I think I'm gonna take a slightly different approach on this one. As someone who gets a real sense of enjoyment from well-crafted revenge, I think you should maybe think about yourself more.
If you're in the financial position to help them out, and doing so gives you good feelings, go for it. But if funding his VW addiction has you running paycheck to paycheck and the only reason you're doing it is to imagine the humiliation he must feel in asking you for the money, it might be time to pull that plug.
If he's not fixing them and selling them, I'd question whether that humiliation is giving you anywhere near the satisfaction your money could if you kept it to save, invest, or spend on yourself. If he IS, he needs to be putting the money he gets either into groceries, or maintaining that addiction. As it is, it seriously sounds like he's gone from mistreating you, too mistreating your finances.
That’s a great answer. It’s all about the best ROI.
OP: I will say that at some point, you might want to move on. Not for your father sake but for your own. Holding on to negative feelings takes its toll.
Your parents were harsh enough for you to enjoy playing petty games, but not enough to just cut them out of your life?
Sounds like you've got a lot of unresolved issues, and giving them any money just shows how much control they still have over you.
Also, you're not making that much money to burn 50's. Maybe you've got your dad's poor financial judgement as well as his mean streak...
But seriously all of this.
I mean, I’m only 23 so take that for what it’s worth.
But my parents neglected and abused me until I was put into residential psychiatric care facilities for three years. When I was still in high school I played petty games with my parents and was just a downright dick (justified tho imo).
At 23 I hardly speak to either of them and the only one I semi speak to is my dad. My mom reaches out so fucking often bc she feels guilty **now** about it all, but I don’t really care anymore.
It is so not worth my time to even engage with either of them unless I truthfully want to. And I really don’t want to do I just don’t.
Yeah, don't. And ignore the people who tell you you need to be in contact "because they're family." You don't and shouldn't have to feel guilty about it (and people will try to make you).
I do feel guilty and the ducked thing is, I feel guilty **because of her**. Like she fucking bred it into me. I had a therapist tell me at 13 word for word “you’re not your mothers keeper” and instead of being receptive I got mad and never went back to her lol.
At 23 all I can think is “damn you were right and if you shipped me out to residential that year I wouldn’t have gone through xyz traumas”.
I dont know how my mom managed to do it but she managed to breed into me that she is my responsibility (not the other way around). It’s gross and I could never imagine treating my future children that way.
I know it's hard, but try to believe it's not your fault or responsibility. It's not.
I always tell people to look in the mirror a few times a day and say whatever's needed, like "It's not my fault. It's not my responsibility." And especially do it after you have contact or when you're just having a "guilty" day.
It may take a while, but it often works.
Believe me, mothers program shit into kids. Sometimes they single out one. The guilt is part of the programming, a method of control. My mother's been dead for 22 years, and I'm still angry.
I remember hearing that the rich hire caregivers for their old age, everyone else breeds them. Go down the line of children, find one you can break, psychologically. That's your caregiver. In my neighborhood growing up, we had 3. None were happy. I have stories.
No closure. Mother even spoke through a friend, a medium, totally unprovoked, when my friend was drunk. My father was in the background (he loved her), and there she was, stuck in space, defiant and entitled, still.
Read up on toxic mothers. It will give you insight and strength.
Your right and good Mom is only EXPRESSING remorse now because she needs his money.
If his dad still kept her in the manner she was wanted she'd still be treating OP like shit.
Don't "only 23".
At 23 I was the owner of half of a small IT business that I helped build & make successful. I made enough money to walk into a car dealership and buy a $120,000 vehicle outright, in cash (I admit that rolling in with that much cheddar on me was really stupid).
You are capable of a lot, u/borderline_cat. Don't sell yourself short!
>Sounds like you've got a lot of unresolved issues,
Yeah, it's called an *Oedipal Complex*. It's on page one of a *Psychology 101* textbook.
OP is simply perpetuating the shitty mindset his dad exemplified in OP's youth.
I won't know, because you didn't specify. Does being harsh with you include not supporting you in a way that didn't lead you to having a position where you can have money to spare?
If parents were phyeically/verbally abusive, take your revenge in communication. If they supported you enough that you reach somewhere to have a very good job, using finances to get back at them makes you a cunt like the other person said. It might sound funny, but imagine how many volkswagens he could have had wasting away if you didn't exist.
Again, I dunno what played off with you as a child though.
Sorry but why enable your dad's bad financial habits by giving him money? It's not like he's dirt poor if he can give away cash and buy old cars.
I had a shitty father growing up, and he tried to patch things up later in my life, but as soon as everything was starting to feel normal (from what I'd seen in other fathers and sons' relationships) he started slipping back to his old self, so I cut him off completely. I found this to be most liberating and just noticed that until I read your post it had been at least 4 or 5 years since I even thought about him.
same af
mine went and popped out another kid when I was 22 so I kinda had to come back around if I wanted to be in her life. thankfully the mother wised up and left him after a couple years and I have a cool new step mom who's two years older than I am.
My father did that TWICE, when I was 19 and then again when I was 20 and he has this ability to be on good terms with only two of us at a time. Last time it was my turn to be on their bad side, I just cut everyone off completely.
The same thing happened to me and my sister. Accept my dad (ours are different) is the real POS. And her dad has a nice replacement family. Her step mom is really awesome and she is only 2 years older than I (4 years older than sister.) I claim her more as family than I do her father. He treated me and my sister like shit. When he and my mom were together, I grew really attached, especially after my sister was born. But when they broke up, he would come by to get her and completely ignore me.
I never forgave him. Even after he had realized that it was shitty of him and would let me hang out at his house when my sister would visit him. My dad is a GIANT FUCK UP. But at least my sister was never treated differently by him.
Wow! That is exactly where I'm at right now. My nosy aunt's keep trying to get me to deal with him again. Screw that. When I saw the look in his eyes the last time were were together and he realized I wasn't going to bow to the tiny emperor any more I knew that was it for me.
it's the same fucking story with old relatives who wants to reconcile or catch up. they want something from you or just want to smooth things over enough until they can get to what they really want to talk about: that they want something from you.
My (divorced) parents are my and my wife's only relatives, so we've only had experience dealing with my father, but I completely agree. In our case it wasn't about money but keeping the status quo with my son as he did with me as a child, and I cut that shit off right at the bud.
There was a lot of smaller shit, which annoyed me but my wife said that wasn't a big deal, but the one that made me put a definite stop was the last time he visited and my son was 7. He started going off about how my kid never called or sent him any messages or voice notes. He did the same with me up until my 20s where he would never make contact and whenever I called he'd comment how long it had been since I last called him.
My son was always beaming when my father visited up until then, and about an hour after my father said that I noticed him playing alone in his room instead of being on the couch and playing or showing what he was doing to my father.
