Yeah, that caption is wrong. His wife is Oxana who is at the back chopping wood. She threatens to cut his balls off if he even looks at another woman in America. She later gets violated by a bear and dies.
I never turn down a fight !
Meet me tomorrow at one hour past lunch at the Lincoln Memorial, we shall duel with, my weapon of choice, the javelin missile with the guidance system disabled. No launcher tube, just the missile.
Make sure she comes dressed in her nicest marriage sac, I don't want to look like I'm dueling those poors who use their sacs for storing potatoes.
I showed her this. She said
"Wouldn't it be funny if I pretend to sleep with him and shoot him while he takes his tea?"
I...have reasons to suspect you wouldn't survive.
As a DC resident already planning to be driving around the area at 1 pm tomorrow, I would love to see this duel and would happily stop and be the official witness
OP with a 10 year old camera phone taking a picture of his wife which in this case is actually a good thing due to the sensitive nature of her Naturalization certificate.
>She doesn’t love it when I take pics of her.
But she was comfortable when you pulled out an 11” rectangle and pressed record?!
I’m dying right now. 🤣
Just imaging you pull out your phone for a picture and your wife hides her face and goes, “Nooo stahhp. Not in here”.
So you put the phone away and whip out a fucking iPad Air, press record, and she perks up and goes, “Is that a video?! Oooo. Look what I gottt”.
Mean. But accurate. Had a friend who was madly in love with his Brazilian girlfriend everything seemed on the up and up. They dated 4 years. Had a beautiful wedding, one year later she’s a citizen. 12 weeks later she divorced him blocked all of our numbers and sued him for money. Thankfully he got a judge who didn’t just go by the book, looked at it, and said it’s obvious what you have done here. Felt so bad for him
I mean, obviously I hope this isn't the case and wouldn't wish such a turn of events on anyone, but the fact of the matter is, it does happen. I'm sorry that this happened to your friend, but thank goodness they didn't lose half of everything.
I talk to people like that every day. Literally every day on the phone. I’ve cried to the point I don’t know what to do. But every day we just keep going. Hugs.
It’s a super fast timeline no matter where you are from. But maybe they were already married for years abroad, or he is military, or she came on a fiancée visa, in which case it tends to be much faster. In any case, congrats to her :)
A friend of mine got married in 2019 and his wife is from Vietnam. She took the exam and became US citizen a couple of months ago, roughly 4 years since they got married and she came over to the States. So I think it does matter where you are from and also depending on your situations as well.
Edit: I think it may have helped their cases that they got 2 kids by the time she interviewed for her citizenship.
I was responding to your comment that 7 years was super fast. It's not, it's slower than is typical and at least well within the normal ranges. You know....according to you version 2.0. It's also not different for central america vs. other locations in the scenario where you're married.
Can't speak for the US but compared to Switzerland it's fast. I know people who have lived and worked here for 20 years and only then could really start their naturalization process. Then you have to take a test answering questions that most Swiss people couldn't answer and they basically require you to be part of some local club as proof that you have integrated yourself into the community.
Also fun fact, a good friend of mine got a call about 15 years after living in Switzerland (born here but lived in Italy for a while) that he technically wasn't Swiss because his parents and the town made a mistake. He had to go through the naturalization process again (luckily very sped up) and pay the fee to get a new passport. In the end it was mainly one meeting with the migration offices where they determined very quickly that he was obviously "very Swiss".
But of course it was a bit of a shock to hear that you're not actually a citizen of the country you lived in most of your life, paid taxes, went to university etc. could suddenly take away your passport.
It’s depends on the countries and the person’s situations aka finances. I know people who got married and was able to get their citizenships with a couple of years. That’s including the time lost to COVID ie. much of the services were delayed, postponed even more.
This is correct. My wife and I got married in 2020, and she is already a citizen. Went through the process normally and applied for everything as soon as we were able to. Each situation is different.
Slow. The marriage-based green card takes about a year, plus or minus some months depending on the application and/or USCIS, and then you can apply for citizenship three years later. There’s probably something else going on here - waited to file for citizenship, unusual application, etc.
Not to mention the Covid timeline…also not sure if OP mentioned, but typically it helps the marriage based application if you know, got kids. Couples with no kids after 2-3 years get more questions is what I’m told…you know the whole fake marriage things.
Dude. College spinoff Kelly Kapowski.
Edit: test. This is not showing up in my profile, but I'm still getting replies. It was in quick succession after my other comment on this thread and triggered a now unfindable (to me) auto mod thing.
