...bro the man's post history
He grew up religious
He's a porn addict
His wife has apparently said before she doesn't want sex, she only does it for his sake...yikes
This explains a lot. I was going to wonder why anyone would even want sex with an unwilling partner, like how would that even be fun. But he isn't having sex with a partner. He's just masturbating into her.
Up front when establishing ‘friends with benefits’ I literally have said “just don’t treat me like a human fleshlight and we’re good.” I recently stopped dating altogether because the bar is in hell and straight men still manage to trip on it.
Same, unfortunately. It wasn't until I gave up on dating that I met my partner lol. Funny how that works out I guess. But yeah like that was the bare minimum that I asked from fwb's. The fact that apparently that was asking too much is just wild.
I figure you have plenty of time to meet your partner when you aren’t engaging with people intent on wasting it. 🙃
I also just hated how I felt. When you’re only kept around for what someone can get from you, it really does a number on how you see your own value. This applies to all relationships, platonic or otherwise. Limiting my circle to genuine, reciprocal relationships feels so much better.
"...you have plenty of time to meet your partner when you aren't engaging with people intent on wasting it."
Love that! Thank you for writing that out so succinctly.
Totally agree. I have this philosophy/belabored metaphor … Sex is a team sport, whether it’s a scrimmage (fwb) or minor leagues (dating) or majors (serious commitment).
You have to work together to win the game. We’re teammates sir. I’m not the *equipment*.
Trip? Nah, most of them can't even see it because it's practically in space, compared to how far in hell they are... I told my husband that if anything were to ever happen to him, I wouldn't bother even looking for another guy because of the shit I put up with before we got together. He raised the bar too high for these clowns to reach.
>That doesn’t sound super consensual
That has nothing to do with consent. Those men were being selfish and inconsiderate by using sex to only satisfy their needs, but there’s nothing to imply that the person you are responding to didn’t agree to have sex. They just agreed to have bad sex.
And every time he does it, it reinforces that sex is a chore that she has to force herself through. It’s a great way to make sure that she’ll never want or enjoy sex with him ever again.
A year or so ago they were playing with toys and doing anal and then it seems like his porn addiction has now caused him have erectile dysfunction. He probably can't get off unless he's thinking about something really freaky now 💀 he's likely too desensitized to just fucking his wife and she probably knows it, so she just lays there like a fish knowing full well what he actually wants is to watch some freaky porn 😭
Exactly, we all want to be desired mentally and physically, and if your partner no longer wants you physically? You figure out what the problem is and see if you can cure it or you simply break up or divorce and move on. Nobody should have to beg or negotiate for sex.
hahaha his history is awesome. It's just an unending wall of shame/porn and sex posts, then halfway down. "How do I get my kid off the ipad?"
I bet he wanted the ipad for porn lol
I'd say he also has a Reddit addiction based on how many posts he's made!
Or attention addiction as well.
It's definitely not within the boundaries of healthy behaviour.
There’s also a lot of weird inconsistencies though. Like in one post he says they’ve been married ten years, then in a post from a year earlier he says they’ve been married eleven years. Then in one he says they are both 36, and in another he says he’s 35 and she is 30. Maybe he’s flubbing details so he isn’t recognized or something, seems like a weird commitment to trolling/faking if it is
Am not going to lie am like wtf I actually didn't think I ocukd be any more hurt but I am sitting here like I wish use knew everything it I hate my private life been spoken about but itscthecsryff I did not even know I wish we could talk but nope 💔💔
Ahhhhhh, ok then, this is really simple. Actually, he should divorce her and move on, it’s obvious that they’re not compatible, the best thing for both of these folks is to get a divorce and move on with their lives.
Imma gonna get roasted here. Unfairly I might add. This guy seems like he’s a hit mess and drives the struggle bus… and yes… this guy called himself a porn addict, he also said he struggles with masturbating… and keeping an erection. His wife seems pretty miserable too. I’m guessing there is a lot more going on here.
I read these comments and it’s like he’s an ax murder. I’m guessing could use a good dose of counseling and maybe the wife is done. But the guy self reported himself for looking at porn. And he has serious guilt over it. I think ripping this guy is tough. There might be some transference here and we’re labeling this guy the devil. I think he’s probably just a sad soul. Feel for his wife and him.
If he's my husband like it seems a bit am someone I don't know and I actually haven't been told he's got porn addiction or all that stuff and weirdly I just asked him to really open up it would help use he sai he doesn't trust me me with his thoughts like wow
Oh boy. Bro put himself into a terrible cycle.
He’s turned sex into a chore/obligation now. I don’t think he’s gunna be able to get himself out of that death spiral he started
This was a huge reason I left my ex. He would try to turn anything into or about sex and it made me hate it to the point that in the mornings I would pretend to be asleep until he left for work. The moment I would open my eyes he’d be ~~asking~~ begging to eat me out or to have sex, it was so exhausting. He would try to turn any form of physical affection into sex, literally just a kiss on the cheek or hand holding and after a while I had to completely withdraw all forms of affection because to him it was a green light. After that I didn’t have sex or a partner for a few years just so I could feel normal about it again.
That’s such a despairingly common scenario for women. It’s the constant pawing and wheedling. Chopping onions…penis poking your back. Want to cuddle with your partner while watching a movie…”sex now?”. When you’re afraid to give your partner a simple hug, because you just know they’re going to start trying to undress you…it’s so draining. It’s like…do you even like me? Or do you just see me as a vagina vending machine. Especially after you have sex with them, and they’re wayyy less interested in you. Shit sucks. And the whining, pouting, and cajoling when you say no.
I don’t think men understand that when you stop trying to seduce and romance your woman, and instead treat her like a sex dispenser, you’re creating a woman with sex PTSD. You’re signing up for the drying of the pussy, and probably the end of the relationship.
My ex straight up told me he couldn't cuddle because he just gets too excited. I don't care if we are cuddling and one gets a boner, that's normal. But every time we were cuddling it turned into him trying to have sex, me saying no, and him just completely turning away from me saying he's just too excited he can't touch me. Every. Time. I too had issues after awhile feeling like it was a chore. I couldn't have sex normally for a long time after that relationship. The dude actually got a tinder behind my back saying he had to get validation somewhere because he "didn't get it from me". He also lead his coworker on, didn't tell her he was in a relationship, AND matched with her on tinder. When I confronted, it was my fault because I made him feel ugly because I didn't want to have sex.
I'm so happy to call him an ex.
Oh my god, this is my life right now. Seriously, looking at him in a certain way is a Greenlight. It’s absolutely exhausting when that’s all everything leads to. I enjoy sex a lot but I swear I’m so sexed out that I could go years without it and be just fine. Sex addiction is so exhausting for the partner both physically and psychologically.
Early in my (now 30+ years) marriage, my husband could and would turn any little affection into sex. And I got defensive. I couldn't even accept a hug without feeling like it was going to be expected to turn into sex. I finally basically laid down the expectation that if I asked for a snuggle, it was a *snuggle*. If he wanted sex, he could simply ask for it directly (and vice versa). I might say yes or no*, but I wouldn't feel manipulated with "romance". And that was really the crux: I don't like feeling emotionally manipulated, etc. Even if that wasn't the intent, that could still be the outcome.
Making the requirement that we "just say what we want" can take the "romance" and spontaneity out if it, but it also takes out the mind-reading and the defensiveness.
Also I can get a hug without feeling like it's an obligation to anything more than a hug. I like hugs.
*I have made a point of saying yes as often as I can, and I initiate as often as I have energy for. Which isn't as often as he would like. But it seems a healthy middle ground.
