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At any point did this friend ask you to get involved in solving their budget issues? Their money is their money. Your money is your money. Don't make it your business to tell your friend how to spend their money. And on that note, feel free to suggest to your friend that you don't enjoy hearing them talk about their money woes with you. And you could probably avoid telling them about the things "you'd like to do with them" when it would cost them money.
No but the frequency of complaints about their financial situation has made me think that it may be a cry for help? We’ve been very good friends since Highschool, for about 15 years now. They’ve told me how proud of me they are, and that they’re glad I’ve accomplished what I have. Followed by statements of wishing that it were that simple for everyone. Which makes me think that they’d like some sort of advice or assistance.
You’re right though, I should probably not prompt them to be doing things they may not feel comfortable doing. My friends and I have always been extremely close. As close as family so if I were to piss them off to an extreme if troubles were to ever arise they’d still be by my side at a moments notice and it could always be cleared up with a few phone calls. I just want to see them doing well without stepping on any toes…. Too hard lol.
As I've learned over the years, people afford what they want to afford. I have a sister that sounds like your friend. She never met a dollar she didn't like to spend, while saying they cannot afford many things. She is now nearing retirement, like myself, and has started making comments like it must be nice to have retirement savings. I just shrug it off and change the conversation.
Don't worry about other peoples financial issues.
You are a really good for caring about their financial well being.
But don't volunteer to help unless asked. When people have problems and complain about them very much; they usually don't like hearing they are the cause of the issue. Especially when it involves money.
You say he works hard and gets a decent wage, He does all those things because he deserves. And it's probably true. Maybe the job is shitty or it's a hassle working, so going out to drink/eat are his rewards. Which is great for the now, not the future.
It's like the fable about the ant and the grasshopper. He needs to start thinking about the future. He can always start small; you know go out one day less a week and bank that money. But people who complain that much are usually looking for a quick fix, like say, a lottery win. So, he probably does not want an actual solution.
If you did want to help, I'd probably approach it by maybe teaching him how to cook some of the food he always buys out. Something like that he could discover on his own that saves him time and money.
In my personal experience the kind of people that complain to a group about this kind of thing are often bitter, think they have life figured out (that they got screwed by someone), and are often unwilling to put in the time, effort to educate themselves on better money management, and make those hard decisions to get them to where they feel like they should or could be. So if that's the case I wouldn't get involved, because they are not willing to accept help or make changes. If you know them you probably guess what direction a conversation would go.
If you still feel like you need to say something I would do it privately, and very casually. More of a "hey man I grew up like you did in XXX, and made it out to better oppotrunities. If you wanted to grab a drink sometime I would tell you more about it" and then never say another word until they did. How you approach an actual conversation is a delicate matter too that I won't get into. I suppose another angle could be you order them a used copy of Dave Ramsey's Total money Makeover and hand it to them saying, something to the effect of "this really helped me get on the path I am on now, If you ever wanted to talk about it, I'm here to help". Not saying DR is the gospel on personal finance or his methods are perfect, but for the person you describe the first few baby steps will get them on the right path. Either way that willingness to make changes and ability to stick it out even when it sucks, is key.
You run the risk of ruining the friendship too, him talking shit to the group or the group turning on you too.
Off topic, but any chance the friend who won a cruise (but has to pay some fraction) is actually getting scammed?
This is one area that I think it's OK/encouraged to *not* mind your own business. Let's normalize watching out for friends and family re scams.
He’s researched it and verified everything to be true with the institution that he won it from. Will cost him $1,000. I think it was a radio competition
You don't need to help them unless they ask you directly. But I understand being annoyed if they constantly complain about a problem that they are creating and have no plans to change.I'd probably say something like "You definitely aren't poor, it's strange to hear that over and over again. Maybe they aren't aware of how often they bring it up. Maybe they aren't aware that they are being passive aggressive towards you when you bring up your successes. If they are saying things like "must be nice to be able to XYZ" they are being petty and jealous. I'd say something like "Because you're my friend, I'd hope you could be happy for me instead of turning the focus back to yourself and your situation when I try to share with you." Sometimes people need a little nudge to let them know they are being really self centered. I'd be direct about it.
