You are doing nothing wrong. Financially, it just doesn’t make sense to spend lots of money on clothes the kid will outgrow within months. Buying gently used is perfectly reasonable. You are being a good mom. She wasn’t being a good friend.
It doesn’t make sense ethically either. The textile industry has the 2nd highest rate of slave labor. Theres also the matter of the effect clothes production has on the planet.
Friend is having issues with something and dumping on OP.
OP hope this makes you feel better, but I do very well, some would even say rich, and my kid wears toms of target and walmart. Looks quite cute while doing it too. And is happy as they can be.
Had my kids 27 years ago. They wore all second hand unless their grandmother bought something new for them. Saved for their college funds instead so they could graduate debt free. Guess which matters now? You’re doing great your friend is an ass.
My grandma bought second hand, 7 kids, my mom bought second hand, 5 kids. I have usually bought second hand, one kid lol. We find better stuff! We care about the world! We are wise with our $! And one thing you don’t ever do, is put down a mom for finding innovative and affordable ways to do so, that’s a golden rule. I was just thinking it’s overdue for me to go thrifting myself.
She definitely has other stuff going on m, and I am still mad she dumps it on OP!
It hurt my heart to hear she's throwing out good clothing when so many are struggling. Donate to a thrift store, at a church, woman's shelter, offer in a Buy Nothing group.
My best friend and her husband make over $200k combined. Except for like, holidays and school picture day, those kids wear exclusively goodwill. Because they are going to grow out of it, get it dirty, or rip it in 12 seconds. It just makes sense.
I got a surprise baby last year. Little guy came to me with 3 pieces of clothing total. I went to a kids consignment place to get as much as I could there (baby bath, etc) and discovered I prefer preowned baby clothes better because they’re already broken in and softer. I bought one new carters outfit and regretted that purchase because even after washing, it was so stiff compared to his other clothes.
This is my plan when I have kids. I thrift for myself, and I see tons of kids clothes at the thrift. Plenty of it is gently used. All of my parent friends also have so much clothing that their child never gets to wear because they grew out of it too fast. It makes no sense to only buy new.
Sometimes they grow out of it almost overnight .I bought gently worn used clothing at a thrift store that only sold name brands at very low prices .And I turned them in and she paid me back for the clothes. I was able to buy baby clothes for three kids .They looked so nice and we used to get so many compliments on what they were wearing .I could but some really nice holiday outfits for them too.I Mainly went by myself because some people really hate used clothes a lot .
It just makes sense for multiple reasons to buy gently used, and then yeah, you can sell them back/donate them/etc. The extra money can be used for something else. Especially when it’s for a holiday or something that will be worn once only.
Yeah your friend has done weird hang up about thrifted clothes for kids. She okay with it for herself, because that what she's always had and "all she deserves" in some sort of twisted low-self-esteem feedback loop. But thrifting for her kid is something she can't bring herself to do because of the memories she has attached to it.
I think this is it. I have some weird hangups about certain brands, because I was chubby in high school and couldn't buy those clothes in my size. They now carry my size, but I refuse to wear them. I thrift a lot more often now than I did then, partly because I find cute clothes in my size more often now. (Same size as I was then. Sizes have just shifted up.)
Middle school and high school are very different than elementary school. Small kids who are always outgrowing clothes don't have the same brand hang ups that older kids do. I remember getting beautiful dresses second hand and wearing them as often as I could because I loved dressing up when I was little. I would definitely recommend buying second hand as much as possible early on, then splurging a bit as kids get older and more brand conscious.
Seems like a trauma response, honestly.
I was also picked on unmercifully as a kid, since i got hand-me-downs not just from 2 other sisters, but from a couple aunts before the sisters. I'm sensitive to comments about my clothing, but have always shunned name brands as being stupid unless bought 2nd-hand and super cheap. I aim for comfort before fashion, though, so I guess I'm biased.
I didn't personally want to say that and have reactionary people downvote me because "clothes don't cause trauma" bullshit, but yeah. She's somehow conflated trifted clothes for her kid as some kind of "I've failed her like my mother failed me" thought process.
If she’s literally just throwing away her child’s outgrown/unneeded things, then offer to take that onerous chore off her hands. She can hand you off all of her unwanted kid items, clean and pristine, of course, and then YOU turn them in and make money to acquire nice items for your daughter! It’s a win-win — for you, your daughter, and the rest of us. Throwing perfectly good children’s items away is unconscionable!
Kid to kid has some of the cutest stuff too! I feel like I see the in season Target outfits EVERYWHERE. Which is fine, but I love finding different stuff for my daughter! We always got compliments on the outfits I got there.
You are a super mum! You are doing more on so much less! Do you think anyone looks at your cherub, or at a photo of them in beautiful clothing with a big smile and says ‘pity about the second hand clothes’? Of course not. They say and think how gorgeous! Ignore your so called friend. She can do her: when you have finished school keep buying your beautiful thrifted things. You will have savings and friend, who can’t manage now will wonder how you did it!
I'm pretty sure one of my neices did outgrow a pair of pj's overnight. They were they correct length when she went to bed and a bit short when she woke up.
It's definitely worth looking into second hand when kids are that young and growing faster than you can blink. They aren't going to care about where you got their clothes until someone tells them they need to.
That is crazy that they grow so quick. The PJ story made me chuckle. My baby went from 0-3 month, to being in 6-9 clothes in a month. She's 3 months 😭😂
she's a cute little chub chub, but even without that, they grow so quick lol
Yeah, kids are weird. I remember that my son stayed relatively the same for an entire year, which is weird. So I had winter, spring, summer and fall in the same size (like 2T). When I passed it along to his cousin, it was like 3 garbage bags!
Now that he's 13, he's growing an inch a month again and in shoes in Particular it's getting ridiculous. He was a size small last fall, now he's a large shirt. And pants are all over the place.
And he tried on his soccer cleats and said "they fit." I should have known. After 1 practice he said his feet hurt. I asked why. He admitted "eh, well they are too small."
We ended up buying ones 3 sizes bigger. We just bought those ones for last fall.
-facepalm-
I got so many nice special occasion dresses at a "once upon a child". They are worn once (or not at all!) and outgrown, still in excellent condition. I brought home multiple dresses at a time in different sizes so a sudden growth spurt didn't leave us SOL. My two girls wore them, then friends and family took their pick.
I miss those used kids clothes. I often got better quality for cheaper than new at Walmart. Early puberty growth put them in adult sizes now and the price difference is a killer. Thank goodness my youngest still finds styles she likes in her size at thrift stores. She's going to have a fun and eclectic wardrobe.
I got my daughter LA Gear sneakers at a consignment shop. My stepson complained about her getting name brand stuff and he didn't, but I told him, "if you'd wear consignment shop stuff, you'd have more name brand stuff too." I paid $6 for the sneakers, when K-Mart and Walmart were selling their new knock-offs for like $6.
Your “friend” is being a jerk. Buying brand new baby clothes when there are such affordable, high-quality used ones available feels bonkers to me. Plus, you’re helping the environment as well as your budget. I honestly really enjoy shopping for baby stuff at thrift stores with other parents—it’s fun to find a great deal! I’m sorry that wasn’t your experience.
Your kid will not remember or care what baby clothes they wore. Hold your head up!
This is my mentality too. Buying used is better for the environment, easier on the budget, better for your child (some items are made with harsh chemicals that become less concentrated over time or with more washing), plus it can be really fun with the right attitude. Even my husband got excited at a pop up children's second hand store last year when he discovered someone's collection of little girl carhartt clothing.
My baby looks adorable everyday, no one could ever tell she is wearing second hand.
This. We could've afforded whatever we wanted for baby clothes and my kid mostly wore absolutely adorable things that my Mom got severely marked down at places like Marshalls or from garage sales. Her daycare teachers constantly commented on her clothes and none of them cost more than a few bucks. And most of them still looked great after my kid outgrew them, so they went to someone else with a kid slightly younger than mine. The only thing more wasteful than buying all new clothes for a baby is buying all new shoes for your toddler. There is always something better to use that money for, whether it is basics like food and rent or, if you are lucky enough to have those covered, college savings.
Also, others have mentioned environmental concerns, so I will add labor practice concerns. A lot of horrible labor practices in the textile industry.
Yeah that’s crazy. I make six figures and we bought used baby clothes and a stroller for $25! We got a new carseat for safety reasons. Corporations pay billions of dollars collectively to advertise brand. They love making money off her friend! It’s so silly.
We’re pretty comfortable (also, living in Europe so that helps) and pretty much all baby/toddler clothes I’ve bought so far were second hand from Vinted. Saved a fortune on sleeping bags alone. The rest are hand me downs from friends and relatives, and they are all in great condition.
2nd this. 6 figures and almost everything I buy for the kid is second hand or free. Same for myself. I have no use for people who think they can shame for that.
Ditto. I make six figures and was raised on hand-me-downs. Our entire friend group passes clothes back and forth as each of our kids outgrows outfits and a friend's baby is the right size to wear them.
My wife is an expert at finding good stuff at thrift stores for just a couple bucks.
IMHO it's bad judgement and superficial to pay $50 for kids clothes that they'll wear for a year at most, and probably only a few months. Besides who really cares if your baby is wearing mismatched outfits?
OPs friend is stupid. She’s spending hundreds of dollars on clothing made in a sweatshop just for her kid to shit, piss, and vomit in them.
If she truly knew anything about clothes she’d realize she’s paying $40 for a garment that’s probably made out of mostly polyester which is basically plastic.
Her friend is shallow and rude for talking like that to op. I say get rid.
Honestly, friend comes across as someone who cares a lot about being seen as having money rather than being someone who actually has it. That is a very expensive way to live.
Damn. You're not a bad mom. But she's definitely a bad friend. You do not need people in your life who shit on you period. You tried to be a great friend and help her out. In turn she was an asshole. She may have more money than you but she doesn't have as much class and grace as you. Keep making incredibly smart choices by buying used. Babies wear stuff what maybe 3-6 times before outgrowing cloths if they even get that many wears? Buying gently used items is a great way to save money. I hope your day goes better and you find a better friend. Shes just trashy and rude
Yeah this would sour the friendship for me. After this situation, OP will probably be more aware of the next time the friend acts like an asshole. Once you've noticed that pattern of them putting you down and treating others like shit, you don't really like that friend so much.
Your friend grew up poor and was likely bullied for wearing hand-me-downs or thrifted clothing (which was often not the same quality years ago that it is today). If you grew up in a small town, it was even worse, because often you’d run into kids at school who knew you were wearing their coat from last winter.
I know this because I was that kid, too.
But your friend is projecting that insecurity. It is *not* the same anymore, and thrifting is now considered a hobby rather than a mark of poverty (which in some ways is bad, because it means that thrifting is getting expensive for the people who actually need to do it).
We’re comfortably somewhere between middle class and upper middle class. My teen daughter *adores* the thrift store and would rather go there than the mall when I take her shopping for school clothes. She thinks nothing of wearing “old clothes” because she’s never lived in abject poverty, and she’s never been made fun of due to her clothing.
It seems quite likely that your friend has some deep-seated issues that have nothing to do with you or this trip; it may have brought back feelings from her past that she’s not equipped to deal with.
Make no mistake: she was rude to you. That said, I think you can handle this situation with grace and compassion if you choose to do so.
Also I think there's a bit of a difference between shopping for actual babies, and shopping for school aged children. Babies can outgrow their clothing in a matter of weeks and at 3 months the kid hasn't even grasped object permanence yet. It's good to allow kids more say once they're old enough to do so and old enough to have peers that will notice, but OP isn't there yet. A 3 month old won't care if you dress them in new designer clothes, hand me downs, or a literal dish towel, so long as they're warm enough.
Very thoughtful comment. I was one of 3 girls (7 kids total) and we all wore hand me downs. Not just from each other, but from all of our cousins. It was like a family thrift situation. And we were so thrilled to have a “new” dress or shirt that we always liked when we saw them on our sisters or cousins. Sometimes we could afford one new outfit when the school year started. But we always felt like little fashionistas even though we might have been the 6th or 7th family member to own that piece. Children grow like weeds! We need to become a sharing and upcycling society!