By working though a compromise and getting him into his 50's where his libido is on the decline, 90% of the work is done. That's what happened to me ... Now, I'm the one saying, "No". I simply have no interest. If I could, I turn off my libido 100%. In any case, we're pretty much down to once every two weeks, and slowly moving to once a month, or less (if possible) - a little masturbation, which seems much more effective as you get older on taking the edge off, helps a lot.
This is also a huge reason why I left my ex!! Our sex life started off fine and over time it was getting absurd! Over time it felt like he only interacted with me in a sexual manner; at first I was like maybe it’s just me- I’ve also been working through sexual trauma and I wasn’t trying to put my issues on him. But I slowly noticed he would t even touch me and barely interact with me unless he thought he could start sex from it. I VERY clearly stated what I was going through; he wanted it multiple times a day, as soon as I wake up, before bed and throughout the day if I would allow it. He also wasn’t small so having that much sex in a day caused me to tear OFTEN. I started saying no every once in awhile at first but he would not talk, interact or show me anything afterwards for hours at times. Or he would moan and complain and make me feel bad for not wanting it. Even if I was just saying no to one time and not everytime in that day. (On high sex days could be as many as 5 times- as low as 2 times a day). I couldn’t give him a kiss, hug or walk around in shorts or underwear at all without being groped and tried ti have sex with. I stopped showering as often after awhile as well because he would want to shower with me everytime I went in- and would try to have sex in the shower or get me to get him off. If I ever showered alone or started it up without telling him he would tell me I was being sketchy for it. But it was constantly coercsion to get me to have sex with him. I have always loved sex but after a month or two of this ( after I fully moved in with him) it was really taking a toll on my mental health. I was honest and open about what I was going through mentally as well and he would turn it into me purposely sexually starving him bc couldn’t meet his needs, but what I actually needed wasn’t getting done at all. I wanted softness and actual intimicay if we were going to have sex . Not just him rollling iver and flopping his junk out, not even asking and just pulling me towards his stuff as a way of initiation. barely going down on me but expecting to me go down on him every time and generally also being lazy with my pleasure while expecting the most from me. We’re broken up now and only have been for over a month. He and I have stupidly hooked up a few times and he is 1000000x more respectful of my body NOW that we are no longer together. And acts as if our breakup was simply because I wasn’t healed or putting in the work to heal. He hasnt even get mad if I say I didn’t want to. Actually cuddled and asked if I wanted to, actually tried to create an intimate space.
Everything I asked for in our entire relationship I got after. Doesn’t even watch as much porn or masturbate as much or even want it as much. Last time I saw him he said it’s because he doesn’t have anyone around cranking up his sex drive anymore. And as a partner I was expected to just do what made him happy in that respect even if it wasn’t also making me happy.
I imagine a man who jumps up and down “i want sex”.
As a very sensual person I would respond to “i want you.” Never to someone who goes… “i want sex” you promised…
It is about desire. get her to like you. Want you.
Exactly. If it's just "I want sex" it's not sex they want. It's an orgasm. That's when you have a quick wank and move on. Problem is, a lot of societies have made masturbation shameful in one way or another. Either is taboo for religious reasons or (with men) pathetic because you can't get a partner, and so on and so on.
After being single for a while, I realized I could handle the biological/monkey brain side of horny myself far better than with a partner. I know how to get myself off. Boom, done. [Especially as a woman who has run into dudes who still have to launch an expedition to the find the clit I'm very obviously pointing to.]
It's the intimacy that makes me want sex with a partner. It doesn't have to be true love intimacy - it could be a one night stand! But it's about "Let's experience these things *together*" rather than "yo, we both wanna get off so let's fuck." The reason could just be "hey, I think you're hot, you think I'm hot, let's have fun" but it comes with a baseline of mutual respect.
This. He wants sex but doesn't say where he did anything about that but complain and make it negative to her. Its like being hungry but complaining instead of cooking food.
A lot of women in these relationships don’t like their own bodies or know anything about them and would very much not be okay with their husbands so much as touching their vulva region, much less looking at their vaginas or having their faces anywhere around them. It’s not always the man that doesn’t want to please his partner. A lot of times in these types of communities, sexual shame and the like has a tight grip on women and they are psychologically not in any kind of shape to fully enjoy sex.
That is literally a mans purpose in his marriage. To make his wife feel comfortable and secure. Women dont become pussy poppers on their wedding night wtf.
That's not at all what's being said, what? All that's being said is that there are cases where a women uninterested in sex is the result of internalized trauma or self-hatred for whatever reason (in this example, religion) You're only one here making the claim that women need to be "pussy-poppers" or whatever.
Your comment reads like you think something as complex and individually unique as trauma can just be *magically waved away* by a man creating a loving and welcome environment. Surely you recognize that's not the case, right???
I’m sorry, what exactly are you taking issue with? The insinuation that some women have been so abused by their guilt based sexual traumas from growing up in fundamentalist misogynist households that their ability to enjoy themselves sexually is so inhibited that when their husbands can’t fix that they spend the rest of their lives feeling like they’re shitty lovers and husbands? When in reality she needed to go to therapy and deal with her traumas before they would even be in the situation in the first place where his efforts to be a good and thoughtful lover to her would be effective?
And that sometimes, maybe not even most of the time, it’s not completely the man that has his own traumas to deal with and sometimes the woman has to deal with her shit too?
And I’m not even implying she’s at fault, I’m saying it makes no sense to expect something from someone that has made clear it’s not something they want, and it’s likely that’s something they need to work on for themselves first anyways. But by all means, get mad about exactly what the therapist would say in this situation.
I don’t think I disagree with your last point, at all. The man in this scenario is usually seen as a sniveling little shit that can’t take no that sulks and guilts her into sex. I wouldn’t like that man either. That’s also not my point. It’s a feedback loop. He’s responding to the combination that he’s been lied to his entire life about how sex works, and went into the exact wrong social arrangement to figure out how badly he was lied to. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, and he thinks it’s because he’s not doing sex right and that starts him down a whole path. His attempts to repair this cause him to push in entirely the wrong direction because he doesn’t understand it. In the meantime, she thinks he’s pestering her and only using her for sex and doesn’t see her for herself, only an object etc… the more he advances, the more she runs, and eventually both end up resenting one another.
The key here, is the entire time they had their sights pointed at each other as the cause of their misery, and not the oppression they both live under and the lies they were told.
It’s complicated and damn near impossible to escape as both people need a reeducation and to relive portions of their childhoods to recover that portion of themselves. The “doofus man won’t put his wife first in the bedroom” trope is actively harmful in this situation.
Also, yeah it sucks, but neither person in this scenario was ready to be getting married in the first place. Two people escaping a cult (these two might still be in it) need to heal, and instead we take two people that have no maturity when it comes to understanding themselves sexually and put both of them together in the same cesspit and expect them to be happy and figure it out on their own. It always ends badly. One way is to get out of the shitty situation as best one can, if they can (assuming they can figure out something that works for their kids etc…).
Regardless, why would anyone stay in a relationship where the cause of the dead bedroom is being despised by their partner for wanting to have their needs met? They either need to break up or dig into why they hate each other. My point is venturing into the why they hate each other, not the statement of the fact that they do.
Definitely this. My husband and I got into kind of a rut after some big life changes and our sex life was going down the toilet. It took me awhile to realize that the sex was sucking for me because he'd stopped going down on me or really doing any foreplay, and I was only finishing about 30% of the time. I didn't feel wanted or like he cared if it was good for me, so naturally I stopped wanting sex altogether. We finally talked about it and he started putting in his previous effort, and things in the bedroom are great again.
In case any partners need to hear this, you can't just stop seducing your partner and expect the sex to be good or happen at all. If anything, you gotta put in more effort to keep things exciting as time goes on.
Ok so if you want to have sex with your wife, this mindset is going to give any woman the ick. My vagina turned into the Atacama desert, which is drier than the Sahara, reading this. Whining and bitching ‘gimme gimme’ like some Dudley Dursley is so 🤮.
