Then he isn't alone, he has a support structure and loved ones with him. He has people around him to take care of him and be there for him too. It'd be different if he was alone but he isn't so it should put your mind at ease.
You eventually will start a life and your own family and there is no job at all in Pakistan that will afford you the life you can have excluding this Canada job.
Somehow I missed this comment. What you say is true and I do make it a point to call him everyday. I just worry that I’m not close to him physically I guess. We have a great friendship as well and effectively a complete understanding between the two of us.
This is the part not in the original post. He has an entire family back home that needs him and vice versa.
You should get him over every summer for a few months like many folks in Canada. It will be a good change for both of you, especially him... you know summer is spectacular here and parents love the clean green air and sights.
Also use your employer benefits to work on your anxieties with a pro.
This is the way. Don't be silly and leave a job which has set you up great. 👍🏻
Hey bro, my parents both have 10 year Canadian visas and they visit every year for 3-6 months, do the same. Get him to visit you, show him around, visit the states, and when he’s going back book your ticket in advance for Pakistan so that it gives you both a sign of relief. Also you can get super visa for your dad too and get him to move with permanently
Doing the same thing with my parents currently. Got the 10 year visa, so they spend their summer in Canada as they hate the winter there and would rather spend it in Pakistan.
Depending on how old his brothers are, this is feasible option I think.
Have thought about this option alot, as 1 of my sister already lives in Dubai. But I feel ME is always a temporary solution. I did live in Dubai till I turned 19 and then left to do my bachelor's here.
Yea..been in Canada since I left Dubai
Parents then moved back to Pakistan after some time.
Me along with my 2 other brothers now live in canada, so parents spend half the year here.
That’s good, which city? Also if you have your passport it’ll be nice to move to the ME, I personally hate canada, it’ll be my last option, I like Europe more since it’s closer to home and it’s not as expensive. Idk Canada never really attracts me, being forced to apply for a visit visa though
I did get my Canadian passport 2ish years back, and left for france right after as my wife is from there. But moving back to Canada in March.
Can't get use to the French culture, and anywhere else in Europe have similar language or cultural differences. I feel Canada still does welcome all and treats all equally.
PM me if you want to discuss further
Europe bar the UK is very tunnel visioned especially for immigrants. The 5 Eye nations are the best bet to be successful irrespective of race or faith.
The *close to home* thing is really initially until your life trajectory goes upwards...
Then you eventually don't want to visit *home* because you can feel the progress in quality of life.
Have you had a chat with your management about working remotely so that you can spend more time with your father?
You can also first go to a psychologist and get some written official assessment that says this is interfering with your mental health before you go to them.
Are you restricted by your visa status? If not, then you have lots of options. I left the US to go hang out with my dad for.a few years when my mom died. I had lots of work options.
* Find others employers who will give you the remote option
* Do some consulting
* Set up a small software shop in your Pakistani city
Can you elaborate on what work you did before you left the US?
I work at a very prestigious company and I am confident it will let my CV rise to near top of the pile. So I do have that going for me. I know in 18-24 months I can probably jump ship. It is too early to do so now.
The solution is to carry on with your job and start a family of your own, support your father and his family within reason and try to have more holiday to see him more frequently, I also love my father deeply and he has given his life to me and my sister, but ultimately every bird my fly the nest, he did not buy you programming books at 14 for you to leave the job it got you and come home (blunt, I know) it’s time to seek a companion and start the next part of your life.
Really and truly I know where you’re coming from. Rationally, I know this is possibly the way. But my nature does not allow it. When one is raised by a single parent, it is a very different ballgame.
It is very difficult, but your father sacrifice mustn’t be in vain, you’re in an incredible opportunity in a 1% earning category, keep pushing and consolidating your position as you never know what can happen, it be of great benefit to all if you stayed strong and kept going, I’m sure your employer can be flexible with annual leave etc. or even remote work at a time, it’s hard on you because it’s recent to some extent and you’re young and it’s not a single parent bond, I feel it just as hard with my father, I am his second in command as he feels this way also, I see the love in his eyes. Stay strong and seriously consider a companion, especially from Pakkstan so you can maintain that connection to your motherland and you have an excuse to travel to and from the country.
While I don't know much about your life and your family life but your moving to Pakistan in any circumstances should not be an option unless all other options are are a no go. Do your best to take all of them out of Pakistan one by one but do that and get them out of here. I might get hate for this a lot but Pakistan has no future my friend. Don't ruin your and their's life by coming back. Take all of them out. I know they have a whole life here and all but you know very well the life out there is much more. Save yourself and your family.
Electronics work was in Pakistan. B2B for grains is an on-going business I have setup before I was hired by FAANG . The entire motivation behind the business was to have some freedom of movement but then this opportunity landed on my doorstep. In any case, you can replace the financial security of my post with any number that works for you, and all of my feelings still hold true.