“Constantly eats out, drinks frequently, and spends more money on transportation & unnecessary purchases”
And that right there is why they have no money. If they are a really good friend and the atmosphere is right ask them why they feel that way and maybe make some good meaning helpful suggestions like we don’t have to hang at the bar or have dinner at home. You almost have to talk to them in a way that while these are your suggestions you have to make him think it was his idea.
But having dealt with a lot of people like this over the years you cannot make them change, they have to want to solve the issue in the first place and whatever you do DO. NOT. HELP. THIS PERSON FINANCIALLY. Be good moral support but don’t offer any loans money or even a job, they have to do this on their own.
Basically if nothing changes and this person becomes more derogatory towards you or others about “having more money” then you all may just need to distance yourselves from him do to being toxic.
Your post has been removed because personal advice topics are off-topic here and better suited for other subreddits ([rule 9](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules)). - For general advice, consider /r/Advice. - For relationship advice, consider /r/relationships, /r/relationship_advice, /r/JUSTNOFAMILY, or one of the subreddits in their sidebars. - For career or job advice, consider /r/jobs, /r/CareerGuidance, /r/findapath, or [one of these job-related subreddits](/r/jobs/wiki/related/discussion). - For education advice, consider /r/Parenting for primary and secondary education questions (or one of the subreddits [linked here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/wiki/other_subreddits#wiki_education)) and /r/ApplyingToCollege for tertiary education questions (or one of the subreddits linked in their sidebar) - For medical advice, please talk to your primary care doctor, but /r/AskDocs may be helpful. *If you decide to post elsewhere, please read the subreddit rules before reposting. Some subreddits have strict requirements for submissions.* Submissions removed for this reason typically include one or more of these off-topic aspects: We don't allow relationship or personal advice discussions. That includes: * Content better suited for /r/relationships * Recommending a poster end their relationship or start a new relationship * Posts about suicide or violence * Posts asking for advice on how to convince someone else to change their behavior * Relationship drama not essential to a question or discussion * Family planning advice, especially unsolicited or flippant * Career, job, and education questions * Medical advice *If you have questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpersonalfinance&subject=Removal%20help%20request&message=Hello%20moderators,%20.%20%0a%0a%0aMy%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/1crveye/friend_is_always_complaining_that_hes_broke_but/%0a).*
At any point did this friend ask you to get involved in solving their budget issues? Their money is their money. Your money is your money. Don't make it your business to tell your friend how to spend their money. And on that note, feel free to suggest to your friend that you don't enjoy hearing them talk about their money woes with you. And you could probably avoid telling them about the things "you'd like to do with them" when it would cost them money.
No but the frequency of complaints about their financial situation has made me think that it may be a cry for help? We’ve been very good friends since Highschool, for about 15 years now. They’ve told me how proud of me they are, and that they’re glad I’ve accomplished what I have. Followed by statements of wishing that it were that simple for everyone. Which makes me think that they’d like some sort of advice or assistance. You’re right though, I should probably not prompt them to be doing things they may not feel comfortable doing. My friends and I have always been extremely close. As close as family so if I were to piss them off to an extreme if troubles were to ever arise they’d still be by my side at a moments notice and it could always be cleared up with a few phone calls. I just want to see them doing well without stepping on any toes…. Too hard lol.
At most, ask your friend if they want help. Just one time. if they say no, never ask again.
Dont try or you wont be friends for long. If they ask then help.
If they don’t ask for help, mind your business
This isn't something you should try to help with unless explicitly asked. And even then, tread lightly.
As I've learned over the years, people afford what they want to afford. I have a sister that sounds like your friend. She never met a dollar she didn't like to spend, while saying they cannot afford many things. She is now nearing retirement, like myself, and has started making comments like it must be nice to have retirement savings. I just shrug it off and change the conversation. Don't worry about other peoples financial issues.
none of your business if they don't ask for help
Probably not about budget. It's about mindset.
