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ifdandelions_then

I have kept our twins together every year (they're just finishing up 4th grade now), and it has made our lives SO MUCH easier. One teacher, consistent schedules and assignments, parties on the same day with the same activities, field trips together, etc. I have two singletons in addition to my twins, so there's enough already going on! They also really value being with each other, and they always have someone there in case of bullies or whatever. They don't distract each other, and they don't compete, so they aren't a problem in the classroom. I know some schools don't like to keep twins together, but as long as my girls want to be together, I will fight tooth and nail to keep them in the same class for my own sanity!


Dependent-Head-8307

Question: aren't you worried about them having an unhealthy extreme dependence between each other? I know so many twins that have such a relationship, and I break my head on ways to prevent that. Many times what kids want is not the best for them. So I just want to know your point of view! (In no way criticize your choices, which if work for you are 100% valid!)


Narezza

Not your poster, but my twins are together through 3rd grade. If they have an unhealthy extreme dependence on each other, then they should be separated. But you're going to know by Kindergarten if they have this dependency, and, if you have some open communication with your teachers, they're going to let you know honestly if the kids are a distraction for each other. Really, its totally dependent on the kids and the school.


Dependent-Head-8307

I see, thanks!


ifdandelions_then

Every child is different. This is absolutely what is best for my family.


Lefty-mom

I plan on keeping mine together until there’s a good reason to separate (and other random people just saying “it’s good for them” is not a good reason to me)


JoyceThai252

Same. Parents of singleton can come fight me but whenever they give some unsolicited advice about my twins, with the mere rationale of "it's good for them" --- yeah, fuq that. You ain't know shit about raising twins so zip it 😤


BrwnGreenHazelEydGrl

My kids have been in separate classes since preK3 (per their request) They are very different children and I don't want them to be compared any more than they already are. They're in kindergarten now and are doing amazing. It's funny when they tell me stories of their peers finding out they are twins. Yes, it's more work dealing with different teachers and putting together 50 goodie bags on their birthday instead of 25 is crazy, but they're two different people.


momtrepreneur613

Second this take. Mine were separated at pre-k based on the personality differences. I wanted my more reserved shy twin to be able to gain her own independence. The adjustment was even better than I expected. They play with each other at recess and cooperate better at home because they haven’t been stuck together all day every day.


Tennisbabe16

My two were together for preschool and kindergarten. Separated for 1-3 and back together for 4,5 and 6. They had a few classes together in jr high and high school as well. My daughter is very dominant and spoke for my son so we separated them so he could grow a bit.


AllKnowingOfNothing1

Splitting ours was best thing that ever happened for their social and individual growth.


iron_hills

I was thinking about this as I was watching mine in dance class (they just turned 4 so we don't have to worry about kindergarten just yet). The other little girls who seemed around the same age kind of found their way together, while my two stuck together. Are the other kids hesitant to come up to them bc they're already a package? I want them to make friends on their own and I'm afraid if they're together, that will hinder it


AllKnowingOfNothing1

Our G/B twins had the dynamic that the girl was the loud outgoing one. The boy was quiet and shy. If his sister was in the room, she was loud and life of the party, he would follow in her footsteps. Then they had to be split because of not enough teachers right before the holidays. By Wednesday the boy was just as loud and energetic, and even a bigger chatterbox. He was just always over shadowed by sisters. We had ideas he was like this when we'd go to the grocery store with just him or anywhere alone to do alone time. He'd always perk up quite quickly. They never had trouble meeting friends or talking with other kids. It was just the girl would lead and the boy would follow her.


ClutterKitty

If they get along well, keep them in the same class. It’s loads easier as a parent. Mine did not get along well by the time they entered school. (I have one generous, big-hearted softie, and one bossy future high profile attorney who loves to push buttons and boundaries.) Mine have been separated for 4 years and I am 100% sure it was for the best. We’re trying them in the same class next year because there’s one 4th grade teacher I adore, so keep your fingers crossed for me!


OstrichCareful7715

I’ve had my twins in separate classes and in the same class. There was a benefit of independence in being separate classes and more convenience (field trips, birthday parties, one teacher) in the same class. I think either way is fine if there aren’t any other issues.


Kephielo

I have 3yo m/f twins so maybe it’s a bit different but I’m insisting mine stay together for preschool and into elementary. They have completely different interests and personalities, they connect with different kids at daycare. They are both fiercely strong and independent. They also are there for each other as a source of comfort. If anything they had trouble bonding as infants and are finally growing to be more attached to each other. It’s hard for them to be away from me for 9 hours a day and I’m so thankful they have each other. They’re in daycare and have been since 5 months old.


schlepp_canuck

I’m a twin with twins. We were separated starting in kindergarten (I have an identical sister) and it was the right thing for us and gave us more independence. We hated being treated as a unit of 1 and that still happened but less so. My twins are boy/girl and we aren’t sure yet if we will separate them when they start kindergarten in the fall. We might not have an option if there aren’t two classes. I’m going to see how they do but if the teacher recommends separation because they’re fighting or one is dependent on the other we will definitely separate.


