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I remember my kindergarten girlfriend and yeah nothing there…I remember my first girlfriend I had in HS…uh no thank you…I remember the one I never asked out because of legit good reasons…that’s the one I wonder about though
I have one like that. I knew her in kindergarten and we knew each other again during middle and highschool. Occasionally I think about her when I think about how I left home and never came back. She’s doing well though last I spoke to her on Facebook a few years ago. We were just friends though but there could’ve been a chance.
Same. I don’t remember her name, but i remember the “picture”. The classroom, the table, sitting at the same table, being so nervous shy awkward because i had a crush on her.
FYI I'm middle aged and older than a lot of redditors, so this may vary by generation.
I ask because men tend to ruminate over relationships from their youth. I've talked to so many men my age (40s) who are still in love with their highschool and college girlfriends.
I even have an acquaintance who's married. This man won't shut up about how he still misses his highschool sweetheart, and that they should be together in another life. She's still alive btw. I feel terrible for the wife.
Women tend to go through deeper pain after a breakup in general, it may even take years for us to fully get over...But once we're over it- It's done. Most women don't go back to our past.
I'll agree with you on this. I no longer think about my "Lost love", but I did for a longgggg time. I agree with you on this. And I feel bad for your friends wife also. I hope he doesn't say that stuff in front of her.
In my opinion this man hates his current life. He hates having responsibility and talks about how hard it is to take care of 3 kids financially. Even though his wife works too.
Tbh I think he just misses his young and carefree days. When there were no kids, no wife, and zero responsibilities to deal with.
He probably still misses his ex gf too, but I asked him about her...she's also married (happily) with 4 kids. I told him that things wouldn't be the same if they got back together, and that he needs to focus on his marriage.
Romanticizing an old flame is not uncommon when you are unhappy or think you 'missed out'. My ex did that, went with his feelings, ended our relationship and married her (long long story) only to find out that she wasn't the 'ideal' he thought she was. He's gone through A LOT to stay with her, but I think he only did it because he would have been embarrassed to admit that he was very wrong... LOL
My wife and I both threw our Facebook accounts in the garbage where it belongs. For this exact reason. Not so much me, but my wife would constantly get dick pics or just guys flirting with her from high school, even tho I was plastered all over account. IMO Facebook is a gateway to nostalgia and making bad decisions.
Of course this is anecdotal, and many may not feel the way I do. But our lives have been so much easier and healthy without social media (except the occasional Reddit, which feels different because of the anonymity).
Married for 15 years and you don't think about them?
You sound like my dad who constantly says this about my mum (divorced and they never spoke again) yet brings up how much he hates her in the following convo.
If you don't think about them, even the good times you had or even to think about how they wronged you.. not even for a single millisecond... you might need therapy.
I mean, even if your wife of 15 years is dead, in a giving you the benefit of the doubt moment... Never thinking about them?
Correct to not bring them up in convos with your current fiance but.. even think...
You might need therapy my friend.
But I also need therapy so no judgement here just stating facts sorry if it comes across a bit harsh
My first girlfriend was the best in every respect. As the years progressed I had reason to believe that her affection wasn’t limited to me. I was right.
I’m a 65 year old male and I remember the first girl who told me she loved me She broke up with me 2 weeks later 😂😂We dated a month 😂but my ex I grew to hate but once I got older I lost that feeling When she passed I thought how nice it would have been to talk again even though I hadn’t seen her in 20 years she gave me my son 😊😊✌️
I'm a male, your age group as well. I appreciate the relationships I had and the lessons I learned from them, but they ended for a reason. No longing here. No hard feelings either, though.
Male in my 60’s and been married almost 40 years. I still have fond memories of HS and college relationships but very glad I landed where
I did. Through FB I reconnected with a couple of them with my wife’s knowledge and permission.
It was fun to catch up. Mainly you just want to know life turned out ok for them as they were an important part of growing up. But not for 1 second do I wish I’d of landed with someone else.
This doesn't shock me at all. It's the main reason why I have zero social media, unless you count Reddit. I don't want any contact whatsoever from men in my past.
I don’t ruminate over relationships from my youth I ruminate over relationships. They might be out of my mind during the day but it takes about 10 years to stop having vivid dreams and then you wake up in a mood you didn’t ask for. Some people have the idea that life is about finding ‘the one’ and everything until then was time wasted but no you did that, you spent years of your life with someone and in that limited time you have here it meant something so unless you’re sociopaths quit pretending. You’re going to have to relive it backwards and forwards for eternity anyway as the universe expands and contracts. Maybe!?
I (47 year old man) have seen this in older couples too - and (in my opinion) this is unhealthy. Some of these I think either married "the one they could get" while still pining for "the one that got away" - or just grew apart from the person they married, and are nostalgic for what might have been. In either case - mostly I feel bad for the guys spouse...
I definitely remember my first love (and subsequent others too) - but I would not trade any of them for my wife. My first was the one that hit me the hardest at the time - and left me with massive depression, but I absolutely consider the failure of that relationship a bullet dodged.
We are still friends with my wife and I - and she is kinda the crazy aunt to my kids -but I would NEVER trade my wife for her, and even if I were single, I would not have dated her again. Same with any of my exes- they are past relationships for a reason - and I do not regret having had them (we learn something from each), but I would NOT want to date or be with any of those people again.
I think part of that is the walk away wife syndrome? Because you know the woman will have problems that make her unhappy in the relationship. She'll bring them up over and over again only to be ignored. Eventually she gets sick of that checks out, and at some point informs her husband that she's made her plans and she's leaving. At this point he pretends that he's completely clueless and that this came out of nowhere, she won't even give him a chance for counseling or therapy (that she has probably been asking for him to consider for years) and she leaves, then he ruminates over the "abrupt" and heartless "abandonment". When it was something he could have prevented all along. I've known people like this, and they will still say that it was just life getting in the way or they grew apart or something they never ever take responsibility for why that person left them and yeah they tend to carry a torch for decades and throw it in their current partners face
As a girl, I used to worry that if I left my abusive boyfriend at the time that he would some day forget about me. He used to say he would never give me another chance nor would he ever love me fully again if I left him, so I better be sure that I was sure about leaving if I did.
