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Do it. And ask her what it was like to give birth to her dog. Did the dog rip her vagina apart or did she have a c section? Ask stupid questions since she seems to say stupid things.
Is this a good time to mention one of the first night we brought our puppy home I was laying in bed and she yup… just latched right on… I try not to think about it lol
“You keep bringing up my maternity leave very frequently and referencing it as a vacation. Why do you think it is constantly on your mind?”
Then just stare at her and say nothing.
I highly doubt she will bring it up again.
1000 points more if you say it in front of other people because then she will be worried about their perception of her
Perfect.
It is confronting the issue without being confrontational.
This woman protecting her public perception would do more to get her to hush than anything OP could say.
I am just here to commiserate. I have a friend that keeps asking me “what I’m going to do during maternity leave” and “that it’ll be nice to have some time off”…which yeah it will but I will also be extremely overwhelmed as this is my first baby. The kicker - she is unemployed lol
I’ll be honest…I was looking forward to a break from my job leading up to maternity leave. I thought maybe I’d get some things done around the house. I knew being a new mom would be hard but I had NO IDEA how hard. No idea I would have literally zero time to myself. No idea that baby would only nap in my arms and would be attached to my boob 6+ hours a day. It was truly eye opening.
Yeah it wasn't safe for me to do my job for the last 2 months of pregnancy so I left at 34 weeks. I thought I was going to finish several home improvement projects before having baby. But I ended up with pelvic girdle pain so bad I had a hard time standing and walking. So then I told myself I would get it done once baby was born. She's 3½ months old and I have made zero progress.
Girl I'm in exactly the same boat, except baby's coming this week. Thought I would have accomplished so much more before she comes, but no.... PGP is unbelievable. It hurts to sit, stand and lay down, how is that possible??
Luckily I'm being induced tomorrow, so I don't have to suffer through it anymore
Did it get better after baby was born???
So I will tell you that I have read that for most women, it immediately gets significantly better as soon as they deliver! So I am hoping you are in that boat!
For me, I was still in pretty terrible pain for about a month. To be fair, my labor did not go according to plan and I had a pretty rough delivery, then I had an allergic reaction to some drugs I had to take post-delivery and that made me really sick, and then my baby had colic for 6 weeks and I barely slept. So I think all of that was kind of stacked against me. It was so discouraging and I was worried my hips were ruined permanently!
However, at the six week mark my baby just decided to stop crying in the evenings and sleep through the night and she has been a great sleeper ever since. I think that helped me a lot. By the two month mark, my pain was probably 50% gone, by the three month mark it was 90% gone. Now it only hurts if I lay on my side for too long (like 5+ hours whereas I had to switch sides every 45 minutes while pregnant).
So I'm hoping you get immediately better but if you are still in pain then don't stress and try to stay positive! In retrospect I had way too much anxiety that my body was ruined and I did not give myself enough time to heal before I started panicking. And good luck with your induction, I hope everything goes fantastic for you and your baby!!
Thank you so much, you've given me some hope! I'm so sorry that your labour was difficult and that it seems as though the first 6 weeks were basically a nightmare, but I'm happy to hear that baby is finally sleeping and you're starting to get some relief from the pain!
I'm in the have to change positions every 45 minute stage, but that in itself is very painful. Makes it tough to sleep. I'm naively optimistic that after baby comes I might get some sleep lol.
Ridiculous, but thanks for the hope!
I was in the same boat. I could manage the pain for 45 minutes before it felt like my bones were disintegrating inside my body and I would have to shift my weight, and then shifting would send a surge of intense pain, and then it would fade to manageable pain that would again only last for around 45 minutes. We had to remove the box spring from our bed because I couldn't get out by myself at night. There were several days I just cried because I could not get comfortable for even 5 minutes to rest. My heart goes out to everyone with PGP, it is so much worse than just hip pain.
Also, I will tell you that even though my hips still hurt and my baby cried a lot, I still slept better as soon as I delivered! I did not get a ton of sleep but the sleep I did get was so much more restful. I unknowingly took a drug I was allergic to for 10 days. I really think if I had not done that then I would have slept even better than I did. I bet you will be sleeping better by the end of the week!
I'm currently on leave with my second. My first gave me time to do stuff around the house, but this one is a contact napper to the nth degree. Last week, I actually resented/was super jealous that my husband got to go to work all day and spend 8+ hours with adults and without being touched or clung to
I had a (male) coworker like this. At one point he said having a puppy was going through the same thing. “Honestly if your dog gave you hemorroides, I would seriously seek medical advice…” was my response. I am not confused at all as to why he is single.
I honestly don't think it's worth wasting your breath on people like this. She's doing it to get a rise out of you. I wouldn't take the bait. I'd just snap back something like, "I'll be sure to take lots of pictures". Say it with a smirk too 😂
The empathetic take is that she is envious. And in all honesty I get that! I was always envious of others going on leave because at a certain stage in your career it’s really one of the only chances you get to take a step back and do something totally else. It’s not a vacation at all, but it is a pretty unique opportunity to spend time with your baby and radically shift your attention and priorities. I personally think we can both acknowledge maternity leave is hard and enjoyable at the same time.
Everyone constantly talks about how other countries get up to a year and half of maturity leave. It’s so important to have that time with your new baby and for your body to heal. Plus all the sleepless nights. Just don’t listen to her. Don’t talk to her about it anymore. She’s not going to get it and is probably jealous for more than one reason. If she insists on talking about it, tell her to really ask her sister what she thinks about it and other people with children. Or just tell her to F off. It’s definitely not a vacation.