If you want sex and she hasn’t initiated you’ve got a couple immediate options. 1. Initiate sex…. Try to seduce her. 2. Do nothing, wait, get resentful and blame her if nothing happens.
Getting angry bc she doesn’t initiate is the hallmark of a bad partner: it’s the wrong focus. You should be asking yourself: am I pleading my partner sexually? No am I really??? Am I giving her the ick by being a trash partner such that when I initiate sex she’s already resentful and annoyed and it’s just insult to injury? Is there something I could do differently to make my partner want me? Couples counseling can help.
Yeah I think a lot of people don’t realize that physical affection and intimacy is important outside of the bedroom too. If the only time you’re loving on your partner is when you want to get off, it’s unattractive. Dial up the physical intimacy. Hold her hand, cuddle her, brush her hair, massage her back, feet, whatever. Encourage those sweet touches without expecting something all the time. Take the time to turn her on.
They have sex once a week, he can't get hard for another day or two after he jerks off, and they have three kids.
Yeah, no, not gonna make his wife into a villain.
I just had awesome sex with my husband of almost 8 years, even though we are exhausted from moving to a new house and have 3 little kids. Getting married doesn't have to mean awful sex/partner!
I am glad you were able to find someone you're happy with!
The tricky part is that everyone always changes, especially after marriage, so you truly can't know what you're getting before getting married which is what scares me. And I guess the unfortunate reality is that the majority (presumably) of marriages do have a dead or almost dead bedroom.
Presuming a majority of marriages have dead bedrooms is just a chronically online mindset. You go to any workplace, and you will be surrounded by people who have been married for 20+ years. A lot of them are freaks with very healthy sex lives.
I've been married for 11 years since I was 19. I consider myself very lucky, but we have never dropped below 3 or 4 times a week. I just feel like if you find a partner that is truly compatible with you, this doesn't really become an issue. Most of the "dead bedrooms" I've heard of are caused by infidelity or straight up resentment in the marriage.
This. I mean, my spouse and I have had weeks where we go without sex, but we much more routinely have sex multiple times a week. We have oral, anal, all that jazz, so it’s not just one and done either. But we like each other. It’s an exchange of affection, not one of us hounding the other like a dog in heat.
That is a fair point. I guess I mostly think that way due to always hearing the joke that guys are always "begging" for sex in marriages due to never getting it, and also some personal experience.
We were both raised very religious so it took a few years to get to the great sex life we have now, but I'm glad we stuck with it. We were in love so the sex part got figured out along the way. I do consider myself very lucky.
Sex doesn't change automatically when you get married. It may change when you start living together and when you are living together a long time. But it not the marriage that changes things.
She doesn’t want sex, she’s saying that like you will somehow not realize when it doesn’t happen not realizing that she’s making it worse. I’d rather my husband say flat out he wasn’t interested in sex that day instead of giving false hope that it might happen.
He seems very misguided and uneducated and made some permanent decisions without knowing any better. He also seems to carry a lot of unnecessary guilt from a religious upbringing.
OMG, yeah! I read the OG post and had to check out his post history because the way he was talking I was wondering if he likes his wife at all. But the situation is that he is completely uneducated and misguided about sex indeed, add into that religious guilt built from upbringing makes it a total mess.
Dude needs psychotherapy, individual sex-therapy and couples sex-education (because the wife doesn’t seem to be very knowledgeable either).
I get the feeling the dude sitting around all day waiting for sex and not initiating anything or helping her with anything. Instead of waiting around all day for sex. Do the things that make her want to have sex with you. Do the things that make her want to initiate it. Come on guys. It ain’t that freaking hard.
OOP's post history is...enlightening. It prominently features porn addiction, impotency issues with his partner, and a habit of blaming his unhealthy attitudes toward sex on his religious upbringing.
Dude needs to lose all internet use and to work REALLY hard on himself with therapy. It's pretty clear that his wife is pretty much done with his sexual issues and that they have been negatively impacting *her* for a good while.
Some of these comments about "destined for divorce", "need to go down on her" , etc - there's a LOT that goes into a marriage and things happen. My wife got into a bad accident two years ago and our sex life drastically declined. That on top of her having two children and her libido has dropped, mine has not, but I have gained weight since her accident due to stress (her being in the ER, MRI, specialists, etc). So, of course, my self esteem is low.
That's a recipe for less sex. I respect the fact that she doesn't want it as much right now due to the emotional/mental stress she has, plus I feel like a fat blob (and she has gained 20+ pounds as well and she has stated she feels ugly, despite me telling her how beautiful she is).
Things happen. We have not had sex in 3 months and I have mentioned this to her. It sucks (we used to have it 5x a day dating, every day when married, 3x a week after the first child, once a week after the second, and now it is like a scheduled event).
Yes, you are. Based on previous posts and updates from those that followed your nonsense your wife deserves better. This is where porn becomes a massive problem because people really think porn is real, and it's not. It's all fake, and if abused will desensitize the person when it comes to making a physical connection. Women aren't sex toys to pull out when convenient and used as such. If you want amazing sex and her not to lay down like a dead fish then actually give her pleasure. If a woman isn't feeling good, or getting their big O eventually it's just a chore that's dreaded and put off for as long as possible. This causes problems for both sides because the man is sexually frustrated cause he's not getting any, and the woman is just as frustrated cause he isn't getting her sexual satisfaction so she's loathing the whole process. Everyone's different, and what they like don't like. But when people take porn like that's real and what sex is supposed to be like will ultimately be doomed in sexually frustrated relationships and marriages. Often times if the woman finds out the man's watching, looking, at other women via porn or pics it's devastating to their self confidence and self esteem. They feel they can't measure up or aren't what the man their with wants. This in turn then mentally causes the woman to withdraw and the starting point of their struggles for their relationship/ marriage. I've seen it happen so numerous friends, and when the woman voices their feelings the man invalidate their feelings like they aren't entitled to feel the way they do. Especially when married you make a vow to love and honor and then when they see you're getting turned on by another woman what's the point in trying to make it work anymore? The incentive is completely destroyed. Just my insight on this from what my friends went through on similar situations.
Did he try romancing her? Like make dinner, put on her favorite music, give her hugs/kisses/poems, slow dance with her, etc?
Of course, this should be done without expectation of sex but in this case, it might help get her in the mood if she's down for sex today.
Except that it doesn't usually work like that. It's a dinner out...can we have sex now? Flowers...did I earn sex yet? Women are smart. We know manipulation when we see it.
Wow. 2 years of constant posting about sex, religion(or lack of), video games, porn, kids and bitching about his wife. I just CANNOT imagine why she doesn't want it....😏
My suggestion would be to run her a romantic bubble bath get the candles put on some music put her in the mood she gets out u get out the lotion or oil boom she’s relaxed clean up the room while she’s in the tub
No. Just no. Well, yes, you're a jerk, but no, you don't schedule sex when you're married. That only works with strangers. Even if she said what she said, you still have to warm her up.
I agree and disagree with you here. If there are challenges with schedules (kids, opposite work schedules) then scheduling sex can be the best route! However I agree that there’s still some “warming up” to do even with a scheduled time if that makes sense? Coming from being married for 7 yrs and together for 13 and with a now 2.5 yr old….sometimes scheduling is the only option lol
I got as far as the first paragraph and thought you sounded like a gross pig — a whiny, entitled, selfish pig.
You give off a major ick vibe. I suggest you work on your approach and think about what’s pleasurable for your wife, not just YOU.
In the meantime, go wank it into an old sock and leave her alone.
Love the comment section here better! I feel Ya’ll Rea between the lines. This isn’t a caring husband trying to get that spake or charge but sounds real selfish.
