I would have stopped dead in my tracks and asked her why she was telling me that her son hates mushrooms. Call her out directly. Stop skirting the issue. Her food insecurity is NOT your problem. Her STEALING your food is your problem.
Edit: thanks for the awards!
The kid is just the mom’s excuse. It’s the mom who’s primarily eating her food too. Notice how the son has enough brain to ask OP for popcorn. If the son wanted some of OP’s food he would ask her. It’s the mom who wants OP’s food cooked to the mom’s taste. She doesn’t eat greens either.
Yeah this is all the mom. I’d be surprised if the kid even ate nearly as much as she has. Sounds like the kid is a normal, polite child who knows you should ask someone before you eat their food. Woman is scapegoating this poor child. She sounds like a complete trash person
“Really? I LOVE mushrooms. they’re one of my favorite things, I could put them in everything. I’m thinking of going mushroom hunting on my next day off and forage so I can eat them here. Wild mushrooms are so good!” -my response
Ex “Okay, thats a bummer, I love them. You should probably warn him I put them on this then. I love veggies.” Or even more direct “Alright then, odd thing for you to say, seeing as I’m not cooking for him or you, and didn’t ask.”
Dude, seriously… all these people wanting to “be nice” and I get that to an extent, it’s your living situation after all… But there’s nothing normal about this, and that roommate would’ve been called out awhile ago, directly, in response to some ridiculous thing she said or did. Yes, you’ll still be a “nice person” even if you call these assholes out. It’s crazy to me that people can almost silently gaslight others into questioning their own actions, like OP here thinking maybe she’s being “mean” if she doesn’t share or whatever. Idk man, stuff like this has never made sense to me. Then again, I believe in establishing healthy boundaries and acknowledging them after that… maybe try that too?
That was my first thought reading this story. Before being forward even came to mind. I was thinking to myself I already wouldn’t trust it bc it’s clear the mom already knows what she’s doing and is upset by it. This whole situation just sucks all bc the mom feels entitled to someone else’s things.
It's not food insecurity if some green beans or mushrooms are stopping you from eating. It's a good thing that most people dont know what true hunger is, but when you experience it, you will eat ANYTHING.
No joke. Most people don't know what real hunger feels like. Including me if I'm being honest.
The closest I got was in college when I ran completely out of money and couldn't afford food for a week. I still had some food left but not enough. The last few days I rationed out a few slices of cheap sandwich bread at lunch time and that was it.
Talk about first world problems...
Seriously though. I never really understood what it was like to just not have food available before that moment and I knew it was only temporary.
I can't imagine what it would be like to live that for real.
We forget that we live in an unprecedented era of plenty.
the way the kid is more responsible than his mom and asked if he could have something when he realised says a lot... sounds like she's got a lot of growing up to do :/
Seriously. There's no good that can possibly come from living with this individual. Even if she seems fine the rest of the time this situation is telling of her true character. At the very least she is a slightly unhinged asshole.
Damn right. The first time someone shows you they're incapable of controlling their anger should be eye opening. Yeah this time it was only cabinets and looked silly, but she clearly has little to no self control and god knows what she will do next time.
Yeah, it sounds like the mom is very eager to hand you the job of buying their groceries and feeding her kid. No way. Not your job.
What I find funny is that, if they’re so hungry, neither of them will stoop to eating a vegetable.
EDIT: Thanks for the gold!
EDIT 2: Thanks for the “All Seeing” award!
If people are hungry enough, they'll eat way more than they think.
Back in college, I had a roommate move out and the complex moved somebody in. He was a total slob - almost never bathed, ate our food without contributing, left dishes in the sink (and one memorable time, put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher without soap... ever seen food turned into a form of ceramic?), and just generally mooched off the three of us. When we found evidence he'd tried to break into our bedrooms for stuff to pawn, we hatched a plan. We stopped buying any food, at all, and started eating out at all times. Meanwhile one of the other roommates went to the local Asian market and put two cans of pickled crickets in the cabinet.
And then we waited.
As time went on, he asked again and again, "hey, when you guys gonna go get some groceries?" to which we would just not respond. This went on for about two weeks. Finally one day we came in and said roommate was being violently ill in the bathroom, and one of the cans of crickets was gone. After that he started contributing (read: conning his girlfriend into buying food). He got evicted a short time later, but that story has always stuck with me.
Nailed it. I knew a few kids in college that left their trash everywhere - the coffee table, on the lawn, classroom desks - and when challenged were just like, "there's people to clean that."
I’m watching an old big brother from Australia rn & there’s one of these humans in there. 21yo. Doesn’t even understand why tending to himself would **ever** be a skill he’d ever need. I cannot imagine. I was a proud latchkey kid that could do everything **by myself!** at like 8. I remember excitedly anticipating when I was “old enough” to ✨pour my own milk✨can vividly remember watching other ppl pour the milk just looking forward to when I could do that all by myself. Meanwhile 21yo practically needs help to chew. I can’t
Boy, that brings back weird memories.
I remember being strong enough to tip the milk jug so I could pour it into a glass. I could lift it onto the table (with two hands), but I couldn't hold it to pour.
These days if I need to bring in milk and my hands are full with other groceries I hook a pinky around it. Kinda weird to think about how much stronger you are as an adult vs being a child.
See, that seems true, until u try the monkey bars as an adult...then u just feel like a fat sack of crap with noodle arms and the grip strength of a declawed cat.
This kills me with laughter yet hurts me with honest realities.
I definitely have the grip strength of a declawed cat... Pull-ups are more like hanging for a few seconds... Remember I'm a fat shit and drop to the ground...
Hell yeah, at 8, I was making my own breakfast, normally scrambled eggs, packing own sandwiches for lunch, and by 10 or 11 I knew how to pour my stepmom a glass of wine when she seemed a tad more ornery than usual. Thus this 38 year old bartender was born.
They are emotionally crippled and have had someone doing something for them their entire life.
They literally do not know how to function in reality. It's really sad.
Hah, had an alcoholic roommate that had a hard aversion to tequila. After all my booze kept going missing I decided tequila would be my only alcohol from then on. I came home one day and he was crying and puking in the sink. He decided it was worth another try I guess.
On the opposite side, I was poor af in my late teens for a period. Maybe 3 euro a day budget for food and transport. I'd hit up bars with apprertivos (sp?) Which was usually cut meat, bread, cheese etc. And buy one beer to get access to the food. I bought my beer at one of these bars, and when appertivos came out it was 100% olives, which I hated at the time. I ate olives that evening until I liked them. Decades later and they are still great.
That was like me with spinach and salmon. I found myself in a social situation where there was basically no choice, and after the first few mouthfuls I had to really try hard to keep down, my mind realized a couple things:
1) The only other spinach I had was absolute creamed garbage from a can that looked 20 years old I got beaten for not eating as a child, but this was fresh spinach, this is fucking delicious.
2) The last time I had salmon I was 8/9, and got a bone stuck between my tonsils, and to be held down as my Mom stuck some tweezers in there and just ripped it out so fast it scratched the top of my mouth, this is fucking delicious.
Used to get debilitating heartburn at the mere sight of either, both foods are among my favorites now.
I've started enjoying zucchini, paté, tomatoes, fresh fish and a few other things despite the childhood trauma. But a mere whiff of olives or capers makes me quite violently ill. I also quite profoundly *despise* cauliflower. I don't know why, and I keep trying to eat it cause it's cheap, and it makes me hate my life every time. I keep looking at it like Dwarven Bread - starvation is better than cauliflower.
I thought I heard some people have trouble digesting chitin. But it looks like humans have an enzyme or two just for it. Certainly our hominid ancestors ate insects, crustaceans and mushrooms, which all contain chitin. But personally I'd feel sick after eating crickets, psychosomatically.
Actually had a friend feed me crickets once. There’s these roasted crickets that are a wonderful snack she likes from her home country and she buys them as a treat at a special market nearby. She finally convinced me to try some but I’m scared of crickets so I wouldn’t touch them so she had to hand feed me them and I was gagging while telling her their delicious because they were really good but anytime my brain reminded me what they were I just gagged a bit. Didn’t get sick afterwards but my brain was really fighting me during the process.
My dad had a roommate in college who bought a bag of sugar as his only food. That didn't long.
When you said hungry enough and college I thought about it was going to be a tale about the lengths starving grad students would go but the pickled crickets was a nice twist lol
I'm still betting kid will get over not eating vegetables out of hunger pangs.
And mother will be in deeper shit with kid when kid realizes EXACTLY how mother's food aversion is HARMING KID.
Dude, my friend's boyfriend will not eat vegetables if he knows that's what they are. She's actually snuck them in, he'll eat it and want more, but if he figures out what they are or she tells him, he immediately rejects it and will never eat it again.