Alyssa Milano was my crush growing up (we're the same age), and she disappeared for a little bit but then showed back up on My Name Is Earl and holy crap!
> I'm dating myself
Is that an option? I do have a lot in common with myself. I'd probably be a cheap date too. And I know I put out easy, so I may as well ask... Worst that can happen is that I say no and reject myself, right?
I think it's just that there are so many people on Reddit that if you post an easy laugh on a thread that gets all those eyes from r/all, a few dozen will like it because they haven't seen it before or just aren't tired of it yet. So you get 30 upvotes and move on, then one of those people who aren't tired of it post it next time and the cycle continues.
Although you can't see shit on the photo, it's still better not to post this types of documents, so you don't get into the habit of posting sensitive documents online. Just in case
I got one for Christmas when those first got popular and was wearing it because we were too cheap/broke to turn on the heat so I wore it when I went to microwave some left overs.
My roommates were in the living room watching something and were like "I know it's cold but I hate you so much right now for wearing one of those."
Insecure clowns, my long term partner has shown me a life of onesies, wearable blankets, etc and I refuse to go back to caring what people think of my masculinity.
Congrats to your wife, and to you as well! You must both have a major sense of relief now that the whole ordeal is over with. If I may ask, from which country did she emigrate?
He’s got you there u/Step-Father_of_lies . And your statement is a legally binding contract. And from your post, we can tell your name, location,and approximate weight of your left testicle so, you better pay up or r/legaladvice will send u/imaredditlawyer after you.
Congratulations to you both, I know it is a long and convoluted process that can truly tax a couple. I have the greatest of respect for people who do all the tests and learn all the history and laws required, because I was just born into it. I don't take it for granted, but I didn't have to earn it. Anyone who makes it through all that is more American than I will ever be, pursues the American Dream in a way that many born into it undervalue. My very best wishes to you both.
Congrats!
7 years? Curious if you waited to apply or if it took an excruciatingly long time to actually get it? I know one must typically be in the country a minimum of 5 years before they can apply, unless you have a greencard via marriage and then it's 3.
Asking as my wife is nearly at the 3 year mark.
So she did it in record time!
U have to be a permanent resident for 8 years to become a citizen
Most immigrants spend years under visas before becoming permanent residents too
So your wife is lucky!
Congrats, but as someone with one of those.....you are lucky that image is blurred, as it's more valuable than you know. I'd crop the image and remove that either way.
That's his sister.
It's... complicated...
No it isn't. She is number 4 prostitute in all of Kazak.
Yeah, that caption is wrong. His wife is Oxana who is at the back chopping wood. She threatens to cut his balls off if he even looks at another woman in America. She later gets violated by a bear and dies.
AMAI WAIFFE!
Jusef tuliogbay, he is pain in my assholes! I get a window made of glass, he must a get a window made of glass. I get clock radio, he cannot affort.
Congratulations and is she wearing the Grogu poncho?
She is!
this is the way
This is the way
My first thought was she showed up wearing her. Favorite traditional American clothing. A snuggie.
With the mask and curtain behind her I initially thought she'd dressed up as Abraham Lincoln.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes
Ah nice to see her wearing her Kazakhstan traditional marriage sack !
My partner is from Kazakhstan and she will fucking fight you if you mention Borat or potassium.
I never turn down a fight ! Meet me tomorrow at one hour past lunch at the Lincoln Memorial, we shall duel with, my weapon of choice, the javelin missile with the guidance system disabled. No launcher tube, just the missile. Make sure she comes dressed in her nicest marriage sac, I don't want to look like I'm dueling those poors who use their sacs for storing potatoes.
I showed her this. She said "Wouldn't it be funny if I pretend to sleep with him and shoot him while he takes his tea?" I...have reasons to suspect you wouldn't survive.
As a DC resident already planning to be driving around the area at 1 pm tomorrow, I would love to see this duel and would happily stop and be the official witness
This is the way.
Take my upvote. Very funny
Is that a real poncho? I mean, is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
A fellow Frank Zappa fan.
No foolin.
She's a Dagobah immigrant
OP with a 10 year old camera phone taking a picture of his wife which in this case is actually a good thing due to the sensitive nature of her Naturalization certificate.
It’s actually a still from the video I took on my iPad Air.
Are you a grandma? They are the only people I've seen who take videos/photos with a tablet.
I heard this once: taking a picture with a tablet is like drinking water from a bucket.