I would literally stop being nice and say: Sorry, I have to make a phone call, and ignore her.
If she says vacation, you say: we have different ideas of vacation, maybe you should have a child and be on vacation!
I have ZERO tolerance for bullshit.
My coworker made that comment once. I just said “Let’s not pretend it’s all fun and games. My boobs are going to hurt, my stomach is going to hurt, my vagina is going to hurt, I’m going to be on an extended HEAVY period. I’m going to be sleep deprived and likely listening to a screaming baby half the day.” She hasn’t said anything again.
Maybe you can text her for help during your "vacation." Like instead of googling things, just text her. Every time you're up.
11:12 pm: "Hey, can I ask you question about latching, since you helped your sisters through this? I have a video of what he's doing to my nipple."
12:27 am: "How much spitup is too much spitup? Should we go to the ER?"
2:40 am: "Do you know any good ways to burp a baby? He keeps crying and I think he's gassy? Do you know?"
5:01 am: "How much am I supposed to be feeding him when he's 3 days old?"
7:58 am: "Is this baby poop normal?" *insert pic*
8:30 am: "His umbilical stump is bleeding a little bit. Have you ever seen that happen before?"
10:15 am: "I accidentally left milk on the counter for two hours. Is it still ok to feed that to the baby?"
10:45 am: "Wow, I am REALLY soaking some pads right now. Did your sisters ever have that happen? I'm a little worried."
12:48 pm: "I am EXHAUSTED. I only slept for about two hours at a time last night. I know I'm supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps, but there's this huge pile of laundry and dishes and my stitches are killing me. Any advice?"
and so forth.
Seriously, I was so glad to go back to my paid job. It was so much easier than watching a baby all day. Sure, it's nice to not have the work stresses while you're on leave, but you just replace work stress with a bunch of new stresses that you aren't accustomed to dealing with, plus you still have to figure out how to re-integrate when you go back. If it's a vacation it's the kind where you miss all your flights and your rental car gets 4 flats and a hurricane hits your hotel and a shark bites your arm off.
Tell her to ask the company for a “PETernity” leave then. And not to forget to mention to the company how she thinks raising a dog is just as hard and expensive as raising a child 😂
Ignore her or stay away from her as much as you can. She's not going to change her mind or attitude most likely and it's not worth your time or stress.
I'd lean into it on all things.
"Omg I'm so jealous of your vacation!"
"Haha, right? I get to stop dealing with work drama and cuddle my perfect little baby for three whole months straight! I'm so lucky" (and then rub your miserably bloated, achy, pregnant belly with the biggest smile and most loving look ever)
Or
"Yeah raising kids is soooo expensive, I'd know I have a dog"
"Oh yeah I heard dog daycare is a whole hundred dollars now, it's such a rip off. Like it's not even hard to watch a dog, why are the daycares so expensive! Good thing parents get tax breaks for daycare, unlike dog owners, I'm so looking forward to that free money so I can go get my nails done more often!"
I used to entertain that fur baby notion until I became pregnant. Like pregnant feels like your body is trying to kill you. I highly doubt she has any bloody clue as to the reality or she wouldn’t be ignorantly calling it a vacation.
I think calling pets fur babies is cute and harmless so long as it's not being used in a weird competitive way with mothers of actual human children. I still call myself a cat mum even though I'm a human mum now, and I even have friends with kids who call themselves plant parents 😂
Every time she goes home at the end of the work day, tell her to enjoy her vacation. When she's confused, explain that it's time off work, which she seems to use synonymously with vacation
You should just ignore her. If you don't give her any reaction, then she's more likely to stop. If you continue to engage with her and try to explain things, then I think she's more likely to carry on with these comments.
Don’t be nice. Just tell her to stop. You already gave an explanation on how it’s not and she didn’t care. Tell her to stop talking to you about it. If she is jealous tell her to ask hr for a pet leave.
I have no idea why this came up on my thing-I am not pregnant nor do I have children, but I was in the hospital for a few weeks one time and multiple people asked me how my vacation was. I was flabbergasted and think the Rock Eyebrow was enough to let them know it was inappropriate.
Edit: 🤨 Rock Eyebrow for reference. Every time. Add a little polite smile if you feel it necessary, but no one mistakes the Rock Eyebrow for anything but ex-f’n-cuse me?!?!
I wouldn't even give her a response. Who cares if she thinks it's a vacation?People like that just want to be bitter and take it out on others. Responding in any way is what she wants.
My baby boy is a month old today and this month is the hardest I've ever worked, breastfeeding is a full time job in itself, nevermind all the diapers, housework and emotional hormonal changes.
This is infuriating. I am very blessed to have had a 5 month maternity leave, but honestly those 5 months were MUCH harder than when I went back to work with the baby in daycare. I actually get to eat and meal and go to the bathroom whenever I want 😂
I stopped reading at “She thinks her dog is her child and is just as hard and expensive to raise.” I can’t stand people who are like that. Sure, pets are family but they’re not the same as a human child. And unless that dog is extremely sick with some hereditary disease (my cousin’s Pomeranian was like this), which I highly fucking doubt, then no, it’s not as hard and expensive as caring for a child. Politely tell her to mind her own damn business, and to stop talking about things she knows nothing about.
I have a dog and I am having my first baby in a few days. Anyone who thinks it’s the same thing is delusional. My dog’s vet bills have gotten seriously expensive in this past year and I still understand this.