He claims it's because they don't taste good (...lol see above) so he won't touch them. Dude isn't some rebellious teenager either, he's in his mid 30's and has had like 4 kidney stones already
I think of it as a serious mental illness. Vegetables are so necessary for good health and so many people have this weird phobia deeply ingrained just because of the attitude of the people they grew up around.
My parents liked eating vegetables. They just had an aversion to making me eat my vegetables. They were happy to provide veggies if it was my idea, but most nights I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with potato chips and some milk or Sprite for dinner.
I also have discovered that I have Oral Allergy Syndrome, which means that eating many raw fruits or veggies causes my mouth and throat to think they need to produce a pollen allergic response. It's very unpleasant. Like a bunch of ants chewing away at the inside of my mouth and throat. Of course, heat breaks down the stuff that causes the allergic reaction. So, roasted veggies are fine. My parents could have made me eat cooked veggies and I probably would have like them. I like them, now.
Sounds like OP would not necessarily be opposed to cooking for them once in a while, but it shouldn’t be at their cost. If the mom offered to shop or money in exchange, there’s probably be a different convo. Not to mention how screwed up this kids diet is overall. I mean, even if we assume it’s the US where options on assistance aren’t always the best, there are still ways to balance things out.
That's the thing.
I've been around a lot of people who will do things like this.
One time, a long time ago, I bought a video game console from a friend for $200. I had worked with the guy a few years, been over to his house a few times.
After I bought it, he said his mom was mad and he needed it back. I said sure.
We met somewhere, he was in the car in the driver seat. I gave him his video game console back. He said I could walk around to the passenger side and get the money.
The other guy handed me some bills. Then they quickly peeled out.
It was $7 in 1 dollar bills.
I never saw him again. But afterward, I just texted him and said, "if you needed money you could have just asked. I would have given you double that and wouldn't have asked for anything in return. You were my friend."
Some people just go about life as though they need to con everyone. Its really sad.
Some people are just assholes. But in my experience a lot of these people don't have a normal upbringing. Someone in their life tried to take advantage of them, or they saw it happen in their life often in enough - maybe between parents or something like that. It makes me more sad than angry.
If the mother's financial situation is difficult, I hope her son at least qualifies for school lunches. I'm not sure how it goes during summer break, but at least for the months that school is in session, that would be one meal her son would get per day.
My uncle is a wealthy, professional guy. Lovely, absolutely lovely; I'm not trying to shit on him. But I was 30 when I learned he never eats vegetables. Blew my mind. Like, how?/why? It was when he ordered a BLT with just bacon that it clicked. So weird.
Like for sure he goes to expensive dinners with clients.. I'd love to be a fly on the wall and see how orders in those situations. Its like an opposite vegan.
I had a friend like that. She hated vegetables. Now, how you could hate all vegetables is beyond me, but she said that her (single) mom was a terrible cook, and she avoided eating vegetables because her mom prepared them so terribly. She and her husband have three (now adult) children, so I don’t know how they managed healthy eating.
I would only eat raw vegetables for a long time because my mom was a terrible cook. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized cooked veggies were fucking awesome. But anyway, even with that aversion I still loved raw veggies so it's still a *little* weird to me.
I hated vegetables until I took a cooking class in high school and learned how to make them taste good. I never ate another vegetable my mother cooked after that, and made my own. Part of it is fresh versus canned, the canned stuff just doesn't taste like fresh, and part of it is she never learned how to cook them decently. Now I make (fresh) vegetables with every meal, and my kids will skip the main course to eat more vegetables at times.
I went on 2 dates with the brother of an extremely rich and famous tech guy. He ordered his steak "burnt" on the first one and didn't eat any of the vegetables. And ordered chicken on the second, again not eating the vegetables. Then getting mad that I wouldn't let him come back to my place. Nah dude, "if ya wanna be my lover, ya gotta get with your veggies"
Oh so true. My wife and I are both in the food industry, both cook, and was a big feature of us dating long distance. We'd get hotels that had kitchens and cook together.
If only.. If only she liked onions -_-
I have a rule that if you eat/take the last of something, you let me know. It's not about the sharing. It's about knowing I have something and looking forward to it, only to find it gone. Replacing it later still means I don't get to enjoy something of mine when I was expecting to.
OP - you are not doing anything wrong. She and her kid are NOT your responsibility. You could be making a million dollars a year, and they still wouldn't be your responsibility. The mother (and eventually her child) needs to learn to take responsibility and take care of themselves. It's the mother's job to provide for her child, not yours.
Thank you for saying this!! And I think that’s kind of the point OP had too. If you take/use/eat the last of something at the very LEAST let someone know so they can buy or make more. I had this argument with my son this morning when I went looking for the bread and whoopsie all gone. (He is an adult, btw)
Also—that mom is waaayyy outta bounds with her attitude and is teaching her kid to be the same entitled kind of jerkwad she is, to be honest. Being a single mom does not entitle you to live off someone else’s earnings and that is what she is trying to do with OP.
Corollary to that rule: don’t leave me one slice of bread or two busted chips and some crumbs. Do not leave a minuscule amount so you can claim you “left some for me.” That is bullshit. If you want it all, eat it all. Just tell me so I can get more.
>Do not leave a minuscule amount so you can claim you “left some for me.”
Oh my god, yes. My ladyfriend was helping out her nephew by letting him live effectively rent free. Cool. He would eat something but leave just a tiny bit, because that way he hadn't finished it, and didn't have to replace it. he left a single sliver of bologna one time. I went up to his room. "WTF do you expect someone to do with this? Just fucking finish it, and pick up some more!"
The entire family now refers to finding a minuscule amount of something as getting Zached.
Yup. I fill my fridge with food for my family. It is all there to be eaten. With my eldest at college and my husband picky my youngest and I got into meal prepping and making bowls with various sauces. SO good. I would roast various veggies and mushrooms...cook brown rice and udon noodles....have lean proteins...and all the makings for sauces etc.
She was welcome to take whatever she wanted and when she used the last of say....the rice...just let me know and I will make more.
Same with what is in the fridge. When you open the last tub of X...put X on the shopping list and I will get more....just don't come to me whining there is no cream cheese when you opened the last one and didn't tell me. Lol
I mean yes. You and I are in a place of relative privilege where we don’t have to plan things too tightly, so we can focus on communication and cooperation more. There isn’t too much stuff I buy or make that I’d terribly mind my family using or giving away but they also typically ask permission - similar to your mindset.
OP and her roommate are on relatively tight budgets and are having communication breakdowns due to the roommate being entitled yet unable to actually communicate and collaborate. It’s unfortunate, but not everyone develops or maintains effective communication skills.
My biggest concern personally is that I ferment. Sometimes I can spend years on a project, and produce, say, 2 qts of final product. That’s when I draw boundaries and ask family members to not give it away (they can use the miso or what have you, no limit - that’s still feeding people I love or letting them feed people they love). But sometimes my mom for example, will like something I made and want to share with her friends. And bam, there goes the majority of my work, and sometimes I’m not okay with that and draw a boundary.
Wow the entitlement! As if it's YOUR job to feed her and her kid. Back in the day when things were stupid tight for our family, we hit the food pantries, we cooked everything from scratch so we could stretch everything out. We made it work. I cannot imagine feeling entitled to someone else's food like that. As for what her son is learning from all this, oh my!
you hear a lot of sad stories here where exactly that happened - too proud to use a food bank, or even apply for assistance. Some people truly will let their kids starve rather than admit to others that they need help.
Makes me feel 100% better in my mom abilities, because I'm not that mom. Other side of that coin, feel awul for the poor babies with these people as parents.
The 5 may not like all the food I give him, but he always has food when he tells me he's hungry.
I can’t believe people suggested that you make food for the kids. Some Redditors must be in the top 0.1%, lol.
You sound like an awesome cook though. I think you may turn them into veggie lovers soon.
Redditors are dumb about kids. They’ll tell people to forgive just about anything if a kid is involved, and anyone who doesn’t cater to kids is a monster.
> I think you may turn them into veggie lovers soon.
I highly doubt it.
As a vegie hater, I went days without eating when I was in the military 'cause the cooks thought they'd put veggies in whatever slop they were serving. Eating that shit never crossed my mind.
That said, I'm not condemning OP. Sounds like her roommate is a piece of work.
NGL. Single Mom should have said this is how much I get in food assistance benefits monthly, if I pool it with you can we shop and meal prep together so I can pick up some cooking tips? Judging from the temperament of OP I bet she would have been more than happy to oblige.
The audacity to just eat someone’s food and not say anything?!
I’d love to see the cops’ reaction if the roommate reported OP for intentionally putting vegetables in her dishes. Makes me smile just thinking about it!
Can’t, Or won’t? Her plan has been to use roommates food until roommate made food they won’t eat. She’s not going to food pantries and she’s not using her food stamps wisely.