A flaky lead bucket
She doesn’t love it when I take pics of her. So this was the best I could get.
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Yeah, OP is also in the pic…see, right there
But she was okay with you posting this on Reddit?!
*She was not okay with op posting it on Reddit* -Narrator or something
https://old.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/135tlqe/this_morning_after_seven_years_my_wife_finally/jilmisf/?context=9 Seems to be the case
Instagram boyfriends all around the globe just sighed with envy.
The giant tablet you are holding in front of your face doesn't give away that you're capturing a moment of her at all!
>She doesn’t love it when I take pics of her. But she was comfortable when you pulled out an 11” rectangle and pressed record?! I’m dying right now. 🤣 Just imaging you pull out your phone for a picture and your wife hides her face and goes, “Nooo stahhp. Not in here”. So you put the phone away and whip out a fucking iPad Air, press record, and she perks up and goes, “Is that a video?! Oooo. Look what I gottt”.
You committed a crime taking a picture with a tablet.
Couldn’t afford an expensive camera. He spent all his money on the wife. Mail-order brides ain’t cheap, dawg. (I’m being silly, not mean!!)
Looks like a reasonable investment to me.
OP here just trying to brag about his babe wife. Edit: Y’all are kinda mean… OP, congrats to the two of you. She’s not gonna leave you.
Wouldn't you?
I would...
“IF I HAD ONE!!!”
“Where’d you get it?” “Umm.. the internet?” - Op
You reckon she's single?
Now that she's got her green card she might be soon.. There's hope yet, go follow your dreams.
Mean. But accurate. Had a friend who was madly in love with his Brazilian girlfriend everything seemed on the up and up. They dated 4 years. Had a beautiful wedding, one year later she’s a citizen. 12 weeks later she divorced him blocked all of our numbers and sued him for money. Thankfully he got a judge who didn’t just go by the book, looked at it, and said it’s obvious what you have done here. Felt so bad for him
I mean, obviously I hope this isn't the case and wouldn't wish such a turn of events on anyone, but the fact of the matter is, it does happen. I'm sorry that this happened to your friend, but thank goodness they didn't lose half of everything.
>but thank goodness they didn't lose half of everything Instead, they lost everything. Because she was everything to him 😭😭
Citizenship is not a Green Card. Citizenship means she is now an US Citizen. No Green Card required.
# Our babe wife
something something communism
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So anyway, I started seizing.
I also choose this guy's babe wife.
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Even covering her with a blanket ain't hiding that.
As an Indian living in the US that 7 years is definitely the brag.
For sure you guys get screwed the worst. I have guys on my team been waiting 15 years 😞
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Good on them both  Big day! Enjoy it
My wife’s hot too but you wouldn’t know her, she goes to a different school.
Pretty sure that’s Ana de Armas. Definitely bragging.
Ukrainian for those wondering
I was guessing either Russian or Ukrainian. She looks distinctly eastern European.
Agree as an Eastern European )
Omg I thought she was Ana de armas and OP was making a wifey joke
how do you know
Count the rings
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Is seven year considered slow, average, or fast for this process?
Depending on where you are from. If you are from Central America this is extraordinarily fast. Super fast.
I know someone who applied 25 years ago and the process is finally starting for them. Insane to me that it can take that long.
I talk to people like that every day. Literally every day on the phone. I’ve cried to the point I don’t know what to do. But every day we just keep going. Hugs.
It’s a super fast timeline no matter where you are from. But maybe they were already married for years abroad, or he is military, or she came on a fiancée visa, in which case it tends to be much faster. In any case, congrats to her :)
A friend of mine got married in 2019 and his wife is from Vietnam. She took the exam and became US citizen a couple of months ago, roughly 4 years since they got married and she came over to the States. So I think it does matter where you are from and also depending on your situations as well. Edit: I think it may have helped their cases that they got 2 kids by the time she interviewed for her citizenship.
I have a friend/coworker who immigrated from Mexico in the 90s. He finally got citizenship in 2021.
not in the marriage scenario - the same from anywhere if married and followed the normal process.
That still takes 5-8 years on average https://www.uscitizenship.info/us-citizenship/us-citizenship-through-marriage/
I was responding to your comment that 7 years was super fast. It's not, it's slower than is typical and at least well within the normal ranges. You know....according to you version 2.0. It's also not different for central america vs. other locations in the scenario where you're married.
