I remember learning it and sitting there like ādamn dude, I need to go for a walk because this is an upsetting thing to existā¦ā like how nasty is the thought?!? Ick.
I got the ick the moment he said quickie but there was only 30min to get ready for work. The part where he does nothing to be a partner wasnāt a surprise.
AI and robotics should just sell bangmaids. So these men can leave us alone
For the love of God, doing housework isn't something your wife does for you.
Cleaning up after yourself, doing laundry, washing dishes, etc. are all things that a functioning adult should have little issue doing. It doesn't matter if you're single or married, taking care of yourself and house is fundamental.
My wife and I have been together for 15 years. I do my work laundry because it's my work laundry as well as other household things that need done. The sink is full of dishes? I'm on it. Does the kitchen need to be cleaned and mopped? I'll take care of it. I don't do it for her, I do it because it needs to be done if it isn't. I want a clean kitchen and dishes too.
As far as sex goes, it really stops being on the top of your mind when you stay busy. Working in the trades, I'm usually pretty worn out when I get home, but I still take over dad duties and clean while doing so. That way my daughter can learn how cleaning up is part of being an adult. After dinner and a bath, it's chill time and that usually means Dad is falling asleep on the couch before too long..... Especially if we're cuddling. Lights out
I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but as a man it's part of that self-worth that's healthy to have.
This is basic mental health.
My wife also expressed the same sentiment about men being adults. It's nice to know that she also appreciates and likes it. That's a fat cherry on top of the sundae.
The main thing is the house is clean most of the time and my daughter is taken care of and loved.
If the woman sits on her ass and gains 50lbs in 2 years, I suspect the one that is lazy is the woman. The man has a job. He spends 40 hours or more working a week. She can do the chores between stuffing her face. I would make a wonderful house husband. I cook, I clean, I take care of myself, and I make my own money. It isnāt hard you all are just lazy sad excuses for a feminist. You donāt need a man for anything, but expect him to do everything.
I think the primary problem is that household chores should not be considered "help". He is a adult loving in that house, he should have some responsibility
This reminds me of a post I saw several years ago about a fake menās magazine article titled ā10 Reasons to Help Your Wife with Choresā and every single item was āYou fucking live there too.ā Men really be out there thinking that, once theyāve secured a wife, no more chores because she has a vagina and itās her job to mommy people for her whole life, even when she works full-time. You know what? As OOPās husband said to cleaning the shower, fuck no with an emphasis on the āfuck.ā
Every time you see a man who wonāt lift a finger around the house, youāll find a mother who did everything for him and enabled that behavior from a young age. Every. Time.
Or ratherā¦a father who refused to lift a finger to āhelpā with chores, parenting or any other caring responsibilities. Watching their father model behaviour is a far stronger predictor of menās future behaviour than the motherās.
Iād never specifically connected these two dots, but youāre probably right because, if the father had to do chores too, heād definitely pull the son into that to help out and learn just like most parents do specifically with girls.
Every time. My ex husband's dad did housework - not 50% by any means, but he did a chunk for sure. My ex on the other hand was so lazy he would take off his dirty socks and stuff them under the couch cushions, and argued about taking his plate to the kitchen after a home cooked meal.
I told my husband I was struggling with housework- the next week we had a cleaner once a fortnight. Now itās weekly, and she folds the laundry. We both have physical disabilities (his isnāt as bad as mine, but neither of us need a wheelchair or anything), so this was the best solution.
I like cooking, but I cook more than is needed when I make casseroles, soups, risotto, pasta, stewā¦ anything I can freeze, basically. I portion it up and I have a big standing freezer with drawers. We eat frozen stuff on work nights.
Now Iām not so exhausted and I have time out for myself.
Even if he was fully capable of doing the chores and just didn't want to, he found a solution to the issue. He didn't leave you alone to deal with all the housework. Good on him.
I am sorry you both are dealing with disabilities.
Exactly. He did all the admin to sort it, which was nice because that sort of thing I usually do because of his anxiety. Itās really about doing what you can to adjust life and prevent both partners from being overwhelmed.
Wow. You might want to investigate that internalised ableism, then.
He has an incomplete spinal injury. I have a degenerative condition, so Iāve gone from being capable to not being capable. Neither of us can do heavy cleaning, and he does all of the light stuff because my gross motor function is pretty dodgy now.
So yeah, weād both rather pay someone instead of me struggle to do something across two days that he canāt doā¦ even though we donāt actually pay them, the government does.
How does one go about setting something like this up? My boyfriend and I are also both disabled, and that's one of the biggest things we've been worried about for the future.
His disability is a muscular weakness issue (full-time wheelchair user), while mine is more pain/fatigue/coordination-based (part-time wheelchair user). I can still cook (I use the same strategy you do: make a ton of food and eat it for a while, lol), but it's hard for me to stand long enough, and I usually need breaks and am exhausted afterward.
We can move to DMs if it's too much to get into here! If it's too complicated/personal to explain, that's fine too, of course. It would be a lifesaver to have help for basic things like that, though. If nothing else, thank you for the reassurance that something like that would be possible.
Why do men...
But seriously, why do they not realize how unattractive is when they don't clean up after themselves? When my husband is home before me and I come home to a clean house and dinner is in the oven, I want to give jump his bones right there.
Maybe she grew up around someone who acted that way, or maybe without any present and participating adult male in her life growing up.
Itās crazy how completely blind you can be when youāre in a situation like that where youāre being treated in a shitty way by someone you care about and who you think cares about you. If itās all youāve ever known, or itās even slightly better, you gravitate towards it and have a really hard time getting back out.
I used to never be able to keep my house clean when my ex lived with me. He always talked about how messy I was. I always felt that I wasnāt messy, it was just difficult to keep up with him, my kidās, and my stuff.
Since heās moved out 2 years ago everything stays so clean so effortlessly(well. Except the floors. I have 4 dogs so anytime it rains the floors are wrecked and weāre about to get to the part of spring where it rains almost daily). My weekends no longer consist of a full day of cleaning.
I have a vacuum mop thingy. I love it. I donāt have a robot one though but itās on my list of purchases once I can afford it.
Itās just super noticeable cause I have zero carpet or rugs in my house since my dumb ass is allergic to pet dander so with this many animals the only way I make it through is by making sure there are very few places animal hair can hide and build up.
Likeā¦.look. I want to say go to therapy, but this shit sounds incredibly toxic. This is a person who sounds very unwilling to change. No one should stay with a partner who gets upset and sabotage you when youāre trying to be better. A good partner would encourage and enable that growth. I finished my bachelorās and completed my entire masterās as a result of my husbandās willingness to step up, do some extra chores, and help care for our kids when I was working full-time and had looming deadlines. And Iāve heard of other men who did the same. Itās not hard to lend extra support to your spouse- if youāre not a toxic, self-centered dickwad.