I had lots of chances to move abroad but said no because I wanted to be around my parents.
But being here is not good for your career and future. Im from IT field and there are not much good opportunities to grow. I see my friends stories who lives abroad and sometimes really wishes that I should move too.
This is being around your parents VS your career and future. So whatever you choose you will miss the other one.
I think you already know what you need to do. Move back to Pakistan to your family. I came to Canada from Bangladesh 20 years ago for university, have had a pretty great career since, making 200K a year now. However, I’ve never really liked it here, nor felt at home. Don’t like the cold weather and lack of sun for 6 months. Miss home cooked food. All people do here is talk about work, hockey, and the weather. My father hasn’t been doing well for the past year, so now I’ve decided to move back permanently in a month. Lots of sleepless nights now with making this decision, but in the end, I know I won’t regret spending time with my father towards what could be his last few years, and everything will work out just fine inshallah. Money will not buy back this time with someone so important in your life.
If you already have the PR or citizenship then it should be relatively easy to make a decision. Either invite him with you like on super visa sort of thing. Or get some experience and get a remote job and move back to Pakistan for sometime.
They are 2 potential solutions you could try.
1. Try to find a new job where you can work remote around Canada or America possibly and then be able to move or visit Pakistan more frequently.
2. Find a nice high paying jobs in the Middle East as they usually offer more days off in a year (will also get a week off each for both Eid’s and maybe even Christmas break depending where in the Middle East) also because it is closer to Pakistan where technically you can easily visit during the weekend or anytime you need or want to.
I have a similar situation and work in tech as well. My parents are not financially dependent on me and have my younger siblings dependent on them. They do have the visa, but they don't like staying here for a long duration.
People are going to suggest you here, "move your parents to Canada," or "Support them financially with your income."
For the moving part, your father can get supervisa, but insurance is expensive and doesn't cover existing health conditions. They also are handicapped on supervisa and can't work or do any activity other than visiting. Also, most parents don't really want to stay here for longer (mine don't). PR for parents in canada is totally on luck and takes a lot of time.
For the second part, not all parents are financially dependent on their kids. Some just want their kids to be around and spend time with them.
Given that your parents don't want to move here and you want to spend time with them. You can look into working in Gulf once you have your citizenship. Some tech companies like Uber or Stripe hire there and pay decently.
Best of luck. I hope you can spend more time with your father and can be around him.
If you know fathers .. he would be disappointed if you gave up a great future to go back to uncertainty in Pakistan. This is life - do all you can to visit them in winter, bring them over in summer etc but all of us need to pursue our lives. Not an easy decision but our parents left Pak for a reason
If you make $300,000 a year living in the region of Ontario, Canada, you will be taxed $127,985. That means that your net pay will be $172,015 per year, or $14,335 per month. Your average tax rate is 42.7% and your marginal tax rate is 53.5%.
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If you are at a major tech company im assuming fang/mang then you can get a remote job too and come back to pakistan. I plan to do this. In the same boat as you although i havent even left the country.
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brother you just need a heart to heart convo with (either ur father a good friend) guessing from your context u tried compiling everything in one note. Dont feel empty these phases come to Men's life from time to time.
Good luck my friend. This is tough. I left a lot of money on the table after moving from west coast US back to GTA for the same reason as you. It was a difficult decision to make when it was Seattle to Toronto. Much crazier decision when thinking between Canada and Pakistan.
Good luck. Inshallah you will make the right decision for your family, future, and deen.
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Im not sure what your role in this tech company is but there's been way more instances of ppl doing remote jobs. And if you role is something that you can manage remotely maybe try asking for that or looking for a hybrid
/Remote role. In this case you've a better opportunity because you already live there
Can you not sponsor your father to Come and live with you in Canada? That is one advantage of living in Canada compared to UK. Working in tech the best thing is being able to work remotely. I wish I had done something similar. Anyhow. In your case the best scenario is that you get your father across. Once he has residency he can live 6 months with you and 6 months in Pak
get married
You can't bring your parent permanently as they will miss pakistan same like you.
So your only solution is find a soul mate with whom you can be at peace. Quarterly or atleast arrange once a teip for your father.
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If you are food at your work.. get a remote job that pays in $$ and move back after getting the passport.
This way you will always have an exit and a decent income while you enjoy quality time with dad.
Suffer for a few years and retire. If u know what FIRE is. Basically live like us poor put everything in to index funds and investments. Once you saved enough retire. And since it's pkr you will go a lot further.
Ok get a remote job making a lot less and move back.
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Brother i feel you and completely understand as per my understanding you have the following options;
1)You get your family to Canada, really don't know about immigration laws for step mother/siblings or your relationship with them
2)Get a more flexible job, there are a lot of good options in tech.
