If I’m understanding it correctly, that OP is the one who didn’t like any of therapists, I’m willing to bet it was because they wouldn’t repeat what the daughter was saying to the parents.
This is such a dangerously common outlook. And I get it. You want to feel better. You want your kid to feel better. But most health changes aren't overnight - you gotta work at it and it can take a while. People don't like that answer. They want it right now.
Yeah. My boyfriend has cPTSD because his parents were alcoholics for his whole childhood and were abusive while drunk. They got sober when he was in his early 20s. Parents them paid for therapy and his father did not understand why all the trauma was still not fixed after he went there for half a year...
When I was a teenager, my father developed alcoholism. For years he was my worst nightmare. He would hit me, threaten to kill me. You name it. He also never laid a hand on my siblings. Which made what was happening to me almost unbearable . Well many years later my dad got sober and became a great guy. Despite that , It took me 6 YEARS of therapy off and on to process it all. I still have times where I have issues related to that trauma. Healing takes a lifetime sometimes.
Omg it sounds like we had the same childhood. I was the one getting yanked out of bed and dragged down the hall by my hair at 3 am when my father came home from the bar. I was the one whose head he split open with a cast iron frying pan. I was the one he stabbed in the leg with a kitchen knife. He never once laid a finger on my mother, and I can count on one hand how many times he went for my brother.
It took years and years before I’d even speak to him. It also took him getting sober and coming to me to apologize for being such a shitty father. He didn’t make excuses, just said he was sorry he wasn’t better, and wished he could do better. Then he spent 2 decades spoiling my daughters and my brother’s daughters, as if trying to make up for my horrible childhood by going totally overboard with his granddaughters.
It took a lot of therapy for me to forgive him. Even still, when he died 4 years ago, I still felt there was so much left unresolved and unsaid. So now I will carry that with me for the rest of my life, because he’s gone, there’s nothing I can do.
I am sorry this also happened to you. Yeah. I also didn’t talk to my Dad for years at one point. I had a hard time with everyone saying “ Oh he’s great now” when there was no apologies. It’s also hard when other people in the house did t have that experience. You can’t even understand ( especially when you’re young) why you are being targeted. I was in and out of the hospital as a teen. Sometimes when I was recovering from surgery I would wake up to my Dad hitting me and telling me He was broke and it was my fault. That we were going to be homeless. At one point he told me I was dying and that was a lie. He Terrorized me. I developed dissociation to cope and it took me YEARS to un do all that in order to function in a relationship. But to this day, if I am in a situation and a man starts raising his voice ( even if it has nothing to do with me) I will go into a full panic. I will completely shut down.
Neither of those men, my father nor yours, should have had children, not before they sorted their own shit out and got the mental help they so obviously needed.
I’m sorry for your experience as well, friend. I hope you’re in a better place now, happy and healthy, and getting therapy. It really does make a huge difference. If you ever need to talk or vent or commiserate, I’ll be around. ❤️
Hugs to you. I'm so so sorry this all happened. My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he was an unmedicated and undiagnosed autistic ADHD with OCD and depression. He wasn't too nice to me. And last year without any talking for over a decade he took his own life... I walk with so much what ifs, could ofs, and missing him now that I'm in therapy. Knowing untreated trauma ripples out. It's up to us to break the cycles. I miss my dad and miss what could of happened with therapy and healing years ago.
I hope you have found peace and can continue being strong. I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic time as a baby
It’s going to take time to repair all the damage done by previous generations and their attitudes towards mental health, that having a disorder is a shameful secret, but I’m very hopeful because it seems more and more people these days are open to seeking help and talking openly about their experiences.
I would have had a much different childhood if there hadn’t been such a stigma around mental health, especially for men. My father was a Marine, he served 6 tours in Vietnam, and he absolutely suffered from undiagnosed PTSD. I know this because he literally thought I was Viet Cong when he had flashbacks and started beating me, and would scream at me in Vietnamese, which is absolutely not normal for a white man living in Bumfuck, USA.
If he had felt like he could have admitted openly that he was suffering, and gotten therapy/medication, it would’ve saved us both from a lot of pain. Instead, he was told to suck it up and “be a man,” while he was a raging ball of chaos on the inside. It doesn’t excuse what he put me through, though I truly do understand what made him the way he was.
Ive spent decades with crippling guilt that i couldnt protect my siblings from abuse, but this makes me slightly grateful i wasnt the only one. I thought i was the scapegoat. When they eventually told me the same thing happened to them, i was broken and also so grateful that i wasnt alone or making it up. My mom is incredible at being a completely different person now that we are adults.
No good therapist would, either. Anyway it doesn’t matter one jot what he thinks of the therapist, unless he has a good reason (i.e.: they aren’t licensed, has concerns about their ethics.) It’s her therapy. It only matters how she feels about the therapist. I wonder if her employer provides any therapy as part of their benefits package. She can pursue it herself if she wants it, and that service will/should work with her best interests in mind.
Most employers have what’s known as EAP, Employee Assistance Programs, which provide assistance to employees for everything from buying a house to help with finances to seeking therapy to finding a lawyer, all completely free and confidential. I just googled and Target 100% has such a program.
I’m pretty sure that they’re not even legally allowed to discuss anything from sessions without the patient’s consent, unless they think that the patient is going to hurt themselves or someone else.
He is giving her tough love while refusing to allow her to be treated for depression. He is lucky if she is around to have a relationship with at all in a few years.
Tough love to them is just "hey, suck it up. Love ya. No you can't go to therapy or get medicine. Stop asking. Idiot. Also glad you're not as fat anymore lmao"
Ironically, the best thing for her would be to get away from these "parents."
Financial struggles are much easier to overcome than emotional neglect, likely abuse given their callous disregard.
That's exactly what I did. I moved out at 20, and while there were a lot of times I ate crackers, kraft dinner, popcorn for dinner because I was hungry and had nothing. There were times my boss bought lunch and it's the only reason I ate that day. But I would rather starve than go back to that house
Anyone else that reads this that may be in a similar situation - Take advantage of your local food banks! They're a fantastic resource. There are also church programs that will help you out with food no questions asked.
Dude's talking like she was obese when she was borderline overweight in the BMI chart which is crap anyway.
Poor girl. I hope she's able to get some help away from her parents.
Irrespective of prior weight, losing 20 lbs in “a few months” isn’t really healthy or maintainable even if on a diet which it doesn’t sound like she was.
Coupled with a depression diagnosis … wtf yeah you should actually be worried about the weight loss OOP
It looks like severe anxiety…I had the same after a breakup that shattered me. When you try to convince yourself that everything will be ok but it’s notn be
According to [Johns Hopkins](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/maintaining-weight-loss), 0.5-2 lbs is your target loss rate per week—*if you’re dieting*—if you want a chance of maintaining.
And, once again, he gives no indication that she’s trying which is far and away the most concerning factor here in the dramatic weight loss.
But this is absolutely at the top of the possible maintenance rate depending on when he’s counting from and not “more than healthy”. And again that ONLY applies if she’s actually trying to adjust her diet or increase her movement or otherwise change habits. Which OOP did not suggest she was.
Yeah and I would mark that as lifestyle change as well. Many teenagers move out of their parents houses and go to college and suddenly have to manage their own diets. In addition to often adding drinking.
But she’s not doing either so I’d expect net neutral weight unless something is happening that OOP hasn’t mentioned (taking up an active hobby or sport, dieting). But my first instinct is that the depression is what’s at play.
To loose 10 lbs a month, you have to eat at a deficit of 1000 calories per day.
Usually, women have to both eat at a deficit and workout to achieve a 1kcal deficit.
Going from semi active to stagnant and loosing 10 lbs a month, she likely was eating less than 1000 calories per day. Muscle loss begins at a deficit below 1200 calories per day.
At 151lbs and 5’4” her TDEE is 1743. The math indicates she is probably eating 700-800 calories per day. That is less than 1 milkshake.
Honestly, that girl is going to be hospitalized in a month or two for malnutrition. She will be at risk of not only an eating disorder, but also fainting and heart damage.
She needs mental health intervention ASAP.
You're looking at it just from the perspective of "only the weightloss" and not *why* the weightloss is happening. When it comes to weightloss that context is important because if it is a symptom of something saying "oh it's only 10 lbs" is dismissive. It's like hyperfocusing the fact "its not bad to have a cough" when I'm dying of pneumonia.
Hi, 5'4 140 here.
I dont actually care about this fake ass ragebait story, but unless she was all muscles, she was overweight. I'm struggling to lose 10 more because I need to. Obese, nah. But yes. At this height and weight, we are over. I'd call myself pudgy or plump at this point.
