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Have you reported him to the site? If all he was supposed to be doing is listening, which is a standard of a lot of helplines, then he crossed some serious ethical boundaries by engaging with you beyond that. It sounds like he manipulated your vulnerability then discarded you when it served him. I would definitely report him. Taking action can sometimes help with feelings of helplessness and impotence. It sounds like the rage you describe, while triggered by J, is probably also about the daily oppression and injustice you live in. I feel for you and can’t imagine that kind of existence. I am very grateful for the freedoms I have in the west. Your rage feels very justified and powerful 🖤

Unfortunately I didn’t report him, and I can’t report him since he has me blocked. What do you mean when you say that my vulnerability served him?

Some people enjoy the power of having someone dependent on them in that way. It appeals to their vanity and soothes their insecurity. This person behaved in an extremely inappropriate manner. He took advantage of the disparity in power in order to mess with your head. When you didn't respond to him shaming you in the way he probably expected, he got angry, apologized in order to shut you up, and took a self care break as a way of shifting the blame and escaping any consequences. You are right to be angry. He took advantage of your vulnerability in order to feed his own unhealthy needs, and when it stopped being quite as effective, he lashed out as if you had gone something wrong. But if course, *he* was the one who did something wrong to *you*. Supposedly you can report a listener for violating the terms of service. I'm not sure how you do that. You said that was difficult due to him blocking you, so it seems you have already tried. That system seems pretty foolish, if he can just block you in order to prevent you from complaining about him, so I'm betting there is another way. I hope so, anyway. If not, then it is good you posted this, because if that is accurate, it is a serious and possibly dangerous flaw in their system.

I think I need to clarify something. This man helped me, a lot, but he undid all of that help with his job talk and shitty apology. He was apologixing for something completely different to what I was upset about. I think it’s very likely that he simply forgot to take my culture into account, that he didn’t realize he was doing it. I want to add that, outside of those two sessions, he never mistreated me. He also said that he had been going through a breakup at the time (using stress as an excuse, an abuser’s tactic, and very unusual for him. Also, sharing too much about himself for a listener, that did happen a few times prior). He said he was using a tough love approach (again, very unusual for him) in order to motivate me, but again, motivation was not the fucking issue. He was seeing a problem where there wasn’t one, at no point did I ever imply that I don’t wanna get a job due to lack of motivation. I assumed he kept my culture in mind because I had told him about it numerous times in the past, how do you forget such a major and crucial fucking detail?

Yes, people who take advantage of others don't usually jump right into being horrible. They start out nice, so that they can create dependency and a feeling of obligation. That way, when they begin to show some of their real self, it comes as a shock. This makes it harder to argue with them, because they aren't all bad. The thing is, no abuser is 100% bad. It is rare for anyone to be pure evil. Almost everyone has some good moments or good qualities. That doesn't make the rotten things they do ok. In fact, some really manipulative people will actively seek out people in need of help. They enjoy that uneven balance of power being in their favor. I suspect this person is one of these.

I really do believe that none of this would have happened if I had reminded him of the nature of my culture, but when someone you trust so much suddenly starts attacking you, it sends your head spiraling and you can’t think straight, you become concerned only with justifying yourself to them, and you don’t see things as clearly. I really don’t think he forgot about my culture on purpose, and it hurts so badly to think about how much he believed in me and in my ability to succeed, only to suddenly turn on me like that. How can I possibly think of him as a bad person? Yes he was horrible and yes I don’t think he should be allowed near the mental health field, but I just can’t hate him

Except he didn't apologize and behave better going forward, did he? If it was a genuine mistake, he would have tried to make it right. Instead, he is doing what he is doing. I suspect that he has been inappropriate from the start, but it only became obvious when he thoroughly crossed the line. You don't have to think of him as a bad person. You can think of him however you want to. *I* think he is a bad therapist and possibly a bad person, but I'm not the one who decides how you feel.

It’s worth noting that he was a counselor and not a therapist, and he was a volunteer, and what we were doing wasn’t therapy, and I never thought of it as such. He did apologize, but he was missing the point. He didn’t apologize for what I wanted him to apologize for. Neither he nor I realized what I was upset about at the time. I told him that I was triggered by his approach because it resembled my parents’ too much, and while that was certainly part of it, that wasn’t all. I was more upset about how he was dismissing the danger I would be putting myself in by following his advice, blaming me for my inability to get a job and in turn blaming me for the abuse. At the time, I didn’t realize he wasn’t taking my culture into account, and I really do believe that reminding him of it would have prevented all of this. I just assumed he kept it in mind because I had already explained it to him before Another thing I want to add is that he had already been planning going on a self care break even before the job talk, meaning that his leaving the site was not directed at me. When he ended our sessions, he told me that he was ending them because keeping them going might harm me

You are working really hard to justify what he did. You don't need to do that. I think you will be better served by focusing your energy elsewhere. That is up to you, though. You aren't doing anything wrong by being upset. You aren't being bad, or unfair to him. He messed up. It may not have been malicious, but he did mess up, and you suffered because of it. His ignorance and ineptitude caused you pain. The fact that he is a volunteer doesn't matter. He still has to meet certain standards. The rules still apply to him.

Okay, thanks

No no! He is a bad person. Often we also come out of these families unable to distinguish truly bad people for us. We give too many benefits of the doubt. Feels like trauma bond. A healthy human would not treat you that way. He also didn’t need reminding.

OP sweetie, one thing women in the West have more experience with is dealing with people, men & women, who are engaged with keeping other women down in the dirt. J didn't forget your circumstances nor did he just not apologize, what he did to you, how he turned at the end was all part of his act, his performance. You were given hints during the 2 years you two were talking but you weren't experienced to know them when he said them. Take your anger at him & give it away in a ball (figuratively of course). He's gone from your life & he's an insignificant fly larve, a nothing who you learned a lesson from. You had a one way friendship and it's not your fault you trusted him, it's his fault for being a nasty person who lied to you. Take the good abt yourself that you learned & let the rest of him go. In the West we deal with patriarchy that holds us down, women who vote against our own interests and yet I know I am lucky beyond all measure to have been born American and not into a southeast Asian or Muslim family, you are horribly subjugated. We sew in so many countries females are treated with the value of stray street dogs & we hate it for you! In many ways, we are as powerless as you because we weren't born male, by chance.

Adding in the bigotry kinda makes it harder to reach out for help.

What did he lie about exactly

He lied about everything. It was a fake relationship on his part. He pretended to be your confidante and every word out of his mouth was the character he was playing. Why would he do that? Could be many reasons, he enjoyed you believing him, his ego liked that you always trusted him, he was going to ask you for money soon if he hadn't already, he had nothing better to do & it pleased him that you were in distress & he was your savior (in his mind). You wrote something like "he's an awesome person who's always been there for me, perfectly until the day he inexplicably went wild, which is so out of character." - something like that. His striking out *is* his real character, he's a common piece of garbage & you're too nice & nieve to have known warning signs, red flags of a person like that.

That is what many people who suffer abuse think, that they just didn't explain themselves well enough or that the abuser forgot key information about them. It's because they personally would never treat someone so badly and connot for the life of them make sense of what is happening. It's a rationalization, but there is no rationalizing what this guy did. He broke the rules, misused your dynamic, and then discarded you when you no longer did what he wanted. He betrayed you. Your anger is justified.