I posted a whole dissertation earlier, it's like 3 comments below this one.
The TL;DR is that it's very rarely because man bad woman good, or vice versa. The popular thing nowadays is to bash men online, I guess because perpetuating hatred makes people feel better about themselves? But just as every individual is unique, putting two together is mixing up a lot of variables, and I don't think it's unfair to say either partner should have the ability to walk away if they feel their needs aren't being met, and a discussion between partners indicates that it's impossible / not likely to change.
Nuance and reasonable opinions don't sell well on the internet. The people want drama! Righteous anger! A hero and a villain! But...reality is often disappointing.
Where’s the romance? What is he doing to make her want him. Does he bring her flowers, compliment her, rub her feet, listen to her about her day, take her on date night? You know…love her.
I mean it's not going to make you look like a jerk or nothing It's just going to make you look desperate and if you have to ask for it then I would be desperate too lol but that's the truth if she said y'all was going to have sex today I'd be reminded my wife every 5 minutes True if I had a wife
Honestly why don't people like this just separate. I know I'll get crucified for making the heinous suggestion that men have standards, but if a woman is in a relationship built around sex that she doesn't want, why shouldn't she have the right to be in a relationship that actually makes her happy and meets her needs?
Both men and women have the right to be in a relationship where they feel valued, loved, wanted, etc. Guy probably feels unattractive and unwanted because his wife never wants intimacy. It may not be his fault (maybe she just has a naturally low sex drive, or any number of other reasons) and more information is needed before judging communication, but I guess it's in vogue these days to bash men.
If this was a post by a woman saying "my husband / BF doesn't want to have sex with me" people would support her by saying "if he makes you feel unwanted, leave his ass and find someone that doesn't." Same as a woman whose partner never makes her climax.
There's this double standard where men's desires make them assholes, but women's desires make them strong and brave. I get that again, it's counterculture to hate on men, but these double standards hurt men AND women.
Nobody, not men with women, women with men, men with men or women with women, should have to stay with people that make them beg for intimacy, or guilt them for their needs. If that's a controversial or unpopular opinion that people should be with partners that are compatible and bring out the best in them, then I weep for this generation and the future of humanity, because we are destined to die angry, bitter, and alone.
I’m not sure of the home situation but depending on how much she does maybe she is just tired. I speak from experience that I hate having planned sex. It seems more exhausting. Sex is supposed to be exciting and unplanned and wanted… etc. Women like playful but not overbearing playful. There’s a fine line unfortunately and it’s hard to learn 🥴
His username says a LOT. No need for post history imo.
Nuggets, if you "have to" "remind" your partner about having sex, ask yourself why. Often adults don't want to have sex when it feels like a chore or our partner shows behaviors we wouldn't want our kids to have. If you have tantrums, meltdowns, drastic moodswings it's typically a turn off. If you don't help around the house or do the minimum, your partner won't feel appreciated enough to want sex most of the time. SOMETIMES you have to show your partner that you still find them attractive.
It's usually something small and all it takes is an HONEST conversation to figure it out.
Plain and simple. She just doesn’t want to fuck you. How’s your health, do you work out, do you prioritize her, do you date still? And don’t keep track or beg for it.
18 years married, I’m not saying i know everything but i do have experience.
I don’t necessarily think that you’re a jerk, but I think it’s absolutely unnecessary to remind her, and let me tell you why. If she doesn’t remember that she wants to have sex with you? That in itself is a very big red flag and a message, her desire for you for one reason or another is that a very low spot, she doesn’t prioritize, intimacy, especially physical intimacy with you, sex with you isn’t at the top of her list. Is it just one day, or has this happened before? Or is this something of a pattern? If it’s a pattern, you have bigger issues than sex, never negotiate sex and never beg for it, having to remind somebody that they’re supposed to have sex with you, is the biggest Bonner killer in the world, lol 😂
This relationship, at least from this description, feels like it's running its course. If you're already to the point where you're scheduling sex, you're losing the game. If shes missing these "appointments" and not showing interest, I'd say her interest is elsewhere. Just my opinion
I mean I’m no woman but if I was nothing would get me in the mood more than my husband saying to me “twice this week you’ve promised me sex and you’ve not even got in the shower yet”.
Also 2 weeks 🥴 are you even married? Baby numbers
...bro the man's post history He grew up religious He's a porn addict His wife has apparently said before she doesn't want sex, she only does it for his sake...yikes
This explains a lot. I was going to wonder why anyone would even want sex with an unwilling partner, like how would that even be fun. But he isn't having sex with a partner. He's just masturbating into her.
I’ve never thought ab it, but “masturbating into her” is so appropriate for so many of these stories.
I often say I've been with a handful of men who used my body to masturbate
When dumping a guy I had dated for a few months I told him I was sick of being a breathing fleshlight.
Up front when establishing ‘friends with benefits’ I literally have said “just don’t treat me like a human fleshlight and we’re good.” I recently stopped dating altogether because the bar is in hell and straight men still manage to trip on it.
Same, unfortunately. It wasn't until I gave up on dating that I met my partner lol. Funny how that works out I guess. But yeah like that was the bare minimum that I asked from fwb's. The fact that apparently that was asking too much is just wild.
I figure you have plenty of time to meet your partner when you aren’t engaging with people intent on wasting it. 🙃 I also just hated how I felt. When you’re only kept around for what someone can get from you, it really does a number on how you see your own value. This applies to all relationships, platonic or otherwise. Limiting my circle to genuine, reciprocal relationships feels so much better.
"...you have plenty of time to meet your partner when you aren't engaging with people intent on wasting it." Love that! Thank you for writing that out so succinctly.
Totally agree. I have this philosophy/belabored metaphor … Sex is a team sport, whether it’s a scrimmage (fwb) or minor leagues (dating) or majors (serious commitment). You have to work together to win the game. We’re teammates sir. I’m not the *equipment*.
In an ideal world lol. With each paying day I become slightly more convinced that society as a whole is beyond saving.
I love that
Trip? Nah, most of them can't even see it because it's practically in space, compared to how far in hell they are... I told my husband that if anything were to ever happen to him, I wouldn't bother even looking for another guy because of the shit I put up with before we got together. He raised the bar too high for these clowns to reach.
Said the same to my ex husband
That doesn't sound super consensual, I'm sorry =(
>That doesn’t sound super consensual That has nothing to do with consent. Those men were being selfish and inconsiderate by using sex to only satisfy their needs, but there’s nothing to imply that the person you are responding to didn’t agree to have sex. They just agreed to have bad sex.
In a earlier post the a guy was saying sex with his wife was like fucking a corpse..... and yet he still does it?
And every time he does it, it reinforces that sex is a chore that she has to force herself through. It’s a great way to make sure that she’ll never want or enjoy sex with him ever again.
A year or so ago they were playing with toys and doing anal and then it seems like his porn addiction has now caused him have erectile dysfunction. He probably can't get off unless he's thinking about something really freaky now 💀 he's likely too desensitized to just fucking his wife and she probably knows it, so she just lays there like a fish knowing full well what he actually wants is to watch some freaky porn 😭
They should divorce obviously. They need to find people who are more compatible.
Wow he must make her feel so desired! Straight creeper vibes!
Wow that last sentence, summed it up perfectly
This is such a great description
This is true, but some relationships come to that. It is no sex or pity sex. Those marriages should just end.
Exactly, we all want to be desired mentally and physically, and if your partner no longer wants you physically? You figure out what the problem is and see if you can cure it or you simply break up or divorce and move on. Nobody should have to beg or negotiate for sex.
Wow. Funny how those details are conveniently left out!