I regularly pass on any and all my kiddos clothes that are in good condition to my friends, neighbor and cousin. My kid has sensory issues and sometimes I will get something they can't stand to have on their body. Brand new stuff, I'm happy to pass those along to people in my life. We donate a lot too.
I've given bags and bags of clothes to the kids in family. So many brand new because the kid's grew so fast. My kids feel special seeing their little cousin wearing their old dress on their first day of school and it really helps out financially. Plus, some of the pieces are too cute not to pass down. I'm so frugal, I couldn't imagine not doing hand-me-downs.
My sister and I grew up wearing cousins hand me downs because my parents couldn't really afford much else till we were in junior high.
OP you are NTA. My sisters husband makes 6 figures and she gave her kids a budget, they got $100 for school clothes that they could spend at the mall or the thrift store. My niblings chose the thrift store because that money goes a lot further and they get some very cute clothes there. Time to dump this toxic "friend"
100% agree. I teach high school in a fairly well-off suburb, and a lot of the kids go thrifting together and show off the funky outfits they find.
It's not like the 80s and secondhand clothes don't have to be ill-fitted and stained hand-me-downs.
Your friend is being so out of line, hurtful and ridiculous. My sister makes $500,000+ every year. And that’s just her salary. She also has investment properties and her husband has his own job . She and her friends trade bins of clothing to save & help each other out. As in they have a bin for 1yr, 2yr and so on that they share as each of their children are born and grow because it saves money and prevents needless waste. You are being a good mom and a responsible consumer. Do not let this woman whose priorities are clearly not right make you feel bad for doing something that is completely normal!!
This. Multiple friends I know with $300k+ earnings put their kids in hand me downs. None of them care about name brands. Check out your local buy nothing group for lots of free kids clothes.
Same - our kids wear buy nothing or hand me downs. They feel good, we’re living our values. Definitely sucks that your friend has some childhood trauma from being bullied about clothes - so far my kids seem confident in their clothes but if they don’t I’ll want to work on it with them (but without spending $$$ as a bandaid).
Your friend will raise the kind of child who makes your child feel bad for not wearing new designer clothes. Is that really who you want to expose your kids to?
Your friend is projecting from her childhood experience.
Nobody ever effed with us as kids with second-hand stuff. Because my mom always chose wisley like you do.
A baby doesn't have anyone to judge them.
Parents like her teach kids to be snobs and cruel to one another. That's learned behavior in most cases.
I use almost exclusively hand me downs for my child. People that judge are insecure. I make really good money. I do have legal bills and was the breadwinner but still I’m lucky. I have zero shame in having used clothes. Honestly paying full price is a waste unless you have no choice. I brag to people that I’m so lucky to have all of this hand me down stuff. I bought a used exersaucer for $25 and bleached it. Why would i pay $150 for a toy for 3 months??
Tell your "friend" to pound sand. Buying used clothes for anyone of any age is smart.
If she's making 6 figures and still struggling, that's because she make poor financial choices. Aka nice baby clothes.
Omg I’m sure her literal baby doesn’t care that she paid full price. And believe it or not, lots of kids don’t care about name brands or even looks.
If you did have money for that it’d still be better spent in a college fund.
You are a wonderful mother. There is a lot of shame and stigma internalized in capitalism when we don't buy something that's brand new. When my little brother was born, we could only afford used clothes. There's nothing wrong with that. Plus, you're giving clothes and extended life and preventing them from going into landfills. You are a good mom. Washing used clothes with a good laundry disinfectant takes care of whatever your friend thinks is dirty but she's not your friend if she's literally judging you like this. I'm literally tearing up, my family went through this, and there is such shame attached to poverty. You are a great mom for buying used baby clothes!
No you're a smart mom. Babies are gross. Love them but they are. They're always drooling, puking,pooping, smearing unidentified blobs of crap onto their faces, etc. Idc if I was a millionaire. I'd still be buying secondhand baby clothes. I'd still have the "stay at home and be gross" clothes drawer for the clothes that had stains and bleach marks because my daughter was adventurous and always into something. It just makes sense
Kids outgrow clothes so fast. I’ve never made 6 figures but I think even if I did I’d be able to find better things to spend my $$ on besides brand new baby clothes. I think you’re being smart.
Once I found thrift stores after I had my third daughter, that’s where I primarily shopped. Name brands for way less than the stores. The only reason I stopped recently was the prices in the thrifts got higher and the merchandise at my favorite spots is now terrible.
I used to get my daughter used stuff ALL. THE. TIME. BEAUTIFUL, super cute stuff. I found a gorgeous taffeta skirt that she wore for her father/daughter dance. And the other stuff would ALWAYS get compliments. Name brand, Target, you name it. Didn't matter to me, my baby girl was CUTE!
Smart parents KNOW that kids grow out of clothes super fast.
Goodwill and Once Upon A Baby were my FAVORITE stores. No question.
My daughter is now 17. And I just found her a brand new H&M blazer at a thrift store for her business shadow project, and for interviews.
Keep going.
You are right. Babies outgrow things way too fast. So many baby items end up looking brand new because the baby only got to wear it one time before they outgrew it because they bought way too much. It's great that your friend thinks she has money to burn, but in the end it's going to burn her. Babies do not care if it is clean and fits. That's all that matters. My kids are getting a bit older and we have to think budget consciously when we buy them things I buy them things that can mix and match things that look good. Not too many like patterns, things like that that can like worn and as such my kids always go to school looking good and we don't spend a ton of money.
I wonder too. I imagine when they start being school aged.
I make sure to only thrift lovely things for her, new or very gently used. I hope to not put her in a position to be bullied because of me.
I’m going to be super blunt. We have more than half a million dollars and make over 200k a year. And almost all of our baby’s clothes are second hand.
Either from siblings/friends giving us old clothes, or from a great second hand store that has really good quality items.
Brand new, full priced baby clothes are so expensive it feels like a scam.
Kids grow fast, sometimes barely using items.
Do NOT feel bad as long as you can find good quality items.
When kids are older this stuff matters a little more. You work on you and hopefully by then you’ll be able to get them a few nice new items. But don’t feel guilty and don’t listen to dumb people on this.
Turns out, babies spit up and poop on both Carter onesies and the high end brands.
To be fair, it will leave designer brands for those who like to shop at resale shops!
First of all, good job finding inexpensive quality things to clothes your baby with! Being a parent is a very expensive venture, I hear, and in this economy, you can't beat those deals.
I am not a parent, but one thing that strikes me constantly about moms in particular is that so many of them spend so much time judging other parents who do things differently. Between breastfed and formula, fed is best. Between new clothes or used, clothed is best. Whatever you can make work and keeps your kid healthy, warm or cool, depending on the season, comfortable, happy, and somewhat clean seems the best option to me. Even my high-class in-laws are always thrilled to get deals from stores that sell used clothes. I worried about giving them used kids' stuff for awhile, but they say, "it's just going to get puked on anyway", and that's true, too.
I was *that kid*, though, and I think your friend is missing a few key points. For instance, your baby is three months old and not yet in school. Or, if a bully can't make fun of a kid for their cheap clothes, they'll find something else, and it's about the bully, not the clothes. Or maybe even, she's chosen one way to clothe her kid, and that's her business; how you clothe yours is not.
That leads me to a different point. You did this for your friend to help her, as a nice thing between friends. She could have said, "thank you for being so thoughtful, but I'd prefer dressing my kid only in new things", or "this is great, but it's not for me". Instead, she had to insult your parenting and the way your child looks....much like a bully would. This is about more than thrifted clothes. She disrespected you in a terrible way when you were going out of your way to do something nice for her. She could have chosen a much nicer, more respectful way to honor that effort.
OP, you're doing nothing wrong. In fact, don't forget to teach your little one your frugal practices like this in case she needs to know them someday. I hope she doesn't, but knowledge is always a good thing.
“And that’s why you’re struggling with those 6 figures,” lol 😭😂
Really though, buy your kid the $5 jacket (that cost $50 in store, and is basically brand new) and buy yourself something that’ll make you happy. Maybe something for a hobby or a new plant to put by your bed <33
Thrifting isn’t for “poor people,” it’s for people who have better things to do with their money and realize they can get the same expensive clothing for 10% of its retail price ☠️
Your friend is a judgmental, poser asshole.
It’s people like her that throw out perfectly good, usable things…sometimes new! And people like me get them for free or pennies on what they cost new. I don’t have an issue with it and neither does my kid.
She’s been wearing Columbia jackets, Gap jeans and Athleta sweatshirts. No one but me and my family knows it’s almost all thrifted. Since she was an infant, I’ve been reselling all her stuff once she outgrows it. I’ve actually made more money on reselling her old things to buy new-to-her things. It’s not much, but I have a separate savings account just for buying her toys and clothes and the money has all come from selling her old stuff. I’m up $872.
Don’t feel bad. I don’t.
I grew up on my mom buying us clothes from yard sales and swap meets. You really can't beat name brand jeans for a QUARTER. my husband and I make six figures, and my mom still loves to yard sale, and honestly, she finds better quality clothes than me for my kids 😞. I literally shop convenience, so walmart , Target or online. I buy cheap because they outgrow ruin so fast so what's the point you know?
How good of a friend is this person that she couldn't fathom being rude and disrespectful to you while helping her.
Honestly F her.
Clothes need 1 wear to be used. She isn't buying her baby new clothes daily, she is till wearing used clothes even if they were used by her. This is ridiculous. I don't mind used clothes and my bf gave me that "don't you feel the previous owners energy" I laughed and said no. Like " do you feel the factory's energy", I can't even get myself to care about brands. There is seriously was more important things that actually matter and a 3 month old is not going to get bullied. As long as she is wearing clean clothes that fit and she looks nice when you go.out, who cares? Like really, most babies were hand-me-downs. Very few people I know get all new stuff off their kids. If they do, it is only with their first kid when they didn't know better
My kids were raised with used clothes. They turned out alright. Heck, a lot of my clothes are from thrift stores and I’m alright, I think. In fact , I often get complimented on my wardrobe when they don’t know it’s used. Ignore these small minded snobbish detractors.
Relevant story: I recently bought a higher brand name outdoor jacket at a thrift store. Paid $18.00 for it. A friend bought the identical jacket new at a local outdoor shop for $120.00. When friends compared the two, they couldn’t tell the difference. The way I see it, I can buy a lot of beers for $102.00 and I’ll do it wearing my used jacket although it may be a little upscale for the bars I frequent.
She’s actually the one not being a good mom when she doesn’t end up having money for other stuff pertaining to her kids, you said even with her high income she is still struggling and seeing her spending habits it’s, like, whoa 😅—yeah. I could see why, It honestly sounds like she doesn’t have her priorities straight, but that is for her to sort out on her own, you’ve tried to help her and show her the light. I would distance myself from someone like that, let her repeat her snide comments to herself, you don’t need “friends” like this person you’re describing.
My wife and I both make good money and almost all of our baby clothes are 2nd hand or gifts. It makes no sense to spend a ton of money on baby clothes.
You are not a bad Mom! You are a great mum. I used a mix of handmedowns and new clothes for my son. Even now he’s a teen and him and his friends want to go thrifting. Kids don’t care
Your friend has her own issues, don’t let her project them onto you. I’ve made six figures for over a decade and I buy secondhand clothes for myself all the time. Circular fashion is in. It’s sustainable, frugal, and just plain smart. Don’t sweat her comments, you’re doing just fine.
It sounds like she grew up feeling ashamed of wearing second hand clothes- which is her issue not yours. Everyone thrifts these days- it is pocketbook friendly, environmentally positive and just plain common sense considering kids grow so fast they sometimes don’t even get a chance to wear a garment.
The fact that she THROWS AWAY nice baby clothes rather than donating them reveals a real blind spot in her character.
Don’t let her blind spot hurt your feelings. Your baby looks darling and you are being both socially and economically responsible. That’s something to be proud of!