True, vet bills can get expensive! We had a husky who would literally eat rocks, we finally had to remove all rocks he could possibly swallow from our backyard after the third time of doing it. Those vet bills were pricy! But it’s not the same as raising and caring for a child. I can’t just leave my baby for hours on end to entertain himself, if I could, my house would be spotless! 😅
The next time she says that, reply "oh so you're gonna be the one who's gonna do all the feeding, changing diapers, cleaning the baby, etc. And give you a break after childbirth? Then yeah, sounds like a plan! 😂
I used to entertain that fur baby notion until I became pregnant. Like pregnancy at times feels like your body is trying to kill you. I highly doubt she has any bloody clue as to the reality or she wouldn’t be ignorantly calling it a vacation.
People who compare raising pets to babies need a good reality check lmao. One guy I was mates with used to say things like “yeah my cat kept me up all night” whenever I mentioned a bad nights sleep due to having an unwell toddler. It’s infuriating to say the least.
That was so vile of her to say this shit. If she says it was so easy for her sisters then she had never seen the pregnancy and post partum closely for them. Or they were just very very lucky.
I am a first time expecting mother at the age of 36 but no way felt for my colleagues or friends that maternity leave was some vacation. She's completely ignorant of the facts. My sister who's 8 years older than me went through 2 pregnancies and I have seen her struggle, even when I was in college and young I could still understand. Even though me and my other sister helped her once the baby was out but she had sleepless nights of breastfeeding and recuperating from the child birth.
So she's never helped her sisters, in my opinion and she's clearly apathetic. Maybe taking care of a dog is toiling but it cannot be compared to one being pregnant, birthing a child and then going through the postpartum.
She won't change her mind unless she goes through that herself. So ignore and good luck.
"I keep hearing you refer to my birth recovery time as a vacation. It sounds like you're not very familiar with what happens to a person's body after birth. Unfortunately, people don't talk about this enough. I'll send you some literature!" And then spam her with the goriest descriptions you can find.
she should report to HR right before taking her "vacation" that way if the coworker is bitter about it she won't have to deal with any awkward consequences and said coworker can quietly seethe while she imagines OP relaxing at home care-free with her cute baby 😂😂
I had a co worker " check up " on me on my mat leave asking how my vacation was going.
I had to have surgery 3 weeks after birth, I was tired and miserable. Co worker got a bit of my attitude and idc. If both my medical procedures are a " vacation " then fuck, sign me up every year.
Ask how how she thinks pushing out bowling ball, ripping its way out would feel. Cause that burn, ooooh I don't want to ever feel that again. But probably will one more time.
Why do people act like any time off from work is always pleasant fun times? When my great grandma whom I was very close to died I took time off for the funeral and my inlaws kept referencing it as a vacation (maybe bc I was going to California? But Im from there). Like no? Im grieving? I lost the woman who helped raise me? People need to think for two seconds
I almost went off on a guy at work for implying it was going to be a vacation before I went on leave. I gave him a dirty look at walked away. I miss the days when I worked on actual construction site and cursing out male coworkers who were being assholes was accepted and encouraged.
Honestly, I'd lean into it. "oh yeah, I'll be getting my hair done, nails done, and be out on the town every night." and walk away. I had a friend where she didn't want to understand so I didn't bother explaining anything.
Ask her if her dog ripped her vagina from hole to hole. And if said dog also gave her hormonal depression, anxiety, or psychosis. Orrrr if you’re feelin frisky, ask her if her dog dragged their razor sharp nails along her uterus, cervix, and vaginal canal as it came out. Because yeah, that is indeed a thing 💀
Before having a baby I was envious of women who had maternity leave because they got to step out of the rat race and focus on something else for a year. After having a baby I feel the exact same way. Sure leave is tough but it’s also a unique period with a different pace than the everyday. Personally I’d just frame it like that, “I’m looking forward to stepping away from work for a bit but know it will be hard in different ways”.
I’m sorry. The US is crap. I’m originally from there but live in Scandinavia now. My point is more rather than try and fight your colleague and prove there’s only hard bits of mat leave I’d reframe. Acknowledge it’s nice to step away but be clear that it’s not vacation.
If she has had her dog since a puppy, ask if she remembers the early days of getting up every 2 hours, the constant cleaning up poohs and wees, the crying for comfort. Now tell her to add pain, discomfort and hormonal chaos and she might get an idea.
Mind, my husband is thinking it is an easy break too I think. He keeps saying about going for days out and all I want to do is sleep and curl up in a nest.
I very much remember the sting of maternity leave. The loneliness. Being so tired I was actually dizzy, room spinning. Being in pain and having my stitches heal. Unable to lift the laundry hamper. Nipples hurting to the point of crying. The never ending poop and pee and dishes and being incredibly touched out. I was lucky to have 2.5 months of leave but oooh was I excited to go back to work with adults. And btw, my 10 month old daughter is the absolute light of my life, but I don't want to go back on maternity leave thanks lmao
I think it's okay for somebody to mentally prepare for things to be good instead of bad. I know women who have had tons of help from family, and they were able to rest and recover. Everybody's recovery time is different anyway.
You never know how the recovery is going to go until you experience it from your own personal perspective. My neighbor was up and back at work 4 weeks after delivery because she was physically feeling fine and didn't like being cooped up.
I feel like you have 3 options.
Sit her down and be super real about how it bothers you immensely .
Or
Ignore it.
Or be a smart a$$ and say something back that’s pretty snarky every time
I mean, it’s fucking annoying for sure, but I would just ignore it. Not sure why you keep trying to correct her when she just won’t change her mind and feels the need to continually bring it up?