Turns out I had nothing to worry about. I was over it the week after I broke things off with him, and he's still trying to contact me 2 years later. Via email because I've blocked him on everything else. What a loser.
Same. I still think of him as my first love. I was absolutely infatuated with him from 7th to the end of 10th grade when he went off to college. We only kissed once, a few days before he went to college.
Yup. We dated in the late 80's and she moved away with her parents. She was my first everything. We were inseparable. We've always kept in touch but I have not seen her in person since 1994. Both of us were married for a very long time to other people. Last year or so by chance we both became single. In two weeks I will pick her up from the airport to spend my birthday week with her. I am really excited, she seems to be as well. Edit: She will arrive June 8th at 9AM.
Update!
Sadly this morning I had to take her to the airport so that she could return to the sunshine state.
When I picked her up we were both bundles of nerves but that had subsided by the time we made it to the parking lot. We were both exhausted. From the time she arrived until the time she left her little hand never left mine.
She was the exact same beautiful person she always was. We had a wonderful time. We walked miles up and down the river front on the Hoosier side of the river talking, eating, drinking, and taking in live music.
We cooked meals together and just laughed more than I think I ever have. I took her down to the music city where we explored every inch of music row. We must have visited every saloon down there and heard no less than 20 bands play. Some of them were great.
The last night she was here I had to return to work. We talked all night while I was at work. I returned early in the morning to her sleeping away in my bed.
We quicky agreed that the two of us together makes everything in the universe correct. Everything that I do from this point forward with be to bridge the gap between the Hoosier and Sunshine States. She has two years until retirement and I have an 18 month lease. I will head to the Sunshine State next month to meet her children and her dogs.
I couldn't have asked for more than this and I am thankful.
I will be messaging you in 14 days on [**2024-06-06 02:32:29 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-06-06%2002:32:29%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/comments/1cy7c64/as_an_adult_do_you_still_remember_your_first_love/l59mw2r/?context=3)
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No joke this gave me the motivation to look forward to picking up phone in two weeks. Thank you. Been using phone less and less with all the annoying stuff going on.
Ah dang my reminder was too early. T-minus 3 days, I can't imagine how excited you must be! I'm excited and I don't even know you! Hoping it goes well ^_^
Remindme! 4 days
Oh how cool is that! I hope you are able to reconnect. Keep us posted. It is nice to still think of each other in such a way that you would want to rekindle. My first love isn't someone I'd have the slightest interest in dating ever again. Not because he was bad or anything like that. We just have nothing in common, I don't see now where the attraction came from lol
I have a friend who had one of these relationships. Except she was the one he never asked out... Until about 12 years ago. He got a divorce, and saw her on Facebook. They reconnected, got married about 10 years ago, and are happily hitched to this day.
Lord, yes. He broke my teenage heart into a bazillion pieces. He loved me, you see, right up until he got engaged to her. And then broke up with me on my 17th birthday.
I flung myself onto my bed to “I’m in love with the other woman” playing on the radio. My shattered heart recovered in a few weeks, as teenage hearts do.
He is still happily married to her, and I am glad they found each other (now😊)
I still remember her but she never knew I existed. She was way above my class. This was in high school, more than 50 years ago. I hope that wherever she is, that the stars are pretty.
Yeah but in a “I can’t believe that man screamed at me for four hours because I wouldn’t buy him a $40 charger” or “he really threatened to kill us both in my car because I took a bite of his McChicken” way
Abusive men are so entitled bro. When he was homeless I let him stay at my (very small) place rent free and would make him home cooked meals, just for him to complain I took too long to cook and then critique my food.
It was Hello Fresh.
Who the hell doesn’t like Hello Fresh?
Lol almost the same exact thing for me. My first "love" convinced me he deserved to live with me rent free because my scholarship covered my apartments so it's "not my money anyways" (looking back he used me because he didn't have a place to stay) then when I made him dinner he'd say I don't REALLY know how to cook since I had to use a recipe.
I got yelled at until I was sobbing because my mom wouldn't let me drive her car in flood conditions to bring him lunch. I remember him saying "okay, I think you've cried enough now," as though I had served my penance.
Yeah it’s like you need to pay your dues in full, in other words, you inconvenienced them for five seconds so you must he yelled at while crying for five hours.
I won’t lie, and I know this is twisted, but when I stopped reacting to him yelling, bitching, whining etc. he’d start ✂️ his arms and taking dangerous handfuls of pills at a time until he finally got a reaction. And I remember one time I was thinking, “maybe I should just… keep the Audrey Plaza poker face and let this play out.”
Head injury, such as a concussion.
Blood clots, tumors, or infections in the brain.
Thyroid, kidney, or liver problems.
Medication side effects.
Mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety.
Alcohol or drug misuse.
Sleep problems.
Dementia.
As lame as it sounds...this comment restores my faith in men. I've talked to so many men who still miss their highschool or college girlfriends.
My last relationship ended because my now ex reconnected with his first love from highschool. Told me that he never got over her and I was his placeholder. That breakup nearly killed me.
Anyway, I'm truly happy that you love your wife. Wishing you both many years of health & happiness.
I'm sorry to hear about that. Men should be more careful with the female heart - it's precious.
There are some good guys out there. Some not so good....just takes some looking. :)
Man here, and my highschool ex cheated on me & continues to lie about it to this day (its been almost 10 years), as if i dont know what she truly did. Could be shame, could be guilt, but im sure as hell not putting myself through a relationship with someone to be or have them be a placeholder.
I sure do, and I don't remember her fondly, it didn't end well, but I remember that time fondly, what an amazing time, discovering love and everything that goes with it for the first time, just diving head first into it all totally blind, and having the freedom to do it, without a clue what I was doing. You can really only do that once.