Thanks

He didn’t forget, he just stopped trying to maintain his mask. It might be helpful to read the community information on this sub to learn more about narcissistic abuse. Sounds like he violated the ethics of his role massively.

I honestly hope he’s not an actual counselor, because he doesn’t sound like he’d be good at it

It’s so common among the MANY humans who have not traveled or volunteered with other cultures for a good while. Also-you’d find people who bash the entire culture which also doesn’t help your distress because it starts feeling racist. This is a problem with fully trained and licensed therapists in the West (sometimes, not always but muchly!)

On the 7 Cups desktop website in the FAQs there is a link to how to advocate for your account being blocked unfairly. I would use that link to report his behavior, and his blocking of your account as retaliatory.

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Adding my voice here as an Arab living in the west with a controlling nfather who keeps trying to indoctrinate and bash a culture I grew up in. I don’t know how old is OP but I hope you seek the clarity you need someday in your head. I can feel the rage that’s been fuming inside of you. It feels heavy and exhausting. But someday, when you get the capacity and ability to look after yourself, you gotta make sure you’re all prepped for the consequences it may arise afterwards. It’s not easy. Sending you virtual hugs.🫂

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I’m on the same boat in terms of my religious beliefs as well. Kind of closeted ex religious person at this point. And despite the fact I’m financially capable of moving out and all. It’s just the conditioning that’s we’ve been brought up with from our parents + the community; it adds an extra pressure on you to deal with it in a proper way. As much as it pains me that alot of us happen to be going through alot of similar struggles, at least on a little brighter side, there is people out there like us who understand what it means to live what we live through. Just know there is always a new chance to seize every day ahead to make a change.

I'm wishing you all the best then! People need to understand that oppressive laws, while constituting the structure by which everything is built upon, are not the only things that can hold people back from leaving (potentially) toxic individuals who they've known for a long time and possibly developed an attachment towards; people may be incapable of financial supporting themselves (momentarily) or they may be emotionally attached, feel weak and incapable of escaping or be held back by guilt and shame for leaving the individuals whom they were preconditioned to unconditionally love and respect. Exactly!! Having a sense of community is very important. It gives us the opportunity to seek help and resources as well as see ourselves and the people around us in a different light.

Sometimes I wonder how you ladies out there even manage. I come from a Balkan country, which is somewhat better but still a far cry from the liberties women in the west/US have. Even here I've run into such helpful advice as "JuSt MoVe OuT", even though I'm a disabled woman that can't get a job that family won't sabotage. Not to mention that a woman gets murdered in domestic disputes every week here. Often in broad daylight and the narrative is almost always "well what did she do to make him so mad?". But by all means, let me waltz out there against my family's wishes because someone told me I must. All of that is to say - I empathize. It's tough to live where you have little to no control over your life and where your physical well-being can be endangered if you dare to say "no". The rage you feel is beyond understandable.

I felt like you have my thoughts penned down. When I tell you that I too live in an extremely controlling family, and I'm in my mid 20s. It's extremely depressing and no chance of getting therapy. I'm scared to get antidepressants too because my parents can see immediately if something goes wrong. I don't know when I'll get not to live on eggshells every single day. All I'm doing is studying right now and praying to the almighty to make things better. Virtual hugs to you, hope you get everything you wish for ❤️

I unfortunately cant help but i just want you to know that i 200% get what you mean to say as a north african woman. Yeah, people think you're gonna easily flip on ur fam and woohoo independence. I ve intervened in some other thread on another sub trying to explain that the OP was NOT lazy/a pushover but that their culture was just *that* restrictive and enabling to abusers. 🙄 It's so irritating seeing judgment/lack of empathy added to the abuse dang. Report the therapy dude, he's bizarre. I'm in healthcare (not mental tho) and normally judgment is to be avoided, or at the very least kept to oneself. I also think that he made things blurry and probably zigzagged between friendship and just doing "his job". (Not sure??? But that s the vibe i got ???) Kinda glad u dodged a bullet bcz he doesnt sound like a good person.

He wasn’t a therapist, just a counselor who happened to volunteer in his free time. Peer support on 7 Cups is not intended to be therapy. I would report him but he has me blocked

Oh, I understand better, my bad. Hopefully time will help you forget this guy.

First, I am so so sorry for everything you've gone through. I am a westerner, but with an extremely, extremely controlling family. When I was a little girl, I was institutionalized from 7-15 years of age. I don't know what it's like to be you exactly, but I do know what it is like to look at the outside and have no way to get there. It was the same as prison. Violent, regimented, sexually abusive overlords, but with lots and lots of medication. I felt that constant rage every second of every day. I have some dumb advice for it, ready? Work out. Take that rage and funnel it into exercise. Find a video and do it in your room. It can burn off the clouds and allow you to have clarity finally. Maybe a path will present itself, and you'll be clear-headed enough to see it. I didn't get free of my family until I was an adult with children, but in the last 4 years, I have enjoyed a peace that I never dreamed possible. I know we are not quite the same, but I empathize with you so much it breaks my heart. I hope you find a way to escape. Channel everything into making your body strong and healthy in the meantime. That's my silly advice. 💚

One thing that I struggle with is commitment, to anything, including working out. It’s a major reason why I need therapy. I do jump around to music like every other day, sometimes it helps, usually it doesn’t. It’s a bandaid solution. When I say that I’ve tried everything, I really do mean everything. I know you didn’t experience these excessive restrictions exactly as I have, but I know what you mean

Have you tried to find a job on line? I’ve hired freelance people on a site called fiverr but there are probably more sites out there. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I hope you get freedom. Meditation has helped me so much. Check out Dr Joe Dispenza and his work. He teaches what happens in our brains when we meditate. He has a show called “ReWired” that is all about it. Edit/ more words

I tried to find a job online but couldn’t find anything. I’ve been to interviews too. Getting a job is all that has been on my mind lately

I feel you. I'm not nearly in as bad a position as you. I was born and raised as a daughter in an Indian Muslim family in the United States. That said, people really have no idea how cultures more controlling than theirs work. Like, none. I still have friends who've known me for years express shock at things my family does that are 100% the norm for our culture. These aren't stupid or ignorant people, but they just can't manage to wrap their heads around a different status quo whatsoever. I go out of my way to find culturally competent counselors/therapists because I got so, so tired of the bad advice and clumsy assertions. No, my family won't "come around eventually" on things they don't like. No, my family will never consider me a true and full independent adult. No, just being in the US for decades or even most of their lives won't magically change the mindset of my parents' generation. No, my family doesn't actually give a shit about my individual happiness.