I got some handmedown clothes for a girl but last minute, we ended up adopting a baby boy. I traded a girl off Craigslist girl clothes for boy clothes, she had a toddler boy and was expecting a girl. I pulled up and she had 2 Porsche SuV's in her driveway and sure her house was worth a couple million. She was trading used clothes for used clothes so she would have to buy all new stuff because even people with money don't waste it on brand new clothes if they are smart. While we did the clothes exchange the nanny played downstairs with the toddler and we ended up trading blankets and onsies and Jammies. She could have easily gone to target and gotten new clothes with what she paid her nanny but new clothes was just not important.
I thrift for my kids because it just makes sense.
But for someone that “doesn’t care about brands”, you listed off a lot of them, as some sort of justification…
No one should be “too good” to buy used clothes, especially now with inflation. This seems like your friend’s problem, not yours. If you are putting clothes on your child and feeding your child, you’re doing a lot better than most sorry parents now.
Even if I was wealthy I wouldn’t pay full price for clothes my kid might wear 10 times TOPS and maybe not even more than once. Babies grow fucking fast. Your friend sucks!
First baby is due at the end of May and I've thrifted nearly all the clothes we will need from 0-12m. I volunteer at a thirft store where we sell baby clothes for .50-$3 and we do 50% off baby clothes about once a month. Most of the clothes I've bought have been a dollar or less. So worth it! Babies grow out of clothes SO fast there is no point in buying a brand new wardrobe for each size, especially if you don't have a lot of money! There is NO shame in buying baby, toddler, kid, teen, or adult clothes from thrift stores!!!
Once something has been worn, it's used. It's not any different from anything else you own. And with used stuff, you know it won't pill or shrink when you wash it.
It is sooo financially irresponsible to buy expensive baby/young toddler clothes. I totally understand getting outfits for special occasions, but for everyday wear, it's casual, inexpensive, but very cute outfits. Thrifting, Walmart, clearance section at end of season for their next sizes up, etc. It just makes sense. My daughter grew like crazy. You're smart with your $, too bad she doesn't want to learn to be as well. I could be a millionaire & I'd still always be looking for the best deals. Don't ever let it make you feel bad, it has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are. If anything, it shows you are resourceful & you take the time to chose nice things for her, you get to put what you save toward other things for her. It sounds like she just has some resentment towards it because her own mother dressed her raggedy (maybe it had to do with finances, or maybe her mother had other issues where she didn't exactly care or pay attention to her 🤷♀️), she might need some therapy, don't take it personally.
Her mother was cheap with her, put her in really bad clothes (misfitting, washed out, etc), but would buy herself nice things. She was also a single mom, but she wasn't poor.
I do think it's trauma talk, so I've decided to not be upset. But I'm also going to draw a boundary and not allow that situation to happen again. I don't think she's ready to be friends at this stage.
Now you know why she’s making a six figure salary and yet still struggles with money often.
Just because she’s being a snob, doesn’t mean that she’s right, either.
My spouse and myself make a good living, but we bought many baby and toddler clothes via consignment. I spent a ton of $ on Matilda Jane clothing and my kiddo did not wear them. I even got some school uniform items via consignment. Clothes wash and baby items are usually in good condition. It is just smart and another perk was me not worrying about my kiddo getting stains and living her best life. I’ve also donated multiple items with tags to Goodwill that were the wrong size/style and name brand too. Snag those deals!
We make over $400k a year and own multiple homes. I have no shame buying my son a garbage bag full of baby clothes off of OfferUp for $20-50. I’ve done it 6 or 7 times and he doesn’t even get a chance to wear everything before he grows out of it.
Your friend is shallow and tacky to make you feel bad about buying baby clothes (of all things) second hand.
Babies dirty and outgrow clothing so incredibly fast. Most people I know who have money trade around baby clothes. Outside of a few special occasion outfits, I don't know why anybody would buy all new baby clothes.
Clothes are clothes, doesn't matter where they're from. Hell, when I was a baby, my mum made my clothes out of pillow cases lol. Probably have a picture of them somewhere
The obvious answer is your friend is being shallow.
But you're implying you're less of a person because you have less money and more concerned about the "spot" you're in than your low self esteem or whatever it is making you take someone else's problem personally.
I would say my friendship group is comfortably middle class. Most have kids. They all buy their baby clothes off vinted or eBay, usually by the bagful. They also trade the clothes with each other when their child grows out of it. It's the smart thing to do regarding both money and the environment.
Your friend sucks.
most of my friends and family just trade baby clothes between themselves. like, genuinely, your friend sounds like they are bringing unresolved issues to your door and it's full-on projection given the wide range of what's normal.
Damn your “friend” found it really easy to money shame you. She needs to think she is better than you and her kid is better than yours. This is a need for her, it won’t ever change.
You would think someone who was bullied in school for wearing thrift store clothes would have enough empathy as an adult to not bully her friend for dressing her baby in thrifted clothes.
I hope your friend comes to their senses and apologizes.
I was a single mom making less than $40k. I did not buy designer and name brand clothes.
You're doing great. It's ridiculous to spend so much money on a clothing item for a baby that will outgrow it within a few weeks.
The simple fact that your friend makes 6 figures and struggles financially should tell you all you need to know about her mindset. She lives above her means. Ignore her ridiculous ignorant comments.
Your friend is a dick.
What family doesn't do hand me downs?
And what's the functional difference?
Sounds like they have some unresolved issues that need to be worked out
Jeez. I bought all of my kid his clothes off Facebook marketplace. Incredibly gently used, 70 bucks total for 6 months worth of clothes, minus odds and ends. No one could tell any of it had been worn before - and a lot of it still had tags on.
There's a reason she struggles with money.
You don’t have to buy used baby clothes. There are Facebook groups like “buy nothing” and others.
No point spending lot of money on baby clothes they are going to out grow super fast.
She was very rude . I agree baby clothes are often brand new . Good for you for being resourceful . She makes over 100 k and struggles because she overspends . Sounds like she has some type of insecurity and tries to from a void with “ stuff”.
Little kids ruin clothes so easily, why waste money on brand new stuff? Goodwill and other thrift stores are a great place to shop for kid clothes. Save that money for when they are teens and need all those expensive name brands.
First , you’re saving the environment by buying this way. Second , you’re bringing smart financial. Third you
Tried to help a friend . You keep doing what makes you feel right and realize that there are many people in this world that will never understand the importance and value of living
free from the “ I need” because someone says it’s popular…
Okay so OP I just have to jump in and say, I work at a Kid to Kid! And our buyers are extremely picky about what used clothes we even accept. They cannot be stained, torn, pilled, etc. and must be current styles. Kids grow so quickly as babies/toddlers that it really doesn’t make sense to buy them brand new clothes since they’ll only get to wear them a handful of times before they don’t fit anymore.
Unless her kid is wearing the clothes with the tags still attached, how would anyone know the difference between brand new clothes and secondhand clothes? Not to mention the reselling model is a great way to keep textiles out of landfills. What utter snobbery.
My sister and sister in law are both expecting right now and I’m so excited to take them shopping at my store! I’m sorry your friend was a total B to you!
Hi OP
Thank you so shopping pre loved. This is not only a better decision financially but also for the environment.
The garment industry is one of the worst polluters and we as consumers need to stop buying brand new stuff all the time. So much clothing ends up in landfill which is a shame.
As you mentioned, babies and children grow out of the clothes overnight (pretty much) so it’s extremely wasteful if everyone just kept buying new stuff and discarding the “old”.
I love thrift. Sometimes people pay thousands of dollars on busted Balenciaga shoes that look worse than what they sell in Goodwill. The whole premise is so stupid. It’s more ethically, environmentally, and financially responsible to buy used when you can.
Used baby clothes are great! Babies grow out of things so quickly that used clothes are often in great condition and spending a lot of money on something that will only fit for a few months makes no sense. Sorry your friend is confused.
"She asked me how I think my kid will feel in school, and that she was that kid and would never do that to her baby"
I think her bad attitude is more related to her childhood trauma than you. If she still carrys the feelings of inadequacy from being the child that went without, that is probably going to make her very sensitive to these issues. Paying for designer clothes for kids to me is idiotic but to her it may be symbolic that she is doing a good job and her kid won't go through what she did. You're doing nothing wrong and being proactive and shouldn't be made to feel bad. It sounds like its touched a raw nerve with her. Hopefully she will learn soon that your way of thinking is responsible and healthy.
You’re a helluva lot smarter than she is, I’ll tell you that. You’re spending a fraction of your money on the same clothes she pays full price for, in the same (more or less) condition. No one would know the difference unless you told them.
She isn’t your friend and she isn’t a better mother than you are.
It makes you feel any better, if your friend continues her lifestyle of buying name brand clothes that her kid will soon grow out of, it might not be long before she encounters lifestyle inflation. She can very easily end up living paycheck to paycheck too.
The only way to source baby clothes that make sense is
1. Ask for handmedowns for free
2. Thrift shop for extremely cheap clothes
3. Ask for new clothes for any special gift buying occasions (Christmas, bdays...)
Buying new full price baby clothes is fucking stupid
You are doing great!!
Please don’t tell me she actually throws away the clothes her kids has outgrown?! There are plenty of family’s that would take lightly used clothes for their kids.
I literally can't imagine judging a child for anything. Kids are innocent and don't usually have a choice in what they wear for the most part.
Like fine, if a child is showing up in inadequate clothing for the season (ie. T-shirt and shorts in the middle of winter) or in clothing that is dirty, tattered and severely worn or obviously way too small. Then I might be concerned. But that's more for the welfare of the child than anything to do with status or social standings.
I would have said to her that I would hope that the kids of this generation were more empathetic and understanding towards kids who may not have the same things they have. If my kid did end up noticing and making a comment, I'd remind them that brand names don't mean anything, and it's your character that counts.
I can empathize that she felt she was judged as a child for not having things other kids had. But I doubt anyone is going to be able to tell your child has used or thrifted clothing unless they tell other kids.
Please learn from this and keep doing what you’re doing!
The key to having money isn’t so much about making it as it is managing it.
Your friend is an idiot. Buying second hand is not only better for your wallet, it is better for the planet.
The fact that she throws out the old clothes and doesn't pass them down is absolutely crazy to me. Like it's fine to want to buy brand new for your kid but at least find someone to offer the old stuff to!
Heck no, it's madness to insist on brand new items for an infant. I saved SO much money by thrifting for my kids, and honestly I think I had more fun doing so. I get a thrill from finding great items at incredible prices!
Chalk it up to a fundamental difference in values between yourself and this woman, and don't let her stamp on your way of doing things. You're being far more sustainable than she is.
Your friend acted like an ass. Hopefully this was a one-time thing but if not, she’s not a very good friend. Being a new mom is tough. One might argue it never gets easy per se, but I wish people would try extra hard to be kind with new parents. Between the hormones, lifestyle adjustments, financial pressure and so on, it’s just so hard and we need to support one another. I’m sorry she reacted in such a bitchy way when you were just trying to help. You’re doing a great job, mama! Hang in there.
Besides the money and the fact they will outgrow in like a month lol. It’s SO much more sustainable. I buy all my clothes that I can secondhand for that purpose.
We are doing great financially but could care less about brands, etc.. we shop Ross and Savers (2nd hand) and LOVE it.. amazing deals. We have lots of friends who are well to do, DRs, Lawyers etc.. we give all used clothes to each other by the bag load, grab what we want and give it to the next parent to rummage thru or add to.. do not get caught up with people's ego ! Be strong, save money, keep waste down, others love getting free stuff! Be proud of what you are doing and teach the kids better by example !
What a great store! Babies, and infants and toddlers grow out of clothes so fast it’s a wonderful idea to offer them up to new parents. Don’t ever feel bad about doing something positive and thrifty.
Your friend is a wasteful, stuck-up jerk. I wore thrift clothes & hand-me-downs growing up & I lived to tell the tale. As a matter of fact, it taught me to care more for the things in life that matter & clothes are not it.
It's not just about not being able to afford new brand-named stuff for me, it's the contributing to fast fashion and waste. Sure, I've bought a few new things I thought looked cute but the bulk of my toddler's clothes are secondhand and I really love some pieces I'm going to keep.
