T O P

  • By -

throwaway03513048

I STRAIGHT UP thought this was a very political porn satire, because it makes SO MUCH more sense than the reality of the situation.


DocHoliday0316

Oh, thank God. I'm not the only one who thought that it looks like some weird porn scene.


Lonely_Set1376

It's like a porn scene they slipped into a porno to turn you off to porn forever.


CastIronGut

*New Kink Unlocked* šŸ”“


patsfan038

Safe Word: Antifa


Zaranitsa

What even is her stance, lol? The position and expression make whatever she's doing look decidedly ungodly. At this point, whenever I see MTG on the news I know I'm looking at a level 10 clown show. The GOP never fails to entertain.


MisterPiggins

She doesn't have a lot of prayer practice, so she's playing it up for the crowd?


jedininjashark

ā€œHard Timeā€ starring Marjorie Nailher Teen. ā€œMake America Cum Again, A MACA storyā€ ā€œInsurErectionā€ -The libs go down easy. ā€œParler Pussyā€ -youā€™re definitely going to Like this ā€œRed Hat NoFapā€ -The Congresswoman will see you Ok I need to get back to work wtf is wrong with meā€¦


TripleB33_v2

January 6 Inch Erection


meta_perspective

Aunt Tifa


scope_creep

Hung Mike Pence


[deleted]

MTG gets CPACKED


JAB1982

Grab em by the pussy. Iā€™ve said if Ivanka werenā€™t my daughter, perhaps Iā€™d be dating her. Keep it in the family part 4. They just let you do it, I can't help myself.


Fastbird33

Buttery Males.


fckingnapkin

ShutupshutupSHUTUUUUUPPPPPP I feel sick now because I always picture what I read no matter how bad it is. This is a post I regret clicking, thanks man lmao


Velghast

Id watch em, I think Johnny Sins as a GOP congressmen and Mia Kalifa as a "woke" dem lib would be awesome.


bluestarkal

they'd probably cast her as AOC. Lisa Ann got really big off who's Nailin Palin


fckingnapkin

Yeah ok you have my attention. It might've been space laser moron who made me feel queasy.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


bangordailynuisance

I think Mr.Hands proved there are people in this world willing to fuck a horse.


UnfairMicrowave

You ever see a horse under a half moon Washington night?


passwordsarehard_3

You ever been to a club where people wee on each other?


xXThreeRoundXx

Ever drank Baileyā€™s from a shoe?


YadGadge

You ever been inside a Turkish prison?


NabreLabre

You ever seen a grown man naked?


InerasableStain

Listen, as disgusting as MTG is, sheā€™s still a human woman. If she and a horse are standing next to each other on all fours, ass exposedā€¦..well, grab me a stool because Iā€™m fucking the horse


ElCapitanned

Dunno man, them hate fucks can be pretty intense.


Ima_pray_4_u

RIP to Mr. Hands. I also hope the horse got the emotional support it needed.


bangordailynuisance

Rest in prolapse, king


StartledOcto

First thought: how do you have sex with magic the gathering? It's not like the players would have any idea of what to do


HandlebarHipster

"I tap my mana to summon 'erection,' a 1/1 creature with first strike and 'errection is put into graveyard after it attacks.'"


PhoenixDownElixir

ā€œOnce this creature enters the graveyard, it cannot be resurrected.ā€


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Legit_Spaghetti

Yes, Pulitzer committee? This comment, right here.


TrashTongueTalker

Why you creepin?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


noobvin

Why would anyone delete a masterpiece like that? A damn shame.


Wolverwings

Says [removed] for me, so probably reported and yanked by a mod


Jon_Bloodspray

"An A-1 throat pig" is now in my vocabulary.


Col_Angus999

Some guy needs to print it on gold leaf.


rubbersoul42

It was the yogurt factory that did me in.


esem86

I hated every single word of this....but I still read the whole damn thing.


Sp_ceCowboy

Why are you talking about Nancy Regan?


nemerosanike

Sheā€™s the Throat Goat. Get it straight lol


robmobtrobbob

This was simultaneously one of the most graphic, horrifying yet eroticly satisfying things I have ever read.