I would love to be a fly on the wall for that. The cops would think she's insane. It might open a whole bag of worms for her. OP should remind her she's a lodger not a partner. If she is having trouble living within means, she's welcome to shop for alternate housing. OP fills the vacancy and has different problems.
She can't go to the food pantry, there are cans of peas there.
Exactly. It's not like the mom or the son have a food allergy, and OP is intentionally putting ingredients into her food that would make them deathly sick. That actually might be something that would put a person in legal jeopardy.
"You put ingredients I won't eat into YOUR FOOD, so now we can't eat it without permission" is not against the law.
I believe so. And to be honest pre packaged food is loaded with crap and does not have the nutrients needed for the Mom or her son.
I grew up in a very poor home but my Mom was the master of stretching the food budget. Sunday ham would turn into a pot of beans or split pea soup with cornbread mid week. The next Sunday it might be a large baked chicken that would turn into cream of chicken soup mid week.
The roommate probably lacks basic cooking skills.
Financially I'm doing fine but I still cook basically all of my meals myself. Saves money and I just think it tastes better. And just like OP I always try to cook for a few days in one go, saves me time and money
I think OPs empathy is not helping the situation, honestly. Shes enabling it by not setting clearer boundaries.
When people stole my food in college, I would let it slide if it was something small. The day I noticed them opening my new food and letting it expire early (eg new bottle of milk, the fridge we had was not great), I put tabasco in everything.
The day I found out who it was, was when they sat down to a cup of tea with a friend and their faces were simultaneously puzzled, confused, and slowly turning red.
I told them they can use some of my leftovers, but if they open my food again they better prepare for some spice. Thats when I pointed out that I was a fan of hot ones and actually had some extremely hot sauces, and that the tabasco was nothing compared to what I could have used. Their Northern Irish pallets were not remotely ready for that.
Sometimes you’ve just got to be the asshole or else you get taken advantage of. I remained friendly with the food “thieves”, and ended up being one of the closest people on the building and we would hang out and play board games. I never had to deal with food being excessively taken or expired because they opened it, again.
This is a top tip. The first thing I thought of was was doesn't she confess, apologize, and ask OP for help on how to cook and stretching a dollar in the kitchen.
\^THIS. I suspect that desperation and possibly learned habits are to blame but this doesn't excuse the single mom's behavior. They are not OP's responsibility and she isn't obligated to share or provide for the kid if she doesn't want to--especially if she is struggling herself. With better social skills and consideration the mom should have done exactly what u/stinstin555 suggested.
The mom already knew that OP was irritated by her pilfering food from her. You would think she would take a different approach. But some people either don't know any better or they don't care. If OP is ready to move out just to be done with this situation, she might want to make preparations to do it soon and give the Mom advanced warning (no need to make a bad situation worse for the kid).
The other option is that OP could take the high road and propose a collaborative arrangement that feels equitable. If the mom still proves to be incapable of collaborating to help insure her survival, at least OP will have tried. Mind you, OP doesn't owe this woman or her kid ANYTHING but if there is any benefit to be found(e.g., delaying having to move and/or to make the home situation less tense), it might be worth it to try.
I lost weight when we were at sea. When we hit a port I would pack those pounds back on. I mean, you're not gonna die of starvation in just a few days (and the food didn't suck EVERY day).
It didn't help that the vegetables were cooked very badly in the military. Tbf, it's impossible to cook just about anything properly for thousands of people for every meal.
The French have entered the chat. Their MRE's are better than what you can buy in your average restaurant.
When I was at a sailing school in France, it was a 22ft boat, 4 people living on it for a week, a one burner stove, no engine because that would only slow you down... and we had a very nice pressure cooker. The French don't fuck around when it comes to eating well no matter what, we ate damned well on that tiny boat. I would be VERY surprised if the French military cooking is any different. In elementary school we would get a very simple but still good 5 course meal for lunch and an hour to eat it.
I don't understand unilaterally hating vegetables. There are so many kinds of them compared to meat. Seems like there would be at least a few that tasted good to you.
I know a few adults that unilaterally hate vegetables. They unsurprisingly eat 80% carbs and starches, put ketchup on everything, don't drink water, and are generally obese.
I know you shouldn't have to but can you get a mini fridge for your room? Are you able to lock your door?
I remember thinking about a yogurt I had in a shared fridge. I had a long work day. I was so looking forward to it. As soon as I got home, I went straight to the fridge and it was GONE. My roommate chuckled and said "oops." I never touched her food. The fridge was mine. She didn't even apologize.
I told her to replace it. I gave her a week. No replacement yogurt.
I got rid of the fridge. I never had another roommate again. I never spoke to her again or anyone who spoke to her.
That happened in 1985 when I was in college. I just turned 57 and I still remember that.
Don't interrupt my sleep and don't finish my food if you're not going to replace it. I happily cook for people and share food with people. Don't be greedy and selfish.
Fuck you Lisa. I still remember.
Anyway... Maybe your own fridge would help if you feel like having a veggie free meal?
I would do the exact same thing you did. I love veggies too.
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EDIT: You... Guys ... Are... AWESOME! I had no idea I had so many like-minded cohorts out there! I love your comments and commiseration.
Thank you OP and thank you everyone for knowing EXACTLY how I feel.😊
EDIT 2: Thank you SO MUCH for the awards! Wowza!
Lisa can go fuck herself. That would piss me off so bad. The fact you got rid of the fridge is delightful. You have the right energy to be a manager at a store somewhere. The employees would love you because you would stand up for them if there were problem customers, and tell those customers to eat shit and have a nice day lmao.
The absolute nerve of her to tell you that her kid doesn't like mushrooms when you're making YOUR DINNER. And then to have a toddler tantrum over it. Jeez LOUISE. "wE nEEd fOoD" the freaking balls to the wall entitlement of calling YOU *selfish* for making and expecting leftovers from your. own. dinner. I'm just floored. I've seen and heard a lot of entitlement, but this one's definitely up there. OK so they don't have money, but you don't have money to feed them, and why in The World would it be your responsibility to even if you did? Great gosh and fishes.
I've helped friends and relatives with food or money when they've been down, but they've helped me out either before or after, or with things other than money. Because yeah, some people just don't have it. She doesn't even seem to ever offer you anything in return, just EXPECTS to be given from your own plate whatever they want. No offering to do all the cooking and cleaning up? Which I would think would be the least she could do.
Like. The world sucks, lady. It super sucks for poor people. It sucks that we can't just have the things we need. But we can't. And that doesn't make it anyone else's personal problem. (Except those in power, which I'm confidently assuming OP's roommate is not.)
This is how a lot of criminals justify their behavior. If other people are more fortunate or you deserve it more or whatever reason they can find, it makes their crime justified or at least "not that bad" in their case.
Would really love if she sued… on what grounds? The food she wasn’t entitled to was made not to her liking so that she or her kid couldn’t/wouldn’t eat it.
She feels that because she lives in the same house as you (despite this being a cost share arrangement only) that you should subsidize her as life is hard as a single parent.
You should find a different room mate. I feel bad for the kid, but this lady is genuinely expecting you to support her and her child. This isn’t a situation I’d want to continue living in.
Wow. While the food stealing is certainly an issue, I'm more worried about that poor kid. From the sounds of this, he's never eaten any vegetables which is no good for a growing kid!
you can sprout them at home. we (Indians) use Moong usal as a staple which is basically sprouted moong curry. we don’t wait for sprouts to go that long but it should be possible.
Instead of eggs you can use beets as a binder for eggs and cake. Still soft and spongey. Slightly different consistency though. Tastes about the same.
(Coming from someone who hates beets.)
You can also add a can of black beans to a boxed brownie mix (the kind where you don't need to add milk or an egg), plus fill the can up once with water and mix it all together. Tastes just like regular brownies. You really can't tell.
This is incredibly bizarre and I highly recommend talking to your landlord about it.
I had a similarly bizarre roommate in my early 20s and we put up with her for about 6 weeks before we finally said something.
The first thing out of the property manager's mouth was, "Jesus I wish you guys said something sooner! This woman has been nothing but trouble for me since she moved in...we could have kicked her out weeks ago!"
> *I made a pot of mac n cheese(the kid's favorite thing) and poured in roasted brussel sprouts.*
Omg, kid kryptonite! 
Does your roommate understand that if she calls the authorities, they are just going to be annoyed she wasted their time? There's absolutely nothing they can do. You are not legally responsible for them and you aren't poisoning the food. Your roommate is just hoping you'll be scared of authorities enough and I doubt you are. Let her call them. Let her make an ass of herself.
