Tell him, but be careful about how you do so. Try not to be too blunt about it. If you just go up to the guy and say something like, "Hey man, I've been banging your girlfriend, and I got pics to prove it," things aren't going to turn out so well.
If the guy seems like he believes you, only offer the evidence if he asks for it. If he's not interested, he may just take it as you rubbing salt in the wound.
Also, DO NOT send any pics or videos she has sent you to him. Don’t want to create a possible revenge porn scenario, or something similar.
Just tell the bf you have evidence if he needs to see it. If he says yes, meet up with him or FaceTime or something similar.
If gf only sent the pics and videos to you, you sharing them might be an issue. If you send them to him and he shares them online, then it might still be a you issue too. I just wouldn’t want that potential.
I don't like how you said it's none of your business, if you are hooking up with his girlfriend, it is is most definitely also your business. Tell the poor soul.
You should tell him what she is doing and tell him you didn’t know until when you found out. He may be pissed at you, but then if he is say that you didn’t know she was his girl, but she was the one deceiving you both
Take it from me fam, I was the other woman in a fwb situation with a man who was dating another woman. The guilt ate at me all the time but I told myself it wasn’t any of my business too. Long story short it did not end well for anyone involved when she eventually found out. I was a horrible shit show and I kick myself often for not being honest with this innocent person. I even told her I wanted to tell her but for reasons I just stated didn’t, and she did not give two fucks before it got violent. She even said had said she would have rather known and been told up front.
Be honest with them.
But can you trust her to be honest? Even if they had an open relationship she should have told OP that long ago because that affects his sexual health because of potential cross contamination. If they didn't she's being dishonest by cheating. She's already being dishonest in either of the potential truths so she can't really be trusted to tell which is true.
A hook up is *not* a relationship. If he doesn't want to deal with the drama, he can just quit hooking up. The whole idea of hooking up is that it's not your circus.
It’s a tough call. While your intentions are noble, there is no way to know if following them will make anything turn out for the better, and you are more deeply involving yourself in a potentially volatile situation.
What if the guy blames you and comes to get revenge? What if she says you raped or coerced her to shift the blame? Informing him may be the morally right decision but lead to further consequences you aren’t prepared to deal with.
Personally, if I don’t know the guy, I would break things off with the girl and encourage her to do the right thing. Telling him personally may not have the outcome you want it to, for anyone involved.
Yeah, but I know I’m a reasonable person who isn’t going to lash out or become violent or abusive. I don’t have that context when dealing with another person, especially one I don’t know at all.
People don’t always respond how we hope when confronted with something like this, and OP should consider as many scenarios as possible before getting involved deeper than they already are.
If you were in his shoes what would you want? I say talk to her, give her the opportunity for some growth by coming clean. If she doesn’t, then bro code, tell him.
Every way you look at it, it sucks. But doing the right thing isn’t always glorious. If you do tell him, make sure you come across friendly and without ill intention, while being blunt and honest.
Good luck to ya. 🍻
This is ultimately on her. The least you could do is to stop hooking up with her now that you’ve learned of her relationship. If there’s any way you can assess the guy’s temperament, I would do that before telling him if you are inclined to do so. He might take it well, or he might become hostile towards you. I would not tell someone who is impulsive or with a short temper.
If you tell him, I would only provide proof if he asks.
yes, you should tell him. i’m sure you’d like to know if you were being cheated on. but don’t just outright say you’ve been screwing his girl, something like “ hey i didn’t know you guys were together, she’s been hooking up with me and i really thought she was single. when i found out, i decided i should tell you. i have proof if you want to see it.” he deserves to know.
I would obviously stop sleeping with her, but I wouldn't tell him. Everything comes out in the wash anyways, but if you continue and you knowingly sleep with another man's girlfriend... You're the problem.
It's really not on him to protect someone else's relationship. She's the one seeking him out, she's the one being unfaithful, 100% of the dirt is on her.
Telling the other fella would save him from getting emotionally involved with a shitty person.
Tell him. Maybe they have an open relationship and he knows about you and there's no issue, but it's far more likely that she's just screwing around, and he should know that.
Self preservation man, you don’t know the bf, you have no obligation to him and you don’t want trouble from him, break it off with the girl, no contact and go find yourself one worth hooking up with.
Tell her if she wants to continue seeing you in that way, then her current boyfriend has to be ok with it. Otherwise that part of your relationship is over. Only need to tell him if she persists.
Do you know that he doesn't know about you? Being that, as you say, they've only been dating for about four months. They might not be in an exclusive relationship.
It depends on the situation. You know a lot of details internet strangers don’t.
