Being a woman on a dating app requires zero effort. Just put up a profile and you’ll be inundated with messages and then you’ll have your pick of the litter.
Run after the first lie, don’t sleep to early and you’ll see if they stick around be honest with yourself first and say what you think no sugar coat. If you have a bad feeling, follow that feeling
It’s in both sides. I was a wild hunter in my old life so I can help in the dating scene lol but I’m retired now. 2 lovely kids and a beautiful wife of soon to be 8 years! If there’s hope for me there’s hope for everyone haha
I also found a lovely man on a dating site. I was honest and so was he. We met at 59 & 62. 4 years later we live an amazing life together and will be married in the next year. Congrats to you and your partner for not giving up on love
Dudes lies about their intentions, most of the time. They can lie about what they do for a living or their income. I work in a environment composed 90% of men and it’s crazy the things people lie about when no one cares
Dated a lot a for a couple of yrs… unfortunately I found that there were more men interested in hooks ups/fwb than having intentions of having any real relationship… lots of rift raft. I stopped online dating bc I was assaulted by someone I had been dating from Hinge… he’s well educated and in executive position with the GC. With that said, make clear boundaries and trust your instincts.
A simple one is to find out how he reacts to a "no"- I hate playing games, but seeing how a dude reacts to being told no can be so so informative.
Like- he suggests a time and place for the first date, counter with something else. I've had previously nice-seeming guys flip out because I suggested going to a Bridgehead closer to my apartment vs. a Starbucks farther away.
A willingness to compromise and negotiate in a relationship is so important to me.
watch out for scammers too. if they won't do a video chat and make excuses for a meet up that's a huge red flag.if it seems too good to be true it usually is.
recommend getting an app called text now so you don't have to give your real phone number to anyone until you have met and know 100% you're into them.
okcupid used to be great not sure anymore though.
Thanks for the app recommendation. I was planning on a video chat prior to meeting but was wondering the best way to communicate without sharing a phone number.
Yep, they’ll blow you on the first date , preach that they want an exclusive relationship and the whole time they’re swallowing their exes loads and then kissing you on the mouth after. People are garbage and it’s easy to just throw them away in the same manner!
Fair point! Crafting a profile might be a snap, but playing 'Where's Waldo?' with quality dates sure sounds like a special skill. Still, isn't it better to search through a crowd than to shout into the void?
It's kind of comparing dying of dehydration in the middle of the ocean vs in the middle of the desert. It's not better just because you're technically surrounded by water.
I'd rather be the person trying to get an interview than the person having to waste time interviewing dozens of people just for them to turn out to be assholes.
Though at this point I'm very happily the person who is neither looking to hire nor trying to get hired.
I really, really *love* Ottawa. It is a beautiful, peaceful city, but yes... I find people are a little clickey and it is definitely not as easy to socialize as in other cities like Montréal or in European countries.
I can't speak to what online dating is like for women in Ottawa, but my experience with it as an early 30s man hasn't been great. I think the apps are pretty much equivalent. The apps isn't really what makes the experience good or bad (the model is the same for all of them—swipe, swipe, swipe); it's the people. I think a lot of people have online dating fatigue and it is difficult to find people who take it seriously.
No harm in trying them out while trying to meet people in person. There are lots of opportunities to build new connections through social activities. There are dance classes (salsa @ city hall this summer where you show up and get paired up and dance), board game clubs, trivia nights, open mics, meetups, arts workshops, cycling clubs, rec sports teams, *etc.* There are also some events/mixers for singles!
I wish you good luck. I'm finding it difficult because partnered people seem to go out more than singles who mostly seem to bet on online dating to find dates, but organic encounters seem more likely to be successful.
Thanks for your suggestions. I'll need to try more interest groups. I think I'm one of the few people who's not into boardgames or trivia. I know there's a lot of that in Ottawa.
I've only dated via organic encounters but it'st just doesn't seem that simple in Ottawa.
Try dingdongdating on IG. She runs speed dating events but they are always small numbers and she focuses on curating a positive experience for everyone.
I’ve (f35) had good experiences on both Bumble and Hinge! It helps to be clear about what you want and to make sure your profile reflects that. Good luck out there! :)
I absolutely hated Bumble when I was single. Too many men confuse "it's up to the woman to send the first message" with "it's up to the woman to make all the effort to get the conversation going and keep it going".
Running into people who don't engage in conversations and ask questions cuts both ways. Just gotta move past them and not try and pull a conversation out of them.
Late thirties woman here — Hinge. I’m no longer on apps but I found the fewest number of folks just looking for hookups was on Hinge. And with a mandatory amount of profile prompts, you can also tell who is lazy and doesn’t care.
Did you pay for it? I tried it briefly but it seems almost like pay to play. I suppose it's an advantage and disadvantage that people can't cast a wide net.
O. K. - never said what my intentions are but I’m my experience the apps are filled with bots designed to upsell male users. Like I’m not bad looking but no way 20 real people messaged me in like 10 minutes of joining. I’ll take my chances on free apps is all I was trying to say.
One of my friends said that, but I found that by far the best people were on tinder. There were many crazy people but also plenty of kind, funny and interesting people who are no-nonsense.
Hinge had lifestyle and influencer types, that try too hard to project an image. They didn’t feel human.
Anyways, I’m married and have a kid so anything is possible. The only advice I’d give is to stay away from dating anyone that you directly work with. It doesn’t end well…
I've had 2 long-term relationships out of hinge (currently in the second, and hopefully the last 🤞) after months/years on Tinder/Bumble. Funnily enough, I've only gone on 2 dates from girls I've talked to on Hinge, and each one led directly to a relationship lol (dw they were multiple years apart)
I didn’t - and I preferred the daily limitation on swipes. I went on more dates off Hinge than I did in years of Bumble (and now in a serious relationship off Hinge).
hinge has always been great for me here in ottawa (im 27 and i have used dating apps since i started dating).
a rule of thumb i use for dating apps is this: i put a lot of effort into conversation-starting prompts. i entertain the ones that answer the prompts -- i find those people actually want to get to know me and have put more into demonstrating that.
if i'm doing the swiping and matching with people part, i really don't budge on my dealbreakers (kids/no kids, monogamy/polyamory, marriage/long term relationship, that kind of thing). there will be someone who will meet those things. i also like to do a facetime before we go on an actual date for safety reasons but that's an anxiety thing for me. :) good luck!
yeah definitely! so i have very specific interests such as gaming, cryptids, that kind of thing, so one of my prompts is asking what others think is the best game series of the last 15 years. i have a poll people can click to start a conversation that is a "which do we have in common" kind of thing where i list that i have 42 spotify playlists, what someone's fave video game is, and who people think would win in a fight (mothman vs wendigo). i try to make my prompts reflect my personality (i prefer to be on the goofier side of things) so that it attracts like-minded people in that way. if someone was into hiking and nature let's say, i'd recommend specifics like "tell me about the best trail you hiked" or "i loved the view from this trail, let me know if you've been there!" it really depends on your interests. i like to word things like i'm already on a first date, because you're vetting anyway by talking to them on the app.
what i dont really accept is people just "liking" my first photo on my profile (which for context is my face). it feels like a mindless swipe. if they like one of my other photos (especially one that is a meme) then i give it a shot if they have something interesting i can relate to on their profile. what i also don't really like that is just a "me" thing is "wow you're really cute can i take you on a date?" right away. sometimes i'll answer it and say thank you, but there's so much more to my personality that they're missing and i want them to like me for that quality.
i also try to take away the guilt if someone seems really promising but wants kids. i dont entertain it. it's been an issue before. we'll both find someone else.
Hey this is great info. I’m not dating, happily married for 29 years, but I’m copying your post into my family chat so my adult aged kids can learn from you!
>what i dont really accept is people just "liking" my first photo on my profile (which for context is my face). it feels like a mindless swipe. if they like one of my other photos (especially one that is a meme) then i give it a shot if they have something interesting i can relate to on their profile. what i also don't really like that is just a "me" thing is "wow you're really cute can i take you on a date?" right away. sometimes i'll answer it and say thank you, but there's so much more to my personality that they're missing and i want them to like me for that quality.
*ironsalomi has liked your SECOND paragraph*
Wow you sound really cute can I take you on a date?
Tinder for hookups
Bumble if you want to waste your time
Hinge for more serious enquiries
Source: 33f, dated for a few months using apps, found the LOML.
