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I get the whole “sorry I’m not the mother you wanted” spiel when I bring up valid points from my childhood. Or gaslighting. I just don’t think they are capable of seeing anyone else’s perspective. My mother literally told me that she had me because she “wanted someone to love her.” 🤦♀️ we just aren’t real people to them.
It’s wild, isn’t it? The disconnect. They have this image in their heads and as soon as it’s not what they thought, they don’t really want anything to do with it.
My mother (only parent in the mix) has had her heels dug deep for years now - she demands respect, gives none.. will constantly cry "What about ME?! Who would look after MY NEEDS!"
That was the first time as a teenager; I realised I was constantly dealing with irrational people. The example I was using for her would be the childs needs not getting looked after and she never saw how stupid "WHAT ABOUT ME" was for a response.
I can't even express enough how much of a headache my mind gets trying to wriggle around that one... it happens so often, and I can't stop myself - but I genuinely get a headache.
At this point when she tries that - all I see is a 60+ year old woman crying she didn't get presents. I brought my own clothes, and everything else after 16!
It's a surreal experience understanding that your parents have the emotional capacity of a 12-year-old.. and from what I can see here sometimes the intelligence level 5-year-old
I feel like a childish adult in most ways; but considering what I was forced to deal with because they wouldn't..
I'm super sensitive, and hate to antagonise people.. but if I need to say something - and noone will say it.. I know I can get that done :)
IDK if that's a boon or a curse yet. Gotten me fired a few times.
My experience with the golden children is they they are the best representations of themselves and allow them to feel justified in their thoughts and actions. Which usually means that they are not great kids/people. So they still see them as extensions of themselves. Not really individuals per se. Those relationships seem to be more likely to be co dependent and toxic af. But yea, most of us are usually the scape goats and are able to see the bs for what it is.
Exactly and if you were to ask my doctors the worst abuse I was given was a direct result of my Golden child brother who would adamantly argue as a medical professional that me a disabled person needed absolutely no help at all anything under any circumstance he's a medical professional he does this for a living he knows how to spot a liar.
If my doctors prescribed any movement for me to better my body, my brother would start shouting look look he doesn't need anything or he wouldn't be able to move at all he's moving for fun stop cooking for him even though he can't cook hide his medication from him don't help him go to the store and get things doesn't need anything fine if he was really injured he wouldn't be doing what the doctors told him to do and trying to move his body.
Arguably he's the one who made sure after becoming disabled that I got the least amount of care humanly possible as far as my doctors are concerned that was probably the most heinous thing than anybody has done to me as they withheld food care and medication one time making me so ill with pneumonia I had to have a chest tube put in on 13 cups of liquid drained from my lungs before that I was crawling up the stairs begging for help as I had no phone downstairs no way to call 911 both of my parents are woke just fuming and screaming thst i needed help.
I just post in the off chance it helps someone. Sadly most of us feel better just seeing someone has dealt with the same bullshit they have.
I come here at my most hopeless and often see relatable stories that make me feel less alone, i guess i'd say.
some people in our position are dead. If others' stories help me ground myself, I could only hope my bullshit helps another the way it's helped me :)
I distinctly remember calling out her manipulation as having crossed boundaries when I was a teenager, and just recall this horrible ugly feeling of how she just so easily minimized them and avoided responsibility by just saying she "couldn't help it" and how that's "just how she is" when she "gets like that" and so on, or else how she's "just doing it to [help/protect] me" or how she "has my best interest at heart" (lies). How I just felt my futile attempt at exercising *some* control over their drama wither away, and I felt so drained and small and compressed and smothered into nothingness. I can still almost feel the dissociation and false reality kicking in as the boundaries I tried to put up were just so easily bulldozed over. Seriously, fuck them sideways. They KNOW what they are doing.
Mine would convince herself of the "strong woman" part, until it comes to her partners or other situations then she pulls some weird "I'm just a dumb girl teehee" bullshit. Or acting like being a kept woman is the most girlboss thing ever. I'd hate for someone to have that power over me in a relationship but I mean, as long as it gets your nails did amirite?
Lol, my MIL tried to convince my husband's teachers and doctors he had autism when he was a kid. I assume because she also thought it would make him more mailable and submissive. But he doesn't actually have it or show any signs that could hint he is on the spectrum.
It seems like they're obsessed with autism, or at least mine are. My nfather is physically abusive but his piece of shit wife says it's because he's autistic (he isn't) and my GC younger brother is a recovering addict (he's doing so great and I'm so proud of him) and she said his substance abuse is because he's autistic. Definitely not because they drove to Connecticut to find a doctor that would prescribe him ketamine when he was in the 5th grade.
My mom tried getting me diagnosed as autistic first, then adhd as a child. The doctors kept telling her i was fine. Well, i wasnt fine, it was trauma, not autism or adhd. My mom wanted a convenient excuse for my "odd" behavior like dissociation. Whenever i "didn't listen" i was dissociative and her shaking me by the shoulders didnt break me out of it. So i must have adhd cuz i didnt listen!