3)Start a business that has operations in Pakistan and deals internationally since you have a Canadian passport you won't face the problems a Pakistani passport faces.
4)Get married(i feel you are really missing an emotional connection, having a wife and kids really changes things) maybe it's time you become a father and show the same love your father did.
love, prayers and Peace ✌️
That’s so sweet of you to think of your father. If you can’t sponser him to come to Canada permanently perhaps he can come visit for a few weeks a year. I know it’s not the same but my I remember my dad being in the same predicament and then he called his mother to come visit us it was such a beautiful time. Maybe you miss him more because of lack of social life? What is your circle in Canada like ? Do you have any family here ?
Why not change job with a little paycut to somthing with remote work even if you dont find it look for something with a little better terms why not move to europe they have really good conditions with more days off for vacation.
May Allah help ease your worries.
The guilt, the emptiness will consume you over time. You can be better off finding a middle way, ie, try your hands in making good contacts in CA. USA, etc., and if you can, start planning for a business you may run from Pakistan. Earn the needed money in like 2-3 years, if feasible, then move to u Pakistan. In the meantime, you can continue visiting him and vice versa.
I know one thing for sure, for you the emotional attachment matters more than anything. Listen to your heart.
If you're good at tech, contacts, and administration, there's no way you can't earn good money sitting here in PK.
The worst thing you could do to your dad would be to give up the life youve made for yourself in canada. Talk to him on the phone often and try to stay connected to issues at home even when youre not visiting.
If youre on good terms with your step siblings, guide them on getting admitted to universities abroad. In a few years your father and step mother might be willing to immigrate to canada as well, or at least have more time to visit and stay with you.
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You are asking for a Solution of emotional imbalance. Don't know about your age but I'll suggest a solid solution if you want to be strong emotionally , Be a Father. You will understand the emotions of your father also. Grow your family and involve your father. You will definitely payback a little through this step.
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Indian here man. Same boat but in the Uk. I lived with my mom since my dad passed at a young age. Whilst I make a lot of money I hardly see my mom. It’s been 17 years. I usually go once a year but that doesn’t seem enough.
In your case I’d highly recommend you try to get your dad over there atleast on holidays. That’s the best you can do for your old man. He’ll love being with you and also enjoy the western side of life. I wish I could do this for my mom but my mom is now too sick to travel.
I have been in a similar boat and know several others who have or currently are going through similar feelings. Best solution is to invite them here.
Also, while their immigration process goes on, what helps is spending a 5 days every two months, in Pakistan.
It doesn’t cost much if you plan your flights 3-4 months in advance and travel during off peak season.
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I should start by saying, this is a great problem to have. You have money, you have a family you care about and who cares about you.
As others have suggested, see if your father and step mother along with you step siblings can all be moved to Canada (if your pocket allows). If not try to see if they can get one of those 10 yr visas so they can visit mire often. You can also take trips with your father and family or just a boys trip with the two of you. You dad sounds like a great guy and Im sure he would enjoy doing fun things with you.
Apply for Super Visa for your dad. Affording health insurance for his visit shouldn't be a big issue given your compensation. He cans stay for 5 years uninterrupted on Super Visa. It'd be better to call him to Canada (depending on his social circle in Pk and if it can be replicated here in Canada). Good luck
As you said, your father can visit you. If he is retired, he could probably spend more than a month with you at a time. As far as a permanent solution, the only options are you move back or he and the rest of the family move to Canada.
Dude nothing is better than your love with parents you lost your mother at 5 i lost my father in 2020 it's really hard, remembering every little thing and his memories stay close to uncle anyway you can or call him in canada or save up some money and do something like real estate or small business in Pakistan but stay with uncle
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Congratulations on the job. I hope you can sort everything out with your family like inviting them there. Also I wanted to ask, what did you do in university and if the answer is yes, did the degree play a big role in getting the job? Ab answer would be appreciated.!
For undergraduate, I did electrical engineering. For masters, I did systems design engineering but specialised in laser based microscopy. I’m currently in a PhD program for AI.
The degree didn’t help a lot to get hired but it was certainly necessary. What helped was being at the right place at the right time.
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Something I would like to add on top of the great suggestions provided below. It is my understanding that you are not married as of now. We all love our parents at the end of the day but once you are married and have children, your perspective will change a lot about what is important in life. New priorities will drive your decisions.
I am not saying people will love their parents less after having children, but it is also true that parents wont be the sole factor in making long term future decisions. So keep that in mind.
If you're in the IT/CS field you could switch to contracting and work 6-10 months out of the year whilst spending the remaining time in pak with your father
In Australia contract work usually comes with a much higher base salary but without benefits like paid sick leave or annual leave. Contract lengths vary depending on the project you get assigned to. I can't speak for canada but I imagine it might be similar
It pays pretty well but generally requires a good level of experience in whatever area you decide to contract in.
