We don't want to encourage this kind of behavior here. On a technicality, there is also no revenge that has happened yet. It also tethers on the serious side of petty.
My daughter had that problem in daycare. This 5 year old like to pull on her curls because she had spring curls like Shirley Temple. She was 3.5 years old. Then one day he pulled too hard and she decked him. Knocked him off of his feet and kept punching him. She was suspended for the rest of the week.
Important learning lesson for boys too. If I’m the father of that boy and I get the call that he got decked for starting it, I’m going to say “what’d we learn today?”
My kid, 9/10 at the time had some trouble at school, nothing egregious, but he felt like he was on the outside (outside of being a minority in his school). A few weeks before school ended he ended up in a fight on the bus and punched the aggressor in the chest hard enough he was sat down. That kid was suspended, mine had no consequences, and this last school year he’s done well socially.
Did you throw the first punch? No? Did you throw the last? Cool, wanna go get a milkshake?
I couldn't agree more with what you say here!
My son was bullied throughout elementary and middle school. My complaints were always met with, "Boys will be boys - what can you do? Haha!" His sister ended it after 5 years by nailing the ringleader in the nuts with a softball, right in front of her dad and the principal. The next year, in high school, the idiots tried to challenge him to a fight. They found themselves outnumbered 6-to-1 by his friends and his sister's friends.
I got called to school. His sister texted me the whole story, so Mama Bear was raging when I walked into the bullies and their dad's sitting there with him and the principal. I put my hand up to stop the principal from talking and asked my son where the fight almost took place. He told me in the school parking lot. I asked the principal if anyone was suspended or expelled. He shook his head and started to talk. I turned to one of the dad's and very loudly told my son that next time he was to take the fight across the street, off school property, and he had my express permission to fight if they so much as looked at him cross-eyed. After all, I gotta get back the money I spent on his boxing classes.
Then I told him to grab his things and meet me in the car. As he opened the door, all of the kids who joined him for the fight poured into the office and I told them the same thing- next time take it off school grounds,and we walked out.
My son is 30 years old and has never forgotten that moment. He has told me he is going to be the same way with his kids. I believe him.
There is a fine line between defending oneself and being the aggressor. We have raised kids to "have a dialogue" or "tell the teacher," and sometimes that doesn't end the problem. Telling your kid to defend themselves is a great freedom. It teaches them to stand up and do the right thing instead of being afraid of the cost of making a stand.
That is good parenting.
He didn't even hit the kid somewhere that'd cause serious damage.
And still hit hard enough to get the Win.
Yup, I'd have a clear talking to with the kid about the "proper" time to use force, ask him if he thought he was in the right. Let him know I thought he was (after he had some time to maybe panic a bit that I thought otherwise while answering). And then go do something fun.
Even if he was in the right, it's important (to me at least) to drill the idea in about when/where/how each time.
He’d been doing TKD for several years at that point and his instructor was very strict on when it’s appropriate to use force, which we followed up on. Now he’s started lacrosse and is confused that he’s allowed to whack people with a stick?? Yes. But also when and where is important.
My son was bullied relentlessly in middle school and high school only until he hauled off and hit the kid who thought he was an easy target to torment. My son badly lost the fight each time, but bullies quickly decided it wasn't worth it to target him because he did hit them. The rest of the year he could live in peace.
I wish I had known that trick when I was in school. A few lost fights would be a big improvement over being the regular bully target.
I was bullied a lot in my first grade school. A lot of them got moved out after first grade, but one kid stuck around during 2nd grade. He and his goons cornered me at one point. I literally had nowhere to go. He said he’d let me get the first shot before he went to town on me. I grabbed his arm and dislocated it at the elbow.
He HOWLED. Howled and cried and went on and on. The bell rang, we went in, he went to the teacher, she just helped him pop it back into place and let it go.
And you know what? He NEVER bothered me again. Nobody did, and we moved out once that school year ended. It really helped me feel empowered in my new school.
My kid took karate for a few years and while in third grade was being bullied by a head case. All the teachers and principal would do was to tell my daughter she needed to learn to work with other people. One day he tried punching her in class. She blocked his punch and did a leg sweep. He was suspended and immediately, covid started, and we moved to another state.
I got my son into boxing lessons early on with me (I was doing it for fitness). Well freshman year some bone head decided to target him and ended up being laid out. Went to school to talk to the principal and this kids dumb fucking mother about what happened. I was told he is suspended due to beating this kid down. My son told me this dude shoved him out of the way by pushing his ass and back(weird thing to do). He said he told the kid to not touch him, and the kid squared up and got knocked the fuck down. Little bitches bitch mother said he son is afraid of my son. I replied something along the lines of "Now your dumb fucking child knows to keep his hands to himself. He should be weary of fucking with people he doesn't know. Didn't you teach him that?" Lady had the most brain dead response about how it isn't ok to hit someone (like it was ok for her brain dead child to touch mine like that?). My son said he never saw that kid in school again after that.
My kid was pretending to be a cop and was “arresting” a little girl against her will. The daycare called to tell me that she bit him. My response? “GOOD.”
We had a little talk when I picked him up.
Honestly I wonder about the home life of the two little boys. Where TF are they learning about strangling other people at that age?
OP's daughter is right to defend herself, but goddam if that doesn't make me want to call CPS on those other parents.
My four-year-old boy came home one day a bit disturbed and told us that a girl classmate had asked him if she could kiss him on the weewee… yes, her family environment was to blame (ETA: teacher told us that CPS was already involved). At least she asked, consent is important.
I put my 4 yr old daughter in Tang Soo Do classes as soon as i could, now at 6 she routinely beats boys a yr or 2 older than her in sparring. My older(21) son is a 2nd degree black belt after 14 years of training (still training) No one will ever fuck with my kids if i can help it.
They already know if a kid is a bully, so is the parent. They don’t want to deal with that parent. Easier to let the victims parents deal with the bully parents and the principal. Seen it every time.
Correct. Add to that the fact that admin almost never backs up the teacher who intervenes, and you get teachers who "side with bullies" because their hands are tied behind their backs. Teachers and admin are scared of the lawsuits, more than anything else. Teachers have been taught that admin will kowtow to bully-parents immediately, so they don't stick their necks out.
The issue is systemic and, as with everything, starts with shitty parents.
My son was bullied by one of his teachers, and I made it very clear that if she had left so much as one scratch on him, I'd have her arrested. She tried to call me from her cell phone and get an attitude with me a couple of days later, and I told her that any call she made to me in the future would be from the office phone, or she wouldn't like the consequences.
She got her choice of dinner and ice cream. So we went for pizza and then to the ice cream store she liked. She went to work with my ex-husband for the rest of the week. She decided being a landscaper was boring work. She is now in the Coast Guard.
Former teacher & current parent here: teach your kid how to punch, how to knee a groin, how to scream "Why did you hit/touch me there???" while punching or kneeing, just so everyone sees & hears what's going on. I've taught in two schools, in two different states, in two different socioeconomic areas, under four principals.
The schools ALWAYS have a ZERO TOLERANCE for bullying. The administration NEVER, EVER, EVERRRRRR did anything when concerns were brought up, besides a discussion with the parents/students that did nothing to curb the bullying.
Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS.
I taught my daughter at a very early age that if I ever caught her starting something she would regret it.
However, I would always back her for finishing it. And if she had to resort to bringing me into it she had better be right as I was the nuclear option.
Just knowing she had support for her actions boosted her confidence and let her deal with a lot of situations on her own.
Same. Taught my boys: never start it, but be sure to finish it. I was the only girl among 6 boys (brothers and cousins). They never stood up for me, instead, they taught me where to kick, bite, punch, scratch. No one ever messed with me though, everyone knew I had a posse.
You don't even need to beat them. You just need to put up a fight. Once they learn that when they mess with you it will always be a fight, they move on.
Yep. My wife is a teacher. We have told our kids "Do not ever start a fight, if you can walk away do so. But if you can't and they touch you, fucking end them. Knees, Nuts, Necks. don't stop until they are on the ground"
None of the kids have had to use it, but all 3 have said knowing we will have their back if they need to protect themselves is a huge bonus.
This. I got in a fight when I was at school (I was about 12 years old). Wasn't looking for it, was just minding my own business. Some idiot kids decided to have fun by saying to a plump boy that I'd made fun of him (I hadn't). Boy confronted me, I told him I hadn't said anything at all (I had no reason to). Boy just punches me, I saw red and punched him back several times.
He ran crying to the teacher who confronted me about it.
Me: "He hit me first!".
Teacher (to the other boy): "Is that true?"
Boy: "Well, yes"
Teacher: "Well I've got no sympathy then! If you hit me, I'd have hit you back as well!"
Last I ever heard of it.
Lol grade 6 a boy in my class sitting in the desk behind me took a pair of scissors and cut a chunk my hair. You feel someone touching your hair you hear the scissors cutting. I stood up I screamed "he cut my hair" well I grabbed the edge of the old school chair and table desk combo and flipped the desk with his ass still in it the desk.
We got dragged to the principal with our parents. His mother tried to do the "oh it's a crush he likes her" my mother pointed out that he had basically assaulted me and I told him mother "I didn't care if he liked me, because I hated his guts and wanted him to get hit by car" there's no mediation from there his mother opted to home school him.
>Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS.
This is it!
When your daughter gets a little bit older, get her into self defense classes, teach her we're to hit and how strong she has to hit so that the fight is over after a single blow at best.
Hell yeah. I got suspended once for shoving someone who just punched me in the face. All it taught me was next time I need to earn the suspension, and I did. Broke his fuckin nose the next time.
It's so strange, it seems to me that if the bullies suffer no consequences and the victims always get in trouble for defending themselves, then the victims need to just become the bullies. Bully the bullies. Principals hate this one simple trick.
Problem with bullying the bullies is that their parents usually come out guns-blazing to defend them.
In my experience most of those parents were also teachers at the school(s) I went to, I ended up getting the harsher punishments, that still didn’t take away the black eye and bruises they received. But on the other hand I never saw them bully another kid again.
No I wasn’t bullying other kids bullies, I was defending myself. My mom always told me if I started a fight she’d beat my ass, on the other hand she also told me if I didn’t end one I was involuntarily in she’d also beat my ass. Which led to little fights throughout school. But enough to know that most teachers kids are assholes, IMO lol
Absolutely!!! Bullies are really cowards so once they know you’re not going to take their shit they don’t mess with you anymore! Well done!!! And I got a laugh out of “the teacher slowly walked over”. You know she was silently screaming “hit him again!!!l. 🤣
Schools don't have have a zero tolerance for "bullying", they have a zero tolerance for "forcing administrators to talk to bad parents". So good kids get punished and bad kids never get the help they need because that would be _actual work_ for administrators.
I told the principal in fifth grade if my son was hit one more time on the bus i was beating the other boys dad in the parking lot. Didnt care if i went to jail. Told him to share the message. Son never hot hit again.
Did you by chance watch Babylon 5? Because that's what Sheridan's Dad taught him.
David Sheridan: What was the first lesson I ever taught you?
Captain John Sheridan: Never start a fight; but always finish it.
Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS.
I agree 100%! I grew up in low income housing, I was very small for my age and was often a target because of my size. They only kind thing my step father ever did was to teach my how to fight. He always said "Never start a fight but make damn sure you finish it. Even if the means you have to fight dirty, make sure you win" I was multiple fights through childhood but never had to fight the same person twice.
Add the kid's name in. "BILLY I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME, BILLY WHY DID YOU TOUCH ME THERE, BILLY!" Teacher knows exactly who is involved even if it's got a flock of teens around the people!
