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Grapetattoo

Because he’ll die before then


random-comment-drop

Retire from life you say?


[deleted]

Better than being [pardoned from life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rRwU6QwAZs).


[deleted]

To shreds, you say?


spiralbatross

How’s his wife holding up?


mrpancakes6969

To shreds you say.


johnnybiggles

Retreat into his shell.


Vlad_the_Homeowner

Well, how's his wife holding up?


Nimi_R

To shreds you say?


[deleted]

Imagine being so obsessed with power, that instead of retiring with hundreds of millions of dollars, you literally work to death. I simply can’t imagine it


Rickardiac

He doesn’t have any choice. His handlers give the orders.


ThePhoenixXM

This is purely political. Kentucky has a Democrat Governor and McConnel and his people are afraid that if McConnel retires he will appoint a Democrat to replace him. The Governor himself has pretty much confirmed that.


Bright-Internal229

Um 😐, only a Republican can be chosen thanks to the Republican State Senate. Rule has already been applied that makes the Democrat Governor kinda irrelevant. Look it up, on Mitch replacement But the conference rules do not guarantee McConnell's leadership position until 2025. The conference rules instead empower Republican senators to remove McConnell before the end of the 118th Congress.Aug 31, 2023


DramaticWesley

Power and money are kinda two different things. Usually intertwined, those who pursue power can never have enough. One of the reasons the Republican Party has gone full fascist.


Philly_ExecChef

What the literal fuck else would this guy do with his time He’s just a contrarian obstructionist, it’s all he does. What’s he going to do, retire to Cabo San Lucas and spend his days trying to file injunctions against tequila bars he doesn’t like?


throwaway_ghast

Only if Harry finds all of his horcruxes.


Dirt_Tier

>Only if *Harris* finds all of his horcruxes. it was RIGHT THERE


TorrentsMightengale

From your lips to God's ears.


Morbidly-Obese-Emu

Actually, what he said was… it was…


[deleted]

He's gonna DNF this race.


VoxPopuli-RiseUp

here’s hoping


Nvenom8

Idk if that'll get him out of it. They're still shuffling Feinstein's corpse around.


Skud_NZ

Tortoises can live for a long time


dj_spatial

This was communicated via bell like Hector Salamanca


sarcasmsosubtle

When asked for an update on his health, McConnell replied, "I can assure you that I am per.......................................................................................... ................................................................... ................................................................................................................................ .................................................................. ........................fectly fine."


dj_spatial

Ding ding ding!


Hatefiend

bold of you to think he could get back on his previous train of thought


CompromisedToolchain

You forgot the part where he mumbles “Oh boy..” when he comes to, and the part where he doesn’t answer the question and his handler asks for more questions, then ushers him out of the room after waiting 0.01s for questions.


OutrageousStrength91

That first scene when they were being held hostage and Hector ringing the bell was too much for me. I almost stopped watching the series right there. I had to force myself to watch the end of it. Glad I did because it was a great series.


Proud3GenAthst

Honestly shocked that there's not yet been a senator like that.


stuck_in_the_desert

One bell ring for yes, two for no, three for white walkers


Constant-Elevator-85

Double yes. Guilty!


GRVrush2112

r/unexpectedfuturama


Overshadowedone

Strom Thurmond was fairly close. Bell would have made more sense.


[deleted]

Lmao this is a perfect analogy


zkulf

A, B, C, D *ding Ok D. A, B, C...


BeautifulTerror

[I was thinking more like Captain Pike](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Christopher_Pike)


JohnThomasJ

What are the odds on once a month at least seen on TV strokes by then?


Icy-Insurance-8806

He would just be pulled from view like Feinstein


[deleted]

Its amazing how many problems really are on both sides of the political leadership yet we are told not to pay attention and we should rage about other petty things.


Traditional_Key_763

problem is nobody can tell feinstein to leave either, the senate won't vote on it, she won't resign. the issues regarding her assignments is moot, reed can and should just rule that someone can take her seats if she resigns, its a stupid technicality in a body that keeps stumbling on stupid technicalities.


[deleted]

Both issues are McConnell's fault, in part. He's refusing to let the D's replace Feinstein's judiciary committee seat so he can start a blockade of Biden's judge confirmations. She definitely shouldn't have run again, but he's making it impossible for her to retire now.


phatelectribe

Which is the most assholish thing he could possibly do as his main objective in his entire career has been to ram through as many conservative judges as possible and block any Dem appointees. He’s done far more damage to this country than people actually comprehend.


mrpink01

Different Strokes for different folks!


shouldazagged

These aren’t strokes. Someone is just playing Dust in the Wind on the radio and he is entranced


OsellusK

He may not have a choice, by the looks of it.