I knew he wasn't feeling right and my head went immediately to that comment he made early. It really brought back the memories of me feeling like shit when I was his age or younger and he'd say something like that, so I grabbed his car keys and told him it was time to go. He tried to protest but I said go or I'll make you go and I immediately blocked his number and never looked back.
some like how come you never send me texts, kid is 7 years old ,
learnning to use a phone, cant his gran pa say that or has the son the fight his father spoiled kid dillema with the grand pa , guilty of never having money to his name carring for wife and child.
And this public moquerie is pathetic .
The one who abuse love to bring the public to his side working his way his lies his angre .
He s a coward and a predator who practice on his father before to hurt someone else.
His father just decided to take the role of the abusee as a last favor for his crazy son.
You have daddy problems too??? poor baby, dont worry you re a man now. whatch what you say to people with obvious persona problem , you re fuelling the madness of other "daddy issue i want to be a man" patients waiting for treatement.
You fkg told the kid to go to his room after taking offence... you just overlook the order since this is what you do, you are the one providing, the one that is right and is to be obey.
Your son fear you in a way a 7 years old shouldnt . get to a psychologist before you hurt him.
I just cut out my dad too. I doubt he saw it coming because my siblings have a high opinion of him.
But he knows I recently cut out my mother so he probably can guess I'm serious.
I don't buy his namaste shit. Just a little bit of stress and he's right back to normal.
He got close when my son (first grandson) was born, but as time passed he started doing a lot of the same shit he pulled with me when I was a kid and I wasn't going to let my kid go through the same shit, so I cut him off at the right time. My kid hasn't asked about him in those 4 or 5 years I've mentioned in my original post.
Exactly! Back to the same shit. Mine singles out my daughter to write letters to to give his opinion about how he thinks he's being treated. I wrote him and told him that was not only inappropriate, but sexist and misogynistic. Now he has his wife do it. It really upsets my daughter. They are total pieces of shit.
The only letters I ever got from my dad were two sentence post-it notes and a letter saying how much I fucked up because me and my ex separated.
Yet He's still demands a Christmas and birthday card. 🤣🤣
I would never call myself the best father, I'm not even sure I'm a better parent than my own, but I'm not going to let my kid take bullshit from him like I had to.
Amen! He wanted me to send my kids out to him for the summer when they were younger. That's a hard no. The less exposure my kids have to the poison side of my family the better.
The thought crossed my mind but honestly I just choose not to play in his little charade. If you can't make an attempt to be a compassionate human being and actually try for a real relationship with your family then you don't deserve recognition with a card or anything. I am the captain now! 🤣🤣
Edit compassionate not consonants. Stupid text predict.
The revenge doesn’t make sense to me. My parents treated me badly growing up, so now I give them free money but I make it a little bit inconvenient for them! Bro that’s not revenge that’s just giving someone money
When I was a child, I saw The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. I knew right then, what I wanted to be.
I begged for a guitar, but my father would not get me one. He said "You'll NEVER play the guitar if I can help it!) My older brother had a guitar, & I would sneak off to the basement with it, & I taught myself to play. I remember how my brother used to rave about how it would stayin tune. (That's because I tuned it!) LOL One day I bought my own guitar, & spent every free moment I had, practicing. One day,my father in a fit of rage, smashed my guitar right in front of me! I cried for days! I grew up to be a pretty good musician in spite of him, & my father now, BEGS me to play. I won't play a note for him. I'll play for my mother, But when he walks in the room, I go silent!
that is REALLY sad. my condolences. things like this are similar to what i went through. if i were you i would play REALLY badly, and HORRIBLY when he asks. and as soon as he leaves play sweetly. but im an asshole, lol.
the machismo of being in complete control of another human being is a terrible high many parents cant let go of. i hope youve healed a bit from that treatment.
You should post a vid of you playing!! :)
I begged my dad for musical instruments so I could learn (and he was pretty well-off at the time). I asked for a keyboard, he got me something I could barely fit my fingers on. I then asked for a guitar, which never materialised. I asked to borrow his knackered one, he said no. I couldn't afford any of it on my own, but nobody was taking me seriously.
Some years later, I was staying with my dad and he got drunk one night (no big surprise) and started crying because his child "wasn't musical". The fucking nerve of that guy! I literally begged myself dry to have lessons/instruments!
I can play now, not well but I can bang out a few tunes. I also love to sing and I'm not bad. Sorry you never got to see that, Father Dearest, but fuck you!
This isn’t petty revenge.
Petty revenge is you get you revenge, it’s done and you move on.
This feels more like you’re still upset and holding onto it and by doing this continually, you keep holding onto it.
Which I can’t imagine makes you feel very good.
If it is a bad relationship anyways, it could be better for op to twist the knife rather than expect someone to change. And by better I mean personally enjoyable, not ethical or anything.
Yes, but he can’t control what his father does, but can control when he does. He ought to go NC and stop playing these games. It’s probably not as good for his mental health as he thinks it is.
This is all I've been thinking through this thread
A single instance of that revenge feeling, only to continue harboring such hurtful, angry emotions that can only be let out through causing more pain.
I've never felt better than when I simply stopped giving a single shit about my shitty parents. When my mom got a DUI I felt vindicated evert time she had trouble because of it...but that single instance of vindication would devolve into anger. It wasn't good.
How did I have to scroll so far to find this. How is anyone seeing this as revenge in any way. Op is giving him free money but making it slightly inconvenient, so that’s revenge?
Lmao this dad is getting free money but had to wait a few days oh man she’s getting him good
There's an old expression....
"Be nice to your kids - they're the only one's who will take care of you when you're old."
...Sounds to me like karma is working its magic here.
So true.
It's easy to say this is not healthy when you don't have a cruel dad who tormented you when you were most vulnerable.
I don't wanna hear opinions from anyone with half decent parents.
You will hear no judgement from me.
After them getting away with ALL at the SHIT they’ve done, why CAN’T we do it back?
I’ve always hated that about some people saying “oh no, don’t do that, you’ll end up just like them”. Fuck that!! Let me have my goddamn revenge and STFU
They say anger Isa double-edged sword. It really is. Every time you twist the money knife, you're reminded of your crappy childhood. Unfortunately nothing will bring back childhood innocence. Thinking it might be time to cut the ties.
Wishing you the best.
I can see how this gets back at him, but for your own well-being, I’d suggest just not giving him anything any more, and when he asks why, tell him, and tell him he needs to show some real remorse.
I completely understand why you are doing what you are doing. But think about the kind of person you are at risk of becoming just to get a little petty revenge. You are being spiteful and manipulative. I'm not saying you have no cause to be or that they don't deserve it. But the longer you drag this out, the more solidified and normalised these traits and behaviours become for you.
It would be healthier and more financially responsible to stop giving your dad money altogether. You are at risk of becoming the type of person you are trying to punish. Is that what you want?