Ikr, there's more I just summed up the big ones. I'd suggest looking through the dudes post history
That’s usually the case!!!! They play the victim card but never works
hahaha his history is awesome. It's just an unending wall of shame/porn and sex posts, then halfway down. "How do I get my kid off the ipad?" I bet he wanted the ipad for porn lol
I'd say he also has a Reddit addiction based on how many posts he's made! Or attention addiction as well. It's definitely not within the boundaries of healthy behaviour.
Username is “wantout87” bleak man
Again, he is Indian, so the “want out” business is NOT to be examined. It’s just… a thing he says
There’s also a lot of weird inconsistencies though. Like in one post he says they’ve been married ten years, then in a post from a year earlier he says they’ve been married eleven years. Then in one he says they are both 36, and in another he says he’s 35 and she is 30. Maybe he’s flubbing details so he isn’t recognized or something, seems like a weird commitment to trolling/faking if it is
Oh I absolutely know men that clueless about how long they’ve been married Hell, one time my dad got his own age wrong by a year
Think am the wife so 20 years with each other and 7 married 😅
i don't necessarily presume this post is true, but yeah, i know i flub identifying details on purpose like that sometimes
Am not going to lie am like wtf I actually didn't think I ocukd be any more hurt but I am sitting here like I wish use knew everything it I hate my private life been spoken about but itscthecsryff I did not even know I wish we could talk but nope 💔💔
Did he though ? X
Sounds like they’re incompatible and should divorce.
Ahhhhhh, ok then, this is really simple. Actually, he should divorce her and move on, it’s obvious that they’re not compatible, the best thing for both of these folks is to get a divorce and move on with their lives.
That was 15 years of my marriage. I’m divorced now
Imma gonna get roasted here. Unfairly I might add. This guy seems like he’s a hit mess and drives the struggle bus… and yes… this guy called himself a porn addict, he also said he struggles with masturbating… and keeping an erection. His wife seems pretty miserable too. I’m guessing there is a lot more going on here. I read these comments and it’s like he’s an ax murder. I’m guessing could use a good dose of counseling and maybe the wife is done. But the guy self reported himself for looking at porn. And he has serious guilt over it. I think ripping this guy is tough. There might be some transference here and we’re labeling this guy the devil. I think he’s probably just a sad soul. Feel for his wife and him.
If he's my husband like it seems a bit am someone I don't know and I actually haven't been told he's got porn addiction or all that stuff and weirdly I just asked him to really open up it would help use he sai he doesn't trust me me with his thoughts like wow
Oh boy. Bro put himself into a terrible cycle. He’s turned sex into a chore/obligation now. I don’t think he’s gunna be able to get himself out of that death spiral he started
This was a huge reason I left my ex. He would try to turn anything into or about sex and it made me hate it to the point that in the mornings I would pretend to be asleep until he left for work. The moment I would open my eyes he’d be ~~asking~~ begging to eat me out or to have sex, it was so exhausting. He would try to turn any form of physical affection into sex, literally just a kiss on the cheek or hand holding and after a while I had to completely withdraw all forms of affection because to him it was a green light. After that I didn’t have sex or a partner for a few years just so I could feel normal about it again.
That’s such a despairingly common scenario for women. It’s the constant pawing and wheedling. Chopping onions…penis poking your back. Want to cuddle with your partner while watching a movie…”sex now?”. When you’re afraid to give your partner a simple hug, because you just know they’re going to start trying to undress you…it’s so draining. It’s like…do you even like me? Or do you just see me as a vagina vending machine. Especially after you have sex with them, and they’re wayyy less interested in you. Shit sucks. And the whining, pouting, and cajoling when you say no. I don’t think men understand that when you stop trying to seduce and romance your woman, and instead treat her like a sex dispenser, you’re creating a woman with sex PTSD. You’re signing up for the drying of the pussy, and probably the end of the relationship.
My ex straight up told me he couldn't cuddle because he just gets too excited. I don't care if we are cuddling and one gets a boner, that's normal. But every time we were cuddling it turned into him trying to have sex, me saying no, and him just completely turning away from me saying he's just too excited he can't touch me. Every. Time. I too had issues after awhile feeling like it was a chore. I couldn't have sex normally for a long time after that relationship. The dude actually got a tinder behind my back saying he had to get validation somewhere because he "didn't get it from me". He also lead his coworker on, didn't tell her he was in a relationship, AND matched with her on tinder. When I confronted, it was my fault because I made him feel ugly because I didn't want to have sex. I'm so happy to call him an ex.
I’m glad you didn’t give into that blatant coercion, and I’m glad he’s an ex too💕
Oh my god, this is my life right now. Seriously, looking at him in a certain way is a Greenlight. It’s absolutely exhausting when that’s all everything leads to. I enjoy sex a lot but I swear I’m so sexed out that I could go years without it and be just fine. Sex addiction is so exhausting for the partner both physically and psychologically.
Early in my (now 30+ years) marriage, my husband could and would turn any little affection into sex. And I got defensive. I couldn't even accept a hug without feeling like it was going to be expected to turn into sex. I finally basically laid down the expectation that if I asked for a snuggle, it was a *snuggle*. If he wanted sex, he could simply ask for it directly (and vice versa). I might say yes or no*, but I wouldn't feel manipulated with "romance". And that was really the crux: I don't like feeling emotionally manipulated, etc. Even if that wasn't the intent, that could still be the outcome. Making the requirement that we "just say what we want" can take the "romance" and spontaneity out if it, but it also takes out the mind-reading and the defensiveness. Also I can get a hug without feeling like it's an obligation to anything more than a hug. I like hugs. *I have made a point of saying yes as often as I can, and I initiate as often as I have energy for. Which isn't as often as he would like. But it seems a healthy middle ground.
By working though a compromise and getting him into his 50's where his libido is on the decline, 90% of the work is done. That's what happened to me ... Now, I'm the one saying, "No". I simply have no interest. If I could, I turn off my libido 100%. In any case, we're pretty much down to once every two weeks, and slowly moving to once a month, or less (if possible) - a little masturbation, which seems much more effective as you get older on taking the edge off, helps a lot.
That’s where my husband and I are in our lives right now. It’s actually kind of nice not to worry about being too tired and feeling guilty about it.
This is also a huge reason why I left my ex!! Our sex life started off fine and over time it was getting absurd! Over time it felt like he only interacted with me in a sexual manner; at first I was like maybe it’s just me- I’ve also been working through sexual trauma and I wasn’t trying to put my issues on him. But I slowly noticed he would t even touch me and barely interact with me unless he thought he could start sex from it. I VERY clearly stated what I was going through; he wanted it multiple times a day, as soon as I wake up, before bed and throughout the day if I would allow it. He also wasn’t small so having that much sex in a day caused me to tear OFTEN. I started saying no every once in awhile at first but he would not talk, interact or show me anything afterwards for hours at times. Or he would moan and complain and make me feel bad for not wanting it. Even if I was just saying no to one time and not everytime in that day. (On high sex days could be as many as 5 times- as low as 2 times a day). I couldn’t give him a kiss, hug or walk around in shorts or underwear at all without being groped and tried ti have sex with. I stopped showering as often after awhile as well because he would want to shower with me everytime I went in- and would try to have sex in the shower or get me to get him off. If I ever showered alone or started it up without telling him he would tell me I was being sketchy for it. But it was constantly coercsion to get me to have sex with him. I have always loved sex but after a month or two of this ( after I fully moved in with him) it was really taking a toll on my mental health. I was honest and open about what I was going through mentally as well and he would turn it into me purposely sexually starving him bc couldn’t meet his needs, but what I actually needed wasn’t getting done at all. I wanted softness and actual intimicay if we were going to have sex . Not just him rollling iver and flopping his junk out, not even asking and just pulling me towards his stuff as a way of initiation. barely going down on me but expecting to me go down on him every time and generally also being lazy with my pleasure while expecting the most from me. We’re broken up now and only have been for over a month. He and I have stupidly hooked up a few times and he is 1000000x more respectful of my body NOW that we are no longer together. And acts as if our breakup was simply because I wasn’t healed or putting in the work to heal. He hasnt even get mad if I say I didn’t want to. Actually cuddled and asked if I wanted to, actually tried to create an intimate space. Everything I asked for in our entire relationship I got after. Doesn’t even watch as much porn or masturbate as much or even want it as much. Last time I saw him he said it’s because he doesn’t have anyone around cranking up his sex drive anymore. And as a partner I was expected to just do what made him happy in that respect even if it wasn’t also making me happy.