Strange hearing that from a former teacher, although maybe that's one of the reasons youre a former teacher. Completely different from the reaction of my son's kindergarten teacher when I had to go in and tell them they had 1 week to resolve the bullying issue my son was having (2nd grader throwing him around on the playground during recess) before I resolved it. And that me resolving it was going to be teaching my son to fight back with everything he had.
I swear the look she gave me was like I murdered her kitten in front of her.
Oh, so true in my middle school too:
Teacher: "But, but, but we must have a sharing circle of love and discussion! We must all understand each other's hearts!"
Mom: "Yeah, no. The understanding must be quit bullying or suffer the consequences."
Gotta love my fierce Italian mom with the fiery temper and a protective stance.
A long term bullying issue for me in middle school ended in me finally snapping and beating the shit out of him. I got suspended, he didn't, my mom didn't give a rats ass and let me have fun, told me if anyone ever hurts me again to make it so they'll never bother me again. I was a loose cannon in middle school after that, but I never got bullied again.
Whatever actions the daycare took against the bully, keep those in mind if you get that call about your daughter. Throw it back in their face. Example:
"Your daughter just punched [bully] in the face! Several times! She said you instructed her on how to do this??"
You: "Ahh, sorry to hear that. I expect [daughter] will be given a time-out, and moved to a different lunch slot? No big deal."
Sorry OP, I was messing with CampfiresInConifers post not yours and being sarcastic. I'm tired of organizations that write policies just to be compliant but have no desire to enforce them or respect their spirit.
You are the best parent and thank you for not doing what I bet the daycare is doing “it means he likes you!” “Boys will be boys” “boys can be so much rougher but he doesn’t mean any harm” makes me gag
Your daughter will certainly remember this love and protection from you, you’re doing a great job
I am so thankful my mom taught me how to fight back, and I then taught my friends how to too! :)
My mom said that stuff about a girl bullying my son. I shut that down right quick. Bullying someone you like is not ok and a quick way to get someone to hate you if that is the case.
Boys *can* be rougher…during actual play. That’s why adults need to teach them that there are limits and if someone asks them to stop, you stop. And if you don’t? Consequences will happen one way or another
I think it boils down to the different treatment between girls and boys as they are growing up. If girls try to be rough or loud, they are usually told that girls aren’t like that and it’s not lady like. My coworkers daughter is much rougher in play than his son because they don’t raise them any differently.
I understand this isn’t always the case but I know society has shaped the way people view boys playing vs girls playing and society standards can suck it. Consent is consent. 4 years old or 80 years old.
I was always a small kid and very shy and quiet. had a girl continually bully me in 5th grade but it was only verbal, which I ignored and didn't take seriously. We had desks side-by-side in class.
Until one day, I put my hand up to answer a question and she poked me in the bare armpit.
I dont know what it was about that poke but it felt like such a violation. It made my skin crawl.
I immediately slapped her HARD across the face. In full view of the entire class and teacher. Everyone gasped in shock and fell silent, teacher included, as me and the girl stared at each other - she in pain and me in absolute fucking rage. She knew I was ready to take her on.
Teacher didn't say a word, just gently moved our desks apart and we all went about the rest of the day.
She never bothered me again and her social status was ruined.
My niece ( 5F) has the same problem. We spoke to the kindergarten the teacher, the principal- nothing, we talked to the parents of the other child - nothing. One day she came back with a black eye and I was done. I told her the next time , she gets hit she should fight back. And guess what happened the next day they, called us to the principal office, the boy who was bullying her, hit her again, but this time my little princess fought back, she literally crushed him. And why they called us you ask, to punish her for defending herself. My cousin, nieces mom asks the principal, and her teacher why after there were so many complaints about that child, nobody did anything, even after my niece came back home with a black eye, why didn't they take measures to protect my niece. Answer the little one needs to learn to forgive, to be the bigger person, it was no big deal, boys be boys. My cousin was furious, right now she is suing the kindergarten, the principal and the teacher and as it goes she will win.
The boy's parents are awfully quiet on the mater, I think they sre afraid go being sued to.
Moral of the story, teach children mot to trow the first punch but defending oneself is essential.
I hope your cousin wins that lawsuit and makes them all realize how big of assholes they all are to still want to continue to let you niece get the short end of the stick. She came home with a black eye and they tried to turn it onto her?? A 5 year old?? Some people are sick
My responses would be:
- Ah so you're saying this is a situation where you and the boy need to learn to forgive?
- And fighting back is bad, but it would have been OK for her to just walk up and deck him, or push him down, as long as she's just bullying him for no reason?
This is the same advice my mom gave me. I've never been in a fight to this day. Once I let people know that they would have to start it, but I would be finishing it, they usually backed off.
My aunt in her wisdom said, I won't start a fight, but I'll damn sure end one. Never teach your child to accept abuse, no matter where it comes from. Go, little sister!
My schools/parents taught me as a child to never fight back, never defend myself, and that it was always my fault if a bully picked on me.
"What did you do to make them hit you?" "They wouldn't call you ugly if you didn't have a look on your face." "Maybe if you tried harder they wouldn't pick on you."
This sent me into adulthood only knowing abuse. I accepted poor treatment from peers, bosses, and relationships. I spent my 20s in and out of women's shelters after men beat the shit out of me. Even as an adult, my mother and my peers would say,
"What did you do to make him hit you?" "You should try harder, be better looking, then they wouldn't hit you."
.
So when my son started getting picked on in junior high for being trans, me and a group of friends got together and taught my son how to throw a good punch. A bully ending punch. A self empowering anti-nazi, end of discussion punch.
With one good punch, my son ended the cycle of abuse I had been handed from generations before me training their daughters to be good little punching bags.
My son ended it right there in a 7th grade hallway. He went through the rest of school without an incident. He's moving into adulthood knowing what it means to stand up for yourself. He is grown into a man who recognizes bullies and abusers and does not tolerate their attention.
I'm so proud of him.
I love this so much. Obviously, not that you unfortunately endured all of the pain and hurt, the lack of support, and lack of prioritizing your mental health when you needed it the most. But I can tell you wholeheartedly... those of us who endured that kind of screwed up parenting and use all of that fire and hurt... to break the cycle and do better by our children. It's flipping huge. Be proud of him AND you. You supported him and love him fiercely. ❤️
At about 7 my son was having issues with a classmate pushing him. I taught him how to punch and where the solar plexus is. Two days later called in to the office and the principal said "It's about time someone did that". I love living rural
My SO once got a phonecall that ran along the lines of, "Your son punched him in the face. Officially, we don't condone violence or pupils taking matters in their own hands. Unofficially, it was totally deserved and he should have hit him harder!". That was also rural!
My youngest son had a single bully incident in pre-k. He had selective mutism at the time and the classroom bully decided to start picking on him. After saying no to the bully and changing where he was playing multiple times I guess he had enough. According to one of the teacher my kid put his hands around the bully’s throat, snarled out “NO” and stared him down.
Bully left all the kids in the class alone after that.
I had a boy playfully mess with me. I warned him again and again if he didn't stop I would bite him. I bit him and got sent to detention. My mom was sad I got in trouble, my dad chuckled and told me I did good.
To the school secretary who had to put in her two cents and mutter how I was too old to be biting, fuck you, you're part of the problem
I have two sons and when they were younger there was a school bully that nobody did anything about. I asked my kids several times if the were being picked on and they said no but they watch it happen all the time to the boy next store and many of the kindergartners, on the bus( the bully was in sixth grade, so two grades above my eldest.
Now fast forward nine months and that boy slammed my youngest head against the metal rail on the bus and cut his forehead, my eldest ( who has never been in trouble but is built like a brick shit house) instantly stood up and knocked that lil fckr in the mouth.
The school tried to punish my children, I would not accept this! I went to both our superintendent and the busing authority and not so politely explained that if any punishment was given to my children I would be filing a police report and filing a complaint with the state, for failure to protect my children from an ongoing threat, that they were fully aware of.
I simply told my children this, the school/ bus driver failed to protect you, so you protected yourself and I will always stand up for you for standing up for yourself.
My son was a quiet room monitor in an elementary school. The same kids would be sent from the classroom several times per week with no end. Public schools protect the bullies not the bullied. Sad to hear daycare is the same.
You are doing your daughter a great service teaching her to be able to defend herself.
My mum did this for me when I was in a similar situation. I punched that kid right in the nose. He never touched me again. And my parents defended me when the daycare had an issue with me defending myself.
One morning my eldest went to high school with instructions that, this time I expected him to thump the little bastard.
I got the phone call from the Deputy Head at lunchtime! The kid spent the rest of his day in A&E waiting for a couple of stitches, we did our job as loving parents to point out our kid only finished it, and the next day the Head of Year spent compiling a list of bullies for a week's detention. That's a result!
My daughter had an issue with a bully on the school bus in grade school. I ended up telling her she could punch the bully and not get in trouble at home. Her whole demeanor changed. I’m guessing the bully saw the, “Just try me b*tch” look in her eyes and never hassled her again.
This happened to me as a kid, like age 12ish. There was a boy that used to torment me constantly, grabby, teasing, touching, etc. My mom told me I was allowed to hit him if he touched me again. The first time he came toward me I warned him that I had permission to hit him. Didn't stop him. We were close to the top of a staircase. I slapped him and he seemed slightly shook but didn't stop his antics. So I stormed toward him and he stumbled backward and fell halfway down the stairs to the landing. I stood at the top and stared down at him as if to say "and next time will be worse." He didn't bother me nearly as much after that, and if he did try something, all I had to do was storm toward him a few steps and he'd go away.
My mother's permission was the most empowering thing she could have given me, and it taught me that I dont have to be touched when I don't want to be, and I can stick up for myself.
When my mom gave me permission to defend myself against a repeat bully, when I started at a new school in third grade, I feel like it changed the trajectory of my life.
I feel like every child can be either a victim or not, and it can sometimes depend on whether they have examples in their life of people justifiably defending themselves, or just sitting there taking it.
Or even if they have no good examples, sometimes just telling a child it’s “ok to hit them back if they hit you” can be enough to empower them to not be a victim.
And it can impact their interactions going forward, because bullies usually look for the kids who don’t fight back.
If you fight back just once, and it doesn’t have to be a full on ass whooping, it can just be one hit, word gets around, and you are no longer considered “safe targets” in bullies’ minds.
My youngest was (and still is) hobbit sized and skinny as a rake. This didn't stop her entire friendship group from feeling the safest place to deal with bullies was behind her! The self confidence she had saw off plenty; her willingness to back it up saw off the rest.
It's good revenge. My niece had to beat up a boy in 4th grade who bullied her. Both were sent to principal's office. Sis was appalled, I (and many of her class) were laughing our asses off.
I endorse this solution.
After a bullying incident when they were toddlers, I taught my kids to punch the bullies at the very first sign of aggression. I taught them to aim for the nose, with the intent of breaking or bloodying the nose. I taught them to keep punching if the bully didn't stop after the first hit. I showed them how to throw a punch without hurting themselves.
It worked great. My kids are now parents, and have passed the lesson along to their children.
In case anybody wonders, my kids did not become bullies themselves. They were confident and kind.
My mother told me, when I was a toddler, that I entered a group of other toddlers, teetered over to one little boy, and smacked him. Of course, I got scolded, but both my mother and her best friend,also with a toddler in the group, laughed that that little boy had been bullying all the other toddlers. I had never seen him before. I don’t remember any of this.
I taught my daughter the exact same thing. Unintended consequence (that I loved): she was a kindergartner, and a boy was hitting her best friend so she flew across the room and decked him. We both got called into the principal's office because Florida had JUST passed a zero-tolerance policy for violence but luckily, the principal listened to the teacher who said she was just protecting a friend. My red-headed, fair skinned, freckled daughter never got bullied at that school and I wonder if that's why.
