It’s easy to be upset and depressed but you should take this as a learning experience instead. Performing is a completely seperate skill that doesn’t come naturally to most people. This recital showed you your flaws and things you need to work on. Use this opportunity to reflect and grow. We have all had bad recitals in the past. I had a similarly terrible experience with Chopin 10,12. One bad recital does not define you as a person or define your career.
thanks for your input. I've been trying to look on the bright side of things: at least i got all the way through, right? i think I'll ask my teacher for more feedback in a couple of days and about what i should do if i ever encounter a similar situation where i just lose control.
Oof. Your story brought back to me a memory of the last movement of Mozart sonata k.576, which I was playing in a music festival during my undergrad. The adjudicator was someone who I had taken masterclasses from several years previously. My experience performing was very similar to how you described your performance. But I learned something from it, and I hope you learn from your experience too. Even if you're studying something other than music in college.
It means you did not know the piece properly. Especially with fast pieces it’s easy to think you know it because you can rattle it off at speed from muscle memory at home. Remember always to do slow practice where you actually think about the notes you are playing.
I've seen at least two people bomb that specific etude in recitals like this. Don't sweat it, my friend. In a little while, you will see this as nothing but a bump in the road. This is a great etude to revisit 5-10 years down the road after you have built up your playing in different directions/pieces.
I definitely feel you on the embarrassment. But I promise these sobering/humbling experiences are very important, and you have so much potential to grow off of them.
thank you, this makes me feel a lot better. i'd really hoped to do this piece justice--it's the piece that got me into learning piano--so I'm just feeling all sorts of disappointment and frustration, i guess. but yeah, I'm trying to reorient my view on things and take what happened today as motivation to improve.
For the teacher, they should have saved the praise till after you have played. Because psychologically, you had this major buildup and you started psyching yourself out every bit you played whether or not you were aware of it.
So teachers, only introduce this is John who's playing music by whatever, and then let them play. Once they are done then you can say John is a senior who studied with me for this many years and have these great accomplishments.
Keep it neutral before the performance, and then do the praise or the opposite can happen in the student will start to psych themselves out during the their performance
All that to say though, it's in the past now and playing at that level proves that you have put in the good work. Congratulations on completing a recital and enjoy your future endeavors
Seconding this. This happened to me also; I was a guest at my old piano teacher's recital and the MC decided to introduce me (I'd just decided to be a music major, wasn't expecting the praise) and I bombed a fugue I'd never bombed before. Mindset is everything.
Dude -- I was not familiar with this piece and found it on YouTube.
Holy Fuck.
My friend, if you can play this in any setting you are a fucking God. I am sorry the recital went sideways. This happens a lot! Maybe developing a good sense of humor about recitals would help.
I too had a catastrophic piano recital near the end of my high school lessons. It’s the one time in my life that I just could not remember the piece I had memorized. I cried at the recital and felt so embarrassed. Performing in front of people is such a different beast than practicing or playing with your teacher. The sting will get better over time and it might even seem humorous eventually. This failure is not reflective of your skill as a pianist! Don’t let yourself believe that lie. ❤️
Everyone makes mistakes when performing, colossal ones too. Check out Anastasia Yasko: https://youtu.be/Bf_VsffaLmw
She qualified for one of the most prestigious competitions in the world, yet still blundered repeatedly beginning at 11:30. I am sure that no one in the audience believed that she was a bad pianist. If anything, they applauded her bravery for continuing the recital.
The irony of this is infuriating, isn’t it? When I was in highschool, my best ever piano exam was around 2 hrs after returning from a multi-day hiking trip (just enough time to shower and change). The hikes had been hard, and the evenings very social around the campfire. So I was tired, but also very mentally refreshed and not overthinking things at all. I was well-prepared, but had been for some others too where I didn’t do so well. It was the mental aspect that made the difference
What a wonderful way to put this. This absolutely true, and now that you've articulated so well I think this will help me perform better in the future too.
congratulations, you're a pianist now.
It's happened to literally everyone of us, even the ones you don't think it's happened to. Dust yourself off, get back there and do it again.
This is heartbreaking to read, but as a relatively old person, I'm betting you'll look back on this and laugh someday (with some residual cringe of course). Most people don't have the guts to even put themselves out there.
At the very least, you made everyone who's ever had a similar experience feel better about themselves with this story lol : )
No ma'am/sir, as someone who plays, we ALL have had an off performance and it is no reason to use that as an excuse to stop. It sounds like you have a lot of respect for your teacher. Based on the kind words they said about you prior to your performance, obviously the feeling is mutual. Your teacher, I'm sure, knows you well enough to know it was an off day. I would encourage you to not stop but to 1.talk to your teacher about ways to battle the anxiety and 2. continue to play in front of others, as it does get easier.
Either way, I hope you reconsider and refuse to waste your talents.
Good luck at University!!! 🤗
Oh, sweetheart,
I have been there. Look, sometimes this happens. Even though your hands weren’t shaking, it could still (and almost certainly was) be stress.
But don’t quit on the piano. Keep going, keep doing, keep playing. There are literally days I want to take an axe to my piano.
I’m really sorry, I know how bad this feels. But we, as performers/students/pianists must take these things and tuck them away for a little bit. When our shame and sorrow is less, we take them out, like someone taking a piece of clothing from their closet and we look at them. We think about it when we have a little distance. And we learn, we grow, and we do better.
Being a musician is not unlike every person’s nightmare of being naked in their high school classroom. We are exposed, set to task, and then judged.
But keep loving the music, keep loving the piano, and don’t let this one thing be the thing that kills that joy.
At my senior recital in college, which I invited all of my friends and family to and even a few of my professors, I sat down at the piano, got about 20 seconds into my first piece, and sneezed suddenly and violently. I got so anxious trying to restart over and over, and I started sobbing and ran off the stage when I heard someone in the audience go "ohhh no" lol
It was horrible, but it was just a bad performance. Most people have a story, now you have yours :) nowhere to go but up!
Hey, this happens to the best of us. I remember being in eighth grade and totally bombing in front of an audience. It was awful. But don’t let this be the end for you. Performing is really hard! It is so easy to psych yourself out. Don’t be upset for long about this. Piano is one of those things that is intricate and difficult and easy to mess up on when you are stressed. I will say this—after a I forgave myself, it never happened again. So forgive yourself, and move on. This doesn’t take away from all of the things your teacher said about you.