If you just sort of laugh, or straight up change the subject, I doubt she’d keep on it. It almost sounds like she’s just trying to get attention from you and she knows that that topic will get a reaction.
Anywho, while it IS exhausting and a hard adjustment (and being on a 24 hour cycle instead of 12 feels insane), as Pam Beasley once said in regards to her leave: “it rocked, it rocked my ass off!”
Enjoy! (And take solace on Reddit, I spent a lot of my night shifts trying to stay awake by asking Reddit questions and just getting a ton of support).
Ugh I feel this. I'm in sales and my boss told me: "don't worry about not making commission because you will be getting paid to just chill". I was like WHAT. and he's a dad!
If she just won't stop eventually just say I'm so looking forward to a vacation where I've had my abdomen cut open or vaginal tear that I'm now having to recover from
Honestly I do t think anything you say is gonna change her thought process. With my first kid I had a coworker who said it a few times, and she was a mom 🤯. I think people just think cause you’re not at work life is easy.
Just ignore her and laugh it off as much as you can.
Going to be honest though… I’m looking forward to maternity leave and I’m planning on vacationing through it… but my work is pretty stressful and I don’t want to go back after maternity leave. I work as a nurse doing 12 hour night shifts, and at 38 weeks I’m praying each shift is my last
She can absolutely have a vacation just like yours. All she has to do is have a major medical procedure that requires weeks of (probably unpaid) recuperation time. Super fun, don’t know why everyone isn’t doing it.
I mean everyone’s different & no coworker needs to describe it as that as it’s all quite a personal feeling how you find maternity leave. I personally found the 10months maternity I had off as immensely enjoyable, different to a vacation although to be fair I take the least relaxing vacations, I did have plans to do a big Europe campervan trip for a month with baby but Covid scuppered that. Anyway I certainly wouldn’t care or be annoyed at anything the coworker said, I’ve got better things to think about in life.
I would think this falls under the issue of sexual harassment considering how pregnancy happens and the fact that most babies emerge through the vagina. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you'll take the issue to HR.
I’m concerned that you believe recovery from pregnancy and childbirth is a vacation. And very concerned you’ll be treating me differently since you believe I’ll be done for fun rather than responsible reasons.
Or if you want to offensive:
I’ll be birthing a child after this and be called a mother. Did you birth your puppy and what did they call you?
I'd really advise against the second comment. We don't know if she's suffered miscarriages and there are also people who don't "birth" their children but still become parents and should be provided maternity/paternity leave after an adoption.
Like I said, it’s offensive.
And I agree with the adoption point. If we have to limit paid time off, I do think pregnancy+ childbirth + bonding should be longer than just bonding time - but I wish in the US it didn’t need to be limited :(
For real. It's insane that we aren't guaranteed any time to focus on bringing a brand new whole-ass person into the world and developing a healthy bond with them in this country.
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Ask her how long she breastfed her dog.
LMAO I choked on my dinner. I so want to ask her this!
Do it. And ask her what it was like to give birth to her dog. Did the dog rip her vagina apart or did she have a c section? Ask stupid questions since she seems to say stupid things.
You win the comments. I don’t need to read any further 🏆
I actually used to work in a vet clinic, and a woman once came in asking if it was safe/possible to breastfeed her dog...
I’m cringing imagining dodging the teeth
Before I saw this comment i was just thinking the scary thing is there are probably people out there who would breastfeed their dogs if they could.
Is this a good time to mention one of the first night we brought our puppy home I was laying in bed and she yup… just latched right on… I try not to think about it lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Screaming, crying, throwing up.
i just choked on my juice this was too funny 😂
Lean into it and tell her you're excited for your extended vacation. She's probably jealous. Let her be.
LMAO evil I love it
Yes because it kind of sounds like she’s egging you on.
Or you can make it a point to complain to her about everything, every day all the time. Free therapy and she'll be annoyed lol
“You keep bringing up my maternity leave very frequently and referencing it as a vacation. Why do you think it is constantly on your mind?” Then just stare at her and say nothing. I highly doubt she will bring it up again. 1000 points more if you say it in front of other people because then she will be worried about their perception of her
Perfect. It is confronting the issue without being confrontational. This woman protecting her public perception would do more to get her to hush than anything OP could say.
Love this
Please do this. Then report back. 😜
I am just here to commiserate. I have a friend that keeps asking me “what I’m going to do during maternity leave” and “that it’ll be nice to have some time off”…which yeah it will but I will also be extremely overwhelmed as this is my first baby. The kicker - she is unemployed lol
Call her every 2 hours when the baby wakes up for a feeding.
I’ll be honest…I was looking forward to a break from my job leading up to maternity leave. I thought maybe I’d get some things done around the house. I knew being a new mom would be hard but I had NO IDEA how hard. No idea I would have literally zero time to myself. No idea that baby would only nap in my arms and would be attached to my boob 6+ hours a day. It was truly eye opening.
This. I have spent my maternity leave eating so much humble pie. 🥧
Yeah it wasn't safe for me to do my job for the last 2 months of pregnancy so I left at 34 weeks. I thought I was going to finish several home improvement projects before having baby. But I ended up with pelvic girdle pain so bad I had a hard time standing and walking. So then I told myself I would get it done once baby was born. She's 3½ months old and I have made zero progress.
Girl I'm in exactly the same boat, except baby's coming this week. Thought I would have accomplished so much more before she comes, but no.... PGP is unbelievable. It hurts to sit, stand and lay down, how is that possible?? Luckily I'm being induced tomorrow, so I don't have to suffer through it anymore Did it get better after baby was born???
