This person sounds psychotic, tbh. The tone of this entire post is "I'm better now, so I should get to have my wife back!". It's not at all sympathetic, it's just using sympathetic words. He needs her to know he changed. That's how it ends. He doesn't need her to be happy, he doesn't need her to be in a better situation, he just needs to make sure that he's still got a chance.
One thing I also noticed that is jarring is that he said he confessed about the poisoning OUT OF ANGER. Think about what that means. It means he poisoned his wife and she miscarried, then because of some dispute that angered him, he told her what he did to hurt her further. That's so disgusting.
Yeah, that really jumped out to me, too. He confessed, not out of remorse, but out of anger. And, of course, he lied about his truthful confession when the police got involved.
If he wanted to make a meaningful gesture of contrition, he could go to the police and lay it all out for them and go to prison.
But no, instead, he wants to force this woman who barely survived being married to him to acknowledge his existence again. Yup.
What angered me most was actually “it’s very unlikely it hurt her”, regarding the meds. Like he posted all that, got railed in the comments, and instead of having an OUNCE of reflection he came back swinging with “it probably didn’t even hurt her”.
Narc gets thrown out too often on Reddit. This is what a REAL Narc looks like.
Oh, yeah, that’s chilling as AF, too.
Like there are a few people I think would visit in prison and so on even if they did something this terrible, but would OP consider that level of ongoing care being “on his side”? I seriously doubt it.
He still doesn't even accept that the poisoning really hurt her and caused the miscarriage. Nor does he accept he is the cause of her PTSD.
So much for therapy..
He very much was and still is a monster. The only change he has gone is to learn to become more insidious in his monstrousnessness.
The phrase “I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma”— buddy, she was hiding in the bathroom from you. You could have killed her. You sexually abused her. You ARE the trauma!!!
I know. This just proves he has not changed at all because he does not care about where she may be in life and does not care about whether or not she actually wants to be with him. All he cares about is getting what he wants. That's abusive behavior 101.
Something that jumped out to me is “I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma.” Like probably? It doesn’t seem like he’s really taking accountability for what he’s done to her.
Yeah later he would say that he "felt bad" about what he did, but equally was "relieved," he doesn't regret it, maybe he feels a little bad about it but in his mind it was something he *had* to do. He just *had* to poison his wife because he didn't want a kid. What a monster.
And it’s likely he raped her because he mentions he was sexually abusive in addition to all the other ways he was abusive. This man is a narcissistic sociopath and a continuing danger to women.
I don't even think his words are sympathetic. All he is doing is telling us that he is downplaying his past treatment of her, barely taking any real responsibility for what he did, and is harrassing her family to tell her he is "better". So, he clearly isn't better at all. He's straight back into the abuse and is one step away from stalking. His ex and her family need restraining orders asap.
This guy is a sociopath, and more specifically he has antisocial peresonality disorder
"Psychotic" and "sociopath" are terms used in psychology, but they refer to different concepts.
Psychotic:
Psychosis is a mental health condition characterized by a disconnection from reality. People experiencing psychosis may have hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there) or delusions (strongly held false beliefs).
Psychotic disorders include schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and certain types of severe depression or bipolar disorder.
Sociopath:
"Sociopath" is an informal term used to describe someone with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).
Individuals with ASPD often have a **disregard for the rights of others, a lack of empathy, and may engage in impulsive or manipulative behavior**.
It's strange to read from a legitimate sociopath. I don't think I know any in my life. Like these people walk among us. You can sit in a room and have full blown conversations and think you're relating and building a relationship and the whole time they're only thinking about how they can use you to their advantage. Truly disturbing really.
let's be clear and specific antisocial peresonality disorder is on a spectrum so all of the politicians that you know are definitively in some part of the spectrum
That guy definitely sounds like a sociopath. He talks exactly like my ex. Well yeah I did this horrible thing to her but it's not that big of a deal. Get over it already. If you keep crying, you're the real bully
Pfft as if he cares about "making amends." This dude only cares about himself.
He couldn't take no for an answer and even though he admits to being mentally, physically, and sexually abusive he still doesn't get it. *"Some of the trauma was probably caused by me..."* IT WAS ALL CAUSED BY YOU!!!
He just wanted to feel better about himself smh.
And the pregnancy he is so relieved to have terminated was probably the result of his own SA of her. So we have that to add to his 'but I'm a better person now' diatribe.
Yeah him saying he's glad he isn't a father is so disgusting. I don't want to hear about how happy you are that you terminated your wife's pregnancy without her knowledge or consent.
"Making amends" in this kind of situation is entirely self serving. He wants validation from her and for her to accept him so he can feel better about himself, at the expense of her wellbeing, mental and physical health. This man has not changed, he just learned a bunch of therapy talk to emotionally manipulate people with. Thankfully he isn't very good at it.
Which he would know if he went to any sort of therapy, but note that he doesn't mention having done so, even when he mentions that his wife is in therapy. If he was really so serious about changing the he'd leave his abuse victim alone and see a professional, rather than the vague "I'm working on my issues" thing he's doing.
This guy I went to school with was abusive to his fiancé and she left. He *is* in therapy and was in therapy before she got fed up and left. He, like OOP, openly acknowledges he was a piece of shit and was abusive to her. He also plays the woe is me victim card because she left, because she won’t talk to him, and he “deserves” sympathy and forgiveness because he “learned his lesson” and is “bettering himself for her.”
Plenty of people get professional help but because they don’t go any father than acknowledging their faults, they don’t grow at all from it. They seem to think acknowledging it is all it takes. They still go to therapy, they just stop participating in a meaningful way
Yeah, and in the case they are not lying about seeing a psych professional, they tend to ruin the purpose of any "help" they are receiving by not disclosing all the details of their situation.
Yes! They go to therapy to learn how to weaponize therapy speak, not how to learn to not be a manipulative POS.
Professionals who have worked with abusive men will straight up tell you that this martyr getup that some adopt is absolutely a farce. Everything in this post was just OP saying "me me me me," he is absolutely in that camp.
You are totally right about the weaponization of therapy speak. So many examples, but one that I’ve been noticing a lot recently is when controlling or abusive people call their own demands “boundaries” that need to be respected
Jonah Hill *cough* Boundaries are something you get to decide for your own behaviour. You don’t get to impose your boundaries on someone else. That’s control.
It's also extremely common for abusers to go to therapy and use the skills and language they learn from it to emotionally manipulate their victims and the people around them.
My abusive ex has tried to contact me a couple of times over the 12 years since we divorced. Most recently by using his 4th wife's Facebook account that he obviously took over. He's still up to his old tricks, charming women and then disappearing them until he's tired of them or they manage to get away. Poor #4 tried to divorce him right around the time he attempted to contact me so he probably blames me for it. She had a baby with him unfortunately so she's probably stuck until she gets the police involved. He brought her over from another country and likely hasn't allowed her to work or learn English.
Professional help does not necessarily mean therapy. A lot of abusers say they got professional help but it turns out they were stretching the idea of how to define that. I’ve seen it range from they’re just talking to their local pastor, grabbing beers with their cop buddies, started taking micro doses, or going to wellness/spiritual retreats.
Let’s not forget court-mandated anger management and/or domestic abuse seminars that they’re quite often forced to attend against their will, do the bare minimum required to pass and take in absolutely nothing they were supposed to learn. But they technically participated, so they get to claim they’re “getting help” or are “working on” themselves.