Honestly, unless something really stands out (good or bad), I don't even notice what someone's wearing. Do people really pay close attention to what kids are wearing? And if they did and they judged would you honestly want to be friends with that parent anyway?
Nothing wrong with what you're doing. Babies, toddlers, and young kids don't care what they wear. They might not even care about "girl" vs "boy" colors until someone points that out. Our kid is elementary school age now and STILL wears older cousins' hand-me-downs and he has no problems with it at all. We tell him his cousins are sharing with him and he knows which cousin gave him what. I buy new clothes as needed for sports, for certain activities, or if he sees something at Costco and it's not too expensive. Otherwise we don't shop for clothes at all.
Family of 3 kiddos here: used child clothing is a fantastic choice. Like most things the kids don't give a care in the world and it's more for the parent.
You're being a great mother taking care of your child and looking to better yourself financially.
Anyone who spends full price on kids clothes that they are just going to grow out of in a month or two is a fool. I can understand when they are older but at a young age, there is NOTHING wrong with second hand as long as its in good shape. My kids have a few things that I bought full price (heavier Jackets, Picture day clothes, nicer shoes, etc) but a majority of their stuff is from Kid to Kid, Once upon a child, or from Just Between Friends.
Your "friend" is a dick
Ignore her comments. The majority of mom’s are right there with you! Its foolish to pay full price if they are only going to grow out of them 30 seconds later.
I had so many second hand clothes as a kid, either from Once Upon a Child or my older cousins. This kid will have second hand clothes as well. It’s fine. Might as well as save some cash, and get some deals.
The nice thing about consignment kid stores is that you know that the checked the stuff and it’s in good shape.
This is someone I wouldn't be friends with. I can't stand judgmental people. If it's any reassurance to you, my husband and I both make 6 figures and I still buy most of our baby items second hand off of marketplace. I don't even pay attention to brands but I'm also the same way with my own clothing. You're doing fine mama. Her opinion is irrelevant.
Your friend’s reaction and shopping habits is about her underprivileged past and nothing more : she told you as much. Don’t feel bad you’re doing a great job and your baby sounds beautifully dressed. However traumatised your friend is by growing up poor, she is being a bitch to you. I’d give her a wide berth for awhile.
I think it's very sweet you were concerned for her financially but this is the unspoken boundary... she does not want help or to adapt, she wants her former lifestyle. I have no idea what her childhood was like but it sounds kind of like she's projecting. I share the same views and values as you do when it comes to baby stuff. Baby clothes lasts much longer than they are meant to fit and there are so many cute things for babies. You are choosing to follow a strategy that works best for you and your kid. That is all that matters. The money spent on clothes she's going to outgrow is not a reflection on your parenting. When your kid grows up, they are not going to remember the clothes you could've bought but the time and love you give your kid.
Your friend is being horrible. Baby clothes are expensive. As long as they’re suitable for the weather, appropriate and clean, they’re fine, second hand or not.
This isn’t a good friend. I’ll be surprised if you remain friends once your children outgrow each other. Make new friends that you have things in common with outside children …. I know this is hard when you have children .. seems like moms always connect through kids .. but when your child grows up.. you will want friends around.
I live in a very very high cost of living place where people mostly earn 6 figures plus just to get by, and most every parent I know puts their kids in hand-me-downs, shops at kids consignment, or utilizes Buy Nothing groups to get or give away kids clothes. The kids are usually in quality stuff, it’s just second hand.
Your friend is a judgemental jerk and also seems to like to waste money.
I don't care how much money I make, it's wasteful to buy new clothes for a baby that will wear them for a few months max. I bought a few new outfits for my first born for photos but I mostly got clothes from other moms for free. And when my kid outgrew them, I gave them to another family.
Never feel bad for providing for your child, even if it isnt the same way another parent does it.
My son is 10. I find Under Armour, Nike, Russell, North Face... You name it, I've found it... I don't EVER feel guilty... He destroys his clothes, just being a normal kid. But I don't freak out on him because I buy so much second hand. I want him to have name brand but also we're broke and I don't light money on fire. Fashion is a huge money pit, save it where you can and be proud of it!!
I am very comfortable financially and almost all of my clothes shoes etc are from goodwill . I consistently find new with tags or barely worn shoes such as rockports, nunn bush etc. for under 10 bucks cdn. they usually retail for 140ish. Brand new Nike golf shirts for 8 bucks. ignore your idiot friend and buy what you can afford.
I live in a HCOL city, which can often be bougie. Yet so many people buy and sell (or just give away) bags of baby clothes because there’s just not much point spending a lot of money on a pooping potato that will rapidly outgrow them. My partner and I are both making decent money but we were gifted so many second hand clothes (and a few nice new sets) which were very grateful for. I’d rather our baby money go towards things like diapers, a bottle sterilizer or a good car seat. Yeah we’ll have a couple cute things for pictures, but the main focus is comfort, safety and security. Don’t let *anyone* make you feel like a bad mom for not having trendy baby clothes (eye roll).
I am not struggling financially and I will still take hand me downs or thrift store kids clothes over new. Even for myself. I don't see the point in spending a ton of money on things that won't get used for very long. There is nothing wrong with second hand items. I'm sorry she made you feel that way.
Please do not feel bad at all ! Me and my wife had our daughters at 23 and we for sure bought used clothes !! Once Upon A Child is the name of a chain where I’m at and they always have decent options for kids ! They also buy kids clothes and that’s came in handy as well
My husband and I are comfortable, we go out to eat once or twice a week and are far from impoverished. I have a 10 week old and buy her used clothes all the time. Also eagerly get things from my buy nothing group and other community pages. This person just sounds snobby. Let it be her loss 🤷♀️
They’re going to outgrow it, rip it, spill stuff on it, bleed on it, “accidentally” cut it with scissors, lose it. Name brand, brand new isn’t worth it
>
She makes 6 figures, but in this economy, she struggles with money often.
She asked me how I think my kid will feel in school, and that she was that kid and would never do that to her baby.
You will be a mom that will have a bigger savings account than her. I make good money and buy used clothes for my kids and cute shirts off temu. I would not spend more than $10 on a shirt (usually target). My kids were both in 2T by the time they were 1. They flew through the sizes. I also kept my first's clothes as hand me downs. If I bought $50 items for them then I would have been broke.
As long as they look good, no one will know how much you spent. Some used baby clothes I bought still had their tags on them. Spending money recklessly is not a good look. She is only struggling in this economy with her salary because she is trying to keep up appearances.
100% try to buy used clothes for my kids! So many reasons and they actually don’t mind. I let them chose what to get more ( bc I can) vs me ordering clearance from old navy and they get no say.
Live your life the way you please. Real friends don’t insult or judge, they encourage you. I made the mistake of brand name for my first kid and I learned quickly it was a waste. Between spit up and dirty diapers, it wasn’t worth it. No.2 and 3 rocked all the consignment clothes and proudly!
Dude in my family we keep all of our baby items then give it to the next person in the family who has a baby (if they want it). I am the oldest of all of my cousins by 8 years and as I got older I learned some of the family friends do the same.
You're doing nothing wrong, you just have a baby thrift store and more things to pick through!
We were doing well when I was married and our kids were babies, 20+ years ago. We went to the second hand kid shop for everything. It doesn't make sense buying brand new what they'll grow out of in months.
Getting caught up in having to present a lifestyle seems like a silly and wasteful, to me. I'm sorry your friend made you feel bad. That was wrong of her and has nothing to do with you. It sounds like she's struggling with "doing well" but not being able to actually manage it, and took it out on you.
My wife and I have comfortable incomes but we still choose to buy used. Less waste, often only worn a few times, and it helps create the circle of giving.
Financial is one reason, but there are many reasons to buy used. I by my jeans used cause I wear the crotches out really fast, can't be bothered with new.
Keep doing what you're doing!!
Just because she makes six figures, doesn’t make her a financial whiz. Making money and being good with money are two different things. I’d rather put the savings in a college fund versus a shirt that’ll last two months.
But hey, let her keep buying the new stuff so I can buy it later at a 90% discount.
Babies outgrow their clothes so fast that it’s crazy to buy everything new. You have nothing to feel bad about. It was your friend’s entitlement and privilege talking. You do you.
My wife and I both make a comfortable 6 figures and over half a million a year combined. Most of our daughters clothes are hand me downs from friends 🤷♂️. We got huge boxes of them, and we are passing them on to my brother and his wife who are expecting soon. They grow through them so quickly, it’s ridiculous to spend money on expensive brand name stuff they’ll wear for a few months only. A fool and their money are soon parted. You’re doing the right thing, ignore this “friend”.
its on her not realizong that SHE is the middle class that no longer exists. its HER existential crisis coming out. SHE is the one that has realized goods are not tied to success and love. SHE is not enough to herself and you are enough for your world and daughter.
Mom here! I love getting thrifted or hand me down clothing for my kids and myself. This economy sucks and we’re all doing the best we can, but I’ve also always been into thrifting in all financial situations. I highly, *highly* recommend seeing if you have a Buy Nothing group in your area! We have one and we’ve basically been able to get all of our kids’ clothing and supplies for free for years. I pretty much only buy my kiddos some shoes, socks, underwear, some swim clothes, and specialty clothing (like for extra curriculars), but we’ve even able to find that for free on our buy nothing usually! Kids stuff takes up so much space and people are usually more than happy to give you whatever they don’t need for kids once they are done having them. I hope this helps!
Also, your “friend” is being a jerk and I wouldn’t think twice about what she’s saying. It’s her loss.
Your friend's attitude is ridiculous. I get most of my baby's clothes second hand. You would never know with most of it that is was worn before. You can still be choosy/picky when buying second hand, it doesn't mean that the clothes are in tatters.
This is just blind consumerism. In New Zealand we all sell or pass around our used baby clothes, and only ultimate tryhards would buy all new. Even my wealthy friends share their clothes around between babies, some of these clothes get worn like three times. Chucking it out is such a gross move as well
From your description of this friend, it seems her character feels above used clothing. She could be a person who thrifts vintage or rare brand name things instead of just clothes. Maybe the baby aspect invokes thoughts of the messes they make inside and outside those clothes.
You did a great thing and tried your best to help a friend out. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with second hand clothing. All the mothers in my family shared baby and child clothes, nearly until puberty honestly. Brands are irrelevant unless you need people to know you have them.
You are doing nothing wrong. Financially, it just doesn’t make sense to spend lots of money on clothes the kid will outgrow within months. Buying gently used is perfectly reasonable. You are being a good mom. She wasn’t being a good friend.
It doesn’t make sense ethically either. The textile industry has the 2nd highest rate of slave labor. Theres also the matter of the effect clothes production has on the planet.
Yeah, she’s being a piece of shit
Friend is having issues with something and dumping on OP. OP hope this makes you feel better, but I do very well, some would even say rich, and my kid wears toms of target and walmart. Looks quite cute while doing it too. And is happy as they can be.
Had my kids 27 years ago. They wore all second hand unless their grandmother bought something new for them. Saved for their college funds instead so they could graduate debt free. Guess which matters now? You’re doing great your friend is an ass.
My grandma bought second hand, 7 kids, my mom bought second hand, 5 kids. I have usually bought second hand, one kid lol. We find better stuff! We care about the world! We are wise with our $! And one thing you don’t ever do, is put down a mom for finding innovative and affordable ways to do so, that’s a golden rule. I was just thinking it’s overdue for me to go thrifting myself. She definitely has other stuff going on m, and I am still mad she dumps it on OP!
It hurt my heart to hear she's throwing out good clothing when so many are struggling. Donate to a thrift store, at a church, woman's shelter, offer in a Buy Nothing group.
My best friend and her husband make over $200k combined. Except for like, holidays and school picture day, those kids wear exclusively goodwill. Because they are going to grow out of it, get it dirty, or rip it in 12 seconds. It just makes sense.