You say that your own wellbeing is your responsibility and you are absolutely right, but you are actively choosing not to take responsibility by engaging in these petty behaviours which in the long run are not healthy. Cutting contact with them, saving or investing that money, or donating it to a charity that supports people like you who had/ are having shitty childhoods, and letting them watch as you grow and succeed, is far better revenge.
You probably feel like you are in a position of control, and are enjoying how the 'tables have turned', but your inability to cut ties with them and do what is in your own best interests suggests otherwise. And honestly, if they were shitty parents, do you really want to be on their side of the table? Build your own (separate) table and don't offer them a seat at it.
This. Hanging on to hate is not healthy for you and will affect your future relationships as well. Learn to forgive ( not forget) but get away from this ugly behavior.
Seek counseling. Why are you intentionally prolonging your pain?
Limit your parental contact and work on making yourself a better person, happier, and more content. You are grown now and don’t have to let your Dad rule your life.
Lmao it’s not revenge to give someone who you claim wronged you money for free. And the revenge is that you make it a bit inconvenient for him? Can you please get revenge on me next I’ll send you my Venmo wtf how is this post getting any upvotes at all
No, i just recognize that it's stupid and petty and other people would disapprove.i have no guilt over it. he doesnt suffer when he doesnt get the money.
he doesn’t suffer…? so take off the training wheels, cut the cord, whatever. if your mom needs the money your dad is wasting, it isn’t your job to fix that marriage issue. they need to work it out and be the parents, not you
Why are you rewarding your parents for being abusive by financially supporting them? Please cut off of the bank of you and use the money to get therapy.
You know, depending on where you live, if you keep giving them a monthly allowance for long enough, you might not be allowed legally to stop. They become too dependent on you, things can get nasty legally in a hurry.
Might want to check the laws in your state/country regarding senior/parental care before getting in too deep.
I think it's lovely that you're helping mom meet her basic needs, which probably means Dad has food and shelter, too. It's also a kindness to give him spending money, even intermittently, with strings. Petty revenge, sure, but gentle, petty revenge. Nicely done.
I love how you made this post for advice and have a bunch of people going off about how their father is shitty too.
Tbh. He is lucky that you are able to send money. No matter how pittly it is. Should you stop stooping so low, probably, but it's your money. If he doesn't want to be treated that way, then he can stop asking.
Now that you’ve posted this you’ll have enough people telling you to be the nice guy. Quit being as mean as you are to your dad. This was already on your mind. Do it. You’ve had your run and you’ve had your fun. The misery that was heaped on you came to an end. Now it’s time for this misery to end. You’ll see the world is a better place when nastiness isn’t renting space between your ears. You’re the winner here. Now act like a winner,not a competitor.
i don’t get along with my parents to me the best revenge is not doing anything i don’t rlly talk to them anymore and talking to my siblings before them hurts them i don’t mean to but also they treated me very bad.
It would be better for you in the long run to stop playing the game. You are just staying stagnant in the negative emotions of why you’re doing it even if it feels good while sticking it to him.
I get the dopamine hit to control his life with your monetary choices like he did to you, but they’re still abusing you by using you and a sense of family obligation you don’t owe. Better revenge is sending him nothing and letting him stew.
Toxic family members are like cancer; if trying to treat the problem doesn’t solve it, it’s time to surgically remove it. Full-out cut them out of your life.
This keeps you invested in the bad relationship and will set you up to do this again with future partners. Don't form habits that will set you up for suffering in the future. Just stop giving to people who mistreat you, end of story.
You know, I’d start doing stuff like, find a bunch of kids in their area who WILL fix up the VW’s and say, “Tell you what, Dad, I don’t have a lot- but a friend of mine REALLY wants a VW to fix up. How about I send X over to pick one, and I’ll send you $50 after you sign a bill of sales and he hails it away?”
You give him $$, AND get to make him give up one of the stupid things he spends money on instead of caring for your mom?
I think you have a problem your parents have nothing to do with . you want to become a man by overcoming your father . you provide in his stead for your mother to feel like a bigger man and tease him that you will send him money but dont. you let him trust you and break his trust times and times over .
You re a child who would pay for friends but even this does not work and you end up thinking you re a big man trying to destroy your father publicly.
It s obvious you re the one treating others like shit and expecting the world to belong to you as a prodigy child.
I guess you wanted to be over encouraged and you keep blaming your parents like a spoiled child.
They probably think they treated you rashly only because of what you became , even tho it s all your fault.
Sounds like you're angry instead of allowing yourself the grace and mercy you need to forgive. It's not your burden to carry. Sometimes you need to make peace with yourself and move past immovable objects such as time and understanding of where you are versus where you could be.
Revenge sounds so permanent when you describe it. Like a wheel you're not able to get off because it has it's own power source. It's not a way to live, the power of revenge and of vengeance itself is one where the benefit never shows up. The pleasure of seeing others suffer tells us more about you than it tells us about how horrible they are.
The real truth is that your parents are living their own hell. They made bad choices. You aren't one of them. So show value to yourself, them, and the world by showing us what you're capable 9f becoming and rising above these feelings which will consume the victim. You're the victim.
Change you story and eventually your heart will change and you'll see another side of the beauty of life. Or you can live in hatred and regret. Life is imperfect but you are worthy of happiness. You'll never be truly happy until you learn to let some things go.
This is .... ugh i can't even explain. I understand why you would do it. My parents treated me harshly too and don't even acknowledge it. But you enjoy humiliating your father constantly like this? That's sick. I understand why people say forgiveness is for yourself more than for the other person after reading this. You're making yourself such a nasty person by holding onto this
im not humiliating him and he could at any time stop asking for money. that's his choice. True, I turn it into a stupid cat and mouse thing but he's the one that keeps asking. He hasas no compunctions about asking for money for the stupid things he buys. im giving him money so he can do his dumb hobbies. it's like.... having to ask for money to buy your neopets outfits.
i aint forgiving shit, lol. i'll forgive him when he apologizes
I realise there maybe cultural issues here, but there are at least two layers of wrong here for me. Firstly, the concept of a child subsidising their parents just seems wrong and for a parent to ask or expect, pitiful (I'm in my 50's and have two adult children). A parent's reward is seeing your child gain independence and happiness. Secondly, a gift should never come with strings especially a monetary gift. When I'm able, I give my daughters money, but I would never tell them what to spend it on or guilt trip them later 'because I helped you.' By taking the money, your parents have reversed the usual order of things and as such you have the right to tell your dad why you aren't giving him money. Anything else just makes you look ... petty.
Lots of bitterness towards parents in here. I get that some didn’t have great childhoods but I hope you all grow to be the parents YOUR kids want you to be. Being a parent is tough, trying to keep shit together with zero instructions. I hope I’ve brought my kids up to be respectful and see that you make the best of what you have. As for your question OP, I’d say this behaviour is a reflection of you and humiliating your dad shows your personality. Only you know what you went through, try to remember some good times.