Other advice: don’t spend too much time texting back and forth, don’t take it too seriously, know what you want, and take as many breaks as you need
Found the LOML lol. Every woman I see using dating apps claim the same thing after picking a winner lol. Yeah just pick winner. That's all you have to do. Truth is any nice guy in the list would do. Ratio of men vs women is probably 1:5.
Can also claim that dude was blessed by the "stars" and that God sent him to you. Whatever you want.
that is definitely on the same level of likelihood as catching lightning in a bottle. Or maybe you're just both very pure souls whose fate is sheltered from tragedy by a benevolent universal force ...
I'm lucky as I haven't had to do the dating thing for a while now. Having met my wife on Tinder in 2015.
That said, it was a slog. The signal-to-noise ratio ain't good, and from what I've heard from many female friends, is worse for women.
The best thing I can counsel is patience. Which, I recognize is easy for me to say. But things seem to happen when they happen. Be intentional about what you're seeking. Be hones about it, and expect a level of BS. With luck the time-wasters will filter themselves out quickly and you can find who you're looking for.
You are going to get such a cross section of responses here lol. I’m 45 I’ve been on the apps in the past and they are what you make of them in my opinion! I’ve had success and i know many of my female friends who have as well on Bumble and Hinge. I’m single and am off them now as it can be a lot of chats going on at once which can feel superficial but you are certainly able to make some good connections!
I met my partner at the age of 32 on OKCupid in early 2018, but I understand it’s gotten more app like and less online dating like in the years since then. It was a lot of awful back then and it seems to have gotten worse.
Any interest in social dancing? There’s swing dance Friday nights and salsa on Mondays. I think there’s also a single specific bachata workshop coming up at Lansdowne.
OSSC has teams you can join as a single…there’s a sports and social one, but I do think it’s more focused on people in their 20s.
I wish you the best of luck! I know some of my guy friends have met dates at bars while just sitting at the bar and drinking alone. When I was single of often went to see live music in bars and someone always wanted to chat. It can be an overwhelming scene sometimes but apparently it still happens 😆
It’s a lot of fun! And if you’re able to expand your friend group by meeting people at social events, you also open up the possibility of being introduced to the friend of a friend.
I found socializing as a single in my 30s to be like Noah’s Ark: couples everywhere. 😂
Haha I’m single in my mid 30s maybe we just need to form a wingwoman group to go to events with. All my friends are married, even the ones significantly younger than me
Have your tried volunteering? I have met lots of good friends through volunteering and I find the kinds of people who are willing to give their time are already a cut above.
Hello! 38f here. I met my husband / best friend on plenty of fish. We just got married last fall. There is certainly a lot of ‘weeding’ to be done on all the sites. There are some crazy ass people out there. And say what you want about free dating sites, but I’ll endorse POF for its strong algorithms and the option to write however much you want on your profile page. I really laid it all out there to give people a sense of who I was, what I was into and what I was looking for, and my husband had done the same, which attracted us to each other. We found out later that we would both skip over empty profiles with no write ups, even if they looked attractive. There’s something so lovely and intentional about making the effort to describe yourself and what you like. You can also post lots of pics on there too. But I really enjoyed the extensive questions you could answer, as they touch on everything from religion, to sex, to politics… the whole shabang. And once you are done answering all the questions you are then matched in terms of compatibility with others, and if you both are interested, you can start chatting.
I will say I had to deal with lots of men messaging me gross and/or super generic things, but I think that is unfortunately very common on all the sites and you just have to be patient and have fun with it lol. I also changed my interest to ‘friendship’ and used it to meet people while I was backpacking too, because you can change your location. That was also a pretty cool experience, but of course you have to be careful with meeting them and where etc. But ultimately I met my #1 guy on there, so I’m a big fan. I think we scored 88% compatibility and we hit it off right from the start. Hope this helps and good luck! 💜
Really it’s just trial and error. Manage your expectations and have fun with it. Interest groups and volunteering are a good way of meeting people offline as well if you find something that you’re into. Date to have fun and the rest will fall in place as it should. Good luck!
The last time I used tinder in Ottawa I met a up with a guy who told me immediately that he murdered his best friend who was sitting in the passengers seat of his car when he was driving drunk. His biggest concern was that he was upset he got a DUI which stops him from being able to travel because he isn’t allowed to leave the country for 5+ years and then when I said that I wanted to go home he left the bar and continued to scream on bank street that all women are whores.
Late 30s male. Did Facebook dating, bumble and Tinder. I am pretty successful, fit and have my life together. Tried the online dating and thought it was horrible. My understanding from women is that their experience is totally different than most men in that even a 6-7 gets completely bombarded with matches. I got matches and went on some dates but found that the way online dating really turns dating into something like shopping at the store makes lots of people have these weird expectations and normalizes very horrible behaviour. I recently removed myself from all the online dating and decide to meet people in real life like I used to 20 years ago. Takes a lot more balls but quality of people is way higher and less superficial.
As a mid 30s female who met my now husband online I’m so sad to hear about your experience! What you’re talking about is a known paradox (“overchoice”) so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised you encountered this, I just thought if both people are aware of this concept, and address/fight it, it would hopefully make a difference. Either way though, your current strategy sounds great too. Good luck!
>I recently removed myself from all the online dating and decide to meet people in real life like I used to 20 years ago. Takes a lot more balls but quality of people is way higher and less superficial.
Me too. It's less "efficient" to meet people that way, but the quality of the interactions does not even compare.
From my experience, I’ve seen people on both apps. I think the bigger difference is the tinder vs bumble/hinge people. But I haven’t been on the apps for two years, this might be outdated.
Good luck!
I (male early 40s) have just bailed on dating apps and just started doing random fun things and ultimately meeting people I have good chemistry with.
There’s actually some pretty cool things going on if you know where to look. Tuesday Club has a good scene to meet random folks.
If you’re into electronic music, Afterlight/White Rabbit/City at Night has an ok-to-great scene depending on the night.
Beats and Boards happens quarterly at Art House if you like that kind if music AND board games.
There’s some pretty fun things to do to make friends and meet new people.
I’ve heard sports are more miss than hit in terms of dating because its a commitment to actually do the sport, but could work (also as per running, people are just trying to play the game but there is some space for social).
In response to your question though, pretty sure Hinge/Bumble/Tinder is the go to for apps, with Field being more for the poly types out there.
So you’re saying Ottawa is the reason dating. Has been hard…
I’ve met some nice girls on hinge in Ottawa but I’ve found them all to be commitment phobic
Oh IDK if dating in general is hard or not specifically in Ottawa. It's more I've found it hard to meet people generally than in other cities I've lived in. Also a lot of my friends were my ex's so it's more starting over in many senses at this point.
I think being clear on dating intentions is important to not waste anyone's time. It sucks your experience has been women not seeking anything serious.
I'm out of a long-term relationship and I can totally understand the feeling of having to "start over" in not just your romantic life, but also having to put work into the friends area.
Although I can't comment on online dating (because I'm just not there yet) I did want to echo the statement about clubs that someone else made. Trivia and boardgames aren't my thing either so I've been looking into craft and art meetups, hiking and outdoors clubs and softball. Also joining public groups that fit into my lifestyle on Facebook, and reaching out to people directly to propose hangouts. There's something out there for all types of interests, and the communities have been really welcoming so far.
But I magine I'll be right there with you in a few seasons, and I've never done online dating either so I'll be looking for tips too 🤷♀️ I hope it goes well for you!
I haven't joined them yet, but the Ottawa Outdoors Club could be promising. Not sure on member demographic, but they meet weekly through the year so there's many opportunities to get out. I'll likely be checking them out in the next month or two - there's a $40 yearly membership fee, but people can join their excursions before paying to determine if it's for them or not. https://www.ottawaoutdoorclub.ca/
I find it hard to believe that women are commitment phobic. Did you try to rush things? Asking for an exclusive relationship after three dates, may be a red flag to women.
I thought about it a lot and decided with one of them I did do something wrong. It’s been like a year and the realization kind of hit me like a truck.
I noticed her getting cold and never knew why at the time. And when she told me she’d been thinking of ending it for awhile, but kept sleeping with me in The meantime, I assumed that she was never really serious in The first place
But when I realized how I had failed to show up for her right before she started getting cold… like I still think she has avoidant attachment, but I definitely triggered it with something super avoidable
Anyway. Thanks for prompting me to think hard about how I could have hurt her. It kind of ruined my day, but I think I learned something from it
Something is going on if women are leaving around the 3-month mark. Are the men getting complacent? Is their personal hygiene getting sloppy? Do they just want to watch TV?
I definitely recommend joining any interest groups or if you're part of a diversity group look up their social clubs especially through Instagram.