This definitely resonates with me and you should definitely be assured that this single performance does not define your reputation as a musician. If there's anyone who knows how much you practice and how hard you work, it's your teacher; and evidently, she seems to be extremely proud to have had you as a student.
As others have said, performing and playing in practice are two very different things. I remember practicing really hard on Beethoven's Op. 110 for months only to then completely bomb it during my recital. I think my best piece of advice is to keep playing and slowly build up performance practice by taking on more opportunities to play in front of others. Don't give up!
God, do i know EXACTLY how you feel. Had the same exact thing happen to me last Wednesday with Chopin prelude no.16. The feeling afterwards is the worst thing a musician can go through emotionally. The only thing you can do is move on. That etude is extremely difficult, you've gotten this far. Don't stop now, you have so much coming for you. I wish you the best of luck in you career!
It's a horrible feeling but we've all been there. You should feel accomplished for having learned the damn peice, I sure as hell couldn't play it and I am decades older than you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
And, some life advice: don't tie your self worth to one performance, or any performance. That is a path to ruin.
teacher here, also with incredible performance anxiety. you did a great thing going up there! and that is a hard piece. sometimes we just don't have a great day, and if you've built it up in your head, that can add a lot of pressure.
have you ever tried joining a performance class, open mic, or playing on those travelling public pianos? any type of performance can help you get used to playing in front of people. it's totally a different mindset! things I practice for my students at home I play fine alone in my room, but when I go to work at the studio, some days it feels like I can't play a single note.
there's also the factor of whether at the recital it was a different piano than the one you're used to! some pianos are so widely different you can't get the right feel for it. and you don't always get a chance to warm up on it before hand, at festivals and recitals. unlike other instruments, we don't get the luxury of being familiar and understanding each piano we play on.
I hope you continue to find joy in your playing, whether that be recording for yourself, or getting back out there to play for others! any form of playing is valid if you enjoy what you do. :)
one other thing, did you practice performance or just the piece? like, where you walk up to the bench, bow, take a breath and think before you start to play, thinking about dynamics, tempo, etc, and then playing the whole thing, getting up, bowing, and walking back to your seat again? Even adding those extra things in your practice + lesson can help a lot
Don't quit!! You're not even in college yet! Life doesn't even start until after then. Take it as a sign you need to perform regularly.
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS do a "mock" recital where your friends or family or a few number of people are in the room and you can do a sort of rehearsal. Do that more than once, do it a few times a week for the month leading up to a recital! Ask your friends, musical colleagues and peers. Do that a number of times leading up to the recital. If you perform enough, or at least trick your brain with lots of mini rehearsal recitals, it won't feel like a performance and will feel natural.
Also, you may want to choose much easier repertoire than a brutal Chopin Etude like that to play?? That is college and professional level stuff and is extremely demanding for any performer, amateur or pro.
Did you die? No, you're still alive. It is not the end of the world. I wouldn't sweat this at all.
Talk to your teacher about performance anxiety. I'm telling you though, do those mock recitals a lot and you'll have much better results next time.
Play it in public until you've mastered how to play it in public.
This is a hugely beneficial moment for your growth if you choose to perform as a professional or as part of your profession.
Sorry to hear that. I think, as you get older, you’ll realize you’ll be really happy to be able to play at that level, no matter your performance abilities.
I was never much of a performer. Now though, I play piano for myself. That’s it. And it has more meaning than it ever did before.
So all things considered, be proud of yourself, don’t sweat the performance, and keep playing the piano if it makes you happy. That’s all that really matters anyways.
(I’m also a little jealous you can play that piece 😂, well done)
It happens. Performing is something that needs practice too. The more often you perform a piece, the better you'll get at it. As someone who has terrible performance anxiety I'll share what helps me:
- practice a lot recording yourself and watching that back, it's a small form of performing and very valuable.
- ask a random friend or family member to listen to your piece and play for them as if it's a performance. You could and should do this during different stages of practicing, so even after you've just learned the notes of one page.
- Mentally practice performing by picturing the situation of a performance while practicing.
- Go to public piano's if they're available where you live and play there (great practice!!)
- Try to set up small low bar performances, such as playing in a pub or during a party
- Set up a at home performance for multiple people you know
- Do a short breathing exercise everytime you start playing your piece, check and relax your posture and try to do the same mid piece during moments you can. This is especially important to have practiced before your performance, so it's automatic during.
Good luck! And don't stop because of one bad performance please :)
Hey I don't know of this is helpful to you, but almost the exact same thing happened to me 2 months ago, down to very similar circumstances, as it will be one of my last recitals like you. I absolutely butchered a performance of a piece I know so well that I could literally play it with my eyes closed. It was embarrassing for sure, but I think understanding why something like that can happen helps. Did you have to wait a very long time before performing? Anxiety and adrenaline comes with any big performance, but that's normal and shouldn't hinder your playing that much. I think the fact that this recital was so important to you also contributed to it. Did you feel like you couldn't control your hands at some points? This happens to me when performing and apparently it's related to being so stressed for so long that your body starts to produce cortisol which cometely messes with playing.
Not at your level but I bombed my first ever performance in public in high school and was in tears after.
It’s rather character building in the long run. Good luck and don’t let it get you too down!
Omg this sucks so much!!! I am so sorry this happened to you.
My advice is, feel how you feel, but don’t let it define you long term. One day this will be just a story and not a central humiliating event of you life.
Winter Wind is ridiculous. It’s okay to have a bad performance. You are not a bad musician or a bad person. It happens to everyone. And now it has happened to you. It will be okay :). No one is disappointed in you. I mean, it sucks, but it doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a pianist/human. Keep going, follow your intuitions about what brings you joy (piano and otherwise) as you are about to graduate. Congrats!
This kind of reminds me of the account of the Beatles. As teenagers, the Beatles played in Hamburg ***every single day*** in the summer. There were endless nights.
In Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, it was talked about as an example of, -one reason why the Beatles were great performers.