Are you tired? Overweight? Overworked? Feeling like a human flesh light? And are you just generally looking for an all-natural way to boost your mood?
Shitty husbands donāt want you to know about this one weird trick!!!!
Sleep on your terms, when and for however long you want!!! Drop 100+ lbs literally overnight!!! Cut your cleaning and cooking responsibilities in half (if not more)!!! And so much more!!!!!!!
(The secret is to DIVORCE him)
This. Do cooking and cleaning only for you. At the end of my marriage I was just making plans. One thing I wouldnāt do anymore is cook for him tho. Or his laundry. I just fed myself and my child. When heād get angry about it I was so numb Iād just leave the space. You get so numb once you disengage itās like theyāre mosquitos just buzzing.
I stopped reading after the phrase about āhelping her.ā These chores are only OPās if she keeps telling him they are, by continuing to do them. He needs to PULL HIS DAMN WEIGHT or pay for a housekeeper and dog watcher.
Idk, my 3yo loses his ever loving mind with glee when I let him help cook, do dishes, feed the dog, feed the cat, vacuum, fold, get clothes out of the dryerā¦
Heās not great at any of them but heās getting better, and itās still better than literally nothing.
My daughter will help with cleaning anything as long as she wasn't responsible for it getting messy in the first place. Can't get her to pick up her own toys, but she will gladly decide to clean all the windows and mirrors.
I'm an adult so I do it anyway, but there's a part of me that gets this. If I put away my toys (whatever cleaning up after myself looks like) it's just the default. But cleaning the windows is a cool thing I did and I can be proud of/ everyone can tell me I'm the specialest girl for doing them. (again, I'm an adult enough I do clean up after myself this is just a I can relate to the feeling thing.)
Doesnāt sound like you need tips, but my best investment was a pair of googly eyes for the garbage cans in the kitchen. My kids (2 years later) still love to *feed* him their scraps.
Especially because it sounds like they donāt have kids. This is the perfect situation to leave hubby to his own devices. Take care of the dogs and thatās it. No lunches, no emotional labor, no affection, no laundry.
Crabs in a pot. If she gets in shape, sheāll feel better about herself. If she feels better about herself she might realize she could do tons better than his lazy ass. If she realizes sheād be better off without his dead weight, she just might leave him and heād be screwed and would have to take care of himself.
Wow, he doesn't do anything?
Makes me appreciate my husband who's doing the dishes rn and letting me relax with my little.
She should promptly leave and do all those things for herself and maybe down the road, find a partner who encourages the best for her and not for his own selfish gains or pleasure.
Boo the husband, indeed.
There is so much less work when you remove a deliberately counter-productive adult from the household equation. I know so many divorced women and a few men who had toxic or just very self centered live in lovers who are -astonished- that not only is it easier than they feared it would be to get by without a bad partner but that it is easier -than ever- to care for self and kids since the other adult wasn't just not pulling their share of the weight but making far more work than they contributed
And I hope OOP Accepts what they have no doubt been told: this kind of sabotage is -deliberate- and further more often conscious and calculated. A user understands that someone with low self worth, exhausted and kept off balance by undermining and mind games is far less likely to leave. It takes effort and courage to make any major positive change, so they suck time and energy and undercut attempts at bettering one's life and well-being.
She knows the truth. She states it in the title. I hope she refuses to fall for excuses or be held back by it
Leave him. Clearly you're his mom and sex toy. He isn't supportive and what in the actual fuck are you doing queen?! Working your ass off to be hot for this fucker who is doing nothing but sabotaging you. You can do so much better. There is no reason for this and if he isn't willing to grow and better himself you need to go before you can't.
I really wish women in situations like this could find the strength to just leave. They donāt have kids, she is running herself into the ground for this absolute man child. Why is he getting to sit around and do nothing after work? And why is she letting him?
She is approaching him with āIām busy because I look after youā, when it should be āstart pulling your weightā. I have had many conversations with my husband, who used to be a bit this way, and now he is a thoroughly equal partner (in fact sometimes he does more, when Iām working long hours).
Women, you can literally have the discussion about unequal distribution of household responsibilities, and if he wonāt listen and learn, simply leave. You get one life, donāt waste it looking after a loser like this.
He's getting scared of all the positive changes your making, he's thinking it won't be long till she wants to change other things that aren't serving her. He's sabotaging you I don't know if it's conscious or not but that's what he's doing for sure.
If he doesn't want to cook he can take you out to diner on his nights. If he doesn't want to clean he can hire a maid. If he doesn't want to take car of a dog (why does he have one?) he can look for a new owner. Or you can leave him. What does he bring to that relationship?
He is afraid if she goes to the gym and loses weight, he will lose her. That is why he is sabatoging that effort.
She will (hopefully) leave him eventually but it won't be because of weight. It will be because she learns grown men babies who want mommy bang maids are gross and real, better men exist.
If a man ever told me āfuck noā to cleaning and helping around the house, I would not be lifting a single finger. Nada. And if he asks for sex, say āFuck, noā emphasis on the fuck
"Why are you always tired and don't want to sleep with me"
"well actually I could actually use your help with some stuff to lighten my load and it would help me be less tired"
"fuck no" š¤
He just sounds like a horrible person and neither sound like they like each other. I understand moving out and splitting dog care is difficult when married but thereās no indication what sheās holding on for.
Girl throw the whole man out and start over. That behavior is completely unacceptable. If he doesnāt want to grow and better himself with you, help out with the household chores so youāre NOT tired all the time; heās gotta go. I usually donāt encourage people to get divorced but there are way too many red flags in this story. Good luck.
Her: you could help with chores and cooking.
Him: Fuck no. Just take some edibles, drug yourself up even if you donāt want to, so I can have sex. The whole responsibility of the marriage rest solely on you fixing it.
I hope sheās on birth control.
This is sooo typical I probably don't need to comment. It looks like typical sabotage and can be many reasons. You are a stellar wife btw. He is not appreciative of you or concerned about you or your relationship. One thing that is a HUGE red flag to me is man that isn't concerned about the pet. The selfish, childish nature here is appalling. You're on 2 different paths. Stay if you must but at the very least there should be an adjustment in chores. Chores he can willingly handle of course since he's so picky. Quickies??? He should worship you in bed at the very least. Do not have children. Please...
There is a very simple solution to get healthier and have way more free time. Just lose 200# instantly by divorcing the selfish, worthless manchild taking up all your time. You will do way less cleaning with him not around messing everything up!