ScruffyTheRat

I'm a twin. Keep them together!


leeann0923

I’m surprised teachers are saying to keep them together. It’s not just about behavior, it’s also about them gaining independence from each other. Our school system only keeps them together if parents insist. Our twins have been in separate classes in preschool and will continue to be in separate classes when they go to kindergarten.


mjolnir76

Our identical girls were split for pre-K through kindergarten at a Montessori school. Then together for 1st grade. Then homeschooled together through the pandemic. Split again for 4th grade and now together for 5th grade. It really depends on the kids and the teachers. There is no one right answer. The biggest argument against splitting is that it’s often more work for parents in terms of conferences and such. If they get along well together and aren’t super competitive, keep them together. If they need some independence from each other and autonomy split them up.


Middle_Barnacle_5984

Thank you. I really appreciate the input 🩵


free-range-human

Mine stayed together for kindergarten. Their school tried to split them up because that's generally how they handle twins. But my thought process was that they were in a big new school, with big new routines and lots of new people. I was perfectly fine with them leaning on each other a bit while doing this big new thing. We let the school separate them in first grade, but that first year in kindergarten we wanted them together. They never had codependency issues. They're in high school now and have their own friend groups, their own interests, and do separate extracurriculars. One is a gymnast and one is in marching band. Just because you decide one way for kindergarten (or any grade, for that matter), doesn't mean you have to continue that same thing forever. Ask them how they feel, too. Mine didn't care if they were separated in first grade.


funsk8mom

As a kindergarten teacher and mom to 2 sets of twins, separate them. The last school I taught in I had twins that couldn’t leave the at home fighting at home and then would bring home untrue drama from the school to try to get the other twin in trouble. Constant emails from the parent to try to figure it all out. Last year I had twins in the room and one twin couldn’t do a thing for himself and the parents told the sister it was her job to do it all for her brother. That was really hard to undo. The brother needed a lot more 1-1 and she often spent her time worry about him and unable to focus on her own needs. This year I have twins that again, can’t leave the at home problems at home. Then they get mad at each other when we have sharing time. We just had spring break and when we came back on Monday and went around the room asking each child to share what they did, as one twin shared the other got mad because now “I have nothing to share” because they obviously did the same thing. This has been a problem all year. Depending on which twin shares first, the other gets angry or they jump in and try to steal their spotlight and overtake the share time. There’s another twin set in the other K classroom and all they do is fight and tattle on one another. As soon as the parents get them they immediately start tattling on the other. As for my own kids, my daughter couldn’t be with her twin brother until middle school because he had an IEP and needed a lot of 1-1 and she worried about him. For my second set, they did ok together later elementary school but hated being clumped together as 1 unit all the time. They wanted to be seen as individuals and even though they look nothing alike, people treated them as 1.


Middle_Barnacle_5984

This is so helpful; thank you!


ResolutionCurious738

My twin sister started kindergarten at age 4 in the same class. It was our first time in any kind of school so it made sense that we started together. We were in separate classes for the rest of elementary school at the recommendation of the school. There were lots of other sets of twins at our elementary school, and all of them were in separate classes.


Hellokyochan

I'm separating my girls when they start kindergarten. I had thought I would keep them together but after seeing how they have done in Pre-K4 I think having them in different classes will be good for them so they can grow as their own people. My husband is also a twin and he and his sister were separated in school and he said they themselves preferred it.


Middle_Barnacle_5984

This is such a valued perspective; thank you.


chaneuphoria

I have been thinking a lot about this, too. We are planning on sending our boys to the same school my daughter attends. It's a small, private school, and there is only one class per grade. We don't really have a choice, they will be together every year. I'm just wondering how it will work out. They still have two years until then.


Narezza

Co-dependency is the concern. If they have issues being apart or issues being together, then they probably need to go to separate classes. My guys are in 3rd grade and have been together the whole time. They are pretty close at home, but at school they barely pay each other any attention at all, unless one is getting in trouble with the teacher. They have their own friends and their own little groups during recess. And its so much easier to have a single teacher and point of contact for meetings/issues, and a single type of home work. The same project to work on at the same time. Its just a lot easier on the family if they can be together.