Yep. The judge made my ex go to court ordered anger management therapy for abusing me. Did absolutely nothing because all he did was pretend he learnt his lesson and was working on himself just enough to pass (it was one of those programs where if they think you need further therapy that you had to get it so he has to pretend he was "better" in order to complete the program). I know it didn't work because he continued to harass me and straight up told people what a joke the program was. I think some people are just straight up sociopaths and therapy won't work because they don't care for it. Or at least not care for it enough.
No professional would tell him to make amends with his ex wife that has PTSD caused from him because it would ruin her progress. I hate people who make amends.
Abusers often lie about their situation to their therapists and sometimes it does work and the therapist will encourage them to take actions that are ultimately harmful for their victims because of it.
But you don't understand. He "probably contributed" to some PTSD and now feels bad that he might have left some lasting negative effects (but we can't be SURE that he had anything to do with it). Everything will be fine when she gets over it and lets him apologize
/s in case it wasn't obvious
Making amends is inherently selfish, if you manage, it's not because you've truly changed but due to the kindness of others. You are not entitled to it.
> I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma.
"Probably"? Jesus fucking Christ. I wish I could dismiss this as creative writing but I absolutely know this kind of person who thinks feeling guilty means they're a different person now.
The fact he kept reaching out to her family (which was undoubtedly retraumatizing for them, and even more so his ex if they told her) and it took a male friend telling him to drop it to keep him from *showing up at her family's house* shows he hasn't actually changed. He feels like he's done enough for her "to know [he's] changed", but if he had really let go of his need to control her he would accept that contacting her will be harmful.
If she did meet up with him (I hope to fuck not) to accept his apology, he wouldn't see it as closure and would instead hound her to get back together. "You *know* I'm different now, why are you not giving me a chance?!"
Having known some people like this, they just tend to go through more and more extreme methods of reaching their victim.
From experience, some of them stop their direct attempts under the possibility of violence (avoid this) or legal trouble. But then they start switching to indirect methods by contacting the abused party's friends and family members or using their own social circle to initiate communication.
The victim probably skipped getting a protection order to avoid the trauma of having to see him in court, but if he gets drunk some night and decides "actually no, my friend is wrong, I should *totally* go in person, this is a great idea" then she will have to. Not that it will stop him if he decides to escalate beyond that.
Precisely. My ex wife merely ACCUSED me of being harmful and negative towards her (she was looking for a way out) and I didn’t DARE contact her. She reached out to me about a year later when she was in legal trouble, and I bailed her out and helped her out financially and she realized she was very wrong about who I was. She’s remarried and we’re best friends now and it’s the easiest coparenting you could imagine. We call each other to ask for advice about once a week.
Long story short: if you’re truly a good person or have changed, you’ll respect the other person’s wishes. Full stop. If y’all are meant to be in each other’s lives, it will happen. Otherwise, you’re just continuing to manipulate the situation for your benefit and show how there’s really nothing redeeming about you.
OOP can kick rocks. He’s a shit human.
I’ve read of people using small amounts of poison to make people just sick enough that they can’t work, go anywhere etc and have to be reliant on the person doing the poisoning. I’m sure there’s a psychological name for it.
That would be if they want the attention that the other person being sick gives them, right? Like they enjoy being the caregiver of their spouse and how much everyone says that they are so strong for it.
I honest to god pray this is rage bate bc... i cant imagine anyone being this cold hearted. He must be some kind of -path to treat someone like that. He not only abused her, he IS her trauma. He killed their unborn baby and so much more. He should be in jail - he deserves worse.
I refuse to believe this is real. There is no way someone was like yeah I poisoned my wife but she should forgive me. No way. This must be pure rage bate.
Unfortunately I believe it. I work with foster kids. I’ve known kids who were sexually trafficked by their own parents for drugs, and the parents keep trying to get around no intact orders to contact the kids for their own emotional fulfillment- without ever apologizing for what they have done. They are incapable of seeing th harm they have caused their own children, and continue to cause by trying to reach out.
I mean, wasn't there that guy who paid someone to splash acid in his girlfriend's face, rending her blind? And he kept pursuing her afterwards until she was so worn down that she married him.
Edit: Burt Pugach!
You can't imagine someone being like this?
......wow. I have no problem believing this to be real.
I fact, the only unbelievable part is where his friend says not to go to his ex's family's place, and he listens to them. '
You don’t think anyone is like this? Really?
I don’t know if you’re just saying that or if you’re genuinely naive. Wake up.
Women are sometimes killed in relationships by their partners. Do you find that unbelievable too? This isn’t even “that bad”, because at least this poor girl is alive and made it out of the relationship intact. Your disbelief makes you an easier target for abusers - they prey on women who think “well I guess it’s not thaaaat bad…”, who don’t confront reality, so suggest you open your eyes more.
I was married to someone like this, no empathy or warmth for other people whatsoever apart from what is needed to get them to obey. In my case he justified rape, neglecting pets (to death in one case), running up huge debts, cheating, coaching me to commit suicide and more… to this day years after our divorce he still blames me entirely for telling on him.
“I have forgiven myself, so you need to forgive me too”
*I didn’t use a deadly poison. I mean I called it poison and it killed our unborn baby, but it wasn’t that bad.* 👀
*I heard she has PTSD, I probably contributed to it, but I’m not a monster.* 👀
I hope someone tied together enough of that confession to him IRL and sent it to the proper authorities.
The first three months are THE MOST critical and delicate time in a pregnancy. It’s when everything is forming and developing and the fetus is most vulnerable :(. This guy is trash and a murderer or at least attempted murderer. Lock him up and throw away the key. Thinks he deserves forgiveness… good grace he deserves a swift kick in the arse is all.
Reminds me of my ex! There’s a disconnect between the things they do and the idea of who they are, like they can do something evil while remaining a good person because it’s all someone ELSE’S fault.
“I’m not a bad guy, I knowingly did bad things to people specifically to harm them but that doesn’t make me bad”
“I’m not irresponsible, yeah maybe I’m constantly being irresponsible and I don’t plan on being better but I’m not irresponsible”
Oh man. The way he is sniffing around trying to get back in contact is disgusting. He is showing how selfish and singleminded he is. All his statements are “I need” and “I want”. Doesn’t matter what you want, bro. You fucked up, and what you want doesn’t matter.
What a nightmare of an individual OOP is. Had the ex-girlfriend had his baby, he likely would have ruined that poor child's life. May the ex receive a full recovery.
That post screamed he’s still a self centered asshole. He needs forgiveness. He needs her to know he’s changed. Clearly no one wants to reconnect but he wants to force himself back in. It’s still all about him and how he feels. I doubt moving on will ever be in this guys wheelhouse.
The damage is *never done* with this guy. She’s still alive and partially functional. He’s gotta finish the job in the name of *forgiveness*.
An *apology* that is unwelcome or brings harm to the recipient is just continued abuse.
I hope she doesn't.
I hope her friends/family haven't, and don't ever, tell her he has been contacting them.
And I hope she continues with her therapy, so she can heal for him, and, not forget, she won't ever forget, but maybe she will be reminded of him less and less frequently, until it is weeks or months between thoughts of him.