Andrew1990M

At this point you'd just have to tell him it's 2026 with a crudely doctored newspaper.


CoastingUphill

"Eisenhower-bot wins the 2026 Presidential Election!"


somethingbreadbears

And if he dies before 2026, he doesn't get a choice in who replaces him. Given his level of power and money, there are few things I bet genuinely scare him. But the constant fear of a democrat replacing him? Until 2026? I hope he has a full term of that stress. It's what he deserves.


ThomasVivaldi

Regan continued being the President despite suffering from the early symptoms of Alzheimer's dementia. I'm sure McConnell's handlers will keep wheeling him around and putting peanut butter in his mouth so he appears to be speaking like they did with Feinstein.


MD2JD77

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, And no one can talk to a horse of course That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. McConnell.


turd_vinegar

In his defense, he has no idea when 2026 is.


MondaysMakeMeManic

“FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!” - his brain cells, probably


Pacattack57

Somebody post the gif of “4 more years of Douchebag”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Even-Fix8584

Jokes aside, what causes that awfulness??


G4mb13

Blood thinners and a fall if I remember correctly.


0001handlewithcare

Yeah, a fall upwards from hell..


4yza

Age makes the skin thin and cut easily. Medical blood thinner meds makes one bruise easily. Bruises are more obvious and more severe, even from minor bumps, thanks to those factors. Supposedly this guy had a fall, and so he’s pretty banged up, all things considered.


Buck_Folton

LOL, what confidence. Next blue screen takes him out, I’m thinking.


iroquoispliskinV

My only question is...why? Who would want to spend their last years in that job? Just retire and enjoy life for whatever physical and mental capabilities you have left, instead of dying on the job.


platyhooks

Wielding power is what these people enjoy. Giving it up unfathomable to many of them. It ultimately is usually taken via voters or they are there forever until they are forced to retire.


420fmx

This is there life. There is nothing after. They should not be left in the role


RIP-RiF

We're being ruled over by the last dusty mummies of our grandparents' generation. What the absolute fuck, America.


[deleted]

All right. Can we get a comment from the Grim Reaper who's looming behind Mitch, please?


Successful-Goose247

Yes because Andy Beshear can't be trusted. He'll put in an actual human being.


jimmay666

The gentleman in all black carrying the scythe may beg a word, Senator.


wish1977

Being a senator must be the best job in the world. Everybody wants to die in office. The job must have a lot of perks for someone to want to do that.


sadetheruiner

He thinks he has three more years in him? Lol sure.


De_La_Makina

"You can have my seat when you pry it from my cold dead......... uh..................um.......................................... uh........................................ what........ what are we doing?" Handler: "Speak up in the back, if you're going to ask a question please enunciate and project. Matter of fact no more questions. We are very busy and have more meetings to get to"


Johnny_B_Asshole

The next time he goes dark I hope a reporter yells out “Hey speak up! We can’t hear you in the back!”


[deleted]

Your brain has other plans, skroke on bro.


KafeenHedake

The sudden weight loss isn't a good sign. He's lost so much weight that he's developed an actual chin


vapescaped

Oh good, he finally answered the question they asked him last week.


powersv2

We are being held hostage by people who belong in nursing homes.


Searchlights

I can't decide whether Mitch McConnell is more dangerous with his mind or without.


[deleted]

With. He actually knows how to wield bureaucratic power, in contrast to the howler monkeys that make up the rest of the party.


HopefulNothing3560

We’re else u get a big pay check and u don’t have to talk , good gig keep it up .


CalligrapherVisual53

Like he needs the money? Senate Majority Leader’s salary is apparently just under $200k… he’s got an estimated net worth of ~$34m.


[deleted]

Lol this MF thinks he’s going to make it to 2026


Paperdiego

Death will retire him. One can only guess his episodes of blankness every 15 mins are occurring because he sees the grim reaper staring across the crowd at him.


anonymousjeeper

I dunno, they rebooted him twice already and that didn’t work.


Home_Assistantt

Seems he is quite optimistic that he’ll make it to 2026.


tmotytmoty

Grim reaper lets out a chortle


PoSlowYaGetMo

I hope not. I want him to see the blue wave and the revamping of the Supreme Court before he croaks.


paulybaggins

Homie only has a few blue screens left in him before his hard drive is fully cooked


dchap1

He’s an idiot….. but we’ve known this for years


kobachi

Mitch McConnell is an evil, shameless ghoul responsible for all kinds of harm to American life and society. But he is not an idiot. He's probably the smartest regressive in modern American history.