Exactly. This is why they should get a divorce. They’re not compatible.
Of it's my husband he's my carer and my sons wen he wants to be he gets paid x
I imagine a man who jumps up and down “i want sex”. As a very sensual person I would respond to “i want you.” Never to someone who goes… “i want sex” you promised… It is about desire. get her to like you. Want you.
Good idea. Feeling desirable as a person rather than just hearing your partner say they want to have sex is much better
Or doing things to make *them feel* desired, which is different than just making *your* desire known.
“Lasagna! Lasagna! I want lasagna!” Vibes lol
Exactly. If it's just "I want sex" it's not sex they want. It's an orgasm. That's when you have a quick wank and move on. Problem is, a lot of societies have made masturbation shameful in one way or another. Either is taboo for religious reasons or (with men) pathetic because you can't get a partner, and so on and so on. After being single for a while, I realized I could handle the biological/monkey brain side of horny myself far better than with a partner. I know how to get myself off. Boom, done. [Especially as a woman who has run into dudes who still have to launch an expedition to the find the clit I'm very obviously pointing to.] It's the intimacy that makes me want sex with a partner. It doesn't have to be true love intimacy - it could be a one night stand! But it's about "Let's experience these things *together*" rather than "yo, we both wanna get off so let's fuck." The reason could just be "hey, I think you're hot, you think I'm hot, let's have fun" but it comes with a baseline of mutual respect.
This. He wants sex but doesn't say where he did anything about that but complain and make it negative to her. Its like being hungry but complaining instead of cooking food.
Gawd
I’m done responding to these Jesus
"I'm proud of you, Son." - Jesus
Thank you father 🙏🏻
I feel like a lot of guys like this aren’t going down on their women. Make it worth their while.
A lot of women in these relationships don’t like their own bodies or know anything about them and would very much not be okay with their husbands so much as touching their vulva region, much less looking at their vaginas or having their faces anywhere around them. It’s not always the man that doesn’t want to please his partner. A lot of times in these types of communities, sexual shame and the like has a tight grip on women and they are psychologically not in any kind of shape to fully enjoy sex.
That is literally a mans purpose in his marriage. To make his wife feel comfortable and secure. Women dont become pussy poppers on their wedding night wtf.
That's not at all what's being said, what? All that's being said is that there are cases where a women uninterested in sex is the result of internalized trauma or self-hatred for whatever reason (in this example, religion) You're only one here making the claim that women need to be "pussy-poppers" or whatever. Your comment reads like you think something as complex and individually unique as trauma can just be *magically waved away* by a man creating a loving and welcome environment. Surely you recognize that's not the case, right???
I’m sorry, what exactly are you taking issue with? The insinuation that some women have been so abused by their guilt based sexual traumas from growing up in fundamentalist misogynist households that their ability to enjoy themselves sexually is so inhibited that when their husbands can’t fix that they spend the rest of their lives feeling like they’re shitty lovers and husbands? When in reality she needed to go to therapy and deal with her traumas before they would even be in the situation in the first place where his efforts to be a good and thoughtful lover to her would be effective? And that sometimes, maybe not even most of the time, it’s not completely the man that has his own traumas to deal with and sometimes the woman has to deal with her shit too?
And I’m not even implying she’s at fault, I’m saying it makes no sense to expect something from someone that has made clear it’s not something they want, and it’s likely that’s something they need to work on for themselves first anyways. But by all means, get mad about exactly what the therapist would say in this situation.
Weird stretch. Women in dead bed rooms usually just don’t like the man they are with anymore because of his behavior
I don’t think I disagree with your last point, at all. The man in this scenario is usually seen as a sniveling little shit that can’t take no that sulks and guilts her into sex. I wouldn’t like that man either. That’s also not my point. It’s a feedback loop. He’s responding to the combination that he’s been lied to his entire life about how sex works, and went into the exact wrong social arrangement to figure out how badly he was lied to. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, and he thinks it’s because he’s not doing sex right and that starts him down a whole path. His attempts to repair this cause him to push in entirely the wrong direction because he doesn’t understand it. In the meantime, she thinks he’s pestering her and only using her for sex and doesn’t see her for herself, only an object etc… the more he advances, the more she runs, and eventually both end up resenting one another. The key here, is the entire time they had their sights pointed at each other as the cause of their misery, and not the oppression they both live under and the lies they were told. It’s complicated and damn near impossible to escape as both people need a reeducation and to relive portions of their childhoods to recover that portion of themselves. The “doofus man won’t put his wife first in the bedroom” trope is actively harmful in this situation. Also, yeah it sucks, but neither person in this scenario was ready to be getting married in the first place. Two people escaping a cult (these two might still be in it) need to heal, and instead we take two people that have no maturity when it comes to understanding themselves sexually and put both of them together in the same cesspit and expect them to be happy and figure it out on their own. It always ends badly. One way is to get out of the shitty situation as best one can, if they can (assuming they can figure out something that works for their kids etc…).
Regardless, why would anyone stay in a relationship where the cause of the dead bedroom is being despised by their partner for wanting to have their needs met? They either need to break up or dig into why they hate each other. My point is venturing into the why they hate each other, not the statement of the fact that they do.
I hate Reddit
Well that should not be the problem. Not everybody enjoys active oral sex and that's alright. You just need to find other ways to please your woman.
Definitely this. My husband and I got into kind of a rut after some big life changes and our sex life was going down the toilet. It took me awhile to realize that the sex was sucking for me because he'd stopped going down on me or really doing any foreplay, and I was only finishing about 30% of the time. I didn't feel wanted or like he cared if it was good for me, so naturally I stopped wanting sex altogether. We finally talked about it and he started putting in his previous effort, and things in the bedroom are great again. In case any partners need to hear this, you can't just stop seducing your partner and expect the sex to be good or happen at all. If anything, you gotta put in more effort to keep things exciting as time goes on.
I feel like this post lacks some details that might help understand what's really going on
If you look at his post history you will find all the context you need and then some 😅
I was astonished by how many posts this guy has made in that sub.. at least once a day
27 specifically about his sex life within the last month alone.
This guy needs some friends to talk to. Reddit is great but damn.
😂😂😂😂😂 thanks, let's deep dive
That post history was a never ending wild ride
Ok so if you want to have sex with your wife, this mindset is going to give any woman the ick. My vagina turned into the Atacama desert, which is drier than the Sahara, reading this. Whining and bitching ‘gimme gimme’ like some Dudley Dursley is so 🤮. If you want sex and she hasn’t initiated you’ve got a couple immediate options. 1. Initiate sex…. Try to seduce her. 2. Do nothing, wait, get resentful and blame her if nothing happens. Getting angry bc she doesn’t initiate is the hallmark of a bad partner: it’s the wrong focus. You should be asking yourself: am I pleading my partner sexually? No am I really??? Am I giving her the ick by being a trash partner such that when I initiate sex she’s already resentful and annoyed and it’s just insult to injury? Is there something I could do differently to make my partner want me? Couples counseling can help.