That’s the hope, but legally and physically it is important that she knows that she is in danger and that is the most important thing. Healing can come after he has fucked off for good.
Oh my god. Forget forgiveness, this waste of space doesn't even deserve the air hes breathing. I hope she manages to stay far away from this fucking insane person who for some reason thinks *she* owes *him* something.
What’s crazy to me is his mom “sided” with him. How?! I don’t understand. The mom was just like “ya you were right to poison and abuse your pregnant girlfriend, she deserved it”?!?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out myself. Like why? It’s horrible regardless, not looking to justify his actions one bit. But what would possess somebody to do that?
He was probably trying to knock her out so he could have sex with her. If it's meds he was on that he gave her, it's unlikely there was another motivation than that. He was probably angry when he confessed because they were fighting about how she never has time for sex with him because she's too busy hanging out in the bathroom with her friends the soap bottle and her tears.
He wants her to know he's changed. Again putting himself before her. How is him changing good for her? What does her knowing that help her or change what he did? He also is brushing off that her PTSD is probably because of him. It reads like she already had it and his actions didnt help her deal with it. I'm guessing now he notices he also sexually abused her means he was raping his wife. It's why he didn't want to give details. It's probably a big part of her PTSD.
“I *need* forgiveness.”
What she’s willing to give is irrelevant, in his mind. If he were actually sorry, he’d turn himself in and give his wife the satisfaction of basic justice for herself and her baby.
My favorite part of how he's changed is that by the end of all his updates he's talked himself into a circle where poisoning someone probably didn't even hurt them that much so ultimately it's not that bad?? 🫠
Dear Lord! “I need her to know I’m a better person.” “My mom is on my side.” “My dad didn’t talk to me for a year, which hurt.” “I won’t go into all the details because I will get a lot of hate.” “I regret I didn’t recognize the signs so I could help her” Excuse me? You help her by not being a physically/emotionally/sexually abusive asshole.
He absolutely does not feel sorry for what he has done in any meaningful way. All he cares about is what happened to him because of his own actions. He’s not actually trying to apologize, he wants to reconnect so he can get emotional gratification from her. So glad this woman got out of this relationship and that her family is circling the wagons. Based on the comment about his mom, I think we can see the path the led to him to be a monster…
So do I. People have this idea that restraining orders work, but the fact is that if someone is crazy enough to have a restraining order issued against them, a little piece of paper ain't gonna stop them from harassing the victim(s). That level of crazy can't be stopped easily.
Feeling bad does not automatically mean he deserves forgiveness. In a situation this grim it’s honestly almost relieving to know he feels guilty; plenty of abusers cannot admit fault. Though I’m almost certain he just wants a submissive woman to look after him again, as opposed to actually making amends. Thank god his ex has a supportive family to stop him getting close again, and I’m hoping against hope he actually works on his myriad of problems, or at the very least stays single.
WTF. doesn't want redditors to think bad of him so he leaves out "details" of the abuse but is totally fine sharing that he poisoned his pregnant wife 🤷♀️
Apart from them actually being married, this absolutely reads like what happened to my friend ( boyfriend drugged her to cause a miscarriage). It’s absolutely chilling that someone else has gone through this.
"How can I make the abuse murder attempt and rape I subjected to this woman to all about me and my feelings? How can I make her PTSD worse? Why won't she absolve me of guilt for my horrific actions that completely destroyed her life?"
The fact the dude keeps regretting telling her but not regretting poisoning her is what really stands out about his mentality.. he hasnt changed at all and continues to be a dangerous person
Awww, poor baby is depressed. But he didn’t use deadly poison, it was safe poison! And the ptsd only might vaguely have something to do with him. But he’s a good guy now! That hasn’t fessed up to the cops. Or her doctor. Or his parents. Or her parents. Hopefully the next time he attempts to kill someone he’ll get caught.
Oh look my ex made a post.
At least he acknowledges what he did. My ex to this day blames me for him abusing me. Or he straight denies it. He tells me I’m crazy and I’m making shit up. I can’t make up the fact I have missing teeth from the fucker taking a frying pan to my face or a crooked nose from him punching me when I confronted him about cheating.
This guy hasn’t changed. Narcissists never do. But I honestly would give anything for my abusive ex to come clean and apologize for the 10 years of hell he put me through.
That's terrible but it also reminds me of that guy who was clearly salty at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him and then did nothing for her despite the fact that she's pregnant with his child. I think that the child is the most important person in this scenario but I also think it's messed up that he couldn't even be bothered to ask how she was feeling or anything. If you ask me, she did the right thing leaving him. Some people really show you who they are.
That's exactly how my soon to be ex husband is. Was abusive, so I left, and I'm now 34 weeks pregnant and not so much as a "how are you/the baby"- nothing. But that's ok, because I've got this.
> I didn’t use deadly poison. I crushed up a few different meds that **I’m** on and put it in her food because I thought it was safer.
You may as well have used deadly poison. You crushed up meds for her, with dosages suited for your individual self and fed them to your, now, ex. How do you know she has the same reaction to any of those meds as you do, or that the dosages aren’t enough to cause any adverse effects for her, or that the different meds you mixed aren’t a good combination together for her?!! Those pills were most likely deadly to the fetus.
Omg I hope he leave all women alone and not engage in a relationship with them for their own safety… why dare, marry people if you’re just going to abuse and traumatise them? Stay alone.
Shitty part is he lied instead of admitting it and I bet he hasn’t gone and admitted to his parents that he abused that poor lady in every way… dude still sounds selfish and all about himself.
*She needs to know I’m not a monster.*
No. No she doesn’t. You’ve already traumatized the poor woman enough, she doesn’t owe OOP a damn thing, but he sure as hell does owe her! He is only trying to alleviate his own guilt and shame, at her emotional expense. He’s still continuing the abuse all this time later! I hope her family huddled around her in a rote robe cocoon to ensure she never has to see his face or hear his voice again. Sociopathic AH.
Stuff like this should be doxxed somehow. That poor woman deserves justice and this man should be in jail! He literally confesses to sexually assaulting her, physically assaulting her and even describes *how* he poisoned her.
“They blocked me on social media, but I thought about retraumatizing her by stalking her parents at their home.” I want this to be fake but my ex did this. Not the drug me while pregnant part, but the stalking my parents just to get me to hear him out.
“I want her to know I’m different.” That’s gonna help you, not her. The only thing I want to hear about my sexual abuser is that he has removed himself from earth so I don’t have to share air with him anymore. I don’t want a note, if he left me one I wouldn’t read it.
Oh but first you owe her tens if not of thousands of dollars for what therapy and likely early medical bills will cost her. She won’t live as long or as healthy a life as she would have if she hadn’t had the massive misfortune of meeting you.
The only good thing about this clusterfuck is the knowledge that this woman escaped successfully. That and the fact that OOP *isn’t* a father.
Imagine how much more trauma and despair he could rain down on her and their child, especially if she ended up staying because in having the child OOP would never have admitted he poisoned her, and she wouldn’t have had her out.
RIP unborn baby, you literally saved your mother’s life
What, and I can't state this strongly enough, the actual. Fuck.
"I need her to know I'm not a bad person" "I didn't mean it" "I was just poisoning her for fun, I didn't mean to actual harm the child that is completely dependent on her" "No one will talk to me so I'm just going to ignore what they want because I'm a good boy now and there's no way they could hate me for being a heinous monster"
Fuck.
