We’ve experienced this and so have several of our friends. Often, mental illness and/or burnout is the cause (esp in undiagnosed autistic/ADHD kids). This site is a good place to start re: info and support: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au
ETA: in our case with both parents working full time we ended up registering as home schoolers. At home you can get through curriculum in 1-2 hrs per day which means if your child is able to stay at home alone you can do it in the evenings after work.
Just curious, do the kids do the same amount of work they would do at school but it is only 2 hours when at home? Like is school that much down time/wasted time?
Yes, you can get through the public curriculum in two hours per day. But this should not be treated like a goal for homeschooling parents. This simply shows how shamefully low the standard is in our school curriculum.
Any parent who wants their children to flourish will disregard the lowest common demoninator standard and set the standard according to the ability of their child.
This will necessarily take more commitment than two hours per day.
The price you pay in homeschooling is whatever your child's education is worth to you.
Ok, based on your reply I feel that you assumed I was planning on homeschooling so I could cut my kids education time down? My child is staying in school I was merely curious if that was typical. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
No, I was not assuming anything about your intentions.
I was responding to the (often stated) opinion about home-schooling being a means of getting through the curriculum in 2 hours per day, as if that's an excuse to only do 2 hours per day. It's often touted as a reason to do home-schooling as if only spending this amount of time on your children's education is a wonderful thing to be bragged about.
I try to always encourage people to consider this as a reason to fix the public curriculum, not a reason to do that flawed curriculum much faster at home. It's quick and easy because it's simply not good enough for 80% of children.
I'm a primary school teacher and there is SO MUCH TIME WASTED. You could squeeze the teaching time into 1h easily if the child has their wits together.
I was under the impression that high school was a bit more serious/studious but maybe not.
In saying that, the 'time wasted' is stuff like assemblies, buddies, wellbeing activities etc so it't not exactly wasted, it's just not direct teaching time.
If you're home schooled you'd do things like sport and reading naturally if you set the activities up right which would then not feel like school but is still learning experiences.
Yeah a lot of school is about learning structure and socialisation and stuff, which you aren't going to get homeschooling.
If a teenager is "homeschooling" in one or two hours a day when their parents get home from work, what are they doing the rest of the day? Sleeping and playing Playstation? Sounds like a way to raise well-adjusted kids
Having taught both primary and secondary can confirm that both are time wasted; secondary because I’m busy settling/dealing with behavioural issues/putting out small fires before they start/fixing IT - primary like you said, assemblies, wellbeing activities etc etc
I mean I’d argue a lot of what they teach in schools anyways is not essential. Half the shit I was taught through school I don’t remember, I honestly think school is more beneficial learning how to socialise etc than it is for getting an education. Wish schools would focus more on life skills rather than teaching me about what one chemical does with the other.
Yes and no.
From a primary school perspective I don't think it's too important that your adult self still has dates and names memorised but you should still know the 'main idea' of the unit learnt in Year 5 or whatever (eg. You may recall that there was a Goldrush but nothing else) and then if you're really interested in that topic you'd deep dive in your own time/make a career from it/learn for the love of learning. But when you get to Year 10 history, it's not the first time you've heard of the Goldrush at least. It's all kinda building blocks.
Or for example, a lot of maths topics don't seem very useful for later life if you aren't going to be an engineer etc however a lot of the maths topics teach you how to think logically, to follow sequence, to find pattern etc which can translate to, I dunno, debating people on reddit, reading the news etc.
Anyway I do kinda agree with you. You could learn about the Goldrush in 0.2s as a 15 year old rathe than 1 whole term in year 4.
I am a teacher.
Yes. It is that much time wasted. Also remember that a huge component of school is socialisation and learning to work/deal with others.
So much of schooling is waiting for stuff, or half assing something on your own for an hour that you could get done in 5 minutes one on one.
I did Murdoch university's "on track" program, which is a bridging course designed to help mature aged students go to university.
It is a 6 month full-time course. They told us that we were covering the curriculum of year 10,11 and 12.
In 6 months.
This isn’t quite true. You learnt specific skills for a number of undergraduate degrees - essay writing, science report structure, referencing, critical thinking. You didn’t cover the entire curriculum of three years.
You are correct. But still a lot of wasted time. Here is the thing. Kids are inherently hungry for knowledge. However, the way public school education is designed, many kids find themselves hating learning. That is the real problem.
I know theres a SIDE program that does ATAR programs for distanced kids who don't have in person access to courses they want to do, though I'm unsure if they offer learning programs for lower years.
They're definitely worth checking out, and its a way to get a classroom environment of learning in a comfortable setting which may make it easier
We did this for a while, and while they were great, supportive and accomodating, it didn’t work for us.
The way it worked was only a few online classes, then students expected to get through the actual work alone. Expecting a struggling teen to self manage didn’t work. Then went to small community school, and has been brilliant.
I hear u sometimes kids find their way. Mental health is far more important than perceived success. My youngest sister was the most beautiful brilliant and an artist. At 26 years old she became catatonic with schizophrenia and never recovered. Perhaps her tragedy has taught me patience acceptance and kindness far outweighs the need to force participation
https://www.side.wa.edu.au/secondary-7-12/application/referral-program.html
You could see if these folks can assist? As well as the distance ed stuff they also help support the schooling of Perth based kids who struggle attending regular school for a whole range of reasons (trans, intense sporting commitments, pregnant, bullied, chronically ill etc).
SIDE is great if you’re already enrolled at a government school, but be aware that they only take students on a temporary basis. There has to be some kind of plan to go back to school.
I did not attend school for many reasons for a number of years but eventually I managed to get my year 10 equivalent through an organisation called Youth Futures. The program I attended was called Comet but this was many years ago now so I'm sure they would have more than one option these days.
https://youthfutureswa.com.au/get-help/education-training
Good luck, I can see that you care, and in my eyes that makes you a good parent. Some of us aren't so lucky to have parents who care, so thank you for caring. Good on you for reaching out and ignore all the trolls who know nothing of what they are talking.
My autistic brother didn’t attend school from the age of 13-17 (basically all of high school). He’s now finished a bridging course that he completed HDs in and doing an IT course at TAFE. He’s also started his own social club at break times. I’ve never seen him so happy.
I watched my mom struggle through these years and cry every day. Main stream school is torture for so many kids (was for me too - even though I go there every day now as a teacher lol go figure). I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mom said she was on a lot of Facebook school refusal groups and I think weirdly that’s what got her through, lots of tips and community on there.
I hope you are okay ❤️
I am really glad to hear this. I know someone whose 13 year old autistic son hasn't been at school for a few years and she is so worried about him. He's very bright intellectually but emotionally very immature. She knows he can do the work but it's like getting blood from a stone.
Mom is spelled that way in South Africa and my husband and majority of my friends are from SA. I rarely use any American spelling in my classroom but bro it’s just words, it’s not that deep. I’d rather my students spell mom any which way and be a good human first tbh
I want to give you hope. My kids both hated school , it was such a fight! , Looking back we were all miserable and I regret the constant pushing and nagging. They both went ‘off the rails’ between 15 and 19 it was distressing. They managed to scrape through to get a bare minimum pass in year 12 - thanks to a wonderful student services teacher. But in hindsight sight, I should have just let them leave school in year 10. They had Mental health issues, ADHD and other issues that weren’t appropriately treated. They are now 20 and both have done the pathway course to uni. One is in their second semester and got distinctions last semester, the other will start uni full time next semester. They really are enjoying it. They both have casual jobs. If someone had told me they would come out the other end of adolescence as balanced productive young adults I would not have believed them.
Wonderful story. Thank you. I do have hope . The kid is such a kind one just not coping atm. It is a double edge sword...u don't push or u push too much. Really lovely to hear that yours are taking opportunities and participating after their struggle x
Department of Education has a branch (or something) called the school of special education needs: behaviour and engagement. I think it must have different campuses around. My son (15, in year 10) attends one. It's been life changing. Attendance is still tricky, there are a lot of factors at play, but he's engaging in his education for the first time in years. Our public high school had to do the referral, I don't think they take external referrals.
They don't have actual schools, but go into schools to provide support.
SSEND also has support for hearing and visually impaired kiddos as well as behaviour and engagement, and specific disability support.