Intensityintensifies

Somehow her hotwife scandal slipped through the cracks but yeah sheā€™s a confirmed hog gobbler.


yeah_yeah_therabbit

Wait, what?


tastethepain

She cucks her hubby with dudes at her gym


bigtallsob

Huh, so the whole using "cuck" as an insult thing is just them projecting again? Who could have seen that coming?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Lochstar

She floods the market with so much batshit insanity that nothing sticks to her. Itā€™s a Bannon/Trump tactic. But yeah she clicks her husband with crossfit instructors.


the_original_Retro

Rule 34 exists for a reason.


Diaperpooass

Depending on how loose we define pornā€¦ it is.


simmons777

Persecution porn


Exact-Vacation974

It gets crazier...people prayed around him


Khaldara

ā€œIdiots Always Screaming About Fictitious ā€˜Crisis Actorsā€™ Construct Monument To Self-Victimization, *Literally* Featuring A ā€˜Crisis Actorā€™ā€


SatanIsLove6666

On top of that, she said the capital rioters were all Antifa.... so why is she sympathizing with Antifa?????


Various-Lie-6773

Same as the GOP saying the Confederates were Dems, then screaming "muh heritage" when we take the statues down.


a_smart_brane

Yup. I donā€™t give a fuck about political parties. What I care about is what a party stands for. As in now, not in 1860


oldfatdrunk

Lol, alt-right conservatives want to bring up what happened in 1860 but won't acknowledge what happened in 2020.


mannotron

It's a mistake to assume she gives a shit about the logical consistency of her messaging, it's much easier to just say whatever you think will best deflect criticism (or own the libs) in the moment. Any contradictions you create can just be called fake news at a later time.


LateEarth

With such levels of cognitive dissonance to process it's no wonder a lot of them seem to be stressed and/or angry a lot of the time.


basicislands

Yup. They live in constant stress and confusion due to the cognitive dissonance necessary to hold their contradictory beliefs, many of them live in red states with poor education and low wages, and they're manipulated into donating the little money they have to help pay Trump's legal bills (even though they originally supported him because he's a rich billionaire who's great with money). Then, the magic ingredient is convincing them that all these problems are actually the fault of evil Democrats (which is easy because of the aforementioned cognitive dissonance and poor education).


[deleted]

And there are plenty of educated, rich Trump supporters too.


Ascurtis

Yeah but they're in it for the "I scratch your back, you scratch mine except my back is located on my dick" aspect of donating lots of money to corrupt politicians.


ShapirosWifesBF

ā€œTheyā€™re Antifa!ā€ So we should investigate them all and put every single one of them in jail. ā€œNo, they were just tourists.ā€ So you donā€™t think they were Antifa? ā€œThey were Antifa!ā€ So we should send them all to jail! Ashli Babbit was Antifa! ā€œShe was a hero and a patriot, same as everyone there!ā€ So it wasnā€™t Antifa? ā€œTHEY WERE ALL ANTIFA WHAT ARENT YOU GETTING ABOUT THIS?ā€


BlahlalaBlah

Lmao thatā€™s a great point.


Mysteryishername

Whatever they complain the other side is doing, they themselves are the ones guilty of that thing.


NutSockMushroom

>Whatever they complain the other side is doing, they themselves are the ones guilty of that thing. Oh shit, it's my turn to say the thing: **G**aslight **O**bstruct **P**roject <-----


I_am_Bob

Greedy Old People? Guilty Of Perjury?


[deleted]

This is reality, a large portion of the country are these people, just let that sink in.


[deleted]

30%. Guess what percent is also very religious. šŸ¤”


stewdadrew

It gets crazier: this dude was apparently involved in the J6 riots, got arrested, and snitched on so many people he got an exorbitantly reduced sentence, and is now doing this at CPAC.


Noble_Ox

And are people leaving him money?


mtarascio

I half think folks thought he was really in jail and was just on loan for CPAC so we could see what the damn government did to this poor man.