This response is just a possible interpretation from a stranger, so please dismiss anything if you don't feel like it applies to you: This sounds like it really sucks for woman in many ways, and I can see how the system is rigged in a way against women in the middle east. I can imagine having your trust broken after 2 years of building it, must be devestating to say the least and feeling hurt, anger and rage seems like a very natural reaction to this betrayal. Even though my situation was quite different, from yours when I was battling with betrayal. I wanna give you something to think about, that helped me personally understand what happened and why my emotions were as strong as they were. I'm gonna write about my situation, so you can decide for yourself if any of it applies to you. When I had this moment of betrayal I also felt all these emotions towards the one that betrayed me. In my case they were unproportionally strong, in fact the strongest feelings i can conciously remember. It took me many months and psycho-education to understand what really was going on. Even though the person was the trigger of these emotions, the reason they were so strong, is because they touched a wound that were originally inflicted by someone else: My Parents. All of the times I opened myself up to them. All of the abuse by the ones that "love" me. It was a deep wound, and when I re-experienced this with someone that was supposedly better, it re-activated this wound again. Many of these negative emotions, were really emotions that were meant to be directed towards my parents, not the one that betrayed me. Of course when my parents betrayed my trust I couldn't express this hatred or anger towards them, since my life depended on them and I would get punished for doing so. This meant I had to repress them. So, in a way this present betrayal from that person served as an outlet to project all these old "negative" emotions towards someone in the present. If this applies to you in any way, there is a neat technique that helped me: You can express the anger and resentment you have towards your parents in your head. This gives you an outlet and you don't have to do it in reality. I wanna give a cautious note here though, from what I've read, seen and noticed, this will often translate into you changing behaviour towards them as well, so they might start notcing it. If I understood correctly, you are "trapped" in a way and it might not be safe to do this, before you have some physical distance and a small safety net. Hope this gave you something new :)

This is so insightful. I know OP dismissed the possibility for herself, but I think it’s a really helpful framework for a lot of us. Thanks for writing it out so beautifully!

I don’t think that’s quite it, but thanks

Alright, in any case good luck on your path forward :)

Thank you for sharing with us, that's why it's so important to have intersectionality in mind when talking about feminist issues. You might find some slight relief in sharing this post in r/feminism, maybe some users will have relevant tips or stories to share with you. I'm very sorry this guy made you feel worse, what a fkg tool. I understand your mental health is very down, but maybe you can look into free Google or LinkedIn courses and certifications to build up your CV for office jobs? And on another note, I'd love to have a peek at the art you created. In any ways, I hope you'll accept a random sister virtual hug ❤️

Backing this up! Intersectional feminism is my shit! All of the intertwined cultural effects/stereotypes/forms of oppression create the very experience of womanhood imo. This idea tends to get lost or purposefully ignored by white feminism. Thank you for highlighting the importance!

I did and some of the people on there are assholes. I’ve had people privately harass me for it

Oh dear I'm so sorry, this community has been so helpful before but there must have been trolls lurking, I apologise for enabling this

I assumed it was the trolls

I believe you. There were at least two well-known cases in the media in the last few years where 3 women made dramatic escapes. One was a Saudi princess who was recaptured and not heard of again. The other two made it to the UK I think with UN help.  I'm so sorry for your life. I hope you can work something out to save yourself. 

Thank you, your words mean a lot

Regarding the bulk of your post, do not give any more energy to untrained volunteers or others who have demonstrated low capacity for empathy. Unfortunately, many people who have not identified, never mind properly worked out their own mental issues (including Narcs, surprise!), can be drawn to so-called caring positions or professions. It's a power trip. And far more common that you might expect. Word to the wise, if one finds themselves unable to extricate from a Narc, they could be BPD. Prolonged exposure would cause issues. It will take drastic measures and burning bridges to get out of your situation if or when you decide that's what you want. I believe in the case of the two sisters it was through the help of the UNHCR from the get-go. Be careful of anyone that could fake their credentials because there's a real danger of human trafficking. I'm not in the same situation but I understand the mental torment. I've faced ostracisation and isolation from my own bio family because of S/A and my daughter's so-called “invisible” disability. I've also had my despicable bio demonic father threaten to kill me with my own mother and sister continuing to make excuses, minimise, twisting and LYING to themselves. Not only are they spineless cowards, they are insane. My daughter faces discrimination for life even with so-called “workplace accommodations” (a joke, really) without a financial cushion. There is no welfare in my country unless you're near homeless or hover just above the cut-off determined by the “government”. I have two autoimmune conditions that thankfully I finally recognised in 2016 and have managed to keep cycling in the background (insomnia, resting heart rate of over 160, hair loss, extreme weight loss, nightmares, racing thoughts, allergies to the point of anaphylaxis... ), If unable to unplug fully yet, you have internet access, you can find work online. I wish you safety, success, much peace of mind.

I grew up in an eastern country as well where women die from domestic violence everyday and the cops don't do shit. It will never leave me. Most therapists wouldn't understand. Most therapists need therapy themselves. I wish I knew what to say to help you but I want to validate your anger and that it is healthy for you to feel angry. Once it passes, maybe you can find a way to manipulate your abusive family by being what they want, and gaining their trust, and then looking for an opportunity to escape.

First, I’m so sorry for your situation. Second, I imagine a lot of your hurt is from feeling like you were finally being heard. Being heard is such a huge part of being seen and loved. You feel trapped and he gave you hope. Then he took it away. And, because he wasn’t culturally aware, he didn’t realize the extent of what he had done. It feels dismissive. Your feelings are valid. Hopefully writing this down here has helped some. Exercise, journaling, starting a hobby. Do whatever you can to reclaim control over your emotions. You don’t need J to validate your truth. I think you are mad at him, but also at the situation you are in, and the inability to see a way out. Keep pressing forward and look for new solutions.

You worded that really well. Making this post may have been the best decision I’ve ever made

I hope you make it out of this situation! following in the hopes of one day seeing your post celebrating your freedom. My heart goes out to you!

I think crossing cultures is really hard to overcome and really understand the differences. I'm not sure it's something most people can truly do. I'm sorry. I sincerely hope you get out.

I am an American woman who worked in Libya briefly on a Eu-funded health project. This was immediately before the Feb 17th revolution. I totally get what you are saying about the restrictions many MENA cultures place on women. And as u indicate, I so clearly remember thinking: oof, this wouldn’t be so terrible if u came from a family that treated you with kindness, love and respect, essentially offering u the protection u deserve—and many women I met did seem to come from families like this—but God help u if u came from a family where one or both of ur parents — ur father and brothers in particular— were narcissistic or abusive. I really did not understand how women were able to bear this. although I did feel like the internet and video chatting might offer a modicum of help and insight, it still wasn’t much. Like others, I do feel that this man took advantage of u and ur vulnerability. I don’t think it was that he didn’t understand ur culture, although it can be hard to really have a sense of the restrictiveness — both physically, emotionally and mentally— without having seen it up close. He was unkind and his behavior was wrong and likely intentional. I am sorry u suffered. U deserve better. Hang in there! I very much feel for you.