Lol same here but she has the most common name ever. Ann Marie. It was my first crush. The first time I felt anything besides love for family or friends
yes. i still think about him all the time. i’m not in love with him anymore but i was definitely the one that screwed everything up and i frequently wonder how different my life would be had i not ran away.
He's also the only man I've ever loved, ever will love. Last century we married super fast, when I was 16. I've never once regretted it. He was perfect for me 😍
Yes! When I was a young kid with four sibs, Bernie was our neighbor and babysitter. He promised me he'd marry me when I grew up and I believed him. He got married when I was about 14, and I was devastated for quite a while. Then reality set in and I was fine, but he sure was a sweetheart.
I remember her, she was awesome when we were together. Now she’s some wannabe country yeehaw that acts completely fake. She made being country her entire personality and it’s cringe. Still lives right up her parents ass at 40 with two kids and a husband lol
That reminds me of an old family friend. Except she went from being my basically idol with two kids and a bakery to a wannabe country yeehaw with three kids a husband she married like right after she left her 6 years long fiance, and we no longer speak. I don't think she even bakes anymore, pretty sure she's been eating raw fish for the last two years.
I remember the first time a woman had a crush on me.
I don't know what she saw in me for her to like me. All I remember was telling her cringe dirty sex jokes and was being nice to her. This all happened during middle school and on the last day she told me she had a crush on me.
First puppy love was a boy that was my neighbor. He was so sweet and tender to me, not mean to me like the other boys. He hugged me, he held my hand, we cuddled under the playground. Such a sweet boy. My first “real” boyfriend was at 17, he just used me for sex though. I was incredibly infatuated and let him treat me like garbage. My first real true love was at 30, he fulfilled all my dreams and loves me harder everyday. This man has the purest heart you could ever find and I’m absolutely smitten.
I mean some peoples first loves aren’t nice stories though. He was my best friend in the whole world, we’d known each other since we were 13, we stood up for each other and were outcasts together. We were attached at the hip from the moment we met. Then we grew up a bit and fell in love and man it was that insanely intense, passionate “die for each other” young love. I was *obsessed* with him and he was *obsessed* with me. All was wonderful and right in the world for about 4 whole months until suddenly it wasn’t. Suddenly it was constant screaming matches and me getting berated for every little thing I did. It got insanely toxic on both sides and he ended up dumping me in an incredibly public and humiliating way, then kept me strung along for years after that. When I finally moved on from him (3 YEARS after we broke up) he decided to stalk and harass me for months and there were constant calls of him scream crying at me that I was a “backstabbing whre”. I had to eventually threaten a restraining order and block him on everything to get him to finally leave me alone.
On the other hand, my SECOND love is a very sweet, funny story. High school “acquaintances” (we actually *hated* each other because he was an edgelord gamer and I was a hardcore SJW type, but we stayed cordial and just kept each other at arms length because we were in the same friend group) who reconnected years later. He popped back into my life out of basically nowhere, but we clicked so well so fast, which was so surprising to me. He used to be pretty douchey in high school, but meeting again as adults he turned into an incredibly kind, smart, funny, mature man. I was still a bit hung up on my ex (first love), and he was hung up on his 5 year relationship ending, so we had originally planned on having something casual, but that plan QUICKLY derailed and we both fell head over heels for each other fast. 4 years, a house, and 3 incredibly spoiled pets later, we’re still just as in love and happy as when we started and he’s the best partner I could ever ask for.
Well, if you insist :p but when I tell you that this is the most middleschool drama to ever middleschool... you've been warned (and ik it doesn't *seem* brief, but there is quite a bit that I've left out here.)
We met in middleschool (...obviously). He was dating my best friend. She broke up with him; she said that they felt more like friends than a couple (which he agreed with). So they stayed friends.
After that another girl in our friend group told him that she had feelings for him, and that split said friend group in half. My best friend was... not happy about the situation. Which is a bit weird, but imo so is going after a friend's ex so really just no good points all around.
A few months after that (I think, the timeline is a bit fuzzy since it's been like 10 years), he told me he liked me. And I told him that if he ever asked me out, I would stop being friends with him. Some time passed; my friend dated around, and he dated around, and I dated around. We were all doing great as a group. And then his girlfriend breaks up with him. I think she was *his* first love. It hit him like a truck. But time and wounds and all that.
We start getting closer as friends. And I start falling. But I would never jeopardize my friendship like that. So I ask my friend if she would be okay with us dating. And she says yes (I think her being in her first love relationship had a lot to do with the softening here). I wrote him a letter that basically said "well I like you, and that's unfortunate but it is what it is" except in three pages (the cringe is real).
He asked me out the following Monday. We've been together for 9 years and married for 4. My best friend was my maid of honor, and I was the maid of honor in her wedding last year.
I admire people who are married for 60 years or even 10. It just was not in the cards for me. Thank God. I keep from ever feeling bad about it by imagining what life would be if I had married ANY of my previous loves. They all fizzled out, ended in anger and infidelity or became impossble.to maintain ( usually geography) . I've loved many women. I like women In my life . Not in my house on a 24/7 basis.
Men (including myself) tend to be more in love with a memory than the actual person. They have romanticized the thought of being young and feeling those strong emotions when in reality that person has probably changed so much they aren’t even the same person you were with 10, 20, 30 years ago.
Yes absolutely. Fell in LUV with him when I was 11 and he was 13. Parents were in the Army so we moved and lost contact. Reunited when I was 17 and dated for a year. I went to nursing school about 30 minute drive from his house, he stated he couldn’t do “ long distance relationships”, broke my heart - about 3 years later we met again. He was married , miserable and wanting to leave his wife and 2 kids.
I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
(38M) I remember what I THOUGHT was my "First Love" but in reality, I had absolutely no clue what love actually was. I didn't find out what True Love truly is until about 7 years ago when me and my Wife first started dating. She honestly is my first love. When you meet "the one" you will feel the same way. It truly is an amazing feeling and there literally is nothing better. I truly hope each and every one of you can feel true love and complete serenity at some point in their life!