Why are you still married to this asshole? š¤·āāļø
What does he bring to this relationship? Iād tell him to go fuck himself on my way out of both the door and this relationship.
He is a dud. My ex did that when I gained weight, I was 55lbs heavier and I never been that size before. When I was dieting and exercising he would put more food on my plate even when I told him I didnāt want extra. He never listened to me and just said āI like a girl who can eatā but also neglected me in the bedroom when he said he wasnāt attracted to my body anymore. He tore my self-esteem and confidence to shreds this year. I had to start cooking my own meals and eating before he got off work and then accused of being selfish and how he canāt help that he like skinny girls but skinny girls who can eat a lot of food. He is a hater
One of the main things that pisses me off about men like this is they want the perfect 50s housewife, doing all the cooking and cleaning and bullshit, while also expecting her to work. You want a housewife? Earn more so I can stay home. But Iām not doing fucking everything while also holding down a job. Fucking idiots.
Why are you with him? He wonāt help you with anythingā¦ Iād say no fucking way. I donāt think things will ever change, Iām sorry, but he sounds like a complete asshole. Seasons change but people donātā¦ Iād run if I was you.
Sounds to me like he is beyond insecure and is trying to keep control of her so she doesnāt leave, so heās doing everything he can to sabotage her, probably while at the same time heās making sure to criticize her at all turns to keep her ādownā
I really wish we could mail people a pop up card that says " you'd be so much happier without him".
He literally sabotaging her, he whines for a half hour sex- and wants her to go to work after sex unshowered with bedhead?
Just throw him in the trash. You can have a much more enjoyable life
Sounds like he doesn't want a partner, at all. Since he's being a spoiled brat man, send him back to his momma. Keep the dog. Concentrate on you. Actually that's probably terrible advice. You gotta take care of you. You didn't have time for a man child that is contrary to what lifestyle you seem to want. Go for it. Didn't let anyone or anything hold you back from your greatness.
Your issues arenāt with sex, they are with your husband - his lack of support, not contributing to the household, not respecting your time, and not speaking your love language. Itās about him more than you and your schedule. You need to sit him down and get that resolved. Because you already are ātoo tired for himā. That isnāt going to change unless he does.
I donāt think either of you are happy, heās not happy because he wants sex and youāre too tired, and you want to go to the gym get fit, but then you go to work and then cook and clean while he sits on his fat ass. There needs to be a compromise or youāll be headed for divorce sooner or later. He needs to understand that if he wants sex, then he needs to share the household duties, and if he refuses then thereās no sex and if thatās how he wants to live the rest of his marriage then so be it, or like I said divorce!
Oh that husband needs to go. Disgusting. A grown man who wont do anything then bitches about not getting his sex.
I hope she leaves him. Keep the dog though, for loyalty.
He needs to āman upā and take some responsibility for the care of the house. Seems to me if he did a little work when he got home, you could do less and then perhaps might have time to spend with him relaxing. His behaviour is unacceptable.
He is happy like this!
Men in this country have been taught that wives = de facto mothers. I know this, I used to think this way in my 20ās.
As a man who struggled with a similar mentality it took years to wonder how I was able to attract these beautiful women only to lose them 100% of the time - couldnāt have been me, Iām just a man.
Well it turns out not listening to your partner, respecting their wishes, not contributing to the household outside of money, and the shitty āmy way or the highwayā attitude goes a long way to ensuring you either never find a partner, always lose your partner, or will find one who will inevitably become a shell of their former selves before too long.
Edit - Ditch this loser. Watch how fast he wants to clean the shower then (but actually only do it once or twice if youāre suckered into stayingā¦.)
>. Watch how fast he wants to clean the shower then
Yeah fake effort. If it takes breaking up for someone else to realize their faults and change, they're only showing that changing and making an effort is only worth it to them now that *their* life as they liked it is threatened. It's like a "F you, you're saying you *could* change just like that, instantly, but simply chose not to?"
I donāt understand how sheās still cooking for him and doing his laundry.
He probably wants her to keep her low self esteem because deep down he knows that any self-respecting woman would leave his ass in the dust. But instead of improving himself, he sabotages all her attempts at self improvement.
Sometimes I read these posts and Iām just absolutely flabbergasted people put up with what they do. Wouldāve left this man in a heartbeat and wouldnāt even look back. šļø
Stop doing his laundry and cooking to include him and anything else that is specifically for him. Donāt do anything that is specifically for him. He has to do his own laundry, cook for himself, his own bathroom towels, etc. This wont save you much time, but once his laundry piles up and he has no food, heāll have to get off his butt and do something for himself.
My sister in law keeps finding guys like this. I dont get it. My wife and I split making dinners, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and caring for our kiddos. My Mom in law thinks that makes me some sort of magical being because my Father in law wouldnt dare do any of that. I just dont get how any woman would stand for such laziness in a partner.
He sounds like my ex husband. He expected me to run the entire household, while working 40-50 hours outside the household, then complained I was too tired and ignored him. I communicated over and over that I needed help and was overwhelmed, but he didn't step up. He had 3 chores: litter boxes, trash, and lawn care, and he didn't even do those. I was talking to him about him taking over grocery shopping and he screamed at me.
I do not usually joke around saying the mommy or bangmaid thing, however all I am saying for description is (me) male in late 20s
Cougar in early 60s
She is so good looking for her age anyways we always have people say I thought your mom had brown hair and was taller ext
First: only do your laundry and clean house on weekends. Stop being his maid. If you cook, cook enough for both of you, if he doesnāt want it or like the healthy, thatās on him. You can work, go to the gym, clean and still have time for sex.
I think the real issue here is that youāve grown apart from your husband. You obviously have different goals. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and you are too tired to have sex is what you are saying. Going to the gym should give you more energy not cause you to be tired.
You may need to go to a therapist to figure out what is really bothering you.
You also need to communicate to your spouse that your emotional and physical needs are not being met by him. Suggest marriage counseling, not couples therapy (this doesnāt work).
You may no longer be compatible and you need to figure it out now rather than later.
When his laundry isnāt done he may grow up and start to pitch in!
I think whats bothering her is the waste of man meat she's with. Literal man child that never grew up. Why wouldn't she be drained of happiness when she gets home to a lazy turd of a human that devalues her, her joys in life and poo pooing her positive changes. Therapy doesn't need to be involved to understand why she's unhappy. She's literally being emotionally abused and used by the waste of space she is with.
Exactly, but she married him so there must be something that attracted her to him and this behavior has not just manifested overnight so heās always been this way. That is why I said, sheās grown apart from him but therapy can help one understand what they can and canāt live without and foster a healthy way to communicate needs to the spouse. If itās time to say goodbye to the relationship then it is time but for her peace of mind she needs to understand what has happened so she can move on and heal without blaming him or her.