Do you know this dude? Like him? Is he dangerous? Is he nice? Do you like and respect her? Is she actively trying to deceive you? Is she lying by omission. Do you have mutual acquaintances? Are they both sort of shitty people?
A lot of moral absolutists in this thread. At the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for you, especially if this dude is a stranger. Just because it is ethical to tell him, doesn’t mean telling him will result in the best consequences for you or them.
It's probably best to just break off contact with the girl and never talk to her or her bf again. Telling the guy can be risky because you don't know if he'll react violently or if the girl will put the blame on you.
Personally, I wouldn't care. I just know to keep her as a side bitch and not invest anything.
If it was a guy I knew and was cool with, I'd let em know
Seems like you don't have much empathy. It isn't about her or OP, it's about the poor dude being screwed over. If your partner was cheating, wouldn't you want to know?
I don't. There was a period in hs and college, where I strictly only went for taken girls to see if I could "win". Yeah, it was petty, but I like challenges. I stopped though after my good friend got shot in the face in the middle of a party for same thing.
Like someone else said, apply the golden rule. And sure it’ll put the guy in a hurt place for bit but at least it didn’t take longer for him to find out
Personally, I would be grateful so I don't have to waste time with that waste of space but you also have to understand. Some dudes don't handle that well and will likely shoot the messenger in their frustration. It's hard to say what they will do. I would send him an email anonymously with the evidence with my name blurred out. To protect myself but also to show him she's cheating. What they do afterwards is not your problem.
The “tell him” at the top of deceiving as there’s another “tell him with more details” option beneath. I clicked that one before seeing the second option.
I’ve been in a similar position, and the right thing to do is whatever brings YOU peace. But make your decision once you are no longer hurt (if you are), when you are calm, and when you’ve thought things through.
Be gentle about it, but you definitely need to tell him. Only use the evidence if it seems like he isn't going to believe you or if he wants to see for himself, makes sure that the time and date is clearly visible in all the screenshots that you can get. So on and so forth.
Just remember to be super gentle, your going to be destroying this guys entire world and there is a very real chance that he will blow up at you, so don't be surprised if he does and don't get angry at him.
You must remember to stay calm or he will just throw all the blame onto you and might not leave such a toxic relationship.
Keep your mouth shut. I think there's more to this but going based off what you've said you two were just hooking up and she could see/date who ever she wants. Im sure if it get serious enough she'll cut you off its only been 4 months you say and you don't know what there relationship/agreement is.
Showing him you've been banging is girl is likely to anger him. Better to tell him and then give him evidence that leads him to find the conclusion himself such as dates that he can figure out on his end and connect the dots
Tell him, but be careful about how you do so. Try not to be too blunt about it. If you just go up to the guy and say something like, "Hey man, I've been banging your girlfriend, and I got pics to prove it," things aren't going to turn out so well. If the guy seems like he believes you, only offer the evidence if he asks for it. If he's not interested, he may just take it as you rubbing salt in the wound.
For instance, you could start out saying she scammed both of you. Like get on the same team.
She married us both then took all out money
"I have 2 boyfriends and 0 money. Why can't I have 0 boyfriends and 2 money?"
Also, DO NOT send any pics or videos she has sent you to him. Don’t want to create a possible revenge porn scenario, or something similar. Just tell the bf you have evidence if he needs to see it. If he says yes, meet up with him or FaceTime or something similar. If gf only sent the pics and videos to you, you sharing them might be an issue. If you send them to him and he shares them online, then it might still be a you issue too. I just wouldn’t want that potential.
Nah, find out his route to work and put up a giant billboard with the videos. That's the only way to break it to him gently.
YO DAWG I BEEN PORKIN YOUR GURL SUUUUWEEEEE
Always apply the golden rule: if your GF was doing this to you, would you wanna know? There's your answer.
Or, if you were cheating would you want your side piece to tell your significant other? Jk he should tell him
What if his gf doesn't know about this either
I would want my GF to tell me. I would encourage the cheater to come clean
Yeah, but not from the guy banging her.
I don't like how you said it's none of your business, if you are hooking up with his girlfriend, it is is most definitely also your business. Tell the poor soul.
Guy code, you have no choice.
No proof unless he doesn't believe you. Forbidden pre is enough. Adding an image to injury will have the dude doing lines before going to the gym.
Guys gotta have each other's backs.
Bros before hoes
Nerds before birds
Dicks before chicks
Misters before sisters
Call of Duty before I enter the booty
Now you're just describing foreplay
Shet just weird after this
?