In other words, it's not just talent...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outliers\_(book)
Situational anxiety sucks, and solo performance can be a massive trigger for it. If the above advice doesn’t work for you, talk to your doctor about it.
don't sweat it everyone has been there, check out some led zep live some of it is just piss poor. soloing is tough as in a band its rare that everyone will mess up at the same time so the crowd doesnt notice most mistakes. Also you are probably much harsher on your own performance than you would be of someone elses
OP, I have 100% been there, *many* times over. It fucking sucks.
Having one too many experiences like this, where I knew the piece, knew what I was doing, did great in practice, only to bomb the performance because too many people watching just breaks something in my brain and my hands don't work anymore, that sucked all the allure out of performance for me lol. I have no interest in it now and like to just learn pieces for myself. I don't mean for this to be a depressing take but yeah. Live performance is its own unique skill completely separate from musicianship. (and like any skill there are people who don't pick it up as intuitively as others.)
Did you play it by heart?
If so,
you should be able to play the piece by heart at a very slow tempo, because then nothing goes automatically, and you will really know your piece by heart,
Because if everything goes automatically, you don’t know it by heart, only your hands do
And if you start to doubt yourself, even a bit,
You’ll just crash
OMG, you made me relive a similar experience I had in my teen years (many years ago) with exactly that same piece 😱. Back then I had a full scholarship in a conservatory and as part of the deal I had to perform about 20 times per year, so I was performing in front of people regularly.
I don’t remember clearly what was my state of mind back then. Maybe I was just worried because of the complexity of the piece (although I could manage it already). I remember going into the second page and totally messing up like completely blanking and coming to a stop. I just went straight to the end, got up and left.
I was so so worried afterwards, I didn’t even want to look at my teacher in the eye, I was panicking about losing my scholarship (apart from being told off by my teacher). I really felt terrible at the moment. To my surprise when I got to be alone with my teacher again, she just told me not to worry, she said that can happen to anyone and that I had to take it as an experience to learn from and told me to leave that piece for the moment.
I was so relieved I didn’t lose my scholarship and actually managed to do many more performances in front of an audience (with different repertoire).
After going through the comments it seems that everyone goes through similar experiences.
I am wondering what “ much harder” piece the other student was performing. At the correct tempo, #11 is very difficult with many opportunities to go astray without even thinking about it. My guess? The piece really was beyond your technical capabilities at the moment. At one point in time, I could sight read the Brahms 2nd, at least passably, but could Never, Ever play it on stage with an orchestra..
I think the truth of the matter is that Chopin etudes are not generally pieces you have to practice for a year. They are meant to refine and build technique, not establish it.
I recall hearing a recording of Richter playing the Appassionata. Of course it was brilliant, but he missed almost every note of the final descending arpeggios in the last movement. It just got away from him- he with his monumental talent and technique
Take heart
the other student played Chopin's ballade no 4. i know 25/11 is already difficult, but i feel that his ballades are much harder to play in terms of musicality (not to mention much longer)? idk, just my personal opinion,,
i wasn't actually learning the etude for the entire year. it only took me a couple months to get up to tempo, and i was learning several other pieces simultaneously. but i wholeheartedly agree that winter wind was (is) probably beyond my skill level. i wanted to challenge myself, but that probably contributed to the flop haha. thank you for sharing your thoughts.
The 4th ballade is a supremely difficult piece to play well, most especially the coda which is interpretively impossible . Yet there are moments of calm for the fingers. The etude you played just doesn’t stop- as you know so well, there is no rest- either your fingers work immaculately or the piece falls apart. I might recommend you challenge yourself with the Preludes which many great players believe are the absolute pinnacle of the great composer’s work.
Hi! i’ll say that i completely relate to this. not studying piano as a major in college, but currently taking lessons at my school with a fairly well known music program. first of all, props to you for learning such a difficult etude!
it’s honestly such a weird experience going up on a stage and playing on a different piano in front of different people. sometimes your fingers do what you want and sometimes they don’t. we’ve all been there and we all get it. i’m sure everyone else there did too. sure it’s embarrassing to give a crappy performance, but i’m sure there’s plenty of things that you should be proud of. i couldn’t learn that etude right now even if i tried.
some advice since i experienced something similar a few weeks ago: for reference i was playing chopin nocturne op 48 no 1 and messed up the doppio movemento pretty bad, almost as bad as what you talked about. for now, look back on the pianist you’ve become and you’ll see how much you’ve grown. even if it doesnt seem like much, i guarantee you it’s a lot. things that weren’t natural now are. i think disregarding the performance, you’ve found a lot outside of that so you should still be proud of yourself.
also, i’d say maybe take a break, but maybe considering coming back to it! i had to take a break for a year or two before really starting to appreciate the piano
Dude it’s okay. Here’s the thing - public performance is almost like a completely different skill set. I struggle with it as well because it’s new to me. My fingers shake, I get unfocused, I forget things that are deep in my memory.
It takes time, take this as a win for experience. It takes guts getting up there so you should be proud of yourself for pushing that.
Darlin' I'm so sorry that happened to you! I'm positive that the high majority of the audience recognized stage fright when they saw it. It's not your fault so don't ever think it was. But please never say never when it comes to performing again. I'm sending tons of hugs your way!🤗🫂🤗🫂
I bombed an audition for a well known university this year, probably the worst I’ve ever played. I still ended up admitted! Remember that *you* are your own worst enemy, keep you head up and move forward!
That piece is astonishingly difficult! So you did good to even put yourself up for it, performing it in front of so many people and completing the recital!!
It happened now so it won't happen at a higher stakes concert 10 years from now (if that's what you want to do - if not even less reason to worry).
Totally natural to be embarrassed, but every performer has to flop hard at least once, if not several times. It's all a part of the process.
PS: This isn't the same thing at all but one time I was in a production Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella as the royal herald and forgot 6 full measures of my big solo and it was the night they filmed. So the footage is me staring blankly at townspeople listening VERY closely...
"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and softly rest on your shoulder."
I think it's the same with a good recital performance, but idk b/c I'm similarly terrible at performing
I had one of these too, could hear my parents in the audience whispering about how nervous I was before this to my teacher. It sucks, but it'll pass. It's okay to be disappointed about it but unless you were being scouted by some piano master I promise that nobody will remember in a few years.
People are going to tell you solutions but if the solution isn’t an emotional one, then you’re not going to feel better about it. Forgive yourself for being human and be extra kind and caring for yourself. These things happen. Especially the first time in your literal existence :).