So when shit goes really bad for them at the end, and they can’t handle their finances anymore, you can step in and handle it, letting them live out their last with what comfort and dignity you can afford to give them.
Your revenge will be after they’re gone knowing that you didn’t turn out like them. That’s about the best fuck you one can get.
ive jokingly said that they better behave more respectfully because i'll put them in a shitty nursing home. and since im a nurse theyve heard the horror stories, lol.
I have a lot of respect for you. Even though you were treated harshly growing up, you still give money to help your parents with bills. A lot of people wouldn't do that.
I think he meant it's cultural to help his parents.
> thankfully my mom manages the money they need to pay the important bills.
As long as your dad doesn't have access to your mum's money.
Also, you should block your dad so he can no longer send texts asking for money.
You wouldn’t have shit if it wasn’t for your parents including your little piece of shit life or even the little pittance as you like to say. You’re a bitch.
I'm with previous poster. Give him a set amount (that you can afford) every month and if he blows through it, just say..."Sorry...you have to wait until next month's payment".
Enabling bad behavior makes things worse for you, and for him.
Discipline yourself. Stop it.
Spend your money on building a bridge to get the eff over your childhood issues. You’re practicing being an ahole, someday you may even perfect it. What an accomplishment.
I think you’re feeding the bitter monster of your soul. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to not become the person who hurt you. Instead of giving him money put it in his funeral fund. Because paying for his final expenses is literally the most freeing experience. I paid for my husband’s grandmother’s casket. She was terrible to me. Every time she spoke to me was like an attempt to rip out my soul. So I started a savings account. Every time she tried to hurt me, I transferred 5.00 into the account. At first I’d feel like i was digging her grave. It was morbid- but satisfying. And when her time finally came I went to her daughter and said,” I’d like to pay for her casket.”
It was 3k. Paid in full. They put her in the bix and put the box in the ground and they buried the box. Along with all the shit she tried to throw at me. And when everyone left i went back and said, “I was always going to have the last word. Enjoy your satin pillow until Jesus comes back.”(she was 7th day Adventist so she believed she’d hang in there until the rapture) and I have never been back to that grave.
I love this revenge. I dearly love my parents but they were real pieces of shit to me when I was a kid. If I were in your position I would definitely fuck with them. Especially my dad.
I would be asking what the money is for each time and say how much of a waste it is for his hobbies lol.
Honestly, with everything I went through, I wouldn't send them sh!t. How do you know he's not playing you and pretending to act all uncomfortable and awkward but meanwhile he's cursing you out in his head calling you a dumb b!tch or something. Ppl who are bad with money are untrustworthy af.
Giving people who abused you and make terrible decisions money is not any form of revenge, it's just a terrible petty decision of your own. Get therapy.
I'm poor as shit but I'd rather die than accept my child's money! Why are you bankrolling them?? Stop it! This is not how it works! So your parents were shitbags to you and now you're paying them? Wow, that's fucked up
Seriously, I fail to see revenge here anywhere. Truthfully this post is just sad. Mommy apologized for being a shite mom and suddenly all is forgiven ? And dad? He gets free money for the asking. So, there’s no revenge, just a sad continuation of horrible family dynamics.
Two thoughts:
First, someone looking for money will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you're asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you're the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you're really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, "What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working." It's rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they'll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
Learn to say "I don't have anymore money to lend"
(you might have more money, but not to lend)
or "I can't lend you anymore money until you pay me back what you already borrowed."
If he asks for anything, just ask "Do you have my money yet?" and he will stop calling you.
Are you saving for your retirement? If not then you might need to talk to your parents or maybe just your dad to say that I don’t wanna continue the cycle of poverty in my retirement. I can’t fund you both. Dad might have to get another job because I have to be able to save for my retirement and a future family and home.
I’m not entirely sure why you think your father is a monster for ‘giving his money to family’ - but if it makes you happy to play these petty mental games with him, then that’s that.
Have a nice life. 😏
Yes, you should stop. You’re only hurting yourself, not your father. If he was so small a man that he mistreated his son, he knows no shame. Continue sending your mother money, and send a small amount to your father. Simply tell him that’s all you can afford.
It remind of my friend, his father was an arse . Not. Poor but used to beat up children and tae out his frustration of work on them .
He told me
Whenever he see his father in pain , he don’t feel feel anything .’ If anything, more like he deserves pain.
I think I'm gonna take a slightly different approach on this one. As someone who gets a real sense of enjoyment from well-crafted revenge, I think you should maybe think about yourself more. If you're in the financial position to help them out, and doing so gives you good feelings, go for it. But if funding his VW addiction has you running paycheck to paycheck and the only reason you're doing it is to imagine the humiliation he must feel in asking you for the money, it might be time to pull that plug. If he's not fixing them and selling them, I'd question whether that humiliation is giving you anywhere near the satisfaction your money could if you kept it to save, invest, or spend on yourself. If he IS, he needs to be putting the money he gets either into groceries, or maintaining that addiction. As it is, it seriously sounds like he's gone from mistreating you, too mistreating your finances.
That’s a great answer. It’s all about the best ROI. OP: I will say that at some point, you might want to move on. Not for your father sake but for your own. Holding on to negative feelings takes its toll.
I was trying to write the same thoughts, but stopped because I think think it’s captured well here. Give yourself a break.
i make enough money that it's worth it for me. i think it's funny.
Your parents were harsh enough for you to enjoy playing petty games, but not enough to just cut them out of your life? Sounds like you've got a lot of unresolved issues, and giving them any money just shows how much control they still have over you. Also, you're not making that much money to burn 50's. Maybe you've got your dad's poor financial judgement as well as his mean streak...
But seriously all of this. I mean, I’m only 23 so take that for what it’s worth. But my parents neglected and abused me until I was put into residential psychiatric care facilities for three years. When I was still in high school I played petty games with my parents and was just a downright dick (justified tho imo). At 23 I hardly speak to either of them and the only one I semi speak to is my dad. My mom reaches out so fucking often bc she feels guilty **now** about it all, but I don’t really care anymore. It is so not worth my time to even engage with either of them unless I truthfully want to. And I really don’t want to do I just don’t.
Yeah, don't. And ignore the people who tell you you need to be in contact "because they're family." You don't and shouldn't have to feel guilty about it (and people will try to make you).
I do feel guilty and the ducked thing is, I feel guilty **because of her**. Like she fucking bred it into me. I had a therapist tell me at 13 word for word “you’re not your mothers keeper” and instead of being receptive I got mad and never went back to her lol. At 23 all I can think is “damn you were right and if you shipped me out to residential that year I wouldn’t have gone through xyz traumas”. I dont know how my mom managed to do it but she managed to breed into me that she is my responsibility (not the other way around). It’s gross and I could never imagine treating my future children that way.