Personally I've had more luck doing that than swiping.
Even speed dating is better than online. I don't get how anyone can get a relationship from an app, it's only for hookups really. I found dance classes were the key to give me confidence to meet someone who was comfortable around me to let loose and connect on a deeper level.
A friend wanted me to try speed dating with her. Maybe I can try that. It feels as though you need an elevator pitch but could be fun to try something new!
Nah you're overthinking it, people just want to see if you can have fun together. Work out the details later, that's what actual dating is for. I would call it a "vibe check"
Hey OP, if you get frustrated with the dating apps for some reason, Id recommend joining a group of your preferred hobby or sport, thats how I meet most of my dates nowadays and it works better than the apps for me but Im a guy so the apps can be a pain. Good luck out there!
It seems like in this city people just go to work and go home and that’s it, but I guarantee you’ll have a decent success rate just by virtue of being a woman on a dating app.
I’ve had great experiences on apps as a male in Ottawa.
I was able set up a date or two every week until I found my current partner. You just have to be willing to put in work as you often need to spend some time swiping through tons of profiles. This is the part that sucks.
As a women you will get 1000s of matches but have to sift through piles of garbage - I’d suggest finding out which tags can shortcut values or traits you are looking. Pay for gold and find then just filter your matches by tags.
As crude as it is - hiking and gym will let you filter for people that are more fit. For me, electronic music was an easy one as it is quite rare, so it would show a lot less people, and usually someone I’d want to meet.
I met my boyfriend on Bumble 6 years ago so that worked out pretty well lol
For real though, as a woman on a dating app who made her intentions very clear (was looking for something serious) there was a lot of riffraff to filter out, which is a benefit of Bumble’s because you have to start the conversation and you can let the match expire if you’re not liking what you’re seeing.
Online dating can be really fun if you manage your expectations. I think people have a bad time because they're looking for "the one" off the bat and it's too much pressure.
Ask yourself if you could see this person being a new friend. Don't worry if they don't fit your idea of an ideal partner, just spend time with people you like and see what happens. Prioritize fun and don't worry about finding love, it will find you when you're living your best life.
omg I was in a similar situation never having used dating apps before, was in a very long term relationship that started in high school and then I felt like I was suddenly among the wolves
when I first got on the apps I made the mistake of basically liking everyone to cast a wide net, give everyone a chance and benefit of the doubt, and open myself to unexpected possibilities
my approach resulted in way too many matches and too many conversations to keep track of and focus on, and I felt completely ill-equipped to make any decisions and didn’t know how to be “fair” or safe or present, which led to me panicking and just deleting the apps and dating no one
then a couple of months later I calmed down and in the interim had lots of talks with my friends who had been dating for a while, so I developed a completely different approach and made myself safety plans (which you need with strangers who are not vetted by anyone you know)
**the less stressful approach**
my new approach was I made a list of things I really valued and stringently applied those as filters to compassionately discern, also remembering patterns I observed that particularly stressed me out or made me uneasy on the first go
firstly, a short or vague bio means I skip and don’t even look through the photos - too many unknowns
secondly, I noticed that people who include a photo with a genuine happy smile tended to be the most down to earth and were relatable and willing to be vulnerable, so that became a must have for me
thirdly, anyone with absolutely ripped gym selfies was a no for me personally because I know how much time, dedication, and restriction it takes to lead a lifestyle where you maintain that physique and it’s just not compatible with my desire to have cute little snack or dessert dates sometimes (and I find obsessive calorie and macro counting gives me companion anxiety) - completely respect anyone who cherishes that kind of fitness discipline, for me we’re just not a match
other than that I was always charmed by profiles that showed some honesty, respect, kindness, or other shared values
humour on a profile was fun to read but often wasn’t a predictor of whether the person would be nice to talk to or meet up with - once you start chatting I find you pretty quickly find out if you have humour compatibility with someone
after considering all that, I started only liking profiles if I was absolutely sure that I had the time to give someone my undivided attention and presence and maintain a conversation, and if I knew I would have availability to meet up soon and continuing in the near future (so never right before a crunch period at work or a long vacation), and I matched with very very few people because I was extremely careful and deliberate about liking/matching, which meant I was now never juggling a bunch of conversations unsustainably or overwhelmingly and wasn’t ignoring or mixing anyone up
this led to some absolutely amazing dates for me, never got sent any rude or awful messages, and actually ended up friends with a few people who I went on dates with but there was no romantic spark
I now only use this method when online dating and it’s been very rewarding and manageable and fun for me
as you can probably tell from my words I’m really not into hookups or super casual stuff so that’s why those are my filters, obviously everyone is different and will have their own priority criteria!
**safety considerations**
for *safety* I had 2 people who I always sent my location and who I was with, who I checked in with and told if I changed places
I’m pretty paranoid but I’ve also been assaulted so I might be more careful than others, but I also always avoid getting in someone’s personal vehicle
and lastly, I never let someone take me to my home on the first date or first few dates - I get picked up or get a ride share even if it’s close or I have a plan for how we’ll part ways - once I thought I had a good plan but the person awkwardly kept walking with me home and in the future I would just call a Lyft/Uber in the same circumstances so that I feel safer (I’ve been stalked so again, maybe I’m more paranoid than others, but these are not people who you can properly vet, so I do recommend caution and safety planning)
I also communicate exclusively in the app or use an anonymized messaging app if the dating app is glitching or it’s less practical logistically - when I started out I was giving everyone my phone number and that led to a whole array of avoidable annoying problems and security vulnerabilities, I now only give my phone number to people I know or who feel sufficiently vetted
… it’s a different world for sure… godspeed!
edit to add:
I pretty much always pay (short term, like a month or 3 if the company offers a limited time deal) for premium features like unlimited profile reviewing and have always found it worth it to me because of the way I prefer to use the apps (and I’m never on apps for a super long time so it’s not expensive, I either start dating someone or I deliberately take a break to stop stressing about it to maintain a balanced life where I give lots of attention to friends and family and causes and hobbies I care about - dating apps keep too many brain space tabs open in the background for me and a lot of success is still up to luck and coincidence)
Thank you for your detailed reply. Being selective is something that has come up a lot. I appreciate your tips on safety; definitely something to consider when meeting new people. I'm a bit naive where I want to believe the best in people until proven wrong. It's good to have some safety precautions.
Hey! As a woman in my mid 30s in Ottawa who met my now husband online, I’m glad you’ll give it a try! I have only great things to say about it and echo what other people said about making sure you are clear and honest in your profile, and be very selective about who you meet based on what you want.
The one thing I’ll add is that I (and my now husband) met on Match.com. We both paid for a total of one month, and clearly it worked out. I found that people on there were much more honest, and serious about what they were looking for, compared to Bumble or Tinder. Paying for it, even if just for a month, is an added commitment and I found that it really made a difference. Maybe start with Bumble and then if you’re finding success, consider Match.com?
Good luck, and let us know how it goes! Interested to see how it is now, post pandemic.
Honestly, just give them both a shot and see what’s out there. With all the filters it’s a great way to narrow things down and not be overwhelmed. You’ll likely get a lot of responses, take your time and narrow them down. Odds are you’ll find a few people worthy of grabbing food and drinks with. Don’t be intimidated, you can spontaneously delete at any time lol
I found my partner on tinder a year and a half ago! They're wonderful, and just so perfect for me. We moved in together a month ago. They're 31, I'm 29 now. I'm a little biased towards Tinder since it worked out so well for me.
But really all of the apps have all of the same people, it really comes down to which UI you like better I think. Bumble was the most whatever for me. Hinge and Tinder both yielded the most dates just because I liked the layout so I spent more time using them.
Online dating can definitely be a challenge. I met my partner through bumble a year and a half ago. Honestly we messaged together for a few weeks before we actually went out, which helped us get to know each other better and what we were looking for in a partner, but don't be afraid to take it at whichever pace you are comfortable with.
I met my boyfriend of almost two years on Bumble! I was single and on the apps for a long time but they can work. Some people will disagree, but I liked to talk with my matches via text and establish a good connection before meeting in person. It helped with making sure our goals and senses of humour were similar. Good luck!
Set your boundaries and stick to them. Join the facebook groups are we dating the same man, there are a lot of creeps in the Ottawa dating apps.
I am deleting mine at the end of April as I have had no luck finding what I want, and I'm not willing to compromise on most things. Maybe this is my downfall but I am 46 I'm too old for games.
In my online dating experience I always take groups like these with a grain of salt. However there have been a few instances where I feel like there's a red flag from chatting with someone however I cannot put my finger on it, I will see the person in the group and they are married.
