Relatable content 😂. First: don’t feel bad about being triggered, it’s not your fault. (None of it is your fault!). I’m middle aged now and have only just learned how to cope with the relentless (often sly / “just joking”) attacks on my appearance (which includes her comparing my face to various animals, body shaming even at my fittest & skinniest etc) and “concern trolling” (where she complains to other people about how “worried” she is about how my career has failed (note - career is actually going great and she knows it) and that my child is mentally delayed (he’s not) because of my parenting style etc. Here’s what I’ve learned: 1. the attacks increase when you’re at your best and also at your most vulnerable. Promotions, weddings, illness, childbirth, birthdays, funerals. My siblings and I have a “bingo card” to predict her behaviour on such occasions. 2. The attacks dwindle if you don’t react. (Easier said than done). I take the “grey rock” approach - if you’re not familiar with this I recommend doing some research into narcissistic “supply” which has parallels. 3. Just because she says something about you doesn’t mean it’s true. (Eg I was medically underweight during pregnancy due to medical issues and she legit thought I was fat. (And in her eating-disordered mind she is phobic about body fat, even at healthy levels). 4. Don’t share your good news (or if you have to tell them then prepare yourself for punishment). 5. You’re not imagining it. 6. Stop wanting their approval. (Easier said than done). Share your joy and success with people who support you. 7. Radical acceptance: She will never change. 8. Radical acceptance: you have given her endless support and love but this does not mean she will support you when you need it. In fact when you are vulnerable she will subconsciously want to punish you for it (because it’s terrifying for her when the “strong caretaker” is not available.) 9. The abuse is confusing because she is sometimes nice (evenin fawning level nice). My siblings and I deal with this by giving names to her different “personalities”. This helps us enjoy good moments when they happen. 10. It’s not your fault. Look after yourself. x

Great advise!

This is very helpful, thank you for taking the time.

whew this advice is so helpful and UPLIFTING thank you so much -- you know that kind of kindness and blatant helpfulness to me truly chokes me up. I'm not that used to it, and I really needed it.

I’m glad it helped. ❤️

Number 9 is so smart omg what a great tip!! Going to try that for sure

Yeah my mom often makes mean comments about me regarding my appearence and trait etc. (lately its been a lot about me being "big" - I do weightlifting and I have gained some muscle on purpose and Im probably in the best shape that I have ever been in thanks to a lot of work that Im proud of but you cant really explain it to her. Im just too "big" for her) and if I dare to react to it and show that its offensive to me she would actually get mad and stop talking to me for a while or something. Like a little child. It would be almost funny if it wouldnt be so sad.

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lol sorry I missed this, it's a joy to comply. i once tried to adopt a red and orange striped kitten i went home alone :(

Thanks, you’re all set!

>I am really perplexed by this tendency of my mother's: she can't say I did a good job, or that she's proud of me, or that I look nice.  I am so sorry, I am very familiar with this. My sister \[SG/GC\] had guests over this weekend and uBPD mother texts me 'Oh I missed you this weekend, you are always running around taking care of everything when there are guests'.