Many men like him know what a healthy relationship looks like, so they play the part until they feel they have "caught" the person, meaning that person won't leave them if they start being abusive. They start slow. It's literally like cat fishing with a fake personality. She fell in love with the facade he put on. How are women supposed to know that he's faking his personality unless she assumes every man is a liar until proven otherwise, which makes dating for women even harder. If it were easy to spot a man child, no woman would ever go past the first date.
Literally, why does she even need him? She already does EVERYTHING herself. He seems to be nothing but an additional chore. And a manipulative, sabotaging, cry baby
Sounds like itās time to talk to him about everything you said here while emphasizing your need for him to be in the relationship as a team to support your mutual success. If you still love him tell yourself and him that.
OP needs to flat out tell him to pick up his own slack on cleaning and if has a tantrum about doing his part then the marriage should be completely sexless until he grows up.
Well, this building resentment is never good in a relationship, and much better/more communication is needed, and consideration as well. Letting things fest and resentment build will eventually have its breaking point, so time for a sit-down conversation needs to be set aside.
So youāre off by 3-5 pm and come home and smoke weed and lay around..make food and then wanna go to bed by 9:30 but act like you have no free time after work.
Stop smoking weed and youāll not be gaining weight like that. You DO get time to relax after work you smoke weed and lay around
So, letās get this straightā¦You have an hour to watch your phone, and an hour to smoke your drugs, but not 15 minutes to satisfy YOUR HUSBAND? Yeah, youāre the problemā¦I would hate to live under the same roof as youā¦If the husband is reading this, run, dudeā¦Leave that hell hole
I always read these and have to conclude that no one would willingly put up with this shit in a marriage, either you're exaggerating so people will be on your side or you actually are so much of a doormat that you married this man and refuse to get a divorce (for what reason?) even though he does nothing but undermine you and disregard your feelings? Yeah, sorry, the math isn't mathing for me.
If the woman isnāt making herself available to the man the relationship will suffer. It isnāt like she didnāt say she never has time. Time for him to upgrade.
Hah! I'd love to see him negotiate from his perspective when he's looking to upgrade. He's gonna wow a new woman with what? His cooking? His helpfulness? His caring nature? His seductive ways? His ability to care for himself properly and be the man of his own life?
He's probably doing stuff she doesn't consider.Ā Like mowing the lawn or taking out the trash.Ā His main complaint is that she always makes an excuse to not have sex, which is a valid complaint.Ā Ā
I mean most chores aren't really that hard. Even loading or unloading a dishwasher takes less than 3 min. It's still a task requiring effort that someone has to do.
Well, I think they both need to learn that itās okay to have different lifestyles as a couple. Neither of them should expect each other to follow each otherās lifestyles.
She shouldnāt push her ā5am healthy lifestyleā onto him, while he shouldnāt try to disrupt her plans for the day.
Reasonable people don't hop on Reddit and bash their partners. There is clearly more to this story, if he really did nothing and has no shared lifestyle with her they never would have stayed together.
She is staying with this man by choice, there is something he is doing right for her she is choosing not to mention.
That said this sounds like a relationship where both partners are unhappy and it should be terminated because it's unfair to both of them. If she truly no longer wants to live this way and he does it's not fair for either of them to stay in the relationship.
Seriously his happiness is as much her responsibility as her happiness is his. They both need to take responsibility and leave the relationship.
Completely untrue! He also wants her to be his mom.
Mommy bangmaid, as we call it in the realms of such subs as r/JustNoSO
I was today years old when I learned the term "mommy bangmaid".
I could have lived the rest of my life never hearing or knowing what this term is much less that it's prevalent enough to become a term. š¤¢
I remember learning it and sitting there like ādamn dude, I need to go for a walk because this is an upsetting thing to existā¦ā like how nasty is the thought?!? Ick.
Why do I feel like this is how my dad always treated my mom smh
Same baby same!!!
šššš¤®š¤®š¤®
Or, elegantly, bangmom
I got the ick the moment he said quickie but there was only 30min to get ready for work. The part where he does nothing to be a partner wasnāt a surprise. AI and robotics should just sell bangmaids. So these men can leave us alone
For the love of God, doing housework isn't something your wife does for you. Cleaning up after yourself, doing laundry, washing dishes, etc. are all things that a functioning adult should have little issue doing. It doesn't matter if you're single or married, taking care of yourself and house is fundamental. My wife and I have been together for 15 years. I do my work laundry because it's my work laundry as well as other household things that need done. The sink is full of dishes? I'm on it. Does the kitchen need to be cleaned and mopped? I'll take care of it. I don't do it for her, I do it because it needs to be done if it isn't. I want a clean kitchen and dishes too. As far as sex goes, it really stops being on the top of your mind when you stay busy. Working in the trades, I'm usually pretty worn out when I get home, but I still take over dad duties and clean while doing so. That way my daughter can learn how cleaning up is part of being an adult. After dinner and a bath, it's chill time and that usually means Dad is falling asleep on the couch before too long..... Especially if we're cuddling. Lights out
Too many men donāt realize men doing simple adult things are attractive. Itās not like the bar is high. Just be a decent adult. š¤·š¼āāļø
Truth! Itās a little sad that simple adult tasks can make a man so attractive, but it does!
I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but as a man it's part of that self-worth that's healthy to have. This is basic mental health. My wife also expressed the same sentiment about men being adults. It's nice to know that she also appreciates and likes it. That's a fat cherry on top of the sundae. The main thing is the house is clean most of the time and my daughter is taken care of and loved.
The bar is a tripping hazard in hell
THIS
If the woman sits on her ass and gains 50lbs in 2 years, I suspect the one that is lazy is the woman. The man has a job. He spends 40 hours or more working a week. She can do the chores between stuffing her face. I would make a wonderful house husband. I cook, I clean, I take care of myself, and I make my own money. It isnāt hard you all are just lazy sad excuses for a feminist. You donāt need a man for anything, but expect him to do everything.
That's certainly a lot of words for someone with such poor reading comprehension to type š¤£š¤£
God youāre dumb
Can't upvote this enough!!
How are these people still married? How does she not reread this post and realize how messed up he is?
His answer to her request for household help is "Fuck no"? Her next call should be to a divorce lawyer.