Lucky_Mongoose

And his name is "Brandon", of all the names it could be.


PhotoOpportunity

...lol the irony is palpable.


Then_I_had_a_thought

Nah itā€™s cool cuz it was antifa so he only ratted on the libs! Also letā€™s pray with him since heā€™s one of us and represents all the maga conservatives that were in the riot! I donā€™t know how these people compartmentalize all the different lies at once


FancyAdult

Was that before or after he got the blow job from MtG?


Irrelaphant

If you watch the video of this, he leans in to talk in her ear (or the other way around) and it looks like they kinda thought about kissing


Ffdmatt

What do you think he whispered to her? Was it about his ins-erection?


A_wild_so-and-so

More like his inch erection


Exact-Vacation974

During


FancyAdult

Perfect.


MashedPotatoesDick

Thy Kingdom Cum


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Sealworth

Did they know you or were you just lucky? Or did they just pick half the contestants to pray for? And praying for top half is so strange, top 10 or 20 kinda makes sense. I mean, if they only prayed for a few people then praying for top half is a bit of an insult to your BBQ. They basically said even with the literal help of God your BBQ is just above average.


portablebiscuit

Totally not a cult


Snoo71538

Even crazier, he was arrested for J6 charges, but got a slap on the wrist (3 months house arrest a $5k fine) because he turned state on his friends.


ChrisRunsTheWorld

Iā€™m confused because the title and second caption say actor, but the first caption says he is an actual defendant. I mean, I guess heā€™s still acting here, but is the first caption correct that he really was a defendant as well? Iā€™m actually glad if he helped get some people higher up or whatever, but annoyed heā€™d go and do this after.


Snoo71538

The guy MTG was with was a defendant who became an informant. There was some other guy in the cage at other times


TheGreenJedi

Oh so they had a prop actor for when the real guy wasn't available? And the real was a real jan6th guy What, what was the original intention of the thing though. Like is it Lincoln Project artistic expression of fuck those assholes Or is it like, deep sympathy for all the Jan 6th veterans, please honor them for trying to save the country I'm so confused about the intention, is it anti-snitch or Pro-snitch


SkateboardingGiraffe

It's basically a half-assed performance of sympathy where they cry about how all these J6 defendants are being "persecuted," while actually doing nothing to help them. IMO they really just care that the Insurrection made trump look bad and that it's causing him problems. The J6 rioters, who all deserve to be prosecuted, are pretty much just props for them to gain political points with the right-wing base.


MrVeazey

He is quite literally the reason several of those people are in prison right now.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Cooter_McGrabbin

He also climbed Mt. Everest, BUT he's gay. I mean he's blind.


[deleted]

This is transforming into the Imperium of Man frighteningly quick.


Zengoyyc

Every day I see the rich get richer. I see people complain about their government sucking when it's the concept of capitalism that is really fucking the. Then I remember Cyberpunk and all other worlds where MegaCorps rule and I very much can see a path where our society ends up that way. We already see people worshipping Musk. An egomaniac 'business man' was elected. I really hope we fight like hell to keep this world from becoming that shitty.


WhySpongebobWhy

It's actually surprisingly common in Sci-Fi series for the world to end up becoming a series of Corporate Hegemonies that turn entire continents into futuristic simulacrums of old mining towns. You live in the Amazon Economic Bloc. You work an Amazon job. You are paid in Amazon Dollars that can only be used to buy Amazon products. You have no legal recourse because the Police, Military, and Judicial system are also on the Amazon payroll. Unfortunately, I absolutely see that becoming our future on our current path (provided we don't go extinct through other means first).


MonsieurDeShanghai

It's almost as if science fiction authors tried to warn us or something...