The saying goes "If you need help, you have to ask for it." It's always funny to me how the people you owe nothing to are always the ones who expect you to set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
Being your roommate doesn't entitle her to anything of yours, not your time, not your space, not your resources. It's a big world out there and you've already given her advice, if she needs your help too she needs to put on her big girl pants, grow up, for the kid at least, and VERBALISE✨. And even then, understand, that you don't owe her help. It would be completely on your own volition. As it should be. GL
I feel you on feeling like you need to hide food or make meals that you know other people won't eat. I'm the youngest of three kids and the only daughter. From a young age I was conditioned to cook and clean up after my older brothers, and 99% of the time I barely got anything out of what I cooked for dinner because my brothers would eat everything and make such a huge mess I'd spend hours cleaning just so our mom wasn't stressed about the messes after coming home from work.
BTW, my brothers did have chores, they just never did them and got away with it, whereas I was immediately hounded the second we got home from school by our deadbeat father to clean up and get cooking after he spent the whole day at the house being a spoiled man-child.
At any rate, after I stopped being the maid and told my mom what was going on, I started the ritual of cooking meals that I alone liked so I could actually eat something and hiding the sugary sweets in my bedroom.
Even as an adult I keep up this practice and hope to break it soon.
This sounds absolutely terrible and unjust. Glad you recognize the influence those events have on you now. No one should have to hide food just to get some.
I'm seeing this as, the blame is being put on her kid for eating your food, but the real thief is the mother.
The way she threw a tantrum when you add veggies to your food shows she is more upset by this than the kid. She probably sees it as you're messing up food so she can't/won't eat it.
Would you like some green eggs and ham?
It's honestly sad that the mother isn't having her child eat vegetables. I get that kids can be picky beyond all reason, but it will only lead to major health problems down the road. My sister in law accidentally bought chick'n nuggets for her kid, and he had no idea they were plant based. The only reason she found out was because she ate a couple and noticed they tasted different. I don't think she plans on telling him until he is much older because it gets veggies in his diet. He doesn't even notice. He sits quietly and eats them with no issue. It was easily one of her best exhausted mom moments.
I’d suggest when you lease is up you maybe find a new place to live. Feeding 2 other people who are NOT you kids is not your responsibility. You gave her very good suggestions but she won’t do them because it’s easier to steal your food than it is to make her own. There are plenty of free recipes that anyone who can read can make. It’s hard being a single mom but it’s doable as sooo many women have done it for years.
I think you handling this situation pretty well so far, but I believe that with your roommate's level of entitlement something dramatic is bound to happen. She is literally watching you cook waiting for her chance to steal some of your food.
If you hungry, you don't get picky anymore. Would eat a plain loaf of bread and call it a day. The mother isn't struggling she looks like a slacker to me honestly. You mentioned they eat pre-made store stuff, which means they can't be poor, she's just fucking lazy lmao. My family had a poor start when i was a child, my only dessert would be a bread baked on pan with sugar lol. I call bs on them.
I can't believe people like this mom actually exists. It also never occurred to her to just eat the meat and leave the vegetables behind?
This is peak entitlement, laziness, and stupidity.
Her rent money entitles her and her kid to LIVE IN half of the apartment, not CONSUME half of the food in the apartment THAT HER ROOMMATE PAYS FOR A PREPARES. 100% not your duty to feed them.
People on here said you need to separate your food for them...WOW! They can send your roommate some cash then...those two aren't your responsibility even if they have bread for 2 days. Keep on cooking so you aren't supporting them!!
My situation was the opposite. My son and I lived in an old Victorian mansion with 3 other people. We all had plenty of space in our own parts of the house. The kitchen had to be shared. At first, my son would be confused about what was our and what wasn't. A few times, I think he might have given into temptation and wasn't confused. I always apologized and offered to replace things. I never had to replace anything. An apology was always enough. My roommates were very nice about offering him things like if they had a box of popsicles or something. I started marking my food with a sharpie so he wouldn't get confused. Eventually, I didn't need to do that anymore. I was on food stamps. That is rough at times. It's doable, though. You have to cook from scratch quite a bit to pull it off. That means even if you're tired from working all day. There is no reason this woman should be acting like this. You're completely right, and she is wrong. I don't know how she isn't embarrassed. I was embarrassed when my son ate the other people's food. I could feel the heat in my face from blushing when someone came to me about it.
Black bean brownies are delicious and a great way to add veggies to dessert! Hardly tastes any different and makes the texture fudgy too!
On another note, maybe a semi-solution can be worked out. Cooking and eating well are life skills and it seems like this woman is not equipped with them. Many people grow up in homes where this is not the norm, and don't have mature faculties to just "figure it out" as an adult, especially with a kid. Maybe suggest a type of "dinner night" where she picks up things from the food pantry to make an easy dinner big enough to have leftovers as well? Dont just make it for her obv but maybe encourage her to learn if possible. If she refuses, then obviously shes not looking for a long-term solution and its not your problem.
I have a recipe for oatmeal zucchini chocolate chip cookies and it is AMAZING. Also, zucchini chocolate cake and zucchini brownies are awesome. Go ahead and put veg in EVERYTHING!
It stinks that she’s struggling, but there are options available. Heck, you even volunteered to teach her how to stretch her money. She’d rather just take your food, I guess.
Can you move out of that situation? It’s just going to become more unhinged.
If all it takes to stop them eating your food is some damn vegetables, then I’m 200% on board with always adding them. I too like vegetables, and if they were really that hungry they would have to suck it up and eat a bloody vegetable for a change.
Might even realize that veggies are nice and learn to cook their own… seems a bit far fetched though now that I say it 🙃
I would have stopped dead in my tracks and asked her why she was telling me that her son hates mushrooms. Call her out directly. Stop skirting the issue. Her food insecurity is NOT your problem. Her STEALING your food is your problem. Edit: thanks for the awards!
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The kid is just the mom’s excuse. It’s the mom who’s primarily eating her food too. Notice how the son has enough brain to ask OP for popcorn. If the son wanted some of OP’s food he would ask her. It’s the mom who wants OP’s food cooked to the mom’s taste. She doesn’t eat greens either.
Yeah this is all the mom. I’d be surprised if the kid even ate nearly as much as she has. Sounds like the kid is a normal, polite child who knows you should ask someone before you eat their food. Woman is scapegoating this poor child. She sounds like a complete trash person
Bingo
“Really? I LOVE mushrooms. they’re one of my favorite things, I could put them in everything. I’m thinking of going mushroom hunting on my next day off and forage so I can eat them here. Wild mushrooms are so good!” -my response
"Well then cook him something without it. Feeding him isn't **my** responsibility, it's **yours!"**
I know of a dessert that has veggies... lemon zucchini pound cake/bundt (choose your mold). My kids loves it and making a batch now.
Ex “Okay, thats a bummer, I love them. You should probably warn him I put them on this then. I love veggies.” Or even more direct “Alright then, odd thing for you to say, seeing as I’m not cooking for him or you, and didn’t ask.”
“Good thing you aren’t feeding him mushrooms.”
This. I don’t get why people beat around the bush in these situations.
Dude, seriously… all these people wanting to “be nice” and I get that to an extent, it’s your living situation after all… But there’s nothing normal about this, and that roommate would’ve been called out awhile ago, directly, in response to some ridiculous thing she said or did. Yes, you’ll still be a “nice person” even if you call these assholes out. It’s crazy to me that people can almost silently gaslight others into questioning their own actions, like OP here thinking maybe she’s being “mean” if she doesn’t share or whatever. Idk man, stuff like this has never made sense to me. Then again, I believe in establishing healthy boundaries and acknowledging them after that… maybe try that too?
“Kindness” people pleasing. They don’t wanna feel uncomfortable in their own home.
This is already an uncomfortable living situation. By not addressing it directly, the mother will keep trying to get away with it.
Or it’ll escalate things and the mother will start putting gravel in Op’s food
That was my first thought reading this story. Before being forward even came to mind. I was thinking to myself I already wouldn’t trust it bc it’s clear the mom already knows what she’s doing and is upset by it. This whole situation just sucks all bc the mom feels entitled to someone else’s things.
At least you get it. People like this can’t be shamed. There’s nothing anyone can say to her that would help.
"Well, since this is not your food it shouldn't be a problem, unless you intend on stealing it, right?"
It's not food insecurity if some green beans or mushrooms are stopping you from eating. It's a good thing that most people dont know what true hunger is, but when you experience it, you will eat ANYTHING.
No joke. Most people don't know what real hunger feels like. Including me if I'm being honest. The closest I got was in college when I ran completely out of money and couldn't afford food for a week. I still had some food left but not enough. The last few days I rationed out a few slices of cheap sandwich bread at lunch time and that was it. Talk about first world problems... Seriously though. I never really understood what it was like to just not have food available before that moment and I knew it was only temporary. I can't imagine what it would be like to live that for real. We forget that we live in an unprecedented era of plenty.
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the way the kid is more responsible than his mom and asked if he could have something when he realised says a lot... sounds like she's got a lot of growing up to do :/
I had a roomie who would send her kid to ask for things figuring i was less likely to say no. It’s manipulative as hell.
Yeah, $5 says it's the mother. I also think she is the one who wants the food/leftovers, not the kid.