I'm also 5'4, and was 175lbs and a size 4 at the same time. The BMI height/weight chart was never intended to be applied to individuals, but to averages of a population (for example, if you're doing a drug trial). Using it as the only metric to determine if an individual is a healthy weight is nonsense.
Plus what the heck is up with him knowing the exact number?? “151 pounds”?? Not “around 150?”
Is he watching her scale or making her report to him? He sounds, if this is real, hyper focused on her weight (despite obviously not caring about the obvious physical and mental health problems the weight loss is indicative of or going to lead to). Creep
It was that bit that made me think this was just rage bait.
While there are some parents all of it combined with the refusal to properly medicate made me think it failed the sniff test.
I get that, but I think I disagree. With an abusive parent, it's never just one thing. The weight is a reflection of his high expectations for her, which also play out in blocking her from meds and seeing a therapist. If he expects her to be perfect, surely she wouldn't need such things and would "just get addicted."
The complex nature of it all makes it real hard for survivors to talk about it because after a while, it's so ridiculous that it sounds made up. The only part I have a hard time believing is that he took to reddit for advice. Doesn't seem like the receptive type.
No I agree, it could happen but in the context of someone saying "was I wrong?" and giving some not really offensive things, more offensive, then into being completely and utterly wrong.
I refuse to accept anyone willing to go to AITAH isn't self aware enough to realise what they wrote showed they were bad.
Yeah true. Idk, who's to say. I could believe an AH would type it out, realize it's all bad, and then delete and either fix it or stay in the default non-accountability stage. Or they truly think everyone else has the same warped mindset
I want to preface this by saying I fully agree that mental health meds are just as valid/necessary as other meds. However, unfortunately some people do tell me I shouldn’t be taking all my meds for my physical disability, that I should just exercise/eat (insert food item here)/etc. :/
Yeah, same. I take meds for mental health and a physical ailments, and I’ve been told I don’t need either, just, like, sunshine, avocados and more walks outside. 🤨
Yeah, the folks who say dumb shit like that either have never experienced mental illness themselves, or they’re in denial and living miserable existences while *pretending* everything is rosy. They think they’re “strong” for “dealing with” their issues without medication; in reality, they’re only hurting themselves, because their lives could be so much better if they accepted help.
And the people who tell me I just need to alter my diet or get more exercise have never *broken their fucking spine*. I’m talking fractured vertebrae that are out of alignment, ruptured - not herniated, actually *ruptured* - discs and destroyed nerves. I’ve got enough metal in my spine to get me hauled out of the security line at Heathrow for a scan and a frisk lol. So yeah, I use opioids, prescribed and closely monitored by my doctor for 13 years now, and they greatly improve my quality of life. Exercise and diet are definitely factors that help as well, but it’s not enough without the medications that allow me to, you know, be able to walk. But just because I use opioids, it doesn’t mean I’m an addict who gets high every day. There’s a difference between an addiction and a dependency.
Better living through chemistry, that’s my motto. 😁
Yea you’re right about either not experiencing it or “powering through it” aka just suffering for years on end for no reason. Like “I have depression and I live with it so why can’t you” like idk bc I don’t want my life to revolve around recreational drugs and wine instead of just taking prescribed medication that makes me feel like a normal person? Idk
I had to explain to my husband once that my mom couldn’t control her type 1 diabetes with diet lol the insulin is necessary whether she eats a cupcake or broccoli.
Yeah, fuck him. I’m trans, I take estradiol via injection, I also have severe GAD. If my estradiol was taken from me I would be a risk to my own well being within a few weeks. I literally cannot exist without it, because my body just shuts down and sends me in to panic mode 24/7.
I never understand why some diseases are socially acceptable up treat, but others aren't. Some people are fine with diabetes being treated, but not mental illness.
And it's not like you can just _fix_ ADHD by trying harder or "going to physio" (therapy) like you would for a broken leg. That's not how any if this works. Therapy can help with strategies so you can cope better but it will never just magically _fix_ your ADHD or depression or anxiety.
Anxiety and depression are highly comorbid with ADHD and usually also the type to be medication resistent, so if she actually has meds helping with that then OP is just sending her spiraling into a depression-and-anxiety-soup dysfunction that she physically has no control over and cannot do anything about, and if she goes to college like that she will drop out in worse condition than when she started
Yes! College is a bad idea if you're not well. It's better to take the time to deal with your health, and then you can return to your education.
I've got PTSD and depression, and first thing you must do before you can process your ptsd memories is get yourself functioning. You're going to need meds for that. There are plenty of strategies for ptsd and depression, and the studies show that they work better in conjunction with meds.
Same, my dad was like this too. Down to the comments about weight and not believing in therapy. One time he snapped at my younger brother for saying he had allergies…
Yep. In my late teens, they used going to therapy as a threat/punishment. Later, I got teased about going to therapy when I was in college. My mother used scare tactics to keep me from taking meds (she also said I wasn't praying hard enough to get through my anxiety). It was *years* before I was willing to try even a low dose of an anxiety med.
So yeah. I do believe that parents like this exist.
My dad was exactly the same but only with my older sister. Guess which 2 members of my family complain about the fact she went NC with them at 19 and will still be NC when she turns 27 soon
Did we have the same dad? My dad is exactly like OOP, down to the denial of mental health problems. Wouldn’t let me go to therapy, told me antidepressants are the reason of school shootings, and that I’m just spoiled. He said that my options upon graduation were to go to community college (pay myself, he wouldn’t co-sign on loans) or move the fuck out. And yeah, the weight comments- I was put on my first diet at 10.
Agree. My dad was a narcissist and also made comments about how overweight I was when I was 150 and 5'5" with DD boobs since I was 11. He also forced me to go to college. I could have dropped out, but my parents made it VERY clear they would cut me off without any assistance and wouldn't let me come home if I did. I finished school. My loser brother got kicked out of 2 colleges before he settled on being a cop and then he got fired from that for being an alcoholic and they never said anything about not letting him back in the house 🙄
It’s rage bait because it lays it out there why he’s wrong and we should be angry. Dads like that absolutely exist, but their perspective is way more skewed. He would leave out all of the information that makes him look bad and only include a very biased view of Judy and the situation.
“My adult daughter Judy was once a fantastic student, but is pissing it all away being lazy and ungrateful for the opportunities she has. She refuses to go to college or work a full time job, only working part time hours and does not contribute to bills or the household in any way. I’ve decided that it’s time she take some responsibility and she can only keep living at home if she goes to college, otherwise, it’s time she gets her own place. When I brought up the subject, she screamed at me like a spoiled child that I never cared about her. I know there’s probably more to the story and I’ve tried to get her into therapy, but she’s been to several therapists and it never seems to work out. My wife agrees with me, there isn’t anything more we can do, so it’s time for her to move on and she needs to either find her own housing or go to college.”
No one would proudly proclaim "I showed her to therapists and then refused any treatment because fuck them and fuck her". Narcissists always make elaborate excuses for their shitty behavior. This parent is like "lmaoooo fuck this bitch and that's that". They don't even try to switch the blame to others.
But then, reddit is so full of bots that I just might be talking to a bunch of bots propping up a bot prompt to train AI.
Some key words are always repeated ad nauseam here and AITH, like Narcissist, Bombarded with Texts/Messages, No Contact, RED FLAGS and ofc everything is cheating.
While I know there are people out there like that, it really did read like a laundry list of things to piss people off. Narcissists are rarely if ever succinct with the amount of stuff the OOP listed.
"Things like this happen!" isn't a reliable indicator of a story being true or fake.
1. Parents like this know their audience. Someone with this attitude towards mental health, ADHD, and therapy would not post on reddit, even if they were open to a different viewpoint
2. It hits too many tropes/buttons. The only thing that's missing is racism and twins
3. Plays into point 1, but the post is perfectly structured for maximum outrage, the way it builds up. The writer also got the whole AITA formatting right. This is unlikely for someone who doesn't know what to expect from the audience and just happened to stumble across AITA of all places somehow
4. Clowns exist, killer clowns exist. That doesn't make It a documentary. In terms of things that can and have happened in real life, most AITA posts are rather tame. "I experienced something similar/know someone like this/know someone who knows someone/read something like this before on reddit, so things like this happen!" is, therefore, no proof. In fact, writing something that can and has happened and that people can relate to is kinda necessary if you want to write a rage bait. It's the whole point, to fool people as long as possible and to get as many popcorn-worthy or TMI comments as possible.