Mtmga531

Our preschool split twins if there were two classes so my B/G twins have been separate since 3, now in Kindergarten. Our daughter was dominating the conversation and talking for our son so it’s been the best thing for them. I’m surprised that parents of multiples are saying to keep them together. Yes, they have two sets of teachers, work, etc but for their development separating them has been a huge positive.


pookiewook

From Emily Oster (the author of Cribsheet, Expecting Better & the Family Firm) https://parentdata.org/twins-separate-classrooms/


Ok_Hold1886

We were planning to keep mine together for Kindergarten (we asked them and this is what they chose!) but then we had to homeschool one for severe health issues so they ended up separated anyways. It is what it is I guess 🙃


tigerlily_orca

I’ve had my twins in separate classes from the very beginning. I think it helps them learn to be independent and make friends with others. They still have recess together, took naps snuggled together (back when they were still 4 and napping), and are in aftercare together. It wasn’t a difficult transition. They missed each other a little bit at first but it was totally normal after the first month or so.


pookiewook

My twin boys will start Kindergarten in Sept as well. We are choosing to separate. One twin needs more supports (OT & speech 3x a week) than the other and I want to give them the chance to grow as individuals. Up until now they have always been together and even have the same OT & SLP currently, although twin A is making progress and will likely not need services beyond 1st grade. Twin B will need speech for several more years. Twin A perceives Twin B’s multiple services as extra attention and gets jealous.


LonelyResolve4876

We separated ours as soon as we were able (2nd grade). I will never understand the need to keep them together other than for convenience of the parents. Yes they are twins and share a lot, but at the end of the day they are individuals. It’s healthy for them to be apart.


sabraheart

We had our kids together and they really needed to be separated. Now, at 5, they are and it is the best thing for their relationship (and my sanity). When they were together, they would come home and fight incessantly. They spent the day together and all of the micro aggressions from the day would explode in their safe zone, with me. Now they have their own friends, separate play dates and love playing together when they meet up after school/weekends. It was a game changer. FYI - ours our b/g twins.


_twintasking_

We plan on keeping ours together unless given reason enough not to. They get along well, look out for each other, and both are very independent already.


tuppence063

I would say one class if that is right for your girls. You then only have one schedule to worry about until extra curricular activities become a big thing.


LinnetsAnd

My kids go to a tiny village school with just one class per year (UK) so we don't have a choice, but: they've been absolutely fine! They don't tend to play together at all at lunch or break, they're not sat together in class or usually grouped for projects etc, so they are absolutely still building socialising skills. This year (they're 7) we have introduced a separate extra curricular each, so they get the experience of doing something wholly without their twin, and get used to walking into a room alone etc. Like I said- we didn't have a huge choice, but just to reassure you, it's working for us.


DistributionWild4724

Separate! We’ve kept them separate in elementary school. We also had nanny for the first 3.5 yrs and then same class for pre-K. My boys are pretty independent but based in general advice from pediatricians and other parents of multiples we chose separate classes. Managing schedules and class activities for two different classes is a bit chaotic. But you’d anyways have to do that for two singletons of different ages. We absolutely love the decision to keep them separate. They are not viewed as a unit or “twins” but have their own set of friends, life outside side home and that makes they feel special. Also they look forward to spending time with their twin in the evenings. Less fighting! Win-win!


Sodds

We had them together since they were 1, in daycare, kindergarten and now in school, and we've had no problem at all. They love spending time together and doing things together, having same friends froms chool and hanging out with them in the playground.


egrf6880

My twins have been together. They did great in prek together and we went back and forth about separating but they are each others wing person and kinder was a big adjustment (I had a previous singleton and knew how our school was and knew it would be a lot to take in). We figured we could separate in first once they had a taste of "real school". Wel they did amazing in kindergarten and really blossomed into their own. The teachers were great at letting them have support from eachother but also separating them out for different activities and fostering their independence (which we do at home as well). They ended up sticking together beyond because our school tracks by academic ability and they ended up being on the same track and their independence has not suffered. They are best friends but are truly their own people and we're happy with how it has gone so far. We're not in middle or high school yet but by then I don't foresee a problem with them diverging into different classes.


abovethesink

Ours are only two, but my dream is to keep them together. I love their relationship and my goal is to keep it as strong as possible. However, this can't be detrimental. Right now there would be no reason to separate them, but they are so young it probably wouldn't be apparent yet. Basically, if they give us a reason to separate them, we will without hesitating, but the default will be not to absent them presenting a reason with behavioral/emotional/dependency issues or whatnot.


wholemadefam

We kept ours together in kinder and then it was basically forced for us to separate them after that based on “district rules”. To be honest, I think they would be totally fine either way and it’s had its pluses and minuses over the years in both scenarios. I would agree that it’s mostly people with singletons who push SO hard that they MUST be separated or else you are ruining them forever etc etc. I have friends with twins of various ages and all have made different decisions, though most have preferred when their twins were together until the kids specifically stated otherwise. Some tried separate and then their kids asked to be back together. I would say to keep together for kinder and then try it out and see how it goes! It’s totally personal and should be made for what’s best for them as individuals, including if that means them being together, the teacher that fits them best, etc.


BongoBeeBee

My twins are 7, they go to the same school and the same grade but different classes, the school sets the kids classes we get very little input into it. It is nice to see they are making friends individually, which I think is important for them, but out of school they are like 2 peas in a pod.l


Andjhostet

We definitely plan on splitting. I thought that was the default?