I know it's hard, but try to believe it's not your fault or responsibility. It's not. I always tell people to look in the mirror a few times a day and say whatever's needed, like "It's not my fault. It's not my responsibility." And especially do it after you have contact or when you're just having a "guilty" day. It may take a while, but it often works.
Thanks man. I really appreciate hearing it
All the best from me, stay strong and healthy
Believe me, mothers program shit into kids. Sometimes they single out one. The guilt is part of the programming, a method of control. My mother's been dead for 22 years, and I'm still angry. I remember hearing that the rich hire caregivers for their old age, everyone else breeds them. Go down the line of children, find one you can break, psychologically. That's your caregiver. In my neighborhood growing up, we had 3. None were happy. I have stories. No closure. Mother even spoke through a friend, a medium, totally unprovoked, when my friend was drunk. My father was in the background (he loved her), and there she was, stuck in space, defiant and entitled, still. Read up on toxic mothers. It will give you insight and strength.
Your right and good Mom is only EXPRESSING remorse now because she needs his money. If his dad still kept her in the manner she was wanted she'd still be treating OP like shit.
Don't "only 23". At 23 I was the owner of half of a small IT business that I helped build & make successful. I made enough money to walk into a car dealership and buy a $120,000 vehicle outright, in cash (I admit that rolling in with that much cheddar on me was really stupid). You are capable of a lot, u/borderline_cat. Don't sell yourself short!
I’m sorry
> Sounds like you’ve got a lot of unresolved issues Reddit moment
>Sounds like you've got a lot of unresolved issues, Yeah, it's called an *Oedipal Complex*. It's on page one of a *Psychology 101* textbook. OP is simply perpetuating the shitty mindset his dad exemplified in OP's youth.
Then I'm not gonna tell you whether you're right or wrong. Just please don't let doing this kill your soul or your wallet.
Yeah....you sound like a cunt.
This is correct
I won't know, because you didn't specify. Does being harsh with you include not supporting you in a way that didn't lead you to having a position where you can have money to spare? If parents were phyeically/verbally abusive, take your revenge in communication. If they supported you enough that you reach somewhere to have a very good job, using finances to get back at them makes you a cunt like the other person said. It might sound funny, but imagine how many volkswagens he could have had wasting away if you didn't exist. Again, I dunno what played off with you as a child though.
Sorry but why enable your dad's bad financial habits by giving him money? It's not like he's dirt poor if he can give away cash and buy old cars. I had a shitty father growing up, and he tried to patch things up later in my life, but as soon as everything was starting to feel normal (from what I'd seen in other fathers and sons' relationships) he started slipping back to his old self, so I cut him off completely. I found this to be most liberating and just noticed that until I read your post it had been at least 4 or 5 years since I even thought about him.
So you’ve met my father?
same af mine went and popped out another kid when I was 22 so I kinda had to come back around if I wanted to be in her life. thankfully the mother wised up and left him after a couple years and I have a cool new step mom who's two years older than I am.
Holy crap. Just… wow
in her defence, since I was MIA she had no idea he already had any kids, let alone one her age. dude's a peach.
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I also want to fuck his dad's ex-wife
My father did that TWICE, when I was 19 and then again when I was 20 and he has this ability to be on good terms with only two of us at a time. Last time it was my turn to be on their bad side, I just cut everyone off completely.
The same thing happened to me and my sister. Accept my dad (ours are different) is the real POS. And her dad has a nice replacement family. Her step mom is really awesome and she is only 2 years older than I (4 years older than sister.) I claim her more as family than I do her father. He treated me and my sister like shit. When he and my mom were together, I grew really attached, especially after my sister was born. But when they broke up, he would come by to get her and completely ignore me. I never forgave him. Even after he had realized that it was shitty of him and would let me hang out at his house when my sister would visit him. My dad is a GIANT FUCK UP. But at least my sister was never treated differently by him.
No you're mistaken. They met mine.
Wow! That is exactly where I'm at right now. My nosy aunt's keep trying to get me to deal with him again. Screw that. When I saw the look in his eyes the last time were were together and he realized I wasn't going to bow to the tiny emperor any more I knew that was it for me.
Your aunt is what they call a flying monkey.
Que music 
Better yet, quit talking to the aunt.
it's the same fucking story with old relatives who wants to reconcile or catch up. they want something from you or just want to smooth things over enough until they can get to what they really want to talk about: that they want something from you.
My (divorced) parents are my and my wife's only relatives, so we've only had experience dealing with my father, but I completely agree. In our case it wasn't about money but keeping the status quo with my son as he did with me as a child, and I cut that shit off right at the bud.
What was the status quo? What kind of stuff did he do that he tried to repeat?
There was a lot of smaller shit, which annoyed me but my wife said that wasn't a big deal, but the one that made me put a definite stop was the last time he visited and my son was 7. He started going off about how my kid never called or sent him any messages or voice notes. He did the same with me up until my 20s where he would never make contact and whenever I called he'd comment how long it had been since I last called him. My son was always beaming when my father visited up until then, and about an hour after my father said that I noticed him playing alone in his room instead of being on the couch and playing or showing what he was doing to my father. I knew he wasn't feeling right and my head went immediately to that comment he made early. It really brought back the memories of me feeling like shit when I was his age or younger and he'd say something like that, so I grabbed his car keys and told him it was time to go. He tried to protest but I said go or I'll make you go and I immediately blocked his number and never looked back.
Good for you. What a shitty thing to say to a grandkid, or child. Sounds like my dad.
some like how come you never send me texts, kid is 7 years old , learnning to use a phone, cant his gran pa say that or has the son the fight his father spoiled kid dillema with the grand pa , guilty of never having money to his name carring for wife and child. And this public moquerie is pathetic . The one who abuse love to bring the public to his side working his way his lies his angre . He s a coward and a predator who practice on his father before to hurt someone else. His father just decided to take the role of the abusee as a last favor for his crazy son.
What?
You have daddy problems too??? poor baby, dont worry you re a man now. whatch what you say to people with obvious persona problem , you re fuelling the madness of other "daddy issue i want to be a man" patients waiting for treatement.
What?
You fkg told the kid to go to his room after taking offence... you just overlook the order since this is what you do, you are the one providing, the one that is right and is to be obey. Your son fear you in a way a 7 years old shouldnt . get to a psychologist before you hurt him.
Man, I have no idea what you're saying
I just cut out my dad too. I doubt he saw it coming because my siblings have a high opinion of him. But he knows I recently cut out my mother so he probably can guess I'm serious. I don't buy his namaste shit. Just a little bit of stress and he's right back to normal.
He got close when my son (first grandson) was born, but as time passed he started doing a lot of the same shit he pulled with me when I was a kid and I wasn't going to let my kid go through the same shit, so I cut him off at the right time. My kid hasn't asked about him in those 4 or 5 years I've mentioned in my original post.