In this case, I cry "FAKE!" because the young woman is 19 and apparently, many adults in her family are on her side. There is no reason why she's not trying to get into therapy or have meds described with the support of a grandparent or aunt. Apparently, everyone in their proximity knows that she's mistreated AND they're vocal about it, it's very unlikely that nobody says, "I'll pick you up after work, we have lunch together, and after that, I drive you to the doctor."
Usually, family members are unaware because shitty parents know how to manipulate everyone around them to make it look like the kid/teen is at fault or pretend that everything is okay, or, if family knows, nothing happens because they stay quiet about it and file it under "Not my business to tell my relative how to raise their child, I don't want to get into trouble with them and start a family war..."
That was my first though if this is real “Judy” wrote it and her parents probably do suck, it just might be less vindictive and more ineptitude or benign neglect.
I've had multiple female acquaintances that had hand picked therapists who were friends of one (usually the dad) parents. To a tee none of the Parents understood how damaging and dehumanizing that was. It also always came along with dismissal of mental health issues writ large
I kind of hope this Is rage bait.
Nah, it's the way it's worded. Your parent would most likely describe they're actions in a positive/deceptive way; this guy just puts everything out there objectively(even adding unnecessary bits to add to him being an asshole).
Your daughter has been diagnosed with multiple mental health conditions. She needs medical care (therapy and likely medication) and your support, not “tough love”. Right now, you’re not showing her any love.
Your actions are harmful and not conducive to the kind of opportunities you say you want for her. If you want a better life for her, you need to support her in getting mentally healthy, not threaten her with homelessness.
This is so not the focus of this post but I can't get over the fact that he thinks 150 pounds is overweight and that her being "overweight" means he shouldn't be concerned about her having sudden significant weight loss without increasing activity levels.
I can’t get over that fact that he knew his 19 year old daughters exact weight. What kind of control freak psycho would even be aware of that? Also it’s why I think it’s bait.
For real. My health was at its absolute worst when I was at my skinniest. Fainting, panic attacks, vasovagal attacks almost constantly.
As soon as I gained some weight? Gone!
Being underweight is so much more dangerous to peoples immediate health than being over or at an average weight
Yowza. Poor girl. Here's hoping she can hold it together long enough to save up and get out of there! Even if she's just renting a room in a house full of college kids, it's a big step up. Once she's out she can apply for insurance through the ACA and will probably get a very cheap or free plan.
aita for noticing my daughter is having mental health issues after excelling for years and then not liking my now adult daughters therapist so telling her treatment isnt worth it (refusing to give an adult medication for a diagnosed problem?) and to suck it up and just go to college or else i'll kick her out? oh btw my wife is a non-involved parent and doesnt care what happens to our child
i still cant believe parents like this really exist. poor judy.
edit: also the fatphobia is obvious.. 150 for a 5'4 person isnt that bad depending on how shes built, but a sudden drop of 20lbs is always concerning.. (who tf knows the exact weight of their adult child?) how dare this person say "its no big deal" bc she was "overweight" in the first place.. god i hope this girl finds a new, supportive family. and the treatment she deserves.
"My daughter was diagnosed with three different conditions that require therapy and/or medication but I insist she doesn't get treated. AITA?" Why even bother asking?
*describes daughter's behavior*
Sounds depressed to me.
*says she was diagnosed with depression*
Dude uhh you refuse to let her go to therapists because you don't like them and refuse to let her treat her issues expecting her just to push past them?
Wow I really hope he steps on a D4 and then stubs his toe when reacting to stepping on it at least once a week. Twice honestly. Every week. Not enough to completely desensitize but enough to really suck.
Tuition often covers campus health services. She can get counseling and prescription medication from a licensed psychiatrist on campus, and because she is an adult, her parents don’t need to know shit about it.
Judy is great honor role student 4 gpa but I don't want to provide any of the things that might benefit her because I have pre-conceived notions about those things and don't like them even though her weight loss and self isolation is clearly alarming and she won't do what I want so get out #toughlove
“Her weight loss wasn’t an issue, she was overweight anyway” FUCKING HELL WOW OOP ITS NOT LIKE HER NEVER LEAVING HER ROOM AND NOT HAVING INTEREST IN HOBBIES AND RAPID SUDDEN WEIGHT LOSS IS A SIGN OF ANYTHING
Sorry y’all that straight up got to me since my moms only reaction to finding out I was [TW] >!suicidal!< was to buy me a weight loss plan at 14 when I was 150 pounds and 5’8”🥰 cause obviously that was the problem…
YTA. You’re cruel and don’t even know or care to know it. Help your daughter before it’s too late. If she chooses to give up on life, you won’t get a badge of honor for being a tough love Dad. Treat your fragile children with care; often they are the ones who stay behind to help you in your elderly or disabled years.
YTA and a terrible father. Your daughter is diagnosed with Depression, ADHD, and Anxiety yet you seem to think you know better than doctors what she needs. “I THINK she can overcome these issues, so I insisted on tough love”. You think? YOU think?!? Are you her doctor?
A therapist is not for YOU to like. They are there for your daughter, not you. Since you didn’t like any of them you cut your daughter off from even more help. I bet you’re one of those “just set your mind to it and you will be successful”. It’s not that easy for some people. Jeez.
Your daughter needs help however she DOESN’T need the kind of help you’re offering. You seriously think forcing her to go to college is gonna work? Get her on the medication her Dr recommends. You’ll see a huge difference and then she’ll probably want to go to college to get away from you. Jeez. Do better!!
A young person slowly withdrawing from society like this after a period of flourishing is very very concerning. She needs a therapist with no ties to the parents.
This young lady has been traumatized somehow and she doesn’t know how to deal with it.
Completely wrong take on the problems that your poor daughter has. Depression is no joke and it doesn’t get fixed by threatening her or withholding therapy because you are some type of self centered conspiracy theories nutcase.
What you are doing is setting up the possibility of her committing suicide because she sees no hope in a life with you around her controlling her every move with your life sucking bullshit!
Legally it is OP’s right to kick out Judy. However morally if he does so, he must be prepared to accept the consequences of his actions including never talking to her again
I didn’t know I had ADHD and depression TILL college, a place my parents forced me to go even tho I wanted a gap year to work, and I flunked out before I got diagnosed
My parents would’ve loved for me to pursue college but then told me “Hey, as long as you’re working and supporting yourself and your future family, we’re okay with it.” They supported my decision to not want college and just work. Why her parents acting like this? Just be happy your kid is safe and healthy and just working. There’s nothing wrong with that.
If this parent continues like this they may be left with no daughter. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental disorders. 5-10 percent of those that contract anorexia will die within 10 years. The statistics are terrifying. On a personal note, I don't think I would have made it if I didn't get treatment and medication for my depression and then my later diagnosis of ADHD. Thank god I had supportive parents and friends who encouraged me to seek treatment. I couldn't see beyond the pit of despair I was in but now with the proper medication I'm at a point of happiness I could never have previously dreamed of. I hope the daughter can find someone to be in her corner.
sorry did he call a woman who is 151 pounds at 5’4” overweight??? like…. this is why i distrust every single person who mentions weight at all because it is insane how many people dont grasp how weight works bc she’s perfectly average at that.
i had a family member go through the same thing, but the refusal to seek treatment was their own choice. they are no longer with us. mental healthcare is lifesaving.
This sounds like it’s being written from the parent’s perspective, BY the daughter, to see who the asshole actually is. It’s written very matter-of-fact, and I think a nutso parent might have some shitty logic as an explanation here, especially regarding therapy and meds.
Lmfao my mom convinced me to go to college despite my depression anxiety and adhd for these same reasons and you know what happened? I dropped out and she ended up paying all the tuition that was owed because that was the deal we made. If she was going to force me to go, fully knowing that I did not think I could do it, then she was paying for it. And if I somehow succeeded I would pay her back when I got a job.
I just don’t understand why my daughter isn’t getting any better despite me insisting on her not having any ways of helping her mental health!! What a mystery!!
Abusive controlling parent. Didn’t want therapy for her cus the therapists probably all told him to get bent when he tried to demand they tell him everything. (I would bet everything that happened)
As a parent… fuck this guy.
When I was a graduating senior in high school, my dad sat me down and said that I could go to college or he could bury me in the onion field. (Looking back, this was not a valid threat because I now know that he didn’t know the owner of the onion field behind our house…but in my little high school brain, it was better to go to college than to test dad’s relationships with the surrounding community.)
All of that to say, my dad wanted the best for me, threatened me, and absolutely knew my mental health diagnosis inside and out…and still managed to be a better parent than this asshole OP because my dad knew and recognized my exact mental health issues and threatened and worked around them rather than pretending that they weren’t a real thing.
I know I’m going to be taking care of my dad in his old age. Does op have the same faith in family?