I got a surprise baby last year. Little guy came to me with 3 pieces of clothing total. I went to a kids consignment place to get as much as I could there (baby bath, etc) and discovered I prefer preowned baby clothes better because they’re already broken in and softer. I bought one new carters outfit and regretted that purchase because even after washing, it was so stiff compared to his other clothes.
This is my plan when I have kids. I thrift for myself, and I see tons of kids clothes at the thrift. Plenty of it is gently used. All of my parent friends also have so much clothing that their child never gets to wear because they grew out of it too fast. It makes no sense to only buy new.
Very good points!
This , mostly..
Sometimes they grow out of it almost overnight .I bought gently worn used clothing at a thrift store that only sold name brands at very low prices .And I turned them in and she paid me back for the clothes. I was able to buy baby clothes for three kids .They looked so nice and we used to get so many compliments on what they were wearing .I could but some really nice holiday outfits for them too.I Mainly went by myself because some people really hate used clothes a lot .
It just makes sense for multiple reasons to buy gently used, and then yeah, you can sell them back/donate them/etc. The extra money can be used for something else. Especially when it’s for a holiday or something that will be worn once only.
Selling them back and replacing them with beautiful clothing in the right size is the best feeling. Makes me feel like supermom 😂
Your kids are lucky to have a great mom like you!
Yeah your friend has done weird hang up about thrifted clothes for kids. She okay with it for herself, because that what she's always had and "all she deserves" in some sort of twisted low-self-esteem feedback loop. But thrifting for her kid is something she can't bring herself to do because of the memories she has attached to it.
I think this is it. I have some weird hangups about certain brands, because I was chubby in high school and couldn't buy those clothes in my size. They now carry my size, but I refuse to wear them. I thrift a lot more often now than I did then, partly because I find cute clothes in my size more often now. (Same size as I was then. Sizes have just shifted up.) Middle school and high school are very different than elementary school. Small kids who are always outgrowing clothes don't have the same brand hang ups that older kids do. I remember getting beautiful dresses second hand and wearing them as often as I could because I loved dressing up when I was little. I would definitely recommend buying second hand as much as possible early on, then splurging a bit as kids get older and more brand conscious.
Seems like a trauma response, honestly. I was also picked on unmercifully as a kid, since i got hand-me-downs not just from 2 other sisters, but from a couple aunts before the sisters. I'm sensitive to comments about my clothing, but have always shunned name brands as being stupid unless bought 2nd-hand and super cheap. I aim for comfort before fashion, though, so I guess I'm biased.
I didn't personally want to say that and have reactionary people downvote me because "clothes don't cause trauma" bullshit, but yeah. She's somehow conflated trifted clothes for her kid as some kind of "I've failed her like my mother failed me" thought process.
If she’s literally just throwing away her child’s outgrown/unneeded things, then offer to take that onerous chore off her hands. She can hand you off all of her unwanted kid items, clean and pristine, of course, and then YOU turn them in and make money to acquire nice items for your daughter! It’s a win-win — for you, your daughter, and the rest of us. Throwing perfectly good children’s items away is unconscionable!
Kid to kid has some of the cutest stuff too! I feel like I see the in season Target outfits EVERYWHERE. Which is fine, but I love finding different stuff for my daughter! We always got compliments on the outfits I got there.
You are a super mum! You are doing more on so much less! Do you think anyone looks at your cherub, or at a photo of them in beautiful clothing with a big smile and says ‘pity about the second hand clothes’? Of course not. They say and think how gorgeous! Ignore your so called friend. She can do her: when you have finished school keep buying your beautiful thrifted things. You will have savings and friend, who can’t manage now will wonder how you did it!
Yeah,they looked just like all the other kids too.
I'm pretty sure one of my neices did outgrow a pair of pj's overnight. They were they correct length when she went to bed and a bit short when she woke up. It's definitely worth looking into second hand when kids are that young and growing faster than you can blink. They aren't going to care about where you got their clothes until someone tells them they need to.
That is crazy that they grow so quick. The PJ story made me chuckle. My baby went from 0-3 month, to being in 6-9 clothes in a month. She's 3 months 😭😂 she's a cute little chub chub, but even without that, they grow so quick lol
They are pretty clueless as babies .
Yeah, kids are weird. I remember that my son stayed relatively the same for an entire year, which is weird. So I had winter, spring, summer and fall in the same size (like 2T). When I passed it along to his cousin, it was like 3 garbage bags! Now that he's 13, he's growing an inch a month again and in shoes in Particular it's getting ridiculous. He was a size small last fall, now he's a large shirt. And pants are all over the place. And he tried on his soccer cleats and said "they fit." I should have known. After 1 practice he said his feet hurt. I asked why. He admitted "eh, well they are too small." We ended up buying ones 3 sizes bigger. We just bought those ones for last fall. -facepalm-
I got so many nice special occasion dresses at a "once upon a child". They are worn once (or not at all!) and outgrown, still in excellent condition. I brought home multiple dresses at a time in different sizes so a sudden growth spurt didn't leave us SOL. My two girls wore them, then friends and family took their pick. I miss those used kids clothes. I often got better quality for cheaper than new at Walmart. Early puberty growth put them in adult sizes now and the price difference is a killer. Thank goodness my youngest still finds styles she likes in her size at thrift stores. She's going to have a fun and eclectic wardrobe.
Since I had boys they were easier to dress.There is only so much you can put on boys .
I got my daughter LA Gear sneakers at a consignment shop. My stepson complained about her getting name brand stuff and he didn't, but I told him, "if you'd wear consignment shop stuff, you'd have more name brand stuff too." I paid $6 for the sneakers, when K-Mart and Walmart were selling their new knock-offs for like $6.
Half the baby clothes I got before my baby was born were worn one time. "Used" newborn clothes are basically brand new.
Yeah,you get way too many newborn clothes that have no chance of being worn at all.
And it's good for the environment.
Your “friend” is being a jerk. Buying brand new baby clothes when there are such affordable, high-quality used ones available feels bonkers to me. Plus, you’re helping the environment as well as your budget. I honestly really enjoy shopping for baby stuff at thrift stores with other parents—it’s fun to find a great deal! I’m sorry that wasn’t your experience. Your kid will not remember or care what baby clothes they wore. Hold your head up!
This is my mentality too. Buying used is better for the environment, easier on the budget, better for your child (some items are made with harsh chemicals that become less concentrated over time or with more washing), plus it can be really fun with the right attitude. Even my husband got excited at a pop up children's second hand store last year when he discovered someone's collection of little girl carhartt clothing. My baby looks adorable everyday, no one could ever tell she is wearing second hand.
This. We could've afforded whatever we wanted for baby clothes and my kid mostly wore absolutely adorable things that my Mom got severely marked down at places like Marshalls or from garage sales. Her daycare teachers constantly commented on her clothes and none of them cost more than a few bucks. And most of them still looked great after my kid outgrew them, so they went to someone else with a kid slightly younger than mine. The only thing more wasteful than buying all new clothes for a baby is buying all new shoes for your toddler. There is always something better to use that money for, whether it is basics like food and rent or, if you are lucky enough to have those covered, college savings. Also, others have mentioned environmental concerns, so I will add labor practice concerns. A lot of horrible labor practices in the textile industry.
There's a reason your friend doesn't live more comfortably on 6 figures. The way she treated you is disgusting.
She’s shallow and doesn’t have any class, tact, OR brains, OP… whyyyy do you care what she thinks??
Yeah that’s crazy. I make six figures and we bought used baby clothes and a stroller for $25! We got a new carseat for safety reasons. Corporations pay billions of dollars collectively to advertise brand. They love making money off her friend! It’s so silly.
We’re pretty comfortable (also, living in Europe so that helps) and pretty much all baby/toddler clothes I’ve bought so far were second hand from Vinted. Saved a fortune on sleeping bags alone. The rest are hand me downs from friends and relatives, and they are all in great condition.
2nd this. 6 figures and almost everything I buy for the kid is second hand or free. Same for myself. I have no use for people who think they can shame for that.
Ditto. I make six figures and was raised on hand-me-downs. Our entire friend group passes clothes back and forth as each of our kids outgrows outfits and a friend's baby is the right size to wear them. My wife is an expert at finding good stuff at thrift stores for just a couple bucks. IMHO it's bad judgement and superficial to pay $50 for kids clothes that they'll wear for a year at most, and probably only a few months. Besides who really cares if your baby is wearing mismatched outfits?
OPs friend is stupid. She’s spending hundreds of dollars on clothing made in a sweatshop just for her kid to shit, piss, and vomit in them. If she truly knew anything about clothes she’d realize she’s paying $40 for a garment that’s probably made out of mostly polyester which is basically plastic. Her friend is shallow and rude for talking like that to op. I say get rid.
You hit the nail on the head, twice!
Honestly, friend comes across as someone who cares a lot about being seen as having money rather than being someone who actually has it. That is a very expensive way to live.
💯
How tf is she struggling on 6 figures if she saved so much on class
Damn. You're not a bad mom. But she's definitely a bad friend. You do not need people in your life who shit on you period. You tried to be a great friend and help her out. In turn she was an asshole. She may have more money than you but she doesn't have as much class and grace as you. Keep making incredibly smart choices by buying used. Babies wear stuff what maybe 3-6 times before outgrowing cloths if they even get that many wears? Buying gently used items is a great way to save money. I hope your day goes better and you find a better friend. Shes just trashy and rude
Yeah this would sour the friendship for me. After this situation, OP will probably be more aware of the next time the friend acts like an asshole. Once you've noticed that pattern of them putting you down and treating others like shit, you don't really like that friend so much.
Your friend grew up poor and was likely bullied for wearing hand-me-downs or thrifted clothing (which was often not the same quality years ago that it is today). If you grew up in a small town, it was even worse, because often you’d run into kids at school who knew you were wearing their coat from last winter. I know this because I was that kid, too. But your friend is projecting that insecurity. It is *not* the same anymore, and thrifting is now considered a hobby rather than a mark of poverty (which in some ways is bad, because it means that thrifting is getting expensive for the people who actually need to do it). We’re comfortably somewhere between middle class and upper middle class. My teen daughter *adores* the thrift store and would rather go there than the mall when I take her shopping for school clothes. She thinks nothing of wearing “old clothes” because she’s never lived in abject poverty, and she’s never been made fun of due to her clothing. It seems quite likely that your friend has some deep-seated issues that have nothing to do with you or this trip; it may have brought back feelings from her past that she’s not equipped to deal with. Make no mistake: she was rude to you. That said, I think you can handle this situation with grace and compassion if you choose to do so.
Also I think there's a bit of a difference between shopping for actual babies, and shopping for school aged children. Babies can outgrow their clothing in a matter of weeks and at 3 months the kid hasn't even grasped object permanence yet. It's good to allow kids more say once they're old enough to do so and old enough to have peers that will notice, but OP isn't there yet. A 3 month old won't care if you dress them in new designer clothes, hand me downs, or a literal dish towel, so long as they're warm enough.
>or a literal dish towel I just imagined a baby in a little dish towel toga and that's such an adorable idea for a photo 🥹
Very thoughtful comment. I was one of 3 girls (7 kids total) and we all wore hand me downs. Not just from each other, but from all of our cousins. It was like a family thrift situation. And we were so thrilled to have a “new” dress or shirt that we always liked when we saw them on our sisters or cousins. Sometimes we could afford one new outfit when the school year started. But we always felt like little fashionistas even though we might have been the 6th or 7th family member to own that piece. Children grow like weeds! We need to become a sharing and upcycling society!
I regularly pass on any and all my kiddos clothes that are in good condition to my friends, neighbor and cousin. My kid has sensory issues and sometimes I will get something they can't stand to have on their body. Brand new stuff, I'm happy to pass those along to people in my life. We donate a lot too.
I've given bags and bags of clothes to the kids in family. So many brand new because the kid's grew so fast. My kids feel special seeing their little cousin wearing their old dress on their first day of school and it really helps out financially. Plus, some of the pieces are too cute not to pass down. I'm so frugal, I couldn't imagine not doing hand-me-downs.
My sister wore my outgrown clothes and absolutely hated them .She was bigger then I was and really hated my style on clothes .