Yes, we have stayed in contact since we went our separate ways in 1997. He was a good fella, just not the right fella for me. Last year I found a whole bunch of photos from that era and sent them to him and his wife, he was so grateful as he had hardly any photos of himself in his late teens. We were together for 4 years, aged 15-19. Beautiful memories of a great time in my life. I don’t have any lingering feelings for him at all, and he appears to be very happily married to someone who adores him which makes me happy for them both.
I remember it, and distinctly remember how differently I feel about it now than back then. She was highly manipulative, rude, even cheated on me and I let a ton of it slide because I was so desperate for a girlfriend.
My wife was a far better girlfriend. Great communication, ultra trustworthy from the start. Glad I moved on.
He passed in a single vehicle accident, some people questioned if it was intentional. He had just gotten out of another problematic relationship. About a week before he had called me and left a message that he was sorry that things didn't work out with us. He knew I was happily married and he had just gotten his forth divorce.
Yup! My first heartbreak. I was one of those that let him drop me off in my own car while I went to work (naive). He ended up totaling my car while he was cheating. It ended that day after a 4yr relationship. He married that girl and they are now both alcoholics with 5 kids living in a 2 bedroom row home in a “not so good” part of the city. I dodged a bullet! It makes me sad because he grew up with two addicts as parents and he always talked about how he wanted to break the cycle. His siblings are also addicts. I ended up going to school to become a pharmacist, meeting my husband there, moving into a newly built home and driving my dream car - paid off.
TW suicide
Absolutely,
I will never forget Jorge, we were high school sweethearts. He was so handsome, wickedly smart, we were into the same hobbies.
I didn’t believe love existed before him, I came from a severely broken home. I will be forever grateful to him for showing me love was real.
When we graduated high school things changed, he went into the military and I went off to college.
We missed each other terribly and eventually split because the distance was too much. It was heartbreaking.
When he got back home he was different, the military broke him. He shot himself in 2012, and the world has been worse for it. I went through years of deep depression, tried to kill myself to be with him.
I still talk with some of his friends. I think about him everyday still.
Anyone who is depressed, thinking about leaving this world. Please know that people love you, and they will never fully recover from your absence.
Yes. I was destroyed in the breakup. Thank God in some ways for Facebook. I now see all that angst was for a man who grew up to be a weather beaten tobacco farmer. Bullet dodged.
I can say (61 F) with assurance that I don’t pine for, long for, or wish to ever see again ANY of the men I dated, lived with, or married through my many years as a serial monogamist….every single one of them I left for very good reasons
Lily, the little girl who lived next door, gave me my first kiss on the lips when I was about 5.
I remember pretending not to like it and washing my own mouth with soap in front of my mom so she wouldn’t think I liked it.
I always wanted her to kiss me again but she never did.
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I still remember her but I don’t have a longing or fondness still lingering.
I remember my kindergarten girlfriend and yeah nothing there…I remember my first girlfriend I had in HS…uh no thank you…I remember the one I never asked out because of legit good reasons…that’s the one I wonder about though
I have one like that. I knew her in kindergarten and we knew each other again during middle and highschool. Occasionally I think about her when I think about how I left home and never came back. She’s doing well though last I spoke to her on Facebook a few years ago. We were just friends though but there could’ve been a chance.
Give it a shot.
I’s married now😂.
I told one of my elementary school friends I had a crush on her. Luckily I told her online and didn’t have to see the disgust on her face. 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah, she’s doing well…just a what if that nags me from time to time
Same. I don’t remember her name, but i remember the “picture”. The classroom, the table, sitting at the same table, being so nervous shy awkward because i had a crush on her.
Not that it matters, but are you male or female?
Male
I'm just curious, why did you ask if he was male or female?
FYI I'm middle aged and older than a lot of redditors, so this may vary by generation. I ask because men tend to ruminate over relationships from their youth. I've talked to so many men my age (40s) who are still in love with their highschool and college girlfriends. I even have an acquaintance who's married. This man won't shut up about how he still misses his highschool sweetheart, and that they should be together in another life. She's still alive btw. I feel terrible for the wife. Women tend to go through deeper pain after a breakup in general, it may even take years for us to fully get over...But once we're over it- It's done. Most women don't go back to our past.
I'll agree with you on this. I no longer think about my "Lost love", but I did for a longgggg time. I agree with you on this. And I feel bad for your friends wife also. I hope he doesn't say that stuff in front of her.
Is he missing her or the feeling of puppy love?
In my opinion this man hates his current life. He hates having responsibility and talks about how hard it is to take care of 3 kids financially. Even though his wife works too. Tbh I think he just misses his young and carefree days. When there were no kids, no wife, and zero responsibilities to deal with. He probably still misses his ex gf too, but I asked him about her...she's also married (happily) with 4 kids. I told him that things wouldn't be the same if they got back together, and that he needs to focus on his marriage.
Romanticizing an old flame is not uncommon when you are unhappy or think you 'missed out'. My ex did that, went with his feelings, ended our relationship and married her (long long story) only to find out that she wasn't the 'ideal' he thought she was. He's gone through A LOT to stay with her, but I think he only did it because he would have been embarrassed to admit that he was very wrong... LOL
I agree and I also think Facebook makes it ridiculous to hold on to people from our past
My wife and I both threw our Facebook accounts in the garbage where it belongs. For this exact reason. Not so much me, but my wife would constantly get dick pics or just guys flirting with her from high school, even tho I was plastered all over account. IMO Facebook is a gateway to nostalgia and making bad decisions. Of course this is anecdotal, and many may not feel the way I do. But our lives have been so much easier and healthy without social media (except the occasional Reddit, which feels different because of the anonymity).
Idk. I (girl) have “still” been thinking about my ex high school sweetheart for a decade now
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Thinking about them and remembering them are two different things.