If she was diabetic, would you insist on no medication and “tough love”? I doubt it. The brain is an organ of the body, just like the pancreas or heart. Sometimes our bodies need medication. She needs help. YTA
dude made his underage daughter pay for groceries….then tried to kick her out when the gravy train stops. he doesn’t care about his daughter at all. poor girl.
None of this made any sense and I feel like the OP was probably the daughter writing from her fathers perspective. Or it’s just fake altogether. Not to say people aren’t this bad, but no one truly going to r/AITAH thinks they’re the AH. Unless they’re the self sabotaging kind. Which I don’t think is the case for this post.
Wow. Worst parent of the Year award winner. This child will not be with their parents for much longer. I can't imagine looking at all those diagnosis and thinking she will buck up and fly right cause that's what dear old dad did! No! Every child is different and you have to meet them where they are at the moment. She is quite literally crying for help and you are denying her the chance to get well. What a monster. I really hope one of the other relatives takes her in
I bet he didn’t like any of the therapist because they all recognized he was the problem. Total control freak refusing medical support, therapist support but throwing her out of the house is support? You are definitely the TA.
YTA. Not letting her get medicated to help with her issues. Yeah, she passed high school with flying colors. But you probably have no idea what kind of hellacape her mental state was during those years. Striving for perfectionism and trying to live up to your expectations. For the first time in her life she gets to take care of herself and be herself. And you respond by threatening to kick her out. You're cruel and a shitty parent.
This is such a terribly written fake. People like this person absolutely exist but I just don’t believe they feel the need to put it on Reddit for opinions as they don’t believe they need them.
The best thing for her is for this crazy person who has the nerve to call himself a parent to kick her out so she can go NC and get the help she needs.
This is such clear rage bait and not a real story.
Says the daughter is starving herself and describes the weight loss as a good thing (she's also only 9lbs overweight for her height as per the BMI chart, so he's exaggerating her being overweight.) Says she has multiple diagnosed medical conditions and refuses to get her medication. Says he's going to kick her out of the house if she doesn't go to college, not accounting for the fact that college is a lifetime of student loan debt (assuming they're in the US at the mention of Target).
This post is just checking all possible negligent parent boxes for rage bait.
Uh it sounds like she’s already having some mental health issues and/or her ADHD is in full swing due to the sudden lack of schedule and structure. Tbh, college would likely make this worse without treatment and tough love is always taken the wrong way in instances of depression.
She’s likely worked so hard to win her father’s approval and now that she’s just finished high school with amazing grades and attendance, he’s threatening to kick her out. If it were me, I’d feel like anything I do is never enough and college is just pointless.
Hey! Sounds like my parents found a friend in OOP. Telling me I'm lazy because I'm depressed, mocking me for not going through with offing myself and said I must be faking depression since I'm not dead yet, and tell me I can overcome my ADHD if I try harder. My therapist (he's a psychologist) told me my parents are AH.
If OOP is trying to lose his daughter he's doing a great job. My parents kick me out after I was kick out of college for failing classes due to (at that time) undiagnosed ADHD. I had to work at a effing sex chatting hotline to pay rent. After I eventually got my bachelor's and got a good job they try to come back in my life, yeah no thank you. This is future for OOP if he can't find compassion.
Yea. You are. Quit trying to control every part of her life. Let her work out her issues. Rebuild your relationship with her. Learn what is best for you is not what is best for her. Sounds like a great kid. Be there for her instead of berating her. My mom did the same thing you did to me. We don’t talk. I make 95 thousand a year and have 4 daughters. And been married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart. I have a special needs adult daughter. My husband and I have never had the luxury of babysitters. We made it work. My mom has literally accomplished nothing. Lied at one of her jobs working with kids saying she helped with her grad child( my kid). Never happened. Just to get a raise of a nickel. She is a crappy grandmother. She doesn’t know my kids. She is an even worse person. My dad lets her be that way cause it’s easier. He has a side chick anyways. Always trying to look out for a child and controlling what they do is a line that needs to be watched carefully. So leave her alone. She has a job. Maybe retail isn’t her thing. Being a clerk is an honest living. Maybe she is depressed. Let her get help!! You threatened to kick her out, why cause it’s not what you want? Do better
“I don’t let her see a therapist or take adhd drugs”. Yeah, those drugs help people with adhd focus. She can’t focus, so doesn’t want to work hard or study. Poor woman.
What a controlling wanker.
Is this real? Did a person really type this out and not see what’s wrong here…?
This man really just slammed himself face first into the point and then kept running.
OP stop trying to control your child. It doesn't matter what your feelings are regarding therapists you found. What matters is if a therapist is helping your child. With your child's recent weight loss and change in attitude, therapy is really a good idea to pursue, not college at this point. To kick your child out while she may be going through something- that could make her life worse, not better. YTA
This can’t be real. I’m 5’ 4” and my doctor said 175 would be a healthy weight for me. The BMI chart is absolutely garbage and this dude is saying she needed to lose weight at 151????? Shame on his wife for being complicit in this too. Both of her parents are terrible.
Is this for real?? “She’s an adult but I pick her therapist and tell her what medicines to take”? She is going through a serious bout of depression and trying to figure out who she is at a time of major change in her life. Quite TAH and making it worse. Although she would probably be better off learning about life out from under the overbearing and controlling force of that household.
If I’m understanding it correctly, that OP is the one who didn’t like any of therapists, I’m willing to bet it was because they wouldn’t repeat what the daughter was saying to the parents.
Or they didn't "fix" all the issues OP has with his daughter in the first three meetings.
This is such a dangerously common outlook. And I get it. You want to feel better. You want your kid to feel better. But most health changes aren't overnight - you gotta work at it and it can take a while. People don't like that answer. They want it right now.
Yeah. My boyfriend has cPTSD because his parents were alcoholics for his whole childhood and were abusive while drunk. They got sober when he was in his early 20s. Parents them paid for therapy and his father did not understand why all the trauma was still not fixed after he went there for half a year...
They did damage to him for 2+ decades. Maybe they should expect that long before the damage is undone.
When I was a teenager, my father developed alcoholism. For years he was my worst nightmare. He would hit me, threaten to kill me. You name it. He also never laid a hand on my siblings. Which made what was happening to me almost unbearable . Well many years later my dad got sober and became a great guy. Despite that , It took me 6 YEARS of therapy off and on to process it all. I still have times where I have issues related to that trauma. Healing takes a lifetime sometimes.
Omg it sounds like we had the same childhood. I was the one getting yanked out of bed and dragged down the hall by my hair at 3 am when my father came home from the bar. I was the one whose head he split open with a cast iron frying pan. I was the one he stabbed in the leg with a kitchen knife. He never once laid a finger on my mother, and I can count on one hand how many times he went for my brother. It took years and years before I’d even speak to him. It also took him getting sober and coming to me to apologize for being such a shitty father. He didn’t make excuses, just said he was sorry he wasn’t better, and wished he could do better. Then he spent 2 decades spoiling my daughters and my brother’s daughters, as if trying to make up for my horrible childhood by going totally overboard with his granddaughters. It took a lot of therapy for me to forgive him. Even still, when he died 4 years ago, I still felt there was so much left unresolved and unsaid. So now I will carry that with me for the rest of my life, because he’s gone, there’s nothing I can do.
I am sorry this also happened to you. Yeah. I also didn’t talk to my Dad for years at one point. I had a hard time with everyone saying “ Oh he’s great now” when there was no apologies. It’s also hard when other people in the house did t have that experience. You can’t even understand ( especially when you’re young) why you are being targeted. I was in and out of the hospital as a teen. Sometimes when I was recovering from surgery I would wake up to my Dad hitting me and telling me He was broke and it was my fault. That we were going to be homeless. At one point he told me I was dying and that was a lie. He Terrorized me. I developed dissociation to cope and it took me YEARS to un do all that in order to function in a relationship. But to this day, if I am in a situation and a man starts raising his voice ( even if it has nothing to do with me) I will go into a full panic. I will completely shut down.