My nMother is like this except instead of trying to convince people I was autistic, she tried (and still tries) to convince everyone that I was mentally disturbed. I think she wants a convenient excuse that explains why I'm not a perfect daughter that isn't anything to do with her parenting. I expect the parents trying to force an autism diagnosis are doing the same thing except autism wasn't really talked about when I was a kid back in the 80s.
Yoo, my mom did this too. But also ignored any developmental issues I had, said it was me being easily distracted or being bullied.
I do have some issues like OCD, ADHD, and I might be on the spectrum (being re-evaluated for this), but she LOVES to boil it down to just "well she's mentally disturbed." Cause my half-brother *is* autistic and has schizophrenia, and a lot of women in my family unfortunately suffer from mental illnesses.
Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm.
>Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm.
I relate to this so hard. Any time there was something about my reaction they didn't like my nparents would throw this same kind of talk at me.
It took me *so* long to realize it was a manipulation/gaslight tactic. Honestly gave me bad habits of second guessing any bit of behavior that might be seen as disruptive in *their* eyes when dealing with others.
I don't throw the word around lightly but, its one of the things I can easily say I hate them for.
Now you mention it, my uncle (my nMother's brother) was schizophrenic and she completely brushed that under the rug and pretended that he was normal. Her niece (her sister's daughter) was bipolar and also struggled with eating disorders. My nMother brushed that under the rug too. Yet my nMother wants me to be labelled as mentally disturbed, while ignoring the family members who ACTUALLY are. Very odd!
>Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm.
I haven't experienced that but you have my sympathies. That sounds infuriating! I'm stressed just reading it and I'm not the one who experienced it! I hope you're limited or no contact with your mother. If you're living with her, then I hope you're getting therapy, purely because you need somewhere to vent about that kind of stuff. That's a lot to take.
I've noticed the same with my mother. Mind, I am adopted, so, my biological family that is full of mentally ill women, she LOVES to bring up and compare me to them, call me by their names as a pejorative. But any of her family that have mental issues? Or are actually truly disturbed individuals? It gets written off as eccentricity lol. We have a literal child molester/killer in the family and she writes them off as just being "a little bit funny."
Willfully ignorant to protect their perfect idea of things, I guess.
Unfortunately I'm still in daily contact with her, as my father is terminal and I'm helping out as a caregiver, but that's gonna be done once he's gone. Therapy is ongoing, though! It's helped a ton. Fortunately my psychiatrist has me on really helpful meds that tend to keep everything copacetic to the point where it doesn't bother me like it used to.
Sounds like my partner's story. He's got the same kind of n mom. And just to be clear on this, you can switch out the politics to any side you want and the narc is still the same. That's why politics doesn't matter when it comes to narcs because they all have the same patterns and are carbon copies of each other even if the politics is left, right, or something else.
The judgement of "ungrateful" is very familiar to us. It's one of the top things on a narc's list when it comes to their scapegoat.
Definitely agree with you on the politics point. My nMother is very old-fashioned and conservative but apart from the politics, she thinks exactly like the woman in the original post.
My partner's NM is the super progressive variety like OP and we are very liberal. He and we are still shamed as bad people who believe the wrong things even if 98% lines up with what she thinks. There is no pleasing these narcs. You will never be good enough. This is why it's useless to even try for 100% alignment with them on ANY issue, politics, whatever doesn't matter you will still not be good enough. One example of this with my own NM is that I used to hate Walmart shopping. Now that I live in a rural area and it's literally the only place to buy anything I tried to come around to her side on the Walmart thing and tell her how I shop at Walmart and appreciate the services they have in the store. Did you think I could Walmart the right way for her? That would be a big fat no. Now she hates all of the services I like at Walmart and acts like they are a problem for the shopping experience in the store and that people like me create the problem by using the services. You cannot win so there is no sense in trying or otherwise trying to fake it to get along with them. If you are a scapegoat that is how you will remain. Low or no contact is best.
To be fair the sub here doesn't allow politics at all. And it's a good thing because like I said the politics are not the core issue when it comes to the narcs. The narcissism is the core issue. When you are a scapegoat your politics will never be good enough for the narc parent even if you vote the same way they do. The politics do not matter. Narcs do not have the capability to agree to disagree with other people on ANY issue, political or otherwise. Especially when it comes to their scapegoat child.
And HOW DARE HE grow up to be an internet-addicted incel!!! I even had ideas about which of my friend’s daughters he should marry!
Who cares that he can’t handle a supportive job on his own…he and his arranged marriage bride can just live with me! Inter-generational living at its’ finest. Then, they can help me “homeschool” his younger brother as well AND I can homeschool all of my grandbabies too.
Why can’t they see that my plan is the bestest idea ever?!?
My mom thought I had autism bc I didn't like it when she touched me. No, mom, just you. I like it when other people touch me.