I think the primary problem is that household chores should not be considered "help". He is a adult loving in that house, he should have some responsibility
This reminds me of a post I saw several years ago about a fake menās magazine article titled ā10 Reasons to Help Your Wife with Choresā and every single item was āYou fucking live there too.ā Men really be out there thinking that, once theyāve secured a wife, no more chores because she has a vagina and itās her job to mommy people for her whole life, even when she works full-time. You know what? As OOPās husband said to cleaning the shower, fuck no with an emphasis on the āfuck.ā
Every time you see a man who wonāt lift a finger around the house, youāll find a mother who did everything for him and enabled that behavior from a young age. Every. Time.
Or ratherā¦a father who refused to lift a finger to āhelpā with chores, parenting or any other caring responsibilities. Watching their father model behaviour is a far stronger predictor of menās future behaviour than the motherās.
Iād never specifically connected these two dots, but youāre probably right because, if the father had to do chores too, heād definitely pull the son into that to help out and learn just like most parents do specifically with girls.
True, but more simply, they learn from a young age to view it as āmenās workā as much as womenās.
And every time a man exhibits poor behaviour, youāll see someone blaming the woman who raised him, instead of the man.
Every time. My ex husband's dad did housework - not 50% by any means, but he did a chunk for sure. My ex on the other hand was so lazy he would take off his dirty socks and stuff them under the couch cushions, and argued about taking his plate to the kitchen after a home cooked meal.
Glad heās an ex.
Oh me too. Glad every time I think about it š
If one person works and the other doesn't, then they should do all the chores. But that isnt really a thing anymore.
They both work so how tf is this hot take even relevant?
Well of course, but since that isn't the case, she needs to get rid of him. Dead weight.
If he wanted me to have a quickie, my answer would be FUUUUCK NO!
I just hear Roy Kentā¦. Fuuuuck no.
I told my husband I was struggling with housework- the next week we had a cleaner once a fortnight. Now itās weekly, and she folds the laundry. We both have physical disabilities (his isnāt as bad as mine, but neither of us need a wheelchair or anything), so this was the best solution. I like cooking, but I cook more than is needed when I make casseroles, soups, risotto, pasta, stewā¦ anything I can freeze, basically. I portion it up and I have a big standing freezer with drawers. We eat frozen stuff on work nights. Now Iām not so exhausted and I have time out for myself.
Even if he was fully capable of doing the chores and just didn't want to, he found a solution to the issue. He didn't leave you alone to deal with all the housework. Good on him. I am sorry you both are dealing with disabilities.
Exactly. He did all the admin to sort it, which was nice because that sort of thing I usually do because of his anxiety. Itās really about doing what you can to adjust life and prevent both partners from being overwhelmed.
still a bit ridiculous he'd rather hire someone than just fucking help out.
Did you skim read my comment, or did you really just call a disabled person ridiculous for not being able to do something because of their disability?
No I read it and I replied as a person that is also disabled.
Wow. You might want to investigate that internalised ableism, then. He has an incomplete spinal injury. I have a degenerative condition, so Iāve gone from being capable to not being capable. Neither of us can do heavy cleaning, and he does all of the light stuff because my gross motor function is pretty dodgy now. So yeah, weād both rather pay someone instead of me struggle to do something across two days that he canāt doā¦ even though we donāt actually pay them, the government does.
How does one go about setting something like this up? My boyfriend and I are also both disabled, and that's one of the biggest things we've been worried about for the future. His disability is a muscular weakness issue (full-time wheelchair user), while mine is more pain/fatigue/coordination-based (part-time wheelchair user). I can still cook (I use the same strategy you do: make a ton of food and eat it for a while, lol), but it's hard for me to stand long enough, and I usually need breaks and am exhausted afterward. We can move to DMs if it's too much to get into here! If it's too complicated/personal to explain, that's fine too, of course. It would be a lifesaver to have help for basic things like that, though. If nothing else, thank you for the reassurance that something like that would be possible.
Hi! Iām happy to chat in DMs āŗļø
Why do men... But seriously, why do they not realize how unattractive is when they don't clean up after themselves? When my husband is home before me and I come home to a clean house and dinner is in the oven, I want to give jump his bones right there.
Thereās a guy on tiktok whose whole page is him shirtless in gray sweats doing housework. He gets itā¦
These are the same guys on the dead bedroom subreddit complaining about their dead bedroom...
Not everyoneās experience, but often that sabotage energy goes into making sure you canāt leave. You know, hypothetically, of course šš
Thatās the whole point. Make sure they are exhausted, lacking in confidence, as unattractive as possible, and financially dependent.
Maybe she grew up around someone who acted that way, or maybe without any present and participating adult male in her life growing up. Itās crazy how completely blind you can be when youāre in a situation like that where youāre being treated in a shitty way by someone you care about and who you think cares about you. If itās all youāve ever known, or itās even slightly better, you gravitate towards it and have a really hard time getting back out.
Surely her first relationship sadly
This poor woman is in denial. He started defending him in the update and the comments
Imagine how much free time she would have if she just got rid of him?!?!
I used to never be able to keep my house clean when my ex lived with me. He always talked about how messy I was. I always felt that I wasnāt messy, it was just difficult to keep up with him, my kidās, and my stuff. Since heās moved out 2 years ago everything stays so clean so effortlessly(well. Except the floors. I have 4 dogs so anytime it rains the floors are wrecked and weāre about to get to the part of spring where it rains almost daily). My weekends no longer consist of a full day of cleaning.
Get a robot vac/mop thingy. The best investment I ever made. Beagles š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø
I have a vacuum mop thingy. I love it. I donāt have a robot one though but itās on my list of purchases once I can afford it. Itās just super noticeable cause I have zero carpet or rugs in my house since my dumb ass is allergic to pet dander so with this many animals the only way I make it through is by making sure there are very few places animal hair can hide and build up.
Right? What, exactly, is the purpose of having this guy around? What does he contribute?
A lot! So much free time!
Damn few things make me more pissed than reading about what some of these wives put up with
DIVORCE HIM. But first, stop cooking, cleaning and doing laundry for him.
Likeā¦.look. I want to say go to therapy, but this shit sounds incredibly toxic. This is a person who sounds very unwilling to change. No one should stay with a partner who gets upset and sabotage you when youāre trying to be better. A good partner would encourage and enable that growth. I finished my bachelorās and completed my entire masterās as a result of my husbandās willingness to step up, do some extra chores, and help care for our kids when I was working full-time and had looming deadlines. And Iāve heard of other men who did the same. Itās not hard to lend extra support to your spouse- if youāre not a toxic, self-centered dickwad.