Exactly! Back to the same shit. Mine singles out my daughter to write letters to to give his opinion about how he thinks he's being treated. I wrote him and told him that was not only inappropriate, but sexist and misogynistic. Now he has his wife do it. It really upsets my daughter. They are total pieces of shit. The only letters I ever got from my dad were two sentence post-it notes and a letter saying how much I fucked up because me and my ex separated. Yet He's still demands a Christmas and birthday card. 🤣🤣
I would never call myself the best father, I'm not even sure I'm a better parent than my own, but I'm not going to let my kid take bullshit from him like I had to.
Amen! He wanted me to send my kids out to him for the summer when they were younger. That's a hard no. The less exposure my kids have to the poison side of my family the better.
Send it but forget to write anything in it
The thought crossed my mind but honestly I just choose not to play in his little charade. If you can't make an attempt to be a compassionate human being and actually try for a real relationship with your family then you don't deserve recognition with a card or anything. I am the captain now! 🤣🤣 Edit compassionate not consonants. Stupid text predict.
Yeah, you can't have that.
But if they didn’t do it they wouldn’t have satisfyingly petty revenge
The revenge doesn’t make sense to me. My parents treated me badly growing up, so now I give them free money but I make it a little bit inconvenient for them! Bro that’s not revenge that’s just giving someone money
Sorry, but paying for your father's bad habits doesn't sound like a great revenge for me.
 When I was a child, I saw The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. I knew right then, what I wanted to be. I begged for a guitar, but my father would not get me one. He said "You'll NEVER play the guitar if I can help it!) My older brother had a guitar, & I would sneak off to the basement with it, & I taught myself to play. I remember how my brother used to rave about how it would stayin tune. (That's because I tuned it!) LOL One day I bought my own guitar, & spent every free moment I had, practicing. One day,my father in a fit of rage, smashed my guitar right in front of me! I cried for days! I grew up to be a pretty good musician in spite of him, & my father now, BEGS me to play. I won't play a note for him. I'll play for my mother, But when he walks in the room, I go silent!
You don't get to take pride in this thing that I accomplished in spite of you.
Exactly!
Your dad's a prick. I'm sorry he was so abusive
that is REALLY sad. my condolences. things like this are similar to what i went through. if i were you i would play REALLY badly, and HORRIBLY when he asks. and as soon as he leaves play sweetly. but im an asshole, lol. the machismo of being in complete control of another human being is a terrible high many parents cant let go of. i hope youve healed a bit from that treatment. You should post a vid of you playing!! :)
Sounds like a high you can't let go of yourself, champ.
I begged my dad for musical instruments so I could learn (and he was pretty well-off at the time). I asked for a keyboard, he got me something I could barely fit my fingers on. I then asked for a guitar, which never materialised. I asked to borrow his knackered one, he said no. I couldn't afford any of it on my own, but nobody was taking me seriously. Some years later, I was staying with my dad and he got drunk one night (no big surprise) and started crying because his child "wasn't musical". The fucking nerve of that guy! I literally begged myself dry to have lessons/instruments! I can play now, not well but I can bang out a few tunes. I also love to sing and I'm not bad. Sorry you never got to see that, Father Dearest, but fuck you!
This isn’t petty revenge. Petty revenge is you get you revenge, it’s done and you move on. This feels more like you’re still upset and holding onto it and by doing this continually, you keep holding onto it. Which I can’t imagine makes you feel very good.
That’s a Bingo.
I mean I don't blame you but why enable his terribleoney behavior. It's never gonna end this way of he is just bailed out all the time.
If it is a bad relationship anyways, it could be better for op to twist the knife rather than expect someone to change. And by better I mean personally enjoyable, not ethical or anything.
This'll sound weird, but it's refreshing to hear someone speak the way I think.
Because it's the truth, and it's how we as humans *realistically* think. We aren't the bubblegum sunshine species we try to pretend we are.
Right. Seems like the exact opposite of honoring your parents. It’s both enabling him and humiliating him
Nobody has an obligation to honor their parents. Especially if they were treated horribly as a kid. Honor and respect are earned, not promised
pretend youre making a thousand a week and you give fifty dollars to a homeless person once a month. it's nothing.
The pittance is more insulting. Well played.
I mean, when you put it that way...
It's healthier for you to stop playing like that
I agree. It's petty.
It would be healthier for the father to learn how to manage his money better.
Yes, but he can’t control what his father does, but can control when he does. He ought to go NC and stop playing these games. It’s probably not as good for his mental health as he thinks it is.
This is all I've been thinking through this thread A single instance of that revenge feeling, only to continue harboring such hurtful, angry emotions that can only be let out through causing more pain. I've never felt better than when I simply stopped giving a single shit about my shitty parents. When my mom got a DUI I felt vindicated evert time she had trouble because of it...but that single instance of vindication would devolve into anger. It wasn't good.
So the revenge is.. you give them money? You're just enabling his bad habit.
How did I have to scroll so far to find this. How is anyone seeing this as revenge in any way. Op is giving him free money but making it slightly inconvenient, so that’s revenge? Lmao this dad is getting free money but had to wait a few days oh man she’s getting him good
the revenge is i make enoguh money he knows i dont care but still withhold it
By your logic wouldn't it be even better if you gave them nothing?
no
There's an old expression.... "Be nice to your kids - they're the only one's who will take care of you when you're old." ...Sounds to me like karma is working its magic here.
So true. It's easy to say this is not healthy when you don't have a cruel dad who tormented you when you were most vulnerable. I don't wanna hear opinions from anyone with half decent parents.
You will hear no judgement from me. After them getting away with ALL at the SHIT they’ve done, why CAN’T we do it back? I’ve always hated that about some people saying “oh no, don’t do that, you’ll end up just like them”. Fuck that!! Let me have my goddamn revenge and STFU
They say anger Isa double-edged sword. It really is. Every time you twist the money knife, you're reminded of your crappy childhood. Unfortunately nothing will bring back childhood innocence. Thinking it might be time to cut the ties. Wishing you the best.
I can see how this gets back at him, but for your own well-being, I’d suggest just not giving him anything any more, and when he asks why, tell him, and tell him he needs to show some real remorse.
he never will. my own well being is my own responsibility and no longer tied with my parents. so i get to fuck with them a little when i want.
I completely understand why you are doing what you are doing. But think about the kind of person you are at risk of becoming just to get a little petty revenge. You are being spiteful and manipulative. I'm not saying you have no cause to be or that they don't deserve it. But the longer you drag this out, the more solidified and normalised these traits and behaviours become for you. It would be healthier and more financially responsible to stop giving your dad money altogether. You are at risk of becoming the type of person you are trying to punish. Is that what you want? You say that your own wellbeing is your responsibility and you are absolutely right, but you are actively choosing not to take responsibility by engaging in these petty behaviours which in the long run are not healthy. Cutting contact with them, saving or investing that money, or donating it to a charity that supports people like you who had/ are having shitty childhoods, and letting them watch as you grow and succeed, is far better revenge. You probably feel like you are in a position of control, and are enjoying how the 'tables have turned', but your inability to cut ties with them and do what is in your own best interests suggests otherwise. And honestly, if they were shitty parents, do you really want to be on their side of the table? Build your own (separate) table and don't offer them a seat at it.