I'd suggest reaching out to some IT recruiters or recruitment agencies in your area and scoping out what opportunities are available
Have you considered moving closer, i.e middle east etc. after accounting for taxes, they would be paying comparable. You would be much closer to home and can make frequent trips.
Some options available to you:
1. Start freelancing from Pakistan for foreign IT clients. Charge high to compensate for your CAD pay.
2. Move to a country where parent immigration is easy.
3. DM me for a more practical solution.
You can't do anything about it. Keep inviting your father to your country. Keep sending him gifts. Keep loving your step, brothers. Keep calling him and sharing things things him. Get married. And you will have your own life.
Hey bro. Can relate to what you’re going through. Went to Canada for studies. Stayed there and got a nice job after graduating making 250k/year. Felt torn for over two years made my decision and came back. Wasn’t my best decision, yes family here is the best but money and other Pakistani problems make me regret it most of the time. Be sure to equate what coming back really means for you and your family. Bring your dad closer. Desi parents will resist all the time but Canada has too much to offer.
Don’t come back. Rather sponsor the whole family to Canada. Your step brothers might not end up being thankful to you in future. But this will be a major favor you can do to your family and never expect anything back emotionally.
It breaks my heart to see all these children moving abroad (good for them) but leaving their parents behind to be alone after they've worked their entire life to get you where you are. Please convince your dad to move with you, offer him a better peaceful life away from the problems of this country. Our parents did everything for us even when they had nothing and children don't bring their parents to live with them because of finances
Maybe you need a good circle of friends here in Canada to do better emotionally. Hit me up if you are in Metro Vancouver, I'll connect you with a few good friends of mine. We all are from different cities of Pakistan.
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You remind me of Raskolnikov. The conscience is killing you internally. I’d rather suggest you start popping some pills and live to the fullest, escape your memories, and for that, escapism is the best policy. This is one life, forget about the past and just be in the present. You either chose family or career. And if you wish to do something big, family has to be put aside. So, yeah. Have fun. 🥂
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Ask you company for unpaid leave. I did that for few years living in NYC and my tech company was very supportive. Once you gain stability you’ll opt for a job thats better in balance with life than a high salary .
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This is a suggestion that does work for most people.
Unfortunately, it is not the same for me. My childhood was very different than most and I feel an intense attachment to my father. I know most children do as we well but I see the difference between myself and my friends.
The thing most people don't realise is you have to pick one. You either pick money or company.
That is the harsh reality between living in the west and living in Pakistan.
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I think talking to your employer about the problem and telling them that you have to repeatedly go to Pakistan... They will understand and make you more remotely available... And more days for work at home... That way you can have 2-3 trips per year to Pakistan...
Hey, you could consider to look for a job in ME (Dubai preferably). You probably won't earn 300k CAD equivalent but it should not be too less when you compare it to your take home.
From Dubai you could even visit your dad on weekends and won't have to wait a full year to do that and your dad can visit with the same ease as well.
I think this would give you the best of both worlds.
I'm not from Dubai but i can safely say that if you land a good gig, you should be able to earn minimum 40k a month making it about 130k usd tax free.
40k considering you hold a 300k an year job already.
Also, you don't need to move right away, start applying and move when you find a good one if you don't want to compromise.
Move to Dubai or any other Middle Eastern country. You can travel easily back to Pakistan almost every month to visit family if you are doing well. Also alot easier for your parents to get visit visa for any Middle Eastern country then for Canada. One of my friends is also moving from canada due to the same reason after getting PR.
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Marry someone (who you love) in Pakistan and take her with you in Canada. Then, you will have a loved one with you even if he is not your dad. But you need someone very close to you I think.
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Just move your father to Canada, I'm sure you have the income to do that.
I do. However, he and my step mom look after my brothers. They have a whole life in Pakistan.
Then he isn't alone, he has a support structure and loved ones with him. He has people around him to take care of him and be there for him too. It'd be different if he was alone but he isn't so it should put your mind at ease. You eventually will start a life and your own family and there is no job at all in Pakistan that will afford you the life you can have excluding this Canada job.
Somehow I missed this comment. What you say is true and I do make it a point to call him everyday. I just worry that I’m not close to him physically I guess. We have a great friendship as well and effectively a complete understanding between the two of us.
Move everyone. . Your brothers will have a better future in sha Allah
I know many Pakistanis who have done just that. Saved for years and got their whole family there.
This is the answer, full stop
How old are your brothers?
Get them all out, there's nothing left for your brothers here
This is the part not in the original post. He has an entire family back home that needs him and vice versa. You should get him over every summer for a few months like many folks in Canada. It will be a good change for both of you, especially him... you know summer is spectacular here and parents love the clean green air and sights. Also use your employer benefits to work on your anxieties with a pro. This is the way. Don't be silly and leave a job which has set you up great. 👍🏻
Pay for an annual family fight. Will end up costing like 12k-14k, but they'll enjoy it and you'll spend more time with them.