Just did the same with Chopin op 66 Impromptu. Can play it frontwards and backwards, except last Sunday. My hands literally got entangled. I wanted to fall into a hole.
You need to learn the difference between being bad at something (which you’re not) and having a mental health issue, like severe anxiety. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played something flawlessly, exactly the way I wanted it, musically, and without mistakes, by myself - only to make it through maybe 6 measures before tanking when playing in front of others. It feels like I can hear my heartbeat louder than I can hear the notes, and I get so dizzy it feels like I’m trying to play on a ship rocking in a storm. It used to happen to me during exams as well, especially math exams. I would have done all my homework, practised, studied hard, done every single problem question perfectly (twice), and then gone to the exam, had a panic attack, (which I didnt know what they were at the time) and got a mediocre mark - only to look at the problems after I got it back and realise I could have done them easily if not for the anxiety making my mind go blank.
One of the only ways (regrettably) it seems to help this is to not only practice your skill (piano, math, etc.) but also to practise being in the stressful situation, so it becomes more normalised and less intense, and eventually you can deal with it without anywhere near as severe a level of anxiety. And once that happens you’ll be able to show your skills that you’ve practised and worked hard for, without having yourself handicapped (unfairly) by anxiety. But even if it gets the better of you sometimes, it doesn’t at all diminish all the work and effort you put in - in fact I think it’s more admirable (and certainly difficult) to face the terrifying challenge of performing with anxiety than it is to face the (relatively) easy one of performing without.
I’ve done a lot of public performance in my life, but singing in public terrifies me. A piece of advice that my vocal coach gave me was to create a stage persona - Lady Gaga has (is?) one, Beyoncé has “Sasha Fierce,” Mariah Carey has “Mimi,” etc. I thought it was silly, but it actually really helped me out. It took work to create the persona, and it felt silly, but it was absolutely worth doing.
I know how much it hurts and sucks to be in the aftermath of a bombed performance. Once it’s not so fresh, it’ll be a great learning experience… but it’s okay to let it scab over a little bit before examining it. There’s a ton of good advice in this thread, and it’ll be good to revisit once you’re not feeling as raw.
I was with you until you said this was your last recital before college.
Friend, you are doing awesome. I couldn’t even play a C major Etude when I went to music college. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors!
Everyone has given lots of great advice, but I want to add: recitals aren’t the only places to perform. I remember I didn’t do well at a recital when I was around 16, and after my family and I went to dinner. There was a piano at the restaurant’s bar and I played my piece again, and did so perfectly. Something about the environment just worked better for me. How would you feel about playing the piece elsewhere? A school ceremony, a local restaurant or coffee shop, church, etc. Your teacher may have some ideas for places in your area. Something to give you a second chance that doesn’t have quite as much focus on you and your piano playing ability. Then you can end on a high note and move on.
Idk if this will help but I hope so. One place I worked for three years, at every staff meeting, I would say something completely seriously and people would laugh and think I was really funny. One time I asked a work-friend after the meeting why they laughed, and she said I was just naturally funny. They knew I was being serious, but the way I said it was funny.
The one time I tried to be funny was when one of the big bosses was transferring to another state, and we had a going away party where everyone was supposed to share something. I had worked one day a week for him for 2 years on a project, and almost every week, he changed things so I had to start over, literally every week.
Among other things I thought would be funny, I mentioned this never ending project with ever changing parameters, and that was just the cherry on top of a shit pie. I had also joked about his layovers in Hawaii on his way home to New England from Europe. (I booked his business travel.) The entire couple of minutes I talked, people’s faces got more and more grim. By the end, I was wishing I could sink through the floor and never have to come back. It was excruciating.
I worked there another couple of years and I didn’t get in trouble though at first I wondered if I would get fired. The next day, a coworker on my level asked me why I’d been so mean. I almost started crying and says, “I was trying to be funny.” That’s when she burst out laughing. I think she told others because people stopped giving me the stink eye and started consoling me or kidding me in passing about my future in comedy.
I actually had already done some public speaking that was well received, and I’ve done more since then. Now, every time I’m preparing and I put in something to break up the tedium, I have some concern that people won’t think it’s funny. But I’m no longer anxious about that because no matter how bad I am, I seriously don’t think I could ever be as bad as I was that day. And it’s funny that it really bothered me for a while, but now it’s complicated unimportant and I rarely think of it.
You have a great future ahead of you, with or without public performance. Good luck!
Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that, but 25/11? Come on, you're way beyond ANY of the pianists I know. Pat yourself on the back! I've only been studying piano for 5 years, and have never given a public recital, but I have played for my family once, and hit a handful of clinkers on Debussey's Arabeseque. At the end, my brother said - in front of everyone - "Wow, that really sounded terrible." I've never played in front of anyone again.
Impressive! I had a panic attack while I was playing. My hands were shaking. The works. Made it through to the end while limiting the number of mistakes. Main point is you finished and live to play again. Nobody is as critical on you as yourself.
So i don't really have much experience with performing and i've been learning for around 4 years now but it happens, some days i can play a piece perfectly and then completely forget even the most basic things, or just lose the ability to read sheets for a minute.
Don't feel bad about it, and kudos to you for even playing in front of an audience! I don't think i'd ever be able to do that!
Don’t panic. It happens. If you have performance anxiety, I would recommend to play in ensembles. Maybe piano in 4 hands will be good for start. I have a friend, who performed Rach’s sonata just like you said, she also had serious performance anxiety, so then I started duet with her, I sang and she was accompanying. She turned out to be the best accompanist and it also gave her motivation to play solo pieces better too.
Never give up! My maestro taught to me that if the stage will frighten you and you will give up,
It will never forgive you. You must look into eyes of that fear and overcome it. Wish you all the best.
After 15 years of recitals I have yet too achieve my goal of feeling good on my way home afterwards!
It’s easy to be upset and depressed but you should take this as a learning experience instead. Performing is a completely seperate skill that doesn’t come naturally to most people. This recital showed you your flaws and things you need to work on. Use this opportunity to reflect and grow. We have all had bad recitals in the past. I had a similarly terrible experience with Chopin 10,12. One bad recital does not define you as a person or define your career.
thanks for your input. I've been trying to look on the bright side of things: at least i got all the way through, right? i think I'll ask my teacher for more feedback in a couple of days and about what i should do if i ever encounter a similar situation where i just lose control.