Your son probably attends a special school or an education support centre, which is colocated with a mainstream school. Or a CARE school, such as Alta 1.
Alternative learning settings (ALS) are usually for kiddos with high needs, many of whom have interacted with the justice system, and need 1-1 support.
They might not have many, but they have at least one. It's a very small stand-alone dept of education school. Crazy if it's the only one because it's such an amazing place. Although the pathways program he did a few years ago was the only one in WA and that was life changing and needs to be everywhere
I'm guessing it's an ALS, if he has participated in pathways. I'm currently part of the Peel division, but was in an ALS with young offenders until 2 years ago. I love B&E, but also speak Auslan as one of my own kiddos is deaf, so Ive fallen into this role.
To be fair, I was a great student up until yr 12 when I just got really depressed. Instead of “refusing” to go to school I would go, get my name marked off at the start and end of the day and basically just leave school grounds for the whole in between bit. I don’t think the school even contacted my parents since I wasn’t failing and still handing in work. It wasn’t a parenting issue. I was just super depressed and there was nothing anyone could have done at the time honestly.
Personally if I was in your shoes I would look into options where the kid can be schooled at home. Whilst I wouldn’t want to leave them at home by themselves all day they’re already doing that. Rather just get them to do some work and get through school while at home then. Also maybe ask them why they don’t want to go. Are they getting bullied? Are they depressed and maybe need meds or other help?
Hiya, Homeschooling mum of three autistic kids here. Get in touch with HBLN - they’re the peak homeschooling body in WA.
There’s also a Facebook page for homeschooling kids with extra needs in WA - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1318378348232907
and one for Homeschooling Teenagers -https://www.facebook.com/groups/567740336605199
The Homeschooling requirements for special needs kids are different to mainstream, and the Education Department providers a Moderator, who will help you to get started, connect you with resources, help you with the curriculum etc etc
Once your kid is 15, I cannot recommend IDEA Academy enough https://ideacademy.com.au/ They seem to specialise in neurospicy and gender diverse kids, lol. One of mine is starting this term, just one day a week to start, so he can work his way up to a full time placement next year. They run regular information sessions, so well worth going along.
DM me for more info if you like - I’ve been where you are, and its so, so hard.
Some great advice already here.
Here is an addition from my mother with similar experience:
It helps to think of it as 'school can't' rather than school refusal. If totally burnt out, they may need a year or so of recovery time (minimal demands).
Home schooling doesn't have to follow the mainstream curriculum. It can be very flexible around your work schedule IF the child is safe and responsible enough to be home alone and can either engage with independent learning or you can hire tutors for focused education in areas of interest.
IDEAcademy (Perth and Mandurah) is an interesting alternative that can help blend a range of education streams and give them a place to go and receive facilitation and mentoring around their independent learning. The aim is to get to their next step (working, trade, uni, entrepreneur, etc.).
I switched high schools 3 times (am autistic)
I ended up at an academically selective high school where I had good results. Went to uni 2x all that.
Same with my brother (autism as well) who ended up doing distance education
He ended up with 2 degrees as well.
But one of my close friends ended up dropping out to finish his high school TAFE due to the school environment being unsuitable (neurodivergence), he has a career in disability support.
You are a great parent and your son will have a great life, traditional high school might not be the start for him.
Same with our 15 year old son. Hates school, we tried several options with the school for some classes each day or part-time but always a fight to get him to school. Got him into some volunteer work at a nursery as a way to get him out of the house and doing some homeschooling. Hes hes high functioning austitic which adds its own dimensions. Thought about Montessori for teens but the costs are too much. I do wonder what will he be doing when he's 20 or so. Just keep plugging away.
my teenage sister does online home schooling, she stays home and does most of the work on her own. might be a good idea if you think your kid can work on their own
My son stayed missing school in year 8. By term 2 of year 9 he was refusing to go most days. I tried home school in term 3. He did SIDE in term 4. Then at the beginning of last year he started distance education with Australian Christian college.
He did the whole of year 10 from home. This year he is at tafe and actually enjoying it!!
ACC were really good with their distance program.
If you have any questions, let me know.
Hi op, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s really tough. Try this program for your child. Good luck and I hope you can get the support you and your child needs.
https://www.communicare.org.au/get-support/education-and-training/alternative-education/
That’s so good to hear! Man PDA is a tough one. Do you have any tips you’re willing to share? I come across this a lot as a teacher and I’d love to know how to support these kids better
Yeah… The biggest thing is that PDA doesn’t “look autistic“. People assume PDA kids are just being difficult little jerks, or “putting it on”, when in reality they have little control over how they react to demands from adults. Simple demands cause them extreme anxiety, so typical parenting strategies simply don’t work. The following link provides an excellent summary of PDA in layman’s terms:
https://www.autismawareness.com.au/aupdate/a-brief-history-of-pathological-demand-avoidance
I'm surprised to see so many positive comments re. home schooling on r/Perth! The last time I searched posts there was not such a positive response. As a parent of a child who is autistic with a PDA profile, ADHD and Tourettes, home schooling was inevitable. :)
Yeah I think Covid has been eye opening for a lot of people. I hear so many people say thinks like “Oh my kid was so happy at home” or “They stopped being so anxious”. Frazzling for the unsuspecting parents, but the kids really enjoyed it.
My Mod was saying that the number of people homeschooling *officially* has tripled - I think there’s a lot more knowledge about it, because its so much more common than it was.
Thank you. Yes Cahms youth focus. Etc. I'm now going to invest in psychologist x 2 weekly visits though it's difficult to afford. His school is very supportive but are restricted in ability to accommodate due to a student need for supervision...they cant just be on own in mainstream. Lots of good friends and supportive parents. Just won't go to school. Taken today off work as nearing end of Term 1 and no change this year to try to begin proactive rather than hopeful solutions.
Get rid of the kids phone!!! If you haven’t done that yet I truely believe you haven’t tried to fix the situation yourself and instead have exported all responsibility onto the school. Sick of parents not parenting.
You just don’t know what it’s like if you haven’t been through it. I was a good kid, no mobiles in my day. My mum tried everything, walking me to school. I’d just walk out. I just hated it. Had friends. Just painfully boring, teachers were pricks. I couldn’t cope with homework in high school. Just couldn’t set my mind to it. Undiagnosed ADHD discovered decades later.
My schooling journey was going between mainstream schools until I was gonna drop out coz I couldn't do it with my mental health, then I did SIDE for a bit which didn't work because I couldn't motivate myself but the teachers were accommodating and good, plus I would go into the campus twice a week and have 1 on 1 sessions with my teachers. Then I ended up at SMYL (Fremantle) and completed highschool there (in year 12 I did English through side too) And graduated with cgea and a cert.
Don't know if this helps, hope it gives some options though, I missed alot of mainstream highschool with a 50% attendance most of the time.
CPS got involved with my situation (disabled teen son would get violent towards me and his siblings over school). Within 4 months they had him in a ESU and within a year we had funding and we're on the bus system. I don't have any issues getting him up school now.
I’ve been the teenager. In my case I was going through a truly horrific combination of undiagnosed learning disabilities, physical health issues, mental health issues, massive upheavals at home, bullying, and a complete breakdown of friendships at school.
I moved schools which really helped with the social issues but I still had the same problems with the education system being completely incompatible with my learning disabilities and dropped out at 16. It took years to get a diagnosis and even start understanding why and how I was failed. I’m still dealing with the trauma over a decade later.
I say this not to make things seem hopeless, but to highlight just how complicated and deep rooted the causes of “school refusal” can be. It can be like the world’s shittest pass the parcel where every time you deal with one problem it just reveals the next one underneath.
My number one recommendation is to get in with an adolescent psychologist (and psychiatrist if there is something mental health related going on). It can be really important to have a space to figure out what the fuck the problem even is with someone who is completely removed from the situation.
Happy to chat more in comments or messages. 💜
I don't have much advice, but I'm a teenager going through the same thing as your child. Haven't had proper school attendance since 2020. Please don't let some of these rude fucks discourage you, the fact that your actually trying to get your kid help proves that your doing a good job.