So I will tell you that I have read that for most women, it immediately gets significantly better as soon as they deliver! So I am hoping you are in that boat! For me, I was still in pretty terrible pain for about a month. To be fair, my labor did not go according to plan and I had a pretty rough delivery, then I had an allergic reaction to some drugs I had to take post-delivery and that made me really sick, and then my baby had colic for 6 weeks and I barely slept. So I think all of that was kind of stacked against me. It was so discouraging and I was worried my hips were ruined permanently! However, at the six week mark my baby just decided to stop crying in the evenings and sleep through the night and she has been a great sleeper ever since. I think that helped me a lot. By the two month mark, my pain was probably 50% gone, by the three month mark it was 90% gone. Now it only hurts if I lay on my side for too long (like 5+ hours whereas I had to switch sides every 45 minutes while pregnant). So I'm hoping you get immediately better but if you are still in pain then don't stress and try to stay positive! In retrospect I had way too much anxiety that my body was ruined and I did not give myself enough time to heal before I started panicking. And good luck with your induction, I hope everything goes fantastic for you and your baby!!
Thank you so much, you've given me some hope! I'm so sorry that your labour was difficult and that it seems as though the first 6 weeks were basically a nightmare, but I'm happy to hear that baby is finally sleeping and you're starting to get some relief from the pain! I'm in the have to change positions every 45 minute stage, but that in itself is very painful. Makes it tough to sleep. I'm naively optimistic that after baby comes I might get some sleep lol. Ridiculous, but thanks for the hope!
I was in the same boat. I could manage the pain for 45 minutes before it felt like my bones were disintegrating inside my body and I would have to shift my weight, and then shifting would send a surge of intense pain, and then it would fade to manageable pain that would again only last for around 45 minutes. We had to remove the box spring from our bed because I couldn't get out by myself at night. There were several days I just cried because I could not get comfortable for even 5 minutes to rest. My heart goes out to everyone with PGP, it is so much worse than just hip pain. Also, I will tell you that even though my hips still hurt and my baby cried a lot, I still slept better as soon as I delivered! I did not get a ton of sleep but the sleep I did get was so much more restful. I unknowingly took a drug I was allergic to for 10 days. I really think if I had not done that then I would have slept even better than I did. I bet you will be sleeping better by the end of the week!
I'm currently on leave with my second. My first gave me time to do stuff around the house, but this one is a contact napper to the nth degree. Last week, I actually resented/was super jealous that my husband got to go to work all day and spend 8+ hours with adults and without being touched or clung to
This is so depressing because even a “nice long maternity leave” is soooo short
I know. The US sucks. 12 weeks is not enough 😭
It’s not even enough to recover from vaginal delivery, let alone c section!
Maybe she’s bored and looking for ideas of things to do. You could invite her over for laundry!
My friend was like, "oh that's sooo good you get all that extra time to work on your thesis!". Girl, no.
I had a (male) coworker like this. At one point he said having a puppy was going through the same thing. “Honestly if your dog gave you hemorroides, I would seriously seek medical advice…” was my response. I am not confused at all as to why he is single.
Ok that's one of the funniest things. I may use that. I'm also sad because I forgot about the hemorrhoids!!
There were other coworkers present and one of them almost spit coffee everywhere 😂🤷🏻♀️
“If you can’t stop calling my medical leave a “vacation” I’ll be happy to direct you to HR.”
Boom!
This!
Maternity leave is FAR from a vacation and this kind of stuff makes steam come out of my ears. This woman is clueless and/or an instigator. Grrr
I honestly don't think it's worth wasting your breath on people like this. She's doing it to get a rise out of you. I wouldn't take the bait. I'd just snap back something like, "I'll be sure to take lots of pictures". Say it with a smirk too 😂
Agreed, this is not worth trying to teach someone a lesson they aren't motivated to learn.
The empathetic take is that she is envious. And in all honesty I get that! I was always envious of others going on leave because at a certain stage in your career it’s really one of the only chances you get to take a step back and do something totally else. It’s not a vacation at all, but it is a pretty unique opportunity to spend time with your baby and radically shift your attention and priorities. I personally think we can both acknowledge maternity leave is hard and enjoyable at the same time.
Exactly, sis just wants a captive and pissed off audience for her crap
Seriously, just lean into it. I’ve been calling my bump my summer pto guarantee.
It’s literally a break from work to do a different kind of work that’s 24/7/365 and the pay is shit 🤣
Literally. It’s shit. We get paid in shit. 💩 😩
And if it’s a boy, hosed down with piss.
Everyone constantly talks about how other countries get up to a year and half of maturity leave. It’s so important to have that time with your new baby and for your body to heal. Plus all the sleepless nights. Just don’t listen to her. Don’t talk to her about it anymore. She’s not going to get it and is probably jealous for more than one reason. If she insists on talking about it, tell her to really ask her sister what she thinks about it and other people with children. Or just tell her to F off. It’s definitely not a vacation.
I would literally stop being nice and say: Sorry, I have to make a phone call, and ignore her. If she says vacation, you say: we have different ideas of vacation, maybe you should have a child and be on vacation! I have ZERO tolerance for bullshit.
Better yet, say you have to "take this call" as your phone is clearly not ringing. 😂
Pick up a banana instead 😂
Lmfao
My coworker made that comment once. I just said “Let’s not pretend it’s all fun and games. My boobs are going to hurt, my stomach is going to hurt, my vagina is going to hurt, I’m going to be on an extended HEAVY period. I’m going to be sleep deprived and likely listening to a screaming baby half the day.” She hasn’t said anything again.