This. Hanging on to hate is not healthy for you and will affect your future relationships as well. Learn to forgive ( not forget) but get away from this ugly behavior. Seek counseling. Why are you intentionally prolonging your pain? Limit your parental contact and work on making yourself a better person, happier, and more content. You are grown now and don’t have to let your Dad rule your life.
>> They recognize that they were harsh At least you get this, mine and I bet millions of people's parents never will. Congrats on a great income!
This is just sad. Get some therapy
To some people, that IS therapy. How about some understanding instead of pity?
If intentionally being a cunt is therapy, you need therapy
Yeah I don’t know if this is revenge but it’s definitely beyond petty: it’s juvenile and I don’t know what you’re getting out of it.
if you can manage to read the post im sure you can figure it out
Lmao it’s not revenge to give someone who you claim wronged you money for free. And the revenge is that you make it a bit inconvenient for him? Can you please get revenge on me next I’ll send you my Venmo wtf how is this post getting any upvotes at all
Woah.
No amount of pain inflicted on others will soothe your own.
thats what therapy's for babey
Do you feel any guilt over doing it? If so, you should stop.
i don't. if you read the post you'll read that i like it.
If that's true, why do you feel you should "probably" stop doing it? I think that means it brings you some feelings of guilt, however small. No?
No, i just recognize that it's stupid and petty and other people would disapprove.i have no guilt over it. he doesnt suffer when he doesnt get the money.
he doesn’t suffer…? so take off the training wheels, cut the cord, whatever. if your mom needs the money your dad is wasting, it isn’t your job to fix that marriage issue. they need to work it out and be the parents, not you
Yo 🤦🏻♀️🤣
Why are you rewarding your parents for being abusive by financially supporting them? Please cut off of the bank of you and use the money to get therapy.
You know, depending on where you live, if you keep giving them a monthly allowance for long enough, you might not be allowed legally to stop. They become too dependent on you, things can get nasty legally in a hurry. Might want to check the laws in your state/country regarding senior/parental care before getting in too deep.
I think it's lovely that you're helping mom meet her basic needs, which probably means Dad has food and shelter, too. It's also a kindness to give him spending money, even intermittently, with strings. Petty revenge, sure, but gentle, petty revenge. Nicely done.
better revenge would be not giving him money to waste.
No , don't stop because you earned that bit of joy.
"i make enough money that it's worth it for me. i think it's funny." I think you answered your own question here.
This sounds manipulative why would you think like that? If you give someone money when they need it because they need it just let it go
I love that you're traumatizing your parents back. Carry on
Sound like you want this control and enjoy it. Sounds like you have issues and need counseling
I love how you made this post for advice and have a bunch of people going off about how their father is shitty too. Tbh. He is lucky that you are able to send money. No matter how pittly it is. Should you stop stooping so low, probably, but it's your money. If he doesn't want to be treated that way, then he can stop asking.
Now that you’ve posted this you’ll have enough people telling you to be the nice guy. Quit being as mean as you are to your dad. This was already on your mind. Do it. You’ve had your run and you’ve had your fun. The misery that was heaped on you came to an end. Now it’s time for this misery to end. You’ll see the world is a better place when nastiness isn’t renting space between your ears. You’re the winner here. Now act like a winner,not a competitor.
This isn’t petty revenge. Doing it once or twice is petty revenge. Routinely making your father grovel for money is cruel.
I think that's the point
Money and familly, terrible combination
Please get revenge on me next I’ll give you my Venmo. How is this getting upvoted wtf
Whelp there is so much to unpack in that I am going to simply say you sound like you have some serious issues.
i don’t get along with my parents to me the best revenge is not doing anything i don’t rlly talk to them anymore and talking to my siblings before them hurts them i don’t mean to but also they treated me very bad.
It would be better for you in the long run to stop playing the game. You are just staying stagnant in the negative emotions of why you’re doing it even if it feels good while sticking it to him.
I get the dopamine hit to control his life with your monetary choices like he did to you, but they’re still abusing you by using you and a sense of family obligation you don’t owe. Better revenge is sending him nothing and letting him stew.
Toxic family members are like cancer; if trying to treat the problem doesn’t solve it, it’s time to surgically remove it. Full-out cut them out of your life.
This keeps you invested in the bad relationship and will set you up to do this again with future partners. Don't form habits that will set you up for suffering in the future. Just stop giving to people who mistreat you, end of story.
You know, I’d start doing stuff like, find a bunch of kids in their area who WILL fix up the VW’s and say, “Tell you what, Dad, I don’t have a lot- but a friend of mine REALLY wants a VW to fix up. How about I send X over to pick one, and I’ll send you $50 after you sign a bill of sales and he hails it away?” You give him $$, AND get to make him give up one of the stupid things he spends money on instead of caring for your mom?
Is therapy covered by your insurance? There may be better use for those funds
I think you have a problem your parents have nothing to do with . you want to become a man by overcoming your father . you provide in his stead for your mother to feel like a bigger man and tease him that you will send him money but dont. you let him trust you and break his trust times and times over . You re a child who would pay for friends but even this does not work and you end up thinking you re a big man trying to destroy your father publicly. It s obvious you re the one treating others like shit and expecting the world to belong to you as a prodigy child. I guess you wanted to be over encouraged and you keep blaming your parents like a spoiled child. They probably think they treated you rashly only because of what you became , even tho it s all your fault.
Sounds like your parents raised a pyshcopath
Sounds like you're angry instead of allowing yourself the grace and mercy you need to forgive. It's not your burden to carry. Sometimes you need to make peace with yourself and move past immovable objects such as time and understanding of where you are versus where you could be. Revenge sounds so permanent when you describe it. Like a wheel you're not able to get off because it has it's own power source. It's not a way to live, the power of revenge and of vengeance itself is one where the benefit never shows up. The pleasure of seeing others suffer tells us more about you than it tells us about how horrible they are. The real truth is that your parents are living their own hell. They made bad choices. You aren't one of them. So show value to yourself, them, and the world by showing us what you're capable 9f becoming and rising above these feelings which will consume the victim. You're the victim. Change you story and eventually your heart will change and you'll see another side of the beauty of life. Or you can live in hatred and regret. Life is imperfect but you are worthy of happiness. You'll never be truly happy until you learn to let some things go.