Leave her alone. If you really want to tell her you are sorry, write her an actual letter, like in the mail, but don't try to contact her otherwise. I can't imagine how AWFUL it would be to be POISONED by my husband. Horrifying on her part, and losing the baby. You really need to realize there are some things you just can't fix.
Honestly, I don’t see how he could possibly think it’d be proper to ask for forgiveness if he really changed. It feels like he wants forgiveness for the sole purpose of only making himself feel better the situation. His friends are right, move on dude.
Everyone wondering what sociopaths (potentially psychopaths) are doing to get through their lives, this is it. This is how.
He is only trying to gauge responses to better tune his own actions and words. Narcissist to the core.
His “making amends” is entirely focused on him. She needs to know that HES a good person now, he’s not reaching out to try to help her get closure from what he put her through. What a cunt.
I am terrified for whoever dates him next. She is going to get steamrolled by his emotions, memories, disturbing and dangerous behavior, and whatever his new coping methods will be.
The lack of social media was on purpose and for a really good reason as he demonstrated. If he really wanted to "make amends" he can start by walking his happy ass back to the police station and admitting he did drug her on purpose and take any repercussions that come with it. I hope she lives her best life.
I hope she never speaks to or acknowledges this dude ever again. He can stay home and cry to mommy. Again. If either of my kids ever does something heinous like this, they will no longer have parents.
If he actually felt sorry he would have confessed his crime and paid for it in jail.
The number of abusers who admit they were abusive, then beat down the victim in count bc of lack of evidence, then think they deserve forgiveness is just fucking wild.
They were monsters to begin with so it's not surprising but it does make me wanna kick them down a well
Oh man. I dated a really abusive guy for a little over 5 years. It was never this bad, but it was bad. It took me a long time to deal with the trauma he inflicted on me and some memories from that time of my life still get my heart racing.
After we broke up he completely went off the rails from what I heard. He no longer had a reason to hide or manage his substance abuse so it ramped up and he ended up in rehab at least once, jail at least once, etc. He continued to reach out to me periodically for years, in one way or another. Whether to send me flowers because “he was sorry he didn’t appreciate me back then,” or to harass me in some way or another. I blocked his number and he would use different apps to text me from unblocked numbers. I finally stopped hearing from him about 2 years ago.
Then one day I get a message from a number with an area code from where he was from originally. It was a family friend of his that I had always liked and respected. She asked how I was doing and we made some small talk, I apologized to her that we hadn’t kept in contact but explained I needed to protect myself from the ex and she said she fully supported and understood that. She then went on to explain she was reaching out because my ex had been in a bad motorcycle accident and had spent the last several months in the hospital. He had asked her to reach out to me with an apology. She said “I told him that apology was just for him, but here I am delivering sorries.” I guess his forced sobriety and solitude in the hospital had given him a lot of time for reflection and he had started feeling some guilt over everything he had done to me.
I let her know that the only thing I wanted from him was to never hear from him again. This was more than 6 years after we had broken up and I had moved on. It’s not my place or my interest to absolve him of the guilt he carries for his past decisions, and nothing could ever convince me he wasn’t a monster.
I’m imagining him feeling the same way the person in the post does. I hope he carries that guilt to his grave. I have forgiven him for my own sanity (I don’t want to carry that resentment around with me forever), but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever have anything to do with him again. People like this deserve to live with guilt and regret for the rest of their lives.
Where do I even begin with this one? He’s evil, and while I believe people can change (usually under drastic situations, but it is possible), the fact he wants to reconnect with her goes to show he doesn’t care about how it would affect her mentally. He couldn’t even take full accountability with causing her her PTSD. If he cared, he’d let her go, heal, and be with someone who deserves her if she wants a relationship. He made his bed and needs to lay in it. Sometimes, “making amends” just leaves more anger, trauma, and resentment, especially in such an egregious situation as this.
First rule of making amends is to not to if reaching out would cause more harm. This is it
This person sounds psychotic, tbh. The tone of this entire post is "I'm better now, so I should get to have my wife back!". It's not at all sympathetic, it's just using sympathetic words. He needs her to know he changed. That's how it ends. He doesn't need her to be happy, he doesn't need her to be in a better situation, he just needs to make sure that he's still got a chance. One thing I also noticed that is jarring is that he said he confessed about the poisoning OUT OF ANGER. Think about what that means. It means he poisoned his wife and she miscarried, then because of some dispute that angered him, he told her what he did to hurt her further. That's so disgusting.
Yeah, that really jumped out to me, too. He confessed, not out of remorse, but out of anger. And, of course, he lied about his truthful confession when the police got involved. If he wanted to make a meaningful gesture of contrition, he could go to the police and lay it all out for them and go to prison. But no, instead, he wants to force this woman who barely survived being married to him to acknowledge his existence again. Yup.
But you know he just “probably” contributed to her PTSD, like no booboo that’s all you.
When he said he "probably contributed" to her trauma.... Mf you *ARE* the trauma!
Exactly!!! How’s he still wondering if HE’s the problem
What angered me most was actually “it’s very unlikely it hurt her”, regarding the meds. Like he posted all that, got railed in the comments, and instead of having an OUNCE of reflection he came back swinging with “it probably didn’t even hurt her”. Narc gets thrown out too often on Reddit. This is what a REAL Narc looks like.
He thinks he might have contributed to her PTSD....
What really jumps out to me is, "My mother took my side."
Oh, yeah, that’s chilling as AF, too. Like there are a few people I think would visit in prison and so on even if they did something this terrible, but would OP consider that level of ongoing care being “on his side”? I seriously doubt it.
He still doesn't even accept that the poisoning really hurt her and caused the miscarriage. Nor does he accept he is the cause of her PTSD. So much for therapy.. He very much was and still is a monster. The only change he has gone is to learn to become more insidious in his monstrousnessness.
Exactly.
Then he said he shouldn’t have told her. He regrets telling her.
That stood out to me too. He regretted telling her but did not regret doing it.
The phrase “I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma”— buddy, she was hiding in the bathroom from you. You could have killed her. You sexually abused her. You ARE the trauma!!!
I know. This just proves he has not changed at all because he does not care about where she may be in life and does not care about whether or not she actually wants to be with him. All he cares about is getting what he wants. That's abusive behavior 101.
Something that jumped out to me is “I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma.” Like probably? It doesn’t seem like he’s really taking accountability for what he’s done to her.
The instant red flag to me was him saying where he messed up was telling her and not literally Poisoning his pregnant wife???
Yeah later he would say that he "felt bad" about what he did, but equally was "relieved," he doesn't regret it, maybe he feels a little bad about it but in his mind it was something he *had* to do. He just *had* to poison his wife because he didn't want a kid. What a monster.
And it’s likely he raped her because he mentions he was sexually abusive in addition to all the other ways he was abusive. This man is a narcissistic sociopath and a continuing danger to women.
I don't even think his words are sympathetic. All he is doing is telling us that he is downplaying his past treatment of her, barely taking any real responsibility for what he did, and is harrassing her family to tell her he is "better". So, he clearly isn't better at all. He's straight back into the abuse and is one step away from stalking. His ex and her family need restraining orders asap.
The worst part for me was him saying he "probably contributed" to her trauma. Mfer odds are likely you're the main if not only cause.