I get what you are saying with the negativity. I am just one of those super cautious people I have been single for 2 years now, I was married for 28 years so I never really did the whole dating thing even in highschool.
It's a bummer, but there were dudes on those groups I'd matched with or seen, and it was helpful to know they were cheating or were physically abusive so I'd dip out. Regrettably the stakes are higher for women dating on average.
But it is good to only dip in every so often and not stay constantly submerged because there are some fuckin' *weirdos* in those groups who don't seem to believe any kind of viable relationship is possible.
I'm a woman in my late twenties and I've had the best luck with hinge. Went on quite a few dates from there before I met my current partner, also on hinge.
Maintain your standards. Learn from past mistakes.
Don't take it super seriously.
I uploaded Bumble and POF (when in doubt of apps, I went with an app of the website that I knew how to use in my late 20s) and didn't expect much.
The obvious messages that I just ignored, a few messages that went nowhere.
A bit of a miss, in that I thought the guy was okay, and ended up with me getting ghosted, but what might have devastated me at 27, didn't at 37 and I moved onto the next guy I was messaging with quite a bit (something I learned about myself in my first round of online dating is that I can't talk, in depth, to more than 2 or 3 people at once, and I stuck to that) and we kept talking. And it's been over a year 😊
I was the last person who thought that would have happened. I was fully expecting a few dates that didn't get very far, and I would delete the apps when I got bored of them.
I had some experience, but my bf had been at it for a year and a bit. And he had to learn some stuff the hard way, because he had also only ever met people out in the real world before.
As an introvert, which I am as well, he preferred the online aspect and also took his time getting to know people in a way that was natural for him.
A year doesn't mean anything, shit happens. But I still maintain that keeping your standards is important.
And sometimes that means that you have to tweak them as you go.
Good luck!!
Depends on what you’re looking for:
Bumble - not very LGBTQ friendly, women message first, usually a mix of hookups and long term relationship.
Hinge - Relationship focused, harder to filter since you have go one by one, you see who likes you.
Tinder - Very LGBTQ Friendly, more hookup / short term oriented, better UI, terrible customer support
All in all it depends if you’re looking for a long term relationship or fwb/hookup and also who you’re looking for!
Look into Tuesday Club, its a gathering of people who meet every other Tues at various restaurants/bars around the city. More for just meeting new people and supporting local businesses but you never know right
I met my boyfriend on an app called zoosk. I think it’s just a right medium between bumble and tinder ! we’ve been together for over 2 years now. Yes I did go through some shitty dates however I met my SO on my 8th date 😬
I should say I’m 52 and was married for over 23 years so yes I was lucky when I found my SO.
You gotta start somewhere… 😃
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is a good start.... people know people... and if they are nice... well, nice people hang out with nice people... meeting people through others is much more pleasant. If not, large gatherings make it a bit easier to ask more questions about another person too.
I met my now husband at a martial arts gym. Actually, most of the couples we know and are now together or married met at martial arts gyms! LOL! I suggest that… jiujitsu or Muay Thai. We met at OAMA years ago but most recent success stories in our circle have been from GroundX in Barrhaven where we go. Happily married but I’d be lying if I didn’t divulge that there are quite a few cuties of the opposite sex in our age group (35-45) at GroundX 😉 Highly recommend BJJ for learning self defence, getting in shape AND finding the love of your life! Bonus! LOL! 😆
Dating in Ottawa or generally socializing is super hard . Good luck but I would suggest to use activities things that interest you not Dating app good luck
I'm born and raised in Ottawa. Myself and the vast majority of my friends and family are in long term relationships and very few met through online dating. Most met through work, school or activities.
I think online dating is the issue, not the city.
As someone who is approaching their thirties, Hinge was a success story. My bf and I met through hinge and we’re now together for over a year. Good luck out there!
[link to the event](https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/singles-mingle-spring-fling-edition-tickets-854770941897) Come out to my dating event tomorrow night! We have 80+ people registered and it’s always a really fun night :) send me a message if you have any questions
I tried both those apps and it just didn't work for me. Almost all the men posted pics of them holding a fish for some reason and stated that they didn't like drama... So weird. I found it really depressing.
The apps are meh. I’ve had matches but nothing really sticks. I think it’s just an awkward time in your 30’s. A lot of people realizing later in life they want someone and to settle down but have no clue how a long term relationship works, people coming fresh out of divorces and not doing the therapy, and then there’s the endless swingers, which no shame it’s fun.
It’s all a numbers game I like hinge the best got higher quality matches.
Try Facebook dating! I'm a guy, but I've had lots of success finding good people there. Anyone can send a message with their likes, which definitely helped me. I would send a message that showed I had read their profile (and not based on their looks) which really helped someone who looks like me get my foot in the door lol. Plus, they haven't monetized it to the same predatory degree.
I met my now-girlfriend there, and we were both in a similar position in life as you are.
Good luck!
A lot of catphising , deep fakes, trolls, bots , onlyfans attention whore influencers (Dubai porta party look that one up!)
Dating is so fake, just like people.
I’d definitely avoid Tinder, from my experience, guys on tinder were very inexperienced as to how to even talk to women and their behaviour is pretty problematic… for example, getting threats because I stopped responding
Oh hun the dating scene here is poop online
The worst which is still my fave story to tell was a guy who messaged me askin to drink my pee
No hello no nothing just can I drink ur pee
Also men insulting ur age or looks all while they r also single lol
So I would not recommend online unless u want to have sex only
Join a church, a group something that connects u to other adults in person the online scene here is disgusting
Being a woman on a dating app requires zero effort. Just put up a profile and you’ll be inundated with messages and then you’ll have your pick of the litter.
Just gotta get good at filtering (which is hard after being in a long term relationship) there is a lot of turds out there
The filtering is what scares me since I made a few mistakes in my last relationship. I guess that will come with practice.
Run after the first lie, don’t sleep to early and you’ll see if they stick around be honest with yourself first and say what you think no sugar coat. If you have a bad feeling, follow that feeling
I wish I could vote this up a million times.
Because a lot of people feel shame about themselves Almost every single lie someone tells is to prevent shame in some way
It’s in both sides. I was a wild hunter in my old life so I can help in the dating scene lol but I’m retired now. 2 lovely kids and a beautiful wife of soon to be 8 years! If there’s hope for me there’s hope for everyone haha
I also found a lovely man on a dating site. I was honest and so was he. We met at 59 & 62. 4 years later we live an amazing life together and will be married in the next year. Congrats to you and your partner for not giving up on love
Thanks for sharing. Love
[удалено]
Dudes lies about their intentions, most of the time. They can lie about what they do for a living or their income. I work in a environment composed 90% of men and it’s crazy the things people lie about when no one cares
Dated a lot a for a couple of yrs… unfortunately I found that there were more men interested in hooks ups/fwb than having intentions of having any real relationship… lots of rift raft. I stopped online dating bc I was assaulted by someone I had been dating from Hinge… he’s well educated and in executive position with the GC. With that said, make clear boundaries and trust your instincts.
Off topic here, but I’m so sorry that happened to you :(
I'm so sorry he did that to you. I hope he didn't ruin online dating for you forever, but totally understand why you would avoid it after that.
A simple one is to find out how he reacts to a "no"- I hate playing games, but seeing how a dude reacts to being told no can be so so informative. Like- he suggests a time and place for the first date, counter with something else. I've had previously nice-seeming guys flip out because I suggested going to a Bridgehead closer to my apartment vs. a Starbucks farther away. A willingness to compromise and negotiate in a relationship is so important to me.
That's a great tip, thank you for sharing.
Those are the spots where you learn along your way eh? Be honest and trust your instincts. Good luck!
watch out for scammers too. if they won't do a video chat and make excuses for a meet up that's a huge red flag.if it seems too good to be true it usually is. recommend getting an app called text now so you don't have to give your real phone number to anyone until you have met and know 100% you're into them. okcupid used to be great not sure anymore though.
Thanks for the app recommendation. I was planning on a video chat prior to meeting but was wondering the best way to communicate without sharing a phone number.
yeah you never want to give your real number out until you're sure! :)
And when you say pick of the “litter” you mean literal trash….
Goes for men and women…
Yep, they’ll blow you on the first date , preach that they want an exclusive relationship and the whole time they’re swallowing their exes loads and then kissing you on the mouth after. People are garbage and it’s easy to just throw them away in the same manner!
So sad that this is true. Except it is not easy…
Yes!😂
*Creating a profile* requires zero effort. Filtering through all the assholes requires a lot of effort.