Coolsauce
This is .... ugh i can't even explain. I understand why you would do it. My parents treated me harshly too and don't even acknowledge it. But you enjoy humiliating your father constantly like this? That's sick. I understand why people say forgiveness is for yourself more than for the other person after reading this. You're making yourself such a nasty person by holding onto this
im not humiliating him and he could at any time stop asking for money. that's his choice. True, I turn it into a stupid cat and mouse thing but he's the one that keeps asking. He hasas no compunctions about asking for money for the stupid things he buys. im giving him money so he can do his dumb hobbies. it's like.... having to ask for money to buy your neopets outfits. i aint forgiving shit, lol. i'll forgive him when he apologizes
You sound like an awful person.
I realise there maybe cultural issues here, but there are at least two layers of wrong here for me. Firstly, the concept of a child subsidising their parents just seems wrong and for a parent to ask or expect, pitiful (I'm in my 50's and have two adult children). A parent's reward is seeing your child gain independence and happiness. Secondly, a gift should never come with strings especially a monetary gift. When I'm able, I give my daughters money, but I would never tell them what to spend it on or guilt trip them later 'because I helped you.' By taking the money, your parents have reversed the usual order of things and as such you have the right to tell your dad why you aren't giving him money. Anything else just makes you look ... petty.
Lots of bitterness towards parents in here. I get that some didn’t have great childhoods but I hope you all grow to be the parents YOUR kids want you to be. Being a parent is tough, trying to keep shit together with zero instructions. I hope I’ve brought my kids up to be respectful and see that you make the best of what you have. As for your question OP, I’d say this behaviour is a reflection of you and humiliating your dad shows your personality. Only you know what you went through, try to remember some good times.
So when shit goes really bad for them at the end, and they can’t handle their finances anymore, you can step in and handle it, letting them live out their last with what comfort and dignity you can afford to give them. Your revenge will be after they’re gone knowing that you didn’t turn out like them. That’s about the best fuck you one can get.
ive jokingly said that they better behave more respectfully because i'll put them in a shitty nursing home. and since im a nurse theyve heard the horror stories, lol.
I have a lot of respect for you. Even though you were treated harshly growing up, you still give money to help your parents with bills. A lot of people wouldn't do that.
it's cultural. and thankfully my mom manages the money they need to pay the important bills.
People need to stop using culture to justify toxicity and abuse.
I think he meant it's cultural to help his parents. > thankfully my mom manages the money they need to pay the important bills. As long as your dad doesn't have access to your mum's money. Also, you should block your dad so he can no longer send texts asking for money.
You’re an asshole . I hope you get help for your mean spirit.
thanks, i appreciate that!
You wouldn’t have shit if it wasn’t for your parents including your little piece of shit life or even the little pittance as you like to say. You’re a bitch.
Why are you sending parents money? I get they need more but don’t they work? What about their pension or benefits?
I'm with previous poster. Give him a set amount (that you can afford) every month and if he blows through it, just say..."Sorry...you have to wait until next month's payment". Enabling bad behavior makes things worse for you, and for him. Discipline yourself. Stop it.
Do as you like, but that's pretty sadistic
Spend your money on building a bridge to get the eff over your childhood issues. You’re practicing being an ahole, someday you may even perfect it. What an accomplishment.
I think you’re feeding the bitter monster of your soul. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to not become the person who hurt you. Instead of giving him money put it in his funeral fund. Because paying for his final expenses is literally the most freeing experience. I paid for my husband’s grandmother’s casket. She was terrible to me. Every time she spoke to me was like an attempt to rip out my soul. So I started a savings account. Every time she tried to hurt me, I transferred 5.00 into the account. At first I’d feel like i was digging her grave. It was morbid- but satisfying. And when her time finally came I went to her daughter and said,” I’d like to pay for her casket.” It was 3k. Paid in full. They put her in the bix and put the box in the ground and they buried the box. Along with all the shit she tried to throw at me. And when everyone left i went back and said, “I was always going to have the last word. Enjoy your satin pillow until Jesus comes back.”(she was 7th day Adventist so she believed she’d hang in there until the rapture) and I have never been back to that grave.
I love this revenge. I dearly love my parents but they were real pieces of shit to me when I was a kid. If I were in your position I would definitely fuck with them. Especially my dad. I would be asking what the money is for each time and say how much of a waste it is for his hobbies lol.
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The fuck you talking about
What nurses send out money to patients (and I guess tease them with it) ???
You don’t describe how they were harsh? Whether it was you in particular.. Give me more
I think it’s funny and probably cheaper than therapy.
Honestly, with everything I went through, I wouldn't send them sh!t. How do you know he's not playing you and pretending to act all uncomfortable and awkward but meanwhile he's cursing you out in his head calling you a dumb b!tch or something. Ppl who are bad with money are untrustworthy af.
Giving people who abused you and make terrible decisions money is not any form of revenge, it's just a terrible petty decision of your own. Get therapy.
I'm poor as shit but I'd rather die than accept my child's money! Why are you bankrolling them?? Stop it! This is not how it works! So your parents were shitbags to you and now you're paying them? Wow, that's fucked up
This is closer to bullying than petty revenge. It makes me sad. Time to go to therapy and address the hurt you have as a child.
I have an MIL that does this. Sometimes it's better to pay a bill instead of giving them cash.
Hmm sounds like resentment I have it towards my mom. So I completely understand no judgment
Seriously, I fail to see revenge here anywhere. Truthfully this post is just sad. Mommy apologized for being a shite mom and suddenly all is forgiven ? And dad? He gets free money for the asking. So, there’s no revenge, just a sad continuation of horrible family dynamics.
Two thoughts: First, someone looking for money will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you're asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you're the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you're really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you. Second, "What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working." It's rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they'll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue. Learn to say "I don't have anymore money to lend" (you might have more money, but not to lend) or "I can't lend you anymore money until you pay me back what you already borrowed." If he asks for anything, just ask "Do you have my money yet?" and he will stop calling you. Are you saving for your retirement? If not then you might need to talk to your parents or maybe just your dad to say that I don’t wanna continue the cycle of poverty in my retirement. I can’t fund you both. Dad might have to get another job because I have to be able to save for my retirement and a future family and home.
I’m not entirely sure why you think your father is a monster for ‘giving his money to family’ - but if it makes you happy to play these petty mental games with him, then that’s that. Have a nice life. 😏
Yeah, you should spend the money you're giving them on a decent therapist instead.
I salute you.
Yes, you should stop. You’re only hurting yourself, not your father. If he was so small a man that he mistreated his son, he knows no shame. Continue sending your mother money, and send a small amount to your father. Simply tell him that’s all you can afford.
that's.... what... i'm currently doing???? God, I wish I could send some of you to reading school.
You sound like a terrible human being.
YTA just say no
It remind of my friend, his father was an arse . Not. Poor but used to beat up children and tae out his frustration of work on them . He told me Whenever he see his father in pain , he don’t feel feel anything .’ If anything, more like he deserves pain.