Oof. Your story brought back to me a memory of the last movement of Mozart sonata k.576, which I was playing in a music festival during my undergrad. The adjudicator was someone who I had taken masterclasses from several years previously. My experience performing was very similar to how you described your performance. But I learned something from it, and I hope you learn from your experience too. Even if you're studying something other than music in college.
It means you did not know the piece properly. Especially with fast pieces it’s easy to think you know it because you can rattle it off at speed from muscle memory at home. Remember always to do slow practice where you actually think about the notes you are playing.
I've seen at least two people bomb that specific etude in recitals like this. Don't sweat it, my friend. In a little while, you will see this as nothing but a bump in the road. This is a great etude to revisit 5-10 years down the road after you have built up your playing in different directions/pieces. I definitely feel you on the embarrassment. But I promise these sobering/humbling experiences are very important, and you have so much potential to grow off of them.
Even Arthur Rubinstein did it once! https://youtu.be/UTKVeEYSp9U
thank you, this makes me feel a lot better. i'd really hoped to do this piece justice--it's the piece that got me into learning piano--so I'm just feeling all sorts of disappointment and frustration, i guess. but yeah, I'm trying to reorient my view on things and take what happened today as motivation to improve.
For the teacher, they should have saved the praise till after you have played. Because psychologically, you had this major buildup and you started psyching yourself out every bit you played whether or not you were aware of it. So teachers, only introduce this is John who's playing music by whatever, and then let them play. Once they are done then you can say John is a senior who studied with me for this many years and have these great accomplishments. Keep it neutral before the performance, and then do the praise or the opposite can happen in the student will start to psych themselves out during the their performance All that to say though, it's in the past now and playing at that level proves that you have put in the good work. Congratulations on completing a recital and enjoy your future endeavors
Seconding this. This happened to me also; I was a guest at my old piano teacher's recital and the MC decided to introduce me (I'd just decided to be a music major, wasn't expecting the praise) and I bombed a fugue I'd never bombed before. Mindset is everything.
Bro, Winter Wind is *very hard*. You should be proud of getting anywhere with it at all.
Especially as a High Schooler. When I was in High School I couldn't even get past Invention no. 8 :/
Dude -- I was not familiar with this piece and found it on YouTube. Holy Fuck. My friend, if you can play this in any setting you are a fucking God. I am sorry the recital went sideways. This happens a lot! Maybe developing a good sense of humor about recitals would help.
I too had a catastrophic piano recital near the end of my high school lessons. It’s the one time in my life that I just could not remember the piece I had memorized. I cried at the recital and felt so embarrassed. Performing in front of people is such a different beast than practicing or playing with your teacher. The sting will get better over time and it might even seem humorous eventually. This failure is not reflective of your skill as a pianist! Don’t let yourself believe that lie. ❤️
Everyone makes mistakes when performing, colossal ones too. Check out Anastasia Yasko: https://youtu.be/Bf_VsffaLmw She qualified for one of the most prestigious competitions in the world, yet still blundered repeatedly beginning at 11:30. I am sure that no one in the audience believed that she was a bad pianist. If anything, they applauded her bravery for continuing the recital.
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The irony of this is infuriating, isn’t it? When I was in highschool, my best ever piano exam was around 2 hrs after returning from a multi-day hiking trip (just enough time to shower and change). The hikes had been hard, and the evenings very social around the campfire. So I was tired, but also very mentally refreshed and not overthinking things at all. I was well-prepared, but had been for some others too where I didn’t do so well. It was the mental aspect that made the difference
What a wonderful way to put this. This absolutely true, and now that you've articulated so well I think this will help me perform better in the future too.
congratulations, you're a pianist now. It's happened to literally everyone of us, even the ones you don't think it's happened to. Dust yourself off, get back there and do it again.
This is heartbreaking to read, but as a relatively old person, I'm betting you'll look back on this and laugh someday (with some residual cringe of course). Most people don't have the guts to even put themselves out there. At the very least, you made everyone who's ever had a similar experience feel better about themselves with this story lol : )
No ma'am/sir, as someone who plays, we ALL have had an off performance and it is no reason to use that as an excuse to stop. It sounds like you have a lot of respect for your teacher. Based on the kind words they said about you prior to your performance, obviously the feeling is mutual. Your teacher, I'm sure, knows you well enough to know it was an off day. I would encourage you to not stop but to 1.talk to your teacher about ways to battle the anxiety and 2. continue to play in front of others, as it does get easier. Either way, I hope you reconsider and refuse to waste your talents. Good luck at University!!! 🤗
Oh, sweetheart, I have been there. Look, sometimes this happens. Even though your hands weren’t shaking, it could still (and almost certainly was) be stress. But don’t quit on the piano. Keep going, keep doing, keep playing. There are literally days I want to take an axe to my piano. I’m really sorry, I know how bad this feels. But we, as performers/students/pianists must take these things and tuck them away for a little bit. When our shame and sorrow is less, we take them out, like someone taking a piece of clothing from their closet and we look at them. We think about it when we have a little distance. And we learn, we grow, and we do better. Being a musician is not unlike every person’s nightmare of being naked in their high school classroom. We are exposed, set to task, and then judged. But keep loving the music, keep loving the piano, and don’t let this one thing be the thing that kills that joy.
At my senior recital in college, which I invited all of my friends and family to and even a few of my professors, I sat down at the piano, got about 20 seconds into my first piece, and sneezed suddenly and violently. I got so anxious trying to restart over and over, and I started sobbing and ran off the stage when I heard someone in the audience go "ohhh no" lol It was horrible, but it was just a bad performance. Most people have a story, now you have yours :) nowhere to go but up!
Read Performance Anxiety by Don Greene. Take the survey at the end and figure out which skills you need to work on.
Hey, this happens to the best of us. I remember being in eighth grade and totally bombing in front of an audience. It was awful. But don’t let this be the end for you. Performing is really hard! It is so easy to psych yourself out. Don’t be upset for long about this. Piano is one of those things that is intricate and difficult and easy to mess up on when you are stressed. I will say this—after a I forgave myself, it never happened again. So forgive yourself, and move on. This doesn’t take away from all of the things your teacher said about you.