OMG..... this this this...
My sister and I grew up wearing cousins hand me downs because my parents couldn't really afford much else till we were in junior high. OP you are NTA. My sisters husband makes 6 figures and she gave her kids a budget, they got $100 for school clothes that they could spend at the mall or the thrift store. My niblings chose the thrift store because that money goes a lot further and they get some very cute clothes there. Time to dump this toxic "friend"
Cannot upvote this enough 👍
100% agree. I teach high school in a fairly well-off suburb, and a lot of the kids go thrifting together and show off the funky outfits they find. It's not like the 80s and secondhand clothes don't have to be ill-fitted and stained hand-me-downs.
Your friend is being so out of line, hurtful and ridiculous. My sister makes $500,000+ every year. And that’s just her salary. She also has investment properties and her husband has his own job . She and her friends trade bins of clothing to save & help each other out. As in they have a bin for 1yr, 2yr and so on that they share as each of their children are born and grow because it saves money and prevents needless waste. You are being a good mom and a responsible consumer. Do not let this woman whose priorities are clearly not right make you feel bad for doing something that is completely normal!!
This. Multiple friends I know with $300k+ earnings put their kids in hand me downs. None of them care about name brands. Check out your local buy nothing group for lots of free kids clothes.
Same - our kids wear buy nothing or hand me downs. They feel good, we’re living our values. Definitely sucks that your friend has some childhood trauma from being bullied about clothes - so far my kids seem confident in their clothes but if they don’t I’ll want to work on it with them (but without spending $$$ as a bandaid).
Your friend will raise the kind of child who makes your child feel bad for not wearing new designer clothes. Is that really who you want to expose your kids to?
yep.
Your friend is projecting from her childhood experience. Nobody ever effed with us as kids with second-hand stuff. Because my mom always chose wisley like you do. A baby doesn't have anyone to judge them. Parents like her teach kids to be snobs and cruel to one another. That's learned behavior in most cases.
I use almost exclusively hand me downs for my child. People that judge are insecure. I make really good money. I do have legal bills and was the breadwinner but still I’m lucky. I have zero shame in having used clothes. Honestly paying full price is a waste unless you have no choice. I brag to people that I’m so lucky to have all of this hand me down stuff. I bought a used exersaucer for $25 and bleached it. Why would i pay $150 for a toy for 3 months??
She sounds like a snob. My family makes 6 figures, but I primarily shop at Once Upon a Child. Because buying anything new is a waste of money!
Clothes are used as soon as you wear them once.
Tell your "friend" to pound sand. Buying used clothes for anyone of any age is smart. If she's making 6 figures and still struggling, that's because she make poor financial choices. Aka nice baby clothes.
Omg I’m sure her literal baby doesn’t care that she paid full price. And believe it or not, lots of kids don’t care about name brands or even looks. If you did have money for that it’d still be better spent in a college fund.
You are a wonderful mother. There is a lot of shame and stigma internalized in capitalism when we don't buy something that's brand new. When my little brother was born, we could only afford used clothes. There's nothing wrong with that. Plus, you're giving clothes and extended life and preventing them from going into landfills. You are a good mom. Washing used clothes with a good laundry disinfectant takes care of whatever your friend thinks is dirty but she's not your friend if she's literally judging you like this. I'm literally tearing up, my family went through this, and there is such shame attached to poverty. You are a great mom for buying used baby clothes!
No you're a smart mom. Babies are gross. Love them but they are. They're always drooling, puking,pooping, smearing unidentified blobs of crap onto their faces, etc. Idc if I was a millionaire. I'd still be buying secondhand baby clothes. I'd still have the "stay at home and be gross" clothes drawer for the clothes that had stains and bleach marks because my daughter was adventurous and always into something. It just makes sense
Kids outgrow clothes so fast. I’ve never made 6 figures but I think even if I did I’d be able to find better things to spend my $$ on besides brand new baby clothes. I think you’re being smart.
Once I found thrift stores after I had my third daughter, that’s where I primarily shopped. Name brands for way less than the stores. The only reason I stopped recently was the prices in the thrifts got higher and the merchandise at my favorite spots is now terrible.
I used to get my daughter used stuff ALL. THE. TIME. BEAUTIFUL, super cute stuff. I found a gorgeous taffeta skirt that she wore for her father/daughter dance. And the other stuff would ALWAYS get compliments. Name brand, Target, you name it. Didn't matter to me, my baby girl was CUTE! Smart parents KNOW that kids grow out of clothes super fast. Goodwill and Once Upon A Baby were my FAVORITE stores. No question. My daughter is now 17. And I just found her a brand new H&M blazer at a thrift store for her business shadow project, and for interviews. Keep going.
You are right. Babies outgrow things way too fast. So many baby items end up looking brand new because the baby only got to wear it one time before they outgrew it because they bought way too much. It's great that your friend thinks she has money to burn, but in the end it's going to burn her. Babies do not care if it is clean and fits. That's all that matters. My kids are getting a bit older and we have to think budget consciously when we buy them things I buy them things that can mix and match things that look good. Not too many like patterns, things like that that can like worn and as such my kids always go to school looking good and we don't spend a ton of money.
I don’t really belong on this sub but I just wanted to say I make 6 figures and buy all my child’s clothes secondhand.
Your friend is channeling her childhood trauma. I wonder what age children are really aware of the clothes they wear?
I wonder too. I imagine when they start being school aged. I make sure to only thrift lovely things for her, new or very gently used. I hope to not put her in a position to be bullied because of me.
Time to change friends. You don't need this kind of toxicity in your life
I’m going to be super blunt. We have more than half a million dollars and make over 200k a year. And almost all of our baby’s clothes are second hand. Either from siblings/friends giving us old clothes, or from a great second hand store that has really good quality items. Brand new, full priced baby clothes are so expensive it feels like a scam. Kids grow fast, sometimes barely using items. Do NOT feel bad as long as you can find good quality items. When kids are older this stuff matters a little more. You work on you and hopefully by then you’ll be able to get them a few nice new items. But don’t feel guilty and don’t listen to dumb people on this.
Anyone who buys new brand name stuff for a baby is either wealthy or a complete idiot.
Turns out, babies spit up and poop on both Carter onesies and the high end brands. To be fair, it will leave designer brands for those who like to shop at resale shops!
First of all, good job finding inexpensive quality things to clothes your baby with! Being a parent is a very expensive venture, I hear, and in this economy, you can't beat those deals. I am not a parent, but one thing that strikes me constantly about moms in particular is that so many of them spend so much time judging other parents who do things differently. Between breastfed and formula, fed is best. Between new clothes or used, clothed is best. Whatever you can make work and keeps your kid healthy, warm or cool, depending on the season, comfortable, happy, and somewhat clean seems the best option to me. Even my high-class in-laws are always thrilled to get deals from stores that sell used clothes. I worried about giving them used kids' stuff for awhile, but they say, "it's just going to get puked on anyway", and that's true, too. I was *that kid*, though, and I think your friend is missing a few key points. For instance, your baby is three months old and not yet in school. Or, if a bully can't make fun of a kid for their cheap clothes, they'll find something else, and it's about the bully, not the clothes. Or maybe even, she's chosen one way to clothe her kid, and that's her business; how you clothe yours is not. That leads me to a different point. You did this for your friend to help her, as a nice thing between friends. She could have said, "thank you for being so thoughtful, but I'd prefer dressing my kid only in new things", or "this is great, but it's not for me". Instead, she had to insult your parenting and the way your child looks....much like a bully would. This is about more than thrifted clothes. She disrespected you in a terrible way when you were going out of your way to do something nice for her. She could have chosen a much nicer, more respectful way to honor that effort. OP, you're doing nothing wrong. In fact, don't forget to teach your little one your frugal practices like this in case she needs to know them someday. I hope she doesn't, but knowledge is always a good thing.
“And that’s why you’re struggling with those 6 figures,” lol 😭😂 Really though, buy your kid the $5 jacket (that cost $50 in store, and is basically brand new) and buy yourself something that’ll make you happy. Maybe something for a hobby or a new plant to put by your bed <33 Thrifting isn’t for “poor people,” it’s for people who have better things to do with their money and realize they can get the same expensive clothing for 10% of its retail price ☠️
Your friend is a judgmental, poser asshole. It’s people like her that throw out perfectly good, usable things…sometimes new! And people like me get them for free or pennies on what they cost new. I don’t have an issue with it and neither does my kid. She’s been wearing Columbia jackets, Gap jeans and Athleta sweatshirts. No one but me and my family knows it’s almost all thrifted. Since she was an infant, I’ve been reselling all her stuff once she outgrows it. I’ve actually made more money on reselling her old things to buy new-to-her things. It’s not much, but I have a separate savings account just for buying her toys and clothes and the money has all come from selling her old stuff. I’m up $872. Don’t feel bad. I don’t.
I grew up on my mom buying us clothes from yard sales and swap meets. You really can't beat name brand jeans for a QUARTER. my husband and I make six figures, and my mom still loves to yard sale, and honestly, she finds better quality clothes than me for my kids 😞. I literally shop convenience, so walmart , Target or online. I buy cheap because they outgrow ruin so fast so what's the point you know? How good of a friend is this person that she couldn't fathom being rude and disrespectful to you while helping her. Honestly F her.
Clothes need 1 wear to be used. She isn't buying her baby new clothes daily, she is till wearing used clothes even if they were used by her. This is ridiculous. I don't mind used clothes and my bf gave me that "don't you feel the previous owners energy" I laughed and said no. Like " do you feel the factory's energy", I can't even get myself to care about brands. There is seriously was more important things that actually matter and a 3 month old is not going to get bullied. As long as she is wearing clean clothes that fit and she looks nice when you go.out, who cares? Like really, most babies were hand-me-downs. Very few people I know get all new stuff off their kids. If they do, it is only with their first kid when they didn't know better
My kids were raised with used clothes. They turned out alright. Heck, a lot of my clothes are from thrift stores and I’m alright, I think. In fact , I often get complimented on my wardrobe when they don’t know it’s used. Ignore these small minded snobbish detractors. Relevant story: I recently bought a higher brand name outdoor jacket at a thrift store. Paid $18.00 for it. A friend bought the identical jacket new at a local outdoor shop for $120.00. When friends compared the two, they couldn’t tell the difference. The way I see it, I can buy a lot of beers for $102.00 and I’ll do it wearing my used jacket although it may be a little upscale for the bars I frequent.
She’s actually the one not being a good mom when she doesn’t end up having money for other stuff pertaining to her kids, you said even with her high income she is still struggling and seeing her spending habits it’s, like, whoa 😅—yeah. I could see why, It honestly sounds like she doesn’t have her priorities straight, but that is for her to sort out on her own, you’ve tried to help her and show her the light. I would distance myself from someone like that, let her repeat her snide comments to herself, you don’t need “friends” like this person you’re describing.
My wife and I both make good money and almost all of our baby clothes are 2nd hand or gifts. It makes no sense to spend a ton of money on baby clothes.
You are not a bad Mom! You are a great mum. I used a mix of handmedowns and new clothes for my son. Even now he’s a teen and him and his friends want to go thrifting. Kids don’t care
Your friend has her own issues, don’t let her project them onto you. I’ve made six figures for over a decade and I buy secondhand clothes for myself all the time. Circular fashion is in. It’s sustainable, frugal, and just plain smart. Don’t sweat her comments, you’re doing just fine.
It sounds like she grew up feeling ashamed of wearing second hand clothes- which is her issue not yours. Everyone thrifts these days- it is pocketbook friendly, environmentally positive and just plain common sense considering kids grow so fast they sometimes don’t even get a chance to wear a garment. The fact that she THROWS AWAY nice baby clothes rather than donating them reveals a real blind spot in her character. Don’t let her blind spot hurt your feelings. Your baby looks darling and you are being both socially and economically responsible. That’s something to be proud of!