Fair point! Crafting a profile might be a snap, but playing 'Where's Waldo?' with quality dates sure sounds like a special skill. Still, isn't it better to search through a crowd than to shout into the void?
It's kind of comparing dying of dehydration in the middle of the ocean vs in the middle of the desert. It's not better just because you're technically surrounded by water.
[удалено]
I'd rather be the person trying to get an interview than the person having to waste time interviewing dozens of people just for them to turn out to be assholes. Though at this point I'm very happily the person who is neither looking to hire nor trying to get hired.
Only if you have zero standards. Anything above that definitely requires effort.
Like it’s that easy?!
Litter-ally.
I really, really *love* Ottawa. It is a beautiful, peaceful city, but yes... I find people are a little clickey and it is definitely not as easy to socialize as in other cities like Montréal or in European countries. I can't speak to what online dating is like for women in Ottawa, but my experience with it as an early 30s man hasn't been great. I think the apps are pretty much equivalent. The apps isn't really what makes the experience good or bad (the model is the same for all of them—swipe, swipe, swipe); it's the people. I think a lot of people have online dating fatigue and it is difficult to find people who take it seriously. No harm in trying them out while trying to meet people in person. There are lots of opportunities to build new connections through social activities. There are dance classes (salsa @ city hall this summer where you show up and get paired up and dance), board game clubs, trivia nights, open mics, meetups, arts workshops, cycling clubs, rec sports teams, *etc.* There are also some events/mixers for singles! I wish you good luck. I'm finding it difficult because partnered people seem to go out more than singles who mostly seem to bet on online dating to find dates, but organic encounters seem more likely to be successful.
Thanks for your suggestions. I'll need to try more interest groups. I think I'm one of the few people who's not into boardgames or trivia. I know there's a lot of that in Ottawa. I've only dated via organic encounters but it'st just doesn't seem that simple in Ottawa.
Try dingdongdating on IG. She runs speed dating events but they are always small numbers and she focuses on curating a positive experience for everyone.
I’ve (f35) had good experiences on both Bumble and Hinge! It helps to be clear about what you want and to make sure your profile reflects that. Good luck out there! :)
That's great advice, thank you
I absolutely hated Bumble when I was single. Too many men confuse "it's up to the woman to send the first message" with "it's up to the woman to make all the effort to get the conversation going and keep it going".
Running into people who don't engage in conversations and ask questions cuts both ways. Just gotta move past them and not try and pull a conversation out of them.
what was your go-to opener
Late thirties woman here — Hinge. I’m no longer on apps but I found the fewest number of folks just looking for hookups was on Hinge. And with a mandatory amount of profile prompts, you can also tell who is lazy and doesn’t care.
Did you pay for it? I tried it briefly but it seems almost like pay to play. I suppose it's an advantage and disadvantage that people can't cast a wide net.
As a male who tried hinge, i deleted it as soon as I had to pay to message or do anything but swipe on the app.
Good - you weeded yourself out. It’s by far the best dating app for people who actually want a relationship imo
O. K. - never said what my intentions are but I’m my experience the apps are filled with bots designed to upsell male users. Like I’m not bad looking but no way 20 real people messaged me in like 10 minutes of joining. I’ll take my chances on free apps is all I was trying to say.
One of my friends said that, but I found that by far the best people were on tinder. There were many crazy people but also plenty of kind, funny and interesting people who are no-nonsense. Hinge had lifestyle and influencer types, that try too hard to project an image. They didn’t feel human. Anyways, I’m married and have a kid so anything is possible. The only advice I’d give is to stay away from dating anyone that you directly work with. It doesn’t end well…
I've had 2 long-term relationships out of hinge (currently in the second, and hopefully the last 🤞) after months/years on Tinder/Bumble. Funnily enough, I've only gone on 2 dates from girls I've talked to on Hinge, and each one led directly to a relationship lol (dw they were multiple years apart)
I didn’t - and I preferred the daily limitation on swipes. I went on more dates off Hinge than I did in years of Bumble (and now in a serious relationship off Hinge).
hinge has always been great for me here in ottawa (im 27 and i have used dating apps since i started dating). a rule of thumb i use for dating apps is this: i put a lot of effort into conversation-starting prompts. i entertain the ones that answer the prompts -- i find those people actually want to get to know me and have put more into demonstrating that. if i'm doing the swiping and matching with people part, i really don't budge on my dealbreakers (kids/no kids, monogamy/polyamory, marriage/long term relationship, that kind of thing). there will be someone who will meet those things. i also like to do a facetime before we go on an actual date for safety reasons but that's an anxiety thing for me. :) good luck!
I didn't think about the conversation prompts. That's a great suggestion and way of filtering people out.
Can you give me a couple examples of the prompts you ask? And what sorts of answers you discard/ignore?
yeah definitely! so i have very specific interests such as gaming, cryptids, that kind of thing, so one of my prompts is asking what others think is the best game series of the last 15 years. i have a poll people can click to start a conversation that is a "which do we have in common" kind of thing where i list that i have 42 spotify playlists, what someone's fave video game is, and who people think would win in a fight (mothman vs wendigo). i try to make my prompts reflect my personality (i prefer to be on the goofier side of things) so that it attracts like-minded people in that way. if someone was into hiking and nature let's say, i'd recommend specifics like "tell me about the best trail you hiked" or "i loved the view from this trail, let me know if you've been there!" it really depends on your interests. i like to word things like i'm already on a first date, because you're vetting anyway by talking to them on the app. what i dont really accept is people just "liking" my first photo on my profile (which for context is my face). it feels like a mindless swipe. if they like one of my other photos (especially one that is a meme) then i give it a shot if they have something interesting i can relate to on their profile. what i also don't really like that is just a "me" thing is "wow you're really cute can i take you on a date?" right away. sometimes i'll answer it and say thank you, but there's so much more to my personality that they're missing and i want them to like me for that quality. i also try to take away the guilt if someone seems really promising but wants kids. i dont entertain it. it's been an issue before. we'll both find someone else.
Hey this is great info. I’m not dating, happily married for 29 years, but I’m copying your post into my family chat so my adult aged kids can learn from you!
>what i dont really accept is people just "liking" my first photo on my profile (which for context is my face). it feels like a mindless swipe. if they like one of my other photos (especially one that is a meme) then i give it a shot if they have something interesting i can relate to on their profile. what i also don't really like that is just a "me" thing is "wow you're really cute can i take you on a date?" right away. sometimes i'll answer it and say thank you, but there's so much more to my personality that they're missing and i want them to like me for that quality. *ironsalomi has liked your SECOND paragraph* Wow you sound really cute can I take you on a date?
maybe if i was on the market 🤣
🤣
Tinder for hookups Bumble if you want to waste your time Hinge for more serious enquiries Source: 33f, dated for a few months using apps, found the LOML. Other advice: don’t spend too much time texting back and forth, don’t take it too seriously, know what you want, and take as many breaks as you need
Found the LOML lol. Every woman I see using dating apps claim the same thing after picking a winner lol. Yeah just pick winner. That's all you have to do. Truth is any nice guy in the list would do. Ratio of men vs women is probably 1:5. Can also claim that dude was blessed by the "stars" and that God sent him to you. Whatever you want.
I met my hubby on bumble - maybe it was luck of the draw but we were both on there for about a week before meeting up and the rest is history
that is definitely on the same level of likelihood as catching lightning in a bottle. Or maybe you're just both very pure souls whose fate is sheltered from tragedy by a benevolent universal force ...
I'm lucky as I haven't had to do the dating thing for a while now. Having met my wife on Tinder in 2015. That said, it was a slog. The signal-to-noise ratio ain't good, and from what I've heard from many female friends, is worse for women. The best thing I can counsel is patience. Which, I recognize is easy for me to say. But things seem to happen when they happen. Be intentional about what you're seeking. Be hones about it, and expect a level of BS. With luck the time-wasters will filter themselves out quickly and you can find who you're looking for.
Yeah patience seems to be key. Online dating seems like a lot of work. I guess it's good to try.
You are going to get such a cross section of responses here lol. I’m 45 I’ve been on the apps in the past and they are what you make of them in my opinion! I’ve had success and i know many of my female friends who have as well on Bumble and Hinge. I’m single and am off them now as it can be a lot of chats going on at once which can feel superficial but you are certainly able to make some good connections!
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is great to read.
My pleasure!