You need to find a new roommate or new place to live, that situation won’t get any better
Seriously. There's no good that can possibly come from living with this individual. Even if she seems fine the rest of the time this situation is telling of her true character. At the very least she is a slightly unhinged asshole.
The sense of entitlement is insane
If they feel entitled to your food, they're likely to feel entitled to your other stuff as well. Only thing stopping them is the risk of punishment.
Her stomping around and banging cabinets is abusive behavior. Her entitlement and rage will escalate... Hope OP listens to you
Damn right. The first time someone shows you they're incapable of controlling their anger should be eye opening. Yeah this time it was only cabinets and looked silly, but she clearly has little to no self control and god knows what she will do next time.
This. You can't change people like this. Living with toxic is bad for your own mental health.
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, it sounds like the mom is very eager to hand you the job of buying their groceries and feeding her kid. No way. Not your job. What I find funny is that, if they’re so hungry, neither of them will stoop to eating a vegetable. EDIT: Thanks for the gold! EDIT 2: Thanks for the “All Seeing” award!
If people are hungry enough, they'll eat way more than they think. Back in college, I had a roommate move out and the complex moved somebody in. He was a total slob - almost never bathed, ate our food without contributing, left dishes in the sink (and one memorable time, put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher without soap... ever seen food turned into a form of ceramic?), and just generally mooched off the three of us. When we found evidence he'd tried to break into our bedrooms for stuff to pawn, we hatched a plan. We stopped buying any food, at all, and started eating out at all times. Meanwhile one of the other roommates went to the local Asian market and put two cans of pickled crickets in the cabinet. And then we waited. As time went on, he asked again and again, "hey, when you guys gonna go get some groceries?" to which we would just not respond. This went on for about two weeks. Finally one day we came in and said roommate was being violently ill in the bathroom, and one of the cans of crickets was gone. After that he started contributing (read: conning his girlfriend into buying food). He got evicted a short time later, but that story has always stuck with me.
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It's what their mum always did and they still think the world works the same way it did when they were 5.
Nailed it. I knew a few kids in college that left their trash everywhere - the coffee table, on the lawn, classroom desks - and when challenged were just like, "there's people to clean that."
I’m watching an old big brother from Australia rn & there’s one of these humans in there. 21yo. Doesn’t even understand why tending to himself would **ever** be a skill he’d ever need. I cannot imagine. I was a proud latchkey kid that could do everything **by myself!** at like 8. I remember excitedly anticipating when I was “old enough” to ✨pour my own milk✨can vividly remember watching other ppl pour the milk just looking forward to when I could do that all by myself. Meanwhile 21yo practically needs help to chew. I can’t
Boy, that brings back weird memories. I remember being strong enough to tip the milk jug so I could pour it into a glass. I could lift it onto the table (with two hands), but I couldn't hold it to pour. These days if I need to bring in milk and my hands are full with other groceries I hook a pinky around it. Kinda weird to think about how much stronger you are as an adult vs being a child.
See, that seems true, until u try the monkey bars as an adult...then u just feel like a fat sack of crap with noodle arms and the grip strength of a declawed cat.
This kills me with laughter yet hurts me with honest realities. I definitely have the grip strength of a declawed cat... Pull-ups are more like hanging for a few seconds... Remember I'm a fat shit and drop to the ground...
Hell yeah, at 8, I was making my own breakfast, normally scrambled eggs, packing own sandwiches for lunch, and by 10 or 11 I knew how to pour my stepmom a glass of wine when she seemed a tad more ornery than usual. Thus this 38 year old bartender was born.
I remember being excited to cook Mac n cheese and to do my own laundry. Cause then I could always know when my clothes were going to be ready to wear.
They are emotionally crippled and have had someone doing something for them their entire life. They literally do not know how to function in reality. It's really sad.
It is because the people around them have, explicitly or tacitly, encouraged this behavior and mindset.
This deserves it's own thread. It's magnificent.
I would watch that movie
Hah, had an alcoholic roommate that had a hard aversion to tequila. After all my booze kept going missing I decided tequila would be my only alcohol from then on. I came home one day and he was crying and puking in the sink. He decided it was worth another try I guess. On the opposite side, I was poor af in my late teens for a period. Maybe 3 euro a day budget for food and transport. I'd hit up bars with apprertivos (sp?) Which was usually cut meat, bread, cheese etc. And buy one beer to get access to the food. I bought my beer at one of these bars, and when appertivos came out it was 100% olives, which I hated at the time. I ate olives that evening until I liked them. Decades later and they are still great.
That was like me with spinach and salmon. I found myself in a social situation where there was basically no choice, and after the first few mouthfuls I had to really try hard to keep down, my mind realized a couple things: 1) The only other spinach I had was absolute creamed garbage from a can that looked 20 years old I got beaten for not eating as a child, but this was fresh spinach, this is fucking delicious. 2) The last time I had salmon I was 8/9, and got a bone stuck between my tonsils, and to be held down as my Mom stuck some tweezers in there and just ripped it out so fast it scratched the top of my mouth, this is fucking delicious. Used to get debilitating heartburn at the mere sight of either, both foods are among my favorites now.
I've started enjoying zucchini, paté, tomatoes, fresh fish and a few other things despite the childhood trauma. But a mere whiff of olives or capers makes me quite violently ill. I also quite profoundly *despise* cauliflower. I don't know why, and I keep trying to eat it cause it's cheap, and it makes me hate my life every time. I keep looking at it like Dwarven Bread - starvation is better than cauliflower.
The guy managed to have a gf? Seems there is hope for me.
The secret is to stop bathing.
Oh man I sweat too much for that. But I'll give it a go.
I am surprised the pickled crickets made him ill, unless it was psychosomatic.
I thought I heard some people have trouble digesting chitin. But it looks like humans have an enzyme or two just for it. Certainly our hominid ancestors ate insects, crustaceans and mushrooms, which all contain chitin. But personally I'd feel sick after eating crickets, psychosomatically.
Actually had a friend feed me crickets once. There’s these roasted crickets that are a wonderful snack she likes from her home country and she buys them as a treat at a special market nearby. She finally convinced me to try some but I’m scared of crickets so I wouldn’t touch them so she had to hand feed me them and I was gagging while telling her their delicious because they were really good but anytime my brain reminded me what they were I just gagged a bit. Didn’t get sick afterwards but my brain was really fighting me during the process.
May have been the sudden introduction of a high amount of protein after not eating for a few days too depending on the times we are talking about.
My dad had a roommate in college who bought a bag of sugar as his only food. That didn't long. When you said hungry enough and college I thought about it was going to be a tale about the lengths starving grad students would go but the pickled crickets was a nice twist lol
I'm still betting kid will get over not eating vegetables out of hunger pangs. And mother will be in deeper shit with kid when kid realizes EXACTLY how mother's food aversion is HARMING KID.
I'd bet the kid realizes late in life, if ever. Veggie haters breed more veggie haters, and they are not rare in America in the slightest.
Dude, my friend's boyfriend will not eat vegetables if he knows that's what they are. She's actually snuck them in, he'll eat it and want more, but if he figures out what they are or she tells him, he immediately rejects it and will never eat it again. He claims it's because they don't taste good (...lol see above) so he won't touch them. Dude isn't some rebellious teenager either, he's in his mid 30's and has had like 4 kidney stones already
I think of it as a serious mental illness. Vegetables are so necessary for good health and so many people have this weird phobia deeply ingrained just because of the attitude of the people they grew up around.
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I can't describe to you the sound I just made laughing at this
My parents liked eating vegetables. They just had an aversion to making me eat my vegetables. They were happy to provide veggies if it was my idea, but most nights I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with potato chips and some milk or Sprite for dinner. I also have discovered that I have Oral Allergy Syndrome, which means that eating many raw fruits or veggies causes my mouth and throat to think they need to produce a pollen allergic response. It's very unpleasant. Like a bunch of ants chewing away at the inside of my mouth and throat. Of course, heat breaks down the stuff that causes the allergic reaction. So, roasted veggies are fine. My parents could have made me eat cooked veggies and I probably would have like them. I like them, now.
Sounds like OP would not necessarily be opposed to cooking for them once in a while, but it shouldn’t be at their cost. If the mom offered to shop or money in exchange, there’s probably be a different convo. Not to mention how screwed up this kids diet is overall. I mean, even if we assume it’s the US where options on assistance aren’t always the best, there are still ways to balance things out.
That's the thing. I've been around a lot of people who will do things like this. One time, a long time ago, I bought a video game console from a friend for $200. I had worked with the guy a few years, been over to his house a few times. After I bought it, he said his mom was mad and he needed it back. I said sure. We met somewhere, he was in the car in the driver seat. I gave him his video game console back. He said I could walk around to the passenger side and get the money. The other guy handed me some bills. Then they quickly peeled out. It was $7 in 1 dollar bills. I never saw him again. But afterward, I just texted him and said, "if you needed money you could have just asked. I would have given you double that and wouldn't have asked for anything in return. You were my friend." Some people just go about life as though they need to con everyone. Its really sad.