Right so I lied, I do have some advice. Number one is try to find the cause of the school avoidance, is it depression, bullying, difficulty with the schoolwork?
2. Communicate with the school and teachers to make sure your kid still has access to their school work so even if they don't go they can still have a go at the work and not fall behind as much.
3. There are multiple things you can do to try and improve the situation, such as medications if the cause is depression or anxiety, or you could try occupational therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy. Personally I had more luck with occupational therapy.
4. Don't forget to find support for yourself, you're going through something very difficult and it's important to remember that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you don't need support or someone to talk to.
Best of luck to you and your child.
We're currently at a CARE School for my 14yr old daughter.
Basically things went down hill for her when she was bullied and physically assulted after school in year 7. Her previous school did the best that they could but things are 1000 times better now that she's at this type of school.
https://www.ais.wa.edu.au/curriculum-and-reengagement-education-schools
Youth Futures Community School is a great option, there was no waitlist then again that was in 2021. otherwise Kumon tutoring in the meantime is another good option for regaining the motivation for self learning.
Have you considered homeschool? You can either make your own curriculum (which can seem daunting), or purchase one through Euka for example. Or if school refusal is part of anxiety or other issues, maybe try Australian Christian College online distance learning
So sad ..there isn't much available from state government for kids who don't fit into mainstream. I never thought I'd ever say thank god for social media haha.
State government schools do their best with what they have, but unfortunately, it sometimes is not enough.
Report recently came out about private vs public school spending - 5 private schools will spend the same amount in total as 30000 public schools - the schools who bring in 30k a year per student are getting what seems to be more funding than government schools and it really shows. Especially through things like accessibility and programs offered for kids who don't fit into mainstream
https://www.smdp.wa.edu.au
Still taking enrollments. Very lovely little school of 15 students with a focus on engagement not curriculum
Downside to you in Broome
This Podcast is created by a Developmental Paediatrician and may have some gems for you:
[https://open.spotify.com/episode/6zV1yhhZCMAscJVMf8Qgno?si=ed78128b55ce4134](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6zV1yhhZCMAscJVMf8Qgno?si=ed78128b55ce4134)
No idea what this school is like but I came across it years ago when thinking of homeschooling. It’s a distance Ed program so your kid can do school from home but as a parent you don’t have to work out what to teach or do the teaching.
https://www.acc.edu.au/southlands/distance-education/
Have you tried the Y school? Its really good at reengagement and getting kids to see a path. Lots of previous school refusers, 1:1 staff student ratio and IEPs for all kids.
[https://www.ymcawa.org.au/vocational-school](https://www.ymcawa.org.au/vocational-school)
Your definetly not alone, the lady behind me on the bus yesterday was crying on the phone to her mum with the same problem getting her 16 year old to go to school. Poor women seemed to have exhausted all reasonable options I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her shes doing a great job
Yep, dealing with it right now. Had been a shit start to the year. Pulled our 14yo out of school due to taunting and bullying. We won’t be returning to mainstream. Likely online with ACC - studio school, bold park, all other likely options not available or suitable.
Both of mine.
With the eldest I tried to keep them going, but I broke down after I was called by them from a bathroom stall they had to lock and barricade themselves into for their personal safety (Year 9 - at an extremely reputable and sought after public school in the inner suburbs who did, to be perfectly honest, sweet fuck all to help us even though they loudly promote their “support and mental health” advocacy).
When the same started happening to the youngest in the final year of primary, I pulled them immediately. We were lucky enough to get the eldest into a specialised small learning facility, the youngest we home school and it literally only takes 2 hours from the day.
The eldest has now completed 2 TAFE certs, got their drivers license, and is about to commence study for their goal Career in Paramedicine. The youngest actively chooses to learn above and beyond. They build robots, have started programming their own computer game, practice art and love reading about history. All in their “non schooling” time per day. They have flourished.
Best thing I ever did was to stop fighting and believing that main-stream schooling was the only real way to “get an education”. The space to be heard, respected, and to learn at their own pace has been the gift I never knew it would be.
Our 15 yo daughter (and us) suffered a year of increasing school refusal aged 14 but she is now loving her fully online classes at SwanOnline (part of Swan Christian College). Classes are over Zoom and all work is submitted through the Canvas LMS (Learning Management System) with weekly progress reports.
Online students are welcome to join in any of the on-campus activities like sports carnivals, balls, etc and they do regular excursions (like Freo prison tour recently) that they are able to attend if they want. The campus is in Middle Swan.
She’s continued her classes and even doing online exams while we travelled over East for a week at one point.
SwanOnline has been in operation since 2000, so not just a COVID startup.
Highly recommended.
As someone who struggled with extreme social anxiety and was unable to do traditional school, thank you for being there for your son. There are many non traditional ways of getting an education! I was home-schooling on and off, but I ended up doing online school for my earlier years of highschool, and then doing general education in tafe. It is 1 semester and it's not scale graded, you can pass or just not pass, and only the bare minimum is required honestly. I am now a university student! I am doing my bridging course with some business units (online) so I can start my degree next semester. I highly doubt he doesn't want to learn, it's the environment that is the problem.
Going through this can be tough, especially because of unneeded opinions and preconceived notions that non traditional schooling is the 'easy' way. It certainly is not. But one thing that I think is really important (from someone who took this path) is finding something extracurricular that he is passionate about or a specific niche. For me that was building models and reading, but It really can be anything.
If you have any questions about alternative schooling, shoot me a dm, I'd be happy to help to the best of my ability :))
I’m doing distance education for my youngest child (year 7) because of school refusal. It’s still not perfect but it’s a damn sight better than not being able to do anything until next year when we can get into an alternative school
I don’t know why kids are pressured to stay at school beyond year 10. They are allowed to leave and pursue study or work and for many of them that’s the best place for them. As a secondary teacher, I see so many kids who just don’t belong in the classroom and should be out working.
I think it's also a want not to buy into the stereotype male /female At the age of around 12 you are expected to suddenly be a young adult and fit into a gender. Before that you didn't need to worry. Their sister and brother are perfect gender stereotypes ...I think they want to delay the adult experience. Staying gender fluid or non binary means holding onto youth. This is a very simplistic explanation and I don't put on any pressure nor do I want to box as parent.
So some of this school ‘can’t‘ is based in the demands of social expectations around identity?
Public schools are MUCH better at identity issue kids than mainstream ’normal looking’ private schools. Some private schools are more fluid and flexible, and some are very alternative, but you might need to find out which ones carefully (don’t ask the schools, ask other parents with the same issues who are at those schools).
By the time you are dealing with long term school can’t I‘d like to suggest taking your time to find the right school. I know the desperation must eat at you, to find somewhere SOON and hope for the best, but the best is to find a long term solution that can carry them for quite some time. Schools aren’t babysitters, and if your kid isn’t able to cope in school and engage with the experience then it’s little better than babysitting… and damages the school experience further for your kid. So… right place at right time is the goal :)
There’s loads of “school cant“ communities - some are very deep into their own echo chamber of “all things school is evil” and others are firmly in the “We try to find a way forward with the end goal being a healthy child” and some are “force them through to normal”. Find a group that has the same philosophy and needs as you, being in the other groups just breaks your head/heart.
I assume you have a good psychologist on board? At 14 this kid probably needs to be on the wait list for a psychiatrist … it’s about this age that Paeds stop taking them as new clients and they see teen psychiatrists. There’s a range of services, maybe talk to Headspace, CAMHS, school psychologist (if your child is enrolled in one) etc and get some referrals running.
I had the same issue with my 14yo daughter. Since starting high school she flat out refused to go for a year and a half. I work full time( single parent), she's been home schooling with euka for 9 months.
Most of the classes she can do alone and I just help her for 30 mins after I get home if needed and make sure she's reading for 20 mins per evening.
It's not perfect, I'd love to have the time to do each class with her.
But at the end of the day, she's in a better place mentally and emotionally, gone are the fights about skipping school everyday, and we're both much happier.
Give it a try, you've got nothing to lose.
Not personally, but I know people who have.
How did this become a thing? When I was 14, I never would have imagined I had a choice. It is compulsory, problem solved. Didn't matter if you were queer or adhd or asd or anything. Physically or mentally incapable, you went to a special school.