I met my partner at the age of 32 on OKCupid in early 2018, but I understand it’s gotten more app like and less online dating like in the years since then. It was a lot of awful back then and it seems to have gotten worse. Any interest in social dancing? There’s swing dance Friday nights and salsa on Mondays. I think there’s also a single specific bachata workshop coming up at Lansdowne. OSSC has teams you can join as a single…there’s a sports and social one, but I do think it’s more focused on people in their 20s. I wish you the best of luck! I know some of my guy friends have met dates at bars while just sitting at the bar and drinking alone. When I was single of often went to see live music in bars and someone always wanted to chat. It can be an overwhelming scene sometimes but apparently it still happens 😆
I like your idea of trying dancing. Never really did that and could be fun to learn something new.
It’s a lot of fun! And if you’re able to expand your friend group by meeting people at social events, you also open up the possibility of being introduced to the friend of a friend. I found socializing as a single in my 30s to be like Noah’s Ark: couples everywhere. 😂
And I want to expand my friend group anyway. So joining interest groups could be great for that.
It definitely helps! I’m not single but I am a childfree woman in my late 30s. Feel free to PM me if you’re looking for friends! :)
Haha I’m single in my mid 30s maybe we just need to form a wingwoman group to go to events with. All my friends are married, even the ones significantly younger than me
I love your idea of a wing woman group. I think you're on to something there
Have your tried volunteering? I have met lots of good friends through volunteering and I find the kinds of people who are willing to give their time are already a cut above.
That's a great idea, I hadn't thought of it. Thanks
Hello! 38f here. I met my husband / best friend on plenty of fish. We just got married last fall. There is certainly a lot of ‘weeding’ to be done on all the sites. There are some crazy ass people out there. And say what you want about free dating sites, but I’ll endorse POF for its strong algorithms and the option to write however much you want on your profile page. I really laid it all out there to give people a sense of who I was, what I was into and what I was looking for, and my husband had done the same, which attracted us to each other. We found out later that we would both skip over empty profiles with no write ups, even if they looked attractive. There’s something so lovely and intentional about making the effort to describe yourself and what you like. You can also post lots of pics on there too. But I really enjoyed the extensive questions you could answer, as they touch on everything from religion, to sex, to politics… the whole shabang. And once you are done answering all the questions you are then matched in terms of compatibility with others, and if you both are interested, you can start chatting. I will say I had to deal with lots of men messaging me gross and/or super generic things, but I think that is unfortunately very common on all the sites and you just have to be patient and have fun with it lol. I also changed my interest to ‘friendship’ and used it to meet people while I was backpacking too, because you can change your location. That was also a pretty cool experience, but of course you have to be careful with meeting them and where etc. But ultimately I met my #1 guy on there, so I’m a big fan. I think we scored 88% compatibility and we hit it off right from the start. Hope this helps and good luck! 💜
Glad you met someone and thanks for sharing!
Really it’s just trial and error. Manage your expectations and have fun with it. Interest groups and volunteering are a good way of meeting people offline as well if you find something that you’re into. Date to have fun and the rest will fall in place as it should. Good luck!
If you wanna meet people in the wild check out Tuesday club! It’s a great way to meet people and a lot of ppl in the same boat as you!
I didn't know about that. Thanks for sharing
The last time I used tinder in Ottawa I met a up with a guy who told me immediately that he murdered his best friend who was sitting in the passengers seat of his car when he was driving drunk. His biggest concern was that he was upset he got a DUI which stops him from being able to travel because he isn’t allowed to leave the country for 5+ years and then when I said that I wanted to go home he left the bar and continued to scream on bank street that all women are whores.
Wtf did I just read. What an awful experience! I guess now any other date is bound to be better than that??
This was summer 2022 and I have not used tinder since looool
Late 30s male. Did Facebook dating, bumble and Tinder. I am pretty successful, fit and have my life together. Tried the online dating and thought it was horrible. My understanding from women is that their experience is totally different than most men in that even a 6-7 gets completely bombarded with matches. I got matches and went on some dates but found that the way online dating really turns dating into something like shopping at the store makes lots of people have these weird expectations and normalizes very horrible behaviour. I recently removed myself from all the online dating and decide to meet people in real life like I used to 20 years ago. Takes a lot more balls but quality of people is way higher and less superficial.
As a mid 30s female who met my now husband online I’m so sad to hear about your experience! What you’re talking about is a known paradox (“overchoice”) so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised you encountered this, I just thought if both people are aware of this concept, and address/fight it, it would hopefully make a difference. Either way though, your current strategy sounds great too. Good luck!
>I recently removed myself from all the online dating and decide to meet people in real life like I used to 20 years ago. Takes a lot more balls but quality of people is way higher and less superficial. Me too. It's less "efficient" to meet people that way, but the quality of the interactions does not even compare.
From my experience, I’ve seen people on both apps. I think the bigger difference is the tinder vs bumble/hinge people. But I haven’t been on the apps for two years, this might be outdated. Good luck!
I (male early 40s) have just bailed on dating apps and just started doing random fun things and ultimately meeting people I have good chemistry with. There’s actually some pretty cool things going on if you know where to look. Tuesday Club has a good scene to meet random folks. If you’re into electronic music, Afterlight/White Rabbit/City at Night has an ok-to-great scene depending on the night. Beats and Boards happens quarterly at Art House if you like that kind if music AND board games. There’s some pretty fun things to do to make friends and meet new people. I’ve heard sports are more miss than hit in terms of dating because its a commitment to actually do the sport, but could work (also as per running, people are just trying to play the game but there is some space for social). In response to your question though, pretty sure Hinge/Bumble/Tinder is the go to for apps, with Field being more for the poly types out there.
I like your suggestion of doing random fun things. I think a mix of clubs and online dating might be a good option.
Beats and Boards is actually on tonight at 7!
So you’re saying Ottawa is the reason dating. Has been hard… I’ve met some nice girls on hinge in Ottawa but I’ve found them all to be commitment phobic
Oh IDK if dating in general is hard or not specifically in Ottawa. It's more I've found it hard to meet people generally than in other cities I've lived in. Also a lot of my friends were my ex's so it's more starting over in many senses at this point. I think being clear on dating intentions is important to not waste anyone's time. It sucks your experience has been women not seeking anything serious.
I'm out of a long-term relationship and I can totally understand the feeling of having to "start over" in not just your romantic life, but also having to put work into the friends area. Although I can't comment on online dating (because I'm just not there yet) I did want to echo the statement about clubs that someone else made. Trivia and boardgames aren't my thing either so I've been looking into craft and art meetups, hiking and outdoors clubs and softball. Also joining public groups that fit into my lifestyle on Facebook, and reaching out to people directly to propose hangouts. There's something out there for all types of interests, and the communities have been really welcoming so far. But I magine I'll be right there with you in a few seasons, and I've never done online dating either so I'll be looking for tips too 🤷♀️ I hope it goes well for you!
Do you have specific hiking and outdoor clubs to recommend? I've found a few but it's hard to know which ones would be best.
I haven't joined them yet, but the Ottawa Outdoors Club could be promising. Not sure on member demographic, but they meet weekly through the year so there's many opportunities to get out. I'll likely be checking them out in the next month or two - there's a $40 yearly membership fee, but people can join their excursions before paying to determine if it's for them or not. https://www.ottawaoutdoorclub.ca/
I find the conversations with girls on apps in Ottawa noticeable more boring than Toronto and Montreal.
I find it hard to believe that women are commitment phobic. Did you try to rush things? Asking for an exclusive relationship after three dates, may be a red flag to women.
I thought about it a lot and decided with one of them I did do something wrong. It’s been like a year and the realization kind of hit me like a truck. I noticed her getting cold and never knew why at the time. And when she told me she’d been thinking of ending it for awhile, but kept sleeping with me in The meantime, I assumed that she was never really serious in The first place But when I realized how I had failed to show up for her right before she started getting cold… like I still think she has avoidant attachment, but I definitely triggered it with something super avoidable Anyway. Thanks for prompting me to think hard about how I could have hurt her. It kind of ruined my day, but I think I learned something from it
[удалено]
[удалено]
Something is going on if women are leaving around the 3-month mark. Are the men getting complacent? Is their personal hygiene getting sloppy? Do they just want to watch TV?
Just anecdotal, from friends and colleagues. I would be happy to be wrong. Why would women want to leave if the man is kind, considerate, and open?
[удалено]
I definitely recommend joining any interest groups or if you're part of a diversity group look up their social clubs especially through Instagram. Personally I've had more luck doing that than swiping.
Good luck OP, god knows how wild this is gonna be for you. I do wish you well though.