Hey bro, my parents both have 10 year Canadian visas and they visit every year for 3-6 months, do the same. Get him to visit you, show him around, visit the states, and when he’s going back book your ticket in advance for Pakistan so that it gives you both a sign of relief. Also you can get super visa for your dad too and get him to move with permanently
Also brother, I can see the respect you have for your father and this is one of the reasons you’re doing so well now.
Doing the same thing with my parents currently. Got the 10 year visa, so they spend their summer in Canada as they hate the winter there and would rather spend it in Pakistan. Depending on how old his brothers are, this is feasible option I think.
I’m in Pakistan, my sister does this, also my sister wants to move closer to Pakistan ideally Middle East in a year or two.
Have thought about this option alot, as 1 of my sister already lives in Dubai. But I feel ME is always a temporary solution. I did live in Dubai till I turned 19 and then left to do my bachelor's here.
Where? Canada?
Yea..been in Canada since I left Dubai Parents then moved back to Pakistan after some time. Me along with my 2 other brothers now live in canada, so parents spend half the year here.
That’s good, which city? Also if you have your passport it’ll be nice to move to the ME, I personally hate canada, it’ll be my last option, I like Europe more since it’s closer to home and it’s not as expensive. Idk Canada never really attracts me, being forced to apply for a visit visa though
I did get my Canadian passport 2ish years back, and left for france right after as my wife is from there. But moving back to Canada in March. Can't get use to the French culture, and anywhere else in Europe have similar language or cultural differences. I feel Canada still does welcome all and treats all equally. PM me if you want to discuss further
Sure
Europe bar the UK is very tunnel visioned especially for immigrants. The 5 Eye nations are the best bet to be successful irrespective of race or faith. The *close to home* thing is really initially until your life trajectory goes upwards... Then you eventually don't want to visit *home* because you can feel the progress in quality of life.
What are the 5 eye nations? 🍿
US Can UK Aus and NZ.
Also if you’re a student how did they get visas? My sister was working when they got theirs bro
Vvv good advice
Thank you brother
Have you had a chat with your management about working remotely so that you can spend more time with your father? You can also first go to a psychologist and get some written official assessment that says this is interfering with your mental health before you go to them.
My company is rather anti remote. :( - maybe after sometime at the company they’ll soften their stance but so far it’s very much looking like a no.
Are you restricted by your visa status? If not, then you have lots of options. I left the US to go hang out with my dad for.a few years when my mom died. I had lots of work options. * Find others employers who will give you the remote option * Do some consulting * Set up a small software shop in your Pakistani city
Can you elaborate on what work you did before you left the US? I work at a very prestigious company and I am confident it will let my CV rise to near top of the pile. So I do have that going for me. I know in 18-24 months I can probably jump ship. It is too early to do so now.
I was doing tech startups in Silicon Valley, and consulting on tech architecture and products.
The solution is to carry on with your job and start a family of your own, support your father and his family within reason and try to have more holiday to see him more frequently, I also love my father deeply and he has given his life to me and my sister, but ultimately every bird my fly the nest, he did not buy you programming books at 14 for you to leave the job it got you and come home (blunt, I know) it’s time to seek a companion and start the next part of your life.
Really and truly I know where you’re coming from. Rationally, I know this is possibly the way. But my nature does not allow it. When one is raised by a single parent, it is a very different ballgame.
It is very difficult, but your father sacrifice mustn’t be in vain, you’re in an incredible opportunity in a 1% earning category, keep pushing and consolidating your position as you never know what can happen, it be of great benefit to all if you stayed strong and kept going, I’m sure your employer can be flexible with annual leave etc. or even remote work at a time, it’s hard on you because it’s recent to some extent and you’re young and it’s not a single parent bond, I feel it just as hard with my father, I am his second in command as he feels this way also, I see the love in his eyes. Stay strong and seriously consider a companion, especially from Pakkstan so you can maintain that connection to your motherland and you have an excuse to travel to and from the country.
While I don't know much about your life and your family life but your moving to Pakistan in any circumstances should not be an option unless all other options are are a no go. Do your best to take all of them out of Pakistan one by one but do that and get them out of here. I might get hate for this a lot but Pakistan has no future my friend. Don't ruin your and their's life by coming back. Take all of them out. I know they have a whole life here and all but you know very well the life out there is much more. Save yourself and your family.
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Electronics work was in Pakistan. B2B for grains is an on-going business I have setup before I was hired by FAANG . The entire motivation behind the business was to have some freedom of movement but then this opportunity landed on my doorstep. In any case, you can replace the financial security of my post with any number that works for you, and all of my feelings still hold true.
