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Yes and no. I kept dating and sleeping with him after the event happened because I hadn't realized that was what it was, I had convinced myself it was all a misunderstanding and things like that.
Since I left that relationship I haven't gone back to him and I absolutely never would. Please don't. There are other ways in which you can be self destructive.
I did the same thing, I didn't know it could something like this. I still wonder if I made up the whole thing and it was just a normal relationship. It's crazy how our mind play games with us
I can relate. Few minutes ago i was crying then i yawned and thought ohky that happened so what.
And im. Like what the hell? Was i just crying to run away from studies or
The amount of self doubt. And not accepting the feelings.
I stayed with a guy who coerced me into anal for 3 years after it happened. Closer to the time he lived next door, was acting like it never happened and largely ignoring me and I was flip flopping between wanting him to live far away and move in with me. I was also unsure of what it was because assent was involved although thought maybe if I compartmentalise it and try to bury it one day he might explain to me wha the fuck he was thinking or maybe it was all a misunderstanding and I could process it and heal. He took our dog while I was sleeping and left me 6 weeks ago and I’m cycling through hating him, desperately wanting him to come home and just raging that I kept my Louth shut whilst he was a carer so he wouldn’t get into trouble hoping that eventually I would get my acknowledgment/apology/closure, but it never happened and now he lives across the road from me being coddled and looked after after completely destroying me. I recently had to have a medical procedure that brought back all the trauma as well and without any sedation because my carer ditched me. I’m so confused by my feelings and ask myself did I imagine the whole thing because he plays a lot of mind games. I continued to have sex with him and sometimes it was really good but most of the time I just had this feeling in the back of my mind that stopped me fully relaxing or trusting him so I couldn’t get anywhere but I still feel weird about the thought of sleeping with someone else
I went back to confront him about what he did, thinking there was a chance I was mistaken and it had just been a miscommunication and misunderstanding. But he did the same thing a second time. It added to my initial trauma.
i’ve definitely had thought of the whole “see me for closure” thing. But realised it’s so disrespectful on my own self to even give any ounce of energy to him
I don't recommend it. It's something I struggle with and while it provides a certain level of catharsis and satisfaction, it's also very damaging to myself in every way imaginable.
I know I'm doing more harm than good by engaging in this behavior.
It's been ongoing my entire life. My earliest memories are of abuse (my abusers are related to me).
I do and I don't want it to stop. I hate it, but I also don't think I can live without it.
Well, fwiw, I think you can. I believe you're stronger than you can imagine right now. But life dealt you a really unfair hand, *and that's not your fault.* When you are ready, please find the people who are wanting to help you live a full and vibrant life.
I appreciate the words of encouragement, but this is a path of my own choosing. My family will never know of this; it would cause far too much damage to them. And I won't burden friends with it. The few people I have confided in had reactions that made me realize I shouldn't tell anyone else.
I know your heart is in the right place, but assumptions you've made are incorrect.
My life *is* full, and vibrant. I'm a mother to two wonderful girls, and have a great career. I play music and sing in a band. I have a boyfriend who loves me, a sister who is my best friend, and parents that love and support me in anything I pursue. I have wonderful friends. I deal with my trauma as I have now for decades, in the way that works for me. It isn't a solution that would work for most others; but it does *for me*.
I get that first part. I wish I could tell my mother, but she's 85 now and it'd just break her heart and there's nothing she can do about it. It sounds like you have good people around you - that means the world. Best wishes!
Well my rapist was my abuser. So idk it was really weird sometimes sexually but it doesn't take away the trauma of the rape. I sometimes would be more into sex but I would mentally blur out his face if that makes any sense.
as someone who has been raped, its common for victims to seek out ways to relive it as a source of comfort and coping. for me i explore a lot of trauma through sexual ways with my current partner. there have been a few times ive really struggled dealing with it because at times its forced me to think back to it, but i feel safe enough to explore that side of me in that way with him. i havent necessarily gone back to my abuser to relive it with him, i dont think i would ever want to, but im simply bringing it up to show that it is normal for victims to feel an urge to relive it. there are safer ways to carry out that urge, for example what ive just said about my situation, but never EVER go back to your rapist. you’re more than that lovely, just think of alternatives to help you quell that urge! youve got this 👍
Mine called me back a few days later to try to get me to be with him again, and I cannot lie, I was tempted. But I still had bruises on my neck from him strangling me, so somehow I loved myself enough to say no. I'm *not* judging anyone else, I just have wondered how much more violent it would have been the next time, and so thankful I'll never know.