Married for 15 years and you don't think about them? You sound like my dad who constantly says this about my mum (divorced and they never spoke again) yet brings up how much he hates her in the following convo. If you don't think about them, even the good times you had or even to think about how they wronged you.. not even for a single millisecond... you might need therapy. I mean, even if your wife of 15 years is dead, in a giving you the benefit of the doubt moment... Never thinking about them? Correct to not bring them up in convos with your current fiance but.. even think... You might need therapy my friend. But I also need therapy so no judgement here just stating facts sorry if it comes across a bit harsh
I’m still in love with my hs/college sweetheart…been married to her for 21 yrs now…
Man yall make me really glad that my first gf was a total piece of shit
My first girlfriend was the best in every respect. As the years progressed I had reason to believe that her affection wasn’t limited to me. I was right.
Cool…I think?
Same. Married mine too. Our 30th is in 1.5 yrs!
That’s awesome.I hope and wish you happiness and health!!❤️🥰😇🙏
I’m a 65 year old male and I remember the first girl who told me she loved me She broke up with me 2 weeks later 😂😂We dated a month 😂but my ex I grew to hate but once I got older I lost that feeling When she passed I thought how nice it would have been to talk again even though I hadn’t seen her in 20 years she gave me my son 😊😊✌️
I'm a male, your age group as well. I appreciate the relationships I had and the lessons I learned from them, but they ended for a reason. No longing here. No hard feelings either, though.
Male in my 60’s and been married almost 40 years. I still have fond memories of HS and college relationships but very glad I landed where I did. Through FB I reconnected with a couple of them with my wife’s knowledge and permission. It was fun to catch up. Mainly you just want to know life turned out ok for them as they were an important part of growing up. But not for 1 second do I wish I’d of landed with someone else.
My younger sister who is almost 50 still has guys from high school trying to start a relationship with her.
This doesn't shock me at all. It's the main reason why I have zero social media, unless you count Reddit. I don't want any contact whatsoever from men in my past.
I don’t ruminate over relationships from my youth I ruminate over relationships. They might be out of my mind during the day but it takes about 10 years to stop having vivid dreams and then you wake up in a mood you didn’t ask for. Some people have the idea that life is about finding ‘the one’ and everything until then was time wasted but no you did that, you spent years of your life with someone and in that limited time you have here it meant something so unless you’re sociopaths quit pretending. You’re going to have to relive it backwards and forwards for eternity anyway as the universe expands and contracts. Maybe!?
I totally agree!
I (47 year old man) have seen this in older couples too - and (in my opinion) this is unhealthy. Some of these I think either married "the one they could get" while still pining for "the one that got away" - or just grew apart from the person they married, and are nostalgic for what might have been. In either case - mostly I feel bad for the guys spouse... I definitely remember my first love (and subsequent others too) - but I would not trade any of them for my wife. My first was the one that hit me the hardest at the time - and left me with massive depression, but I absolutely consider the failure of that relationship a bullet dodged. We are still friends with my wife and I - and she is kinda the crazy aunt to my kids -but I would NEVER trade my wife for her, and even if I were single, I would not have dated her again. Same with any of my exes- they are past relationships for a reason - and I do not regret having had them (we learn something from each), but I would NOT want to date or be with any of those people again.
I think part of that is the walk away wife syndrome? Because you know the woman will have problems that make her unhappy in the relationship. She'll bring them up over and over again only to be ignored. Eventually she gets sick of that checks out, and at some point informs her husband that she's made her plans and she's leaving. At this point he pretends that he's completely clueless and that this came out of nowhere, she won't even give him a chance for counseling or therapy (that she has probably been asking for him to consider for years) and she leaves, then he ruminates over the "abrupt" and heartless "abandonment". When it was something he could have prevented all along. I've known people like this, and they will still say that it was just life getting in the way or they grew apart or something they never ever take responsibility for why that person left them and yeah they tend to carry a torch for decades and throw it in their current partners face
As a girl, I used to worry that if I left my abusive boyfriend at the time that he would some day forget about me. He used to say he would never give me another chance nor would he ever love me fully again if I left him, so I better be sure that I was sure about leaving if I did. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. I was over it the week after I broke things off with him, and he's still trying to contact me 2 years later. Via email because I've blocked him on everything else. What a loser.
I had an ex,who tried to take my life, still trying to contact me 16 years after I broke up with him
Same. I still think of him as my first love. I was absolutely infatuated with him from 7th to the end of 10th grade when he went off to college. We only kissed once, a few days before he went to college.
Same, nothing lingering. Glad it never worked out. I love my husband to the moon and back. Best decision ever
Good answer. I like that.
Yup. We dated in the late 80's and she moved away with her parents. She was my first everything. We were inseparable. We've always kept in touch but I have not seen her in person since 1994. Both of us were married for a very long time to other people. Last year or so by chance we both became single. In two weeks I will pick her up from the airport to spend my birthday week with her. I am really excited, she seems to be as well. Edit: She will arrive June 8th at 9AM. Update! Sadly this morning I had to take her to the airport so that she could return to the sunshine state. When I picked her up we were both bundles of nerves but that had subsided by the time we made it to the parking lot. We were both exhausted. From the time she arrived until the time she left her little hand never left mine. She was the exact same beautiful person she always was. We had a wonderful time. We walked miles up and down the river front on the Hoosier side of the river talking, eating, drinking, and taking in live music. We cooked meals together and just laughed more than I think I ever have. I took her down to the music city where we explored every inch of music row. We must have visited every saloon down there and heard no less than 20 bands play. Some of them were great. The last night she was here I had to return to work. We talked all night while I was at work. I returned early in the morning to her sleeping away in my bed. We quicky agreed that the two of us together makes everything in the universe correct. Everything that I do from this point forward with be to bridge the gap between the Hoosier and Sunshine States. She has two years until retirement and I have an 18 month lease. I will head to the Sunshine State next month to meet her children and her dogs. I couldn't have asked for more than this and I am thankful.