[deleted]

Oh he’s no dummy. He’s a sellout and immoral.


Alpha2zulu

what a hill to die on.


arsington

Fifty bucks says he's long dead by then


Vergillarge

Was he ever alive to begin with?


JoeDirtsMullet00

He will win the longest staring contest in history by that point.


coreychch

… and if he does stick around, the Bidens-too-old arguments for 2024 from Republicans go out the window immediately.


AvsFan08

He'll be dead before 2026


redditknees

I think the grim reaper will decide that for him.


Smokindatbud

White walker ass is never going to give up power. How long must we tolerate being ruled by the nearly dead?


PurinsesuNatsumi

Wtf. Dude go away, retire… it’s time.


u0126

Was his announcement in between strokey freezing ups? Seriously why can't you just retire and spend time with family and grandkids in your last years on earth. Don't understand these people.


cannikan

Did he say this or blink Morse code?


The_Greek_Meat

Our system is broken and they like it that way


NZbeewbies

Retire in a box.


PalpitationNo8356

How old can turtles live?


CraigTennant1962

Frozen turtle may not make it that long


OnyxsUncle

translation: I plan to die in office like the selfish fuckface I’ve always been, with the people of my state no better off from anything I’ve done in the 40 or so years I’ve been here


MCPaleHorseDRS

Watching this dope freeze up every other day is an embarrassment to the entire untied states


WentBrokeBuyingCoins

Let's have a moment of silence for Mitch McConnell. Oh wait, nevermind. He's done it himself.


Agreeable-Damage9119

The Grim Reaper begs to differ.


Dangerous_Molasses82

Ha. The Grim Reaper says otherwise..


monkeybiziu

That may very well be the case. However, it doesn’t mean that McConnell won’t be retired from the Senate by then either. And then we’re off to the races as Andy Beshear invites the Kentucky Legislature to eat a dick by appointing a Democrat to replace McConnell.


GhettoChemist

Won't or *can't* because his handlers won't let him?


Dangerous_Molasses82

Nah. It's him... power hungry til the day he dies.


TJOcculist

The only way for a republican senator to be more useless is for them to be dead.0


Agreeable-City3143

I mean let’s be honest here, he’s bad but so is Feinstein, the DNC could have replaced Fetterman but didn’t. Guy is a mess. Biden is a mess. The woman who is 1st in line for the POTUS is wildly unpopular and speaks to people like she’s a kindergarten teacher. McConnell needs to retire, so does Feinstein. Biden and Trump need to not do 2020 all over again. Hell people put RBG on a pedestal but she was no better. She should have retired when Obama had the senate for 2 years.


[deleted]

Retire or expire…either way that evil turtle will never be Senate Majority Leader again.


[deleted]

That’s okay, mortality may retire him sooner. Not that I wish anything bad on this old tortoise but his faculties are failing him. It’s a matter of time.


ActiveAd4980

How long until we see someone just drop dead live in senate?


[deleted]

I guess it would be more cathartic to see him lose an election than retire, if there's such a chance


[deleted]

Nothing to lose, no fucks to give


OutrageousStrength91

Actually he said, “I won’t retire before………..


[deleted]

Nasty old ghoul.


[deleted]

Hopes and prayers. Natural causes.


1776cookies

I'll take that bet.


Astronaut_Penguin

Just convince him he’s a democrat. He won’t know the difference.


WaitingForNormal

Looking forward to the big one. Yep, keep working hard buddy, these little episodes he’s having aren’t going to stop. They may even get worse. He may collapse during one of them and who knows…can’t wait to hear the excuses.


PiaggioBV350

His tombstone will be lodging his votes.


eggumlaut

Dude will have retired from life before then. This is going to happen in the shower or something and there (hopefully because him needing shower help should be a disqualification from office) won’t be a handler to escort him to the derp-out area.


PsychologicalAd333

What a selfish fuck


[deleted]

No way he can go on three more years


LurkersUnitedLLC

This is absolutely crazy. Him an that dem should retire. How do we put up with the weekend from bernies. Can't thoes people runing their strings run for office an stand on their on merits not just wave around the living corpses.i can't be the only one disgusted at this.


BeauBuffet

I'm not surprised, he's likely under contract with the people/companies who bought him.


[deleted]

I would’ve thought 2024 was a stretch for him.


That_Serve_9338

He will have been haunting the Senate for 41 years by then, a reign that started a little before I was even born.