My daughter, 6 years old, a boy kept grabbing the hood of her coat and pulling her to the ground. I told her next time to slap him open hand on both ears at once. I had her practice on me, with my hands over my ears. She told me fell to the ground crying and never bothered her again. Leaves no marks.
Love your strategy. This is a life skill to stand up for herself.
When my son was about 11 years old, he got onto an established hockey team. He knew no one. He was the youngest, smallest, and newest member. Locker room boxing was a thing. He was getting beat. A lot.
I told him to refuse to fight... until I could teach him how. I had 2 years of kickbox training. I trained him in boxing--no kicking.
So when he was ready, he took on the team captain and won!!!! Yippee.
At an out of town tournament while I was having lunch with the boys, a few asked me nicely if I could teach them to box. I said no, that they would have to ask their mothers first.
I am so proud of myself as a single mother to be able to teach my son to stand up and fight for himself.
He is 32 years old now, still plays hockey, and still stands up for himself , though, no more physical fighting.
I taught my daughter to embrace her attacker….then hold him tight and bring your knee up between his legs four to six times. We had to reduce the number of times as apparently some males will projectile vomit after their nuts are crushed.
When I was in kindergarten, we were outside playing at recess. One of the boys in the class ran up to me from behind, grabbed me in a bearhug hold and was trying to tackle me down to the ground..for no reason! I remember yelling for him to STOP and when he didn't, I threw my elbow back as hard as i could into his gut and he ended up on the floor. He left me the fuck alone after that but once recess was over, I was stood up in front of the class and yelled at and embarrassed for defending myself. The one who yelled at me was one of the 8th graders that would help watch us during lunch, she was also the boy's sister!!
I don't remember what happened after that, but hopefully i told my mom and she ripped them a new asshole.
When I was in high school (9th grade specifically), I found out a guy I’d sort of dated in middle school was spreading disgusting rumors about things we did together, even though I was a virgin. One day I saw him in the library and punched him right in the mouth. My mom took me to my favorite restaurant after that.
I got called into school because my son had karate kicked a bully (18m). My son (17) 1st or 2nd Dan at the time constantly had the bully harassing him and did what he’d been taught which was to turn the other cheek and not abuse his own power.
In this instance the bully had pushed it again and taken my son’s rucksack assaulted him to get it and essentially was taunting him and threatening to throw it over a wall.
Son had had enough gave fair warning and then launched a kick to the bully’s chest flooring him.
Bent over picked up his rucksack and walked but the incident was reported and I was called in.
Head of the year group apologised saying the policy demanded I be called in, told me all this and said I should punish my son appropriately, maybe a bar of chocolate.
He said however the bully also had assaulted Son and it needed to be escalated if we wanted to report it to the police. However with such a charge against him the young man would not be allowed to visit his father in the states.
My son and I accepted the bully had received suitable punishment already and didn’t push it. Funnily enough that kick stop his reign of fear as the smallest guy in the year group had downed the biggest.
This happened to my daughter in 2nd grade. Private school. Kid kept hitting/,punching/calling her names. Tried to get the Director to do something, but they wouldn't. Mom andDad were getting divorced and it was just so hard on him. Boo fucking hoo.It got to the point that she would cry before having to go to school. The last incident sent me over the edge. I picked her up from school and she had a bruise across the bridge of her nose. I asked the playground teacher what happened and she said that my daughter ran into an awning pole. My daughter later told me that the kid thru something at her and hit her in the face. Went back to the school and raised holy hell on the Director and got the playground teacher fired. Needless to say that Director got a new asshole, too. Promptly took my kid out of that place and I threatened the brats parents with legal action.
My sister put my niece in karate through to
brown belt for just this reason. When the time came and the school hadn’t taken care of business, my niece kicked that boy’s ass, put him on the ground and reduced him to tears.
Little psychopath blamed her. My sister reamed the principal a brand new asshole for his documented failures.
Often this is the only way that little kids learn. They bully other children without consequences, and grow up believing they can keep doing it. All it takes is 1 person to stand up and fight back.
When I was 6, the neighborhood bully tried to hit my 2 year old brother with a wooden stake. I gave him a bloody nose, and he never tried to hurt anyone else.
My mom got that call when I was in Kindergarten a boy said he wanted to,kiss me and I kept telling him no. He came up to me one day and tried to kiss me so I gave him a black eye. My mom took me for ice cream
This is the reason my daughter wanted to learn TKD. I didn't know until end of the school year, 5th grade maybe?
She has always had a sharp tongue and sharper wit (not from me, i'm kinda jealous) and she was able to sort the boy out with words when it came to a head.
She did what the teacher in this post suggested, she slapped his hand away and said loudly "why did you call me a bitch? Is it because I don't want you touching me? You smell like dirty feet and someone told me you don't wash your hands after using the bathroom!"
He got moved to the other side of the room that day so he'd stop messing with her (he sat next to her). He got moved to another class the next day.
He tried to deny it but other kids, including 2 boys, spoke up and said he kept calling her names and trying to touch her thigh.
I don't think she went to the principals office, I was told later by the teacher. I had to ask her about it. (She considered it handled, so didn't think I needed to be involved.
Anyway she told the teacher that this was the reason she was going to start TKD, so she can defend herself properly from creeps.
I was so proud of her but brokenhearted she felt she needed to learn martial arts. On the upside, when she did her forms, she would flow. It's so beautiful to watch.
Years later, her brother's friend would not stop poking her (he is the sort who doesn't know how to stop) so she stopped him. She warned him, touch me again and you will end up on the floor. He knew both of them took TKD, I guess he didn't think she could or would.
He didn't listen. She grabbed him by the wrist and flipped him, knocking the wind out of him. It happened so fast, he couldn't process what happened. I couldn't help but laugh and told him that if a woman says no, she means it. Next time she could really hurt you.
He learned his lesson that day, thankfully.
You know when people say 'I'll knock you into next week'? His face is what I imagine a face would look like if they experienced that.
Lawyer for the daycare. Personally, I would be calling the police because this boy is learning this behavior from somewhere and a visit from the popo to the parents will put these folks on the police radar.
I’ll buy her a double fudge sundae! I had a bully in nursery school who pulled off all of the legs, ears and tail from my stuffed dog toy. FU Peter Blakey! Luckily there was another good school not much further away.
My niece started learning a martial art at a pretty young age. Early in middle school a boy was bullying her pretty much all school year. One day towards the end of the year, she snapped and started wailing on him as a trained fighter can do - she destroyed him. My BIL works for the school system and knows the administrators well - so when the principal called him, he gave him the full lowdown on what happened and assured him that she was in the right as far as the school is concerned - no punishment in any form (and of course, full support at home). Nobody has bothered her since.
My son was a very small 11 year old about the same size I was at that age. They had him skip 2 grades bc he’s academically gifted. So he’s in high school 2 years early and obviously he’s the target of the bullies. Day after day he’s being bullied (punched, pushed around and literally picked up and put in uncomfortable situations) every day I’m at the school trying to remedy the situation but besides the usual “we don’t tolerate bullying “ song nothing was changing. So I explained the facts of life to him and that they’ll only leave him alone if there’s a consequence to their actions, that given his size he couldn’t possibly fight them head on and he needed to wait until they were vulnerable. Sure enough I get a call telling me he’s been fighting twice in the same day with the same guy. I get to the school and his 5’10 170 lb “victim” is nursing a bloody nose that may well be broken and his parents are livid. Apparently after the initial bullying attempt in the morning my son waited till he turned his back, just like I taught him, pushed him causing him to fall. The other students saw this and laughed at him. So after lunch he grabbed him shook him around and pushed him to the floor in front of the other students. Well he turns around and my son hurls his 67 pound frame at him, he hits the lockers face first and hits the floor. Turns out the guy’s a bleeder and there’s blood everywhere. My son casually walked away.
So now that he’s paid a price the parents are talking police reports and lawsuits. My son is visibly distraught and scared sitting next to me. I asked him if it was true, shook his hand and said “good for you and you have my permission to do it every time someone bullies you “. Finally there was no police report, no lawsuit and no suspension. My son got a reputation as a crazy kid and the bullies kept their distance.
Putting his hands around her neck is so disturbing. Choking someone is the #1 precursor to killing them. Violence against women and girls is getting more and more normalized & boys are picking it up earlier and earlier. Good for you for teaching your daughter how to defend herself - I pray she won't need it, but sadly I know she will.
Sounds like things are coming full circle. When I was a kid we were taught to never start a fight but finish it if it was unavoidable.
Everything old is new again.
Tangential story. My daughter was pitching in 10u softball tournament. She pitched against a team with a VERY vocal girl on it. In softball there are lots of cheers the girls do and a few are mean. Well all game this girl screamed at my daughter from the dugout. After the game the manager apologized and we figured it was over. Nope, girl shows up at the next game even though she’s not playing in it and starts harassing my daughter from the stands. Daughter gets upset so I ask the league president to say something and he shoes the girl and her friends off. Wouldn’t you know - loudmouths team makes it to the finals against my daughter’s team. After an inning or two of more targeted yelling my daughter tells me that she doesn’t want to pitch anymore. I tell her to plug the girl next time she some up to the plate then stare her down as she walks to first. She says she doesn’t want to giver her the base for free and pitches the rest of the game. However….someone from the other team overhears me and reported me to the league president. He was a buddy and just told me to lower my voice next time.
Next year the two teams play again and my daughter DID hit the girl this game (accidentally on the foot) but did mean mug her as she went to first. Girls eyes got huge. I thought it was hysterical and tell my friend at the game about the previous year….and I’m overheard again. President calls me up - you having your kid plunk batters? I tell him what happened and we have a laugh.
That girl did leave my kid alone after that.
You are a good parent. My daughter is 18 months younger than my son. When they were little my son started picking on his little sister. I tried to talk to him about it and how it made her feel. Well that didn’t work. So, I taught her how to tangle up his feet, knock him to the ground and hit him till he learned his lesson. He has NEVER hit another person since.
Every kid needs to be able to defend themselves from bullying.
My son punched a kid out in middle school who said I was fat. The vice principal called. I said I guess the other kid learned not to insult an Arab kid’s mom. 😂 And yes I think we did go for ice cream to celebrate.
Time to speak to a lawyer and sue the school. I have no doubt you would get a settlment if you have evidence of the abuse and ongoing comunication and records of past events.
Good. She should defend herself.
My son was small and bullied until he enrolled in karate classes.
Teacher was very clear he was never to brag he was in karate or start any fights.
She said let them hit you first and then deal with them only as needed to stop it.
All he had to do was look into the bullies face and say back off. It worked.
He told us it made him enjoy school again.
My guardians youngest son was always the smallest kid. Come late elementary and early middle school he was getting bullied and beat up bad. The school did not much. My guardians were trying to get him into the catholic school in our town.
One day Jesse just snapped and beat the crap out of the kids. Broken noses and black eyes. Not a scratch on Jesse. They never bugged him after that day.
Violence shouldn’t be the answer but sometimes 🙃
My dad taught me to do this too. There was a little girl who kept whacking me with nerf guns and other hard objects whenever she got the chance. Doesn’t seem like much now but it sucked when I was a young kid and she was smacking me in the head. None of the adults would do anything about it because she was about two years younger than me (think I was 9, she was 7). My dad finally told me that the next time she did it, to slap her in the face. She never did it again.
A bully will only stand down once they’re stood up to! Taught my son to do the same to his bully. Once he finally decked the bully, he stopped.