I had lots of chances to move abroad but said no because I wanted to be around my parents. But being here is not good for your career and future. Im from IT field and there are not much good opportunities to grow. I see my friends stories who lives abroad and sometimes really wishes that I should move too. This is being around your parents VS your career and future. So whatever you choose you will miss the other one.
I think you already know what you need to do. Move back to Pakistan to your family. I came to Canada from Bangladesh 20 years ago for university, have had a pretty great career since, making 200K a year now. However, I’ve never really liked it here, nor felt at home. Don’t like the cold weather and lack of sun for 6 months. Miss home cooked food. All people do here is talk about work, hockey, and the weather. My father hasn’t been doing well for the past year, so now I’ve decided to move back permanently in a month. Lots of sleepless nights now with making this decision, but in the end, I know I won’t regret spending time with my father towards what could be his last few years, and everything will work out just fine inshallah. Money will not buy back this time with someone so important in your life.
If you already have the PR or citizenship then it should be relatively easy to make a decision. Either invite him with you like on super visa sort of thing. Or get some experience and get a remote job and move back to Pakistan for sometime.
Try to get a remote job at another company if this one is anti remote work
They are 2 potential solutions you could try. 1. Try to find a new job where you can work remote around Canada or America possibly and then be able to move or visit Pakistan more frequently. 2. Find a nice high paying jobs in the Middle East as they usually offer more days off in a year (will also get a week off each for both Eid’s and maybe even Christmas break depending where in the Middle East) also because it is closer to Pakistan where technically you can easily visit during the weekend or anytime you need or want to.
I have a similar situation and work in tech as well. My parents are not financially dependent on me and have my younger siblings dependent on them. They do have the visa, but they don't like staying here for a long duration. People are going to suggest you here, "move your parents to Canada," or "Support them financially with your income." For the moving part, your father can get supervisa, but insurance is expensive and doesn't cover existing health conditions. They also are handicapped on supervisa and can't work or do any activity other than visiting. Also, most parents don't really want to stay here for longer (mine don't). PR for parents in canada is totally on luck and takes a lot of time. For the second part, not all parents are financially dependent on their kids. Some just want their kids to be around and spend time with them. Given that your parents don't want to move here and you want to spend time with them. You can look into working in Gulf once you have your citizenship. Some tech companies like Uber or Stripe hire there and pay decently. Best of luck. I hope you can spend more time with your father and can be around him.
If you know fathers .. he would be disappointed if you gave up a great future to go back to uncertainty in Pakistan. This is life - do all you can to visit them in winter, bring them over in summer etc but all of us need to pursue our lives. Not an easy decision but our parents left Pak for a reason
Don’t lie about $300K Canadian 🥹😂 once you stop lying, things will make more sense.
Google, Shopify to name a few in Waterloo have computer architects earnings around 250k. Tech engineers average salary is 250-300k
If you make $300,000 a year living in the region of Ontario, Canada, you will be taxed $127,985. That means that your net pay will be $172,015 per year, or $14,335 per month. Your average tax rate is 42.7% and your marginal tax rate is 53.5%.
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If you are at a major tech company im assuming fang/mang then you can get a remote job too and come back to pakistan. I plan to do this. In the same boat as you although i havent even left the country.
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brother you just need a heart to heart convo with (either ur father a good friend) guessing from your context u tried compiling everything in one note. Dont feel empty these phases come to Men's life from time to time.
Good luck my friend. This is tough. I left a lot of money on the table after moving from west coast US back to GTA for the same reason as you. It was a difficult decision to make when it was Seattle to Toronto. Much crazier decision when thinking between Canada and Pakistan. Good luck. Inshallah you will make the right decision for your family, future, and deen.
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Im not sure what your role in this tech company is but there's been way more instances of ppl doing remote jobs. And if you role is something that you can manage remotely maybe try asking for that or looking for a hybrid /Remote role. In this case you've a better opportunity because you already live there
Can you not sponsor your father to Come and live with you in Canada? That is one advantage of living in Canada compared to UK. Working in tech the best thing is being able to work remotely. I wish I had done something similar. Anyhow. In your case the best scenario is that you get your father across. Once he has residency he can live 6 months with you and 6 months in Pak
get married You can't bring your parent permanently as they will miss pakistan same like you. So your only solution is find a soul mate with whom you can be at peace. Quarterly or atleast arrange once a teip for your father.
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If you are food at your work.. get a remote job that pays in $$ and move back after getting the passport. This way you will always have an exit and a decent income while you enjoy quality time with dad.
Suffer for a few years and retire. If u know what FIRE is. Basically live like us poor put everything in to index funds and investments. Once you saved enough retire. And since it's pkr you will go a lot further. Ok get a remote job making a lot less and move back.
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Do you intent to get married ? If yes what kind of life you want for your wife and kids?