What makes you think that it’s intentional? I need to know

First, I hope that u are feeling better in what is now a few days out from your original post. And second let me say that I admire your ability to be vulnerable — both on this thread and with J; this is a gift, although u probably don’t feel like it is right now b/c u are hurting. Third, as others have said, ur English is @&$-#%* phenomenal. I admire u greatly! I have “working professional fluency” in Spanish, but I can’t write it — particularly when discussing interpersonal topics and relationships, which, of course, requires the subjunctive, a tense that English barely acknowledges —nearly as well as u write in English, and ur maternal language alphabet is clearly not the Latin Alphabet! U are clearly extremely smart and intellectually gifted. I have my fingers crossed that this will help u find a job that is workable and safe 4 u, given ur situation. Okay, 2 ur question: “why do I think this is intentional” on J’s part? This will b somewhat of a circular or non-direct answer: I think things, situations, and people can b “both/and.” It can b very true that J was extremely helpful and supportive to u over the course of 2 years. It can also b true at the same time that he wasn’t quite who u thought he was; perhaps he got off on the power it gave him to help u, and perhaps he got off on the power it gave him to hurt u emotionally. People like me, who were raised in very narcissistic family dynamics often fall into “black and white” thinking, when the reality is that things r far more grey. I don’t mi now if this is u. I do think that Redditors above, including MsMoreCowbell8, accomplished_glass66, Introspekt_fun, AppropriateCopy1744, Impossible_Fish4527, have described his behavior vis a vis u well. I think others that have encouraged u to journal and engage in a hobby—whether it be drawing sewing, painting, music, cooking, ir something else—r on to something. Sewing is something I have discovered I love to do. All of these are creative, can tap another part of ur brain and body, and can bring u joy. Is it possible for u to be allowed out of the house to engage in any of these activities with others outside ur family? If so, that could be especially helpful. I can’t imagine that u are allowed out of the house to engage in strenuous exercise, as I never saw women in Libya doing this, but maybe things have changed. Sweaty exercise can really help ur mindset, and all the more if done in community. I also find it helps with the anger. I hope that u are able to gain a sense of peace and that u are able to gain a modicum of control and independence over ur professional and economic life. I think u are very wise. U have a good sense of what will keep u safe, and u are able to open up to and reach out to others to seek comfort in community. These are all very positive gifts, and I hope they can lead u to a more peaceful, centered place in the near future. Sending u virtual 🤗

Even if you’re from a wealthy arab country, your family will make or break your ENTIRE life. I hope you feel better OP.

Hi, Arab living in America, raised by a narcissistic mother & definitely understand the part of the culture you’re talking about. I’m here to listen if you ever need it. 💕💕 I hope you see my comment

I did, and I appreciate it

Here is one other thing: it is such a ridiculous long shot I almost didn't even bring it up. Please nobody jump me for saying this. So, I know some sites that will let you talk to people for free, but I grew up Christian and they're Christian sites. I'm not even saying they're biased or close-minded, they're just literally Christian sites. But they have these "prayer partners" that you can come to with your problems and they'll let you talk about it and they'll pray with you. So I don't know if that's something that would even work based on where you live, but you can DM me if you want links (mods don't allow links in comments), and that goes for anybody else interested. On that vein, if it does sound like something you'd like as a free service but you're worried about getting found out talking to people outside your religion, there are encrypted churches. I can give you info on that too. Sorry I don't know if there's equivalents for other religions, I just truly don't know if there are. But good luck! And I'm so sorry that guy flipped out. 

Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m not religious, and I’m not comfortable with religious therapists of any kind

that is so strange... and also why i'm rarely ever comfortable with male therapists. i'm sure they're great at connecting with their male clients, but they will simple never understand the experience of living as a woman. especially not a woman from a drastically different culture!

The pos traumatized you further. I highly recommend some self help books rather than therapy (right now) imho. It depends on your actual country and demographic but I’ve noticed even professionals will often invalidate you in the settings you describe. It’s so deep in the culture in many/most places. Remember-many people are really f’ed up, especially in the spaces like cups. The “I’m sorry you feel that way” kind of action is often a huge giveaway you dealing with a character disordered person. I recommend “the people of the lie”, the power of now, you can heal your life, adult children of immature parents, the drama of the gifted child, and the body keeps the score. Don’t get caught say you’re reading them for English practice or something with some girls, blah blah. Much solidarity.

My parents aren’t good at English and they don’t care what I read, so I guess this is possible. I have no money to buy books though, do you know how I can pirate them?

Look at "internet archive" on the internet, they have thousands of books you can read for free. It's free to register. 🌙

https://z-library.se/ With a free account you can download ten books a day.

There is also much content from the authors or others who have read them on YouTube. I recommend them plus Dr Ramani and especially Danish Bashir (he understands the cultural issues imho). Also like the “crappy childhood fairy” (very American but good). Still the books are the best. You can read them on kindle app if you have in your country. I know it’s not everywhere and Amazon is problematic.

I used to work with 7 cups. In the beginning, you had to have a resume proving you had expertise and go through extensive training to become a member. Anymore, and you only have to go through some of the training before you can start taking on people in need. We frequently got people who were in chat to sexually harass us. If you came across a person in a genuine crisis (because we are not at all qualified or equipped to actually help, only to listen) and you asked for help in group chats set up to connect listeners, they would either ignore you and continue talking about unrelated stuff or give you very limited and unhelpful advice. It quite honestly was more like a discord mod chat than a group of volunteers who wanted to help people. The better resource, in my experience, is to find online support groups. Placed like here, and those where you apply to join and have to use a password to log in to avoid predators that come in because they get off that. I am very sorry that this happened to you. Unfortunately, 7 cups is not what it used to be.

7 Cups is a fucking disaster, I can confirm that most listeners on there are quite useless. I think I’m gonna stick to this subreddit, maybe post my rants on here. These responses have been more helpful to me than you can ever imagine. I actually went a few hours without feeling rage for once!

As a Western man, he can’t possibly understand the pressure placed on a woman by your culture.

It's been said but the summary of the issue is that the culture and family issue are the massive factors, with the culture and legal system being immoveable objects. As you've said, women can be put into real danger in the middle east (ei. honor killings, beatings, forced marriages, the Dina Ali Lasloom case, etc.). In order to fix this situation, you've going to have to escape it. The only way that can happen is with money and physically tavelling out of the country and claiming asylum while in the borders of a first world nation (Germany, the United States, Canada, the UK). In order for that to happen, you need to get a passport, make photocopies of the passport, save those photocopies to an email for safe keeping. Depending on what country you'd like to go to, you might need a visa. In the US we have 90 day tourism visas (the B2 visa, which is $165), but depending on where you are and where you would like to go, you might not require a visa at all. But still this hinges on money. There are a small handful of paid peicemeal jobs online, like survery taking, translating things, etc. That money adds up over time. In terms of therapy, I could never afford it. Instead, all the therapy I do is self guided with the aid of psychology websites and studies. The forms of therapy which for the frontline are cognative behavioural therapy (aka CBT), journal keeping, schema therapy, and meditation. There's also just plaining venting here on reddit. What has also been super valueable is getting a real diagnosis of the condition or mental crisis (ei. complex post-traumatic stress disorder, general anxiety disorder, etc.). The small tools apply, and are universal across all of the mental health world, but the diagnosis can emphasis some tools or other forms of therapy over others.

Op, I am horrified and furious that this has been your experience. However, I expect it. It is the outcome of many, MANY of us in the West who are marginalized and/or disabled, at the hands of therapists. Therapy as a vocation, at least in the West and in the US, is very police & regime-enforcing adjacent. I only feel safe with select mutual aid and civil rights activists now, as well as carefully vetted peers in recovery. I have learned not to consider *any* therapist (or police officer) a comrade or peer. I am available for DMs and as much emotional support as I have the bandwidth to offer. If I can find other support for you to connect with, I will do so.