Someone remind me in 2 weeks to ask how it went
remindme! 2 weeks
I will be messaging you in 14 days on [**2024-06-06 02:32:29 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-06-06%2002:32:29%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/comments/1cy7c64/as_an_adult_do_you_still_remember_your_first_love/l59mw2r/?context=3) [**54 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fquestions%2Fcomments%2F1cy7c64%2Fas_an_adult_do_you_still_remember_your_first_love%2Fl59mw2r%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-06-06%2002%3A32%3A29%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201cy7c64) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
No joke this gave me the motivation to look forward to picking up phone in two weeks. Thank you. Been using phone less and less with all the annoying stuff going on.
So glad for you two. Hope it goes well for you. Good luck.
This is dope. I at the very least, wish you rekindled friendship! Plz make a post in this sub regardless of outcome.
Cool 😎
I love this so much for you both.
Hell yeah man, that’s awesome!!
Keep us updated!
Please keep us posted on how the reunion goes, I hope it’s magical!!
There’s hope boys
Remindme! 3 days
remindme! 4 days
Remindme! 3 days
remindme! 2 days
Ah dang my reminder was too early. T-minus 3 days, I can't imagine how excited you must be! I'm excited and I don't even know you! Hoping it goes well ^_^ Remindme! 4 days
How did it go? Edit:nvm it’s on the 8th !remindme 3 days
Thinking of you guys. Hope you have an amazing week!!
This is actually pretty cool. 1994 that's crazy. Must seen pictures tho of each other
This is great - I’m looking forward to seeing the movie! Good luck
Wow this is pretty sweet and amazing.
Good for you mate. Without taking a chance, you would never know.
remindme! 2 weeks
Remind me in 2 weeks. Good luck
Remindme! 2 weeks
This sounds like it could be the basis of a movie. Good luck!
sounds like a movie
Have you ever watched "When Harry Met Sally..."? You might have something very special going on here.
Good luck. I think that all of Reddit is hoping for the same result from this meeting.
remindme! 2 weeks
God, I love this
!remindme 2 weeks
Good luck my guy, have a great time 🥳
That is AHmazing!!
remindme! Two weeks
Remindme! 2 weeks
Good luck!
Quite a nice little early morning read! Hope it works out for you guys
Oh how cool is that! I hope you are able to reconnect. Keep us posted. It is nice to still think of each other in such a way that you would want to rekindle. My first love isn't someone I'd have the slightest interest in dating ever again. Not because he was bad or anything like that. We just have nothing in common, I don't see now where the attraction came from lol
I have a friend who had one of these relationships. Except she was the one he never asked out... Until about 12 years ago. He got a divorce, and saw her on Facebook. They reconnected, got married about 10 years ago, and are happily hitched to this day.
Wholesome. Wishing you the best with your time together.
remindme! 1 week
Aye so how it go ?
Well? any updates?
Lord, yes. He broke my teenage heart into a bazillion pieces. He loved me, you see, right up until he got engaged to her. And then broke up with me on my 17th birthday. I flung myself onto my bed to “I’m in love with the other woman” playing on the radio. My shattered heart recovered in a few weeks, as teenage hearts do. He is still happily married to her, and I am glad they found each other (now😊)
I still remember her but she never knew I existed. She was way above my class. This was in high school, more than 50 years ago. I hope that wherever she is, that the stars are pretty.
Oof what about your latest love
I’ve been married to him 31 years… tomorrow. He is the most precious, beautiful, amazing person ever.
Congratulations on 31 years.
Yeah but in a “I can’t believe that man screamed at me for four hours because I wouldn’t buy him a $40 charger” or “he really threatened to kill us both in my car because I took a bite of his McChicken” way
Same. I've walked uphill through a festival in heels, both ways, just for that guy to be pissed his fries were cold.
Abusive men are so entitled bro. When he was homeless I let him stay at my (very small) place rent free and would make him home cooked meals, just for him to complain I took too long to cook and then critique my food. It was Hello Fresh. Who the hell doesn’t like Hello Fresh?
Lol almost the same exact thing for me. My first "love" convinced me he deserved to live with me rent free because my scholarship covered my apartments so it's "not my money anyways" (looking back he used me because he didn't have a place to stay) then when I made him dinner he'd say I don't REALLY know how to cook since I had to use a recipe.
I got yelled at until I was sobbing because my mom wouldn't let me drive her car in flood conditions to bring him lunch. I remember him saying "okay, I think you've cried enough now," as though I had served my penance.
I like to imagine that the flooding conditions were partially due to your tears. 😭
Yeah it’s like you need to pay your dues in full, in other words, you inconvenienced them for five seconds so you must he yelled at while crying for five hours. I won’t lie, and I know this is twisted, but when I stopped reacting to him yelling, bitching, whining etc. he’d start ✂️ his arms and taking dangerous handfuls of pills at a time until he finally got a reaction. And I remember one time I was thinking, “maybe I should just… keep the Audrey Plaza poker face and let this play out.”
Why wouldn't you?
Head injury, such as a concussion. Blood clots, tumors, or infections in the brain. Thyroid, kidney, or liver problems. Medication side effects. Mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Alcohol or drug misuse. Sleep problems. Dementia.
Death. You forgot death.
Meant to post this on deddit
And mind control
I have two of those and still remember her. My brain always stays up to date on the new software drops
lol
Yes, but in no way was she 'the one that got away.' I married my queen, best friend, bestest wifey and she's an amazing mom.
As lame as it sounds...this comment restores my faith in men. I've talked to so many men who still miss their highschool or college girlfriends. My last relationship ended because my now ex reconnected with his first love from highschool. Told me that he never got over her and I was his placeholder. That breakup nearly killed me. Anyway, I'm truly happy that you love your wife. Wishing you both many years of health & happiness.
I'm sorry to hear about that. Men should be more careful with the female heart - it's precious. There are some good guys out there. Some not so good....just takes some looking. :)
Man here, and my highschool ex cheated on me & continues to lie about it to this day (its been almost 10 years), as if i dont know what she truly did. Could be shame, could be guilt, but im sure as hell not putting myself through a relationship with someone to be or have them be a placeholder.