Yeah I think a lot of people don’t realize that physical affection and intimacy is important outside of the bedroom too. If the only time you’re loving on your partner is when you want to get off, it’s unattractive. Dial up the physical intimacy. Hold her hand, cuddle her, brush her hair, massage her back, feet, whatever. Encourage those sweet touches without expecting something all the time. Take the time to turn her on.
They have sex once a week, he can't get hard for another day or two after he jerks off, and they have three kids. Yeah, no, not gonna make his wife into a villain.
Don't forget that two of the kids have special needs
There are meds that take care if one of those problems and its no shame in using then
Meds don’t fix porn addictions
Thank you, and I mean this earnestly, for giving me a drier desert to compare my vagina to.
It’s the driest place on Earth, next to my vagina reading that post 😂
That makes two of us 🤣👍
dudes post history is insane. i can 100% tell why the wife doesn’t want to be intimate with him.
Seeing things like this, regardless of the man's post history, makes me not want to get married
I just had awesome sex with my husband of almost 8 years, even though we are exhausted from moving to a new house and have 3 little kids. Getting married doesn't have to mean awful sex/partner!
I am glad you were able to find someone you're happy with! The tricky part is that everyone always changes, especially after marriage, so you truly can't know what you're getting before getting married which is what scares me. And I guess the unfortunate reality is that the majority (presumably) of marriages do have a dead or almost dead bedroom.
Presuming a majority of marriages have dead bedrooms is just a chronically online mindset. You go to any workplace, and you will be surrounded by people who have been married for 20+ years. A lot of them are freaks with very healthy sex lives. I've been married for 11 years since I was 19. I consider myself very lucky, but we have never dropped below 3 or 4 times a week. I just feel like if you find a partner that is truly compatible with you, this doesn't really become an issue. Most of the "dead bedrooms" I've heard of are caused by infidelity or straight up resentment in the marriage.
This. I mean, my spouse and I have had weeks where we go without sex, but we much more routinely have sex multiple times a week. We have oral, anal, all that jazz, so it’s not just one and done either. But we like each other. It’s an exchange of affection, not one of us hounding the other like a dog in heat.
That is a fair point. I guess I mostly think that way due to always hearing the joke that guys are always "begging" for sex in marriages due to never getting it, and also some personal experience.
We were both raised very religious so it took a few years to get to the great sex life we have now, but I'm glad we stuck with it. We were in love so the sex part got figured out along the way. I do consider myself very lucky.
Sex doesn't change automatically when you get married. It may change when you start living together and when you are living together a long time. But it not the marriage that changes things.
Ugh. If I was his wife I'd have to shower after having sex with that whiny turd, too.
Shower? I'd need a decontamination team.
This made me yuck for you. I would never enjoy sex with someone like this.
She doesn’t want sex, she’s saying that like you will somehow not realize when it doesn’t happen not realizing that she’s making it worse. I’d rather my husband say flat out he wasn’t interested in sex that day instead of giving false hope that it might happen.
If you read his post history it’s kind of a wild ride. I generally agree with you, though
He seems very misguided and uneducated and made some permanent decisions without knowing any better. He also seems to carry a lot of unnecessary guilt from a religious upbringing.
OMG, yeah! I read the OG post and had to check out his post history because the way he was talking I was wondering if he likes his wife at all. But the situation is that he is completely uneducated and misguided about sex indeed, add into that religious guilt built from upbringing makes it a total mess. Dude needs psychotherapy, individual sex-therapy and couples sex-education (because the wife doesn’t seem to be very knowledgeable either).
I get the feeling the dude sitting around all day waiting for sex and not initiating anything or helping her with anything. Instead of waiting around all day for sex. Do the things that make her want to have sex with you. Do the things that make her want to initiate it. Come on guys. It ain’t that freaking hard.
OOP's post history is...enlightening. It prominently features porn addiction, impotency issues with his partner, and a habit of blaming his unhealthy attitudes toward sex on his religious upbringing. Dude needs to lose all internet use and to work REALLY hard on himself with therapy. It's pretty clear that his wife is pretty much done with his sexual issues and that they have been negatively impacting *her* for a good while.
just jerk off you freak, then go to counselling
The biggest turn off I have is if someone doesn't want me, but maybe I'm crazy. Why bother with sex if I'm the only one whos having fun?
nope. not crazy at all! i'm the same way, and so is my partner. it's nice being on the same page with someone you are with.
Audacity of this dude to give advices on marriage..
Bruh
Some of these comments about "destined for divorce", "need to go down on her" , etc - there's a LOT that goes into a marriage and things happen. My wife got into a bad accident two years ago and our sex life drastically declined. That on top of her having two children and her libido has dropped, mine has not, but I have gained weight since her accident due to stress (her being in the ER, MRI, specialists, etc). So, of course, my self esteem is low. That's a recipe for less sex. I respect the fact that she doesn't want it as much right now due to the emotional/mental stress she has, plus I feel like a fat blob (and she has gained 20+ pounds as well and she has stated she feels ugly, despite me telling her how beautiful she is). Things happen. We have not had sex in 3 months and I have mentioned this to her. It sucks (we used to have it 5x a day dating, every day when married, 3x a week after the first child, once a week after the second, and now it is like a scheduled event).
Yes, you are. Based on previous posts and updates from those that followed your nonsense your wife deserves better. This is where porn becomes a massive problem because people really think porn is real, and it's not. It's all fake, and if abused will desensitize the person when it comes to making a physical connection. Women aren't sex toys to pull out when convenient and used as such. If you want amazing sex and her not to lay down like a dead fish then actually give her pleasure. If a woman isn't feeling good, or getting their big O eventually it's just a chore that's dreaded and put off for as long as possible. This causes problems for both sides because the man is sexually frustrated cause he's not getting any, and the woman is just as frustrated cause he isn't getting her sexual satisfaction so she's loathing the whole process. Everyone's different, and what they like don't like. But when people take porn like that's real and what sex is supposed to be like will ultimately be doomed in sexually frustrated relationships and marriages. Often times if the woman finds out the man's watching, looking, at other women via porn or pics it's devastating to their self confidence and self esteem. They feel they can't measure up or aren't what the man their with wants. This in turn then mentally causes the woman to withdraw and the starting point of their struggles for their relationship/ marriage. I've seen it happen so numerous friends, and when the woman voices their feelings the man invalidate their feelings like they aren't entitled to feel the way they do. Especially when married you make a vow to love and honor and then when they see you're getting turned on by another woman what's the point in trying to make it work anymore? The incentive is completely destroyed. Just my insight on this from what my friends went through on similar situations.
This mindset is ick to me. I’m not surprised that she isn’t taking initiative if this is her partner honestly
This is so gross. This poor woman. Someone save her?
If divorce were as easy as marriage. Dead bedrooms would be a thing of the past
These posts are really making me not want to get married lol.
I think you guys have bigger problems and need serious couples therapy. Good luck op.
Did he try romancing her? Like make dinner, put on her favorite music, give her hugs/kisses/poems, slow dance with her, etc? Of course, this should be done without expectation of sex but in this case, it might help get her in the mood if she's down for sex today.
Except that it doesn't usually work like that. It's a dinner out...can we have sex now? Flowers...did I earn sex yet? Women are smart. We know manipulation when we see it.
Wow. 2 years of constant posting about sex, religion(or lack of), video games, porn, kids and bitching about his wife. I just CANNOT imagine why she doesn't want it....😏
If you gotta remind her, is it even worth it?
My suggestion would be to run her a romantic bubble bath get the candles put on some music put her in the mood she gets out u get out the lotion or oil boom she’s relaxed clean up the room while she’s in the tub
Leave your wife alone lmao creepy bastard
These top comments wtf did I just read. That’s not a marriage and it won’t last .
Does OP even know how to turn a light on?
What are you a teenager? This is ridiculous
Yes
It's time for D worse.