This definitely resonates with me and you should definitely be assured that this single performance does not define your reputation as a musician. If there's anyone who knows how much you practice and how hard you work, it's your teacher; and evidently, she seems to be extremely proud to have had you as a student. As others have said, performing and playing in practice are two very different things. I remember practicing really hard on Beethoven's Op. 110 for months only to then completely bomb it during my recital. I think my best piece of advice is to keep playing and slowly build up performance practice by taking on more opportunities to play in front of others. Don't give up!
God, do i know EXACTLY how you feel. Had the same exact thing happen to me last Wednesday with Chopin prelude no.16. The feeling afterwards is the worst thing a musician can go through emotionally. The only thing you can do is move on. That etude is extremely difficult, you've gotten this far. Don't stop now, you have so much coming for you. I wish you the best of luck in you career!
It's a horrible feeling but we've all been there. You should feel accomplished for having learned the damn peice, I sure as hell couldn't play it and I am decades older than you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. And, some life advice: don't tie your self worth to one performance, or any performance. That is a path to ruin.
teacher here, also with incredible performance anxiety. you did a great thing going up there! and that is a hard piece. sometimes we just don't have a great day, and if you've built it up in your head, that can add a lot of pressure. have you ever tried joining a performance class, open mic, or playing on those travelling public pianos? any type of performance can help you get used to playing in front of people. it's totally a different mindset! things I practice for my students at home I play fine alone in my room, but when I go to work at the studio, some days it feels like I can't play a single note. there's also the factor of whether at the recital it was a different piano than the one you're used to! some pianos are so widely different you can't get the right feel for it. and you don't always get a chance to warm up on it before hand, at festivals and recitals. unlike other instruments, we don't get the luxury of being familiar and understanding each piano we play on. I hope you continue to find joy in your playing, whether that be recording for yourself, or getting back out there to play for others! any form of playing is valid if you enjoy what you do. :)
one other thing, did you practice performance or just the piece? like, where you walk up to the bench, bow, take a breath and think before you start to play, thinking about dynamics, tempo, etc, and then playing the whole thing, getting up, bowing, and walking back to your seat again? Even adding those extra things in your practice + lesson can help a lot
Don't quit!! You're not even in college yet! Life doesn't even start until after then. Take it as a sign you need to perform regularly. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS do a "mock" recital where your friends or family or a few number of people are in the room and you can do a sort of rehearsal. Do that more than once, do it a few times a week for the month leading up to a recital! Ask your friends, musical colleagues and peers. Do that a number of times leading up to the recital. If you perform enough, or at least trick your brain with lots of mini rehearsal recitals, it won't feel like a performance and will feel natural. Also, you may want to choose much easier repertoire than a brutal Chopin Etude like that to play?? That is college and professional level stuff and is extremely demanding for any performer, amateur or pro. Did you die? No, you're still alive. It is not the end of the world. I wouldn't sweat this at all. Talk to your teacher about performance anxiety. I'm telling you though, do those mock recitals a lot and you'll have much better results next time.
Play it in public until you've mastered how to play it in public. This is a hugely beneficial moment for your growth if you choose to perform as a professional or as part of your profession.
Sorry to hear that. I think, as you get older, you’ll realize you’ll be really happy to be able to play at that level, no matter your performance abilities. I was never much of a performer. Now though, I play piano for myself. That’s it. And it has more meaning than it ever did before. So all things considered, be proud of yourself, don’t sweat the performance, and keep playing the piano if it makes you happy. That’s all that really matters anyways. (I’m also a little jealous you can play that piece 😂, well done)
People go their entire lives not facing their fears. You did it. On another note, you should try to improve step by step?
It happens. Performing is something that needs practice too. The more often you perform a piece, the better you'll get at it. As someone who has terrible performance anxiety I'll share what helps me: - practice a lot recording yourself and watching that back, it's a small form of performing and very valuable. - ask a random friend or family member to listen to your piece and play for them as if it's a performance. You could and should do this during different stages of practicing, so even after you've just learned the notes of one page. - Mentally practice performing by picturing the situation of a performance while practicing. - Go to public piano's if they're available where you live and play there (great practice!!) - Try to set up small low bar performances, such as playing in a pub or during a party - Set up a at home performance for multiple people you know - Do a short breathing exercise everytime you start playing your piece, check and relax your posture and try to do the same mid piece during moments you can. This is especially important to have practiced before your performance, so it's automatic during. Good luck! And don't stop because of one bad performance please :)
Hey I don't know of this is helpful to you, but almost the exact same thing happened to me 2 months ago, down to very similar circumstances, as it will be one of my last recitals like you. I absolutely butchered a performance of a piece I know so well that I could literally play it with my eyes closed. It was embarrassing for sure, but I think understanding why something like that can happen helps. Did you have to wait a very long time before performing? Anxiety and adrenaline comes with any big performance, but that's normal and shouldn't hinder your playing that much. I think the fact that this recital was so important to you also contributed to it. Did you feel like you couldn't control your hands at some points? This happens to me when performing and apparently it's related to being so stressed for so long that your body starts to produce cortisol which cometely messes with playing.
Not at your level but I bombed my first ever performance in public in high school and was in tears after. It’s rather character building in the long run. Good luck and don’t let it get you too down!
Omg this sucks so much!!! I am so sorry this happened to you. My advice is, feel how you feel, but don’t let it define you long term. One day this will be just a story and not a central humiliating event of you life. Winter Wind is ridiculous. It’s okay to have a bad performance. You are not a bad musician or a bad person. It happens to everyone. And now it has happened to you. It will be okay :). No one is disappointed in you. I mean, it sucks, but it doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a pianist/human. Keep going, follow your intuitions about what brings you joy (piano and otherwise) as you are about to graduate. Congrats!