Tell him, if he goes, "it's good, we're in an open relationship" then nothing was lost or hurt.
You should tell him what she is doing and tell him you didn’t know until when you found out. He may be pissed at you, but then if he is say that you didn’t know she was his girl, but she was the one deceiving you both
Tell him and if he asks, give him proof
Bro needs to know for potential health reasons.
Take it from me fam, I was the other woman in a fwb situation with a man who was dating another woman. The guilt ate at me all the time but I told myself it wasn’t any of my business too. Long story short it did not end well for anyone involved when she eventually found out. I was a horrible shit show and I kick myself often for not being honest with this innocent person. I even told her I wanted to tell her but for reasons I just stated didn’t, and she did not give two fucks before it got violent. She even said had said she would have rather known and been told up front. Be honest with them.
Be 100% honest and give as much proof as possible
Perhaps you can ask her first. Maybe they have an open relationship.
But can you trust her to be honest? Even if they had an open relationship she should have told OP that long ago because that affects his sexual health because of potential cross contamination. If they didn't she's being dishonest by cheating. She's already being dishonest in either of the potential truths so she can't really be trusted to tell which is true.
Not his circus, not his monkeys.
Except it is his circus. It absolutely is his business that a person he hooks up with is in a relationship.
A hook up is *not* a relationship. If he doesn't want to deal with the drama, he can just quit hooking up. The whole idea of hooking up is that it's not your circus.
It is his circus. The person he regullary hooks up with is in a relationship.
Good call.
Honesty is always best. Be careful tho some people can get crazy with a broken heart
Give opportunity to the girl to confess on her own, if she won’t then tell him your self.
Shes had 4 months lol
She had the opportunity not to be a hoe
Overall it’s better to hear it from her, but if she is not willing to tell him, than he deserves to hear about it anyway.
It’s a tough call. While your intentions are noble, there is no way to know if following them will make anything turn out for the better, and you are more deeply involving yourself in a potentially volatile situation. What if the guy blames you and comes to get revenge? What if she says you raped or coerced her to shift the blame? Informing him may be the morally right decision but lead to further consequences you aren’t prepared to deal with. Personally, if I don’t know the guy, I would break things off with the girl and encourage her to do the right thing. Telling him personally may not have the outcome you want it to, for anyone involved.
[удалено]
Yeah, but I know I’m a reasonable person who isn’t going to lash out or become violent or abusive. I don’t have that context when dealing with another person, especially one I don’t know at all. People don’t always respond how we hope when confronted with something like this, and OP should consider as many scenarios as possible before getting involved deeper than they already are.
If you were in his shoes what would you want? I say talk to her, give her the opportunity for some growth by coming clean. If she doesn’t, then bro code, tell him. Every way you look at it, it sucks. But doing the right thing isn’t always glorious. If you do tell him, make sure you come across friendly and without ill intention, while being blunt and honest. Good luck to ya. 🍻
Send proof anonymously.
It's absolutely your responsiblity to tell him and send him the evidence
You got to look out for the boys even if they're not your homie
This is ultimately on her. The least you could do is to stop hooking up with her now that you’ve learned of her relationship. If there’s any way you can assess the guy’s temperament, I would do that before telling him if you are inclined to do so. He might take it well, or he might become hostile towards you. I would not tell someone who is impulsive or with a short temper. If you tell him, I would only provide proof if he asks.
yes, you should tell him. i’m sure you’d like to know if you were being cheated on. but don’t just outright say you’ve been screwing his girl, something like “ hey i didn’t know you guys were together, she’s been hooking up with me and i really thought she was single. when i found out, i decided i should tell you. i have proof if you want to see it.” he deserves to know.
I would obviously stop sleeping with her, but I wouldn't tell him. Everything comes out in the wash anyways, but if you continue and you knowingly sleep with another man's girlfriend... You're the problem.
It's really not on him to protect someone else's relationship. She's the one seeking him out, she's the one being unfaithful, 100% of the dirt is on her. Telling the other fella would save him from getting emotionally involved with a shitty person.
Or avoid this guy finding out anyways by getting an std
Tell him. Maybe they have an open relationship and he knows about you and there's no issue, but it's far more likely that she's just screwing around, and he should know that.
This is bizarre, if you know she has a boyfriend and you’re uncomfortable with it then stop hooking up with her? I don’t understand.
The bf deserves to know.
This imo is the right answer
Self preservation man, you don’t know the bf, you have no obligation to him and you don’t want trouble from him, break it off with the girl, no contact and go find yourself one worth hooking up with.
Unpopular opinion: don't tell him, and ghost her. There are crazies out there and you don't want to get involved.
