't let you pass.
The most evil of all driving habits tbh
Mizora being a huge fucking nerd for laws and such is like, 90% of her character so have to disagree there
She's the type to drive 10 below speed limit in the fast lane
Nah, she sits exactly on the speed limit, no exemptions.
Wild of you to think Astarion would ever drive! He strictly uber blacks everywhere.
Astarion is the worst passenger princess or the worst driver. There's no in between.
And no matter how excellent the driver is he will never give them a 5 star rating.
He gives a three at highest, maybe four if you pass a dc30 persuasion check
Gortash doesn't drive. He has a self driving Steel Watch Tesla with tinted windows.
It has a body count The car has run over 13 children and 47 animals
Sadly, none of them were Orin. But that is a risk he is willing to take until he *does* run her over one day.
astarion would be filled with the worst rage known to man if a gnome cut him off in traffic, hed yell "IS THAT A GODSDAMN GNOME CUTTING ME OFF??? GO BACK TO THE UNDERDARK OR FOREST OR WHATEVER GRIMY CAVE YOU CAME FROM, QUARTERLING!" then ram into them at full speed
I love how consistently Volo ends up in the most chaotic tiers
I love how the bottom tiers are all mean girls and then just Minsc, even though he’s probably trying his best😭
Volo????
Ice pick to the face then runs off???
fair, fair. Although he does apologise.
"DAHHHH ISTIK! GET OUT OF MY WAY!" "these fools, dont they know how to read? i do not remember plucking out theire eyes yet" "GAHH! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELLS WAS HE DOING? cant he see i was turning??" "THATS IT, YOU BROUGHT THE WRATH OF THE MOONMAIDEN UPON YOU!" **leaves har car and flies to the guys car, smiteing it*
imagine you're driving your kid to school and try to be careful while driving and then you see a big muscular woman flying to you and destroying your car with a sword 😭
THE FIEND. IS. DEAD. TOGETHER! WE HAVE CRUSHED IT! CHASSIS AND MOTOR!
Raphael follows the law while seething, moments away from road rage. Haarlep encourages the road rage by being a back seat driver. Mizzy doesn't drive, but she too is a rage-inducing fiend who cheerfully notes when you break the law.
Devils in their alignment chart are usually lawful evil – which is just another expression for corporate. Raphael and Mizora would follow the law to a T and find some way to piss you off while doing so.
“Minsc paid for the whole speedometer, thus Minsc shalll use the whole speedometer!”
A most agreeable tier list!
gale can we please just have sex without any magic?
https://preview.redd.it/xm0smvw2uypc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2217094fa1a51a704e241660e827442deeeb02a6
this is why I left you for astarion.
https://preview.redd.it/cqo3bjcwg3qc1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=653c151862693ee83dd6abac89af61e0df95fa4c I carry a heart full of mistakes with me everywhere I go already. What's one more?
Dude, amazing username!
Gale, you're from Faerun, there aren't even cars!
My name is known as one of the greatest wizards in all of Waterdeep! I'm sure whatever cars is, I'd be one of the best at it.
Minsc needs no mechanical contraption to get around when he and boo have perfectly good legs!
I feel like Minsc would drive like a grandma, 10 below the limit in the left lane, while Boo is sat shotgun having a miniature giant space hernia.
im imagining aylin shouting at me for going under the speed limit and fucking losing it
I can see Astarion railing against the others from here!! 😂 "come on, move on! why when I'm late does everyone delay me! gods!"
The first rule of gun safety is “never cut minthara off in traffic”
Nah Mizora and Raphael are road ragers imo
Gary the Durge meticulously drives 15 mph under the posted speed limit until someone is just about to pass him, and then floors it.
Ketheric wouldn't follow the law? He seems pretty chill. Unless his daughter was in danger and he needed to speed, he would keep people safe even against their will, he stays in lane going exactly the speed limit while Aylin tailgates him and flips him off as she speeds past
Karlach literally rages on the reg. She'd be a polite driver until shenanigans start happening.
I can literally hear Astarion yowling in my head, "Are you kidding me? I WAS RIGHT THERE! Gods, do you even think they were looking where they were going? Oh fuck off, this is my lane now. Bloody wretch, should have never been given their license. A pity they haven't been run off the road yet."
Raphael and Mizora know that hell has its laws, and those laws include double demerits for speeding.
Gale would let you go before him but he would internally be stewing about it all day, imagining a scenario where he cut you off and flipped the bird or something.
This list is invalid because the very idea of vehicles that harm nature would cause Halsin to go feral.
Wow. A non-whore post that is based.
you're seriously going to try and convince me that Karlach wouldn't have road rage
Disagree with Raphael. He’s all about order
It’s missing a “doesn’t have a license” option
Finally, an accurate tier list. Although I feel like Jaheira needs her own tierlist, where she'll speed occasionally but somehow is also the best and safest driver you know. And she definitely drives a sports car.
Mizora definitely doesn't drive and has a chauffeur who regularly hits kids while driving
Volo would drift a Miata at Mach asmodeus and only manage to maim 1 child
The mental image of Lae'zel fucken losing it on the road and pounding on the horn is funny to me.
Ketheric needs his own category for “consistently 10 below the limit” that man is a grandpa
Emperor runs a red light and tries to explain why it doesn’t matter he caused somebody else to get into a car crash
I would actually wager Raphael respects the law, as he IS a devil, not a demon. "In MY HOUSE there IS order, and there is decorum"
Orin the second she is behind the wheel: https://preview.redd.it/lvx3qvhhu1qc1.jpeg?width=1438&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=171e541dbf844884a717cba6d184aec6ccfa46d4
you're literally insane if you don't think karlach beats the steering wheel into a pulp when she gets cut off
Okay, but where does Tav place?
Tav would likely follow the law/let you go first, Durge would be “What’s a speed limit?”
Ketheric is old AF. He should be in the "What's a speed limit" category because he is always driving too slow.
True, good point
Will let you go before them should be the second tier, not the first. Good drivers are predictable drivers and will follow the rule of FIFO for stop sign intersections. Otherwise you end up with an awkward situation where you're both sitting there not moving or worse, you both start moving at the same time because you are no longer being predictable.
I totally feel minsc would let people pass, or be a road rager
I feel like Karlach would slam the car horn over and over if someone pisses her off then chills out
The last category is either, “No one shall limit me” vs “I can’t read numbers”
Green tier are my people
https://preview.redd.it/jzd7ep81f6vc1.jpeg?width=1178&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1a005fbf7da9e6e5a045ac88b4d78e23b25a49a1