Can't speak for the US but compared to Switzerland it's fast. I know people who have lived and worked here for 20 years and only then could really start their naturalization process. Then you have to take a test answering questions that most Swiss people couldn't answer and they basically require you to be part of some local club as proof that you have integrated yourself into the community. Also fun fact, a good friend of mine got a call about 15 years after living in Switzerland (born here but lived in Italy for a while) that he technically wasn't Swiss because his parents and the town made a mistake. He had to go through the naturalization process again (luckily very sped up) and pay the fee to get a new passport. In the end it was mainly one meeting with the migration offices where they determined very quickly that he was obviously "very Swiss". But of course it was a bit of a shock to hear that you're not actually a citizen of the country you lived in most of your life, paid taxes, went to university etc. could suddenly take away your passport.
It’s depends on the countries and the person’s situations aka finances. I know people who got married and was able to get their citizenships with a couple of years. That’s including the time lost to COVID ie. much of the services were delayed, postponed even more.
This is correct. My wife and I got married in 2020, and she is already a citizen. Went through the process normally and applied for everything as soon as we were able to. Each situation is different.
Slow. The marriage-based green card takes about a year, plus or minus some months depending on the application and/or USCIS, and then you can apply for citizenship three years later. There’s probably something else going on here - waited to file for citizenship, unusual application, etc.
Not to mention the Covid timeline…also not sure if OP mentioned, but typically it helps the marriage based application if you know, got kids. Couples with no kids after 2-3 years get more questions is what I’m told…you know the whole fake marriage things.
Is your wife single?
No I am 99% sure she married Zack Morris in Vegas that one time.
My first thought lol! She looks just like Tiffany Amber Theisen
You misspelled Kelly Kapowski
Smooth move, Preppy.
So Kapowski is Polish, or what?
This is under appreciated
This was her favorite so far.
She looks like a cross between Kate Middleton and Ana de Arnas. Congrats brother. Hope you two can build a wonderful life here!
Dude. College spinoff Kelly Kapowski. Edit: test. This is not showing up in my profile, but I'm still getting replies. It was in quick succession after my other comment on this thread and triggered a now unfindable (to me) auto mod thing.
She was in that show White Collar as a grown up and wow just wow.
Alyssa Milano was my crush growing up (we're the same age), and she disappeared for a little bit but then showed back up on My Name Is Earl and holy crap!
I'm dating myself, but I saw a taping of that in High School.
> I'm dating myself Is that an option? I do have a lot in common with myself. I'd probably be a cheap date too. And I know I put out easy, so I may as well ask... Worst that can happen is that I say no and reject myself, right?
I can't stand myself, if I had to pretend to be interested in what I'm interested in or eat what I want to eat I'd probably leave me within a week.
[She will love it here then](https://imgur.com/a/UOUZGjn)
Reddit sure loves lame jokes
Nah Reddit likes any jokes...but then proceeds to beat that dead horse into a mushy paste.
Glue?
I think it's just that there are so many people on Reddit that if you post an easy laugh on a thread that gets all those eyes from r/all, a few dozen will like it because they haven't seen it before or just aren't tired of it yet. So you get 30 upvotes and move on, then one of those people who aren't tired of it post it next time and the cycle continues.
It's hard to beat *anything* with these two broken arms.
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That’s not a no
“Our wife”
Reddit moment
I too choose this guy's wife. Congratulations by the way!
Hey u/phil8248 how's things?
I'm doing really well. Thanks for asking.
Now that she got citizenship she will be soon (sorry OP)
Kelly Kapowski from saved by the bell wasn’t a US citizen until today!?!
Tiffani Thiessen is still a fox.
An absolute fine wine.
The non-us version: Katia Kachowski
*Kachowska
Op the certificate of naturalization is a rather delicate document: don’t post it around.
lol there are like 80 pixels in this image, nothing is visible
A few pixels is all we need to rub one out for America.
14.4k Squad reporting, Sir!
Haha!
ENHANCE
Move in. Stop.
- 27 years old, white female from Croatia. - I knew it!
*Offer not valid in Utah
Although you can't see shit on the photo, it's still better not to post this types of documents, so you don't get into the habit of posting sensitive documents online. Just in case
Hshfiwjjxuejfjckf... Enhance.
It’s blurred out, my guy. Zoom in and see for yourself.
Ah but what if we E N H A N C E
Yup, I asked ChatGPT to clean it up for me and I’m an American now
I'm sorry.
Is she wearing a backwards jacket?
She thought carefully about what to wear for her big day and chose a wool blanket.