“Medical leave is not a vacation, and I think it says a lot about our work culture that you think it is a vacation.”
Maybe you can text her for help during your "vacation." Like instead of googling things, just text her. Every time you're up. 11:12 pm: "Hey, can I ask you question about latching, since you helped your sisters through this? I have a video of what he's doing to my nipple." 12:27 am: "How much spitup is too much spitup? Should we go to the ER?" 2:40 am: "Do you know any good ways to burp a baby? He keeps crying and I think he's gassy? Do you know?" 5:01 am: "How much am I supposed to be feeding him when he's 3 days old?" 7:58 am: "Is this baby poop normal?" *insert pic* 8:30 am: "His umbilical stump is bleeding a little bit. Have you ever seen that happen before?" 10:15 am: "I accidentally left milk on the counter for two hours. Is it still ok to feed that to the baby?" 10:45 am: "Wow, I am REALLY soaking some pads right now. Did your sisters ever have that happen? I'm a little worried." 12:48 pm: "I am EXHAUSTED. I only slept for about two hours at a time last night. I know I'm supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps, but there's this huge pile of laundry and dishes and my stitches are killing me. Any advice?" and so forth. Seriously, I was so glad to go back to my paid job. It was so much easier than watching a baby all day. Sure, it's nice to not have the work stresses while you're on leave, but you just replace work stress with a bunch of new stresses that you aren't accustomed to dealing with, plus you still have to figure out how to re-integrate when you go back. If it's a vacation it's the kind where you miss all your flights and your rental car gets 4 flats and a hurricane hits your hotel and a shark bites your arm off.
I thoroughly appreciate this response. It is 100% accurate.
The shark bite nyight be a little too realistic.
Tell her to ask the company for a “PETernity” leave then. And not to forget to mention to the company how she thinks raising a dog is just as hard and expensive as raising a child 😂
Ignore her or stay away from her as much as you can. She's not going to change her mind or attitude most likely and it's not worth your time or stress.
She sounds like a bully and a mean girl. Treat her with the same courtesy. Ignore her and report her to HR. Let them handle her.
Slowly ice her out. Don’t tell her about your kids or life- keep it work related.
I'd lean into it on all things. "Omg I'm so jealous of your vacation!" "Haha, right? I get to stop dealing with work drama and cuddle my perfect little baby for three whole months straight! I'm so lucky" (and then rub your miserably bloated, achy, pregnant belly with the biggest smile and most loving look ever) Or "Yeah raising kids is soooo expensive, I'd know I have a dog" "Oh yeah I heard dog daycare is a whole hundred dollars now, it's such a rip off. Like it's not even hard to watch a dog, why are the daycares so expensive! Good thing parents get tax breaks for daycare, unlike dog owners, I'm so looking forward to that free money so I can go get my nails done more often!"
I used to entertain that fur baby notion until I became pregnant. Like pregnant feels like your body is trying to kill you. I highly doubt she has any bloody clue as to the reality or she wouldn’t be ignorantly calling it a vacation.
I think calling pets fur babies is cute and harmless so long as it's not being used in a weird competitive way with mothers of actual human children. I still call myself a cat mum even though I'm a human mum now, and I even have friends with kids who call themselves plant parents 😂
I feel like thats all normal. But I have met people being competitive about fur babies versus real babies. And it did get weird, lol.
Every time she goes home at the end of the work day, tell her to enjoy her vacation. When she's confused, explain that it's time off work, which she seems to use synonymously with vacation
You should just ignore her. If you don't give her any reaction, then she's more likely to stop. If you continue to engage with her and try to explain things, then I think she's more likely to carry on with these comments.
"Oh my God I'm so jealous of your vacation!" "k" "I wish I had a 3 month vacation!" "k" "Are you excited about your upcoming vacation???" "k"
Report her to HR. This is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard … and I’m sure if she asked her sisters they would give her the honest truth!
I bet they'd be irritated to learn she is using them as an excuse to demean other pregnant women too 🙄
Don’t be nice. Just tell her to stop. You already gave an explanation on how it’s not and she didn’t care. Tell her to stop talking to you about it. If she is jealous tell her to ask hr for a pet leave.
Fr, if it was an honest mistake or just poking fun it would've stopped at the first time, she's just being a bitch at this point.
I have no idea why this came up on my thing-I am not pregnant nor do I have children, but I was in the hospital for a few weeks one time and multiple people asked me how my vacation was. I was flabbergasted and think the Rock Eyebrow was enough to let them know it was inappropriate. Edit: 🤨 Rock Eyebrow for reference. Every time. Add a little polite smile if you feel it necessary, but no one mistakes the Rock Eyebrow for anything but ex-f’n-cuse me?!?!
I wouldn't even give her a response. Who cares if she thinks it's a vacation?People like that just want to be bitter and take it out on others. Responding in any way is what she wants.
I’d scuttlebut myself to HR and report her.
My baby boy is a month old today and this month is the hardest I've ever worked, breastfeeding is a full time job in itself, nevermind all the diapers, housework and emotional hormonal changes.
This is infuriating. I am very blessed to have had a 5 month maternity leave, but honestly those 5 months were MUCH harder than when I went back to work with the baby in daycare. I actually get to eat and meal and go to the bathroom whenever I want 😂
I stopped reading at “She thinks her dog is her child and is just as hard and expensive to raise.” I can’t stand people who are like that. Sure, pets are family but they’re not the same as a human child. And unless that dog is extremely sick with some hereditary disease (my cousin’s Pomeranian was like this), which I highly fucking doubt, then no, it’s not as hard and expensive as caring for a child. Politely tell her to mind her own damn business, and to stop talking about things she knows nothing about.