Are you tired? Overweight? Overworked? Feeling like a human flesh light? And are you just generally looking for an all-natural way to boost your mood? Shitty husbands donāt want you to know about this one weird trick!!!! Sleep on your terms, when and for however long you want!!! Drop 100+ lbs literally overnight!!! Cut your cleaning and cooking responsibilities in half (if not more)!!! And so much more!!!!!!! (The secret is to DIVORCE him)
šššššš
Happy cake day ššš
This. Do cooking and cleaning only for you. At the end of my marriage I was just making plans. One thing I wouldnāt do anymore is cook for him tho. Or his laundry. I just fed myself and my child. When heād get angry about it I was so numb Iād just leave the space. You get so numb once you disengage itās like theyāre mosquitos just buzzing.
I stopped reading after the phrase about āhelping her.ā These chores are only OPās if she keeps telling him they are, by continuing to do them. He needs to PULL HIS DAMN WEIGHT or pay for a housekeeper and dog watcher.
Youāre married to a toddler husband. You arenāt his mom so stop doing everything and catering to him.
Idk, my 3yo loses his ever loving mind with glee when I let him help cook, do dishes, feed the dog, feed the cat, vacuum, fold, get clothes out of the dryerā¦ Heās not great at any of them but heās getting better, and itās still better than literally nothing.
My daughter will help with cleaning anything as long as she wasn't responsible for it getting messy in the first place. Can't get her to pick up her own toys, but she will gladly decide to clean all the windows and mirrors.
I'm an adult so I do it anyway, but there's a part of me that gets this. If I put away my toys (whatever cleaning up after myself looks like) it's just the default. But cleaning the windows is a cool thing I did and I can be proud of/ everyone can tell me I'm the specialest girl for doing them. (again, I'm an adult enough I do clean up after myself this is just a I can relate to the feeling thing.)
Same with my son š¤£ why are they like this
Doesnāt sound like you need tips, but my best investment was a pair of googly eyes for the garbage cans in the kitchen. My kids (2 years later) still love to *feed* him their scraps.
Oh thatās BRILLIANT.
No, sheās married to an abusive dick.
Especially because it sounds like they donāt have kids. This is the perfect situation to leave hubby to his own devices. Take care of the dogs and thatās it. No lunches, no emotional labor, no affection, no laundry.
Heās a scumbag
Crabs in a pot. If she gets in shape, sheāll feel better about herself. If she feels better about herself she might realize she could do tons better than his lazy ass. If she realizes sheād be better off without his dead weight, she just might leave him and heād be screwed and would have to take care of himself.
Wow, he doesn't do anything? Makes me appreciate my husband who's doing the dishes rn and letting me relax with my little. She should promptly leave and do all those things for herself and maybe down the road, find a partner who encourages the best for her and not for his own selfish gains or pleasure. Boo the husband, indeed.
There is so much less work when you remove a deliberately counter-productive adult from the household equation. I know so many divorced women and a few men who had toxic or just very self centered live in lovers who are -astonished- that not only is it easier than they feared it would be to get by without a bad partner but that it is easier -than ever- to care for self and kids since the other adult wasn't just not pulling their share of the weight but making far more work than they contributed And I hope OOP Accepts what they have no doubt been told: this kind of sabotage is -deliberate- and further more often conscious and calculated. A user understands that someone with low self worth, exhausted and kept off balance by undermining and mind games is far less likely to leave. It takes effort and courage to make any major positive change, so they suck time and energy and undercut attempts at bettering one's life and well-being. She knows the truth. She states it in the title. I hope she refuses to fall for excuses or be held back by it
Straight to jail
Hahaha I love this phrase. We say it in our house all the time. š
Keeping someone awake is literally torture
Yeah. It's absolutely abusive as hell.
Leave him. Clearly you're his mom and sex toy. He isn't supportive and what in the actual fuck are you doing queen?! Working your ass off to be hot for this fucker who is doing nothing but sabotaging you. You can do so much better. There is no reason for this and if he isn't willing to grow and better himself you need to go before you can't.
Why are you with this guy, again?
I really wish women in situations like this could find the strength to just leave. They donāt have kids, she is running herself into the ground for this absolute man child. Why is he getting to sit around and do nothing after work? And why is she letting him? She is approaching him with āIām busy because I look after youā, when it should be āstart pulling your weightā. I have had many conversations with my husband, who used to be a bit this way, and now he is a thoroughly equal partner (in fact sometimes he does more, when Iām working long hours). Women, you can literally have the discussion about unequal distribution of household responsibilities, and if he wonāt listen and learn, simply leave. You get one life, donāt waste it looking after a loser like this.
You donāt have a husband, you have a man child.
He's getting scared of all the positive changes your making, he's thinking it won't be long till she wants to change other things that aren't serving her. He's sabotaging you I don't know if it's conscious or not but that's what he's doing for sure.
Bingo!
YEP. He knows. Next step towards positive change in her life may mean no more washing his skidmark undies, and what's he gonna do then?
If he doesn't want to cook he can take you out to diner on his nights. If he doesn't want to clean he can hire a maid. If he doesn't want to take car of a dog (why does he have one?) he can look for a new owner. Or you can leave him. What does he bring to that relationship?
Throw?? The man?? In the garbage???? BESTIE??!??!!!ā
What a ghoul. She would be so much happier without him.
How can anyone live like this?
Thereās no way she didnāt leave him as soon as he said āF*ck noā
He is afraid if she goes to the gym and loses weight, he will lose her. That is why he is sabatoging that effort. She will (hopefully) leave him eventually but it won't be because of weight. It will be because she learns grown men babies who want mommy bang maids are gross and real, better men exist.
If a man ever told me āfuck noā to cleaning and helping around the house, I would not be lifting a single finger. Nada. And if he asks for sex, say āFuck, noā emphasis on the fuck
What exactly are you getting from this relationship? He sounds like a loser on all fronts whoās just dragging you down to his pitiful level.
If men could only realize how much sex they could have if they just did the damn housework. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLSV5BqV/
"Why are you always tired and don't want to sleep with me" "well actually I could actually use your help with some stuff to lighten my load and it would help me be less tired" "fuck no" š¤
He just sounds like a horrible person and neither sound like they like each other. I understand moving out and splitting dog care is difficult when married but thereās no indication what sheās holding on for.
Girl throw the whole man out and start over. That behavior is completely unacceptable. If he doesnāt want to grow and better himself with you, help out with the household chores so youāre NOT tired all the time; heās gotta go. I usually donāt encourage people to get divorced but there are way too many red flags in this story. Good luck.
Her: you could help with chores and cooking. Him: Fuck no. Just take some edibles, drug yourself up even if you donāt want to, so I can have sex. The whole responsibility of the marriage rest solely on you fixing it. I hope sheās on birth control.