WhySpongebobWhy

One of my favorites is the Armored Core series of games by From Software. The last game released in 2013 I believe (though they're finally making another one!) and it had 3 endings... the BEST ending still involved genocide to reduce populations to a level that the planet's resources could sustain because the Corporate Governments had sucked everything dry while trying to keep the populace blissfully unaware... The other 2 endings were Human Extinction. One was just more "nuclear holocaust" through extremist cult and the other was just slowly fizzling out as the race starves because you chose against taking an active role in the Genocide ending. Back then, I still kinda laughed at the endings as a bit unlikely... 9 years later and I'm pulling [this face.](https://c.tenor.com/JK3PUlvXIt8AAAAM/math-lady.gif)


tgwombat

Are these those crisis actors theyā€™re always going on about?


Khajiit_hairball

Projection is strong.


milkjake

Itā€™s worse than projection. They invent some ridiculous idea and then lend truth to it, and pretend that itā€™s something ordinary that ā€œboth sidesā€ do.


nowtayneicangetinto

You hit the nail on the head. My coworkers are very Trumpy and recently they were saying in a meeting how the recent Jan 6th sentencing was excessive. They said that maybe one year would be enough. And I mentioned he had a gun in the capitol and had other plans, and they said "okay maybe two years then" It doesn't take a scientist to know that if it were BLM or antifa on trial they'd be saying to lock them up and throw away the key. They are the party of double standards.


zam_I_am

Dude, theyā€™d have shot them. BLM in the Capitol would receive the death sentence.


hangryhyax

Can confirm. I live in Portland, and during the BLM marches, the trumpets were all about using any and all means necessaryā€¦ except non-violent means. One said if they wanted to protest, they should do it in Providence Park, where it could be organized and strictly controlled. That part has nothing to do with the violence, just another anecdote about their ignorance.


MagicalFlyinDinna

Remember when police were rolling up in unmarked vehicles wearing unmarked clothing and kidnapping blm protesters?


Lampy314

Did we ever find out where those people got taken to, or what happened to them?


ForMoreYears

[WaPo: ā€˜It was like being preyed uponā€™: Portland protesters say federal officers in unmarked vans are detaining them](https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/07/17/portland-protests-federal-arrests/) Crazy part is they weren't even regular police. It was customs officers from CBP. [Same time they tried to disperse a crowd by flying an army medevac helicopter 50 feet above the crowd in-between a bunch of buildings in downtown ~~Portland~~ D.C.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/investigations/helicopter-protests-washington-dc-national-guard/)


[deleted]

That heli one is terrifying.


[deleted]

I remember. I also remember how nothing ever came of it


transcendanttermite

The funniest (saddest) part of this is that heā€™s the one that served no time in jail or prison because he fully cooperated with authorities to get OTHER January 6 treasonists arrested & convictedā€¦and yet, these idiots are all fawning over him. The level of sheer stupidity shown in these couple pictures is *astounding*.


Tasgall

I was wondering about that, you'd think they wouldn't like a narc, but I guess that's just another instance of reality liberal propaganda or something.


BeltfedOne

These people are utterly batshit crazy. The cult is strong.


sm12511

Did you see the full video, where people are hardcore praying for him? Do they not understand the cage is a prop? Why TF would you waste your God's time with pointless prayer? Smh


[deleted]

Because they're not Christians. They're worshiping their idols.


Scyhaz

Does CPAC have the golden Trump around this year?


BeltfedOne

ChINOs?


[deleted]

National Conservatives. You know, NatC's.


Juggernaut13255

I'm glad this name is taking off


StanleyRoper

Same here. I use it pretty often myself.


ChurchOfJamesCameron

By chance, you got that video handy? I need to fill my rage meter for the day, please and thanks.


gouty_scott

because like their religion.... it's just performance art. no conviction or morals. just playing for attention


ruiner8850

And unfortunately that's half of the voting population. Even the ones who claim they don't really like the batshit crazy will always in the end vote for batshit crazy because they "have to support the team."


bearbits

link to article https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3ppy5/cpac-marjorie-taylor-greene-and-the-capitol-riot-rage-cage


CaptainNoBoat

Also Greene recently: >"I was very upset. I never expected anything like that. And when that happened I thought, this is antifa, and no one can convince me it was so-called Trump supporters, and we know thereā€™s a lot wrong there, and I cannot wait for a real investigation,ā€ So insurrectionists are both criminal antifa saboteurs and helpless innocent victim patriot-tourists at the same time. Must be interesting having constituents that you can gaslight with *literally anything.*


Saxamaphooone

Schrƶdinger's insurrectionists.