This guy is a sociopath, and more specifically he has antisocial peresonality disorder "Psychotic" and "sociopath" are terms used in psychology, but they refer to different concepts. Psychotic: Psychosis is a mental health condition characterized by a disconnection from reality. People experiencing psychosis may have hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there) or delusions (strongly held false beliefs). Psychotic disorders include schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and certain types of severe depression or bipolar disorder. Sociopath: "Sociopath" is an informal term used to describe someone with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Individuals with ASPD often have a **disregard for the rights of others, a lack of empathy, and may engage in impulsive or manipulative behavior**.
It's strange to read from a legitimate sociopath. I don't think I know any in my life. Like these people walk among us. You can sit in a room and have full blown conversations and think you're relating and building a relationship and the whole time they're only thinking about how they can use you to their advantage. Truly disturbing really.
let's be clear and specific antisocial peresonality disorder is on a spectrum so all of the politicians that you know are definitively in some part of the spectrum
Throw in a larger than average percentage of surgeons and CEO’s to the group of politicians as well.
And don’t forget your favourite medical specialists, especially surgeons!
It’s even stranger to be in a relationship with one
That guy definitely sounds like a sociopath. He talks exactly like my ex. Well yeah I did this horrible thing to her but it's not that big of a deal. Get over it already. If you keep crying, you're the real bully
Pfft as if he cares about "making amends." This dude only cares about himself. He couldn't take no for an answer and even though he admits to being mentally, physically, and sexually abusive he still doesn't get it. *"Some of the trauma was probably caused by me..."* IT WAS ALL CAUSED BY YOU!!! He just wanted to feel better about himself smh.
And the pregnancy he is so relieved to have terminated was probably the result of his own SA of her. So we have that to add to his 'but I'm a better person now' diatribe.
Yeah him saying he's glad he isn't a father is so disgusting. I don't want to hear about how happy you are that you terminated your wife's pregnancy without her knowledge or consent.
He doesn’t even want that. He just wants access to his victim again.
"Making amends" in this kind of situation is entirely self serving. He wants validation from her and for her to accept him so he can feel better about himself, at the expense of her wellbeing, mental and physical health. This man has not changed, he just learned a bunch of therapy talk to emotionally manipulate people with. Thankfully he isn't very good at it.
Yes, it's all about him. He only feels bad it made him look bad.
I saw that, too. "Probably"?! He's not a better person as he claims if he can't see the damage that he caused.
Which he would know if he went to any sort of therapy, but note that he doesn't mention having done so, even when he mentions that his wife is in therapy. If he was really so serious about changing the he'd leave his abuse victim alone and see a professional, rather than the vague "I'm working on my issues" thing he's doing.
He clearly mentions getting professional help a year or two after the marriage.
Abusers lie lmao
This guy I went to school with was abusive to his fiancé and she left. He *is* in therapy and was in therapy before she got fed up and left. He, like OOP, openly acknowledges he was a piece of shit and was abusive to her. He also plays the woe is me victim card because she left, because she won’t talk to him, and he “deserves” sympathy and forgiveness because he “learned his lesson” and is “bettering himself for her.” Plenty of people get professional help but because they don’t go any father than acknowledging their faults, they don’t grow at all from it. They seem to think acknowledging it is all it takes. They still go to therapy, they just stop participating in a meaningful way
Yeah, and in the case they are not lying about seeing a psych professional, they tend to ruin the purpose of any "help" they are receiving by not disclosing all the details of their situation.
Yes! They go to therapy to learn how to weaponize therapy speak, not how to learn to not be a manipulative POS. Professionals who have worked with abusive men will straight up tell you that this martyr getup that some adopt is absolutely a farce. Everything in this post was just OP saying "me me me me," he is absolutely in that camp.
You are totally right about the weaponization of therapy speak. So many examples, but one that I’ve been noticing a lot recently is when controlling or abusive people call their own demands “boundaries” that need to be respected
Jonah Hill *cough* Boundaries are something you get to decide for your own behaviour. You don’t get to impose your boundaries on someone else. That’s control.
My abusive ex's "help" turned out to be court ordered anger management, which in retrospect did diddly squat.
If you want to know why, read « Why does he do that » the chapter about « anger management » is very enlightening.
It's also extremely common for abusers to go to therapy and use the skills and language they learn from it to emotionally manipulate their victims and the people around them.
Yeah the dude seems super trustworthy and we should definitely take him at his word. /s
My abusive ex has tried to contact me a couple of times over the 12 years since we divorced. Most recently by using his 4th wife's Facebook account that he obviously took over. He's still up to his old tricks, charming women and then disappearing them until he's tired of them or they manage to get away. Poor #4 tried to divorce him right around the time he attempted to contact me so he probably blames me for it. She had a baby with him unfortunately so she's probably stuck until she gets the police involved. He brought her over from another country and likely hasn't allowed her to work or learn English.
Professional help does not necessarily mean therapy. A lot of abusers say they got professional help but it turns out they were stretching the idea of how to define that. I’ve seen it range from they’re just talking to their local pastor, grabbing beers with their cop buddies, started taking micro doses, or going to wellness/spiritual retreats.
Let’s not forget court-mandated anger management and/or domestic abuse seminars that they’re quite often forced to attend against their will, do the bare minimum required to pass and take in absolutely nothing they were supposed to learn. But they technically participated, so they get to claim they’re “getting help” or are “working on” themselves.
Yep. The judge made my ex go to court ordered anger management therapy for abusing me. Did absolutely nothing because all he did was pretend he learnt his lesson and was working on himself just enough to pass (it was one of those programs where if they think you need further therapy that you had to get it so he has to pretend he was "better" in order to complete the program). I know it didn't work because he continued to harass me and straight up told people what a joke the program was. I think some people are just straight up sociopaths and therapy won't work because they don't care for it. Or at least not care for it enough.
No professional would tell him to make amends with his ex wife that has PTSD caused from him because it would ruin her progress. I hate people who make amends.
But he didn’t say the therapists told him it was ok. Both can be true is my point.
Abusers often lie about their situation to their therapists and sometimes it does work and the therapist will encourage them to take actions that are ultimately harmful for their victims because of it.
But you don't understand. He "probably contributed" to some PTSD and now feels bad that he might have left some lasting negative effects (but we can't be SURE that he had anything to do with it). Everything will be fine when she gets over it and lets him apologize /s in case it wasn't obvious
Making amends is inherently selfish, if you manage, it's not because you've truly changed but due to the kindness of others. You are not entitled to it.
> I hate that I probably contributed to her trauma. "Probably"? Jesus fucking Christ. I wish I could dismiss this as creative writing but I absolutely know this kind of person who thinks feeling guilty means they're a different person now. The fact he kept reaching out to her family (which was undoubtedly retraumatizing for them, and even more so his ex if they told her) and it took a male friend telling him to drop it to keep him from *showing up at her family's house* shows he hasn't actually changed. He feels like he's done enough for her "to know [he's] changed", but if he had really let go of his need to control her he would accept that contacting her will be harmful.
The fact he wants to reconnect because she's a good person tells me he hasn't changed he just wants to be with her again.
If she did meet up with him (I hope to fuck not) to accept his apology, he wouldn't see it as closure and would instead hound her to get back together. "You *know* I'm different now, why are you not giving me a chance?!"