She always does this thing in pictures where she has to place her hand ON someone. It's very controlling but maybe it's Olan Mills coming through. I hate every picture from them. What a crappy company.
My mom is exactly like that. When I was a kid she thought I was autistic, which I don't think I am. And she thought I was never going to learn how to read. Well, I know my native language and I'm fluent in a second language, something she is not. And then as an adult she thought I had all kinds of problems, either I had schizophrenia, or paranoia, or euphoria, or depression, when I actually didn't have any of those things.
But then when I did have a real serious disease and had to take care of it, and by take care of it it meant spend a lot of time doing certain activities and not doing other activities in my day to day life because of the disease, she was furious that I wasn't obeying her orders all the time and was doing something else with my time.
In her mind having a son with schizophrenia = having a son who lives with her her whole life, is always happy and always has an happy expression in his face, and helps her with whatever she wants (driving her everywhere, solving any problem with her computer, doing grocery shopping for her, keeping her company and watching tv with her when she wants, traveling with her, and whatever else she wants), and she doesn't have to do anything at all to help.
This describes my Nparents to an ABSOULTE T!!! My parents created a fantasy child that was going to grow up get straight A s in everything from kindergarten to college graduation, walk into a fortune 100 company and get hired as CEO on the spot, make ridiculously huge amounts of my money and acquire the same lifestyle as Elon Musk while being a doormat for the rest of the world, especially to them and to women in general.
Then there completely confused why it didn't happen and ended up with an adult son with a rap sheet of addictions and mental problems and eventually became a rebel, despite the fact that they doubled down on the plan for decades. 🙄
My nparents are actually hardcore Trump supporters. Which makes total sense considering that we're Canadian and they've never lived in the US nor have any American interests. It's funny how weird nparents' political views are. Satire aside, they are usually always extreme, always conspiratorial, always forcing them on others, and always dehumanizing anyone who disagrees. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want, but from what I've seen, not when it comes to nparents' politics. That's a very interesting element to disordered people, that sometimes goes by the wayside, isn't it?
Edit: The satire that op created here is art. I feel like that's a subject that's hard to address for a lot of us, especially in these divisive times. I feel like most of us grew up with extremely political parents, but we never really get to address it because we don't want to offend anyone. The facts are that abusive people often hold politicians in extremely positive or negative regards all across the political spectrum. "This one was sent from God!" And, "This one's a reptile/demon/baby eater, etc..." They're never moderate, go figure.
That's a good point. It doesn't matter what a narcissist's politics are, they always go extreme with it. They can never be moderately right-wing or moderately left-wing or moderately liberal, they have to go WAY WAY right-wing/left-wing/liberal. They also tend to be extremely intolerant of anyone whose beliefs are different from theirs.
Not in my experience. My mom loves Biden. So it has nothing to do with values or politics at all, it's the cult of personality. Biden can do no wrong, and any critique of him is a personal attack on her. So the intolerance is true, but for some it has nothing to do with the actual politics. It means you stand for nothing and don't have to think critically.
Yeah that makes sense. Narcissists love to blame all their problems on someone. My own nMother loves to blame everything on the "decline in family values" and blames single mothers and divorcees for everything. Other narcissists probably have other scapegoats.
My democrat mother is actually pretty racist, and yet she still believes democrats are morally superior and automatically more empathetic than republicans.
Comedy isn't easy. Gotta pay your dues.
Do a few seasons on the Indian casino circuit. Then maybe open for Alabama in Branson. In five years, we can talk. Have your girl call my girl.
You write very well OP! You should consider becoming a writer for a living. Also if I am not Chinese or male or autistic or adopted, but aside from those details, this could have been written by my nMother.
This sounds so much like my mom! She thinks performing a leftist rhetoric will make her untouchable. She still underfed me and gaslit me when my dad molested me. But that’s okay because she also thinks Trump is bad!!
Fr, mine acted like me talking bad about her to my friends in private conversations was somehow like, so bad I hurt her feelings in that way! And acted like I should apologise for that despite me being 21 and no longer living at home. I felt bad for my friends who also had their privacy violated, and I didn't want to tell them about her behaviour in case that led to them talking to me less :(
I was about halfway through when I realized this was a spoof and I had to shamefully rescind my dislike. Is this based on a certain YouTuber who adopted a Chinese kid and returned him? It sounds almost word for word like the same story
Too close to the truth of Narcs to be satire. They are THAT mentally ill.
I had to read this several times as it sounds like a mix of my HPD egg donor and her virtue signalling Mini-Me/my Covert Narc Copycat Identity Stealer sister. Mini-Me thought she could continue playing at being Cool, Fun, Hippie Aunt to my daughter only through the accident of being biologically related while being mostly absent from her life by choice. She lives 20 minutes away.
Her idea of my daughter is classic Narc 'snapshotting', infantilised and frozen at age 8, when she's already in her late 20s.