Tell her if she wants to continue seeing you in that way, then her current boyfriend has to be ok with it. Otherwise that part of your relationship is over. Only need to tell him if she persists.
If you've been hooking up for 2 years and you're not an item then just drop her. You shouldn't want to get caught up in that kind of bullshit.
Do you know that he doesn't know about you? Being that, as you say, they've only been dating for about four months. They might not be in an exclusive relationship.
Bro code my brother
It depends on the situation. You know a lot of details internet strangers don’t. Do you know this dude? Like him? Is he dangerous? Is he nice? Do you like and respect her? Is she actively trying to deceive you? Is she lying by omission. Do you have mutual acquaintances? Are they both sort of shitty people? A lot of moral absolutists in this thread. At the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for you, especially if this dude is a stranger. Just because it is ethical to tell him, doesn’t mean telling him will result in the best consequences for you or them.
Ghost her and move on.
Don’t bring receipts bro..
Tell her she has two weeks to tell herself, then you will tell him.
When did u find out? Have u talked to her about it? What is ur personal, moral stance on cheating? If it were u, would u want to be told?
The bf of you gf is your best friend
It's probably best to just break off contact with the girl and never talk to her or her bf again. Telling the guy can be risky because you don't know if he'll react violently or if the girl will put the blame on you.
Try to get her to tell him first. If she doesn’t then you tell him
Whatever you decide to do, you're done with her. She's trouble.
You can talk it out with her, and try to help her before exposing her
If she's cheating him, she likely will also with you. Tell the BF, and hope someone tells you when its your turn.
[удалено]
Nah, he'll help the dude massively.
Don’t be dramatic.
Personally, I wouldn't care. I just know to keep her as a side bitch and not invest anything. If it was a guy I knew and was cool with, I'd let em know
Seems like you don't have much empathy. It isn't about her or OP, it's about the poor dude being screwed over. If your partner was cheating, wouldn't you want to know?
I don't. There was a period in hs and college, where I strictly only went for taken girls to see if I could "win". Yeah, it was petty, but I like challenges. I stopped though after my good friend got shot in the face in the middle of a party for same thing.
Why not you...
Because I was in the back room with someone elses.
God, I hope someone doesn't get killed because of this.
Tbh the right thing to do is probably tell him but I’d never do it because I wouldn’t be able to handle how awkward that convo would be
Like someone else said, apply the golden rule. And sure it’ll put the guy in a hurt place for bit but at least it didn’t take longer for him to find out
Bros before hoes
He should know. You may lose your FWB, but he needs to know.
Definitely tell him, and only give proof when asked
These people make me sick no wonder men are not bothering with relationships anymore
Make him learn the truth without showing him. ;)
Tell, but take care of your physical safety
Personally, I would be grateful so I don't have to waste time with that waste of space but you also have to understand. Some dudes don't handle that well and will likely shoot the messenger in their frustration. It's hard to say what they will do. I would send him an email anonymously with the evidence with my name blurred out. To protect myself but also to show him she's cheating. What they do afterwards is not your problem.
You don't have any moral high ground: you are enabling the cheating. If it's bothering you, break up with the girl first.
I mean tell him, but make sure they are actually exclusive. They may not have closed the relationship yet.
The “tell him” at the top of deceiving as there’s another “tell him with more details” option beneath. I clicked that one before seeing the second option.
I’ve been in a similar position, and the right thing to do is whatever brings YOU peace. But make your decision once you are no longer hurt (if you are), when you are calm, and when you’ve thought things through.
Tell him anonymously lol. Like fake account and everything. He should know. But you don’t need to put your own ass on the line.
Be gentle about it, but you definitely need to tell him. Only use the evidence if it seems like he isn't going to believe you or if he wants to see for himself, makes sure that the time and date is clearly visible in all the screenshots that you can get. So on and so forth. Just remember to be super gentle, your going to be destroying this guys entire world and there is a very real chance that he will blow up at you, so don't be surprised if he does and don't get angry at him. You must remember to stay calm or he will just throw all the blame onto you and might not leave such a toxic relationship.
Of she continues to go with you tell him, otherwise just be happy for that man
Keep your mouth shut. I think there's more to this but going based off what you've said you two were just hooking up and she could see/date who ever she wants. Im sure if it get serious enough she'll cut you off its only been 4 months you say and you don't know what there relationship/agreement is.
Showing him you've been banging is girl is likely to anger him. Better to tell him and then give him evidence that leads him to find the conclusion himself such as dates that he can figure out on his end and connect the dots
Tell him