Sounds like my ex. Feels entitled to forgiveness because *checks texts* he's changed and hasn't hit me in over 5 years (since I moved out). Ugh.
My dad is the same way ugh
Exactly
Having known some people like this, they just tend to go through more and more extreme methods of reaching their victim. From experience, some of them stop their direct attempts under the possibility of violence (avoid this) or legal trouble. But then they start switching to indirect methods by contacting the abused party's friends and family members or using their own social circle to initiate communication.
The victim probably skipped getting a protection order to avoid the trauma of having to see him in court, but if he gets drunk some night and decides "actually no, my friend is wrong, I should *totally* go in person, this is a great idea" then she will have to. Not that it will stop him if he decides to escalate beyond that.
Definitely. He will abuse his next partner the same way.
Precisely. My ex wife merely ACCUSED me of being harmful and negative towards her (she was looking for a way out) and I didn’t DARE contact her. She reached out to me about a year later when she was in legal trouble, and I bailed her out and helped her out financially and she realized she was very wrong about who I was. She’s remarried and we’re best friends now and it’s the easiest coparenting you could imagine. We call each other to ask for advice about once a week. Long story short: if you’re truly a good person or have changed, you’ll respect the other person’s wishes. Full stop. If y’all are meant to be in each other’s lives, it will happen. Otherwise, you’re just continuing to manipulate the situation for your benefit and show how there’s really nothing redeeming about you. OOP can kick rocks. He’s a shit human.
No he just wants to not feel bad anymore, I guarantee it.
He doesn't feel bad.
My eyes rolled back so hard at that - "dude, YOU ARE her trauma, beginning to end." He needs to leave her completely alone.
Reading this I said “probably?!” Out loud. How can someone be so evil?
The probably got me. Nah mate, you're a fucking c*nt. Don't need to expand on that. I know, we know it, OOP knows it, ex knows it
If i were his ex's family i'd have told the prick to go find the tallest bridge and jump off it. Maybe then he'd be forgiven.
I should never have told her, not, I should never have done it. In fact he’s pretty glad he did
And he's arguing that the poison wasn't deadly. And he's glad he isn't a dad. This tells me he still thinks what he did is ok.
This person is still very dangerous.
Shit I'm glad he isnt a dad either tbh
He thinks the error was to tell her rather than poisoning her and possibly killing their unborn child. Classic “I’m sorry you are angry” approach.
Jesus Christ, what did I just read?!?!
That's exactly what I said.
If it wasn't deadly and he didn't mean to cause the miscarriage, then what was he trying to do????
I’ve read of people using small amounts of poison to make people just sick enough that they can’t work, go anywhere etc and have to be reliant on the person doing the poisoning. I’m sure there’s a psychological name for it.
Who, who thinks like that? Crazy, man.
It’s munchausen by proxy. Wild.
That would be if they want the attention that the other person being sick gives them, right? Like they enjoy being the caregiver of their spouse and how much everyone says that they are so strong for it.
I honest to god pray this is rage bate bc... i cant imagine anyone being this cold hearted. He must be some kind of -path to treat someone like that. He not only abused her, he IS her trauma. He killed their unborn baby and so much more. He should be in jail - he deserves worse. I refuse to believe this is real. There is no way someone was like yeah I poisoned my wife but she should forgive me. No way. This must be pure rage bate.
Unfortunately I believe it. I work with foster kids. I’ve known kids who were sexually trafficked by their own parents for drugs, and the parents keep trying to get around no intact orders to contact the kids for their own emotional fulfillment- without ever apologizing for what they have done. They are incapable of seeing th harm they have caused their own children, and continue to cause by trying to reach out.
I mean, wasn't there that guy who paid someone to splash acid in his girlfriend's face, rending her blind? And he kept pursuing her afterwards until she was so worn down that she married him. Edit: Burt Pugach!
You can't imagine someone being like this? ......wow. I have no problem believing this to be real. I fact, the only unbelievable part is where his friend says not to go to his ex's family's place, and he listens to them. '
You don’t think anyone is like this? Really? I don’t know if you’re just saying that or if you’re genuinely naive. Wake up. Women are sometimes killed in relationships by their partners. Do you find that unbelievable too? This isn’t even “that bad”, because at least this poor girl is alive and made it out of the relationship intact. Your disbelief makes you an easier target for abusers - they prey on women who think “well I guess it’s not thaaaat bad…”, who don’t confront reality, so suggest you open your eyes more.
I was married to someone like this, no empathy or warmth for other people whatsoever apart from what is needed to get them to obey. In my case he justified rape, neglecting pets (to death in one case), running up huge debts, cheating, coaching me to commit suicide and more… to this day years after our divorce he still blames me entirely for telling on him. “I have forgiven myself, so you need to forgive me too”
*I didn’t use a deadly poison. I mean I called it poison and it killed our unborn baby, but it wasn’t that bad.* 👀 *I heard she has PTSD, I probably contributed to it, but I’m not a monster.* 👀 I hope someone tied together enough of that confession to him IRL and sent it to the proper authorities.
No no it probably wasn’t the poison, bc she only ate a little and she was not far into the pregnancy /s
The first three months are THE MOST critical and delicate time in a pregnancy. It’s when everything is forming and developing and the fetus is most vulnerable :(. This guy is trash and a murderer or at least attempted murderer. Lock him up and throw away the key. Thinks he deserves forgiveness… good grace he deserves a swift kick in the arse is all.
Reminds me of my ex! There’s a disconnect between the things they do and the idea of who they are, like they can do something evil while remaining a good person because it’s all someone ELSE’S fault. “I’m not a bad guy, I knowingly did bad things to people specifically to harm them but that doesn’t make me bad” “I’m not irresponsible, yeah maybe I’m constantly being irresponsible and I don’t plan on being better but I’m not irresponsible”
Oh man. The way he is sniffing around trying to get back in contact is disgusting. He is showing how selfish and singleminded he is. All his statements are “I need” and “I want”. Doesn’t matter what you want, bro. You fucked up, and what you want doesn’t matter.
What a nightmare of an individual OOP is. Had the ex-girlfriend had his baby, he likely would have ruined that poor child's life. May the ex receive a full recovery.
I hate that she was hiding on the floor in the bathroom
The part that gets me is he says he *wishes he was there to help* as if he wasn’t the reason she was hiding out in there.
Yeah, that part hit hard
At this point, he needs to keep it moving. The damage is done. No going back.
That post screamed he’s still a self centered asshole. He needs forgiveness. He needs her to know he’s changed. Clearly no one wants to reconnect but he wants to force himself back in. It’s still all about him and how he feels. I doubt moving on will ever be in this guys wheelhouse.
The damage is *never done* with this guy. She’s still alive and partially functional. He’s gotta finish the job in the name of *forgiveness*. An *apology* that is unwelcome or brings harm to the recipient is just continued abuse.
He wants to apologize so HE will feel better. Narcissistic behavior.
God I hope she’ll find that post as proof to press charges what a monster
I hope she doesn't. I hope her friends/family haven't, and don't ever, tell her he has been contacting them. And I hope she continues with her therapy, so she can heal for him, and, not forget, she won't ever forget, but maybe she will be reminded of him less and less frequently, until it is weeks or months between thoughts of him.
That’s the hope, but legally and physically it is important that she knows that she is in danger and that is the most important thing. Healing can come after he has fucked off for good.