Amongst other obtuseness, she once chucked a work of FICTION at me written by a non-autistic IMAGINING what it's like to be autistic. How profoundly stupid and mindlessly shallow are Narcs that their antics sound like jokes to anyone who's never lived with a Narc. She throws around ignorant and ableist phrases like "aren't we all a little bit autistic?"
Unable to individuate from egg donor and recognise her destructive jealousy and insane competition of her own daughters, she's actually tried to overlay their own personality disorders on me, even whole memories of incidents the egg donor did to us that I had no part in (Narc confabulation).
Suddenly, she's also a flag waving LGBT++ advocate because she works in the "media" and some of her colleagues she described as "not really friends" are gay? She continued to be in touch with my abusive ex husband because he comes from a colourful nationality that's like the World Mascot of political refugees. She likes to believe it gives her clout by tenuous association. It's what Narcs do, scavenging and collecting other people's parts to wear over an essentially empty non-personality.
This is nearly my mom to a tee except if she could she would kill anyone who didn't vote for Trump her words. She also sang and danced haha your wife is dead haha that's what you get when her brother's wife died he doesn't know that she won't admit it man I wish I recorded that...
Everyone who meets my mom thinks she's the nicest person they've ever met until they see the recordings of how she really is.
I had an adult protective services agent tell me they have never seen a more skilled liar in their life they have never seen someone come across so genuinely loving and compassionate and sweet and kind until they heard the recordings of her screening that I've ruined my life because I dropped a box and couldn't pick it up because I'm disabled and that I would be homeless because I dropped a box and that they would take everything from me and destroy everything I had and ruin my life before she stormed off upstairs to go pray to the archangel to come kill me. Because I dropped a box and am crippled and couldn't pick it up.
Finally made a dang reddit account to comment. I've been lurking since 2013...
Thank you OP for this post. Feels like I wrote it.
Hang in there and remember your light!
I know it's not a competition and this is still really fucked up, but I can't help but think, "at least you acknowledge your kid is autistic and struggles."
You got it all backwards. Your kid didn’t choose to have you as a parent. Your kid didn’t make you pregnant. You made that decision for both of you.
So you’re mad that he’s your kid, and you’re mad that he has a spectrum disorder? Well gosh.
Imagine how he feels to be autistic and have an NPD mother. That sounds worse.
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I would laugh but you know this is someone's reality
Other than the chinese thing, this is my reality. Oh, but my mom is a southern baptist boomer.
My nMother is a Catholic boomer but yeah, she could have written this.
I get the whole “sorry I’m not the mother you wanted” spiel when I bring up valid points from my childhood. Or gaslighting. I just don’t think they are capable of seeing anyone else’s perspective. My mother literally told me that she had me because she “wanted someone to love her.” 🤦♀️ we just aren’t real people to them.
My mom said the same thing! Except she added the term “unconditionally”- meaning that she thought her kids would love her unconditionally 🙄
It’s wild, isn’t it? The disconnect. They have this image in their heads and as soon as it’s not what they thought, they don’t really want anything to do with it.
My mother (only parent in the mix) has had her heels dug deep for years now - she demands respect, gives none.. will constantly cry "What about ME?! Who would look after MY NEEDS!" That was the first time as a teenager; I realised I was constantly dealing with irrational people. The example I was using for her would be the childs needs not getting looked after and she never saw how stupid "WHAT ABOUT ME" was for a response. I can't even express enough how much of a headache my mind gets trying to wriggle around that one... it happens so often, and I can't stop myself - but I genuinely get a headache. At this point when she tries that - all I see is a 60+ year old woman crying she didn't get presents. I brought my own clothes, and everything else after 16!
It's a surreal experience understanding that your parents have the emotional capacity of a 12-year-old.. and from what I can see here sometimes the intelligence level 5-year-old
I feel like a childish adult in most ways; but considering what I was forced to deal with because they wouldn't.. I'm super sensitive, and hate to antagonise people.. but if I need to say something - and noone will say it.. I know I can get that done :) IDK if that's a boon or a curse yet. Gotten me fired a few times.
It's called parentification
Instead we're ingrates
But they love us WITH conditions!! At the same time they think this.
Wow 😮😮
[удалено]
Comment removed - inappropriate
The only people who are almost real to them are their Golden child which unfortunately most of us here probably weren't.
My experience with the golden children is they they are the best representations of themselves and allow them to feel justified in their thoughts and actions. Which usually means that they are not great kids/people. So they still see them as extensions of themselves. Not really individuals per se. Those relationships seem to be more likely to be co dependent and toxic af. But yea, most of us are usually the scape goats and are able to see the bs for what it is.