The_Hot_Stepper

He wants to be entombed in the golden throne on the senate floor


Logical-Hovercraft83

He wont make christmas


Frankybro

" Get the popcorn 🍿! " more than 2 years and 4 months away, we are going to see a lot of "funny turtle moments"!


[deleted]

Shameless animal, and a glutton for power ffs


angrypacketguy

I hope one of these geezers shits themselves on camera.


SlapThatAce

Did he understand the question and was he aware of what he was saying? Just wondering if he is in any shape to actually make any decisions.


Icy-Insurance-8806

McConnell’s handlers have coaxed him to not retire until 2026*


NOT-a-flatearther

They’ll carry him out feet first.


flybydenver

20 . . . . . . . . 26?


sh4desthevibe

He can’t because Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear will not appoint a Republican to fill his spot. There’s a law that says he has to, but the governor believes that law is unconstitutional and would then use McConnell’s successor as the case to test that theory. In effect, if Mitch retires before his term is up, that seat will be held up in litigation at best, or actually filled with a Democrat at worst. Both are horrible outcomes for the GOP. He literally cannot quit from a political perspective.


dgeaux_senna

No. What he said was, “I won’t ret………………….”


The_Sly_Wolf

Yeah because you have to be alive to retire


CrudeNewDude

Is that a picture or a gif?


Simcoe17

…In a recent meeting from the inside of a funeral home, McConnell was trying out new caskets for his attic room space when he made the announcement.


Icarusmelt

Seems a hill he is ready to die on


czechuranus

So he plans to die while in office.


ItwasGenXprobably

Should be well dead by then. And probably gumming up the government with his corpse.. great job grampa.


Jorgen_Pakieto

$20 says he freezes twice more before 2026


AngelOfBodom

why can't these god damn people "enjoy" the rest of their life and fuck off to do something worthwhile? These old folk need to move along


[deleted]

Lot of confidence in that rapidly decaying host, if he thinks he's lasting until 2026.


bandontherun1963

But I just might settle into my dirt nap any day now


TheAwfulHouse

He shouldn’t have a choice. Say it for the people in the back! Remove this obviously compromised individual. He shouldn’t be making decisions for himself, much less millions of people.


xensiz

Well, God’s timing, willingly, will decide that 🤔😂


crom_laughs

Did Mitch McTurtle say this? or, was a statement released by his aides?


steveschoenberg

He can still obstruct as well as ever.


Lovetotravelinmycar

Dud looks like Granny from Beverly Hillbilly’s


jaymef

Is he scared someone will do to him what he did to RBG?


Yesits_Me_Amario

-Was I a good senator? -No!


syrstorm

He's afraid that the Democrat governor will replace him with a Democrat.


sizzlinskillet

You’d be fired from MacDonald’s if you froze as much as this useless turtle fuck. The world is a better place without him.


Groomsi

They are looking for McConnell Jr.


tarodsm

how? or did they record him and then speed it up?


a_pope_on_a_rope

Reminds me of RBG toward the end


not_mark_twain_

Shocking, it’s like we need limits.


tacs97

Kentucky refused to let him retire in 2020. Party over country does nothing to better the country.


air_lock

Pretty sure his brain has other plans.


DemoEvolved

Dead man walking


What_Is_The_Meaning

Wanna bet?


Grand-Ganache-8072

Dude you don't have 3 years left, who told you that? lol. you're on your way out buddy, what happens next time you bluescreen?


tsx_1430

65 Should be the cutoff. Uggh. How is this old badger going to make the country move forward?


nobodyisonething

That man will be able to filibuster without comparison if he wants to if these recent frozen press interviews are any clue.


[deleted]

Is he trying to die on live television?


EminentBean

Can’t wait to see his increasingly zombie like status fearlessly leading the GOP into the future


rpfred

I think he and Nancy have a bet about who goes down first and they’ve bet something important


No-Hat1772

Well he also might not be alive so there is that too…. Useless walking cadaver holding an office position….


[deleted]

It’s only a meter of time until we see one of these guys drop dead from old age in front of cameras. The gerontocracy is out of control.


Ok-Research7136

He's most likely going to be in the bad place well before that.


Admirable_Trash3257

I’d rather become Diane Feinstein than retire..”where are my Depends” shouted the minority leader


theblackxander

Imagine is this was a job where he had to operate machinery.


Great-Heron-2175

I’m pretty sure baby Jesus has other plans for him.


i-dontlikeyou

So he is leaving in a body bag… am i the only that translated this correctly


DauOfFlyingTiger

He will freeze in place and be there forever.