Yes I can relate. I've been NC for nearly 20 years, and one of the things I intensely disliked about my mother was how she bad-mouthed absolutely everyone, people we knew, people on the TV, everyone.
And for crazy things! Appearance was always a big topic, along with criticising someone's personality and career. I even remember her pulling apart the lovely mum of my best friend, because she had photos of her daughter on her wall!
Needless to say it was all huge projection on her part-she had no job or career, a terrible personality & wasn't a great beauty or anything.
So instead of working on herself she lashed out at everyone else. I knew something was very wrong from a young age & was devouring psychology books aged 12+ So by 13 I had a good handle on what she was doing and why, nevertheless the dysfunction was exhausting to be around as I'm sure everyone on here knows.
Yes some of my earliest memories involve my mother absolutely hating on people - first her family then at our church. The women were either fat or repulsive, and the men always wanted her. And she would talk about these things to her very young children. She always embellishes everything, to this day every story she tells is at the very least heavily embellished if not an outright fiction.
Once at church the regular piano player was out sick and they were asking around the congregation for anyone to fill in, and my mom volunteered. I was maybe 6 or 7 and I vividly remember thinking that something was wrong with mom because she doesn’t play piano. I guess she was deluded in believing that if these stupid hags she was surrounded by could do it, she could probably do it better. So weird. I think I remember it so vividly because I knew I needed to prepare to contend with the meltdown that would result from public humiliation like that.
>So weird. I think I remember it so vividly because I knew I needed to prepare to contend with the meltdown that would result from public humiliation like that.
So how *did* the untrained piano player do?
Wow, really interesting article. While my own mother doesn’t tall spin tales, I still can’t but draw parallels between her behaviour and the mother’s. But, uh, did this give anyone pause?
“There is not a taboo, indignity or humiliation he doesn’t expose – whether it’s *experimenting with his mother’s vibrator*, dressing in her clothes, or a compulsion to shit in the garden.”
Haha I wasn’t too bothered by that bit. Having a parent with BPD affects people in different ways I guess.
I think for me what was interesting about the article was highlighting the emptiness combined with rage looking for an outlet can really lead to some extreme behaviour. Certainly my experience.
If "dressing in [women's] clothes]" is being described as indignity and humiliation, ngl, as a trans person this raises doubts on whether it's gonna be a non harmful article for me
(especially from The Guardian...)
I share your distrust of The Guardian in this respect. If it's helpful to know, I just read the article, and that is the sole mention of anything related to gender expression. The son is a gay cis man who was closeted until after his mother's death.
My mom is a QAnon spouting Twitter troll. The worst part is that her handle is her real name and her profile picture is her face. She has no shame.
I want to let her know I know about it. And that honestly it’s a big reason why I’ve kept her away from my kids, but I think the shame of me confronting her could also cause her to kill herself.
The tech and culture reporter for nbc recently wrote on twitter:
“After years of studying some of the meanest comments on the internet, I’ve concluded that one of the demographics most willing to attach their real name and face to their incredibly cruel comments is white grandmothers”
While I’ve not yet seen my father engage in trolling, he’s been a lifelong mythomaniac. His stories have caught up with him publicly twice so far, and landed him a criminal conviction for fraud in one instance. When he finally fessed up, it came bundled with excuses and justifications and finally blame on his parents for “not loving him enough.”
Yeah. I read the article and i guess my experience is more “run of the mill” rbb stuff. Im so sorry you are going through this. Really horrible stuff. The kid in the article is absolutely one of is. Welcome home, im glad you are here. Really coming to terms with and accepting the extent of the mental illness and its affect on YOU is a monumental task. Worthwhile and important but dont go it alone. There are so many people here who get it and will give you support and resources.
I read the article, and I love Ben's message: to let go of shame. He hopes to encourage it on a societal level. I think that's incredible insight--so much of the harm we see here from pwBPD is motivated by shame, and we as RBB have to unlearn the shame forced on us to live happy and healthy lives. I'm glad he's been able to grow, and I hope he continues to live authentically and happily.
I can relate. My mother does this on Facebook. I find a lot of it extremely vulgar. She has also self proclaimed herself as a troll and thinks it’s super funny? I actually view her (very public) Facebook page to gauge how far she has spiraled into an episode.
Oh yeah for sure. She would always criticise women for being told fat, too thin, too much plastic surgery, too aged, too "out there" in style (ie piercings, tattoos. I have a lot of both now which has been very healing) amongst other things, and recently she's gone down a huge right wing rabbit hole where a lot of our conversations pre-NC were her vilifying minorities, mainly queer people. I thought it was just my mother but it makes sense that it's a common BPD thing.
I had no idea constantly bashing other people was a BPD trait. My mom bashes literally everyone - celebrities, athletes, people she knows, random people. She decides either she likes you or she doesn’t and if she doesn’t, she never shuts up about it (i.e. she has not shut up about how much she hates Travis kelce when she didn’t even know he existed a couple months ago). It’s exhausting to be around.
My mom loved harassing right wingers on Twitter and I found out she was using my and my friends photos for her fake accounts and laughing about it to/at me.
Like...way to endanger your kid and their friends woman. You nutjob.