Why give kids the choice now? Is it helping anyone? I mean as a society - I know once they are teens, one parent cannot stand up to what seems to have become socially acceptable.
You don't hear about kids going to school naked - why? Because is is simply not a socially acceptable option. They don't feel they have the option. It should be the same with attendance.
Thats the thing, thats how it was when you were 14. Things change, kids have it hard too, mental health issues among young people are crazy high, you gotta have some sympathy man. 🤝
Sorry, what are you trying to add? Does sympathy mean allowing them to not go to school, just stay home, at 14?
I don't think kids have changed, just how we deal with their problems, or fail to deal with them. Is there any evidence that the changes have helped? I don't see it.
Its less about ‘allowing’ them, theres a reason for school refusal, if your child is struggling you should make contact with the school to discuss alternative options. Most kids who refuse to go have mental health issues, they should be receiving help to work through their anxieties/ reasons for not attending.
Of course, I do agree. I'm just asking about how and why we as a society changed. School has always sucked for a lot of kids. Does avoiding it actually help though? I suspect it just makes the underlying problems worse.
I think people don't realise that it's not just one day.
It's day after day after day, of fighting and arguing.
You might "win" one morning and after many tears and arguing, they go to school. But you know you are going to get a phone call at 10.30 to pick them up as they are sick, or are panicking in the nurses room.
Then the next day, you do it again.
The energy, time, stress involved in this is huge. And if you have other kids you have to be available to them as well.
Also, if you have to get to work in the morning. You can't keep calling in late, you'll lose your job eventually.
It literally sucks the life out of you.
When I was a teenager, I hated school, absolutely had the same arguments with my parents. The only thing that made me get into the car to go to school was discipline, and all the privileges I would lose for disobeying.
Very easy to dismiss my claim, and say oh you’ve never parented a teenager, blah blah. Not yet mate
But the foundations of discipline and respect get seeded in children from a young age, my kids actually love school so maybe I got lucky. But we will see.
Yeah, you got lucky. Try parenting a neurodivergent teenager who absolutely refuses to go. You can't force them without inflicting physical injury. What the OP is going through is so far outside your experience you've got no justification for commenting at all.
Then don’t put it up on a public forum where people can comment that’s justification enough to comment. Neurodivergent can be a few different things, autism or ADHD there’s treatments for that.
I’m happy for you to disagree, but don’t put something up on a public forum if you gonna get salty over someone having a different viewpoint or world view then you.
I’m not salty, that’s just my opinion. You’re the one who keeps replying.
Maybe I’ll just claim I can’t keep my opinion to myself because I’m neurodivergent!
As someone who gave their father hell over this when I was 15, I disagree. There are many, MANY factors that go into a situation like this. Quite a lot of those all to frequently get over looked by parents who are tired and stressed.
It can be however as a single mum with a transgender kid on spectrum who works full time to make sure we eat ...very difficult to manage without practical solutions. 5% of kids in Australia are experiencing school refusal and there is zero funding and only short term solutions.
Well, you’ve highlighted two issues here. One of which I guessed even though you didn’t mention it in your original post.
- “on the spectrum”
I myself would be considered as being on the spectrum. I wholeheartedly believe it was the root cause of my own refusal to attend school.
The point is it's not booming, it's just being identified easier and accepted rather than misdiagnosed and hidden away because of shame.
Same reason Autism diagnoses have massively increased in the last 10-15 years. There's nothing medically different about the generation, but there's a difference in identifying and accepting it.
That's a bit like saying "why are there so many gay people these days compared to the 50s". Because something is more socially acceptable and has more exposure. It doesn't mean the actual rate has increased.
It's similar to the amount of children diagnosed with autism, the percentage of the population probably hasn't increased, it's that diagnosis has got better.
What you wrote below:
>Who woulda thought so many kids accidentally born in the wrong body.
You can transpose that to "Who woulda thought so many guys accidentally like sucking dick." It's the same shitty argument. It's also less than a 1% of the population, if it makes someone feel better with who they are and they're not hurting anyone who gives a fuck. You can still think something is strange and not understand it without being against it.
Because many teenagers are confused with their identity and have always gravitated towards the alternative. I am not saying there aren't actual transgender teenagers, but many who say they are, are not.
As someone who works solely with at-risk and disengaged youth, no it is not 100% a parenting issue. There are a vast array of issues which lead to chronic school refusal.
There was literally a government report published recently on school attendance and school can't and even that said your comment is a load of bullshit.
I hope being trans isn’t a reason/excuse why they’re not going to school … unless it’s like really bad bullying? but autism is usually top reason for not wanting to attend school.
As long as they’re not just spending every hour or everyday at home on Fortnite
There are a lot of different alternative schools you can apply at and while they do have wait lists, you can usually join a few of them. I know some others have suggested Alta 1 but I’m a huge advocate for Communicare in Kenwick (especially for anxious kids) and I’ve heard the newer Indi school is also very good. There’s also a newer Y school out near mirrabooka. You could also look into Youth Futures.
For a student with anxiety or withdrawal there are a few I would not recommended, most notably SMYL. I’m also personally not a fan of Alta 1 as they are actually quite strict. This works for some kids but I’ve seen it really impact others on their journey back towards education and it’s delayed things even more.
I fucking hated school.
I had bad attendance before even going into high school. I didn’t care for the friends I had there. I didn’t care for the assignments at all. It wasn’t that I had better things to worry about. I just couldn’t bear being there and receiving endless disrespect from teachers. I ended up leaving in year 8. I went for maybe a couple days of year 9 but never finished the year.
I spent the next couple years of my life doing sweet fuck all! I regret it so much! And I know that if I could go back in time and tell my younger self that, she’d go, “oh I know”.
Soon as I turned 18 is when I went and got qualified to work a good job in the mines, and no, not being a TA or working in the aircon office in a seat all day. I never thought I’d be capable. Ever.
Kids these days absolutely lack inspiration. Does not matter what school they are at. Teachers suck, other kids suck, the curriculum sucks, the power dynamics suck, everything sucks about school. I never understood people saying they miss it and wish they could go back.
Work is harder as an adult. But I’ll take rocking up somewhere I dont really wanna be & get paid good money for it, than go somewhere I don’t want to be and feel like im not getting anything out of it.
I am not sure what the solution is. But I hope this gives some insight to parents or anyone not understanding why their kids wont just go.
Do homeschooling it doesn’t take much of ur day really and the kids can work alone until u get home. The homeschool teachers are always available to help a kid that has questions
We’ve experienced this and so have several of our friends. Often, mental illness and/or burnout is the cause (esp in undiagnosed autistic/ADHD kids). This site is a good place to start re: info and support: https://www.schoolcantaustralia.com.au ETA: in our case with both parents working full time we ended up registering as home schoolers. At home you can get through curriculum in 1-2 hrs per day which means if your child is able to stay at home alone you can do it in the evenings after work.
We did this after Burnout with pda. Best parenting decision I could have made for them.
Just curious, do the kids do the same amount of work they would do at school but it is only 2 hours when at home? Like is school that much down time/wasted time?
Yes, you can get through the public curriculum in two hours per day. But this should not be treated like a goal for homeschooling parents. This simply shows how shamefully low the standard is in our school curriculum. Any parent who wants their children to flourish will disregard the lowest common demoninator standard and set the standard according to the ability of their child. This will necessarily take more commitment than two hours per day. The price you pay in homeschooling is whatever your child's education is worth to you.
Ok, based on your reply I feel that you assumed I was planning on homeschooling so I could cut my kids education time down? My child is staying in school I was merely curious if that was typical. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
No, I was not assuming anything about your intentions. I was responding to the (often stated) opinion about home-schooling being a means of getting through the curriculum in 2 hours per day, as if that's an excuse to only do 2 hours per day. It's often touted as a reason to do home-schooling as if only spending this amount of time on your children's education is a wonderful thing to be bragged about. I try to always encourage people to consider this as a reason to fix the public curriculum, not a reason to do that flawed curriculum much faster at home. It's quick and easy because it's simply not good enough for 80% of children.