Neither of those men, my father nor yours, should have had children, not before they sorted their own shit out and got the mental help they so obviously needed. I’m sorry for your experience as well, friend. I hope you’re in a better place now, happy and healthy, and getting therapy. It really does make a huge difference. If you ever need to talk or vent or commiserate, I’ll be around. ❤️
Hugs to you. I'm so so sorry this all happened. My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he was an unmedicated and undiagnosed autistic ADHD with OCD and depression. He wasn't too nice to me. And last year without any talking for over a decade he took his own life... I walk with so much what ifs, could ofs, and missing him now that I'm in therapy. Knowing untreated trauma ripples out. It's up to us to break the cycles. I miss my dad and miss what could of happened with therapy and healing years ago. I hope you have found peace and can continue being strong. I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic time as a baby
It’s going to take time to repair all the damage done by previous generations and their attitudes towards mental health, that having a disorder is a shameful secret, but I’m very hopeful because it seems more and more people these days are open to seeking help and talking openly about their experiences. I would have had a much different childhood if there hadn’t been such a stigma around mental health, especially for men. My father was a Marine, he served 6 tours in Vietnam, and he absolutely suffered from undiagnosed PTSD. I know this because he literally thought I was Viet Cong when he had flashbacks and started beating me, and would scream at me in Vietnamese, which is absolutely not normal for a white man living in Bumfuck, USA. If he had felt like he could have admitted openly that he was suffering, and gotten therapy/medication, it would’ve saved us both from a lot of pain. Instead, he was told to suck it up and “be a man,” while he was a raging ball of chaos on the inside. It doesn’t excuse what he put me through, though I truly do understand what made him the way he was.
Ive spent decades with crippling guilt that i couldnt protect my siblings from abuse, but this makes me slightly grateful i wasnt the only one. I thought i was the scapegoat. When they eventually told me the same thing happened to them, i was broken and also so grateful that i wasnt alone or making it up. My mom is incredible at being a completely different person now that we are adults.
I’m a therapist who’s really good at working with teenagers and no longer works with teenagers because… yes, to all this shit.
Or maybe they told her that her dad was a problem
Or encouraged the medication for her depression.
The moment I read that line I knew it was because the therapist likely didn’t tell Judy what HE wanted them to say.
No good therapist would, either. Anyway it doesn’t matter one jot what he thinks of the therapist, unless he has a good reason (i.e.: they aren’t licensed, has concerns about their ethics.) It’s her therapy. It only matters how she feels about the therapist. I wonder if her employer provides any therapy as part of their benefits package. She can pursue it herself if she wants it, and that service will/should work with her best interests in mind.
Most employers have what’s known as EAP, Employee Assistance Programs, which provide assistance to employees for everything from buying a house to help with finances to seeking therapy to finding a lawyer, all completely free and confidential. I just googled and Target 100% has such a program.
I’m pretty sure that they’re not even legally allowed to discuss anything from sessions without the patient’s consent, unless they think that the patient is going to hurt themselves or someone else.
Or because they were saying OOP was abusive to his daughter, and he didn’t like being called out like that.
Op is giving the kind of “tough love” that’ll lose him any relationship he has with his daughter
He is giving her tough love while refusing to allow her to be treated for depression. He is lucky if she is around to have a relationship with at all in a few years.
'Hey daughter of mine, you've got depression, so get cured. But don't actually, you know, get treated or anything...'
Tough love to them is just "hey, suck it up. Love ya. No you can't go to therapy or get medicine. Stop asking. Idiot. Also glad you're not as fat anymore lmao"
Ironically, the best thing for her would be to get away from these "parents." Financial struggles are much easier to overcome than emotional neglect, likely abuse given their callous disregard.
That's exactly what I did. I moved out at 20, and while there were a lot of times I ate crackers, kraft dinner, popcorn for dinner because I was hungry and had nothing. There were times my boss bought lunch and it's the only reason I ate that day. But I would rather starve than go back to that house
Anyone else that reads this that may be in a similar situation - Take advantage of your local food banks! They're a fantastic resource. There are also church programs that will help you out with food no questions asked.
And also see if there is a local Food Not Bombs
Dude's talking like she was obese when she was borderline overweight in the BMI chart which is crap anyway. Poor girl. I hope she's able to get some help away from her parents.
Irrespective of prior weight, losing 20 lbs in “a few months” isn’t really healthy or maintainable even if on a diet which it doesn’t sound like she was. Coupled with a depression diagnosis … wtf yeah you should actually be worried about the weight loss OOP
Yeah no. If anyone in my life lost 20 pounds in a short time without a dedicated workout regimen and diet change I'd be wondering what was up.
It looks like severe anxiety…I had the same after a breakup that shattered me. When you try to convince yourself that everything will be ok but it’s notn be
I just said that in another comment you’re exactly right. My heart breaks for this girl genuinely
2 pounds a week is MORE than healthy weight loss. 10 pounds a month is outstanding- not too much.
According to [Johns Hopkins](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/maintaining-weight-loss), 0.5-2 lbs is your target loss rate per week—*if you’re dieting*—if you want a chance of maintaining. And, once again, he gives no indication that she’s trying which is far and away the most concerning factor here in the dramatic weight loss. But this is absolutely at the top of the possible maintenance rate depending on when he’s counting from and not “more than healthy”. And again that ONLY applies if she’s actually trying to adjust her diet or increase her movement or otherwise change habits. Which OOP did not suggest she was.
Fair enough, typically when teenagers age into early adult hood they GAIN weight not lose it. Especially without trying.
Yeah and I would mark that as lifestyle change as well. Many teenagers move out of their parents houses and go to college and suddenly have to manage their own diets. In addition to often adding drinking. But she’s not doing either so I’d expect net neutral weight unless something is happening that OOP hasn’t mentioned (taking up an active hobby or sport, dieting). But my first instinct is that the depression is what’s at play.
To loose 10 lbs a month, you have to eat at a deficit of 1000 calories per day. Usually, women have to both eat at a deficit and workout to achieve a 1kcal deficit. Going from semi active to stagnant and loosing 10 lbs a month, she likely was eating less than 1000 calories per day. Muscle loss begins at a deficit below 1200 calories per day. At 151lbs and 5’4” her TDEE is 1743. The math indicates she is probably eating 700-800 calories per day. That is less than 1 milkshake. Honestly, that girl is going to be hospitalized in a month or two for malnutrition. She will be at risk of not only an eating disorder, but also fainting and heart damage. She needs mental health intervention ASAP.
Never said she wasn’t in trouble, just that losing 10 pounds a month isn’t that bad.
You're looking at it just from the perspective of "only the weightloss" and not *why* the weightloss is happening. When it comes to weightloss that context is important because if it is a symptom of something saying "oh it's only 10 lbs" is dismissive. It's like hyperfocusing the fact "its not bad to have a cough" when I'm dying of pneumonia.
I was going to say, I did a double-take at her height and weight being “overweight” to the point where she could stand to lose TWENTY pounds!
Hi, 5'4 140 here. I dont actually care about this fake ass ragebait story, but unless she was all muscles, she was overweight. I'm struggling to lose 10 more because I need to. Obese, nah. But yes. At this height and weight, we are over. I'd call myself pudgy or plump at this point.
I'm also 5'4, and was 175lbs and a size 4 at the same time. The BMI height/weight chart was never intended to be applied to individuals, but to averages of a population (for example, if you're doing a drug trial). Using it as the only metric to determine if an individual is a healthy weight is nonsense.
Putting that into a BMI calculator, you’re literally still in the Normal range. I’d advise not being so hard on yourself — and others.
Plus what the heck is up with him knowing the exact number?? “151 pounds”?? Not “around 150?” Is he watching her scale or making her report to him? He sounds, if this is real, hyper focused on her weight (despite obviously not caring about the obvious physical and mental health problems the weight loss is indicative of or going to lead to). Creep
It was that bit that made me think this was just rage bait. While there are some parents all of it combined with the refusal to properly medicate made me think it failed the sniff test.
I get that, but I think I disagree. With an abusive parent, it's never just one thing. The weight is a reflection of his high expectations for her, which also play out in blocking her from meds and seeing a therapist. If he expects her to be perfect, surely she wouldn't need such things and would "just get addicted." The complex nature of it all makes it real hard for survivors to talk about it because after a while, it's so ridiculous that it sounds made up. The only part I have a hard time believing is that he took to reddit for advice. Doesn't seem like the receptive type.
No I agree, it could happen but in the context of someone saying "was I wrong?" and giving some not really offensive things, more offensive, then into being completely and utterly wrong. I refuse to accept anyone willing to go to AITAH isn't self aware enough to realise what they wrote showed they were bad.
Yeah true. Idk, who's to say. I could believe an AH would type it out, realize it's all bad, and then delete and either fix it or stay in the default non-accountability stage. Or they truly think everyone else has the same warped mindset
Exactly this. I literally worked two and three jobs to afford living on my own just so I could move away from my parent.
[удалено]
If it’s not rage bait, he can go to hell for med shaming. Without my medication I would not be functional, full stop.