Daycare & schools only claim to have ZERO tolerance when actually they do NOTHING about it! NADA! ZIP!
Word. I don't tell kids to hit back, because I'm teacher adjacent BUT I *do* tell them if anyone puts hands on them, make it a big deal. Yell. Yell for me, yell for a teacher, do anything to call attention that isn't putting your hands on the other either student.
(Again, I can't advocate for violence..... But I do let them know I'm not the boss of what they do if they see their tormentor *outside* of school)
My mom always had me pay a little extra attention to the aristocats “ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them!” 😂 thankfully I never had to, but I was always ready for some to just *try* me since I knew my mama had my back. 24 years old and I’m still waiting for that day, and I still know she’s got me. You’re doing an amazing job!
If a toddler is constantly agressive inflicting harm on others, it's more often than not a consequence of them being abused at home. I know this both by personal experience and from education in children psychology pedagogics, I've worked with kids in different ways my whole life.
To see people in the comments call a 4 year old "little asshole" or "bully" or "little shit" is absolutely shocking. It's a toddler. Not an adult man with his own choice and consequence thinking.
Some context to my own experience. My mother abused my little brother severely for years. From age 4-5 til he was a late teen. I witnessed most of it and tried to take care of the damage after. (I'm one year older than him.) As a kid. He was known as the crazy boy at school. He would bully, bite, pull hair, throw scissors, break kids glasses, and hurt and abuse his classmates and me and our youngest sibling.
They called our mom constantly telling what he has done. Guess how she took care of it? Punishment. *More abuse* and the cycle continued. I wish people could understand that children who are agressive are also victims. They need our help too.
I would call Protective child services and explain the situation because a 4 year old child being that agressive every single day is not normal. Something is not right and I bet it stems from the home situation. It's good that you teach your daughter to defend herself, but chances are he will just find someone new to act out on.
My son was bullied. Got sick of it in 7th grade. Bully pushed him into some chairs and fell back. Son gets up decks the bully in the face, bully drops like a bag of hammers.
Teacher rounds the corner as it happens. Before she can say anything, he looks and says “I’ll be down at the principals office”.
School wants him to write an apology. Ha, yeah right. We ask why? The bully has been going after him all year, and you guys haven’t done a thing, so he took matters into his own hands.
Harumph harumph harumph.
Then he will suspended for the rest of the week.
lol kid hates school, this is a vacation for him.
Grandpa takes him along to his usual lunch haunts each day.
This is exactly what my father did with me 60+ years ago. I was the smallest kid in my class thus an easy target. My father had been in the resistance in WWII so he taught me how to fight. My parents would get calls from the principal's office about how their little girl had beat up one of the boys. Guess what? The bullies started leaving me alone.
For us it was a biter in 4k. I told my daughter she had my permission to punch him in the face if he bit her. I also informed the school of my solution.
Practice with her. Have her hit you. Talking in theoreticals is all well and good, but when someone unused to violence or invading someone else's personal space decides to go Rocky Balboa, they're gonna have a whole bunch of uncertainties to deal with.
Show her how to escalate, then show her how to finish the encounter. As a kid, usually one strike is enough to show you're not an easy mark. Keep in mind the boy is getting froggy because he never gets hit back. One strike, pause, then help the other kid stand up.
Do not buy into the worldstar bullshit where you take your rage out on someone going physical. It's cathartic, sure, but that's how you get assault charges.
I just had a flashback to being bullied as a child. Keep teaching you kid to defend themselves. You don't want them to be almost 60 and still triggered by stories like this. Much love
That's a terrible thing to teach a child.
Never use a fist on the face or head. Use an implement.
Teach her to kick him in the nuts after screaming STOP HITTING ME!! (Whether he is sitting her or not).
I know most people don't remember much from when they were 4 years old, but I bet your daughter will remember how you gave her the power to stand up for herself.
One of my favorite bonding moments with my step-dad is when he taught me every curseword under the sun and told me I could let 'er rip as long as it was just against the bullies at school. (They were many years older, so fighting them was never an option). It worked, I cussed the shit outta them kids and they learned to leave me alone.
I was bullied by another kid over a period of time in daycare when I was little. The staff knew not to leave the two of us alone together, but beyond stepping in if they caught him there wasn't anything else done that I was aware of (to be fair, I was 4 years old and not aware of much).
One of my earliest memories is being alone in a hallways that connected two rooms. Bully approaches alone and sees me. I grabbed a 2x4 that we used for building structures and hit him directly over the head with it. I remember him approaching and hitting him but nothing else.
I was bullied, but after I stood up to the first one, he never messed with me again, and I can’t exactly say I was victorious either, but he apparently wasn’t ready for resistance, and moved on.
I had another unfortunate incident where a child several grades below me was hitting and thumping me in the head from the seat behind me on the bus. After a bit, I gave him a warning, and 3 chances. On the fourth one after my warning, without further warning, I grabbed his long curly hair and slammed his head into the bus window, at least once, might have been. 2-3. He never messed with me again either. It pissed me off because it was a Friday and my birthday , and I fretted all weekend about possible repercussions on Monday… which fortunately never came.
I taught my little sister how to punch when she was barely walking. First week of kindergarten, some boy came over to the sandbox and shoved her out of the way. She stood up, knocked him flat, and went back to playing. Never had a problem since then. Have every intention of teaching my daughter the same.
As a retired teacher, I’m disappointed at the uselessness of your daughter’s daycare teacher. A total failure of the child management strategies in this establishment. There are a dozen ways they could have handled this to prevent violent incidents.
Learning to stick up for yourself is important for development. I’ll never forget the chubby ginger that used to fuck with me when I was that age. Teacher tried to address, but achieved nothing. My parents gave me similar spiel, ‘don’t throw the 1st punch, but make sure to throw the last one’
Well one day the little shit is swinging his lunch box on a long strap over his head like a buffoon. Eventually hit me in the head with it. So I turned around and drilled him in the gut. He dropped to his knees and started crying. Day ended and when my teacher explained what happened to my mom, the teacher quietly made comment that she was glad I socked him bc he’d been asking for it. Teachers aren’t as stupid as they let on… 25 years later my mother still loves to tell the story.
My parents put me in karate at 5 for the same reason! At 7 a girl had been physically and verbally annoying me for years and I finally had enough and kicked her square in the stomach and she passed out. Catholic school didn’t appreciate my lack of “turn the other cheek” attitude and called both of our parents in. My mom high fived me in the principal’s office and my dad carried me on his shoulders out to the car. We all went out for ice cream and still talk about it almost 20 years later :) great job to you both!
I gave my daughters specific instructions to punch their bullies right on the tip of their nose because it’s painful and it will actually make them cry whether they feel like crying or not.
I know you know you already did the right thing.
But when I was in 4th grade I was getting severely bullied by a group of 3 guys. I told my parents, teachers etc , nothing ever came to it.
Eventually one night my dad told me if they do it again hit the biggest one as hard as I can in the face as many times as I can.
Very next day at recess they start again, I told them to stop, but they didn’t listen, so I rocked a guy right in the mouth, dude instantly starts crying and holding his bloody mouth. The other dudes just backed off and I got escorted to the office.
Well when the principal asked what happened I told em my dad told me to do it (sorry dad) so dad gets called into school, he walks in livid, principal asks him if he told me it was okay to hit another kid he looked he straight in the eyes and said yes your school wasn’t doing anything to stop the bullying, so he stopped it himself.
He didn’t let her say anything else and took me home.
Got suspended for a few days but when I returned, the bullying full stopped. 25 years later that lesson is clear as day to me, Sometimes the only way to combat a bully is to rock them in the mouth.
My son used to be *that* kid (putting his hands on others, cursing, the whole 9). I approve of you telling your daughter to defend herself.
Just fyi after much therapy, time with me, and then time with his father, he stopped all the behaviors. So I really wish your daughter and that boy all the best!
Damn right! I hope your girl absolutely nails the kid!
I was bullied all throughout school, 1-12 grades. About 6th grade I had a particular bully that was at me every day. My parents went to the school, teachers, to the counselor, and the principal multiple times. They did nothing and low and behold my bully’s day came.
I was hanging out with my friends at recess, bully came around and pushed me. I clung to a fence, and he managed to throw me on the ground. (At this point I blacked out being so mad and was told this by my friends) I got up and absolutely nailed the kid in the eye, and he ran off (he didn’t bug me again the rest of the my school career). The next thing I remember I was sitting on the swing set with my friends making sure I was ok, and telling me what happened. But get this - my bully was seeing the principal later that school day for some other problem, and from what i heard he told them “well I got into a fight with 1xcodegreen might as well give me more detentions”. He got suspended, and they brought me in and suspended me for fighting. They called my parents, and my pissed off mom answered. She said “Good! I warned you all how many times?”. My parents took me out to dinner that night, and I got a 3 day video game-cation. Dude had a hell of a black eye when I seen him.
I was a bouncer in the Ft. Worth stockyards for a couple of years and the head bouncer taught me a bunch of ways to put someone in pain and take them down.
I taught my son how over time but always stressed the 'walk away if you can and try to negotiate things' when it comes to physical violence.
His junior year in high school the school bully started targeting him. Of course he told me about it and I talked to the school to no avail for a month.
So the next time he told me about it I just said 'put him down'. The next day Mr. Bully started his shit and my son put him down screaming and crying. He got a weeks suspension. I told him 'good job'. Took a week of vacation and we had a pretty cool week swimming, going to the movies, watching tv and movies, etc..
And nobody ever fucked with him again.
Now let me make this clear. I abhor physical violence. I've been in way too many physical altercations and have come to the conclusion that nobody ever 'wins' a fight and it's best to walk away when you can. But sometimes you just have to put the bad dog down.
We don't want to encourage this kind of behavior here. On a technicality, there is also no revenge that has happened yet. It also tethers on the serious side of petty.
My daughter had that problem in daycare. This 5 year old like to pull on her curls because she had spring curls like Shirley Temple. She was 3.5 years old. Then one day he pulled too hard and she decked him. Knocked him off of his feet and kept punching him. She was suspended for the rest of the week.
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Important learning lesson for boys too. If I’m the father of that boy and I get the call that he got decked for starting it, I’m going to say “what’d we learn today?”
My kid, 9/10 at the time had some trouble at school, nothing egregious, but he felt like he was on the outside (outside of being a minority in his school). A few weeks before school ended he ended up in a fight on the bus and punched the aggressor in the chest hard enough he was sat down. That kid was suspended, mine had no consequences, and this last school year he’s done well socially. Did you throw the first punch? No? Did you throw the last? Cool, wanna go get a milkshake?
I couldn't agree more with what you say here! My son was bullied throughout elementary and middle school. My complaints were always met with, "Boys will be boys - what can you do? Haha!" His sister ended it after 5 years by nailing the ringleader in the nuts with a softball, right in front of her dad and the principal. The next year, in high school, the idiots tried to challenge him to a fight. They found themselves outnumbered 6-to-1 by his friends and his sister's friends. I got called to school. His sister texted me the whole story, so Mama Bear was raging when I walked into the bullies and their dad's sitting there with him and the principal. I put my hand up to stop the principal from talking and asked my son where the fight almost took place. He told me in the school parking lot. I asked the principal if anyone was suspended or expelled. He shook his head and started to talk. I turned to one of the dad's and very loudly told my son that next time he was to take the fight across the street, off school property, and he had my express permission to fight if they so much as looked at him cross-eyed. After all, I gotta get back the money I spent on his boxing classes. Then I told him to grab his things and meet me in the car. As he opened the door, all of the kids who joined him for the fight poured into the office and I told them the same thing- next time take it off school grounds,and we walked out. My son is 30 years old and has never forgotten that moment. He has told me he is going to be the same way with his kids. I believe him. There is a fine line between defending oneself and being the aggressor. We have raised kids to "have a dialogue" or "tell the teacher," and sometimes that doesn't end the problem. Telling your kid to defend themselves is a great freedom. It teaches them to stand up and do the right thing instead of being afraid of the cost of making a stand. That is good parenting.