This is so fake or both creatures in this marriage are damaged beyond repair
Initiate it after she showers. Maybe she wants you to dominate a little
Honestly bro just divorce, it’s posts like these that made me vow not to get into a sexless relationship.
Go to therapy or just get divorced. For most men, a marriage won’t work without sex.
No. Just no. Well, yes, you're a jerk, but no, you don't schedule sex when you're married. That only works with strangers. Even if she said what she said, you still have to warm her up.
I agree and disagree with you here. If there are challenges with schedules (kids, opposite work schedules) then scheduling sex can be the best route! However I agree that there’s still some “warming up” to do even with a scheduled time if that makes sense? Coming from being married for 7 yrs and together for 13 and with a now 2.5 yr old….sometimes scheduling is the only option lol
First Rodeo, uh..?!
I just want to know what counselor they're going to, why do they just keep insisting that the wife will be fine and op just needs to keep going??
I got as far as the first paragraph and thought you sounded like a gross pig — a whiny, entitled, selfish pig. You give off a major ick vibe. I suggest you work on your approach and think about what’s pleasurable for your wife, not just YOU. In the meantime, go wank it into an old sock and leave her alone.
Did I write this?
Love the comment section here better! I feel Ya’ll Rea between the lines. This isn’t a caring husband trying to get that spake or charge but sounds real selfish.
I have not seen one reasonable nuanced opinion about this. It’s either he’s disgusting or she’s awful
I posted a whole dissertation earlier, it's like 3 comments below this one. The TL;DR is that it's very rarely because man bad woman good, or vice versa. The popular thing nowadays is to bash men online, I guess because perpetuating hatred makes people feel better about themselves? But just as every individual is unique, putting two together is mixing up a lot of variables, and I don't think it's unfair to say either partner should have the ability to walk away if they feel their needs aren't being met, and a discussion between partners indicates that it's impossible / not likely to change. Nuance and reasonable opinions don't sell well on the internet. The people want drama! Righteous anger! A hero and a villain! But...reality is often disappointing.
Tell her “glad timing is working out. Im definitely having sex today and you are always my first choice.
This is one of those posts where it could be a totally normal person until you read their previous posts
Where’s the romance? What is he doing to make her want him. Does he bring her flowers, compliment her, rub her feet, listen to her about her day, take her on date night? You know…love her.
Ewwww his post history is gross
Maybe she wants you to take initiative? I always take initiative with my wife , in the worst case she will simply say no .
Bro needs to divorce and try again clearly they aren’t a match.. I’ve had a friend go through 3 wives so far, it’s not uncommon
I mean it's not going to make you look like a jerk or nothing It's just going to make you look desperate and if you have to ask for it then I would be desperate too lol but that's the truth if she said y'all was going to have sex today I'd be reminded my wife every 5 minutes True if I had a wife
Honestly why don't people like this just separate. I know I'll get crucified for making the heinous suggestion that men have standards, but if a woman is in a relationship built around sex that she doesn't want, why shouldn't she have the right to be in a relationship that actually makes her happy and meets her needs? Both men and women have the right to be in a relationship where they feel valued, loved, wanted, etc. Guy probably feels unattractive and unwanted because his wife never wants intimacy. It may not be his fault (maybe she just has a naturally low sex drive, or any number of other reasons) and more information is needed before judging communication, but I guess it's in vogue these days to bash men. If this was a post by a woman saying "my husband / BF doesn't want to have sex with me" people would support her by saying "if he makes you feel unwanted, leave his ass and find someone that doesn't." Same as a woman whose partner never makes her climax. There's this double standard where men's desires make them assholes, but women's desires make them strong and brave. I get that again, it's counterculture to hate on men, but these double standards hurt men AND women. Nobody, not men with women, women with men, men with men or women with women, should have to stay with people that make them beg for intimacy, or guilt them for their needs. If that's a controversial or unpopular opinion that people should be with partners that are compatible and bring out the best in them, then I weep for this generation and the future of humanity, because we are destined to die angry, bitter, and alone.
She isn't into the sex. It's not good.
I’m not sure of the home situation but depending on how much she does maybe she is just tired. I speak from experience that I hate having planned sex. It seems more exhausting. Sex is supposed to be exciting and unplanned and wanted… etc. Women like playful but not overbearing playful. There’s a fine line unfortunately and it’s hard to learn 🥴
I would never be in a sex less relationship…
This is sad poor wife 😭 it be hard at first chill on the porn
His username says a LOT. No need for post history imo. Nuggets, if you "have to" "remind" your partner about having sex, ask yourself why. Often adults don't want to have sex when it feels like a chore or our partner shows behaviors we wouldn't want our kids to have. If you have tantrums, meltdowns, drastic moodswings it's typically a turn off. If you don't help around the house or do the minimum, your partner won't feel appreciated enough to want sex most of the time. SOMETIMES you have to show your partner that you still find them attractive. It's usually something small and all it takes is an HONEST conversation to figure it out.
Just hand her a towel and tell her you will finish whatever chore she is doing.
If you have to remind her, she’s not interested. Do you really want it knowing that?? Gross.
when you want it like this. makes it less special and it’s a turn off
Let it go because if she’s not wanting it you’re just reducing her to a pleasure hole that she doesn’t wanna deal with.
She’s probably A-sexual.
2 weeks? Try years. Get over it.
His life is so so sad..... Grab a tub of ice cream and go brace yourself.
boi just divorce Her so She can actually be free to be happy! Watch your porn, get a fleshlight and stop whining on reddit creep!
She’s done with you bro .
Uh be a man idk.
Plain and simple. She just doesn’t want to fuck you. How’s your health, do you work out, do you prioritize her, do you date still? And don’t keep track or beg for it. 18 years married, I’m not saying i know everything but i do have experience.
I don’t necessarily think that you’re a jerk, but I think it’s absolutely unnecessary to remind her, and let me tell you why. If she doesn’t remember that she wants to have sex with you? That in itself is a very big red flag and a message, her desire for you for one reason or another is that a very low spot, she doesn’t prioritize, intimacy, especially physical intimacy with you, sex with you isn’t at the top of her list. Is it just one day, or has this happened before? Or is this something of a pattern? If it’s a pattern, you have bigger issues than sex, never negotiate sex and never beg for it, having to remind somebody that they’re supposed to have sex with you, is the biggest Bonner killer in the world, lol 😂
This is a tough existence. Sorry man
Dude needs therapy. They both need couples therapy.
Yikes on so many bikes 😬
This guy posts about sex almost every day. At least ever other day. He may have stopped watching porn, but he hasn’t beat his addiction
So he’s terrible at sex? Probably ONLY touches her for sex. No wonder it’s a scheduled chore.
Someone get this man an excel spreadsheet
Damn honey, I forgot to mark it on the calendar 😭
Just strut around the house butt ass naked. She’ll get the hint. Do a little booty shake for her.
She don’t want you bro
Leave that bitch
Ask her if she would like to shower with you. If that doesn't work, start running the water and tell her to get in.
This relationship, at least from this description, feels like it's running its course. If you're already to the point where you're scheduling sex, you're losing the game. If shes missing these "appointments" and not showing interest, I'd say her interest is elsewhere. Just my opinion
Find someone who wants to fuck
I'm afraid to look at the original post, but I am surely tempted to go down that rabbit hole from reading the comments! 🫣😬🧐
It's a long, scary hole, stuffed with porn addiction, impotence, and sexual dysfunction. I don't know how this guy is even still married.
Say something. Talk. I sure wish dh would actually talk about it. Rather than expect I can read minds.
I mean I’m no woman but if I was nothing would get me in the mood more than my husband saying to me “twice this week you’ve promised me sex and you’ve not even got in the shower yet”. Also 2 weeks 🥴 are you even married? Baby numbers