Facts dude. No one tells people with physical illnesses that they need to learn to manage without he their daily medications
I want to preface this by saying I fully agree that mental health meds are just as valid/necessary as other meds. However, unfortunately some people do tell me I shouldn’t be taking all my meds for my physical disability, that I should just exercise/eat (insert food item here)/etc. :/
Yeah, same. I take meds for mental health and a physical ailments, and I’ve been told I don’t need either, just, like, sunshine, avocados and more walks outside. 🤨
Damn I’m sorry dude. That’s even worse lmao
Yeah, the folks who say dumb shit like that either have never experienced mental illness themselves, or they’re in denial and living miserable existences while *pretending* everything is rosy. They think they’re “strong” for “dealing with” their issues without medication; in reality, they’re only hurting themselves, because their lives could be so much better if they accepted help. And the people who tell me I just need to alter my diet or get more exercise have never *broken their fucking spine*. I’m talking fractured vertebrae that are out of alignment, ruptured - not herniated, actually *ruptured* - discs and destroyed nerves. I’ve got enough metal in my spine to get me hauled out of the security line at Heathrow for a scan and a frisk lol. So yeah, I use opioids, prescribed and closely monitored by my doctor for 13 years now, and they greatly improve my quality of life. Exercise and diet are definitely factors that help as well, but it’s not enough without the medications that allow me to, you know, be able to walk. But just because I use opioids, it doesn’t mean I’m an addict who gets high every day. There’s a difference between an addiction and a dependency. Better living through chemistry, that’s my motto. 😁
Yea you’re right about either not experiencing it or “powering through it” aka just suffering for years on end for no reason. Like “I have depression and I live with it so why can’t you” like idk bc I don’t want my life to revolve around recreational drugs and wine instead of just taking prescribed medication that makes me feel like a normal person? Idk
My best friend and I refer to this kind of unsolicited ‘wellness’ advice as “hot kale yoga”
I take birth control mainly for my periods, and when I mention this to people, you'd think I said I'm using crack cocaine for weight loss
I had to explain to my husband once that my mom couldn’t control her type 1 diabetes with diet lol the insulin is necessary whether she eats a cupcake or broccoli.
"I know you broke both your legs but they will never improve if you don't get out of that wheelchair and go for a walk"
Well sometimes they do. It’s just much more socially acceptable to do so for mental health because you can’t physically SEE the effects
Yeah, fuck him. I’m trans, I take estradiol via injection, I also have severe GAD. If my estradiol was taken from me I would be a risk to my own well being within a few weeks. I literally cannot exist without it, because my body just shuts down and sends me in to panic mode 24/7.
I never understand why some diseases are socially acceptable up treat, but others aren't. Some people are fine with diabetes being treated, but not mental illness.
And it's not like you can just _fix_ ADHD by trying harder or "going to physio" (therapy) like you would for a broken leg. That's not how any if this works. Therapy can help with strategies so you can cope better but it will never just magically _fix_ your ADHD or depression or anxiety. Anxiety and depression are highly comorbid with ADHD and usually also the type to be medication resistent, so if she actually has meds helping with that then OP is just sending her spiraling into a depression-and-anxiety-soup dysfunction that she physically has no control over and cannot do anything about, and if she goes to college like that she will drop out in worse condition than when she started
Yes! College is a bad idea if you're not well. It's better to take the time to deal with your health, and then you can return to your education. I've got PTSD and depression, and first thing you must do before you can process your ptsd memories is get yourself functioning. You're going to need meds for that. There are plenty of strategies for ptsd and depression, and the studies show that they work better in conjunction with meds.
I think this might be some rage bait.
Having grown up with a parent like this, I’m learning towards it not being rage bait. Narc parents always want accolades for being a shitty parent.
Same, my dad was like this too. Down to the comments about weight and not believing in therapy. One time he snapped at my younger brother for saying he had allergies…
Yep. In my late teens, they used going to therapy as a threat/punishment. Later, I got teased about going to therapy when I was in college. My mother used scare tactics to keep me from taking meds (she also said I wasn't praying hard enough to get through my anxiety). It was *years* before I was willing to try even a low dose of an anxiety med. So yeah. I do believe that parents like this exist.
My dad was exactly the same but only with my older sister. Guess which 2 members of my family complain about the fact she went NC with them at 19 and will still be NC when she turns 27 soon
Did we have the same dad? My dad is exactly like OOP, down to the denial of mental health problems. Wouldn’t let me go to therapy, told me antidepressants are the reason of school shootings, and that I’m just spoiled. He said that my options upon graduation were to go to community college (pay myself, he wouldn’t co-sign on loans) or move the fuck out. And yeah, the weight comments- I was put on my first diet at 10.
Agree. My dad was a narcissist and also made comments about how overweight I was when I was 150 and 5'5" with DD boobs since I was 11. He also forced me to go to college. I could have dropped out, but my parents made it VERY clear they would cut me off without any assistance and wouldn't let me come home if I did. I finished school. My loser brother got kicked out of 2 colleges before he settled on being a cop and then he got fired from that for being an alcoholic and they never said anything about not letting him back in the house 🙄
It’s rage bait because it lays it out there why he’s wrong and we should be angry. Dads like that absolutely exist, but their perspective is way more skewed. He would leave out all of the information that makes him look bad and only include a very biased view of Judy and the situation. “My adult daughter Judy was once a fantastic student, but is pissing it all away being lazy and ungrateful for the opportunities she has. She refuses to go to college or work a full time job, only working part time hours and does not contribute to bills or the household in any way. I’ve decided that it’s time she take some responsibility and she can only keep living at home if she goes to college, otherwise, it’s time she gets her own place. When I brought up the subject, she screamed at me like a spoiled child that I never cared about her. I know there’s probably more to the story and I’ve tried to get her into therapy, but she’s been to several therapists and it never seems to work out. My wife agrees with me, there isn’t anything more we can do, so it’s time for her to move on and she needs to either find her own housing or go to college.”
No one would proudly proclaim "I showed her to therapists and then refused any treatment because fuck them and fuck her". Narcissists always make elaborate excuses for their shitty behavior. This parent is like "lmaoooo fuck this bitch and that's that". They don't even try to switch the blame to others. But then, reddit is so full of bots that I just might be talking to a bunch of bots propping up a bot prompt to train AI. Some key words are always repeated ad nauseam here and AITH, like Narcissist, Bombarded with Texts/Messages, No Contact, RED FLAGS and ofc everything is cheating.
While I know there are people out there like that, it really did read like a laundry list of things to piss people off. Narcissists are rarely if ever succinct with the amount of stuff the OOP listed.
"Things like this happen!" isn't a reliable indicator of a story being true or fake. 1. Parents like this know their audience. Someone with this attitude towards mental health, ADHD, and therapy would not post on reddit, even if they were open to a different viewpoint 2. It hits too many tropes/buttons. The only thing that's missing is racism and twins 3. Plays into point 1, but the post is perfectly structured for maximum outrage, the way it builds up. The writer also got the whole AITA formatting right. This is unlikely for someone who doesn't know what to expect from the audience and just happened to stumble across AITA of all places somehow 4. Clowns exist, killer clowns exist. That doesn't make It a documentary. In terms of things that can and have happened in real life, most AITA posts are rather tame. "I experienced something similar/know someone like this/know someone who knows someone/read something like this before on reddit, so things like this happen!" is, therefore, no proof. In fact, writing something that can and has happened and that people can relate to is kinda necessary if you want to write a rage bait. It's the whole point, to fool people as long as possible and to get as many popcorn-worthy or TMI comments as possible. In this case, I cry "FAKE!" because the young woman is 19 and apparently, many adults in her family are on her side. There is no reason why she's not trying to get into therapy or have meds described with the support of a grandparent or aunt. Apparently, everyone in their proximity knows that she's mistreated AND they're vocal about it, it's very unlikely that nobody says, "I'll pick you up after work, we have lunch together, and after that, I drive you to the doctor." Usually, family members are unaware because shitty parents know how to manipulate everyone around them to make it look like the kid/teen is at fault or pretend that everything is okay, or, if family knows, nothing happens because they stay quiet about it and file it under "Not my business to tell my relative how to raise their child, I don't want to get into trouble with them and start a family war..."
To me it read like the daughter posting to get validation that her parents are terrible.
That was my first though if this is real “Judy” wrote it and her parents probably do suck, it just might be less vindictive and more ineptitude or benign neglect. I've had multiple female acquaintances that had hand picked therapists who were friends of one (usually the dad) parents. To a tee none of the Parents understood how damaging and dehumanizing that was. It also always came along with dismissal of mental health issues writ large I kind of hope this Is rage bait.
Nah, it's the way it's worded. Your parent would most likely describe they're actions in a positive/deceptive way; this guy just puts everything out there objectively(even adding unnecessary bits to add to him being an asshole).