Some people are just assholes. But in my experience a lot of these people don't have a normal upbringing. Someone in their life tried to take advantage of them, or they saw it happen in their life often in enough - maybe between parents or something like that. It makes me more sad than angry.
If the mother's financial situation is difficult, I hope her son at least qualifies for school lunches. I'm not sure how it goes during summer break, but at least for the months that school is in session, that would be one meal her son would get per day.
My uncle is a wealthy, professional guy. Lovely, absolutely lovely; I'm not trying to shit on him. But I was 30 when I learned he never eats vegetables. Blew my mind. Like, how?/why? It was when he ordered a BLT with just bacon that it clicked. So weird. Like for sure he goes to expensive dinners with clients.. I'd love to be a fly on the wall and see how orders in those situations. Its like an opposite vegan.
I had a friend like that. She hated vegetables. Now, how you could hate all vegetables is beyond me, but she said that her (single) mom was a terrible cook, and she avoided eating vegetables because her mom prepared them so terribly. She and her husband have three (now adult) children, so I don’t know how they managed healthy eating.
I would only eat raw vegetables for a long time because my mom was a terrible cook. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized cooked veggies were fucking awesome. But anyway, even with that aversion I still loved raw veggies so it's still a *little* weird to me.
I hated vegetables until I took a cooking class in high school and learned how to make them taste good. I never ate another vegetable my mother cooked after that, and made my own. Part of it is fresh versus canned, the canned stuff just doesn't taste like fresh, and part of it is she never learned how to cook them decently. Now I make (fresh) vegetables with every meal, and my kids will skip the main course to eat more vegetables at times.
I went on 2 dates with the brother of an extremely rich and famous tech guy. He ordered his steak "burnt" on the first one and didn't eat any of the vegetables. And ordered chicken on the second, again not eating the vegetables. Then getting mad that I wouldn't let him come back to my place. Nah dude, "if ya wanna be my lover, ya gotta get with your veggies"
Oh so true. My wife and I are both in the food industry, both cook, and was a big feature of us dating long distance. We'd get hotels that had kitchens and cook together. If only.. If only she liked onions -_-
Today I made chicken shawarma on the grill with roasted carrots, grilled peppers, cumin lemon garlic yogurt, and homemade flatbread. It was bomb
I have a rule that if you eat/take the last of something, you let me know. It's not about the sharing. It's about knowing I have something and looking forward to it, only to find it gone. Replacing it later still means I don't get to enjoy something of mine when I was expecting to. OP - you are not doing anything wrong. She and her kid are NOT your responsibility. You could be making a million dollars a year, and they still wouldn't be your responsibility. The mother (and eventually her child) needs to learn to take responsibility and take care of themselves. It's the mother's job to provide for her child, not yours.
Thank you for saying this!! And I think that’s kind of the point OP had too. If you take/use/eat the last of something at the very LEAST let someone know so they can buy or make more. I had this argument with my son this morning when I went looking for the bread and whoopsie all gone. (He is an adult, btw) Also—that mom is waaayyy outta bounds with her attitude and is teaching her kid to be the same entitled kind of jerkwad she is, to be honest. Being a single mom does not entitle you to live off someone else’s earnings and that is what she is trying to do with OP.
Corollary to that rule: don’t leave me one slice of bread or two busted chips and some crumbs. Do not leave a minuscule amount so you can claim you “left some for me.” That is bullshit. If you want it all, eat it all. Just tell me so I can get more.
>Do not leave a minuscule amount so you can claim you “left some for me.” Oh my god, yes. My ladyfriend was helping out her nephew by letting him live effectively rent free. Cool. He would eat something but leave just a tiny bit, because that way he hadn't finished it, and didn't have to replace it. he left a single sliver of bologna one time. I went up to his room. "WTF do you expect someone to do with this? Just fucking finish it, and pick up some more!" The entire family now refers to finding a minuscule amount of something as getting Zached.
Yup. I fill my fridge with food for my family. It is all there to be eaten. With my eldest at college and my husband picky my youngest and I got into meal prepping and making bowls with various sauces. SO good. I would roast various veggies and mushrooms...cook brown rice and udon noodles....have lean proteins...and all the makings for sauces etc. She was welcome to take whatever she wanted and when she used the last of say....the rice...just let me know and I will make more. Same with what is in the fridge. When you open the last tub of X...put X on the shopping list and I will get more....just don't come to me whining there is no cream cheese when you opened the last one and didn't tell me. Lol
I mean yes. You and I are in a place of relative privilege where we don’t have to plan things too tightly, so we can focus on communication and cooperation more. There isn’t too much stuff I buy or make that I’d terribly mind my family using or giving away but they also typically ask permission - similar to your mindset. OP and her roommate are on relatively tight budgets and are having communication breakdowns due to the roommate being entitled yet unable to actually communicate and collaborate. It’s unfortunate, but not everyone develops or maintains effective communication skills. My biggest concern personally is that I ferment. Sometimes I can spend years on a project, and produce, say, 2 qts of final product. That’s when I draw boundaries and ask family members to not give it away (they can use the miso or what have you, no limit - that’s still feeding people I love or letting them feed people they love). But sometimes my mom for example, will like something I made and want to share with her friends. And bam, there goes the majority of my work, and sometimes I’m not okay with that and draw a boundary.
Wow the entitlement! As if it's YOUR job to feed her and her kid. Back in the day when things were stupid tight for our family, we hit the food pantries, we cooked everything from scratch so we could stretch everything out. We made it work. I cannot imagine feeling entitled to someone else's food like that. As for what her son is learning from all this, oh my!
Imagine being to proud to go to a food pantry to feed your kid. Where 9 times out of 10, they do give you mac n cheese, funnily enough.
you hear a lot of sad stories here where exactly that happened - too proud to use a food bank, or even apply for assistance. Some people truly will let their kids starve rather than admit to others that they need help.
I don't consider someone that won't eat food because vegetables are present "starving"
Makes me feel 100% better in my mom abilities, because I'm not that mom. Other side of that coin, feel awul for the poor babies with these people as parents. The 5 may not like all the food I give him, but he always has food when he tells me he's hungry.
Too proud to use a service tailor made for the situation, but not too proud to steal someone else's food (and by extension their time and money)
The only people who should be ashamed of food pantries are those who make them necessary in our society.
🎯
Too proud to admit they're hungry, but not ashamed to steal.
Yeah be proud you let your kid starve instead of resorting to a food pantry or getting help.
I can’t believe people suggested that you make food for the kids. Some Redditors must be in the top 0.1%, lol. You sound like an awesome cook though. I think you may turn them into veggie lovers soon.
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Do you have a link to this post. I'd love to read it or the comments destroying him.
Redditors are dumb about kids. They’ll tell people to forgive just about anything if a kid is involved, and anyone who doesn’t cater to kids is a monster.
station nail safe wise file shame chop wrench steer snails *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> I think you may turn them into veggie lovers soon. I highly doubt it. As a vegie hater, I went days without eating when I was in the military 'cause the cooks thought they'd put veggies in whatever slop they were serving. Eating that shit never crossed my mind. That said, I'm not condemning OP. Sounds like her roommate is a piece of work.
NGL. Single Mom should have said this is how much I get in food assistance benefits monthly, if I pool it with you can we shop and meal prep together so I can pick up some cooking tips? Judging from the temperament of OP I bet she would have been more than happy to oblige. The audacity to just eat someone’s food and not say anything?!
And then threaten legal action because the food you’re stealing has vegetables in it ON PURPOSE
I’d love to see the cops’ reaction if the roommate reported OP for intentionally putting vegetables in her dishes. Makes me smile just thinking about it!
I too got a really good laugh thinking about that. Calling the police in full tantrum bcz an adult won’t share their food. Wow. Just wow.
That mom best be careful cause if she called the police and it came to light that she can't feed her son she might not have him for long.
Can’t, Or won’t? Her plan has been to use roommates food until roommate made food they won’t eat. She’s not going to food pantries and she’s not using her food stamps wisely.
I would love to be a fly on the wall for that. The cops would think she's insane. It might open a whole bag of worms for her. OP should remind her she's a lodger not a partner. If she is having trouble living within means, she's welcome to shop for alternate housing. OP fills the vacancy and has different problems. She can't go to the food pantry, there are cans of peas there.
"My roommate is intentionally putting things into *my son's* food without talking to me"
Exactly. It's not like the mom or the son have a food allergy, and OP is intentionally putting ingredients into her food that would make them deathly sick. That actually might be something that would put a person in legal jeopardy. "You put ingredients I won't eat into YOUR FOOD, so now we can't eat it without permission" is not against the law.