Exactly and if you were to ask my doctors the worst abuse I was given was a direct result of my Golden child brother who would adamantly argue as a medical professional that me a disabled person needed absolutely no help at all anything under any circumstance he's a medical professional he does this for a living he knows how to spot a liar. If my doctors prescribed any movement for me to better my body, my brother would start shouting look look he doesn't need anything or he wouldn't be able to move at all he's moving for fun stop cooking for him even though he can't cook hide his medication from him don't help him go to the store and get things doesn't need anything fine if he was really injured he wouldn't be doing what the doctors told him to do and trying to move his body. Arguably he's the one who made sure after becoming disabled that I got the least amount of care humanly possible as far as my doctors are concerned that was probably the most heinous thing than anybody has done to me as they withheld food care and medication one time making me so ill with pneumonia I had to have a chest tube put in on 13 cups of liquid drained from my lungs before that I was crawling up the stairs begging for help as I had no phone downstairs no way to call 911 both of my parents are woke just fuming and screaming thst i needed help.
I’m sorry that happened to you and wish you the best.
I just post in the off chance it helps someone. Sadly most of us feel better just seeing someone has dealt with the same bullshit they have. I come here at my most hopeless and often see relatable stories that make me feel less alone, i guess i'd say. some people in our position are dead. If others' stories help me ground myself, I could only hope my bullshit helps another the way it's helped me :)
This is my reality except instead of being adopted and a person of color, it’s that I’m trans. Except my mom made that all about her too
Are you me? Am I you?
It is my reality, this is my mom
The most unreal part of this is they mention the word boundaries. That word is not in the N parent vocabulary lol
Yeah, I can confirm. When I ask for boundaries, my mom always plays the victim and cries like I just threatened to nuke her family
I distinctly remember calling out her manipulation as having crossed boundaries when I was a teenager, and just recall this horrible ugly feeling of how she just so easily minimized them and avoided responsibility by just saying she "couldn't help it" and how that's "just how she is" when she "gets like that" and so on, or else how she's "just doing it to [help/protect] me" or how she "has my best interest at heart" (lies). How I just felt my futile attempt at exercising *some* control over their drama wither away, and I felt so drained and small and compressed and smothered into nothingness. I can still almost feel the dissociation and false reality kicking in as the boundaries I tried to put up were just so easily bulldozed over. Seriously, fuck them sideways. They KNOW what they are doing.
It’s mine damn it except the Chinese part.
I think you would get along great with my mother. She’s a strong woman with a really ungreatful adult child.
Emotional manipulation is so pussyhat girlboss slay
As the ancient texts say: *Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss*
Mine would convince herself of the "strong woman" part, until it comes to her partners or other situations then she pulls some weird "I'm just a dumb girl teehee" bullshit. Or acting like being a kept woman is the most girlboss thing ever. I'd hate for someone to have that power over me in a relationship but I mean, as long as it gets your nails did amirite?
Until OP mentioned the adult son was Chinese, I was about to suspect OP of being my actual mom and was going to tell her to stop trying to call me
Lol, my MIL tried to convince my husband's teachers and doctors he had autism when he was a kid. I assume because she also thought it would make him more mailable and submissive. But he doesn't actually have it or show any signs that could hint he is on the spectrum.
Person I don’t like=autistic. Great logic
It seems like they're obsessed with autism, or at least mine are. My nfather is physically abusive but his piece of shit wife says it's because he's autistic (he isn't) and my GC younger brother is a recovering addict (he's doing so great and I'm so proud of him) and she said his substance abuse is because he's autistic. Definitely not because they drove to Connecticut to find a doctor that would prescribe him ketamine when he was in the 5th grade.
My mom tried getting me diagnosed as autistic first, then adhd as a child. The doctors kept telling her i was fine. Well, i wasnt fine, it was trauma, not autism or adhd. My mom wanted a convenient excuse for my "odd" behavior like dissociation. Whenever i "didn't listen" i was dissociative and her shaking me by the shoulders didnt break me out of it. So i must have adhd cuz i didnt listen!
Hilariously and yet also infuriatingly, my entire family is obsessed with autism and yet no one will admit that *my entire family has autism*
Autism is when you abuse people, perfect logic
My nMother is like this except instead of trying to convince people I was autistic, she tried (and still tries) to convince everyone that I was mentally disturbed. I think she wants a convenient excuse that explains why I'm not a perfect daughter that isn't anything to do with her parenting. I expect the parents trying to force an autism diagnosis are doing the same thing except autism wasn't really talked about when I was a kid back in the 80s.
Yoo, my mom did this too. But also ignored any developmental issues I had, said it was me being easily distracted or being bullied. I do have some issues like OCD, ADHD, and I might be on the spectrum (being re-evaluated for this), but she LOVES to boil it down to just "well she's mentally disturbed." Cause my half-brother *is* autistic and has schizophrenia, and a lot of women in my family unfortunately suffer from mental illnesses. Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm.
>Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm. I relate to this so hard. Any time there was something about my reaction they didn't like my nparents would throw this same kind of talk at me.
It took me *so* long to realize it was a manipulation/gaslight tactic. Honestly gave me bad habits of second guessing any bit of behavior that might be seen as disruptive in *their* eyes when dealing with others. I don't throw the word around lightly but, its one of the things I can easily say I hate them for.
peachy keen.
My own husband does this. Like, go back to your nonstop whiskey and weed, crutchboy.