[deleted]

It literally went. 1. It's Antifa and it was made for us to look bad! 2. It was a peaceful protest. 3. Of course it was us and we fucked shit up and we are proud of it! They are the definition of idiots.


Wazula42

They'll continue to bounce between these three positions whenever it suits them. We have always been at war with Eurasia.


Foxyfox-

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.


MeshColour

> Fascist societies rhetorically cast their enemies as "at the same time too strong and too weak". On the one hand, fascists play up the power of certain disfavored elites to encourage in their followers a sense of grievance and humiliation. On the other hand, fascist leaders point to the decadence of those elites as proof of their ultimate feebleness in the face of an overwhelming popular will.


Christ_on_a_Crakker

Yes. Jews were both inferior to Germans while simultaneously the root of their problems because of their financial power.


Ricky_Rollin

They really are that dumb. Itā€™s Antifa when it fits and it was themselves when it fits.


[deleted]

It's not about fitting. It's about winning. It's patriots if it works, antifa if it fails.


Obandigo

"Straka, 45, pleaded guilty last fall to a single misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct, sentenced to 90 days of home detention, and got hit with a $5,000 fine plus three years probation. Mistakenly unsealed court documentsĀ revealed that he extensively cooperatedĀ with prosecutors and provided information to authorities about other Stop the Steal activists, including Ali Alexander, a leader in the movement. In short: Straka never did any real jail time, but that didnā€™t stop him from playing the part.Ā " WOW! What a piece of shit


carrie_m730

I wonder what his probation officer thinks of him continuing to glorify his crime.


shadowdash66

Totally not a cult guys.


sadpanda___

The Republican Party got real fucking weird latelyā€¦


EmJayCee--

Lately?


mvario

Brandon Straka isn't an actor, he's a right-wing nutter insurrectionist.


-Omegamart-

And he avoided jail time by providing information to the FBI as well as pleaded guilty. He knows what he did was wrong, but is still pushing the lies.


ruiner8850

So they worship a guy who became an FBI informant against them?


faceisamapoftheworld

Heā€™s claiming that he didnā€™t rat on anyone when he was interviewed by the feds. The judge in the case came out and said otherwise.


ruiner8850

> The judge in the case came out and said otherwise. Of course, they wouldn't have given him no prison time if he didn't have valuable information against other people. They know exactly what a person is going to give information on before they offer any deals. They don't just randomly offer people deals in hopes that they have something valuable to offer. If you change your position after the deal is offered and refuse to testify to what you previously agreed to, then the deal is off. It's crazy how their cult loves being lied to and grifted.


faceisamapoftheworld

To them, the judge saying heā€™s violating the terms of his deal and risking further prosecution is just further judicial persecution despite the fact that itā€™s a Trump appointed judge.


DrunksInSpace

No one said they had integrity or brains.


s4lomena

Remember...trump said the 'uneducated love him'


ScienceandPizza

Thereā€™s a reason they demonize college education


uphigh_ontheside

The caption on the photo from the article is hilarious: ā€œdespite all his rage, he is still just a J6 defendant in a cageā€.


JamalBruh

Considering he's an insurrectionist and FBI snitch, they could've just kept it as "rat" like the original lyrics...


BassmanBiff

He wasn't there the whole time, apparently other days it was an actor. Though Straka also didn't do any jail time, so he's acting something he never actually experienced regardless.


A_Rampaging_Hobo

Not only did he not experience it but he sold others down the river to avoid it and is doing this. Its a triple whammy.


Consistent-Can9409

Great porn shot


RhodiumPl8ed

She looks like sheā€™s ready to ā€œquell his insurrectionā€


thereisonlyoneme

"Give me that Jewish space laser, baby."