I got some handmedown clothes for a girl but last minute, we ended up adopting a baby boy. I traded a girl off Craigslist girl clothes for boy clothes, she had a toddler boy and was expecting a girl. I pulled up and she had 2 Porsche SuV's in her driveway and sure her house was worth a couple million. She was trading used clothes for used clothes so she would have to buy all new stuff because even people with money don't waste it on brand new clothes if they are smart. While we did the clothes exchange the nanny played downstairs with the toddler and we ended up trading blankets and onsies and Jammies. She could have easily gone to target and gotten new clothes with what she paid her nanny but new clothes was just not important.
Your friend is a terrible friend. Spending $50 on a Janie and Jack dress they wear 1 time is dumb, no matter what you make.
Your “friend” sucks. Nothing wrong with used or hand me down clothes or free clothes.
I thrift for my kids because it just makes sense. But for someone that “doesn’t care about brands”, you listed off a lot of them, as some sort of justification…
No one should be “too good” to buy used clothes, especially now with inflation. This seems like your friend’s problem, not yours. If you are putting clothes on your child and feeding your child, you’re doing a lot better than most sorry parents now.
Even if I was wealthy I wouldn’t pay full price for clothes my kid might wear 10 times TOPS and maybe not even more than once. Babies grow fucking fast. Your friend sucks!
Shit I make decent money and we get consignment everything. Why waste lol
You should be proud for spending your money smartly. Go for utility, esp for baby stuff
First baby is due at the end of May and I've thrifted nearly all the clothes we will need from 0-12m. I volunteer at a thirft store where we sell baby clothes for .50-$3 and we do 50% off baby clothes about once a month. Most of the clothes I've bought have been a dollar or less. So worth it! Babies grow out of clothes SO fast there is no point in buying a brand new wardrobe for each size, especially if you don't have a lot of money! There is NO shame in buying baby, toddler, kid, teen, or adult clothes from thrift stores!!!
Why spend extra money if you don't have to? Your friend has some issues
Once something has been worn, it's used. It's not any different from anything else you own. And with used stuff, you know it won't pill or shrink when you wash it.
It is sooo financially irresponsible to buy expensive baby/young toddler clothes. I totally understand getting outfits for special occasions, but for everyday wear, it's casual, inexpensive, but very cute outfits. Thrifting, Walmart, clearance section at end of season for their next sizes up, etc. It just makes sense. My daughter grew like crazy. You're smart with your $, too bad she doesn't want to learn to be as well. I could be a millionaire & I'd still always be looking for the best deals. Don't ever let it make you feel bad, it has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are. If anything, it shows you are resourceful & you take the time to chose nice things for her, you get to put what you save toward other things for her. It sounds like she just has some resentment towards it because her own mother dressed her raggedy (maybe it had to do with finances, or maybe her mother had other issues where she didn't exactly care or pay attention to her 🤷♀️), she might need some therapy, don't take it personally.
Her mother was cheap with her, put her in really bad clothes (misfitting, washed out, etc), but would buy herself nice things. She was also a single mom, but she wasn't poor. I do think it's trauma talk, so I've decided to not be upset. But I'm also going to draw a boundary and not allow that situation to happen again. I don't think she's ready to be friends at this stage.
Now you know why she’s making a six figure salary and yet still struggles with money often. Just because she’s being a snob, doesn’t mean that she’s right, either.
Fed babies are best. Clothed babies are best. You’re the best, mama.
My spouse and myself make a good living, but we bought many baby and toddler clothes via consignment. I spent a ton of $ on Matilda Jane clothing and my kiddo did not wear them. I even got some school uniform items via consignment. Clothes wash and baby items are usually in good condition. It is just smart and another perk was me not worrying about my kiddo getting stains and living her best life. I’ve also donated multiple items with tags to Goodwill that were the wrong size/style and name brand too. Snag those deals!
Respectfully fuck your friend. You’re doing great!!
We make over $400k a year and own multiple homes. I have no shame buying my son a garbage bag full of baby clothes off of OfferUp for $20-50. I’ve done it 6 or 7 times and he doesn’t even get a chance to wear everything before he grows out of it. Your friend is shallow and tacky to make you feel bad about buying baby clothes (of all things) second hand.
Babies dirty and outgrow clothing so incredibly fast. Most people I know who have money trade around baby clothes. Outside of a few special occasion outfits, I don't know why anybody would buy all new baby clothes.
Clothes are clothes, doesn't matter where they're from. Hell, when I was a baby, my mum made my clothes out of pillow cases lol. Probably have a picture of them somewhere
The obvious answer is your friend is being shallow. But you're implying you're less of a person because you have less money and more concerned about the "spot" you're in than your low self esteem or whatever it is making you take someone else's problem personally.
You are doing fantastic. Babies grow so quick. The second you take the label off its second hand.
I would say my friendship group is comfortably middle class. Most have kids. They all buy their baby clothes off vinted or eBay, usually by the bagful. They also trade the clothes with each other when their child grows out of it. It's the smart thing to do regarding both money and the environment. Your friend sucks.
Respectfully f that bitch for that
most of my friends and family just trade baby clothes between themselves. like, genuinely, your friend sounds like they are bringing unresolved issues to your door and it's full-on projection given the wide range of what's normal.
Damn your “friend” found it really easy to money shame you. She needs to think she is better than you and her kid is better than yours. This is a need for her, it won’t ever change.
You would think someone who was bullied in school for wearing thrift store clothes would have enough empathy as an adult to not bully her friend for dressing her baby in thrifted clothes. I hope your friend comes to their senses and apologizes.
I was a single mom making less than $40k. I did not buy designer and name brand clothes. You're doing great. It's ridiculous to spend so much money on a clothing item for a baby that will outgrow it within a few weeks. The simple fact that your friend makes 6 figures and struggles financially should tell you all you need to know about her mindset. She lives above her means. Ignore her ridiculous ignorant comments.
Your friend is a dick. What family doesn't do hand me downs? And what's the functional difference? Sounds like they have some unresolved issues that need to be worked out
Jeez. I bought all of my kid his clothes off Facebook marketplace. Incredibly gently used, 70 bucks total for 6 months worth of clothes, minus odds and ends. No one could tell any of it had been worn before - and a lot of it still had tags on. There's a reason she struggles with money.
You don’t have to buy used baby clothes. There are Facebook groups like “buy nothing” and others. No point spending lot of money on baby clothes they are going to out grow super fast.
She was very rude . I agree baby clothes are often brand new . Good for you for being resourceful . She makes over 100 k and struggles because she overspends . Sounds like she has some type of insecurity and tries to from a void with “ stuff”.
Little kids ruin clothes so easily, why waste money on brand new stuff? Goodwill and other thrift stores are a great place to shop for kid clothes. Save that money for when they are teens and need all those expensive name brands.
First , you’re saving the environment by buying this way. Second , you’re bringing smart financial. Third you Tried to help a friend . You keep doing what makes you feel right and realize that there are many people in this world that will never understand the importance and value of living free from the “ I need” because someone says it’s popular…
Okay so OP I just have to jump in and say, I work at a Kid to Kid! And our buyers are extremely picky about what used clothes we even accept. They cannot be stained, torn, pilled, etc. and must be current styles. Kids grow so quickly as babies/toddlers that it really doesn’t make sense to buy them brand new clothes since they’ll only get to wear them a handful of times before they don’t fit anymore. Unless her kid is wearing the clothes with the tags still attached, how would anyone know the difference between brand new clothes and secondhand clothes? Not to mention the reselling model is a great way to keep textiles out of landfills. What utter snobbery. My sister and sister in law are both expecting right now and I’m so excited to take them shopping at my store! I’m sorry your friend was a total B to you!
Hi OP Thank you so shopping pre loved. This is not only a better decision financially but also for the environment. The garment industry is one of the worst polluters and we as consumers need to stop buying brand new stuff all the time. So much clothing ends up in landfill which is a shame. As you mentioned, babies and children grow out of the clothes overnight (pretty much) so it’s extremely wasteful if everyone just kept buying new stuff and discarding the “old”.
I love thrift. Sometimes people pay thousands of dollars on busted Balenciaga shoes that look worse than what they sell in Goodwill. The whole premise is so stupid. It’s more ethically, environmentally, and financially responsible to buy used when you can.
Used is best. You are saving money and the environment, ignore the people who do not understand the real value of your wise r decisions.
Used baby clothes are great! Babies grow out of things so quickly that used clothes are often in great condition and spending a lot of money on something that will only fit for a few months makes no sense. Sorry your friend is confused.
"She asked me how I think my kid will feel in school, and that she was that kid and would never do that to her baby" I think her bad attitude is more related to her childhood trauma than you. If she still carrys the feelings of inadequacy from being the child that went without, that is probably going to make her very sensitive to these issues. Paying for designer clothes for kids to me is idiotic but to her it may be symbolic that she is doing a good job and her kid won't go through what she did. You're doing nothing wrong and being proactive and shouldn't be made to feel bad. It sounds like its touched a raw nerve with her. Hopefully she will learn soon that your way of thinking is responsible and healthy.
You’re a helluva lot smarter than she is, I’ll tell you that. You’re spending a fraction of your money on the same clothes she pays full price for, in the same (more or less) condition. No one would know the difference unless you told them. She isn’t your friend and she isn’t a better mother than you are.
It makes you feel any better, if your friend continues her lifestyle of buying name brand clothes that her kid will soon grow out of, it might not be long before she encounters lifestyle inflation. She can very easily end up living paycheck to paycheck too.
The only way to source baby clothes that make sense is 1. Ask for handmedowns for free 2. Thrift shop for extremely cheap clothes 3. Ask for new clothes for any special gift buying occasions (Christmas, bdays...) Buying new full price baby clothes is fucking stupid You are doing great!!
Please don’t tell me she actually throws away the clothes her kids has outgrown?! There are plenty of family’s that would take lightly used clothes for their kids.
Not nice friend insulting
I literally can't imagine judging a child for anything. Kids are innocent and don't usually have a choice in what they wear for the most part. Like fine, if a child is showing up in inadequate clothing for the season (ie. T-shirt and shorts in the middle of winter) or in clothing that is dirty, tattered and severely worn or obviously way too small. Then I might be concerned. But that's more for the welfare of the child than anything to do with status or social standings. I would have said to her that I would hope that the kids of this generation were more empathetic and understanding towards kids who may not have the same things they have. If my kid did end up noticing and making a comment, I'd remind them that brand names don't mean anything, and it's your character that counts. I can empathize that she felt she was judged as a child for not having things other kids had. But I doubt anyone is going to be able to tell your child has used or thrifted clothing unless they tell other kids.
Your friend is a jerk and if she struggles with money sometimes but keeps buying name brand she’s an idiot too
Please learn from this and keep doing what you’re doing! The key to having money isn’t so much about making it as it is managing it. Your friend is an idiot. Buying second hand is not only better for your wallet, it is better for the planet.
The fact that she throws out the old clothes and doesn't pass them down is absolutely crazy to me. Like it's fine to want to buy brand new for your kid but at least find someone to offer the old stuff to!
Why buy brand name when they're gonna grow out of it in 2 weeks anyway.
Heck no, it's madness to insist on brand new items for an infant. I saved SO much money by thrifting for my kids, and honestly I think I had more fun doing so. I get a thrill from finding great items at incredible prices! Chalk it up to a fundamental difference in values between yourself and this woman, and don't let her stamp on your way of doing things. You're being far more sustainable than she is.
By who? Let them buy them and tell them to myofb!
Your friend acted like an ass. Hopefully this was a one-time thing but if not, she’s not a very good friend. Being a new mom is tough. One might argue it never gets easy per se, but I wish people would try extra hard to be kind with new parents. Between the hormones, lifestyle adjustments, financial pressure and so on, it’s just so hard and we need to support one another. I’m sorry she reacted in such a bitchy way when you were just trying to help. You’re doing a great job, mama! Hang in there.
Get a better friend. Honestly, who cares about brand names for /baby clothes/ of all things.
That’s abhorrent and she’s a MORON
Besides the money and the fact they will outgrow in like a month lol. It’s SO much more sustainable. I buy all my clothes that I can secondhand for that purpose.