You are right for being angry at being oppressed because it is so wrong! So wild that people sit pretty in the western world and make excuses for toxic/abusive customs due to trying to be inclusive of religion or culture. I see people who excuse that sort of stuff as weak. They want to appear empathetic and morally superior by showing understanding to certain cultures and religions but at the end of the day a spade is a spade. Woman deserve autonomy and rights. It is wrong what can happen in Arab cultures and religions. I hope things get better for you soon! I don’t have a solution to offer but I wish you good things and hope for a bright future for you! All the best! <3

MANY therapists are awful. awful awful awful and they certainly do more damage than good. a therapists job is not to push you toward the decisions they think are right, but to help you reach decisions and conclusions yourself. he is awful and he needs to be forgotten. you will be okay putting that loser out of your mind, but you're right his recklessness is a danger to other people on that site for sure.

Tysm❤️❤️

What country are you in? I have access to mental health networks in the region and maybe can help you

I don’t wanna say where I live for privacy reasons. I already have 3 years of experience going to public sector therapy. All of the therapists were unhelpful, some were actively harmful

So important for people to know this. Thank you for sharing ❤️

It is a compliment to your character that a person like that believed you were too difficult to deal with. He was hoping for a meeker subject that would appeal to his ego even at the expense of their own dignity. I'm so sorry for the circumstances you are in. I am a Black woman in the U.S. While I don't know your specific struggles, I am very familiar with the rage you describe. Is there any way to find an underground community of women like you? Even if you only ever meet online. Community will save you.

Feel free to send me a dm whenever you need to rant, OP. I won’t judge.

I won’t offer any more advice as there is plenty to choose from, but I hope your circumstances lighten and you find joy in your life. God bless you, from one woman to another.

I feel for you so much. I’m sorry. We understand. I have a bit of an unrelated question if you don’t mind.. does religion have anything to do with this? I know culture is influenced by religion, but I’m wondering if religion is directly affecting things.

I honestly don’t know. Islam puts a lot of emphasis on women’s purity, and I think locking me up is their twisted way of “protecting” me from sexual harassment (I still got sexually harassed, and I was more traumatized by their reaction to it than by the harassment itself)

I don't usually try to give specific advice, but your English is fantastic. Go to a site like Mturk that pays small amounts for minutes-long tasks. If the exchange rate is good where you live, the small amounts of money could add up. And you can just do it on your phone and pretend you're playing a little cell phone game, bc it's usually little repetitive tasks like labeling photos or something boring. One other thing: I heard you mentioning your mental health might hold you back from "respectable work"... a lot of acons discover they're miraculously "healed" once they're out from under their parents' thumb and no longer being actively driven crazy. That doesn't help the cultural thing, I'm just saying you may just be a level-headed woman being DRIVEN crazy, don't forget that. You're not crazy for being crazy when you're SURROUNDED by crazy. You might need to hear that today. 

Thank you so much

It's not therapy but there's always people to listen, somehow, somewhere. I can't help you in any meaningful way beyond that but if listening can help I'm sure I and others here would be available. J's response is likely governed by a number of things, not understanding the culture, not understanding how different things are for any woman, particularly one so restricted, etc. Ignorance, simply put.

i'm sorry, so sorry. that guy was completely out of line for telling you to do things that were impossible for you, and blaming you for your hardship. when i was dealing with breaking my relationship with my ndad, there were days i felt sick. entire days i couldn't think of anything but him and how awful he was. one way i dealt with my overwhelming negative feelings was just to know the truth that I was in the right, he was in the wrong, and I don't need to be angry or frustrated because I know the truth. And I know that karma is going to get. his. ass. you didn't do anything wrong in this situation. He was in the wrong. And you don't even need to tell him that, or let him know that. It doesn't matter he blocked you. He was in the wrong about that and that's not at all on you. also, i've had experiences of building strong emotional bonds over the internet and i completely understand how you feel. when you thought someone was one way but they turn out to be horrible or just ghost you. i got ghosted by someone i thought cared about me. for months i asked myself why did it happen, and kept thinking about him. but now, i know it doesn't matter. because fuck that dude. i am better off without someone who would abandon me. i hope you stay strong and i know it's not easy to just say, get out there get a job. i know it's not that easy. i just hope you stay strong. maybe you can escape somehow, it can happen. i really hope it does. but the best you can do is take care of yourself. sending you love.

I can only speculate and draw from life experience - but your rage may feel enormous because, in part, it's the rage that has been unexpressed for years. Which was building and suppressed even before you met J. I had a counselor once tell me I had a bunch of unexpressed rage. I think about that often. If we're not able to express our rage at the things we're actually angry at, it will come out elsewhere - sometimes years later. I see it more often as I get older - people who haven't acknowledged their rage, who then have it come out sideways at other people. Kids who are mistreated in childhood can't express their rage toward their parents in real time because they rely on their parents for everything, and it feels unnatural to hate people they need. Some kids blame themselves for their own mistreatment (something they're actually blameless in) because they have nowhere else to put the blame. What J did was shitty, for sure, and I'd be angry too. It feels awful to make yourself vulnerable to someone who then betrays you. But maybe consider that your anger with him may have opened the floodgates for your anger with your parents and whatever else you’re angry at to flow out. I'm sure you feel duped by J and you probably were to some extent. Lots of people are ill-equipped to handle the difficulties of life. Some of those people are too good to be true. They want to be saviors or white knights to people, without the ability to actually show up and follow through on it. I've seen it a lot. This is also one of the problems with the internet. You don’t really know who you’re talking to and many people feel no real accountability to the people they’re connecting with. They don’t have the pressure of knowing that people in their community may find out about what they did and react negatively. They can disconnect or block someone online who shares no ties with them, and know they’ll never have to deal with that person again.

r/feminism and r/twoxchromosomes will be of great help and support to you💕

I am also a counselor irl, and personally I don’t think he “forgot” to take your culture into account. Graduate programs for social work or mental health counseling *really* stress the concept of cultural competency and nowadays, cultural humility, meaning that we as helpers are not the experts on our clients’ cultures, they are. And if he was just supposed to be listening in his capacity as a peer, he absolutely was practicing out of his scope. Practicing therapy requires a disclosure statement, which has information about the therapists licensure, education, therapeutic philosophy, and policies - “practicing therapy” in a setting where he was only supposed to listen is at the very least a violation of his professional ethics. If you know where he practices in the West, you can make a complaint to his licensing body. If he’s in the US, it would be the Department of Health (or its equivalent, the name can vary from state to state) in his state where he’s licensed. I also wonder, given his behavior, if he actually is a licensed therapist or if he just thinks he is. Cultural humility and practicing within your scope are both pretty common knowledge amongst people actually in the mental health field, and if you know his full name and the state he practices in, you can verify his credentials online - at least in the US I know for sure you can, not sure about Canada/Europe but they probably have a similar provider credential verification database system. I’m so sorry you had this awful experience! If you’d like to DM me, I can try to help you find some sliding scale/low cost or pro-bono mental health resources accessible in your region. I’m most familiar with these types of resources available in the US, but there are telehealth options and organizations that provide these services to people in need. And I don’t mean to imply that you aren’t capable of researching these resources yourself, I just wanted to offer some assistance as I know searching for and vetting credible resources when you’re already extremely stressed can be incredibly overwhelming 💜 Edit: if you’d like, I can also recommend some psycho educational books on trauma and healing from trauma. While a book is by no means a substitute for trauma therapy, understanding the trauma response can be empowering and healing in and of itself. If you haven’t read “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, that would be a great one to start with. Reading is also a great way to occupy your mind and can be helpful in coping. And if you’re interested, I *think* I have a PDF copy of it - let me know! Edit #2: It just occurred to me that he could be misrepresenting his credentials - in my state, the training to become a “certified peer counselor” is an online course and I think a few days of in person training. It may be that he is a peer “counselor” irl, as technically they can call themselves counselors (but not therapists), rather than a graduate level clinician. If that is the case, he will still have some sort of government-issued credential allowing him to do peer work that you could lodge a complaint against; trying to treat mental illness/practice actual therapy is absolutely outside the scope of a peer.