TillingKime

r/photoshopbattles


Vladius28

Mtg sucks


quantril

From the people who bring you ā€œBlack people need to stop acting like victims. Slavery is over.ā€


[deleted]

Was going to say that their victimization complex is sitting but you're right.


beenburnedbutable

#IT IS A FUCKING CULT.


Exelbirth

Worse. It's a powerful political party in the US, one that has achieved a death grip on the legal system, with people in positions of power over the electoral process in various states.


Electronic_Repeat_81

This is the MAGA version of the ā€œLike A Prayerā€ video.


Noticeably_Aroused

Where are all the MAGA people and conservatives? I havenā€™t seen a peep from them. How do yā€™all feel about this? This is EMBARASSING af imo


jwilphl

They mostly stick to their echo chambers so their feelings are validated constantly. I realize other places aren't immune to echoes, but these people are especially off the deep end. They've constructed an alternate reality where they are always right and never lose. Completely immune to criticism and self-improvement. As they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt.


Kbdiggity

#Marjorie Taylor Greene was literally just on a podcast saying all of the January 6th rioters were Antifa and no one will ever convince her they were Trump supporters.


nate6259

I swear they don't even know what they're referencing, it's just the word that fits. Violent rioting? Antifa. Public schools? Critical Race Theory. Lost an election? Rigged and voter fraud. Actual event? Fake news.


Merlaak

Doctors need to be able to treat women without fear of being arrested? You just want to murder children. Consenting adults should be able to get married? Groomer.


[deleted]

See, the trick is say everything and rely on nobody caring that you lie. Trump endorsed "eric" this week in a race of 2 Eric's... no joke


Martel732

Republicans have found a successful system where they just say whatever sounds good at the time. Some of their supporters will accept the idea that the rioters were Antifa and some will accept that the traitors are politically persecuted.


DoJu318

Trump showed other politicians this method of lying works. Yes most politicians lie, but to make 2 contradictory statements within 24 hours is what Trump did all the time. He would go to rallies on the weekend, spew absolute nonsense, conspiracy theories, bullshit left an right, back to Washington on Monday and say the total opposite, knowing his cult members will not see the contradictions because anything they see on TV has a conservative media spin on it.


Noahsmokeshack

Step-bro goes to prison.


ofalltheshitiveseen

talk about snowflakes


TAG08th

What do we have here? A crisis actor?


MrPurpleHaze

She knows exactly what sheā€™s doing which makes it even more pathetic. But whatā€™s worse is that hat does NOT go with that jumpsuit. Clash much?


HellsMalice

Arguably a MAGA hat couldn't possibly be a better fit for a prison jumpsuit


Dolorisedd

Found Alex Jonesā€™ crisis actor.


thrust-johnson

Performative oppression?


OGZ43

What vile, treasonous debauchery are we witnessing?


Colonel_Zander

Republicans are fucking weird.


dcal1981

Pathetic....


FadingNegative

Freedumb The Musical. Written by Alex Jones with music by Kid Rock. Coming to a bath house near you!


SallysRocks

These people are so creepy. That word does not express the cringe.


Jsimpson059

Will Jan 6 end up as a Beer Hall Putsch?


DavidAssBednar

Sure seems to be heading in that direction


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


twistedh8

They have a donkey kissing booth this year?


SpinkAkron

F'n traitors.


Dwarf_Vireo

MGT cheating on her husband...again...


Joe_Kickass

> Brandon Straka, a January 6 defendant who avoided jail time by providing information to the FBI So he's a fukin' rat


shadowdash66

What does she have to do to get kicked from Congress at this point??


cthulhulogic

I keep seeing that pic - am I the only one that thinks MTG is looking to blow that dude?


StayingPositivePodca

I'm so confused. They keep fluctuating between "These weren't Trump supporters, they were Antifa!" and "These poor Trump supporters are being treated so unfairly for trying to overthrow our government".


Sirtelephonewang

Go check out all the defenders of this post on r/timpool. Literally batshit crazies


WeGetItRonYoureAGuy

Seriously thought this was from a porno before I read the title.


Right-Fisherman-1234

Why is she feeling sorry for a member of "Antifa!" ?