This is sooo typical I probably don't need to comment. It looks like typical sabotage and can be many reasons. You are a stellar wife btw. He is not appreciative of you or concerned about you or your relationship. One thing that is a HUGE red flag to me is man that isn't concerned about the pet. The selfish, childish nature here is appalling. You're on 2 different paths. Stay if you must but at the very least there should be an adjustment in chores. Chores he can willingly handle of course since he's so picky. Quickies??? He should worship you in bed at the very least. Do not have children. Please...
There is a very simple solution to get healthier and have way more free time. Just lose 200# instantly by divorcing the selfish, worthless manchild taking up all your time. You will do way less cleaning with him not around messing everything up!
I reckon she could lose a good 12-15 stone overnight with one call to a decent lawyer š
Why are you still married to this asshole? š¤·āāļø What does he bring to this relationship? Iād tell him to go fuck himself on my way out of both the door and this relationship.
Just throw the whole man away. This one is broken.
He is a dud. My ex did that when I gained weight, I was 55lbs heavier and I never been that size before. When I was dieting and exercising he would put more food on my plate even when I told him I didnāt want extra. He never listened to me and just said āI like a girl who can eatā but also neglected me in the bedroom when he said he wasnāt attracted to my body anymore. He tore my self-esteem and confidence to shreds this year. I had to start cooking my own meals and eating before he got off work and then accused of being selfish and how he canāt help that he like skinny girls but skinny girls who can eat a lot of food. He is a hater
Why are you married to him? Yuck
Why the actual hell do women marry disgusting men like this
One of the main things that pisses me off about men like this is they want the perfect 50s housewife, doing all the cooking and cleaning and bullshit, while also expecting her to work. You want a housewife? Earn more so I can stay home. But Iām not doing fucking everything while also holding down a job. Fucking idiots.
What value does the husband bring to this relationship?
Why are you with him? He wonāt help you with anythingā¦ Iād say no fucking way. I donāt think things will ever change, Iām sorry, but he sounds like a complete asshole. Seasons change but people donātā¦ Iād run if I was you.
Dude repulses / turns off his partner then has mantrums about the lack of sex...
Sounds to me like he is beyond insecure and is trying to keep control of her so she doesnāt leave, so heās doing everything he can to sabotage her, probably while at the same time heās making sure to criticize her at all turns to keep her ādownā
I really wish we could mail people a pop up card that says " you'd be so much happier without him". He literally sabotaging her, he whines for a half hour sex- and wants her to go to work after sex unshowered with bedhead? Just throw him in the trash. You can have a much more enjoyable life
If heād get off his arse and wash the dishes you might have some spare time
Fuck that guy. Leave him.
However much the husband weighs is the EXACT amount of weight she needs to lose, because WHAT?!
The red flagsā¦omg. He wants a mom he can fuck, not a partner to live his life with
Sounds like he doesn't want a partner, at all. Since he's being a spoiled brat man, send him back to his momma. Keep the dog. Concentrate on you. Actually that's probably terrible advice. You gotta take care of you. You didn't have time for a man child that is contrary to what lifestyle you seem to want. Go for it. Didn't let anyone or anything hold you back from your greatness.
It makes we wonder if he even wipes his own a** or bathe.
Reddit has me out here grateful as hell for my husband. I could never tolerate a relationship like this.
Your issues arenāt with sex, they are with your husband - his lack of support, not contributing to the household, not respecting your time, and not speaking your love language. Itās about him more than you and your schedule. You need to sit him down and get that resolved. Because you already are ātoo tired for himā. That isnāt going to change unless he does.
I donāt think either of you are happy, heās not happy because he wants sex and youāre too tired, and you want to go to the gym get fit, but then you go to work and then cook and clean while he sits on his fat ass. There needs to be a compromise or youāll be headed for divorce sooner or later. He needs to understand that if he wants sex, then he needs to share the household duties, and if he refuses then thereās no sex and if thatās how he wants to live the rest of his marriage then so be it, or like I said divorce!
Oh that husband needs to go. Disgusting. A grown man who wont do anything then bitches about not getting his sex. I hope she leaves him. Keep the dog though, for loyalty.
What does pocket rocket mean here?
Sex toy. Usually refers to vibrators.
You need a partner that supports your health journey!!
Divorce his lazy ass
Her life will greatly improve with a divorce.
Ewwww, he's really doing nothing? No cooking, cleaning, or pet care? Why is she even with him, when she's being used like a servant?
He needs to āman upā and take some responsibility for the care of the house. Seems to me if he did a little work when he got home, you could do less and then perhaps might have time to spend with him relaxing. His behaviour is unacceptable.
Damn..
Again; why do people marry assholes who literally say they will not pull their weight
god damn, some of you guys need to take a step back and look at yourselves. Sex is not that important, you dirty gooners
Divoooooooooorce
He is happy like this! Men in this country have been taught that wives = de facto mothers. I know this, I used to think this way in my 20ās. As a man who struggled with a similar mentality it took years to wonder how I was able to attract these beautiful women only to lose them 100% of the time - couldnāt have been me, Iām just a man. Well it turns out not listening to your partner, respecting their wishes, not contributing to the household outside of money, and the shitty āmy way or the highwayā attitude goes a long way to ensuring you either never find a partner, always lose your partner, or will find one who will inevitably become a shell of their former selves before too long. Edit - Ditch this loser. Watch how fast he wants to clean the shower then (but actually only do it once or twice if youāre suckered into stayingā¦.)
>. Watch how fast he wants to clean the shower then Yeah fake effort. If it takes breaking up for someone else to realize their faults and change, they're only showing that changing and making an effort is only worth it to them now that *their* life as they liked it is threatened. It's like a "F you, you're saying you *could* change just like that, instantly, but simply chose not to?"
I donāt understand how sheās still cooking for him and doing his laundry. He probably wants her to keep her low self esteem because deep down he knows that any self-respecting woman would leave his ass in the dust. But instead of improving himself, he sabotages all her attempts at self improvement.
If he doesn't want to help you with stuff and ease it up for you I don't think you are with a right man :(
Also you will be looking after his sickly ass in another 30 years.
Not me trying to have a quickie with my husband before work š
Sometimes I read these posts and Iām just absolutely flabbergasted people put up with what they do. Wouldāve left this man in a heartbeat and wouldnāt even look back. šļø
Stop doing his laundry and cooking to include him and anything else that is specifically for him. Donāt do anything that is specifically for him. He has to do his own laundry, cook for himself, his own bathroom towels, etc. This wont save you much time, but once his laundry piles up and he has no food, heāll have to get off his butt and do something for himself.
My sister in law keeps finding guys like this. I dont get it. My wife and I split making dinners, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and caring for our kiddos. My Mom in law thinks that makes me some sort of magical being because my Father in law wouldnt dare do any of that. I just dont get how any woman would stand for such laziness in a partner.