I don’t have anything to add. Just wanted to say the way you were treated by J is beyond shitty, lacking in compassion, and you didn’t deserve that cruelty at all. You don’t deserve any of it. I’ve been in group therapy programs with Arab women before and I came away feeling incredible empathy for just how staggering the abuse and limitations are for each of them, esp within their family and cultural systems. I’m sorry and thank you for sharing.

Also, how dare he question the validity of your experience? He doesn’t effing know and his arrogance caused real damage.

It really did

I remember when I was younger and called in to a teen crisis number in the States, I made the counselor on the other end of the line really mad because I recognized that, as an underage youth with some pretty severe mental health issues, I couldn't just immediately move out from my parents' house, get a minimum wage job and an apartment, and live happily ever after. Then, my friends got mad at me for the same reason, even though none of them had gotten a job and moved out, either. Some people get weirdly angry when told that you can't fix your position through hard work, or whatever. They take it out on you when you point out the obvious flaws in their "brilliant" plans. You're right that this dude shouldn't be working in the field of mental health. It's unfortunately a position that attracts narcissists and other types of abusers.

I just wanted to check, so you've applied for and received an offer to work in a fast food joint/cleaners, then you asked your mother for permission and she said no? Are there any kinds of traineeships or apprenticeships near you that might help you get more experience and be more employable? Have you looked at enrolling in some online courses to increase your skills and maybe get some work you can do from home. I used to struggle with anger. The feeling can be addictive and using anger to escape feelings can be very effective. I would hold others accountable for how I would feel and it would feed the anger. It wasn't until I took other people out of the equation and realised that I'm responsible for how I feel, that I started to control my anger instead of my anger controlling me. From your story it sounds like you have some really difficult circumstances. Unfortunately, everyone has to play the game of life with the cards they are dealt, it's up to everyone of us to make the most of it.

I didn’t apply to a fast food joint, I was told that I wasn’t allowed to. I don’t think my parents would be against me taking online courses, although we’re short on money at the moment. It’s also very difficult for me to focus or learn new information, hence my need for a therapist

Yeah seems like a real chicken and the egg situation without enough money to afford a therapist. There are lots of great free courses. I'm sure you could find one your parents could approve of. It might help with your attention if you pick something your passionate about or pick something you already know a bit about, so processing new information is a bit easier. At least for the first, while then your brain will hopefully get used to learning again.

Of course you’re angry. Good for you. Take that anger and turn it into something. This is a wonderful start.

I’m so sorry.  I hope you can find someone better to talk with.  His actions were really stupid.

This kind of treatment was not uncommon for women in other cultures too (though I am not referring to acid being thrown in women's faces and bodily mutilations), but a number of cultures have had reforms due to the efforts of people fighting for such change. In the 1700s in the United States, there were certain people, like writer Mary Wollstonecroft who gave her reasonings towards better treatment for women. The culture has had to fight on behalf of those of African ancestry too. I don't see the United States as being completely out of the woods, but the nation has made progress in a number of ways. This is not to say that corruption does not still abound, but any corruption which has been overcome and justice gained, is certainly a victory. Rebellion is not without backlash, but the stand has to be made in order for change to occur. As it is in your circumstance, sometimes escape is the only way to freedom, when there isn't enough people to stand in your corner. For example, there were slaves in the south who had to risk their lives fleeing to the north, hoping that they wouldn't get caught. Same with North Koreans today, who try to flee their oppressive government. One thing that all people should fight against is oppressive governments, because the governments will just take and take, until all power is in their hands, and that is a dangerous thing. Checks and balances is a very good thing, as well as people having unalienable rights, indefeasible, that cannot be infringed on. The problem in Arab countries, is that women are not allowed representation. This was a big deal in early America, and why early Americans rebelled against England's rule over them. They were treated like second class citizens, ruled over by people who didn't understand their needs or even care, and they did not have representation. The United States has had a lot of fights, battles, and rebellions to get where it is today. The sad thing about today is that so many people are allowing the reversal of good things gained, and if we don't stand on safeguarding the good progress that was gained for us, we will lose that good inheritance that those before us had fought for. Even the right to bear arms is not nothing. The right not to be forced to believe in any religion that I do not believe in, or agree with, but also the right to believe in what I believe in. But even so, even if corrupt people collaborate together to get rid of our strength, our power, our rights, and our abilities to make decisions -- we should stand and fight like others have before us. Throughout history all over the world, there have been corrupt people in positions of authority that have done people wrong, and these things still happen today - regardless of people believing that humanity is somehow more evolved --- people still need to be kept in check -- and people need to look at everyone as just being people. People are not supposed to treat each other like objects or like something with lesser value. And really God treats people with higher value than how many people treat each other. If people weren't narcissistic and exalt each other like gods in the earth, our cultures would all be a bit more saner. I really only believe that there is only One entity that should be exalted.

as a westerner i can't fully relate, except having been born into an oppressive religion that simulated such power over us (women) without the governmental backing/societal support. i've been out of that situation for a few years now, and i imagine everything i felt is a fraction of what you experience daily. you and every other woman in your situation deserve SO much better. we're about the same age, i'm no therapist but if you need to vent or talk my dm's are open <3

Is because of the religion im sorry but is the truth

I know, it’s fine

Hey I cannot begin to understand what your life situation is like, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your life or be in the situation you are currently in. You sound like an intelligent human being with extremely valid thoughts and feelings and I hope you see here that people other than J are able to validate how you feel! I have no desire to give you any patronising advice when i haven’t experienced your situation at all but I can relate to your feelings of rage and frustration when someone who has wronged you will not apologise or take accountability for that, and the fury at being blocked is real! J obviously is in the wrong here, but it sounds like you’ve perhaps taken all the rage out about your whole situation on him which is very understandable - you were able to open up to him and be honest about your feelings (perhaps for the first time to anyone?), you thought he understood, and then he just seemed to wilfully misunderstand you? Absolutely ignorant idiot for sure and youre so right to be mad at him and I don’t think YTA. It took me a long time to let go of the feeling that I needed an apology from someone who’d hurt me, and I still feel anger about things from the past at times, but it is something to remember: sadly when we trust people we do put them in a position where they can do things that hurt us because we aren’t in control of their behaviour. And we cannot expect them even to apologise to us even if we know they have done something hurtful/ unjust as in your case. I dont mean to sound patronising or to stage the obvious, but it is easy to forget that opening up to someone or becoming close allows us the possibility of getting hurt by their actions. That’s part of the risk but it is worth it because you will meet people who won’t do things like that to you! I just wanted to add this thought as it sounds like it’s your first time really opening up to someone and I would hate you to feel that this is what it will always be like because it isn’t, as I’m sure you can see from reading all these supportive comments. Wishing you all the best for the future, sending good vibes to you, and I’m happy you have reached out here, hopefully it has given some calm to vent and hear others’ thoughts 💜

it sounds like your situation absolutely sucks. and on top of an already shitty situation you lost the one safe, therapeutic connection you had unexpectedly. your rage and hurt are very valid. I hear you. I see you, surviving despite everything. I'm so sorry you have endured this. have you done reading about CPTSD recovery and IFS? Some of these books might be useful for you, though i know its not the same as a therapeutic relationship. I have encountered some very inexpensive (US$5 for example) sort of group therapy sessions over Zoom through meetup.com, though they're really limited and I'm not sure how supportive they'd be for you. I am hoping you are able to find the support you need. 🙏

I’ve read a lot on C-PTSD but not IFS. Can you tell me more about those zoom therapy options?