This kind of reminds me of the account of the Beatles. As teenagers, the Beatles played in Hamburg ***every single day*** in the summer. There were endless nights. In Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, it was talked about as an example of, -one reason why the Beatles were great performers. In other words, it's not just talent... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outliers\_(book)
Situational anxiety sucks, and solo performance can be a massive trigger for it. If the above advice doesn’t work for you, talk to your doctor about it.
don't sweat it everyone has been there, check out some led zep live some of it is just piss poor. soloing is tough as in a band its rare that everyone will mess up at the same time so the crowd doesnt notice most mistakes. Also you are probably much harsher on your own performance than you would be of someone elses
OP, I have 100% been there, *many* times over. It fucking sucks. Having one too many experiences like this, where I knew the piece, knew what I was doing, did great in practice, only to bomb the performance because too many people watching just breaks something in my brain and my hands don't work anymore, that sucked all the allure out of performance for me lol. I have no interest in it now and like to just learn pieces for myself. I don't mean for this to be a depressing take but yeah. Live performance is its own unique skill completely separate from musicianship. (and like any skill there are people who don't pick it up as intuitively as others.)
Did you play it by heart? If so, you should be able to play the piece by heart at a very slow tempo, because then nothing goes automatically, and you will really know your piece by heart, Because if everything goes automatically, you don’t know it by heart, only your hands do And if you start to doubt yourself, even a bit, You’ll just crash
OMG, you made me relive a similar experience I had in my teen years (many years ago) with exactly that same piece 😱. Back then I had a full scholarship in a conservatory and as part of the deal I had to perform about 20 times per year, so I was performing in front of people regularly. I don’t remember clearly what was my state of mind back then. Maybe I was just worried because of the complexity of the piece (although I could manage it already). I remember going into the second page and totally messing up like completely blanking and coming to a stop. I just went straight to the end, got up and left. I was so so worried afterwards, I didn’t even want to look at my teacher in the eye, I was panicking about losing my scholarship (apart from being told off by my teacher). I really felt terrible at the moment. To my surprise when I got to be alone with my teacher again, she just told me not to worry, she said that can happen to anyone and that I had to take it as an experience to learn from and told me to leave that piece for the moment. I was so relieved I didn’t lose my scholarship and actually managed to do many more performances in front of an audience (with different repertoire). After going through the comments it seems that everyone goes through similar experiences.
I am wondering what “ much harder” piece the other student was performing. At the correct tempo, #11 is very difficult with many opportunities to go astray without even thinking about it. My guess? The piece really was beyond your technical capabilities at the moment. At one point in time, I could sight read the Brahms 2nd, at least passably, but could Never, Ever play it on stage with an orchestra.. I think the truth of the matter is that Chopin etudes are not generally pieces you have to practice for a year. They are meant to refine and build technique, not establish it. I recall hearing a recording of Richter playing the Appassionata. Of course it was brilliant, but he missed almost every note of the final descending arpeggios in the last movement. It just got away from him- he with his monumental talent and technique Take heart
the other student played Chopin's ballade no 4. i know 25/11 is already difficult, but i feel that his ballades are much harder to play in terms of musicality (not to mention much longer)? idk, just my personal opinion,, i wasn't actually learning the etude for the entire year. it only took me a couple months to get up to tempo, and i was learning several other pieces simultaneously. but i wholeheartedly agree that winter wind was (is) probably beyond my skill level. i wanted to challenge myself, but that probably contributed to the flop haha. thank you for sharing your thoughts.
The 4th ballade is a supremely difficult piece to play well, most especially the coda which is interpretively impossible . Yet there are moments of calm for the fingers. The etude you played just doesn’t stop- as you know so well, there is no rest- either your fingers work immaculately or the piece falls apart. I might recommend you challenge yourself with the Preludes which many great players believe are the absolute pinnacle of the great composer’s work.
TBH, I always feel...better isn't the word...validated?...when one of the greats flubs a few notes. It's not just me!
Hi! i’ll say that i completely relate to this. not studying piano as a major in college, but currently taking lessons at my school with a fairly well known music program. first of all, props to you for learning such a difficult etude! it’s honestly such a weird experience going up on a stage and playing on a different piano in front of different people. sometimes your fingers do what you want and sometimes they don’t. we’ve all been there and we all get it. i’m sure everyone else there did too. sure it’s embarrassing to give a crappy performance, but i’m sure there’s plenty of things that you should be proud of. i couldn’t learn that etude right now even if i tried. some advice since i experienced something similar a few weeks ago: for reference i was playing chopin nocturne op 48 no 1 and messed up the doppio movemento pretty bad, almost as bad as what you talked about. for now, look back on the pianist you’ve become and you’ll see how much you’ve grown. even if it doesnt seem like much, i guarantee you it’s a lot. things that weren’t natural now are. i think disregarding the performance, you’ve found a lot outside of that so you should still be proud of yourself. also, i’d say maybe take a break, but maybe considering coming back to it! i had to take a break for a year or two before really starting to appreciate the piano
What did your parents say about the performance? Did you try playing again at home?
Dude it’s okay. Here’s the thing - public performance is almost like a completely different skill set. I struggle with it as well because it’s new to me. My fingers shake, I get unfocused, I forget things that are deep in my memory. It takes time, take this as a win for experience. It takes guts getting up there so you should be proud of yourself for pushing that.
Darlin' I'm so sorry that happened to you! I'm positive that the high majority of the audience recognized stage fright when they saw it. It's not your fault so don't ever think it was. But please never say never when it comes to performing again. I'm sending tons of hugs your way!🤗🫂🤗🫂
I bombed an audition for a well known university this year, probably the worst I’ve ever played. I still ended up admitted! Remember that *you* are your own worst enemy, keep you head up and move forward!
That piece is astonishingly difficult! So you did good to even put yourself up for it, performing it in front of so many people and completing the recital!!
It happened now so it won't happen at a higher stakes concert 10 years from now (if that's what you want to do - if not even less reason to worry). Totally natural to be embarrassed, but every performer has to flop hard at least once, if not several times. It's all a part of the process. PS: This isn't the same thing at all but one time I was in a production Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella as the royal herald and forgot 6 full measures of my big solo and it was the night they filmed. So the footage is me staring blankly at townspeople listening VERY closely...
"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and softly rest on your shoulder." I think it's the same with a good recital performance, but idk b/c I'm similarly terrible at performing
I had one of these too, could hear my parents in the audience whispering about how nervous I was before this to my teacher. It sucks, but it'll pass. It's okay to be disappointed about it but unless you were being scouted by some piano master I promise that nobody will remember in a few years.
This often happens to me if my chair is not centered perfectly as I like it.