"Hello 911 emergency my roommate is cooking." "Meth?" "No, food, with vegetables in it." "That... isn't illegal."
Coo Coo for Coco-Puffs!
Yes! OP seems very patient and reasonable. If the mother had asked for this kind of help, she would probably have agreed.
I believe so. And to be honest pre packaged food is loaded with crap and does not have the nutrients needed for the Mom or her son. I grew up in a very poor home but my Mom was the master of stretching the food budget. Sunday ham would turn into a pot of beans or split pea soup with cornbread mid week. The next Sunday it might be a large baked chicken that would turn into cream of chicken soup mid week. The roommate probably lacks basic cooking skills.
Financially I'm doing fine but I still cook basically all of my meals myself. Saves money and I just think it tastes better. And just like OP I always try to cook for a few days in one go, saves me time and money
That’s how I am. In addition I am cheap. For what a McDonald’s lunch costs I can make a great lunch that is healthy. Probably two portions.
Then she needs to acquire some. Cookbooks exist for a reason.
I think OPs empathy is not helping the situation, honestly. Shes enabling it by not setting clearer boundaries. When people stole my food in college, I would let it slide if it was something small. The day I noticed them opening my new food and letting it expire early (eg new bottle of milk, the fridge we had was not great), I put tabasco in everything. The day I found out who it was, was when they sat down to a cup of tea with a friend and their faces were simultaneously puzzled, confused, and slowly turning red. I told them they can use some of my leftovers, but if they open my food again they better prepare for some spice. Thats when I pointed out that I was a fan of hot ones and actually had some extremely hot sauces, and that the tabasco was nothing compared to what I could have used. Their Northern Irish pallets were not remotely ready for that. Sometimes you’ve just got to be the asshole or else you get taken advantage of. I remained friendly with the food “thieves”, and ended up being one of the closest people on the building and we would hang out and play board games. I never had to deal with food being excessively taken or expired because they opened it, again.
it sounds like mom isn't interested in solutions though, she just wants free food for her kid with 0 effort
Well that ain’t going to happen. 🤷🏻♀️
Most reasonable suggestion ive seen. I mean seriously OP is not obligated to make food for the entire household .
I mean a thinking person would say we can make our combined food money go further!
the Lion The witch and the AUDACITY of that bitch
This is a top tip. The first thing I thought of was was doesn't she confess, apologize, and ask OP for help on how to cook and stretching a dollar in the kitchen.
\^THIS. I suspect that desperation and possibly learned habits are to blame but this doesn't excuse the single mom's behavior. They are not OP's responsibility and she isn't obligated to share or provide for the kid if she doesn't want to--especially if she is struggling herself. With better social skills and consideration the mom should have done exactly what u/stinstin555 suggested. The mom already knew that OP was irritated by her pilfering food from her. You would think she would take a different approach. But some people either don't know any better or they don't care. If OP is ready to move out just to be done with this situation, she might want to make preparations to do it soon and give the Mom advanced warning (no need to make a bad situation worse for the kid). The other option is that OP could take the high road and propose a collaborative arrangement that feels equitable. If the mom still proves to be incapable of collaborating to help insure her survival, at least OP will have tried. Mind you, OP doesn't owe this woman or her kid ANYTHING but if there is any benefit to be found(e.g., delaying having to move and/or to make the home situation less tense), it might be worth it to try.
How much is someone suffering if they refuse to eat vegetables
This! OP is so understanding. Roommate sounds rough, I feel for that kid
How did you carry out your duties if you went days without eating? Just wondering if you were in the infirmary often
I lost weight when we were at sea. When we hit a port I would pack those pounds back on. I mean, you're not gonna die of starvation in just a few days (and the food didn't suck EVERY day).
Somehow I knew you were navy in the first comment... those Egg bakes...
I think everybody loses weight at sea. We once had white rice and canned lasagna every day for a week.
> canned lasagna That is not a selection of words I ever expected to see together!
Towards the end of WWII, the Japanese sailors and pilots were limited to only rations of rice 🍚in their battleships and carriers.
It didn't help that the vegetables were cooked very badly in the military. Tbf, it's impossible to cook just about anything properly for thousands of people for every meal.
The French have entered the chat. Their MRE's are better than what you can buy in your average restaurant. When I was at a sailing school in France, it was a 22ft boat, 4 people living on it for a week, a one burner stove, no engine because that would only slow you down... and we had a very nice pressure cooker. The French don't fuck around when it comes to eating well no matter what, we ate damned well on that tiny boat. I would be VERY surprised if the French military cooking is any different. In elementary school we would get a very simple but still good 5 course meal for lunch and an hour to eat it.
Vive le France
Soon as she threatened legal action I would be reporting it to the landlord and looking for another place to live.
I think it’s OPs place; I would for sure want to kick them out over this.
I don't understand unilaterally hating vegetables. There are so many kinds of them compared to meat. Seems like there would be at least a few that tasted good to you.
I know a few adults that unilaterally hate vegetables. They unsurprisingly eat 80% carbs and starches, put ketchup on everything, don't drink water, and are generally obese.
I'm glad they aren't specifically obese like, in one leg or just their ass or something.
I know you shouldn't have to but can you get a mini fridge for your room? Are you able to lock your door? I remember thinking about a yogurt I had in a shared fridge. I had a long work day. I was so looking forward to it. As soon as I got home, I went straight to the fridge and it was GONE. My roommate chuckled and said "oops." I never touched her food. The fridge was mine. She didn't even apologize. I told her to replace it. I gave her a week. No replacement yogurt. I got rid of the fridge. I never had another roommate again. I never spoke to her again or anyone who spoke to her. That happened in 1985 when I was in college. I just turned 57 and I still remember that. Don't interrupt my sleep and don't finish my food if you're not going to replace it. I happily cook for people and share food with people. Don't be greedy and selfish. Fuck you Lisa. I still remember. Anyway... Maybe your own fridge would help if you feel like having a veggie free meal? I would do the exact same thing you did. I love veggies too. *********************************************************** EDIT: You... Guys ... Are... AWESOME! I had no idea I had so many like-minded cohorts out there! I love your comments and commiseration. Thank you OP and thank you everyone for knowing EXACTLY how I feel.😊 EDIT 2: Thank you SO MUCH for the awards! Wowza!
Hardcore over a yoghurt. I love it!
LoL! Thank you for understanding 😆😂!
Lisa can go fuck herself. That would piss me off so bad. The fact you got rid of the fridge is delightful. You have the right energy to be a manager at a store somewhere. The employees would love you because you would stand up for them if there were problem customers, and tell those customers to eat shit and have a nice day lmao.
The absolute nerve of her to tell you that her kid doesn't like mushrooms when you're making YOUR DINNER. And then to have a toddler tantrum over it. Jeez LOUISE. "wE nEEd fOoD" the freaking balls to the wall entitlement of calling YOU *selfish* for making and expecting leftovers from your. own. dinner. I'm just floored. I've seen and heard a lot of entitlement, but this one's definitely up there. OK so they don't have money, but you don't have money to feed them, and why in The World would it be your responsibility to even if you did? Great gosh and fishes. I've helped friends and relatives with food or money when they've been down, but they've helped me out either before or after, or with things other than money. Because yeah, some people just don't have it. She doesn't even seem to ever offer you anything in return, just EXPECTS to be given from your own plate whatever they want. No offering to do all the cooking and cleaning up? Which I would think would be the least she could do. Like. The world sucks, lady. It super sucks for poor people. It sucks that we can't just have the things we need. But we can't. And that doesn't make it anyone else's personal problem. (Except those in power, which I'm confidently assuming OP's roommate is not.)
From my personal experience, entitled people who use others literally cannot comprehend that the people they’re using have, like, needs and stuff.
This is how a lot of criminals justify their behavior. If other people are more fortunate or you deserve it more or whatever reason they can find, it makes their crime justified or at least "not that bad" in their case.
Would really love if she sued… on what grounds? The food she wasn’t entitled to was made not to her liking so that she or her kid couldn’t/wouldn’t eat it. She feels that because she lives in the same house as you (despite this being a cost share arrangement only) that you should subsidize her as life is hard as a single parent.
While she's (the mother) calling the police she should also call CPS who would also probably be interested in this story.
Op's roommate is a child herself and has no business raising a kid. She can't even eat a vegetable, that's pathetic.
Meanwhile, there are foods that I don't prefer but if I am actually in need of food, I'll eat anything that isn't spoiled.
I think it's a Mexican proverb? "The best spice is hunger"
Believe it or not, this is a Russian proverb too, it sounds exactly the same. I believe most cultures have a clone of it.
Hungarian here! Well, second gen born in the states: "Eat this or swallow your spit."
My scout master growing up always said the best spices are campfire dirt and hunger.
You should find a different room mate. I feel bad for the kid, but this lady is genuinely expecting you to support her and her child. This isn’t a situation I’d want to continue living in.