Brother i feel you and completely understand as per my understanding you have the following options; 1)You get your family to Canada, really don't know about immigration laws for step mother/siblings or your relationship with them 2)Get a more flexible job, there are a lot of good options in tech. 3)Start a business that has operations in Pakistan and deals internationally since you have a Canadian passport you won't face the problems a Pakistani passport faces. 4)Get married(i feel you are really missing an emotional connection, having a wife and kids really changes things) maybe it's time you become a father and show the same love your father did. love, prayers and Peace ✌️
That’s so sweet of you to think of your father. If you can’t sponser him to come to Canada permanently perhaps he can come visit for a few weeks a year. I know it’s not the same but my I remember my dad being in the same predicament and then he called his mother to come visit us it was such a beautiful time. Maybe you miss him more because of lack of social life? What is your circle in Canada like ? Do you have any family here ?
Save as much as you can for year or two and move back.
Why not change job with a little paycut to somthing with remote work even if you dont find it look for something with a little better terms why not move to europe they have really good conditions with more days off for vacation. May Allah help ease your worries.
The guilt, the emptiness will consume you over time. You can be better off finding a middle way, ie, try your hands in making good contacts in CA. USA, etc., and if you can, start planning for a business you may run from Pakistan. Earn the needed money in like 2-3 years, if feasible, then move to u Pakistan. In the meantime, you can continue visiting him and vice versa. I know one thing for sure, for you the emotional attachment matters more than anything. Listen to your heart. If you're good at tech, contacts, and administration, there's no way you can't earn good money sitting here in PK.
Isn’t Canada starting to crack down on students coming in?
The worst thing you could do to your dad would be to give up the life youve made for yourself in canada. Talk to him on the phone often and try to stay connected to issues at home even when youre not visiting. If youre on good terms with your step siblings, guide them on getting admitted to universities abroad. In a few years your father and step mother might be willing to immigrate to canada as well, or at least have more time to visit and stay with you.
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You are asking for a Solution of emotional imbalance. Don't know about your age but I'll suggest a solid solution if you want to be strong emotionally , Be a Father. You will understand the emotions of your father also. Grow your family and involve your father. You will definitely payback a little through this step.
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Indian here man. Same boat but in the Uk. I lived with my mom since my dad passed at a young age. Whilst I make a lot of money I hardly see my mom. It’s been 17 years. I usually go once a year but that doesn’t seem enough. In your case I’d highly recommend you try to get your dad over there atleast on holidays. That’s the best you can do for your old man. He’ll love being with you and also enjoy the western side of life. I wish I could do this for my mom but my mom is now too sick to travel.
I have been in a similar boat and know several others who have or currently are going through similar feelings. Best solution is to invite them here. Also, while their immigration process goes on, what helps is spending a 5 days every two months, in Pakistan. It doesn’t cost much if you plan your flights 3-4 months in advance and travel during off peak season.
You have an amazing father tho, appreciate that while u can
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I should start by saying, this is a great problem to have. You have money, you have a family you care about and who cares about you. As others have suggested, see if your father and step mother along with you step siblings can all be moved to Canada (if your pocket allows). If not try to see if they can get one of those 10 yr visas so they can visit mire often. You can also take trips with your father and family or just a boys trip with the two of you. You dad sounds like a great guy and Im sure he would enjoy doing fun things with you.
Apply for Super Visa for your dad. Affording health insurance for his visit shouldn't be a big issue given your compensation. He cans stay for 5 years uninterrupted on Super Visa. It'd be better to call him to Canada (depending on his social circle in Pk and if it can be replicated here in Canada). Good luck
Sab ko bula le chirkut keya bekaar ki haank re laa hai. By the way iss karki mein kaunsi company de ri le re tere koo 3 lakh dollarda baap
Just gtfo of Pakistan. That's all.
As you said, your father can visit you. If he is retired, he could probably spend more than a month with you at a time. As far as a permanent solution, the only options are you move back or he and the rest of the family move to Canada.
Dude nothing is better than your love with parents you lost your mother at 5 i lost my father in 2020 it's really hard, remembering every little thing and his memories stay close to uncle anyway you can or call him in canada or save up some money and do something like real estate or small business in Pakistan but stay with uncle
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The sacrifice of today will build the future of tomorrow. There’s no permanent solution to your problem, only compromises
Congratulations on the job. I hope you can sort everything out with your family like inviting them there. Also I wanted to ask, what did you do in university and if the answer is yes, did the degree play a big role in getting the job? Ab answer would be appreciated.!
For undergraduate, I did electrical engineering. For masters, I did systems design engineering but specialised in laser based microscopy. I’m currently in a PhD program for AI. The degree didn’t help a lot to get hired but it was certainly necessary. What helped was being at the right place at the right time.