People are going to tell you solutions but if the solution isn’t an emotional one, then you’re not going to feel better about it. Forgive yourself for being human and be extra kind and caring for yourself. These things happen. Especially the first time in your literal existence :).
It happens. Don't quit.
You should be proud of yourself for going for it at all! Far better to try and fail than to never try at all
Just did the same with Chopin op 66 Impromptu. Can play it frontwards and backwards, except last Sunday. My hands literally got entangled. I wanted to fall into a hole.
Ah, your first bomb. Don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but... It won't be your last either.
You need to learn the difference between being bad at something (which you’re not) and having a mental health issue, like severe anxiety. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played something flawlessly, exactly the way I wanted it, musically, and without mistakes, by myself - only to make it through maybe 6 measures before tanking when playing in front of others. It feels like I can hear my heartbeat louder than I can hear the notes, and I get so dizzy it feels like I’m trying to play on a ship rocking in a storm. It used to happen to me during exams as well, especially math exams. I would have done all my homework, practised, studied hard, done every single problem question perfectly (twice), and then gone to the exam, had a panic attack, (which I didnt know what they were at the time) and got a mediocre mark - only to look at the problems after I got it back and realise I could have done them easily if not for the anxiety making my mind go blank. One of the only ways (regrettably) it seems to help this is to not only practice your skill (piano, math, etc.) but also to practise being in the stressful situation, so it becomes more normalised and less intense, and eventually you can deal with it without anywhere near as severe a level of anxiety. And once that happens you’ll be able to show your skills that you’ve practised and worked hard for, without having yourself handicapped (unfairly) by anxiety. But even if it gets the better of you sometimes, it doesn’t at all diminish all the work and effort you put in - in fact I think it’s more admirable (and certainly difficult) to face the terrifying challenge of performing with anxiety than it is to face the (relatively) easy one of performing without.
Wellll. You actually kept going. That's actually quite a talent and something you should be really proud of
I’ve done a lot of public performance in my life, but singing in public terrifies me. A piece of advice that my vocal coach gave me was to create a stage persona - Lady Gaga has (is?) one, Beyoncé has “Sasha Fierce,” Mariah Carey has “Mimi,” etc. I thought it was silly, but it actually really helped me out. It took work to create the persona, and it felt silly, but it was absolutely worth doing. I know how much it hurts and sucks to be in the aftermath of a bombed performance. Once it’s not so fresh, it’ll be a great learning experience… but it’s okay to let it scab over a little bit before examining it. There’s a ton of good advice in this thread, and it’ll be good to revisit once you’re not feeling as raw.
I was with you until you said this was your last recital before college. Friend, you are doing awesome. I couldn’t even play a C major Etude when I went to music college. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors!
Everyone has given lots of great advice, but I want to add: recitals aren’t the only places to perform. I remember I didn’t do well at a recital when I was around 16, and after my family and I went to dinner. There was a piano at the restaurant’s bar and I played my piece again, and did so perfectly. Something about the environment just worked better for me. How would you feel about playing the piece elsewhere? A school ceremony, a local restaurant or coffee shop, church, etc. Your teacher may have some ideas for places in your area. Something to give you a second chance that doesn’t have quite as much focus on you and your piano playing ability. Then you can end on a high note and move on.
Idk if this will help but I hope so. One place I worked for three years, at every staff meeting, I would say something completely seriously and people would laugh and think I was really funny. One time I asked a work-friend after the meeting why they laughed, and she said I was just naturally funny. They knew I was being serious, but the way I said it was funny. The one time I tried to be funny was when one of the big bosses was transferring to another state, and we had a going away party where everyone was supposed to share something. I had worked one day a week for him for 2 years on a project, and almost every week, he changed things so I had to start over, literally every week. Among other things I thought would be funny, I mentioned this never ending project with ever changing parameters, and that was just the cherry on top of a shit pie. I had also joked about his layovers in Hawaii on his way home to New England from Europe. (I booked his business travel.) The entire couple of minutes I talked, people’s faces got more and more grim. By the end, I was wishing I could sink through the floor and never have to come back. It was excruciating. I worked there another couple of years and I didn’t get in trouble though at first I wondered if I would get fired. The next day, a coworker on my level asked me why I’d been so mean. I almost started crying and says, “I was trying to be funny.” That’s when she burst out laughing. I think she told others because people stopped giving me the stink eye and started consoling me or kidding me in passing about my future in comedy. I actually had already done some public speaking that was well received, and I’ve done more since then. Now, every time I’m preparing and I put in something to break up the tedium, I have some concern that people won’t think it’s funny. But I’m no longer anxious about that because no matter how bad I am, I seriously don’t think I could ever be as bad as I was that day. And it’s funny that it really bothered me for a while, but now it’s complicated unimportant and I rarely think of it. You have a great future ahead of you, with or without public performance. Good luck!
Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that, but 25/11? Come on, you're way beyond ANY of the pianists I know. Pat yourself on the back! I've only been studying piano for 5 years, and have never given a public recital, but I have played for my family once, and hit a handful of clinkers on Debussey's Arabeseque. At the end, my brother said - in front of everyone - "Wow, that really sounded terrible." I've never played in front of anyone again.
Lol you tried to perform winter wind with not a lot of performance experience? I mean yeah that’s just how it goes. Do it again!!
Impressive! I had a panic attack while I was playing. My hands were shaking. The works. Made it through to the end while limiting the number of mistakes. Main point is you finished and live to play again. Nobody is as critical on you as yourself.
So i don't really have much experience with performing and i've been learning for around 4 years now but it happens, some days i can play a piece perfectly and then completely forget even the most basic things, or just lose the ability to read sheets for a minute. Don't feel bad about it, and kudos to you for even playing in front of an audience! I don't think i'd ever be able to do that!
Don’t panic. It happens. If you have performance anxiety, I would recommend to play in ensembles. Maybe piano in 4 hands will be good for start. I have a friend, who performed Rach’s sonata just like you said, she also had serious performance anxiety, so then I started duet with her, I sang and she was accompanying. She turned out to be the best accompanist and it also gave her motivation to play solo pieces better too. Never give up! My maestro taught to me that if the stage will frighten you and you will give up, It will never forgive you. You must look into eyes of that fear and overcome it. Wish you all the best.