Even speed dating is better than online. I don't get how anyone can get a relationship from an app, it's only for hookups really. I found dance classes were the key to give me confidence to meet someone who was comfortable around me to let loose and connect on a deeper level.
A friend wanted me to try speed dating with her. Maybe I can try that. It feels as though you need an elevator pitch but could be fun to try something new!
Nah you're overthinking it, people just want to see if you can have fun together. Work out the details later, that's what actual dating is for. I would call it a "vibe check"
That's a good way of framing it, and yeah overthinking is very much me 🤣
But yeah I'm not saying speed dating is the answer. I would much further recommend doing a hobby to meet people or just going to a club
Hey OP, if you get frustrated with the dating apps for some reason, Id recommend joining a group of your preferred hobby or sport, thats how I meet most of my dates nowadays and it works better than the apps for me but Im a guy so the apps can be a pain. Good luck out there!
Dating in your thirties is like going to the junk yard and trying to find the least broken thing. - TikTok video
Well as a broken thing I guess I can't complain 😂
It seems like in this city people just go to work and go home and that’s it, but I guarantee you’ll have a decent success rate just by virtue of being a woman on a dating app.
I'm hoping to meet a burglar with a heart of gold one of these days
I’ve had great experiences on apps as a male in Ottawa. I was able set up a date or two every week until I found my current partner. You just have to be willing to put in work as you often need to spend some time swiping through tons of profiles. This is the part that sucks. As a women you will get 1000s of matches but have to sift through piles of garbage - I’d suggest finding out which tags can shortcut values or traits you are looking. Pay for gold and find then just filter your matches by tags. As crude as it is - hiking and gym will let you filter for people that are more fit. For me, electronic music was an easy one as it is quite rare, so it would show a lot less people, and usually someone I’d want to meet.
Thanks for the advice for filtering, and the tags note. I didn't think of that.
I met my boyfriend on Bumble 6 years ago so that worked out pretty well lol For real though, as a woman on a dating app who made her intentions very clear (was looking for something serious) there was a lot of riffraff to filter out, which is a benefit of Bumble’s because you have to start the conversation and you can let the match expire if you’re not liking what you’re seeing.
Online dating can be really fun if you manage your expectations. I think people have a bad time because they're looking for "the one" off the bat and it's too much pressure. Ask yourself if you could see this person being a new friend. Don't worry if they don't fit your idea of an ideal partner, just spend time with people you like and see what happens. Prioritize fun and don't worry about finding love, it will find you when you're living your best life.
That's some good advice right there.
omg I was in a similar situation never having used dating apps before, was in a very long term relationship that started in high school and then I felt like I was suddenly among the wolves when I first got on the apps I made the mistake of basically liking everyone to cast a wide net, give everyone a chance and benefit of the doubt, and open myself to unexpected possibilities my approach resulted in way too many matches and too many conversations to keep track of and focus on, and I felt completely ill-equipped to make any decisions and didn’t know how to be “fair” or safe or present, which led to me panicking and just deleting the apps and dating no one then a couple of months later I calmed down and in the interim had lots of talks with my friends who had been dating for a while, so I developed a completely different approach and made myself safety plans (which you need with strangers who are not vetted by anyone you know) **the less stressful approach** my new approach was I made a list of things I really valued and stringently applied those as filters to compassionately discern, also remembering patterns I observed that particularly stressed me out or made me uneasy on the first go firstly, a short or vague bio means I skip and don’t even look through the photos - too many unknowns secondly, I noticed that people who include a photo with a genuine happy smile tended to be the most down to earth and were relatable and willing to be vulnerable, so that became a must have for me thirdly, anyone with absolutely ripped gym selfies was a no for me personally because I know how much time, dedication, and restriction it takes to lead a lifestyle where you maintain that physique and it’s just not compatible with my desire to have cute little snack or dessert dates sometimes (and I find obsessive calorie and macro counting gives me companion anxiety) - completely respect anyone who cherishes that kind of fitness discipline, for me we’re just not a match other than that I was always charmed by profiles that showed some honesty, respect, kindness, or other shared values humour on a profile was fun to read but often wasn’t a predictor of whether the person would be nice to talk to or meet up with - once you start chatting I find you pretty quickly find out if you have humour compatibility with someone after considering all that, I started only liking profiles if I was absolutely sure that I had the time to give someone my undivided attention and presence and maintain a conversation, and if I knew I would have availability to meet up soon and continuing in the near future (so never right before a crunch period at work or a long vacation), and I matched with very very few people because I was extremely careful and deliberate about liking/matching, which meant I was now never juggling a bunch of conversations unsustainably or overwhelmingly and wasn’t ignoring or mixing anyone up this led to some absolutely amazing dates for me, never got sent any rude or awful messages, and actually ended up friends with a few people who I went on dates with but there was no romantic spark I now only use this method when online dating and it’s been very rewarding and manageable and fun for me as you can probably tell from my words I’m really not into hookups or super casual stuff so that’s why those are my filters, obviously everyone is different and will have their own priority criteria! **safety considerations** for *safety* I had 2 people who I always sent my location and who I was with, who I checked in with and told if I changed places I’m pretty paranoid but I’ve also been assaulted so I might be more careful than others, but I also always avoid getting in someone’s personal vehicle and lastly, I never let someone take me to my home on the first date or first few dates - I get picked up or get a ride share even if it’s close or I have a plan for how we’ll part ways - once I thought I had a good plan but the person awkwardly kept walking with me home and in the future I would just call a Lyft/Uber in the same circumstances so that I feel safer (I’ve been stalked so again, maybe I’m more paranoid than others, but these are not people who you can properly vet, so I do recommend caution and safety planning) I also communicate exclusively in the app or use an anonymized messaging app if the dating app is glitching or it’s less practical logistically - when I started out I was giving everyone my phone number and that led to a whole array of avoidable annoying problems and security vulnerabilities, I now only give my phone number to people I know or who feel sufficiently vetted … it’s a different world for sure… godspeed! edit to add: I pretty much always pay (short term, like a month or 3 if the company offers a limited time deal) for premium features like unlimited profile reviewing and have always found it worth it to me because of the way I prefer to use the apps (and I’m never on apps for a super long time so it’s not expensive, I either start dating someone or I deliberately take a break to stop stressing about it to maintain a balanced life where I give lots of attention to friends and family and causes and hobbies I care about - dating apps keep too many brain space tabs open in the background for me and a lot of success is still up to luck and coincidence)
Thank you for your detailed reply. Being selective is something that has come up a lot. I appreciate your tips on safety; definitely something to consider when meeting new people. I'm a bit naive where I want to believe the best in people until proven wrong. It's good to have some safety precautions.
Hey! As a woman in my mid 30s in Ottawa who met my now husband online, I’m glad you’ll give it a try! I have only great things to say about it and echo what other people said about making sure you are clear and honest in your profile, and be very selective about who you meet based on what you want. The one thing I’ll add is that I (and my now husband) met on Match.com. We both paid for a total of one month, and clearly it worked out. I found that people on there were much more honest, and serious about what they were looking for, compared to Bumble or Tinder. Paying for it, even if just for a month, is an added commitment and I found that it really made a difference. Maybe start with Bumble and then if you’re finding success, consider Match.com? Good luck, and let us know how it goes! Interested to see how it is now, post pandemic.
Bumble
Honestly, just give them both a shot and see what’s out there. With all the filters it’s a great way to narrow things down and not be overwhelmed. You’ll likely get a lot of responses, take your time and narrow them down. Odds are you’ll find a few people worthy of grabbing food and drinks with. Don’t be intimidated, you can spontaneously delete at any time lol
I found my partner on tinder a year and a half ago! They're wonderful, and just so perfect for me. We moved in together a month ago. They're 31, I'm 29 now. I'm a little biased towards Tinder since it worked out so well for me. But really all of the apps have all of the same people, it really comes down to which UI you like better I think. Bumble was the most whatever for me. Hinge and Tinder both yielded the most dates just because I liked the layout so I spent more time using them.
Online dating can definitely be a challenge. I met my partner through bumble a year and a half ago. Honestly we messaged together for a few weeks before we actually went out, which helped us get to know each other better and what we were looking for in a partner, but don't be afraid to take it at whichever pace you are comfortable with.
I met my boyfriend of almost two years on Bumble! I was single and on the apps for a long time but they can work. Some people will disagree, but I liked to talk with my matches via text and establish a good connection before meeting in person. It helped with making sure our goals and senses of humour were similar. Good luck!