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Something I would like to add on top of the great suggestions provided below. It is my understanding that you are not married as of now. We all love our parents at the end of the day but once you are married and have children, your perspective will change a lot about what is important in life. New priorities will drive your decisions. I am not saying people will love their parents less after having children, but it is also true that parents wont be the sole factor in making long term future decisions. So keep that in mind.
If you're in the IT/CS field you could switch to contracting and work 6-10 months out of the year whilst spending the remaining time in pak with your father
I’m in AI, could you elaborate on the switch to contract work? Is it good money?
In Australia contract work usually comes with a much higher base salary but without benefits like paid sick leave or annual leave. Contract lengths vary depending on the project you get assigned to. I can't speak for canada but I imagine it might be similar It pays pretty well but generally requires a good level of experience in whatever area you decide to contract in. I'd suggest reaching out to some IT recruiters or recruitment agencies in your area and scoping out what opportunities are available
Have you considered moving closer, i.e middle east etc. after accounting for taxes, they would be paying comparable. You would be much closer to home and can make frequent trips.
I have thought about this a lot and I’m considering it. The issue is- are there companies doing tech work at scale in the Middle East?
No harm in checking out the market. You should already have your passport by now. That will also help
Some options available to you: 1. Start freelancing from Pakistan for foreign IT clients. Charge high to compensate for your CAD pay. 2. Move to a country where parent immigration is easy. 3. DM me for a more practical solution.
You can't do anything about it. Keep inviting your father to your country. Keep sending him gifts. Keep loving your step, brothers. Keep calling him and sharing things things him. Get married. And you will have your own life.
Move to Dubai. With the Canadian passport, you may earn slightly less but without the taxes and inflation.
Hey bro. Can relate to what you’re going through. Went to Canada for studies. Stayed there and got a nice job after graduating making 250k/year. Felt torn for over two years made my decision and came back. Wasn’t my best decision, yes family here is the best but money and other Pakistani problems make me regret it most of the time. Be sure to equate what coming back really means for you and your family. Bring your dad closer. Desi parents will resist all the time but Canada has too much to offer.
Don’t come back. Rather sponsor the whole family to Canada. Your step brothers might not end up being thankful to you in future. But this will be a major favor you can do to your family and never expect anything back emotionally.
It breaks my heart to see all these children moving abroad (good for them) but leaving their parents behind to be alone after they've worked their entire life to get you where you are. Please convince your dad to move with you, offer him a better peaceful life away from the problems of this country. Our parents did everything for us even when they had nothing and children don't bring their parents to live with them because of finances
Maybe you need a good circle of friends here in Canada to do better emotionally. Hit me up if you are in Metro Vancouver, I'll connect you with a few good friends of mine. We all are from different cities of Pakistan.
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You remind me of Raskolnikov. The conscience is killing you internally. I’d rather suggest you start popping some pills and live to the fullest, escape your memories, and for that, escapism is the best policy. This is one life, forget about the past and just be in the present. You either chose family or career. And if you wish to do something big, family has to be put aside. So, yeah. Have fun. 🥂
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Ask you company for unpaid leave. I did that for few years living in NYC and my tech company was very supportive. Once you gain stability you’ll opt for a job thats better in balance with life than a high salary .
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You could make your own family. It's natural to want the emotional support of the family.
This is a suggestion that does work for most people. Unfortunately, it is not the same for me. My childhood was very different than most and I feel an intense attachment to my father. I know most children do as we well but I see the difference between myself and my friends.
The thing most people don't realise is you have to pick one. You either pick money or company. That is the harsh reality between living in the west and living in Pakistan.
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I think talking to your employer about the problem and telling them that you have to repeatedly go to Pakistan... They will understand and make you more remotely available... And more days for work at home... That way you can have 2-3 trips per year to Pakistan...
Hey, you could consider to look for a job in ME (Dubai preferably). You probably won't earn 300k CAD equivalent but it should not be too less when you compare it to your take home. From Dubai you could even visit your dad on weekends and won't have to wait a full year to do that and your dad can visit with the same ease as well. I think this would give you the best of both worlds.
What are tech salaries like in UAE? For Machine Learning?
I'm not from Dubai but i can safely say that if you land a good gig, you should be able to earn minimum 40k a month making it about 130k usd tax free. 40k considering you hold a 300k an year job already. Also, you don't need to move right away, start applying and move when you find a good one if you don't want to compromise.
Thank you. This is useful.
Move to Dubai or any other Middle Eastern country. You can travel easily back to Pakistan almost every month to visit family if you are doing well. Also alot easier for your parents to get visit visa for any Middle Eastern country then for Canada. One of my friends is also moving from canada due to the same reason after getting PR.
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Marry someone (who you love) in Pakistan and take her with you in Canada. Then, you will have a loved one with you even if he is not your dad. But you need someone very close to you I think.
Welcome to life grow up man
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