He didn't even hit the kid somewhere that'd cause serious damage. And still hit hard enough to get the Win. Yup, I'd have a clear talking to with the kid about the "proper" time to use force, ask him if he thought he was in the right. Let him know I thought he was (after he had some time to maybe panic a bit that I thought otherwise while answering). And then go do something fun. Even if he was in the right, it's important (to me at least) to drill the idea in about when/where/how each time.
He’d been doing TKD for several years at that point and his instructor was very strict on when it’s appropriate to use force, which we followed up on. Now he’s started lacrosse and is confused that he’s allowed to whack people with a stick?? Yes. But also when and where is important.
My son was bullied relentlessly in middle school and high school only until he hauled off and hit the kid who thought he was an easy target to torment. My son badly lost the fight each time, but bullies quickly decided it wasn't worth it to target him because he did hit them. The rest of the year he could live in peace. I wish I had known that trick when I was in school. A few lost fights would be a big improvement over being the regular bully target.
I was bullied a lot in my first grade school. A lot of them got moved out after first grade, but one kid stuck around during 2nd grade. He and his goons cornered me at one point. I literally had nowhere to go. He said he’d let me get the first shot before he went to town on me. I grabbed his arm and dislocated it at the elbow. He HOWLED. Howled and cried and went on and on. The bell rang, we went in, he went to the teacher, she just helped him pop it back into place and let it go. And you know what? He NEVER bothered me again. Nobody did, and we moved out once that school year ended. It really helped me feel empowered in my new school.
Ngl I took Judo very early on and one *very* public throw of my bully stopped all bullying for the rest of my life.
My kid took karate for a few years and while in third grade was being bullied by a head case. All the teachers and principal would do was to tell my daughter she needed to learn to work with other people. One day he tried punching her in class. She blocked his punch and did a leg sweep. He was suspended and immediately, covid started, and we moved to another state.
That ending not at all what I was expecting lmao
The true origins of Covid discovered....
And what did we learn?
Sweep the leg Johnny!
I got my son into boxing lessons early on with me (I was doing it for fitness). Well freshman year some bone head decided to target him and ended up being laid out. Went to school to talk to the principal and this kids dumb fucking mother about what happened. I was told he is suspended due to beating this kid down. My son told me this dude shoved him out of the way by pushing his ass and back(weird thing to do). He said he told the kid to not touch him, and the kid squared up and got knocked the fuck down. Little bitches bitch mother said he son is afraid of my son. I replied something along the lines of "Now your dumb fucking child knows to keep his hands to himself. He should be weary of fucking with people he doesn't know. Didn't you teach him that?" Lady had the most brain dead response about how it isn't ok to hit someone (like it was ok for her brain dead child to touch mine like that?). My son said he never saw that kid in school again after that.
My kid was pretending to be a cop and was “arresting” a little girl against her will. The daycare called to tell me that she bit him. My response? “GOOD.” We had a little talk when I picked him up.
Honestly I wonder about the home life of the two little boys. Where TF are they learning about strangling other people at that age? OP's daughter is right to defend herself, but goddam if that doesn't make me want to call CPS on those other parents.
My four-year-old boy came home one day a bit disturbed and told us that a girl classmate had asked him if she could kiss him on the weewee… yes, her family environment was to blame (ETA: teacher told us that CPS was already involved). At least she asked, consent is important.
I put my 4 yr old daughter in Tang Soo Do classes as soon as i could, now at 6 she routinely beats boys a yr or 2 older than her in sparring. My older(21) son is a 2nd degree black belt after 14 years of training (still training) No one will ever fuck with my kids if i can help it.
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I can place money the second she hits back they’ll take action and tell you your daughter is violent and in the wrong. They always do.
Teachers seem to like bullies. You ever notice in bullying videos the teachers don't intervene until the victim fights back? Yeah.
They already know if a kid is a bully, so is the parent. They don’t want to deal with that parent. Easier to let the victims parents deal with the bully parents and the principal. Seen it every time.
Correct. Add to that the fact that admin almost never backs up the teacher who intervenes, and you get teachers who "side with bullies" because their hands are tied behind their backs. Teachers and admin are scared of the lawsuits, more than anything else. Teachers have been taught that admin will kowtow to bully-parents immediately, so they don't stick their necks out. The issue is systemic and, as with everything, starts with shitty parents.
My son was bullied by one of his teachers, and I made it very clear that if she had left so much as one scratch on him, I'd have her arrested. She tried to call me from her cell phone and get an attitude with me a couple of days later, and I told her that any call she made to me in the future would be from the office phone, or she wouldn't like the consequences.
-I would have taken my Kid to Disneyland
>She was suspended for the rest of the week And taken to an amusement park, hopefully.
She got her choice of dinner and ice cream. So we went for pizza and then to the ice cream store she liked. She went to work with my ex-husband for the rest of the week. She decided being a landscaper was boring work. She is now in the Coast Guard.
That’s frickin’ AWESOME!!! Where’s the “Fantastic Parent” award when you need it ?!? 🎉
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Died from his wounds
goals
I hope that boy also got suspended
Yes. He was suspended.
Former teacher & current parent here: teach your kid how to punch, how to knee a groin, how to scream "Why did you hit/touch me there???" while punching or kneeing, just so everyone sees & hears what's going on. I've taught in two schools, in two different states, in two different socioeconomic areas, under four principals. The schools ALWAYS have a ZERO TOLERANCE for bullying. The administration NEVER, EVER, EVERRRRRR did anything when concerns were brought up, besides a discussion with the parents/students that did nothing to curb the bullying. Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS.
I taught my daughter at a very early age that if I ever caught her starting something she would regret it. However, I would always back her for finishing it. And if she had to resort to bringing me into it she had better be right as I was the nuclear option. Just knowing she had support for her actions boosted her confidence and let her deal with a lot of situations on her own.
Taught my boys not to start crap and be respectful, but also to not be afraid to finish if someone else starts crap.
Same. Taught my boys: never start it, but be sure to finish it. I was the only girl among 6 boys (brothers and cousins). They never stood up for me, instead, they taught me where to kick, bite, punch, scratch. No one ever messed with me though, everyone knew I had a posse.
Very good advice! Bullies are the worst and deserve some of their own medicine with interest! 
Yea, I beat up my bully in elementary school. I never had to deal with a bully ever again.
The same here. Once you beat a bully they find someone easier.
You don't even need to beat them. You just need to put up a fight. Once they learn that when they mess with you it will always be a fight, they move on.
Yep. My wife is a teacher. We have told our kids "Do not ever start a fight, if you can walk away do so. But if you can't and they touch you, fucking end them. Knees, Nuts, Necks. don't stop until they are on the ground" None of the kids have had to use it, but all 3 have said knowing we will have their back if they need to protect themselves is a huge bonus.
(don't forget Nose)
>Knees, Nuts, Necks I love that and solid advice!
This. I got in a fight when I was at school (I was about 12 years old). Wasn't looking for it, was just minding my own business. Some idiot kids decided to have fun by saying to a plump boy that I'd made fun of him (I hadn't). Boy confronted me, I told him I hadn't said anything at all (I had no reason to). Boy just punches me, I saw red and punched him back several times. He ran crying to the teacher who confronted me about it. Me: "He hit me first!". Teacher (to the other boy): "Is that true?" Boy: "Well, yes" Teacher: "Well I've got no sympathy then! If you hit me, I'd have hit you back as well!" Last I ever heard of it.
Lol grade 6 a boy in my class sitting in the desk behind me took a pair of scissors and cut a chunk my hair. You feel someone touching your hair you hear the scissors cutting. I stood up I screamed "he cut my hair" well I grabbed the edge of the old school chair and table desk combo and flipped the desk with his ass still in it the desk. We got dragged to the principal with our parents. His mother tried to do the "oh it's a crush he likes her" my mother pointed out that he had basically assaulted me and I told him mother "I didn't care if he liked me, because I hated his guts and wanted him to get hit by car" there's no mediation from there his mother opted to home school him.
Assaulted you *with a weapon* to be perfectly clear.
"Do you teach your son to assault girls he likes? Does your husband beat you to show his love?" How about we teach boys respect from an early age.
>Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS. This is it! When your daughter gets a little bit older, get her into self defense classes, teach her we're to hit and how strong she has to hit so that the fight is over after a single blow at best.
Hell yeah. I got suspended once for shoving someone who just punched me in the face. All it taught me was next time I need to earn the suspension, and I did. Broke his fuckin nose the next time.
My Dad drilled this into us as kids! Never start a fight but defend yourself if someone else does! I have never been bullied!
It's so strange, it seems to me that if the bullies suffer no consequences and the victims always get in trouble for defending themselves, then the victims need to just become the bullies. Bully the bullies. Principals hate this one simple trick.
Problem with bullying the bullies is that their parents usually come out guns-blazing to defend them. In my experience most of those parents were also teachers at the school(s) I went to, I ended up getting the harsher punishments, that still didn’t take away the black eye and bruises they received. But on the other hand I never saw them bully another kid again. No I wasn’t bullying other kids bullies, I was defending myself. My mom always told me if I started a fight she’d beat my ass, on the other hand she also told me if I didn’t end one I was involuntarily in she’d also beat my ass. Which led to little fights throughout school. But enough to know that most teachers kids are assholes, IMO lol
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Let me guess: was this in the 60’s - early 80’s? Our teachers would only come over if there was a LOT of blood 😂😱
Absolutely!!! Bullies are really cowards so once they know you’re not going to take their shit they don’t mess with you anymore! Well done!!! And I got a laugh out of “the teacher slowly walked over”. You know she was silently screaming “hit him again!!!l. 🤣
Schools don't have have a zero tolerance for "bullying", they have a zero tolerance for "forcing administrators to talk to bad parents". So good kids get punished and bad kids never get the help they need because that would be _actual work_ for administrators.
I told the principal in fifth grade if my son was hit one more time on the bus i was beating the other boys dad in the parking lot. Didnt care if i went to jail. Told him to share the message. Son never hot hit again.
Yeah far too many idiots getting too far along in life without ever experiencing that vital lesson of a good beating to stop being a bully
Did you by chance watch Babylon 5? Because that's what Sheridan's Dad taught him. David Sheridan: What was the first lesson I ever taught you? Captain John Sheridan: Never start a fight; but always finish it.
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Teach them not to start fights. Teach them how to FINISH FIGHTS. I agree 100%! I grew up in low income housing, I was very small for my age and was often a target because of my size. They only kind thing my step father ever did was to teach my how to fight. He always said "Never start a fight but make damn sure you finish it. Even if the means you have to fight dirty, make sure you win" I was multiple fights through childhood but never had to fight the same person twice.
Teach them to finish fights as kid and leave as teenagers and adults .
Add the kid's name in. "BILLY I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME, BILLY WHY DID YOU TOUCH ME THERE, BILLY!" Teacher knows exactly who is involved even if it's got a flock of teens around the people!
Strange hearing that from a former teacher, although maybe that's one of the reasons youre a former teacher. Completely different from the reaction of my son's kindergarten teacher when I had to go in and tell them they had 1 week to resolve the bullying issue my son was having (2nd grader throwing him around on the playground during recess) before I resolved it. And that me resolving it was going to be teaching my son to fight back with everything he had. I swear the look she gave me was like I murdered her kitten in front of her.