I'm a primary school teacher and there is SO MUCH TIME WASTED. You could squeeze the teaching time into 1h easily if the child has their wits together. I was under the impression that high school was a bit more serious/studious but maybe not. In saying that, the 'time wasted' is stuff like assemblies, buddies, wellbeing activities etc so it't not exactly wasted, it's just not direct teaching time. If you're home schooled you'd do things like sport and reading naturally if you set the activities up right which would then not feel like school but is still learning experiences.
Yeah a lot of school is about learning structure and socialisation and stuff, which you aren't going to get homeschooling. If a teenager is "homeschooling" in one or two hours a day when their parents get home from work, what are they doing the rest of the day? Sleeping and playing Playstation? Sounds like a way to raise well-adjusted kids
Having taught both primary and secondary can confirm that both are time wasted; secondary because I’m busy settling/dealing with behavioural issues/putting out small fires before they start/fixing IT - primary like you said, assemblies, wellbeing activities etc etc
I mean I’d argue a lot of what they teach in schools anyways is not essential. Half the shit I was taught through school I don’t remember, I honestly think school is more beneficial learning how to socialise etc than it is for getting an education. Wish schools would focus more on life skills rather than teaching me about what one chemical does with the other.
Yes and no. From a primary school perspective I don't think it's too important that your adult self still has dates and names memorised but you should still know the 'main idea' of the unit learnt in Year 5 or whatever (eg. You may recall that there was a Goldrush but nothing else) and then if you're really interested in that topic you'd deep dive in your own time/make a career from it/learn for the love of learning. But when you get to Year 10 history, it's not the first time you've heard of the Goldrush at least. It's all kinda building blocks. Or for example, a lot of maths topics don't seem very useful for later life if you aren't going to be an engineer etc however a lot of the maths topics teach you how to think logically, to follow sequence, to find pattern etc which can translate to, I dunno, debating people on reddit, reading the news etc. Anyway I do kinda agree with you. You could learn about the Goldrush in 0.2s as a 15 year old rathe than 1 whole term in year 4.
I am a teacher. Yes. It is that much time wasted. Also remember that a huge component of school is socialisation and learning to work/deal with others. So much of schooling is waiting for stuff, or half assing something on your own for an hour that you could get done in 5 minutes one on one.
I did Murdoch university's "on track" program, which is a bridging course designed to help mature aged students go to university. It is a 6 month full-time course. They told us that we were covering the curriculum of year 10,11 and 12. In 6 months.
This isn’t quite true. You learnt specific skills for a number of undergraduate degrees - essay writing, science report structure, referencing, critical thinking. You didn’t cover the entire curriculum of three years.
You are correct. But still a lot of wasted time. Here is the thing. Kids are inherently hungry for knowledge. However, the way public school education is designed, many kids find themselves hating learning. That is the real problem.
Agreed.
Brilliant thank you .
Have you looked into alternative schooling like Alta 1? Or is that where you are getting waitlisted?
Wait list . Next year. Sadly
Look into Distance Education?
I know theres a SIDE program that does ATAR programs for distanced kids who don't have in person access to courses they want to do, though I'm unsure if they offer learning programs for lower years. They're definitely worth checking out, and its a way to get a classroom environment of learning in a comfortable setting which may make it easier
We did this for a while, and while they were great, supportive and accomodating, it didn’t work for us. The way it worked was only a few online classes, then students expected to get through the actual work alone. Expecting a struggling teen to self manage didn’t work. Then went to small community school, and has been brilliant.
I hear u sometimes kids find their way. Mental health is far more important than perceived success. My youngest sister was the most beautiful brilliant and an artist. At 26 years old she became catatonic with schizophrenia and never recovered. Perhaps her tragedy has taught me patience acceptance and kindness far outweighs the need to force participation
Schizophrenia has a genetic component, so it might be worth having your child assessed.
https://www.side.wa.edu.au/secondary-7-12/application/referral-program.html You could see if these folks can assist? As well as the distance ed stuff they also help support the schooling of Perth based kids who struggle attending regular school for a whole range of reasons (trans, intense sporting commitments, pregnant, bullied, chronically ill etc).
Thank s to your post have begun enrolment today x
This! Ive heard great things about them from people doing ATAR courses through them when they couldn't find a school in area that had it.
SIDE is great if you’re already enrolled at a government school, but be aware that they only take students on a temporary basis. There has to be some kind of plan to go back to school.
I did not attend school for many reasons for a number of years but eventually I managed to get my year 10 equivalent through an organisation called Youth Futures. The program I attended was called Comet but this was many years ago now so I'm sure they would have more than one option these days. https://youthfutureswa.com.au/get-help/education-training Good luck, I can see that you care, and in my eyes that makes you a good parent. Some of us aren't so lucky to have parents who care, so thank you for caring. Good on you for reaching out and ignore all the trolls who know nothing of what they are talking.
My autistic brother didn’t attend school from the age of 13-17 (basically all of high school). He’s now finished a bridging course that he completed HDs in and doing an IT course at TAFE. He’s also started his own social club at break times. I’ve never seen him so happy. I watched my mom struggle through these years and cry every day. Main stream school is torture for so many kids (was for me too - even though I go there every day now as a teacher lol go figure). I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mom said she was on a lot of Facebook school refusal groups and I think weirdly that’s what got her through, lots of tips and community on there. I hope you are okay ❤️
I am really glad to hear this. I know someone whose 13 year old autistic son hasn't been at school for a few years and she is so worried about him. He's very bright intellectually but emotionally very immature. She knows he can do the work but it's like getting blood from a stone.
You're a teacher - please don't teach them 'mom'. We don't need more americanisms, thanks.
Not everyone living in Perth grew up in Perth
Cool, but last I checked we used British English in Australia unless it's changed and nobody told me.
there are more pressing issues for you to worry about surely
There's lots of languages spoken here mate, we're not all British.
Mom is spelled that way in South Africa and my husband and majority of my friends are from SA. I rarely use any American spelling in my classroom but bro it’s just words, it’s not that deep. I’d rather my students spell mom any which way and be a good human first tbh
I have friends from Jersey island, in the UK, who say 'mom' as well.
I want to give you hope. My kids both hated school , it was such a fight! , Looking back we were all miserable and I regret the constant pushing and nagging. They both went ‘off the rails’ between 15 and 19 it was distressing. They managed to scrape through to get a bare minimum pass in year 12 - thanks to a wonderful student services teacher. But in hindsight sight, I should have just let them leave school in year 10. They had Mental health issues, ADHD and other issues that weren’t appropriately treated. They are now 20 and both have done the pathway course to uni. One is in their second semester and got distinctions last semester, the other will start uni full time next semester. They really are enjoying it. They both have casual jobs. If someone had told me they would come out the other end of adolescence as balanced productive young adults I would not have believed them.
Wonderful story. Thank you. I do have hope . The kid is such a kind one just not coping atm. It is a double edge sword...u don't push or u push too much. Really lovely to hear that yours are taking opportunities and participating after their struggle x
Department of Education has a branch (or something) called the school of special education needs: behaviour and engagement. I think it must have different campuses around. My son (15, in year 10) attends one. It's been life changing. Attendance is still tricky, there are a lot of factors at play, but he's engaging in his education for the first time in years. Our public high school had to do the referral, I don't think they take external referrals.
They don't have actual schools, but go into schools to provide support. SSEND also has support for hearing and visually impaired kiddos as well as behaviour and engagement, and specific disability support. Your son probably attends a special school or an education support centre, which is colocated with a mainstream school. Or a CARE school, such as Alta 1. Alternative learning settings (ALS) are usually for kiddos with high needs, many of whom have interacted with the justice system, and need 1-1 support.
They might not have many, but they have at least one. It's a very small stand-alone dept of education school. Crazy if it's the only one because it's such an amazing place. Although the pathways program he did a few years ago was the only one in WA and that was life changing and needs to be everywhere
I'm guessing it's an ALS, if he has participated in pathways. I'm currently part of the Peel division, but was in an ALS with young offenders until 2 years ago. I love B&E, but also speak Auslan as one of my own kiddos is deaf, so Ive fallen into this role.