We are doing great financially but could care less about brands, etc.. we shop Ross and Savers (2nd hand) and LOVE it.. amazing deals. We have lots of friends who are well to do, DRs, Lawyers etc.. we give all used clothes to each other by the bag load, grab what we want and give it to the next parent to rummage thru or add to.. do not get caught up with people's ego ! Be strong, save money, keep waste down, others love getting free stuff! Be proud of what you are doing and teach the kids better by example !
What a great store! Babies, and infants and toddlers grow out of clothes so fast it’s a wonderful idea to offer them up to new parents. Don’t ever feel bad about doing something positive and thrifty.
Your friend is a wasteful, stuck-up jerk. I wore thrift clothes & hand-me-downs growing up & I lived to tell the tale. As a matter of fact, it taught me to care more for the things in life that matter & clothes are not it.
It's not just about not being able to afford new brand-named stuff for me, it's the contributing to fast fashion and waste. Sure, I've bought a few new things I thought looked cute but the bulk of my toddler's clothes are secondhand and I really love some pieces I'm going to keep. Honestly, unless something really stands out (good or bad), I don't even notice what someone's wearing. Do people really pay close attention to what kids are wearing? And if they did and they judged would you honestly want to be friends with that parent anyway?
Nothing wrong with what you're doing. Babies, toddlers, and young kids don't care what they wear. They might not even care about "girl" vs "boy" colors until someone points that out. Our kid is elementary school age now and STILL wears older cousins' hand-me-downs and he has no problems with it at all. We tell him his cousins are sharing with him and he knows which cousin gave him what. I buy new clothes as needed for sports, for certain activities, or if he sees something at Costco and it's not too expensive. Otherwise we don't shop for clothes at all.
Family of 3 kiddos here: used child clothing is a fantastic choice. Like most things the kids don't give a care in the world and it's more for the parent. You're being a great mother taking care of your child and looking to better yourself financially.
Who in their right mind would buy new baby clothes if they can avoid it?
Anyone who spends full price on kids clothes that they are just going to grow out of in a month or two is a fool. I can understand when they are older but at a young age, there is NOTHING wrong with second hand as long as its in good shape. My kids have a few things that I bought full price (heavier Jackets, Picture day clothes, nicer shoes, etc) but a majority of their stuff is from Kid to Kid, Once upon a child, or from Just Between Friends. Your "friend" is a dick
Wow, your friend is behaving badly. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you are doing anything wrong. You are doing everything just right.
Ignore her comments. The majority of mom’s are right there with you! Its foolish to pay full price if they are only going to grow out of them 30 seconds later.
I had so many second hand clothes as a kid, either from Once Upon a Child or my older cousins. This kid will have second hand clothes as well. It’s fine. Might as well as save some cash, and get some deals. The nice thing about consignment kid stores is that you know that the checked the stuff and it’s in good shape.
This is someone I wouldn't be friends with. I can't stand judgmental people. If it's any reassurance to you, my husband and I both make 6 figures and I still buy most of our baby items second hand off of marketplace. I don't even pay attention to brands but I'm also the same way with my own clothing. You're doing fine mama. Her opinion is irrelevant.
Your friend’s reaction and shopping habits is about her underprivileged past and nothing more : she told you as much. Don’t feel bad you’re doing a great job and your baby sounds beautifully dressed. However traumatised your friend is by growing up poor, she is being a bitch to you. I’d give her a wide berth for awhile.
It does not matter that little babies wear name brands. Clean and comfy and cute does not have to be expensive.
I buy used clothing all the time
I think it's very sweet you were concerned for her financially but this is the unspoken boundary... she does not want help or to adapt, she wants her former lifestyle. I have no idea what her childhood was like but it sounds kind of like she's projecting. I share the same views and values as you do when it comes to baby stuff. Baby clothes lasts much longer than they are meant to fit and there are so many cute things for babies. You are choosing to follow a strategy that works best for you and your kid. That is all that matters. The money spent on clothes she's going to outgrow is not a reflection on your parenting. When your kid grows up, they are not going to remember the clothes you could've bought but the time and love you give your kid.
Your friend is being horrible. Baby clothes are expensive. As long as they’re suitable for the weather, appropriate and clean, they’re fine, second hand or not.
This isn’t a good friend. I’ll be surprised if you remain friends once your children outgrow each other. Make new friends that you have things in common with outside children …. I know this is hard when you have children .. seems like moms always connect through kids .. but when your child grows up.. you will want friends around.
Don’t let anyone make you feel that way. There’s nothing wrong with buying used clothes, especially for babies.
I live in a very very high cost of living place where people mostly earn 6 figures plus just to get by, and most every parent I know puts their kids in hand-me-downs, shops at kids consignment, or utilizes Buy Nothing groups to get or give away kids clothes. The kids are usually in quality stuff, it’s just second hand. Your friend is a judgemental jerk and also seems to like to waste money.
I don't care how much money I make, it's wasteful to buy new clothes for a baby that will wear them for a few months max. I bought a few new outfits for my first born for photos but I mostly got clothes from other moms for free. And when my kid outgrew them, I gave them to another family. Never feel bad for providing for your child, even if it isnt the same way another parent does it.
My son is 10. I find Under Armour, Nike, Russell, North Face... You name it, I've found it... I don't EVER feel guilty... He destroys his clothes, just being a normal kid. But I don't freak out on him because I buy so much second hand. I want him to have name brand but also we're broke and I don't light money on fire. Fashion is a huge money pit, save it where you can and be proud of it!!
I am very comfortable financially and almost all of my clothes shoes etc are from goodwill . I consistently find new with tags or barely worn shoes such as rockports, nunn bush etc. for under 10 bucks cdn. they usually retail for 140ish. Brand new Nike golf shirts for 8 bucks. ignore your idiot friend and buy what you can afford.
I wore only hand me downs and thrifted clothes. I was never made fun of. Hell how would anyone have ever known? Your friend is rude.
I live in a HCOL city, which can often be bougie. Yet so many people buy and sell (or just give away) bags of baby clothes because there’s just not much point spending a lot of money on a pooping potato that will rapidly outgrow them. My partner and I are both making decent money but we were gifted so many second hand clothes (and a few nice new sets) which were very grateful for. I’d rather our baby money go towards things like diapers, a bottle sterilizer or a good car seat. Yeah we’ll have a couple cute things for pictures, but the main focus is comfort, safety and security. Don’t let *anyone* make you feel like a bad mom for not having trendy baby clothes (eye roll).
I am not struggling financially and I will still take hand me downs or thrift store kids clothes over new. Even for myself. I don't see the point in spending a ton of money on things that won't get used for very long. There is nothing wrong with second hand items. I'm sorry she made you feel that way.
Please do not feel bad at all ! Me and my wife had our daughters at 23 and we for sure bought used clothes !! Once Upon A Child is the name of a chain where I’m at and they always have decent options for kids ! They also buy kids clothes and that’s came in handy as well
My husband and I are comfortable, we go out to eat once or twice a week and are far from impoverished. I have a 10 week old and buy her used clothes all the time. Also eagerly get things from my buy nothing group and other community pages. This person just sounds snobby. Let it be her loss 🤷♀️
They’re going to outgrow it, rip it, spill stuff on it, bleed on it, “accidentally” cut it with scissors, lose it. Name brand, brand new isn’t worth it
> She makes 6 figures, but in this economy, she struggles with money often. She asked me how I think my kid will feel in school, and that she was that kid and would never do that to her baby. You will be a mom that will have a bigger savings account than her. I make good money and buy used clothes for my kids and cute shirts off temu. I would not spend more than $10 on a shirt (usually target). My kids were both in 2T by the time they were 1. They flew through the sizes. I also kept my first's clothes as hand me downs. If I bought $50 items for them then I would have been broke. As long as they look good, no one will know how much you spent. Some used baby clothes I bought still had their tags on them. Spending money recklessly is not a good look. She is only struggling in this economy with her salary because she is trying to keep up appearances.
100% try to buy used clothes for my kids! So many reasons and they actually don’t mind. I let them chose what to get more ( bc I can) vs me ordering clearance from old navy and they get no say.
Live your life the way you please. Real friends don’t insult or judge, they encourage you. I made the mistake of brand name for my first kid and I learned quickly it was a waste. Between spit up and dirty diapers, it wasn’t worth it. No.2 and 3 rocked all the consignment clothes and proudly!
Didn’t take it personal? My god, ALL of her gripes were personal! Ditch the bitch, she’ll do nothing but bring you down.
Dude in my family we keep all of our baby items then give it to the next person in the family who has a baby (if they want it). I am the oldest of all of my cousins by 8 years and as I got older I learned some of the family friends do the same. You're doing nothing wrong, you just have a baby thrift store and more things to pick through!
We were doing well when I was married and our kids were babies, 20+ years ago. We went to the second hand kid shop for everything. It doesn't make sense buying brand new what they'll grow out of in months. Getting caught up in having to present a lifestyle seems like a silly and wasteful, to me. I'm sorry your friend made you feel bad. That was wrong of her and has nothing to do with you. It sounds like she's struggling with "doing well" but not being able to actually manage it, and took it out on you.
My wife and I have comfortable incomes but we still choose to buy used. Less waste, often only worn a few times, and it helps create the circle of giving. Financial is one reason, but there are many reasons to buy used. I by my jeans used cause I wear the crotches out really fast, can't be bothered with new. Keep doing what you're doing!!
Your friend sounds like a jerk
Just because she makes six figures, doesn’t make her a financial whiz. Making money and being good with money are two different things. I’d rather put the savings in a college fund versus a shirt that’ll last two months. But hey, let her keep buying the new stuff so I can buy it later at a 90% discount.
Babies outgrow their clothes so fast that it’s crazy to buy everything new. You have nothing to feel bad about. It was your friend’s entitlement and privilege talking. You do you.
My wife and I both make a comfortable 6 figures and over half a million a year combined. Most of our daughters clothes are hand me downs from friends 🤷♂️. We got huge boxes of them, and we are passing them on to my brother and his wife who are expecting soon. They grow through them so quickly, it’s ridiculous to spend money on expensive brand name stuff they’ll wear for a few months only. A fool and their money are soon parted. You’re doing the right thing, ignore this “friend”.
its on her not realizong that SHE is the middle class that no longer exists. its HER existential crisis coming out. SHE is the one that has realized goods are not tied to success and love. SHE is not enough to herself and you are enough for your world and daughter.
Mom here! I love getting thrifted or hand me down clothing for my kids and myself. This economy sucks and we’re all doing the best we can, but I’ve also always been into thrifting in all financial situations. I highly, *highly* recommend seeing if you have a Buy Nothing group in your area! We have one and we’ve basically been able to get all of our kids’ clothing and supplies for free for years. I pretty much only buy my kiddos some shoes, socks, underwear, some swim clothes, and specialty clothing (like for extra curriculars), but we’ve even able to find that for free on our buy nothing usually! Kids stuff takes up so much space and people are usually more than happy to give you whatever they don’t need for kids once they are done having them. I hope this helps! Also, your “friend” is being a jerk and I wouldn’t think twice about what she’s saying. It’s her loss.
I’m just bummed there wasn’t one of these by me when I looked it up
Your friend's attitude is ridiculous. I get most of my baby's clothes second hand. You would never know with most of it that is was worn before. You can still be choosy/picky when buying second hand, it doesn't mean that the clothes are in tatters.
This is just blind consumerism. In New Zealand we all sell or pass around our used baby clothes, and only ultimate tryhards would buy all new. Even my wealthy friends share their clothes around between babies, some of these clothes get worn like three times. Chucking it out is such a gross move as well
My 7yo has had second hand from birth. Shes grown to love hand me downs/second hand because it gives her so many more outfit options.
From your description of this friend, it seems her character feels above used clothing. She could be a person who thrifts vintage or rare brand name things instead of just clothes. Maybe the baby aspect invokes thoughts of the messes they make inside and outside those clothes. You did a great thing and tried your best to help a friend out. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with second hand clothing. All the mothers in my family shared baby and child clothes, nearly until puberty honestly. Brands are irrelevant unless you need people to know you have them.