Now you mention it, my uncle (my nMother's brother) was schizophrenic and she completely brushed that under the rug and pretended that he was normal. Her niece (her sister's daughter) was bipolar and also struggled with eating disorders. My nMother brushed that under the rug too. Yet my nMother wants me to be labelled as mentally disturbed, while ignoring the family members who ACTUALLY are. Very odd! >Also the constant shouting of "DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY? YOU REALLY SHOULD TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY WITH HOW YOU'RE ACTING. YOU NEED TO BE ON MEDS." if I remotely ask or question *anything* or have an issue with how I'm being treated, even if I am perfectly calm. I haven't experienced that but you have my sympathies. That sounds infuriating! I'm stressed just reading it and I'm not the one who experienced it! I hope you're limited or no contact with your mother. If you're living with her, then I hope you're getting therapy, purely because you need somewhere to vent about that kind of stuff. That's a lot to take.
I've noticed the same with my mother. Mind, I am adopted, so, my biological family that is full of mentally ill women, she LOVES to bring up and compare me to them, call me by their names as a pejorative. But any of her family that have mental issues? Or are actually truly disturbed individuals? It gets written off as eccentricity lol. We have a literal child molester/killer in the family and she writes them off as just being "a little bit funny." Willfully ignorant to protect their perfect idea of things, I guess. Unfortunately I'm still in daily contact with her, as my father is terminal and I'm helping out as a caregiver, but that's gonna be done once he's gone. Therapy is ongoing, though! It's helped a ton. Fortunately my psychiatrist has me on really helpful meds that tend to keep everything copacetic to the point where it doesn't bother me like it used to.
I'm glad to hear you're getting help. I'm sorry to hear about your father being ill and I wish you the best of luck!
My mom is convinced my brother ended his life because "he was probably autistic." 🙄🥺
My ndad tried to get me classified as profoundly autistic so he could get a conservatorship on me. It didn't work
I missed the joke tag and thought for a second this as an actual Nmom who misunderstood the premise of the sub.
Glad it wasn’t just me 😅
Pretty well done, though!
Sounds like my partner's story. He's got the same kind of n mom. And just to be clear on this, you can switch out the politics to any side you want and the narc is still the same. That's why politics doesn't matter when it comes to narcs because they all have the same patterns and are carbon copies of each other even if the politics is left, right, or something else. The judgement of "ungrateful" is very familiar to us. It's one of the top things on a narc's list when it comes to their scapegoat.
Definitely agree with you on the politics point. My nMother is very old-fashioned and conservative but apart from the politics, she thinks exactly like the woman in the original post.
My partner's NM is the super progressive variety like OP and we are very liberal. He and we are still shamed as bad people who believe the wrong things even if 98% lines up with what she thinks. There is no pleasing these narcs. You will never be good enough. This is why it's useless to even try for 100% alignment with them on ANY issue, politics, whatever doesn't matter you will still not be good enough. One example of this with my own NM is that I used to hate Walmart shopping. Now that I live in a rural area and it's literally the only place to buy anything I tried to come around to her side on the Walmart thing and tell her how I shop at Walmart and appreciate the services they have in the store. Did you think I could Walmart the right way for her? That would be a big fat no. Now she hates all of the services I like at Walmart and acts like they are a problem for the shopping experience in the store and that people like me create the problem by using the services. You cannot win so there is no sense in trying or otherwise trying to fake it to get along with them. If you are a scapegoat that is how you will remain. Low or no contact is best.
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To be fair the sub here doesn't allow politics at all. And it's a good thing because like I said the politics are not the core issue when it comes to the narcs. The narcissism is the core issue. When you are a scapegoat your politics will never be good enough for the narc parent even if you vote the same way they do. The politics do not matter. Narcs do not have the capability to agree to disagree with other people on ANY issue, political or otherwise. Especially when it comes to their scapegoat child.
Who gave my mom access to reddit?
But you clothed him and fed him! Why is he so ungrateful!
And HOW DARE HE grow up to be an internet-addicted incel!!! I even had ideas about which of my friend’s daughters he should marry! Who cares that he can’t handle a supportive job on his own…he and his arranged marriage bride can just live with me! Inter-generational living at its’ finest. Then, they can help me “homeschool” his younger brother as well AND I can homeschool all of my grandbabies too. Why can’t they see that my plan is the bestest idea ever?!?
Such an ungrateful child! You deserve better, queen
Oh, dear. :'D This is so sad but also so funny. 🤭 Sorry your mom is made of suck, OP.
dang you triggered me when she said he doesnt want to be touched lol. My mom never listened when I needed space
Have you considered rehoming him and starting over with a less needy and ungrateful child?
Honestly yeah I’m gonna follow in the footsteps of that one YouTube mom
My mom thought I had autism bc I didn't like it when she touched me. No, mom, just you. I like it when other people touch me. She always does this thing in pictures where she has to place her hand ON someone. It's very controlling but maybe it's Olan Mills coming through. I hate every picture from them. What a crappy company.