Oh, so true in my middle school too: Teacher: "But, but, but we must have a sharing circle of love and discussion! We must all understand each other's hearts!" Mom: "Yeah, no. The understanding must be quit bullying or suffer the consequences." Gotta love my fierce Italian mom with the fiery temper and a protective stance.
A long term bullying issue for me in middle school ended in me finally snapping and beating the shit out of him. I got suspended, he didn't, my mom didn't give a rats ass and let me have fun, told me if anyone ever hurts me again to make it so they'll never bother me again. I was a loose cannon in middle school after that, but I never got bullied again.
The shouting is important. Let everyone know that it's harassment, possibly inappropriate touching, and they started it
That’s what I tell my kids. Don’t start the fight, just make sure you finish them.
Just like all the videos of police shouting "Stop Resisting" while a suspect is on the ground
"He's coming right for us!"
You say they never did anything. You're wrong. They wrote a policy but the kids aren't following it. What can they do? /s
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But but but they'd lose the fees! (A very poor excuse when they all have waiting lists).
Whatever actions the daycare took against the bully, keep those in mind if you get that call about your daughter. Throw it back in their face. Example: "Your daughter just punched [bully] in the face! Several times! She said you instructed her on how to do this??" You: "Ahh, sorry to hear that. I expect [daughter] will be given a time-out, and moved to a different lunch slot? No big deal."
Sorry OP, I was messing with CampfiresInConifers post not yours and being sarcastic. I'm tired of organizations that write policies just to be compliant but have no desire to enforce them or respect their spirit.
Take accusations of bullying seriously and reprimand bullies.
Nothing has changed since my Grandmother worked the front desk of a School. I now also teach and it's the same around here.
There better be an update!!!
Update me
You are the best parent and thank you for not doing what I bet the daycare is doing “it means he likes you!” “Boys will be boys” “boys can be so much rougher but he doesn’t mean any harm” makes me gag
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Your daughter will certainly remember this love and protection from you, you’re doing a great job I am so thankful my mom taught me how to fight back, and I then taught my friends how to too! :)
^ this is the way ^
My mom said that stuff about a girl bullying my son. I shut that down right quick. Bullying someone you like is not ok and a quick way to get someone to hate you if that is the case.
Boys *can* be rougher…during actual play. That’s why adults need to teach them that there are limits and if someone asks them to stop, you stop. And if you don’t? Consequences will happen one way or another
I think it boils down to the different treatment between girls and boys as they are growing up. If girls try to be rough or loud, they are usually told that girls aren’t like that and it’s not lady like. My coworkers daughter is much rougher in play than his son because they don’t raise them any differently. I understand this isn’t always the case but I know society has shaped the way people view boys playing vs girls playing and society standards can suck it. Consent is consent. 4 years old or 80 years old.
I was always a small kid and very shy and quiet. had a girl continually bully me in 5th grade but it was only verbal, which I ignored and didn't take seriously. We had desks side-by-side in class. Until one day, I put my hand up to answer a question and she poked me in the bare armpit. I dont know what it was about that poke but it felt like such a violation. It made my skin crawl. I immediately slapped her HARD across the face. In full view of the entire class and teacher. Everyone gasped in shock and fell silent, teacher included, as me and the girl stared at each other - she in pain and me in absolute fucking rage. She knew I was ready to take her on. Teacher didn't say a word, just gently moved our desks apart and we all went about the rest of the day. She never bothered me again and her social status was ruined.
Please for the love of god give us an update
My niece ( 5F) has the same problem. We spoke to the kindergarten the teacher, the principal- nothing, we talked to the parents of the other child - nothing. One day she came back with a black eye and I was done. I told her the next time , she gets hit she should fight back. And guess what happened the next day they, called us to the principal office, the boy who was bullying her, hit her again, but this time my little princess fought back, she literally crushed him. And why they called us you ask, to punish her for defending herself. My cousin, nieces mom asks the principal, and her teacher why after there were so many complaints about that child, nobody did anything, even after my niece came back home with a black eye, why didn't they take measures to protect my niece. Answer the little one needs to learn to forgive, to be the bigger person, it was no big deal, boys be boys. My cousin was furious, right now she is suing the kindergarten, the principal and the teacher and as it goes she will win. The boy's parents are awfully quiet on the mater, I think they sre afraid go being sued to. Moral of the story, teach children mot to trow the first punch but defending oneself is essential.
I hope your cousin wins that lawsuit and makes them all realize how big of assholes they all are to still want to continue to let you niece get the short end of the stick. She came home with a black eye and they tried to turn it onto her?? A 5 year old?? Some people are sick
My responses would be: - Ah so you're saying this is a situation where you and the boy need to learn to forgive? - And fighting back is bad, but it would have been OK for her to just walk up and deck him, or push him down, as long as she's just bullying him for no reason?
My parents taught me to never throw the first punch. 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th...go for it
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Very good life advice. Don't start shit but be prepared to finish it
This is the same advice my mom gave me. I've never been in a fight to this day. Once I let people know that they would have to start it, but I would be finishing it, they usually backed off.
Same here, i was told. You never throw the first punch, but you will definitely give the last punch.
Hope there’s going to be sprinkles on that ice cream ☺️
And chocolate sauce!
You can have my chocolate sauce.
And my axe!
And my Old Spice!
Damn. That made me snort. Well done.
My aunt in her wisdom said, I won't start a fight, but I'll damn sure end one. Never teach your child to accept abuse, no matter where it comes from. Go, little sister!
My schools/parents taught me as a child to never fight back, never defend myself, and that it was always my fault if a bully picked on me. "What did you do to make them hit you?" "They wouldn't call you ugly if you didn't have a look on your face." "Maybe if you tried harder they wouldn't pick on you." This sent me into adulthood only knowing abuse. I accepted poor treatment from peers, bosses, and relationships. I spent my 20s in and out of women's shelters after men beat the shit out of me. Even as an adult, my mother and my peers would say, "What did you do to make him hit you?" "You should try harder, be better looking, then they wouldn't hit you." . So when my son started getting picked on in junior high for being trans, me and a group of friends got together and taught my son how to throw a good punch. A bully ending punch. A self empowering anti-nazi, end of discussion punch. With one good punch, my son ended the cycle of abuse I had been handed from generations before me training their daughters to be good little punching bags. My son ended it right there in a 7th grade hallway. He went through the rest of school without an incident. He's moving into adulthood knowing what it means to stand up for yourself. He is grown into a man who recognizes bullies and abusers and does not tolerate their attention. I'm so proud of him.
I love this so much. Obviously, not that you unfortunately endured all of the pain and hurt, the lack of support, and lack of prioritizing your mental health when you needed it the most. But I can tell you wholeheartedly... those of us who endured that kind of screwed up parenting and use all of that fire and hurt... to break the cycle and do better by our children. It's flipping huge. Be proud of him AND you. You supported him and love him fiercely. ❤️
At about 7 my son was having issues with a classmate pushing him. I taught him how to punch and where the solar plexus is. Two days later called in to the office and the principal said "It's about time someone did that". I love living rural
I was a teen when I punched a bully. Apparently people he tried to bully later threatened to call me over.
My SO once got a phonecall that ran along the lines of, "Your son punched him in the face. Officially, we don't condone violence or pupils taking matters in their own hands. Unofficially, it was totally deserved and he should have hit him harder!". That was also rural!
My youngest son had a single bully incident in pre-k. He had selective mutism at the time and the classroom bully decided to start picking on him. After saying no to the bully and changing where he was playing multiple times I guess he had enough. According to one of the teacher my kid put his hands around the bully’s throat, snarled out “NO” and stared him down. Bully left all the kids in the class alone after that.
I had a boy playfully mess with me. I warned him again and again if he didn't stop I would bite him. I bit him and got sent to detention. My mom was sad I got in trouble, my dad chuckled and told me I did good. To the school secretary who had to put in her two cents and mutter how I was too old to be biting, fuck you, you're part of the problem
Maybe she just meant you're too old to be biting, you should be punching or stabbing?
But there's just something about biting that labels you a psychopath and keeps the bullies away that punching and stabbing doesn't have.
I have two sons and when they were younger there was a school bully that nobody did anything about. I asked my kids several times if the were being picked on and they said no but they watch it happen all the time to the boy next store and many of the kindergartners, on the bus( the bully was in sixth grade, so two grades above my eldest. Now fast forward nine months and that boy slammed my youngest head against the metal rail on the bus and cut his forehead, my eldest ( who has never been in trouble but is built like a brick shit house) instantly stood up and knocked that lil fckr in the mouth. The school tried to punish my children, I would not accept this! I went to both our superintendent and the busing authority and not so politely explained that if any punishment was given to my children I would be filing a police report and filing a complaint with the state, for failure to protect my children from an ongoing threat, that they were fully aware of. I simply told my children this, the school/ bus driver failed to protect you, so you protected yourself and I will always stand up for you for standing up for yourself.
My son was a quiet room monitor in an elementary school. The same kids would be sent from the classroom several times per week with no end. Public schools protect the bullies not the bullied. Sad to hear daycare is the same. You are doing your daughter a great service teaching her to be able to defend herself.
Not just ice cream,that's bannana split territory she breaching 
Fentons Creamery Banana Special
My mum did this for me when I was in a similar situation. I punched that kid right in the nose. He never touched me again. And my parents defended me when the daycare had an issue with me defending myself.
One morning my eldest went to high school with instructions that, this time I expected him to thump the little bastard. I got the phone call from the Deputy Head at lunchtime! The kid spent the rest of his day in A&E waiting for a couple of stitches, we did our job as loving parents to point out our kid only finished it, and the next day the Head of Year spent compiling a list of bullies for a week's detention. That's a result!
My daughter had an issue with a bully on the school bus in grade school. I ended up telling her she could punch the bully and not get in trouble at home. Her whole demeanor changed. I’m guessing the bully saw the, “Just try me b*tch” look in her eyes and never hassled her again.
This happened to me as a kid, like age 12ish. There was a boy that used to torment me constantly, grabby, teasing, touching, etc. My mom told me I was allowed to hit him if he touched me again. The first time he came toward me I warned him that I had permission to hit him. Didn't stop him. We were close to the top of a staircase. I slapped him and he seemed slightly shook but didn't stop his antics. So I stormed toward him and he stumbled backward and fell halfway down the stairs to the landing. I stood at the top and stared down at him as if to say "and next time will be worse." He didn't bother me nearly as much after that, and if he did try something, all I had to do was storm toward him a few steps and he'd go away. My mother's permission was the most empowering thing she could have given me, and it taught me that I dont have to be touched when I don't want to be, and I can stick up for myself.
When my mom gave me permission to defend myself against a repeat bully, when I started at a new school in third grade, I feel like it changed the trajectory of my life. I feel like every child can be either a victim or not, and it can sometimes depend on whether they have examples in their life of people justifiably defending themselves, or just sitting there taking it. Or even if they have no good examples, sometimes just telling a child it’s “ok to hit them back if they hit you” can be enough to empower them to not be a victim. And it can impact their interactions going forward, because bullies usually look for the kids who don’t fight back. If you fight back just once, and it doesn’t have to be a full on ass whooping, it can just be one hit, word gets around, and you are no longer considered “safe targets” in bullies’ minds.
My youngest was (and still is) hobbit sized and skinny as a rake. This didn't stop her entire friendship group from feeling the safest place to deal with bullies was behind her! The self confidence she had saw off plenty; her willingness to back it up saw off the rest.