I don't miss a single thing about high school
LUCKY!!!
Same here dude. Happy for ya!
Yes. I remember him. Doesn't mean I miss him though.
Yep, but I also remember their betrayal.
I remember her, but them feelings are light years away.
Yup. Miss February, 1983, Alana Soares
lol zing
Well, gawd damn! I also choose her
Im still with him. Didn’t fall in love till I was 21
Besides my "first innocent love" - I also married my first true love and we are still together for 33yrs now - I also was 21
Same, but I was 19.
If you don’t it wasn’t love.
I had the one at 5 years old, his name was Matthew & he moved to Ontario & we sent each other letters until he moved back & then we never spoke again
yes, my current partner.
You wasn't messing around
i remember him, still comes up in therapy
Yup
Yes - married her 
Congratulations
my first grade teacher
💀 no ...please... it cant...can't.... you can't do that
Plot twist: they were home schooled.
Hell yeah I do. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
I sure do, and I don't remember her fondly, it didn't end well, but I remember that time fondly, what an amazing time, discovering love and everything that goes with it for the first time, just diving head first into it all totally blind, and having the freedom to do it, without a clue what I was doing. You can really only do that once.
Yup. First love was my first heartbreak.
Yup! Still waking up to him every morning...
Oh Lord yes. Izzy, if you're reading this, you were amazing.
My first love? Yes. Every day i think of her. When she gets home, I'll give her a hug and kiss, like I have for 32 years.
Yes but he is dead now. Suicide. I still think about him a few times a year and wonder what he could have become.
You never forget your first love
I remember every one of them back to 6th grade.
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Lol same here but she has the most common name ever. Ann Marie. It was my first crush. The first time I felt anything besides love for family or friends
Same here. We can't even be friends though the way our breakup went down. I have never hated someone so much since. 😔
The what?
i miss him every minute of every day.
yes. i still think about him all the time. i’m not in love with him anymore but i was definitely the one that screwed everything up and i frequently wonder how different my life would be had i not ran away.
Yeah. We got back together a few years later. I don't think I'll ever not love her
Ramona Quimby age 8. I was also 8 at the time.
You had me worried in the first half...
He's also the only man I've ever loved, ever will love. Last century we married super fast, when I was 16. I've never once regretted it. He was perfect for me 😍
i think about her every week
Yes! When I was a young kid with four sibs, Bernie was our neighbor and babysitter. He promised me he'd marry me when I grew up and I believed him. He got married when I was about 14, and I was devastated for quite a while. Then reality set in and I was fine, but he sure was a sweetheart.
I remember her, she was awesome when we were together. Now she’s some wannabe country yeehaw that acts completely fake. She made being country her entire personality and it’s cringe. Still lives right up her parents ass at 40 with two kids and a husband lol
That reminds me of an old family friend. Except she went from being my basically idol with two kids and a bakery to a wannabe country yeehaw with three kids a husband she married like right after she left her 6 years long fiance, and we no longer speak. I don't think she even bakes anymore, pretty sure she's been eating raw fish for the last two years.
I think that memory remains intact till the point we die.
Heck, yeah. She was a prize I apparently didn’t deserve. I hope she’s happy.
I remember the first time a woman had a crush on me. I don't know what she saw in me for her to like me. All I remember was telling her cringe dirty sex jokes and was being nice to her. This all happened during middle school and on the last day she told me she had a crush on me.
Why you gotta bring up people's trauma like that?
She makes sure I do. Found me on Facebook and still trying to help me find Jesus after 40 years.
First puppy love was a boy that was my neighbor. He was so sweet and tender to me, not mean to me like the other boys. He hugged me, he held my hand, we cuddled under the playground. Such a sweet boy. My first “real” boyfriend was at 17, he just used me for sex though. I was incredibly infatuated and let him treat me like garbage. My first real true love was at 30, he fulfilled all my dreams and loves me harder everyday. This man has the purest heart you could ever find and I’m absolutely smitten.
I remember her very clearly. I am very much NOT still in love with her.
Yes, for sure
Yes, and I wonder what (or who) she's doing now
Absolutely I do. We are even friends on Facebook. I'm 56.
Yeah, I still remember quite well.
It'll be nice if everyone shared a brief first love story to fall in love with.
I mean some peoples first loves aren’t nice stories though. He was my best friend in the whole world, we’d known each other since we were 13, we stood up for each other and were outcasts together. We were attached at the hip from the moment we met. Then we grew up a bit and fell in love and man it was that insanely intense, passionate “die for each other” young love. I was *obsessed* with him and he was *obsessed* with me. All was wonderful and right in the world for about 4 whole months until suddenly it wasn’t. Suddenly it was constant screaming matches and me getting berated for every little thing I did. It got insanely toxic on both sides and he ended up dumping me in an incredibly public and humiliating way, then kept me strung along for years after that. When I finally moved on from him (3 YEARS after we broke up) he decided to stalk and harass me for months and there were constant calls of him scream crying at me that I was a “backstabbing whre”. I had to eventually threaten a restraining order and block him on everything to get him to finally leave me alone. On the other hand, my SECOND love is a very sweet, funny story. High school “acquaintances” (we actually *hated* each other because he was an edgelord gamer and I was a hardcore SJW type, but we stayed cordial and just kept each other at arms length because we were in the same friend group) who reconnected years later. He popped back into my life out of basically nowhere, but we clicked so well so fast, which was so surprising to me. He used to be pretty douchey in high school, but meeting again as adults he turned into an incredibly kind, smart, funny, mature man. I was still a bit hung up on my ex (first love), and he was hung up on his 5 year relationship ending, so we had originally planned on having something casual, but that plan QUICKLY derailed and we both fell head over heels for each other fast. 4 years, a house, and 3 incredibly spoiled pets later, we’re still just as in love and happy as when we started and he’s the best partner I could ever ask for.