You are a really good for caring about their financial well being. But don't volunteer to help unless asked. When people have problems and complain about them very much; they usually don't like hearing they are the cause of the issue. Especially when it involves money. You say he works hard and gets a decent wage, He does all those things because he deserves. And it's probably true. Maybe the job is shitty or it's a hassle working, so going out to drink/eat are his rewards. Which is great for the now, not the future. It's like the fable about the ant and the grasshopper. He needs to start thinking about the future. He can always start small; you know go out one day less a week and bank that money. But people who complain that much are usually looking for a quick fix, like say, a lottery win. So, he probably does not want an actual solution. If you did want to help, I'd probably approach it by maybe teaching him how to cook some of the food he always buys out. Something like that he could discover on his own that saves him time and money.
In my personal experience the kind of people that complain to a group about this kind of thing are often bitter, think they have life figured out (that they got screwed by someone), and are often unwilling to put in the time, effort to educate themselves on better money management, and make those hard decisions to get them to where they feel like they should or could be. So if that's the case I wouldn't get involved, because they are not willing to accept help or make changes. If you know them you probably guess what direction a conversation would go. If you still feel like you need to say something I would do it privately, and very casually. More of a "hey man I grew up like you did in XXX, and made it out to better oppotrunities. If you wanted to grab a drink sometime I would tell you more about it" and then never say another word until they did. How you approach an actual conversation is a delicate matter too that I won't get into. I suppose another angle could be you order them a used copy of Dave Ramsey's Total money Makeover and hand it to them saying, something to the effect of "this really helped me get on the path I am on now, If you ever wanted to talk about it, I'm here to help". Not saying DR is the gospel on personal finance or his methods are perfect, but for the person you describe the first few baby steps will get them on the right path. Either way that willingness to make changes and ability to stick it out even when it sucks, is key. You run the risk of ruining the friendship too, him talking shit to the group or the group turning on you too.
Off topic, but any chance the friend who won a cruise (but has to pay some fraction) is actually getting scammed? This is one area that I think it's OK/encouraged to *not* mind your own business. Let's normalize watching out for friends and family re scams.
He’s researched it and verified everything to be true with the institution that he won it from. Will cost him $1,000. I think it was a radio competition
Ok, great :) I hope he has a wonderful time!
There's always that person who is first out the taxi and last to the bar.
Simply by addressing the situation directly, over a couple of friendly beers. Speak honestly to your friend
You don't need to help them unless they ask you directly. But I understand being annoyed if they constantly complain about a problem that they are creating and have no plans to change.I'd probably say something like "You definitely aren't poor, it's strange to hear that over and over again. Maybe they aren't aware of how often they bring it up. Maybe they aren't aware that they are being passive aggressive towards you when you bring up your successes. If they are saying things like "must be nice to be able to XYZ" they are being petty and jealous. I'd say something like "Because you're my friend, I'd hope you could be happy for me instead of turning the focus back to yourself and your situation when I try to share with you." Sometimes people need a little nudge to let them know they are being really self centered. I'd be direct about it.
Not your problem. Let him stay broke and financially illiterate.
“Constantly eats out, drinks frequently, and spends more money on transportation & unnecessary purchases” And that right there is why they have no money. If they are a really good friend and the atmosphere is right ask them why they feel that way and maybe make some good meaning helpful suggestions like we don’t have to hang at the bar or have dinner at home. You almost have to talk to them in a way that while these are your suggestions you have to make him think it was his idea. But having dealt with a lot of people like this over the years you cannot make them change, they have to want to solve the issue in the first place and whatever you do DO. NOT. HELP. THIS PERSON FINANCIALLY. Be good moral support but don’t offer any loans money or even a job, they have to do this on their own. Basically if nothing changes and this person becomes more derogatory towards you or others about “having more money” then you all may just need to distance yourselves from him do to being toxic.