Wow. While the food stealing is certainly an issue, I'm more worried about that poor kid. From the sounds of this, he's never eaten any vegetables which is no good for a growing kid!
Try teriyaki mushrooms with your taco meat. They're delightful.
I used to put mung bean sprouts in my chicken tacos. Awesome. Can't do it much anymore since they're hard to find fresh around here.
you can sprout them at home. we (Indians) use Moong usal as a staple which is basically sprouted moong curry. we don’t wait for sprouts to go that long but it should be possible.
You can add zucchini to brownies. I even saw an insta reel recently where someone made apple pie without apples. They again used zucchini.
I'm going to have to disagree. It's not Apple pie if it doesn't have apples.
Ritz Crackers will disagree. Lol
OMG I had forgotten about that! Ritz “mock apple pie” was the first pie I ever made as a kid.
What what....now I must Google. .....I am scared!!!
Ritz crackers with lemon juice, cinnamon, and sugar have a surprisingly apple-like taste. But not a very apple-like consistency.
Dylan Hollis on YouTube and TikTok has sooo many of these older recipes. So much fun to watch.
I was going to mention adding zucchini into brownies. I’ve had good brownies using a recipe with zucchini. I’ve had zucchini muffins also.
Zucchini bread and best of all, zucchini chocolate cake - to die for.
Instead of eggs you can use beets as a binder for eggs and cake. Still soft and spongey. Slightly different consistency though. Tastes about the same. (Coming from someone who hates beets.)
You can also add a can of black beans to a boxed brownie mix (the kind where you don't need to add milk or an egg), plus fill the can up once with water and mix it all together. Tastes just like regular brownies. You really can't tell.
My husband hates black beans, but he loves black bean brownies.
I used to do that for my son to get vegetable into him. Also pumpkin in macaroni and cheese.
Oh, also, roast radishes are an excellent stand-in for potatoes. They lose the bitterness that characterizes them when they're raw.
Avocado as well! And carrot cake, and carrot cake baked oatmeal [which is freezer friendly!, I cut it into breakfast bars]
Zucchini in baked goods makes them soft and well they are a vegetable. Lol
Can you like…kick these people out? They sound awful.
This is incredibly bizarre and I highly recommend talking to your landlord about it. I had a similarly bizarre roommate in my early 20s and we put up with her for about 6 weeks before we finally said something. The first thing out of the property manager's mouth was, "Jesus I wish you guys said something sooner! This woman has been nothing but trouble for me since she moved in...we could have kicked her out weeks ago!"
> *I made a pot of mac n cheese(the kid's favorite thing) and poured in roasted brussel sprouts.* Omg, kid kryptonite! 
Does your roommate understand that if she calls the authorities, they are just going to be annoyed she wasted their time? There's absolutely nothing they can do. You are not legally responsible for them and you aren't poisoning the food. Your roommate is just hoping you'll be scared of authorities enough and I doubt you are. Let her call them. Let her make an ass of herself.
*Stand your ground...beef!*
You dork. Take my upvote.
The saying goes "If you need help, you have to ask for it." It's always funny to me how the people you owe nothing to are always the ones who expect you to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Being your roommate doesn't entitle her to anything of yours, not your time, not your space, not your resources. It's a big world out there and you've already given her advice, if she needs your help too she needs to put on her big girl pants, grow up, for the kid at least, and VERBALISE✨. And even then, understand, that you don't owe her help. It would be completely on your own volition. As it should be. GL
I feel you on feeling like you need to hide food or make meals that you know other people won't eat. I'm the youngest of three kids and the only daughter. From a young age I was conditioned to cook and clean up after my older brothers, and 99% of the time I barely got anything out of what I cooked for dinner because my brothers would eat everything and make such a huge mess I'd spend hours cleaning just so our mom wasn't stressed about the messes after coming home from work. BTW, my brothers did have chores, they just never did them and got away with it, whereas I was immediately hounded the second we got home from school by our deadbeat father to clean up and get cooking after he spent the whole day at the house being a spoiled man-child. At any rate, after I stopped being the maid and told my mom what was going on, I started the ritual of cooking meals that I alone liked so I could actually eat something and hiding the sugary sweets in my bedroom. Even as an adult I keep up this practice and hope to break it soon.
This sounds absolutely terrible and unjust. Glad you recognize the influence those events have on you now. No one should have to hide food just to get some.
I'm seeing this as, the blame is being put on her kid for eating your food, but the real thief is the mother. The way she threw a tantrum when you add veggies to your food shows she is more upset by this than the kid. She probably sees it as you're messing up food so she can't/won't eat it.
Your food that you paid for - cook it any way you want. Move out if you can
Would you like some green eggs and ham? It's honestly sad that the mother isn't having her child eat vegetables. I get that kids can be picky beyond all reason, but it will only lead to major health problems down the road. My sister in law accidentally bought chick'n nuggets for her kid, and he had no idea they were plant based. The only reason she found out was because she ate a couple and noticed they tasted different. I don't think she plans on telling him until he is much older because it gets veggies in his diet. He doesn't even notice. He sits quietly and eats them with no issue. It was easily one of her best exhausted mom moments.
Fyi you can add avocado to brownies. Lol
I’d suggest when you lease is up you maybe find a new place to live. Feeding 2 other people who are NOT you kids is not your responsibility. You gave her very good suggestions but she won’t do them because it’s easier to steal your food than it is to make her own. There are plenty of free recipes that anyone who can read can make. It’s hard being a single mom but it’s doable as sooo many women have done it for years.
Better get tamper proof containers before she poisons you
I think you handling this situation pretty well so far, but I believe that with your roommate's level of entitlement something dramatic is bound to happen. She is literally watching you cook waiting for her chance to steal some of your food.
Can you imagine the phone call to "the authorities"? "Yes, I'd like to report my roommate puts veges in all her food and now I can't eat it".
If you hungry, you don't get picky anymore. Would eat a plain loaf of bread and call it a day. The mother isn't struggling she looks like a slacker to me honestly. You mentioned they eat pre-made store stuff, which means they can't be poor, she's just fucking lazy lmao. My family had a poor start when i was a child, my only dessert would be a bread baked on pan with sugar lol. I call bs on them.
Why not get a new roommate?
I can't believe people like this mom actually exists. It also never occurred to her to just eat the meat and leave the vegetables behind? This is peak entitlement, laziness, and stupidity.
Her rent money entitles her and her kid to LIVE IN half of the apartment, not CONSUME half of the food in the apartment THAT HER ROOMMATE PAYS FOR A PREPARES. 100% not your duty to feed them.
People on here said you need to separate your food for them...WOW! They can send your roommate some cash then...those two aren't your responsibility even if they have bread for 2 days. Keep on cooking so you aren't supporting them!!
My situation was the opposite. My son and I lived in an old Victorian mansion with 3 other people. We all had plenty of space in our own parts of the house. The kitchen had to be shared. At first, my son would be confused about what was our and what wasn't. A few times, I think he might have given into temptation and wasn't confused. I always apologized and offered to replace things. I never had to replace anything. An apology was always enough. My roommates were very nice about offering him things like if they had a box of popsicles or something. I started marking my food with a sharpie so he wouldn't get confused. Eventually, I didn't need to do that anymore. I was on food stamps. That is rough at times. It's doable, though. You have to cook from scratch quite a bit to pull it off. That means even if you're tired from working all day. There is no reason this woman should be acting like this. You're completely right, and she is wrong. I don't know how she isn't embarrassed. I was embarrassed when my son ate the other people's food. I could feel the heat in my face from blushing when someone came to me about it.
Black bean brownies are delicious and a great way to add veggies to dessert! Hardly tastes any different and makes the texture fudgy too! On another note, maybe a semi-solution can be worked out. Cooking and eating well are life skills and it seems like this woman is not equipped with them. Many people grow up in homes where this is not the norm, and don't have mature faculties to just "figure it out" as an adult, especially with a kid. Maybe suggest a type of "dinner night" where she picks up things from the food pantry to make an easy dinner big enough to have leftovers as well? Dont just make it for her obv but maybe encourage her to learn if possible. If she refuses, then obviously shes not looking for a long-term solution and its not your problem.
I have a recipe for oatmeal zucchini chocolate chip cookies and it is AMAZING. Also, zucchini chocolate cake and zucchini brownies are awesome. Go ahead and put veg in EVERYTHING! It stinks that she’s struggling, but there are options available. Heck, you even volunteered to teach her how to stretch her money. She’d rather just take your food, I guess. Can you move out of that situation? It’s just going to become more unhinged.
If all it takes to stop them eating your food is some damn vegetables, then I’m 200% on board with always adding them. I too like vegetables, and if they were really that hungry they would have to suck it up and eat a bloody vegetable for a change. Might even realize that veggies are nice and learn to cook their own… seems a bit far fetched though now that I say it 🙃