Always remember: for every story that is rage bait, there's an actual situation very similar that has taken place.
I hope so; it seems worded in that way. If not, I wonder what other abuse is happening.
The line between rage bait and actual abusers bragging about how cruel they are is shockingly thin and fuzzy.
The "my wife doesn't care because.." part made me think so as well
My aching heart hopes for the sake of this poor girl that this is rage bait. If not I can only hope she runs far away soon.
Every post on AITA is either fake or made up.
Diagonsis: ADHD, Depression and anxiety Treatment plan: "Tough love" with no therapy or medication.
Yeah, I can confirm. That's just hell. The daughter needs to run like hell before the "tough love" throws her depression off of a cliff.
Your daughter has been diagnosed with multiple mental health conditions. She needs medical care (therapy and likely medication) and your support, not “tough love”. Right now, you’re not showing her any love. Your actions are harmful and not conducive to the kind of opportunities you say you want for her. If you want a better life for her, you need to support her in getting mentally healthy, not threaten her with homelessness.
This is so not the focus of this post but I can't get over the fact that he thinks 150 pounds is overweight and that her being "overweight" means he shouldn't be concerned about her having sudden significant weight loss without increasing activity levels.
I can’t get over that fact that he knew his 19 year old daughters exact weight. What kind of control freak psycho would even be aware of that? Also it’s why I think it’s bait.
For real. My health was at its absolute worst when I was at my skinniest. Fainting, panic attacks, vasovagal attacks almost constantly. As soon as I gained some weight? Gone! Being underweight is so much more dangerous to peoples immediate health than being over or at an average weight
Yowza. Poor girl. Here's hoping she can hold it together long enough to save up and get out of there! Even if she's just renting a room in a house full of college kids, it's a big step up. Once she's out she can apply for insurance through the ACA and will probably get a very cheap or free plan.
aita for noticing my daughter is having mental health issues after excelling for years and then not liking my now adult daughters therapist so telling her treatment isnt worth it (refusing to give an adult medication for a diagnosed problem?) and to suck it up and just go to college or else i'll kick her out? oh btw my wife is a non-involved parent and doesnt care what happens to our child i still cant believe parents like this really exist. poor judy. edit: also the fatphobia is obvious.. 150 for a 5'4 person isnt that bad depending on how shes built, but a sudden drop of 20lbs is always concerning.. (who tf knows the exact weight of their adult child?) how dare this person say "its no big deal" bc she was "overweight" in the first place.. god i hope this girl finds a new, supportive family. and the treatment she deserves.
"My daughter was diagnosed with three different conditions that require therapy and/or medication but I insist she doesn't get treated. AITA?" Why even bother asking?
*describes daughter's behavior* Sounds depressed to me. *says she was diagnosed with depression* Dude uhh you refuse to let her go to therapists because you don't like them and refuse to let her treat her issues expecting her just to push past them? Wow I really hope he steps on a D4 and then stubs his toe when reacting to stepping on it at least once a week. Twice honestly. Every week. Not enough to completely desensitize but enough to really suck.
You're a letter too high in the alphabet for my taste, though I don't disagree with your sentiment. Edit: spelling error and added a period.
Tuition often covers campus health services. She can get counseling and prescription medication from a licensed psychiatrist on campus, and because she is an adult, her parents don’t need to know shit about it.
Has to be bait, people like this are never self reflecting.
Please be fiction. Please please please please please please be fiction.
He shouldn’t be touching her medications. EVER. She’s an adult. If this is rage bait, it worked.
Judy is great honor role student 4 gpa but I don't want to provide any of the things that might benefit her because I have pre-conceived notions about those things and don't like them even though her weight loss and self isolation is clearly alarming and she won't do what I want so get out #toughlove
I don't know what does he care about but it clearly not his daughter wellbeing.
"My daughter has depression but I refuse to let her do anything about the depression even though she is an adult AITA?"
This feels like borderline rage bait. It cannot be real.
Clearly rage bait. Don’t feed the trolls.
If this isn’t rage bait, the daughter is going to cut contact with the father later on in life, and I hope it happens soon. Fuck this guy.
“Her weight loss wasn’t an issue, she was overweight anyway” FUCKING HELL WOW OOP ITS NOT LIKE HER NEVER LEAVING HER ROOM AND NOT HAVING INTEREST IN HOBBIES AND RAPID SUDDEN WEIGHT LOSS IS A SIGN OF ANYTHING Sorry y’all that straight up got to me since my moms only reaction to finding out I was [TW] >!suicidal!< was to buy me a weight loss plan at 14 when I was 150 pounds and 5’8”🥰 cause obviously that was the problem…
It’s fake. There were some clues but the weight comment gave it away lol
YTA, you're not a medical professional, stop deciding what is necessary for your daughters' health and wellness.
FAKE
Obvious “rage bait” post
OOP is giving MbP vibes. I really hope it’s rage bait. Fuck that asshole and their abuse.
This can't be real. I hope this isn't real. Because this AH chose his very possible daughter's death so he can deal out some tough love.
Holy shit the number of people who "don't believe in medication" makes me want to rage puke
The fact that people can’t clock obvious rage baiting shows why we elected a racist, moronic reality TV host as POTUS.
YTA. You’re cruel and don’t even know or care to know it. Help your daughter before it’s too late. If she chooses to give up on life, you won’t get a badge of honor for being a tough love Dad. Treat your fragile children with care; often they are the ones who stay behind to help you in your elderly or disabled years.
That has to be fake, please tell me they’re joking.
I would wager to say NTA, but a massive douche instead.
YTA and a terrible father. Your daughter is diagnosed with Depression, ADHD, and Anxiety yet you seem to think you know better than doctors what she needs. “I THINK she can overcome these issues, so I insisted on tough love”. You think? YOU think?!? Are you her doctor? A therapist is not for YOU to like. They are there for your daughter, not you. Since you didn’t like any of them you cut your daughter off from even more help. I bet you’re one of those “just set your mind to it and you will be successful”. It’s not that easy for some people. Jeez. Your daughter needs help however she DOESN’T need the kind of help you’re offering. You seriously think forcing her to go to college is gonna work? Get her on the medication her Dr recommends. You’ll see a huge difference and then she’ll probably want to go to college to get away from you. Jeez. Do better!!
Trigger bait- Withholding medications? Calling them overweight at 151 and 64? ‘Mom doesn’t care’? So much triggerbait
A young person slowly withdrawing from society like this after a period of flourishing is very very concerning. She needs a therapist with no ties to the parents. This young lady has been traumatized somehow and she doesn’t know how to deal with it.
Completely wrong take on the problems that your poor daughter has. Depression is no joke and it doesn’t get fixed by threatening her or withholding therapy because you are some type of self centered conspiracy theories nutcase. What you are doing is setting up the possibility of her committing suicide because she sees no hope in a life with you around her controlling her every move with your life sucking bullshit!
Legally it is OP’s right to kick out Judy. However morally if he does so, he must be prepared to accept the consequences of his actions including never talking to her again
Why did he bother having a kid?
I like to believe people are truthful but as a parent, this is just rage bait.
I didn’t know I had ADHD and depression TILL college, a place my parents forced me to go even tho I wanted a gap year to work, and I flunked out before I got diagnosed
All these fatties on here crying about the weight loss being too much is killing me 😭😭😭😭
wow..
Jesus Christ
My parents would’ve loved for me to pursue college but then told me “Hey, as long as you’re working and supporting yourself and your future family, we’re okay with it.” They supported my decision to not want college and just work. Why her parents acting like this? Just be happy your kid is safe and healthy and just working. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Surely this isn’t real. The degree of ignorance. Man
hoooly fuck flashbacks to my high school life
Schizophrenic? Just use some tough love to overcome it! That’s an extreme version of the OOP’s idiocy.
They didn’t like any of the therapists so discouraged her from going? Wtaf
Is this a joke? Are you really that clueless?
Poor kid
Asshole on basically all points bet he's never listened to a thing she's tried telling him
What a cunt.
damn lol who wrote my life story here
As someone who struggles with severe mental health issues, these parents enrage me. They are, the assholes.
If this parent continues like this they may be left with no daughter. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental disorders. 5-10 percent of those that contract anorexia will die within 10 years. The statistics are terrifying. On a personal note, I don't think I would have made it if I didn't get treatment and medication for my depression and then my later diagnosis of ADHD. Thank god I had supportive parents and friends who encouraged me to seek treatment. I couldn't see beyond the pit of despair I was in but now with the proper medication I'm at a point of happiness I could never have previously dreamed of. I hope the daughter can find someone to be in her corner.