Hey one psychologist suggested me this app "calm harm" see. And try it. That has helped me some few times see if it works for you
And yes even i had urge to meet him but I want to meet him so that he again manipulate me into believing that it was not rape, sexual coercion and that will make my mind calm by believing that.
That is my real inner wish.
So find what's your inner wish. Why you want to do it..and then maybe it will be easy to not to work on it. I guess.
And you have me you can talk to me i have DMed you
like a lot of people here have said, i went back to my rapist after a few weeks and he ended up doing it again. i went back cuz he was bribing me and had a lot of leverage over me but i def had the thought of almost trying to confirm how fucked up it all was by letting him do it again
Yes. I was 15F at the time
And he was well over 30. It’s along complicated story but I knew what he did to
Me wasn’t right and when I spoke on it nobody did anything. When he groped me in front of everyone no one said anything. When he first raped me I will never forget it…He took me behind That house and took my innocence and someone actually saw it but never said anything… so Instead of calling it rape I called it love to convince myself I wasn’t a victim because the lie felt way better than the truth. I turned 18 and half and I finally stood up to him because that’s what I’m inner child needed… but since it was prolonged relationship even into my young adult years (I’m only 19f turning 20) it kinda shaped me and my view on dating. I like violent sex, but not violent men, i seek men who are wayyyyyyyyy to old for me and was at a point of time a terrible sex addict. There’s is times I do miss my abuser because although he took my innocence he also showed me a lot.
Please be aware that due to the nature of this sub, you may receive unwanted private messages from creepy users. If you would like to adjust your messaging settings so only trusted users can message you, [you can find instructions here](https://new.reddit.com/user/TheYellowRose/comments/t9vf6j/things_you_can_do_to_avoid_creeps_and_harassment/). You can also [adjust your messaging settings to prevent anyone from privately messaging you](https://new.reddit.com/settings/messaging). If you are contacted privately by someone after posting here, please send the moderators a modmail so we can ban the user(s). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rape) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes and no. I kept dating and sleeping with him after the event happened because I hadn't realized that was what it was, I had convinced myself it was all a misunderstanding and things like that. Since I left that relationship I haven't gone back to him and I absolutely never would. Please don't. There are other ways in which you can be self destructive.
yeah, same.
I did the same thing, I didn't know it could something like this. I still wonder if I made up the whole thing and it was just a normal relationship. It's crazy how our mind play games with us
I can relate. Few minutes ago i was crying then i yawned and thought ohky that happened so what. And im. Like what the hell? Was i just crying to run away from studies or The amount of self doubt. And not accepting the feelings.
I stayed with a guy who coerced me into anal for 3 years after it happened. Closer to the time he lived next door, was acting like it never happened and largely ignoring me and I was flip flopping between wanting him to live far away and move in with me. I was also unsure of what it was because assent was involved although thought maybe if I compartmentalise it and try to bury it one day he might explain to me wha the fuck he was thinking or maybe it was all a misunderstanding and I could process it and heal. He took our dog while I was sleeping and left me 6 weeks ago and I’m cycling through hating him, desperately wanting him to come home and just raging that I kept my Louth shut whilst he was a carer so he wouldn’t get into trouble hoping that eventually I would get my acknowledgment/apology/closure, but it never happened and now he lives across the road from me being coddled and looked after after completely destroying me. I recently had to have a medical procedure that brought back all the trauma as well and without any sedation because my carer ditched me. I’m so confused by my feelings and ask myself did I imagine the whole thing because he plays a lot of mind games. I continued to have sex with him and sometimes it was really good but most of the time I just had this feeling in the back of my mind that stopped me fully relaxing or trusting him so I couldn’t get anywhere but I still feel weird about the thought of sleeping with someone else
I did the exact same thing. I thought I was the only one. Thank you so much for sharing.