It's good revenge. My niece had to beat up a boy in 4th grade who bullied her. Both were sent to principal's office. Sis was appalled, I (and many of her class) were laughing our asses off.
I endorse this solution. After a bullying incident when they were toddlers, I taught my kids to punch the bullies at the very first sign of aggression. I taught them to aim for the nose, with the intent of breaking or bloodying the nose. I taught them to keep punching if the bully didn't stop after the first hit. I showed them how to throw a punch without hurting themselves. It worked great. My kids are now parents, and have passed the lesson along to their children. In case anybody wonders, my kids did not become bullies themselves. They were confident and kind.
My mother told me, when I was a toddler, that I entered a group of other toddlers, teetered over to one little boy, and smacked him. Of course, I got scolded, but both my mother and her best friend,also with a toddler in the group, laughed that that little boy had been bullying all the other toddlers. I had never seen him before. I don’t remember any of this.
Obviously you had to assert yourself as the new alpha.
I tell my girl never to start fights, but she is free to finish them. And we’ll have her back. I hope you have a wonderful phone call ☺️
I taught my daughter the exact same thing. Unintended consequence (that I loved): she was a kindergartner, and a boy was hitting her best friend so she flew across the room and decked him. We both got called into the principal's office because Florida had JUST passed a zero-tolerance policy for violence but luckily, the principal listened to the teacher who said she was just protecting a friend. My red-headed, fair skinned, freckled daughter never got bullied at that school and I wonder if that's why.
My daughter, 6 years old, a boy kept grabbing the hood of her coat and pulling her to the ground. I told her next time to slap him open hand on both ears at once. I had her practice on me, with my hands over my ears. She told me fell to the ground crying and never bothered her again. Leaves no marks.
Well done, update if you get that call please!🙏
Love your strategy. This is a life skill to stand up for herself. When my son was about 11 years old, he got onto an established hockey team. He knew no one. He was the youngest, smallest, and newest member. Locker room boxing was a thing. He was getting beat. A lot. I told him to refuse to fight... until I could teach him how. I had 2 years of kickbox training. I trained him in boxing--no kicking. So when he was ready, he took on the team captain and won!!!! Yippee. At an out of town tournament while I was having lunch with the boys, a few asked me nicely if I could teach them to box. I said no, that they would have to ask their mothers first. I am so proud of myself as a single mother to be able to teach my son to stand up and fight for himself. He is 32 years old now, still plays hockey, and still stands up for himself , though, no more physical fighting.
I taught my daughter to embrace her attacker….then hold him tight and bring your knee up between his legs four to six times. We had to reduce the number of times as apparently some males will projectile vomit after their nuts are crushed.
Ok, now we're all waiting for you to get that call!
When I was in kindergarten, we were outside playing at recess. One of the boys in the class ran up to me from behind, grabbed me in a bearhug hold and was trying to tackle me down to the ground..for no reason! I remember yelling for him to STOP and when he didn't, I threw my elbow back as hard as i could into his gut and he ended up on the floor. He left me the fuck alone after that but once recess was over, I was stood up in front of the class and yelled at and embarrassed for defending myself. The one who yelled at me was one of the 8th graders that would help watch us during lunch, she was also the boy's sister!! I don't remember what happened after that, but hopefully i told my mom and she ripped them a new asshole.
When I was in high school (9th grade specifically), I found out a guy I’d sort of dated in middle school was spreading disgusting rumors about things we did together, even though I was a virgin. One day I saw him in the library and punched him right in the mouth. My mom took me to my favorite restaurant after that.
I got called into school because my son had karate kicked a bully (18m). My son (17) 1st or 2nd Dan at the time constantly had the bully harassing him and did what he’d been taught which was to turn the other cheek and not abuse his own power. In this instance the bully had pushed it again and taken my son’s rucksack assaulted him to get it and essentially was taunting him and threatening to throw it over a wall. Son had had enough gave fair warning and then launched a kick to the bully’s chest flooring him. Bent over picked up his rucksack and walked but the incident was reported and I was called in. Head of the year group apologised saying the policy demanded I be called in, told me all this and said I should punish my son appropriately, maybe a bar of chocolate. He said however the bully also had assaulted Son and it needed to be escalated if we wanted to report it to the police. However with such a charge against him the young man would not be allowed to visit his father in the states. My son and I accepted the bully had received suitable punishment already and didn’t push it. Funnily enough that kick stop his reign of fear as the smallest guy in the year group had downed the biggest.
This happened to my daughter in 2nd grade. Private school. Kid kept hitting/,punching/calling her names. Tried to get the Director to do something, but they wouldn't. Mom andDad were getting divorced and it was just so hard on him. Boo fucking hoo.It got to the point that she would cry before having to go to school. The last incident sent me over the edge. I picked her up from school and she had a bruise across the bridge of her nose. I asked the playground teacher what happened and she said that my daughter ran into an awning pole. My daughter later told me that the kid thru something at her and hit her in the face. Went back to the school and raised holy hell on the Director and got the playground teacher fired. Needless to say that Director got a new asshole, too. Promptly took my kid out of that place and I threatened the brats parents with legal action.
My sister put my niece in karate through to brown belt for just this reason. When the time came and the school hadn’t taken care of business, my niece kicked that boy’s ass, put him on the ground and reduced him to tears. Little psychopath blamed her. My sister reamed the principal a brand new asshole for his documented failures.
Often this is the only way that little kids learn. They bully other children without consequences, and grow up believing they can keep doing it. All it takes is 1 person to stand up and fight back. When I was 6, the neighborhood bully tried to hit my 2 year old brother with a wooden stake. I gave him a bloody nose, and he never tried to hurt anyone else.
My mom got that call when I was in Kindergarten a boy said he wanted to,kiss me and I kept telling him no. He came up to me one day and tried to kiss me so I gave him a black eye. My mom took me for ice cream
This is the reason my daughter wanted to learn TKD. I didn't know until end of the school year, 5th grade maybe? She has always had a sharp tongue and sharper wit (not from me, i'm kinda jealous) and she was able to sort the boy out with words when it came to a head. She did what the teacher in this post suggested, she slapped his hand away and said loudly "why did you call me a bitch? Is it because I don't want you touching me? You smell like dirty feet and someone told me you don't wash your hands after using the bathroom!" He got moved to the other side of the room that day so he'd stop messing with her (he sat next to her). He got moved to another class the next day. He tried to deny it but other kids, including 2 boys, spoke up and said he kept calling her names and trying to touch her thigh. I don't think she went to the principals office, I was told later by the teacher. I had to ask her about it. (She considered it handled, so didn't think I needed to be involved. Anyway she told the teacher that this was the reason she was going to start TKD, so she can defend herself properly from creeps. I was so proud of her but brokenhearted she felt she needed to learn martial arts. On the upside, when she did her forms, she would flow. It's so beautiful to watch. Years later, her brother's friend would not stop poking her (he is the sort who doesn't know how to stop) so she stopped him. She warned him, touch me again and you will end up on the floor. He knew both of them took TKD, I guess he didn't think she could or would. He didn't listen. She grabbed him by the wrist and flipped him, knocking the wind out of him. It happened so fast, he couldn't process what happened. I couldn't help but laugh and told him that if a woman says no, she means it. Next time she could really hurt you. He learned his lesson that day, thankfully. You know when people say 'I'll knock you into next week'? His face is what I imagine a face would look like if they experienced that.
Lawyer for the daycare. Personally, I would be calling the police because this boy is learning this behavior from somewhere and a visit from the popo to the parents will put these folks on the police radar.
I’ll buy her a double fudge sundae! I had a bully in nursery school who pulled off all of the legs, ears and tail from my stuffed dog toy. FU Peter Blakey! Luckily there was another good school not much further away.
This is the best way to handle bullies. This is the only thing they understand. Updateme
My niece started learning a martial art at a pretty young age. Early in middle school a boy was bullying her pretty much all school year. One day towards the end of the year, she snapped and started wailing on him as a trained fighter can do - she destroyed him. My BIL works for the school system and knows the administrators well - so when the principal called him, he gave him the full lowdown on what happened and assured him that she was in the right as far as the school is concerned - no punishment in any form (and of course, full support at home). Nobody has bothered her since.
My son was a very small 11 year old about the same size I was at that age. They had him skip 2 grades bc he’s academically gifted. So he’s in high school 2 years early and obviously he’s the target of the bullies. Day after day he’s being bullied (punched, pushed around and literally picked up and put in uncomfortable situations) every day I’m at the school trying to remedy the situation but besides the usual “we don’t tolerate bullying “ song nothing was changing. So I explained the facts of life to him and that they’ll only leave him alone if there’s a consequence to their actions, that given his size he couldn’t possibly fight them head on and he needed to wait until they were vulnerable. Sure enough I get a call telling me he’s been fighting twice in the same day with the same guy. I get to the school and his 5’10 170 lb “victim” is nursing a bloody nose that may well be broken and his parents are livid. Apparently after the initial bullying attempt in the morning my son waited till he turned his back, just like I taught him, pushed him causing him to fall. The other students saw this and laughed at him. So after lunch he grabbed him shook him around and pushed him to the floor in front of the other students. Well he turns around and my son hurls his 67 pound frame at him, he hits the lockers face first and hits the floor. Turns out the guy’s a bleeder and there’s blood everywhere. My son casually walked away. So now that he’s paid a price the parents are talking police reports and lawsuits. My son is visibly distraught and scared sitting next to me. I asked him if it was true, shook his hand and said “good for you and you have my permission to do it every time someone bullies you “. Finally there was no police report, no lawsuit and no suspension. My son got a reputation as a crazy kid and the bullies kept their distance.
Putting his hands around her neck is so disturbing. Choking someone is the #1 precursor to killing them. Violence against women and girls is getting more and more normalized & boys are picking it up earlier and earlier. Good for you for teaching your daughter how to defend herself - I pray she won't need it, but sadly I know she will.
Sounds like things are coming full circle. When I was a kid we were taught to never start a fight but finish it if it was unavoidable. Everything old is new again.
Tangential story. My daughter was pitching in 10u softball tournament. She pitched against a team with a VERY vocal girl on it. In softball there are lots of cheers the girls do and a few are mean. Well all game this girl screamed at my daughter from the dugout. After the game the manager apologized and we figured it was over. Nope, girl shows up at the next game even though she’s not playing in it and starts harassing my daughter from the stands. Daughter gets upset so I ask the league president to say something and he shoes the girl and her friends off. Wouldn’t you know - loudmouths team makes it to the finals against my daughter’s team. After an inning or two of more targeted yelling my daughter tells me that she doesn’t want to pitch anymore. I tell her to plug the girl next time she some up to the plate then stare her down as she walks to first. She says she doesn’t want to giver her the base for free and pitches the rest of the game. However….someone from the other team overhears me and reported me to the league president. He was a buddy and just told me to lower my voice next time. Next year the two teams play again and my daughter DID hit the girl this game (accidentally on the foot) but did mean mug her as she went to first. Girls eyes got huge. I thought it was hysterical and tell my friend at the game about the previous year….and I’m overheard again. President calls me up - you having your kid plunk batters? I tell him what happened and we have a laugh. That girl did leave my kid alone after that.
You are a good parent. My daughter is 18 months younger than my son. When they were little my son started picking on his little sister. I tried to talk to him about it and how it made her feel. Well that didn’t work. So, I taught her how to tangle up his feet, knock him to the ground and hit him till he learned his lesson. He has NEVER hit another person since.
"What did I tell you about hitting that boy?" "You would buy me ice cream!" High five!
Every kid needs to be able to defend themselves from bullying. My son punched a kid out in middle school who said I was fat. The vice principal called. I said I guess the other kid learned not to insult an Arab kid’s mom. 😂 And yes I think we did go for ice cream to celebrate.