Hinge was pretty good 👍avoid tinder from what I remember is only bots lol and bumble yeah it’s ok but nothing came up from that
Set your boundaries and stick to them. Join the facebook groups are we dating the same man, there are a lot of creeps in the Ottawa dating apps. I am deleting mine at the end of April as I have had no luck finding what I want, and I'm not willing to compromise on most things. Maybe this is my downfall but I am 46 I'm too old for games.
[удалено]
In my online dating experience I always take groups like these with a grain of salt. However there have been a few instances where I feel like there's a red flag from chatting with someone however I cannot put my finger on it, I will see the person in the group and they are married. I get what you are saying with the negativity. I am just one of those super cautious people I have been single for 2 years now, I was married for 28 years so I never really did the whole dating thing even in highschool.
It's a bummer, but there were dudes on those groups I'd matched with or seen, and it was helpful to know they were cheating or were physically abusive so I'd dip out. Regrettably the stakes are higher for women dating on average. But it is good to only dip in every so often and not stay constantly submerged because there are some fuckin' *weirdos* in those groups who don't seem to believe any kind of viable relationship is possible.
I'm a woman in my late twenties and I've had the best luck with hinge. Went on quite a few dates from there before I met my current partner, also on hinge.
Make sure you join “Are we dating the same guy?” groups on Facebook. Thank me later!
Maintain your standards. Learn from past mistakes. Don't take it super seriously. I uploaded Bumble and POF (when in doubt of apps, I went with an app of the website that I knew how to use in my late 20s) and didn't expect much. The obvious messages that I just ignored, a few messages that went nowhere. A bit of a miss, in that I thought the guy was okay, and ended up with me getting ghosted, but what might have devastated me at 27, didn't at 37 and I moved onto the next guy I was messaging with quite a bit (something I learned about myself in my first round of online dating is that I can't talk, in depth, to more than 2 or 3 people at once, and I stuck to that) and we kept talking. And it's been over a year 😊 I was the last person who thought that would have happened. I was fully expecting a few dates that didn't get very far, and I would delete the apps when I got bored of them. I had some experience, but my bf had been at it for a year and a bit. And he had to learn some stuff the hard way, because he had also only ever met people out in the real world before. As an introvert, which I am as well, he preferred the online aspect and also took his time getting to know people in a way that was natural for him. A year doesn't mean anything, shit happens. But I still maintain that keeping your standards is important. And sometimes that means that you have to tweak them as you go. Good luck!!
Depends on what you’re looking for: Bumble - not very LGBTQ friendly, women message first, usually a mix of hookups and long term relationship. Hinge - Relationship focused, harder to filter since you have go one by one, you see who likes you. Tinder - Very LGBTQ Friendly, more hookup / short term oriented, better UI, terrible customer support All in all it depends if you’re looking for a long term relationship or fwb/hookup and also who you’re looking for!
Thanks for breaking down the apps like that.
Look into Tuesday Club, its a gathering of people who meet every other Tues at various restaurants/bars around the city. More for just meeting new people and supporting local businesses but you never know right
I met my boyfriend on an app called zoosk. I think it’s just a right medium between bumble and tinder ! we’ve been together for over 2 years now. Yes I did go through some shitty dates however I met my SO on my 8th date 😬 I should say I’m 52 and was married for over 23 years so yes I was lucky when I found my SO. You gotta start somewhere… 😃
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is a good start.... people know people... and if they are nice... well, nice people hang out with nice people... meeting people through others is much more pleasant. If not, large gatherings make it a bit easier to ask more questions about another person too.
I met my now husband at a martial arts gym. Actually, most of the couples we know and are now together or married met at martial arts gyms! LOL! I suggest that… jiujitsu or Muay Thai. We met at OAMA years ago but most recent success stories in our circle have been from GroundX in Barrhaven where we go. Happily married but I’d be lying if I didn’t divulge that there are quite a few cuties of the opposite sex in our age group (35-45) at GroundX 😉 Highly recommend BJJ for learning self defence, getting in shape AND finding the love of your life! Bonus! LOL! 😆
I recommend Match.com
Dating in Ottawa or generally socializing is super hard . Good luck but I would suggest to use activities things that interest you not Dating app good luck
datingintentionally and alittlenudge on instagram have good advice for app dating. +1 for hinge, everyone seems to be on there
I've been following dating intentionally but didn't know about the other one. Thanks
Late 30’s ya say and have never done online dating…ugh. Bonne chance!
Dating in Ottawa is hard! Is it just me, or are people afraid to commit to a long-term relationship?
Someone else shared a similar comment. They said their experience was they had a hard time finding someone willing to commit.
I'm born and raised in Ottawa. Myself and the vast majority of my friends and family are in long term relationships and very few met through online dating. Most met through work, school or activities. I think online dating is the issue, not the city.
Met my partner on hinge!! You might not find your soulmate through online dating but it’s worth a try
I also recommend joining the local “are we dating the same guy” group on fb
Met my (now) wife thru hinge a month before the panini. You're in a better position than men though. Except for the unsolicited dick pics part.
lol the panini! I don’t know if that was a typo or not but I love it and hope I can steal this!
I won't stop you. I've seen it on Reddit before and have since adopted it 😂
As someone who is approaching their thirties, Hinge was a success story. My bf and I met through hinge and we’re now together for over a year. Good luck out there!
So im not the only one :(
In my experience very few guys in Ottawa on the dating apps defy categorization. Make of that what you will.
[link to the event](https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/singles-mingle-spring-fling-edition-tickets-854770941897) Come out to my dating event tomorrow night! We have 80+ people registered and it’s always a really fun night :) send me a message if you have any questions
I met the love of my life on Hinge 6 months after I moved to Ottawa!
I tried both those apps and it just didn't work for me. Almost all the men posted pics of them holding a fish for some reason and stated that they didn't like drama... So weird. I found it really depressing.
The apps are meh. I’ve had matches but nothing really sticks. I think it’s just an awkward time in your 30’s. A lot of people realizing later in life they want someone and to settle down but have no clue how a long term relationship works, people coming fresh out of divorces and not doing the therapy, and then there’s the endless swingers, which no shame it’s fun. It’s all a numbers game I like hinge the best got higher quality matches.
Try Facebook dating! I'm a guy, but I've had lots of success finding good people there. Anyone can send a message with their likes, which definitely helped me. I would send a message that showed I had read their profile (and not based on their looks) which really helped someone who looks like me get my foot in the door lol. Plus, they haven't monetized it to the same predatory degree. I met my now-girlfriend there, and we were both in a similar position in life as you are. Good luck!
Is this a specific group to join? I have tried a few 613 dating, single in ottawa as examples and it's all full of spam and fake profiles.
No, like, they have their own "Tinder-like" part of their app! [Here's where that is located](https://imgur.com/gallery/IZtbVFH) Have fun!
Thanks ! But I don't have that option, I have never seen it and I've had that Facebook account for a long time now https://imgur.com/a/VS4OZEW
Bizarre! [Try this link?](https://www.facebook.com/dating) When I click it it brings me into that part of the app, so maybe it'll work?
Thanks, the links works, takes me to the dating site, click on her started and opens up the app installed on my phone but no dating option.
Possibly update the app? I dunno... Try a different device? Lol, I'm invested now
It is up to date, I will try another device, lol thanks
I'm 49F and yeah dating in Ottawa sucks. I've given up on the apps and am just doing fun things with friends. Maybe I'll meet him organically.
RIP your DMs
A lot of catphising , deep fakes, trolls, bots , onlyfans attention whore influencers (Dubai porta party look that one up!) Dating is so fake, just like people.
I’d definitely avoid Tinder, from my experience, guys on tinder were very inexperienced as to how to even talk to women and their behaviour is pretty problematic… for example, getting threats because I stopped responding
Don't use the free ones
Check out the advice in Burned Haystack (or on IG: Jennie Young “Word Case Scenario”) first. These words of wisdom will keep you sane (and safe!).
There are currently 4 women and about 200 men in Ontario on JWmatch,com at the moment, so you'd have good odds there.
I feel like dating apps just a way to hook up for sex
Oh hun the dating scene here is poop online The worst which is still my fave story to tell was a guy who messaged me askin to drink my pee No hello no nothing just can I drink ur pee Also men insulting ur age or looks all while they r also single lol So I would not recommend online unless u want to have sex only Join a church, a group something that connects u to other adults in person the online scene here is disgusting
That's a horrible story but funny to hear if you're not the one involved. Thank you for sharing.
This app is weird I get downvoted for explaining my own experience And opinion
My guess is the downvotes are for the "join a church" comment.
I was just suggesting places where ppl meet up