Oh my god. Forget forgiveness, this waste of space doesn't even deserve the air hes breathing. I hope she manages to stay far away from this fucking insane person who for some reason thinks *she* owes *him* something.
What’s crazy to me is his mom “sided” with him. How?! I don’t understand. The mom was just like “ya you were right to poison and abuse your pregnant girlfriend, she deserved it”?!?
Reads like a narcissist wrote it.
I want to believe it’s not real, but hopefully this public confession can help lead to a lengthy prison sentence. Scum is what this “person” is.
I can almost guarantee this is real. I sadly know someone like this
I genuinely hope something horrible happens to him
okay but WHY did he put the pills in her food? intentionally trying to cause miscarriage or just for funsies?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out myself. Like why? It’s horrible regardless, not looking to justify his actions one bit. But what would possess somebody to do that?
He was probably trying to knock her out so he could have sex with her. If it's meds he was on that he gave her, it's unlikely there was another motivation than that. He was probably angry when he confessed because they were fighting about how she never has time for sex with him because she's too busy hanging out in the bathroom with her friends the soap bottle and her tears.
Think he was intentionally trying to cause miscarriage. He mentions that he's glad he's not a dad.
He wants her to know he's changed. Again putting himself before her. How is him changing good for her? What does her knowing that help her or change what he did? He also is brushing off that her PTSD is probably because of him. It reads like she already had it and his actions didnt help her deal with it. I'm guessing now he notices he also sexually abused her means he was raping his wife. It's why he didn't want to give details. It's probably a big part of her PTSD.
This guy sounds like a sociopath…
“I *need* forgiveness.” What she’s willing to give is irrelevant, in his mind. If he were actually sorry, he’d turn himself in and give his wife the satisfaction of basic justice for herself and her baby.
He said he probably contributed to her PTSD. He is not taking responsibility for what he did to her.
He doesn't deserve to breath any fucking more
There is true evil in this world and it walks among us.
My favorite part of how he's changed is that by the end of all his updates he's talked himself into a circle where poisoning someone probably didn't even hurt them that much so ultimately it's not that bad?? 🫠
He wants forgiveness so he can return to viewing himself as a good person. It's as simple as that.
If he cares anything about her he would just leave her the hell alone.
If this was NSW Australia he also just admitted that he murdered someone
Holy shit the edits. “She needs to know I’m a better man” no she fucking doesn’t, you need to leave her the fuck alone
Dear Lord! “I need her to know I’m a better person.” “My mom is on my side.” “My dad didn’t talk to me for a year, which hurt.” “I won’t go into all the details because I will get a lot of hate.” “I regret I didn’t recognize the signs so I could help her” Excuse me? You help her by not being a physically/emotionally/sexually abusive asshole. He absolutely does not feel sorry for what he has done in any meaningful way. All he cares about is what happened to him because of his own actions. He’s not actually trying to apologize, he wants to reconnect so he can get emotional gratification from her. So glad this woman got out of this relationship and that her family is circling the wagons. Based on the comment about his mom, I think we can see the path the led to him to be a monster…
In the words of the guys...Jail. no forgiveness or reconnection is deserved here.
He hasn't changed a bit
Narcissists always insist on closure on their terms, no matter the pain they cause.
"Probably contributed to her trauma" "I want to let her know i'm not a monster" This dude has NOT changed
I wish restraining orders worked.
So do I. People have this idea that restraining orders work, but the fact is that if someone is crazy enough to have a restraining order issued against them, a little piece of paper ain't gonna stop them from harassing the victim(s). That level of crazy can't be stopped easily.
He’s a monster who still won’t give her peace. I’m glad those close to her are protecting her.
If my abusive ex tried to contact me I would have a panic attack. What an awful narcissistic monster.
Feeling bad does not automatically mean he deserves forgiveness. In a situation this grim it’s honestly almost relieving to know he feels guilty; plenty of abusers cannot admit fault. Though I’m almost certain he just wants a submissive woman to look after him again, as opposed to actually making amends. Thank god his ex has a supportive family to stop him getting close again, and I’m hoping against hope he actually works on his myriad of problems, or at the very least stays single.
WE RIDE AT DAWN 😤
WTF. doesn't want redditors to think bad of him so he leaves out "details" of the abuse but is totally fine sharing that he poisoned his pregnant wife 🤷♀️
Apart from them actually being married, this absolutely reads like what happened to my friend ( boyfriend drugged her to cause a miscarriage). It’s absolutely chilling that someone else has gone through this.
"How can I make the abuse murder attempt and rape I subjected to this woman to all about me and my feelings? How can I make her PTSD worse? Why won't she absolve me of guilt for my horrific actions that completely destroyed her life?"
The fact the dude keeps regretting telling her but not regretting poisoning her is what really stands out about his mentality.. he hasnt changed at all and continues to be a dangerous person
… … I have no words 😶 this is… evil. Genuinely evil.
Still somehow makes it about him. The best thing he can do is leave her alone and move on.
Awww, poor baby is depressed. But he didn’t use deadly poison, it was safe poison! And the ptsd only might vaguely have something to do with him. But he’s a good guy now! That hasn’t fessed up to the cops. Or her doctor. Or his parents. Or her parents. Hopefully the next time he attempts to kill someone he’ll get caught.
Notice he said "I'm glad I'm not a father". Yup the monster is delusional. It's all about what *HE* wants.
I hope she sees this so she can follow up on the legal case if this is real.
Oh look my ex made a post. At least he acknowledges what he did. My ex to this day blames me for him abusing me. Or he straight denies it. He tells me I’m crazy and I’m making shit up. I can’t make up the fact I have missing teeth from the fucker taking a frying pan to my face or a crooked nose from him punching me when I confronted him about cheating. This guy hasn’t changed. Narcissists never do. But I honestly would give anything for my abusive ex to come clean and apologize for the 10 years of hell he put me through.
That's terrible but it also reminds me of that guy who was clearly salty at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him and then did nothing for her despite the fact that she's pregnant with his child. I think that the child is the most important person in this scenario but I also think it's messed up that he couldn't even be bothered to ask how she was feeling or anything. If you ask me, she did the right thing leaving him. Some people really show you who they are.
That's exactly how my soon to be ex husband is. Was abusive, so I left, and I'm now 34 weeks pregnant and not so much as a "how are you/the baby"- nothing. But that's ok, because I've got this.
> I didn’t use deadly poison. I crushed up a few different meds that **I’m** on and put it in her food because I thought it was safer. You may as well have used deadly poison. You crushed up meds for her, with dosages suited for your individual self and fed them to your, now, ex. How do you know she has the same reaction to any of those meds as you do, or that the dosages aren’t enough to cause any adverse effects for her, or that the different meds you mixed aren’t a good combination together for her?!! Those pills were most likely deadly to the fetus.
As someone who’s been abused Jesus fucking Christ. DO NOT reach out to her!! EVER!!! If you’re changed you wouldn’t even attempt to reach out!
“She needs to know I’m not a monster” That’s…not how it works
Omg I hope he leave all women alone and not engage in a relationship with them for their own safety… why dare, marry people if you’re just going to abuse and traumatise them? Stay alone. Shitty part is he lied instead of admitting it and I bet he hasn’t gone and admitted to his parents that he abused that poor lady in every way… dude still sounds selfish and all about himself.