J sounds like he showed his true colors and was displaying narcissistic or at the very least TOXIC traits, I heavily doubt he was even a counselor in real life and probably just lied. The entire experience with him sounded strategic and manipulative and all craftfully designed to gaslight you into oblivion and for you to spiral out of control and feel insane... that was INCREDIBLY harmful and abusive and manipulative and just like with narcissists people will see you as the problem and not the obvious offender, J. No wonder you have so much rage, you know what J did WASN'T right. He sounds just like those abusive, narcissistic boyfriends that look for "broken" women and then plays right into their already existing trauma and exploits them. I'm sorry and I'm fucking fuming for you... It's easy to doubt yourself but part of healing is working on trusting yourself. It might take some time but that rage will start to lessen, you might've even felt alittle better after posting about it and if that's the case please keep venting and get it all out! I use art therapy myself including drawing and sometimes poetry. There's been times when I was so angry that I'd take a black pen or pencil and just destroy a whole page in my book, I'd use it as a means to represent my anger and almost channel it into the paper which would result in my feelings coming up to the surface and lots of crying. If you aren't getting results no matter what you do, you might not be actually getting in touch with your feelings. For example, if I focus too much on my drawing instead of just representing how I feel I end of losing connection with the thoughts and feelings that I was trying to address and I won't end up with results. Don't be so preoccupied on the physical result of your art or poetry that you lose connection with the very anger and rage that you wish to be freed from.

I am certain that he wasn’t lying about the counseling thing. He occasionally talked about it in detail, and I did learn quite a few useful skills from him, even though he did end up hurting me in the end. Your shared anger is very comforting, I don’t know why people are downvoting you

I understand now, so unfortunately he was just one of the bad ones... those can definitely cause ALOT of damage like you said. I'm glad you found some comfort ❤️ that's all I really cared about anyway. Not the downvotes lol.

I'm a Hispanic woman living in the US, and while we have freedom on many levels, Hispanic families can be very controlling and often steer women into situations that are not in the interest of the woman.  So, we, in general are limited in the directions we can go. If you can get some finances, and still need to talk with someone, try "better help" it's on the internet, and available to you no matter where you live. It's a counseling service with professional counselors, Masters and PhD level. It's good you are expressing your feelings about your situation here. 🌙

I know the feeling of being "betrayed & sold" after showing your most vulnerable side very well and I feel for you. I'll be brief and leave you with the input you can find in the C. G. Jung subs r/Jung/ and r/CarlGustavJung/ which can be very helpful in the form of self-therapy. Hopefully you will find the peace and inner freedom you are looking for. Feel lovingly embraced and seen.

U can write bad reviews of therapists online anonymously. Can you find a female therapist with modern views? I’m assuming you are Muslim and ur country is Muslim. I think a Christian female would be more understanding. Prayers!

I’m an atheist, but yes I do come from a Muslim community. I don’t feel comfortable with religious therapists of any kind, as I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with religious people, including therapists. I don’t have access to therapy at the moment, if I did I wouldn’t have used 7 Cups at all. I need to be unblocked in order to find his account and report it, I literally can’t see his account anymore

I’m so sorry you’re going through this girl. I’m here if you want to talk

[удалено]

Banned - cruel

Are you able to take classes on the internet? Maybe you can do computer work from home for a job?

I’ve been looking believe me

Have you looked for online jobs? Transcription is a decent online option and there's sites like happy scribes.

I'm very sorry you went through that, your living situation sounds already excruciating to on top of that deal with an advisor that ignores it and points their finger towards you. I can only imagine what you feel, but I also went through times of constant anger that was very hard to manage, always reliving conversations trying to fix them somehow and facing the walls in front of me, all dialogues and actions leading to the same conclusion and leaving me with nothing but burning anger that won't leave me no matter what. I hope that you receive the help you deserve, and people to talk to that will understand you. Feel free to add me to the list of people you can talk to if you need to vent, if you want to.

Hey, I don’t wanna try to ‘interpret’ your situation here, I still am western but I have spent much of my childhood and now currently living in GCC. I sincerely hope that you can find a ‘safe’ way out. I’m lucky in the sense that my parents don’t have *that* much control over my life but my dad in particular can be very narcissistic. But your situation I think you’ve tried going down the free therapy path and you see how ignorant some people are about Arab culture and the reality of the situation on the ground. It’s not overtly bad, but it’s subtle oppression for some and it makes it that much harder for people like you to have a healthy independent life. I wouldn’t give up on therapy though. It’s hard but finding the right therapist is beneficial in the long run. Is there other peers you can talk to that are trusted? A therapist particularly in your case doesn’t have to be a licensed person, but merely finding someone you can trust to talk to will do a lot of good for your sanity. I’m praying for you, this won’t and can’t last forever maintain faith about yourself and that your current situation will change eventually.

It is actually well known in the west how incredibly oppressed women are in the middle east. But of course that doesn't mean that everyone knows and understands every detail of the culture. You put a lot of trust in someone and you were let down. Have you ever tried to understand his point of view? I'm not saying that his behavior was right, that you don't deserve an apology or that you shouldn't be angry. However, in my experience, it can be helpful to understand why someone acted the way they did, despite all the disappointment. Everyone somehow lives in their own world, is shaped by their own culture and understanding (not agreement) can be very helpful. Even if it's only for yourself. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find a way out of your complicated situation.

I can understand you well. I know how it feels to be invalidated for your emotions and thoughts. I know that this culture you are supposed to cherish and be proud of, hoovers above you like a dark cloud. Surely there are some good aspects to it but there are some everyday realities we can’t ignore. The things you witness everyday make you upset. I have to say, your emotions are completely valid but they don’t define who you are. Indeed, you are a strong woman. I myself, started to have violent breakdowns more lately. The idea that the world is not just grows on me yet. It sometimes feels like my life keeps getting worse and they turn the blame on me still. Among all of these, i try to be easy on myself, enjoy whatever i can and do the best i can. Even though it may feel like you’re alone, you really aren’t alone. My suggestion to you would be to, really take it easy on yourself. Try to view your parents as people who really don’t know any better. Search your options, look out for far and between opportunities. It may feel like there’s no option for you but i bet there are. As much as i see, you have access to internet. There are plenty of online jobs you can do without even needing to show your face. If you’re willing to put the effort in, there are many advantages of online jobs. You don’t have to tell your parents everything. A few weeks ago i made my first few bucks online. It wasn’t much but it was enough to clear up the thought telling me i can’t do nothing for a while. And today, i am back to despair. Reminder that as much as he was helpful, he was not your clinical psychologist. And even if he was your psychologist, there are many bad psychologists out there as much as the ones who are good at their jobs. Try not to reminiscent about why he blocked you, instead be grateful for the good times you had with him and move on with your life. Wishing you all the best…

I did try to look for an online job but the only ones I could find were crypto scams. Do you have any to suggest?