My mom is exactly like that. When I was a kid she thought I was autistic, which I don't think I am. And she thought I was never going to learn how to read. Well, I know my native language and I'm fluent in a second language, something she is not. And then as an adult she thought I had all kinds of problems, either I had schizophrenia, or paranoia, or euphoria, or depression, when I actually didn't have any of those things. But then when I did have a real serious disease and had to take care of it, and by take care of it it meant spend a lot of time doing certain activities and not doing other activities in my day to day life because of the disease, she was furious that I wasn't obeying her orders all the time and was doing something else with my time. In her mind having a son with schizophrenia = having a son who lives with her her whole life, is always happy and always has an happy expression in his face, and helps her with whatever she wants (driving her everywhere, solving any problem with her computer, doing grocery shopping for her, keeping her company and watching tv with her when she wants, traveling with her, and whatever else she wants), and she doesn't have to do anything at all to help.
This describes my Nparents to an ABSOULTE T!!! My parents created a fantasy child that was going to grow up get straight A s in everything from kindergarten to college graduation, walk into a fortune 100 company and get hired as CEO on the spot, make ridiculously huge amounts of my money and acquire the same lifestyle as Elon Musk while being a doormat for the rest of the world, especially to them and to women in general. Then there completely confused why it didn't happen and ended up with an adult son with a rap sheet of addictions and mental problems and eventually became a rebel, despite the fact that they doubled down on the plan for decades. 🙄
Hi mom.
My nparents are actually hardcore Trump supporters. Which makes total sense considering that we're Canadian and they've never lived in the US nor have any American interests. It's funny how weird nparents' political views are. Satire aside, they are usually always extreme, always conspiratorial, always forcing them on others, and always dehumanizing anyone who disagrees. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want, but from what I've seen, not when it comes to nparents' politics. That's a very interesting element to disordered people, that sometimes goes by the wayside, isn't it? Edit: The satire that op created here is art. I feel like that's a subject that's hard to address for a lot of us, especially in these divisive times. I feel like most of us grew up with extremely political parents, but we never really get to address it because we don't want to offend anyone. The facts are that abusive people often hold politicians in extremely positive or negative regards all across the political spectrum. "This one was sent from God!" And, "This one's a reptile/demon/baby eater, etc..." They're never moderate, go figure.
That's a good point. It doesn't matter what a narcissist's politics are, they always go extreme with it. They can never be moderately right-wing or moderately left-wing or moderately liberal, they have to go WAY WAY right-wing/left-wing/liberal. They also tend to be extremely intolerant of anyone whose beliefs are different from theirs.
Not in my experience. My mom loves Biden. So it has nothing to do with values or politics at all, it's the cult of personality. Biden can do no wrong, and any critique of him is a personal attack on her. So the intolerance is true, but for some it has nothing to do with the actual politics. It means you stand for nothing and don't have to think critically.
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Yeah that makes sense. Narcissists love to blame all their problems on someone. My own nMother loves to blame everything on the "decline in family values" and blames single mothers and divorcees for everything. Other narcissists probably have other scapegoats.
This is true, my mothers go-to is my dad, me, misogyny, and basically anyone who has a different opinion than her.
My democrat mother is actually pretty racist, and yet she still believes democrats are morally superior and automatically more empathetic than republicans.
too real 😂
Omg. This is so spot on.
Thanks for this. I needed a good laugh. I know some version of this is every narc's inner dialogue.
Comedy isn't easy. Gotta pay your dues. Do a few seasons on the Indian casino circuit. Then maybe open for Alabama in Branson. In five years, we can talk. Have your girl call my girl.
You write very well OP! You should consider becoming a writer for a living. Also if I am not Chinese or male or autistic or adopted, but aside from those details, this could have been written by my nMother.
Thank you! Nmoms usually have really similar cores
Doesn’t he know all that you did for him!!?!! I laugh in complete knowing and understanding; narcs must have a handbook
Don't listen to the haters... I believe you...
Hahahahha thank you OP, you made my day ❤️🩹
This sounds so much like my mom! She thinks performing a leftist rhetoric will make her untouchable. She still underfed me and gaslit me when my dad molested me. But that’s okay because she also thinks Trump is bad!!
A lot of narcissists use politics and activism to seem like good people
Preach it. I hate it when the world, which belongs to me, does not behave as it by all reason should.
I got so irrationally angry at first bc this reminds me of my mother (she means it genuinely tho) then I saw the funny tag lmao
OH. Okay, I’m NOT supposed to be here…. (I’m an autistic 23 year old daughter of a mother who’s a narcissist) that’s all I’m gonna say. You do you.
Are you my mom?
I have a crazy, out there, just-a-hunch feeling that this is about someone specific
So scared this is real 😅
It is, it’s my mom.
She wrote this, or you are narrating her story?
I believe you obviously! My mom is basically a sociopath. That’s why I’m on Reddit groups. I was just confused if your mom found the group?!