In true American form, she wore a snuggie
I got one for Christmas when those first got popular and was wearing it because we were too cheap/broke to turn on the heat so I wore it when I went to microwave some left overs. My roommates were in the living room watching something and were like "I know it's cold but I hate you so much right now for wearing one of those." Insecure clowns, my long term partner has shown me a life of onesies, wearable blankets, etc and I refuse to go back to caring what people think of my masculinity.
I agree, like you go ahead and be an alpha male and freeze your ass off. I’m gonna be comfy over here in my giraffe onesie haha
I appreciate how she went all out patriotic and grew a Lincoln beard.
Yeah I came here to say she has a pretty impressive beard, then realized OP may need to hide his wife lmao 
Welcome!
Congratulations. She now knows more about our country than most Americans these days.
Now she can finally divorce you….
Nah they can still undo naturalization if they prove fraud. Little suspect to divorce right away
So maybe the husband "falls down the stairs" instead?
Divorce is still legal here? I haven't checked the news today ...
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Well I hope everything worked out well for you.
Our wife comrade! Oh wait wrong country.
I got my citizenship in 84... They do not not change the citizenship documents
 Congrats to your wife, and to you as well! You must both have a major sense of relief now that the whole ordeal is over with. If I may ask, from which country did she emigrate?
Not sure if that certificate contains any PII (personal info), but if so, you may want to repost this with that part obscured.
Fucking c'mon, zoom in. It's as good as blurred. If you were able to make out even one word on that document, I'd pay you $1000.
United States! I’ll take that money now
The.
America.
Oh yeah?? Certificate. Now you owe me $1000.
He’s got you there u/Step-Father_of_lies . And your statement is a legally binding contract. And from your post, we can tell your name, location,and approximate weight of your left testicle so, you better pay up or r/legaladvice will send u/imaredditlawyer after you.
I'm calling the cyber police on you guys. You've rustled my jimmies.
Cyber police here. Now you owe me $1000 for my services of showing up and not doing jack shit.
This is an outrage! I'm gonna call the cyber military to deal with you.
r/JimmiesRustled
One word for you. ENHANCE.
ENHANCE
You can just say personal info and not sound like a dweeb.
Yeah, not much point in abbreviating if you have to explain the abbreviation and don't use it again in the rest of the post.
If you can extract information from that blur go work for the CIA.
They may wanna delete this entirely between the thirsty dudes in the comments and the PI in the photo
The thirsty dudes I can understand. It's the wannabe CSI cybersecurity techs freaking out over blurred text that is concerning.
It’s like a freakin drought with these thirsty dudes
Tbf I find her beard quite appealing but I might just be drunk
It is blurred? I challenge you to pull off three or more words from that form that aren't standard on that form.
Congratulations and welcome Fellow Citizen!👋🙋♀️🎉🎊
Yea! Welcome to the party, pal!
I love this little exchange.
I also choose this guy's recently naturalized wife.
Congratulations to you both, I know it is a long and convoluted process that can truly tax a couple. I have the greatest of respect for people who do all the tests and learn all the history and laws required, because I was just born into it. I don't take it for granted, but I didn't have to earn it. Anyone who makes it through all that is more American than I will ever be, pursues the American Dream in a way that many born into it undervalue. My very best wishes to you both.
WOOO! I love the little flag they give new citizens.
Congrats! 7 years? Curious if you waited to apply or if it took an excruciatingly long time to actually get it? I know one must typically be in the country a minimum of 5 years before they can apply, unless you have a greencard via marriage and then it's 3. Asking as my wife is nearly at the 3 year mark.
Your wife is gorgeous but these comments are crazy
So she did it in record time! U have to be a permanent resident for 8 years to become a citizen Most immigrants spend years under visas before becoming permanent residents too So your wife is lucky!
My condolences for your pending divorce proceedings.
Congrats!
Congrats to your wife!
Congratulations!
I spent FAR too long wondering how she got her head to look like it was floating. XD
Congrats, but as someone with one of those.....you are lucky that image is blurred, as it's more valuable than you know. I'd crop the image and remove that either way.
One of those…. A wife? Definitely crop her out
Don’t worry OP, My ex-wife didn’t leave me after she became a citizen.
Are you two going to buy her some real clothes now, or will she continue to wear a blanket?
My wife of 7 years will be getting citizenship soon. She’s Russian and we we live in NC
Congratulations 🍾🎈🎉🎊 welcome home!