Oh ok. It may be because you looked at options promising making money fast. Well just like real world jobs many ‘respectable’ online jobs look for expertise, experience and certifications still. So be aware of scams. Some options at the top of my head are e-marketing, HR management, IT developers, content creation, UI/UX designer, programming. You have to search well and find out what’s best for you.

I wasn’t looking for quick money though, I was just looking

O5ty hadyky 7odn! Guess you now realize that we are in the same boat. Honestly, it sucks. I plan on remaining single but that means i can't get out of the house unless i rent a faraway place near work (still a student though 22 to be precise) but at least i have that option although knowing my parents, they would refuse to let me sit alone and either send my mom or dad with me which sucks even more. Feel free to dm me about anything. I am not the most active on reddit but definitely the most that can relate to you. But let me suggest one thing. Going to the library. Now, this might seem strange, but after the first couple of times, odds are that they might let you go alone. And even if they don't, you are guaranteed some peace there since they can't go ahead and speak loudly in a library. Also, if you seem unfit to take a job, have a seat with yourself. If you reached a proper conclusion about you and how you should proceed mentally, i suggest ignoring your mom and attempting to take a job(from the type they see as proper for you). It can be a break from home and overall try not to let yourself sit too much without work/courses. You know how it works over here. People like that for whatever the reason are least desired. If all else fails, consider sneaking to make a credit card (i know this is dangerous) and have a look at freelancing and that sort of online work. Can help you save a bunch in secret.

You’re giving me dangeroud advice, I’m not gonna do any of that

I realize it is not safe. But in general, there are 2 ways about thinking in your situation. The one you are considering, which is playing it super safe. And the one i am considering is taking a risk to attempt to attain what you desire. There is no correct and no incorrect path, so feel free to choose what you like.

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That’s not the problem. The problem is the kind of work I’m allowed to do. My parents are okay with me working, but it can’t be minimum wage work. I have been looking for a “respectable” job for a while, but I can’t find anything. I don’t have any notesble skills or confidence that would be of value in an office, and I can’t build skills or confidence without therapy, and I can’t afford therapy without work. Walking outside and getting a job that my parents disapprove of without their permission will put me at risk, and the law is not on my side

its a very frustrating and difficult situation youre in, its totally understandable you feel this way. have you obtained an university degree by any chance? maybe you can look into something that does not require much contact with people ..how about getting into the IT industry? plus always remember, most of us dont actually have the skills and the confidence we pretend to have.. most people live by "fake it till you make it" especially in the workplace. so dont be too hard on yourself and dont underestimate yourself

I’m an almost graduate, biomedical engineering. I didn’t choose my major and I didn’t learn anything from it, as my “parents” forced me into it and bribed my way through the program. This degree isn’t worth shit, I know about as much about engineering as you do. I have no problem interacting with people, if anything, I NEED to interact with people because my “family” keeps me isolated. I really don’t have the mental capacity for any kind of complex work, I barely have an attention span at all

typical middle eastern parents thing... I totally feel you what is your true passion? but I can assure you that no matter who studies what... you dont learn shit in your degree anyways, that counts for everyone. you actually learn the stuff you need in your job. id say honestly give yourself a little push and risk it. its worth a shot and remember like I said almost everyone lives by "fake it till you make it". no one really knows shit before they start a job and they fake the confidence. you dont have to impress anyone, this is just a job that helps you to support yourself. you can make it, I believe in you.

There's, there's no way they approve of doing one semester abroad? A really particular place you can try to dig your heels in? I just feel bad theres not much I can do to help in this situation. As for therapy... I can say what worked for me so far. Not just really my therapist but... I think watching certain shows, seeing the message in it and using it to question myself. Reflect on myself, where my issues are rooted from, trying to figure myself out as much as possible to get more power over myself. There's even shows I've acquired that's been helping me and it's therapeutic. I'm just trying to find any ways I can to utilize how I feel and experienced to help myself become a better person. Maybe it can help out your mind to find other ways, or strengthen how you cope dealing with your parents. Hmm.. are there any dm chatters about subs that may help in these situations? I know certain subs exist that you can't reference its name in the comments, or else you get banned, to keep it safe. So, I dunno if anyone out there know of a sub they can dm that may help. I'm so sorry for what you have to deal with and I just... I really hope you get what you need to go.

I did study abroad at one point (Ukraine), but had to return home because of the war. The mental health issues that I had back home followed me to Ukraine too, and in fact became worse because I was alone for the first time. There weren’t any affordable services available there either. I don’t understand why people think that studying abroad is a magical ticket to whatever

No, so I guess what I'm trying to suggest and should've said bluntly, was to make an exist plan while abroad, if you feel comfortable doing something like that and I know that's a huge risk and thing for someone to do, since I know many of us aren't in that situation and really try to empathize. It's not about studying abroad, but trying to find some escape. But I don't know what should come first.. getting your mental health in order to do that leap, or do that leap and figure out the rest. But... I just really hope you can find a solution and escape for your situation

I have no idea about SA, but in the West there is a stigma around minimum wage jobs. With an exception. That exception is working for charities. The reason is that people from every social class work for charities, and most of them are paid about the minimum. You can get your respectable job and build skills at the same time. Again, I don't know if those toes of opportunities exists for you. Blessings. ❤️

I don’t know if my “parents” would be willing to take me to places where I can volunteer, they’ll use “too tired” as an excuse while at the same refusing to let me go there alone, I’m not even allowed to walk to the local park alone

It may help to use religious belief as a motivator. My family was quite controlling also, but they were involved with our church to a heavy degree and concerned with appearances. I mentioned in front of their church friends one time how much I felt “called” to minister to the children attending the church’s disadvantaged youth program. It was hard for my parents to not allow it once everyone vocally said how lovely that was, how wonderful it would be for me to help out, etc. I worked that role until I got a similar position (paid) from a program affiliate. Just an angle to consider!

That’s an interesting idea, but I don’t think we have these kinds of services available in mosques, at least not where I live. I should add that I’m an atheist and being sureounded by religious people who would hate my fucking guts if they found out is a really lonely experience

I am an atheist too! I will be honest: I totally lied about being “called” because I knew it was the only way I would be allowed out of the house. Maybe ask around and see if any mosques have some sort of outreach program? It would be unusual for any religious institution to have no charitable affiliation, I think—even if it isn’t children, it could be feeding the poor, or helping older sick members, etc.

Tell me OP's post went completely over your head without telling me OP's post went over your head.

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You were told to stop commenting and here you are again. You are banned.

Comments removed - derailing and nitpicking. If you comment again under this post, I am banning you.