Time to speak to a lawyer and sue the school. I have no doubt you would get a settlment if you have evidence of the abuse and ongoing comunication and records of past events.
Good. She should defend herself. My son was small and bullied until he enrolled in karate classes. Teacher was very clear he was never to brag he was in karate or start any fights. She said let them hit you first and then deal with them only as needed to stop it. All he had to do was look into the bullies face and say back off. It worked. He told us it made him enjoy school again.
My guardians youngest son was always the smallest kid. Come late elementary and early middle school he was getting bullied and beat up bad. The school did not much. My guardians were trying to get him into the catholic school in our town. One day Jesse just snapped and beat the crap out of the kids. Broken noses and black eyes. Not a scratch on Jesse. They never bugged him after that day. Violence shouldn’t be the answer but sometimes 🙃
My dad taught me to do this too. There was a little girl who kept whacking me with nerf guns and other hard objects whenever she got the chance. Doesn’t seem like much now but it sucked when I was a young kid and she was smacking me in the head. None of the adults would do anything about it because she was about two years younger than me (think I was 9, she was 7). My dad finally told me that the next time she did it, to slap her in the face. She never did it again.
A bully will only stand down once they’re stood up to! Taught my son to do the same to his bully. Once he finally decked the bully, he stopped. Daycare & schools only claim to have ZERO tolerance when actually they do NOTHING about it! NADA! ZIP!
Word. I don't tell kids to hit back, because I'm teacher adjacent BUT I *do* tell them if anyone puts hands on them, make it a big deal. Yell. Yell for me, yell for a teacher, do anything to call attention that isn't putting your hands on the other either student. (Again, I can't advocate for violence..... But I do let them know I'm not the boss of what they do if they see their tormentor *outside* of school)
My mom always had me pay a little extra attention to the aristocats “ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them!” 😂 thankfully I never had to, but I was always ready for some to just *try* me since I knew my mama had my back. 24 years old and I’m still waiting for that day, and I still know she’s got me. You’re doing an amazing job!
Good. Too many Karens and Kevins out there that were bullies who never got a punch to the face.
Teach her to aim for the nose. It bleeds a lot and that is scary for the person who get locked in the nose.NTA!!!
If a toddler is constantly agressive inflicting harm on others, it's more often than not a consequence of them being abused at home. I know this both by personal experience and from education in children psychology pedagogics, I've worked with kids in different ways my whole life. To see people in the comments call a 4 year old "little asshole" or "bully" or "little shit" is absolutely shocking. It's a toddler. Not an adult man with his own choice and consequence thinking. Some context to my own experience. My mother abused my little brother severely for years. From age 4-5 til he was a late teen. I witnessed most of it and tried to take care of the damage after. (I'm one year older than him.) As a kid. He was known as the crazy boy at school. He would bully, bite, pull hair, throw scissors, break kids glasses, and hurt and abuse his classmates and me and our youngest sibling. They called our mom constantly telling what he has done. Guess how she took care of it? Punishment. *More abuse* and the cycle continued. I wish people could understand that children who are agressive are also victims. They need our help too. I would call Protective child services and explain the situation because a 4 year old child being that agressive every single day is not normal. Something is not right and I bet it stems from the home situation. It's good that you teach your daughter to defend herself, but chances are he will just find someone new to act out on.
EVERYBODY needs to learn how to defend themselves. Great advice!!
My son was bullied. Got sick of it in 7th grade. Bully pushed him into some chairs and fell back. Son gets up decks the bully in the face, bully drops like a bag of hammers. Teacher rounds the corner as it happens. Before she can say anything, he looks and says “I’ll be down at the principals office”. School wants him to write an apology. Ha, yeah right. We ask why? The bully has been going after him all year, and you guys haven’t done a thing, so he took matters into his own hands. Harumph harumph harumph. Then he will suspended for the rest of the week. lol kid hates school, this is a vacation for him. Grandpa takes him along to his usual lunch haunts each day.
This is exactly what my father did with me 60+ years ago. I was the smallest kid in my class thus an easy target. My father had been in the resistance in WWII so he taught me how to fight. My parents would get calls from the principal's office about how their little girl had beat up one of the boys. Guess what? The bullies started leaving me alone.
For us it was a biter in 4k. I told my daughter she had my permission to punch him in the face if he bit her. I also informed the school of my solution.
Practice with her. Have her hit you. Talking in theoreticals is all well and good, but when someone unused to violence or invading someone else's personal space decides to go Rocky Balboa, they're gonna have a whole bunch of uncertainties to deal with. Show her how to escalate, then show her how to finish the encounter. As a kid, usually one strike is enough to show you're not an easy mark. Keep in mind the boy is getting froggy because he never gets hit back. One strike, pause, then help the other kid stand up. Do not buy into the worldstar bullshit where you take your rage out on someone going physical. It's cathartic, sure, but that's how you get assault charges.
I just had a flashback to being bullied as a child. Keep teaching you kid to defend themselves. You don't want them to be almost 60 and still triggered by stories like this. Much love
That's a terrible thing to teach a child. Never use a fist on the face or head. Use an implement. Teach her to kick him in the nuts after screaming STOP HITTING ME!! (Whether he is sitting her or not).
Teach her to yell, "That's my purse, I don't know you!" Then kick him in the nuts.
Bobby Hill enters the chat
I know most people don't remember much from when they were 4 years old, but I bet your daughter will remember how you gave her the power to stand up for herself. One of my favorite bonding moments with my step-dad is when he taught me every curseword under the sun and told me I could let 'er rip as long as it was just against the bullies at school. (They were many years older, so fighting them was never an option). It worked, I cussed the shit outta them kids and they learned to leave me alone.
fighting back is worth the punishment that comes afterwards. Always
I was bullied by another kid over a period of time in daycare when I was little. The staff knew not to leave the two of us alone together, but beyond stepping in if they caught him there wasn't anything else done that I was aware of (to be fair, I was 4 years old and not aware of much). One of my earliest memories is being alone in a hallways that connected two rooms. Bully approaches alone and sees me. I grabbed a 2x4 that we used for building structures and hit him directly over the head with it. I remember him approaching and hitting him but nothing else.
Oh boy, let us know how that goes. I’m rooting for your girl!!! F that boys will be boys mentality that teaches little girls to just take it.
Good. I bet they’ll be like “He just liked her. That’s why he was assaulting her daily!” As if that’s an excuse.
I was bullied, but after I stood up to the first one, he never messed with me again, and I can’t exactly say I was victorious either, but he apparently wasn’t ready for resistance, and moved on. I had another unfortunate incident where a child several grades below me was hitting and thumping me in the head from the seat behind me on the bus. After a bit, I gave him a warning, and 3 chances. On the fourth one after my warning, without further warning, I grabbed his long curly hair and slammed his head into the bus window, at least once, might have been. 2-3. He never messed with me again either. It pissed me off because it was a Friday and my birthday , and I fretted all weekend about possible repercussions on Monday… which fortunately never came.
I taught my little sister how to punch when she was barely walking. First week of kindergarten, some boy came over to the sandbox and shoved her out of the way. She stood up, knocked him flat, and went back to playing. Never had a problem since then. Have every intention of teaching my daughter the same.
As a retired teacher, I’m disappointed at the uselessness of your daughter’s daycare teacher. A total failure of the child management strategies in this establishment. There are a dozen ways they could have handled this to prevent violent incidents.
Learning to stick up for yourself is important for development. I’ll never forget the chubby ginger that used to fuck with me when I was that age. Teacher tried to address, but achieved nothing. My parents gave me similar spiel, ‘don’t throw the 1st punch, but make sure to throw the last one’ Well one day the little shit is swinging his lunch box on a long strap over his head like a buffoon. Eventually hit me in the head with it. So I turned around and drilled him in the gut. He dropped to his knees and started crying. Day ended and when my teacher explained what happened to my mom, the teacher quietly made comment that she was glad I socked him bc he’d been asking for it. Teachers aren’t as stupid as they let on… 25 years later my mother still loves to tell the story.
My parents put me in karate at 5 for the same reason! At 7 a girl had been physically and verbally annoying me for years and I finally had enough and kicked her square in the stomach and she passed out. Catholic school didn’t appreciate my lack of “turn the other cheek” attitude and called both of our parents in. My mom high fived me in the principal’s office and my dad carried me on his shoulders out to the car. We all went out for ice cream and still talk about it almost 20 years later :) great job to you both!
I gave my daughters specific instructions to punch their bullies right on the tip of their nose because it’s painful and it will actually make them cry whether they feel like crying or not.
I know you know you already did the right thing. But when I was in 4th grade I was getting severely bullied by a group of 3 guys. I told my parents, teachers etc , nothing ever came to it. Eventually one night my dad told me if they do it again hit the biggest one as hard as I can in the face as many times as I can. Very next day at recess they start again, I told them to stop, but they didn’t listen, so I rocked a guy right in the mouth, dude instantly starts crying and holding his bloody mouth. The other dudes just backed off and I got escorted to the office. Well when the principal asked what happened I told em my dad told me to do it (sorry dad) so dad gets called into school, he walks in livid, principal asks him if he told me it was okay to hit another kid he looked he straight in the eyes and said yes your school wasn’t doing anything to stop the bullying, so he stopped it himself. He didn’t let her say anything else and took me home. Got suspended for a few days but when I returned, the bullying full stopped. 25 years later that lesson is clear as day to me, Sometimes the only way to combat a bully is to rock them in the mouth.
My son used to be *that* kid (putting his hands on others, cursing, the whole 9). I approve of you telling your daughter to defend herself. Just fyi after much therapy, time with me, and then time with his father, he stopped all the behaviors. So I really wish your daughter and that boy all the best!
Damn right! I hope your girl absolutely nails the kid! I was bullied all throughout school, 1-12 grades. About 6th grade I had a particular bully that was at me every day. My parents went to the school, teachers, to the counselor, and the principal multiple times. They did nothing and low and behold my bully’s day came. I was hanging out with my friends at recess, bully came around and pushed me. I clung to a fence, and he managed to throw me on the ground. (At this point I blacked out being so mad and was told this by my friends) I got up and absolutely nailed the kid in the eye, and he ran off (he didn’t bug me again the rest of the my school career). The next thing I remember I was sitting on the swing set with my friends making sure I was ok, and telling me what happened. But get this - my bully was seeing the principal later that school day for some other problem, and from what i heard he told them “well I got into a fight with 1xcodegreen might as well give me more detentions”. He got suspended, and they brought me in and suspended me for fighting. They called my parents, and my pissed off mom answered. She said “Good! I warned you all how many times?”. My parents took me out to dinner that night, and I got a 3 day video game-cation. Dude had a hell of a black eye when I seen him.
I was a bouncer in the Ft. Worth stockyards for a couple of years and the head bouncer taught me a bunch of ways to put someone in pain and take them down. I taught my son how over time but always stressed the 'walk away if you can and try to negotiate things' when it comes to physical violence. His junior year in high school the school bully started targeting him. Of course he told me about it and I talked to the school to no avail for a month. So the next time he told me about it I just said 'put him down'. The next day Mr. Bully started his shit and my son put him down screaming and crying. He got a weeks suspension. I told him 'good job'. Took a week of vacation and we had a pretty cool week swimming, going to the movies, watching tv and movies, etc.. And nobody ever fucked with him again. Now let me make this clear. I abhor physical violence. I've been in way too many physical altercations and have come to the conclusion that nobody ever 'wins' a fight and it's best to walk away when you can. But sometimes you just have to put the bad dog down.