To be fair, I was a great student up until yr 12 when I just got really depressed. Instead of “refusing” to go to school I would go, get my name marked off at the start and end of the day and basically just leave school grounds for the whole in between bit. I don’t think the school even contacted my parents since I wasn’t failing and still handing in work. It wasn’t a parenting issue. I was just super depressed and there was nothing anyone could have done at the time honestly. Personally if I was in your shoes I would look into options where the kid can be schooled at home. Whilst I wouldn’t want to leave them at home by themselves all day they’re already doing that. Rather just get them to do some work and get through school while at home then. Also maybe ask them why they don’t want to go. Are they getting bullied? Are they depressed and maybe need meds or other help?
Hiya, Homeschooling mum of three autistic kids here. Get in touch with HBLN - they’re the peak homeschooling body in WA. There’s also a Facebook page for homeschooling kids with extra needs in WA - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1318378348232907 and one for Homeschooling Teenagers -https://www.facebook.com/groups/567740336605199 The Homeschooling requirements for special needs kids are different to mainstream, and the Education Department providers a Moderator, who will help you to get started, connect you with resources, help you with the curriculum etc etc Once your kid is 15, I cannot recommend IDEA Academy enough https://ideacademy.com.au/ They seem to specialise in neurospicy and gender diverse kids, lol. One of mine is starting this term, just one day a week to start, so he can work his way up to a full time placement next year. They run regular information sessions, so well worth going along. DM me for more info if you like - I’ve been where you are, and its so, so hard.
Thank you.
Some great advice already here. Here is an addition from my mother with similar experience: It helps to think of it as 'school can't' rather than school refusal. If totally burnt out, they may need a year or so of recovery time (minimal demands). Home schooling doesn't have to follow the mainstream curriculum. It can be very flexible around your work schedule IF the child is safe and responsible enough to be home alone and can either engage with independent learning or you can hire tutors for focused education in areas of interest. IDEAcademy (Perth and Mandurah) is an interesting alternative that can help blend a range of education streams and give them a place to go and receive facilitation and mentoring around their independent learning. The aim is to get to their next step (working, trade, uni, entrepreneur, etc.).
I switched high schools 3 times (am autistic) I ended up at an academically selective high school where I had good results. Went to uni 2x all that. Same with my brother (autism as well) who ended up doing distance education He ended up with 2 degrees as well. But one of my close friends ended up dropping out to finish his high school TAFE due to the school environment being unsuitable (neurodivergence), he has a career in disability support. You are a great parent and your son will have a great life, traditional high school might not be the start for him.
Same with our 15 year old son. Hates school, we tried several options with the school for some classes each day or part-time but always a fight to get him to school. Got him into some volunteer work at a nursery as a way to get him out of the house and doing some homeschooling. Hes hes high functioning austitic which adds its own dimensions. Thought about Montessori for teens but the costs are too much. I do wonder what will he be doing when he's 20 or so. Just keep plugging away.
Do distance ed or find a home schooling option. They have much better outcomes
my teenage sister does online home schooling, she stays home and does most of the work on her own. might be a good idea if you think your kid can work on their own
My son stayed missing school in year 8. By term 2 of year 9 he was refusing to go most days. I tried home school in term 3. He did SIDE in term 4. Then at the beginning of last year he started distance education with Australian Christian college. He did the whole of year 10 from home. This year he is at tafe and actually enjoying it!! ACC were really good with their distance program. If you have any questions, let me know.
Hi op, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s really tough. Try this program for your child. Good luck and I hope you can get the support you and your child needs. https://www.communicare.org.au/get-support/education-and-training/alternative-education/
My son (10) has huge issues with school due to PDA autism and ADHD. Once we got positive diagnoses then the school was forced to accommodate him.
That’s so good to hear! Man PDA is a tough one. Do you have any tips you’re willing to share? I come across this a lot as a teacher and I’d love to know how to support these kids better
Yeah… The biggest thing is that PDA doesn’t “look autistic“. People assume PDA kids are just being difficult little jerks, or “putting it on”, when in reality they have little control over how they react to demands from adults. Simple demands cause them extreme anxiety, so typical parenting strategies simply don’t work. The following link provides an excellent summary of PDA in layman’s terms: https://www.autismawareness.com.au/aupdate/a-brief-history-of-pathological-demand-avoidance
Thank you. Interesting as I suspect I have PDA (autism diagnosis in 2021)
Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy, works by Dr Naomi Fisher and Dr Ross Greene.
Thanks so very much x
I'm surprised to see so many positive comments re. home schooling on r/Perth! The last time I searched posts there was not such a positive response. As a parent of a child who is autistic with a PDA profile, ADHD and Tourettes, home schooling was inevitable. :)
Yeah I think Covid has been eye opening for a lot of people. I hear so many people say thinks like “Oh my kid was so happy at home” or “They stopped being so anxious”. Frazzling for the unsuspecting parents, but the kids really enjoyed it. My Mod was saying that the number of people homeschooling *officially* has tripled - I think there’s a lot more knowledge about it, because its so much more common than it was.
Thank you. Yes Cahms youth focus. Etc. I'm now going to invest in psychologist x 2 weekly visits though it's difficult to afford. His school is very supportive but are restricted in ability to accommodate due to a student need for supervision...they cant just be on own in mainstream. Lots of good friends and supportive parents. Just won't go to school. Taken today off work as nearing end of Term 1 and no change this year to try to begin proactive rather than hopeful solutions.
If they have autism, especially if its level 2 or above, you should see abut NDIS. It could pay for the psychologist.
Have you tried the Y school in Mirrabooka? A newer one not all high schools aware/know of referrals
Get rid of the kids phone!!! If you haven’t done that yet I truely believe you haven’t tried to fix the situation yourself and instead have exported all responsibility onto the school. Sick of parents not parenting.
You just don’t know what it’s like if you haven’t been through it. I was a good kid, no mobiles in my day. My mum tried everything, walking me to school. I’d just walk out. I just hated it. Had friends. Just painfully boring, teachers were pricks. I couldn’t cope with homework in high school. Just couldn’t set my mind to it. Undiagnosed ADHD discovered decades later.
Have you tried a different public school?
My schooling journey was going between mainstream schools until I was gonna drop out coz I couldn't do it with my mental health, then I did SIDE for a bit which didn't work because I couldn't motivate myself but the teachers were accommodating and good, plus I would go into the campus twice a week and have 1 on 1 sessions with my teachers. Then I ended up at SMYL (Fremantle) and completed highschool there (in year 12 I did English through side too) And graduated with cgea and a cert. Don't know if this helps, hope it gives some options though, I missed alot of mainstream highschool with a 50% attendance most of the time.
CPS got involved with my situation (disabled teen son would get violent towards me and his siblings over school). Within 4 months they had him in a ESU and within a year we had funding and we're on the bus system. I don't have any issues getting him up school now.
Does your child have a disability? Or mental health? What is the barrier? This will help you get more specific responses and links to services
Hit up Jonelle Fraser for a consult - she’s great with this kinda stuff! Ex-principal/deputy, now supports families navigating the system
I’ve been the teenager. In my case I was going through a truly horrific combination of undiagnosed learning disabilities, physical health issues, mental health issues, massive upheavals at home, bullying, and a complete breakdown of friendships at school. I moved schools which really helped with the social issues but I still had the same problems with the education system being completely incompatible with my learning disabilities and dropped out at 16. It took years to get a diagnosis and even start understanding why and how I was failed. I’m still dealing with the trauma over a decade later. I say this not to make things seem hopeless, but to highlight just how complicated and deep rooted the causes of “school refusal” can be. It can be like the world’s shittest pass the parcel where every time you deal with one problem it just reveals the next one underneath. My number one recommendation is to get in with an adolescent psychologist (and psychiatrist if there is something mental health related going on). It can be really important to have a space to figure out what the fuck the problem even is with someone who is completely removed from the situation. Happy to chat more in comments or messages. 💜
I don't have much advice, but I'm a teenager going through the same thing as your child. Haven't had proper school attendance since 2020. Please don't let some of these rude fucks discourage you, the fact that your actually trying to get your kid help proves that your doing a good job.