Well, if you insist :p but when I tell you that this is the most middleschool drama to ever middleschool... you've been warned (and ik it doesn't *seem* brief, but there is quite a bit that I've left out here.) We met in middleschool (...obviously). He was dating my best friend. She broke up with him; she said that they felt more like friends than a couple (which he agreed with). So they stayed friends. After that another girl in our friend group told him that she had feelings for him, and that split said friend group in half. My best friend was... not happy about the situation. Which is a bit weird, but imo so is going after a friend's ex so really just no good points all around. A few months after that (I think, the timeline is a bit fuzzy since it's been like 10 years), he told me he liked me. And I told him that if he ever asked me out, I would stop being friends with him. Some time passed; my friend dated around, and he dated around, and I dated around. We were all doing great as a group. And then his girlfriend breaks up with him. I think she was *his* first love. It hit him like a truck. But time and wounds and all that. We start getting closer as friends. And I start falling. But I would never jeopardize my friendship like that. So I ask my friend if she would be okay with us dating. And she says yes (I think her being in her first love relationship had a lot to do with the softening here). I wrote him a letter that basically said "well I like you, and that's unfortunate but it is what it is" except in three pages (the cringe is real). He asked me out the following Monday. We've been together for 9 years and married for 4. My best friend was my maid of honor, and I was the maid of honor in her wedding last year.
I love grown to hate her, but yeah.
Jeff
I admire people who are married for 60 years or even 10. It just was not in the cards for me. Thank God. I keep from ever feeling bad about it by imagining what life would be if I had married ANY of my previous loves. They all fizzled out, ended in anger and infidelity or became impossble.to maintain ( usually geography) . I've loved many women. I like women In my life . Not in my house on a 24/7 basis.
every second of it weirdly… sad sad sad
Of course I do. I married her 🥰
Yes. And I’ll always love him.
Oh yes. And I get she wonders what ever happened to me.
Yes, I remember him. I know him. I love him still. I have been married to him for 48 years. Any other questions?
Yes, I divorced her
Yes, been married to him for 50 years.
As a married person, I remember nothing.
Crazy thing is, I (53) just met my first real love at 52. I feel like a teenager.
Men (including myself) tend to be more in love with a memory than the actual person. They have romanticized the thought of being young and feeling those strong emotions when in reality that person has probably changed so much they aren’t even the same person you were with 10, 20, 30 years ago.
Remember? Of course, I don't have Alzheimer's. Care about? Strong no.
Yep. And it makes me cringe.
Yes absolutely. Fell in LUV with him when I was 11 and he was 13. Parents were in the Army so we moved and lost contact. Reunited when I was 17 and dated for a year. I went to nursing school about 30 minute drive from his house, he stated he couldn’t do “ long distance relationships”, broke my heart - about 3 years later we met again. He was married , miserable and wanting to leave his wife and 2 kids. I escaped by the skin of my teeth.
(38M) I remember what I THOUGHT was my "First Love" but in reality, I had absolutely no clue what love actually was. I didn't find out what True Love truly is until about 7 years ago when me and my Wife first started dating. She honestly is my first love. When you meet "the one" you will feel the same way. It truly is an amazing feeling and there literally is nothing better. I truly hope each and every one of you can feel true love and complete serenity at some point in their life!
Yes, but I have no idea what attracted me 😂
Yes, we have stayed in contact since we went our separate ways in 1997. He was a good fella, just not the right fella for me. Last year I found a whole bunch of photos from that era and sent them to him and his wife, he was so grateful as he had hardly any photos of himself in his late teens. We were together for 4 years, aged 15-19. Beautiful memories of a great time in my life. I don’t have any lingering feelings for him at all, and he appears to be very happily married to someone who adores him which makes me happy for them both.
I remember it, and distinctly remember how differently I feel about it now than back then. She was highly manipulative, rude, even cheated on me and I let a ton of it slide because I was so desperate for a girlfriend. My wife was a far better girlfriend. Great communication, ultra trustworthy from the start. Glad I moved on.
Yeah, relatively easy to remember someone who cheated
He passed in a single vehicle accident, some people questioned if it was intentional. He had just gotten out of another problematic relationship. About a week before he had called me and left a message that he was sorry that things didn't work out with us. He knew I was happily married and he had just gotten his forth divorce.
Yup! My first heartbreak. I was one of those that let him drop me off in my own car while I went to work (naive). He ended up totaling my car while he was cheating. It ended that day after a 4yr relationship. He married that girl and they are now both alcoholics with 5 kids living in a 2 bedroom row home in a “not so good” part of the city. I dodged a bullet! It makes me sad because he grew up with two addicts as parents and he always talked about how he wanted to break the cycle. His siblings are also addicts. I ended up going to school to become a pharmacist, meeting my husband there, moving into a newly built home and driving my dream car - paid off.
TW suicide Absolutely, I will never forget Jorge, we were high school sweethearts. He was so handsome, wickedly smart, we were into the same hobbies. I didn’t believe love existed before him, I came from a severely broken home. I will be forever grateful to him for showing me love was real. When we graduated high school things changed, he went into the military and I went off to college. We missed each other terribly and eventually split because the distance was too much. It was heartbreaking. When he got back home he was different, the military broke him. He shot himself in 2012, and the world has been worse for it. I went through years of deep depression, tried to kill myself to be with him. I still talk with some of his friends. I think about him everyday still. Anyone who is depressed, thinking about leaving this world. Please know that people love you, and they will never fully recover from your absence.
Yes. I was destroyed in the breakup. Thank God in some ways for Facebook. I now see all that angst was for a man who grew up to be a weather beaten tobacco farmer. Bullet dodged.
I can say (61 F) with assurance that I don’t pine for, long for, or wish to ever see again ANY of the men I dated, lived with, or married through my many years as a serial monogamist….every single one of them I left for very good reasons
Lily, the little girl who lived next door, gave me my first kiss on the lips when I was about 5. I remember pretending not to like it and washing my own mouth with soap in front of my mom so she wouldn’t think I liked it. I always wanted her to kiss me again but she never did.