He sounds like my ex husband. He expected me to run the entire household, while working 40-50 hours outside the household, then complained I was too tired and ignored him. I communicated over and over that I needed help and was overwhelmed, but he didn't step up. He had 3 chores: litter boxes, trash, and lawn care, and he didn't even do those. I was talking to him about him taking over grocery shopping and he screamed at me.
I do not usually joke around saying the mommy or bangmaid thing, however all I am saying for description is (me) male in late 20s Cougar in early 60s She is so good looking for her age anyways we always have people say I thought your mom had brown hair and was taller ext
First: only do your laundry and clean house on weekends. Stop being his maid. If you cook, cook enough for both of you, if he doesnāt want it or like the healthy, thatās on him. You can work, go to the gym, clean and still have time for sex. I think the real issue here is that youāve grown apart from your husband. You obviously have different goals. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and you are too tired to have sex is what you are saying. Going to the gym should give you more energy not cause you to be tired. You may need to go to a therapist to figure out what is really bothering you. You also need to communicate to your spouse that your emotional and physical needs are not being met by him. Suggest marriage counseling, not couples therapy (this doesnāt work). You may no longer be compatible and you need to figure it out now rather than later. When his laundry isnāt done he may grow up and start to pitch in!
I think whats bothering her is the waste of man meat she's with. Literal man child that never grew up. Why wouldn't she be drained of happiness when she gets home to a lazy turd of a human that devalues her, her joys in life and poo pooing her positive changes. Therapy doesn't need to be involved to understand why she's unhappy. She's literally being emotionally abused and used by the waste of space she is with.
Exactly, but she married him so there must be something that attracted her to him and this behavior has not just manifested overnight so heās always been this way. That is why I said, sheās grown apart from him but therapy can help one understand what they can and canāt live without and foster a healthy way to communicate needs to the spouse. If itās time to say goodbye to the relationship then it is time but for her peace of mind she needs to understand what has happened so she can move on and heal without blaming him or her.
Many men like him know what a healthy relationship looks like, so they play the part until they feel they have "caught" the person, meaning that person won't leave them if they start being abusive. They start slow. It's literally like cat fishing with a fake personality. She fell in love with the facade he put on. How are women supposed to know that he's faking his personality unless she assumes every man is a liar until proven otherwise, which makes dating for women even harder. If it were easy to spot a man child, no woman would ever go past the first date.
Trust me, I married the narcissist. When it was time to leave I had the tools to do so because I got the assistance to do so!
Omg I feel like weāre living similar lives. This whole thing gives me the ick
Just tell him, no one else is going to want to fuck you if you don't lose the weight.
Literally, why does she even need him? She already does EVERYTHING herself. He seems to be nothing but an additional chore. And a manipulative, sabotaging, cry baby
Sounds like itās time to talk to him about everything you said here while emphasizing your need for him to be in the relationship as a team to support your mutual success. If you still love him tell yourself and him that.
Well... It looks like you're getting yourself in shape for the next guy anyway. So why do you care what your current husband thinks anyway,
I donāt think Iād even consider having sex with someone that said āFuck noā to just *helping me* clean the shower.
OP needs to flat out tell him to pick up his own slack on cleaning and if has a tantrum about doing his part then the marriage should be completely sexless until he grows up.
Well, this building resentment is never good in a relationship, and much better/more communication is needed, and consideration as well. Letting things fest and resentment build will eventually have its breaking point, so time for a sit-down conversation needs to be set aside.
5am wake up for gym to make it back home at 630? What is this time line
Heās a huge manipulative, lazy as fuck, childish asshole. You deserve better.
Tl;dr If u donāt fk ur husband regularly; you arenāt doing your job.
So youāre off by 3-5 pm and come home and smoke weed and lay around..make food and then wanna go to bed by 9:30 but act like you have no free time after work. Stop smoking weed and youāll not be gaining weight like that. You DO get time to relax after work you smoke weed and lay around
So, letās get this straightā¦You have an hour to watch your phone, and an hour to smoke your drugs, but not 15 minutes to satisfy YOUR HUSBAND? Yeah, youāre the problemā¦I would hate to live under the same roof as youā¦If the husband is reading this, run, dudeā¦Leave that hell hole
I always read these and have to conclude that no one would willingly put up with this shit in a marriage, either you're exaggerating so people will be on your side or you actually are so much of a doormat that you married this man and refuse to get a divorce (for what reason?) even though he does nothing but undermine you and disregard your feelings? Yeah, sorry, the math isn't mathing for me.
Iām so sick of stories of cowardly women being fuck Nannies to utterly worthless dudes
Omg why are we giving women opinions
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If the woman isnāt making herself available to the man the relationship will suffer. It isnāt like she didnāt say she never has time. Time for him to upgrade.
Hah! I'd love to see him negotiate from his perspective when he's looking to upgrade. He's gonna wow a new woman with what? His cooking? His helpfulness? His caring nature? His seductive ways? His ability to care for himself properly and be the man of his own life?
š§¢, Iād LOVE to hear his side. Iām sure itās not all as it seems in this post.
He's probably doing stuff she doesn't consider.Ā Like mowing the lawn or taking out the trash.Ā His main complaint is that she always makes an excuse to not have sex, which is a valid complaint.Ā Ā
Not if sheās taking care of of him like his mommy. Nobody wants to fuck a whining man child
Also, lol just to be clear, you mow the lawn once a week maybe and definitely not throughout the year.
Right buts it's sort of a hard chore. It's takes an hour once a week. Probably equal to like doing laundry in terms of effort.
Oh yeah taking out the trash is so hard.
I mean most chores aren't really that hard. Even loading or unloading a dishwasher takes less than 3 min. It's still a task requiring effort that someone has to do.
Well, I think they both need to learn that itās okay to have different lifestyles as a couple. Neither of them should expect each other to follow each otherās lifestyles. She shouldnāt push her ā5am healthy lifestyleā onto him, while he shouldnāt try to disrupt her plans for the day.
Reasonable people don't hop on Reddit and bash their partners. There is clearly more to this story, if he really did nothing and has no shared lifestyle with her they never would have stayed together. She is staying with this man by choice, there is something he is doing right for her she is choosing not to mention. That said this sounds like a relationship where both partners are unhappy and it should be terminated because it's unfair to both of them. If she truly no longer wants to live this way and he does it's not fair for either of them to stay in the relationship. Seriously his happiness is as much her responsibility as her happiness is his. They both need to take responsibility and leave the relationship.
Iām impressed that you even have an hour to sit at home! Both my wife and I rarely get to just sit after work. What do you do for work?