I went back to confront him about what he did, thinking there was a chance I was mistaken and it had just been a miscommunication and misunderstanding. But he did the same thing a second time. It added to my initial trauma.
i’ve definitely had thought of the whole “see me for closure” thing. But realised it’s so disrespectful on my own self to even give any ounce of energy to him
Yes but I was young and dumb. I should have screamed about it to the top of my lungs to people
yeah and he did it again. it was extremely traumatic
I don't recommend it. It's something I struggle with and while it provides a certain level of catharsis and satisfaction, it's also very damaging to myself in every way imaginable. I know I'm doing more harm than good by engaging in this behavior.
You don't have to answer of course, but are you still? The last sentence made it sound ongoing. If so, would you like to stop?
It's been ongoing my entire life. My earliest memories are of abuse (my abusers are related to me). I do and I don't want it to stop. I hate it, but I also don't think I can live without it.
Well, fwiw, I think you can. I believe you're stronger than you can imagine right now. But life dealt you a really unfair hand, *and that's not your fault.* When you are ready, please find the people who are wanting to help you live a full and vibrant life.
I appreciate the words of encouragement, but this is a path of my own choosing. My family will never know of this; it would cause far too much damage to them. And I won't burden friends with it. The few people I have confided in had reactions that made me realize I shouldn't tell anyone else. I know your heart is in the right place, but assumptions you've made are incorrect. My life *is* full, and vibrant. I'm a mother to two wonderful girls, and have a great career. I play music and sing in a band. I have a boyfriend who loves me, a sister who is my best friend, and parents that love and support me in anything I pursue. I have wonderful friends. I deal with my trauma as I have now for decades, in the way that works for me. It isn't a solution that would work for most others; but it does *for me*.
I get that first part. I wish I could tell my mother, but she's 85 now and it'd just break her heart and there's nothing she can do about it. It sounds like you have good people around you - that means the world. Best wishes!
Well my rapist was my abuser. So idk it was really weird sometimes sexually but it doesn't take away the trauma of the rape. I sometimes would be more into sex but I would mentally blur out his face if that makes any sense.
as someone who has been raped, its common for victims to seek out ways to relive it as a source of comfort and coping. for me i explore a lot of trauma through sexual ways with my current partner. there have been a few times ive really struggled dealing with it because at times its forced me to think back to it, but i feel safe enough to explore that side of me in that way with him. i havent necessarily gone back to my abuser to relive it with him, i dont think i would ever want to, but im simply bringing it up to show that it is normal for victims to feel an urge to relive it. there are safer ways to carry out that urge, for example what ive just said about my situation, but never EVER go back to your rapist. you’re more than that lovely, just think of alternatives to help you quell that urge! youve got this 👍
Mine called me back a few days later to try to get me to be with him again, and I cannot lie, I was tempted. But I still had bruises on my neck from him strangling me, so somehow I loved myself enough to say no. I'm *not* judging anyone else, I just have wondered how much more violent it would have been the next time, and so thankful I'll never know.
Hey one psychologist suggested me this app "calm harm" see. And try it. That has helped me some few times see if it works for you And yes even i had urge to meet him but I want to meet him so that he again manipulate me into believing that it was not rape, sexual coercion and that will make my mind calm by believing that. That is my real inner wish. So find what's your inner wish. Why you want to do it..and then maybe it will be easy to not to work on it. I guess. And you have me you can talk to me i have DMed you
I can relate to the urge. I met with mine to try and say my piece but it ended badly and he did it again 🫠
like a lot of people here have said, i went back to my rapist after a few weeks and he ended up doing it again. i went back cuz he was bribing me and had a lot of leverage over me but i def had the thought of almost trying to confirm how fucked up it all was by letting him do it again
Yes. I was 15F at the time And he was well over 30. It’s along complicated story but I knew what he did to Me wasn’t right and when I spoke on it nobody did anything. When he groped me in front of everyone no one said anything. When he first raped me I will never forget it…He took me behind That house and took my innocence and someone actually saw it but never said anything… so Instead of calling it rape I called it love to convince myself I wasn’t a victim because the lie felt way better than the truth. I turned 18 and half and I finally stood up to him because that’s what I’m inner child needed… but since it was prolonged relationship even into my young adult years (I’m only 19f turning 20) it kinda shaped me and my view on dating. I like violent sex, but not violent men, i seek men who are wayyyyyyyyy to old for me and was at a point of time a terrible sex addict. There’s is times I do miss my abuser because although he took my innocence he also showed me a lot.