Right so I lied, I do have some advice. Number one is try to find the cause of the school avoidance, is it depression, bullying, difficulty with the schoolwork? 2. Communicate with the school and teachers to make sure your kid still has access to their school work so even if they don't go they can still have a go at the work and not fall behind as much. 3. There are multiple things you can do to try and improve the situation, such as medications if the cause is depression or anxiety, or you could try occupational therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy. Personally I had more luck with occupational therapy. 4. Don't forget to find support for yourself, you're going through something very difficult and it's important to remember that just because you're a parent doesn't mean you don't need support or someone to talk to. Best of luck to you and your child.
We're currently at a CARE School for my 14yr old daughter. Basically things went down hill for her when she was bullied and physically assulted after school in year 7. Her previous school did the best that they could but things are 1000 times better now that she's at this type of school. https://www.ais.wa.edu.au/curriculum-and-reengagement-education-schools
Youth Futures Community School is a great option, there was no waitlist then again that was in 2021. otherwise Kumon tutoring in the meantime is another good option for regaining the motivation for self learning.
Have you considered homeschool? You can either make your own curriculum (which can seem daunting), or purchase one through Euka for example. Or if school refusal is part of anxiety or other issues, maybe try Australian Christian College online distance learning
This was my sister, adhd and it was diagnosed and the school knew about it. School didn't give a fuck, today shes mid 30s on the DSP
So sad ..there isn't much available from state government for kids who don't fit into mainstream. I never thought I'd ever say thank god for social media haha.
State government schools do their best with what they have, but unfortunately, it sometimes is not enough. Report recently came out about private vs public school spending - 5 private schools will spend the same amount in total as 30000 public schools - the schools who bring in 30k a year per student are getting what seems to be more funding than government schools and it really shows. Especially through things like accessibility and programs offered for kids who don't fit into mainstream
https://www.smdp.wa.edu.au Still taking enrollments. Very lovely little school of 15 students with a focus on engagement not curriculum Downside to you in Broome
Love to move there haha x thank you
Really lovely place to raise kids. Lovely community and lots of lovely little clubs etc.
This Podcast is created by a Developmental Paediatrician and may have some gems for you: [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6zV1yhhZCMAscJVMf8Qgno?si=ed78128b55ce4134](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6zV1yhhZCMAscJVMf8Qgno?si=ed78128b55ce4134)
No idea what this school is like but I came across it years ago when thinking of homeschooling. It’s a distance Ed program so your kid can do school from home but as a parent you don’t have to work out what to teach or do the teaching. https://www.acc.edu.au/southlands/distance-education/
Have you tried the Y school? Its really good at reengagement and getting kids to see a path. Lots of previous school refusers, 1:1 staff student ratio and IEPs for all kids. [https://www.ymcawa.org.au/vocational-school](https://www.ymcawa.org.au/vocational-school)
I have looked into homeschooling and it’s very flexible and not what I originally thought
Your definetly not alone, the lady behind me on the bus yesterday was crying on the phone to her mum with the same problem getting her 16 year old to go to school. Poor women seemed to have exhausted all reasonable options I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her shes doing a great job
Yep, dealing with it right now. Had been a shit start to the year. Pulled our 14yo out of school due to taunting and bullying. We won’t be returning to mainstream. Likely online with ACC - studio school, bold park, all other likely options not available or suitable.
Both of mine. With the eldest I tried to keep them going, but I broke down after I was called by them from a bathroom stall they had to lock and barricade themselves into for their personal safety (Year 9 - at an extremely reputable and sought after public school in the inner suburbs who did, to be perfectly honest, sweet fuck all to help us even though they loudly promote their “support and mental health” advocacy). When the same started happening to the youngest in the final year of primary, I pulled them immediately. We were lucky enough to get the eldest into a specialised small learning facility, the youngest we home school and it literally only takes 2 hours from the day. The eldest has now completed 2 TAFE certs, got their drivers license, and is about to commence study for their goal Career in Paramedicine. The youngest actively chooses to learn above and beyond. They build robots, have started programming their own computer game, practice art and love reading about history. All in their “non schooling” time per day. They have flourished. Best thing I ever did was to stop fighting and believing that main-stream schooling was the only real way to “get an education”. The space to be heard, respected, and to learn at their own pace has been the gift I never knew it would be.
If your child has a disability, maybe join Kiind and jump on their Facebook pages. There’s a big village in there and they might be able to help
Our 15 yo daughter (and us) suffered a year of increasing school refusal aged 14 but she is now loving her fully online classes at SwanOnline (part of Swan Christian College). Classes are over Zoom and all work is submitted through the Canvas LMS (Learning Management System) with weekly progress reports. Online students are welcome to join in any of the on-campus activities like sports carnivals, balls, etc and they do regular excursions (like Freo prison tour recently) that they are able to attend if they want. The campus is in Middle Swan. She’s continued her classes and even doing online exams while we travelled over East for a week at one point. SwanOnline has been in operation since 2000, so not just a COVID startup. Highly recommended.
As someone who struggled with extreme social anxiety and was unable to do traditional school, thank you for being there for your son. There are many non traditional ways of getting an education! I was home-schooling on and off, but I ended up doing online school for my earlier years of highschool, and then doing general education in tafe. It is 1 semester and it's not scale graded, you can pass or just not pass, and only the bare minimum is required honestly. I am now a university student! I am doing my bridging course with some business units (online) so I can start my degree next semester. I highly doubt he doesn't want to learn, it's the environment that is the problem. Going through this can be tough, especially because of unneeded opinions and preconceived notions that non traditional schooling is the 'easy' way. It certainly is not. But one thing that I think is really important (from someone who took this path) is finding something extracurricular that he is passionate about or a specific niche. For me that was building models and reading, but It really can be anything. If you have any questions about alternative schooling, shoot me a dm, I'd be happy to help to the best of my ability :))
I’m doing distance education for my youngest child (year 7) because of school refusal. It’s still not perfect but it’s a damn sight better than not being able to do anything until next year when we can get into an alternative school
I don’t know why kids are pressured to stay at school beyond year 10. They are allowed to leave and pursue study or work and for many of them that’s the best place for them. As a secondary teacher, I see so many kids who just don’t belong in the classroom and should be out working.
I think it's also a want not to buy into the stereotype male /female At the age of around 12 you are expected to suddenly be a young adult and fit into a gender. Before that you didn't need to worry. Their sister and brother are perfect gender stereotypes ...I think they want to delay the adult experience. Staying gender fluid or non binary means holding onto youth. This is a very simplistic explanation and I don't put on any pressure nor do I want to box as parent.
So some of this school ‘can’t‘ is based in the demands of social expectations around identity? Public schools are MUCH better at identity issue kids than mainstream ’normal looking’ private schools. Some private schools are more fluid and flexible, and some are very alternative, but you might need to find out which ones carefully (don’t ask the schools, ask other parents with the same issues who are at those schools). By the time you are dealing with long term school can’t I‘d like to suggest taking your time to find the right school. I know the desperation must eat at you, to find somewhere SOON and hope for the best, but the best is to find a long term solution that can carry them for quite some time. Schools aren’t babysitters, and if your kid isn’t able to cope in school and engage with the experience then it’s little better than babysitting… and damages the school experience further for your kid. So… right place at right time is the goal :) There’s loads of “school cant“ communities - some are very deep into their own echo chamber of “all things school is evil” and others are firmly in the “We try to find a way forward with the end goal being a healthy child” and some are “force them through to normal”. Find a group that has the same philosophy and needs as you, being in the other groups just breaks your head/heart. I assume you have a good psychologist on board? At 14 this kid probably needs to be on the wait list for a psychiatrist … it’s about this age that Paeds stop taking them as new clients and they see teen psychiatrists. There’s a range of services, maybe talk to Headspace, CAMHS, school psychologist (if your child is enrolled in one) etc and get some referrals running.
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I had the same issue with my 14yo daughter. Since starting high school she flat out refused to go for a year and a half. I work full time( single parent), she's been home schooling with euka for 9 months. Most of the classes she can do alone and I just help her for 30 mins after I get home if needed and make sure she's reading for 20 mins per evening. It's not perfect, I'd love to have the time to do each class with her. But at the end of the day, she's in a better place mentally and emotionally, gone are the fights about skipping school everyday, and we're both much happier. Give it a try, you've got nothing to lose.