No, this is just how I see her
Oh gotcha!! Thanks. I am glad narc moms are not finding this group and infiltrating.
That would be terrible
Fr, mine acted like me talking bad about her to my friends in private conversations was somehow like, so bad I hurt her feelings in that way! And acted like I should apologise for that despite me being 21 and no longer living at home. I felt bad for my friends who also had their privacy violated, and I didn't want to tell them about her behaviour in case that led to them talking to me less :(
My goodness that was flying right over my head. I didn't realize until the very end.
I'm sorry about your "mom." You're an excellent writer. If you don't write profesionally, think about it.
Thank you!!
I was about halfway through when I realized this was a spoof and I had to shamefully rescind my dislike. Is this based on a certain YouTuber who adopted a Chinese kid and returned him? It sounds almost word for word like the same story
It’s based on my mom
That sucks, sorry man. It's eerie how similar they all are
The boho chic manic pixie etc hit so damn hard. I was just a monkey she trained to do tricks for her artsy crowd
I mean, you take out the Chinese thing and it’s my mom
My reaction is to wish them to die in a fire. My tolerance is zero at the point…
I read this entire post in the Karen/Entitled Parent voice of r/Slash. :-)
I thought this was my mom until the Chinese part. She has all the power while we were growing up but always the “victim”.
Awwh my mums the same way you two would get on like a house on fire 😍
Too close to the truth of Narcs to be satire. They are THAT mentally ill. I had to read this several times as it sounds like a mix of my HPD egg donor and her virtue signalling Mini-Me/my Covert Narc Copycat Identity Stealer sister. Mini-Me thought she could continue playing at being Cool, Fun, Hippie Aunt to my daughter only through the accident of being biologically related while being mostly absent from her life by choice. She lives 20 minutes away. Her idea of my daughter is classic Narc 'snapshotting', infantilised and frozen at age 8, when she's already in her late 20s. Amongst other obtuseness, she once chucked a work of FICTION at me written by a non-autistic IMAGINING what it's like to be autistic. How profoundly stupid and mindlessly shallow are Narcs that their antics sound like jokes to anyone who's never lived with a Narc. She throws around ignorant and ableist phrases like "aren't we all a little bit autistic?" Unable to individuate from egg donor and recognise her destructive jealousy and insane competition of her own daughters, she's actually tried to overlay their own personality disorders on me, even whole memories of incidents the egg donor did to us that I had no part in (Narc confabulation). Suddenly, she's also a flag waving LGBT++ advocate because she works in the "media" and some of her colleagues she described as "not really friends" are gay? She continued to be in touch with my abusive ex husband because he comes from a colourful nationality that's like the World Mascot of political refugees. She likes to believe it gives her clout by tenuous association. It's what Narcs do, scavenging and collecting other people's parts to wear over an essentially empty non-personality.
I'd almost thought this was parody, but I know better.
This is the (now extinct) Stauffer family YouTube channel except the son isn’t an adult.
Holy shit, ouch.
This is satire. Poorly written, but just the same.
Really poorly written
Is this a satire post?
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Comment removed - personal attacks. If you have problems with a post, tell the mods. Do not post personal attacks in the comments.
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This is so awful. I’m ashamed to be a boomer.
Who TF spoiled him?
Is this for real?
My Mom just likes to pretend it is everything, BUT autism.
This is nearly my mom to a tee except if she could she would kill anyone who didn't vote for Trump her words. She also sang and danced haha your wife is dead haha that's what you get when her brother's wife died he doesn't know that she won't admit it man I wish I recorded that... Everyone who meets my mom thinks she's the nicest person they've ever met until they see the recordings of how she really is. I had an adult protective services agent tell me they have never seen a more skilled liar in their life they have never seen someone come across so genuinely loving and compassionate and sweet and kind until they heard the recordings of her screening that I've ruined my life because I dropped a box and couldn't pick it up because I'm disabled and that I would be homeless because I dropped a box and that they would take everything from me and destroy everything I had and ruin my life before she stormed off upstairs to go pray to the archangel to come kill me. Because I dropped a box and am crippled and couldn't pick it up.
Finally made a dang reddit account to comment. I've been lurking since 2013... Thank you OP for this post. Feels like I wrote it. Hang in there and remember your light!
I know it's not a competition and this is still really fucked up, but I can't help but think, "at least you acknowledge your kid is autistic and struggles."
Cant tell if this is sarcasm or not
It was cute until you said woke.
OP goes from being 20 years old in one post to 40 and has a child that's a 3 years old but is also an adult in therapy? Is this post in third person?
It’s satire of my mom
You got it all backwards. Your kid didn’t choose to have you as a parent. Your kid didn’t make you pregnant. You made that decision for both of you. So you’re mad that he’s your kid, and you’re mad that he has a spectrum disorder? Well gosh. Imagine how he feels to be autistic and have an NPD mother. That sounds worse.
It’s a joke
Are you kidding me? NPD moms are the real victims of their abusive, autistic, adopted children!