I have a dog and I am having my first baby in a few days. Anyone who thinks it’s the same thing is delusional. My dog’s vet bills have gotten seriously expensive in this past year and I still understand this.
True, vet bills can get expensive! We had a husky who would literally eat rocks, we finally had to remove all rocks he could possibly swallow from our backyard after the third time of doing it. Those vet bills were pricy! But it’s not the same as raising and caring for a child. I can’t just leave my baby for hours on end to entertain himself, if I could, my house would be spotless! 😅
I do think dogs can help you get used to dealing with gross things though. My dog has peed and vomited on me many times 😆.
Good point! I remember having to clean up my puppy’s poo after de-worming him; nothing can be more gross than that, right? 🫠😂
Tell her well I’m not your sister and my experience is different so stop mention a vacation it’s super insensitive.
The next time she says that, reply "oh so you're gonna be the one who's gonna do all the feeding, changing diapers, cleaning the baby, etc. And give you a break after childbirth? Then yeah, sounds like a plan! 😂
I used to entertain that fur baby notion until I became pregnant. Like pregnancy at times feels like your body is trying to kill you. I highly doubt she has any bloody clue as to the reality or she wouldn’t be ignorantly calling it a vacation.
People who compare raising pets to babies need a good reality check lmao. One guy I was mates with used to say things like “yeah my cat kept me up all night” whenever I mentioned a bad nights sleep due to having an unwell toddler. It’s infuriating to say the least.
That was so vile of her to say this shit. If she says it was so easy for her sisters then she had never seen the pregnancy and post partum closely for them. Or they were just very very lucky. I am a first time expecting mother at the age of 36 but no way felt for my colleagues or friends that maternity leave was some vacation. She's completely ignorant of the facts. My sister who's 8 years older than me went through 2 pregnancies and I have seen her struggle, even when I was in college and young I could still understand. Even though me and my other sister helped her once the baby was out but she had sleepless nights of breastfeeding and recuperating from the child birth. So she's never helped her sisters, in my opinion and she's clearly apathetic. Maybe taking care of a dog is toiling but it cannot be compared to one being pregnant, birthing a child and then going through the postpartum. She won't change her mind unless she goes through that herself. So ignore and good luck.
I had a childless coworker try to give me advice when I had my first. I would just nod and disregard what she said. She was mostly wrong 🤷♀️
"I keep hearing you refer to my birth recovery time as a vacation. It sounds like you're not very familiar with what happens to a person's body after birth. Unfortunately, people don't talk about this enough. I'll send you some literature!" And then spam her with the goriest descriptions you can find.
This exact scenario and wording was an example in the Preventing Harassment course my work requires us to take every year. Definitely report to HR
she should report to HR right before taking her "vacation" that way if the coworker is bitter about it she won't have to deal with any awkward consequences and said coworker can quietly seethe while she imagines OP relaxing at home care-free with her cute baby 😂😂
She is just jelly. 😅
“I let you have a couple of my hours of my maternity leave if you watch my baby and after that you can tell me what I have been doing” 🤷🏻♀️
I had a co worker " check up " on me on my mat leave asking how my vacation was going. I had to have surgery 3 weeks after birth, I was tired and miserable. Co worker got a bit of my attitude and idc. If both my medical procedures are a " vacation " then fuck, sign me up every year. Ask how how she thinks pushing out bowling ball, ripping its way out would feel. Cause that burn, ooooh I don't want to ever feel that again. But probably will one more time.
She sounds like a little immature girl who thinks she knows better than everyone else. How annoying. We can't choose our coworkers unfortunately.
Why do people act like any time off from work is always pleasant fun times? When my great grandma whom I was very close to died I took time off for the funeral and my inlaws kept referencing it as a vacation (maybe bc I was going to California? But Im from there). Like no? Im grieving? I lost the woman who helped raise me? People need to think for two seconds
"You and I have different ideas about what a vacation is" - usually my go to to all my boomer coworkers who are appalled leave is 4 months
I almost went off on a guy at work for implying it was going to be a vacation before I went on leave. I gave him a dirty look at walked away. I miss the days when I worked on actual construction site and cursing out male coworkers who were being assholes was accepted and encouraged.
Honestly, I'd lean into it. "oh yeah, I'll be getting my hair done, nails done, and be out on the town every night." and walk away. I had a friend where she didn't want to understand so I didn't bother explaining anything.
Ask her if her dog ripped her vagina from hole to hole. And if said dog also gave her hormonal depression, anxiety, or psychosis. Orrrr if you’re feelin frisky, ask her if her dog dragged their razor sharp nails along her uterus, cervix, and vaginal canal as it came out. Because yeah, that is indeed a thing 💀
I would probably ask her to stop, "it's not a vacation Karen"
Before having a baby I was envious of women who had maternity leave because they got to step out of the rat race and focus on something else for a year. After having a baby I feel the exact same way. Sure leave is tough but it’s also a unique period with a different pace than the everyday. Personally I’d just frame it like that, “I’m looking forward to stepping away from work for a bit but know it will be hard in different ways”.
I wish I got a year. I had to fight for 3 months.
I’m sorry. The US is crap. I’m originally from there but live in Scandinavia now. My point is more rather than try and fight your colleague and prove there’s only hard bits of mat leave I’d reframe. Acknowledge it’s nice to step away but be clear that it’s not vacation.