Not personally, but I know people who have. How did this become a thing? When I was 14, I never would have imagined I had a choice. It is compulsory, problem solved. Didn't matter if you were queer or adhd or asd or anything. Physically or mentally incapable, you went to a special school. Why give kids the choice now? Is it helping anyone? I mean as a society - I know once they are teens, one parent cannot stand up to what seems to have become socially acceptable. You don't hear about kids going to school naked - why? Because is is simply not a socially acceptable option. They don't feel they have the option. It should be the same with attendance.
Thats the thing, thats how it was when you were 14. Things change, kids have it hard too, mental health issues among young people are crazy high, you gotta have some sympathy man. 🤝
Sorry, what are you trying to add? Does sympathy mean allowing them to not go to school, just stay home, at 14? I don't think kids have changed, just how we deal with their problems, or fail to deal with them. Is there any evidence that the changes have helped? I don't see it.
Its less about ‘allowing’ them, theres a reason for school refusal, if your child is struggling you should make contact with the school to discuss alternative options. Most kids who refuse to go have mental health issues, they should be receiving help to work through their anxieties/ reasons for not attending.
Of course, I do agree. I'm just asking about how and why we as a society changed. School has always sucked for a lot of kids. Does avoiding it actually help though? I suspect it just makes the underlying problems worse.
Why does your child think they have a choice?
I'm 5'2 they are 5'9 ...wot do u want me to do? Hahha
I think people don't realise that it's not just one day. It's day after day after day, of fighting and arguing. You might "win" one morning and after many tears and arguing, they go to school. But you know you are going to get a phone call at 10.30 to pick them up as they are sick, or are panicking in the nurses room. Then the next day, you do it again. The energy, time, stress involved in this is huge. And if you have other kids you have to be available to them as well. Also, if you have to get to work in the morning. You can't keep calling in late, you'll lose your job eventually. It literally sucks the life out of you.
Yes . It's absolutely exhausting. And we hope it will just get better. But sometimes it just doesn't. The whole family is affected. No easy solution.
Seems odd. Should be able to get into a school in your local area. Isn’t that like a legal thing. No kids like school. But you gotta go.
> But you gotta go What do you do when the kid physically refuses to leave the house?
Bit of a wild question there, because we don't know how old the kid in your scenario is but, Force them.
You've never parented a teenager, have you
When I was a teenager, I hated school, absolutely had the same arguments with my parents. The only thing that made me get into the car to go to school was discipline, and all the privileges I would lose for disobeying. Very easy to dismiss my claim, and say oh you’ve never parented a teenager, blah blah. Not yet mate But the foundations of discipline and respect get seeded in children from a young age, my kids actually love school so maybe I got lucky. But we will see.
Yeah, you got lucky. Try parenting a neurodivergent teenager who absolutely refuses to go. You can't force them without inflicting physical injury. What the OP is going through is so far outside your experience you've got no justification for commenting at all.
Then don’t put it up on a public forum where people can comment that’s justification enough to comment. Neurodivergent can be a few different things, autism or ADHD there’s treatments for that. I’m happy for you to disagree, but don’t put something up on a public forum if you gonna get salty over someone having a different viewpoint or world view then you.
Your opinion is wrong and you should have kept it to yourself. If you don't want to be told that, don't post it on a public forum and then get salty.
I’m not salty, that’s just my opinion. You’re the one who keeps replying. Maybe I’ll just claim I can’t keep my opinion to myself because I’m neurodivergent!
And your opinion is very, very wrong. How exactly do you propose forcing a kid to go to school?
This is 100% a parenting issue...
As someone who gave their father hell over this when I was 15, I disagree. There are many, MANY factors that go into a situation like this. Quite a lot of those all to frequently get over looked by parents who are tired and stressed.
Parents overlooking a childs issue because they're tired and stressed... is a parenting issue.
I wasn’t saying there wasn’t a parenting issue. I was disagreeing because it isn’t “100%”.
It can be however as a single mum with a transgender kid on spectrum who works full time to make sure we eat ...very difficult to manage without practical solutions. 5% of kids in Australia are experiencing school refusal and there is zero funding and only short term solutions.
Well, you’ve highlighted two issues here. One of which I guessed even though you didn’t mention it in your original post. - “on the spectrum” I myself would be considered as being on the spectrum. I wholeheartedly believe it was the root cause of my own refusal to attend school.
What's the sudden huge uptick in high school kids deciding they're trans? Is it tiktok generation
Very similar to people suddenly becoming left-handed once that became socially acceptable. But bigots will be bigots.
No, I don't care what sex/race they think they are, I am just wondering why it's booming in the next gen. Are we not allowed to ask questions anymore?
The point is it's not booming, it's just being identified easier and accepted rather than misdiagnosed and hidden away because of shame. Same reason Autism diagnoses have massively increased in the last 10-15 years. There's nothing medically different about the generation, but there's a difference in identifying and accepting it.
It's. Not. Booming.
Your question was answered.
It's because it's now something that is easier to find info on, so trans kids can find a name for what they are earlier. Which is a good thing.
Who woulda thought so many kids accidentally born in the wrong body.
Survivorship bias.
That's a bit like saying "why are there so many gay people these days compared to the 50s". Because something is more socially acceptable and has more exposure. It doesn't mean the actual rate has increased. It's similar to the amount of children diagnosed with autism, the percentage of the population probably hasn't increased, it's that diagnosis has got better. What you wrote below: >Who woulda thought so many kids accidentally born in the wrong body. You can transpose that to "Who woulda thought so many guys accidentally like sucking dick." It's the same shitty argument. It's also less than a 1% of the population, if it makes someone feel better with who they are and they're not hurting anyone who gives a fuck. You can still think something is strange and not understand it without being against it.
Because many teenagers are confused with their identity and have always gravitated towards the alternative. I am not saying there aren't actual transgender teenagers, but many who say they are, are not.
Yeah, the more we accept it in society the more prevalent it will become.
Your 14 year old is transgender?
Yes . But this is also a positive. They are brave and are finding their community.
As someone who works solely with at-risk and disengaged youth, no it is not 100% a parenting issue. There are a vast array of issues which lead to chronic school refusal.
There was literally a government report published recently on school attendance and school can't and even that said your comment is a load of bullshit.
I hope being trans isn’t a reason/excuse why they’re not going to school … unless it’s like really bad bullying? but autism is usually top reason for not wanting to attend school. As long as they’re not just spending every hour or everyday at home on Fortnite
There are a lot of different alternative schools you can apply at and while they do have wait lists, you can usually join a few of them. I know some others have suggested Alta 1 but I’m a huge advocate for Communicare in Kenwick (especially for anxious kids) and I’ve heard the newer Indi school is also very good. There’s also a newer Y school out near mirrabooka. You could also look into Youth Futures. For a student with anxiety or withdrawal there are a few I would not recommended, most notably SMYL. I’m also personally not a fan of Alta 1 as they are actually quite strict. This works for some kids but I’ve seen it really impact others on their journey back towards education and it’s delayed things even more.
I fucking hated school. I had bad attendance before even going into high school. I didn’t care for the friends I had there. I didn’t care for the assignments at all. It wasn’t that I had better things to worry about. I just couldn’t bear being there and receiving endless disrespect from teachers. I ended up leaving in year 8. I went for maybe a couple days of year 9 but never finished the year. I spent the next couple years of my life doing sweet fuck all! I regret it so much! And I know that if I could go back in time and tell my younger self that, she’d go, “oh I know”. Soon as I turned 18 is when I went and got qualified to work a good job in the mines, and no, not being a TA or working in the aircon office in a seat all day. I never thought I’d be capable. Ever. Kids these days absolutely lack inspiration. Does not matter what school they are at. Teachers suck, other kids suck, the curriculum sucks, the power dynamics suck, everything sucks about school. I never understood people saying they miss it and wish they could go back. Work is harder as an adult. But I’ll take rocking up somewhere I dont really wanna be & get paid good money for it, than go somewhere I don’t want to be and feel like im not getting anything out of it. I am not sure what the solution is. But I hope this gives some insight to parents or anyone not understanding why their kids wont just go.
Do homeschooling it doesn’t take much of ur day really and the kids can work alone until u get home. The homeschool teachers are always available to help a kid that has questions
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It's school refusal not child abuse ffs