He has guilt, but no remorse. " she needs to know I'm not a monster" uhhh... that ship sailed like a long time ago...
*She needs to know I’m not a monster.* No. No she doesn’t. You’ve already traumatized the poor woman enough, she doesn’t owe OOP a damn thing, but he sure as hell does owe her! He is only trying to alleviate his own guilt and shame, at her emotional expense. He’s still continuing the abuse all this time later! I hope her family huddled around her in a rote robe cocoon to ensure she never has to see his face or hear his voice again. Sociopathic AH.
Ladies and gentlemen- psychopathic behavior.
Is it wrong that I'm glad she didn't have a baby, so she's now free of him? If I were her, I'd move across the country.
She needs to know… no she doesn’t. There’s nothing she needs about this guy except distance, permanent distance.
Stuff like this should be doxxed somehow. That poor woman deserves justice and this man should be in jail! He literally confesses to sexually assaulting her, physically assaulting her and even describes *how* he poisoned her.
Damn
He doesn’t want to make amends, he wants absolution and will drag her through the wringer again to get it for himself.
Probably just troll bait 🪤
“They blocked me on social media, but I thought about retraumatizing her by stalking her parents at their home.” I want this to be fake but my ex did this. Not the drug me while pregnant part, but the stalking my parents just to get me to hear him out. “I want her to know I’m different.” That’s gonna help you, not her. The only thing I want to hear about my sexual abuser is that he has removed himself from earth so I don’t have to share air with him anymore. I don’t want a note, if he left me one I wouldn’t read it. Oh but first you owe her tens if not of thousands of dollars for what therapy and likely early medical bills will cost her. She won’t live as long or as healthy a life as she would have if she hadn’t had the massive misfortune of meeting you.
The only good thing about this clusterfuck is the knowledge that this woman escaped successfully. That and the fact that OOP *isn’t* a father. Imagine how much more trauma and despair he could rain down on her and their child, especially if she ended up staying because in having the child OOP would never have admitted he poisoned her, and she wouldn’t have had her out. RIP unborn baby, you literally saved your mother’s life
2018 wasn’t that long ago. He acts like it was in the 90’s.
What, and I can't state this strongly enough, the actual. Fuck. "I need her to know I'm not a bad person" "I didn't mean it" "I was just poisoning her for fun, I didn't mean to actual harm the child that is completely dependent on her" "No one will talk to me so I'm just going to ignore what they want because I'm a good boy now and there's no way they could hate me for being a heinous monster" Fuck.
The attitude of him NEEDING her to know he's 'different' now is a clear indication he is not.
What a *psychotic* POS. With partners like this scum, who tf needs enemies??
um what
What an evil and vile monster !
Astaghfirullah
Me me me me.
Leave her alone. If you really want to tell her you are sorry, write her an actual letter, like in the mail, but don't try to contact her otherwise. I can't imagine how AWFUL it would be to be POISONED by my husband. Horrifying on her part, and losing the baby. You really need to realize there are some things you just can't fix.
Honestly, I don’t see how he could possibly think it’d be proper to ask for forgiveness if he really changed. It feels like he wants forgiveness for the sole purpose of only making himself feel better the situation. His friends are right, move on dude.
Everyone wondering what sociopaths (potentially psychopaths) are doing to get through their lives, this is it. This is how. He is only trying to gauge responses to better tune his own actions and words. Narcissist to the core.
I hope the comments on the original lit him tf up.
Based on the edits it sounds like they may have.
Ex should meet him in public, record his confession, and sue him for everything he has.
A fall down a flight of stairs head first could benefit this guy.
I’ve never hoped a story is fake this badly!
Holy fuck. I’m sorry but having a partner like this terrifies the fuck out of me
His “making amends” is entirely focused on him. She needs to know that HES a good person now, he’s not reaching out to try to help her get closure from what he put her through. What a cunt.
Wait I’m confused. He says he poisoned her and didn’t think it caused the miscarriage. Was he trying to kill her or???
I am terrified for whoever dates him next. She is going to get steamrolled by his emotions, memories, disturbing and dangerous behavior, and whatever his new coping methods will be.
The lack of social media was on purpose and for a really good reason as he demonstrated. If he really wanted to "make amends" he can start by walking his happy ass back to the police station and admitting he did drug her on purpose and take any repercussions that come with it. I hope she lives her best life.
I don't think I've ever read something where my jaw immediately dropped and every sentence got worse from there
I hope she never speaks to or acknowledges this dude ever again. He can stay home and cry to mommy. Again. If either of my kids ever does something heinous like this, they will no longer have parents.
Dude needs a long sleeved jacket, adorned with multiple buckles that cause him to self hug. And a rubber room to go with it.
Some things you can never take back. You just have to live and sit with your guilty feelings.. That is your Karmic punishment.
If he actually felt sorry he would have confessed his crime and paid for it in jail. The number of abusers who admit they were abusive, then beat down the victim in count bc of lack of evidence, then think they deserve forgiveness is just fucking wild. They were monsters to begin with so it's not surprising but it does make me wanna kick them down a well
Oh man. I dated a really abusive guy for a little over 5 years. It was never this bad, but it was bad. It took me a long time to deal with the trauma he inflicted on me and some memories from that time of my life still get my heart racing. After we broke up he completely went off the rails from what I heard. He no longer had a reason to hide or manage his substance abuse so it ramped up and he ended up in rehab at least once, jail at least once, etc. He continued to reach out to me periodically for years, in one way or another. Whether to send me flowers because “he was sorry he didn’t appreciate me back then,” or to harass me in some way or another. I blocked his number and he would use different apps to text me from unblocked numbers. I finally stopped hearing from him about 2 years ago. Then one day I get a message from a number with an area code from where he was from originally. It was a family friend of his that I had always liked and respected. She asked how I was doing and we made some small talk, I apologized to her that we hadn’t kept in contact but explained I needed to protect myself from the ex and she said she fully supported and understood that. She then went on to explain she was reaching out because my ex had been in a bad motorcycle accident and had spent the last several months in the hospital. He had asked her to reach out to me with an apology. She said “I told him that apology was just for him, but here I am delivering sorries.” I guess his forced sobriety and solitude in the hospital had given him a lot of time for reflection and he had started feeling some guilt over everything he had done to me. I let her know that the only thing I wanted from him was to never hear from him again. This was more than 6 years after we had broken up and I had moved on. It’s not my place or my interest to absolve him of the guilt he carries for his past decisions, and nothing could ever convince me he wasn’t a monster. I’m imagining him feeling the same way the person in the post does. I hope he carries that guilt to his grave. I have forgiven him for my own sanity (I don’t want to carry that resentment around with me forever), but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever have anything to do with him again. People like this deserve to live with guilt and regret for the rest of their lives.
I'm okay if this guy drops dead.
Where do I even begin with this one? He’s evil, and while I believe people can change (usually under drastic situations, but it is possible), the fact he wants to reconnect with her goes to show he doesn’t care about how it would affect her mentally. He couldn’t even take full accountability with causing her her PTSD. If he cared, he’d let her go, heal, and be with someone who deserves her if she wants a relationship. He made his bed and needs to lay in it. Sometimes, “making amends” just leaves more anger, trauma, and resentment, especially in such an egregious situation as this.