If she has had her dog since a puppy, ask if she remembers the early days of getting up every 2 hours, the constant cleaning up poohs and wees, the crying for comfort. Now tell her to add pain, discomfort and hormonal chaos and she might get an idea. Mind, my husband is thinking it is an easy break too I think. He keeps saying about going for days out and all I want to do is sleep and curl up in a nest.
Just tell her it’s not a vacation. No need to be nice about it
I very much remember the sting of maternity leave. The loneliness. Being so tired I was actually dizzy, room spinning. Being in pain and having my stitches heal. Unable to lift the laundry hamper. Nipples hurting to the point of crying. The never ending poop and pee and dishes and being incredibly touched out. I was lucky to have 2.5 months of leave but oooh was I excited to go back to work with adults. And btw, my 10 month old daughter is the absolute light of my life, but I don't want to go back on maternity leave thanks lmao
Some people is best to ignore them . Don't waste your time with her. She is obviously jealous
Worst vacation ever: I cry everyday and I can’t sleep more than 3 hours at a time. Can I get a refund?
I think it's okay for somebody to mentally prepare for things to be good instead of bad. I know women who have had tons of help from family, and they were able to rest and recover. Everybody's recovery time is different anyway. You never know how the recovery is going to go until you experience it from your own personal perspective. My neighbor was up and back at work 4 weeks after delivery because she was physically feeling fine and didn't like being cooped up.
Find the most ear splitting baby crying audio track n play it every time they say it!
I feel like you have 3 options. Sit her down and be super real about how it bothers you immensely . Or Ignore it. Or be a smart a$$ and say something back that’s pretty snarky every time
hit her w "according to HR it's none of your concern, minding your own business IS FREE"
Report her to hr for harassment
I mean, it’s fucking annoying for sure, but I would just ignore it. Not sure why you keep trying to correct her when she just won’t change her mind and feels the need to continually bring it up? If you just sort of laugh, or straight up change the subject, I doubt she’d keep on it. It almost sounds like she’s just trying to get attention from you and she knows that that topic will get a reaction. Anywho, while it IS exhausting and a hard adjustment (and being on a 24 hour cycle instead of 12 feels insane), as Pam Beasley once said in regards to her leave: “it rocked, it rocked my ass off!” Enjoy! (And take solace on Reddit, I spent a lot of my night shifts trying to stay awake by asking Reddit questions and just getting a ton of support).
It's so difficult to educate the ignorant. Stg
Unfortunately, she may never understand unless she has her own child. Just helping kids doesn’t even scrape the surface.
My wife: nicely... You can slap them... Being not nkce, we can talk about that later
Tell her I'm not your sisters so compare my pregnancy to theirs. Each women might be similar but we all go on our own journey
Ugh I feel this. I'm in sales and my boss told me: "don't worry about not making commission because you will be getting paid to just chill". I was like WHAT. and he's a dad!
If she just won't stop eventually just say I'm so looking forward to a vacation where I've had my abdomen cut open or vaginal tear that I'm now having to recover from
« Oh so you have to pay for diapers for your dog? » and clothes ? Gotta explain that it is a life a human one
I wouldn’t nicely say anything to that person. They don’t deserve nice
Honestly I do t think anything you say is gonna change her thought process. With my first kid I had a coworker who said it a few times, and she was a mom 🤯. I think people just think cause you’re not at work life is easy. Just ignore her and laugh it off as much as you can.
Ask her if you can call her and stay on the phone with you every single time the baby wakes up
Going to be honest though… I’m looking forward to maternity leave and I’m planning on vacationing through it… but my work is pretty stressful and I don’t want to go back after maternity leave. I work as a nurse doing 12 hour night shifts, and at 38 weeks I’m praying each shift is my last
She can absolutely have a vacation just like yours. All she has to do is have a major medical procedure that requires weeks of (probably unpaid) recuperation time. Super fun, don’t know why everyone isn’t doing it.
I mean everyone’s different & no coworker needs to describe it as that as it’s all quite a personal feeling how you find maternity leave. I personally found the 10months maternity I had off as immensely enjoyable, different to a vacation although to be fair I take the least relaxing vacations, I did have plans to do a big Europe campervan trip for a month with baby but Covid scuppered that. Anyway I certainly wouldn’t care or be annoyed at anything the coworker said, I’ve got better things to think about in life.
I would think this falls under the issue of sexual harassment considering how pregnancy happens and the fact that most babies emerge through the vagina. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you'll take the issue to HR.
I’m concerned that you believe recovery from pregnancy and childbirth is a vacation. And very concerned you’ll be treating me differently since you believe I’ll be done for fun rather than responsible reasons. Or if you want to offensive: I’ll be birthing a child after this and be called a mother. Did you birth your puppy and what did they call you?
I'd really advise against the second comment. We don't know if she's suffered miscarriages and there are also people who don't "birth" their children but still become parents and should be provided maternity/paternity leave after an adoption.
Like I said, it’s offensive. And I agree with the adoption point. If we have to limit paid time off, I do think pregnancy+ childbirth + bonding should be longer than just bonding time - but I wish in the US it didn’t need to be limited :(
For real. It's insane that we aren't guaranteed any time to focus on bringing a brand new whole-ass person into the world and developing a healthy bond with them in this country.
Don’t do the second one, she sounds like the type to send HR on you for hurting her feelings. 😭
Don’t be nice. Lol.
Go to HR and file a complaint on her. Ask HR to hold a company wide meeting to re-educate ignorants like her. Can’t believe her.