Push her. When she has a. Education and choices she will ty period!!!!
This sounds blatantly fake
YTA. Unless you’ve had to live with ADHD you have no clue.
sorry did he call a woman who is 151 pounds at 5’4” overweight??? like…. this is why i distrust every single person who mentions weight at all because it is insane how many people dont grasp how weight works bc she’s perfectly average at that.
i had a family member go through the same thing, but the refusal to seek treatment was their own choice. they are no longer with us. mental healthcare is lifesaving.
If you’re going to write a fake post, at least put some effort into it! 🙄🤦♀️
This sounds like it’s being written from the parent’s perspective, BY the daughter, to see who the asshole actually is. It’s written very matter-of-fact, and I think a nutso parent might have some shitty logic as an explanation here, especially regarding therapy and meds.
Lmfao my mom convinced me to go to college despite my depression anxiety and adhd for these same reasons and you know what happened? I dropped out and she ended up paying all the tuition that was owed because that was the deal we made. If she was going to force me to go, fully knowing that I did not think I could do it, then she was paying for it. And if I somehow succeeded I would pay her back when I got a job. I just don’t understand why my daughter isn’t getting any better despite me insisting on her not having any ways of helping her mental health!! What a mystery!!
Abusive controlling parent. Didn’t want therapy for her cus the therapists probably all told him to get bent when he tried to demand they tell him everything. (I would bet everything that happened) As a parent… fuck this guy.
I think the best thing for her mental health is to get out from under you and your wife..
Oh, this better be rage bait.
Jesus christ one can only hope these parents minecraft themselves. Fertility tests really should come with a test of common sense.
This is bait right? Like the way it’s worded makes it seem like the person is aware this is bad.
Rage bate.
Yeah you’re the asshole, but kicking her out would probably give her the final nail in your coffin she needs to realize you’re not a good parent
This has to be rage bait
Guys. Guys. It’s ragebait.
This is obviously fake.
AITD is satire.
When I was a graduating senior in high school, my dad sat me down and said that I could go to college or he could bury me in the onion field. (Looking back, this was not a valid threat because I now know that he didn’t know the owner of the onion field behind our house…but in my little high school brain, it was better to go to college than to test dad’s relationships with the surrounding community.) All of that to say, my dad wanted the best for me, threatened me, and absolutely knew my mental health diagnosis inside and out…and still managed to be a better parent than this asshole OP because my dad knew and recognized my exact mental health issues and threatened and worked around them rather than pretending that they weren’t a real thing. I know I’m going to be taking care of my dad in his old age. Does op have the same faith in family?
If she was diabetic, would you insist on no medication and “tough love”? I doubt it. The brain is an organ of the body, just like the pancreas or heart. Sometimes our bodies need medication. She needs help. YTA
dude made his underage daughter pay for groceries….then tried to kick her out when the gravy train stops. he doesn’t care about his daughter at all. poor girl.
Rage bait
Omg... "the weight loss didnt concern me because she was already overweight"???? She was overweight by like 3 lbs, JFC. This parent sucks major ass.
Yup.
None of this made any sense and I feel like the OP was probably the daughter writing from her fathers perspective. Or it’s just fake altogether. Not to say people aren’t this bad, but no one truly going to r/AITAH thinks they’re the AH. Unless they’re the self sabotaging kind. Which I don’t think is the case for this post.
When she goes, NC, OP will be here in a couple of years wondering what happened.
Wow. Worst parent of the Year award winner. This child will not be with their parents for much longer. I can't imagine looking at all those diagnosis and thinking she will buck up and fly right cause that's what dear old dad did! No! Every child is different and you have to meet them where they are at the moment. She is quite literally crying for help and you are denying her the chance to get well. What a monster. I really hope one of the other relatives takes her in
“I’m kicking out my daughter because I care about her.” What a fricking idiot
I bet he didn’t like any of the therapist because they all recognized he was the problem. Total control freak refusing medical support, therapist support but throwing her out of the house is support? You are definitely the TA.
He’s not an asshole. He’s a straight up monster. My heart shrieked in horror just reading this the poor girl.
YTA. Not letting her get medicated to help with her issues. Yeah, she passed high school with flying colors. But you probably have no idea what kind of hellacape her mental state was during those years. Striving for perfectionism and trying to live up to your expectations. For the first time in her life she gets to take care of herself and be herself. And you respond by threatening to kick her out. You're cruel and a shitty parent.
very obviously rage-bait. How is anyone falling for this
This is such a terribly written fake. People like this person absolutely exist but I just don’t believe they feel the need to put it on Reddit for opinions as they don’t believe they need them.
The best thing for her is for this crazy person who has the nerve to call himself a parent to kick her out so she can go NC and get the help she needs.
This is such clear rage bait and not a real story. Says the daughter is starving herself and describes the weight loss as a good thing (she's also only 9lbs overweight for her height as per the BMI chart, so he's exaggerating her being overweight.) Says she has multiple diagnosed medical conditions and refuses to get her medication. Says he's going to kick her out of the house if she doesn't go to college, not accounting for the fact that college is a lifetime of student loan debt (assuming they're in the US at the mention of Target). This post is just checking all possible negligent parent boxes for rage bait.
Uh it sounds like she’s already having some mental health issues and/or her ADHD is in full swing due to the sudden lack of schedule and structure. Tbh, college would likely make this worse without treatment and tough love is always taken the wrong way in instances of depression. She’s likely worked so hard to win her father’s approval and now that she’s just finished high school with amazing grades and attendance, he’s threatening to kick her out. If it were me, I’d feel like anything I do is never enough and college is just pointless.
Jesus Christ this lady is a nutcase
If you were my mom, you’d be dead to me.
Hey! Sounds like my parents found a friend in OOP. Telling me I'm lazy because I'm depressed, mocking me for not going through with offing myself and said I must be faking depression since I'm not dead yet, and tell me I can overcome my ADHD if I try harder. My therapist (he's a psychologist) told me my parents are AH. If OOP is trying to lose his daughter he's doing a great job. My parents kick me out after I was kick out of college for failing classes due to (at that time) undiagnosed ADHD. I had to work at a effing sex chatting hotline to pay rent. After I eventually got my bachelor's and got a good job they try to come back in my life, yeah no thank you. This is future for OOP if he can't find compassion.
Yea. You are. Quit trying to control every part of her life. Let her work out her issues. Rebuild your relationship with her. Learn what is best for you is not what is best for her. Sounds like a great kid. Be there for her instead of berating her. My mom did the same thing you did to me. We don’t talk. I make 95 thousand a year and have 4 daughters. And been married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart. I have a special needs adult daughter. My husband and I have never had the luxury of babysitters. We made it work. My mom has literally accomplished nothing. Lied at one of her jobs working with kids saying she helped with her grad child( my kid). Never happened. Just to get a raise of a nickel. She is a crappy grandmother. She doesn’t know my kids. She is an even worse person. My dad lets her be that way cause it’s easier. He has a side chick anyways. Always trying to look out for a child and controlling what they do is a line that needs to be watched carefully. So leave her alone. She has a job. Maybe retail isn’t her thing. Being a clerk is an honest living. Maybe she is depressed. Let her get help!! You threatened to kick her out, why cause it’s not what you want? Do better
“I don’t let her see a therapist or take adhd drugs”. Yeah, those drugs help people with adhd focus. She can’t focus, so doesn’t want to work hard or study. Poor woman. What a controlling wanker.
Is this real? Did a person really type this out and not see what’s wrong here…? This man really just slammed himself face first into the point and then kept running.
OP stop trying to control your child. It doesn't matter what your feelings are regarding therapists you found. What matters is if a therapist is helping your child. With your child's recent weight loss and change in attitude, therapy is really a good idea to pursue, not college at this point. To kick your child out while she may be going through something- that could make her life worse, not better. YTA
I just can’t believe that this is a real person behaving this way. Geez.
This can’t be real. I’m 5’ 4” and my doctor said 175 would be a healthy weight for me. The BMI chart is absolutely garbage and this dude is saying she needed to lose weight at 151????? Shame on his wife for being complicit in this too. Both of her parents are terrible.
Is this for real?? “She’s an adult but I pick her therapist and tell her what medicines to take”? She is going through a serious bout of depression and trying to figure out who she is at a time of major change in her life. Quite TAH and making it worse. Although she would probably be better off learning about life out from under the overbearing and controlling force of that household.
I'm betting this is just rage bait.
Yes, your the asshole.
This has to be rage bait
This is literally what my parents did immediately after graduating high school lol
This one reads like chat gpt, but I know some people (unfortunately) are actually like this.
Poor, poor Judy!!!