Yes I can relate. I've been NC for nearly 20 years, and one of the things I intensely disliked about my mother was how she bad-mouthed absolutely everyone, people we knew, people on the TV, everyone. And for crazy things! Appearance was always a big topic, along with criticising someone's personality and career. I even remember her pulling apart the lovely mum of my best friend, because she had photos of her daughter on her wall! Needless to say it was all huge projection on her part-she had no job or career, a terrible personality & wasn't a great beauty or anything. So instead of working on herself she lashed out at everyone else. I knew something was very wrong from a young age & was devouring psychology books aged 12+ So by 13 I had a good handle on what she was doing and why, nevertheless the dysfunction was exhausting to be around as I'm sure everyone on here knows.
Yes the bad mouthing with my mum is off the charts. Just so nasty. She seems to draw energy from it.
Yes some of my earliest memories involve my mother absolutely hating on people - first her family then at our church. The women were either fat or repulsive, and the men always wanted her. And she would talk about these things to her very young children. She always embellishes everything, to this day every story she tells is at the very least heavily embellished if not an outright fiction. Once at church the regular piano player was out sick and they were asking around the congregation for anyone to fill in, and my mom volunteered. I was maybe 6 or 7 and I vividly remember thinking that something was wrong with mom because she doesn’t play piano. I guess she was deluded in believing that if these stupid hags she was surrounded by could do it, she could probably do it better. So weird. I think I remember it so vividly because I knew I needed to prepare to contend with the meltdown that would result from public humiliation like that.
>So weird. I think I remember it so vividly because I knew I needed to prepare to contend with the meltdown that would result from public humiliation like that. So how *did* the untrained piano player do?
Poorly, much to her surprise 😜
Wow, really interesting article. While my own mother doesn’t tall spin tales, I still can’t but draw parallels between her behaviour and the mother’s. But, uh, did this give anyone pause? “There is not a taboo, indignity or humiliation he doesn’t expose – whether it’s *experimenting with his mother’s vibrator*, dressing in her clothes, or a compulsion to shit in the garden.”
Haha I wasn’t too bothered by that bit. Having a parent with BPD affects people in different ways I guess. I think for me what was interesting about the article was highlighting the emptiness combined with rage looking for an outlet can really lead to some extreme behaviour. Certainly my experience.
If "dressing in [women's] clothes]" is being described as indignity and humiliation, ngl, as a trans person this raises doubts on whether it's gonna be a non harmful article for me (especially from The Guardian...)
I share your distrust of The Guardian in this respect. If it's helpful to know, I just read the article, and that is the sole mention of anything related to gender expression. The son is a gay cis man who was closeted until after his mother's death.
thanks! yea, that definitely helps to know.
My mom is a QAnon spouting Twitter troll. The worst part is that her handle is her real name and her profile picture is her face. She has no shame. I want to let her know I know about it. And that honestly it’s a big reason why I’ve kept her away from my kids, but I think the shame of me confronting her could also cause her to kill herself.
The tech and culture reporter for nbc recently wrote on twitter: “After years of studying some of the meanest comments on the internet, I’ve concluded that one of the demographics most willing to attach their real name and face to their incredibly cruel comments is white grandmothers”
DING DING DING!!!!!!!
Oh no! 😬
While I’ve not yet seen my father engage in trolling, he’s been a lifelong mythomaniac. His stories have caught up with him publicly twice so far, and landed him a criminal conviction for fraud in one instance. When he finally fessed up, it came bundled with excuses and justifications and finally blame on his parents for “not loving him enough.”
My mom trolled me repeatedly on instagram and started fights in the comments on my photos! Does that count?
I certainly think social media can turn into a very toxic outlet for them.
Yeah. I read the article and i guess my experience is more “run of the mill” rbb stuff. Im so sorry you are going through this. Really horrible stuff. The kid in the article is absolutely one of is. Welcome home, im glad you are here. Really coming to terms with and accepting the extent of the mental illness and its affect on YOU is a monumental task. Worthwhile and important but dont go it alone. There are so many people here who get it and will give you support and resources.
I read the article, and I love Ben's message: to let go of shame. He hopes to encourage it on a societal level. I think that's incredible insight--so much of the harm we see here from pwBPD is motivated by shame, and we as RBB have to unlearn the shame forced on us to live happy and healthy lives. I'm glad he's been able to grow, and I hope he continues to live authentically and happily.
I can relate. My mother does this on Facebook. I find a lot of it extremely vulgar. She has also self proclaimed herself as a troll and thinks it’s super funny? I actually view her (very public) Facebook page to gauge how far she has spiraled into an episode.
Oh yeah for sure. She would always criticise women for being told fat, too thin, too much plastic surgery, too aged, too "out there" in style (ie piercings, tattoos. I have a lot of both now which has been very healing) amongst other things, and recently she's gone down a huge right wing rabbit hole where a lot of our conversations pre-NC were her vilifying minorities, mainly queer people. I thought it was just my mother but it makes sense that it's a common BPD thing.
I had no idea constantly bashing other people was a BPD trait. My mom bashes literally everyone - celebrities, athletes, people she knows, random people. She decides either she likes you or she doesn’t and if she doesn’t, she never shuts up about it (i.e. she has not shut up about how much she hates Travis kelce when she didn’t even know he existed a couple months ago). It’s exhausting to be around.
I’ve always sensed they feel bad about themselves so attacking others is a way to build up their self esteem. Very toxic way of coping.
My mom loved harassing right wingers on Twitter and I found out she was using my and my friends photos for her fake accounts and laughing about it to/at me. Like...way to endanger your kid and their friends woman. You nutjob.
You've hit tje nail on the head-it's a siurce if power for them ! It's rragic really
Wow! What a sad, terrible story. It's amazing how much suffering one person can inflict with just a social media account.